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New relationships - impatience and idiots!

(89 Posts)
LetsCancelChristmas Sat 30-Nov-13 21:43:22

I separated from my husband a year or so ago and my divorce came through around a month ago. I'm past that, I went to Relate, I dealt with his infidelity and looked at my role in our many many problems.

But now the dating!!! What a bloody saga. I've dated younger, older, hot hot hot, less than hot, a bit boring.... The problem is, this last guy was a gem. Or so I thought. We started dating a month ago. Sweet, kind, affectionate, generous, a little older, cheated on by his ex wife (3 years ago) and had a difficult relationship with a new woman about 18 months ago. We had a weekend away... and he seems to have gone nuts!

I asked him if we were exclusive after our weekend away, explained that I wasn't intending to see anyone else and just wondered if he felt the same. He was realy annoyed. Said he felt as if I was accusing of something and why would I do that. That he was a decent genuine guy and would never never date anyone else whilst he was gettint to know someone.

I felt awful. Trouble is, my close freinds are on the OD curcuit too and had seen his profile "online" on several occasions lately. He explained it away as must have opened a message or something... I felt torn. I asked him what was going on. Said he's confused, unsure, doesn't know what he wants. So I said - lets leave it at that then shall we, because I like you and if you don't feel the same.... But he very much wanted us to keep talking while he thinks things through.

Trouble is, after a few days his messages are infrequent, he never calls any more, he replies to text with things like "sorry I was too busy to reply, I will later..." So I've said today - essentially - that if he just doesn't feel for me the way he seemed to a couple of weeks ago then I don't see how time and space away from me is going to fix that.

a) Is he an arse who's playing me and I'm so very much wanting to be loved again thatn i'm clinging to any chink of light that he's a good guy.

b) Am I unreasonable and he's just a bit scared and I should have given him the time to think that he asked for patiently and with good grace.

Oh deary deary me!!!
Thanks loves x

daphnesglasses Sat 30-Nov-13 22:00:38

it's not you it's him smile he sounds like an arse. No need to react like that at all to a perfectly reasonable question. I'd bin him and find someone more respectful

LetsCancelChristmas Sat 30-Nov-13 22:03:18

One of my good friends says I was just impatient with him... that if I'd given him the time and space he asked for he would have realised how great I am in his own time.

Should the beginning of a relationship really be that tough??

daphnesglasses Sat 30-Nov-13 22:08:04

1. you can ask when you like

2. you went on a weekend away so I think many people would take that as being a bit of a more serious step

3. him getting really annoyed is a red flag IMO

4. if he was really into you he would've been delighted you asked (sorry, no reflection on you at all, just saying he's dithering whereas in my experience if men like you then there's no dithering, unless you asked them this question after the first date or two

You can do better than him. Your divorce is still very recent even though it might not seem like that now. Take some time out maybe, just do stuff you enjoy and don't worry too much about men - this is the time to enjoy the single life I reckon

IWishYouWould Sat 30-Nov-13 22:08:27

No it shouldn't. Trust your instincts, this one is dead in the water. Move on and give your time to someone who won't lie about being 'online'. must have read a message my arse.

daphnesglasses Sat 30-Nov-13 22:09:17

and no you're right the beginning of a relationship should not be that tough. You sound like you're making a great recovery from you exh infidelity and the end of your marriage - don't let dickheads like this derail you wink

LetsCancelChristmas Sat 30-Nov-13 22:18:43

Thanks ladies.

Daphnes: Excellent points! I just had such high hopes. I've dated a few utter planks this year. I've worked really hard on my life and myself. I'm in the best shape I've ever been in, dropped a couple of dress sizes... So I guess it's just that scary thing of - WHAT THE HELL DO I HAVE TO DO HERE PEOPLE?!?

IWYW: My instincts are that he's at best a broken, slight mess of a man. At worst he's a scumbag. In either case he doesn't care about my feelings clearly. It was just the most affection I've ever had in my life for the short time it lasted.

I guess that makes me lovable, or at least affection-able, after all? :D

LetsCancelChristmas Sat 30-Nov-13 22:20:11

Nonetheless dying with the relentless phonechecking for a text.....
"I'm so sorry. You're wonderful, what was I thinking..!"

But I don't think that's quite how this tale is going to end...

DoingItForMyself Sat 30-Nov-13 22:22:55

And in either case a lucky escape.

LetsCancelChristmas Sat 30-Nov-13 22:24:31

Yes - maybe that's how I should look at it!
Do I really want a man who's either broken or shitty to love me?

