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I did this before but let's do it again today

(158 Posts)
Ledkr Wed 12-Feb-14 08:55:05

Things you have done or achieved since a break up to inspire anyone in a painful place.
Ill start.

Went on holiday abroad with just my dc,
Danced on a beach till dawn in Ibiza.
Lost three stone.
Had long dark hair cut into a blonde bob.
Had a lot of sex.
Reconnected with or made loads of lovely friends.
Drank beef in the bath.
Had weetabix for tea.
Went to lots of festivals with or without dc.
Laughed and laughed.
Traded in the family saloon for a golf convertible.
Got much closer to my children.

I could go on.
Share your stories to help others see there is life after heartbreak.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 12-Feb-14 08:56:19

You can drink beef?! Kudos...

Covalone78 Wed 12-Feb-14 08:57:48

Love the beef drinking

Ledkr Wed 12-Feb-14 08:58:19

blush yes of course you can, don't you know anything cog?


Ledkr Wed 12-Feb-14 08:58:56

Anyway come on, share!

Went on holiday with my mum and had a lovely time.
Met someone younger, hotter and lovelier smile
Felt unburdened and free.

captainmummy Wed 12-Feb-14 09:03:10

I travelled - europe, south africa, iceland (australia next!). Alone and with the dc.
Had my hair cut short one side, long the other.
Rekindled my language studies.
Bought my lovely house,did an extention, redecorated, gardened..

Things to do - drink beef in the bath...

BitOutOfPractice Wed 12-Feb-14 09:03:40

Swam with dolphins
Survived a hurricane (literal not figurative!) all by myself
Had lots of mindless and strong-free sex
Lost weight
WEnt to lots of gis and festivals
Discovered MN
Went to Rome, Spain and France with the kids
Didn't bother cooking when I didn't want to
Went out with friends and laughed
Stayed up all night
Bought a hot tub
Got back into running
had fun

Lots more - I'll come back to it!

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 12-Feb-14 09:03:44

- Successfully coped with severe financial hardship, paid off all the debts exH kindly left me with and still kept hold of the house.
- (linked) Doubled my salary inside 12 months as I 'threw myself into my work'
- Travelled the world independently and worked in several other countries
- Enjoyed mashed swede again (he hated it)
- Made a whole new set of friends through a musical venture
- Gave birth to a lovely DS (nothing to do with ex) and raised him solo
- Stopped feeling anxious at social events because exH wasn't there to get pissed, insult people and generally make a tit of himself.
- Have embraced independence!

BitOutOfPractice Wed 12-Feb-14 09:04:12

YY I'm adding water-based beef drinking to my list too

BitOutOfPractice Wed 12-Feb-14 09:05:07

Yes Cog! I buy cauliflower with impunity now - never allowed in the house before!

colinbutterfly Wed 12-Feb-14 09:05:48

My break up also entailed a trip to Ibiza. I skinny dipped, danced til dawn and watched the sun come up.
Had a tattoo
Shock horror go out with my mates without getting grief
Wear ugg boots without getting told off
Spent time with my family and feel closer to them
Spent money on myself now I'm free from the cocklodger that left me skint

FolkGirl Wed 12-Feb-14 09:07:06

Got a first class degree
Took up dancing
Spent more time with my children
Laughed more
Cried less
Been to an opera
Stayed in bed all weekend
Bought an expensive new musical instrument
Finally had the money to decorate the house
Started wearing dresses (started to feel attractive enough to do so)
Went to a festival on my own
Dated men I wouldn't normally have looked at twice
Had amazing sex
Made lots of new friends
Had great fun with said new friends
Learnt to rock climb
Lost weight

HeadFullofSteam Wed 12-Feb-14 09:07:37

Not had break up, but just wanted to say this is a lovely, positive thread.(wishes wasn't vegetarian so could drink beef in the bath)

FolkGirl Wed 12-Feb-14 09:07:56

Oh yes,

improved confidence generally

captainmummy Wed 12-Feb-14 09:09:40

Oh yes - swam with sharks, saw the Northern Lights, drove up a rocky mountain road in south africa without a safety rail and a 2000ft drop, got a tattoo, went to the pub alone on friday nights for the live music, went to a nightclub in Brighton only last Friday...

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 12-Feb-14 09:10:35

flowers Inspiring, MNers.

Ledkr Wed 12-Feb-14 09:20:11

Thanks everyone keep them coming.

Ill add.

Not dreading every social event because he wasn't there to get blind drunk.
Meeting my gorgeous ten yrs. younger dh and having our beautiful daughter who has brought so much fun to ours and existing dcs lives.

sillymillyb Wed 12-Feb-14 09:25:21

Ahh thank you for this. My list is paltry as I think I have put life on hold a bit, but, that's all changing this year! So, since my ex left, I have:

Raised my ds alone since, er, conception smile

Went back to uni to study law

Took control of my debt

Took the step to start, and have now finished, psychotherapy and feeling bloody brilliant for it!

Next things for me are a holiday alone with my boy, and to lose the weight I've gained. I also like the sound of drinking beef in the bath so will add that to the list too! grin

sillymillyb Wed 12-Feb-14 09:27:22

Ooh yes! I got my tattoo as well!

Oh and I wear flat shoes now because they dont make me look fat... grin

Nowstrong Wed 12-Feb-14 09:28:05

Reconnected with my family and friends, plus made many more
Took-up sport and skiing again
Travelled intensely
Rediscovered that sex could be amazing
Feel loved and cared for (and spoilt)
Can now lie-in on week-ends (he used to bang about until I got up to get whatever he needed, i.e. a cup of tea hmm)
Changed my old car which HE chose, for a convertible shiny new one
Changed my entire wardrobe
Lost weight
All of my skin problems and allergies have magically disappeared
Must be lots more, but that is a good start smile

Givemeyouranswerdo Wed 12-Feb-14 09:28:52

Bought a house
Decorated it
Had great sex with unsuitable men
Had great sex with lovely man but failed to spot this fact (lovely man not the sex) but lesson learnt and all that ...
Reconnected with old friends
Made new friends
Changed jobs
Onwards and upwards ...

