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The Dating Thread 68.

(1000 Posts)
Bant Mon 13-Jan-14 23:45:51

Support for everyone, dating online or in real life.

No judginess, no shoutiness. Nuff said.

MasterP0 Mon 13-Jan-14 23:48:26

Bant NO SHOUTINESS, WHY????

Bant Mon 13-Jan-14 23:51:40

Because it's a bit rude, master. And people on this thread are often upset and vulnerable and don't want to feel like they're being yelled at or told they're wrong. It's a support thread, not a parade ground.

MasterP0 Mon 13-Jan-14 23:53:36

Maybe they should get thick skin! It's an open forum, everyone expresses themselves differently.

lubeybooby Mon 13-Jan-14 23:53:59

Hello all not been here for a while. I started the original one having been single for ages and ages. Just checking in to see if the rules are still going and if any of the old crowd are about wink

Anyway for anyone who remembers me all is still amazingly lovely with Henry and still getting better all the time grin

nearlythere22 Mon 13-Jan-14 23:56:10

Sometimes we need shouted at!

If anyone remembers my dilemma with long distance guy - he's suggested getting somewhere to stay together in a very gentlemanly fashion. I have agreed.

MasterP0 Mon 13-Jan-14 23:57:34

booby I JUST LOVE a happy ending! How long have you been together? Where did you meet, as in website? YOU give me hope, THANKS!

lubeybooby Tue 14-Jan-14 00:02:38

I quit online dating... set it afire and ran screaming wink I had done it to death over a few years though and found only issues after issues, players, knobheads etc etc. So I gave it the swerve in order to get my confidence back.

Meanwhile back on the ranch while I was enjoying myself and had actually decided I didn't want a relationship, too busy, blah blah, one happened. Known in RL for a few years but nothing had really happened til we started seeing each other properly in May last year (apart from a quick fumble the year before) I think it was around dating thread 51/52 something like that grin

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 00:08:04

Ok now I'm depressed again hahahahaha.....but good for you! Great to always hear about success stories be it OD or RL.

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 00:10:21

Nearly EYES WIDE OPEN! Good luck, enjoy your weekend, make the most of it wink wink!!

lubeybooby Tue 14-Jan-14 00:15:12

aw, don't be depressed. I know a few who it did work well for. I reckon luck and timing have a lot to do with it though, just the same as RL dating/meeting people etc.

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Tue 14-Jan-14 00:20:35

I'm lost....thread 67 must have moved on quickly!

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 00:27:02

It is an open forum, you're right master. But general etiquette says that if enough people ask you to stop being shouty or rude (or say disparaging comments about other posters, men in general or the disabled) then maybe you'd think about it rather than telling them to grow a thick skin

Flipper934 Tue 14-Jan-14 08:01:23

Master, I love your energy and enthusiasm, goodness knows you need a well stocked supply of those for OD. But, as an old thread contributor and long time lurker, I do agree with Bant (don't tell him).

I found the most helpful posts to be those which offered suggestions, you know, different ways of doing things, rather than those which just said that only a fool would do X or Y. That's not to say that I don't think posters should have opinions; again, some of the most helpful posters have been very forthright, but when a poster is very black and white, it makes the thread an uncomfortable place to bare your feelings.

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 08:04:56

Good morning Bant I say disparaging comments about the assholes who've broken our hearts/disappeared on us/lied/cheated etc.!

"Enough People" please refer me to those people?? If there truly are there, feel free to say on here or PM me.

brokenhearted55a Tue 14-Jan-14 08:54:14

Someone contacted me through eharmony and one of his first questions through guided communication was describe your parents relationship with each other. I told him it was none of his business. Was I too rude?

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 08:58:21

Flipper hiiiii, for the record I've not disrespected anyone by calling them a fool and saying "....,only a fool would do that..." Once again I have called the idiots some of us have had the misfortune of dating fools!

Yes I see things in black and white, others don't , did I attack anyone for having their own opinion, NO! EVERYONE on mumsnet should do what makes THEM happy, just because I have a strong opinion on something, and voice it, people can chose to ignore/act on it, I've continually maintained that it is YOUR choice.

Bant I stand by my grow a thick skin comment not everyone is going to like what I say, how I say it, you clearly don't, so just don't read my comments or just ignore. If you chose to report me for voicing MY opinion go for it!

Flipper934 Tue 14-Jan-14 09:00:31

No, not too rude, Broken, if that's how you feel. Personally, I believe that a person's experience of adult relationships growing up has a big impact on them, so I find that an interesting question.

If you didn't like his questions, though, why did you bother replying to them at all?

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 09:02:52

Broken hahahaha, not at all. You share what YOU are comfortable in sharing. That guided communication is also very limited in the questions asked and answers given if I remember correctly.

dontcallmehon Tue 14-Jan-14 09:05:41

Definitely not too rude, broken

I like a bit of straight talking sometimes on this thread - I need it!

Geeky is here tonight.

10 days....

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 09:09:37

Dont YAY!! Have you sorted out your other outfits?? Packing for me is ALWAYS a nightmare, in typical female fashion I ALWAYS pack way too much, but I'd hate to be without something. May the force be with you re: packing.

About tonight, good luck, I hope you're both able to openly discuss and clear the air.

brokenhearted55a Tue 14-Jan-14 09:10:24

Fair enough flipper but my fathet was abusive, they divorced when I was 3. I barely had contact growing up.

If someone will judge me for that they can fuck off.

look how many people are leaving relationships due to abuse on these threads. How would any of them loke in 20-30 years time that a potential partner would hold it against their son or daughter who was innocent at the time and use it as a reason not to date or even meet them.

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 09:11:54

Master - of course you have the right to talk however you want, to be as shouty as you want. I just think it's rude and makes the dating thread a less pleasant place to discuss things. It's like going to your favourite cafe for a chat with friends and finding some people sitting there yelling and flinging buns at each other.

And a few people have spoken to me to say the same, but I'm really not comfortable with giving out their details as private messages are just that.

Anyway, I'll just leave it. Good luck with everything.

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 09:26:26

Bant You think it's rude I think I'm honest and upfront. I'm baffled that you think I'm being rude?!?!?!?

You and those people of yours should stop being so overly sensitive and they should grow some FLIPPEN balls to speak up or go report me, I've done NOTHING WRONG!

Flipper ".....a persons experience of adult relationships growing up has a big impact on them......" sooooo VERY TRUE in MY case. My daddy was always so kind, loving, caring, generous, he would move heaven and earth for me, as a little girl I called him after school EVERY SINGLE day (divorced parents), he would visit me almost on a daily basis, weekends were our favourites, we had "our songs", I loved baking for him, he loved me unconditionally, warts and all and I know subconsciously I'm probably looking for that in a partner. YIKES!!!!!!!!!!

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 14-Jan-14 09:32:09

Enjoy your evening with Geeky don't! Ten days will fly by!!!

My this thread has moved quickly...I was with Flora last night, we were wandering blindly trying to catch up and not quite there yet but trying!

Nothing wrong with a bit of straight talking Master, I have received a couple of slaps on the wrist that were well deserved, message is always...you are the Prize and that's always good to remember. I am a bit of a no bull shit kind of girl and usually need telling straight. I appreciate everyone is different and that is why it is so good that this is an open forum and generally you will find someone that speaks your language- whatever that may be.

I have found everyone incredibly welcoming and pleased to help and offer support. Had I not dropped lucky would have been taking Bant up on his offer to have a butcher's at my profile! Everyone's tales good and bad and differing points of view, provide a well rounded look at OD and RL dating too for that matter and I am just glad to know that I am not alone and not crackers!

Hi to everyone I've not said Hi to before...my name is Lies and I'm a dateaholic....hopefully for not too much longer!! It's been good knowing reading people's successes, gives me hope after being single for more years than I care to admit!!!

Broken....WTF??? I'm with you, none of his bloody business!!!!

So last night was watching tv with Mr two hours..trying not to invest too soon and my phone beeped with a POF message. Hurt look..."I'm deleting my profile" he said. Thank you random POF dude for your timely conversation prompt. It was very clear that neither of us were seeing other people...erm - when? Was merely a loose end but glad it's been tied off!
Good Luck All!

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 14-Jan-14 09:33:52

Forgot to say - Result nearly you go girl! Have lots of fun!

SoftKittyWarmKitty Tue 14-Jan-14 09:35:30

Well, this thread has moved on but I found you from thread 67 grin. Let's not argue though, it's not worth it. We all need the support on here - I know I do - support mixed in with straight talking is what we each need at times, as well as occasions where we need hand holding and occasions where we deserve a cheer. In short, let's ll be friends smile.

Right, I have my coffee date at 12.30 and I'm bricking it. On the verge of not going. I've got nothing to wear that isn't too dressy or too casual. What if I don't recognise him? What if I don't like him or I can tell he doesn't like me? What if, heaven forbid, he doesn't turn up? Aarrgghhh!

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 14-Jan-14 09:39:49

Breathe Kitty....you are going to be fine! You are going to make the right outfit decisions. May work may not but get yourself out there and enjoy some good coffee!

Hear hear by the way

SoftKittyWarmKitty Tue 14-Jan-14 09:43:25

I hate coffee so I'll be drinking tea grin. Think I'm going to run the vacuum round while I ponder what to wear. I know I'm only going to be with him for two hours max but I'm so nervous.

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 09:46:05

Lies I LOOOOVE a happy ending! GOOD LUCK, you give me hope YAY!

RE: Bant and his merry "private messagers" SMDH at drama being created for no good reason. I've had to bite my tongue and NOT be rude in my replies............. rolling my eyes............

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 09:50:02

Kitty (((CUDDLES))) I hope it all goes well regardless of outcome. Is hoovering not going to make you sweat and mess up your makeup/hair?? Jeans/riding boots/jumper combo is perfect for coffee date.

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 14-Jan-14 09:54:23

Will send you positive thoughts Kitty. You're going to look hot! Nerves are good! Tea would be my choice too and none of this fancy crap - give me a good strong cup of tetley that you can stand your spoon in!!!!

Master wishing you lots of luck...your number is about to come up girl and I will be doing an embarrassing little jig when it does!!!!

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 10:32:19

That must have been the quickest a thread has ever filled,they usually last a month! Great to see some "past pupils" rejoin the thread and hope you all stick around :-)
Personally I enjoy the diversity of opinions expressed here. In real life we tend to gravitate towards like minded people when choosing friends or partners, having input from posters who look at things from a different slant can be very beneficial I find...
I think its a bit of a shame that the title of the thread is quite preachy, hope it doesn't put people off (sorry bant)

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 10:39:00

Well, technically, the title of the thread is 'The Dating Thread 68'. And obviously if anyone feels like it's a bit preachy then they can shut their eyes.

(did you see what I did there?)

dontcallmehon Tue 14-Jan-14 10:39:33

I've not packed a bag for Paris yet, master but I've written a list!
Exchanged 100 texts with geeky again last night, basically saying we miss each other. It's all very intense.

tOn the subject of parents' relationships, of course they influence us. But I've never met my dad. He didn't want me and left before I was born. I really wouldn't want to discuss that with a stranger! Far too personal. What I liked about geeky when we first chatted online was that there were no personal questions at all. We got to know each other naturally.

dippinmytoe Tue 14-Jan-14 10:40:59

kitty good luck ! It is nerve wracking this dating lark again !!

master I saw nothing offensive in your posts , it is a forum after all !

Well date 2 last night ! We dtd! all very nice! Today I'm feeling a bit meh over it all .. he has been texting this morning and we are arranging date 3 ... but I'm not sure. . My stomach does go all funny ( in a good way) when I see him.. maybe I'm just being cautious. Dating and juggling kids etc is hard work !!

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 10:44:22

Good luck Kitty, I can relate to your outfit dilemma..my wardrobe always looks so empty when I'm thinking about what to wear on a date, especially a day time one! I tend to go for skinny jeans and boots meself...

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 10:48:28

That got the awkward "exclusivity" chat out of the way quite neatly Lies :-)

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 10:50:52

I stand corrected bant

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 11:12:14

Dont how long is your list, hahahahahaha! Honestly we women.

Dippin I can relate to the mixed bag of feelings. Insecurity perhaps?? The good thing is he's still in contact, date 3 has been arranged, so TRY TO RELAX. Yes it IS rather tricky with kids, work, life, etc. but if it's important enough to us, we'll make the time.

Lies I DO HOPE something/anything positive happens, SIGH! Thank YOU

Poff thanks for that. I too see it as preachy that's why I questioned him (Bant) directly, plus I gathered he was having a dig. But it is what it IS! He reminds me of my little boy, who's soooo anally retentive, who on several occasions asked his teacher to tell his classmates to quieten down as they were giving him a headache (REALLY?!?!?) bless my little pudding pie, the only difference was that he was 6 at the time.................Moving on now.......

49howdidthathappen Tue 14-Jan-14 11:18:14

I can't see where you were judged Broken ?

He asked a question, that's all. Obviously you were under no obligation to reply.

My mother left my father when I was 3 too, no one has judged me for it, why the fuck would they confused

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 11:28:19

Man alive, broken, you are so defensive! I think that's a perfectly reasonable question to ask someone, it's just showing an interest, not trying to judge, ffs! I don't understand you. Just chill out!

powpow80 Tue 14-Jan-14 11:58:19

Hi All

Nearly that's great news. Is it this weekend it is happening?

Lies that random pof dude couldn't have timed his message better. You know exactly where you stand now. It's brilliant.

Kitty best of luck today. Let us know how you get on.

Dipping all sounds good. Try not to worry and enjoy it.

Think things with long distance dude are grinding to a halt I'd say. He has to work crazy hours this week and will be going home at the weekend for a family thing. Don't know when I would get to see him again. I do however have a date on Thursday evening with someone else grin

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 12:30:16

broken - I see your point, it's weird to talk about your personal background with a complete stranger, but then I've found (from relationship counseling in the past, and a lot of reflection on the subject) that family background is hugely influential to how we behave later in life, and how we interact with others.

People from a very small family with few siblings/cousins tend to be a little more introverted, people from a large talkative family are more outgoing. People with parents who split when they were very young, or never split at all, tend to be more willing to end a relationship they're not happy in than people who have unhappy parents who stayed married. (Those are generalisations of course but they tend to be true)

So it's fair to talk to a prospective partner about it, although leaping to it as a first question is a bit weird. Personally I'd have said 'I'd rather not talk about it until I know you a bit better' and decide whether they could be trusted with personal details like that, but I understand why you wouldn't want to.

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 12:33:40

Sorry, that middle paragraph should have said 'people with parents who split when they were very young, or who stayed happily together' vs 'people whose parents split when they were teens or who stayed unhappily married' - those have different effects on whether offspring will stay in a relationship or not, for different reasons. Or so I was told.

49howdidthathappen Tue 14-Jan-14 12:50:31

That explains my big gob and frequent dumpings of me poor bloke.

Its the judging bit I don't get. Do people?

OhWesternWind Tue 14-Jan-14 12:53:16

Broken I wouldn't worry about that question either, it's normal to talk about your family and easy to divert the topic onto something else if you don't want to have that particular conversation.

Things are going very well for me at the moment - I'm still seeing the lovely Alpha who just goes on getting better and better. He's supported me through some very difficult times with my family recently so I know he's not just in it for the good times. I think this is the best relationship I've ever had, we are incredibly happy together and making plans for the future. I found him on Match, Master!

ALittleStranger Tue 14-Jan-14 12:58:48

I don't know how guided the eharmony guided questons are, but that phrasing isn't a general "tell me about your childhood" and seems very specifically designed to suss out your ishoos. I'm happy to talk about my upbringing with potential partners but I would take issue at someone quizzing me on it before they'd met. I know that my parents' relationships are a screaming red flag drapped around me, so I'd prefer to only put it out there when someone can be simultaneously dazzled by my wit, charm and bum.

Nice to see so many alumni popping in.

49howdidthathappen Tue 14-Jan-14 13:04:32

Tbh my dumping of my chap have been due to my mothers ill health and subsequent family stress.

When the going has got tough I have done a runner. But he understands this and has always been there for me.

There are good uns out there grin

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 13:05:17

WW I'm feeling very encouraged at these positive stories! Good luck, I hope it continued to go from strength to strength!

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 13:11:44

Oww that's wonderful news...great to hear:-)

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 13:14:52

I met mine online too. We've been together for more than 3 years now.... POF, believe it or not.

The one before that was OKC, but he was horrible and abusive. Still thought OKC was the best dating site when I was OD though!

Flipper934 Tue 14-Jan-14 13:16:35

I think I've been guilty of judging people, 49, by their attitudes towards their parents and their parents' relationships. I'm pleased I did though, having learned a hard lesson from an ex whose family I didn't 'research' enough beforehand.

A person's upbringing shapes who they are, and can leave them with unresolved issues. Mine certainly did - I tolerated pretty shoddy relationships because I thought that a) it was what I deserved and b) it was how all relationships were.

Neither of those is true, and I believe those issues are resolved for me, now. I would want to be sure that it was the same for the other person. I do agree that it's not something I would want to discuss with someone I didn't know at all.

brokenhearted55a Tue 14-Jan-14 13:18:41

Eharmonys questions are quite blunt. The responses are too.

I will happily volunteer my family history once ive met and know someone. Not it being the first thing they ask me.

49howdidthathappen Tue 14-Jan-14 13:21:20

Thanks Flipper I get that, I suppose I don't get that someone would judge on the basis of one question/answer.

Flipper934 Tue 14-Jan-14 13:25:09

It's lovely to hear the support for each other on the thread, too. I suspect that at least some of Bant's concern is similar to mine - forthright and plain speaking are indeed often very useful qualities, but without an alternative to temper them, the thread can seem a bit instructional rather than caring.

Bant and I go back far enough on the thread to recall previous contributors who had a similar style, and who actually ended up scaring off a lot of other posters because it was their way or the highway. I'm pretty sure that that isn't Master's intention at all, but there's a risk that the unanimous support for her style is because people who don't like it have gone.

OhWesternWind Tue 14-Jan-14 13:27:05

Yes Flipper I agree, I think I have done the same, certainly with my horrible ex when I put up with stuff most people wouldn't have tolerated. But there are clear parallels between his behaviour and my mum's but that's a long story and not for today. I certainly wouldn't get into all that as part of a dating chat but I think a general discussion about family is fine.

I'm not really sure how the Eharmony questions work, never used that site at all, it was PoF and Match all the way for me.

OhWesternWind Tue 14-Jan-14 13:30:01

Oops sorry Flipper, cross posted - that was a response to your 13:16 post. But do you know what, I agree with your 13:25 post as well, entirely. I think that different styles suit different people and different situations, and the thread seems to have lost some of its gentler, kinder ways of supporting people. Plain talking and a kick up the backside can be just what's needed on occasion, but most of the time a bit of empathy and respect for people's differences works best.

Flipper934 Tue 14-Jan-14 13:30:38

Broken, do the eharmony questions have multiple choice answers? I get the impression from your original question about being rude that you're worried about scaring him off. For me, if someone asked a question that I didn't like, or that made me hmm, I wouldn't be worried about offending them, as I would assume that we were quite different people anyway.

I agree, 49, I'd like to think it wasn't just the answer too one question that put me off someone, but given the lack of information about someone you meet online, I think there is a tendency to do that more than in RL.

49howdidthathappen Tue 14-Jan-14 13:45:17

Fair point Flipper smile

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 14:16:07

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Tue 14-Jan-14 14:16:57

I agree with you Flipper. A person's upbringing (and past) can have an impact on their later life. It ain't necessarily so, be it can be the case - it's the whole nature vs nurture argument isn't it. Personally I believe in some of both. It won't necessarily follow that someone with an ideal (!) upbringing won't have ishoos, or that someone with a hugely dysfunctional upbringing will have them, but it can make it more likely I suppose.

I'm not familiar with eharmony as I haven't used it but I'm guessing broken that if you're feeling so hurt and judged by the questions before you've even made contact, perhaps you need to step back a little and take some time for yourself? It's a horrible cliche but it is true - until you value and can show yourself love, you won't find many other people doing it either.

It is true that the thread has lost some of it's supportiveness and can at times be a little like a directive. I might stick around and see if the supportiveness will return smile

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Tue 14-Jan-14 14:19:45

Master I don't think it is on to call Bant a liar. You might feel that he was wrong in what he said but there are plenty of people who don't, and to say that those people are phantoms is plain wrong of you.

49howdidthathappen Tue 14-Jan-14 14:24:47

Hmm. There are more than two ways of doing things, it doesn't have to be one or the other.

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 14:25:49

What are you on about Master? What 'phantom private messagers'? confused

AvaMaria Tue 14-Jan-14 14:28:53

Hello everyone, can I join? I am so nervous, I have a date tomorrow, a bloke I have met on Guardian Soulmates, v nervous. Been single over a year and have two small children. We are meeting in a local pub, been chatting about a month or so. I just feel like a silly teenager. And keep getting the freaks that I am meeting a stranger

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 14:29:03

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Tue 14-Jan-14 14:32:03

Ava it is nerve wracking the first time (and second and third and so on wink) but it will be ok. If you've been talking a month already then that's good - you obviously get on! And if you've seen a photo then you know that you're not going to run screaming... Good luck. Don't forget the loo update smile

Master that is insulting. It is not plain speaking or honest or anything else, so don't try to dress it up as such.

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 14:36:06

Wait.... WHAT shitty behaviour? He had an opinion on your approach - you know, like you do to other people? Why is it ok for YOU to 'tell it like you see it' but not for him?

lubeybooby Tue 14-Jan-14 14:38:11

MasterP0 it's just the random caps that are coming across as shouty, not your opinions themselves. Though the opinions are descending into dodgy imho confused

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Tue 14-Jan-14 14:39:15

Hear hear Talisa. It's funny how many plain speakers don't see it for what it is when they are on the receiving end and see it as shitty behaviour.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Tue 14-Jan-14 14:41:04

Right, I'm back from my coffee date. He's lovely, looks a bit like James Blunt (this is a good thing, honestly) and is easy to talk to. I'd been home about 20 mins and he text to say have a good afternoon, chat later. That's promising, isn't it? Please say it is!

Ava it's really nerve wracking, this dating business. Read my posts from earlier today - I was so nervous and nearly backed out of my date today but I'm glad I didn't. Hope it goes ok tomorrow.

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 14:41:30

Exactly Title!

"I'm not being rude, I'm just being honest". No. You're being rude grin

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 14:42:18

God Kitty, you're brave doing a daytime one! Good job grin Did ya get a snog?

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 14:42:58

Talisa good point! I'm all for people being honest and upfront/direct with me. Just expect me to reply or challenge your shitty behaviour/opinion dressed up as a snide dig or making unfounded accusations because HE feels uncomfortable, I've broken no rules.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Tue 14-Jan-14 14:44:45

You are though Master. Because calling someone a liar is a personal attack.

49howdidthathappen Tue 14-Jan-14 14:44:53

Opinions are like arseholes. Everyone has one !

SoftKittyWarmKitty Tue 14-Jan-14 14:45:06

Just a quick peck Talisa. He has nice lips so if we go out again I'm hopeful of more than just a peck wink.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Tue 14-Jan-14 14:45:34

grin @ 49!

