Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Found an escort's number

(76 Posts)
KatieZA23 Thu 20-Feb-14 00:42:45

Hello all - i'm usually a lurker, but decided to finally post for all of your helpful opinions smile

I'm in a long-term relationship with a great deal of trust. I rarely question anything my partner does when we are apart, as I fully trust him. We are both highly independent, live separately and have our own lives.

Mixed in amongst his receipts, I found a phone number and girls' name scrawled on a piece of cash register receipt paper. So I googled it, and to my surprise, it came up with an escort's page here in my city.

The escort in question is a similar age to him (more similar than mine to him), and it doesn't go to a vague page of porn - the phone number leads to a particular escorts site (and links to her same page on a number of different prostitutation sites).

My question is: how would you go about bringing this up with my partner? Should I ask point blank, but i'm concerned he will simply deny.

He is in a sales job where he is constantly collecting phone numbers for people and calling them later to discuss business opportunities, so there is the chance it could be yet another one of those phone numbers. But I guess I figured that if she was interested in business opportunities unrelated to being a prostitute, she would have given him her real number, not one that goes directly to a answer machine.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

BOFtastic Thu 20-Feb-14 01:01:02

My thoughts are that he'll deny all knowledge and claim he has never/would never call it.

I'd be tempted to check if he has stored the number in his phone, and change it to yours. Any calls from him, you let go to voicemail first. If he leaves a message that sounds like he wants an appointment, then you will know for sure.

Men who see prostitutes are seldom truthful about it, from what I've seen on these boards.

EverythingCounts Thu 20-Feb-14 01:07:49

Agree he will not be truthful if he has slept with her. Could you work out a way to contact her as if you were him (email?) and ask for another appointment? If she is nonplussed you know it was ok.

WhateverTrevor83 Thu 20-Feb-14 01:10:41

Above is good advice OP. If you can get your hands on his phone, if you start to type the number, if it comes up as stored/previously dialled you'll see it and know he's at the very least made enquiries.

The fact that there's a name hand written on it rather than a printed card suggests he's either met this woman somewhere and she's told him to get in touch or it's been given to him by someone else...

I'm sorry you had to see that. Would definitely have given me a shock.

Even if it is business - are you comfortable with him doing business with an escort/escort agency? I imagine he'll say it's work... maybe it is... but I wouldn't like that either.

Have to go to bed am nackered but I'm sure the rest of the MN'ers will be appearing in a few hours (and maybe the odd person if little ones are up in the night).

Take care, let us know how you get on thanks.

KatieZA23 Thu 20-Feb-14 01:12:06

BOFtastic - that's a fabulous idea - changing her number to mine in his phone so I would know when he calls her. Problem is - he's quite protective of his phone (as am I, and nothing funny is even going on) - not sure how to snag it away from him to do this.

EverythingCounts - I wish I had her email, otherwise I most certainly would. I only have her mobile phone number.

I thought of calling the number myself and leaving the escort a message stating that I'm not in any way judging her, but that I really need to know if my potential life mate is already cheating on me, and if so, that I want to cut my losses now. Doubt she will return my call though… smile

BOFtastic Thu 20-Feb-14 01:14:39

If you're up to it, check for cash withdrawals in the £100 region on his statement in the week or so after the till receipt date. It obviously isn't conclusive, but it's an indication.

BOFtastic Thu 20-Feb-14 01:16:33

I wouldn't bother with speaking to her- escorts would go out of business pretty fast if they admitted anything to punters' wives/girlfriends.

KatieZA23 Thu 20-Feb-14 01:19:53

WhateverTrevor - thank you smile

BOF - another great idea, but the odd thing is that the till tape is completely blank - as though they asked the cashier (or maybe she is the cashier?) to pull a chunk off to write upon.

That's the problem - she "could" be a waitress or cashier etc. who moonlights as an escort and he "could" have her number for legitimate business calls at a later time. "If" he got her number by those means, that may mean that she isn't upfront about her escort other life.

Another thing - her name on the escort site is one of those cheesy hooker names (think "diamond", "peaches" etc), whereas the one on the till tape is a cheesy different name (think "paris", "misty" etc)

The till tape was very clean and folded cleanly, which indicates to me it hasn't been looked at a lot or at all since he got it. Wonder if he will notice I removed it from his place smile

BOFtastic Thu 20-Feb-14 01:26:31

A cashier/waitress doesn't need to give a personal mobile number out for business calls though, surely? And as you said, it seems peculiar to use the same number for escorting and separate stuff.

