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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Walking In A Winter Sober Land!

(1000 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Mouseface Sun 15-Dec-13 00:41:16

Hello Brave Babes, I'm Mouse smile

Welcome to the 'Bus Of Fun' (now you've come of age!) grin

This is a thread for those who want to give up drink completely, or are maybe thinking about doing controlled drinking, or cutting down slowly, with a view to quitting or not... it's up to you.

You know your limits, you know what is required, it's in your hands. And only you can make it happen.

Whatever your goal, you'll find support here. Always.

There will be talk of drinking and those who fall off the Bus (arse over tit) will post about it, so if that is going to jeopardise your chances of complete sobriety, then maybe the DRY thread would suit you better, as they are complete abstainers. smile

That said, this Bus is happy to have you no matter what, as long as you can cope with chat of drinking, nights out/in, failures, cyclical drinkers, etc......

Everyone has always been welcome here and shall remain to be.

No-one is ever turned away. EVER.

There are no hard and fast rules, other than the support here is unconditional, it may be in the form of tough love at times, but it's always meant with the very best of intentions.

There are two sayings that we like here -

1) - The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement

2) - Alcohol Fosters Inertia

The rest kind of happens as the posts appear.

I hope that's okay with you all.

You'll find the last thread HERE, THAT WILL LEAD TO THREADS BEFORE IT, SOME HISTORY

And the original and real, truly heartfelt reason that we are here in the first place is HERE. A VERY SOBERING READ

The Bus may be 'mythical', but the support is real, honest and will help you to achieve what it is that you seek, as long as you are honest with us, but mostly, YOURSELF

See you soon. x

Mouseface Sun 15-Dec-13 00:42:41

By all means, baggsy a seat but please, stay on the other thread until it's filled and then come over here so that we don't leave anyone behind.

Thank you x

SocFish Sun 15-Dec-13 03:48:07

Bagging my seat on the Summer Sober land. Filling up the other thread for you too :-). Xx

guggenheim Sun 15-Dec-13 08:46:29

Morning all,

I've never been on the new thread this early.

mouse I had a dream where people kept saying the line about alcohol fosters inertia- shows how important this bus is to me. smile hope you and yours are doing as well as possible today. x

There were a couple of posts at the end of the last thread from babes who were really suffering and by this point in the lead up to christmas,the cracks in relationships begin to appear. One of the reasons that I'm not a big fan of christmas. I would urge anyone who is beginning to struggle with alcohol to look for some rl help as well. Please do try aa or SMART or counselling, if it all seems to be more than you can cope with. somehow sitting in a room full of people talking about recovery can just take the weight off your shoulders or sometimes just give you a night where you don't get pissed. There are people from all walks of life in recovery groups- police,teachers,professors,sex workers,ex homeless..
Booze doesn't respect your career choices much!

ma how's it going today? I'm going to check smoke alarms right now. Hope there wasn't too much damage to your house.

SocFish Sun 15-Dec-13 09:06:22

Hi gugg
It's so nice to have you on this bus. I'm battling so badly, but trying to keep my head above water and stay positive and focus on how fabulous my life is compared to 2 months ago, but all I really want is this daft festive season to be over. It's bloody hell. I will get myself back to AA asap. xx

spanna41 Sun 15-Dec-13 09:32:35

Reserving my seat smile waiting for Nuff or Ma to issue my ticket, hand out green opal fruits and a cosy blanket fwink.

Have posted on old thread to help fill it up.

I'm please let us know that you've found this new thread fsmile

Imdoingthis Sun 15-Dec-13 13:59:20

Just spanna and thankyou smile

Imdoingthis Sun 15-Dec-13 14:00:02

I'm on back seat if no one minds smile

guggenheim Sun 15-Dec-13 14:01:04

socfish keep working at it lovely. Getting sober and staying sober is a fab way to live life,not easy but a vast improvement on my daily drinking habit. 2 months is awesome - how about buying yourself a huge treat to celebrate that? Once christmas is over then everyone will be doing dry January and it will all get easier again.Hope you are having a nice day.

I'm we are all here for you. Please just let us know what is happening,even the bad stuff.Have you eaten today? Even if it's just toast? Get some crapola on the t.v -it's good to take your mind off what's happening even if that's just for 1/2 hour.

guggenheim Sun 15-Dec-13 14:01:55

Oh good- there you are smile x-post.

spanna41 Sun 15-Dec-13 14:17:02

Guggs wise words babe smile

I'm <trips over the xmas decs, climbs over the musical instruments and make my way to the back of the bus to join I'm> grin

Day 2 and feeling calm smile

Imdoingthis Sun 15-Dec-13 15:08:30

Thankyou so much for making me feel so welcome and safe guggs and spanna
I will keep posting it helps me a lot x

I am thinking of going to housing place to put in a homeless application I carnt stay here its the practical layout of house to its 3 story I have dc downstairs unlocking doors etc
Trying to get house in order for SW visit tommorow sigh
I took your advice spanna and cooked a dinner
I'm not buying anymore tommorow well I'm going to try anyhow

Imdoingthis Sun 15-Dec-13 15:09:27

Alcohol that is *

spanna41 Sun 15-Dec-13 18:10:12

I'm well done on the dinner front grin
Can you speak to SW about re-homing you and DCs? Might be an idea to write down everything you want to speak about. I always do this when I've more than one thing to speak about, otherwise I simply forget blush

Try not to buy anymore tomorrow, do Day 3 with me, I always find 3-5 the hardest sad Buy a big slice of cake instead or some yummy dinner for the family smile

<staying with you babe>

dementedma Sun 15-Dec-13 20:03:58

Climbs into sidecar with bag of green opal fruits, strands of tinsel and shiny triangle.
Has anyone seen Barrie recently?
Or thurso or Indie or purps or any of the other babes mia?
edinbugger?
ladame?
Can we have a festive roll call?

lookingforhope Sun 15-Dec-13 21:33:12

Hello all, will read back later, just bagging my seat and bringing mince pies for the week ahead...

Anneisnotmyname Sun 15-Dec-13 22:00:57

Evening all, grabbing my seat, I don't want to miss the bus now! I don't think I'm alone in finding this time of year harder but honestly I have next to no big nights out planned so it should be easy. Certainly not harder, but I use the excuse that 'everyone' is out having a good time so I deserve to have a least one or two glasses hmm

<jumps aboard and into seat next to heater, leaving trail of snowy footprints>

Am not doing great at the moment but hoping if I keep posting then I will keep trying. It is so easy to succumb to the time of year and the idea that everyone is having a few...

Mouseface Sun 15-Dec-13 23:38:50

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Ma - I swear I didn't gnaw through your wiring and start that fire. I'm so very sorry that this happened, we've had the same issue here being so rural.

I hope that you can get things sorted on the insurance, but more than that, I am so very pleased that you are all safe and alive. Massive hugs to you sweetheart xxx

I'm - I've replied to your PM but am going to bed now, I am going to the GP tomorrow in the vain hope that he can help me sleep, help my brain switch off for a few hours each night, so that I may forget the pain, sorrow and deep, gaping hole I have seated in my heart.

Please read my reply to you, read it again, and again, and then reply. You've been so brave this far, keep going. Look at those around you who have achieved what they set out to, because of their will to do so was so intense.

Please I'm - keep posting and telling us how we can help.

I've spent most of the day in bed, with Nemo at times, without him at others, DH, even though poorly, has done the jobs that needed doing, all with little sleep himself as his illness is stopping him feel like doing anything, yet he walked the wolf, sorted the house, washed the bedding and remade the beds, looked after the boy, took him out to the park and the ducks, so I could rest.... Just so I could rest smile

I spoke to my Dad tonight, he found the card that my Mum had bought for him for Christmas. I broke down when he told me that. I went to buy cards the other day and looked at how many lovely 'To A Wonderful Mum And Dad' cards there were, or similar. sad

I had to leave the shop.

So now I'm going to bed, sorry not to NC you all and thank you to those who have kindly posted to me and said lovely things.

I know that sleep will heal the physical pain I have tonight, the emotional pain will only ever be healed by love and by time.

Be safe and strong Babes, if I can get through this without getting shit faced, then you too can see, or find a way forward.

Alcohol only numbs the pain whilst you are absorbing it, when you stop, the reality hits so, so very much harder, deeper, stronger and it makes you hate yourself for drinking as much as you did all over again.

I'm not judging anyone. How can I when I have taken a drink or two these last few days..... but I've not nailed a bottle of vodka, or 2 bottles of wine, or anything to take the pain away, the same pain that will of course be there at the break of the next day.........

So, as much as I know I could take to drink, take as much as I need to stop thinking coherently, as much as I fight the urge to pass out.... I have to carry on. Each day. For my husband, daughter, son, myself and actually, for my Mum.

My Mum wouldn't want me to waste my days drinking, each day blurs into the next as it is.

Life is hard, each day is hard. I have to step into each day with the pain in my heart, the pain in my soul and I shall. Without getting wasted to forget.

After all, forgetting someone I love so very much is not what I want to do. I want to love, live and carry on, so I shall.

Be BRAVE BABES.

Today, tomorrow, and always xxx

Jumps onboard next to beaches and Im
Doing ok - ish but tired of travelling and yearning for my own bed and a rest.
I dream of being able to stop working at this rate and just try and relax for a day or so.
why sending love and hoping to hear from you soon
* Ma* fire sounds really scary. Hope you are ok tonight. Xx

X posted with you * mouse* xxx

soberisthenewblack Mon 16-Dec-13 07:37:18

been following this thread since the first day JWN posted.
Need to jump onboard as just following is not enough.
Day 2 smile

aliasjoey Mon 16-Dec-13 09:40:45

mouse

Thank you for setting up the new thread.

Thank you for all your kind and supportive words, for being here for each and every one of us, for remembering all our names and problems and issues.

Thank you for taking the time out of your own busy and stressful life to look after us.

You are so incredibly strong and wonderful, coping with pain and illness, heartache and grief; and I really hope you can give something back for you. I wish there was something WE could do to help. Is there anything?

I really am in awe of your strength... but please don't push yourself (we all know where that ends up)

xxx

aliasjoey Mon 16-Dec-13 09:49:17

Sorry I've not been around lately. Am just very busy and tired with work. A rather stressful day yesterday, usually I would have turned to alcohol but am finding it easier to anticipate and say NO.

It has made me think ahead to Christmas though, and am getting a bit worried about families etc (It was family that made me stressed yesterday) Basically, MIL is getting rather addled (and she drinks a lot, so maybe that has something to do with it!) and PIL has become extremely irritable and short-tempered.

DH thinks his dad may be in pain from some untreated health problem. Naturally, nobody will discuss it. Personally, I'd just say Why the Hell are you so grumpy get yourself to the doctors. And, I did pull him up on something earlier this year (he called my DD stupid, and I lost my rag! blush ) since then he has been a bit better, but I can see that Christmas will be difficult...

Mouseface Mon 16-Dec-13 14:59:20

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Joey - what a truly wonderful post! You made me cry happy tears instead of sad ones. Thank you. You asked if there was anything that you could do for me?

Just keep posting, keep trying and keep being YOU. I'm sorry to read that you're not really looking forward to Christmas, it must be hard holding your tongue when people are upsetting you or others, especially when you've gotten together for a supposed 'happy' day!

Try not to worry about it and just get yourself ready. What will be will be, all you can do is react on the day my lovely xxx

Ma - how are things with you? I'm in touch with Purple every day, more or less, she's holding my hand via texts which are really helping smile

Why - how is that boy of yours? I've not really read back or caught up as I'm desperately trying to get my 'Christmas' on ........ failing so far but I'm not giving up! Will you have him with you on Christmas Day? Oh I can't tell you how super pleased I am for you xxx

I'm - hey sweetheart.... how are things with you today? I hope the SW has managed to find you somewhere safe.... you are in my thoughts, this must be terrible for you, especially at this time of year. I promise you that if you keep going, keep trying, keep putting one foot in front of the other, you'll get to where you need to be with your DCs; safe.

GP was lovely, he has given me some sleeping tablets just to help for a couple of nights.

He said I looked sad, I told him about my mum and how sudden everything was, he was really, genuinely sorry for me. Bless him. I think that's why he gave me some sleeping tablets, last night was another horrific night. I'm sooooooooooooooooo tired!

We talked about hydrotherapy and more physio, he said he can't help and that he's had countless people all complaining about the same department recently.

Not great but I am there this week so I can tell them that I need more hydro, and more physio. Fingers crossed, they'll listen.

So, how is everyone else doing? Ready for Christmas those who celebrate it? I have a giant parcel to send in a bit but the rest is easy as Dad is coming on Sunday so he can play Santa at that end!

Other than that, I'm trying to get things sorted, and wrapped etc whilst Nemo is at school. He's been having night terrors again sad

Ah! Better go and get him! Back soon xxx

spanna41 Mon 16-Dec-13 16:36:51

Day 3 for me. Opal Fruits currently keeping WW away grin

Beaches you are doing really well babe, look back over the past few months smile I completely understand the 'everyone else is getting into the spirit' it's really hard not to too hmm <hands Beaches a large piece of driftwood to beat WW around the head>

Isinde glad you're ok although it sounds really busy smile

Mouse I'm glad GP was lovely, sending you strength smile Poor Nemo sorry he's having night terrors. I'm not sure what best to do about them.

I'm babe how did the meeting go? smile hope you're ok x

Welcome Sober stick with the bus there are wonderful Brave Babes here who will support you grin

Hi Joey Guggs Ma Rural Why Soc (are you driving tonight?) Anne Hope and you other Brave Babes that I've missed - have a peaceful Monday evening smile x

Mouseface Mon 16-Dec-13 17:39:37

Hey Spanna - nice to see you, I feel a bit out of touch as I've not been following the thread blush

Welcome to anyone new that I've missed smile

Chippingnortonset123 Mon 16-Dec-13 17:41:09

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Hi lovely Spanna fsmile, appreciate the encouragement and the driftwood -I will be waving it about later in a menacing fashion! Well done on day 3, it is often a tough one so keep large quantities of green opal fruits at hand x

isinde glad to have the company babe, hope you have a decent bit of time off over Christmas, things sound stupidly busy for you.

Welcome to the bus sober, keep posting, it does help. Also looking out for you buggerme, hope you keep posting too.

Waves to all other brave babes fsmile

Mouseface Mon 16-Dec-13 18:07:40

Chippin - I have reported your post.

This is a support thread. No a scaremonger thread.

Mouseface Mon 16-Dec-13 18:07:52

*Not

Mouseface Mon 16-Dec-13 18:14:57

beaches - If it helps, I have a large can of WineWitch Killer Spray™ in the kitchen, I can send it your way? It's actually the smell that always knocked me sick after a binge, it's some hideous air freshener that is lovely unless you're hungover! Works a treat for the WineWitch here!

Sorry to read that you've been struggling and feeling down about the festive season and everyone joining in, going out, getting drunk etc... it's harder than normal at this time of year, because alcohol is advertised more heavily all around you!

Every other ad is for booze! Although I have to say, I do like the Aldi advert with the rather good looking chap, saying about liking both champagnes, but not the tight pants he's wearing that give him the high pitched voice! grin

What are you planning for Christmas? smile x

theeverydaydancer Mon 16-Dec-13 18:15:55

Day 3 for me too spanna .

Just come back home feeling shocking -exhausted and grumpy as fuck. Have been at a super duper softplay with my DD and now am just so tired. The bus back was half an hour late and I was getting increasingly irritated! Came home and had a fag - even though I really want to quit. Would love a glass of wine right now! But am hoping that I will stay strong. Really hope DD will go to bed nicely tonight. Really at the end of my tether.

Mouseface Mon 16-Dec-13 18:20:26

Oh Dancer sad

Sorry to read that you're fed up, sounds like a tough day. Day 3 is always shitty because you're on the verge of getting used to no alcohol in your system and as with smoking, the chemical are depleting from your system so your body naturally tells you to top them up, the craving get so strong that you can't think of anything else.

I hope that DD is soon tucked up and fast asleep for you. smile x

spanna41 Mon 16-Dec-13 18:26:52

Hi Dancer well done on Day 3 grin I completely understand the 'grumpy as Fuck' feeling hmm <swiftly passes Dancer another piece of driftwood from my stash, to whack the WW around the head with>
Have you got anything sweet to eat smile I always find that helps.

Beaches stay with us Babe. Day 4 for me is always tough (sounds pathetic doesn't it, when you think other Babes have come so much further) blush I've only ever managed 8 Days caved on the 9th blush

Mouseface Mon 16-Dec-13 18:29:40

spanna - 8 days is better than 0 days, remember that smile

Where are you getting all of this driftwood from? I love driftwood...... I'd have it all over the house, make mirrors out of it, shelving and allsorts if I could.....

<dreams of her past crafting life>

spanna41 Mon 16-Dec-13 18:36:21

Thanks Mouse

I do have it all over my house and garden hmm I love it too smile I live near the sea and am a collectomaniac grin can't help myself

DonnaFlapperBlitzen Mon 16-Dec-13 18:39:07

Hi all x

Hi donna fsmile

dancer hope you are hanging on babe x

mouse I will take some of the spray please! all repellents welcome, however unpleasant fsmile.

The adverts here are not as bad actually, perhaps it is because we watch netflix and YouTube more than the commercial channels. Although now feel a bit robbed of Aldi man! My issue is the past mental programming that Christmas (and the run up) equals drinking. I just need to prevent myself getting carried away and make sure I keep up the af nights too. Then January will be another dry month.

spanna 8 days is really good, and looks like a monumental task from day 1. I grew up by the sea and love walking on beaches and collecting stuff. I have a prized collection of 5 cowries from the scilly isles which even my children need permission to touch fgrin

spanna41 Mon 16-Dec-13 19:35:29

Cowries are meant to be very lucky smile

I clearly remember how well I felt after 8 days AF and how determined I was. I haven't managed a Day 4 since then. But I have been looking much more closely at my drinking and cringing when I look back over years of drinking sad But I will get there (day 9) and beyond smile

Can relate to that cringing feeling. When I think of the gallons of alcohol that I have consumed over the years and the sticky situations I have been lucky to escape blush. Of course you will get to 9 days and beyond.... Always thought you had a touch of the buzz light year about you fgrin

dementedma Mon 16-Dec-13 20:20:52

Hey mouse say hi to purps for me.
Electrical socket still "popping" Electrician baffled. Not convinced the house is safe. Pissed off

Anneisnotmyname Mon 16-Dec-13 20:24:36

Day one, not been doing too badly in terms of amount I'm drinking but the frequency is creeping up. Along with the rubbishy food that goes with it. Got weighed today and I've put on nearly five pounds since I did 17 af days blush I'm now trying to cut right down on eating and drinking before Xmas eve - talk about making life hard for myself!

Mouseface Mon 16-Dec-13 22:03:07

<passes nasty air freshener, aka WineWitchKiller Spray, to beaches I love driftwood, you lucky lady you! I too would have it everywhere if I could. DH might not be too happy! grin

Annie - are you trying to do controlled drinking? Sorry to seem ignorant, I'm still catching up. smile

Ma - will do and that does NOT sound good at all!! 'Popping' sounds like an unstable current passing through the ring main in your house!

Where is the popping?

Downstairs or upstairs? Unplug everything that you can before you go to bed. sad xxx

I have Nemo in our bed, he asked if he could sleep in with us because he didn't feel safe, he spent most of last night crying and if being in our bed, makes him feels safe, then that is fine..... it's what has to happen.

He is very aware of my grief, my tears... he came over to me last night as I was crying on the phone to my dad and said "Mamam, don't cry. Don't make your eyes wet, it's okay, I love you" which of course set me off even more!

Anyway, he's in our bed, safe and will be snuggled and soothed as much as he needs to be. DD is off school ill, she has a never ending cold/flu bug so I've put my foot down and said that's it, she's staying off until she's better.

So, Brave Babes, it's good to be back, I may wobble from time to time over the next few weeks, I miss my mum, I wish she hadn't left so quickly but at least she went in her sleep, in my arms, surrounded by those who loved her.

Thank you for all of your support and kind messages.

Night xxx

dementedma Mon 16-Dec-13 22:11:24

mouse we are in an upstairs flat.
I know something isn't right but we have had the socket out, no sign of scorching, water or rodents. But something is causing it and I am terrified there will be a fire. Its a very loud pop, happens infrequently and sporadically. Electrician has checked all sockets and fusebox. CaNt find the problem.
Don't know what to do. Can't afford to keep,getting different electricians out just to tell me they don't know what's causing it.

Anneisnotmyname Mon 16-Dec-13 22:26:14

Hi mouse yes I'm trying to do controlled drinking or moderate drinking. I pretty much know my limits, hate being drunk/hungover, but I easily slide into daily drinking. I've noticed that once I do start drinking I will usually have more than I originally intended sad eg one 120ml glass turns into two so I question how controlledI rreally am....

Mouseface Mon 16-Dec-13 22:58:53

Ma - get the Fire Brigade out, call your local station and ask them to come and do a risk assessment maybe? <clutches at straws>

Is your place rented because it's down to the LANDLORD/OWNER not YOU! FFS! You have DCs. I'm not surprised you are scared, I hate fire and have a massive phobia. I unplug everything but the fridge before bed. blush

I'm worried about you and hope that someone can help you sweetheart..... please keep trying to find something to help. I'm going to pray for your safety Ma, you have had enough shit in your life, why this and why now?

Take good care my friend, seek a solution, it could be other tennants that are causing the problem? Overloading the system? xxx

Annie - it would seem that your own conclusion is correct, is it not? If you can't stop when you had planned then you must stop before you start lovely. I'm sorry but if you don't want to be the way that you were, it's the only way. xxx

fatedtopretendsantaisreal Mon 16-Dec-13 23:02:24

Am I allowed to rejoin when I know I am going to drink most days until Boxing Day +1? I need to stop this, I lost you just after finding you but know I will not not drink over Christmas.. hmm I will avoid until I reach day 3 if not welcome until then, just creating hard times at the moment

Hi fated, good to see you back on the bus. There are no hard and fast rules about being here, if you are worried about your drinking then you are in the right place. How and when you deal with that is upto you but you are very welcome so just get comfy and post away. fsmile

Imdoingthis Tue 17-Dec-13 06:49:13

Thanks mouse
You can help by being there that's what I need
I feel lonely and sad I'm so on my own with this x

Imdoingthis Tue 17-Dec-13 06:55:03

That don't sound right sorry
Your support of being there is helping me a lot just knowing the bus is here is amazing,

spanna41 Tue 17-Dec-13 07:12:47

Morning I'm smile I'll be checking in on the bus on and off all day. You're not on your own you've got us Babes on this bus smile
How did meeting go? Have you got any plans for today?