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 14:45:54

Booby oh dear God, now my fondness of CAPS?!?!?! REALLY?? Ridiculous!

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Tue 14-Jan-14 14:45:57

SoftKitty that all sounds promising!

powpow80 Tue 14-Jan-14 14:47:54

Kitty that does sound very promising. Woo hoo for you.

Ava it will all be ok on the day. I found the more dates I went on the less nervous I got. Was nearly sick at the thought of the first one. Once ye sit down and start to chat the nerves go.

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 14:48:00

Mmmm. Nice lips grin

I can remember my first date with DP, that was in the daytime too. We had a little snog in the car outside my house and I spent the rest of the afternoon like this gringringrin

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 14:48:05

Title yes THAT STATEMENT was/IS rude, my point exactly, all my previous ones HAVE NOT BEEN!

AvaMaria Tue 14-Jan-14 14:48:28

Thankssoftkitty and TheTitle I amsoo nervous. When I say chatting, not on the phone, I mean messaging on the dating site. Have seen a pic though and he looks nice. But I have notoriously appalling taste in men and always attract awful control freaks. Am hoping I am older and wiser and more in touch with that now. Been nearly 11 years since I last dated!

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 14:49:00

Well I did ask you if you could stop being shouty as it hurt the eyes. I also said that it was polite that if other people asked someone to not be rude or make disparaging remarks, then maybe you could be polite and think about it.

You're completely correct, you've broken no rules, I haven't accused you of doing anything other than being shouty, and then rude for telling people to go away when this was pointed out to you. I haven't been shitty at all, I just asked you to stop being so shouty. Please stop shouting at me, I have a headache.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Tue 14-Jan-14 14:49:34

No Master you called him a liar before that.

49howdidthathappen Tue 14-Jan-14 14:51:05

Kitty You have popped your cherry grin

Ava I was over 20 years. It's like riding a bike.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Tue 14-Jan-14 14:54:04

I was 19 years before I started dating again and I never did much of it before. So it will be ok.

lubeybooby Tue 14-Jan-14 14:59:08

Master it is widely known since forever though that caps on a forum are the internet equivalent of shouting, so I'm not being ridiculous, seriously.

Do you talk like that in real life? say something to someone and then shout THANKS! at them? Or burst into shouting in the middle of a sentence?

I just wanted to explain what it was exactly that was coming across as shouty, because you seemed to have the wrong end of the stick. So there you have it smile

MirandaWest Tue 14-Jan-14 15:01:21

Ava I got married to the first person I went out with and so it was nearly 18 years once I started dating again. I was nervous but the reality was better smile

SoftKittyWarmKitty Tue 14-Jan-14 15:02:12

I've dated before but not for quite a few years. I'd only exchanged online messages with this man too Ava and seen one photo, but it was fine. You'll be ok, in fact you'll probably enjoy it!

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 15:05:03

It hurts your eyes, REALLY?!?!? SMDH!!! WHEN WAS I RUDE Bant please copy and paste this??? I will continue to make disparaging remarks about the assholes we've had the misfortune of dating when I feel it's appropriate! YOU are not going to be dictating to me what I can and cannot say!

Title no I didn't, I merely told him to tell his private messagers to either PM me or say it on here, how in heavens name is that calling him a liar?

Booby I know that and it can be used to emphasis my gratitude in the example of THANK YOU, or when I say FAB!

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 15:09:27

So when I type YAY, some of you see it as me shouting when merely emphasising the fact that I'm genuinely excited and pleased for you??? Honestly, GIVE ME STRENGTH!!!!

superdooperpenguin Tue 14-Jan-14 15:21:18

Perhaps I am a bit of a wimp but it really puts me off posting when there are squabbles rumbling on the thread, turns the atmosphere a little hostile for my liking...

Ava - good luck! I've been on quite a few dates this last year and always get nervous beforehand! I hope you really enjoy yourself though.

Softkitty - nice lips, what a lovely compliment! Fingers crossed for you that you'll get to enjoy those nice lips again!

I am realising that I have terrible trust issues with men. The physicist is so kind and reassuring, texts me lots and always keen to meet up. But I still find it hard to trust that he won't wake up tomorrow feeling bored of me, which makes me very guarded. I've met 3 guys through OD and each time we get to around 3 mths and they ditch me! I've purposefully tried to date someone very different this time round but the vulnerability of dating is horrible! I am terrified about having hurt feelings again.

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 15:23:28

Super I apologise to you and everyone else for hijacking the thread over this ridiculousness.

Flipper934 Tue 14-Jan-14 15:36:08

Super, I know how you feel. I want to be settled in a nice, secure relationship, not going through all the does he/doesn't he crap over and over. We'll get there, though, and I'd rather go through this to get a goodun than get stuck with another dud.

Ava, you'll be fine. Presumably you know you have things in common, and you'll let someone know where you're going and when you expect to be back? How bad can it be? After all, everyone you know was a stranger, once.

Softkitty, sounds like a gentleman.

Master, to keep people happy, why not try using the italics or bold that MN provide for emphasis?

49howdidthathappen Tue 14-Jan-14 15:44:14

Sorry Super

That is tough having have had 3 bad experiences. Hope new guy can restore your faith smile

49howdidthathappen Tue 14-Jan-14 15:47:59

Excuse my typo's. I'm still at it grin

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 16:26:11

Flipper It's actually easier/quicker for me to use CAPS as I'm on my iPad or iPhone when I post. To keep the peace I WILL TRY, (You see there I go again), can't promise!

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 16:31:05

Thanks Master, I really do appreciate it. I didn't mean to sound like I was telling you what to say, it's just that your writing style seems to be very 'loud', and I'm one of those people who verbalise text automatically when I read it so it's almost like I'm being shouted at by my computer.

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 16:33:21

Super I can relate to how you feel, especially when we get to the 3 month mark. I think because most of us have had bad experiences we have some trust issues, but we need to remember they are not the guys who hurt us/not all men are dogs. It's a daily struggle/work in progress because your mind can trick you. You just need to remember to give everyone a fair chance and stay positive (self fulfilling prophecy and all that nonsense)! Also I keep telling myself that I will not allow my (negative) past to dictate my future.

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 16:38:31

Bant fair enough. No hard feelings. Bear in mind I'm NOT shouting all the time, in my mind I'm emphasising! Your fault, my mistake, hahaha! Seriously no hard feelings, that was a joke.

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 14-Jan-14 16:40:03

Please enough with the arguments, I am far more offended and put off by this than anyone's forthright opinions.

I value Master's candor and personally don't feel she has been rude...that is my opinion. Another one...the way other posters have waded in to have a dig, is far more offensive than any one poster's opinion...even if you feel it rude. We're adults, capable enough to date then capable enough to ignore a post/poster we don't like. if either of those opinions make me an arsehole so be it.

Back to business... Kitty YAY! So glad you had a good time and it went well...did you get your vacuuming done first wink

Ava it is so nervewracking to start with but it does get easier and quite quickly considering. I have effectively been single for 15 years. Partly through choice, partly through circumstance and my word, dating, particularly OD is a minefield!! You will get invaluable support on this thread. Ask a question, share your highs and share your lows there will always be someone there to listen!!

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 14-Jan-14 16:41:23

[Embarrassed] Posted too soon...all done and dusted.

Crawls back under rock

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 16:43:45

Kitty thrilled you had a great date. Fingers crossed. What did you end up wearing in the end??

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 16:45:40

Lies THANK YOU for your support (((CUDDLES)))! I'm over the drama!

I'm sorry I just can't stop with the CAPS Bant sssiiiigggghhhhh

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 17:26:02

Ugh..reading back over the last few posts of the previous thread has left a very sour taste in my mouth...it was tantamount to bullying imo...rallying of the troops to come on and put somebody firmly back in their place!
No offence Master but I know you'd be the last person who needs defending so that's not the point of this post..I was obviously naive in thinking that most of the advice given here on the thread was supportive and understanding...some of the comments were abrasive but I feel as an adult if I had found them overly upsetting I would have reported the poster or pm'd them with my concerns...think I'll take a sabbatical from the thread for a while as don't feel comfortable sharing what are quite personal thoughts and observations only to have them possibly ridiculed for the amusement of others on the thread,which is
EXACTLY what happened here.
Not normally prone to rants and tend to let sleeping dogs lie but in this instance I feel it really needed to be said...sorry for derailing the thread guys, best of luck to you all and thanks for the tremendous hand holding and advice over the past months :-)

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 17:30:35

Poff I'm relieved I'm not the only one who picked up on that; RE: the rallying of the golden oldies, SO TRANSPARENT AND JUVENILE!

Please Don't gooooo.

(((CUDDLES)))

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 14-Jan-14 17:48:14

Don't go Poff please....I could not agree with your post more!

I hope no one else is taking a silent sabbatical...have noticed a couple of absences today sad

I LOVE this thread. Only been around a couple of weeks so my credentials might not count for much but some of your posts poff have rang so true with me and you have given and received advice that I for one, have found invaluable. I am sending you some very un-mumsnetty xxxxxxx

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 17:53:23

Incredibly juvenile...I think all the references made to school and 6th formers were very relevant...none of the posts were directed at me personally but the sneering tone and piss taking about some of the, granted, more lighthearted topics that have been discussed on the thread made me feel belittled even though I hadn't even participated in the original banter...
I'm not stomping off in a huff, not looking for attention ( because I'm not 10) but abhor bullying in all forms and just found that plain offensive!!

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 17:54:00

Ok now I'm even more pissed off than earlier. I will NOT stand for bullying, I can hold my own, but to have others who carry on like a lynch mob and directly cause others to leave is disgusting and disrespectful. THIS is not Bant and golden oldies dating thread/mumsnet. Base your accusations on FACT not on hearsay! I'm the first person to admit if I'm wrong, and would NEVER EVER intentionally hurt anyone, online or in RL. I've been nothing but supportive, not once have I disrespected anyone, or called anyone one a fool like Bant said. Ive genuinely been excited and pleased for those who find love by expressing myself using CAPS. I've asked Bant to copy and paste my rude comments (excluding the one where I called him a liar! I stand by that comment btw), no such evidence was forthcoming because it does NOT exist! I've been nothing but disparaging in reference to all the assholes that have silently dumped/cheated/lied/hurt anyone on here, including my ex's. I will continue to do so. RE: use of CAPS I don't even know what to say but laugh.

Next time anyone has an issue with me or a comment, please feel free to PM me, but to start drama over something so ridiculous is just CRAZY!

Bant REALLY???? I'm shouting that REALLY AT YOU

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 17:57:00

Lies I cross posted there...thank you, sincerely and to you Master...I'm sure all will return to normality soon and I know super has a point, people won't want to post about dating stuff while all this is still going on but I just couldn't let it be swept past without commenting on it...

49howdidthathappen Tue 14-Jan-14 18:13:04

Am I a golden oldie??? I have a thick skin wink

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 18:14:19

Who the hell are you to decide who can post on the thread Master? It's not YOUR thread hmm This has been going for a long time, and lots of people have lurked and/or posted for all that time. There wasn't a Thread Leader role last time I checked.

I have no vested interest either way. But from a reader's point of view, you are waaay overreacting. Bant was polite and respectful to you in his requests, and now you're accusing him of bullying? Do me a fucking favour.

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 14-Jan-14 18:17:12

Have actually just read through the last few pages of 67, was clearly very lost last night and my upset related to this thread 68. I am now appalled.

If anyone's out there looking for personal attacks....there they be. Reread people. Think about it. I hope you all had a jolly wheeze with your chums and well done, you all succeeded in derailing the thread and making people feel shit about themselves. thanks

Nice to see you're still at it and are interested in other people's opinions...enjoy the thread.

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 18:28:22

How is a squabble between a couple of posters making people feel shit about themselves? Master and Bant are both pretty forthright posters as far as I can see... Both can give as good as they get, and do. I'm just annoyed at accusations of bullying, that's all. There's no need for it. I did say upthread that it's a bit off to be so brutally honest with other people and not be able to take it yourself!

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 18:29:31

Talisa I'm accusing YOU and your friends of being bully's! Deal with it!

Your point that it's been going on for a long time is irrelevant, does that justify YOU or Bant in telling me what I should write, to say that I'm being rude, when I've not been rude, NO IT DOESNT! who the HELL ARE YOU to be making accusations based on hearsay and not FACT???? I'm overreacting, that's rich coming from you! Bant clearly thinks he's the leader by making his unfounded accusations. (Ref: Bants post from last night at 23:51)

OhWesternWind Tue 14-Jan-14 18:32:02

Funny how people won't stand for "bullying" but let disablist and sexist and ageist comments pass unchallenged, or make them themselves. That's far more serious in my opinion than some pratting around about beauty routines and capital letters.

Yeah, we were juvenile last night, but it's an open forum, grow a thick skin. If you don't like it, close your eyes.

lubeybooby Tue 14-Jan-14 18:32:18

explaining to someone that caps = shouting is bullying. Right.

it's actually in the MN guidelines, so guess they're bullies too.

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 18:33:22

Can you point out the posts where I've done any of those things please? I've offered an outsider's perspective a couple of times, but that's all confused

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 18:34:24

Again, master. I asked you to stop 'shouting'. I haven't told you or anyone else not to post, as everyone has always been welcome to, unless they've attacked others in the past.

I haven't lied about anything. I said I received PMs from people who thought your posts were cruel, and obviously some of them decided to post.

Please stop accusing me of stuff I haven't done. I quite liked the thread nice and friendly and chatty, all I asked, politely, was that you try not to be so shouty because it's annoying. If other people take issue with your posts, that's not really down to me, is it?

Can we just go back to talking about dating without all the accusations of bullying? No one is being told to leave, no one is being told to shut up. Apart from me, maybe

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 18:35:13

I don't think Master is telling anybody that they can't post on the thread Talisa...the very obvious and quite frankly childish hijack of the thread 67 was no coincidence, not saying all of the posters that joined in were aware of what was going on but Jesus, Master isn't the one who you should be slating here, have you read through the last few pages of it? Do you think anyone deserves that kind of treatment?
You are right, everyone has a right to post on here and you are also correct in saying that nobody is "leader" of the thread...maybe it's not master who should be told that though?

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 18:39:54

Ohhhhh. That's the PM messagers that were referred to earlier. I didn't know you'd had PMs Bant

I'm not really slating anyone Poffed - I just hate bullying accusations being bandied about willy nilly. And my reference to who can post on the thread was more about Master telling people to PM her instead of posting directly on the thread - I've never really agreed with that, honesty is the best policy and all that, as I'm sure Master would agree.

Flipper934 Tue 14-Jan-14 18:40:30

Actually, Master, it was me that that said you said someone was a fool if they whatever. I think I wasn't clear with what I meant. The way in which you expressed your opinions may be seen by (some, delicate) people to imply that they would be foolish to follow a particular course of action. Maybe it's just me, but I would prefer:

I'd be wary of doing x because....

To:

Never do that!

If I want to give an alternative point of view, it's easier to do so in response to the first, whereas the second means that I have to actively disagree. I've avoided posting advice in the recent past because of this.
I don't know if that makes sense? That's just my preference, of course. As several people have pointed out, though, they like a straight up approach.

Sorry if that sounds patronising, it really isn't meant to be.

I do agree that last night's behaviour (including my part in it) was childish and could have caused offence. I am sorry for that.

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 14-Jan-14 18:41:21

Talisa
Reread it. It is bullying, belittling and disrespectful to posters who's conversations were being mocked.

I have been far from brutally honest and I can take it. I have toned down my language and my responses because actually, I am an alright person who looks for the best in people. I tried to sit on the fence when I thought it was a disagreement between two posters, turns out it wasn't and I got splinters. I have no affiliations, like I said been around a couple of weeks, have no credentials, just my opinions.

HanselandGretel Tue 14-Jan-14 18:42:08

We're all here to share our dating woe's and if we're really lucky to share our dating successes, no one is in charge and I've never felt anyone was trying to be top dog - master does come across as loud, strong, no nonsense and opinionated through the posts, she has been nothing but supportive to others on here as far as I can see, myself included.
I see nothing wrong in bant asking master to stop using the caps and explaining why but saying he's got some sort of back up in the form of private messages is a bit of a cheap shot and really doesn't paint a supportive picture...peeps should say what they think, in a controlled and respectful manner, rather than PM each other to snipe.

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 18:43:19

My post from last night 23:51- in response to 'NO SHOUTING... WHY???!!! Was

'Because it's a bit rude, master. And people on this thread are often upset and vulnerable and don't want to feel like they're being yelled at or told they're wrong. It's a support thread, not a parade ground.'

Shouting is generally considered rude, and I for one don't feel comfortable talking about my personal experiences in a place where I feel like I'm being shouted at.

That's what I was saying. That's not bullying, or lying, or anything else. It was telling you that typing in all caps all the time is shouty and I asked you not to.

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 18:45:01

It's nothing to do with the squabble between two posters for God's sake, its the fact that I now know if I step out of line or say something that certain people don't like then I'm quite likely to be humiliated back into place pretty sharpish in a very cynical and cruel way..that's why i'm uncomfortable chatting about dating and other aspects of my life on here anymore, bullies always aim for people's weak spots and I for one am not willing to provide material for them to use against me...

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 14-Jan-14 18:46:21

Well said Poff

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 18:49:48

Wait, Poffed - I've seen Master post some humiliating responses on here to people, haven't you? I saw her say to someone once that they were 'no spring chicken' ffs! Also I have seen people taking the piss out of people's disabilities in the last couple of threads. There has to be a bit of compromise with regards to other people's posting styles, or threads like this will never work.

This isn't about 2 people going up against each other for dominance. It's about a poster asking someone to tone down their 'shouting' and for them to basically be told to fuck off. And then it being blown massively out of proportion. That's the only bit I'm commenting on.

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 18:56:16

So sad though...I really, really, enjoyed the thread...somebody mentioned before how sometimes we forget this is a public forum, open to millions of people to read and comment on and I remember thinking blimey yeah! It didn't feel like that at all! It felt like popping in for a chat with mates, all rooting for each other and genuinely delighted to hear all the success stories..This happened before in an earlier thread by the way, a few people got banned for...guess what? Bullying....some of them got reinstated but I guess they didn't learn their lesson!

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 18:58:37

Talisa I have ZERO problem in being called out for my shitty behaviour when I've actually done something wrong! When I've not, believe you me I will challenge you! At 23:53 I highlighted to Bant that we all express ourselves differently. Sprung chicken reply in reference what that poster said about her age and that she wasn't getting any younger!

Then to make up shit like " I've had a few people speak to me to say the same" WHICH PEOPLE, BASED ON WHAT FACTS??

Bant needs to show me where I've been rude, or called someone a fool! he's upset that my use of CAPS hurt his eyes, REALLY????!!!!!

I respect EVERYONES opinion, whether I like it or not, what I'm responding to here, is Bant 1. making unfounded accusations and then wanting to dictate what I can or cannot say; 2. Lying that he's received private complaints; 3. upset at my fondness of CAPS; 4. The likes of you trying to bully me! You make it sound like I've just imagined all the stuff you actually wrote Bant (23.51 last night)

Flipper why do we keep meeting like this??? I've NEVER EVER called anyone on here a fool, I actually know what you're referring to, we were chatting about the fools I've dated and referred to someone getting rid of time waster and I responded that he's a fool, so please by all means copy and paste where I've said that and I will sincerely apologise.

Whoever said the use of CAPS = SHOUTING is in the guidelines, kindly paste a link.

DO NOT MAKE UNFOUNDED ACCUSATIONS AND THEN COME AT ME WITH A LYNCH MOB MENTALITY BY BULLYING AND THEN EXPECT ME TO RUN AND HIDE!

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 18:59:00

But poffed, the people who posted last night were the ones who were being bullied and don't like seeing it happen again..

49howdidthathappen Tue 14-Jan-14 18:59:57

But not a place where anyone might feel like popping into.

Flipper934 Tue 14-Jan-14 19:01:34

Poffed, I do hope that you reconsider. I've seen you be very supportive of other posters, and vice versa, and it would be a shame to lose that.

I agree that it was blown out of proportion. I have explained where the misunderstanding of my post arose and Bant has done the same. Master has acknowledged that the caps thing does generally signify shouting, and has promised to try not to. I have apologised for childish behaviour. I don't see which of anyone's opinions about dating have actually been disrespected.

At the end of the day, OD is an horrendous but apparently necessary evil for us single people out there looking to meet someone. It's hard enough dealing with that without losing the support of this thread.

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 19:02:36

And did these people report the bullying to mumsnrt or just to you bant? Surely hq could deal with it more efficiently than you lot did?

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 19:04:34

Sorry master, on your advice I just skim past your threads as I find them unpleasant to read. I'm a bit synaesthetic. It's a failing, but also quite nice at times.

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 14-Jan-14 19:06:27

Bant
I'm asking you to reread the backend of 67 with an open mind and put yourself in someone else's shoes. I read it with little or no knowledge of the posters involved and I'm not singling anyone out. In my opinion it was nasty and yes, tantamount to bullying.

I have not agreed with some of Flipper's comments today but have to give credit where credit is due for an apology and an acknowledgement that offence could have been caused. Much respect Flipper.

Flipper934 Tue 14-Jan-14 19:07:23

No, Master, I've never said you called anyone a fool, however I think that the tone of your posts implies that people would be foolish to do certain things.

Please stop accusing Bant of saying that you called someone a fool, though, he hasn't said this. It makes me feel bad that he's getting the blame for something I said, especially when I didn't say it!

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 19:08:48

49 I would consider myself pretty sensitive at times and have seen posts on the thread that I smarted at, if I didn't agree with the advice I was getting I just wouldn't take it!! I never saw anyone being bullied here until last night, thats my opinion...
As for being disrespectful to people with disabilities what did I miss??

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 19:09:39

It's ok flipper, I just ignore her posts. It's much easier than the Kenneth Williams thing

HanselandGretel Tue 14-Jan-14 19:10:18

Unfortunately, the only 'judginess' I've witnessed in the thread has been from bant - it's clear the thread was titled with master in mind and that is a low blow.
Maybe I should'n even say what I think but I can't stand underhandedness and pettyness....the thread was ticking along nicely before, now it feels like a not so nice lace at all to share anything.

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 19:15:03

Flipper you see, now therein lies the problem! you are making an ASSUMPTION, instead of asking me to clarify, that is NOT my fault. If I'm texting with someone and I interpret what they've said I directly ask them to clarify. Everyone interprets messages differently, but I see your point. Agreed Lies much respect Flipper!

Yes I'll stop accusing him about the fool comment, I meant to delete it in my last message.

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 19:15:39

Poffed I'm on my phone, so can't be arsed to scroll back to the last thread.... But wasn't there reference to someone showing up for a date that had one foot? And someone else with a 'wonky eye' or something like that? And piss was taken.

Now - I have quite an un-pc & irreverent sense of humour, but there is a line on a public forum - you never quite know who you're going to offend. As this thread proves!

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 19:15:50

Ok. Point taken. Someone else start a thread 68, and I'll try and get this one deleted.

Master, it was so nice when you said you wouldn't be shouty, why can't you just turn off caps on your phone? I'm on one, it's easy. See?

