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What would you do?

(115 Posts)
CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 09:43:58

I wasn't sure where to post this so I put it here, apologies if it's in the wrong place.

I have this male friend who I've known for years. He came round to mine a few weeks back for a catch up as I'd not spoken to him for a while. I've seen him around but haven't recently had time to stop and chat. Anyway, one thing led to another, he stayed the night and, well, you catch my drift...

4 weeks on and I discover I'm pregnant to him confused I already know how monumentally stupid I've been sad. I've decided not to keep the baby as I'm not in a relationship with this guy and I don't plan to be either. I also have 3 children of my own and I'm a single parent, plus a load of other stuff I have going on at the moment. I know this is the right decision for me and my children and I'm sticking to it.

Anyway, my problem is, do I tell him I'm pregnant etc? He's a really good friend and I don't want to ruin our friendship. Plus, his son goes to the same school as my DCs so I see him pretty much on a daily basis. Part of me thinks it's be better to keep it to myself, but another part of me tells me I'm being cruel by not involving him confused what do I do?

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 20-Nov-13 09:45:19

I wouldn't tell him.

I would consider it my business.

heartichoke Wed 20-Nov-13 09:48:41

I wouldn't tell him - if you've made up your mind already, what would he or you gain by it?

I don't see what would be 'cruel' about not telling him; could it be that telling him could be considered cruel under the circs...?

I wouldn't tell him.

You've made your decision. Emphasis on your.

There'd be nothing gained by telling him.

wontletmesignin Wed 20-Nov-13 09:50:24

I wouldnt tell him.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 20-Nov-13 09:51:24

I'd tell him your decision as a fait accompli. Not because it's cruel to keep him out of it but because I think it'll eat you up to hide the secret.

JustAnotherFucker Wed 20-Nov-13 09:52:34

I'd say nothing to him if your mind is made up already. Get support from a friend/family though if you can.

I know others will disagree but that's what I'd do if I found myself unexpectedly pg, and I'm in a similar position to yours.

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 20-Nov-13 09:53:39

I wouldn't consider not telling a friend about a private medical procedure to be "keeping a secret".

There is no reason to tell him. It's nothing to do with him.

It's not "keeping a secret" hmm

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 20-Nov-13 09:58:43

Isn't it though? This isn't a random one night stand where the two people never cross paths again. The OP is going to see this man every day by the sound of it, the intention is that they remain close friends, and I think sitting on her hands and saying nothing will play on her mind. It'll become the elephant in the room.

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 10:00:57

Thanks for your responses.

Looks like I'm doing the best thing by not telling him. Quite relieved actually as I know it would just all end in tears, probably mine, if I did tell him.

I feel a tad cruel as even though it is ultimately my decision, it's not just my baby if that makes sense.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 20-Nov-13 10:03:04

Do you think he'd object if you told him? Run off? Be supportive of your decision?

The key words being "I think".

You don't know how OP will feel.

And telling him is

1. redundant as the decision has been made and

2. could bring OP unnecessary drama and complications.

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 10:03:46

I think he would probably try and get me to change my mind, yes

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 20-Nov-13 10:04:44

If he'd try to change your mind, don't tell him.

If you think he will try to manipulate you then definitely do not tell him.

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 20-Nov-13 10:06:49

"it's not just my baby"

It's not anyone's baby at this point.

It's an embryo.

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 10:08:09

Bunny you're right about the unnecessary drama and implications. I have enough drama going on at the moment with something else unrelated as it is. I really don't need to be adding more stress to my situation.

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 10:09:38

Well, yes, it is just an embryo.

It's still a big decision to make though

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 20-Nov-13 10:12:03

Of course it's a big decision to make.

But it's YOUR decision.

And given that you've made the decision to terminate the pregnancy, there is never going to be a baby.

So thinking of it in those terms isn't really helpful.

You don't owe him ANYTHING here.

<supportive arm squeeze>

I've been there and I'm not trying to belittle what you're going through, at all.

Thants Wed 20-Nov-13 10:12:37

I would tell him personally. Imo he shouldn't get to not know the consequences of his actions and just have you bear the burden. It's going to be stressful for you and I think he should be there to support you. If that's what you would want ofc.