LilyBlossom14 Wed 12-Feb-14 09:35:07

Redecorated and refurnished a house to how I wanted it with my own money, bought a snazzy new car, dyed my hair purple, took up exercise and got fit, signed up to do a degree, got a cat, spent time with lovely friends and ditched the ones who were useless - but best of all watched my daughter blossom into a beautiful, strong young woman without the bullying influence of her father hovering over her like a black shadow and telling her to shut up/ she wasn't good enough/ go away (delete as appropriate) - and she passed 13 GCSEs with astounding grades - and I took all the pride myself, as he still doesn't even care to find out how she did in her exams, let alone anything else.

t3rr3gl35 Wed 12-Feb-14 11:25:58

I found me again, and realised that I was actually an OK person.
Lost weight.
Discovered my income paid the bills and more.
Bought tomato ketchup - previously banned.
Found a space in fridge for permanent bottle champagne.
But mostly - I found me again. smile

Went on a holiday of a lifetime
Rediscovered me and realised that an awful lot of men find me attractive blush
Met a younger, hotter, more wealthy, kind, caring man who considered it an honour that me and the dcs wanted him as a part of our family (and not the burden that XH had told us we would be)
Moved to a new area and a new life
Smiled. Everyone commented on how much happier I am.
Danced in the rain
Swam naked in the sea
Saw how relaxed the dcs are now
Bought the house of my dreams (well it will be in 20 years once we've sorted it)
Became a lot closer to my family
Used contact weekends to go out and have too much fun

Became happy smile and having said I would never have another dc (due to no support from XH), I had another dc. And it was wonderful. Dh helps and cares and it's everything I dreamed it could be. If I'd never left I'd never have known.

Drasticpark Wed 12-Feb-14 13:25:27

Started wearing make up again without being made to self conscious
Realised that I'm actually an ok human being
Changed my job
Went from size 14 to a 10/12
Bought my house and decorated
Got a rescue dog
Discovered my arse is not as fat as I was told it was
Stood naked in front of a mirror with a lovely man who told me how beautiful I was, stretch marks and saggy bits included
Shared a bath with aforementioned lovely man - never shared a bath before with anyone
Had (still having) huge fun with online dating
Stayed in lots of beautiful hotels
Fell in love (twice)
Holidayed with ds in the Caribbean
Cancelled Sky tv
Ate Parmesan without being moaned at
Realised that I deserved so much better and never to settle for second best again

Birdsofafeather Wed 12-Feb-14 13:44:46

Great thread. I went on an 18-30s h9oliday for a hen party, so not my thing but was amazing.

Have loads of fun.

Gained a lot of independence.

Have fun with girlie days with my dd.

Amazing sex (I notice a theme here)

And about to embark on internet dating, which I'm nervous but excited for!

Shineywhiney Wed 12-Feb-14 13:51:31

Mine is only a short list as we separated only 2 months ago, but I am being positive:

Booked a weeks caravan holiday for me and my two small DC for spring
Held my head up and confidently walked into a garage as my car needed some work doing- always felt very intimidated by mechanics for some reason and so had always left this for STBXH to deal with. Got it sorted no problem (sounds so daft but was such a big worry in my head!)
Ditto calling in a builder to fix a leak
Changed my house around a bit, new pictures up, new cushions and new bedding
Am planning a new kitchen
Doing the freedom programme- a massive step forward for me in acknowledging all the EA he put me through and starting to get my head straight
Having friends over for dinner- have discovered I am a good cook, I always used to get criticism from my twat STBXH

Small steps but its a start. Very inspiring reading everyone's achievements

HotDAMNlifeisgood Wed 12-Feb-14 14:14:58

Made loads and loads of new friends
(was isolated before)

Danced. So much carefree dancing!
(did not go out before)

Got a dog, who is a joy and a love.
(pets were banned by ex)

Bought and cooked and ate lots of delicious meat.
(ex is veggie)

Realised just how much I could achieve by myself, from DIY around the house to solo adventures in the wilds with just my tent and my dog.

Started seeing myself as other (sane, kind) people see me. Apparently I'm pretty awesome! wink

HotDAMNlifeisgood Wed 12-Feb-14 14:18:38

This is a great thread. I love everyone's contributions.

justgivein Wed 12-Feb-14 14:21:29

Mates dragged me down the pub to drown my sorrows,clocked this wondrous brunette in the corner playing pool,let her win not easy am very competitive,the rest is history my wonderful wife.

gingermop Wed 12-Feb-14 14:39:56

learnt im not actually stupid and useless and to love myself again!
thats the greatest thing amongst a few others

Brilliant idea - especially as I have even more to add since last time smile

It started small - I bought some wellies with jellybeans on, because I liked them.
I hung up on his mother shock grin
Smoked, because I always liked it secretly.
Had a FWB! shock blush
Met and made friends with lots of awesome people when I got out and was able to see people.
Breastfed DS until he stopped by himself.
Got my hair cut short.
Took DS on holiday on the train, by myself.
Went to London on the train by myself. Arranged the childcare and did it, didn't have to justify or explain to anybody.
Took DS on a feminist march in London, by myself grin
Helped out women who were victims of DV/EA, by donating stuff and also by letting my friend stay for a few nights when she left her ex. XP would not have been sympathetic or supportive even when we actually had a spare room - friend slept on my sofa!
Met and dated DH who is totally different to XP, calm, patient, kind, supportive.
Travelled abroad on my own.
Travelled abroad with DS.
Moved to another country.
Trained as a teacher smile
Got married to aforementioned lovely man.

I have also changed in personal ways - am better at keeping on top of house stuff, own mood - FAR less likely to go into the "I'm so shit" cycle and when I do I can interrupt it more successfully. It does still get me because it's an arse but I'm better at managing it now. I'm more assertive, better at parenting (which could be just experience but I think it was harder with him insisting the opposite of everything I said)

HolgerDanske Wed 12-Feb-14 15:22:30

So much happiness in this thread.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 12-Feb-14 15:25:36

Fabulous thread. With a beefy sex theme wink

FolkGirl Wed 12-Feb-14 15:35:51

Ooh thought of some more...

sang solo on stage at somewhere reasonably impressive
sang solo on a different stage whilst accompanying myself on guitar
recorded a CD with a band
always wear matching underwear
quite often wear matching silk underwear
took the children away on my own. Might not sound like much but when my exH found out, he found 3 different reasons that meant I wouldn't be capable of it because "you know what you're like..."

captainmummy Wed 12-Feb-14 15:42:44

Oo-er, BOOP! Didn't think of that... grin

am keeping this thread, Ledkr, and willl link it to every poor broken-down, left-for-OW woman's thread I'm on!

Chyochan Wed 12-Feb-14 15:50:29

Grew my toenails really long, dont know why I wanted to, but I just did.

Also knowing how appalled he would be by this, for some reason, made me laugh my ass off grin

Elocampane Wed 12-Feb-14 15:57:24

on the brink of separation, it's heartening to see there is light and happiness in the future.

thanks for the thread!

Elo, there really is.

If I'd known then that all this happiness was possible, and that making do with what I had was a huge waste of time, I would have left so much sooner.