(Well I shouldn't do..) ;)

daphnesglasses Sat 30-Nov-13 22:26:53

you never know OP - he'll probably be back around even if it takes a few weeks wink it's a lonely time of year for single people and it's natural to feel the loss if he gave you lots of affection. There's plenty of other nice men out there who will also though, in the future. And yes just take it as proof of your lovability but maybe his ishoos are holding him back, and having already sorted your own stuff you deserve an equal who's also done that

LetsCancelChristmas Sat 30-Nov-13 22:30:48

Now that is an EXCELLENT point! He's had years to sort his shit out smile
I saw a book about dealing with anxiety in his study (one of the 5 glorious bedrooms........) so I wanted to fix him a bit too I think. I'm a fixer. Need to snap outta that nasty lil habit.

Mind you, the bedroom shenanigans were pretty top class blush. Hmmmm.

antimatter Sat 30-Nov-13 22:35:27

my observation is ....
OD brings out the worst in people

having no social context (i.e. - no one of his friends/relatives know about your existence) he thinks he can treat those he meets without any courtesy

I bet he would not behave like that if he was dating his mates sister....

so my bit of experience to share with you - you've learned about his worst traits within few weeks what would have otherwise taken months, perhaps years

repeating above - lucky escape for you wine

LetsCancelChristmas Sat 30-Nov-13 22:40:33

Anti: Genuinely yet another excellent point - doesn't matter whether those traits are emotional breakage or arsehole-itis, I don't really need either if I'm honest. I can fix my garden gate rather than him perhaps...

Hugs and kisses and cuddles and dinners ARE lovely though sad

rainbowfeet Sat 30-Nov-13 22:45:58

Been through very similar just recently... He said we were exclusive I said I'm not against keeping it casual still but if you're seeing other people then I'd like you to wear a condom with me... Quite reasonable I thought?!

Anyway along with him still being on a dating site (he also said he was just clearing messages)!! shockI just couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't as into me as I was into him, I decided to back off & he didn't try to pull me back so that's that!! hmm
Friends say I didn't give him a chance but I know I'm right! ... He wasn't very attentive & when we were together (except in bed) he was at best Luke warm. Kills me when I see him around because I fancy the pants off him but I'm doing it to protect my heart!! smile Grrrrrrrrrr why do the ones I really like never like me hmm

LetsCancelChristmas Sat 30-Nov-13 22:49:29

Rainbow: Sounds reasonable - yes! Irrespective of whether he's sleeping around he could keep a sock on it! It's the nastiness of OD huh. That's the thing I found baffling though about, let's call him Country Mouse, he was sooooo affectionate, attentive, thoughtful, generous.... then BOOM. Don't get it. Bah humbug.

You however, my love, are well rid also I suspect. Pants when they're a hottie though ;)

LetsCancelChristmas Sat 30-Nov-13 22:50:49

Now... How I muster the wherewithall to delete his texts in a gesture of grumpy finality? BFF says is crucial to always delete promptly. But I do so hate delete the string of cute loveliness which made me feel special prior to the car crash... hmm

rainbowfeet Sat 30-Nov-13 22:52:06

Bloody twatty men.... Can't live with em but can't live without sex!!! Lol wink

antimatter Sat 30-Nov-13 22:55:42

delete, block forget

(you can see I practiced that)

my bullshitometer works quite well grin

LetsCancelChristmas Sat 30-Nov-13 22:57:58

Oh how true that is! The unfortunate thing of this particular instance is just HOW.... VERY... good that part was. shock

Still, a previous quite glorious POF encounter, we'll name him Big Spoon, will be back from overseas adventures after Christmas. No love potential there we've decided but we have definite friend potential confused

Whatever has become of me?!

antimatter Sat 30-Nov-13 23:01:06

be pragmatic - do what feels comfortable

don't say "Whatever has become of me?!" - judging yourself harshly for what you want and you in it not damaging anyone
(unless your inner voice is criticising and controlling = then you would)

frenchmanicure Sat 30-Nov-13 23:09:22

All this OD stuff is hard sometimes! And there are an awful lot of fuckwits out there, some more obvious than others...

I was seeing someone earlier this year who just stopped texting me out of the blue. I was dumped by silence hmm However on the basis he had previously said relationships scared him, and therefore could only date me, he really wasn't much loss!

The one I'm currently dating, and who I really like, might still be on the OD site we met on. He certainly was a few weeks ago. I did think about having the conversation with him, but have decided against it, he is so open about what he's doing and who with (detail I never give him), and just such a nice person, that I don't feel I need to, because I'm happy in my own mind that (if he is still on there) he's not dating other women. I might be deceiving myself on a grand scale of course!

