Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

my mam is in hospital

(103 Posts)
wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 09:04:01

She was taken in to hospital last night.
She has had a lump for a few weeks and not said anything.

Her arm is all swelled up and she is apparently not well at all. On antibiotics and they will be keeping her in for a week.

I feel so helpless!

It may sound weird, but what is worrying me the most is her alcohol dependency.

How is she going to do this...for over 26 years she has had a drink every single day.

I know when i tried getting her help through every agency possible - they all said it would be far too dangerous for her to just stop.

Being in hospital is going to force her to just stop.

I am really worried.
She cant stand hospitals, she will be so scared and alone and with no alcohol. She will be doing withdrawals in a place she is most uncomfortable.

Anybody know what can/will happen with her drinking suddenly stopping?

BohemianGirl Thu 26-Dec-13 09:27:04

You need to phone and talk to the duty nurse and tell them she has alcohol dependency.

But 'alcohol dependency' will mean different things to different people. Do you mean she is an alcoholic? Or do you mean she uncorks the bottle every night at 6pm and then drinks her way through the evening?

wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 09:28:41

Yes she drinks a bottle of cider at 7 and drinks herself to sleep.
Sometimes she will add a can. Sometimes she will just have 1 ltr. Other times she will have 3.

PacificDingbat Thu 26-Dec-13 09:29:49

Sorry to hear that, wontlet.

As long as the hospital know that she has been drinking alcohol on a daily basis, they can help her through coming off it. Do you think she will have told them? If not it would really be worth a phone call to let them know.

I hope they figure out what's wrong with her and that she gets better soon.

BohemianGirl Thu 26-Dec-13 09:30:06

She'll cope.

I know it's hard but try not to worry too much

PacificDingbat Thu 26-Dec-13 09:30:36

x-post.

At that level she is very likely to be physically dependent and will withdraw. Do make sure that her drs know.

wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 09:32:25

I have just phoned. They know all about her drinking and they are giving her stuff for that.

She has never been in hospital my whole life. Not even to the doctors. She avoids them.like the plague. I hope its not too much for her to cope with!

Thank you all

PacificDingbat Thu 26-Dec-13 09:38:43

Ah, that's good.

I am sure she'll cope, because it sounds like she needs to be there just now, doesn't it sad?

Hope you get good news soon.

wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 09:44:01

Yeah she is in the best place. Just spoken to her and she says she is fine.
Im trying to stop crying. I know this will be torture for her.

They have done xrays and things to try and find out what is wrong. Hopefully nothing serious!

wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 09:44:45

Trying to stop myself from crying. I meant

LucyLasticKnickers Thu 26-Dec-13 09:46:41

your poor mum.
is she near by that you can visit?

wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 09:51:45

Shes not that far. Its just sorting things with the kids to get there.
The only people i know to help is my family, and so obviously thats difficult.

Im thinking my sister might watch them while i go with my dad, or dad while i go with my sis.

Hopefully i can sort something out!
As long as she has somebody there.

LucyLasticKnickers Thu 26-Dec-13 10:01:06

aren't your DC allowed? or do you not think its appropirate?

wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 10:09:29

I didnt think it would be appropriate. I dunno, my thinking might be wrong on that. I just assumed its best to not take the them.

I will have a look into it. Thank you!

wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 14:32:56

She has had this for a year and a half. It is really bad.
Waiting on results of ct scan. They might not be able to do anything.

PacificDingbat Thu 26-Dec-13 15:30:22

sad

Oh dear, how worrying for you.
Have you seen your mum today?

wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 15:36:20

No. Ive had to watch their dog. I am going tomorrow.
Im really struggling with this. Cant let the kids see im worried and im just falling apart on thr insidr

LucyLasticKnickers Thu 26-Dec-13 15:37:43

sorry to hear that. sad

wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 18:32:10

Thank you. Still havent heard the results from thr ct scan.
My dad says he wont ring me if it is bad news - so if he comes herr at 8pm then it is bad news.

Til then...i just have to hope for the best.
My sis came to pick their dog up at 5 and she said the results werent back then.

PacificDingbat Thu 26-Dec-13 18:34:08

You may only get preliminary results today - drs working today will look at the scan pictures but they may need to be reviewed by a consultant radiologist tomorrow.