I spent years waiting to live.

Now I just live life.

Also had a FWB for a while. It was great and honest and confidence boosting without any of the pressures of a relationship. I wouldn't do it now. But I know I needed to go a bit mad for a while.

This is a great thread. I hope it keeps going and going until it is hundreds of pages long.

Pippinlongsocks Wed 12-Feb-14 17:27:32

Bought a gorgeous brand new house
Bought a fab new car that is MY choice and not his
About to get a cat which will make my DS soooo happy as he has always wanted one
Had a laugh more times in one week than I was having in a month of Sundays around ExH
Slept on the sofa whenever I wanted without getting moaned at
Devised a budget and realised I was no longer investing in the local boozer and could afford stuff
Booked a holiday for me and DS
Just felt so HAPPY I couldn't believe it

FolkGirl Wed 12-Feb-14 17:32:34

Make sure my nails are always nice
Wear make up

Was always too down and felt too bad about myself to bother about it before.

I agree with FuckYou. If I'd known I was going to be this happy and I would do so much and have so much fun, I'd have left years ago rather than waiting for him to have an affair to justify it!

I mean there are times when I'm down, or bored, or alone, or lonely... but at least I'm only those things. I'm not those things and desperately sad at the same time.

FolkGirl Wed 12-Feb-14 17:33:19

Spent the first year walking on air feeling like I was bouncing along with sheer joy and elation and felt full of hope for the future!

Minime85 Wed 12-Feb-14 17:39:17

love this thread. mine are very small so far but this thread makes me think I should just go for it. thank you for starting this thread, what a lovely op x

Ledkr Wed 12-Feb-14 19:07:20

Thank you so much for all your great posts, I hope they really help other people who are in those painful daunting early stages.

akawisey Wed 12-Feb-14 19:52:49

Got a much better job.
Landscaped the garden (always his domain)
Got rid of the bloody fish pond (see above)
Sold the house
Bought another one (MINE)
Went on holiday to Italy ON MY OWN
Lost weight
Stopped drinking
Learned guitar
Joined a women's group
Grew my hair
Bought lots of 'fuck-you' stiletto shoes
Bought some art
Bought a drill and used it

Just - loads of stuff that I'd never have done in my previous life. These are the things that make me happy.

Isabeller Wed 12-Feb-14 20:14:20

you are so inspirational flowers

Hahaha Chyo - those are the best kind of achievements grin Just because it makes you realise how ridiculous they were for caring smile

KouignAmann Wed 12-Feb-14 21:32:51

Since I became single again I have

Bought three new bikes and got fit enough to ride 100 miles
Learned to give amazing blow jobs
Sailed to Scotland and back
Paid all my bills and supported my DC at Uni with no debts
Expanded my business by 25 percent and increased profits and job satisfaction.
Met a lovely man I want to spend the rest of my life with
Become a chilled happy person without a temper
Wooo! Go me!

beachside Wed 12-Feb-14 21:49:08

Big credits to all those who have done such incredible things, but it made me wonder...

It seems to me a lot of people are proud of rediscovering fun, losing weight and having great sex. Is that incompatible with marriage?

MozzchopsThirty Wed 12-Feb-14 21:53:51

Took dcs on holiday alone which was so fab we are doing America this year!
Got on so much better with all 3 dcs
Enjoyed being a parent more
Decorated my bedroom all girly
Took the dcs on lots of fun activities/breaks
Met some great people and laughed a lot

This year I am staying single, I'm determined to find out who I am now at nearly 40 and what I want from life.

HolgerDanske Wed 12-Feb-14 21:57:55

Beachside, I don't think these things are incompatible with marriage, but they are incompatible with great unhappiness.

KarinMurphy Wed 12-Feb-14 22:00:14

Beachside - no, these things are not incompatible with marriage, just incompatible with the marriage/relationship that ended. Marriages that include fun... and great sex tend to last.

Ledkr Wed 12-Feb-14 22:06:45

No beachside not incomparable but this is a thread to Inspire people who are recently separated.
It's just giving examples of how life really does go on and can improve too.

Not at all Beachside. I have done most of the second half of my list while in a relationship with DH (not technically marriage since that's only just happened smile)

IME, they were incompatible with being in an abusive or controlling relationship (Mine was emotionally and verbally abusive but any kind)

BitOutOfPractice Wed 12-Feb-14 22:07:11

Beachside none of them are incompatible with a realtionship (not all rrelationships are marriages!)

But all or most of them are incompatible with a bad relationship

Ledkr Wed 12-Feb-14 22:07:38

Oh, and there's no weight loss quite like heartbreak weight loss!! grin it just falls off.

AToadintheHand Wed 12-Feb-14 22:08:40

Took my DC on holiday abroad on my own
Sorted out lots of computer problems with the help of Google
Got a more exciting job where I meet loads of different people
Got closer to my DC
Got a cat
Got fit
Got thinner
Started wearing dresses
Got sporty
Dyed my hair
Read in bed as late as I like
Go out with who I like, when I like
Discovered I'm bloody gorgeous grin

NearTheWindmill Wed 12-Feb-14 22:11:52

Nothing like as exciting as any of this but whilst recovering from a broken engagement and a lot of heartbreak and having vowed to never ever be with a man ever again and planning to salt away enough money to retire by early 30s and buy a country cottage with a garden to turn into Gertrude Jekyll I did this at the point when men would have no part in my life ever again:

Unexpectedly I met the man of my dreams and knew unequivocally that he was the one when I wasn't looking and had given up men forever

.............25 years ago smile

BadSeedsAddict Wed 12-Feb-14 22:35:40

I love this thread! grin

NearTheWindmill Wed 12-Feb-14 22:40:12

.... and I need to get thinner but I aint leaving him to do it grin

GinUtero Wed 12-Feb-14 22:42:51

Did an MA and got a distinction
Wrote two novels
Got loads of fantastic freelance writing work
Volunteered on several arts council projects
Joined a band
Joined a rambler's group
Went from a size 16 to a size 12
Bought a lot of gorgeous new clothes
Completely redecorated my house
Visited Madrid, Valencia, Whitby and the Lake District
Slathered everything in marmite (previously banned because he hated it)
Got close to my parents again
Made a fantastic new circle of friends
Felt attractive again for the first time in years
…eventually met my DH who I'm incredibly happy with :-)

handfulofcottonbuds Wed 12-Feb-14 23:46:42

I am probably relatively single in comparison to some, we separated in September last year so I don't have as much as others but they are all inspirational.