KatieZA23 Thu 20-Feb-14 01:32:14

This would all be so crystal clear if he didn't collect business cards and numbers for his sales business. Then I would clearly know. But because he does, that's where the difficulty comes in.

If she did want to get further info on the business, but didn't want to be "committed" to joining the business, she may have given him this number as it isn't answered - rather goes straight to answer phone.

So many variables smile

So tough to know what to do. What would you ladies all do in this situation? Confront him? Wait it out and see what kind of info could be discovered on his phone? Try to use her name in a conversation about something else to see how/if he reacts?

FastWindow Thu 20-Feb-14 01:32:59

Could you get another piece of similar till receipt paper and write a number only you have (payg sim) on it? Same dodgy hooker name and writing and plant it back in his pocket?

And another thing... Yours, Columbo.

Hoping he doesn't call...

WhateverTrevor83 Thu 20-Feb-14 01:43:56

Why don't you just say "Oi, what the bloody hell is the?" - if he says it's something other than what you know it is... Then you've got him lying about it. Even if he's yet to act on it.

If he doesn't know or says he was approached by someone and hadn't phoned up - that's up to you.

Blimey. Hope it's innocent love.

KatieZA23 Thu 20-Feb-14 07:25:49

The more I think about it, the less believable "he didn't know sounds"...

ateddybearfromdelaware1 Thu 20-Feb-14 07:41:16

My question is: how would you go about bringing this up with my partner? Should I ask point blank, but i'm concerned he will simply deny.

I would point blank say I found this escorts number in your pocket. Your bags are packed, GTFO.

Who cares if he admits or denies, It's over right?

BalloonSlayer Thu 20-Feb-14 07:47:37

So if he often collects phone numbers from people as part of his job, and you have such a trusting relationship, what made you google that number?

I am not criticising you for snooping btw, I would snoop to buggery if I was ever suspicious. I am suggesting that you must have been suspicious, perhaps only subconsciously, to google the number.

Is the "very independent lives" set up both of your ideas, or more his idea than yours?

KatieZA23 Thu 20-Feb-14 07:53:41

It's funny - I normally don't care, but usually numbers he has for work are business cards or if they are a girls (or guy's) number, they are written in his own writing. Hence why I don't normally think much of them. This one, in another person's writing and with a fairly cheesy girly-girl name, caught my eye.

Nope, the independent lives is almost hundred percent my doing. We've never had any issues with trust before and so of course I don't want to fly off the handle on this one if it's possible that it's completely innocent.

OhBabyLilyMunster Thu 20-Feb-14 07:58:31

Replace with PAYG number - master plan.

ateddybearfromdelaware1 Thu 20-Feb-14 08:10:06

It's only a master plan if he hasn't called her yet. If they've already had sex and he doesn't need her anymore, he won't call her

struggling100 Thu 20-Feb-14 08:14:51

I have no idea if this is good advice, so please treat it with a cartload of salt. But in your shoes, I would call her! I would pay her for her time, and (if possible) meet her somewhere safe and public. I'd take a picture of him along and explain my situation to her, so that she understood how important it was for me to know if he'd slept with her. I'd make it really clear that I wasn't mad with her at all, but that I needed to know.

thecook Thu 20-Feb-14 09:29:01

But in your shoes, I would call her! I would pay her for her time, and (if possible) meet her somewhere safe and public. I'd take a picture of him along and explain my situation to her, so that she understood how important it was for me to know if he'd slept with her. I'd make it really clear that I wasn't mad with her at all, but that I needed to know.

I worked as a maid for working girls for the best part of twenty years. Are you so naive that you would think that one would meet with the OP?

Sortyourmakeupout Thu 20-Feb-14 09:35:36

Change number to payg sim - this is genius!!!!

Do it.

BlueDesmarais Thu 20-Feb-14 16:09:45

Escorts use a specific number/phone purely for business, to prevent any crossover with other areas of their life.

If he's got her escort number, then he got it from the same site you saw it on.