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 19:17:39

Hansel and that is why I took the bait, and confronted Bant directly, because it was TRANSPARENT and JUVENILE once again!

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 19:19:38

Bant it's just quicker and easier to use caps as the use of the emphasis thingamajig takes some practice! Maybe it's easier for those on laptops, but on iPad and iPhone it isn't!

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 19:22:36

Good call Bant
<group hug>

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 19:22:40

Talisa how in heavens name is that being unPC when one is relating to what actually happened? I'm the one who had the guy turn up with a missing foot and chaperone. I've got nothing but respect for people with disabilities, he should've just said before our date because I'm human, it was a shock! For goddess sake

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 19:25:38

I think I'm going to drop off for a while anyway. The thread has been hugely supportive and I like to think I was helpful in small ways, but it is a bit addictive as I'm sure you've noticed, tempers can flare (over capitalisation and suchlike) and one can find themselves actually upset over the comments of people you've never met.

And I was so looking forward to starting thread 69..

superdooperpenguin Tue 14-Jan-14 19:25:56

All this bickering does not make this thread a nice place to turn to for support at the moment.

Thank you for the replies to my early post, I appreciate it. This thread really depends upon the kindness of strangers! We all support each other through the often brutal process of OD - let's not be brutal with each other!

Like Poff I think I will take a little break from the thread until things have calmed down.

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 19:26:05

It would be a shock. Someone I know had a date with someone that turned up in a wheelchair with a carer.... She was only upset and shocked because he didn't mention it prior to the date, and he should have.

I was trying to make the point that people have to accept other people's posting styles sometimes - that goes all ways on this thread, any thread, come to that. Why don't we just all start again?

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 19:27:40

But surely you're allowed to ask them to stop posting like that without being told basically to fuck off, talisa?

Flipper934 Tue 14-Jan-14 19:28:52

I only ever post from my iPad or phone, Master. I don't have a computer. It is fiddly, but I've always made the effort because I didn't want to appear shouty. Just sayin' grin

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 19:29:54

Yes I do remember those posts about people not telling a potential date about something pretty significant BEFORE they meet, yes. Being smaller than their profile states, older or, yes, having one foot...I don't remember anyone taking the piss particularly though...
I know a couple of people in real life who are similar in many ways to how I feel Master is... maybe she does overdo the reaction to somebody's dilemma and a more sensitive person might withdraw and not feel they can post again...personally though I get a mainly warm and caring vibe from her towards us...not towards exes or flakes etc.
She let rip at me a couple of times too...never felt bullied though

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 19:30:08

Flipper, can you stop posting in italics please, it makes me feel like I'm drunk

TalisaMaegyr Tue 14-Jan-14 19:30:55

Yes! That was sort of my point, but it's lost in the mire somewhat.

I was trying to explain that you asking someone to stop internet shouting was reasonable. And then master accused you and others of bullying - and I was trying to make the point that those sorts of comments could also be construed as bullying to some people.

Anywaaaaay. It's all got a bit ridick now.

Flipper934 Tue 14-Jan-14 19:32:44

Oh, Bant, you wag...

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 14-Jan-14 19:36:28

OK.

Much love people. For anyone that is interested I am off out on a DATE!
Things are looking good for me and keep your fingers crossed.

Much love Master. You have been nothing but supportive to me and I am grateful for it! thanks

Will take my buns with me and refrain from commenting further.

68's a dud, think I'll wait for 69 wink

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 19:37:12

grin

Sent from my iphone

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 19:37:47

Good luck , biscuits

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 19:39:00

Lies who with, I'm sooooo lost. Have fun Lovely, if you do end up dtd, PLEASE have an orgasm for me! Suffering from dick withdrawal symptoms.

Sex fixes so many things.

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 19:40:34

As lies has reminded us, this is a dating thread!

Have a lovely time tonight, thanks for your lovely comments.

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 14-Jan-14 19:42:34

Quick recap...seventh date, nine days....same guy! Swoon...

Thanks Bant

....going!

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 14-Jan-14 19:43:07

...maybe not...you too Poff thanks

Definitely going this time....

49howdidthathappen Tue 14-Jan-14 19:44:39

Best of luck lies smile

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 19:45:13

Gone yet?

Poffedoff Tue 14-Jan-14 19:45:57

Don't know which is worse...the original sin or the smug comments afterwards...if I didn't know any better i'd say this thread was well and truly sabotaged, quite possibly for fun...
I'm bowing out now too..have said my piece!

Good on you all who were big enough to see my point of view, whether or not you agreed with it..

Flipper934 Tue 14-Jan-14 19:54:37

Master "Suffering from dick withdrawal symptoms"???!!!

What, squelchy noises and fanny farts? Creeping damp patch?

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 20:03:03

Flipper unless I misunderstand you, but my sexual encounters are usually mindblowing (I wanted to use caps, uuurrrggghhhh). Are you saying you don't miss it, I'm assuming yore not engaging in sexual activities??? I want it EVERYDAY ALL DAY (epic fail)! Dick on tap would be a dream come true for me.

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 20:06:18

Master - I was able to read that one because it wasn't too shouty smile

Thanks I really do appreciate it.

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 20:07:11

Although I now have a weird mental image of dick on tap and it would make it very difficult for me to drink a glass of water

Wagonwheels Tue 14-Jan-14 20:09:28

Hi all. Just popped back in after last night, thought I'd start posting a bit more often again. I see there has been some development since....

Sorry for my part in it all last night. I'd hate to think that an open, caring forum for ODers no longer exists, and I'd like to think that this thread can accommodate oldies and newbies - there has always been a good balance as far as I can tell.

Good luck to tonight's daters! Are loo updates still mandatory?!

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 20:10:15

yore??? WTF.

Bant I'd drink other things from a dick tap, I'd also be able to mount it/ride it anytime I wanted, BLISS!

Catching up on Sherlock, his current client is hiring him because she's been silently dumped, she went to his flat only to find it didn't exist, she checked with landlord and he says the person who lived there died of a heart attack years ago, so she's convinced she's dating a ghost! Now how many of us can relate to that craziness????? Made me giggle

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 20:13:43

Loo updates are still one of the dating rules, wagonwheels

See master, I haven't watched a single episode of Sherlock yet. I was going to get the box set. And it's ruined for me now. Ruined!

<sobs quietly>

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 20:32:29

I'm Sorry, but you won't see that storyline coming, it's intertwined with a whole lot of other story lines. I'll keep quiet on that now.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Tue 14-Jan-14 20:58:18

I apologise for any offence caused last night. Although it was fun it was terribly puerile and I can see that it would have caused some damage.

And in a rare Spartacus moment I will say it was me who said you had accused Bant of lying when you were discussing his phantom posters.

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Tue 14-Jan-14 21:32:11

I came onto my favourite thread to update on my date. But I don't think I will bother. How a place can change so quickly. This thread was my lifeline :0(

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 21:36:07

To everyone that's left or taking a break due to the drama, I sincerely apologise, but I hope that you can understand my need to hijack the thread in order to defend myself and/or clarify any misunderstandings when I comment.

To those of you who have supported me, I luuuurrrrvvveeee you all, (((CUDDLES))).

PLEASE COME BACK when you're ready, and I hope you're not gone too long.

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 21:45:20

And from me too. Any issues I have with masters writing style will be sorted out by PM, or at most an emoticon on here. Okay? (Okay, master?)

The thread is supportive for all. And we should know that others take note of what is said, so no personally identifying stuff, and nothing that can be seen as a personal attack

Master - I'm sorry if you saw what I said as a personal attack, it really wasn't. As I said, I see capitals as shouting and your style of messaging doesn't gel well with mine, but I really didn't mean to start some war. I know you're supporting people in your way, and I'll do it in mine. Peace?

dippinmytoe Tue 14-Jan-14 21:49:02

Can it all stop now please .. I've been following the threads for ages and have so enjoyed them and found I can relate to alot if the situations and alot of the advice makes so much sense. Its awful that so many are dropping out .. I'm now having to watch celebrity big brother , which is woeful !
Should thread 69 be created ... just by its title 69 it has to be a good one enjoyed by all ;-)

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 21:51:13

Well I've found 69 to be a bit of a letdown to be honest. It's a nice idea in theory but there's just too much concentration and farting. Like a weekend in Germany.

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 21:55:14

Dippin there you go with the dirty CBB word, potty mouth, BUT BUT, I must say there's a girl in there (Jasmine Waltz) she's such a SLORE, basically slept her way through Hollywood, I know all this crap because I've been reading up about it, hahahaha, honest. Anyway someone posted links to her porn video's, Mr Dublin and I ended up watching a bit of them, she looks like she's high as a kite in the videos, I guess from what I'm reading in the papers she is legs wide open in the CBB house???

Yes yes yes to thread 69er!

Mags11 Tue 14-Jan-14 22:00:07

I am happy to move this thread on because I NEED HELP!
Clearly I am not at grips with online dating. So far I have sent about 15 messages and only 1 reply. From someone that asks me a couple of times a week how things are.
1 reply! I feel sure this is well under average? I consider myself a reasonably attractive, just-hit-40 woman. I admit I dont reply to messages that include a gym/muscle selfie fest. Maybe my write-up is a little brief and sarcastic. But I guessed no one reads those anyway.
Please - wise advice fellow daters. I am fine with adopting the thick skin, but am I just being too picky? ( oh, desperation is not an attractive trait..)
Thank you smile

OhWesternWind Tue 14-Jan-14 22:07:14

Hi Mags - what sort if thing are you sending when you message them? Are you messaging people who would be likely to reply eg similar age, reasonably local?

I used to find most of my dates came from contact started by the man. Didn't send a lot of first messages, and didn't get too many replies. One notable exception was the man I'm seeing now - he obviously had good taste grin

Wagonwheels Tue 14-Jan-14 22:21:46

Mags, which site(s) are you using? I have found that on POF, it quite often shows that folk are online when you search, but when you look more closely they may not have been logged on for some time.... Maybe you just picked a few who haven't yet picked up your message? I'd be tempted just to write them off in any case, and choose some more guys to message. They do say it's a numbers game, after all ;)

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 22:25:11

Mags maybe a generalisation! but most men are visual creatures, so on that note, how many pix do you currently have showing? Are they all pix with just yourself in them or group shots (my pet peeve)???

When I was on POF and match I only had 3 pix up, 2 head shots and one full length.

Which website are you on??

dippinmytoe Tue 14-Jan-14 22:28:00

master I know cbb .. crap but addictive !! Great to see all the z listers are useless at relationships too and so unsecure !! It's taken my mind off feeling wrecked from my last two nights with date no 1 !! Only consolation is he too is wrecked ;-)

Mags11 Tue 14-Jan-14 22:29:19

Thanks ohwestern Yep I am keeping to my age range, my area etc. Interesting that your dates were from them starting contact. Its not that I haven't had any messages, just that no one who's caught me with what they've said or their profile. One of the blokes at work is also 'dating'. We have update chats - maybe I'll get him to give a male perspective. Happy news for you and your good-taste man - I will keep looking, just maybe less messages smile

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 22:30:20

Are you sure your settings are correct, that you are not blocking potentials because you've accidentally for e.g. selected "block x age range" or only show potentials from "10mile radius"???

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 22:33:59

Dippin when I'm feeling REALLY low, I like to remind myself that even Halle Barry, as beautiful as she is, can't keep a man, hahahahaha! hangs head in shame what makes that even crazier is that I look NOTHING like her, but it makes me feel better! Sick and twisted isn't it........

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 22:38:09

Hi mags,

Well ive just re-done my profile on match.com. I've had an empty profile sitting there for a while as I was using a different site as I'm in a place where match has no profiles, and I was getting more luck with OKC to meet new people.

So I added a photo to my match profile, added some profile text and I suddenly get .. Hang on I'll look..11 'interested' and 30 views in a day.

This makes me feel wonderful of course. Women like me!

And then I dig further. 3 of them are more than 50 miles away. I'll fly to Australia for someone I love but I won't bother with a first date 50 miles away as I'd never get to know them.

4 potatoes. Sorry.

2 left. One is obviously fake. Russian. No text in the profile, model pictures, describes her likes as 'pleasing a man' 'being a good wife' and 'being a good christian'. Probably not my type, if only because of the devil-worshipping I get up to on weekends.

One prospect left. She looks okay. I send her a message. No reply.

Obviously this is just an example of all the people who I'll fail to meet. But the point is, it's a numbers game. Of all those people who failed to reply, most of them would have been wrong for you anyway. If you walk into a bar with 200 people,how many will you typically got it off with, would you be depressed when you left alone? It takes several goes, and several dozen dates, generally, before you meet someone who is actually worth the effort. But then it was worth it.

Mags11 Tue 14-Jan-14 22:38:49

wagonwheels I did spot this after a while. But its been the minority of cases
master I have struggled a bit with the photos. They are either of me with mates holding alcohol (= lush) or hideous ones the kids have taken. I did post a full length one and had to bite the bullet and do a selfie. I'm on POF. Messages vary from 'Hi' to 'What i would do to you' hmm and the one contact I do have going, I suggested a drink which he said sounded good but that was about 2 weeks ago. Is this flogging a dead horse?

dippinmytoe Tue 14-Jan-14 22:40:18

Ha ha master this is very true !! I don't know why I feel so crap .. it all felt right last night dtd on date 2 .. he has been texting today . I'm just finding dating 7 yrs later strange and hard work .. 2 young dc .

mags I too have found sending guys messages first totally pointless !! Even the ones who say "I always reply " , so I now let them contact !!

OhWesternWind Tue 14-Jan-14 22:41:39

And maybe change site too Mags? I had no luck at all, not even messages, on OKC, but Match and PoF were both really good. I used to use both of those sites at once and got good results, but I think it all depends on geography as to what the best sites are.

OhWesternWind Tue 14-Jan-14 22:44:12

Yeah, give up on this guy, don't think he's a goer. Could you get a friend round to take some more photos for you?

Mags11 Tue 14-Jan-14 22:49:28

Haha Bant so many potatoes. Pleasing a man sounds worth a shot, surely...
Thank you all for the advice. I shall try the abstaining approach for a while. Failing that I will start talking to the musclemen

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 22:50:37

Mags all of my good pix have been selfies. I literally get all dolled up and just stand in front if my mirror and take shot after shot after shot, sit down realise they all look terrible and try again, there is bound to be one good one. My best lighting is in my bathroom, directly against a plain tiled wall. My full length one was taken by my son, in the hallway, on my way out to something or other.

Personally I don't like pix with mates, especially holding alcohol, or of your children/pets. But some people on here don't seem to mind. I don't mind dogs, but a pic with a man with his dog screams "I'm always going to have to look for a dog sitter" which may or may not be true. I guess others looking and seeing children might be put off by the children.

If he hasn't asked you after 2 weeks he's a time waster, bin him!

dippinmytoe Tue 14-Jan-14 22:51:32

I found match useless ! Plus half the guys were also on pof or okc .. okc I found I seem to attract the guys wanting an affair or me to be a sub !! Pof I have met more guys off . I love the block button ... 20 yr olds wanting a life changing older woman ... or just twits offering to sniff my feet !! Wtf !!

Bant Tue 14-Jan-14 22:58:23

Generally, and this is maybe a geographic thing, I found POF was populated by women who said 'I don't want liers or cheeters', which puts me off for two reasons; OKC had some weird-lifestyle but affable people; and match had normalish people who were willing to spend the equivalent of one movie-ticket a week on a subscription to meet someone. Match worked better for me when I was in the UK, OKC worked better for me abroad for the last year, POF has always been horrible

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Tue 14-Jan-14 23:00:38

Hurray!
Good to hear your stories. I'm not into pics with kids, friends (usually turns out the ugly friend is your guy), tattoos, half naked, etc. some people haven't mastered the art of a selfis yet either....camera covering their face in mirror reflection!

My number 4 is proving a success. I'm trying my best not to invest too soon but it's hard when you really like someone. He make my stomach flip. He is so kind, caring and affectionate. My cup half empty attitude is waiting on something to go wrong!

tigerbear Tue 14-Jan-14 23:01:36

Bloody hell, it's all been kicking off on here hasn't it!! smile

Don't, I take it everything is all good again with geeky??

Mine is coming over tomorrow, so there will def be 'the talk' re exclusivity - I'm a bit anxious about it. He's coming over to cook me dinner, so don't want to potentially spoil things by sounding too needy.
Do you all ask straight out, 'so, are you seeing anyone else?'
He seems to be online every day (but is always the last one to look at my profile), but then again, so am I (but only to see if he's been online!)

Bant - from a male perspective, would you go online just to see the profile of someone you've been seeing, or is it more likely he's just chatting to other people too?

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Tue 14-Jan-14 23:05:04

I wondered that Tiger.....I've not been online since we met but I can view him without logging in and could see he was online yesterday. But someone mentioned earlier that pof can show you as online far longer than you were. I was wondering if you agree to be exclusive...is that an automatic deleting of your profile?

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 23:05:24

Flora I once viewed a guys profile to get a better view of what turned out to be the friend, He emailed, I asked for clarification, turns out the HOTTY was his friend, I apologised and asked him if his friend was single, NO REPLY! Idiiiiioooooot!

Dippin how old are your DCs? I find it easier because mine are older and are self reliant. Do you think you rushed into doing the deed? I asked you earlier if you thought it might be a case of our trust issues rearing their ugly head???

Mags11 Tue 14-Jan-14 23:06:50

I feel this may be a big learning curve. That includes my weird fear of selfies, which I guess could be an age thing. But I do feel positive about the binning of the one contact! I was on Match but literally no messages - have currently suspended account. Being on both makes me feel really desperate!

dippinmytoe Tue 14-Jan-14 23:11:35

It could be trust issues master .. all seems too good to be true! My exh cheated spectacularly. . . I have been speaking to a rl friend and she thinks I'm not used to a nice guy and I feel guilty for dtd so soon . In saying that I dtd with exh on night 1 !! Mine dc are 2 & 4 ..

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 23:12:16

Flora STAY POSITIVE, self fulfilling prophecy and all that. We have got to believe it's going to work out.

Tiger the cyber stalking head fuck, been there, done that! Just ask him directly hopefully his response will be honest. The worst he can say is, "I'm just not there yet" which is NO BIGGIE, but at least you then know where you stand and can take it from there. Don't let fear of rejection or coming across as needy prevent you from getting the answers you seek and deserve. YOU ARE THE PRIZE

tigerbear Tue 14-Jan-14 23:13:43

Flora - I'm not on POF, am on GSM, but I have heard that sometimes on all the sites, the last time someone was online isn't always accurate.
However, I can def see mine was online, as he's looked at my profile each time.

Will see what happens when I ask him tomorrow, but if I'm still not sure, I may need to ask someone who's also on GSM to do a little test for me, to check whether he's chatting to others - would that be really sneaky??

dippinmytoe Tue 14-Jan-14 23:13:54

I don't know about rushing dtd.. he was lovely .. I told him before date 2 , I was really nervous about it all ! He said it was all up to me , no pressure , there are no right nor wrongs !!

tigerbear Tue 14-Jan-14 23:15:18

Master you're right. Will just be good to know where I stand.

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Tue 14-Jan-14 23:16:32

So...can everyone give a quick update as to where they are with dating. I've gotten a bit lost, sorry.

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 23:17:21

Mags you are not desperate, just widening your search. I've seen guys who have both profiles up on match and POF simultaneously!

Dippin reprogramming your head and heart after all that shittyness is a work in progress, just don't let it prevent you from finding love again.

Flora in my book exclusivity = deletion/hiding of profile!

dippinmytoe Tue 14-Jan-14 23:19:37

tiger I met my exh online .. after one week we both deleted our profiles ! That was 7 yrs ago and pre kids !

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Tue 14-Jan-14 23:19:47

Thanks Master....I thought that. Maybe after this weekend me and number 4 will have the chat! I shall try to remain positive. He's already invited me to his families island home, so I feel special lol

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 23:27:40

Flora island, can I come, pleaaaassssseeeee???

Tiger that IS sneaky, don't do it. Take a leap of faith. Liars and cheats eventually get caught out. But it's your call. How would you feel if he set you up? I do realise you're only trying to protect yourself, but no.

UPDATE: Mr Dublin is in Dublin, I'm making a real effort to stay emotionally detached, but we talk all the time., Mr Wales is caught up in his life changing drama, but will be over in two weeks hopefully. I'm on Tinder, flirting and just trying to keep my options open. I deleted my POF profile. The guy from Tinder who asked me out on a date just went quiet, I'm not bothered either way.

I've got bigger fish to fry, weightloss and getting my fitness back on track, and oh job hunting again.

tigerbear Tue 14-Jan-14 23:29:32

Dippin that's good to hear!
BUT re deletion of profiles - how do you actually know they've deleted it and aren't just hiding it from you (and still chatting to others)
<cynical hat on>

dippinmytoe Tue 14-Jan-14 23:30:33

flora that sounds great !

master reprogramming is definitely needed I think !! He just sent me a lovely message.. !

tigerbear Tue 14-Jan-14 23:30:47

Yeah master, I reckon I'd be upset if I found out he set me up, so I won't do it.

Flora - island??? Where is it?

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 23:39:49

Tiger take a leap of faith! Don't go looking for issues unless he gives you a reason. Take his word, trust him until he breaks your trust. These are all notes to myself too.

tigerbear Tue 14-Jan-14 23:42:22

i know master, I'm probably just being needy.
I texted him at 8pm to say I was really excited about seeing him tmrw, and no reply, then again about half an hour ago to say goodnight, but no response sad I'm being overly needy aren't I? Slap me!

Montane50 Tue 14-Jan-14 23:44:47

Im glad this thread is back on track (i dont post ofetn, but follow you all avidly!), ive had a brief 2 month experience with OD-
1st was Fitness for Singles, i faffed about then decided to pay-it was full of people saying basically 'my bikes better than yours', so i left.
2nd was POF, i met a fitness instructor with a body to die for, i spent a month in his company (boy oh boy do i wish id known about this site-red flags aplenty!!)
3rd, i decided that as POF man was a knobber, and if anyone was serious? they'd pay rather than be a cheapskate Match was my next port of call.-still full of knobbers!
4th back to POF, if anything it was fun, highly addictive (phone apps should be banned!), i met a 'vertically age challenged male' 9hope that satisfys the politically correct out there), he was basically a short arse old man claiming to be tall and young-luckily my eyesight intact i soon spotted these errors and ran with a cagoule on my head to my car to prevent a kiss goodbye!!
Finally, POF came good! i met the absolute man of my dreams, he isnt the 35 year old 6ft mountain biker i was looking for, instead hes what i needed. We've been together 9 months now, and love each other so much.
Morale of my story? it doesnt matter which site you go on, the right ones out there somewhere.

HanselandGretel Tue 14-Jan-14 23:45:42

Don't think you're being needy wondering why he didn't reply to 2 texts tiger, unless that's something normal for him.

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 23:47:41

The worst that can happen is that they break our hearts, just like our ex's. YOU WILL SURVIVE THAT if it happens. You will not die, you will probably be angry, upset, depressed, but you WILL survive! Honestly having our hearts broken is not the end of the world, otherwise you wouldn't be on a dating thread, picking up the pieces and moving on.

