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Bully of a husband got a taste of his own medicine today....

(61 Posts)
Littlenastybully Sat 08-Mar-14 23:02:40

.....and I've been grining to myself ever since.

He's not a very nice person, likes to think he's better at everyone else, an egotistical bastard.

He has a real problem when driving, thinks he's the most brilliant driver in the works and everyone else is shit. So much so that I can't drive the car when he's in it, I'm so fed up of being criticised for everything (despite being older than him, having past my test at 17 means I've been driving for 16 years now, never an accident, never any points, driven all over the world and I am a very good driver).

Anyway, when he drives it's a constant tirade at other drivers, shouting about how shit they are, mouthing 'cunt' and 'dickhead' at them, you get my drift.

Anyway, so today driving to the supermarket he went to pull
INto a lane, someone didn't see him indicate so he had to pull out again...he did the usual "fucking dickehead, watch it." Only, as it was a warm day, we had the windows open and so did the other driver.

So he calls out "did you call me a dickhead?"

There was now room in front of our car for h to move forward to be parallel to the other car but he showed what a coward he actually is and hung back. I could tell he was worried.

The other driver repeated his question and h stated saying "I appologise mate" a couple of times, but still wouldn't pull up next to his car.

Then the lights changed and we moved on, but I could see h was nervous about potentially ending up next to him at the next lights.

I wish the other guy had got out and really scared H. He was clearly bigger than him (h is a nasty little man, hence my namechanged for this) and like I tell ds when he worries about the nasty boys at school when bye move up to secondary this year, they won't carry on being nasty once a bigger kid has called them out on it and scared them.

Anyway, I hope he's leaned a bit of lesson a anyway, the stupid idiot.

I didn't say a thing about the incident, but of course, h had his pride dented so I got it all round the supermarket. Lots of digs and everything I said was met with distain and a nasty comment, just so he could feel like a big man again to get rid of his embarrassment (this behaviour no longer bothers me, it used to make me cry, but I am so detached from the wanker now that I no longer care what he says to me, I see him for the sad little insecure 'man' he really is).

Anyway, it keeps making me chuckle that he showed what a coward he really is today.

(And yes, I will LTB. Just biding my time to make sure ds is secure when we do).

Littlenastybully Sat 08-Mar-14 23:03:29

Oops, lots of typos, my phone is being a bastard too.

cozietoesie Sat 08-Mar-14 23:04:51

Ah - I was wondering why you were married to him.

ClaraFox Sat 08-Mar-14 23:05:04

please leave him ASAP

your son will thank you

cozietoesie Sat 08-Mar-14 23:06:09

PS - but is it any good for DS being brought up in that environment? have you considered whether he would be better off living only with you?

Lucyccfc Sat 08-Mar-14 23:19:51

He sounds like a great role model - not!

Misfitless Sat 08-Mar-14 23:34:46

sad confused

Hope you don't have to bide your time for much longer, and that your son can soon live in a bully-free house. Eleven years is a long time to put up with that!

Littlenastybully Sat 08-Mar-14 23:38:23

He's ds step dad, we've only been together three years.

I'm getting a deposit together for a flat. It won't be long now.

Helltotheno Sat 08-Mar-14 23:40:18

And you're with him still..why?

handfulofcottonbuds Sat 08-Mar-14 23:45:18

I understand you waiting so you can do things how you need to like saving for a deposit. I did a similar thing when I left my DS's Dad, just wanted us both to be secure.

Having said that, I really hope it's not too much longer for you and your son now. He sounds nasty.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 09-Mar-14 00:01:14

It's better you're laughing at him than nervous of him... what the gods would destroy, they first make mad

Chottie Sun 09-Mar-14 07:00:45

Please, please save up fast! can your parents give you a sub? or DS father? This man sound vile.

Littlenastybully Sun 09-Mar-14 07:06:08

I'll be gone in 8 weeks, I'll have the money then and that when the place I can afford becomes available.

