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Have i been single so long that i have lost touch with what is socially acceptable?

(64 Posts)
leopardprintsock Sat 30-Nov-13 09:03:16

This isnt a dating nor relationship question.

Ive been on my own for 5 years, this will be my sixth christmas on my own.
Ive taken to buying a few things for myself, One for DD to wrap and give me, one from the pets and then a few from ' father christmas'.

This all came about because a few years ago when DD was about 4 she asked why i had nothing to open christmas morning and assumed i must have been ' bad' Since then ive just got myself a few bits and i dont think anything of it.

Got myself a new toaster, mentioned to a friend i wanted to use it now but was putting it away to give myself for xmas and she burst out laughing, properly, tears down her face.

My family also reacted the same way.

Im just wondering if ive totally lost the plot here.

kickassangel Sat 30-Nov-13 09:04:54

Nothing wrong with getting yourself gifts, but try something a bit more exciting than a toaster.

lastnightopenedmyeyes Sat 30-Nov-13 09:05:01

No I don't see anything strange or amusing at all. I don't think you've lost the plot?!

bragmatic Sat 30-Nov-13 09:05:47

A few bits and pieces? Doesn't sound too odd, to me.

mrscraig Sat 30-Nov-13 09:06:48

I think that's really insensitive of your friend.
You're keeping the Christmas magic alive for your daughter. And if you benefit from a few little gifts from Santa, even better . You sound like a lovely mummy.

CatelynStark Sat 30-Nov-13 09:07:36

Well, your mate would fair piss herself at me then - I've got some lovely kitchen bowls I'm giving myself.

Because I'm worth it grin

No, that sounds like a good idea. I'm married an I am doing the shopping for all of us for Xmas including my presents. I'll probably do the wrapping too. I don't think what you are doing is any different.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 30-Nov-13 09:11:00

Sounds like the ones cracking up aren't exactly rushing to give you even a token gift normally then? Shame on them.

Alanna1 Sat 30-Nov-13 09:13:43

I think your friend laughed because it was a toaster - with you, not at you. Its the same thing that makes me laugh that I'm giving my 2 year old a peppa pig toothbrush for christmas (she needs a new toothbrush). But she gets other things too and so should you! More seriously, do you have a little network you could do a secret santa with?

Gintonic Sat 30-Nov-13 09:15:34

I take it you only have the one child, I think it is a lovely idea as I bet she enjoys seeing you unwrap your gifts too. Otherwise she would be doing it on her own. Ignore your friend!

CallMeNancy Sat 30-Nov-13 09:16:02

I thought this thread would be about penis photos.

But no, buying yourself gifts to open with your daughter in Xmas morning is lovely. But I'd choose something a little more special, rather than something practical.

Tobagostreet Sat 30-Nov-13 09:17:36

Completely normal - nothing wrong with what you're doing.

Today is my birthday and (despite me having a DH) I bought all my own gifts and unwrapped them in surprise this morning so my DC's could watch me be so happy about my lovely, thoughtful presents (one of which is a dieters recipe book!).

Not really looking forward to when the DC's are older and they insist on picking presents shock!

Enjoy your new toaster!

CocktailQueen Sat 30-Nov-13 09:17:50

Not odd or strange at all. Your friend is a twat. But agree with the others - buy yourself some more exciting pressies! Xx

TiredDog Sat 30-Nov-13 09:19:12

I think you are practical and kind to think of your daughter. I can imagine doing the same tbh It's a shame that someone isn't buying it for you but in the absence you should consider a far more frivolous luxury item smile

Preciousbane Sat 30-Nov-13 09:20:03

How delightful that people that are supposed to care about you took the piss out of you. Seriously the only people with skewed perceptions are them. Since reading MN I am amazed at the sort of levels of unthinking stupidity some people display.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

chanie44 Sat 30-Nov-13 09:20:03

Totally normal to wrap up a few prezzies. My sis is a single parent and I buy her stocking fillers from the children so she has something to open on Xmas morning with the children.