Hand to hold here if you need it.

wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 19:58:45

Thank you xx

notapizzaeater Thu 26-Dec-13 20:01:04

Hope you get some answers soon x

wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 20:07:51

Thank you. Just been told we wont find out the results til in the morning

wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 20:24:09

God i cant bare this.
Been such a stress head today. Poor bairns are supposed tobe having a good time over christmas and ive been stressin out all day

PacificDingbat Thu 26-Dec-13 20:36:16

See, I thought that might happen sad.

Look, is there any way you can put this worry to one side, deliberately 'put it away' somewhere, in an imaginary box if you want? There is nothing you can do about it, the result will be the same tomorrow as it would've been today and you making yourself more and more anxious about it won't help you, your mum or your kids. Put it away just now and tell yourself you'll deal with it again in the morning.

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this, but you need to find a way to pace yourself a bit. It's v hard work to keep worrying like then when you really have no control over the situation and all the worry in the world won't change anything.

If you want, look up 'mindfulness' - it's a technique to deal with the moment and with the problems of the moment rather than dwelling too much on the past or worrying about the future.

Hope you get some sleep tonight.

wontletmesignin Thu 26-Dec-13 20:40:27

Thank you.

I have been working on that with my therapist.
I guess now is probably the best time to put it to use.
Difficult it may be, but possible.

I have been so lost in worry it never even occured to me.

Im not doing myself, or anyone any favours being like this.

Thank you. I will try and focus on that xx

PacificDingbat Thu 26-Dec-13 20:52:29

smile

wontletmesignin Fri 27-Dec-13 15:28:55

So frustrated. Nobody is giving me any clear information!!!

This is what i have had so far:

It doesnt look good. She doesnt realise how serious this is. It could affect her organs.
The alcohol has taken its toll on her body.
Waiting on results of ct scan. Got the results - waiting on two nurses from another hospital to come with them.
Nurses came - needs passed to a specialist.
I ask "how does it look" TWICE...conversation got changed and told id be filled in with thr details at 6!

Why why why why why ....

All of that does NOT sound good.
Why

wontletmesignin Fri 27-Dec-13 15:56:18

Phoned hospital and they said ct scsn hasnt been reported yet. That they are concerned and worried, a breast specialist has been to see her this morning.

Why is my dad telling me the results were in? Wtf! Cant cope with this

PacificDingbat Fri 27-Dec-13 16:14:03

No, this does not sound good, I agree sad.

It is quite likely that nobody wants to give you any results because they are unable to then give you any kind of idea what the plan might be. Also, of course, they are unable to discuss anything with you (or your dad for that matter) without your mother's explicit consent. If your mum is happy for you to be informed, she needs to state this and it will need to be marked on her records too - same goes for your dad.

Have you been able to see her to see with your own eyes how she is in herself?

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Fri 27-Dec-13 16:19:12

sad

I am sorry you are going through this, especially at Christmas when you are trying extra hard to make it 'fun' for the kids.

Do you best to 'put it in a box' until someone tells you something concrete.

wontletmesignin Fri 27-Dec-13 16:28:59

Thank you. I amm going to see her at 6.
I can put it to rest, but then it smacks me in the face again and i crumble.
I dont think ive ever faced anything so difficult.

Should find out in the morning, exactly what is what.

It just feels like my dad knows more.
The nurse on the phone even asked me what my dad had told me before giving me any info!
Thought nothing of it at the time!

The other thing - he has been there almost all hours. So visiting hours dont seem to matter for him

PacificDingbat Fri 27-Dec-13 16:32:53

Ah, good, you're going to see her. Is your dad likely to be there too?

If (IF!) he knows more than he lets on, he might tell you more when he sees how much the uncertainty is eating you up?

Here's hoping for good news for you all.

wontletmesignin Fri 27-Dec-13 16:38:17

Yeah my dad will be there.
I hope he will tell me. I really do. If he does know more that is.

All of this from a small spot! Unbelievable!

Thank you! Xx

tinyturtletim Fri 27-Dec-13 18:01:30

I hope your mum is ok x

wontletmesignin Fri 27-Dec-13 18:10:42

Thank you xx

tinyturtletim Fri 27-Dec-13 19:35:54

How was she today?

sorry to hear about your mum
she will be with nurses and doctors who will look after her, I know it's worrying for you but it's important that you look after yourself for when she is discharged.
she will really need you then and if you rest now you will have both the emotional and physical energy to support her.
I hope you are ok.

wontletmesignin Fri 27-Dec-13 21:10:57

Thank you!