JapaneseMargaret Sun 09-Mar-14 07:09:19

Oh God, he's your DS's step-father?

I bet he loathes him. sad

Wishing you a speedy 8 weeks. thanks

froubylou Sun 09-Mar-14 07:16:13

I feel for you. Have been there myself and also had to get the timing right. Make sure when you go you take everything you need. And if you have joint money now stash as much of that as you can too.

And nexy week when you get to the same set of lights have a little chuckle. X

Misfitless Sun 09-Mar-14 07:16:29

Me too, hope it flies by.

Does your DS know about the plan to move, OP?

Hissy Sun 09-Mar-14 07:20:36

Another one here counting down for you!

This prick will annoy the shit out of you for the next few weeks, so rant away and vent as much as you can.

I take it that your house move will be a surprise to this idiot?

MichelloBarner Sun 09-Mar-14 07:21:11

How do you go from marrying someone to hating them this much in only three years? confused

Anyway good luck on getting out, he sounds vile. I hope it goes smoothly for you.

Littlenastybully Sun 09-Mar-14 07:24:01

No, actually it's the opposite. Ds doesn't see any of this behaviour, he thinks h is fantastic. As does the rest of the world. All this is directed at me, he just seems to hate me for some reason.

It will be hard on ds when we leave (he doesn't know yet, obviously) as they get on well and h is actually very good with him, he's never like that in front of ds, never nasty to him It's just me.

I decided to totally detach around Xmas. The scales finally fell from my eyes. I loved him before that, but then one day he was nasty and it was like a switched flipped in my head. I literally lost all feelings for him in a second. I never knew it could just happen like that.

It's confused him though. He keeps telling me he loves me all the time. I never say it back anymore, I just can't bring myself too. I just think how can you love someone and treat them with such nastiness and disrespect.

He's a big one for words anyway. Big words about love, emails full of I love yous and promises but no actions. I've learned finally that words are just words, they don't mean a thing, it's peoples actions and the way they treat you that count in life.

I've been biding my time, saving like mad and I was waiting to see what secondary ds got into so I could stay close to it - I am not going to disrupt his life any more because I made a mistake with mine.

Littlenastybully Sun 09-Mar-14 07:25:41

michello I made a mistake. I moved too fast.

Bluestocking Sun 09-Mar-14 07:27:27

I hope the next eight weeks passes quickly and easily. Does your DS know you are moving out? He must hate living with this toxic little bellend.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay Sun 09-Mar-14 07:27:34

Make a chuff chart so you can mark of the days (and you are chuffed when you get to the end!) I bet you can't wait to get to day One of your new life away from this prize man. Good luck with the move.

Bluestocking Sun 09-Mar-14 07:28:47

Oops, cross-posted. Once you've moved out you might find out that DS knows more than you think. Best of luck with it.

SingingGerbil Sun 09-Mar-14 09:03:14

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Finola1step Sun 09-Mar-14 09:09:38

Good luck with your plans. Here's a bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine as an early "welcome to your new home" gift. Keep strong.

Sparklysilversequins Sun 09-Mar-14 09:14:35

singinggerbil she's trying not to be. Have you read the thread at all?

Good luck OP, my ex H was like that, reserved it ALL for me. Have you read "Why does he do that?" By Lundy Bancroft. It's a perfect book and I suspect you'll find your DH in it throughout.

Handywoman Sun 09-Mar-14 09:15:17

Ooh eight more weeks. I hope they fly. More early flowers from me thanks

rubyflipper Sun 09-Mar-14 09:19:42

I wish you and your son all the best. He is lucky to have a strong, loving mum like you.