Ma I have a good friend who is a sparky, I am seeing him this morning about fitting an oven, will ask him about your plug popping - is that where it's coming from? Do you have different fuses for different parts of the flat? Could the fuse be taken out where that particular plug is? I'll post back when I've spoken to him. I think Mouse's idea of getting fire brigade to have a look is a good plan. At least they know what happened and might be able to advise hmm

Mouse I hope that lovely Nemo had a good sleep snuggled in your bed. I also hope DD feels alot better soon. My DDs break up on Friday not long to go smile Keep strong, grief comes in all different guises and can and will hit at any time smile you have some wonderful memories of a very special lady x

Day 4 for me. I find this one really hard (as I feel that I deserve a reward for doing so well) blush I may post frequently on here today in order to keep the WW away hmm

Imdoingthis Tue 17-Dec-13 08:05:15

Morning spanna ill be on here a bit today me thinks smile

I feel so alone, the meetings Thursday but SW came out yesterday she is going to him today she said there was a referral from the school nurse wtf I don't get that
I carnt talk to non of them now I told wa stuff they have passed it onto SW sad who am I ment to tell and talk to now it stinks

soberisthenewblack Tue 17-Dec-13 08:14:49

day3 smile
will post later but feeling so much better already...........hoping I can get to Christmas eve

aliasjoey Tue 17-Dec-13 09:07:14

ma can you get those hunky firemen back out? And if you could, you know, take some photos of the burly firemen of the dangerous sockets and post them on here? Perhaps with one of them admonishing you, wagging his, er, finger grin at you?

spanna41 Tue 17-Dec-13 09:59:00

grin Joey

Ma I've just seen my sparky - he said the spark should do a 'continuity test' on the circuit to see if there are any crossovers with neutral and live wires. He should also change the face plate of the socket (if he hasn't already) to make sure that the individual plug is not faulty. I hope that helps smile

Sober day 3 is really good, keep going babe, you'll make it to Christmas Eve grin

Mouseface Tue 17-Dec-13 10:05:15

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Thank you spanna smile x

I'm - we're all here holding your hand sweetie. It's shit that you feel that you can't talk to anyone without knowing whether or not you can trust anyone, wondering if your words are going to be used against you.

We won't do that. Talk to us, let us look after you xxx

Ma - I have a spark here too so I'll ask mine about the popping, see what they both say maybe spanna? This deffo needs sorting though. It's awfully frightening.

Not much sleep last night, Nemo was crying in his sleep again, DH coughing his head off and DD in bed after an awful night.

<I need hot chocolate and the log burner on, brrrrrrrrr>

Mouseface Tue 17-Dec-13 10:11:45

Ma - if the socket is popping, my spark has said that it is a loose connected at the back of the socket and NOT TO USE IT

The 'popping' is the electricity arcing from the wire to the socket. Get it sorted sweetie, shouldn't cost too much as it's only a case of putting the wire in properly.

Hope that helps xxx

Imdoingthis Tue 17-Dec-13 10:50:05

mouse do u mean as I'm not protecting my dc? So they might take them from me

fatedtopretendsantaisreal Tue 17-Dec-13 11:02:03

Got very hammered, having a suicidal thought day.

Hi Fated just wanted to reach out and hold your hand today.

I am on day 3 and slept the clock round last night. Got back from a very long drive after a mega-work week and went and bought the tree, wrestled it into its metal thingie, bought logs and coal and filled the store up, made the fire up and carried all the boxes down from the loft....then fainted onto our bed blush
Had to leave DP to handle DTs and put them to bed and I actually slept the clock round!

Woke feeling so so much more positive today. Still exhausted and thoughtful after what is essentially a physical wake-up call but....

...but...the main thing is I feel so much more positive about everything!! Fated alcohol doesn't just foster inertia my lovely it also fosters self-hatred and despair in my book.

Please stay posting here and try and have just one AF day today. I promise you the fog of despair and self-flagellation and inertia will begin to lift as early as day 2 or 3.
xx

Mouseface Tue 17-Dec-13 11:37:18

I'm - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT AT ALL SWEETHEART!!!

What I mean is that you must feel that you can't talk to anyone about how bad things really are incase they think the children aren't safe, please please please don't think for one minute that is what I meant.

I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to frighten you sad

Massive hugs. As far as I can see, YOU ARE DOING ALL THAT YOU CAN TO KEEP THEM SAFE!

I've re-read my post and see why you thought that, I wasn't very clear. I just feel for you sweets, you need to reach out. You need to be listened too, you need friends and support.

If that's all that I can give you via this thread, then I'll give you every drop that I can my lovely.

BUT - you MUST help yourself too. YOU are in control still, make sure that it stays that way. Do what YOU can to get yourself and DC safe and away from him, please.

Keep posting, keep talking xxx

Mouseface Tue 17-Dec-13 11:43:03

Fated - IsinDe is spot on with saying that alcohol can lead to suicidal and self hatred thoughts.

It's a depressant, a very powerful one. I'm holding your hand too. Please keep posting, I'm around all day on and off so will keep checking back but trust me, you need to get lots of non alcoholic fluids on board, and some stodgy food, carbs loaded and keep warm.

Are you at home today? xxx

Mouseface Tue 17-Dec-13 11:44:28

IsinDe - Hmmm, overdoing it maybe? How do you feel now? Are you okay sweets?

Thank goodness you were in the bedroom and not in the garden or loft, or coming down the stairs...... sad

Please take it easy today xxx

Anneisnotmyname Tue 17-Dec-13 12:00:15

Day two today. I'm not sure how many af days I'll manage between now and Xmas - I will drink over Xmas, I've been saving a bottle of champagne since Sept for Xmas day - but today I will not be drinking smile

aliasjoey Tue 17-Dec-13 12:02:50

isinde 3 days is brilliant and all that hard work and sobriety will make you sleep like a baby and wake feeling refreshed!

Just agreed with DH that neither of us will drink at his office Christmas party on Saturday! That is a first for me, although TBH it shouldn’t be too much of a challenge. Christmas Day with the in-laws a few days later will be trickier…

Mouseface Tue 17-Dec-13 12:18:33

Joey - good for you lovely!!! What a star you are! xx

IsinDe - I missed that bit, 3 days is great, well done! No wonder you slept so well but I do think if you fainted then you need to slow down a bit smile xx

<mothering instincts kick in>

Annie - I too will be drinking champers on Christmas Day and on NYE. We do every year, we save our 5ps over the year and then count them up and use them to pay for our treats. smile

But that's about it. smile

Isn't it nice to feel in control... rather than worrying?

aliasjoey Tue 17-Dec-13 12:31:35

thanks mouse I didn't realise you would get so excited for me... now I will have to stick to it, and I hadn't really set in my mind that it was definite grin

Hi all,

fated hope you are ok babe and shuffling through today as best you can. im you too, not sure what else to say but don't feel alone, we all care.

sober, isinde well done on day 3 fsmile and joey you are sounding really strong. spanna extra strength to you on dificult day 4, in fact have the driftwood and the spray, they did the trick for me last night fsmile

mouse and anne that Christmas Day champagne is a BIG thought in my head. Not sure yet though. Anyway, for today, no drinking.

Love to all others xx

aliasjoey Tue 17-Dec-13 15:51:12

We had another bad night last night. I had another of those ‘night terrors’ OMG you should have heard me (maybe you did?!) I screamed the place down. DH nearly had a heart attack (in between trying to smother me, which did NOT help grin ) the dog leaped off the bed assuming there were intruders; DD appeared wide-eyed in the doorway asking “WTF was that ?!” The poor neighbours, who have a new baby (the walls are pretty thin) were probably cursing me. It took DH and I ages to get back to sleep as we were both maxxed out on adrenalin.

I really hope this doesn’t happen over the holidays as we are staying with in-laws and family… it’s just horrible. No idea what causes it, maybe stress, tiredness.

Imdoingthis Tue 17-Dec-13 17:23:14

Just pm you mouse
Iv not herd from her today but know shes seeing him today
I am feeling very let down by local wa they told SW things iv told them, she knew it all I feel sad as its been very hard to start and open up and trust someone be honest and work through my options, I started to get to know the workers and them me and I can not go back to them sad

Imdoingthis Tue 17-Dec-13 17:28:53

Worried about tonight

Imdoingthis Tue 17-Dec-13 17:30:10

Still currently drinking a steady amount not excessive but you know it's daily

guggenheim Tue 17-Dec-13 20:08:09

Hey there I'm - just wanted to say hello smile

I have the lurgie. Some horrid,unidentifiable virus/germ/flesh eating bug. I want to drink but I'm in bed keeping warm. Think it might be Mother Nature's way of reminding me that drinking is a very bad option for me!

Having a bit of a laugh because there is a group of pissed students (high density student area) singing very loudly and very,very badly: whoooo,arrrghhh,owho,wohw etc,etc. I KNOW they are going to keep drinking since the night is young and they have less sense than a gnat ,so lots of sore heads and regrets tomorrow no doubt! grin

I shall sit in the fabled library area of the bus and try not to breathe germs all over the books and babes

Imdoingthis Tue 17-Dec-13 20:25:02

Activates gerolds emergency drop down gas masks oxygen masks as to not catch guggs bug smile

guggs poor you I hope you feel better soon,
At least before Xmas anyway keep warm lovely

aliasjoey Tue 17-Dec-13 20:45:20

There's a library on the Bus ?! And is there a qualified librarian to run it? <ahem> <cough, cough>

dementedma Tue 17-Dec-13 21:25:45

A library on the bus? Why have I never noticed it before?

Thanks for asking all your sparkies about electrics. I slept in the front room last night worries to death about it. Am shattered. Dh has disconnected a different socket in our room which he thinks is on the same circuit and we haven't had a bang all day.grin if we have a bang free night then it looks like the problem is somewhere between our room and the sitting room.
Between that and dads dementia escalating, its been a tough day.
Waves to all babes and settles into library section.

Wishing you a bang-free night on every level Ma

Im i hope tonight went/is going ok. You really,really need to,get,you and DC s away from him. If this bus can give you anything I pray that it is the assurance and confidence to just state what you need to,the people you need it from.
Remember all public sector people are there to serve the public and are paid for by us, the public. They often do an amazing job in startling adversity but they are there to HELP us and you should never feel bad about stating your needs clearly.

Sending you love and strength tonight my friend. Xx

soberisthenewblack Wed 18-Dec-13 07:44:37

morning day 4 fgrin

I have decided that I should write down why I have decided to jump aboard the bus instead of lurking .This is just for me really because even tho I am feeling positive now I know that I will get complacent and I am worried that I will slip back into my old ways.
I have followed this thread since JWN s first post in fact I was probably one of the first people to read it.I have lurked since then and to be fair this bus has helped me think more about how much I am drinking. I have never got past 2 days before as I guess I was still in denial about the damage I was doing to myself.
Fast forward to last Saturday and I was at a family party .We always make an effort and we do mange to scrub up pretty well and looking around the table on Saturday night I was thinking how pretty everyone was looking.
The next day the photos began to appear on Facebook and that was when I got my wakeup call.
I can only describe myself as the fat middle aged bloated drunk sad blush.
I was absolutely horrified and disgusted by what I saw. Now I knew that I had been putting on weight but looking at the photos I am no longer just overweight I am obese.
I truly did not recognise myself.
I sat down and tried to work out just how I had got to this stage.
I think it began with the birth of my DTs - and I have an older DD -
I was working full time juggling 3 DCs and my DH was working long hours and I did most of the childcare.
I was absolutely shattered and working in a stressful job and I thought that having a glass of wine in the evenings would help.
I started putting my needs last in fact I stopped recognising that I had any needs and I drank some more .
I have decided that I cant go on like this and I have got to try to put myself first and get myself sorted out.
I will struggle with this as I have been a carer form a young age but I cant go on like this.
Sorry for the essay but I have to get this down and I will keep readin it to inspire me to keep going.

Today I will not be drinking

Letdownbydoctor Wed 18-Dec-13 10:08:32

I had posted this in AIBU, but a kind soul suggested that I post here. I am scared. This is the first time that I have admitted this...

I have been drinking more than I should for over a year now. Generally about half a bottle of wine a night and more that the weekends. I know that this is wrong and want to do something about it, but am always so stressed at the end of the day that I reach for a glass. It has been a really tough year, but most of the pressures have now eased and it is a good time to focus on this.

My DM was an alcoholic and was bi-polar. She committed suicide in a drunken stupor 6 years ago.

I get private health care with work and every 2 years get a full 'health check'. This involves lots of tests, including blood tests and an hour with a GP. They send you a 12 page 'health and lifestyle questionnaire' t complete before your appointment.

I have never mentioned my alcohol intake to a healthcare professional previously, but decided that this was the time to address this and get some help. Even if nothing practical the doctor could do, I felt that just talking about it to someone about this would be a first step.

So, for the first time I was honest on the form about my alcohol intake. I also put on my mums history (previously I had put the bi-polar, but not the alcohol abuse). I also put down 'concerned about my alcohol intake' down as an area I would like to discuss with the GP.

When it got to the GP session, she skipped over that section and then at the end asked if there was anything else I would like to discuss. I pointed out my alcohol intake and my DMs history and said that I was worried that I was now drinking wine every night. The GP said 'you and every mum in Surrey'. I think that your alcohol intake is normal for a busy mum in a stressful job and she basically then moved on and made it impossible for me to raise again (it had taken me so much to raise it the first time).

My blood tests came back and my liver function is fine…I was almost hoping there was something physically wrong so that I could raise this again.

I feel really let down and not sure where to go next….

venusandmars Wed 18-Dec-13 10:15:14

Good morning sober - good idea to post like that to remind yourself of how you arrived at this point. Sometimes people ask what's the definition of an alcoholic, and one of the things I think is that it's not like a broken leg, it doesn't happen all of a sudden at once, it is a slow unnoticeable slide from the occasional drink to wind down, to the daily drink to 'reward', to the half-bottle habit, to the feeling that one bottle isn't quite enough.....

I have really noticed how over the last few years the options for non-alcoholic drinks have increased massively, especially at this time of year. It's a great time to try some out. I've been 'rewarding' myself for doing the Christmas tasks - completed the cards rewarded with sparkling raspberry lemonade, put up the tree rewarded with warm bottlegreen spiced berry drink, finished the shopping rewarded with gingerbeer and lime.

And every time I hear 'that' music, I find myself singing "walking in a SOBER wonderland" - thanks for that Mouse fgrin

venusandmars Wed 18-Dec-13 10:29:27

Hi there letdown and welcome. You'll find lots of good advice on here from all of us who are / have been in your situation. Some of us (me included) drank more than you did, others on here drank less, and like you recognised a bad habit early on. I doubt that anyone here will minimise what you're feeling, or the seriousness of your concerns.

The approach to alcohol is very odd in UK. It seems to swing from the response that you got - that it's not really a problem - to the other extreme where reports are made to social services. I think that one of the difficulties is that alcohol is such an acceptable 'drug' that as a society we find it difficult to treat it as such, and most problem drinking can be easily ignored until it becomes seriously harmful. Those who don't feel the pull of the drug suggest strategies like cutting down, or having a couple of alcohol free nights each week, without understanding the need for some really helpful tactics to make that possible. Hopefully you'll find that (and maybe more) on this thread.

You'll have to ignore some of the madness that goes on, if that''s not your thing, and personally although I've been here since pretty much the beginning there are some long-running jokes that even I don't get smile.

The main thing is to have a think about what you want. And to examine your own behaviour a little. What times of day are you most likely to drink? What can help to distract you - eating, knitting, sex, doing onloine jigsaws? Well done for posting - it's a great first step.

Letdownbydoctor Wed 18-Dec-13 10:39:14

thanks, just read through the whole thread.

Sounds like I am not alone.

I have a work do tonight, so had given my self an excuse to start tomorrow, but think i will try and stick to orange juice tonight

tiamariaxxx Wed 18-Dec-13 10:49:40

Hi, i was a really bad drinker aged 18-20 my mum actually forced me to the doctors as she thought i was an alchoholic, it was getting to the point i was getting shakes for 2 days after i drank if i didnt have anything else. I got into a relationship and cut down of my own accord, i found if i had a night out and got really drunk i wouldnt stop drinking, made right show of myself. I stopped drinking completely when i got pregnant the first time but i always had urges for vodka. Proud of myself tbh that i knew i could control myself.

Now both me and my hubby only drink if we are out on a special occasion or something, i know my own limits but if i go over and get really drunk or even tipsy i do feel bad for days with shakes so i really try not to get drunk.

I dont think i was a full blown alchholic but i did rely on drink too much hen i as young for confidence more than anything i think if i hadnt of cut down id of caused major problems for myself

SocFish Wed 18-Dec-13 11:27:03

Hello Babes. New and old. I'm just sitting quietly in the side car. Doing quite bloody well considering the silly season so am delighted in some respects. But I'm staying in the side car for a while. I'm just doing damage control for the next few weeks and am looking forward to driving Gerald again after this is all over and done with. Hope you're all doing ok. I read and check in every single day so please keep posting. Xx

venusandmars Wed 18-Dec-13 11:37:09

letdown I found that the best way to tackle a night out was to decide before I went exactly what I would ask for to drink (and I'd have a reserve request just in case they didn't have my first choice). If I didn't do that I'd find myself caught in a panic when asked and I'd usually say "oh, a glass of wine please".

The other thing I'd do was rehearse a reason for my choice e.g. "oh I'm really thirsty so I'll start with a big glass of lime and soda" or "I've got a bit of a headache so I think I'll just have an orange juice at the moment".

After I'd had a couple of soft drinks I often found that my desire for wine had diminished, and I wasn't so bothered for the rest of the evening.

Let us know how it goes.

soberisthenewblack Wed 18-Dec-13 12:00:58

letdown
wise words as usual from Venus. I just wanted to add just because "every mum in Surrey " is drinking too much doesnt mean that its right fsmile
good luck tonight

aliasjoey Wed 18-Dec-13 12:18:38

Welcome letdown and soberis and tia well done for being brave and posting. Venus is so right about making plans for what you will drink instead of just 'hoping'

Having known a lot of GPs who drink like fish I would cynically add that "every mum in surrey" is probably a projection of "Well I do so it can't be a problem"

I would love to do a research project where we send 2 different women to their local GP to ask about their alcohol intake
Mum A is dressed in Jigsaw/Hobbs/Reiss, beautifully manicured, middle class with a naice house in posh suberb. She is drinking a bottle of Waitrose Chablis every night (9.5 units x 7 = 66.5 units)

Mum B is dressed in old tracksuit with unkempt appearance, single mum living on the most deprived estate in the city. She is drinking a half bottle of cheap gin five nights a week (13 units x 5 = 65 units)

I would be very interested to see what advice is given to each. hmm

Good luck tonight Letdown I would highly recommend the surpised-at-self-and-slightly-smug feeling that coming home from a party sober can bring. grin

I wondered this too isinde, if the very reason for the dismissive attitude was because the doctor herself drinks a similar level. I must also be cynical!

Welcome letmedown and tia fsmile

Hope all other babes are doing ok. We are getting snowed in here! <thinks of soc and her hot summery barbecues>

Imdoingthis Wed 18-Dec-13 19:09:35

Hi brave babes
I'm currently not putting any effort into not drinking there's to much going on but I know its short term I will be back I just can not afford the effort/ energy and thought time right now.

Thankyou isinde its hard to get support I was going down housing office in morning I had a support worker I just met today she was ment to go with me but got a call to say its not safe for her shes not allowed sad

I need out

Waving around bus x

Fairenuff Wed 18-Dec-13 19:37:19

Hi all fsmile

Been mega busy getting ready for Christmas. 101 jobs on top of all that, including washing machine breaking down, more storm damage and a trip to a&e!

Anyway, will catch up with all posts when I can. Mouse I luurve the OP, very well put. Hope everyone is ok. Back later x

fatedtopretendsantaisreal Wed 18-Dec-13 19:55:54

Sorry for not posting sooner and thank you for the lovely posts.

Think I'm getting through the fug of self loathing a bit now, had a chat with myself about being a better mum and think I'm feeling a bit stronger.

Decided against going to this week's alcohol related events after such a disastrous night on Monday. Have cancelled babysitters and am going to hibernate and wrap my mountain of Christmas presents.

dementedma Wed 18-Dec-13 20:30:30

Welcome to the new babes. I am in the sidecar which I have decorated with fairy lights and tinsel.
No af days for quite a while which isn't good. Will be low carbing and going for dry January from Dec 31st so trying not to beat myself up too much before then.

guggenheim Wed 18-Dec-13 21:49:27

Just checking in to say hi.

ma hope your electrics are ok- can you check those fairy lights please?
faire are you ok? Was is you what went to a&e??

Well done new babes and ancient ones keep posting or lurking,reading the thread can make all the difference between getting a bottle in or just giving it one more evening instead.

psst. I thought there was a library? have i made that up? shock well,where do we store all the recovery books if we don't have a library? What about all them poems?
<shoves joey toward a dusty bit of Gerald and pins wobbly 'library' sign up> ssssshhhhhhh! ssssshhhhhh! see,there is a library!

soberisthenewblack Wed 18-Dec-13 22:36:00

Day 4 ended phew .Thank God for chocolate smile
Bring on day 5 grin

<creeps into library and remembers that libraries were where she hid herself as a teenager and dreamt of being anyone other than herself...>>

sober you and me and day 5 eh? Xx

whydidthishappen Thu 19-Dec-13 04:38:50

Sorry I havent been around. Ive been very depressed. Find this time of year very hard.

As Ive been keeping so much of this secret from my family at home, my sister is getting annoyed I wont Skype with the baby so she can see him. I cant bring myself to tell her that I barely see him myself. And I cant explain it to her. Everything just seems to be a constant, constant state of permanent crisis. Im so tired. And I just cant bare to let another person down.

Day 100 sober.

soberisthenewblack Thu 19-Dec-13 07:24:46

why so sorry that you are struggling . I have been following your posts .Can you see any light at the end of the tunnel ?

isindie day 5 fgrin
I have a motto its "I am a mother of twins you cant scare me "fgrin
We need to tell that to the WW witch.

I have a dilemma ...DH and I always have a naice lunch just the two of us at Christmas and today is the day.He has booked us somewhere posh where the cocktails and wine flow like water and you can hardly hear yourself think because of champagnes corks popping.
I know I know its not a real problem but I need to develop a strategy for dealing with this.
I will have a think what I am going to do and will post later and let you know how I got on.
Just knowing that I have to report back will keep me on the straight and narrow.fgrin
I am so full of boing these days and want to get up and seize the day. DH keeps asking me why I am getting up in the middle of the night...........but its 7am for goodness sake ........half the day has gone fgrin
Sending positive thoughts to everyone

fatedtopretendsantaisreal Thu 19-Dec-13 07:51:04

Day 3.

I will not drink today

guggenheim Thu 19-Dec-13 08:55:46

Well done fated and sober and isinde [all the best people hang out in libraries as misunderstood teens. You get an extra point if you used to write self indulgent poetry]

sober try some pomegrante juice first because it's a decent replacement for wine or wait until you have had some of your main meal and think if you really want that drink? Or just have the one and leave it at that.

why I think it's very natural to feel down after what you have been through,a bit like the clean up job after a flood.Just stay with the feeling and give it time.Hey,at least you have feelings not just a dull fuzzy sensation where a real feeling ought to be.It will pass.
Are you able to move back home straight away or is it staggered and increasing contact????
Maybe tell your sister that you are feeling down and that's why there hasn't been much contact via SKYPE. You could always fill in the details later on.
It will be ok and it will all get better with more sobriety.

Sober grin at your saying...mine is more like
"You have never known real fear until you are the mother of twins" grin

How about challenging the posh place to produce you a luverly mocktail? Venus is the queen of the alcohol-free treat-drinks but I really like sparkling mineral water with a dash of lime cordial. Or I had a lovely fizzy cranberry juice and soda water at a client event last week.