LetsCancelChristmas Sat 30-Nov-13 23:16:23

Well that's the point at which I cam unstuck French... I couldn't do the weighing up in favour of the common sense you chose. I went with the what could he possibly bloody want with being on there now he's dating me option. Phrased it far more tactfully of course. Just go with our guts I guess smile

Such an artificial situation. Very odd quirk of modern life huh!

Anti: Yes, pragmatic. Pragmatically Big Spoon and I have many compatibilities (plus and minus clothes) and get on like a house on fire, we just have one unrecoverable INcompatibility precluding a happy little life together. The photos he mischievously sends from overseas from time to time however... (which until today I have point blank ignored...) make a pragmatic approach to his return very appealing. Indeed!

frenchmanicure Sat 30-Nov-13 23:55:13

Haha I don't know if it's common sense or I'm just stupid, I guess time will tell!

I've been on more dates than I can remember in several years of OD, and never met anyone I got on with before this (other than MrDumpedbySilence, and tbh he only seemed ok at the time because of the long line of fuckwits preceding him!), most of the time I never even got offered a second date...hence I'd advise making the most of someone you get on with (even if no relationship potential!) so enjoy a bit of pragmatism over Xmas grin

LetsCancelChristmas Sun 01-Dec-13 00:11:28

DumpedBySilence could have been the alterego of a couple of mine! What the hell is that. Minimal effort I guess?! I do think that's possibly why MrCountryMouse seemed extra wonderful - the aforementioned precedents set by twats. Low threshold for excellence.

Big Spoon just sent me a photo update. Of his "tan" blush
Very pragmatic indeed

LetsCancelChristmas Sun 01-Dec-13 11:25:03

So I'd rather hoped CountryMouse would reply something... at some point... to my message sad My feelings are much more hurt than I realised they'd be. I want to call him, or drive over and throw myself on the floor like a toddler and say - what the hell is wrong with you?! Don't you know I'm a catch!

Panic not. I won't. I'll just be a little blue instead.

TheNewSchmoo Sun 01-Dec-13 11:51:31

I'm going through the same (although met conventionally not OD). His request for time and space to get his head together was the wimps way of saying "I don't want to do this anymore" and has led to weeks of silence and my continually checking my phone for the text saying "I've sorted my head out and want to start again". Which we all know is never going to come.

I am so fed up with feeling sad, teary and generally shit.

Sorry to hijack. Hope you have a nice day today.

antimatter Sun 01-Dec-13 12:06:10

TheNewSchmoo - this level of sadness happened to me until I realised most men are weak and hate confrontation.
I am not going to change them - what I decided is to assume EVERY ONE of them is like that.
Enough to say.... still waiting to be proven wrong grin

DoingItForMyself Sun 01-Dec-13 12:25:53

TheNewSchmoo, rest assured this probably won't be the last you hear of him, but by the time he does get in touch you'll be well over him!

LineRunner Sun 01-Dec-13 12:32:41

Is it just me desperately wondering what the irrecoverable incompatibility with Big Spoon is?

frenchmanicure Sun 01-Dec-13 13:02:10

I think there's something really cowardly about the whole silent dumping stuff, and the needing time/space, it's moving too fast cobblers. I don't think - even if they came back on bended knee afterwards (to be fair not ONE of mine ever have, once they go it's like they evaporate, I never hear from or see them again!) that I could respect a man who would hide behind inaction like that.

I did dump someone by voicemail, so I'm not exactly the king here either. But at least I said what I felt (in a message!)

I was going to say b. But I don't know. I have strong boundaries in OD. Really treating them mean to keep them keen, I never reply to messages straight away, I let them pursue me and never contact them first by phone or text. I'm being aloof. It seems to work and I wouldn't ask where the relationship was going in the first few months. I also wouldn't take my profile down until they asked but keep dating other people too until they ask about being exclusive grin

I say get back online. Never text him again and have fun. smile

rainbowfeet Sun 01-Dec-13 14:20:44

Letscancelchristmas.. I'm exactly the same with last man... I feel proud of myself that I've had the dignity to back off normally I would cling on & on until a very embarrassing end.. (Me laying on the floor hanging on to his leg while he tried to get away!)wink
But... Pah to dignity I want him to tell me I'm being silly & he is madly in love with me or failing that sex with him again even if it's one last time !!! confused

Bloody men total wankbadgers hmm

LetsCancelChristmas Sun 01-Dec-13 21:29:08

Thanks french I know you're right - i'm just not quite at the don't-want-him-he's-a-knob-jockey place yet. I know I will be. Currently kicking my own arse for sending him one last say my piece text. I'm such a buffoon.