SingingGerbil, I assume you've never been in a relationship with a bully. They don't show their colours from the off! OP would, one assumes, have run for the hills if he'd been cunty while they were dating. Bullies prefer to wait until they have their feet under the table. HTH.

pictish Sun 09-Mar-14 09:25:23

Good luck with it all OP...you are doing absolutely the right thing. xxx

copafeel Sun 09-Mar-14 09:32:12

When he says I love you etc, why do you never ask him why he is such a pig then?

Oh love. That sounds shit, must be so very exhausting for you.
Make sure you have some stuff to look forward to (apart from leaving the bloody B!).

Littlenastybully Sun 09-Mar-14 09:38:35

copafeel yes, I have done lots I of times.

But as you'd expect, there is always a reason for the nastiness and it's always my fault. Someting I have said or done to make him be nasty or he just plain denies it. I gave up on asking.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 09-Mar-14 09:41:04

You're doing the right thing by not engaging. Bullies wither when they are starved of opportunities to bully. You're quite right... whatever you say or don't say will be wrong so there really is no point putting yourself in the way of punishment.

pictish Sun 09-Mar-14 09:41:38

As someone once said on here...."if someone treats you like shit, it is their fault, and not because of something you have done."
Too true. You certainly do not 'make' him behave like an aggressive dickhead towards you...he just thinks it's his God given right to.
Well it isn't.

I am glad you are leaving him.

CurtWild Sun 09-Mar-14 10:16:40

Good luck op..I also had to wait until I had the money for a little place of our own, finally accepting a small loan from my brother when a suitable place came available.
I miss the man I fell in love with but not the man he turned out to be, and my DC growing up in a stress free home is worth its weight in gold. I immediately threw myself into re-decorating which I found massively theraputic. All the best for you and your DS with the move and the future smile

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName Sun 09-Mar-14 10:47:25

Good luck, I'm so pleased you have seen the light and your plan is going well.

May the next couple of months fly by for you OP. I wish you all the very best in your new life away from this arsehole smile

ImperialBlether Sun 09-Mar-14 13:48:29

So your son wasn't in the car? And he's never ever witnessed this man bullying you? I find it hard to believe that he only does it when you're alone. Bullies usually like an audience.

Littlenastybully Sun 09-Mar-14 13:58:07

No, my son is at his fathers every other weekend. He wasn't with us yesterday.

And no, he's never witnessed anything. No one has. All people talk about is how happy we are and how much h adores me. He's only nasty when we are alone/ds is out/asleep whatever.

neiljames77 Sun 09-Mar-14 18:23:54

He'll make sure nobody else witnesses it because he's a total coward.
I've known blokes like this and the last thing they want is confrontation with a man. Does he also belittle you and make suggestions that you're lucky to have him and nobody else would want you anyway?

TisILeclerc Sun 09-Mar-14 18:56:18

I could have written your op OP. I too thought that everyone thought we were amazing together, that he was a fabulous h. Turns out it was like the emperor's new clothes - once I left everyone said what they really thought.

You are absolutely doing the right thing. I hope these eight weeks fly for you x

ouryve Sun 09-Mar-14 19:07:09

Glad you're making an escape plan. As he is such a bully, you need to make sure you have an emergency plan, too, as if he gets wind of the fact that you are leaving, or loses patience with you not engaging (my ex did and started spinning the most hideous paranoid tales of what the world without him would have in store for me) he could seriously turn on you and make your life very difficult. If you haven't already, leave anything and everything of value or importance with someone you can trust, in the meantime.

AnyFucker Sun 09-Mar-14 19:08:45

Op, there will be people in your family or social circle who have your Dick of a husband completely sussed

Until you leave him for good though,, it is unlikely they would be sharing their contempt for him with you

RandomMess Sun 09-Mar-14 19:13:23

Urgh what a nasty nasty man, even worse as he so obviously is in complete control of his behaviour as he ensures to hide it from others.

May those 8 weeks fly by and the perfect place come up to rent x

neiljames77 Sun 09-Mar-14 19:54:42

Get yourself a voice recorder.(you can get one for about £10)
When you bin him off, if he's portraying himself as innocent and you as the bad guy, let everyone have a listen to how much of a turd he is.