Tell DH you want to be sober so you can have lots of lovely sober sex after lunch. See whether that changes the dynamic! grin

Off to join a client group for their Christmas Breakfast at 10....held in a Weatherspoons......with cheap beer.....at 10.30am hmm

Now that is not a temptation to me as my WW doesn't wake up until 6pm but goes some way to explain the numbers of pissed people shopping in the afternoon

x posted but I will claim that extra point Guggs still do in fact! smile

aliasjoey Thu 19-Dec-13 09:13:40

why would it be so bad to tell your sis what's going on? Maybe not everything, but she could be a wonderful support if she understands... and if she isn't then you haven't lost anything.

sober in your place, I would promise myself I could have a drink AFTER the main course had arrived. Start with a cold drink or mocktail... and very often found that the slight delay 'broke' the habit enough to make me not actually want anything after that. The thought that I could have a drink if I wanted it also made me less desperate/defiant.

soberisthenewblack Thu 19-Dec-13 09:39:45

lots of great suggestions will take these with me this afternoon.
Sober sex??? Now that is friggin scary fgrin

aliasjoey Thu 19-Dec-13 10:55:34

grin at sober

BTW this is a modern library, we do not shush people (unless they are singing too loudly at the back, ma)

<dons neat twin-set and pearls, puts hair up in a bun, polishes spectacles, straightens up books>

soberisthenewblack Thu 19-Dec-13 11:25:36

roganoglasgow.com
Can you see my problem ? Getting ready will report later

aliasjoey Thu 19-Dec-13 11:33:00

What problem? I see lots of lovely fish and seafood.

Do you mean the offer of a free glass of wine? I'm sure they mean 'or non-alcohlic alternative' I think it's illegal to insist your free glass HAS to be wine.

guggenheim Thu 19-Dec-13 11:34:56

It's beautiful sober. What are you going to wear? Imagines some beautiful 1930's outfits to go with restaurant.

Good luck whatever you decide- do report back.

lol at joey and keep going to isinde

TheBunsOfPanettone Thu 19-Dec-13 12:16:27

HI Everyone, I thought I'd pop on and say hello..... in a couple of weeks I may move on to the DRY thread, which I suspect is really the place for me but right now I'd like to grab a seat on this bus if that's OK. Or at least hang on to the pole if it's a Routemaster.

I was always prone to "one too many" as early as my teens, then progressed via a couple of rather boozy relationships and a lot of parties, to almost daily home alone drinking in my 30s, which got worse in my 40s. I was abstinent for just under 18 months and then last Christmas had a glass of wine. A few months later I'd started drinking socially in an amazingly ladylike way but then started drinking alone again, to excess after having my elderly, ill cat put to sleep; it was the only thing (other than time) that could blur the terrible pain and guilt in the slightest. Over the next few weeks I yo-yo'd in and out of abstinence as my beloved cousin died, something unpleasant (and self-inflicted) from the past came back to bite me on the bum and my surviving cat became very sick and weak and had to be put to sleep. Realising I was getting myself into an even worse place I stopped drinking again and was totally abstinent for a couple of months. Then I had one glass of wine at a party two weeks ago. Then got angry about a family situation and polished off a bottle and a half on my own. And the same thing happened a couple of days ago. I didn't even ENJOY that lonely drinking, beyond the pleasant warmth of the first glass, it was as if I'd turned into some mindless glugging robot.

I'm spending Christmas with my sister & her family (the part of my family that I get on with grin not the ones I was angry about) and I can't wait to see them. They drink a fair amount but would be supportive of my not drinking. Also my 17 y.o. nephew doesn't drink at all.

Thing is, I'm sick of being "good". Sick, sick, sick of it. Certain family members tell me how well I'm doing and how good I'm being and if they knew about my recent slips they'd say "well that was stupid of you". I hate that I can only be an abstinent saint or a stupid lush, that there's no inbetween. I was at a wedding with them in the summer and getting through it was a nightmare, sit down meal with strangers and all, without a drink.

I want to not be good at Christmas. I want to have a drink with my family (these ones, while supportive of my not drinking, won't tell me off if I do have a drink) and not think about abstinence, alcoholism and all. I want not to feel different. But I don't want to do the horrible robotic home alone thing again.

Apologies for the essay, I just feel the need to get it all out here.

venusandmars Thu 19-Dec-13 15:26:36

buns you're very welcome here whether you are completely stopped, or not. It's interesting how just having one drink take you not so gradually back into full scale drinking. That has been my experience too. So today I pretty much don't drink at all.

iisindie mentioned non-alcoholic drinks - today I had Tropicana apple and raspberry juice with a tot of Belvoir ginger cordial, topped up with soda. It was so so so much better than the cheap white wine that my pals were drinking. Then there was shopping to be done. My friends went off with their shoulders slumped, feeling groggy and looking as if all inspiration had deserted them. Oh how many years I spend far too much on presents because I was in that state, and bought the first thing I saw.

Keep on keeping on Babes. It can be a tough time of year, and it can also be a time for a big slap on the face - this could be the year you change your life.

venusandmars Thu 19-Dec-13 15:28:16

Still 12 days left to make that change grin

And even if you've decided to drink at Christmas you can still have at least 10 out of the last 12 days sober. Go on, end the year well x

TheBunsOfPanettone Thu 19-Dec-13 17:29:31

Thanks Venusandmars this thread's a good place to be grin

I know what you mean about alcohol at lunchtime. I actually don't feel tempted to drink at lunchtime any more at all, unless it's a very formal occasion such as the wedding I had to go to, where a drink would have taken the edge of my shyness and made socialising easier. I had lunch with some ex colleagues the other day and stuck to diet coke and so appreciated the fact I still had a clear head and energy for the afternoon while they were heading for mild late-afternoon hangovers.

Letdownbydoctor Thu 19-Dec-13 18:55:48

I failed. Found out that there was a surprise presentation to me for some stuff at work. Should have been lovely (and the large bunch of flowers was), but spooked me into a large glass of wine.

Already have a glass of red in front of me and feel absolutely awful about it...

soberisthenewblack Thu 19-Dec-13 18:56:49

Im back fgrin I ordered a large bottle of fizzy water on arrival and I then shared a bottle of wine with DH.
I then had a glass of champagne and left to do some Christmas shopping.
To paraphrase Denise Welch I left the bar without promising to go on holiday with complete strangers fgrinfgrin
Feeling good .
Back on the bus tomorrow

Fairenuff Thu 19-Dec-13 19:11:14

Hi, still not managed to catch up with you lovely lot but will keep reading fgrin

Just wanted to reassure ma that I'm fine. It was not me at a&e, it was ds (cracked his head) but he is fine too fsmile

Back to the wrapping - will catch up soon x

dementedma Thu 19-Dec-13 20:11:44

"Letdown" you have not failed.
Stumbling is a method of moving forward.

Tiptoes into library, avoiding scary librarian, and sets our chairs for this weekends concert.

Tickets are on sale at the front of the bus. All proceeds to the Salvation Army Christmas fund

Hi Ma hope all groovy with you.
I put a tenner in the hat of the Sally Army band playing in Liverpool city centre today. The guy was shock but I was thinking of Richard... smile funny how this thread changes your life really.

Why was thinking of you today lovely. Come back and tell us how you are doing. Xx

dementedma Thu 19-Dec-13 22:29:56

Oh Indie thank you so much.
Let me tell you about Richard - (newbies scroll back to threads posted in May when my brother was dying).
He has his own little flat now and is out of the main hostel. He still has support but is living fairly indepentently. He has been sober for 6 months. He has bought a teeny wee Christmas tree in a pot, carefully arranged his gifts under it, and put up fairy lights. He is studying for a psychology degree and has just passed his first stage mediation training for addicts.he will spend Christmas day cooking lunch at the hostel for the residents, then opening his presents. Sober.
He bought my other brother a bottle of wine for Christmas, a good vintage. This means he went into a shop, bought it, wrapped it, kept it in his flat, then gave it away.
6 months ago he was a stinking, unshaven wreck waiting for the corner shop to open so he could buy cheap booze first thing in the morning. He shook so much he could hardly walk. He didn't know his own name. He was dying.
This demented family have much to be joyous about this Christmas and the Salvation Army are the reason for it. They step in where everyone else has given up.

whydidthishappen Fri 20-Dec-13 00:34:48

Hi Isinde. Yeah, I'm pretty much shot. If I could fill you all in in matters that have been going on for a while, it would take forever. Living situation is a nightmare again. Even though I had a legal victory and the case transferred, there are still so many problems remaining. The court said that even though I can spend time with my husband, I can't spent time with my husband and child together. (???)

My sister would be so upset if I told her all this (and right before Christmas to boot). She would be hurt that I didn't tell her in the first place. Anyway, now she is upset that I can't skype and show her the baby. So I just have to be the bad guy again.

I'm so tired of it all. Separate from my son and homeless. I'm exhausted, emotionally, mentally and physically. I see my social worker tomorrow. I'm worried that if I tell her how depressed I am, she will put me in a mental institution (which is how they deal with depressed people at Social Services here) and set my reunion with my son back. But to be honest, I almost don't trust myself not to do harm to myself. Maybe, I'm just so lonely from doing it all on my own.

I often hear people talking about how when they were drinking, they would sometimes pray to just not wake up in the morning. When I can get to sleep, I think, 'wouldn't it be better if this was the final day I ever had to do. And tomorrow I wouldn't have to disappoint another person or myself'.

Happy f'ing Christmas to one and all.

Why oh my lovely what an incredibly tough situation. I dont know what to say and how to help but I do know I and many others on here want to help and support you if we can.

Personally I would tell your sister. You need someone else on team why and she will get over any anger that you didnt tell her earlier when she realises how low you are.

Feeling depressed is a completely reasonable and rational reaction to what you have gone and are going through. It would be odd if you were not frankly. I would be cautious about telling too much to your SW if you feel she will over-react in that way.

But I would consciously gather my resources and try and put a team why together so that you are not trying to do everything alone. Tell your sister, talk to your friends in AA, find other allies in this who can support you. Come on here and post anytime and use this bus as a support forum.

You are not alone, you will get through this. Hold on, it WILL get better. Xx

aliasjoey Fri 20-Dec-13 08:43:03

ma I am in awe of your brother and what he has achieved. That is just incredible, fantastic, amazing. What a wonderful Christmas you will all have.

And, by the way, a huge well done also to you and your family for helping him to get where he is today. It couldn't have been done without you.

guggenheim Fri 20-Dec-13 09:19:00

Just checking in for as long as demon ds allows me...

ma I love news about Richard. Thank you for sharing,every time I hear someone saying how hopeless addiction is I think- well,no actually there is always another chance as long as long as you don't give up on people. Happy Christmas to all the demented xx

why That is really awful and you will be in my thoughts today,happy to light a candle /say a prayer/ walk windershins (sp) round said candle under moonlight- whatever your bag is.
Don't let the bastards get you down,you haven't come this far to be wiped out by sodding paperwork. Just breathe,pray (meditate whateves) and rest. No one is asking anything else of you today.It will pass. I think you have run out of everything now and I'm not surprised.

This is a list of dull things which may help a little:

a walk in fresh air,
cake,
read a library book,
go to church,temple,mosque- all of them one after another,
spend money on something for you,
paint,
call a friend /sponsor
run
swim
watch crap tv
cinema
gratitude lists every day

One step at a time. We all have hope for you. x

guggenheim Fri 20-Dec-13 09:20:20

sober love the Denise Walsh quote. Had many a night like that too smile

ruralreynard Fri 20-Dec-13 10:15:14

Just checking in. Big wave to one and all.
Been so busy and back in the sidecar but OK.
Will read back when I have time and hopefully be ready to take on the WW again soon. Love to all. fsmile

Morning babes, good to see you rural fsmile

Why I wish I knew what to say, you have been so incredibly brave and determined. It is no wonder all you resources are depleted. isinde and guggs have some great ideas, please lean on us if we can be any use. Love and strength to you babe x

Ma Richard's story is really one of inspiration. It is amazing to think of a life turned around like that. Am sure the support of his family was a huge value to him too. I also emptied my purse to a Salvation Army man at the grocery store yesterday (not as generous as isinde, just the change I had) but just wanted to say how far their work reaches. My grandmother spent time in one of their orphanages as a child so a special charity to me too.

Venus your words yesterday - even if you are drinking over Christmas, it doesn't have to be every night - rang a bell for me. Nothing I didn't know but I think my warped brain had sort of decided that as I had drunk some nights and this is December then that I would obviously drink every night until Jan. Thanks to reading that, I didn't drink last night and feel good this morning. fsmile

Just shows how everyone's posts matter to someone reading.

Love to all. Xxx

babyjane1 Fri 20-Dec-13 11:36:59

guggen I'm taking great comfort from your calming words. Due to recent drinking habits my parents, partner and daughter have told me I need to stop or lose them I'm terrified of facing Xmas and New Year sober, I don't like myself at all and I've let the people down I love most, I'm at rock bottom. I daren't tell anyone I'm struggling without wine, my family think it's a simple question of choice. They also chose to believe it all stems from depression and will " fix itself" my main problem is that I cannot process stress or disappointment, I'm very very sensitive and as a cherished only child I find life as a STHM boring and lonely yet my Crohn's makes it impossible for me to work right now. Most if you know me well but I feel like on my edge of my life and either need to make radical changes right now or I'm doomed, my drinking is becoming sinister and dangerous almost like I'm pushing myself towards the dark side, sorry for me me me but I'm facing an uncertain future and need support,it's not an all day every day thing but when I start, I just can't stop, it's like hiding from life and I don't even know why!!! Xxx

Hi baby, that was a very brave and honest post. I can relate to a lot of what you say, the loneliness, the guilt and the fear. You are not alone in that, I think a lot of us struggle through life sometimes feeling like we are holding it all together with a flimsy bit of dental floss.

On the dry thread, they mentioned the train, the one that hurtles towards rock bottom. It was also suggested that it is possible to step off the train before it reaches it's destination. (That was a poor description but hopefully you know what I mean). All is not lost baby, you are here, you are being honest. This time of year tends to magnify all the emotions and as a sensitive soul it can all feel too much to handle. My only advice is take one small step at a time, you don't need to fix everything in one go. Just focus on getting through today. guggs had a list of suggestions to why, maybe some of those would help. Don't worry about tomorrow. Today is enough. Take care xx

babyjane1 Fri 20-Dec-13 12:25:05

Thanks beaches xx

I wish you were here to help me... I have to wrap and hide an enormous beanbag fshock. Seemed such a good idea at the time fsmile

Anneisnotmyname Fri 20-Dec-13 13:18:30

((Hugs)) baby sorry you are feeling so low. I can relate to being lonley, bored, sensitive - wanting to take the edge of things with a glass of wine. This time of year does make it harder. We're bombarded with images of people having a good time, invariably with a drink, and for all I think that we see through it, it still has an effect. Xx

guggenheim Fri 20-Dec-13 16:20:17

baby that is a very brave post indeed. Massive hugs to you. xxx
I'm typing one handed so forgive mistakes.
I can really identify with the inability to process stress and disappointment,neither can I and neither can many alcoholics. I can totally realte to that rock bottom feeling- firghtening,out of control,disgusting. sound familiar? In the end I needed rl support too. I needed to get out of the house and get to meetings,it kept me sober,simple as that.It is free,anonymous and got me sober.

Set a date,whenever you are ready and commit to not drinking. get soft drinks in,get into bed early,stay away from shops.You will begin to feel better within a few days.

I found that I do suffer from low levels of depression,sometimes and drinking was making it all much worse,I wasn't processing those feelings either,just saving them up for the future.

Wish I could be there to give you a hug.I think you are there at that turning point where you are sick and tired of drinking.

That awful self destructive feeling- yes,i did all that too and deliberately stuffed up as many good things as I possibly could. That is waht alcohol does to you,it stops you having any self worth at all.

I'm not saying that getting sober is easy or staying sober is easy, I have no idea if I will make it through christmas sober but nOTHING is worse that that vile drink-guilt-drink-guilt cycle.

Think about some councelling,aa,smart,anatabuse (sp)- one of those things might help.

chopin33 Fri 20-Dec-13 18:51:09

Hi baby I just couldn't see your post and not respond. I lurk on this thread a lot and to me you sound such an open, friendly, sweet and bright person. Like you I suffer from depression and am crap at coping with stress and know only too well how that can lead to taking a drink. Believe guggs tho' she is right, alcohol depresses the central nervous system and taken in large quantities will end up making you feel even worse. Just a thought you may want to try cognitive behavioural techniques, basically means a lot of folk like us tend to focus on the negative and I don't know you but I'm willing to bet there's. A lot of good things going for you! Sorry I'm. Probably coming over really badly but I bet its not as bad as u think. Hugs to you!

venusandmars Fri 20-Dec-13 19:39:34

Friday night before Christmas, and so many people are out at Christmas parties. I'm not, and it can be easy to feel alone, and sad, and to think that things would be a little brighter if I too was out drinking.

But I know it is an illusion. So many of those supposedly 'happy' people are stressed, worried about their finances, struggling with relationship problems, and far too many will be struggling because of alcohol. They may be habitual drinkers for whom this time of year ramps everything up; they may be occasional drinkers who get carried away; but either way later tonight and then tomorrow morning there will be people who are regretful or confused, or hurt and bruised, worried, potentially pregnant and dreading the fall-out.

So to any who are at home, join me in luxuriating in being AT HOME tonight, warm inside when the weather is crap outside, and perhaps even sleeping well tonight and waking up bright in the morning. Love to you all.

whydidthishappen Fri 20-Dec-13 20:18:49

Id love to have a home to be in.

I will join you in being sober and glad about it. And we wont be hungover, embarrassed or sorry in the morning.

guggenheim Fri 20-Dec-13 20:32:37

Hi all,

Think i'm quite glad it's the last friday before christmas,all that pressure to spend and drink. I'm having a boring night in and that's fine.
This is the easiest lead up to christmas i've had,and that's due to not being pissed all the time. I walked past the booze aisle of the supermarket yesterday and it was nice to not care about the wine- none of that haggling and overspending.

chopin how do you go about finding out about cognitive therapy?

venusandmars Fri 20-Dec-13 21:54:43

oh why I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be insensitive sad But you're right about the morning smile

aliasjoey Fri 20-Dec-13 22:47:09

If you don't want counselling, I recommend a book on CBT like Burns 'Feeling Good'

You can also get great apps - I have one called CBT diary.

babyjane1 Fri 20-Dec-13 22:47:52

Hi my lovely friends, I thank you for you ever kind and sympathetic words and not a hint of judgement which makes me weep with gratitude. I have been thinking a lot about what brought me to this point and I will share this tomorrow but have had a busy but lovely day at a Christmas party with kids, lots of stress and triggers but my dd says if she sees me with wine in my hand she's finished with me!!! I am struggling and will continue to through heavy laden guilt and I know I must be unhappy at some level to need drink to make me feel worthy/fuzzy and warm and dusgusting in such dramatic ways. My whole life and relationship needs emotional first aid and I hope I can rebuild a trust that I've botched repeatedly like a self destruction button that ripples through everyone I exist to cherish and love. Somewhere down the line I stopped doing all the things that make ME happy and lost my soul to housework, loneliness and white wine!! I hope I can find ME again through councelling and AA and this amazing bus. my sincere affection to all of you xxx

babyjane1 Fri 20-Dec-13 23:02:58

Can anyone give me a link to "the dry thread" or any others that may help me ??

chopin33 Sat 21-Dec-13 05:11:42

Hi baby just up early looking at my fairy lights and scoffing on clementines! Ibelieve the dry thread is on relationships, I suggest you also take a look at Soberistas.com

aliasjoey Sat 21-Dec-13 11:34:00

babyj I have a similar health condition to you, and needed many years of counselling to come to terms with issues around pain, guilt, body image, anger, resentment etc

Please don't beat yourself up. You have had such a hard time - you were in hospital less than a month ago! Alcohol is your way of coping with all your problems. You can't ditch the alcohol UNTIL you've found an alternative coping strategy.

TheBunsOfPanettone Sat 21-Dec-13 11:54:27

Hello babyj I just read your post and I am so sorry that you have been struggling with Crohns as well as the dreaded booze. My niece has Crohn's and went through a terrible time with it a couple of years ago.

Here's a link to the DRY thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1911266-DRY?pg=21

guggenheim Sat 21-Dec-13 17:49:50

Big big hug to baby

Take your time (one day at a time) and don't put any pressure on yourself. Take any help that is offered. We all want to see you happy and healthy and able to cope.

I'd recommend the wimmin's meetings or a beginners meeting for aa if you did decide to go.
Best of luck.

dementedma Sat 21-Dec-13 17:51:54

Just checking in. Had another electrician here today. More baffled headshaking. Only solution is to lift all the flooring and floorboards to get to the bottom of things. I could cry. He has temporarily disabled all the sockets to the front room and our bedroom and run an extension from ds room so we can have power. Ds is pissed off because his door won't close, dd1s face it tripping her because that's her default these days amid sarky comments about the house not being safe, and dd2 has just come home from uni without blankie and blankie can't be left alone in halls all over Christmas and how will she cope? She is 20!!!!

dementedma Sat 21-Dec-13 18:50:03

Did I say the electrician has lovely eyes.....

guggenheim Sat 21-Dec-13 18:58:52

Oh ma run off with him hope it all gets sorted before christmas,if not sooner.

dementedma Sat 21-Dec-13 19:07:41

guggs I would if I could. He's lovely!

Number5Bus Sat 21-Dec-13 21:57:30

Have namechanged to post here for first time.
I don't really know how to start but I think alcohol has become a problem for me.
I rarely drink a lot but I drink every single day. usually alone at home. Probably around a bottle of wine a night, sometimes less. When I exceed this I get really really ill for at least a day afterwards and have to claim a migraine.
I am so ashamed of this.
I am a professional with a good job and I don't think anyone at work would suspect a thing. I am worried I am damaging my body though and I hate those nights when I am awake all night, with the runs blush. And the next day when I feel sick and weak and headachy all damn day.
Anyway, I have been lurking and I just deleted a load of alcohol not all of it off my sainsburys home delivery for Christmas. Thanks for giving me heart and courage.
I am hoping to try to quit/cut back severely after Christmas. I will lurk and learn until then if that is OK?

chopin33 Sat 21-Dec-13 22:13:54

Hi guggenheim I know that you can pay privately for cbt , my GP told me to ring Mind as they do counselling free but I chickened out at the last minute as. Felt a twit discussing stuff with strangers! Have tried reading up instead - alias that app sounds interesting might give it a go how much does ot cost if you don't mind my asking please?

dementedma Sat 21-Dec-13 22:25:20

Number 5 that sounds like my drinking pattern.
I p!an to go for dry January. New year,new start etc. Want to get ready to join me?

Anneisnotmyname Sat 21-Dec-13 22:35:52

Welcome Number, and well done on deleting the alchohol. It's a hard time of year to cut down/quit but I think/hope if you drink more mindfully it'll put you in a better place to deal with it come January. That's what I'm telling myself anyway! I can easily drink daily, rarely more than half a bottle but I think these things creep up....since joining the thread I've managed af days - seemed impossible before - so it's definitely worth lurking/posting smile

Mouseface Sat 21-Dec-13 23:07:20

Not coping. sad

Drinking, not too much, but enough to help the meds escalate their effects.