Please stop giving yourself household stuff. Get yourself some bits for you, that you will enjoy opening and using.

leopardprintsock Sat 30-Nov-13 09:20:21

there isnt really money for frivolous things for me.

I do get some presents, but they arent on christmas morning. Ill get a secret santa at work, and some with family later on in the day, but i just dont ever have anything to open christmas morning. i dont mind but im guessing DD does.

I have an only child, shes nearly 8.

i just thought that perhaps id totally lost the plot and become the weird single woman.

dont even talk to me about penis photos......!!!!!

leopardprintsock Sat 30-Nov-13 09:22:16

and im pleased with the toaster, its a thing of beauty and was £40. Its a nice one....

it would be stupid to waste money on silly things that i dont use or need just for them to gather dust.

Dilidali Sat 30-Nov-13 09:24:08

I would burst out laughing hearing you're wrapping the toaster too . But no malice there whatsoever. Promise.

But I would have thought something like a book, a box of chocolate, a lipbalm or a nail varnish would be a bit more self indulgent at Christmas type of thing (just an example).
Says the woman who really wants a tool box and a power drill. Just not for Christmas.

HedgehogsRevenge Sat 30-Nov-13 09:24:31

You're friend sounds rather insensitive. Did you not ask her what was so funny? I'm a LP and also single. A couple of years ago ds got upset I had no presents to open so now I always buy myself a few bits and pieces to put under the tree. You're friend would have a field day with me, i've even filled a stocking with stuff I already had when particularly skint, just to please Ds. There's a thread on LP's about everyone buying themselves presents, it's perfectly normal.

maparole Sat 30-Nov-13 09:28:40

Nothing strange about it at all ... you deserve a pressie or two as much an anyone else.

FWIW, I used to buy and wrap my own presents when I was married, else I'd just get useless tat I didn't want, so your situation is far less odd smile

leopardprintsock Sat 30-Nov-13 09:28:45

hedhehog - bless you. The stocking you did yourself has me a bit choked up.

Your friend sounds like she doesn't have a clue tbh.

My mum always gets a couple of cheap bits and bobs for my kids to give me but if she didn't id get myself something to open too.

Hope you have a nice Xmas smile

akawisey Sat 30-Nov-13 09:33:44

Well I feel fine now because I've bought myself a Wesco bread bin!!!!

HedgehogsRevenge Sat 30-Nov-13 09:36:26

The things we do for our kids eh. I do actually get presents from my parents but usually later in the day when we visit. I've went all out this year and bought myself a tablet!

nopanicandverylittleanxiety Sat 30-Nov-13 09:37:16

I think it is a lovely idea. One of my friends does this with pandora charms. She actually gets a surprise, because she leaves the shop for a minute and the girls in there help her ds to choose one.

I'm a single mum and if a spent xmas at home I would do the same as her. But we all stay at my parents so I have presents off them to open so lack the excuse to treat myself!

leopardprintsock Sat 30-Nov-13 09:39:10

hedge - fab!! we are hopefully getting one to share between us march time. Im pleased with what ive got myself. DD will be happy and we will have a lovely time. I dont see whats wrong with it at all... Its just not nice other people mocking.

Selks Sat 30-Nov-13 09:43:18

Aw that's so sweet about getting the shop girls to help her DS choose a charm, Leopard.
And OP, I think what you're doing is a fab idea and lovely. Have a great Christmas.

HedgehogsRevenge Sat 30-Nov-13 09:49:15

No mocking is not nice at all and reflects pretty badly on the person doing it. Present/no presents, does'nt really bother me. I've got ds everything he wanted, that's all that matters to me really, did my shopping early as I've got exams next 3 weeks. Check ebay for tablets, I got mine for £75 and it's really very good, does everything I need it to.