WhateverTrevor83 Thu 20-Feb-14 16:10:07

Sorry if I'm being thick (it's been known) but what's the benefit of changing the sim to PAYG? confused

Dirtybadger Thu 20-Feb-14 16:14:27

Changing the number to PAYG means you spend �10-00 on a cheap new phone and he calls you instead of her. Can't write your own number because he will probably recognise (or his phone will recognise when he dials, anyway).

I can't believe an escort would only have one phone, as Blue said. That would be pretty stupid...

So it's someone else's writing as well?
This would make me thing that she is probably a waitress as well and that she 'slipped' him her number and he just hasn't bothered with it since.
If he had written it down my conclusion would be very different.
I'm not sure you have anything to worry about.
Ask him and see how much he squirms, that should tell you what you need to know.

KatieZA23 Thu 20-Feb-14 16:21:22

And the problem is...this won't show if any past contact has been made in case he doesn't call it. Then I will always wonder.

The hand writing on the piece of paper is very messy looking and almost looks like a man's writing. That's why I've been wondering if maybe someone gave it to him? It was sitting right out on the main cabinet next in with receipts so it doesn't seem to me like he was trying to hide it anyway.

But again he is quite disorganized, so he may have forgotten all about it or assumed I wouldn't be cleaning through his receipts.

I've been resisting the urge to leave a message for her because a) she probably won't call me back anyways but b) figured if she did call me back and I told her his name and she said something like oh that guy yeah he's introducing me to a new business or something then I would be completely over the line and she would probably tell him that he has some crazy partner who's checking up on him.

Seems to me though that when you have a prostitutes number in your possession that's the one time it actually is okay to be snoopy.

Only1scoop Thu 20-Feb-14 16:27:03

Hmmmm I wouldn't try to contact her....doubt very much she would divulge. You need to have a glance at his phone/bill when you get a moment. It doesn't sound like a legitimate business enquiry IMO.

justarandomguy Thu 20-Feb-14 16:30:26

You won't get any info from the girl on the end of the phone.

There is another possibility and its not as far fetched as you think and that is the waitress gives out this number to people who hit on her because she thinks its amusing.

I'd be surprised if he had any intention at all of seeing this girl or has seen her and he is keeping a piece of paper in his wallet with the number along with the name. That's way too incriminating.

Cabrinha Thu 20-Feb-14 17:02:43

Well, I've been where you are.
And I did all the "what else could it be" creative gymnastics.

Occam's razor: what's the most simple scenario?

- He hit on a waitress who just happened to have memorised a prostitute's number for just that occasion?
- A prostitute gave him a number which she also takes work calls on, for another business opportunity (is he a door to door condom seller?)
- He has the number because he has used a prostitute

The most simple scenario, is most likely to be the truth.

In this case you'd think it was more likely if you'd read on here just how common using prostitutes is.

I'm bringing my own baggage to this - and I'll say just get rid. But I understand how compelling it is to look for other reasons.

I would suggest that you don't tell him what you know. Tell him you believe that he has been in contact with a prostitute, and you would like to see his phone and his emails, and browser history.

And take it from there. I would HATE to show my phone to my boyfriend... (innocent, but private) but you know what? I love him, so I would.

I expect yours will throw the trust thing at you. But if he loves you, he'll want you to be reassured.

Don't tell him what you've got - he may incriminate himself in what he says.

Another thing you could check is his car SatNav. I googled the last 6 postcodes and bingo - massage parlour.

I am sorry to say this, but not only on my experience but that of many on here, there's no innocent explanation.

Oh and no point ringing. No way will a prostitute get involved in that! And actually, it was explained to me on here that they often only answer calls to known clients - a lot of their websites say that too, email contact first. I rang about 20 from my ex's phone (not to talk to them, to see if any had "Sexy Huni here" on message! Every single one rang out to a generic non personalised message.

But think very carefully whether you want the life I led for 4 years... Suspicious and checking.

And it doesn't show innocence at all to have incriminating paper - all the stories on here will show you that they get caught out eventually, some slip up.

KatieZA23 Thu 20-Feb-14 17:03:29

That's sort of what I was thinking - it's so incriminating that if he was actually doing something he shouldn't be, he would have hidden that number or put it in his phone and then thrown it away. It was still perfectly crisp and folded and looked as though it hadn't been opened before. Also mixed in with receipts from a couple weeks ago.