I can't cope with my grief. I miss my mum, I really ache, I hurt, I really hurt.

I'm going to leave you guys to it for a while and not drag you down. I'll pop in but I can't give words of wisdom if I am self medicating can I? Two faced and all that....

Be brave, stay safe, the next few weeks will be tough. You are all so lovely, welcome to the new Babes, stay where you feel settled.....

Night all.

I'll be lurking.

Merry Christmas xxx

whydidthishappen Sat 21-Dec-13 23:28:30

Mouse Please stay in touch. Withdrawing may not be the best option.

You are not being "two-faced". You need support and help. You always tell people in their time of need that they don't have to be a source of help to the bus, but just to take the help offered. Do the same for yourself now, lovely.

Thinking of you, Mouse. Very much an inspiration to me.

TheBunsOfPanettone Sat 21-Dec-13 23:41:12

Hello Number5Bus that sounds very like my drinking pattern too and my level of drinking. It did start affecting me at work, my attitude and my performance deteriorated before I gave up the booze first time round. I remember that horrible edgy, weak headachy feeling so well.

You may be damaging your health with your drinking and I would recommend getting yourself checked out. I was tested after 'fessing up to my GP the real extent of my drinking and I had raised cholesterol and low calcium levels. The low calcium was a huge wake-up call, I don't at all fancy being predisposed to osteoporosis!

Well done for deleting a large chunk of your home alcohol order grin

I'm not entirely abstinent right now, following a tumble back into excessive drinking in the summer and a bit of yo-yo-ing between abstinence and drinking since but most of the time I have been off the booze. I am planning to boot it completely again in the New Year. I know it would be better just to carry on with my current period of abstinence (today is day 5 I think) but I just want a relaxed Christmas with my family and not to feel left out, etc. etc. so I'm going for damage limitation.

The stuff really messes with my head though. That "voice" was there this evening, suggesting I get a bottle of wine on my way home and now of course I'm so glad I didn't. But it's scary how persistently the addictive voice reasserts itself.

Anyway, best wishes for Christmas and for cutting down, or out altogether in the New Year.

SocFish Sun 22-Dec-13 00:05:26

mouse big hugs. Please don't disappear. There's loads of us in the side car. It's a big cozy love fest. Please join us. We need you here with us. Sorry you're hurting so badly.

I'm still in the side car by the skin of my teeth. Doing ok. Looking forward to the end of this festive season and I will be back in the drivers seat.

Same as thebuns - just doing damage limitation. I always volunteer to drive these days so have had many nights out having only 2 glasses of wine and NOT stopped on the way home to get another bottle to drink at home as a reward for being 'so good'. So although not perfect, much better than I used to be.

Hang in there glorious babes xx

Number5Bus Sun 22-Dec-13 08:42:56

dementedma thanks I would love a partner to go dry with in the new year and I will try to limit my consumption before then.
I did have a AF day last week and I tried to be more self aware about it. I was surprised that I didn't feel so different physically the next day, but I felt so much more upbeat mentally and emotionally. I had more of a "can do" attitude.
Like a lot of us, I am sure, I have had a particularly shit 18 months. Split up from boyfriend, bad problems with teen DD, various work problems, and this week I found that someone very close and dear to me has cancer.
I have to stop using alcohol as a crutch. I know all this but come 6pm the wine starts calling....
My DF died of his alcoholism and both my DBs have problems with it too so I know I should be more careful. That I am at risk.
One of the worst things has been the sheer amount of weight I have put on in 18 months. When I drink I eat.
Sorry for rambling. I will sit back and lurk til new year. Thanks babes.

buggermewhatnext Sun 22-Dec-13 08:52:11

Hi babes.. Need some support today sad taking it one hour at a time.. Help x

dementedma Sun 22-Dec-13 09:08:54

Mouseface if you don't show your whiskers on this bus, just to post "checking in" I will come down there with a mousetrap and get you! With what you have been through this year, it is unbelievable you are still breathing, let alone coping. You need to grieve dearest, but not alone and drunk and hurting. Curl up in the sidecar <shoves Indies big arse out of the way> and just squeak now and then. Since when was this bus only for non-drinking posters? Hmmmm? If that were the case I think there has been only one day in December when I could post AF. Rest a while mouse and know that we care and you are part of our lives. I picked dd2 up from uni yesterday and we were chatting about Christmas cards etc and she said "Oh,how is nemo these days?" She loves looking at his photos and thinks he is so cute. Its like - cheesy alert- we are one family here. A family threatened daily by the Ww but a family all the same. Stay safe.
<number5>your number is up! Signing you up for dry January with me. Anyone else?
Big hi to all other babes.
thurso are you out there?

dementedma Sun 22-Dec-13 09:10:07

Cross posted with bugger
What's happened? Are you ok?

Fairenuff Sun 22-Dec-13 09:26:42

bugger what's up? Come and talk with us.

Mouse please keep posting. That's what this wonderful bus is for! We have a sidecar for drinkers, complete with squishy bottoms cushions and a goggle-wearing dog to snuggle up to. Bring Wolf if you like and leave your worries behind for a few minutes peace with us x

We don't care if you are drinking, we just care about you. You need to do what you need to do right now. Tomorrow is another day and none of us know what it holds, so just focus on the here and now and let us help you through it.

There are a lot of struggling babes right now, let's just take it slow today and tackle our problems in the order that they are killing us. And for any babes that have to stop completely, or stay stopped, the best way to do it, possibly the only way to do it, is to completely embrace your sobriety.

Enjoy it, love it, sing it from the rooftops. You are well, you are in control and you will never, ever wake up and regret not drinking the day before. You are richer in so many ways, celebrate your sobriety (and re-read the posts about sore heads, sick stomachs, hungover angst and all the other 'joys' hmm of drinking.

buggermewhatnext Sun 22-Dec-13 10:25:04

Guys nothing has happened not really just trying to fight this crap xxxx

aliasjoey Sun 22-Dec-13 11:09:28

Chopin my kindle app was free. It's called CBT Diary, but there are others.

number5 welcome and well done for being brave and posting!

Number5Bus Sun 22-Dec-13 13:34:40

Just got through a family party without drinking!!! YAY!!!!!!

I really felt like a drink when they all left. There was half a can of coke left and I so wanted to put a drop of voddie in it and drink it. But I didn't.

I am going out for a walk now. I need to get the bits that were missing fumes silently from my sainsburys order and I thought I might feel healthier and more positive if I walk rather than drive.

Thanks for all your support.

DonnaFlapperBlitzen Sun 22-Dec-13 13:41:09

Hi again ,I didn't really introduce myself the other day.
I've been a drinker for many years (also used to take party drugs in my youth) Think I've probably fucked up my serotonin for the rest of my life...
I've changed my meds this past month & I 'm really really fucking struggling. Totally thrown all the good work I've done down the pan (groupwork since Feb). I got very drunk last weekend & behaved awfully!
I feel like my flat is a hovel, it's relentless trying to keep it clean with a 3yo sad I feel like throwing every thing in a big skip. Been an awful shouty mum (I'm usually quite calm & very loving to my beautiful little fella)
Seeing the doc tues am, then going to my mums for 3 nights. Really need the break sad

guggenheim Sun 22-Dec-13 14:35:04

Hi,
mouse thinking of you x

I'm really pleased to see people mentioning dry January. By now,lots of us with problems with booze will be feeling the strain and be at that turning point where you know things can't continue the way they have been. How about we all have a go at dry January together? No pressure,this is a no judgement thread (thankfully).

A few new babes have mentioned that they have relapsed after a period of sobriety. Please do not think that everything goes to pot when you relapse. There are plenty of us who dream of making it to 18 months/ 6 months/1 month/1 day. Any sober day is a day when you looked after yourself properly,physically and mentally,hard though that may be.
Quite frankly,staying sober whilst in possession of a 3 or 4 yr old is beyond them means of many- Oh yes,ds I am looking in your direction- so give your selves a break from the guilt. If you can't manage af today,then how about tomorrow? NYE? NYday?

I'm won't be drinking today.

soberisthenewblack Sun 22-Dec-13 17:35:52

just back from a family Christmas lunch and I drove smile smile smile
Also dropped the teenagers at the pub and will now wrap presents.
I have lapsed a bit cos family are staying and I find it a struggle when the bar opens earlier and earlier however I am MUCH improved.
Will def do dry January smile
Positive vibes to everyone

MistressofPemberley Sun 22-Dec-13 19:22:11

I'm a lurker. Haven't posted for a couple of years. Not struggling too much. But it's always there.
Soberist you made me think of Soberistas website. Some of the books they recommend are very good.
Good luck all over Christmas.
And mouse, you look after yourself. You are so important to this thread. You've helped so many.

whydidthishappen Sun 22-Dec-13 19:27:48

bugger How are you holding up, what is going through your mind?

Donna Looking after a three year old can be like a relentless beating. Try not to abandon all hope. And dont worry about serotonin. Here: http://www.salon.com/2013/12/13/new_developments_may_help_those_with_depression_partner/

I'm having a shitty Christmas. Not because I am sober, but because life sucks at the moment. All I have to look forward to in the new year is going on trial for neglect of my child. How I get up in the mornings, I don't know. But we must. We all must get up sober. That's how we start our day. What we decide to do after that is an individual choice. I choose to do it sober. And I do it a day at a time. 103 days in a row.

dementedma Sun 22-Dec-13 20:33:28

why you will be on trial?
But...I thought you had him back now, at least partially? 103 days sober? Wtf else do you have to do?
Will you be with him for Christmas?

venusandmars Sun 22-Dec-13 21:48:29

why sad that is so tough. But you continue to be amazing. I look back and see how I would use every tiny excuse to have a drink - lost purse, broken toenail, weeds in the garden..... I look back and I feel ashamed AND I am in awe of you and how well you are doing. 103 days, 103 days and still going.

I sense that you have strong inner core, and that you are gathering support from every source, not least your AA group. Just keep on going.

guggenheim Sun 22-Dec-13 21:53:47

Just checking in.
why poor you- it seems that you just get over one hurdle and then there is another to cross. do you have any idea of the likely outcome of the next trial? (you don't need to answer that). Any progress on getting your ds back?

ma did you give that nice young man back or are you keeping him for christmas?fgrin

venusandmars Mon 23-Dec-13 09:33:38

Good morning Babes. Who will join me in momentous Monday - a day when we drink lots of tea, juice, water - knowing that being hydrated and having a sober night of sleep is the best plan of approach for the coming days of madness.

For those of you who are drinking over this festive season there will be plenty of opportunities in the next few days, so go on take the chance and give your liver a break today.

guggenheim Mon 23-Dec-13 09:36:57

Morning all,

Rudolph the red bummed reindeer,
had a very shiny bum...

Sorry,singing rude words to hymns/carols/serious songs always cheers me up. I've taught ds to do it on the grounds that all infants should know rude words to songs.

How is everyone today? <lets some fresh air into the sidecar>

why I hope things seem a little easier to deal with today- appreciate that it's as hard as it gets. I'm still holding out some hope for you and wishing you the best.

mouse how are you doing today?

guggenheim Mon 23-Dec-13 09:37:55

Oooh x post with venus

Morning lovely!

aliasjoey Mon 23-Dec-13 09:54:35

morning babes

I had an amazing weekend. First, sober sex. (actually, sex of any kind is pretty rare these days - sober is a bonus! grin )

Second, DH office Christmas party and I didn't drink. The first really 'big' party I've ever done without alcohol and it was great! I did get a bit annoyed that they had provided loads of free alcoholic drinks and no soft drinks. Eg. each table of 8 had 3 bottles of wine, and about half-a-dozen beers. We asked them to swap the beers which nobody was drinking for cokes - and they refused. I did get a bit irritated by that (hopefully I didn't come across as too evangelical to the rest of the table...)

But best of all, I had a kind of epiphany on the way to the party. Usually I get anxious especially about meeting new people. And can't wait to get that first drink/ worry about how many more drinks I can have/whether I will have too much/embarrass DH in front of his work colleagues etc.

On the way there, I really didn't feel too anxious. It was like a whole load of pressure was lifted. Just knowing I wasn't going to drink AT ALL made me feel free because I wasn't constantly thinking about what was in my hand. It made me wonder if it wasn't the 'meeting new people' which made me anxious, but the craving for alcohol ???

shock

aliasjoey Mon 23-Dec-13 10:00:52

[The only downside was later in the evening I felt tired and bored, usually alcohol would have helped mask that feeling, but instead we decided we'd had enough and left fairly early]

The first half of the evening was actually fine, I didn't want or need the drink, and it actually felt good not to have any. The second half, yeah I did get twitchy because I was bored but by that time had already made the decision and stuck to it.

One other thing - people kept trying to persuade me to drink. I said we were driving, and the response was we shoulda booked a hotel. ??!!? Pay ££££ for a grotty motel room just so we can drink? Are you crazy! <mind you, I used to do this - try to encourage other people to drink blush used to believe non-drinkers were weird/boring etc.>

Sorry this so long. I just had a real lightbulb moment and wanted to share.

Fairenuff Mon 23-Dec-13 10:26:34

Jingle bells, batman smells
Robin flew away
Uncle Billy lost his willy
On the motorway
Hey!

< nicks ma's triangle and runs off into the tinsel >

fgrin

Venus I will join you today. Had two cups of tea and a coffee already.

Joey congrats on your sober sheet shuffle, don't think we have a badge for that yet but I can make one if you like?

< helpful >

I know what you mean about getting bored later on in the evening. Especially as the people who are drinking get more 'hilarious' hmm and start shouting, talking over each other, laughing over nothing and repeating themselves. Yep, time to leave.

But I find I can have a great night out, enjoy the company before it begins to slide, and still be home ready for my lovely clean pjs, a good sleep and, best of all, no hangover, sluggishness, regrets...

guggs I've had a look over on the DRY thread and you are giving great support there. I am sure it means so much to them and others lurking fsmile x

aliasjoey Mon 23-Dec-13 11:02:26

Thanks faire Did they show how to make those kinds of badges on Blue Peter...?! grin

With the office party, I think its just I'm basically not a sociable person; my feet hurt in heels and I'm a bit deaf so can't hear what anyone is saying. Alcohol would normally be the answer to all of those things; it doesn't take away the boredom but trying to stay upright gives you something to focus on....

Fairenuff Mon 23-Dec-13 11:31:33

Now, here's one I prepared earlier fshock fgrin

Actually, I have my very own badge making machine, big kid that I am.

I'm rubbish in heels too but don't let JWN catch us admitting that!

Btw babes I have just realised that Santa is going to get to Soc before he gets to us and I am well gel. It's less than 23 hours before he sets off to get all around the world in time!!

PurpleWolfe Mon 23-Dec-13 11:45:02

From my children's repertoire for Guggs:

Little donkey
Little donkey
On the A14
Got run over
By a Rover
And his guts were...greeeen!

(Tell you what, sticks in the bloody bonce!! Eeek!)

Happy Christmas all the lovely Babes on the Bus. Drinking or no. Hoping for a totally fab 2014 for all of us.

Luffs you all.

xxxx

TheBunsOfPanettone Mon 23-Dec-13 11:50:31

Morning everyone VenusandMars I drank last night and am definitely up for an alcohol free day. Luckily I don't have all that much to do today so I can take it relatively easy.

Last night I bought some wine as a treat hmm after a busy day in my volunteer job and doing last minute shopping - and drank most of it while also pouring a huge slug into the sauce for my macaroni cheese. I used to do that as a matter of course but haven't for several years. The slightly pear-droppy note didn't improve the taste one bit.

AliasJoey great posts. I'm so glad to hear about your wonderful weekend and that the office bash went well but appalled about the refusal to swap the wine, beer etc. or non-alcoholic drinks. It seems daft for any restaurant or caterer to be so inflexible and discouraging regarding a customer's wish not to drink alcohol.

babyjane1 Mon 23-Dec-13 12:15:29

Just wanted to say hi to all you fabulous, courageous babes, I'm struggling to sleep and nightmares are very bad but keep on keeping on. Hugs to mouse why and im and mega thanks to all of you who have been so kind to me this week, very much appreciated xxxx

aliasjoey Mon 23-Dec-13 13:18:29

Buns I know! It was ridiculous! But I may have gone a bit OTT in asking the waiter twice, and complaining to the rest of the table blush There must have been loads of people not drinking for whatever reason... oh maybe that's why they do it - because those people have to then go and BUY alternatives? (although the company had paid for the tables, so...?)

venusandmars Mon 23-Dec-13 14:49:38

alias a big thumbs up here for sober sex.

I have had throughout my life a strong link between drinking and sex: from the early teenage years where a bit of dutch courage was required to flirt with best looking boy in the rugby team, through using alcohol to numb the awfulness of non-consensual sex with abusive ex, to the habitual nightly drinking which meant that sex always happened when I was drunk (except for in the mornings wink ). So I was actually quite worried about relaxing and expressing myself sexually without a drink.

Well what a delightful surprise it's been grin I no longer struggle to remain focused trying in vain to grasp the elusive orgasm, I no longer fall into a stupor part way through, I no longer turn my face away or avoid kissing knowing that I stink of booze, I no longer feel ashamed trying to remember exactly what happened the night before. Instead I feel that I honour myself and my dp. And it's lovely.

And apologies to any for whom this is a difficult subject, I don't mean to gloat.

aliasjoey Mon 23-Dec-13 15:02:58

I spent 7 paragraphs talking about the office party, and one line about sober sex - and guess which part venus immediately zones in on...?! fgrin

yeah, but that was because it was the most important bit grin

babyjane1 Mon 23-Dec-13 16:58:42

You dirty mares, as my Gran would have said xx

venusandmars Mon 23-Dec-13 17:05:13

But the office party happens EVERY year grin

Imdoingthis Mon 23-Dec-13 18:34:10

venus it sounds like you have come a long way x I'm pleased you have got to the better place with a dp and you have lernt to trust smile I can imagine how hard this is

Finding it tough got all my 7 dc over xmas as ands its magic I love them all, its hard right now as I seem to be left in limbo with people breaking up for Xmas iv not herd from SW etc.

Luvs to you all Christmassy babes

babyjane1 Mon 23-Dec-13 19:55:54

venus laughed so hard at that last comment I peed a bit!!! TMI I know but the old pelvic floor ain't what it used to be xxxx

spanna41 Mon 23-Dec-13 20:28:36

<digging through the snow to reach Beaches>

<putting on my sunnies to say 'Hi' to Soc>

I'm you will manage all 7 of them smile look at the positive, not the negative. Think of fun stuff to do with them. I don't mean costly madness, a good film on tv. all together. and stuff grin

Lurking in the sidecar <scoffing green opal fruits, mine all mine> grin

Hello to all you lovely Brave Babes smile

Fairenuff Mon 23-Dec-13 20:40:36

Hey Purple Happy Christmas right back atcha!

Can't believe it's Christmas eve eve already. Isinde how are those darling girls, excited much?

Mouse please come and join the festivities. Pretty please?

(But not if it's too much for you right now. Thinking of you, as always x)

spanna41 Mon 23-Dec-13 20:46:14

Ma count me in for Dry January. I need to do this in a much more focused way hmm

dementedma Mon 23-Dec-13 20:48:31

purple good to see you my friend!
Could we please stop talking about sex...*shudders at the very thought*
Although nice electrician seemed to generate a spark or two....nice eyes, nice smile....hunky enough to hug.
sigh

PurpleWolfe Mon 23-Dec-13 21:35:22

fgrin @ Faire. Ma what is this sex thing of which people speak?fhmm Good to see you too, Lovely. x

babyjane1 Mon 23-Dec-13 22:18:29

purple good to see you fair lady, only tried this sex thing twice as my 2 dd's are evidence of!!!

SocFish Mon 23-Dec-13 22:49:06

Morning Mad Babes
Just off to work and then Christmas lunch 'drinks' again. I am actually really looking forward to the end of all of this and back to total sobriety again. January will be difficult for me because it's the long summer holiday here which means camping, bbq, parties etc. But come February I am totally back on board the bus. Still maintaining some level of decency, but the sluggishness and general low feeling is back. So not worth it this shit. But at the same time I don't seem to have the strength to give up at this time of the year. Maybe I should take my Antabuse during January. That will remove all this talk of can't and just force a dry January.....there's a thought.

why hope you're ok. I can't believe what they are doing to you.

mouse come back if you can. We love you.

I'm sending you love too.

And all the rest of you maniacs, merry Christmas Eve.

I'll be at the swimming pool in my bikini eating ALL the green opal fruits. xxxx

dementedma Tue 24-Dec-13 08:02:32

In a bikini???
I'm more shocked at that than the blatant pilfering of opal fruits.
The thought of me in a bikini......

aliasjoey Tue 24-Dec-13 09:19:57

Sorry about all the sex talk. But, as venus pointed out, at least it's only once a year... fsmile

Anneisnotmyname Tue 24-Dec-13 09:25:12

Morning babes, wishing you all a merry Christmas x

Imdoingthis Tue 24-Dec-13 10:12:21

Sending love to why and mouse

guggenheim Tue 24-Dec-13 12:35:39

Ok,sober sex- very,very good.
Bikinis- very,very bad. Soc will look ace but I think I'll stay under my jeans,and thermals!

I've already said this on t'other thread,but it is actually quite strange- both good and bad- to be looking at my first entirely sober christmas. I might not make it,and that's ok but I feel a little somber and serious rather than full of christams cheer. i always cracked open the sparkly stuff as the carols started obviously forgetting the it was only 3 in the afternoon. I shall just do the same thing but with pomegranate juice I suppose! Do we have an 'I feel weird' emoticon???

Does mn run over christmas? I shall say Happy christmas to you lovely babes- I sort of own you everything but you will have to make do with thanks and cake.

PervyMuskrat Tue 24-Dec-13 12:56:09

Just thought I'd pop on and wish you all a wonderful Christmas. I posted over the summer but then stopped as I started drinking again (albeit more moderately) and life sort of took over.

In a bit of Christmas cheer, I'm now just over 7w pregnant with DC2 so it's a sober Christmas here out of necessity grin

Sending you all positive thoughts and thanks again for your support over the summer flowers

I find talk of bikini's hugely worrying, especially as now the Christmas eating has begun I don't plan on raising my head from the trough for days. Thank god for snow and oversized jumpers!

Good luck with your shiney, strange and sober Christmas guggs you are an awesome babe x

spanna, I am another sign up for dry January, we can help each other. In the meantime, I wish all babes, posting and reading, a very very happy Christmas. fgrin fgrin fgrin fgrin

Congratulation pervy fsmile

dementedma Tue 24-Dec-13 17:16:34

Quiet on this here bus. Hope you are all having lovely Christmas Eves wherever you are.
Now, a friend of mind's vehicle has broken down and he needs to borrow Gerald for the night. <strings sleigh bells and attaches traces for whispers reindeer..

whydidthishappen Tue 24-Dec-13 17:45:23

Christmas day with my DS cancelled because somebody "lost my cell phone number" at SS.