One old woman once said to me, "Master we all spend so much of our time crying etc over the man we love, he's not even related to you!" I said but "if I'm married to him he is," she said "no, he's not your blood relative" I don't know why, but that sometimes makes me feel better! I've spent so long crying bla bla bla over people who aren't even my blood relatives, I hope it makes sense to you, to me it does.

tigerbear Tue 14-Jan-14 23:50:23

Thanks Hansel - he did text earlier in the day at about 6 to tell me what he was cooking for dinner, and earlier on he messaged me online to say hello, so perhaps he feels he's done the contact for the day, dunno, maybe men don't place the same emphasis on texting back as we do, but I just find it rude when people don't text back...

tigerbear Tue 14-Jan-14 23:52:03

Oh, he just texted this minute! smile he's been out and about...

Master - you are so right. I think I'll have to 'man up' a bit from now on.

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 23:55:10

Tiger I think it's rude to ignore texts, BUT remember the rules and what Hansel said.

Montane hahahahaha at the vertically challenged, so funny. And YAY to that happy ending! I love happy endings, makes me feel all warm and cuddly, thanks for that.

As I've previously mentioned, I spent over £300/400 on dating websites, eHarmony being the most expensive with zero return on my investment. I've been on MatchAffinity, Match and POF.

MasterP0 Tue 14-Jan-14 23:59:53

Tiger in my experience most men are not good texters or communicators. I don't see what the issue is with replying quickly saying, "can't talk, swamped, chat later or tomorrow" it's the silence that brings out the crazy/needy in me.

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Wed 15-Jan-14 00:01:48

Montane...what a lovely ending. Hoping that I may be in a similar position to you.
I found my number 4 on pof...he messaged me....he was interesting and lush. And now I've met him, he's a lovely person on the inside too.

Master.....sounds like you're sorted for the moment. I too am on a health and fitness craze. Gotta look nice naked ;0)

tigerbear Wed 15-Jan-14 00:06:54

EXACTLY master, radio silence pisses me off more than anything!

Mine is now texting galore though! smile

Spanner in the works now - we'd been texting some pretty steamy stuff all yesterday, full on session planned, and I've just started my period a whole week early - arrghh!

MasterP0 Wed 15-Jan-14 00:21:56

Tiger you could always use your mouth hahahaha! I'm sorry. But look at it this way, it's allowing you more time to get to know him.

MasterP0 Wed 15-Jan-14 00:23:59

Flora yes yes yes, AGREED. I'm avoiding all mirrors whilst naked for now, YUK!

MadeMan Wed 15-Jan-14 00:27:47

When people take selfies in the mirror do they afterwards horizontally flip the picture so that they don't look 'back to front'? I'm wondering if that's the reason some online daters don't look like their photo in real life, because their hair is parted on the wrong side or something.

Just a thought.

MadeMan Wed 15-Jan-14 00:40:26

"Finally, POF came good! i met the absolute man of my dreams, he isnt the 35 year old 6ft mountain biker i was looking for, instead hes what i needed... Morale of my story? it doesnt matter which site you go on, the right ones out there somewhere."

I think your story Montane also shows that sometimes what we all think we want can end up being different from what we actually want or need.

dontcallmehon Wed 15-Jan-14 01:02:12

Ok. Update - I love geeky and he loves me and all is amazing.

MasterP0 Wed 15-Jan-14 01:17:43

Dont I've been eagerly awaiting your update, so THRILLED, YAY! 9 days tomorrow

Made I don't flip the camera as I need the flash (all the lighting in the world is VIP when taking a selfie), but by standing in front of a mirror I can see myself on my screen. I hope that makes sense??

dontcallmehon Wed 15-Jan-14 08:05:55

I'm really very happy. He's meeting the dc on Saturday. And yay - 9 days!

MasterP0 Wed 15-Jan-14 08:41:58

Dont HUGE step! Wishing you well Lovely. I'm assuming you cleared it all up re: ex etc.?

dontcallmehon Wed 15-Jan-14 09:09:54

We did, master although I just reassured herem really - we didn't want to dwell on it.When he left he said 'I do love you you know..' and I just melted a little bit. My dress is coming today.

I will catch up with all your news later - but just wanted to share that all seems fine after my disaster of a weekend!

Geeky is v nervous about meeting the dc!

dontcallmehon Wed 15-Jan-14 09:10:35

*him

powpow80 Wed 15-Jan-14 10:33:34

That's great news don't.

Got a text from of guy this morning. He met a girl sat night for a date and has seen her a few times since and really likes her. Knew it was a non runner for me, but still a little kick in the guts. PMSing like crazy so a bit more emotional than normal.

powpow80 Wed 15-Jan-14 10:35:44

That should have said ld guy

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Wed 15-Jan-14 11:09:21

dont really pleased for you! Geeky does seem to be the one....I have my fingers and toes crossed.

Flora and Master...you know what they say - thin people look good in clothes, fit people look good naked! Just wish being fit would do something for my saggy C-Section scarred belly! Sadly, that is for a plastic surgeon to deal with!

Montane I tried Fitness Singles...ended up reverting to POF and hopefully I too have fallen lucky. I think it has a bad reputation but ultimately seems to get the most traffic...I barely got a sniff on Match and as for E-Harmony!

Pow feeling your pain sad. Even when you know it's a none runner, you can't help but feel it. Still at least he's had the courtesy to message you and not left you wondering why he stopped contacting you!

tiger gutted for you!!!!!!!!!

Poff where are you...

AFM I am back from our second overnighter this week with butterflies and I'm sorry everyone but I think I may be investing too soon...sod it 'though, feels right!!!! "Loving" like I've never been hurt....that one's sticking with me Master and having a bloody good time. Still well aware things may all go to cock but hey ho, c'est la vie!

Not going to dwell but just want to say it's nice to be back and talking dating grin

dontcallmehon Wed 15-Jan-14 11:38:23

That's annoying tiger - i'm glad my implant means I don't have them,one less worry!

That's a shame, pow - at least he let you know,I guess. Onwards and upwards...

Lies I hope geeky is the one, we'll see. All seems to be going well again though.

I've put a picture of me in my new dress on my profile. It fits!And I love it.

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Wed 15-Jan-14 11:40:45

Looking hot dont...sure Geeky will LOVE you in it!!! grin

dontcallmehon Wed 15-Jan-14 11:46:57

Thanks Lies I'm really pleased that it fits as I optimistically ordered it in a size 8. I figured that with it being strapless I didn't want it to fall down!!

Paris feels very real now...

powpow80 Wed 15-Jan-14 12:06:14

Thanks Lies and Dont. I am all grin now. Thursday nights date has sent me a really nice text. Was a bit meh about him when first chatting but my mind is changing. He is different to anyone I have chatted to before and seems like a very positive person. Definitely more enthusiastic about meeting him.

Ld consigned to the past. Two fun dates but hey ho 'twas going nowhere.

dontcallmehon Wed 15-Jan-14 12:10:04

Hurray for Mr Thursday, pow! Nothing like another date to cheer you up.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 15-Jan-14 12:46:39

Have only vaguely followed the ridiculouslessness since Monday night - looks like it would need serious time input to fully keep up with everything that has been said! But hopefully everyone can play nicely now. I'm sorry I think I've also missed some real dating conversations going on....will try and catch up on things.

I've just had my second 2nd date cancel on me this week! FFS. After Mr BBC coming down with man flu last minute on Sunday, Mr MusicTeacher has now just sent a message cancelling. Apparently he texted 'the other day' but it didn't send (we've been using whatsapp so far so why the text? Blatant lie) he's met someone else he really likes and has invited her to the theatre tonight instead of me!! Bloody cheek. I feel a little relieved as I did feel quite emotionally pressured into the 2nd date, but, I was looking forward to the show, dammit. And there are other people I would have arranged to see if I knew I'd be free! Grr.

Off out to girly lunch & shopping. Stupid bloody men.

powpow80 Wed 15-Jan-14 12:49:02

Jesus Oneday that is some bloody cheek all right. Is Mr. BBC on the mend?

HanselandGretel Wed 15-Jan-14 13:48:21

oneday that's a bummer. It's a miracle anyone gets to meet up at all the way people are so flaky...but he did let you know, bit last minute though and the 'text didn't send' sounds like a lame excuse...onwards and upwards.

I've got a coffee lined up for Monday, apart from that there is nilch on the horizon, am seriously considering ditching the OD as I'm just not finding anyone I like, the one that seemed to be a potential recently, just disappeared without trace without ever getting as far as arranging the date, I've not even seen him online....what the???

MasterP0 Wed 15-Jan-14 14:41:26

Waves at everyone........

Dont you look smokken hot and svelte you cow. No wonder geeky is smitten! Happy to hear it's all been resolved. I'm sooo keeping EVERYTHING CROSSED for you two, I've got a good feeling about it all! 9 days...........

Lies I've been secretly planning my cosmetic procedures which I hope to have done by year end! I'm hoping to see, wait for it, drum roooollllllllll DR CURVES hahahaha! That's his "stage name", I know what you're thinking, which reputable surgeon has a stage name, well this one does, he's renowned for his work in the USA.

Pow HIS LOSS! But much respect for him being honest with you. Good to see you are looking outside the box, you just never know......

Lies you know what, FUCK THE NEGATIVITY, ENJOY IT, ENJOY HIM! No one has ever died from a broken heart, we are all testament to that, so YES, LOOOOOVE LIKE YOUVE NEVER BEEN HURT BEFORE! Did you have an orgasm for me though??? I'm dying a painful slow death........

OneDay if only he had the balls to just tell you, if indeed that is the case. No worries, NEXT!

Re:Yesterday's ridiculousness, sorry I can't resist, but I'm truly appalled that individuals can behave in such a manner online, what must they be like in RL SHUDDER! The whole gang mentality, low blows, lies, underhandedness, JUST WOW! I now have zero respect for the parties involved, their individual MORAL/ETHICAL COMPASS' must be seriously skewed, so much so that I couldn't with a clear conscious accept the apologies.

Hansel it can get rather tedious, I tend to dip in and out.

I've had to tell a guy I've been chatting with off Tinder, that I'm just not interested anymore, he's snooze inducing with great looks, that's not enough. I need someone I can chat with after getting him naked!

The detective went quiet, then reappeared last night, conversation ended when I asked a rhetorical question. I keep looking at his pix, one pic he looks very handsome, the others he's rather plain looking. I actually mentioned to him that he looks VERY different in all his pix, he replied "I know?"

Today I've chatted to some army guy who lives close to me, we have a shared interest in gadgets and all things apple, he's already asked for a date, the thing is I'm just not in the mood to actually meet up with anyone. I'd rather just go to gym, concentrate on this Dukan diet (dinner dates have a way of disrupting my healthy eating regime), plus Mr Wales is still in the picture. So maybe a bit of time out is what I need, and I think I'm being selfish in not being honest with these guys and telling them I'm in no particular rush to meet. Knowing me, next week I'll be back to wanting to get all dolled up etc, SIGH! Maybe it's PMS...........

MasterP0 Wed 15-Jan-14 16:47:23

Dont are you sorted on the lingerie front?? I've just been drooling over some beautiful stuff I've seen online, reasonably priced too!

This is sold out in my size, I've even phoned some stores, SOB....

www.bouxavenue.com/ebony-bow-plunge-bra-pink--mix/100660-20px

BUT I see they've brought back a red version:

www.bouxavenue.com/ebony-bow-plunge-bra-red-mix/100659-40rx

I'm also loving this, www.bouxavenue.com/tori-lace-moulded-plunge-bra-aqua/100155-75aq

I love the bright colours SWOOOOOOOON

DeliberatelyDreaming Wed 15-Jan-14 19:24:23

Just a quick catch up and marking my place. I have pages and pages to read, you lot really can natter. smile

My weekend with Mr Zany led to the end of our very brief liaison. I went to his on Saturday night armed with lots of pre cooked food and we bought lots of alcohol - mistake! I finished off making the food and we had dinner, cuddled up on the sofa watching crap TV. Firstly; I had to ask for cuddles, I had to go to him for kisses hmm Anyway, things began to get heated. I began to see things in him I hadn't seen before and I didn't like. Next thing I knew, he popped to the loo, not to return. I ended up sleeping on the couch!

Sunday morning, the atmosphere was tense to say the least, so I picked up all my bits and bobs and left. He hugged and kissed me, said he would be in touch later. I swear, I have never felt so much relief putting the key into my front door. I just dropped everything and sank into the armchair with pure relief. A little later I received a text, all over - I was elated (how wrong is it to feel that way?)

I decided from then I was going to take some time on the couch for reflection, it seems my spidey senses are not working as they should be. However.... Suddenly Mr OMG text me. He asked me to tell him exactly what he does wrong and he would fix it hmm So, I told him. So far a whole 24 hours later he is doing all I ask. He is going through a very bad time at the moment, I knew about this from dating but had forgotten, but even so is being a genuine sweetheart. I have not seen him, I still need some alone time, but it is my birthday on Saturday and he has asked to see me for an hour or so. He can't be away any longer, and I do know this is true. So, I am taking things literally day by day, with no expectations or even hope, and in the meantime am firmly on the couch.

Sorry for the epic post, will catch up and then join in again.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 15-Jan-14 19:24:36

pow haven't heard from Mr BBC since Sunday actually, we left it that we would go out next week as I was busy all this week & weekend. Hmm might text him and see if he died. Sorry to hear about your LD guy! Fingers x'd for Mr Thursday.

Hansel I get the jaded-ness with OD. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep up my enthusiasm for it....breaks are probably needed from time to time hey.

To be honest I find the behaviour from Mr MusicTeacher today just incredibly rude! Taking someone else on my date! He could at least have just given me the tickets so I could go to the play with a friend, and he could have taken the other girl somewhere else. I suggested the play when he said lets go to the theatre, as I've been meaning to see it for a while. Anyway. I sent a snippy reply and then blocked him whilst I could see he was typing back. Delete!

Anyway. On the horizon I have first dates with Mr Camera on Friday, and Mr Registrar next week. Chatting with a few others that I would happily meet. Saturday night going out to a singles party with some of the people I met at that disastrous speed dating evening! Tiger and others who wondered why some of us multidate - this is why! So I really am not wallowing when people treat me like sh1t, or dates don't go well, am instantly distracted. Also had a wonderful lunch and shopping afternoon with a friend. Next please!

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 15-Jan-14 19:28:38

Deliberately x-post. Hey! I would say sorry to hear about things with Mr Zany not working out but sounds like you're quite relieved anyway!

Don't meant to say good to read that things seem calmer with geeky now - what is he going to do to deal with his jealousy?

HanselandGretel Wed 15-Jan-14 19:48:36

Deliberately that sounds a bit of an odd evening, was he not happy to have you there then? His behaviour on the night sounds very bizarre.

Oneday you got the right attitude, cast thy net wide!! I just can't seem to find enough potentials to do the multi dating even if I wanted to!

Wagonwheels Wed 15-Jan-14 20:11:50

Hi all,

Powpow and OneDay, sorry to hear your dates didn't work out, but if they've both got multiple dates lined up (hope I read correctly), you're probably best off out of it anyway. I know multi-dating is the norm for lots of folks now, but it just doesn't sit well with me. I'd like to think I had someone's full attention, if only for a short while!

Interesting, and good, that they both explained themselves though - I think that's quite rare in OD (unless you met them in RL?).

Anyway, it's so good to see so much dating activity going on here! Onwards!

DeliberatelyDreaming Wed 15-Jan-14 20:28:36

I am always sad to see this thread end up in a slanging match. As I have said when I first started posting, I began reading from around thread 16, so many of the names who were back on Monday I feel I know so well. I hope they will come back, including OWW and Miranda who are gloriously loved up now.

One day and H&G I think the alcohol mixed with the comfort of being in his own home allowed his true colours to show. Up until then I had no idea of the hidden side to him, so would rather know now then later on if feelings had become involved.

DeliberatelyDreaming Wed 15-Jan-14 20:41:37

I forgot to say Bant I would have been more than happy to give your profile the the 'once over', but have not tried Match or any paid dating sites. Scrooge

BurtNo Wed 15-Jan-14 20:43:23

It's still very early days for me on POF but so far so good and I need to thank those who advised on the last thread me to clarify my nothing serious profile status with an it's early days but hope to be open to more soon as its helping to avoid awkward misunderstandings

Anyway one thing I have noticed is that I get as many cancellations as I get dates and the current most popular reason is back problems which it occurs to me is a pretty handy excuse

I don't really mind as long as I am given enough time to rearrange with friends and not appear like they are 2nd prize

I did mind one date being cancelled at fairly short notice because it was raining :-)

BurtNo Wed 15-Jan-14 20:44:51

Sorry for all the typos there

OhWesternWind Wed 15-Jan-14 20:47:02

Dreaming that sounds like an awful time with Mr Zany. I'm glad he showed his true colours before it had gone further, but of course not glad at all that you ended up in that situation. I think fate decided you deserved a bit of good luck to make up for it, and along came Mr OMG except a new and improved version. Vive la difference! Hope you have a lovely evening with him on your birthday.

"Gloriously loved up" is an excellent description grin

DeliberatelyDreaming Wed 15-Jan-14 20:57:14

Cancelled due to rain BurtNo? Good grief, I have read some reasons for cancellation, that one takes the prize! I always gave consideration to the reason for cancelling or postponing. For example, if a date had children and had to cancel due to an issue with the DC that was fine. A hamster dying or a snotty nose got a delete.

OWW Wonderful to 'see' you and actually exchange posts. I read all about your dates before the lovely Alpha and could have kicked some of them for you. grin

Yes, I think seeing the back off Mr Zany and the new improved Mr OMG may be some karma or whatever anyone wishes to call it. I am taking it exceptionally slowly with OMG and waiting to see. In the meantime, I am on the sofa, glass of wine in one hand, chocolate in the other and MN on my lap!

OhWesternWind Wed 15-Jan-14 21:16:33

I would get really fed up with cancellations too Burt - for one, it's bad form and secondly, unless you actually go out and date people then there's not much point being on a dating site. No idea what you can do about it though.

Good to talk to you too Dreaming smile. I think I had twenty dates or so before I met my lovely Alpha and blimey there were some funny 'uns. Most of them, though, were fine, nice blokes but just not for me. I still get messages off LM every now and then but just ignore him.

Have to go and get some chocolate now, you've started me off!

dontcallmehon Wed 15-Jan-14 21:19:27

Gosh - what an odd date with Mr Zany, dreaming. Glad Mr OMG seems improved. Maybe it's meant to be.

Master that lingerie is gorgeous. I am tempted!

One day we had a chat about retrospective jealousy and he agrees that although it would his preference if he'd been the only man in my life ever, I'm also 33 and that would be weird.

God-I sent him a pic of my dress during a text conversation. It's twenty minutes later and he's not replied. What if he hates it?!

dontcallmehon Wed 15-Jan-14 21:20:12

Although. He may be driving/playing table tennis.

DeliberatelyDreaming Wed 15-Jan-14 21:30:18

dont I have no hopes with OMG, I am just letting things play out.

I find it odd Geeky finds it hard to accept you have a past. Personally, I would be more concerned if a wo/man of 33 didn't have a past. It seems slightly irrational. Have you spoken to him about it?

New underwear is for me a real boost to my own femininity. It matters not a jot that my date is unlikely to see it, it makes me feel good. As for things like dresses, I wear what I like, what suits my shape and is totally age inappropriate appropriate.

splishsplosh Wed 15-Jan-14 21:47:48

Hi all, nice to see some people from past threads back. I only post now and again but usually try and keep up with everyone.

Still seeing Mr Kinky now and again, but he's strictly to pass the time with until someone special comes along. I have a couple of potentials I'm chatting to, though with one his shifts and my job and childcare it's proving tricky to find time to meet.

Don't- glad things going well with Geeky. Though I'm afraid I'm with those who thinkhis jealousy is something to be concerned about. I met my ex when I was about your age, and he too wished he was my first, how perfect that would be etc etc. He was lovely, charming, keen etc. And then once I was pregnant his jealousy was hideous, he was very abusive, and also seemed to have issues about women/sex. Hopefully Geeky is nothing like that, but I do think most people assume and expect that people they meet will have exes and this is normal and not something to get upset by.

dontcallmehon Wed 15-Jan-14 21:54:57

splish he does accept I have ex's. He just doesn't like hearing about them. He is honestly so gentle and kind - I trust him completely.

splishsplosh Wed 15-Jan-14 22:02:30

Well I guess most people don't like to hear too much about their partner's exes, so that's fair enough smile

49howdidthathappen Wed 15-Jan-14 22:30:30

Had a look at your pic Don't Gorgeous smile

I have been with my chap R&R over a year now. I have lots of family shit going on, but he is still here. Been a bit of a learning curve for us both.

He is a keeper grin

OhWesternWind Wed 15-Jan-14 22:53:49

Alpha and I nearly met twenty years ago, both used to live in rhe same place. We have wondered how things would have turned out - maybe we'd have had twenty more happy years together. Or maybe we wouldn't even have liked each other, maybe we're only right for each other at this stage in our lives.

What I'm getting round to saying is that there's no point being jealous or funny about exes, we're only who we are and where we are in life because our past, exes and all, has brought us here to this point. And without our exes and the way things panned out, we wouldn't be here dating or in new relationships. Or quite old ones ha 49 grin

Hope Geeky is okay about things now Dont and it goes okay when he meets your dc.

49howdidthathappen Wed 15-Jan-14 23:31:27

R&R and me were in next door classrooms over 30 years ago and yet our paths never crossed. Strange how things pan out.

I don't think it would of worked out for us back then, we were both very different people.

It's the here and now that matters.

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Wed 15-Jan-14 23:41:58

Oww....what you say is so true.

Can i ask...both Mr 4 and i have said we would like to date but nothing serious..me because my EA ex left me 6 months ago and him because of more tragic circumstanes with his gf over a year ago.

However, it has become a bit more than that and ive realised im happy with that and he said the same. However tonight he said he was struggling with his past and wasnt sure he wanted a relationship right now. He wants to be with me (and be exclusive) but cant promise me how he will feel and didnt want me to build my hopes up too much.
What to do???!

DeliberatelyDreaming Thu 16-Jan-14 00:07:32

Flora Follow your instincts! Advice in any forum, not just MN is ten-a-penny. People give it with the absolute best of intentions, but in this case, you know the man much, much better than we do.

My thoughts would be to take it as it comes, enjoy each others company, don't put any pressure on him. Quite often, when a man tells you something, listen, he is telling you how he feels.

Not an easy one, and no fantastic advice, but I do hope very much time is your friend with this situation.

Flipper934 Thu 16-Jan-14 07:24:29

Dreaming's right, Flora, only you know him, and more importantly you, so only you know the best course of action. It is still early days, however, for both of you, in terms of moving on from your pasts, so I'd say that it's quite natural to have that sort of wobble.

Out of interest, what have you done to protect yourself since your ex left? EA has a big effect on a person.

49howdidthathappen Thu 16-Jan-14 08:19:43

Flora He is giving out mixed messages, he sounds a little mixed up himself.