KatieZA23 Thu 20-Feb-14 17:07:49

Cabrinha - very good points. The Simplest answer is probably the right answer.

Wish he had a GPS I could check through!

I am starting to think that innocent explanations are the exception vs the norm.

Only1scoop Thu 20-Feb-14 17:10:16

Great post Cabrinha

justarandomguy Thu 20-Feb-14 17:18:04

sorry I misread your previous post, I thought the name was on a restaurant receipt not a blank piece of paper.

Go with your gut, its usually correct. You probably need to see his mobile bill to see if he has phoned her. Although I still think if he had any real intention of seeing a prostitute he would never leave a number on a piece of paper lying around. It's just not something to be "forgotten about" imo

Rosieliveson Thu 20-Feb-14 17:27:49

I'm sorry OP thanks
I think I'd come out with it. I'd say I'd found his escorts number and that we need to decide where we go from there.
Whatever the outcome of any plans for revelation this is the eventual outcome. Best to get it dealt with.

hamptoncourt Thu 20-Feb-14 18:02:34

The problem here OP is that, unless you usually use condoms, you cannot just sit on this and wait it out to see what happens next. If he is having sex, possibly unprotected, with prostitutes you cannot afford to have unprotected sex with him yourself.

I really feel for you. If you cannot get hold of his phone and he is very protective of it I am not sure how you go about resolving this as if you confront him he will most probably deny.

serenshiningstar Thu 20-Feb-14 18:56:42

Prostitutes don't have unprotected sex, ever. No need to worry about that.

But you do need to know.

Unfortunately it sounds to me as if the ad was up in a shop (thinking seedy corner shop, not Tesco) hence the till receipt ... Sorry sad

Hawkmoth Thu 20-Feb-14 19:01:22

What? Top advice... Not.

Use condoms, get checked.

serenshiningstar Thu 20-Feb-14 19:07:03

Er - me? hmm

Have you ever worked as an escort, Hawkmoth? Escorts have sex with lots of men: men who by turn have sex with a lot of women.

As such, they do not put themselves at risk of disease. Use condoms and get checked out by all means but all I am saying is that this is unlikely to be something you need to worry about. There are other worries of course but disease is unlikely to be one of them. Most working girls are pretty sharp where using protection is concerned.

Offred Thu 20-Feb-14 19:32:20

Some prostitutes do sometimes have unprotected sex. You can't know and also condoms don't protect you against some STIs so no matter how careful you are doing sex work does carry a greater risk of STIs, as does having sex with a sex worker. That's why GUM/sexual health centres ask about having sex with sex workers/being paid for sex when determining risk.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay Thu 20-Feb-14 19:32:32

I think you need to take the advice upthread regarding getting hold of his phone and changing the number (if it is in there) to a PAYG phone in your possession. This way you would know. In your shoes I would get devious as I would have to know one way or another.

Offred Thu 20-Feb-14 19:35:49

I'm not sure I'd go to all this effort over someone I didn't live with because;
A. It is easier to split up than bother with all this stressing and snooping and chasing.
B. The hole in your life won't be huge if you are completely independent.

Hawkmoth Thu 20-Feb-14 19:42:26

Not all prostitutes use condoms all the time.

Not all people use condoms all the time.

It IS something to worry about.

serenshiningstar Thu 20-Feb-14 19:42:34

Offred, I have never once known an escort who has unprotected sex with anyone - ever. Obviously, I can't say for sure it has never happened - it surely has - but it is unlikely.

Anyway, apologies for the derailment. But it must be a rotten time for the OP and I wanted to put her mind at rest over that at any rate (I was an escort between 2007 to 2012.)

Offred Thu 20-Feb-14 19:58:58

I agree that on the whole the majority of sex workers are probably more likely to use condoms and also have regular screenings/treatment than the general population.

But they also have sex with more partners and their partners also have sex with more partners. Also, as I said condoms do not protect against all STIs and in addition not all STIs can be treated.

It is a well known fact that statistically sex workers and people who have sex with sex workers are at a higher risk of contracting STIs.

If your partner has been, or you think he may have been sleeping with anyone it is always wise to be checked out. Not sure what the point of the post was really?

serenshiningstar Thu 20-Feb-14 20:02:40

Just trying to offer a bit of reassurance Offred - which I did say in my above post.