Oh I'm not a bit like you don't! I'm sure being as soft, empathic and heart on my sleeve as I am will only lead to repeated heart break on my journey, but I can really only be myself I think. I lack your killer self preservation instincts somewhat hmm

Aside from the two (now unanswered!) texts rainbow I'd say I've not done clingy... I am aware that's a version of kidding myself, but since I literally screamed and sobbed on the floor 10 times or so when my husband was on his way out repeatedly... maybe it's baby steps!

Wankbadgers is my new fave vocab grin

LetsCancelChristmas Sun 01-Dec-13 21:39:05

Ah runner the Big Spoon incompatibility issue... This man is an adonis. A physically beautiful vision of perfection. He's also oddly similar to me in a hundred different quirks of personality. We got on like a house on fire. Never known a "click" like it if I'm honest. A real talk for hours and stare in each others eyes wondering where the hours have gone type. Didn't kiss me at first as he was a little scared I'd reject him.

Er, AS IF!!!

Incredible sex ensued. I mean really quite something. He was similarly enamoured apparently - to my utter incredulousness and astonishment he seemed as taken with me as I him. Over time we talked about our pasts and there I'm afraid we came unstuck. For in this outstanding specimen's past lie skeletons I simply couldn't quite dust away or close the closet door on. He struggled with my initial reaction. He'd never told another soul. He said I made him want to tell me everything. I struggled with his lack of understanding that some things are uncomfortable to hear.

We stopped contact. Unpleasantly and completely. Then I text him one night to say I thought he was a better person for all that he'd come through, and a wonderful person for the reasons behind his actions. That I wanted him to understand that. He replied to my astonishment! We chatted back and forth, some heartfelt exchanges, some utter unadulterated FILTH! All an equal pleasure. We didn't meet in person again. He's now overseas. Working. He returns in the new year. Goodness help me and give me strength if I'm a single girl on his reappearance!

So runner that does, but does not, answer your question. Some things are little secrets between souls...

frenchmanicure Sun 01-Dec-13 21:43:17

Ah I talk a good talk - but honestly if (when?!) the latest bloke dumps me, I will be a clinging wreck, writing him tear-stained letters (I wish I was joking...!). And we haven't even done the sex yet (though hopefully will have in 3 days time) I'm only going to be worse after that blush

I agree you can only be as you can be. I am hugely thin-skinned, little hurts that skim off other people bruise me like a peach. I can't change, I wouldn't be me. I've been told I shouldn't ever text men, keep them keen etc, but it feels wrong - I don't think that stuff puts the right ones off. And with the wrong ones, yes it might mean things meander on a bit longer than they otherwise might, but in the grand scheme of things it's not the end of the world smile

LetsCancelChristmas Sun 01-Dec-13 23:05:08

I text him (he doesn't answer the phone when "annoyed"?!?) I said my piece!

Then I hit delete on his whole ever all entire text conversation. So the little cute adorablenesses are gone, but so are the hurtful and insensitive ones. I am RID! Maybe I am getting stronger - go figure confused

Oh french we sound like similar kindred peaches! I actually bought the kindle version of "The New Rules of Dating". I can't quite see it for me somehow! Oh I don't doubt it works for some ladies made of tough stuff but I am a smooshbag and suspect I will always be to a degree. I'm not a doormat (she says convincingly...) but as you rightly say - I can't be any one other than little ol' me smile

I've read that. I do put a lot of them into practise. It is too rigid in some respects but after OD dating for a while and testing a lot of the rules out, they do work. It certainly gets rid of the wrong type of people too. But there are some things I disregard from the book. I can imagine the feminists on mn disliking the book a lot grin

But when I don't follow the rules, things don't work out. It's annoying actually. I wish I didn't have to play games. But my skin is thickening over time. I used to be just like a peach believe it or not.

Date number 7 last night with this current chap. Sometimes I prefer being alone to all this.

frenchmanicure Mon 02-Dec-13 08:11:24

Ah lets we peaches need to stick together!

Well done on deleting the texts! That can feel cathartic, I know it has for me in the past, even though it's probably taken me much longer to hit that delete button than other people.

I think all the Rules stuff only works so far; not all men have the confidence to pursue you to that extent getting so little back...and indeed I've found the ones who do all the chasing, and jump through hoops are generally the ones purely looking for a quick shag who you won't see for dust after. That's just my experience of course, but in far too many several years of OD, the only way I've got beyond 2 dates with ANY bloke is to do a bit of the chasing myself...smile

HotDAMNlifeisgood Mon 02-Dec-13 09:08:12

I thought he was a better person for all that he'd come through, and a wonderful person for the reasons behind his actions.