As Dreaming has said 'listen to your gut, even if you don't like what it's telling you'.

This could be a man that just helps you move on to a better one, or it could develop into something more.

Maybe try to go with the flow for now. Look after yourself smile

OhWesternWind Thu 16-Jan-14 10:07:57

Grieving is a funny process Flora, you can be fine for ages and then it hits you. So maybe he's in one of those phases, feeling low, and he will pick up again before too long. Or maybe he really isn't ready and he's trying to let you down gently.

I think the best thing is to follow his advice - don't expect too much, and give it time and see how things are. Maybe make a decision to reassess things in a month or so?

I'd find this uncertainty very difficult to live with, personally, but some people would be fine having things less cut and dried. It all depends on how you feel and whether you're content with what you're getting from the relationship.

niceupthedance Thu 16-Jan-14 11:30:24

Hi guys, just signed up for pof (again) and received this lovely message: "you're ugly!! How dare you add me to your favourites. Remove me now".

Charming!! Not holding out much hope for success with this site. So many profiles with huge lists of 'do not wants' and zero positivity. What a horrible place! hmm

powpow80 Thu 16-Jan-14 12:07:57

Flora bit of mixed messages going on there. How do you feel about going ahead on the basis of what he said. It's a tough one all right. No harm in giving it a try and then reassessing.

Nice oh my god that is unbelievably horrible. I can't comprehend how someone would say that to a person. Hope it doesn't put you off od. There are nice guys there too somewhere.

I'm looking forward to my date tonight. Have a fecking spot though! Jesus I never get them. Of all the days. Still no idea what I'm wearing.

HotCrossBunsForAll Thu 16-Jan-14 12:13:39

Things are all going remarkably well here - I'm worried it's a bit too well, I'm almost waiting for it to come crashing down around me. It's making me realise how controlling my ex really was though, and I feel quite liberated.

AndLibbyMakesThree Thu 16-Jan-14 12:44:21

I used to be on this thread ages ago. I haven't posted for months but have a read through from time to time. I just wanted to say how happy I am that 49, OWW and Miranda are still loved up - great news!

I'm still with Mr C (who I met on Match). It's been over a year now, and we've had lots of fantastic times, but things have been a bit more difficult recently. We have a child-free weekend this weekend, so I'm hoping we can use the time to patch things up a bit.

TalisaMaegyr Thu 16-Jan-14 13:06:46

I remember you Libby smile

Hope things aren't too bad. Maybe it's just one of those situations that need a bit of work?

49howdidthathappen Thu 16-Jan-14 13:30:58

Hi Libby Really hope you get it sorted. Mine hasn't been all roses around the door. Is it ever?

Nice It is so him. Twat !

How bloody Typical Pow I rarely get them either. If I do, can't leave it alone until its like a beacon.

Hot Great name grin

OhWesternWind Thu 16-Jan-14 13:32:07

Hello Libby - lovely to see you on here. I hope you can sort things out with Mr C this weekend, fingers crossed that some talking and time together will help to straighten things out.

Nice that is just awful. What a foul thing to do. I would be tempted to leave him on as a favourite just to piss him off. I think you have to be very selective with PoF but there are some decent ones out there, obviously not that one though.

Pow the spot thing is a blooming pain, but to be honest I really don't think that most men notice things like that, or details of clothes and make-up.

Buns really glad you are feeling good, just enjoy it.

Bant Thu 16-Jan-14 13:38:46

I decided to not pay for any subscriptions to any dating sites, to delete my OKC and POF profiles (not that I used POF really anyway as I didn't like it) and to just stay on the sofa for a while. As the Rules say, if it's not fun, stop.

I realised I was approaching my last few first-dates with the expectation that they'd be dull, I'd spend a couple of hours trying to be witty and charming, and looking for a mutual spark and connection which very very rarely happens, or at least the potential of one. At one point when I was on my most recent date I was telling some story or other, the woman laughed and I was actually a bit annoyed that I'd made her laugh at least three or four times now, and she hadn't made me even smile yet.

Funny is important to me. Looks, obviously are important too, I'm shallow like that. Life situation, common interests, all that, but if someone doesn't say anything amusing at all, a wry anecdote, a quirky observation on life, then I lose interest. They don't have to do a stand-up routine, but if there is no flash of potential, a comedy show they like, a comedian they've seen, if they're too serious about life, then I don't bother with a second date. I can be serious at work, I can have deep philosophical discussions about politics, religion, lots of stuff. But humour, to me, is what gets you through dark days together.

I was talking with some good friends last night, a married couple, the husband is my best mate, the wife I met the day after he did, 20 years ago. They argue at times, disagree at times, have difficulties and both talk to me about them because I've helped them both sort out issues in the past. And even after 20 years and 4 kids, unemployment, illness, bereavement, all that stuff, they still make each other laugh. And they did when they first met each other.

So, it's real life only for me at the moment, online dating just doesn't seem to get me dates with interesting, attractive, amusing women.

Ah well. On the sofa I will be staying for a while until I've either become un-jaded or someone really interesting sends me a message. Which is unlikely as I've disabled the accounts. Ho hum.

TalisaMaegyr Thu 16-Jan-14 14:03:45

Blimey Bant. Never thought I'd see the day.

niceupthedance Thu 16-Jan-14 15:33:41

Thanks for the sympathy. His message has really ruined my day although I know I shouldn't let it. Onwards and upwards then, hopefully!

LittleBabyPigsus Thu 16-Jan-14 15:57:19

Nice shock

powpow80 Thu 16-Jan-14 16:08:33

Have to agree with you there Bant. I am an absolute sucker for a funny guy. I find funny really attractive. Funny and ok looking is better than drop dead gorgeous and the inability to make me laugh or smile.

Nice try and put it behind your don't let some keyboard warrior on the internet ruin your day. Arsehole.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep Thu 16-Jan-14 16:22:41

nice that is awful! I would send a really foul-mouthed response back then delete and block so he couldn't reply (if that's possible).

tigerbear Thu 16-Jan-14 16:24:13

Nice – that’s just a shitty thing to do to someone! I’m really angry on your behalf – what an absolute tosser! Who the hell does he think he is by sending a message like that? I despair of some people. At least you’ve had a lucky escape with that one, but it’s still not nice to receive something like that. I had a similar message a while back from someone I had never even viewed – got a message out of the blue, basically having a dig at the way I’d written my profile and insinuating that I’d made things up to make myself sound interesting ‘when you clearly aren’t’.
I was feeling low in self confidence at the time and it hid me hard, stupid as it sounds.

Oneday – I’d be seriously pissed off at that too! There’s being honest, and there’s being down right cruel. He actually said he was taking another girl on ‘your’ date?? What a cock!

Don’t – you look beautiful in that dress. Geeky cannot fail to love you even more in it!

Master – all of that lingerie is absolutely gorgeous – most sale stuff seems to be sold out. Prob best, as I’ve zero funds for buying atm

Powwow – good luck for tonight – any outfit sorted yet??

Bant – sounds like you’ve made the right decision re taking a step away from OD for a while!

Hansel – that’s so frustrating when they just disappear isn’t it! Have you been for the coffee yet?

Deliberately – Mr Zany - bizarre, but as long as you’re relieved, then onwards and upwards. What was all that about though?? Why bother inviting you round if he didn’t want to make any effort?

*Update on date 3 – well, everything went just amazingly!
He arrived at mine at 7.30pm last night with chocolates and ingredients to make dinner for me, but we didn’t make it into the kitchen until after 10.30pm!!!
Had dinner after 11pm and dessert for breakfast (at midday today), then back to bed until 2pm. Siiigghhh!
Let’s just say that me having my period didn’t seem to put him off!

Also had a very light chat about OD and I asked him if he was still chatting/seeing other people and he said no and looked quite horrified by the thought. Obviously, you can never be 100% if it’s true, but I’m as certain as I can be that he isn’t seeing anyone else. He is giving the impression that he’s very keen on me, so fingers crossed. smile

LittleBabyPigsus Thu 16-Jan-14 16:47:32

I am being much more pro-active about messaging women on OKC. Wish me luck!

It frustrates me a lot that OKC is the only free site where you can list yourself as bisexual. We exist too!

Flipper934 Thu 16-Jan-14 17:34:41

I didn't realise that about the other sites, LBP, shame your choice is narrowed in that way, though if other people who are bisexual also realise this, perhaps they hang out on OKC more?

Nice, please don't let it ruin your day, he's a knob. I had someone message me once to ask if I was transgender! Other than my short hair and boyish figure (the latter isn't evident at all from my photos), there is nothing about me that could be seen as being masculine in any way. The guy was just an idiot trying to get a reaction. He didn't, because he wasn't worth it.

I've also had dating ennui, as I like to call it. I then try and stay off the sites for a few weeks, as I know I won't enjoy being there. I used to hide my profile on POF but since you haven't been able to do that, I set it so that they had to send quite a long message if they wanted to contact me. That seemed to do the trick.

OKC says that if you re-able your account, all your information is still there. Does anyone know if that's actually the case?

Funny is a deal breaker for me. It even said that on my profiles. I ain't spending time with no man who can't make me laugh.

DeliberatelyDreaming Thu 16-Jan-14 18:01:09

Nice What a vile creature he is. He really isn't worth a second thought. I had a situation, not as bad when I first began dating. I hadn't even been on one date so was pretty nervous. I got a message out of the blue telling me "don't even think about contacting me, you will smell like a disgusting old ashtray, smokers are the pits". I was very shaken, but fury took over, I told him I could quit smoking, he would never be good enough to expect me to spit on him. He blocked me. Result!

tigerbear It was a very peculiar situation. Usually we would go out or he would come here, this was the first time I had ever gone to his house. I do genuinely believe it was a mixture of alcohol and being comfortable in his own environment that allowed his true colours to show. I am very relieved!

LBP I am quite shocked that bisexual people have this problem. I wonder if it would be any use contacting the sites who don't facilitate bi's and ask why. In your shoes I would not be a happy bunny!

Bant I have to say, the sofa is rather comfortable at the moment, and I am quite happy sitting on for the time being.

Mr OMG seems to sense that all is not well in DD's world and has been especially charming. Yesterday and today have been very difficult for him and his family, but I awoke this morning to a very sweet and loving text. I am more than happy with life at the moment.

DeliberatelyDreaming Thu 16-Jan-14 18:02:45

Mr OMG seems to sense that all is not well in DD's world re men

HanselandGretel Thu 16-Jan-14 18:08:23

Same here. I'll take personality over looks any day. One big reason I am jaded by OD is the lack of humour in the guys, it's easy to tell by the first couple / few messages if they have a way with words or a bit of wit about them...most don't (on the site I'm on anyway)
I've lost count of the number of dates that have left me feeling flat and that I'm doing all the 'entertaining' carrying the conversation along....oh for a guy with a decent sense of humour...but important in that is that we 'get' off each other and make each other laugh...I've had that possibly three times in my life....and I want it again!!

Bant Thu 16-Jan-14 18:16:41

Hansel - yeah, I send a friendly chatty message to begin with, and it takes a couple before any witty repartee can begin really unless they have a funny profile. I always go for someone with a witty profile text if possible.

I know some people will be shy or a bit withdrawn on a first date, that's why you've got to exchange enough messages to know you'd like to meet someone and feel somewhat comfortable with them, but not so many that you've built it up into some connection that it's not yet. Fine line to tread.

Mind you, after a couple of fairly dull email exchanges with a woman last year, I sent her (on the 4th email or so) -'So is this the point where you send me a picture of your penis? I've heard that's de rigeur on these sites' and she blocked and deleted me. Obviously our senses of humour didn't gel.

LittleBabyPigsus Thu 16-Jan-14 18:33:16

Even a lot of paid sites don't have a bisexual option - match don't and they own OKC. I know their stance is that not having a bisexual option means they don't get couples looking for threesomes and it goes against their image of promoting serious romantic relationships. Which is a bit shit for those of us who are not monosexual (heterosexual or homosexual) but would like a serious romantic relationship. You do get a lot of people after threesomes on OKC but there are many many more bisexual people who are not after threesomes there.

I don't know why POF or other free sites don't have the bisexual option but I have only used POF or OKC so not sure about other free sites.

More on dating sites and lack of bisexual options. I do use the 'I don't want to be seen by straight people' option on OKC since sadly if I do, I get a lot of grim messages from pervy straight blokes.

LittleBabyPigsus Thu 16-Jan-14 18:46:37

Oh and for a long time eHarmony wouldn't even allow gay profiles - the site was started by conservative Christians. I think they only allowed gay profiles after someone took legal action.

DeliberatelyDreaming Thu 16-Jan-14 18:59:26

LBP Bravo to who ever it was who did take the legal action, I detest bigotry of any kind!

Humour is an absolute must for me. I have a guy who I did meet for a date, but we have become firm friends rather than anything romantic. He is absolutely wonderful and can make me laugh until my sides hurt.

tigerbear Thu 16-Jan-14 19:10:33

bant your mention of the penis email made ME laugh! smile

HanselandGretel Thu 16-Jan-14 19:56:35

deliberately do you have his number wink??!
What gets me is I was chatting to one guy recently and we had lots of back and forth humour going between us, seem to really hit it off that way and then ...poof, he's gone, same with number 4 re the humour but again....disappeared into the ether without so much as a whiff of a cappuchino coming into the equation...obviously don't know a good thing when they message it!

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Thu 16-Jan-14 19:57:18

Thanks for all your advice earlier about Mr 4. He called very early this morning, waking me up, to tell me he really wanted to give it a go. So im going to and baby steps.

Nice...what an ass!! I got a random once slagging off my profile. I blocked immediately. Im sure there wll be lots of men delighted that you made them a favourite.

Love reading all your updates. Will be back layer with personals.

Oh...anyone seen MasterPo? Missing her :0(

Snapespeare Thu 16-Jan-14 20:03:47

I felt a little reticent about checking in. But everyone else has... I didn't want to be tarred with the brush of 'old', yet here I am...& it's nice to be referenced occasionally, thank you. smile

Me and nameless are still nameless and I. I adore him. He (somewhat misguidedly) tells me I am beautiful and that he is thinking of me when we are apart. We're very almost at a year & celebrating that with a filthy weekend at a hotel in ....maidstone. fuck you paris.

I've met his mum and dad, meeting his sister in a fortnight; his fab dad got a pension windfall so has bunged him a thou and he's taking me on holiday, consequentially, my damn straight feminist sensibility straight down the middle is utter out of the window.

All is well. And all is well. All manner of things will be well.

And as for voldemort (some of you,less old than I may not be aware; I had a close male friend, there was a song and dance, I showed my hand, it did not end well...) well, really, who gives a fuck. grin

I am very, very happy. OD worked it.

tigerbear Thu 16-Jan-14 20:11:00

Flora - aww, that was sweet of him to call this morning. Fingers crossed smile

Snape - thanks for giving us all a glimmer of hope that this OD thing can actually work! Congrats! (oh, and lucky you re a holiday - have an amazing time!)

TalisaMaegyr Thu 16-Jan-14 20:13:32

Lovely update Snape. So very happy for you smile

DeliberatelyDreaming Thu 16-Jan-14 20:45:59

Snape SOOOOOOOOO good to see you back on the thread, even if you are a loved up person now. I was going to post a envy face, but am actually rather glad of some time out. Have you seen anything more of Volemort since the beautiful book you made him and everything that came to a head after that? I can't help but think fate played her hand just right and he who shall remain nameless appeared just as you needed him too. smile

TalisaMaegyr Thu 16-Jan-14 21:01:17

Totes agree with Dreaming grin

Where is Master btw?

Snapespeare Thu 16-Jan-14 21:04:34

I've bumped into voldemort once or twice and swished past with my head held high and without so much as a backwards glance but I might occasionally stalk him on twitter

I wish him well (insouciance) but I doubt that will happen.meh.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Thu 16-Jan-14 21:16:54

Evening all.

I too laughed at Bant's penis joke grin

The whole thing about not being able to specify bisexuality is very odd. I was going to say laughable except it isn't funny hmm

My stay on the sofa has been very short - I have a date tomorrow night with N. He sent me a message on my first or second night and we've been chatting since. He's a little older than I normally go for - my search is my age plus 10 ie 45 but that's a very arbitrary choice
He is very lovely, says my photo is gorgeous. He's not so bad himself grin He's making all the right noises but as we all know, it is all bs until it happens.

OhWesternWind Thu 16-Jan-14 21:36:31

That's a crazy situation Pigsus and yuck about all the lecherous straight blokes, what a shame you have to actively take steps to avoid a bunch of sad pervs.

Good news about the date Title. I'm a big fan of older men - Alpha is ten years older which admittedly is a little older than I'd normally go for, but it works very well. Loo update?

Glad to hear your news Flora. Did he talk about why he'd said what he said?

Snape just grin

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Thu 16-Jan-14 21:46:02

Seriously OWW do you really need to ask about a loo update? grin

OhWesternWind Thu 16-Jan-14 21:47:54

No one seems to do them any more and I need my vicarious excitement Title!

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Thu 16-Jan-14 21:49:50

Ha! I will certainly update. I have lived vicariously through others often enough to realise the importance!

Though I don't know why you're living through others, you loved up person, you...

dontcallmehon Thu 16-Jan-14 21:53:09

Just checking in today. Nice to read the updates too. I hope I'll be updating in a year with tales of bliss!

tiger Thank you - I really hope he does like the dress. I think he will.

Thanks, 49 -nice to hear your positive update too!

Nice what a horrible specimen he was. Why are some people so inadequate that they like to put others down? Definitely says more about them!

Snape I'm sure the filthy weekend will be fab!

Bant that sounds like a good idea, I think OD can be quitedraining and it's good to have some time out.

8 days!

Diagonally Thu 16-Jan-14 22:11:41

Hi all

Could I have your advice please on ending conversations on OD sites if you're just not feeling it, iyswim? Do you just not reply, or is a polite fib thanks but no thanks better?

I've had people drop me mid exchange and not thought anything of it but not sure what is the norm smile

ALittleStranger Thu 16-Jan-14 22:16:06

I think it's fine to disappear but I might be one of those bastard men in disguise.

DeliberatelyDreaming Thu 16-Jan-14 22:28:03

Diagonally I have always said something along the lines of "it was nice to chat with you but I just don't feel we could take this any further. I wish you well in your search". Anything after that I blocked!

tigerbear Thu 16-Jan-14 22:28:50

Diagonally - when I first started OD I'd get really upset if people just didn't reply after a few emails, but I've now realised it doesn't really matter, and I've done the same to people.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Thu 16-Jan-14 22:30:46

Yep, I'm with Tiger. I don't intend to disappear. I always intend to end like Deliberately suggests but often life gets in the way and I fail. So I can't really complain if someone does that to me.

OhWesternWind Thu 16-Jan-14 22:38:10

I don't think it matters either Diagonally if its just been a few messages.

When I deleted my profile both times there were one or two men I'd been chatting to for a while, so I just sent them a quick message saying I'd met someone, good luck etc, but certainly not to all of them.

dontcallmehon Thu 16-Jan-14 22:38:18

I'm like that too - or I was when I was online - I couldn't keep up and I'd drift away if I wasn't that into them.

I started getting nostalgic for old threads and I found this old post of mine on thread 64:

'Fingers crossed I meet someone nice soon!' And then, a few weeks later, I did! smile Yay!

HanselandGretel Thu 16-Jan-14 22:38:58

Diagonally That's a tough one but I would send a 'not feeling it' message if we've been messaging steadily for let's say a week or so....if messages have been sparse, sporadic or just not amounting to anything then I would just leave it and just discontinue, unless they asked me what was up.
I've had the disappearing act from ones that were talking about coffee, had built a rapport with etc (see a few posts above) and it's only because of this that I've thought, 'what slippery merchants'...or something equally polite wink Also, ones that disappear and then reappear (which I've had the pleasure of happening too hmm tend to get a fairly big ignore from me, whereas if they had said something reasonable at the time and not just disappeared, I might have been inclined to give them the time of day again.

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Thu 16-Jan-14 23:05:16

I do that...i have a blanket statement and i just change the name. Im a fan of blocking too as that means your conversation with them disappears off both your inboxes.

Oww...Mr 4 said he felt that i was really understanding of his situation and he felt an affection for me! So all good. He said he thinks i deserve a treat after my EA ex so hes taking me away for a break :0)

Quick question...this weekend is the first stay over and full on sex i hope. However, im a bit body conscious eg. 2 c sections left a flabby bit which is hard to disguise. My tum not flat either. Happy with rest of body. Not sure i want him to see me completely naked. What would you suggest?

tigerbear Thu 16-Jan-14 23:08:06

Ooh, Flora, weekend away sounds exciting! He def sounds keen smile
I'm sure you look great and it's not needed, but how about you wearing a silky camisole to cover the bits you're conscious of if you don't want to be fully naked?

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Thu 16-Jan-14 23:09:56

Evening all!

Tiger – yes Mr MusicTeacher took someone else to the play that I had suggested we see. Cock. Sounds like early days are going well for you though! Enjoy!

Diagonally like everyone else for me it depends, there have been occasions when I've 'disappeared' on a conversation because I couldn't think of a reply, wasn't that bothered, life got in the way and then its 3 days later and it seems a bit moot to send a 'in case you hadn't noticed, I don't want to talk to you any more' type message! But otherwise a thanks but no thanks or saying that I have a few dates etc arranged and don't want to waste their time, good luck etc.

So Mr BBC is out of the picture, funny little thanks but no thanks message from him, he really was ill, but things are going well with someone else, otherwise he would be 'jumping at the chance' to date me, so that's nice. Texting pre-first dates continues with Mr Camera and Mr Registrar. Am now also negotiating a date with.....Mr Saffa. Sounds like a very nice chap. So next week should be hopefully a bit busy too smile

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Thu 16-Jan-14 23:12:03

Thanks Tiger. You think that would be ok? I have a sexy little vest that might do. Makes my boobs look good (conscious of them being big).

dippinmytoe Thu 16-Jan-14 23:12:51

flora I too have had 2 c sections and a less than flat stomach ! Guys , unless totally shallow do not appear bothered by it at all ! Go for it. . Sounds fun

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Thu 16-Jan-14 23:14:38

Oneday...i did that...said to guys "thanks for your messahe but i have a couple of dates already organised". However, i was surprised at a few coming back a week later with "how did the dates go?"...arggghhh! I think only one guy saw it as a polite knockback.

Diagonally Thu 16-Jan-14 23:15:11

Thank you for all the suggestions smile

dontcallmehon Thu 16-Jan-14 23:15:49

flora things must be going v well. Exciting! I still don't like geeky to see me naked. I favour the dark and dressing gown next to the bed, so if I have to get up I can cover myself. I have been known to make him close his eyes when I get up.

Sounds like a busy week, oneday - good of Mr BBC to be honest, so many people aren't online!

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Thu 16-Jan-14 23:16:39

Dippin....you have made me feel better. Thanks. Hes not shallow and i suppose in the heat of the moment and all...lol

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Thu 16-Jan-14 23:18:26

Dont...thanks. I was thinking similar and having my silky gown next to bed lol.