Sex worker covers a huge breadth of people as I am sure you know: street prostitutes (who often are addicted to drugs) as well as escorts. In the agency I worked for we had to have regular STI checks - every 6 months. Otherwise they would stop using us.

As I have said I'm not condoning what the partner has done but if my DP had done this and my world was falling apart, knowing I might have HIV would have added to that - I was merely seeking to reassure the OP.

hamptoncourt Thu 20-Feb-14 20:08:52

If a condom is only 98% effective against pregnancy, which can only occur a few days each month, then how effective do you think they are against STIs/AIDS?

Condoms break/split/leak sometimes.

Offred Thu 20-Feb-14 20:10:45

Of course I know that! But a check every 6 months doesn't really offer any protection from STIs for a sex worker (you must know that). It's recommended to have one every time you have a new partner!

I can see why you might be personally interested in downplaying the risks but you cannot protect yourself effectively from all STIs when using condoms. Many are not symptomatic. If you have a lot of partners regularly, whether you are a sex worker or not, STI checks every 6 months are not really going to pick anything up in time to protect a lot of people from infection and are enough time to completely miss certain STIs - coincidentally the same ones condoms don't protect against.

serenshiningstar Thu 20-Feb-14 20:12:13

Not sure where that stat comes from but to be totally honest - I used to have sex several times a night, every night, throughout my 20s (with a condom) and have never once had a pregnancy scare or an STI for what matter.

When I did want to conceive it worked on the first attempt.

serenshiningstar Thu 20-Feb-14 20:13:36

Offed, I'm really not downplaying the risks - I did say above that the OP should be checked out. I was just trying to counteract the 'omg you almost definitely have HIV' tone to one of the posts. I'd say she almost definitely does not!

Parsley1234 Thu 20-Feb-14 20:16:39

Serenshiningstar very good post from good perspective. If my partner was going to be unfaithful Wd prefer it to be with an escort than an emotional investment. I think if it was me and found an escorts number I Wd just ask see what the response and gauge from there how I responded.

serenshiningstar Thu 20-Feb-14 20:21:29

Parsley, I think you've misunderstood me a bit, I'm not saying that him being with an escort makes it okay - at all. But I am saying it doesn't mean the escort is riddled with disease either!

Pigsmummy Thu 20-Feb-14 20:26:43

Don't change the number to yours as he will have your number in his phone and if he rings you how do you know if he is ringing Roxanne or you?!

hamptoncourt Thu 20-Feb-14 20:28:30

serene I think if you read other threads where the partner has been unfaithful they will say "Get an STI check" and I have seen plenty of threads where the poster has indeed caught an STI from their partner following the partner having sex with another woman.

It wasn't just because the woman in question is a sexworker.

And the stat comes from the condom packet!!!

KatieZA23 Thu 20-Feb-14 20:30:05

Wow! Thank you all for all of your helpful posts - I really appreciate it. smile

I have a couple of updates now - let me know what you think now that we have more information. smile

1. I was able to go through his phone and said number is programmed, but with the notes "so and so, met at so and so coffee shop" - he keeps notes for all new "leads" he meets so when he invites them to business seminars later, he remembers who they are.

2. I went through his text history with this contact, and there are about 10 texts, all of which seem quite innocent. The first was "remember meeting me at the coffee shop, and you said you were interested in making money outside of your job" and then the next couple were invites to his upcoming business seminar. And then her saying "can't make it - working night shift" (ha - yes you ARE working a night shift), maybe the next one, etc. etc.

3. She referred to him as "thanks, man" and her to her as "no problem, bud". Those kind of salutations seem pretty innocent to me?

Other than than, there was nothing at all in his phone to show a relationship beyond that.

I think she may have worked at the coffee shop he went to, but not sure if she worked there or met him there.

My gut is sitting much easier now…thoughts?

serenshiningstar Thu 20-Feb-14 20:31:30

Fair enough grin but someone DID say 'if he's been having unprotected sex with prostitutes you need an STI check,' - just saying its very unlikely to have been unprotected flowers

I'm obviously not saying 'don't get an STI check!' smile

alphabook Thu 20-Feb-14 20:34:57

Seems pretty innocent to me to be fair with those texts.