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 10:14:20

Baby was probably the wrong word to use. I don't think of it as a baby, I'm trying not to think of it as anything at the moment. I'm at the hospital tomorrow for my initial appointment so hopefully it'll all be over with soon.

Kaluki Wed 20-Nov-13 10:17:22

I agree with Thants.
He can't make you change your mind but he should step up and support you.
Why should you have to go through this on your own - he was there too and he should face the consequences the same as you have to.
If he is a good friend then he will understand why you can't have the baby.
thanks for you xx

Of course it's a big decision OP. You have a lot on your plate.

You do sound pretty sure about what you want though.

If so, you shouldn't let anyone try to derail your decision.

If I were you I would go ahead with my plan and work on moving past it as calmly and drama-free as possible.

thanks and hugs for you OP.

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 20-Nov-13 10:19:25

"Why should you have to go through this on your own"

She doesn't have to go through it alone. He's not the only person in the world who could support her.

Unless he's the first person you'd turn to for support if you were having a medical procedure, there's no reason to turn to him now.

"he was there too and he should face the consequences the same as you have to."

confused

That's a biological impossibility. He can't go through a termination, he's not pregnant.

Jan45 Wed 20-Nov-13 10:22:43

Personally if this was a man I was good friends with and had been for a long time I'd have to tell him something like this, hopefully he'd support me in my decision.

It's really your call either way.

Kaluki Wed 20-Nov-13 10:29:51

Joinyourplayfellows - of course he can't have a termination confused that wasn't what I meant. I just don't see why he should be able to merrily have unprotected sex with no consequences? The OP has to go through the ordeal of a termination while this man just carries on regardless!!
I was referring to emotional consequences more than physical ones.

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 10:32:54

I don't think he would support me in my decision though. From what I can gather from h he wants more children, so I think he try to change my mind.

I'm not going to change my mind though. I know I'm doing the right thing for myself and my children, I really couldn't cope with 4 on my own, and our well being ofc comes before his feelings.

I have my sister coming with me by the way, so I'm not going through this totally alone

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 20-Nov-13 10:35:30

Glad you've got your sister there for you and aren't trying to tackle this entirely solo. BTW... do you still regard him as a friend after this, knowing he was OK with unprotected sex and wouldn't support any decisions arising from the consequences?

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 10:36:02

If I did tell him, then it could cause a load of drama and tears. Plus I don't want it to become awkward in the school runs when I bump into him, and I don't want to risk him slipping up and saying something in front of my children.

But if I don't tell him, I could, as a previous poster said, end up with an elephant in the room.

I think at the moment that not telling him would he the lesser or 2 evils so to speak

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 10:38:57

I haven't really thought about our friendship to be honest. I only found out I was pg a week ago and everything's just been one big whirlwind since then with doctors appointments and referral letters and making the decision to go ahead with a termination etc

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 20-Nov-13 10:44:06

"I just don't see why he should be able to merrily have unprotected sex with no consequences?"

So she should tell him to punish him?

Despite the possible ramifications for her?

Including him telling other people?

It's his baby too - give him some input. He could be a bigger support to you than you think.

You were both irresponsible having unprotected sex and should both be dealing with the consequence.

You can tell which side of the fence I sit on.

normalishdude Wed 20-Nov-13 10:58:46

Most men would want to know. I would want to know. I think you should tell him.

normalishdude Wed 20-Nov-13 11:00:47

and regardless of want I think he deserves to know.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Wed 20-Nov-13 11:04:34

Why would you tell him?

To get his support?
No, you suspect he won't be entirely supportive of your decision.

Because he has a right to know?
He doesn't have a right to know anything.

Because there will be an elephant in the room?
That elephant could potentially be a lot bigger if you do tell him and he disagrees with your choice.

Good luck, op. As you can see, I wouldn't say anything right now.

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 20-Nov-13 11:07:42

"he deserves to know."

As a prize for having unprotected sex, he wins hearing about somebody else's medical procedure?

I don't understand why the man doesn't deserve some input? It's his baby too.
Your friendship will hardly be the same again anyway as your platonic friend has now got you pregnant, so you may as well accept that something massive has changed in the dynamics here.
If you're too scared you'll lose his friendship because he doesn't agree with killing the baby, that's no real friendship in my mind.

normalishdude Wed 20-Nov-13 11:11:14

Clearly it's a deeper issue than that. I am sure that the issue has been discussed many times on this website.