Wait, so you were put off by something in Big Spoon's past, but then when you had a think about it, you decided that you think he is a "better" and "wonderful" person for it?

Doesn't sound so irreconcilable to me.

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 12:19:20

Date 7 huh dont? Good work you! I think I might take a few little tit bits from The Rules but I'm a soft little soul. Some of that makes me all the good things I am too so I don't know how much I want to change confused

Thanks french it felt like the right thing to do! I like hanging on to the cutesy ones but what good are they from a shitbag guy?!? Or wankbadger as I learnt yesterday grin I like to do a liiiiittle bit of the chasing I think, it's fun!!

Ah Hot you/re probably right and I'm probably trying to tell myself that isn't the case. Protecting myself perhaps... Though the difference is I think, I'm fine with - and even admire - the reasons for his actions in the past. That doesn't mean I can make peace with what those actions were... He's a pretty amazing guy but I think it'll remain to be seen whether he's as interested in me when he's back in the country, not stuck overseas and probably a little lonely...

maleview70 Mon 02-Dec-13 12:41:45

Years ago when there was no online and no mobile phones, dating was upfront. You fancied someone on a night out and you tried to pull them! Often unsuccesfully by with the occasional result. When you actually got with someone you liked, all meet ups were arranged before you parted or by phone (landline of course, often with parents in same
Room).....many men, we're often just happy they had pulled someone and relationships tended to grow with people often marrying much younger.

Fast forward to today and for men in particular, online dating is the best shop that has ever opened. All you need is a way with words and a date can flow quickly. Where once you were a bloke in a club surrounded by 200 other blokes and competing for 100 women, you are now in a shop with thousands of women who all want a date! You can't lose. Problem with the shop is that you can buy more than one product at a time, try them all out and then return the ones you don't want to keep! Even if you like the product and decide to keep it for a little while, there is always the sneeking suspicion that maybe a new product has come to market and you might just have a little look!

Needless to say this doesn't help women who more often than blokes are happy to just buy the one and if it works then keep it!

It is a minefield that's for sure!!

rainbowfeet Mon 02-Dec-13 12:58:59

Oh God... Saw him today... Now I can't stop thinking about him & wanting him again!! Grrrrr why can't I be wrong about him!!

Am now fantasising about losing 2 stone & growing my hair longer & him sweeping me off my feet Hollywood chic flick style!!!

This is torture! confused

The book says not to sleep with them until date 10. Presumably to ensure they're serious about you and don't do what maleview says. What a palava! Women can also do the same though maleview wink

It's like a sweet shop isn't it? So many to choose from. I can get loads of messages and winks when logged into Match. I'm very fussy about who I reply to. You can afford to be fussy imo grin

Oh rainbow it is hard isn't it? sad

rainbowfeet Mon 02-Dec-13 13:35:18

Don'tstep... Date 10!!!!! That's a long time if you really fancy someone hmm

I have come off of the dating site.. Resigned to a life of singledom!

I think my problem is I look at this like a male... I am obsessed with who is out of who's league... Hate the feeling that I was punching above my weight with him it made me feel so even more insecure than I already am but if I date someone who I'm not as attracted to I feel like I'm settling & I get bored!! I have a real love/hate relationship with the thrill of the chase!!
It's taking all my willpower not to txt him but I can't face the humiliation if he rejects me. Arghhh I'm 39 years old ffs I sound like a teenager!!confused

frenchmanicure Mon 02-Dec-13 13:43:40

Date 10?!!

Ours will be date 6, albeit that each of the 5 previous dates has been at least 5 hours long (date 4 was 8 hours), and spread over nearly 2 months (plus we spoke for over a month before meeting) so I feel we've waited long enough...date 10 prob wouldn't be til the New Year, I would have done some sort of lust-related spontaneous combustion waiting til then!

sebsmummy1 Mon 02-Dec-13 13:46:38

When it's right it's not this difficult
When it's right it's not this difficult
When it's right it's not this difficult.

Honestly, move along, this guy is not the one for you.

It is a long time rainbow. That's on the premise of one Sat night date a week i.e 10 weeks of dating.

rainbowfeet Mon 02-Dec-13 14:21:23

Lol yes, I went without for 3 years & then this man awakened it all again!!

Thing is I could probably date & eventually find myself in a relationship with someone else but I want him! hmm My friends in RL are fed up with my moping, so I apologise doing it on here!

