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i called dh a cunt

(32 Posts)
untouchable Sun 12-Jan-14 01:29:06

So after being treated like shit being forced into celibacy for 7 years only to find out 2 weeks ago that he gets his jollies from on line porn I told him I thought he was a cunt. This is very bad as he doesn't like swearing, but you know what? He fucking deserved it. I am sick of feeling like a non woman and have had my self esteem eroded to nothing and tonight I stood up for myself and it feels great...even though I have cried buckets. It is tgr

MillyRules Sun 12-Jan-14 01:35:13

Nothing wrong with the cunt thing as he deserves it but you need to talk to him and try and sort out this lack of sex thing as you deserve better.

Merel Sun 12-Jan-14 01:37:23

Sorry to be blunt, I can feel that you are in a bad place, but it sounds like calling him a naughty word is smallest problem in this relationship. Why do you think you have put up with this for seven years? Did he lead you to believe he was asexual?

untouchable Sun 12-Jan-14 01:38:53

No he led me to believe it was stress stress when it came to typing in porn though...hmm

untouchable Sun 12-Jan-14 01:41:08

I feel more in control than I have in years. He was a little taken back when I made it clear I knew my rights. He blames it all on the evil Mumsnet grin

untouchable Sun 12-Jan-14 01:43:19

He had agreed to go to relate but he had started to back consideration for how I felt at all about the porn. Said "what are you going to do when they tell you it is normal?" Pushed the wrong button with me that did.

Are you kidding me, he is offended by the word cunt but uses porn whilst not having sex with his wife for 7 years??!!!

Leave that bastard

Good for you, OP. Why should you comply with his 'norms'? It's to do with respect, isn't it?

untouchable Sun 12-Jan-14 01:51:15

Yes pisses, he is a twat and that is where it will end up as soon as my financial situation is sorted. Have had to give up my business due to ilk health so need to find out what I can do money wise. Own another house so can't claim benefits, he is on low income too. Bugger!

untouchable Sun 12-Jan-14 01:55:31

Thank you for your support. I am now going to try to get the first nights sleep in 2 weeks...whilst he continues to sleep the sleep of the just because he is more concerned about his golf tomorrow than his marriage...twat.

Have a lovely sleeeeep smile

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 12-Jan-14 08:44:26

I think one swear word after 7 years of deception and rejection is pretty mild actually. Don't let lack of money prevent you from starting the ball rolling towards being independent though. Information-gathering is free. Good luck

Lizzabadger Sun 12-Jan-14 08:48:19

The diddums doesn't like swearing? Too coarse and shocking for his ears? Aah. Innocent little porn addict darling.

Kick him to the kerb.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 12-Jan-14 08:56:17

Oh it's a Madonna/Whore thing isn't it? <wake up there Cog, more coffee required> Rocks off to his online whores with their dirty talk and genital close-ups..... but the OP is saddled with the role of non-sexual homebound madonna and no expletives shall pass her saintly lips. Double standards

What an arse.

jayho Sun 12-Jan-14 11:16:27

he's a cunt a fucking wanking tossing cunt.

shall we all work on new expletives for you?

tiamariaxxx Sun 12-Jan-14 12:33:50

Lol, think id of said more than that to him hmm

Pollydon Sun 12-Jan-14 12:40:42

He is a cunt.

akawisey Sun 12-Jan-14 12:46:16

Darling, there are certain circumstances where there is no other option than to let one's inner Anglo Saxon woman out.

This was one of them.

Lazyjaney Sun 12-Jan-14 12:55:33

7 years no sex? Cunt is too mild a term. Life is too short for that.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 12-Jan-14 13:15:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

untouchable Sun 12-Jan-14 14:27:50

Well no, it isn't, it was me feeling a tad better than nothing for the first time in 7 years but don't worry because I am back to feeling like crap today after an unsuccessful at a nights sleep. I called him a 'cunt' because he said some really awful things to me including that relate would say I was being unreasonable and that at least he didn't beat me like my x did. There are some things that even the most patient down-trodden person in the world can't put up with. I will also be calling him a lot more names if he has the stupidity to say anything like that to me when he gets
back from his lovely day playing golf whilst I look after our child...again.