Here's what I have done so far:

got a fringe cut

started Pilates

signed up for a make up course and a painting and decorating class

...cancelled both classes above as I love Pilates so much and wanted to continue with that

filed for divorce (last week)

smiled - a lot!

built a special, meaningful relationship with my DS rather than just nagged him

realised I am beautiful

lost a lot of weight

^^ bought skinny jeans and jeggings as a result and feel fabulous

danced - a lot!

make sure I look my best even at weekends

never, ever let little things get to me now

don't ever moan unless it's done with humour

spend a lot of time with my beautiful friends

found out exactly what friends and family mean to me

realised that life is good and I always believe something wonderful is about to happen

Found out that I can be happy on my own

Thank you Ledkr for this thread!

AmazingJumper Wed 12-Feb-14 23:53:37

Better relationship with my DD.

handfulofcottonbuds Thu 13-Feb-14 00:04:34

Can I do my to-do list?

I am going to:

learn to swim

buy a homely property for me and DS

save up to go to New York - it's my dream!

BitOutOfPractice Thu 13-Feb-14 00:07:13

Hello handful! Remember me? Nice to see you!

Sounds like you're doing just great!

Catrin Thu 13-Feb-14 00:13:52

Lovely thread!
I have, to name but a few...
Refound my friends and have loads of fun with them
Refound my confidence
Met some wonderful people
Had some great sex
Taken dd on great holidays
Had my hair chopped off
Been financially solvent without any support
HAD MY FIRST ORGASM!!!!! As a hetero female approaching 40 this was possibly the most amazing find ever. Have been smiling all week.

Wow, this thread is awesome, and so well timed.

XP left me 10 days ago, with 3 small dc. At the moment it feels like I will never do or achieve anything ever again. But reading this thread, it feels like I do have a chance here. Maybe one day I'll have something to add smile

BitOutOfPractice Thu 13-Feb-14 00:28:32

Oh CharChar that's still so very very raw. You will be on this thread sooner than you think xx good luck to you and hope you're OK

Thank you BitOutOfPractice. It is very raw. Well, I don't know quite how to feel tbh yet, it's taking time to sink in and I'm so busy with the dc.

Oh, I do have one small thing to add:
I have tidied and cleaned my house, and it is still tidy. No discarded clothes, no computer wires or wrappers. I quite like that smile not very exciting though!

BitOutOfPractice Thu 13-Feb-14 00:33:34

No it's a big thing. I still likethe fact that the only mess in my house is my mess and if I don't want to tidy up, I bloody well don't! And nobody rolls their eyes at me!

FayeKorgasm Thu 13-Feb-14 00:48:38

Found I had more courage and determination than I realised whilst I secretly packed up my and my DS things and left the twat

Bought a lovely house and renovated it to make a beautiful home for me and my DS

Kick started my career and rose quickly to a very senior role

Met my lovely DH who has been a wonderful husband and SF

I have lived without fear now for 10 years. It is wonderful.

MeltyChocolate Thu 13-Feb-14 00:57:00

Became best friends with the girl he dated while with me (she had no clue)
Realised I'm not "crazy" or any of the other things he would call me... I am bipolar
Met an amazing man who appreciates me and makes me happy

But the most important bit, I got myself back, the old happy me

AmazingJumper Thu 13-Feb-14 01:26:50

Where are people getting all this great sex!? grin

handfulofcottonbuds Thu 13-Feb-14 07:04:40

BOOP - of course I remember you sweetie x

Charchar - that is how my recovery started, I tidied my house and it kept me occupied and house-proud. My house isn't so tidy now though as I'm so busy now. I've read your thread, you'll get there smile

Ledkr Thu 13-Feb-14 07:41:42

Can any of you recently separated either pop into the thread or pm canttypefortears she needs you right now! she doesn't believe us veterans grin

Beachside, I have great sex, laughter, fun and new experiences in my current marriage. So definitely not incompatible.

If you don't have them in your marriage, and you find yourself unhappy more often than not, then it is not normal to assume that that is "just how marriage is". Which is what I was doing. Ok there was lots of EA going on too, but I didn't really accept that until I'd left.

Accepting a bad marriage because you think it's normal is a terrible waste of life.

That's not to say I'm not sad sometimes, that life isn't difficult sometimes. But it is 100 times easier and my average mood is happy and not hopeless. I'm not holding on for things to improve, I'm pinching myself that everything could work out so well!

captainmummy Thu 13-Feb-14 08:37:19

Beachside - you are rather missing the point!

The point is that when women get cheated on or dumped or abused mentally, physically,emotionally, the hardest part is the 'what now? How can i go on holiday on my own/wield a drill/landscape the garden/buy and decorate a house?' It's all TOO BIG - but it isn't! it really isn't. We can do ANYTHING we want. As these women show. It is hard, yes, but so liberating, and in fact looking back, it isn't even hard at the time! The fear of it all is the biggest problem, the biggest stumbling block to most women staying in an unhappy marriage.

thatlldonicely Thu 13-Feb-14 08:56:53

I need this too - meeting DH tomorrow for what i think will be the "decision" talk.

Im 50 next year married 20 years and the prospect of being on my own scares the hell out of me - not from a practical point of view but being lonely. I dont work and have few RL friends so realize how isolated I am.

I have a couple of "options" for rebuilding my life just need to be brave enough to carry them out - one small step at a time .

Been following canttys thread as so similar & your advice has been invaluable to me too - thankyou

Ballsballsballs Thu 13-Feb-14 09:07:16

Thanks for this thread. I'm leaving soon, no money, will have to go into shared housing in my forties. But it's still better than this marriage.

My to do list:
Get a first
Find a way to do the Ma I want
Say yes to lots of things that scare me smile

Jarlin Thu 13-Feb-14 09:18:33

handfullofcottonbuds - good for you!!
You have done so well since posting when you hit rock bottom!!

I - studied for a two year course that exDH would have told me was a waste of time and subsequently gained promotion
Lost weight
Let DD's have loads of friends round without having to worry about him moaning
Had quality girly time with DD's
learnt how to manage the household finances
Took control of the remote and made this a football free zone until DD's got boyfriends!
Felt a huge relief that I no longer had to walk around on egg shells
Learnt what I DIDN'T want in subsequent relationships
Had lots of better sex
Completely revamped my bedroom
Went online dating
Got my confidence back
Became an agony aunt at work for those who suspected their husbands of cheating!
Felt positive about my future instead of dreading it

ScottishPies Thu 13-Feb-14 09:31:37

Balls - i'm of a similar age and am back living with my parents after seperating from my P ! Life eh? It throws so many unexpected curve balls

Ballsballsballs Thu 13-Feb-14 09:50:41

It certainly does Scottish. flowers

Fantastic thread

Can I add mine?