Offred Thu 20-Feb-14 20:35:05

Ok fair enough seren. I agree that "omg you'll definitely have HIV" is not accurate either.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 20-Feb-14 20:52:07

It's unlikely to be the same person, but I "know" someone who used to work as an escort and set up her own coffee shop, doing occasional sexwork on the side. The shop was doing well but the council rerouted the roads and footfall was dropping, so she was looking for another income stream. Could be something similar?

Not sure she'd have given him her escort number, though.

JeanSeberg Thu 20-Feb-14 21:02:43

What line of business is he in?

KatieZA23 Thu 20-Feb-14 21:08:22

Multi-level marketing - similar pyramid structure to Amway, etc. Hence why he always needs to get people out to the information seminars and approaches everyone he meets!

All seems very innocent to me now, but hoping I'm not sugarcoating things.

However, wondering if I should still bring it up and tell him not to have any contact with her, being an escort and all, as with his business, if she signs up, they would be working very closely for the first month or so.

Cabrinha Thu 20-Feb-14 21:37:31

Why shouldn't he have contact with her if you believe you can trust him?
I said my history above - husband used prostitutes our entire relationship, turned out.
If my current boyfriend - who is a painter/decorator got a job painting a prostitute's bedroom, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
Prostitutes are not untrustworthy, men in relationships who use them are.

If you really feel you want to ask him not to work with her, then your gut is telling you something. Same way in told you something when you googled a phone number for a guy who has legitimate reason to randomly collect women's numbers.

As I said before, I know I am bringing baggage to this. But really have a think about your relationship and whether you have picked up on anything else.

If you're in a strong relationship it will weather you saying "so I saw that number and I googled it and it turned out she was a prostitute - why have you got it?"

He might say "god is she?! We've met for coffee twice, I guess she wants out as she's interested in signing up..."

Or he might say "no idea where that's from / some girl tried to chat me up and gave it to me, I should have chucked it / oh mate a conference said look after that for" etc etc

You give the minimum information, and see if it matches with what you know from the text messages.

And if he isn't supportive of explaining it to you, even if he is innocent, he's not a good life partner.

Parsley1234 - I guess we'll all have different opinions based on our personal experiences... but sometimes I think I'd rather my husband had wrecked our marriage and taken away our daughter's preference of married parents over a woman he actually felt something for. Any cheating is wrong, but I actually find it easier to understand temptation of someone else you fall for, than deciding it's OK to go and fuck a prostitute.
They're different, but equally bad I think.

KatieZA23 Thu 20-Feb-14 22:49:03

Very good point, Cabrinha. I suppose if I trust him, then there shouldn't be any concern with him conducting business with a prostitute. It always seems to me that men aren't as bright as we are, and don't see themselves being manipulated. And if she saw a way of making more money, could easily coax him into something. And an attractive girl promising full discretion and all kinds of wild and kinky promises could be fairly appealing to a long-term relationship tied man.

Seems like I should make it known that I know this person is a prostitute and based on that, would prefer he not do business with her on principle.

WhateverTrevor83 Thu 20-Feb-14 23:45:03

Pyramid selling? That sounds more dodgy to me than these escort issue tbh...

Also 'I remember meeting you and you wanted to make money outside your work'... And she's an escort?!

Sorry I still think it sounds dodgy and he sounds a bit slimy.... Think you should still ask/confront him. Work or not - texting an escort isn't on.

Cabrinha Thu 20-Feb-14 23:45:55

But that sounds like you judge her for being a prostitute more than you judge him for being someone who wouldn't turn down secret sex for a price.

Think of it this way: if a great looking bloke offered to fuck you in secret for £160 (I pick the rate my ex seemed to pay!) what would you do? I bet you'd say no. At least because of your boyfriend, if not because the idea was also horrid.
Isn't that what you want, what you deserve, from a partner?

Cabrinha Thu 20-Feb-14 23:50:17

And please, I'm afraid I despair at the "men are easily manipulated" and "coaxing" comments.

Because it isn't the poor man's fault, is it? Just like all the people that blame the OW. No, men are not codex and manipulated into using prostitutes or having affairs. They CHOOSE to do it.

If your opinion of him is so low, you shouldn't be with him. Choose better.

WhateverTrevor83 Thu 20-Feb-14 23:51:20

£160? I'd try and haggle grin

serenshiningstar Thu 20-Feb-14 23:52:30

Katie - many escorts aren't, you know, shagging people all the time grin We sometimes get to know and like people outside of our 'work.'