I don't think you should tell him if you have made up your mind.

Would you tell him if you had remembered when you were in town and popped into boots for the MAP? If it is early then you can take two tablets and I know it isn't the same but it is similar.

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 20-Nov-13 11:11:35

You do understand why he has no right to any input.

But you are a pro-lifer who is here not to support, but to guilt trip and goad.

Please do one.

Kaluki Wed 20-Nov-13 11:14:09

Joinyourplayfellows - are you deliberately misinterpretting all my posts?
Of course not to punish him. But why shouldn't he face the emotional consequences of this like the OP has had to? OK she has decided to do it but it doesn't make it easy to do. Maybe he will think twice before he has unprotected sex again - in fact maybe they both will because OP has paid a higher price for it.
OP glad you have got your sister for support.

AmberLeaf Wed 20-Nov-13 11:16:00

I don't think a termination is a 'punishment' for having unprotected sex, so there is no reason that he should have to know to bear some of the 'punishment' as it were.

As you are sure that he would try to talk you out of it, you should keep it to your self. Having him trying to talk you out of it would be so unhelpful, it's difficult enough, you don't need that kind of headfuck.

Glad you have got your sister to support you.

sharesinNivea she isn't 'killing the baby' she is terminating a pregnancy that has barely begun.

Kaluki Wed 20-Nov-13 11:16:14

and how dare you tell another poster to 'do one' because they disagree with you.
angry

normalishdude Wed 20-Nov-13 11:16:35

I am not debating with you.

What kind of input could he possibly have? An anti-choice view is irrelevant here since the OP is pro-choice.

OP, I wouldn't tell him. There is no reason for him to know. You aren't in a relationship with him and you can't guarantee he would be supportive. Making him 'feel the consequences' is only likely to bring you more grief.

AmberLeaf Wed 20-Nov-13 11:17:39

But why shouldn't he face the emotional consequences of this like the OP has had to?

I get your point, but as he is likely to pressurise the OP and make things even harder for her, it makes complete sense for her to keep it to herself.

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 20-Nov-13 11:17:42

"But why shouldn't he face the emotional consequences of this like the OP has had to?"

Because forcing him to "face the emotional consequences" means involving him in her termination, which she doesn't want to do.

How he feels about any of this is irrelevant.

It isn't happening to him, and telling him won't change that.

It will just give him an opportunity to start expressing opinions on something that ultimately is nothing to do with him at all.

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 20-Nov-13 11:19:03

I told sharesinNivea to do one, because she is clearly here to goad and upset the OP.

"But why shouldn't he face the emotional consequences of this like the OP has had to?"

I think maybe because it is a big decision and you don't want to deal with other people when making it. I know that I buried my head in the sand and felt like I was on auto pilot from the time I found out. I didn't want to talk to anybody.

Floggingmolly Wed 20-Nov-13 11:21:18

You feel guilty not involving him in it? confused. But you're not keeping the baby; what would you be involving him in?

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 11:24:37

I don't think the term "killing the baby" was very helpful. Thanks for that! hmm

Luckily I'm not the type of person that takes everything to heart.

Plus, I'm only 5 weeks gone, so it's not even a baby yet, as mentioned before.

BeCool Wed 20-Nov-13 11:26:53

The OP's situation isn't going to be helped by placing the additional burden on her to teach some guy lessons in contraception, that frankly he already knows.

As for all this "it's his baby too", as others have pointed out there is no baby and there will be no baby. There is an unwanted pregnancy/foetus. It's not the blokes unwanted pregnancy - it is the OP's!

CoffeeQueen I wouldn't tell him.

You have enough on your plate as it is without getting additional grief from him, or him potentially trying to persuade to have a baby with him.
You have made your decision.
You have support in place from you sister.
Telling him would probably make a bad situation worse from your POV, and as this is happening to you and your body only, it is entirely your business.

If you are adamant that you want to go through with the termination but you really feel he should know, then you can choose to tell him afterwards. It won't make any difference to him, but it will make a big difference to you to not have additional stress upon you now.