Lweji Sat 30-Nov-13 09:53:38

If it happens again, ask them why they find it so funny.

I think it's a good idea, but then I'm in your shoes.
I've just bought a new laptop, which will be for DS and me. I think I'll wrap it up for Christmas, even though we are already using it. It will be a reminder that this was our mutual main gift (paid by me smile ).
DS will still have a couple of smaller gifts and I'll try to encourage him to buy me something chocolates.

Meglet Sat 30-Nov-13 09:58:40

Sounds like a good idea to me. I don't have presents under the tree because we visit family later and on Boxing Day. I do feel a bit silly sitting there like a lemon while the dc's open their presents.

Maybe father christmas will bring me some new running trainers.....

HerlockSholmes Sat 30-Nov-13 10:00:11

i think it's nice to let your daughter see you having something nice to open along with her on christmas day, if it's things you need and want what's wrong with wrapping them up so you can open presents together?

your friend was insensitive to react like that but maybe she doesn't understand what it's like being a lone parent at christmas.

i never used to see the point in wrapping yourself a present then opening it but i'm doing it this year so i can join in with ds smile

daphnesglasses Sat 30-Nov-13 10:45:46

another lp who buys herself presents here smile perfectly normal IMO. I'd be giving myself another gift which is more sympathetic friends in 2014 wink that 'friend' sounds very immature and insensitive, sorry.

And have as lovely a christmas as possible OP thanks wine cake

PigOnRollerskates Sat 30-Nov-13 10:57:14

Another LP who does this. I do get a few other pressies eg from my parents but I don't usually get them on the day, so the morning can seem a bit sparse. We normally see exP and his partner on the day for joint pressie opening, and they are pretty good at getting something from DD for me to open, but it's nice if my pile doesn't look much smaller than theirs.

DD is 12 now and is good at making pressies for all the grown ups eg decorating mugs, pictures in frames etc.

When she was little, I used to encourage her to make her dad and stepmum a nice picture, then creep out the room and she would usually think for herself to make me one. I'd much rather have a home-made gift.

Another year she made a christmas tree dec out of hama beads at after school club which they helped her to wrap up. I still love it and it always has pride of place.

Depending on the age of your child, you could help / hint that she might like to make something. If she's anything like my DD she won't think about it for herself and then be gutted on the day that she hasn't got you anything.

daphnesglasses Sat 30-Nov-13 11:07:33

ps I normally get myself something like a dvd or book & chocs so i have something to look forward to over xmas when dcs not here smile

AnnieOats Sat 30-Nov-13 11:54:46

I do the same. It's great as I get exactly what I want and my DS's have something to give me on Christmas morning.

Your friend doesn't sound very nice. I'll bet that she's not in the same position as you and has a DP/DH to get presents for her.

Tears rolling down her face? I'd have told her to fuck off. Seriously.

Trills Sat 30-Nov-13 12:08:55

Wrapping up something for yourself is nice.

Looking forward to your new toaster is a bit funny though.

thenicknameiwantedisgone Sat 30-Nov-13 12:09:19

Not a LP here but I think it sounds like a good idea. You deserve presents as much as anyone else.

I think anyone that laughs at that is really insensitive and quite out of order.

daphnesglasses Sat 30-Nov-13 12:10:53

I don't think looking forward to new toaster is funny at all hmmwhy not. I would too smile

daphnesglasses Sat 30-Nov-13 12:13:23

I agree with tallwivglasses. I'd seriously reconsider the friendship. Also get yourself something else as well if you can. In fact lets all lps and others who want to get ourselves some chocs or something and have them xmas day while raising a wine to all the others in the same position smile

Trills Sat 30-Nov-13 12:15:30

Because - it's a toaster. It makes toast.