Cognito I asked him about the Madonna/Whore thing when this all came out a couple of weeks ago, he didn't understand, he just said that he had forgotten how to treat me in a loving way, so yes, I think that is exactly what it is as it started immediately after birth of only child.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sun 12-Jan-14 14:30:14

This is the most approrpriate use of the word cunt that I have seen in a long time - good for you!! And what is it with this men who fuck off all day playing golf???

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 12-Jan-14 14:33:43

That's awful, untouchable, it really is and my post is clearly inappropriate. I'll ask MNHQ to delete it.

I'm sorry that you didn't get any sleep and hope that your plans to go come to fruition soon. thanks

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay Sun 12-Jan-14 14:39:31

This is one of those occasions where there should be a worse word than cunt eh?
I had a relationship that was 7 years totally sexless (loads of excuses). He eventually ran off with a total tart with a fanny pelmet for a skirt and a top that went to the south coast but......I guess she found out soon enough that all wasn't as advertised in the trouser department as he soon asked me if he could come back by which time I was using similar words to you and, more importantly, had the attitude to go with it, as you seem to finally have. It was great! You go kid, bin him off!

estarone Sun 12-Jan-14 14:41:49

don't call him names. you are just allowing him to then say - you are as bad as me. if he values his relationship he should go to relate. your situation is entirely unfair. I understand why you called him that, but it just gives him ammunition.

untouchable Sun 12-Jan-14 14:43:38

Sorry Lying I didn't mean to make you feel bad it was my fault as I didn't actually say what led me to call him a cunt in the OP as I was feeling victorious and wasn't really talking about the bad stuff. I can see that it looked like I was just being mean. No need to delete. I was in a strange, powerful mood last night when I had reached my limit. smile

untouchable Sun 12-Jan-14 14:45:26

Trust me on this one estarone, he has called me worse things than cunt.

OxfordBags Sun 12-Jan-14 14:46:04

You don't forget how to treat someone in a loving way - well, not unless you're a cunt. Which he is. And not hitting someone is a given, it's not wonderful plus point - well, not unless you're such a cunt that there's nothing else to back yourself up with. Which he is.

What a cunt!

MinkBernardLundy Sun 12-Jan-14 14:56:34

oxford grin amen.

at least I don't hit you shock Wtaf. i hope he brings that up at relate. although I am not sure I would bother going Tbh

Does he know there are actual men out there who love their partners, have sex with them, respect them and help out AND manage not to hit them. Amazing huh.

untouchable Sun 12-Jan-14 15:17:41

Not sure you got enough 'cunts' in that post there Oxford grin

I think relate might be a good idea for me to be honest as I need some validation that how I feel is ok?. I worry though that what if they don't see his behaviour as being bad like I do and he just gets justified? I don't know what the counsellors are like, I don't know whether my reaction to porn is 'out of date'? He says everyone is doing it and certainly this is not the first relationship that has been ruined because of it. Maybe I need counselling to help my realise why I end up in long term relationships with men that are misogynist?

WaitingForMe Sun 12-Jan-14 15:37:42

Not everyone in mumsnet has the same opinion of porn but I think it's universally believed that anyone who uses it to the detriment of their relationship has a problem and their partner would be justified in leaving over it.

A counsellor shouldn't be interested in your views over the morals of porn, they should look at the impact if it on the relationship.

The everyone doing something excuse hasn't really impressed anyone since year 8 I don't think.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 12-Jan-14 15:42:18

Counsellors facilitate you expressing yourself so that you can answer your own questions rather than pass judgement on whether your opinion is right or wrong. Good ones anyway.

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