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sick of this.

(29 Posts)

for the second time recently he has told me I 'suck the life out of him'
first time I let it go second time I have told him to leave if that's how he really feels about me. I was right when I said that I am an embarrassment to him when it comes to his career. I can't go into anymore detail as people he works with may be on here.
I just needed to vent :-(

FabULouse Tue 18-Mar-14 20:17:07

He sounds a charming individual.
Hope you're ok. Have you ended things? Are you going to have to move house?
Perhaps if you change some bits of info you can be confident you won't get recognised?

things have been difficult on and of the last 2-3 years. I have gone to the moon and back to work on things but in the end he will not change. I will always be the problem. I asked to attend something he goes to for 'work' open to all public but it would 'make him' feel uneasy if I am there. Sounds sus doesn't it....

Amicus1966 Tue 18-Mar-14 20:28:01

Well unless you have two heads I would ask him just what exactly would make him feel this way about you socialising with his work colleagues.

I know part of the reason, because I often feel insecure.
HOWEVER, he does not help me feel confident and one time when we were out he went over to a very attractive older colleague got down and whispered in her ear. He did not apologise to me or introduce me to her. that is why I feel I am an embarrassment.

Lweji Tue 18-Mar-14 20:44:09

I wouldn't think I was an embarrassment to him, more that he wanted to flirt (possibly more) with women at work.

my feeling completely.He is window shopping. I keep telling him the grass will not be greener with these ladies despite their fake flirty attitude at work - everyone has to be on their best behaviour at work that's why there are like they are.

AnyFucker Tue 18-Mar-14 20:49:43

why are you with this twat ?

myroomisatip Tue 18-Mar-14 20:49:52

He sounds bloody awful! You really do not want him in your life. You should tell him he is an embarrassment.

You will be much happier and a lot more confident without him and with someone who appreciates you and treats you as you deserve, with love and respect.

lavenderhoney Tue 18-Mar-14 21:09:46

Well if you are lucky hopefully he will leave you as you asked.

He has already said enough surely, why on earth would you want to stay with this man? He's horrible to you.

You are right. It's difficult coming away from someone though who you have known for such a long time and they are all you have known.
I have always wanted to do the right thing, but now, I am still young and I am starting to realise I cannot be myself around him like I am with friends. It's making me feel sad we have been through so much.
How have others done this when been with someone for more than 14 years. How can you mend things or move on? I think I have mentioned before he will not go to counselling.

AnyFucker Tue 18-Mar-14 21:14:29

You can only "mend" things if both partners are fully on board with doing so

He doesn't think he is doing wrong, refuses any outside help and thus you would be unilaterally tryign to move a mountain

it will not work, and will simply open you up to more years of pain and humiliation

is this what you saw for yourself when you wre a little girl ?

don't give this ignorant dickwad another 14 years

Owllady Tue 18-Mar-14 21:18:36

God that all sounds bloody miserable. Does anything else make you feel as miserable as him/this?
Is anything good?

yes, the refusing to get outside help concerns me.
I realised then things weren't going to get any better.

lavenderhoney Tue 18-Mar-14 21:22:12

I think you don't realise he is the one sucking the life out of you.

Tell him if you're so crap he can bugger off right now and don't come back.

Is it your pad? Any dc? How easy is it to get away/ hoof him out?

14 years must seem like 40 with him, tbh. Why sign up for more?

AnyFucker Tue 18-Mar-14 21:23:15

Anybody that told me I wasn't good enough, isn't good enough for me

Screw up your self respect, sweetheart and tell this dickhead to push off

Owllady Tue 18-Mar-14 21:26:15

're read your posts
Set yourself free smile
I know life is never that simple, but you are worth more than this my lovely

yes married, and dc.
I have told him to leave if that is the way he feels.

AnyFucker Tue 18-Mar-14 21:28:21

I bet he won't go. He knows which side his bread is buttered. What is best to say is that you have decided he should go, and come back if and when you have decided if he is good enough for you

Owllady Tue 18-Mar-14 21:30:37

Do you want him to go?
I am not v up to date on divorce advice, could you speak to a solicitor before you do anything else?

that is a good idea anyfucker
thank you all for your replies. :-)

CaptainHindsight Tue 18-Mar-14 21:33:49

In your situation I would be looking for my own greener grass.

AnyFucker Tue 18-Mar-14 21:34:40

Tomorrow, lovey, make an appt with a solicitor that offers free half hours and make some preliminary enquiries about how best to legally separate.

This bloke needs a short, sharp shock

I have suggested a trial separation. @owllady
I think I might have to do this as the threat worked for a couple of days.
But I think I need to go through with it to make him understand how things are.

Owllady Tue 18-Mar-14 21:37:40

You sound very calm, so do go and seek legal advice and make a list of things you need or want to know beforehand
It will help x

Quitelikely Tue 18-Mar-14 21:39:19

If he is saying that, can I ask are you harassing him about something?

lol. @ CaptainHindsight
yes i am calmer now, spoken alot about this to rl friends, as it's been going on for nearly 3 years now since ALSO his twitter flirting with a colleague. Even that was 'my' problem and 'I' was jealous. Thanks to reading things on here I am noticing more of his behaviour now and realising it isn't me.
I think I will speak to a solicitor despite people wanting me to do the right thing and work things out.

@Quitelikely I am not harrassing him about anything. I just want to have a normal relationship where I feel respected - and can talk about anything and everything without feeling uncomfortable or like I am moaning again. Because he won't talk about things or go to counselling he accuses me of moaning. And 'sucking the life out of him'.

AnyFucker Tue 18-Mar-14 22:01:37

I wouldn't call that harassment either. I would call that standing up for yourself and refusing to take the blame for his inadequacies, which is just as it should be.

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