My mam seems ok. Snappy and drowsy, but i think thats expected.

She has been in pain with her back today though.

I had a good talk with my dad. He says that he will keep me up to date.

He says what the nurse said to me on the phone. Told me it will probably be monday when we find out the results from the consultant.
He says it could be fatal.

Hopefully its not!

I got my first kiss off my mam today (that i can remember) so that was nice smile

wontletmesignin Fri 27-Dec-13 22:50:47

I have just googled. I came across ulcerating breast tumor.

Scary how she fits into that. Scariest part being her swollen left arm.

PacificDingbat Sat 28-Dec-13 10:12:51

Dr Google is NOT your friend - step away.

You don't need to know what it could be; you need to know what your mum's got. And what the treatment plan is.

You need to prepare for the worst while hoping for the best.
Don't drive yourself round the bend by speculating.

MissMalonex2 Sat 28-Dec-13 10:22:36

Thinking of you OP - hope you are holding up, I'd be in bits if it was my mum. Hope you get to visit with her again soon

wontletmesignin Sat 28-Dec-13 10:30:49

You are right pacific. I realised that lastnight. I was a mess after reading.

My mam is allowed home today as she isnt sleeping in hospital. They think she would be more comfortable at home. Which im pleased about.

Its so difficult trying to keep it together. The kids help as i cant show my concern. I told them she was fine.

Their other grandma went in for a minor op and didnt come back out, and they still struggle to deal with that.
Thank you all xx

PacificDingbat Sat 28-Dec-13 10:35:34

Oh, good to hear she's coming home - that'll be a relief to her and you, I'm sure. And your dad smile.

Children can be great as a distraction because they just carry on regardless most of the time, even when they are dealing with difficult stuff like their other gran dying - how sad. Just keep talking to them and answering questions as they pop up.

Hope you have a good weekend.

wontletmesignin Sat 28-Dec-13 11:56:30

Thank you.
Really pleased she is coming home. She cant stand hospitals, and she hates any change in her routine.
So its good to know she will feel better within herself.

It will be easier to put the results to bed in my head with her being at home too.
Feels a lot more normal iykwim

Thankfully thr kids havent really asked any questions as they think she is fine.
Which i feel bad about not telling them. But i know it is unneccessary until we actually know what the real problem is

Oldraver Sat 28-Dec-13 13:39:24

Really pleased she is coming home. She cant stand hospitals, and she hates any change in her routine.

No, alcoholics cant stand being away from their precious drink supply, and you need to face up to this.

By all means direct your feeling sorry to other issues but her being at home will mean she can drink again and this will make her appear to be happy.

wontletmesignin Sat 28-Dec-13 13:51:04

I have been quite worried about that actually, and wondered whether it was actually best for her to come home.

Wouldnt the alcohol, which she will most likely have, affect the antibiotics?

PacificDingbat Sat 28-Dec-13 15:13:22

Nope, the vast majority of antibiotics can be taken with alcohol (main exception is Flagyl = Metronidazol).

If she is fully detoxed and has an idea of might be wrong (a lot of people suspect more than they let on), she might just take this as an opportunity to stay stopped? One can but hope...
She might also have been discharged with follow-up for her drinking problem? Again, one can but hope... hmm The service can be v patchy.

If she is motivated would she go to the AA? There's meeting everywhere and on every day of the year.
Or some of the things in this article might be helpful?

weregoingtothezoo Sat 28-Dec-13 15:24:38

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds like you have done everything you can with relation to her drinking. Now is not the time to deal with alcoholism and how it affects your mum and how very clearly reading your posts it has affected you in a co-dependent way over the years. There is time for all of that, with your therapist, or with Al-Anon, once this crisis is past.

Just now you need to stay in today as much as you are able. Do your normal things with your children. There probably has been very little information because they are not sure - it does sound bad but they need to give you accurate news. I hope the waiting is not too agonising for you all. Keep talking, and thoughts are with you.

wontletmesignin Sat 28-Dec-13 15:54:39

Ah thank you for that pacific.
No i very much doubt she will want to stop.
She defitely wouldnt go to AA.
I will have a read of that article when the kids are in bed.