Cabrinha Thu 20-Feb-14 23:54:09

He could try to haggle, but I expect most would want a lot more than that to bother with him Trevor
I'm well rid! smile

Cabrinha Thu 20-Feb-14 23:59:06

Seren it did sound from the OP (which was a bit obscure) like this woman was using her professional name. Stage name? Whatever - ykwim!
I think if she just wanted to get to know him, she'd have written Jane, not Sexy Peachy Bum. Or whatever it was!!

But I'm with you. If my boyfriend was friends with a prostitute, I wouldn't care, even with the baggage that was my marriage. I don't direct any of my mistrust towards the women my husband booked. Because I know that I could be friends with a male prostitute and not cheat. It's perfectly possible, so it's what I expect from my partner.

serenshiningstar Fri 21-Feb-14 00:06:29

grin I was being a little facetious of course but it was the idea that escorts are nymphomaniacs constantly on the lookout for men to sleep with ...

The reality is this. Escorts 'advertise' through cards, websites, ads in papers like the Daily Sport and so on. I never worked independently - only through an agency - but I have never in my life heard of escorts hanging round hotel bars or coffee shops! Think about it - in one hotel bar you may meet one man prepared to pay for sex but its more likely you'd get thrown out or arrested for soliciting. Meanwhile, in a comfortable home you can just sit back and wait for bookings. No brainer, as the ad says.

Imagine you're a nurse: do you hang round hospitals in your leisure time? Pilots - do you spend all your time at the airport? Even if you love your job you need a break from it. Escorts are escorts for a myriad of reasons but being desperate for sex isn't generally one of them, honestly.

The Internet is the place a man would be looking for for an escort whether through an independent website or an agency: I worked for the latter. How can you tell - well the awful truth is you can't but it is unusual for an escort to be sending chatty texts to a 'client'

It sounds as if he's been texting a woman who happens to be an escort which isn't quite the same thing as texting an escort. If that makes sense!

WhateverTrevor83 Fri 21-Feb-14 00:14:40

Daily Sport.... Pyramid selling seminar.... It's all so classy!

serenshiningstar Fri 21-Feb-14 00:18:07

Well, I'll give you the Sport but I have NO idea what a pyramid thingy is!

Cabrinha Fri 21-Feb-14 00:25:59

I agree that he may be texting a woman not in her professional capacity - but I'm dubious, given the name.

But I think it's far more telling that OP's gut made this stand out. Like she says - he gets plenty of numbers. If you yourself don't personally have issues with trust, then your senses are tingling for a reason. He may not have slept with this prostitute. But something isn't right, and it pays to listen to your instincts, I think.

OP says she think he could be manipulated and coaxed into sleeping with this prostitute. That's doesn't square with saying there is trust in a relationship.

This scrap of paper may be meaningless, but so etching about your relationship isn't right at the moment.

WhateverTrevor83 Fri 21-Feb-14 00:26:07

Pretty much up (or should day down) there with drug dealers and loan sharks... Prey on three basic weaknesses on people who want to get rick quick; naivety, laziness and greed.

Have met sooooo many (usually desperate and/or very thick) people who have been ripped off by pyramid. A bloke in a sharp suit (who may or may not like escorts) swaps biz cards to everyone they meets to go to a 'seminar' where it's a get-rich-quick con.

Huge sweeping statement (sorry OP!!!) but pyramid selling is dodgy as fook.

BUT - hope there's nothing to it OP. But if you're googling phone numbers you've found in your blokes stuff id say there's some pretty serious trust stuff going on.
Plus him trying to recruit 'everyone he meets' for his sales? He sounds a bit cheesy (again sorry to judge) x

bonbonpixie Fri 21-Feb-14 09:07:53

Just thinking about the number OP could it be that he got the number in a strip club-not unthinkable that the women in question could do both jobs and that would explain the other cheesy name...

MerryBuddha Fri 21-Feb-14 09:20:46

I agree with Hellsbells

Except for the piece of paper which looks like it hasn't been re looked at. There is nothing to suggest he is cheating. You say you trust him. Then trust him!! Ask him about it. I bet you can gauge what's or isn't going on by his reply/behaviour.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now