Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Looking into each others' eyes during sex

(43 Posts)
missryangosling Tue 25-Feb-14 18:11:58

Is it weird that I cannot and have never been able to do this? I am in a relatively new relationship but have never been able to do it - not even with my ex-partner of 8 years.

I am quite prudish (feel fat, need some clothes on, lights off etc.) and have never fully let go with wild abandon, sometimes fake orgasms to get it over with - not just with new guy, always. Have I got some deep seated intimacy issues? Nothing bad has happened to me, no bad sexual experiences and i'm pushing mid-thirties so shouldn't I be in my prime? Does anyone else share these issues, close eyes during sex etc or is it just me?

DustyBaubles Tue 25-Feb-14 18:17:21

I think if I looked into my husband's eyes, he'd stop and assume I'd heard a child/burglar/exploding microwave grin

Plus, I'd probably suddenly do a spluttery laugh, as I'd feel like I was trying too hard.

Think I might have issues myself, come to think of it!

MrsDavidBowie Tue 25-Feb-14 18:18:49

I'm too busy watching the news at ten.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Tue 25-Feb-14 18:19:15

I just end up laughing confused

Dirtybadger Tue 25-Feb-14 18:22:27

I don't/haven't. I don't fake orgasms and can do wild abandon, though. I'm probably not a good example but you're not alone, at least.

Offred Tue 25-Feb-14 18:25:51

It does sound like you have some issues worth exploring. I've got my own but I do like looking at bf when we're that way round and we're usually that way round because we want to do that kind of sex...

If you don't want to look into his eyes because you just don't like it - fine, if it is because you don't like yourself - not good.

dobedobedo Tue 25-Feb-14 18:27:15

I might try it now to freak dh out! grin

But I'd miss the news shock

MrsDavidBowie Tue 25-Feb-14 18:28:47

yes let's all try it and confuse our partners.
Mind you, we've had sex once this year.

StickEmUpBigStyle Tue 25-Feb-14 18:30:23

I do this! Its quite sexy.

missryangosling Tue 25-Feb-14 18:31:19

Ok. Feeling less weird now - thought I was the odd one out.

Coelacanth Tue 25-Feb-14 18:32:53

An ex lover of mine and me used to stare into each other's eyes post-shag and if we got the angle just right (we'd be on our sides facing each other) we'd end up with just one cyclops eye each - oh how we laughed grin.

BetterThanASlaterUpYourNose Tue 25-Feb-14 18:38:03

I bloody love doing it. It is massively sexy.

I don't do it for the whole time but depending on positions it is a huge turn on really watching each other's faces.

Plus if I have already <ahem> been satisfied I can look at DH and do a really sexy smile then he is guaranteed to orgasm and then I can go and watch telly. grin

Had an ex who was hugely intense/slightly mad and insisted on this. Gives me the creeps and don't do it with DH. If anything I'd say our sex life is more fun that serious/intense and that's why we don't do it. Also, he has a gammy eye grin

maggiemight Tue 25-Feb-14 18:41:34

Plus if I have already <ahem> been satisfied I can look at DH and do a really sexy smile then he is guaranteed to orgasm and then I can go and watch telly

That's useful to know, thanks MN.

BetterThanASlaterUpYourNose Tue 25-Feb-14 18:47:06

Are you going to use that trick Maggie or are you horrified by my over sharing?

Dirtybadger Tue 25-Feb-14 18:55:59

Thinking about it if it was early morning or late at night I'd have my contact lenses out. I'd be achieving nothing. My eyes are probably wandering everywhere. Sexy.

BetterThanASlaterUpYourNose Tue 25-Feb-14 19:02:49

Dirtybadger grin

maras2 Tue 25-Feb-14 19:30:18

Ahh . We were always at it when we were younger ; his eyes were deep blue whirlpools of lust . It was so sensuous and lovely. However 45 years later , I'm more in mind to be thinking ' What's that degenerative fecker that puts a halo around his cornea ? ' or ' Shit. I wish I had my glasses on so I could tell if that cloudiness is a cateract developing or just my crap eyesight ? '. Best for both of us to keep our age 60 plus eyes shut these days . smile

Confusedbytechnology Tue 25-Feb-14 19:56:10

I love the eye contact thing. My dp does it all the time and I think it makes me feel very connected to him. It helps that he's really attractive too!
I think there is evidence that the more you look at someone the more attracted and close you become too

OtisSpankmyarse Tue 25-Feb-14 20:53:42

Eye contact is lovely, unfortunately we are spectacularly mismatched height-wise so it's a bit tricky plus I like it best on all fours anyway

maggiemight Tue 25-Feb-14 20:57:32

Betterthan no, def will use that, over share as much as you like! Always wish DH would get a move on once I am ready to sleep grin

VeryStressedMum Tue 25-Feb-14 21:05:58

We do look at each other, but in a catch his eye sort of way rather than staring deeply and intently. I don't have issues it's just not something I find particularly necessary to feel connected to him.
It sounds like you have confidence issues which are holding you back. If you feel self conscious you most likely can't relax enough to let go and enjoy yourself and if you feel that way you'll not want him staring at you.