I am beyond devastated. I'm not even crying, just shaking. I have discussed it with my lawyer and she thinks maybe a voluntary stay at in-patient, for 72 hours, would be a good idea. I am afraid of what I might do to myself. I am undecided on the matter of the mental health facility.

Oh why, how fucking awful. How on earth can it all be cancelled because of a lost number? I am so, so devastated for you. If you feel safer in the care of an in-patient situation then that is probably the right thing to do, to get through the next 48 hours. I wish things weren't this hard for you, it is so unjust. Love to you xxx

SocFish Tue 24-Dec-13 20:17:31

Oh why. You poor thing. That's so fucking awful. I'm so sorry for you. Please take care. You've being so brave and strong this far. Please keep going. Christmas will be over tomorrow. Just a day. One stupid little day. I'll be thinking about you xxxx

buggermewhatnext Tue 24-Dec-13 21:07:20

Evening babes ..
Just finished the Xmas wrapping. This is my first sober Xmas eve since jeff knows when !
Feels good.
Sending Xmas greetings and good vibes to all you lovely babes

Mamabear74 Tue 24-Dec-13 21:26:54

why I haven't posted on here for a bit but you've been in my thoughts. I'm devastated for you and very sad and angry at yet another ss cock up. Bunch of cocksucking wankers. If a voluntary stay at in patient facility means you can be looked after then I think that is a good idea. I wish I could give you a big hug right now.
mouse I'm thinking of you, and i'm and everyone else for whom Christmas is tough this year.
babes stay strong and chat with you all again soon.

buggermewhatnext Tue 24-Dec-13 21:41:53

Why.. Thinking of you to x

Mouseface Tue 24-Dec-13 23:29:32

Evening, tis me, Mouse

So sorry not to go back and catch up, I love you all for your continued support, your thoughts and your kind words...

Just setting up the 'grotto' for the morning, had a few tears and absolute sob attacks today but other than that, I'm getting by, an hour at a time.

MERRY CHRISTMAS BABES!!! fsmile

Lots of love to you all xxx

lookingforhope Tue 24-Dec-13 23:47:04

Hello babes. Just wanted to pop in and send you all my very best Christmas wishes. Have been rushed off my feet in run up to Xmas with work from hell, Xmas parties, kids stuff, Xmas organising, family and so on. Have had huge temptations but just thinking of you all has kept me just the right side of too pissed, and want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Not read back, but seen posts from Why and am broken hearted and furious for you babe. Thinking of Mouse too, lost my mum in 2005 and still cry at Christmas. Will read back and post properly over the next couple of days but want to send good wishes,tinsel, opal fruits and support to you all tonight. Off to eat Santa's biscuits now - and less appealingly Rudolph's carrot. Christmas wishes babes x

mouse so wonderful to see your post. I am just finishing the final touches to our 'DT1's side, DT2's side' presents under the tree grotto.

why oh my giddy aunt! WTAF next will they throw at you! I studied in NYC at one stage and wish I was there still to wade in and try and support you more practically. please please dont lose faith. The last thing your little boy needs is for you to give up hope. Stay strong lovely. You will get through this!

Just finished laying out the presents under the tree and completely knackered. DMIL and DBiL arrived today. They are ok but isn't christmas a time to show up different family dynamics? I admit I did not ask anyone to bring anything....but the idea of 2 people turning up for 3 days without bringing so much as a bottle of wine, pack of mince pies, bag of carrots or loaf of bread ...8 find that bizzarre and not a little rude.

...whatever. ... They had a lovely time with the DTs and thats all that matters at the mo.

Xxx

I wish each and everyone a very Happy Christmas!
Xx

dementedma Wed 25-Dec-13 10:01:26

A happy and blessed Christmas to you all.
Dcs have gone to church, presents all under the tree, calm before the storm.had my best Christmas present already - a phone call from Richard wishing us all a happy Christmas. He is having a sober Christmas working at the shelter. On his behalf, thank you all for your support and love and never ever ever five up hope!
Have a great day babes.

dementedma Wed 25-Dec-13 10:02:07

Or even give up lol

thurso13 Wed 25-Dec-13 11:53:26

High fives to you, my dear Magrin

I wish a Happy Christmas to everyone who is able to have one, and to those who are having a very tough time this year, I send you hopes of peace and resolution.
Sorry, not very well put, just thinking of you all. Thank you to everyone on this thread, life has been so busy this term, I haven't posted much, but, I do read, and am always helped and rallied, by everyone. I will try to give back next year, and make the time.

Very much love
T xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fairenuff Wed 25-Dec-13 13:12:28

Wishing everyone a safe and peaceful Christmas, with hope for tomorrow and memories to treasure from the past.

Special hugs to why and anyone else facing difficult circumstances today. You are not alone x

And congratulations to Pervy fsmile

chopin33 Wed 25-Dec-13 15:07:05

Hi babes just wishing you all a very Merry Christmas, you have all helped me such a lot this year and I hope to go one better next year. Feeling happy today and optimistic about the year ahead lots of Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

aliasjoey Wed 25-Dec-13 16:17:24

Wishing everyone on the Bus a happy and peaceful Christmas

dementedma Wed 25-Dec-13 17:27:22

Ooh have had a lovely day so far...great presents and a delicious dinner cooked by moi.
Have had champagne and red wine at mums with dinner but just necked a pint of water now we are back home and feel fine. May have a small something when Downtown is on but being mi dful. Hope you have all had a nice time.

dementedma Wed 25-Dec-13 17:59:09

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 25-Dec-13 19:16:54

Hello and Merry Christmas to you all

We just wanted to let you know, DementedMa, that your last post was reported to us for containing disablist language, which is something that breaks our Guidelines, so we've deleted it now.

Trust you'll understand and wishing you all a lovely evening

MNHQ

venusandmars Wed 25-Dec-13 19:56:59

???

venusandmars Wed 25-Dec-13 20:03:07

Anyway, wishing everything good and safe for all Babes. HHeaven knows this can be a tough time of year for so many reasons.

Many if us will be feeling overloaded with family, emotions and too much rich food so what better way to lighten the load than to get a head start on dry January? When everyone else is struggling on day one, you could already be six days in..... imagine how great that would feel smile

dementedma Wed 25-Dec-13 20:24:45

Wtf?

Ok - change the suspect word for "stupid fucking cunt". That's ok on MN I believe?

Apologies to whoever was offended

whydidthishappen Wed 25-Dec-13 21:06:33

What did I get for Christmas? My period! Thanks universe. You really know how to spoil a gal.

At least it justifies my decision to stay out of the mental health facility. Apparently something like 90% of female admissions to psych facilities is done on Day 1 of their period. Makes sense.

So Christmas all alone. Looking at pictures of my son open my gifts on Facebook and pretending to my family at home that everything is okay. Trying to remind myself it is just one day. It's just one day. Hope that day was good for all you brave babes.

Maybe I should go to the cinema. Could be a wonderfully, creepy, depressing time for me.

venusandmars Wed 25-Dec-13 21:23:39

*

venusandmars Wed 25-Dec-13 21:29:22

Oops!

why in years to come, when all this nightmare is over, you'll hear people moaning about their 'dreadful' Christmas and you'll be able to nod wisely and know that you have survived the worst.

You'll have many more wonderful days to come, and all because of your had work and persistence in not drinking.

Fairenuff Wed 25-Dec-13 21:45:55

why that is a fascinating factoid. Hopefully now it's here it will relieve some of the pressure? You are right of course. It is just a day. The same number of hours to be got through and it will come to an end.

I hope tomorrow is a little brighter for you. I have a feeling that you must be at or near the peak and the tide will turn for you very soon.

Mixing my metaphors there, but I hope you get what I mean.

Ma I didn't read your post but I'm sure that whatever was said, there was no offence intended. Is everything ok with you?

spanna41 Wed 25-Dec-13 22:18:12

Merry Christmas all of you lovely Brave Babes. I hope today has been good to you. Nearly over now.

Why only a few more hours and today will be over smile hang in there Babe x

Ma sounds like you've had a good day smile WTF with your message? liked your alternative made me LOL grin

Soc put that bikini away smile - it's been raining sheets here. All my fences are down from wind the other night sad

Beaches hope you're all snuggled up in your igloo. I've been at my trough for most of the day, yum, yum grin

I'm hope you're ok babe x

Love to all other babes. Thank you for all of your support over the past few months. You are all diamonds grin

Imdoingthis Wed 25-Dec-13 22:51:41

why it is just a day honey your doing great keep going keep strong keep fighting xxxxxxx

Imdoingthis Wed 25-Dec-13 22:53:40

X post spanna Im ok thanks happy Christmas to you x

spanna41 Wed 25-Dec-13 23:01:19

Glad you're ok I'm. Happy Christmas to you too smile

Mamabear74 Wed 25-Dec-13 23:18:49

why just checking in, I am in so much admiration of you and your humour in this horrendous time. Glad to hear you feel good about your decision, any news about when you can see DS? It is just a day, today. And it's nearly over, and the day you do get to be with your son will be wonderful, presents aren't what it's all about anyway. It's love, and its so clear from your bravery, courage, strength and humour that its there for him in spades. And it's here for you in spades, from me & everyone on this bus willing you on past each hurdle. We believe in you.
Sorry not to namecheck anyone else, stay brave babes

guggenheim Thu 26-Dec-13 09:02:13

Morning babes

mama and spanna and I'm and faire and venus and ma and why and I'm going to stop now and just say 'one and all'

Did we all get through? My christmas was 'meh' which I will take over the other choices any day- it wasn't filled with drama,I didn't have a drunken row it was just pleasant.I do not care for christmas so apologies to babes who are sad that we are past the big day!

why- that really is god [Bast/flying spaghetti monster/Thor/whatever] moving in mysterious ways!! I had my own moment of serendipity: I was given that wonderful book of letters by DH,guess what kind of letter the book fell open to?
Oh yes: a letter written centuries ago in china,which was an apology for getting drunk and insulting the host at a dinner party.Again, I am going to take it as a sign that hitting the bottle is not a good choice for me right now
ever

Happy St.Steven's to you all,hope santa filled your stockings to the brim fgrin

dementedma Thu 26-Dec-13 09:40:32

Hi all
The message I posted was a text I received on Christmas morning that made me smile a lot. Unfortunately it did have a word in which obviously caused offence, not intended.
I repeat the message here - with suitable change - because I want to send it all to you, my friends. It went like this:
"not every flower can say love but a rose can
Not every plant survives thirst, but a cactus can
Not every idiot can read, but look at you having a go!
This is a sentimental time of year.Please send encouraging messages to fucked up friends,just as I have done. I don't care if you lick windows or occasionally shit yourself. You hang in there cupcake,you're fucking special,your my mate! Look at you smiling at your phone! Merry Christmas.

Ladame Thu 26-Dec-13 11:24:57

Hi all babes,

Sorry I’ve been awol, my new job suddenly got even bigger that originally intended. Someone left and I had to pick up some pieces, even being really really new. I haven’t spent much time at home through lots of travelling which I hate doing on my own. In fact didn’t get home until Christmas Eve from one trip and I’m just enjoying a few days off before it all starts up again. I’ve been following you all from my phone and laptop in hotel rooms and I haven’t been able to jump in as I felt I was away too long and got out of the loop.

Anyway, I’d just like to send you all my best wishes over Christmas and I’m going to contribute more this year as I’ve really missed you!! I haven’t been good, but I haven’t been really bad either, just a bit tired and ‘meh’ fsad Love from the bottom of my Ladame heart to all of you who have great obstacles and to all babes everywhere. x

dementedma Thu 26-Dec-13 11:26:03

C'est ladame!! Bonjour cherie - ca fait longtemps!
good to see you back you little French choux bun.

Imdoingthis Thu 26-Dec-13 12:20:10

Just a quick check in to say I'm thinking off you all
Xx

guggenheim Thu 26-Dec-13 12:38:19

ma that txt made me laugh!

ladame good,good,good to hear from you x

I'm how's it all going? Hanging in there?

whydidthishappen Thu 26-Dec-13 18:02:08

Hi all, thanks for all the good cheer (again)!

Hugely disappointed in an aspect of DHs behavior and am now feeling more alone than ever before.

But it's somehow okay. The pressure of Christmas is off, though it's an awful time. I have a birthday and a wedding anniversary coming up.

Anyway, enough of the misery. (PS guggs are you Irish?)

dementedma Thu 26-Dec-13 20:44:29

why hang in there. You inspire me. I am going for dry January and you will be the example I hold in my head.
You and Jesus and faire and koala and Venus and all the other babes who have kicked ass.

We walked in the woods today and I felled an actual tree by leaning on it! I really need to lose some weight!!!!!!

Hey ma I got a size 20 jumper and a home made apron from my NSDM which would go twice around carluccio.....
There is a long standing narrative with my mum about me being "huge" (I'm size 16 and definitely overweight but ...)

Had a fab long walk down to the sea today though. BeAutiful day here.

x

dementedma Thu 26-Dec-13 21:18:44

Hey Indie I'm going low carb and hopefully dry in January. I want to lose at least a stone and ideally more by the awards dinner in March. I really did uproot a tree today by hanging on to it to haul myself up a slope. Well, it was only a sapling...a mere twig.
Endless pisstaking by dcs..dd1 informed me that's what happens when you eat large quantities of Brie!

why I hate the fact that you feel all alone. I wish I could do something to help. pM me if it would help to speak or Skype with someone who is on your team?

guggenheim Thu 26-Dec-13 22:06:03

<snort> TIMBER! sorry,ma

Hi there isinde and why. what a thoughtful present from your mum,*isinde*.Perhaps she would appreciate a similar gift in return? : )

why yes,was born there & brought up here. What made you ask? I'm trying not to draw the link between drinking and Irish catholics...
Also very happy to pm smile

guggenheim Thu 26-Dec-13 22:07:17

Anyone heard from mouse?

whydidthishappen Thu 26-Dec-13 22:10:16

St.Stephens Day, made me ask, guggs. Im also a Dub.

Mamabear74 Thu 26-Dec-13 23:27:57

ma loved your special Christmas message, have sent it to a load of friends, hope you don't mind me stealing your work.
isinde we have similar loving mothers by the sounds, grit your teeth hun!
mouse hope you've managed some happy memories between the tears, this time of year sucks when someone you love is not here to share it with.
why, the bravest of babes, you've not been far from my thoughts these past days/weeks, only a few more days before this year is behind you. Triple figures (and counting) af, you're friggin' awesome. I know you still have a load of crap ahead of you but day by day with the support of us all you will make it through the other side. Sorry your DH has made you feel lonelier lately. They can be such shits, men, sometimes. Found something that made me think of you: "the adversities of life are intended to make us better, not bitter." You, lady, have surfed this wave of adversity, getting better and stronger each and every day. You're such a huge inspiration although not one of us would wish to be tested the way you have been. Sorry not sure if I'm making sense, basically wanted to hand hold and let you know how it looks from the outside.
i'm hope you've had a good time with your dcs and ex has steered clear.
soc. guggs, beaches. venus, dancer, and all you brave babes I have failed to namecheck, hope you're doing good and keeping on.
I'm travelling in the sidecar, have been for a few days but not been wasted, so going in the right direction I think. Remaining vigilant for the next while so I don't start down that slippery fuck it slope!
Thanks for being here, it's meant a lot.

Mouseface Thu 26-Dec-13 23:35:45

Evening, tis me, Mouse

I'm here, just not coping too well with not feeling sad and upset. I know that makes no sense. I don't feel like Mum has gone, I feel as if she (Mum) is still here and I can't let go. She's just finished washing up, tidying for the last time for today, she'll be tired because of the kids all being there yesterday.

Everywhere I look, it's cancer. TV, Radio, Others.....

Sorry.

Sorry to hog the thread when you are all fighting your own demons.

Ma - FWIW - I didn't see the post so I can't comment. xxx

To the rest of you lovely Brave Babes, KEEP FIGHTING, KEEP GOING, KEEP BEING BRAVE. For those around you, for those who love you, for those who need you and most of all, for YOU. xxx

I'm going to bed now, with tears in my eyes and an emptiness in my life. And I don't want that. All of the happiness has gone. It's a false smile that I wear, not my smile, not my own.

Keep on keeping on Babes. xxx

guggenheim Fri 27-Dec-13 07:32:59

Morning mouse and mamma and why

why lots of celts in aa,I've noticed! That was very perceptive of you,my family are Irish but I'm second generation really. How are you doing today,lovely? <decides to give all green opal fruits to why>

mouse Be kind to yourself,berevement is pretty much the worst thing that can happen to a person. In so many ways your lovely mum is with you.Thank you for thinking of us all despite your raw grief. I will light a candle today for you and your mum.

mama Good to hear from you. What will you do when the dreaded christmas period is over? would you like to give dry january a go? smile

Pink01 Fri 27-Dec-13 10:04:47

Hello brave babes

Just dropping in to say hello, I have not posted for a long time. Mouse, my heart goes out to you. I don't really know what to say as nothing makes this kind of thing better does it, especially at this time of year. It is just so hard. You have given so much help and support to me, I feel sad that I can't do anything to help you in these circumstances. Time and being kind to yourself is all you can do I think. Xx

I hope everyone had a happy and peaceful Christmas. Those that remember me will know I have fallen on and off the bus all year but I have held it together for the last couple of months now and am two months sober. It feels incredible to think how far I have come and so much of it is down to the babes here, it was my fellow bus travellers that first helped me to see that it was even POSSIBLE to stop and have sober weeks and months. I honestly didn't believe it was, prior to that.

Friends' responses to me giving up has really made me see how people have viewed me - not something I am proud of - it is a relief to leave that behind now and having managed a sober Christmas I tell myself it has to be easy from now on, right? smile

I'm not really sure what I am trying to say as I am scared of sounding smug, it is a shame I didn't board the bus two years ago or so, so you could all have known me in my full drinking non-glory with some horrific behaviour and the cycle of guilt, shame, drink, that I had been trapped in for so many years. And I mean years and years hmm

So anyway thank you again to you all, I will try and drop in a bit more. I need to give something back as I have done a lot of taking but not much contributing.

Love to you all

Pink X

dementedma Fri 27-Dec-13 10:10:35

Hey pink great to hear from you and so pleased that life is going well.
How are our other coloured babes . green and purple and silver?

Quick wave to all- have to dash

venusandmars Fri 27-Dec-13 10:45:00

For those who are heading for dry January, why not start getting in a few days of light training now? A bit like Couch to 5k: jog / walk / jog walk.... If you know you're going to drink why not have your first drink as non-alcoholic (jog), then accept an alcoholic drink as your second (walk), then non-alcoholic drink next (jog again) etc.

Start now and in five days time (by January) you may feel better prepared for a leisurely continuous jog, and who knows, by February you may be running freely and lightly on sobriety, bounding over hurdles such as birthdays, stresses, highs and lows. We could call it 'Couch to 5 weeks sober' grin

Keep the image of light, free, easy sobriety in your mind if you struggle through the first few sweaty, gasping days. It is so worth it.

Now if only I could actually apply that to some exercise - I truly am a big sack of couch potatoes!

venusandmars Fri 27-Dec-13 10:59:30

pink 2 months - amazing smile and I'm sure that every one of us can imagine where you've come from. You don't sound smug, you seem to be justifiably proud of yourself. And happy.

Pink01 Fri 27-Dec-13 11:51:07

Thank you Venus. It's funny what you are saying about starting dry Jan now as that's what I did last year and I think that is the first time I boarded the bus.

I had SO much too much to drink last Christmas Day I was too ill to drink for about 3 days afterwards and just carried on, out of fear really. I can remember being scared to go to sleep on Xmas night as my heart was racing and I felt like my brain wasn't right, I really thought I would die in my sleep hmm

It was horrible but it is good to remember these things as it helps me focus on what I don't want to go back to.

Hello Ma, I had almost forgotten the range of colours we had on the bus!

Hi babes,

Coming out the other side of Christmas! I have eaten and drunk to excess, nothing too dreadful apart from now feeling fat and sluggish. A fat slug infact. So I think I will take your advice venus and start my couch to sober today and limber up with a few af days to get a head start on January. Today I intend to get some fresh air, stomp in the snow, eat something fresh and then start a new book.

pink well done on 2 months and a sober Christmas fsmile why found the fact about 90% of admissions on day 1 of period fascinating. I always think it would be 7 days before for me, that is when my mental stability wobbles noticeably. Glad you made it through okay x and you mouse. It can be such a melancholy time when we are missing those we love.

Waves to spanna, Im, mama, Faire, Ma, Venus, isinde, guggs, rural, soc hope and all of the other brave babes. Have a good day xxx

dementedma Fri 27-Dec-13 14:03:56

Good idea *Venus"

Anneisnotmyname Fri 27-Dec-13 17:44:20

Hi babes, I've been reading but not posting much as I've been drinking during xmas. I've not gone overboard but I've not been trying to not drink either....

I'm trying to get set for dry January, I sort of think it's like dieting and you have to be 'in the zone' to do it. I really liked your advice venus, I'm trying not to think too hard about about dry January as I don't want to start binging now because I won't be drinking later. As sod's law I probably will confused

Well done on two months pink you must feel fantastic smile

babyjane1 Fri 27-Dec-13 18:47:47

Hi babes, pink I'm so delighted for you, you sound so "together", I've been really bad the last few days and I feel like i really need to give my body a proper break from booze, your story has given me hope. I drink because I'm anxious and I'm anxious because I drink !!! I aim to throw myself into reading and would appreciate any good book suggestions from any other babes, a good book works wonders to distract me from the wine witch, my love to all of you wonderful babes tonight xxxx

Imdoingthis Fri 27-Dec-13 19:54:34

I'm struggling to post but want to post so hello from Im x

venusandmars Fri 27-Dec-13 22:44:49

I'm sometimes all you can do is just say that you're here. And all we can do is let you know that we are here quietly alongside you. No fancy words just a metaphorical arm round your shoulder.

venusandmars Fri 27-Dec-13 22:51:27

Babes I am off for few days but I'll be thinking of you and wishing you all everything you want and hope for.

May 2014 be wonderful. May we all have the strength to make it great for ourselves. May we have the compassion to help others with understanding.

Wishing you all gentleness and love.

Wishing you all that and more lovely Venus hope you have a peaceful and relaxing new year.

Imdoingthis Sat 28-Dec-13 09:14:53

Thankyou venus that's what I need to just be here x

GeordieCherry Sat 28-Dec-13 09:28:46

Hello, can I board please?

I am sick of being anxious, paranoid, guilty, bloated, headachy & nauseous. Not living 100% as well & happily as I could be because of a slight hangover.

I'm not setting a good example for my DC & I'm not being effective for myself.

I've read lots of the Brave Babes threads & I need to be brave myself!

babyjane1 Sat 28-Dec-13 11:03:57

cherry welcome aboard. I feel I could have written your post myself, I know exactly how you feel and I also want and need to be brave, I'm on day 2 and have drank far too much over Christmas and feel I've spoiled things for myself. I have made sure the kids have had a great time but have wasted a special time of year feeling all the symptoms you mentioned, if you have a plan I'm in. im hugs to you. Love to all my fellow babes today xxx

GeordieCherry Sat 28-Dec-13 11:39:11

Thanks for the welcome babyjane

Hmm, what works for me is to not have drinks I like in the house. Or buy mini bottles of wine or those premix cans of G&T.