OhWesternWind Thu 16-Jan-14 23:22:04

Flora honestly I don't think he'll notice or care. He'll be too excited and happy being in bed with you to start critiquing your figure. Or busy worrying about his own performance

HanselandGretel Thu 16-Jan-14 23:26:40

If I were you flora I'd go for something demure, full leather catsuit and riding crop perhaps, you don't want to scare him off after all grin

tigerbear Thu 16-Jan-14 23:32:05

Flora somehow, I can't see him being upset that your boobs look big smile

What Western says- he'll be too excited to notice the things you think he might notice. And yes, he'll prob be too busy worrying about the way HE looks and is performing...

oneday Mr Music has lost out big time - sounds like you've jumped right back into it, so to speak, with all of that action lined up smile

Dont - what are you on about, not letting geeky see you naked?? From what I can see of you in that dress, he's be more than happy to see you naked!

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Thu 16-Jan-14 23:40:53

OWW, Hansel and Tiger....thanks. My EA ex used to call me fat and useless so i suppose im a little nervous. Laughing at the catsuit....wondering if my pussy isnt enough ;0)

dontcallmehon Thu 16-Jan-14 23:43:52

smile tiger - I don't think geeky minds and I am deluding myself thinking that he hasn't seen me naked. But - I don't have the confidence to stroll insouciantly across to the bathroom without a cover of some kind.

It's silly really. We're never happy. Flora I worry about having no boobs!

The men don't mind - I'm sure!

tigerbear Thu 16-Jan-14 23:50:28

Flora and Dont, unless your men - and men in general - have male model bodies themselves, then I reckon they have as many insecurities as us. 'My' man has a little tummy and was saying yesterday that he wants to lose 2-3 pounds! I think he looks gorgeous, and although I have a tummy too from c-section, he's certainly giving the impression that he's enjoying looking at me and being with me in bed.

I think we should all be kinder to ourselves and have a bit more confidence (but I can see why you'd have hang-ups Flora if your twunt of an ex made nasty comments).

I read somewhere that men love it when we have the confidence to stroll about naked...

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Thu 16-Jan-14 23:57:25

Dont...a push up bra does wonders. Im sure your boobs look fab.

Tiger...thanks. Cheered me up.

Just had a suggestion of a lacy bodysuit from someone....quite like it. Feel a purchase coming on!

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Fri 17-Jan-14 00:32:13

What? Don't you won't let someone you are in love with see you naked???

For me that is one of the greatest things about finding someone you share a special connection with, being comfortable naked together. It's something that is reserved for so few people in your life. Sigh.....missing that level of comfort with someone!

Generally - maybe we should get a guys opinion on this - but I've been told by male friends that they are generally just happy with boobs, any boobs, especially if they belong to a nice person they are having fun with.

Bant Fri 17-Jan-14 00:57:01

Nope, boobs are nice and all, but I've had a couple of girlfriends, or at least women I was seeing for a bit, who didn't want lights on, who wanted me to close my eyes when they went to get a bathrobe etc.

And others who were perfectly happy to share a bath, share a shower, walk round nude.

I have insecurities about my body, I'm human. We all do, unless we're narcissistic or at least ridiculously confident. But meeting someone who gets you means meeting someone you're truly comfortable with. So I always felt a bit let down by someone who didn't want me to see her backside or her belly. Sure, there's a bit of vulnerability there, but if the barriers come down emotionally they should come down physically too.

dontcallmehon Fri 17-Jan-14 07:15:41

Well I have progressed from total darkness to pretty fairylights, so I'm getting there. I plan on being with geeky for the foreseeable future, so eventually I will be that comfortable I suppose.

powpow80 Fri 17-Jan-14 08:59:15

Morning All,

Happy Friday grin I am happy enough letting someone see me in the nip. Don't have an amazing body by any stretch of the imagination. Personally I think if someone is lucky enough to see someone else naked they should appreciate lumps, bumps and pot belly.

Date last night was not great. He just seemed to rub me up the wrong way. Can't quite put my finger on why. Back to Pof with me.

Good luck to all daters over the weekend.

49howdidthathappen Fri 17-Jan-14 09:18:56

That's a shame Pow

Title Shall keep an eye out for your loo update <nosy>

I am not in least bothered about being seen naked, and this body has been round the block a few times. I rather enjoy it !
Still we aren't all lights blazing types, do whatever you are comfortable with smile

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Fri 17-Jan-14 10:30:11

Morning!
Hope everyone is well.

We're never happy with our bods are we? I managed to drop four stone over the last twelve months or so and am a size 8 and the fittest I have ever been in my life yet am still self conscious about my saggy c-section scarred tum. Feel like I have a shoulder of pork stitched into my hips!
I take a deep breath and say - what the hell, I am who I am you might as well take a butchers now because I want you to keep looking and feel comfortable with you naked, bit like you oneday - sorry Musicman was such an unthoughtful twunt by the way.

Have to say dont...you've got a cracking figure and Geeky is one lucky man! Flora I long for a decent set of boobs and hope you can put your knobber ex to the back of your mind and see all you have to offer!
Loving everyone's outfit suggestions, riding boots and a crop - on my shopping list!

Sorry your date wasn't so great pow..on to the next one and pof it up!

Waves to everyone else!

Things continue to go well for me (keep your fingers crossed), since I've met Mrtwohours, we have seen each other almost every day. Had a bit of a crisis earlier this week, not life changing by any stretch of the imagination but upsetting and he jumped straight in the car to get to me. He's met my DD and we've talked loads about the future like it's a given.
I said from the start that it felt different from all my other experiences. I don't worry if he doesn't reply to a text or get back to me when he says he will...he's busy. Never felt that before, felt like I was being ignored. Still early days but have a constant smile on my face!

I remain thankful to everyone for giving me the confidence to get back out there...

tigerbear Fri 17-Jan-14 11:13:10

Lies - that sounds really positive re Mrtwohours! smile If he's good in a crisis and came over to look after you earlier in the week, then he must be a good one. How long have you been seeing him for?
Can I be nosy and ask how you lost 4 stone in a year? (that's amazing!!)

Pow - that's a shame re your date. Onwards and upwards!

Bant thanks for the male perspective on being seen naked, good to have it confirmed that guys feel the same

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Fri 17-Jan-14 11:29:26

Hi tiger - I've been seeing him all of two flipping weeks! Seems like a lot longer...

Weight wise...1400 calories a day, no pasta, bread or white potatoes except once a week (killer to start with but only because your body is used to craving it). I use myfitnesspal to keep a track, they do an app and are online. Gym and running....couldn't run to the end of my street when I started, now I'm doing 25 miles a week and it is the answer to everything!!! Good, bad, happy, sad, exciting, depressing...stick my trainers on and go for a run. Also really important not to do just cardio but do strength training too...machines, free-weights or body weight just get those muscles strong! I'm 39 so hardly a spring-chicken and if I can do it anyone can.

And breathe..... I'm quite enthusiastic about it as you can see!

49howdidthathappen Fri 17-Jan-14 11:31:42

R&R has a little pot belly. He would rather he didn't. It is part of him. So I think its lovely grin

Lies Sounding like the real deal smile

tigerbear Fri 17-Jan-14 11:54:47

Wow, Lies, I thought you were going to say you'd been seeing him a few months!! Impressive! When did he meet your DD, and how was that??

Although technically I've been 'seeing' mine since Dec 12th, we've only actually met 3 times (inc this week) due to both of us being away for Christmas, and me only being avail half of the week as DD lives with me then. But like you, it does seem like longer as we feel very relaxed together.

Even more impressed re the fitness tips - you've inspired me. I'm actually sitting here in my running gear and have been trying to get motivated for the last 2 hours, but now I will actually get out there! I did 2 marathons a long time ago (6 years ago, well before DD) and have signed up for another. It's always the first few runs that are the worst, I find!

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Fri 17-Jan-14 12:02:21

Thank you 49 and tiger ! Hoping it's all going to work out...I was so disheartened by meeting knobbers who were basically wanting sex and telling you different, including one who I am convinced is married, that I was about to call it a day.

Some good advice way up thread(s) that we all know at heart but need reminding from time to time, is that if they are in to you, you will know it. And I did. So for the first time I found myself not checking if he was online; not wondering whether it was ok to ring/text him; not getting my friends to check texts before I sent them and not driving myself insane because he has not text back and it was liberating! How it should be. Tiger...bet you feel the same! He's met my DD three times, once almost by accident early on...she's 15 so may or may not be around when you want her to be! The other times she knew he was coming and on each occasion they have spent a bit more time together. He's doing his first overnight here on Saturday, she's relaxed about it and so is he.

Now I acknowledge it is very early days and things could still go wrong. But if they do, that's fair enough. I know we stand a chance and I know that he's not hiding anything or playing games and right now wants it to work as much as I do. I can ask for no more than that smile

Tiger could not agree more...no need to preach about running to you, you will get exactly where I'm coming from!! Yep first few runs are the worst and for me the first mile of every one....

dontcallmehon Fri 17-Jan-14 12:15:35

Lies that sounds wonderful! Totally agree that you do know if they are into you.

Excited/nervous about letting geeky meet dc tomorrow!

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Fri 17-Jan-14 12:32:07

dont I'm excited for you! grin

OhWesternWind Fri 17-Jan-14 12:42:10

Don't - what's the plan for tomorrow? I think Alpha just dropped round at mine for a cup of tea the first few times he met the dc, very low key. Good luck.

Lies I agree with so much of what you're saying. All the whittling and worrying just seem to go out of the window when things are right.

It's all sounding good for so many people at the moment, great stuff.

DeliberatelyDreaming Fri 17-Jan-14 12:59:25

Good afternoon ladles and jellyspoons grin (Can't you see I'm hugely chipper today?)

My twopence worth on first time sex and body hangups. I'm probably quite a bit older than many of you, while I have no Csec scars, I do have a lot of flab from a massive weight loss. First time since EXH I asked if it was ok for me to wear a little cami, no problem. Believe me, by the time we were done I was completely nekkid and couldn't have given a damn. This was also daytime sex, so the bedroom was light. I advise trying not to let your hangups spoil things, I am sure he will never take a blind bit of notice, and by the time you're done, I doubt you will care much either. The first time is always nerve wracking, body hangups or not. Just relax as much as possible and enjoy!!

DeliberatelyDreaming Fri 17-Jan-14 17:15:46

dont I think the meeting the DC is when we really do begin to feel this could well be serious and long(er) term. I think OWW did it perfectly, a cup of tea as a friend, nothing more than that initially. My DC are older and have bumped into me and dates a couple of times in town. I have never set out for that to happen, but it has and they are fine with it. DD1 has met Mr OMG both DD met Mr Zany. I do believe it is the DC age and level of maturity along with our (parents) feelings of when things are right. Good luck tomorrow.

dontcallmehon Fri 17-Jan-14 19:09:34

Thanks dreaming. I feel as if geeky could be for keeps, so it's a big day tomorrow. I want to see how they are. We're off for a pub lunch.

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Fri 17-Jan-14 19:17:15

Hope you're still chipper dreaming

Dont...good luck, you're not going to need it - enjoy your pub lunch, your dcs and Geeky!

Just wanted to pop by and wish everyone good luck for any dates tonight. Have fun!

MirandaWest Fri 17-Jan-14 19:35:01

Hope all dates go well tonight smile

Thank you those who have mentioned me - I think I am very lucky as I manage to strike lucky on my first date about 21 months ago now I think. I found Mr Nice on OK Cupid (turned out we were both on POF and free dating as well, both being cheapskates grin) and things have just worked out smile

I met his DS near the beginning but he's 18 and was just around the place. He met my DC after about 6 months and sees them sometimes although we spend more time together just us. We will hopefully live together at some point in the future but due to various things will probably be in a few years time. I am a little impatient though...

Where's Master I wonder? Hopefully out on a date on a Friday night smile

DeliberatelyDreaming Fri 17-Jan-14 19:35:27

Oh very chipper Lies I have had a day all for me, me, me. I have done all the housework, we now gleam. I usually change bed linen on Saturdays, it is done, washed, dried and put away. I am now very contentedly munching on chocolate and have a rather nice glass of red.

I had noticed my consumption of the said red (poet and didn't know it) was getting rather out of hand. I am now cutting it down by half, then half again, with the plan to only drink bottles and bottles at weekends. So far, so good!

I notices OMG had whatsapp'd me earlier, but wishing to continue my me day, I didn't read it and now have my phone on airoplane mode as it will stay until morning!

Good luck daters, I am living vicariously through you all.

OhWesternWind Fri 17-Jan-14 19:43:01

I've had no booze all week, not since last Friday night for the same reason Dreaming. Might treat myself to a glass tonight.

Good luck to all daters from me too. I'm having a nother quiet night in tonight, bit bored and lonely but it's difficult for me to get out as I have the dc 24/7. Still I've got Alpha all weekend, have really missed him as he's been away this week.

MirandaWest Fri 17-Jan-14 19:45:49

I had a bottle of corona last Saturday I think. Am not really much of a drinker. My DS is having a sleepover tonight (his first - am a bit behind on this sleepover thing) and am hoping I won't feel the need for alcohol by the end of it grin

49howdidthathappen Fri 17-Jan-14 19:54:12

R&R isn't much of a drinker. Shame as he gets a bit cheeky and keeps giving me a wink

Good luck tonight daters grin

DeliberatelyDreaming Fri 17-Jan-14 19:59:07

My excuse is, after a long hard day, then dinner to cook and stuff to do at home it is a reward and a relaxant. Tripe of course, hence why I am now heading toward weekends only. I don't get squiffy often just love the reward. grin

MadeMan Fri 17-Jan-14 20:01:35

You're cooking tripe for dinner?

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Fri 17-Jan-14 20:10:08

Tripe ewww lol

Just checking in, on the bus to meet Mr Camera. Listening to my current fave pre-date album to get me in the playful seductress mood! The chat via messages/texts has been quite fun and we seem to have some similar interests and outlook so fingers x'd!!!

Good luck fellow daters, and also great to read things going so well for Lies and others!!

DeliberatelyDreaming Fri 17-Jan-14 20:25:47

EUGH *MadeMan) Tripe - nooooooo. Years and years ago I had a huge great fluffy German Shepherd, he was huge, fluffy and adorable. I used to buy raw tripe to feed him along with vitamin enriched mixer thingy on the advice of the vet, due to his sheer size. The tripe was a whole sheep stomach delivered in a black refuse bag. I had to cut it into daily amounts, then freeze it and cook as needed. All I am going to say is, it's just as well I loved that dog. I now have a lap dog who eats chicken, I wonder why I changed breeds grin

OHHH good luck ODWIGU. My fingers are tightly crossed. I always hope we see the beginning of a great romance like Miranda, OWW and 49 with each new date. I am still very happily on the sofa. Should anything nice happen with OMG then I shall be happy, if it doesn't, nothing invested! Updates, ladies, please!

MadeMan Fri 17-Jan-14 20:32:08

@Deliberately, Yes, I can see why changing dog breeds would be beneficial there. smile

HanselandGretel Fri 17-Jan-14 20:35:22

Good luck on your date oneday be sure to update later from the safety of the loo!

Question for you wise ones...I had someone I'd been chatting OL for almost two weeks, good rapport going etc and a preliminary date set for a weekend meet then he just goes off air. The weekend of the meet comes and goes and I hear nothing at all until about a week and a half later with him popping up online saying hello..now I did see him as someone I had quite a bit in common with but am miffed that he just did the old puff of smoke trick a few days before the potential date....do I ignore? or just take up where we left off and pretend nothing? Should I expect nothing as we haven't even met in RL so no biggie if he has been elsewhere with Mrs Elsewhere or whatever??

MadeMan Fri 17-Jan-14 20:41:50

@Hansel A simple reply email to him, "AND WHERE THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU BEEN THEN!!!"

DeliberatelyDreaming Fri 17-Jan-14 20:47:11

H&G I would ask why he vanished after a date, preliminary or not had been set. If he comes up with a plausible excuse, then it is up to you to accept and set another date. If his excuse is beyond the bounds of probability, I would delete.

Men (and I would assume woman) feel it's ok to treat people this way, no it is not! While we are nothing but names on a screen, we are also people with feelings, real people. It's sometimes too easy to forget this.

MadeMan Quite grin

HanselandGretel Fri 17-Jan-14 20:54:33

Thanks mademan a nice burst eardrum may do him the world of good!

Deliberately we had set that it would be that weekend, no time or place etc and his messages did get a little shorter and I thought he was backing off a bit...proved right I think there!

DeliberatelyDreaming Fri 17-Jan-14 20:55:39

H&G Difficult one. What is your gut telling you?

HanselandGretel Fri 17-Jan-14 21:09:53

My gut is telling me he would be ultimately hard to please and maybe a bit self-centred (judging on the messages and his disappearing) but he did have a good sense of humour and was witty etc...I might leave it, or at least I don't feel in any hurry to take up with him again, I like a bit of continuity and he sort of fractured it for me now.
I've got a date on Monday with someone on Monday so will see how that goes.

HanselandGretel Fri 17-Jan-14 21:10:46

No edit button makes for lots of silly mistakes in posts!

MadeMan Fri 17-Jan-14 21:13:27

"...we had set that it would be that weekend, no time or place..."

I suppose the good thing is Hansel that at least you weren't waiting for him somewhere having been stood up.

Perhaps he feels that things are fine because you'd both only set for the weekend without making any actual concrete plans. Having said that, I think if he was properly interested then he would suggest a definite time, day and place to have a date with you. Fannying about isn't generally seen as a sign of interest.

DeliberatelyDreaming Fri 17-Jan-14 21:15:38

H&G Yes. Hmm. While we are all looking for potential partners call it what you will I don't think anyone who makes us question either ourselves or the situation is anything but ideal. ID is not easy, I have had many dates and am still single because I want what is right for me. Well done. I think dating other people is by far the most sensible thing to do. If he is hard to please etc now, imagine 1, 3, 6 months down the line. Good on ya girl, I 100% agree with your idea to keep looking.

49howdidthathappen Fri 17-Jan-14 21:15:48

H&G A date on Monday smile

I think you are probably right to trust your gut. He does sound a time waster. Don't let him waste yours.

DeliberatelyDreaming Fri 17-Jan-14 21:17:50

"Having said that, I think if he was properly interested then he would suggest a definite time, day and place to have a date with you. Fannying about isn't generally seen as a sign of interest."

Well said MadeMan

HanselandGretel Fri 17-Jan-14 21:20:13

Agreed mademan, the guy I'm meeting on Monday in contrast, googled a half way point, gave three different options of pub and has been in steady contact...lots of brownie points for him already...just not sure what if anything will be there as I didn't get that rapport with him, bet he seems a really genuine guy, so worth a chance in my books.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Fri 17-Jan-14 22:06:33

Ok, date-at-the-bar update..... good conversation so far, sharing some laughs.....

MirandaWest Fri 17-Jan-14 22:12:08

Sounds good so far smile

OhWesternWind Fri 17-Jan-14 22:15:21

Sounds good OneDay, if you can make each other laugh you're more than half way there.

Monday night's date sounds good too Hansel. He might be more on your wavelength in the flesh - some people just don't come across well messaging.

kscience Fri 17-Jan-14 22:36:02

Wavity wavity, resurfaces after week from hell inspection and my life being taken over.

glad there is lots of dating activity going on somewhere...

49howdidthathappen Fri 17-Jan-14 22:36:42

One grin grin

HanselandGretel Fri 17-Jan-14 22:44:41

That's what I'm hoping ohWestern

Waves to kscience

DeliberatelyDreaming Fri 17-Jan-14 22:51:01

kscience Waves, good to see you back.

Oneday Being able to make you laugh is something to hold onto. I love a man who can really make me belly laugh, so, it's sounding good.

Waves to Miranda & OWW. Proof OD does work. smile

OhWesternWind Fri 17-Jan-14 23:02:52

There are a fair few of us oldies who it's worked for Dreaming - I honestly believe its purely a numbers game, get out there and meet people and sooner or later someone who's a good fit will turn up. Took me almost a year and twenty men or so - it was actually very good for me in improving my confidence and ability to chat to strangers grin

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Fri 17-Jan-14 23:41:25

Actual loo update! Considering he's just got the 5th round in its amazing I've lasted this long before the loo haha. Def good date so far, exchanging lots of similar stories of various hilarious escapades, fair amount in common. Have somehow got onto the subject of bad OD stories though! Prob a taboo subject for first date!

OhWesternWind Fri 17-Jan-14 23:53:27

Brilliant OneDay and a proper loo update, am v impressed. Has he got some good dating stories then?

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Sat 18-Jan-14 00:38:41

Nothing to beat getting pushed over by Psychotwat at the speed dating, or the Mr Music debacle! Think I win that tound! Yeah, good date. He just walked me to my bus and wants to see me again. He'd have been up for a snog, it's not that I'm not attracted to him but I still haven't snogged anyone since Housrmate guy and its s little hurdle for me, so hug and cheek kiss gbye tonight. Definite potential.

tigerbear Sat 18-Jan-14 09:39:17

Oneday - that certainly sounds like it has potential!

Well, things have taken a spectacular turn for the worse here sad
After an amazing night and most of the day with mine Wed/Thurs, we'd exchanged several emails (but via GSM instead of normal email, instigated by him), saying what a great time we'd both had, can't wait til next time, etc, him saying how he wants to spend hours and hours with me. The last one I sent was at 3pm yesterday, which I can see he's read, but hasn't responded to. I texted him at midnight last night to ask how his evening had been (he's got friends staying this weekend, so I presumed he'd still be up). No reply to that.

I stayed up way too late here on MN and couldn't sleep, and out of curiosity I went back on GSM at 3.30am to see if he'd replied/look on his profile, which said he'd last been online in the last few hours (he'd not replied to my last message nor looked at my profile). While I was digesting this, his status turned to 'online' again! So i waited 5 min or so, and thought great, he's going to message me, but nothing.
I was pretty upset and sent him an email then saying 'hi, so you're still up? I can't sleep x' While I was sending it, he logged out, and I can see he hasn't read it (but would have seen the alert to his gmail to say he has a message waiting for him)

Hmmm, doesn't look good does it?
Why else would he be online twice in the early hours of the morning if he isn't messaging other people (which I asked him straight out on Thurs if he was chatting to anyone else and he said no).
I'm totally floored by this - on Thurs I could have sworn that he seems like the most genuine and sincere man when he's with me, gives all the signals that he likes me too, etc...
So, so disappointed. What do I do now? Do I question him or just leave it, and wait until he contacts me??
sad

TheCrow Sat 18-Jan-14 10:24:15

All this technology is driving me mad! First of all I keep getting matches on Tinder that say they're within 5 miles but then immediately say like 50 miles away when I click them. Secondly I've been chatting some more to Comic Book Guy on Whatsapp, at first he was constantly showing as online or 'last seen' at a minute or two previously so when he took a while to reply I thought he was online but ignoring me. Now I know that it's probably running in the background on his phone, but I messaged him at 8.22 last night and he's showing as last seen at 8.30 so I'm paranoid he's blocked me! Someone please tell me I'm being daft!

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Sat 18-Jan-14 10:36:00

Showing one tick or two crow?