I am not sure of a follow up. I have just phoned my dad, and they are just waiting on some tablets before they come home.

And you are right, weregoingtothezoo, now isnt thr time to be thinking about the drinking.
Monday cant come quick enoughm although,at the same time i dont want it to come!

They said they dont know what it is.
Although everything is pointing in a certain direction. I hope to god its not what i think.
Really cant think of anything else it could be!

I will try and leave that worry until we know for certain.

Thank you all again

wontletmesignin Sat 28-Dec-13 17:03:54

Shes not getting out today now. Theres been a mix up with her meds and they have given her tablets instead of liquid medicine. She cant take tablets. So she has to stay in again as the pharmacy is closed.

Im quite relieved in a sense, as she wont be able to touch the bottle

PacificDingbat Sat 28-Dec-13 17:21:03

Goodness, what a roller-coaster for you all!

You are right about the alcohol of course.

wontletmesignin Sat 28-Dec-13 21:07:22

It really is a roller coaster.

Strangely, today has been quite calm. Although ivr stressed out a bit. It has been easier today.

I think im all cried out and thought about everything until i cant cry or think anymore tbh.
Im not conplaining.
It has allowed me to focus on me and my kids, which has made me feel better.

wontletmesignin Sun 29-Dec-13 17:50:36

My mam is home today. Which is great, but...
She is not allowed to drink with the meds she is on.
The medicine they wete giving her in place of the alcohol was only a 3 day period. She never had any last night in hospital, nor was she allowed to bring any home.
She has thiamine, which helps with withdrawal but jesus.

Isnt this the dangerous situation i worried about??
Why have they stopped giving her what she needs?

I really dont understand it.

PacificDingbat Sun 29-Dec-13 18:04:25

Standard alcohol detox is 7 day course of a reducing amount of Librium = Chlordiazepoxide.
Thiamine is a B Vitamine which will help protect her nervous system including brain from permanent alcohol damage.

She'll be quite safe now in terms of withdrawal, but may still be v twitchy, agitated, sweating etc. Does she have anything to help her sleep? That might see you through the night and contact GP in the morning.

tribpot Sun 29-Dec-13 18:18:07

They've put her on one of the antibiotics which is genuinely incompatible with alcohol? (For most, it's just not advised, and most doctors I know will happily neck a glass or two whilst taking them).

I hope they haven't been this foolish. They must know it is a certainty she will drink when she gets out, and if they've given her one of the incompatible ones it will make her very ill indeed.

Can you post what she's on, or phone 111?

wontletmesignin Sun 29-Dec-13 18:20:20

Im not sure. My dad says she had something to help her sleep lastnight, but whether that was just for the hospital or not i dont know.

I slyly went into the kitchen when i was there and browsed her meds.
There was
Morphine
Thiamine
Paracetemol
Metronidazole
And penecillin

I dont think any of those help you sleep?

I tried asking if her chest was getting better...she avoided and changed the subject twice. On the third attempt she said "its not hurting" so still avoided answering me. Im taking that as its not!

wontletmesignin Sun 29-Dec-13 18:22:53

I tried telling my dad thisnis too dangerous and they shouldnt have let her go. But hes obviously trying to ignore his worries and thinks the thiamine will be enough.

She has physically attacked me before in order to get alcohol. Im sure she would do the same to my dad

PacificDingbat Sun 29-Dec-13 18:23:13

Nope, no night sedation - and if she drinks while taking Metronidazole she will be a sick as a dog.

See how the night goes. She may need to contact her GP and get seen as an emergency to get meds sorted out. And follow-up re the alcohol thing if that is what she wants to do.

She CANNOT drink while taking Metronidazole.

PacificDingbat Sun 29-Dec-13 18:24:52

Look, your dad makes his own choices too.

I can only imagine how worrying and scary this whole thing is for you, but you have to take a step back just now. They are not staying with you, are they, your parents?

Pass on what you've found out here and then it is over to them. Or rather your mum. She is an adult, she can make her own choices, even if they are bad ones sad.

wontletmesignin Sun 29-Dec-13 18:25:17

Last time my mam tried detoxing. She wanted alcohol that badly, she drank her medicine. Ended up ODing.