AnandaTimeIn Mon 02-Dec-13 14:37:42

having no social context (i.e. - no one of his friends/relatives know about your existence) he thinks he can treat those he meets without any courtesy

Most people even treat strangers with courtesy.

The fact that he doesn't to you speaks volumes.

If he doesn't make you feel good....NEXT!

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 14:41:18

Oh mope away rainbow that's what we're here for. It's a buggar when you're all stirred and "awakened" huh. Much easier not to realise what you're missing out on. No small part of my wanting to drive to Country Mouse's house is what I'm missing hmmmmmmm

Date 10 dont? Oh I think perhaps I'm a floozy! I've been a date 3/4/5 kinda girl. In fact I was a little annoyed when FootieFittie and I never actually did get as far as the (possibly would have been disappointing now I think about it) elusive sex. He bless him was all "we hardly know each other!" after date approx 6 I think it was. The issue I took with that was that he certainly didn't have a problem with getting his goodies just short of going the whole hog... My BFF says he was likely to a premature kinda guy..!

Shall start that as my own mantra I think sebsmum

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 14:42:35

That's what I realised I think Timein - that it's just rude!
Polite and kind costs nothing in the words of my dear old nan grin

frenchmanicure Mon 02-Dec-13 14:47:48

rainbow mope away, that's what anonymous internet sites were invented for! I'm sure lets won't mind a bit of moping on her thread smile

Don't settle, being single is so much better than being with the wrong person. I remember that my Ex used to annoy me so much that, as our relationship limped towards the finish line, even the way he walked irritated me. That's how you end up if you settle. And its not fair on the other person.

If it helps, I get the 'out of ones league' thing all the time. I am convinced that even though he's a fair bit older the man I'm seeing is well out of mine (my friends are of the view he's lucky to get a hot young thing like me...ok, bit of poetic licence on their part, I'm not that young, though I look good for my age. And prob not as hot as I think I am!) But he is clever, and talented, and funny, and very lovely. Has a spotlessly clean bathroom and a set of Denby china grin. He also is quite posh. I am - despite (somehow!) having a professional type important job, a bit of a council estate chav. He listens to Radio 4, I watch TOWIE blush.

Hence I remain convinced he is out of my league and eventually come to his sense and go off with a girl called Fiona or Pippa, who rides, and has shiny straight hair and buys her clothes in the White Company and Hobbs (rather than Primark and H&M)... smile

I think we all do that. I try to think though that they're lucky to have me and try and act like I feel good about myself, even if I don't. I'm starting to master acting bright and breezy. I think the reason I let them pursue me, is that then I really know they like me. As opposed to I'm making it work and limp on. If I don't hear from them again, I think they don't like me enough or have found someone they like better and just think 'fine' and next! Back online I go. Iyswim?

I dunno, I make it up as I go along. My skin is getting thicker daily.

LineRunner Mon 02-Dec-13 15:51:04

Oh yeah, big Spoon is the one, OP.

rainbowfeet Mon 02-Dec-13 16:35:04

I am not against being single but I need to have the attention of at least 1 man... Texts, FB flirting that kind of thing!! ... Already thinking of re-doing my dating site profile!! I am a flirt & a floozy can't help it!! I know it's shallow but I want to be desired & it's always the not so attractive ones that desire me! hmm I want the man (trying to think of a nickname for him) "Goldie" shall be his nickname!! I won't ever ask for anything else if only Goldie would knock at my door tonight & ..... You know!!! wink

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 16:38:01

Oh absolutely, its terribly hard to think of yourself as a catch I'd say. Though I do have my temper tantrum moments where I just think for heaven sake you utter fucktard i'm a decent person, I do nice things for people, i'm kind and honest and smell nice... what MORE DO YOU WANT?!?!? <takes a deep breath> FootieFittie referred to me a hottie. I was rather fond of him wink Breezy is the toughest of all the states to master I'd say. I've never quite pulled that one off.

Thanks runner you do make me smile. Oh how id dearly love to pop the most recent photo of "his tan" on here and show you what I mean blush He misses having a LittleSpoon apparently...

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 16:39:16

See all I can think of now rainbow is Goldie as in the rapper... All blingin' and gold teeth and shoutin cockney innit...

rainbowfeet Mon 02-Dec-13 16:49:40

Let's... Ha ha.. Not Goldie for that reason.