{{{hugs}}}

Kaluki Wed 20-Nov-13 11:27:13

I think you have an agenda of your own JYFP.
The OP asked for opinions as she is in two minds about whether to tell him. Therefore surely all opinions are welcome.
You are the one doing the goading. You don't have the right to tell other posters to clear off because they don't agree with you on a post where all opinions are invited.
Anyway I'm not getting into a row with you on such a sensitive thread. It won't help the OP.
OP - maybe you need to rethink this friendship. He clearly is not a really good friend if after having put you in this situation he is not prepared to accept your decision. Whether you decide to tell him or not it will change your friendship which will be difficult as you see him so regularly.
Good luck.

I'm largely pro-life, and my honest opinion is that you are well within your rights to keep it to yourself, having already made the decision. Telling him would just add another layer of difficulty to an already difficult thing. He doesn't have a right to know about a medical procedure that won't affect him.

playfellows No, I'm not. I just have a different opinion.

coffeequeen I apologise for the term 'killing the baby', it's my own term and as you've already decided on a termination the imagery was insensitive.

BeCool Wed 20-Nov-13 11:32:10

the thing I hate most about MN is when posters get all self-precious and start bitching to & about each other and getting all defensive on sensitive threads like this.

FFS - STFU!

maras2 Wed 20-Nov-13 11:47:11

Sharesinnivea.I have reported your post of 11 08 57.

maras2 Have you? Why's that? confused

maras2 Wed 20-Nov-13 11:54:51

Not sure if the phrase ' kill the baby ' contravenes any rules but I find it unnecessarily emotive and provocative.

maras2 Wed 20-Nov-13 11:57:00

Seem to have x posted following your retraction.

Oh right. I've never been reported before in 5 years, first time for everything blush
I've already apologised to the OP several posts before you, maras2, about using my own personal term for termination, if that's any help. It's not a provocative statement by any means.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 20-Nov-13 12:00:36

To be clear... wasn't asking if they were still going to be friends in order to suggest telling him as punishment. The two are separate matters. 1. He wouldn't be supportive so no point saying anything 2. The friendship may be in question anyway because this has thrown up that he's not as good a friend as the OP may have thought.

basgetti Wed 20-Nov-13 12:00:55

I wouldn't tell him. It is your decision and your business, and you believe that he will try to talk you out of it. You need someone who will support you unconditionally, without any other agenda so it is good that you have your sister there for you.

TalkativeJim Wed 20-Nov-13 12:03:11

As you know, OP, you should not tell him.

As for all the rest - biology is unfair. That's the bottom line.

Just as the OP does not have the luxury of deciding to have the baby and then changing her mind and walking off without a backward glance at, ooh, say 39 weeks pregnant, he does not have the luxury of any right to involvement with her decision on whether or not to continue a pregnancy.

Men get to walk away if they feel like it.
Women get to make the decisions because they don't get to walk away later on.

There is nothing more to it, and the deal handed out to both sexes works both for them and against them in different ways.

Best of luck OP x

ExcuseTypos Wed 20-Nov-13 12:06:58

You need to look after yourself and do what you want, with as much support as possible. As you think he will try to persuade you to keep it, then you shouldn't tell him. The consequences of telling him will go on for months.

H's he by any chance asked you if your pregnant after having unprotected sex. I expect not.

AndYouCanDance Wed 20-Nov-13 12:12:12

I think you should tell him actually.
It just seems like the fair thing to do.

wontletmesignin Wed 20-Nov-13 12:17:33

He lost any kind of fairness when he didnt offer to use protection!
I know the OP is also at fault there, but she is paying the price.

Concentrate on you and yours. He has no reason to know. His knowing will not benefit anyone.

Good luck op and stay strong xx

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 12:21:34

Excusetypos- no, he hasn't asked hmm

neiljames77 Wed 20-Nov-13 12:24:20

You both made a mistake. It happens. No point whatsoever in telling him.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Wed 20-Nov-13 12:25:45

How is telling him about a termination "fairer" than not telling him?

cestlavielife Wed 20-Nov-13 12:30:31

at this stage it is so early only you and your sister need to know. medical termination now is even before you know if pregnancy is viable or not .

however - you should mention if there is a next time that you both need to use protection.

sherbetpips Wed 20-Nov-13 12:34:44

Didn't you describe him as your friend, a friend that you see regularly? Of course you have to tell him, like he isn't going to notice and then think of all the hassle and pain when it turns out you lied.