I would laugh at the toaster side of it but I would probably also buy you a small something so you had another thing to unwrap.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 30-Nov-13 12:15:36

I tell you what's really sad. Not someone buying presents for themselves for Christmas rather than just, you know, buying them - that sounds fine. Gives you something to look forward to and makes Christmas a bit more special. What's sad is laughing at a friend or family member who doesn't get any presents. Why don't you get any? Because these amused people are too tight to give you presents, that's why. Bastards. I hope the laughter is masking a small secret whisper of guilt.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 30-Nov-13 12:29:36

Nothing wrong with that at all!! Toasters not the most glamourous pressie though! smile

Anniegetyourgun Sat 30-Nov-13 12:33:01

It depends on the toaster.

leopardprintsock Sat 30-Nov-13 12:57:19

ah, im pleased about the toaster, its a big, 4 slice thingy, all shiney red and chrome. Mine broke a year ago, ive been borrowing one that came out of my mums shed.

I dont think its that bad of a present, i dont mind practical presents too, id die with happyness if anyone ever brought me a red kitchen aid.

Ive got a cd and a chocolate reindeer and ill grab something else too. Its fine.

We will have a nice christmas, and its more for DD, than about what the present is that im giving myself.

bordellosboheme Sat 30-Nov-13 12:59:20

I think your friend has lost the plot, not you smile

SilverOldie Sat 30-Nov-13 13:07:42

Your friend is an idiot - sounds great to me.

I'm single and yesterday treated myself to an early Christmas present - a World of Warcraft pet I've wanted for ages smile

Op I got my sister a simlar toaster for a xmas pressie and she loved it when I was a Lp I brought myself microwave a hoover a fridge a new brolly all diff years but they were needed I still do my own stocking too tolietires from last weeks shopping have been known to be wrapped up I used to buy small box of chocs from the elves to me on behalf of my dds I wrote a little note saying that they knew I was good that year and they did a whip round my dds didnt belive in santa but liked the elves

kickassangel Sat 30-Nov-13 14:16:00

Now I'm laughing at myself asi have toaster envy. Funny what you get excited about when you're a grown up.

When we moved to th US we had absolutely no money at all, not a penny to spare, and no credit cards or anything, so dh and I got things we already owned and wrapped them up, then acted excited on Christmas Day. It was all for the benefit of dd who was 5.

Glad you have some chocolate, that makes me feel better.

chipshop Sat 30-Nov-13 14:54:41

Nothing to laugh at. A friend of mine is single and is buying herself Christmas presents for under the tree. It's a great idea.

Lavenderhoney Sat 30-Nov-13 15:03:22

Your friend was rather thoughtless, and your family. I hope she/ they pops out and gets you a little something. If you get them anything, make sure its Tupperware.

Could you get someone who knows and likes you or- select some things on a wish list on amazon or notonthehighstreet and ask your dd to pick one and order it for you with a friend helping with the buying? Or she could go shopping with a friend and friends mum and get you something? You could give her a list and tell her to pick one thing, then she could wrap it up?

I don't see what's wrong with it at all. And your toaster sounds lovelysmile

equisiy Sat 30-Nov-13 15:08:07

I think your friend sounds insensitive. Lovely idea - guess if there was something else you really wanted or could afford to treat yourself to then maybe your freind wouldn't laugh or maybe friend is just insensitive. Hope you can resist opening it before xmas. I opened a book before xmas (long story) but am resisting looking through it until xmas day grin

3mum Sat 30-Nov-13 15:09:11

Another LP here. It will be my second Christmas alone with the children. I'm selling the rings my ex-H bought me when we were married and using them to buy myself a huge funky cocktail ring which I really want. I'll be wrapping that and opening it Christmas morning!

RedPencils Sat 30-Nov-13 15:30:32

I usually write a list of auggestions and dh buys something off it. Seeing as we have a joint account, I'm sort of also paying for it. Buying your own present is kind of the same thing.
A toaster is kind of funny though, not tears streaming down your face funny. My bro is the king of practical gifts. He once bought my sister a car maintenance kit including a six pack of deicer.