Decorated my house my way
Its a lovely home but not a show-house and I don't care!
Sorted my business out properly, took on an employee and kept it running successfully
Got other jobs as and when I needed them to help cashflow
Took my 3DC travelling to - Bali; interrailing around Europe; and took DD driving thru California (just the 2 of us)
Bought a convertible
I've had 4 lodgers in 7 years with no problems
Started running & cycling
I'm a red-head now!
I wear what I like
I go out and dance like a woman possessed because I can
Oh and not to forget the fantastic sex with unsuitable men

Freedom2014 Fri 14-Feb-14 18:58:35

I LOVE this threat, totally inspirational, I'm newly separated but am loving it so far. I will be adopting many of these strategies, in particular the "great sex with unsuitable men" one!

Daisypops Fri 14-Feb-14 19:09:52

Started dressing like a sexy lady in her 30's and not wearing tracksuits bottoms everyday.
Got stacks of confidence
Feel happy with my circumstances
More independent
got lots of jobs done in the house
Took dc abroad
took dd1 to Disney, going again next month
Got closer to my dd1
Go on lots of days out to wherever we want
had curry and pizza for breakfast
had lots of orgasms grin
got wiser

hamptoncourt Fri 14-Feb-14 19:09:56

Another one who bought a convertible! Also I lost two and a half stone, got a great new job in a field I am passionate about but which XH despised.
Oh, and I get to put my exercise bike right in front of the tv!!

I like being single so much I can't imagine going back to having a live in partner again.

jadeddazedandconfused Fri 14-Feb-14 20:13:08

Wow some amazing achievements! I only hope I can do a fraction of those things. I can't see past how I'm going to manage for money and childcare when the kids start school!

The whole business about 'feel the fear and do it anyway' is the absolute root of all these stories - it feels great being brave.

AmazingJumper Sat 15-Feb-14 02:01:29

Yes, I read that book in the run up to leaving and it really helped.

Firepile Sun 16-Feb-14 17:01:54

Passed my driving test

Kept ds safe and secure

Found my way through grief

Got a cat

Held on to my job, achieved some stuff, got promoted

Realised the value of my friendships

Took ds on holidays - and went away with friends

Started reading again

Built myself a life

(Gradually) replaced sobbing with laughter

DollyTwat Sun 16-Feb-14 17:06:58

Brought up 2 gorgeous boys by myself
Took them to the Algarve, on my own

Bought my house
Decorated my house
Painted my kitchen cupboards the colour I wanted

Made fabulous friendships
Invite people over all the time
Laugh. Lots. Til I'm crying sometimes

Got a great job which I love
Coped without any financial support from ex
Went to court and self rep'd to protect my dc
Continue to protect my dc from their narc father

KingRollo Sun 16-Feb-14 17:08:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ledkr Sun 16-Feb-14 17:16:56

dolly cook good roasts.
Learned to drink nine bottles of wine with friends. grin

DollyTwat Sun 16-Feb-14 17:55:23

Ha ha Ledkr pops in every Sunday now!

The great thing is that I LOVE that my friends feel they can pop in whenever they want! Couldn't do that when fuckwit was here

Thebluedog Sun 16-Feb-14 18:00:31

I think everyone should drink beef in the bath grin

beachside Mon 17-Feb-14 04:18:05

It seems wonderful that so many people took great pride from things like - lost weight, started having great sex, dressed better, had more laughter, excitement etc after divorce.

But one has to wonder whether putting weight on, losing interest in sex, dressing like a slob, not having fun or laughter was anything to do with the break up of the relationship?

I'm not trying to start a massive row here, just kind of thinking aloud....

LettertoHermioneGranger Mon 17-Feb-14 04:38:48

This thread is great.

I'm still so shaky and sad. But I'm planning on applying for my college's study abroad program. Maybe I will come to the UK for a couple semesters where all you lovely folk are. grin

overitalready Mon 17-Feb-14 06:13:03

Got my bank card back therefore also got my wages every month. I honestly had no idea how much i even earnt a month for 8 years.

Got online banking. I was amazed!

Paid off all 'our debts'. That again for 8 years i had no idea about until i left.

Got a pension.

Got a passport & went on holiday twice with dd.

Left the lamp on all night in dd's bedroom. previously not allowed ever

Passed my driving test.

Brought my 1st ever car.

Meet the love of my life.

Slept with 2 eyes shut.

Sure theres loads more grin

FolkGirl Mon 17-Feb-14 06:43:44

beachside Maybe you're onto something... hmm

After all, it is a woman's responsibility to keep a marriage alive by being ever ready for sex, looking beautiful at all times and always being happy and smiley.

All of those things you describe are the symptoms of an unhappy marriage not the cause of one. People generally only 'let themselves go' when they are desperately unhappy and are just keeping their head down and getting through life. Which is why they rediscover looking after themselves and sex when they are happy again.

If you are with someone who ignores you, or criticises you or controls you, you stop thinking about yourself in terms of being attractive and you certainly don't want to have sex with the person who makes you feel like that!

Of course some people are lazy and stop looking after themselves for this reason, and their partners may well go off them because of it. But they are generally the people who are like that single or not.

MushroomSoup Mon 17-Feb-14 09:59:58

I bought myself a house
Painted the stairs purple
Organised building work
Made a home for my DCs
Got a promotion
Danced! A lot!
Realised that men thought I was beautiful.
Had hot sex
Went on holidays
Met a lovely man who wanted us all
Married 12 years and still doing all of the above - only now I'm dating my husband grin

FolkGirl Mon 17-Feb-14 14:07:51

Painted the stairs purple envy

Givemeyouranswerdo Mon 17-Feb-14 18:38:53

Oooh, I painted the stairs purple too!

beachside Tue 18-Feb-14 12:41:36

Well, I'm just thinking...

If you'd have all stayed slim, kept a spark of fun going, not dressed all slobby, kept up a very excitable and healthy interest in sex, laughed and smiled, then maybe the most important people in your lives - steady, that means your kids, not you - would still be with both parents and having a better upbringing.

Only a thought.

LilyBlossom14 Tue 18-Feb-14 12:44:18

of course you are right beachside - I should have stayed with an unfaithful abuser. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways.

bogroll Tue 18-Feb-14 12:53:10

Put on a ton of weight
Drank too much
Had sex with an old age pensioner
Had a holiday in Bognor Regis
Started using Head and Shoulders to finally cure my Dandruff
Got sacked for spending too much time on the internet visiting relationship/ break up sites
Got an Asbo for harrassing my ex

MichonnesSamuraiSword Tue 18-Feb-14 12:59:54

Immediately booked the trip of a lifetime within days of DP walking out on me. Its a trip I'd always wanted to do with him, but he refused. Two weeks after he left, I was on my trip and feeling SO empowered.