I was chatting to him today & thinking I wonder what other women would think of him, I think he is lush but my friends don't really, they say he is fat! He isn't small & when he laughs he has about 3 chins & no neck! We live in a place where there are not many single people (small village, near a small town) so I wonder what his options are... How much better can he do.. Will he realise that in a while & settle for me when he's tired of looking!! Gosh... I'm a sad case aren't i?! confused

frenchmanicure Mon 02-Dec-13 17:26:27

See, I do think I am a catch, in some ways. I'm pretty, I have a good figure (with clothes on at least!), I'm clever, funny, kind. I have a great degree, a good job and a nice house and lifestyle. But I am not (and never will be) posh. I couldn't even pass for middle-class. I am proper council house, estuary English common.

Which has never mattered before, cos I've always dated blokes where I live, who think because I've been to uni and don't drop my aitches, that I am posh. But they aren't clever enough, and end up intimidated by me...which leads me to the current chap.

And really my only conclusion is this dating stuff is hard work!

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 17:28:21

3 chins and no neck... I spat my drink a little. I'm quite easy to make laugh but even so! Dunno about sadcase rainbow but you might just be a nutcase. A fella your friends think is fat with multiple chins, but you think is a hottie and YOU are worried HE is out of YOUR league. Oh I think there is likely nothing to worry about here sweetie pops smile

Beauty is, officially, in the eye of the beholder. Fact.

rainbowfeet Mon 02-Dec-13 17:46:27

I think he has one of those clever mirrors that make you look better than you are!!! & I need to go to spec savers!!! winkgrin

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 18:41:56

Hmm, do you watch a little too much Downton french?

All this class business... whatever will we do with you! See you sound like a catch to me. Maybe the selection of "special" fellas you've dated before are intimidated because, er, they should be? Man up young lady!!! (get me being all fierce...) envy Your summary's spot on though. What a faff.

See that's where FotieFittie ultimately came a cropper. He apparently decided after a protracted and ridiculous liaison that i was "a bit too good for him actually". God love him he'd evene had a heart to heart with his mum who told off for messing me about and acting like a knob! Sadly he remained, and I suspect, ever shall be... a knob.

frenchmanicure Mon 02-Dec-13 18:49:54

I haven't felt conscious of the whole class thing since uni where I was always made to feel like a bit of an oik cos I didn't have a private education, 4 middle names and a trunk with my initials on...!

I think with the current chap it's more in my head than real. I just need to get a grip!

On which note (and because I'm never one to pass up an opportunity for innuendo) we appear to be on for our (first- and hopefully not last!) night of passion, in 48hrs time...eek!

rainbowfeet Mon 02-Dec-13 19:42:27

48 hours.... Oh French that's a whole different thread!! wink X

Nails painted? Legs etc waxed? wink

New underwear?

Lucky thing. Enjoy and please tell us all about it after. Well not in all its full gory detail, but a little would be great. We'll all live vicariously through you grin

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 21:13:56

Sooooo... the CountryMouse text me!

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 21:17:34

I think i'm infuriated rather than dying for him to love me!
He didn't reply to any of my messages (painful reminder that there were in fact FOUR that went unresponded. Ahem) because he was - I QUOTE - pretty pissed off about the whole thing and didn't want to say anything stupid.

Number 1 - What WHOLE THING? He asked for space and I asked a couple of times what that bloody well meant...

Number 2 - HE was pissed? HEEEEEE was pissed?? I see. It's like that is.

I'm a little bit seething! (and if completely honest with myself the teensiest bit hopeful that he's come to his sense, isn't a dick after all, wants to shower me with love forever, will make me laugh every day for all eternity and we'll have highly beautiful babies)

Yes. I am a nut.

Make CountryMouse wait awhile before replying. Maybe tomorrow morning and when you reply keep it short, light & breezy. So you're busy, happy and haven't thought about him at all. Lol

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 21:48:09

Oh I managed a couple of hours dont... that's pretty good for me! I was breezy but said - yep, i was pissed off too! Then how delightful my weekend was... How well work was going...

He'll dwell on it for a day or two and reply again. I've got the measure of this one now! Oh I'm resolute we're done. Done like a done thing. Just want the last word I guess!!

Maintain dignity if you can. No more texts unless he contacts you first and def wait a few hours to reply each time. Well done for waiting a couple to reply. Bet that threw him.

Send only short and sweet ones. Sending more than one indicates you care too much. Just reply eventually to his.

I reckon he'll come to his senses in the end if you're hands off. But you may not want him by then wink

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 22:04:19

That's my baby steps tactic. Not because I want CountryMouse to be my one (he's clearly a big sulky baby) but because if I don't learn anything from dating and relationships - then what's the point?!