I think my sis has an appointment on tuesday to try and get my mam registered as shes not!

tribpot Sun 29-Dec-13 18:26:08

Metronidazole is the one that cannot be combined with alcohol.

I think you should phone 111. To be honest, she is going to drink. Her health is going to be compromised by not taking the metronidazole but she could, I think, end up back in hospital if she takes it and drinks.

wontletmesignin Sun 29-Dec-13 18:27:15

You are right pacific. It is so hard to switch off from.

But i have no choice really. I just have to hope for the best!

wontletmesignin Sun 29-Dec-13 18:38:39

Thank you tribpot. I am going to leave her in the hands of my dad. I have told him my concerns, and im sure he knows who to contact if need be.

I need tontry and stop worrying myself stupid over this.

tribpot Sun 29-Dec-13 19:27:32

Too right, OP. You can only give them information, it's up to them what they do with it. If you speak to your dad again, I would just reinforce the message that if he ends up calling an ambulance for her he needs to be honest about what's happened. I'm amazed they've given an alcoholic metronidazole, it makes me think the hospital haven't properly understood her problem.

Get some rest tonight - I'm sure if you read these boards you know the 3 Cs of alcoholism as a bystander:
- you did not cause it
- you cannot control it
- you cannot cure it.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Mon 30-Dec-13 03:18:49

What a worry for you. I assume they do know the extent of her drinking as they gave her stuff in hospital - it seems mad to have discharged her tbh. Fingers crossed for today x

Trib - the three C's are always good to keep in mind - they should be posted on the relationship board more often!

wontletmesignin Mon 30-Dec-13 09:07:32

Thank you tribpot. I have never heard of the three c's before.
That helps!

I am also shocked they discharged her. I dont know if this has been down to my mam begging to be home or what have you.

I have phoned her this morning and she seems fine. She had a good sleep so thats good.

Thank you chipping. Hopefully we find the results out sooner rather than later x

tribpot Mon 30-Dec-13 09:25:26

weregoingtothezoo mentioned Al-Anon further up the thread. This is different from AA and it's intended to support those close to / affected by alcoholics. Might be worth a look when you have time.

wontletmesignin Mon 30-Dec-13 10:58:30

Ah thanks, i will definitely have a look into that after this has all blown over.

I think this thread proves that i have been affected by her alcoholism hmm
Amongst many other things.

PacificDingbat Mon 30-Dec-13 11:03:12

Glad to hear she seems to have had a good night. That's something.

Yy to Al-Anon - that is what struck me with your OP: you so desperately want to help, but had not quite had your head around the fact that, ultimately, you cannot do anything about the choices she makes.

Make the 'Three Cs' your mantra smile.

mrsWast Mon 30-Dec-13 11:13:58

i'm so sorry you're going through all this.

previous posters are correct that she absolutely cannot drink on that antibiotic. not to mention the morphine.

i know you're waiting for results and it's so worrying. can you speak to her doctors frankly about your fears that she will start to drink heavily again? some towns have an alcohol treatment service to help dependent drinkers either regain control or achieve abstinence. whatever the outcome of the tests, her drinking is clearly taking a physical toll on her (and this may worsen as the alcohol affects her brain) and an emotional one on you.

al-anon may help you. AA may help her. i say this as a recovering alcoholic so please don't think this is a lecture. i know first-hand the toll alcoholism takes on people and families. you are not alone.

hoping for the best outcome for all of you. take care of yourself - you need to be well in order to care for others.

weregoingtothezoo Mon 30-Dec-13 11:43:22

There is often quite a harsh attitude in hospital towards alcoholics - if they know she's been drinking for many years, they will see that as her problem, and won't keep her in hospital to keep her from drinking, even though the compassionate view is that these were far from usual circumstances. And we can all see that.

I do hope she was ok with the metronidazole. Not only will she be very sick but it's also quite dangerous, puts your blood pressure up, etc.

I hope that the news is explained compassionately today, and maybe isn't is as bad as you'd feared.

wontletmesignin Mon 30-Dec-13 11:46:00

Im going to have to pacific. I think theyd work in other areas of my life also! Thanx

Thank you mrswast, i guess i could speak to them but i think it would fall on deaf ears with my mam.
I am hoping all of this has been the wake up call she has needed. My dad never mentioned any troubles with alcohol through last night night.