It is categorically NOT just your baby. It takes two, it's not like the guy is some evil sod. This is a difficult situation but this will not remain hidden so better to deal with it head on.

You do not want to terminate so that does not form part of the argument. He cant force you and you know that.

AndYouCanDance Wed 20-Nov-13 12:35:15

I just think he ought to know Ghostly.

Presumably the OP liked/trusted him enough to go out with him and sleep with him. I think she should tell him this information.

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 12:35:59

Oh don't worry, my first port of call when this is all over will be the family planning clinic or my GP for contraception. This won't be happening again. I still can't believe I was stupid enough to get myself in this situation in the first place. I'm normally quite careful.

ExcuseTypos Wed 20-Nov-13 12:36:13

Well in that case, you owe him nothing.

Look after yourself and do what is best for you.

sherbetpips Wed 20-Nov-13 12:36:47

ooops totally read it wrong - you do want to terminate - my bad will shut up.

ExcuseTypos Wed 20-Nov-13 12:36:50

X posted. I was posting about him not asking you about having unprotected sex.

Slinglover Wed 20-Nov-13 12:39:41

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism Wed 20-Nov-13 12:39:44

So if the guy then puts pressure on her not to terminate, as she suspects he will do, should she then do what he says, because otherwise it's "not fair"?

Nothing about this is going to be "fair" to everybody.

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 20-Nov-13 12:40:19

grin sherbet

Best of luck, Coffee smile

CeliaLytton Wed 20-Nov-13 12:44:20

OP, you have asked WWYD, and in your situation I would not tell him.

I personally would consider it cruel to tell him, especially as he would like more children. You have said that it's his baby too, but if you are having a termination then it's nobody's baby, it's a foetus.

You are making the right decision for your circumstances and it is your decision to make. He (rightly) has no say in the matter and therefore the only thing to gain by telling him is a weight off your own mind. Have you a close family member or friend you can confide in who can support you?

I hope all goes well for you.

AndYouCanDance Wed 20-Nov-13 12:48:46

Slinglover??

AndYouCanDance Wed 20-Nov-13 12:52:41

Ghostly the OP clearly isn't sure. Otherwise she would not have started this thread asking what we would do...

wontletmesignin Wed 20-Nov-13 12:53:25

Wtf slinglover!!

Leave her alone. This will be incredibly hard for her as it is! Dont add to it.

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 12:56:49

Slinglover, I'm not sure who you think I am, but I have no idea who 'Tim' is, and seeing as the only person in my RL that knows is my sister then you clearly have the wrong person.

Plus, I am glad I'm not your 'friend' as I would extremely pissed off and deeply hurt by what you've just written... hmm

Slinglover Wed 20-Nov-13 13:01:56

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 13:02:23

What on earth are you on about?

WTF? Odd...

MatryoshkaDoll Wed 20-Nov-13 13:05:37

Slinglover get off the thread. Your comments are inappropriate.

wontletmesignin Wed 20-Nov-13 13:08:54

What an insensitive piece of shit, slinglover. You have had your fun. Now please leave it

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 20-Nov-13 13:09:33

Report and ignore guys.

ExcuseTypos Wed 20-Nov-13 13:15:31

Reported

CoffeeQueen187 Wed 20-Nov-13 13:18:20

I've reported too

wontletmesignin Wed 20-Nov-13 13:20:08

Me too

EllieInTheRoom Wed 20-Nov-13 13:21:38

I wouldn't tell him as PP say.

But is there any chance of him coming round again, having a couple of glasses of wine, and sex being back on the agenda and you start to feel guilty and confessional?

I think you need to be absolutely sure that wont happen

rainbowfeet Wed 20-Nov-13 13:21:42

Having been in a similar situation although I decided to keep the baby.. But had I been in a different position. & terminated the pregnancy no I wouldn't have told him.