Sounds like things went well oneday

Sorry tiger, gutting isn't it! I'd leave it, you've messaged him once let him come back to you now. If he doesn't, he wasn't worth your time and effort sad

Hansel - go with your gut, it's always right.

Waves at science, nice to see you!

Morning everyone else hope you're all good

TheCrow Sat 18-Jan-14 10:42:51

Two ticks.

tiger I'd wait a while to see if he gets back to you, it was late and he had friends staying over but I wouldn't contact him again.I wouldn't necessarily panic just yet either though!

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Sat 18-Jan-14 10:45:45

Crow...if it's showing two ticks you're definitely not blocked...stays on one as they never see it ((hugs))

whatsapp drove me crazy, in the end I removed the time and datestamp, not so much so that I could hide when I'd been last on line but so that I couldn't see when anyone else had! Stopped the paranoia slightly.

tigerbear Sat 18-Jan-14 10:49:47

Thanks for the advice Lies and TheCrow, I will leave it and see if he gets in touch.
Feeling so low and am sitting in bed crying.
Out of all the men I've met over the past 4 months, this one really did seem the most genuine, which is why I feel so sad. I know it's a cliche, but he seemed different to the others.

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Sat 18-Jan-14 10:57:50

((Big hugs)) Tiger. Don't cry, please. It's so hard, isn't it?

Really feeling for you right now...stay strong girl, there may be a good reason and if there isn't he really isn't worth those tears. Have some very unmumsnetty xxxxxxx

TheCrow Sat 18-Jan-14 11:01:10

But what if he read the message at 8.30 and then blocked me which is why that's showing as the last time he was online? Hope I'm reading too much into it!

tiger Hope he gets back to you but if not then someone who can say that they couldn't wait to see you then just disappear off the face of the Earth is a cruel bastard not worth your time anyway. I know it doesn't make it easier though sad

tigerbear Sat 18-Jan-14 11:08:39

Lies and Crow, thanks for your kindness and comments.

Well, I just noticed that he emailed me on GSM 20 min ago, asking what I was still doing up at 4am, that he's just woken up now, that he had dreamt of me last night and that he wishes he was with me now. Then some general stuff about where he went with friends last night and what their plans are for today.
Hmmmm, what the hell do I say back?
Do I tell him I could SEE he was online??

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Sat 18-Jan-14 11:13:45

Crow how about you send him a message, meant for someone else in error wink, if he reads it you'll know and if it stays on one tick then you'll have more of an idea if he has blocked you.

Might just be busy on a Friday night and if it turns out that he has then like you said to tiger he's a cruel bastard and not worth your time anyway. Sending you ((Big hugs)) and unmumsnetty xxxxxx too!!!

Tiger...No, don't tell him you could see he was online. May be that he clicked on to read a message and stayed logged on, on his phone. FWIW, Mrtwohours, had been online and I know for an absolute certainty he wasn't dating or chatting to anyone else. I checked my messages, don't really know why, before I deleted my account so that would have shown I was online too and absolutely not chatting to anyone else. You have a connection, trust it. Smiling for you now.

Reply whatever feels right but keep it light, chatty and confident!

tigerbear Sat 18-Jan-14 11:15:10

Hmm, i can see he's still online now, 50 min after emailing me...

tigerbear Sat 18-Jan-14 11:19:42

Lies, but in the early hours of the morning, when I first logged on, he wasn't online (but showing up as having been on in the last few hours), then 10 min later he showed up as online. Doesn't make sense...
Fuckit, I'm going to say I just mailed him then to see if he wanted to chat as I thought it said he was online too, and see what he says...

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Sat 18-Jan-14 11:19:58

Tiger - remember...can be running in the background on his phone or computer. Showing online doesn't mean he IS online. Get into a conversation with him online, then at least you'll know.

I think you need to have a chat with him about where you are. You said you felt that connection and either he's feeling it or he's not. One way or another you need to know so that you can enjoy it or move on. Feels like quoting The Rules has been frowned upon a bit lately but you are the Prize and bloody worth it!!!

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Sat 18-Jan-14 11:20:36

Cross posted a bit there!! Trust that gut Tiger

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Sat 18-Jan-14 11:29:34

Good response...

tigerbear Sat 18-Jan-14 11:56:59

Thanks Lies. I've now emailed him back - keeping it as light as possible - so lets see what he says...

TheCrow Sat 18-Jan-14 11:58:36

If you ask him and he says he wasn't online don't assume he's not telling the truth, obviously I recently learned that these online statuses are a bit off with their accuracy. He still seems very keen on you smile

With regards to Comic Book Guy I'm just going to give it a day or two, he works in a bar so was probably working and no point getting in a frazzle. If he's blocked me then his loss ;)

Not too sure about pof so far, seems to be all 'ppl hu spell lyk dis' and ones who's interest list consists of the gym and nights out. Where's all the geeky intellectual types?!

ALittleStranger Sat 18-Jan-14 12:00:51

I think that sometimes a little bit of knowledge can be a bad thing. OD allows you to monitor someone's activities in a way that you just can't if you've met someone in real life. Chances are the nice guy you snogged at a party and arranged a date with is chatting up a random in a bar the next night. But you'd never know about it... But then I'm quite blase about multi-dating in the early days, I just don't get why some people feel the need to claim otherwise. But I suppose if you're asked it's natural(?) to lie.

ALittleStranger Sat 18-Jan-14 12:03:07

TheCrow you need to get on GSM for the geeky intellectual types. I know some people think it's full of knobs, but I either have a very high freshhold or am one myself as I just thought it was full of people like me and my friends.

49howdidthathappen Sat 18-Jan-14 12:15:07

Tiger Good on you. As Lies said 'you are the prize'.

49howdidthathappen Sat 18-Jan-14 12:21:19

stranger I am in favour of multi dating in the early days too.

I was completely up front about it, some didn't like that, so it was goodbye smile

TheCrow Sat 18-Jan-14 12:26:50

What's GSM? I think I've heard every site described as being full of knobs but all it takes is one nice guy and it'll make wading through the knobs (so to speak!!) worth it smile

kscience Sat 18-Jan-14 12:35:29

Morning all,

Stranger what is GSM??

I am facing a drought...except for 2 men both of whom I have responded to initial messages with thank you but from your profile I do not feel there is enough to continue any further. One is now messaging me from 2 different OD sites hmm

MirandaWest Sat 18-Jan-14 12:35:47

I think GSM is guardian soul mates but am not sure.

tigerbear Sat 18-Jan-14 12:40:55

TheCrow - GSM is the Guardian Soulmates site.
I'm on that one. As ALittleStranger said, it's full of the intellectual types - packed to the rafters with them!
EVERYONE works in 'media' or 'the Arts', and love or loathe it, I've found that all of them are NOT the types to write in text speak, LOL, etc

Thanks for all the advice everyone.
Stranger - you're right, perhaps having access to so much OD is bad. I was actually just speaking to my dad about this and we agreed that way back before there was any OD, there's no way anyone could have known what the person you met in a bar might get up to, as you said.

I've had a response back, saying he arrived home quite drunk with his friends at 3-4am which is when I emailed him, and doesn't think he was actively online, but that his Blackberry shows that he is, if that makes sense?

Anyway, he sent a lovely long email telling me what he and his friends are up to later, that's he's pleased I've been thinking of him, and asking to meet up tomorrow as soon as his friends have left.
Can't ask for more than that I guess.
Will keep you posted, but am feeling much better than I did earlier. smile

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Sat 18-Jan-14 12:47:04

Yay Tiger - glad you're feeling better!

HanselandGretel Sat 18-Jan-14 12:54:20

tiger just goes to show the OD can be very paranoid making, it helps feed insecurities within us, it takes a lot of willpower and confidence to not read things into everything when there is so much 'information' there in front of us....I'm not on Tinder / Whatsapp and I from reading on here I'm glad I'm not...glad he's been in touch but look what a state you were in..not good for your self-esteem at all, don't give him so much power over you.
I've taken people off 'favourites' before if they've stopped corresponding and I liked them as it was too tempting to check when they were last online...arrrgh, the whole OD thing can be so bad for us if we don't take a reality check now and then to see some sense!

tigerbear Sat 18-Jan-14 13:18:35

Hansel - wise words indeed!
You're totally right. OD has knocked my confidence over the past few months so much, but probably because I've let it, if that makes any sense?
I think it's fuelled the massive insecurities I had already, but also made me paranoid and suspicious in a way I wasn't before (from reading about other people's experiences its made me very wary and mistrusting now).
Not quite sure what my insecurities are based on - I'm prob my own worst enemy in being critical of my looks, personality, everything. Went out with a male friend last night (whom I've only known a few months) and was asking for a male perspective, and he said 'Tigerbear, you're lovely, you're beautiful, just get out there and have some fun. Have some self belief!' Such a sweet thing of him to say.

I just need to start believing in myself more.

Have a good day all, sorry for the thread hijack and for being so needy today!

ALittleStranger Sat 18-Jan-14 13:24:09

Tiger what you have to remember is that no one posts on Relationships to say they met someone nice and straightforward but a non-starter, so it's very easy to get a completely warped picture of how brutal OD is. I refuse to believe I'm the only one who didn't get a single penis picture or metaphorical knobber.

kscience Sat 18-Jan-14 13:33:50

Thanks for the heads up on GSM....looks much more promising

Stranger good advice.......I am treating it all as an experiment that is rather entertaining and using dates as practise, as I have been "out of the game" for a while and hope that if I find someone who I could see more than a practise date that I do the same for them too.

ALittleStranger Sat 18-Jan-14 13:40:29

Kscience, I think the practice bit is exactly why I think it's good. Post a long relationship or when you're past the house party stage and all your friends are coupled up, it's easy to get out of the habit or just not have the opportunity of flirting, being interesting, being funny etc. Without going all Oprah Winfrey, I felt OD helped me gain a lot as a person. I'll do it again if the current MrStranger starts slacking off. wink

SoftKittyWarmKitty Sat 18-Jan-14 13:42:15

Tiger has he responded to your email yet? Maybe he was just browsing last night or maybe he's multi dating. Have you had the exclusivity talk yet?

I have a second date with Mr Coffee Shop tonight. He suggested either wine and food at his house or a bar about halfway between our houses. It's waaaaay too soon to be going to his house so I replied that drinks in the bar would be fine smile. I doubt I'd be able to control myself on my own with him in his house grin wink.

TheCrow Sat 18-Jan-14 14:03:02

tiger Sounds like I'll fit right in, I work in a betting shop! grin Will sign up tonight when I'm on the laptop, it sounds good anyway, hopefully will find people more suited to my interests.

Have to agrer with what people are saying about OD, this is the first time I've used it, normally very laid back but can see how easy it would be to let the inner crazy lady out! Also think it's too easy for people to be rude and mean without considering that they might actually be hurting someone's feelings or destroying their confidence.

kscience Sat 18-Jan-14 15:16:27

OK drought over..... I forget that with the OD it is perfectly acceptable for the girls to send the first message (not something I would ever do oin real life)

been chatting to a couple of nice chaps, already been invited out for coffe and got phone number of the other. I dont know if I can manage to juggle dating two guys at once..... but I might as well try

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Sat 18-Jan-14 15:31:17

science, I hear you with regard to making the first move in real life! I would NEVER do it.

I messaged Mrtwohours first and all going swimmingly so far...he seems to revel in the fact that it was me that made the first move. I paid for VIP on POF and hid my profile then messaged people I liked the look of...that way I knew if I got a message it was from someone I wanted to hear from and was happy to chat to. Enjoy dating a couple of guys at once...it is a numbers game after all!

HanselandGretel Sat 18-Jan-14 16:00:38

Seems my instincts were right about feeling OD guy (who just reappeared again after almost two weeks of silence) were right...I decided to reply and asked where he had got to in a very light manner, obviously didn't mention that we had agreed to meet up) his reply...'he had got bored of weirdos on the site'! I then ask why was coming back on there in that case...'because he keeps getting messages through'!!
That to me smacks of self absorption...why did he even bother to get back in touch with me??
I wouldn't give him a second glance now, total turn off.

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Sat 18-Jan-14 16:38:32

Good for you Hansel.

Bored of weirdos? Strange! You had arranged a date and he was letting "weirdos" put him off contacting you...I think your instincts are spot on!

HanselandGretel Sat 18-Jan-14 16:46:03

What annoyed me was he didn't even say 'sorry not been in touch...' clearly up his own posterior!

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Sat 18-Jan-14 16:55:10

...must be all those messages he's getting wink

Knobber.

HanselandGretel Sat 18-Jan-14 16:59:23

grin

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Sat 18-Jan-14 17:31:54

Ah well Hansel, his loss.

Tiger wow a bit of a rollercoaster for you since I last checked in! Technology can be a bitch with 'showing online' - I really dont think it means anything. I'm pretty sure I show as online a lot because I always have a million windows open on my computer and forget about them. Glad you sound happier now!

kscience go on give the multi-dating a go grin it's certainly helping me be a lot less crazy lady and finding it much easier to just shrug when things don't go well.

tigerbear Sat 18-Jan-14 20:12:10

Evening all,

Crow - any news from ComicBookGuy, and have you had a look on GSM yet?

Kscience -have you looked yet too on GSM - is that where all the action is coming from for you? smile

AlittleStranger - what you said earlier re mostly bad stories coming to light on the Relationships board is so true. I'd never thought about it in that way before, thanks for giving me a different perspective on things.

Softkitty good luck for tonight - hope it's going well! What number date is it? Mine did respond - posted about it up thread at 12.40. We might be meeting up tomorrow, at his suggestion. Haven't had an exclusivity talk as such, but I asked him the other night if he was chatting to other people and he said no...

Hansel that guy sounds like an idiot! Best rid!

Oneday - yep, been a bit of roller coaster! Let's see what happens tomorrow if I see him

tigerbear Sat 18-Jan-14 20:13:54

Dont how did it go with geeky meeting your DC today??

DeliberatelyDreaming Sat 18-Jan-14 20:17:48

Tiger OD really can knock your confidence. I am person who has a 'don't give a f*' attitude to most things. I have had to take breaks to regroup and sort out my thoughts. Sometimes, the things that knock our confidence, really don't have too. This thread is a God send for allowing people to see the wood for the trees. I have learned so much from it.

Kitty I hope your date is going well. I think a wine bar opposed to home is eminently sensible grin

DeliberatelyDreaming Sat 18-Jan-14 20:24:22

Oh yes dont How did the meeting go? Fingers crossed it was all good.

H&G How could you bin a man with such a fantastic approach to OD? You need to shake yourself gurl grin Seriously, what an asshole!

kscience I don't believe for a second men should do the asking/making the first contact. I have contacted men frequently, with mixed results. Go for it!

TheCrow Sat 18-Jan-14 20:32:16

Just put DD to bed so just about to go on GSM now and have a look, got pyjamas on and Great British Bakeoff on the tv. Wish I had an excuse to get dressed up nicely and go for a drink and some interesting conversation with someone sad ComicBookGuy has gone back to always showing as either online or last seen a few minutes ago but not heard back from him. Hoping he's just working but who knows?!

Good luck to everyone who's out tonight, hope all goes well!

TheCrow Sat 18-Jan-14 20:39:51

'No soulmates found' within 10 miles of me hmm

girliefriend Sat 18-Jan-14 20:43:09

Hi All, this has to be the fastest moving thread on mn grin

Hope you are all alright, hope your Geeky meeting your kids went well Dont - how exciting!!

My Mr smallfeet came over last night, he has come over a couple of times now when dd is in bed. It seems to be going well, am enjoying the attention he gives me. Although he mentioned last night that he wants me to meet his mum and sister - eek!! That scares me a lot !!!

dontcallmehon Sat 18-Jan-14 20:46:29

Well it's going well. Kids in bed. We had a nice day and kids liked geeky. He's here now, so I can't stay - but will update tomorrow.

oh and 6 days!

girliefriend Sat 18-Jan-14 21:08:26

How long has it been since you met Geeky dont? Glad it went well smile

I am thinking end of Feb/March time might be when I start thinking about smallfeet meeting dd, that would be four months since we first met.....

kscience Sat 18-Jan-14 21:31:21

Nice to read about the successes so please keep sharing peeps.

Dreaming I actually don't mind approaching men on OD sites, its just I am very old fashioned and could never do it IRL.

tigerbear Sat 18-Jan-14 22:19:59

Crow that's annoying re Comic and GSM - have you put in a 20 mile radius too?

That's great news Dont, pleased it went well!

Girlie -why does it scare you about meeting his mum and sister? How long have you been seeing him for?

Deliberately, same here, I'm quite confident in other aspects of life - own my own business, own home, happy little DD etc, but when it comes to dating I'm useless. I always emotionally invest way too soon, which is why I had such a melt down today, over what was in effect, a very minor thing...

SoftKittyWarmKitty Sun 19-Jan-14 00:28:30

Sorry Tiger I missed your update at lunchtime but have just caught up now. What he said certainky sounds plausible. Hope your meet up tomorrow (well, today now) goes well.

Just back from second date with Mr Coffee Shop. It was great and he's very lovely. He complimented me straight away and throughout the evening (which I'm not used to!), conversation was easy and we were both quite flirty. We behaved in the bar then snogged each other's faces off in the car park on the way to our respective cars. T'was lovely!

He mentioned meeting up again, so it's looking positive but I'm taking this one slowly.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Sun 19-Jan-14 03:10:05

I met a really, really, really lovely guy tonight. Really really.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Sun 19-Jan-14 08:48:14

Oooh OneDay, tell us more!

kscience Sun 19-Jan-14 11:12:17

Sounds like thing are going well ladies.

One Day proper loo update if you please....some of us living vicariously through you this weekend.

Well I have 2 dates for next week Mr teacher coffee and walk in local country park. Mr Science meeting for coffee. Both sound like nice chaps so fingers crossed they don't find me too repellent.

HanselandGretel Sun 19-Jan-14 11:31:13

Snogging in the car par...always a good sign! Go you kitty

Oneday well?? we're all waiting...wink

kscience have you rejoined OD? Sorry have forgotten where you were at re the dating but remember you said there was no one on the horizon at the minute...two coffee dates sounds very promising.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Sun 19-Jan-14 11:54:38

Aaaargh grin

So last night I went to one of those cheesy singles nights organised by a dating website, with the girls and one of the guys that I made friends with at the speed dating. Just as a bit of a laugh and to see my 'new friends' as with all these dates lined up anyway I figured I couldn't really take on anything else at the moment.

Anyway long story short, ended up meeting someone....some of the others met people too and we all went on somewhere else....me and erm, Mr NiceGuy, (he's in my phone as Name Nice Guy haha) just ended up talking for hours and hours, snogging at my bus stop (let 2 night buses go past grin). I am SO proud of myself for coming home alone. It was very tempting not to. He is just so so lovely. And so hot. I would have thought out of my league but he seems to fancy me too. I feel a bit like a cartoon with stars for eyes or something haha. But this morning I am forcing myself to be sensible and not get carried away.

kscience Sun 19-Jan-14 13:50:26

H&G not been off OD had coffee a week or so a go with nice chap but he was not interested in anything more. I have had a week of messages from chaps in foreign lands or 20yrs my junior (same age as my son)

But approached a couple of chaps and been chatting yesterday and today. So lets see,

One day that sounds more positive. I am booked onto one of the match.com nights at the end of the month.... how cheesy is cheesy?

daisystone Sun 19-Jan-14 18:54:42

Ugh been messaging a guy back and forth for a few weeks and exchanged numbers and have been texting a bit and then he texts a few days ago saying
"are you happy?" Oh God, i had been getting the feeling he was not over his marriage breakup (he has two young boys and has already says he really misses them).
I cheerily messaged back saying something along the lines of "I'm ok, got to look on the bright side of life la la la" but clearly this is not good right? He is depressed and hung up on his ex. I am hung up on my ex but at least I hide it and don't talk about it hahahahahaha

Hormonalhell Sun 19-Jan-14 20:11:33

Hi dating peeps, please tell me what u make of this.

Started messaging a guy a week ago, nice pics getting on great. Mentioned to him I need a job, this was Friday (he quite high up working for Yorkshire tv) he then tells me few hours later that he wants to interview me to go and work as his PA. We not had a date yet. Does this sound dodgy?

MummyAbroad Sun 19-Jan-14 20:15:57

hello ladies, can I join you? I've just signed up to OKCupid, its my first forray into OD and I could do with a bit of hand holding. So far searches are very discouraging, I'm not in the UK and in this country there is not nearly such a nice choice of men as I see on sites like GSM. :-(

Has anyone/would anyone go on a date with someone who you really dont like the look of from their photo but comes across Ok (if a bit needy) on email? God I feel a bit desperate... thats option number 1,

there other one is to message back a guy who says he is a Sailor (!) and will be in town on the 27th. Talk me through this please!

MummyAbroad Sun 19-Jan-14 20:23:43

hormonalhell I am brand new at this so not sure my advice is the best, but yes that does sound dodgey to me.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Sun 19-Jan-14 20:35:01

Don't glad things went well, how was today? and Tiger how was today too?

kscience how cheesy - it is what it is I guess! We had locks & keys to start conversations and you also were supposed to find the other half of a celebrity couple you'd been assigned, to give you excuses to start talking to people. Although this worked to my detriment as I was dragged away unwillingly from my initial conversation with Mr Niceguy by someone who had been informed I was the other half of their celebrity thing....and then I lost Mr Niceguy. Until me & my friends gave up and went to sit down and just have a drink, and there he was on the next table grin.

Hormonal that sounds dodgy as fuck! I'd probably give him one chance asking if that was sarcasm/bad joke. Otherwise would delete.

Mummy hello and welcome! I'm sure I've dated your option number 1 guy several times!!! The looks thing wouldn't put me off a first date but the neediness might. But maybe a 'practice' no pressure date would be useful to you anyway, and you never know? Sounds like Sailor guy is just looking for some fun - what are you looking for?

Mr Niceguy has asked me out for this Friday, (I told him that's the first day I was free) and bought tickets for something. Whoop whoop smile now just not sure how to handle the other guys I have dates with. I think I'm going to not change anything for now. I don't want to be diving in too fast, that way craziness lies. But Niceguy does give me tummy butterflies, and induces obsessive message-checking behaviour. Sigh.

MummyAbroad Sun 19-Jan-14 20:53:05

thanks oneday, I have actually set up a coffee date with Option1. I like your idea of "practice date", it'll be my first internet date ever, so I might as well do my novice moves on someone I am not that invested in!

I am looking for some good company that hopefully turns into something more. I have 2 kids, have been single for 3 years, and as an ex-pat my circle of English speaking friends shrinks frequently as people move on or back home, so I am getting lonely! I would like a good looking, educated, considerate, solvent, English speaker who loves kids. :-)

Sailor says he works for Norweigan cruises, and his profile is full of pictures of him either in uniform or exotic locations - looks and sounds nice, but it doesnt scream "family man" - still havent replied to his offer of a date, still considering....

Good luck for Friday! Sounds like a good plan to keep the other dates in place, dont invest in one too soon, without being really sure!