Im not sure he would though. You can see in his face he is just pleased she is home.

He had the video camera on us all yesterday, so i know he is terrified.

I have noticed that she has been telling me a story of something, and then told me again later on.This has happened a few times now. So that isnt a good sign.
I noticed it in the hospital, and then yesterday.

She wasnt like that before she went into hospital. Is this just withdrawal, or signs of damage?

wontletmesignin Mon 30-Dec-13 11:47:04

Thank you weregoingtothezoo. Fingers crossed. I dont think she had a drink last night. I think she just slept

wontletmesignin Mon 30-Dec-13 13:03:37

Had the phone call. She needs to go to the specialist hospital today.

It specialises in breast cancer. So fuck.

Surely if it was nothing they would have told her over the phone.

Half 1 it is. Anxiety is going through the god damn roof as each minute passes! God knows how me mam and dad must be feeling

almapudden Mon 30-Dec-13 13:21:27

Good luck to your mum today, wontlet.

wontletmesignin Mon 30-Dec-13 13:23:57

Thank you xx

LittleMissDisorganized Mon 30-Dec-13 13:55:30

I hope they are compassionate and give you all the information you need. Are you able to go too? It sounds like it will really help you. Thinking of you.

wontletmesignin Mon 30-Dec-13 13:59:02

Thank you.

Ive got no one for the kids. My sister has got their dog. So we are all just waiting.
Just text me sis and she still hasnt heard anything.
Its been half an hour now since the appointment time.
God...this is just torture!

I can imagine the appointment being a long one....especially if it is bad news!!

If it was nothing, they would have been on the phone letting us know all was well. But they havent and so my mind is just all over the place!

wontletmesignin Mon 30-Dec-13 14:04:18

Dads just phoned. Another week to wait. They are doing a biopsy and will take a week for results to come back!

SantasLittleMonkeyButler England Mon 30-Dec-13 14:15:17

I've just seen this thread & wanted to say how sorry I am for what you are going through sad.

I have lost both of my parents to cancer (not that I'm saying that your DM does have cancer), and can well remember how long the wait for a proper yes/no diagnosis seemed to be, although in real terms a week isn't so long.

With my DM, the first Consultant we saw (I was with her at the appointment) did say that whilst he couldn't confirm anything without the biopsy results, he was pretty sure that it would be malignant.

On the plus side, they do seem to be dealing with things as quickly as they can for her. Fingers crossed for some good news for you all flowers.

PacificDingbat Mon 30-Dec-13 14:16:01

Oh, how frustrating - but remind yourself, it is necessary to have ALL possible information to come up with some kind of plan and in order to give you all a realistic idea of what to expect.

You will have to carry on pacing yourself and trying really hard not to get too far ahead of yourself.
I have to be honest with you, I was worried about breast ca from your OP. I really hope I am wrong - I'd be delighted to be wrong sad.

wontletmesignin Mon 30-Dec-13 15:40:20

So sorry to hear of your losses santaslittlemonkey.

I know pacific, i really hope we are both wrong.
Therr is just far too mucj pointing towards that. Especially with her arm!
Like you say though - not to get too ahead of myself.
The results of this biopsy are what we need.

My dad stressed out at me on the phone earlier for asking too many questions.
He is still gripping on to it just being an abscess.
I havent mentioned anything of the sorts on my thoughts about it.
I cant mention it to any of them.

Just gotta pray for the best. Its really hard to stop yourself losing hope though

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 10:38:29

Today is the day.
I am at their house now watching the dog and my god it is so difficult!
This waiting is killing me.

The appointment was at half 9. Why arent they back yet!!

This is so terrifying. The longer they are the worse my thinking gets. I hope to god everything is ok!

Here. Have a hand to hold.

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 10:48:06

Thank you pacific

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 10:49:38

This is just too much. I dont know what to do

poopooheadwillyfatface Thu 09-Jan-14 10:51:52

just to let you know that I've been following the thread and I'm thinking of youthanks

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 10:53:29

Thank you x

Do something/anything to distract you.
Lurk on Style and Beauty?
Put the telly on?
Make hot, sweet cups of tea?