So there will categorically be no more texts at all if he never replies again. I'm VERY stubborn once I'm decided about something <thankfully> and never ever an immediate reply. Its only been such a ball ache as I've had a few days off work - back tomorrow so replying promptly wont be an option anyway smile No dont, I don't think I will want him by then, don't think I do now! (She says convincingly...)

Do you ever bump into him? Make sure you look nonchalant and gorgeous too grin

LetsCancelChristmas Mon 02-Dec-13 22:22:16

grin indeed!

No, unfortunately not, we don't live or work close to each other. I did however log back into my POF in a "see my life goes on and I won't be on the shelf for long" mini protest. I'm sure he'll neither look nor notice, and the last thing I feel like right at the mo is dating another numpty... but there we are!

rainbowfeet Tue 03-Dec-13 08:23:55

Let's... To receive a text is even more annoying than not receiving one.... In our nutcase world!! Especially when he won't respond to your reply for a couple of days!!! hmm Game player me thinks!!

LetsCancelChristmas Tue 03-Dec-13 19:12:30

Well thats about right isn't it... In the twisted way of things the fact that he DID text is somehow much more difficult to be okay about! Oh what a pickle! I've stuck resolutely however - he got a brief "well i was pissed off too" reply and thats it. He can chase if he likes (in some kind of warped guy way no doubt...) but I do not need that kind of messy complicated relationship..!

Only, roughly, 6 or 7 WEEKS till BigSpoon's back... confused

Well done.

Wonder how Frenchmanicure is getting along wink

frenchmanicure Tue 03-Dec-13 20:16:08

Ah what a bugger lets. That was a pretty pointless text he sent, would have been better if he hadn't bothered. Men! hmm.

I'm feeling nervous, stressed and a bit sick in anticipation of tomorrow...hopefully I'll be better once wine has been drunk!

LetsCancelChristmas Tue 03-Dec-13 20:56:03

Oh you'll def be fine after a glass or two... or three...
Nah, hammered and slurry isn't a great look! You'll have fun grin

I know ladies, wasn't even a "Sorry" i didn't reply
Just a "Didn't reply 'cos i was pissed off"
Knob knobbery knobsocks

A lovely guy at work (good friend, married two kids) wants to set me up with a buddy of his. Says he's successful, tall, handsome, just a bit shy with the ladies... I dunno. Today I'm feeling all - what's the bloody point.

rainbowfeet Tue 03-Dec-13 21:03:29

Let's.. He sounds ok though... I say go for it! grin

I have just re-joined dating site.. I managed 3 days away from it but Goldie not on there anymore??!! .. Maybe he's met someone confused
I hope not!

Bloody tossy twatbag!! hmm

Good luck tomorrow night.. French, you'll be fine, alcohol deffo the way to go for 1st time nookie though. wink

frenchmanicure Tue 03-Dec-13 21:07:34

I'm fake tanning myself then having an early night...

Hoping I might feel calmer in the morning!

LetsCancelChristmas Tue 03-Dec-13 23:39:14

Rainbow I decided you're right... why the devil not. Told my mate that'd be lovely - set me right up! He can't be worse than CountryMouse now can he?! hmm

Sleep well french! Hope you're all preened and pruned and tanned and feeling fabulous smile

Countdown is on French wink

Yes to the date. I bet if you go into it thinking you don't care and relaxed, he'll want a second date grin That's what happened with my current chap. Still busy playing it cool there but I think he's lovely, he's grown on me.

Not long now! Bet you have butterflies grin

LetsCancelChristmas Sun 08-Dec-13 16:11:03

Weeeeeell french?

No more heard from CountryMouse or BigSpoon this week. Man free zone. Went on a little spa break instead, was lovely. Sometimes all you need is girlfriends, not fellas!

Sounds perfect.

I'd love to hear how French's night went.

My chap has gone quiet. I haven't heard from him since Tuesday so I think it's over tbh.

Deathwatchbeetle Mon 09-Dec-13 09:40:38

Well it makes me wonder was he actually cheated on by ex or was it him and this difficult relationship with the other person - perhaps he was the difficult one. DON'T do all the running. If he doesn't bother replying to your 'needy' texts then he is not worth it. Men who are worth continuing with should be able to contact you even if they are super busy - even if a quick 'thinking of you' kind of thing. Maybe he has had what he wants and is content to wait until you disgrace yourself by practically begging for it????

LetsCancelChristmas Wed 08-Jan-14 10:07:43

Oh for goodness sake ladies.
I just had to go and let Country Mouse crawl right back in didn't I. URGH!
I'm a muggins.

But how are you all doing too? Don't did you hear again? French how'd it go??

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