Home is the issue, not pub drinking or town drinking.

If there is a bottle of wine open, I'll drink it. All of it. So it has to not be there!

This time of year is hard because it's a bit accepted & permitted to be a bit sloshed. But I don't have an off switch really at times & if something is there I will drink it once I've started.

I've got non alcoholic lager in the house for the remaining festivities although I know that wouldn't work for everyone.
I'll get a mini bottle of fizz for midnight on NYE & then just the non alcoholic lager for a Friday night next year.

I stopped drinking when pg so I can do it. I just need to do it for all the reasons & not get complacent once the horrible feelings subside after a few days not drinking.

Pink01 Sat 28-Dec-13 13:42:27

Baby Jane, I wish I could parcel the hope up and post it to you! It may sound a cliche to say 'if I can stop anyone can' but it is honestly true. The hard part I found was doing that first weekend/night out/hard day at work without a drink, because it is only then that you realise your can! But my brain used to tell me otherwise. Now I know it was wrong.

Alcoholism runs in my family, I know what a grip it can get on people. And I also know that just one drink will be enough to set me back on the path of regular drinking, that is all it takes. I've done it several times.

As for good books, have you read Drinking A Love Story? A great book. For something less related to drinking, anything by Jojo Meyes I really like, although she is often slated by the MN book club!

Welcome Cherry (hope I have your name right) I am the same as you, I have no off switch when it comes to drinking. Which is why I have decided I need to stop altogether. It isn't easy but I am getting there. I do enjoy an alcohol free lager, cold Becks Blue with lemonade is really lovely. I know the bus will help you, it has helped me so much.

I'm we don't know each other but I'm thinking of you. Hang in there.

Pink X

Imdoingthis Sat 28-Dec-13 14:46:38

Welcome to the bus cherry

Hello pink thank you <feeling alone> scared worried helpless it will all go away one day I know that.

Luvs to you all brave babes

babyjane1 Sat 28-Dec-13 14:55:10

pink I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement, I really truly feel my time has come to stop, I've had many attempts before but it feels right, dd is 14 and very aware of my drinking and my other dd is 3 and I want to enjoy her last preschool years. I've had a very tough year caused by a deep dark depression which turned my world upset down but a new year always feels like shedding emotional skin, my guilt at the distress I have caused others often sends me hurtling towards wine (how silly is that) but I need to forgive myself and make good my mistakes. I plan (along with the rest of the world) to make January about being healthy, getting fit and looking after body and soul!!! This bus has saved me in so many ways and the support given here and changed the future of many of us, I hope I can do the same for myself, love to all you fabulous ladeeees today xx

aliasjoey Sat 28-Dec-13 16:06:59

Welcome cherry and well done for being brave enough to make the first and hardest post!

babyj thinking of you, hope you're doing okay

aliasjoey Sat 28-Dec-13 16:12:09

I've had a pretty good Christmas, in fact feel quite proud (although not smug or complacent!)

Office party last Saturday - drank nothing
Sunday I had a couple of glasses of wine; Monday & Tuesday - nothing

Christmas Day - did not start drinking till after the evening meal; in fact it was 8.30pm and I tried very hard to alternate water and wine. Maybe ended up drinking a bit too much, but on the whole MUCH better than in previous years.

Boxing Day - nothing at all! shock
Last night, I had a bottle of wine that someone gave me, but made sure to share it with DH, and diluted it with elderflower.

Feeling so chuffed. Wednesday was the first drink I have had at my in-laws since.... last Christmas !!! It's been a struggle, but I've done a whole year of controlled (mostly) drinking and I'm going to reward myself by.... buying a new dress grin

Anneisnotmyname Sat 28-Dec-13 16:41:17

Welcome cherry and well done joey you totally deserve that new dress!

baby I'd second the recommendation to read drinking a love story, I read it last Jan and I'm going to again. I love reading and it's one of the things I lost with daily drinking - I got loads of books for Xmas so I'm hoping they'll keep me distracted during Jan. If you like crime/thrillers I'd suggest nikki French, tess gerritsen, minette walters

ThisIsMyTime Sat 28-Dec-13 19:47:33

Can I re join not doing well with the drinking in fact I'm doing terrible x

Fairenuff Sat 28-Dec-13 22:00:11

Venus what a great idea couch to sober January is. I'm going to go a bit longer, all the way to half term. Probably. I did it before Christmas so no reason why I shouldn't if I want to.

Joey well done, a whole year, go you! I remember you posting about those visits and how you didn't want to drink at your inlaws and then one day, you just didn't. Shows how important those small steps are, they lead to big achievements.

Hello to new babes and welcome back to those that haven't posted for a while. Good to hear from you all.

This do you want to try for an af day tomorrow?

whydidthishappen Sat 28-Dec-13 23:07:42

Welcome to all new and returning babes.

Just checking in. My head is melted. So many things running through my mind.

Thanks for all the support through the Christmas period. I literally dread to think where I would be without the bus.

dementedma Sat 28-Dec-13 23:07:59

Welcome cherry. Its a bit quieter than normal on here at the most but sure all the Babes will surface soon.

Just in from out visiting friends. I offered to drive so a much needed AFD for me. Why the hell am I so back to front? No problem going out,socialising and not drinking but I would have sunk a bottle if I'd been at home! Got to find a way to crack that.

Hi babes fsmile and welcome cherry

Im always cheers me to see you post, hope all is ok with you x

Hi to you lovely babes why, Faire, Ma, Anne, guggs

this good to have you back babe.

joey your post was very uplifting, you have/are doing brilliantly and I hope you rock the new frock grin

baby I liked the shedding the emotional skin description, I feel a bit like that. The beginning of a new year is freeing, the opportunity to start afresh and I also have plans to shape up physically as well as spiritually. I had a little practice go at the 30 day shred, level 1, today - I found it on you tube and it looked pretty easy....... Well, I am apparently not in the shape I thought I was grin

Also, books, I just finished Marian Keyes, this charming man - it was a good escape book with a few alcohol issues thrown in. I enjoyed it.

spanna how are things with you? Any progress with the house?

All the readers who I haven't named, I hope everything is as good as it could be xx

Imdoingthis Sun 29-Dec-13 08:27:06

Morning all welcome back this how are you today?

Hello beaches thanks lovely things are tough here, I did not drink yesterday mainly because I have no money and that continues today and Monday too at least I will get a few AF days.

Hi to mouse joey Anne why ma spanna guggs baby nuff this pink isindie soc hello to all babes x

aliasjoey Sun 29-Dec-13 10:35:49

The dress is off eBay, so far I'm the only bidder, so <hopeful> pleased that I am not using alcohol as a reward!

ma I am the same, managing not to drink when out but overdo it when at home. I've learnt to only have in the house what I can drink in one evening (in my case, 2 mini-bottles of wine)

If I intend not drinking, I don't have any (or leave it in the car for 'emergencies' !)

Of course this may not work for you if your family for drink. My DH knows he can only have beer or whisky. grin

MrFMercury Sun 29-Dec-13 10:38:22

Hi, can I board the bus please?
I've had issues with drinking to excess since a break down in my late teens. I have managed periods of being totally dry or managing it really well.
But after being so ill I nearly died a couple of years ago I have slowly sunk into depression. I am in constant pain and have recently talked to my GP and gone back on antiD's.
We got a box of wine in for Christmas and I have found myself drinking every day. Last night I had 2 bottles because I was fed up with myself. I dare say the neighbours didn't enjoy the loud singing or sex that followed. I know my husband didn't.
I need to knock this on the head again now and just give up alcohol. It's not really advised with the meds I'm on/the medical conditions I have. I just need to be with people who understand.

Also, is there a way to skip to the first unread posts because these threads are epic!

Imdoingthis Sun 29-Dec-13 10:45:18

Hello mercury welcome to the bus

Fairenuff Sun 29-Dec-13 10:55:27

Morning all. It's cold, calm and frosty here today. Dh has already been out striding across the fields. Me, not so much. A good book and mug of coffee is more my thing right now. Any recommendations on books?

Hi and welcome to MrF, it sounds like you are in the right place for some support and good advice brew

Did you mean that you wanted to go over the threads from the very start? Now that's an epic read! It's here and our lovely Mouse puts it in the OP for easy access anytime.

Btw, huge wave to Ladame who I missed earlier. So fantastic to hear from you.

Hi to all babes, are we gearing up for a healthier new year? smile

MrFMercury Sun 29-Dec-13 11:06:42

Thanks for the welcome smile
I have been reading some of the other threads - epic indeed!
What I meant though was if there was a way to skip straight to the new posts on this thread rather than go to the last page and then try and scroll through them till I find the newest posts.

ThisIsMyTime Sun 29-Dec-13 11:34:24

Not too bad but of on the sick with my anxiety I'm scared I'm goin to loose my job nearly admitted my self fri I was that bad no one gets it ;(

aliasjoey Sun 29-Dec-13 11:36:48

MrF I don't know if there is a way to do that, the only thing to do is log in every single day to keep up! grin

Welcome, by the way.

Fairenuff Sun 29-Dec-13 11:42:20

MrF you can bookmark a post so that when you come back to the thread it will open at the last post you read, is that what you need?

Move the mouse over the bottom right corner of this post (or any post) and you will see the word 'Bookmark' appear out of nowhere grin

Click it and it will turn to 'Saved'. Try it.

Anneisnotmyname Sun 29-Dec-13 13:12:30

Hi babes, was going to say morning but it's afternoon and I haven't been up two hours blush I'm so annoyed with myself, I've had the week off work and I've fallen into drinking nightly and lounging around in bed. I don't even have a hangover as an excuse, I feel fine, just totally lethargic, I'm just moping around feeling anxious and guilty. I know from when I've had af days that wine really adds to me feeling like this. So I'm going to try and pull myself out of this pity party and take the dds to soft play, which I hate, to at least get us out doing something.

Faire I'm trying to prepare myself for a healthier new year, I've put on a few pounds and I'd like to lose at least half a stone. I was eating quite well yesterday, did a fitness dvd - beaches I think the Jillian dvds look deceptively easy - and then I blew it by staying up late, having another glass of wine and eating cheese and crackers sad I think someone said a while back about it being easier not to drink if it's part of a diet, I hope that's the case, otherwise I just see me self sabotaging....

dementedma Sun 29-Dec-13 13:51:48

Hi mrF. You could just click on the "last"button and it will take you to the latest posts.

<waves to all the Babes>
faire not too windy up on the roof rack is it?

MrFMercury Sun 29-Dec-13 14:01:36

Brilliant. Thank you smile

babyjane1 Sun 29-Dec-13 15:47:37

Hi mercury welcome aboard. This bus will help you so so much, we have all been where you are now and there's lots of help and advice here so stay close and I look forward to getting to know you better xxx

dementedma Sun 29-Dec-13 16:24:07

Anyone else bored rigid? This holiday goes on way too bloody long and still a week to go!
Am actually going into the empty office tomorrow to do some work as am sick of death of being stuck in this cold flat while the wind and rain batter the windows and the kids eat me out of house and home.
Whatcha all up to?

dementedma Sun 29-Dec-13 16:43:04

Tumbleweed.....
<pulls blanket round self and huddles up with Barrie on empty bus>

I am in bed feeling yucky. envy <green gills>

Some kind of bug thing but on the plus side I am on day 3 and dh is off work and able to take over. Thanks Anne for saying Jillian's workout is harder than it looks - it really is! But I will try it again when better. this keep posting, sounds like you are feeling fragile. smile. Hi to all xx

Fairenuff Sun 29-Dec-13 16:52:22

It is a bit breezy up here ma, shall I join you and Barrie under the blankie? I suppose we could make a start on tidying up. Who's idea was it to go so mad with the tinsel anyway? hmm

(I blame Isinde)

< passes sick bowl to beaches and retreats to a safe distance >

Imdoingthis Sun 29-Dec-13 17:04:10

Hi ma I really wish I had an office to go to! I'm stuck inside with the dc and they have trashed the place today all that money on toys! And I get wet tissue stuck to my bathroom walls fsad
This is going to be a long week ....

obrigada Sun 29-Dec-13 17:44:50

Hey babes. Just checking in to say I will joining all for dry January.

dementedma Sun 29-Dec-13 17:59:45

Blaming isindie is always a good idea, I feel.
Hey obrigada good to see you. Think there will be quite a few of us going for dry..maybe someone clever could make a list?
why I feel your pain. Its a long long holiday in cold crappy weather.
thurso how are the hols going? Any torpedoes to dodge grin
* purps* are you ok? and you mouse?

Lots of babes very quiet, hope you ate all ok

dementedma Sun 29-Dec-13 18:00:47

Not why, that was meant for I'm

Hello babes!
Faire you are, as my DTs would say, "a bit cheeky rascally" grin Im good to hear from you. Try and not worry about the mayhem and join in? I am typing this sitting on the sofa in front of a log fire and listening to a very loud game which seems to be 'upsy daisy and a penguin are rescued by a pirate ship who's mummy is Abney' but I may have some of the finer details of that wrong....

It's when they go quiet that I begin to worry.
Obrigada hey lovely! smile glad you are joining us for dry january.

ma I went for my first 'brisk walk' of 5k this morning. AFD yesterday and did proper warm up then walked as fast as I could for 50 mins. Thighs feel it now but determined to try and shift some weight in january.

beaches sorry you ate feeling poorly lovely. Hope you feel better soon.

Xx

Blaming Isinde, dear foolish Ma is only ever a good idea when she doesn't know where to find you......[menacing face]

Mamabear74 Sun 29-Dec-13 18:09:31

Hi babes, just a quick check in. I am in the sidecar again tonight, but will join you all for dry January! DP bought me a juicer for chrimbo so will be slurping on concoctions such as apple, red cabbage and lime. Had one this morning, nicer than it sounds! Sorry not to name check, welcome to newbies, it's as good a time as any to join in the fun on this bus! Still thinking of those who've found this time of year tough. Next year will be better! Loves xxx

dementedma Sun 29-Dec-13 18:16:22

Ooh, scary indie.
<pokes out tongue>
I was thinking of you today as met a friend for coffee in one of the places I met with you and Venus
How are things with you and dp? Bloody well done on the AF and walk. I'm right behind you sister. I want to look fab for the awards dinner in March. And I want a full length beaded gown, a la Downtown Abbey. Get looking girls.

Hey lovely! Things here are ok. DP and I are on a better footing I think. I have finally managed to cover the january tax bill which always makes me feel more relaxed this time of year! smile

I had one of the most temperate Christmas days ever. Up at 6 to prep veg with mug of tea. A glass of very weak bucks fizz when the DTs and everyone else up at 9, opened pressies then turfed them all out to the park whilst I made dinner in peace and had 2 glasses of cava the whole time! Glass of port with BiL as we ate our body-weight in cheese after the DTs had gone to bed then in bed (exhausted) at 11. Even MiL wanted to know if I was ok! grin

Really loved venus post about warming up to AF jan.

Full length beaded gown sounds swish, you and your norkage will be the talk of the ball! wink grin

dementedma Sun 29-Dec-13 19:30:48

I plan to lose a stone by then and previous experience suggests the norkage will be heavily hit! If I could keep the Norks and lose the gut I would be happy.

Anneisnotmyname Sun 29-Dec-13 20:17:10

beaches I have about half a dozen Jillian dvds, they're the only fitness dvds I've ever been able to follow. They look simple enough but by god you feel it the next day!

Took the dds to soft play and I got nearly two hours peace before the tantrums started again hmm Sat reading the first month of Mrs D is going without blog - I was reading on my phone so hopefully didn't look too weird smile

whydidthishappen Sun 29-Dec-13 20:36:47

Faire I have two book recommendations for the long nights in. & Sons by Gilbert and Days of Abandonment by Ferrante.

Imdoingthis Sun 29-Dec-13 20:48:08

Today's not going well at all, I want to dissapear I want to hide and not be found.

whydidthishappen Sun 29-Dec-13 20:56:22

I know that feeling Im, I really do. Just breath a little. Can you tell me whats going on?

Imdoingthis Sun 29-Dec-13 21:11:21

It's tough to put here on the board, but I'm knum with fear of him, I have not drank so its clearer tonight than normal.

whydidthishappen Sun 29-Dec-13 21:23:45

What is his status with the police and restraining orders right now?

Imdoingthis Sun 29-Dec-13 21:25:50

I don't have none right now, had a non mol in past, there's no bail conditions attached to him nothing

whydidthishappen Sun 29-Dec-13 21:45:23

You have a lock on your door, you have a working phone. So long as you dont open the door to him you will be perfectly safe.

What is the update on a new place, Im?

Imdoingthis Sun 29-Dec-13 21:45:32

I just want someone to be there and know I'm here that what I'd like that's comfort x

Imdoingthis Sun 29-Dec-13 21:47:01

He has a key, I'm going to go to the housing office as soon as my dc are back to school on the Monday.

dementedma Sun 29-Dec-13 22:01:19

He has a key? Do the police know this? Can they move you to a hotel until the locks are changed?
Get a locksmith double quick tomorrow

whydidthishappen Sun 29-Dec-13 22:06:43

Get down to the housing office tomorrow.

So long as you have a phone you are safe. Let the non-emergency line know the situation right now, make sure your phone is charged and dont be afraid to use it.

Im really hoping you are ok tonight. Agree you should get,down the housing office tomorrow. What happened to the refuge plan? I really think you need to get somewhere he doesn't know you are. Really sending you hope and strength tonight lovely.

Millie2013 Mon 30-Dec-13 03:32:32

Phew, I've found you!
I knew this thread was here, just forgot what it was called and was looking in the wrong place
Hope you don't mind if I join you all, I'm awake at this ungodly hour, yet again, worrying about my drinking. I guess I have had issues for about 10 years now, drinking most days (couple of glasses, up to a bottle of wine, but more a couple of glasses). Got pregnant, stopped drinking, but since I gave up BF, it's become a problem again, in spite of me swearing to myself it wouldn't
I don't want to give up completely, I just want to get back to a couple of glasses, a couple of nights a week and I know I can sustain this, as I've done it before, it's just sticking to it!
But I just don't know where to start: I've been thinking about the underlying reasons for my drinking and I will mention it (again) to my therapist, whom I see every week, it's just the day to day surviving and getting over the "I need a drink" trigger points, I could do with some support with and any tips would be gratefully received

Thank you for reading

spanna41 Mon 30-Dec-13 04:54:34

FFS here I am again at silly o'clock thinking 'why' on loads of levels. it was DD2 (10) birthday yesterday. her last party (double figures and parties stop) loads of kids (30) good time had by all.

My rant........ Xp (DDs Dad) left 3 years ago, no contact not even on Birthdays or Xmas day, why am I suprised hmm but I still am - I just couldn't live with myself. How does he sleep at night?

Next - having birthday near Xmas is difficult, people forget, give joint present etc - DD got mainly money in her cards yesterday, hardly any presents - no thought put into it hmm (I know I'm having a 'middle of the night' moan - at least she got presents I hear you say!!!)

And then 'me' I drank too much, not pissed right until the end (only few friends left) don't remember going to bed hmm not a good look blush. Really pissed off with myself, let myself down, self-loathing etc. Hate it sad

So that's me - I need to do a serious length of AF days, got to get back on track.

Beaches no news on the house, this is majorly stressing me out, it's a waiting game sad (for a person with little patience, not a good situation) I am a Marian Keyes fan although that last book you mentioned didn't do it for me, not in the same way as some of her others (Watermelon, probably my fav)

Nuff I think it was you that mentioned looking for books to read? Have you tried Mandasu Heller (probably spelled wrong) she's like a Martina Cole, but based in Moss Side as opposed to East End - quite racey stuff, murder, gangster plots.

I'm darling <holding your hand> know the feeling re no money, especially after yesterday for me hmm

Welcome to all new Babes and Hello all Brave Babes. Apologies for my long rant and naval gazing xxx

Imdoingthis Mon 30-Dec-13 07:56:24

Thank you I was reading last night but didn't post x

Imdoingthis Mon 30-Dec-13 08:32:34

spanna honey I could of written that myself about you and your dd birthday, that's always me at the end of one of my dc's birthday I do understand (hugs) today's a new day lovely x

spanna41 Mon 30-Dec-13 08:42:58

I'm thank you lovely smile

venusandmars Mon 30-Dec-13 10:45:20

I'm far away but I'm always trying to follow you all. Roll on January and then springtime. ....

BobCrotchstitch Mon 30-Dec-13 11:26:01

Hello all, I was pointed in this direction by demented Have had a quick nose around and I think the time is right for me to take the initiative and join <gulp>
I think I want to try for dry January and then see how it goes from there. I really don't want to give up completely but as a couple DH and I drink daily and it's hard to know how to cut down enough to make a difference and without binging when I do drink (something which I'm not prone to ATM)
We have tickets for NYE at our local and I think I will make that my last hoorah. Actually I am almost excited about it in a weird way hmm
Hopefully a dry month will give me some clarity to decide how to continue <crosses fingers>

Fairenuff Mon 30-Dec-13 11:38:05

Morning (just) smile

Thanks for the book recommendations, I will look into them. Hello and welcome to Millie and Bob. I get the feeling that the bus is going to get very busy over the next few days and weeks. We could have our own NYE party, on the bus, non-alcoholic fizz and mocktails.

Then we can all get fitter/healthier/wealthier in the new year, just by taking it one day at a time. A lovely brand spanking new 2014. I wonder what it will hold for us and where we will be this time next year.

I wonder what changes we could make?

Morning babes and welcome to Millie and Bob

I am feeling half human again today, thanks to a (very rare) day in bed. A luxury indeed - to be ill and not have to carry on. Dh was great, took the boys swimming, sorted food and brought me cups of tea. He enjoyed being needed and it did me good to let go of control. Thanks for the sick bowl faire, glad to say not needed. Thanks too, isinde for the kind wishes.

Spanna 30 children at a party <faints> wow! I am sure memories of such a good party will supersede any memories of lack of presents. Those with Christmas birthdays do seem to get a bit short changed, the temptation for everyone to 'double up'. Oh, and Xp sounds like a first class twat. grin

A lovely brand spanking new 2014 faire, I like this. It's like the first page of a new diary, all crisp, clean and blemish free smile

Hi Im smile and all other lovely babes xxx

babyjane1 Mon 30-Dec-13 13:10:01

Hi babes, faire on the book front I loved "a thousand splendid suns" my favourite book of all time. Victoria hyslop is good, I also like Tony parsons, marian Keyes and Maeve Binchy. Jodi picoult is great, unusual but very very good. I'm really excited about January, I'm letting all the negative things that have transpired go and I'm starting the year with a shiny new A, I award every babe here the same grade!!! Let's make this our year kiddos xxx

MrFMercury Mon 30-Dec-13 13:52:39

Afternoon everyone.
It's day 2 and all is right with the world. Feeling very positive about the new year smile

soberisthenewblack Mon 30-Dec-13 13:57:28

Hi sorry not to have been about . Dealing with the fall out which my toxic mother creates every Christmas........hoped that this year might be different sad
She doesnt really drink but good God the hurt and chaos which she can cause sober is quite something.
Will be back in the NY.

babyjane1 Mon 30-Dec-13 14:37:11

mrF you sound fab u lus today, what a difference a day makes, well done and sober I hope you get through the next few days without too much stress, will keep you a seat xx

Millie2013 Mon 30-Dec-13 16:18:56

Thank you for the welcome smile
I'm going to tackle today first of all- I poured the remainder (not that much) of a bottle of wine away this morning and I'm planning on being AF tonight. Tomorrow, there'll be a few drinks, but I'm not going mental, not drinking at midnight, as I need to drive the next morning

I just need to learn to sip (wine) and not gulp it!

dementedma Mon 30-Dec-13 18:19:38

Welcome Millie and Bob and well done mrF
This bus expands as it is needed. Some people ride in the sidecar (of shame) from time to time, some ride high on the roof rack (of regulated drinking) but all are welcome and no-one bit no-one is judged. We cover all walks of life - single,married,divorced,gay,straight, not sure, rich, poor,any co!our, any creed. We all have issues with alcohol. Some of us are clean and sober, some of us battling daily, some of us clinging on in despair. We also have a pet squid- Barrie - for slapping people round the chops with from time to time, and a goggle wearing dog called Spirit who rides in the sidecar.
In the words of the luscious Aragorn on seeing the army of Elven archers..."You are MOST welcome!"