Bloody good idea there Neil.

Are you planning to let your STBXH continue to have contact with your son, OP?

Longdistance Sun 09-Mar-14 21:23:34

I was gonna suggest dome recording device to trap the manipulative arse.

Good luck with the next few weeks flowers

MichelloBarner Mon 10-Mar-14 11:22:07

That sounds like a plan to me. Record all his casually abusive rants and criticisms, so that when he says 'But why? What on earth did I ever do yo you to deserve this?' you can say 'Here you go. Happy listening. Bye.'

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 10-Mar-14 12:07:01

I've learned finally that words are just words, they don't mean a thing, it's peoples actions and the way they treat you that count in life.

Absolutely, OP, deeds not words, he is stupid enough to think you'll forget all the nasty bits for a few soppy words now and then. Hope you get that money saved up for a flat for yourself and DS soon. flowers

cjel Mon 10-Mar-14 12:21:06

You sound very strong and well done for not being ground down by him. Hope you have some unexpected income to boost your moveflowers.

RobotLover68 Mon 10-Mar-14 12:27:15

*I decided to totally detach around Xmas. The scales finally fell from my eyes. I loved him before that, but then one day he was nasty and it was like a switched flipped in my head. I literally lost all feelings for him in a second. I never knew it could just happen like that.

It's confused him though. He keeps telling me he loves me all the time. I never say it back anymore, I just can't bring myself too. I just think how can you love someone and treat them with such nastiness and disrespect.

He's a big one for words anyway. Big words about love, emails full of I love yous and promises but no actions. I've learned finally that words are just words, they don't mean a thing, it's peoples actions and the way they treat you that count in life*

LNB I could have written that about my father, you are absolutely right, detaching confuses them. My father never told me he loved me until I detached and now he doesn't stop saying it. Makes me feel sick as I know it's so false. He is also a coward and won't call me out on why I don't respond, this gives me strength as my counselling made me realise he has never confronted anything in his life. He is currently bullying my older sibling as they are not giving it back to him enough. I told them "just laugh at him, he is a silly old man who hates not being in control"

I wish you all the luck in the world OP, when you leave, come back to this thread if you need to, to remind yourself of his bullying and why you left.

I did this with my bullying ex-boss. I wrote down every grievance so that when I had a wobble I could go back and read it and remind myself why I sacked her.

RobotLover68 Mon 10-Mar-14 12:27:58

sorry, don't know why the first 3 paras didn't go bold

TheZeeTeam Mon 10-Mar-14 12:35:00

To be fair to the DH, having a wife that despises you this much is hardly going to bring out the best in you, is it? This whole thread is horrible on both sides.

Hulababy Mon 10-Mar-14 12:42:50

TheZeeTeam - did you read the thread? The OP says she only changed her way of thinking at Christmas. Before that she loved him, etc. But finally the OP has had enough of a man bullying her and being unpleasant to her. Surely after a while, someone constantly bullying you would make even the gentlest of people snap?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 10-Mar-14 12:47:47

He has reduced her to tears in the past with his goading and unpleasantness so no I don't feel sorry for him.

nauticant Mon 10-Mar-14 12:48:18

Sounds like a plan OP. Good luck.

Bolding does not work if there a Return operation in the text between the asterisks RobotLover68.

kinkyfuckery Mon 10-Mar-14 12:58:19

I hope the next 8 weeks fly by smoothly for you flowers

RobotLover68 Mon 10-Mar-14 13:17:26

ah thanks Nauticant I'll remember that next time

neiljames77 Sat 22-Mar-14 06:40:33

Did you leave him?

Walkacrossthesand Sat 22-Mar-14 08:24:44

I think OP is saving for deposit for flat, Neil, her timeline was 8 weeks so early May I guess! Here's hoping..,

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