VenusDeWillendorf Mon 02-Dec-13 09:26:42

I think maybe the actual "toaster" is funny, a bit?
Maybe her pal wasn't being malicious and witchy, but just surprised about the toaster! After all it's the ubiquitous duplicated wedding present- it's legendary for being an unwanted gift.

I love the idea of putting together a stocking of things you already have. I remember we used to do that when we were kids. Recently bought lipstick and nail varnish would go in as well as other little things- perfume samples and craft beads etc. We saved our money for the January sales!!

Fwiw, I buy all my presents myself, and then unwrap them to everyone's surprise!
Last year I had strep throat just coming up to Christmas, and didn't have a chance to get anything, and my DH went to Maplins and bought me a quilted man's XL jacket with some kind of heated wires over my boobs with a switch to heat them up in the pocket. I'm still laughing...... He thought it would be handy for my trips to the playground, to keep me warm.. The mind boggles on so may levels. [:D]

JustAnotherFucker Mon 02-Dec-13 09:34:38

Just wanted to add to the LPs who buy themselves presents. I am never disappointed on Christmas morning since being single wink

I do know some of my lot have laughed too, although never in a mean way!

Last year we were away from Christmas eve and I had forgotten my PJ's. Friend we were with is tiny compared to me so didn't have any lends. She laughed her head off when I opened one of the gifts I'd brought down and got my new PJ's out grin

springyticktack Mon 02-Dec-13 09:55:46

How rude and insensitive of your friend! And your bloody family. I don't find it funny at all - I love practical presents. Where's her present to you for under the tree then?

here's what I learnt about christmas presents for myself: if you give yourself nothing, the kids think you're nothing. They get the idea that you're worth nothing, not real somehow. I do the whole shebang: I get a stocking full to the brim with amazingly appropriate presents (which the kids wrap the night before. I've forgotten a lot of them ). My present pile is the same width and circumference as theirs. I also expect a proper present from them ie something that cost them in some way. I also save presents I'm given and put them under the tree to open on the day with the kids.

Your toaster sounds fab, all gleamy fsmile . Your 'friend' can fuck off. Is she single? Spend more time with LPs who get it.

springyticktack Mon 02-Dec-13 10:05:07

btw I buy christmas/stocking presents all year - for other people and for myself. I put them aside, which is why I forget a lot of them. When Christmas comes around I don't have any huge expenses - apart from the tree. And the turkey. And stamps - and we all have plenty of presents.

I'm seriously pissed off at your friend's/family's reaction tbh.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 02-Dec-13 10:07:39

Op I think you sound lovely and not in the slightest bit odd. I only wish I had thought of it. Tell your silly friend that you'll be having a ford with Father Christmas about her!!!

ALittleStranger Mon 02-Dec-13 10:11:00

I think you're perfectly normal.

I also don't think a toaster is funny in its own right. Lots of people like having attractive kitchen appliances, I frequently ask for saucepans etc. And toast is life-enhancing.

Cathycat Mon 02-Dec-13 10:19:09

I completely understand! I love nothing more than to treat myself to bits and bobs from places like Dunhelm. I got really excited by a new cookery book stand the other day. Sad but true. Some of us love to make our homes look nice. And the relatives probably expected you to laugh at yourself too, as you are being sensible but perhaps a bit over the top and insensitive.

Cathycat Mon 02-Dec-13 10:21:43

The relatives were over the top I mean, not you.

Maybe your friend was laughing because it was a toaster and you were dying to use it but 'saving' it for the big day. I can see how that could be funny. I cried my eyes out when I was given a lasagne dish for my birthday. I was very pregnant and hormonal at the time which may have had something to do with it but I usually stuff practical type presents with some chocolates or something.

As a lone parent myself I always had presents from DS, XP and a few friends to open in the morning and I wonder why your friend does not make sure you have something from her on the day - especially since she knows you are doing this for your DD's sake - which is lovely.

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