Anneisnotmyname Mon 30-Dec-13 18:20:30

Welcome millie and bob smile

I'm going to try and have an af day tonight, however a bottle of wine is already breathing so not holding out much hope for success. It's funny but i managed 17 af days with h drinking around me and now I'm struggling to have one sad last night I got to after ten then decided I should finish an open bottle...I can't really blame Xmas as it's all at home drinking. I went for a pub lunch today and it didn't even occur to me to drink confused

Imdoingthis Mon 30-Dec-13 18:36:12

How are you spanna ? Let us know how you doing lovely x

Mouseface Mon 30-Dec-13 19:30:14

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Just checking in to see how you're all getting on smile

Welcome to MrF, Millie and Bob - I hope you can cope with the tinsel for another day or seven? grin

PIL were here yesterday and my BIL and his lovely partner, it was the first time that I'd seen them all (except FIL) since mum died last month. I knew that I would but as soon as MIL gave me a much needed hug, we both started to cry. sad

I asked if she would mind 'adopting' me as such, she said that she already had when DH and I had met smile

I asked if it was okay to call her now and again, like I did with my own mum, just for a chat and to see how she is etc..... she has an aneurysm on her brain so I always worry about her, every day.

It was so nice to have a 'mum' hug, those of you with non toxic mothers or mothers who are no longer with you will know exactly how that feels...

Tomorrow PIL are coming back to celebrate NY with us, they're staying over, we're having fireworks and fizz in the garden, we're also putting a box of all the things that have caused us pain, we've disliked, suffered with or from in 2013 onto a bonfire.

I intend to start 2014 a fresh with only the fondest memories of my mum in my mind, they're starting to come to the front now and the harder things that she said to me, or that I remember are fading. At last. smile

Anywho - enough of my waffling on....

I'm still in touch with Purps, she's doing a smashing job of holding my hand every day via text smile Bless her.

I hope those who are struggling for whatever reason, can see even a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel....

I'm - Everyone deserves to be safe. Including you. You seem very up and down just now, be Brave!

I've put some new pics on, some wouldn't load so I put the ones that would on!

Take care out there Babes xxx

Thanks for the low down ma, I hadn't realised the roof rack was for regulated drinkers, thought it was just for the thrill seekers! I also note you didn't mention the dressing up box or the opal fruits....keeping some treats in reserve??!

anne, it is the home drinking for me too. Whether you have or you haven't tonight, you know you can get back into it (if you do lots of those exercise dvd's, you can do anything!). Are you doing the dry Jan?

Well done MrF smile and hi to baby, I'm, sober, Spanna, millie

X post with you mouse. The bonfire and letting go of all the rubbish stuff sounds very cleansing. Glad some of the softer memories of your mum are taking precedence for you. Take care and a happy new year to you xx

MrFMercury Mon 30-Dec-13 19:35:58

Hi Mouse. I am sorry you have been through a hard time but your MIL sounds lovely and the bonfire idea is a brilliant one x

SocFish Mon 30-Dec-13 19:42:12

Hello babes. Been AWOL for a while but am hauling my sorry arse back on the bus lugging a huge bag of green opals with me. Let's crank Gerald up and get stuck into dry January. I can't wait. Have had a torrid time but I'm so back on board.
Hope everyone is ok. On my phone so can't nc. Have a fab last day of 2013 (it Tuesday morning here). Im looking forward to 2014 being my year of sobriety. Xx

Imdoingthis Mon 30-Dec-13 19:46:39

Nice words soc about the new year I may join in somewhere somehow x

dementedma Mon 30-Dec-13 19:54:22

mouse that is the cutest Wise Man I ever did see! I could squidge him until he pops.

soc good to see you again. not long until dry January and we will need those Opal Fruits to keep our gobs busy.

spanna41 Mon 30-Dec-13 20:32:55

Beaches glad you're feeling better.

Mouse your MIL sounds lovely smile

I'm thanks for asking babe. A really good friends partner (65) has had a stroke today. She found him on the floor unable to move. Blue light and into the hospital quickly. He's got an irregular heart beat which they have managed to control. He's paralysed down one side, face etc. My friend is with him and will stay overnight in hospital. I'm on cat feeding duty and worried sick sad Life is so fragile. I've looked up strokes and the hospital said it's a clot not a bleed (which is better hmm) I just hope that he's going to be ok and recover. I'm asking the universe and keeping positive thoughts going through my head.

Soc good to have you back <smiles in hope for a green opal fruit>grin

Have a good evening (or morning) all Brave Babes x

spanna41 Mon 30-Dec-13 20:43:29

Beaches forgot to say 'yes' XP is a twunt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Imdoingthis Mon 30-Dec-13 20:45:45

spanna thanks for posting sending you hugs lovely

spanna41 Mon 30-Dec-13 20:49:28

I'm how are you doing babe?

amiok Mon 30-Dec-13 21:26:59

Hi,

I have been reading this thread for a while and was hoping you could help me since you all seem so friendly/wise. I want to cut down on my alcohol intake drastically, it is has risen to extreme levels the last few months. The last month or so I have been drinking at least 1 but normally 2 bottles of wine a day. I didn't drink yesterday or today - the first two days in a row for a long time. It's been about 48 hours since I last drank I am wondering if I am suffering withdrawal symptoms.... I feel headachey and sick, with weird stomach pains. Is this normal? Will it pass? I've been drinking lots of water and resting but I still feel pretty awful.

Thanks in advance x

SocFish Mon 30-Dec-13 21:30:07

Hi amiok
That all sounds very normal to me. It's almost exactly what I experience when I stop drinking. Usually only lasts a few days. It's horrible. Take care. x

amiok Mon 30-Dec-13 22:08:52

Thank you so much, I was really starting to worry!

aliasjoey Mon 30-Dec-13 22:54:30

Welcome amiok and well done for being brave and posting. New Year is a difficult time for all of us.

babyjane1 Mon 30-Dec-13 23:00:21

amiok it's totally normal but passes quickly, it's a good idea to take some vitamins particularly vitamin b, you will also be having sugar withdrawal as wine is full of it so you should have some sweet treats closeby. Sounds like your doing great so far and keep posting here, the bus is an amazing source of support and advice. Go YOU xxx

Anneisnotmyname Mon 30-Dec-13 23:20:59

Quick check in, af day done smile

spanna grin at twunt! Sorry to hear about your friend's partner and really hope he starts making a recovery soon. Life is fragile and it comes a such a shock when someone close to us has a scare.

Hey soc, enjoy your New Year's Eve, then you get to drive us all into dry January smile

Welcome amiok and I hope you feel a bit brighter in the morning.

I am indulging in a bit of 007 tonight, the very handsome Daniel Craig. Happy Happy!

SoberSocFish Mon 30-Dec-13 23:26:30

Well don Annie I'm chasing your tail as of tomorrow.

Lucky you beaches Daniel Craig is gorgeous.

amoik stay with us. This bus really helps

I hope you all note my new user name.... grin

I'm actually excited about being sober again......the hellishness of drinking has been heavily reinforced this past fortnight. I'm really pathetic.

I'll be in the drivers seat at 12.01am tomorrow. Can't wait.

Imdoingthis Tue 31-Dec-13 04:11:19

Hi spanna not that great honey, I'm still trying to move x how about you?

whydidthishappen Tue 31-Dec-13 04:36:09

As I face an uncertain New Year all alone, I am depressed and anxious. I must supress these feelings and yet again call upon my inner warrior to carry me through and back to my son. I just wont give in to self doubt and despair.

To that end, I plan on not so much ringing in the New Year with joy, but am planning a Pot O'Love. Everytime anybody says something nice to me, or I read something I enjoy, or share a laugh or have a bit of luck, Im going to write it on a scrap of paper and put it in my jar. When the year is over I plan to read them on December 31st 2014 with my son. Im going to create the conditions for my own happiness. Bring it on, 2014.

SoberSocFish Tue 31-Dec-13 04:42:25

I'm and why please stay strong. You've both got such unbelievable challenges in life at the moment and on top of that trying to give up/moderate your drinking. I'm in awe of both of you. I crumble at the first minor hurdle. I truly admire you both. Please look after yourselves.

2014 is going to be our year. You will get your son back why and if I don't drive over your 'thing' (not sure what to call that poor excuse of a species) first, you will get away from him, I'm. Apologies if that's not PC, but DV makes me utterly mad.

It's a basic human right to be safe and happy in this life. x

spanna41 Tue 31-Dec-13 07:07:45

Love the new name Sober Soc grin Happy New Year to you.

Why what a lovely idea 'Pot of love'. Keep strong, keep going, stay positive smile you have come this far <hugs>

Mouse I really like the idea of burning the stuff on the fire, quite a Pagan thing to do - out with the negative and in with the positive.

amoik all of those physical feelings are quite normal, mine tend to go on for 4 days with weird taste in mouth, shakes, feeling generally like shite sad BUT sweets do help especially green opal fruits (as Ma, Soc and I can vouch for) grin

Beaches oh yes Daniel Craig does look lovely in a suit and those blue eyes (he's still a bit blond for my liking) hmm

I'm babe, special hello to you and <hugs>

Day 2 here today. Have a good day Brave Babes x

Imdoingthis Tue 31-Dec-13 07:46:30

Hello there sober soc I love your new name you sound very positive I like your attitude to the new year fsmile

why your idea of the pot of love is a really very good one I'm impressed with that idea.your strengths incredable, stay focused as I know you are.

spanna day two, well done honey x

dementedma Tue 31-Dec-13 08:25:40

Morning all. The last day of 2013 and battling the black dog of depression who stalks New Year. Happens every year, it will pass. Just an awful sense of foreboding rather than a bubbly optimism.....weird.

why your pot of love is a great idea. Start it with this:
There is a group of women scattered across the world who think you are awesome. Who have followed your story, wept for you, cheered you on and be struck dumb at your strength and the power of love you have for your son. You inspire us. Your little boy has a truly amazing mother.

Imdoingthis Tue 31-Dec-13 09:56:23

Perfect words ma

soberisthenewblack Tue 31-Dec-13 11:49:43

just wanted to pop in quickly before tonight to wish everyone a happy and healthy New Year.
I had a bit of a "moment " when out shopping with DD a few days ago.
Cos she is now working and has cash to splash smile we were in a couple of naice shops smile
Anyway as she was browsing I had a look at the price tags on a few things and thought " no way would I pay that for a pair of jeans/ dress "
and then I had a lightbulb moment or perhaps my guardian angel whispered in my ear .I started to do a mental tally on what I must spend on booze in a month and I stopped counting when I got to £150.
Now I know that that is probably a conservative estimate if I spend around £6 on a bottle of wine.
I have been thinking a lot about this since and also thinking I used to love clothes but I now wear what I call my fat uniform.
I felt as if I had woken up and had seen what I had become and I didnt like it .
The slide really happens so slowly it is hard to see what is happening.
Anyway on a positive note I feel that it has given me the kick up the bum that I needed.
Positive vibes to everyone for tonight especially why and mouse

babyjane1 Tue 31-Dec-13 11:53:35

Here here ma*wise words to why come to think of it every one of you wonderful, brave babes are a hero in my eyes xx

Anneisnotmyname Tue 31-Dec-13 12:35:35

I couldn't agree more soberisthenewblack, I think these things do creep up on you. It used to be second nature for me to buy a bottle of wine when shopping, then I'd baulk at dd1 for wanting an overpriced kids magazine and feel like a selfish hypocrite.

It's funny, I'm trying to get dh on board for dry january, and was pointing out how much we'd save on wine. I was saying we got through at least three bottles a week and he was like 'no way!' He actually thought we drank less!! I thought I was the one with the problem but he has no idea how much we drink (getting through five is more likely). It really surprised me but I suppose if you don't think you have a problem, so don't think about it hmm

Anyway I managed an af day yesterday but expect to drink tonight. I really don't want to go overboard, I hate NYE, I find it totally depressing. Normally the enforced eat, drink be merry actually puts me off...that said I hope everyone has a Happy New Year's smile

BobCrotchstitch Tue 31-Dec-13 14:39:15

Afternoon all, tonight is the last night for a month and I feel strangely cheerful about the whole affair. It's almost like I am up for the challenge, any challenge in fact.
In the past I was always up for the next new thing, recently that has just slipped away and the idea of proving myself, even if it's just to not drink for 31 days is strangely enticing.
Good luck to all struggling with NYE celebrations (or not) Roll on 2014 smile

dementedma Tue 31-Dec-13 16:52:56

I did a budget spreadsheet thing today and the amount dh and I spend on alcohol is both staggering and shameful.
Should see a big difference this month.
Got a bottle of bubbly for tonight and then dry January begins. Remember ODAAT - dry January 1st and then we shall take it from there.
Should all the dry January babes have a special part of the bus? Or should we just climb onto the roof rack and hang on for grim life?

MrFMercury Tue 31-Dec-13 17:03:18

Good luck tonight everyone.
I am on day 3 and feeling fine about not drinking tonight right now. We are staying in until just before midnight when we will nip to the party at my best friends to see in the new year so it doesn't feel like too much pressure.

Why Can I pop something into your pot too? (That sounds vaguely risque for some reason grin )

I so agree with Ma please remember what a shining light of inspiration your posts are for many of us. There are lots of people on here really rooting for you.
And as NYE is a night for poetry (Isn't every night??) I thought I would put this one in the pot for you. It's old and a bit of a cliche but I think it is powerful.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

W E Henley

And I know this is about black women's struggle but I love it and find it really uplifting to read to myself out loud when everything feels like a struggle.

And it's been at least a few months since we had any Maya Angelou.....smile

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

dementedma Tue 31-Dec-13 19:11:32

Ooh Indie I got a fab poetry anthology for Christmas. Shall we have a poetry face-off?

Imdoingthis Tue 31-Dec-13 20:00:07

I might join in I have poem to add fgrin

Imdoingthis Tue 31-Dec-13 20:00:36

Go ma

spanna41 Tue 31-Dec-13 20:18:24

Isinde very moving words smile

buggermewhatnext Tue 31-Dec-13 20:25:04

Hi all smile hope your all

buggermewhatnext Tue 31-Dec-13 20:29:31

Opp s posted too soon! ...okay
Loving the poetry smile
Got to day five here.. Had to stop really as had a pain in my upper abdomen!! Or liver sad
Pain has gone now so was def alcohol related.
So here I am experiencing my very first sober new year.. Am just staying in watching tv and reading ! How exciting eh..
Hope you all have a great eve no matter what your up to. See you in 2014 xx

whydidthishappen Tue 31-Dec-13 20:52:00

Isinde and Ma thank you so very much. Pride of place on the jar.

Made me cry. Im working tonight, so it wont be lonley.

dementedma Tue 31-Dec-13 21:02:12

Late fragment

And did you bet what you wanted from this life,even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved.
To feel myself beloved on this earth.

Raymond Carver.

May you all feel beloved Babes

dementedma Tue 31-Dec-13 21:02:39

Bet, should say get!

guggenheim Tue 31-Dec-13 22:30:55

wonderful poems : )

Just checking in and then out again because it's well past my bed time.

Thank you to all you marvellous babes,you have kept me sober all year.
I'm very grateful to you all.

Happy new year x

whydidthishappen Tue 31-Dec-13 22:43:25

Happy New Year wonderful guggs.

aliasjoey Tue 31-Dec-13 23:12:46

why I LOVE the idea of your pot!

isinde what a great poem. Is that the one which Nelson Mandela recited. Love it.

Imdoingthis Wed 01-Jan-14 09:57:48

Happy new year to you all
why thinking of you lovely

Hello mouse baby ma spanna * joey* beaches isindie next

I have woke up to realise I have yet another in the house on my own with the dc making dinner and drinking we don't go anywhere do anything or see anyone and I'm so board of it I wish I could give the drink up forever it takes our spare money feeling so lonely today.

Imdoingthis Wed 01-Jan-14 09:58:23

*another day in house

Greeneyed Wed 01-Jan-14 10:07:06

Happy New Year babes. Wishing you a healthy 2014.

thurso13 Wed 01-Jan-14 10:29:45

Happy New Year to all Babes, wherever you are.

I wish for you, the best things that you wish for yourselves and your families in 2014.

With much love
T xxxxxxxxxx

spanna41 Wed 01-Jan-14 11:30:25

Happy New Year all Brave Babes wishing you all love, health, happiness and some wealth thrown in there (always helps) [Hmm]

I am on Day 3 - that was my first sober NYE that I can remember as an adult blush blush blush that is a sobering thought grin

I'm special 'Hello' babe. Life with little money and DCs can be stressful and boring. I spend some weekends with no adult company at all and then talk off anyones ears that comes into earshot in the playground at school on the monday hmm Why not start making a list of all the stuff you want to achieve and have happen this year, it can be really small things or huge things (like your moving). I find getting things on paper makes the task more achievable.

How was all other babes NYEs?

dementedma Wed 01-Jan-14 11:32:13

I'm I feel the same but will not be drinking as doing dry january. care to join us?
I feel if I have to cook one more meal i will cry. Period arrived last night in fairly spectacular fashion so feeling double crap. At least it keeps dh away - that was for you thurso!
Anyway, here's to you all and I hope 2014 brings more good stuff and less shit

BobCrotchstitch Wed 01-Jan-14 12:09:58

Hello all,
NYE over and done with, TBH it was a bit crap for most if the evening. Enjoyable at midnight but we came home quickly after as DS was struggling to keep his eyes open grin
I was explaining to DH about Dry January and he (most surprisingly) didn't just scoff and brush it away. He said we would discuss it today which alarms me slightly! All I said was that I suddenly realised that I wasn't 100% sure I could stop easily anymore and I needed to prove to myself that I could. So we shall see...
I'm back at work tonight and Thursday so not drinking then will be ok, then it's the weekend <wibble>

Anneisnotmyname Wed 01-Jan-14 12:10:27

I'm I'm another one who spends all weekend with dcs and no adult company, it does wear you down. Especially this time of year when you're mostly stuck indoors x

Anneisnotmyname Wed 01-Jan-14 12:48:38

Oh bit tmi but I noticed today when I was brushing my teeth that I had bleeding gums for the first time in months. I don't know if it's due to almost daily drinking for the past month but it can't have helped sad

Imdoingthis Wed 01-Jan-14 13:21:49

I feel better knowing its not just me i feel I'm going mad spent till now cleaning up the mess.

ma I'm thinking of having another go at AF so I think I might join you all x

anne I have that often I didn't realise it was to do with drinking ?

Hope mouse is ok x

obrigada Wed 01-Jan-14 13:24:38

Happy New Year Brave Babessmile

MrFMercury Wed 01-Jan-14 13:42:15

Happy new year everyone!
I ended up spending midnight alone. DH took the girls over to our friends but I wasn't feeling well so stayed at home and watched the fireworks. It was nice actually, very peaceful which is what I wanted.
Woke up after a 12 hour sleep still exhausted and DH in a really really crabby mood today and a horrible skin break out. Only one of those is probably related to my food and drink intake over the last couple of weeks. Hope you are all well today x

Anneisnotmyname Wed 01-Jan-14 14:21:02

I'm I don't know if drinking does cause it but it seems a bit of a coincidence that I've had bleeding gums for the first time following heavier drinking.

Hope your feeling better MrF x

Happy New Year Babes

Ok, so day 1. Deep breath and off we go! My Dh is with me this time, he has his sights set on a marathon so wants to cut out booze to improve his training. ( the marathon is in April, so there is a chance that we could keep going but it is a bit early for those promises!). This will make things so much easier for me so I am really pleased.

Well done to those who didn't drink last night. I am so glad to have the bus to lean on/come to, it really brightens my day. Hope you are all well xxx

aliasjoey Wed 01-Jan-14 16:51:52

Checking in. Well done on those resolutions beaches sounds great and doing it with your DH will be really encouraging.

Struggling today. Had too much last night (although surely not more than everyone else? But I get argumentative when drunk, and had a row with DH....)

I've said I'll do dry January, and anyway would not want anything right now, at least not til much later. (By which time we'll be back home - and there isn't any wine there!)

In the meantime, am stuck here with a foul-tempered DH, and a sulky DD - and me caught in the middle, trying to keep the peace.

Ladame Wed 01-Jan-14 17:29:48

Happy New Year all brave babes. I'll be checking in a bit more soon xxx

dementedma Wed 01-Jan-14 18:45:49

quick check in. how are all the dry january babes doing so far?
the witching hour is upon us so stand firm.

BobCrotchstitch Wed 01-Jan-14 18:56:40

All good here thank you ma
I have a special bottle of Belvoir rose and elderflower cordial which makes me feel all Victorian lady grin DH has only had a small glass of wine and we are currently menu planning for next week. I am off to work later so have now passed the critical point for having a drink and being able to drive by work time so a success for day one smile

mrsm68 Wed 01-Jan-14 19:13:51

Hi just jumping on the bus to say that today is day 1 for me.

I had rather a lot to drink last night so I am finding it very easy today to abstain. Feeling very determined but I also realise that it will get harder sad

lookingforhope Wed 01-Jan-14 19:29:02

Hi brave babes. Good luck to all of you in dry January. I will be joining you on the 4th as going to stay with friends tomorrow for a bit of a break. Struggled a bit over the holidays but not been too wasted. Have a lot to deal with in New Year, including finding new job and working out what to do about my marriage, as time at home makes me realise how much I dislike my negative, antisocial husband, who I think is only still here as I pay for everything with the earnings from the job I hate while he pursues his selfish writing dream and I even pay for a cleaner when he is home all day. All this becomes clearer after a drink but I know I can't act on it unless I am sober, so here's to you all, I will be,sticking on this lovely bus in 2014. Take care lovely babes, hope we all achieve our dreams this year x

whydidthishappen Wed 01-Jan-14 19:42:14

For those of you going dry in January- best of luck ladies.
I'll give you a laugh. Since all this happened I had to take a job quickly. What
am I doing when I go to work? Im a bartender. All night every night I work with alcohol.
Drinking is a choice. We make that choice on a daily basis. Dont think of it as a month without alcohol. Think of it as a day without it. 30 days in a row.