It is hard, I know.

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 11:03:54

My dad has just phoned. It is cancer. They are getting some tablets now. Mention chemo injections at some point. He says they will treat it. I feel sick

Ah crap sad.
Not unexpected, I am sure from what you've posted before, but it must still be a shock.

I am glad she has been offered treatment. If she is getting tablets, that is a v good sign (?Letrozole). They will shrink the actual size of the tumour and make further treatment with chemo or radiotherapy more effective.
Not all breast ca is aggressive.

Bad news, no doubt. I hope treatment will help her enjoy life.
How are you holding up?

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 11:17:10

I dont know. My mind is full of negativity.

Going back to her arm being swollen, which proves it has affected the lymph nodes, and then her bad back..on top of that, she can sleep all day.

I knew deep down it was this, but i still had that hope that it wasnt and it was just some abscess or something.

I just hope she is ok

Thank you x

You'll have to really work on your Mindfulness, won't you?

Are you able to see her soon?

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 11:25:40

I will have to work on it.
Yes,i am at their house now waiting for them to come home. So i will see her soon

Oh good.
I hope they'll have a clear idea of what the plan is now and what to expect.
If her tumour shrinks nicely, the swelling in her arm may go again.
Here's hoping smile

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 11:50:41

It has affected her back, bones and lymph nodes in her arm.
She will had radiotherapy and thesr tablets and then maybe chemo and pain relief

Thetallesttower Thu 09-Jan-14 14:46:52

Sorry to hear about your mum, that's really awful news. Hope you have some support yourself as it will be a tough time.

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 15:52:53

Thank you. Yeah i have support.
What she has isnt curable,just manageable.
I am really struggling to keep it together now that im home.

Can you try and think of it as a 'chronic illness' rather than 'incurable illness'?

I am so sorry you all have to go through this. Cancer is a bastard and can just get lost, but it's a reality of life and not that uncommon, sadly.

How has your mum been doing wrt to drinking alcohol?

Have cake and wine and thanks to get you through.
Think of supporting her of a marathon, not a sprint: you'll have to pace yourself, so looking after yourself is not a selfish act, but one of self-preservation and of allowing you to be there for her and your dad over a period of time.

wontletmesignin Thu 09-Jan-14 19:24:28

Thank you xx

I have had my cry, and read up a lot about it. I am now going to do as you mention, think of it as a chronic illness.

I need to enjoy the time that i do have with her. Not dread every second of it by thinking of how thr cancer could take her.

It is going to be difficult. But i need to focus on the now. And right now, she is ok.

She has been doing brilliant with her drinking. She hasnt even thought of it.
The morphine is knocking her out, so she no longer needs drink to sleep.
The thiamine seems to be working for her

Ah, good, I'm glad to hear she seems... what's the word? Settled?

And yes, don't allow the thought of this illness to taint every moment with her.
I read a rather touching thread on here where somebody mentioned that their parents did not tell their (adult) children that dad had 6 months to live, because they did not want anybody to behave differently from normal (that 'betrayal' was hard to take after he had died, which is what the thread was about).
Aim for a lovely normal. By guided by what she might enjoy. Spend time with her. And like I said, look after yourself.

Reading is good. Information is good. And then live day to day if you can.

wontletmesignin Fri 10-Jan-14 10:28:03

I havent read that thread. But i had thought abouy how my mam didnt need to tell us, and how i would feel if she hadnt.

You can kind of understand why somebody wouldnt want anyone to know, as they wouldnt want to be treat differently. I know i wouldnt.
And for that very reason, it is important that i dont allow my thoughts to taint my time with her.

I am pleased that they have told us, they so easily could have chosen not to.

I am worried about how my dad is holding up. I am encouraging him to talk to me about how he is feeling as he has a hard time opening up. He is doing well at the minute. But i dont know how long before he crashes. He is taking on far too much. He is learning how to iron, cooking, washing and the dishwasher. Which is all fantastic, and he is proud of himself. Only hes not giving himself a breather.

I am going to offer to go out with my mam throughout next week so he can just sit and chill, or go to the gym. Just anything to give him a break.

Any ideas of what else i can do to help?

My dad phoned during me typing this and says my mam is going on monday afternoon for radiotherapy, so im pleased they are acting quickly.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now