Neitheronethingortheother Tue 25-Feb-14 21:07:00

Every now and again, just to check what he's doing. I prefer to look at him looking at me. I get turned by him getting turned on by looking aT me. I like to make eye contact when I am orgasming. I do like having my eyes closed for some of it too.

annabelcaramel Tue 25-Feb-14 21:09:01

Cross-references this to my eye mask thread.......

AmeliaAmelia Tue 25-Feb-14 21:40:45

Confusedbytechnology - same here....

Eye contact is very intimate and sensual...

Puttheshelvesup Tue 25-Feb-14 22:04:51

I can't hold eye contact during sex at all. I can manage the odd glance now and then but anything more and it's too much and feels too exposing and overwhelming. However, I do have AS and prolonged, starey eye contact at any time makes me feel like running away and hiding confused

K999 Tue 25-Feb-14 22:08:55

My DP is cock eyed (pardon the pun).

It's virtually impossible to look into both of his eyes at the same time.....unless I'm drunk, in which case, it's fine grin

Used to fake orgasms, never do now.
Don't have much sex these days as been single for years. I miss it though. When I do snare some poor sod find a willing partner, if they're clearly a one nighter I just shag them. If it's someone with potential or someone I've got history with, I look them in the eyes. Not in a porny kind of way...but just because I think you can tell a lot about someone by looking into their eyes. Yes, sounds lame!

I couldn't do that, I'd laugh, the laughing would make my fanny contract and DH would finish

BettyBotter Tue 25-Feb-14 22:21:23

Sex is like sneezing. It is physically impossible to keep your eyes open.

LoveVintage Tue 25-Feb-14 22:23:45

Not all the time, but if we do catch eyes it is really intimate feeling. DH has really deep eyes and when he looks straight into my eyes, even after 20 years together, it always makes me shiver.

I couldn't do that, I'd laugh, the laughing would make my fanny contract and DH would finish
Haaaaaa!!!!! Did a big snorting laugh at that and the cat's fucked off my knee!

Jolleigh Tue 25-Feb-14 22:37:16

I'm not actively against eye contact during sex. It's quite nice when it happens. But it doesn't work very well if you like it rough. Putting aside the fact it would look very strange, being face down in a pillow or wearing a blind fold has distinct obstacles!

redundantandbitter Tue 25-Feb-14 22:55:15

Bit of both worlds... Some slower more intimate sex and eye contact is was very nice indeed. But then you can't do that when its that crazy bonkers type of sex . He probably would have stopped and asked if I was ok. And spoilt the momentum. On the whole I am a looking into eyes kind of person. He used to love it, allegedly.

it makes me cry sad

ThinkIMmad Tue 25-Feb-14 23:00:30

I had 6 partners before my DH and i cant remember ever looking into their eyes, i used do like a nervous giggle which i remember one of the guys getting really paranoid about the giggling thinking i was laughing at him i wasnt i just wasnt that confident with my self and sex and i guess with him either i used to feel really embarrased if i let out a moan or any weird noises i know that is daft now but as a teenager/young adult i was just really nieve.

With my DH its always been different i think it helped i was pissed out of my head the first couple times we did it (not that im suggesting anyone go do that)after that I just felt really comfortable with him from the start and during sex he would tell me how beautiful i am and just the way he would touch me i couldnt help but stare into his eyes i did find it weird when i first realised we were starring into each others eyes but its just the norm now i dont think we even know were doing it. The nervous giggling soon dissapeared aswell although i do giggle alot on occasion but its because im happy not because im trying to discuise sex noises

ashtrayheart Tue 25-Feb-14 23:02:56

No I can't, dp does this weird jaw grinding thing it would put me right off !

LEMmingaround Tue 25-Feb-14 23:08:16

I have actually tapped DP on the shoulder during sex and said "i'm down here" because he tends to zone out and stare at the wall blush but then i shut my eyes anyway wink

ThinkIMmad Tue 25-Feb-14 23:18:35

ashtrayheart - sounds like 1 of my exs lol

TonyThePony Wed 26-Feb-14 09:12:39

I had an ex that used to try to stare into my eyes the whole time. It felt try-hard and intense, made me uncomfortable. He was one of them poncey tortured artist types though.

TMI ALERT

I've also never been able to look a man in the eyes while giving oral sex (sober at least). I always want to but it feels a bit much.

I probably have issues.

RedFocus Wed 26-Feb-14 09:41:43

I love looking into my dh's eyes during sex, it's incredibly erotic personally. wink

kentishgirl Wed 26-Feb-14 17:26:48

Love it sometimes, makes things really hot. But not all the time and not in a soppy doppy way, no puppydog eyes please!

OH's eyes turn black when he's really really really horny, which freaked me out at first as I thought I might need to call in a priest to do an exorcism.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now