Watch the weight fall off, clearer skin, less puff and better sleep. Go forth Brave Babes, and reap the rewards!

lookingforhope Wed 01-Jan-14 20:02:22

Haha,that is ironic Why. Funnily enough when I worked in a bar watching everyone throw money away to act like idiots it put me off drink, so it may help you out! Happy New Year babe x

Anneisnotmyname Wed 01-Jan-14 20:27:42

I'm here Ma, I'm back at work tomorrow so that helps with the not drinking. I'm trying to make some plans for the weekend as that's where I'm likely to slip up....

spanna41 Wed 01-Jan-14 20:49:22

Hi Babes,

just got back from NYs day party. I am back to Day 1 but I drove, had 2 glasses of Cava and 3 cups of tea, plenty to eat. Watching others get drunk (some hadn't been to bed from night before) hmm made me realise that I prefer myself without excessive drink inside me grin
Quite proud of my self-control and I seem to have found my 'off' button smile

Why I used to work in a cocktail bar year ago and never drank when I was working - people really can put it away and watching them waste all of that money on ice with a little bit of alcohol hmm it's an eye opener.

Hope sounds like you've got alot to sort out, one step at a time babe, this time of year is a real time for reflections on life. I wish you strength and clarity smile

Beaches so pleased that DH is doing it with you, you could have your own bus hmm How's the snow doing? it's still raining sheets here and soooo windy.

I'm <waving at you>

Have a good evening all x

aliasjoey Wed 01-Jan-14 21:44:40

Hello Babes

Thank you ma for reminding me about Dry January - I was already starting to waver! I remember you have a similar situation, playing piggy in the middle between your DH and your DD2 ? It's exhausting

obrigada Wed 01-Jan-14 21:47:42

Day 1 done and dusted babessmile

dementedma Wed 01-Jan-14 22:04:18

Day 1 done. A jigsaw helped me while away the drinking hours. Well done all of you. Day 1 again tomorrow.
alias yes, I did. And it is exhausting. You have my sympathy!

lookingforhope Wed 01-Jan-14 22:26:08

Thanks for your encouraging words lovely spanna. I have the same ideas every year, but this year I feel I can make a difference with the help of this bus - thank you all x

I don't want my own bus spanna <juts out lower lip> I like it here smile. We are all set for another snow storm and it is bloody freezing, at least we have lots of sunshine in the daytime. I know the UK has had some seriously rough weather though, causing havoc. Well done on your control at the party and finding your off button.

I went to a family lunch and had 2 alcohol free beers so did fine on that score. The diet went spectacularly off course when all sweet things I could find I stuffed in my mouth - must be my period tomorrow!

Well done joey, hope, Ma, obrigada, Anne, mrsm, bob on day 1 (and all other babes that are doing it but didn't post!)

why a bartender, of all the jobs!! I like the reminder of making a choice each day and letting the days line up, feels less overwhelming than facing a big chunk of future at once.

Wondering how you are rural smile

Take care all xx

mrsm68 Thu 02-Jan-14 07:19:21

Day 2 begins.

Good luck everyone, stay strong x

Anneisnotmyname Thu 02-Jan-14 08:15:50

Day 2, up earlier and easier than I have been for the past few weeks. Good luck everyone smile

SoberSocFish Thu 02-Jan-14 08:39:09

Hello. Just checking in. Suffering from those awful first few days AF symptoms so not feeling particularly bright or sparky. Or anything really. Just slogging through this. By next week I may even be able to think. xx

Imdoingthis Thu 02-Jan-14 09:37:26

Hi keep going sober soc

I realise dry January has already begun I plan on joining in now I want a challenge and I'm sick of it feeling rubbish

SoberSocFish Thu 02-Jan-14 10:12:21

Join us I'm. Who cares when you start. I'm also so fed up of feeling disgusting. Imagine how different we will all feel in a couple of weeks. I'm going to try and post a lot because that really helps me - all you lovely babes will just have to suffer through my tedious ramblings. x

Anneisnotmyname Thu 02-Jan-14 10:36:47

Start now I'm, realistically I bet most people doing dry January had a drink in the early hours of Jan 1st, I know I did!

sobersoc I've been reading an online blog (Mrs d is going without) and when she was feeling tempted she visualised how she would feel going to bed without having drunk, waking up in the morning etc. That's what I'm trying to do - if I imagine how bad I'll feel if I drink, the ww argues back...

Imdoingthis Thu 02-Jan-14 10:47:12

Ok count me in grin

SoberSocFish Thu 02-Jan-14 10:47:13

Thanks annie. I'll check out that blog.

SoberSocFish Thu 02-Jan-14 10:47:47

Yay! We have snared I'm!

dementedma Thu 02-Jan-14 10:47:51

slept very badly so feel like shite. The first few AF days are crap but will persevere and see if i can develop a going back to work boing by Monday.

anymore for joining us today?

GeordieCherry Thu 02-Jan-14 10:55:01

I don't think I can commit to dry January. It's too long. I have to take each day, mindfully, as it comes.

I offered to drive yesterday so stuck to one glass of wine with a large lunch. And over the course of 3 hours.

And I had one G&T in the evening.

I gave away most of the leftover drink for a NYE party I wasn't attending.

I feel I'm making small, good choices each day. But I need to keep focused!

Thanks for the ride smile

Imdoingthis Thu 02-Jan-14 11:18:28

Do we have an official list of names? If not why not grin we need one

BobCrotchstitch Thu 02-Jan-14 12:04:16

That sounds more sensible geordie
I have started Dry January, along with my new resolutions to drink 2 litres of water a day, ensure I have my 5 a day and to start running again (when the rain stops!)
All together it seems insurmountable so I have settled for a 500ml bottle of water a day to start with and a piece of fruit with my breakfast. This doesn't seem too bad in terms of big changes but along with not drinking, it's quite enough for me ATM grin

dementedma Thu 02-Jan-14 14:19:07

a list, a list......

well, there's me.

add you name on if you are dry januarying!

Imdoingthis Thu 02-Jan-14 14:38:59

Me

Anneisnotmyname Thu 02-Jan-14 15:05:56

Me

Me

obrigada Thu 02-Jan-14 15:23:11

So that's:
Ma
Im
Anne
Beaches
and
Obrigada

spanna41 Thu 02-Jan-14 15:52:58

me

guggenheim Thu 02-Jan-14 15:55:08

Can I be a Dry Jan groupie? Will buy own leotard and pom poms.

Will promise to support all Dry Janners with pom poms and terrify anyone who wavers at the witching hour by donning leotard. Not a nice thought!

Stay strong - the first few days are tough but if you can just get through them then it begins to ease up. Good quality sleep is worth staying strong for.

I was going to do some mega smug post,since I've been sober for 1 whole year. But really,I think I can sum it up without the smugness:

Good- I'm very calm,I've dealt with shit and don't have the vile guilty and anxious inner monologue anymore. My skin,hair and bank balance are improved. Best of all,I have spent every single penny I didn't spend on drink,on brand new clothes. My friends don't give a shit about my drinking status,they just don't want to hear me whinge either way.

Bad- I miss cracking open the cold white wine after a day at work.
I miss getting ready for a big night out with a glass in hand. I miss getting out of it when my child has driven me to the point of insanity.

I could go add a further 1 million good points though.As for missing the vino,I never wanted 1 tiny,sensible 1 unit of wine. That bottle NEVER lasted from monday through to sunday,so for me,it's better that I don't get started.

Massive respect and best wishes to dry Jan babes- don't think about anything beyond today. Even people who have been dry for 9 gazzillion years can't deal with 'never again' If you slip up,don't worry start again. And then again.

You can do it. I will work on my pom pom routine.

spanna41 Thu 02-Jan-14 16:07:46

grin Guggs

a whole year is amazing. thank you for your wise words and your pom pom support grin

x

dementedma Thu 02-Jan-14 16:40:24

Ma
Im
Anne
Beaches
Obrigada
Spanna

any more, for any more?

guggenheim Thu 02-Jan-14 16:44:47

Hi there spanna thank you!

You are better off with the pom poms than the words! I'm so pleased to see people trying Dry Jan and to see it taking off as a campaign. If we don't talk about alcohol or treat it as a dirty little secret then it's impossible to get help. I'd like Dry Jan to go the way that the anti smoking campaigns went,so that it's just normal to have small breaks from booze in the year.

Good luck babes what have you got in to drink tonight? Pomegranate juice is nice much less sweet than fizzy drinks. Probably contains anti wotsist's too. I had to go to bed really early at first,getting sober made me very tired??? So I just went to bed with a book and rested.

It's worth staying sober until sunday too. There is more Sherlock. So when I finish re watching LOTR (it's literature,ok?) I want to be fully awake to oggle follow the plot throughly.

dementedma Thu 02-Jan-14 18:38:53

lime and tonics tonight but had 3 already so getting fed up with it. Dear God, is it only half six???
will go and wrangle with my jigsaw (and no, that's not a euphemism)
mouse are you ok?
indie you doing dry january?
rural are you alright?

spanna41 Thu 02-Jan-14 18:40:37

Yes Guggs the new Sherlock is very hmmmhmmmm shhhwing grin missed the one the other night but there's a lovely piccy of him in the paper today smile I'll watch it before Sunday so I can oggle too catch up smile

Greeneyed Thu 02-Jan-14 20:01:28

I'm in. Have just frozen the left over Christmas wine in batches for cooking.

Greeneyed Thu 02-Jan-14 20:02:09

Sherlock is revolting. Like the programme though!

aliasjoey Thu 02-Jan-14 20:07:51

I'm going to try Dry January too. I did think it was too long to manage, but have promised to do AF til at least Sunday, and take it One Day At a Time.

I also have to go on a diet! Am now the proud owner of TWO designer frocks shock the eBay one turned up this morning, and was so lovely that I went round to the boutique that first started me on this buying spree - well, blow me didn't they have a sale on?!

The chocolate has been put into a lidded box on a high shelf (same principle as keeping the wine in the car - still there in an 'emergency' but with an extra hurdle in the way). Cutting out alcohol will help with the calories too, won't it? The dog is also getting long, brisk walks.

Millie2013 Thu 02-Jan-14 20:09:42

Geordie, I'm not committing to dry Jan either, only to cutting down a LOT smile And I'm taking it one day at a time too.

This week has gone a bit teets up, I had some sad news on Monday, so had (only) a couple of glasses of wine. NYE and NYD evenings, I drank, but not to excess. NYE, we were both in bed by ten, as we were knackered

I'm not craving wine at all tonight, so I'm sitting with a cup of tea smile

BobCrotchstitch Thu 02-Jan-14 20:15:56

I'm in as well smile
Currently in bed as off to work later so that's two days under my belt. I have to say I felt absolutely shocking this morning, a combination of tiredness and the last of the Christmas alcohol leaving my system I suspect. Its also embarrassing to note that I have not had more than a couple of days off the alcohol (a couple of drinks, not getting wrecked!) since DS was born- he will be 10 in a couple of months blush

dementedma Thu 02-Jan-14 20:21:05

Ma
Im
Anne
Beaches
Obrigada
Spanna
Grren
Alias
Bob

how are we doing on day 2? had a wee wibble earlier but think I am on the road to bed and safety soon so another day done. got the munchies though - leftover Christmas cake, 2 hobnobs and a pear!! I wont be seeing much weight loss at this rate although start the dreaded couch to 5K training tomorrow.
BTW did anyone else get the new Alfie Boe CD for Christmas? Some great songs on there but the one called The Dimming of the Day has me in meltdown. I will see if I can find a linky....

dementedma Thu 02-Jan-14 20:28:01

ooops, that should be "green" not grren.

SoberSocFish Thu 02-Jan-14 20:31:27

I'm in. All lonely and destitute in the barren tumbleweed land of Oz.

Mamabear74 Thu 02-Jan-14 21:13:23

I'm in!

aliasjoey Thu 02-Jan-14 21:17:10

Only 2 hours since my tea, and already craving chocolate... this dieting is HARD.

Damn you ma and your hobnobs!

Greeneyed Thu 02-Jan-14 22:15:00

Wine win, chocolate fail. Ah well one out of two

dementedma Thu 02-Jan-14 22:21:55

Will ad socfish and mama to the list.am mning in bed on tablet and haven't figured out how to copy and paste.
We're amassing quite a team here...strength in numbers. Any more to sign the January pledge?

Where's baby? She was excited about January, come on babe smile.

I am having a wobble already... I am four hours behind you lot so I am at the witching hour now. Snow storm, both wood stoves burning, wine in the cupboard, BIG whispers. hmm

The thought of the bus and all of you determined babes, each in their own determined place in the world is the thing that is stopping me.

Oh and guggs waving Pom poms in a leotard shockgrin

Seriously, thank you everyone, for being there. X

spanna41 Thu 02-Jan-14 22:50:22

Beaches ignore the WW, come on babe kick her in the tits grin Be strong babe you know you can do it <hugs, passes Beaches my secret bag of green opal fruits>

Soc don't be lonely over that there pacific grin we're all here. Have you taken over the driving of the lovely Gerald yet? We need you grin who's navigating?

I'm <waving from the back of the bus>

Thanks spanna, not sure I can kick 'tit height' though, hope she is a short arsed witch or I may pull something! Feel better after four bars (small) of chocolate blush, think the diet may have to wait a day or two. How are you today?

dementedma Thu 02-Jan-14 23:07:25

Think we are all supplementing booze with food just now but that's ok becausbecause while we may be eating we are not drinking. Right across the world,the babes are beating the shit out of the Ww!

spanna41 Thu 02-Jan-14 23:10:32

She has tits down to her waist, you'll be fine. You can work up to the diet, right now our bodies are craving the sugar from the booze hmm one day at a time.

Not that good here. Heard from my friend last night and her partner was improving, doing as well as can be expected over critical bit etc. She came home went back to hospital today and he's had a really bad night. They've done another scan on his brain and they've not seen this kind of devastation since the initial stroke in a long time sad So they've said he may only have a few days. shock He is like a GF to my DDs and DD2 has been really upset and is asking if we can go and see him tomorrow hmm

sorry you did ask x

Oh Spanna I am so sorry to hear that, that is terrible news. Just when it seemed that the critical time had passed sad, I will send all my positive thoughts to you and hope that there is some turn around for him. So difficult with the girls wanting to see him too. Xxx

(Love that WW has old saggy hag boobs!) I may have a chance of getting my leg up to that level!

spanna41 Thu 02-Jan-14 23:34:50

I'll kick her in the shins and then you'll definitely reach them grin

I can't decide what's best.. if I get the chance to go to hospital tomorrow do I take my girls so that they see him or not? It's a difficult one, as they are all so close, if he does die and they haven't seen him? or is it best to leave it and see what happens? any advice?

SoberSocFish Thu 02-Jan-14 23:37:49

Yep, I'm driving and that WW is going to be flattened....well and truly road kill.

Chocolate is good. Much better for you than wine.

Difficult one. Have you seen him? How is he looking, are there a lot of machines? I suppose I am trying to weigh up how upsetting it may be to see him looking so venerable. There is no right or wrong answer to this one, have you got a gut feeling about it?

Obviously I meant vulnerable blush

spanna41 Thu 02-Jan-14 23:52:27

I haven't seen him. There will be machines etc my gut says that it will make more sense to the girls. I think hmm When my friend showed him a card that DD2 made and read it out to him, he acknowledged that and she asked me to tell DD this. this was when he seemed to be improving. I think I'll sleep on it smile If in doubt don't do anything....I'm off to have a serious conversation with the universe.....

SoberSocFish Thu 02-Jan-14 23:53:22

spanna can't remember how old your children are. When I was about 18 a family friend was dying of cancer in hospice and her husband strongly recommended that I didn't go and see her. I didn't really get it at the time. Still not sure what the right answer is, but at the moment I think in retrospect, it was probably a good call. Apparently she looked awful and he thought it wouldn't be appropriate for anyone young to visit. I can see where he was coming from. It's possible at that age I wouldn't have been able to cope and the image of her may have stayed with me in an unpleasant way for a long time. All I have now, is really good pictures in my head of her. But every person and situation is different. Sorry about your friend. xx

spanna41 Thu 02-Jan-14 23:56:26

Thank you Soc x

Glad you're back in the driving seat grin

Hopefully the universe will come up with something smile. Take care lovely spanna xxx

Drive steady soc and be sure to re stock the chocolate!

mrsm68 Fri 03-Jan-14 01:07:03

I'm in.

Day 2 done and dusted. Can't sleep though sad

SoberSocFish Fri 03-Jan-14 04:05:41

beaches Gerald is positively bulging with chocolate.

whydidthishappen Fri 03-Jan-14 05:26:22

Its a blizzard in NYC, and -9.

Im drinking lemon with cloves and hot water.
Tell me of warmer climates Soc!

SoberSocFish Fri 03-Jan-14 06:13:32

I love the warm weather, but doesn't NYC get blistering hot in summer?

That stupid alcoholic voice in my head keeps trying to persuade me that it's harder to stop drinking in summer because of lying next the pool with a cold glass of wine etc. But then come winter and that same fucking voice tells me another version of red wine and romance next the fire. All just a load of shite

But still I do love summer. Will buy some weird and wonderful non alcoholic drinks for the poolside. And maybe I'll lose some lard and look even more glam in my bikini. grin

venusandmars Fri 03-Jan-14 09:22:58

Morning all. For those who have already had a couple of AF days - WELL DONE!!! Brilliant start to the year grin. For any others, it's not too late to have a fantastic Friday, a free Friday, a focused Friday, any sort of Friday you want really as long as it is without alcohol.

There are so many excuses that we can give ourselves: the end of the festive season; the last weekend of the holidays; the tail end of Christmas socialising; just finishing off the Christmas booze; the misery of another wet, windy, grey, rainy day..... but we have all been here before, we all know deep in our hearts that it is just an excuse.

You may be feeling strong and fighty and be able to karate chop the wine witch in half, or you may be creeping through the shadows trying to avoid attention holding on by your fingertips until you can get to bed. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that TODAY it really is worth getting through it without a drink, you are worth it.

There is a lovely quote by the 13th century Persian philosopher, Rumi:
"Come, come, whoever you are.
Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving — it doesn't matter,
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vow a hundred times
Come, come again."

So babes whoever you are, even if you have made a vow not to drink and broken it a thousand times, come and join us. This is NOT a caravan of despair smile

Greeneyed Fri 03-Jan-14 09:38:05

That's brilliant venus I love Rumi

Anneisnotmyname Fri 03-Jan-14 09:50:30

Soc that is so me! Cold glass of white wine in the summer, glass of red on a cold winter's evening.

Had a rubbish night's sleep but I know it's par for the course. Tonight might be difficult for me, I'm at work till late and as the shift ends everyone is always talking about going home to a bottle of wine hmm and I'm working on sunday so the ww will be saying 'drink tonight, you can't tomorrow'. Oh well, I have no wine in and no intention to buy any.

whydidthishappen Fri 03-Jan-14 10:47:47

Yes NYC gets blisteringly hot in the summer (plus humidity) but we also get cold, cold winters. Not Boston cold, but close.

babystepsx Fri 03-Jan-14 11:11:50

Morning everyone, please may I climb aboard your bus ?
I've named changed but am a regular user sorry .
I have been drinking more and more wine after work for approx 10 years now , prob 3/4 bottle , but more worrying is that I now drink for the effect and am aware that if I can't drink because I'm driving or have other commitments I'm in a bad mood so prob there is some dependancy there .
If I can get past making the tea time I'm fine, as for me its the habit of pouring a glass and drinking it rather quickly when I get in and get the dinner on. All fine until about 2 hours later when I'm much more likely to be a grouch ! I don't like the way I behave and I'm aware that I'm hiding from a bad relationship behind this wine .
Anyway I'd like to try not drink during the week to start with and look forward to a glass at the weekend . I've done this before and it was ok but just can't get that first night in this time .Any tips very welcome !
Have read most of this thread and huge respect to all you on the bus already I'd really like to join you and reduce my alcohol intake and improve my relationship with alcohol x

aliasjoey Fri 03-Jan-14 11:23:35

Welcome babysteps and well done for being brave and posting

Venus what a beautiful poem, and so very appropriate

dementedma Fri 03-Jan-14 11:50:33

Welcome baby steps take a seat.
Venus love it and a HYN to you babe
soc I would take the dds unless they are tiny, or older and absolutely refuse. I am so sorry you have this tragedy at the start of the year.

Now listen up DJBs ( dry January babes)
Today is the dreaded day 3 and the start of the first dry weekend. Saggy tits will be on the prowl - speaking of which, where is indie grin - so we must be prepared.
Get in your soft drinks and sweeties of choice and be ready. I will be doing roll call early this evening so we can stand strong.

SoberSocFish Fri 03-Jan-14 11:55:05

Well I'm sober and in bed as it's Friday night here. Soc = 1 Saggy tits = 0
X

dementedma Fri 03-Jan-14 12:02:48

Yay. Go soc! You are leading the charge. The squadron is right behind you - by a few hours.

I do not have saggy tits! At least they weren't before they got lost under all my fat....

Not doing too great at the mo so just lurking and reading and cheering you on. Love to all xx

MrFMercury Fri 03-Jan-14 12:48:33

I am in for dry January :-) it's actually day 7 for me but think I'll just count from the first along with the rest if you lovely ladies.

Imdoingthis Fri 03-Jan-14 13:16:24

Welcome * baby steps* glad you posted
What you described about getting making tea and having a drink is me exactly I know lots of us on the bus have different times of the day that are hardest for us and mine is after school and making the tea, so 4-5 o clock but if I make dinner at 1 o clock on a Sunday the trigger of cooking means I will have a glass too.

mrF that's bloody brilliant well done smile

spanna41 Fri 03-Jan-14 13:32:19

Well done Soc you rock grin

Hello Baby Steps (may start calling you Steps so as not to get mixed up with Baby) This bus in an amazing source of strength, stick with us.

Day 2 for me today and I feel tired. Been worried about my friend's partner (GF figure to my DDs and good friend of mine). Spoke to my friend and he'd had a better night. Alot of visitors yesterday, so she said that we wouldn't be able to talk to him if we visited. I explained all this to DD2 (10) and she said she didn't want to go to the hospital. So that's that for now. My other DD1 (14) is of course still asleep hmm

Ma I had a picture of us all marching along in a Squadron earlier made me LOL grin

Why sounds Brrrrrrrr <wraps warm blanket around you>

Isinde grin grin Take care darling and be kind to yourself smile one day at a time x

I'm can you check in please smile

Beaches well done for yesterday.Thank you for your words of wisdom. How you doing today? Not snowed in I hope hmm

spanna41 Fri 03-Jan-14 13:38:49

Xpost I'm Hello babe smile

I have had two really good nights sleep now, which is the very best reward! I am still lethargic but am taking b vitamins and know in a few days I will begin to feel a bit brighter.

Spanna glad the decision has been made about the hospital visit - at least for today. Hoping that somehow things improve for him today x

Welcome to babysteps and a big hello to all other DJB's!!

soberisthenewblack Fri 03-Jan-14 14:15:56

count me in smile

Imdoingthis Fri 03-Jan-14 14:55:48

Hello spanna smile

obrigada Fri 03-Jan-14 15:08:24

Afternoon babes; day 3 here as well and today I will not drink. Friday is just another day ... repeat as many times as necessary grin