Two years later, I did the same trip with my wonderful new DP grin

In the immediate aftermath of the breakup I vowed never to say no to any invitation (within reason!). It led to me being busy every day doing things with friends which I would normally have refused if I was with DP because he was too miserable to take part. I went out walking with new friends, had days out with my parents, dinner at new friend's houses, caught up with old friends.. It was the best therapy and I'd recommend it to everyone.

RandallFloyd Tue 18-Feb-14 13:04:55

Why? Seriously, why come on to such a fabulous positive thread just to peddle a load of woman-hating, misogynistic crap? What the fuck is wrong with you?

RandallFloyd Tue 18-Feb-14 13:10:23

Anyway, back to the point.

I re-furnished my house almost completely, for next to nothing, with lots of fabulous eBay bargains that XDH hates!
Started to enjoy spending time alone.
Trusted myself to follow my instincts with DS and so do everything very gently. (He's thriving and very happy)
Lost 5 1/2 stone.

Fab thread Ledkr thanks

harrietspy Tue 18-Feb-14 13:14:47

Great thread. I'm in the process of getting away and it's going to be messy, so I'm finding this thread so encouraging. Thanks so much. thanks

LyndaCartersBigPants Tue 18-Feb-14 13:22:24

Took my DCs camping on my own.
Lost 2.5 stone.
put one stone back on again
Bought a new car without needing to consult anyone else.
Had a professional makeover on a whim.
Trained for a new career.
Constructed lots of flat pack furniture.
Made time for old friends.
Cemented new friendships.
Went on dates.
Met someone amazing.
Became a more fun mum.
Stopped feeling sick and anxious about socialising.
Reconnected with my family.
Remained on good terms with my ex.
Had a holiday without the DCs.
Had a fab holiday with my DCs and DP's DCs!
Managed my own finances and to put the bins out each week - (both things that I'd been led to believe were beyond my capabilities!)

LyndaCartersBigPants Tue 18-Feb-14 13:32:31

Oh yes, got a cat.
Get a takeaway when I fancy it.
Put the dishwasher on twice a day every day rather than having to do half of it by hand to save on the price of a dishwasher tablet!
Met some of the fantastic and supportive MNers who had helped me through it all in RL.

LyndaCartersBigPants Tue 18-Feb-14 13:36:40

Thanks for the advice Beachside, I'm sure if I'd kept myself slimmer my ex would never have treated me badly confused

My DCs are also happier now as their dad spends some time with them each week, which he never did before, they have some great new friends in their lives and their mum is happy and adored instead of being downtrodden and belittled at every turn. They've been on holidays (which their dad deemed a waste of money) and they get the best of both of us because we both get a break from being a parent to recharge our batteries and be enthusiastic again.

bogroll Tue 18-Feb-14 14:04:26

RandallFloydd sense of humour bypass.

bogroll Tue 18-Feb-14 14:06:13

And to be honest...all thid 'empowering' stuff, whilst positive also sounds a bit desperate.
Let's face it...they're all just distractions to stop us obsessing about or exs
Just introducing a bit of reality to proceedings.

bogroll Tue 18-Feb-14 14:15:55

Actually....I apologize about what I've just posted
I wan't trolling. Just feeling low as I've broken up recently.
Sorry again and please ignore my cynicism.

RandallFloyd Tue 18-Feb-14 14:21:28

I wasn't talking to you bogroll.

LilyBlossom14 Tue 18-Feb-14 14:21:52

Bogroll, I think it was beachside's comments which were in question, not yours.

Sorry you are feeling so rubbish atm.

I don't think it is necessarily empowering stuff, but trying to carve out a new different life for yourself once all your hopes and dreams have been snatched away - well that is how it felt for me anyway.

MichonnesSamuraiSword Tue 18-Feb-14 14:52:48

I think I used the word 'Empowered' - maybe I used the wrong word.

I did things to distract me from thinking about my ex, yes. But that's not desperation, it's taking control of your own happiness.

And by feeling 'empowered' what I mean is I felt "Wow, I've done this for myself and doesn't it feel AMAZING!". Nothing desperate about that.

Sorry you're feeling shit bogroll , I hope you can find some inspiration and support on here flowers

RandallFloyd Tue 18-Feb-14 14:57:50

Sorry you're having a shit time.
(I'm still cynical after 2 years but it does get better I promise)

captainmummy Tue 18-Feb-14 14:58:39

'Empowering'? No, not as such. Just showing that yes in fact there is a world/life out there after divorce/seperation, which can be enjoyed, even celebrated, as a single.

Otherwise, as beachside says, we should be staying thin and staying together so our dc can benefit from a better upbringing with 2 parents. After all, that's what matters, here in the 50s, where it's the wimmens fault if a man strays, or hits her, because she's not thin enough, or fun enough, or doesn't have the enthusiasm for sex with the abuser.

God damn that emancipation and feminism. What has it done to us? Hell, we expect sooooo much more now, like purple stairs and I dunno, a life we can enjoy.

captainmummy Tue 18-Feb-14 15:01:20

Bogroll, read the thread again. Maybe in time you can add your own amazing experiences, those that your H wouldn't let you do.
It's not necessarily to distract yourself from thinking about xh. Who needs to do that? i don't.

comingintomyown Tue 18-Feb-14 15:18:52

Put on loads of weight but am not persecuted !
Taken DC on holiday on my own
Moved house
Sorted all house repairs etc
Am an online goddess
As above did a decent computer qualification
Got a job
Cook as and when I want and what I want
Hardly ever cry and when I do it's hormonal over puppies and the like

Basically and best of all just do what I like moment by moment however the mood takes me

comingintomyown Tue 18-Feb-14 15:20:48

Oh and to beachside ? Yes I expect I would still be married if I hadn't got fat , thank merry fuck for chocolate

Ledkr Tue 18-Feb-14 16:19:13

beachside are you a man? If not I hope you keep yourself in tip top condition to keep your man eh?

You could make a lot of money now having found the secret to a happy marriage and all that!

Lol at beachside. Surely the other way around?

If our fuckwit exes had actually been good in bed or made us laugh on occasion maybe we wouldn't have felt so crap and suffocated in the relationships.

beingacow Tue 18-Feb-14 17:27:07

It's great to take stock. I came out of a seven year, sexless marriage to someone who didn't speak to me for weeks on end. And who stopped paying the mortgage without telling me, stopped all direct debits for utilities, and disappeared.