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Sun 19-Jan-14 22:18:32

Hi all...quick update on me and Mr Number 4. He came round for dinner...didn't quite make the second course....he stayed over. Was lovely.

dontcallmehon Sun 19-Jan-14 22:54:35

My ex had another strop. Didn't turn up for kids and expected me to give him a lift somewhere as he'd abandoned his car the night before, drunk. After geeky left, he turned up swearing at me in front of my neighbours and threatening to withdraw childcare. So my babysitter will take over when I work and ex is banned from house. He can take dc out, but he doesn't come here and swear at me. He's angry that geeky met dc, I think.

Geeky was fab with the dc and I love him more every time I see him!

dontcallmehon Sun 19-Jan-14 23:06:15

Sounds good, flora

girlie I've been with geeky for three months. It feels like longer!

oneday glad things seem to have gone so well!

hormonal nice to see you back on the thread. I'd agree, it sounds dodgy to me too.

girliefriend Sun 19-Jan-14 23:07:22

Flora - amazing!!

Dont - your ex sounds like a psycho shock he seriously needs a reality check. Sounds like you have handled it well though, if he comes round and does that again I would call the police. How old is he? He sounds massively immature.

dontcallmehon Sun 19-Jan-14 23:19:04

He's 33. But v immature. He's living at his mum's due to gambling problems, so he's been insisting he has to look after dc here when he has them. That can't happen now. He just won't have them if he won't take them out.

He was angry because I wouldn't tell geeky to leave early, get 3 dc dressed and into the car, in order to drive him somewhere that is ten minutes away by tram. He also made me 1 hour late for work by not turning up on time for dc, but luckily client 1 had cancelled. I was told to 'fuck off.' Nice!

He realized how I was serious about geeky and he can't cope. I feel like me and geeky are a unit and can cope with this stuff now though.

Montane50 Mon 20-Jan-14 00:01:45

My experience with technology are as follows if this helps....
POF,in the early days i wasnt being paid enough attention by DP (IMO) so checked the site, it said he'd been online 1 hour previously. I confronted him with this and he swore that it was because he never logged off the site on his phone, and when he got home his wi-fi automatically showed him as being on-line. I believed him because hes a trustworthy person (i never even went back to the site to check-sometimes you need to show trust).
WhatsApp, i sent him a message last week while he was sat next to me. It instantly showed 2 ticks i.e read & delivered. His phone was in another room.
Technology isnt 100% reliable.

CaptainCorellisVentolin Mon 20-Jan-14 02:31:40

Hi all, good to read all your positive updates - so glad some of us are having a very positive time lately!!

Had lost the thread as you lot had merrily skipped into thread 68 without me even realising....was a bit busy you see grin Met someone through OKC (registered there since I had heard it mentioned here).

Fuck me sideways with a broomstick, he is gorgeous!!! And a doctor!!! and interesting!!! And I snogged him!!! And he can kiss like the clappers!!! AND....of course he was to good to be fucking true sad

We were talking for a few days online, then a few days on the phone and met him for a drink on Friday. Lust at first sight. Bloody gorgeous and his pics did him no justice at all. Lovely evening, bit of a snog. Muggins here goes home and contemplates taking up residence on Cloud 9 for a bit. More fool is me.

He has been texting me all through the weekend, he had a lovely time too yadda yadda yadda and can he see me again on Monday. Well, yes please! All arranged, he would pick me up in town and we would go for dinner in this lovely pub restaurant near me.

1.15am (yes, 1 fucking 15) my phone starts spuwing out messages from him. He can't afford to take me out, he is in some sort of trouble and how he could not tell me since he was desperate to see me. WTAF?!?!

Don't think I will be seeing him again. Not sure OD is for me; after the "digitally challenged one" (please don't let another row ensue over that, I will promise not to call him Mr Nubbin again), I have now encountered Mr Problemsville. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Like someone said, maybe I will have to kiss a few more frogs before I find someone worthwhile. I live in hope and am glad that at least the fucker snogged like a champion!!! blush

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Mon 20-Jan-14 07:44:00

The 2 ticks on whatsapp doesn't mean the message has been read. 1 tick = message has been sent from your phone to the server, 2 ticks = message delivered from server to their phone. Doesn't mean they've read it. You can switch off the ''last online'' timestamp so you don't know if they've been online since message was delivered (although, if you are both online at the same time you can see).

I think the wifi showing you as online on dating apps is true thougth - I get new messages from OKC whenever my phone is connected to wifi so think I must be showing as online.

HanselandGretel Mon 20-Jan-14 09:14:19

captain was it the paying for dinner he was worried about? maybe he's got financial problems which wouldn't be a deal breaker in itself would it?
Is he really a doctor like he says? sorry but got my cynical hat on through too much OD!

Got a coffee date at 2pm with Mr Seems Ok, very hard to judge as like his name suggests he seems nice, reliable, etc but we have only spoken once and exchanged a few texts so hard to get any grip on his personality. His texts are quite sober and not a lot of banter / rapport (in fact none!) there. Shall see.

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Mon 20-Jan-14 09:39:36

Morning All!

dont glad you and Geeky are staying strong together with regards to your ex- you're handling it really well.

flora really pleased things are going according to plan and you had a great time

captain what a shame. Do you know what the "trouble" is? If it is insurmountable get kissing those frogs....

Agree with all on the technology front, easily misinterpreted. Online does not necessarily mean online! Recipe for confusion and mixed messages!

Hi mummy welcome to the thread. Photos aren't everything, if you're getting on well, get a date in. You only have to go on one after all. I have been reliably informed that I am far better in real life than on any of my photos smile and indeed some of them are "bad"!!!!! I never realised.

oneday glad everything went well for you...well done on the willpower!

hormonal dodgy as a dodgy thing!!!!!

I have spent the last three nights with Mrtwohours. Things going according to plan, we're booking a few days away for in a couple of weeks...excited!! Hard to believe that this time two weeks ago we hadn't even met grin

OhWesternWind Mon 20-Jan-14 12:35:24

The PA thing sounds really dodgy sorry Hormonal.

Not sure about the doctor, Captain - could be genuine or could be some kind of ridiculous nonsense going on, all depends what the actual situation is. I have what on paper is a good, professional job and due to family commitments etc there are times when I couldn't afford to take someone out for a meal. Like now, for example! I've been hit with Christmas bills, car insurance, house insurance, new school shoes, some repairs to the house etc etc since last pay day so I can see how it could happen.

Glad it all went well with Geeky and the dc Dont but your ex sounds like a total nightmare. Does Geeky know about his recent behaviour? Hope all is well.

Lies sounds fabulous.

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Mon 20-Jan-14 13:22:13

Good luck Hansel - enjoy Mr Seems OK and your date!

CaptainCorellisVentolin Mon 20-Jan-14 14:27:37

Okay. Have googled the fucker (obviously should have done this sooner!) and now I am scared. He was convicted in 2011 of 9 harrassment charges against 3 women. He is not a doctor. Nor is he a pilot or a security agent as apparently he claimed in spme of his other fake profiles. He used a fake surname with me. First name was real. Pics were real. The rest most definitely wasn't.
He knows which village/town I love in but not full address. Fuck, he knows where I work!! Am seriously kacking my pants here now people. Have blocked his number on my phone. It's the only number he had. Anything else I should think of??
I consider myself fairly intelligent and bollocks, bollocks, bollocks I almost fell for that crap!!!!
Have deleted the two profiles I had on two different sites. Can't do this if it actually scares me, right? Also found his twitter account once I had figured out his real name; foul mouthed rants that would make a sailor blush. Inane. I am at work but could really break the habit of a lifetime right now and try a whiskey...so upset and angry with myself. I fucking snogged the fucker. Feel the need to brush my teeth. Sorry for yet another rant people. I just seeem to attract numbnuts, deviants and total scam artists sad

CaptainCorellisVentolin Mon 20-Jan-14 14:30:27

Am so angry that i would just love to plaster his name and screen name here. But I won't. Not getting banned for a muppet like that sad sad

SoftKittyWarmKitty Mon 20-Jan-14 14:56:57

Captain Don't beat yourself up, this is not your fault, it's his. It's unlikely that anything will happen but if it does, ring the police straight away. You might want to ring 101 now anyway, just to ask their advice.

He sounds like an utter fruit loop but not all men are like that, so please don't think they are.

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Mon 20-Jan-14 15:16:28

Oh Captain...what a total and utter knobber.

I think you have probably done everything you need to. Have you reported his profile? I would do that. I reported two people on POF who were using photos of someone else...one rugby player and one the diet coke guy and they were removed within 24 hours.

He doesn't know your address so you should be safe and luckily you were not in too deep. Hopefully he'll get the message and just stay away from you. Agree with everything kitty has said...not you, it's him and we're all sucked in with varying degrees of untruths at different times. Some people unfortunately never learn and are better at lying than telling the truth. ((Big hugs))

TheCrow Mon 20-Jan-14 15:19:26

Captain don't beat yourself up about it, there's no way you could have known beforehand, men like that are always good liars and charming to start with. Just be glad you found out early and hopefully you won't hear from him again.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Mon 20-Jan-14 15:35:22

captain oh wow that's awful!! I would say what a knobber but clearly this is someone with serious issues. Agree report profile to dating site- can you just block his profile rather than having to re-do yours though?

CaptainCorellisVentolin Mon 20-Jan-14 15:51:23

Feel better now. A bit. SoftKitty I took your advice and have logged "it" with 101.
They could not have been nicer but I did feel like a giant plonker.....

dontcallmehon Mon 20-Jan-14 16:12:39

Oh my goodness captain that is scary. Sounds like you've done the right thing getting it logged. Hope you're ok.

oww geeky knows about the ex situation and he's fine now. He's just so lovely and makes me so so happy. It's not my fault if my ex can't cope with that.

Got my euros today!

SoftKittyWarmKitty Mon 20-Jan-14 16:27:34

Good for you Captain, hope 101 were helpful. I'm sure you won't hear fom him again - if you do, tell him you've already reported him to the police and to leave you alone.

Don't Oooh, not long until Paris now!

HanselandGretel Mon 20-Jan-14 16:35:53

captain well done you for googling him...mind my asking how you do that without a last name? worth knowing just in case. I don't think you'll be bothered again and you've taken all the necessary precautions, just ignore if he contacts or be canny and say you've changed your mind, no need to let on to him that he's rumbled.

Date was...a bit, I don't know..pah. The rapport wasn't there as expected and he had a slightly annoying inflection in his speech...I know, maybe I'm being picky but it matters...to me!
We left it with a nice to meet you and I thought I wouldn't hear anything which would have been better but he text not long ago to ask to go out again...I really don't know. He was nice, could he grow on me? should I see him again just to see? Bother.

CaptainCorellisVentolin Mon 20-Jan-14 16:53:41

Hansel, he has a very unusual first name (it's the make of a car), told me he was a doctor and where he allegedly worked....typed those three things into Google and up came a long list of Tweets from various acounts with reports of the "alleged" conviction of someone with the first name for harrassment and pretending to be a doctor...full name! Googled that name et voilá, there he was in all his glory; pics, twitter account which had some of the same narrative as his OKC profile page....not rocket science really wink

Dont...soooo excited for you that Paris is so near now!!! It is a city for lovers....sigh....grin

CaptainCorellisVentolin Mon 20-Jan-14 16:54:43

Oh and Hansel, there is nothing wrong with being super picky!!

MummyAbroad Mon 20-Jan-14 17:06:05

Hi all, good to hear some of you are doing really well.

captain shock sounds like you had a lucky escape - i am also poised to take notes on how to google people after hearing that! Hope you are OK.

dontcallmehon I feel for you, I have a twatty ex too. I hope he doesnt spoil things for you.

I have another novice question for you all: a couple of people have asked me to not contact them via the site (OKcupid) but by email or skype instead - what's that all about, does it mean anything or not?

I emailed back the Sailor (who has asked me on a date) and asked him if he actually lives in this country and if he is actually single. Feel a bit mean, but the last bloke I emailed turned out to be in an open relationship, and living in another country but planning his holiday here.

BeforeAndAfter Mon 20-Jan-14 17:59:28

Hi All - I generally post here about once every twenty threads!

Mummy in my experience it's because the bloke has convinced a woman that they are exclusive and he doesn't want to be seen by her on the dating site(s) so he's keen to move to private e-mail super-fast, often before it seems decent. I was the exclusive woman. Unfortunately for him my twat radar was twitching so I honey trapped him with a fake profile - worked like a charm.

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Mon 20-Jan-14 18:17:30

Captain...so sorry. The others have given good advice. Dont worry too much. We can all be naive at times. I hope you manage to move on from this. What an ass he is!

MummyAbroad Mon 20-Jan-14 18:48:30

Thanks beforeandafter makes sense...more questions... and do you all have any rules about how many emails you expect to swap before going on a date? Sailor guy has just asked me out on the first contact, we havent chatted at all. Is that normal?

girliefriend Mon 20-Jan-14 20:04:44

Hi mummy (that sounds weird!) normally I would expect to exchange a few messages before being asked out. However I have one friend who is now married to her 'match.com asked me out straight away' chap!!

What is his profile like?

Oh Captain, that is really scary and reaffirms my belief that with od if he looks too good to be true he almost certainly is!!

tigerbear Mon 20-Jan-14 21:16:38

Wow, there's been lots of action all round this weekend ladies!

* Update on my date yesterday (date number 4, but seems like I've known him for longer) - it was AMAZING! Probably our best yet, and surprising because it was quite impromptu. We were only planning to meet for an hour or two as I was supposed to be meeting a friend later in the evening, but it ended up being 5 hours smile Lovely chat about plans for the future (in general) - I asked what his dream was, and one of the things he mentioned was 'a nice family (i.e.. kids)' - aww!
We couldn't keep our hands off each other and very nearly went back to mine, but didn't as he had an early train this morning to go away for for work. I didn't even mention the being online thing - in all honesty, I feel a bit stupid now for getting myself so worked up about it. The way we were with each other yesterday just seemed so relaxed and natural that I'd be surprised if he's meeting other people/talking to others online.
Fingers crossed, as I'm really starting to fall for him....

Softkitty - Ooh, sounds promising re MrCoffeeshop! Lots of compliments and a proper snog too - perfect! smile

Oneday - that's good to hear that decent ones actually turn up to those events! How exciting! yay!

Kscience do you have a favourite between the two potentials?

Captain that's awful! At least you caught him out early on. God forbid, shudder to think what might have happened if you'd begun properly dating him. Scary to think that there are men like that who've been caught out before, yet still go out and do the same awful stuff time and again...

Daisy I'd run a mile from that one. Starting out with someone with major issues like his doesn't bode well...

Lies - 3 nights in a row?? You lucky thing smile Sounds great. Like you say, so much has happened in 2 weeks. It's a good feeling when you feel so comfortable with someone in such a short space of time isn't it?

Hormonal - yes, dodgy as anything. WTAF, asking you to go for an interview as his PA - based on what??

Hmmm Hansel, if there's no banter, not even a little bit, I'm always wary of them being too serious/just not on the same wavelength

Dont - yup, your ex is jealous as hell that you can actually be happy and have found someone who is lovely. Why does he expect you to give him lifts around town?? You're not his slave!

tigerbear Mon 20-Jan-14 21:18:11

Flora sorry, didn't see your update re Number - oooohhh! That's what I like to hear, not even making it to second course smile

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Mon 20-Jan-14 21:31:37

Mummy no rules do what you feel is comfortable. If it seems like an alright thing to do (other than the inevitable nerves) then that's fine. If your gut is telling you it's too soon, then listen to your gut. I think the longer you have been OD, the keener you are to meet sooner rather than later. It is a numbers game and whilst you may meet Mr Right on your first date, it might be your 21st date (hopefully not), so if you've been at it a while, you are more likely to avoid the preamble of the email/text exchange, which actually tell you very little and get straight to the date.

tiger so pleased for you after your little wobble the other day. Got a big grin on my face for you and so glad you had a fantastic date!!!
And yes....it's a great feeling grin

tigerbear Mon 20-Jan-14 21:53:06

Thanks Lies we're seeing each other again on Thurs.
God, I fancy him like mad!! smile

Hormonalhell Mon 20-Jan-14 22:24:09

Hi allsmile

Tigerbear, looking very promising bet u so excited!!

Don't what an ass your ex has been. Typical men, don't like it when u have a life and not sat around waiting.

Thanks for your advice about mr dodgy! Needless to say I didn't go to meet him. Told him I thought was dodgy n not heard from him since.

I met a guy in RL at weekend, he really sweet n seeing him tomorrow so fx!!

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Tue 21-Jan-14 07:29:15

Hormonal fx indeed (love that shorthand, shall be stealing that!) do tell us more smile

Hansel did you decide to see Mr SeemsOK again?

Lies who told you your photos are bad!!!!??? how rude! And 3 nights in a row.....sounds intense.

So I went on a first date last night with Mr Saffa, who was lovely, entertaining conversation, seemed to get on well, etc etc.... didn't really feel a massive spark though (or even really a hint of one) and when I got home I was just thinking more about Mr NiceGuy....sigh. I think my mind is elsewhere! Can't wait until Friday.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Tue 21-Jan-14 11:21:53

Tiger that sounds great, hope it carries on in the same vein. It's great when dates go on much longer than expected because you're enjoying yourself so much, isn't it? Did you rearrange your friend then?

Flora Oooh, you got your dessert alright! wink

I haven't heard fom Mr Coffee Shop since Sunday evening and I initiated that contact. I'm not sure what to do next. Should I contact him or wait for him to contact me? This daing lark is bloody complicated!

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Tue 21-Jan-14 13:09:25

Oneday so nice guys do win after all! Wasn't unduly offended by the bad photo comment...was actually wrapped up in a massive compliment but will definitely have someone give my photos a once over if there is a next time....which I sincerely hope there will not be grin

I think I would message Mr Coffee Shop kitty, it's only been a day or two so no need to worry unduly. I'm not a big one for following rules regarding who initiated the contact, if he likes you he will be pleased to hear from you. If he doesn't, then it really doesn't matter and it will be his loss. Personally from what you've said previously I think it will be the former...

Just had an interesting video from my first experience in online dating - one up from a cock shot...lovely! How glad am I that he is in my past. Block and delete.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Tue 21-Jan-14 13:50:42

Thanks Lies, DS and I are off to see my friend and her kids after school, so I might message him tonight. I really hate WhatsApp sometimes, as you can see when someone was last online, then you start wondering why they haven't messaged you confused. He's probably waiting or me to message him grin.

I dread to think what was in your video. <shudder>

DeliberatelyDreaming Tue 21-Jan-14 16:15:43

Sorry this is a bit of an update and run, life as ever is busy, busy.

Surprisingly, but very acceptable, Mr OMG and I are meeting up tomorrow. We haven't seen each other for ages, due to serious problems within his family, that I do know are true. Anyway, he changed things around a bit, and we are off for a daytime date. Our first date was more electric than I can put into words. The spark between us is unreal. Second date we DTD and I thought I had been shagged then dumped, but no, we chat every day and as I say are meeting tomorrow. Bloody hell, I am 48 years old and feel 16. I can't wait to be in his arms again. No sex this date, we are doing a re-run of our first date, which was magical. Can't wait.

I will read up later tonight and add my (admittedly very rose coloured waffle.)

FloraSpreadableMacDonald Tue 21-Jan-14 21:49:50

Deliberately...cant wait for an update. Hope it all goes well. He sounds delicious! How old is he?

Number 4 and i still going strong. Im trying to hold back a little though for fear of it going tits up. Fingers crossed it doesnt.

Hormonalhell Tue 21-Jan-14 22:07:53

Aww deliberately you sound just like me!!! That Katie melua song keeps popping in my head grin

dontcallmehon Wed 22-Jan-14 08:10:43

Yuck, lies the video is taking things to another level!

deliberately that's amazing - so glad it's all going so well! Sounds good for you and number 4 too, flora

Geeky and I are still in love. We spend a lot of time looking at each other. We have a song! We share a very childish sense of humour. And we are off to Paris on Friday! grin

Jarlin Wed 22-Jan-14 08:45:36

Hi all. Have posted a few times on previous threads but mostly just read your stories, which I love!
Please can I ask for a bit of advice as I am feeling a bit deflated!
I met MrB after a cheap 1 month deal on Match back in November. He was the only one I liked the look of, who could actually string a sentence together and seemed normal.
We had a great first date, chatted for hours and although I didn't fancy the pants off of him, I did think my feelings for him could grow. Which they have.
He really isn't a texter, which is quite frustrating as I am and like to reply to text as soon as I can. He takes hours or days!
We had our fourth date yesterday and to say things are going slowly is an understatement. We hugged briefly (instigated by him) after the first date but have had no physical contact since despite going to the pictures on one date where I had hoped we might at least brush arms!
He never suggests another date whilst actually on a date, although he offered to cook for me a couple of weeks ago
which I saw as progress but that date got cancelled as his mum fell ill (I know this to be true and he couldn't apologise enough)
We haven't been able to reschedule that due to his kids visits and my shift pattern, but he does still seems keen to cook for me.

This has to be the slowest burning relationship ever and I am finding it hugely frustrating.
He originally said I was 'hard to read' and he worried about suggesting a second date as he was sure I would decline, but I am totally relaxed with him now and have ended up being the one trying to push this forward.
Since his marriage ended (she had an affair) 11 years ago, he has had a couple of short term relationships.

I just feel like a mate at the moment and that isn't what I want!
Please ladies what would you do? Wait until you have actually been to his to see if things develop or give up now? BTW, he is mid 50's and I am very, very nearly 50 49
Sorry it's been long but desperate for advice now.

HanselandGretel Wed 22-Jan-14 09:09:20

Hi*Jarlin*, it's a tricky one as you are already doing all you can to show him you're interested. I think by now you should have at least kissed, and the lack of that physical contact would concern meet too, he could be unsure of making the first move for fear of rejection but it has to happen at some point...and soon..else it could very switch off for you, would you say there is a 'spark' there between you?
Sounds to me like he's comfortable taking it slow, you just have to decide how long you're willing to let things go on like this, you may well end up losing interest if it doesn't progress, I think I would. Perhaps see how the next date goes and then decide?

I decided against seeing Mr Seems Ok again, hey ho.

ALittleStranger Wed 22-Jan-14 09:10:08

Jarlin four dates since November would not be good enough for me. You can't build rapport, get to know each other and combined with a complete lack of anything physical I'd have let it dwindle away by now.

You say you're feelings have grown, but do you actually fancy him? Do you think he fancies you? Someone being nice and normal is not reason to date them (although lack of it is very much reason not to), maybe there's a reason why there's not much oomph?

What do you want to happen? If you think you could be really into him and want things to progress I think you need to be proactive, but I think you have to be prepared that you might expose a lack of foundations.

Blossomflowers Wed 22-Jan-14 09:26:50

Hi, can I join and ask for advice. I am dipping my toe into on line dating and not sure what the best sites would be for me, I am late 40's and just looking to go on a few dates and see what happens. Have put myself on OK cupid and have been bombarded is this normal. Also trying EHarmony but seems terribly long winded. So such looking for tips what to expect.. Also veyr suspicious about blokes posting early hours of the morning, just have visions of a poor