Hope all goes well thanks

Slinglover Thu 21-Nov-13 16:51:45

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

BitOutOfPractice Thu 21-Nov-13 16:57:09

Slingover you are so bloody far out of line it's untrue.

This is clearly not anyone you know. Back the fuck off.

I am aghast at what you've done and I bet the people who's PB comments you have just C&Ped would be non too chuffed at what you've done angry

wontletmesignin Thu 21-Nov-13 16:58:26

Slinglover - what exactly does this have to do with the OP??

Nothing.

Either way, be it that person on facebook, or the OP in this thread.
They are borh going through difficulties right now. So what is your point?
You have no point. So jog on

BitOutOfPractice Thu 21-Nov-13 17:00:21

Slingover you are so bloody far out of line it's untrue.

This is clearly not anyone you know. Back the fuck off.

I am aghast at what you've done and I bet the people who's FB comments you have just C&Ped would be non too chuffed at what you've done angry

BitOutOfPractice Thu 21-Nov-13 17:01:04

And I've reported your post. Just utterly beyond the pale (pail?) twattish behaviour!

CoffeeQueen187 Thu 21-Nov-13 17:31:08

I have no idea what slinglover has said as it's been deleted but honestly, I have no idea who you are! The only person in RL that I've spoken to about this is my sister, so, unless you are my sister, there is no possible way you know me. Now please kindly fuck off!

I feel so sorry for your 'friend' and I wish I knew who it was so I could tell her what you are doing. Two faced back stabbing twat!

That is all smile

wontletmesignin Thu 21-Nov-13 17:47:19

Well said coffeequeen grin

whoselifeisitanyway Thu 21-Nov-13 20:40:38

The only reason to tell him would be if you actually secretly wanted to be in a relationship with him. If you are sure you have no feelings for him and there is no chance of you becoming a couple in the future, then I see no reason to tell him.

Tilpil Thu 21-Nov-13 20:51:06

To be fair I think he should know and be given the option of him having full custody and maybe visitation if u did end up keeping it. But make that clear say you can't cope and u hope he can understand your point of view I think u would find it too awkward to speak to him properly after this. And I know I wouldn't appreciate finding out after u had it done he would probably be appreciative of the fact u had at least told him what u were doing hope that makes sense I'm not trying to be nasty I've just seen it from the other side with male friends who were hurt that they hadn't even been told not that they had had an abortion but that they hadn't been consulted first if that makes sense

Abbykins1 Thu 21-Nov-13 20:57:08

No!

CoffeeQueen187 Thu 21-Nov-13 21:07:12

Only problem with that tilpil is he wouldn't get full custody. By the time of gone through the full pregnancy, feeling the baby move, going for all the scans, mw appointments and given birth etc, there's no way I'd give it up.

It doesn't make a lot of sense tilpil to be honest hmm
You think she should offer him the option to raise the baby alone after she has acted as a human incubator for 9 months? Is that what you think women are worth?

And what is the point of consulting a man over the choice to terminate a pregnancy if you are 100% sure you aren't continuing it? In a committed relationship I think it should certainly be discussed but that's not the same as consulting the man. And in this case - no point.

kickassangel Thu 21-Nov-13 22:22:07

tbh, I would be extremely concerned about a 'man' who appears to be keen to have more kids, indulges in unprotected sex, then doesn't even bother to ring/check how you are.

So, no, don't tell him. He hardly sounds like the perfect co-parent.

wontletmesignin Thu 21-Nov-13 22:45:43

How are you holding up with all of this coffeequeen? Are you getting plenty of support?

CoffeeQueen187 Thu 21-Nov-13 23:06:33

Yeh I'm ok thanks. I was at the hospital earlier for my initial appointment and scan. I go back next Thursday.

I've seen the guy I'm pregnant to a few times this week but just made small talk then made my excuses and left. I'm not going to tell him what's going on. I don't think I'll be able to keep the friendship as it was though sad I'll just try and keep my distance as much as possible

wontletmesignin Thu 21-Nov-13 23:22:50

It will get easier in time. It is going to be hard at the minute. It is to be expected. Dont feel bad about it though. If you want to remain friends, then keep doing the small talk and before you know it, all will be fine.

Pleased to hear that you are ok smile xxx

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