Since I left nearly four years ago I:

Discovered I'm good at running, joined a club, ran a marathon, loads of half marathons, and have been fastest woman at my local parkrun.

Set up home in a gorgeous, if tiny, converted barn and scraped my finances back in order after the mess he left me in.

Had great sex with a very bad boy.

Had great sex with the love of my life, who now shares my home and my life.

Body-surfed naked

Been on TV and published a book

Had my nose pierced and my hair cut and bleached

Been to lots of gigs and festivals alone and loved it.

I still carry the scars (psychological) from my marriage but I'm unrecognisable since then. I made a big mistake and married the wrong person; I'll never have those years back but I can be proud that I've not let them grind me completely down.

harrietspy Tue 18-Feb-14 17:30:11

This is SO inspiring. I'm making my list of things I'm going to do when I extract myself from my so-called marriage and I'm going to start trying to do them now. grin

bogroll Tue 18-Feb-14 17:41:14

Is being naked in water a given after a break up? Body surfing, swimming, skinny dipping, water skiing, scuba diving, whaling etc
A lot of you seem to do it.

FolkGirl Tue 18-Feb-14 19:04:09

I didn't do it bogroll. Although I have been invited to foreign, and warmer, climes over Easter when I'm assured I will be skinny dipping in the sea within walking distance of the man I'm seeing's family home!

I'll let you know! wink

beachside Tue 18-Feb-14 22:13:22


No, not at all - I'm just trying, politely, to say that you / we all have this joie de vrie in us, yet we let it get extinguished, and it's either our own fault for neglecting it, or, much more rarely, it's done to us by an abuser, male or female.

Yet to read this thread, with all this positive, powerful ,uplifting stuff, I'm wondering - have ALL these people escaped abusers?

Or did some neglect their innerselves, and are now projecting this rediscovery of joy upon their ex's, and not the real culprit?

FolkGirl Tue 18-Feb-14 22:35:57

Well I, for one, "escaped an abuser".

But more than that, I couldn't have gone out of the house to do the things I did - singing solo, dancing lessons, playing in a band etc because I tried doing more stuff when we were together and it just caused arguments. All he wanted to do was watch films and play videogames. He wouldn't even go for a walk in the park if it looked like rain...

Now I can go and do the stuff I want to when the children are with their dad or because my eldest is now old enough to babysit the youngest.

When the children go and visit him now they either go to the cinema, watch dvds or play videogames. It's drives even my teenage son mad. So for him, things haven't changed.

I didn't 'neglect' my inner self, but when you get accused of having an affair/fancying someone if you go out wearing make up, then it just becomes easier to not wear it. And it feels a bit odd to wear nice clothes if you're not wearing make up because you look a bit 'unfinished'. So you stop making so much of an effort. And you begin to feel very conspicuous so you make your self less visible. And when you can't go an nourish your soul with activities and things that fill you with joy, you seek comfort and happiness elsewhere, and treat yourself with a bar of chocolate whilst convincing yourself you can spend the rest of your life being spoken to like shit, surfing the internet whilst your OH wants to watch The Hulk for the umpteenth time.

Minime85 Tue 18-Feb-14 22:48:12

beachside I didn't 'escape' anything. my ex wasn't an abuser . I'm not overweight, I took care of myself, very much catered for his very demanding job, made time for 'us' etc etc. in hindsight most people might feel they could have tried harder more of the time. but I wasn't the one who ended my marriage. I didn't choose this life I have now. but this thread was started to help someone going through a relationship breakdown beyond her control. and it has helped those like me who feel overwhelmed by what has happened to our relationships and who are maybe grieving for the life they thought they had and would have. for the lives they wanted for their dcs. i dont want to be anyones ex wife or my dcs to be crying to me that daddy doesnt live here. I dont want to be judged and told I've failed my dcs as they will have two parents who adore them and take a full part in their lives just not in the same house.

but this thread has certainly made me smile and feel hopeful that I will move forward and I'm not alone in this experience. as for me, in RL, I know no one who has gone through this. I may not know these people on mnet but god threads like this have given me a lifeline and a voice I may not otherwise have had.

your comments come across as if just to provoke. people experiencing a break up who have come on mnet for support dont deserve to have more judgement and degrading, for some they have already had enough of that.

please see the thread for what it was started for.

Ledkr Tue 18-Feb-14 22:50:03

Well I was with my xh for 18 yrs 4 kids one poorly and I had breast cancer too during the marriage.
So if I gained a little weight or stopped having loads of sex or good times then I'm guilty as charged.
Did I expect the man I'd given half my life and four kids to, who had sat with me through losing my breasts to not shag someone else and reject me then I made a big mistake but if make it again because life happens from time to time and its hard to maintain yourself through some of it.

Elocampane Tue 18-Feb-14 22:57:38

I really appreciate the positives thanks again Ledkr

morley19 Tue 18-Feb-14 23:01:02

Minime85 smile and everyone else, really nice to hear the positive thoughts

Mumsnet has certainly helped me. I was treated badly (again) a year or so again, I posted a while ago:

Whilst I manage to stay positive a hell of a lot of the time (in last year have bought a house, extended/renovated it etc) I am not ashamed to admit it's bloody hard sometimes isn't it girls?!

I try and remain positive, and appreciate you never know what's round the corner but sometimes the fact that I'm 45 this year, on my own again, never been married, will never bear a child, and still struggling with what happened a year ago just gets to me and I have bad days. And sometimes just having to put your 'oh congratulations, that's lovely news' face on for the constant stream of marriage, pregnancy, birth announcements is just so hard!

But anyway just wanted to say it's made me smile reading your positive posts on this thread


captainmummy Wed 19-Feb-14 08:37:30

Mini me - me too! I lost myself while bringing up 3 young dc whilst he was doing his high powered job, I wasn't allowed to take a language course (cos he'd have to take holiday to look after the DC alone) , couldn't go out much as he'd be late home most nights... He was not an abuser in any way, but I could not live like that. I gave it 18 years.
The point of this thread is not only:- there is life, fun, excitement after separation, but also that we CAN DO IT! we can buy a house on our own. Decorate it, do the diy. Do the childcare, get a job, study, arrange holidays... All at the same time.
Im glad your marriage is perfect and you get plenty of fun and you are lovely and slim and your children perfectly brought up. Not everyone is so happy. Lucky you.

captainmummy Wed 19-Feb-14 11:07:42

That was aimed at Beachside, BTW. I got the same attitude from my toxic sister when I told her I was splitting from dh - I was selfish, should always put myself second, should give my dc 20 years... this from someone who kicked her dcs father out when they were 2 and 3! (and then took up with someone who had zero interest in them. Yes they are damaged, becuase they had 2 'parents' who couldn't give a toss about them)
It's not selfish to want more. It's not damaging to dc to have 2 happy, but seperate homes.

Firepile Wed 19-Feb-14 23:15:19

Minime is exactly right. I didn't feel lost in my relationship. My partner was not an abuser.

My achievements have been in building a life once the previous certainties were swept away. Like many others in the same situation, I was utterly bereft and could not have imagined the progress I've made since.

I am not sure what motivates someone to come and be so goady on a thread like this. sad

TheArticFunky Thu 20-Feb-14 09:25:26

Anyone else read this thread and think single life sounds fun I must leave my husband even though we are doing ok? Or is that just me then? blush

Ledkr Thu 20-Feb-14 09:38:40

No, just do all those things while you are married.

I'm remarried now and I'm so happy, I'm careful to keep my own sense of self and enjoy my life instead of just existing as part of a couple.

DollyTwat Thu 20-Feb-14 13:24:20

I wouldn't change for anyone now. I think that in my marriage I did change myself because my personality was assessed almost daily, I now know that's what ex does to everyone to make himself feel better

It's very hard to have the confidence to be who you are when someone else takes that confidence and beats you with it. That's why, I suspect, many of us enjoy having our old selves back and realise how much of ourselves we gave away

I like me, I am a bit loud sometimes, funny occasionally, kind, generous and I'm by no means perfect. But I have lots of friends so I'm enjoying life and am very fussy when it comes to boyfriends now

Am I the only one who's a couple of dress size bigger than when I was in a horrible marriage? blush

I had an amazing figure, looked fantastic and was bloody miserable.

I've now got a bit more padding, and dh says I look fantastic (he might be biased though), and have amazing sex a much better general outlook on everything.

I certainly didn't let myself go whilst married hmm

KingR0llo Thu 20-Feb-14 16:23:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elocampane Thu 20-Feb-14 16:38:42

I think it's really sad that such a hopeful, positive, supportive thread had been polluted by some posters.

in fact, Beachside, here's my first ever biscuit

KingR0llo Thu 20-Feb-14 17:07:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrJeanGrey Thu 20-Feb-14 17:29:48

I can't list a lot of new things I have done, but I most definitely realised I was with the wrong person.

Everything about my life revolved around him and his needs. I turned into a shadow of my former self.

Nowadays, I find myself feeling free, relaxed and ready to enjoy life without feeling like an accessory to someone else.

overitalready Thu 20-Feb-14 17:44:04

Beachside lets hope one day you don't get punched in the face over and over because you forgot to get milk and have to do a list of the things you proud of. Yes that was my life because he was a prize cunt not because I was fat.

Have My first biscuit as well.

Elocampane Thu 20-Feb-14 17:49:06

so come on, give us some more positives, you lovely people who've come out the other side feeling good...

Ledkr Thu 20-Feb-14 20:38:57

I've been out for the day with dh and the dds.
It was a lovely day, we shared the preparation and driving.
We shared the grotty jobs like toilet runs and nose wiping.
He did not kick off because we got muddy.
He was not in a rush to get back so he could go out with his mates or see his girlfriend.
When OUR toddler played up in the cinema he helped and offered to go out with her then thanked me later for doing it.
We laughed and I didn't feel as if he was marking time, he was genuinely enjoying being with us.
We stopped for take away without him moaning about the cost then we unpacked bags and sorted kids together rather than being left to do it alone.

God I love that man and my oh so normal life smile

enlightenmequick Thu 20-Feb-14 21:05:33

I was thoroughly enjoying this thread until beachside popped up. Jeez.

If your at a party beachside and a group starts to laugh, do you go over and remind them that children are dying in Africa, or women are being killed in war zones?


I lost a ton of weight after I left my violent ex. (Which was mostly down to the fact that my nervous disposition -acquired a stutter, gave minimal eye contact, and got the shakes when meeting anyone new) had given me irritable bowel syndrome.

I danced around the house rather drunk, the 1st night I got my home back (had to flee with dd and 1 bag, 8 months previously)

I went back to University (without him) and got my PGCE.

Earned double what I had previously

Made some new friends.

Danced a hell of a lot grin even in the kitchen with dd

Had a fling with a toyboy

Had my one and only ons with a absolute hunk!

Had great holidays (had none with ex, in 9 years)

Swam with dolphins, snorkelled with manatees and hugged a sealion

Drove a speedboat and a dunebuggy

Rode a camel

And still have a million other things to try and fit in between being capable and non capable!

But my greatest achievement isn't all the things I've done, it's the change in me.

enlightenmequick Thu 20-Feb-14 21:06:16


captainmummy Thu 20-Feb-14 21:57:19

Enlightenme - that's fab! Well done you. grin

Overit - sad what a terrible experience.Bastard.

overitalready Fri 21-Feb-14 08:59:25

Bastard he was. However ive passed my driving test now so if I see him I can always just run him over wink

hoppityskip Wed 05-Mar-14 20:26:54

I've now been separated for 9 months and in that time I have:
Redecorated my bedroom (immediately!)
Got a promotion
Realised how amazing my female friends are and had lots of mid week drinking sessions putting the world to rights
Went on hol solo to dubai to see my friend who lives there
Sold the house and bought my own
Booked a hol for me and DD
Started online dating
Had sex with someone other than my husband!
Interestingly also seem to have more money to spend on myself than I ever did before!
Lost weight
Got fit

Thanks for this thread, was having a period of feeling crap and this has made me realise that I've actually done quite a lot in 9 months!

CurtWild Wed 05-Mar-14 20:56:46

It's only been ten days so mine's not as exciting..yet!
Moved back close to my family
Regained control of finances
Redecorated every room instead of the dreaded magnolia!
Felt more relaxed and calmer
DC's happier
Laughed more
Cried less
Eaten lots of cake
Made a lot of noise with DC's (he hated noise)
Changed tv channels
Turned the fire up
Ignored phone calls and questions regarding reconciliation
Remembered I'm actually quite fun and outgoing and not at all boring, as he had me believing
Discovered people actually don't hate me, something else he had me almost convinced of.

This is a lovely thread! I hope to add more thrilling things to this list as time goes on..I'm certainly looking forward to the nicer men and sizzling sex some of you have's been a while!

savemefromrickets Thu 06-Mar-14 17:29:57

Picked a new car
Went to the cash point knowing roughly how much money was left and not having a nasty shock
Realised I can live on my wages
Got a better job
Had books and toys out
Picked a lovely new DP
Had the sex I wanted to have
Smiled a lot

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