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Shit! 'H' found out I've opened a bank account

(205 Posts)
devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 12:49:40

He was verbally & physically abusive to me & ds a couple of weeks ago.
I want to leave but am a sahm in a jointly mortgaged property.
The only appointment the women's centre had was during half term so couldn't take it.
I've set up a bank account( as all I had was a joint account)
I don't know how he found out, but H phoned this morning & asked why I had a new account.
I was caught off guard & said because I wanted my own.
He's called again saying ' I don't understand why you need an account ' I cut the call short as just leaving for school run.
How do I make it seem innocent & not an account to use when I fell him its over?
I'm actually shitting myself about him coming home later as I know he won't leave it

Spirulina Mon 11-Nov-13 12:51:16

think you need to get out asap now....call womens aid?

Middleagedmotheroftwo Mon 11-Nov-13 12:51:27

Tell him you want to use it as an easy access way of putting money aside for when you need money for big purchases for the kids?

Could you tell him it's to put a bit of cash in for the DCs & it was easier to put it in your name?

Interested to know how's he's found out tbh-who else knew about it other than you?

hillyhilly Mon 11-Nov-13 12:53:35

So he can't see when you buy him Christmas presents

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Mon 11-Nov-13 12:54:20

Oh Dear. Just repeat that you wanted your own account.

You need to try to work out how he found out though.

DropYourSword Mon 11-Nov-13 12:54:24

If you want to keep your true intentions secret for a while longer and you are able to lie convincingly I would say that you opened it to save up for a Christmas present for him because you wanted our to be a nice surprise. I guess the problem with that would be if you don't leave before Christmas.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope someone else with better advice comes along soon.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Mon 11-Nov-13 12:55:03

yeah, hillyhillys idea is good

cathpip Mon 11-Nov-13 12:55:36

Tell him its a savings account so that Xmas and birthday purchases for him can be made without him knowing what and how much you are spending on him, or that its none of his business. Please bring forward your moving out op, he sounds very controlling and abusive.

pigsDOfly Mon 11-Nov-13 12:55:42

Agree with Spirulina. if you suspect for one moment that this is going to result in him becoming physically abusive. Don't wait for him to get home. Leave now.

DropYourSword Mon 11-Nov-13 12:56:15

Also, are you safe. Is there any way he could find out about you posting on here?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 11-Nov-13 12:56:18

I also think you need to take urgent steps to protect yourself and preferably get out now. You don't know how he found out and that's worrying because bank accounts are private matters and, if he's spying on you, he may realise you're about to leave. This makes an already dangerous situation potentially even more dangerous.

Did you report the assaults to the police two weeks ago? Please keep yourself and your DCs safe

Tiredemma Mon 11-Nov-13 12:56:38

How would he know this? has post been sent to you and he has opened it?

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 12:57:00

I have easy access to joint account so that won't wash confused
I'm not scared he'll be violent (he's in super happy wonderdad mode after last outburst)
Just that he's not going to accept/believe my answer - then if I'm pressed I'll let the truth out
It's ds's birthday this week so trying to keep a lid on things for his sakehmm

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 11-Nov-13 12:58:27

He's already violent. When he doesn't believe your answer, he is likely to be violent again.

dustarr73 Mon 11-Nov-13 12:58:43

Id be wondering how he found out.Obviously you have a mole.So be very careful who you confide in.Ring Womans Aid and get out.Dont wait he will get it out of you what the account is for and if he does that you may find it even harder to leave.

Madlizzy Mon 11-Nov-13 12:59:27

I would be scared that he'd be violent, as he's clicked on to the fact that you're making plans without him.

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:00:15

This takes me back.

First of all, will he get violent if you deny it? Can you use your mum or dads address for the bank account and then just deny that you have a bank account. I feel your dilemma. I used to bring things back to m&s and get cash for them and then save the cash. It was a long old haul to get out. Left with debts as well. But still, get out if your miserable because you're freedom is priceless.

Madlizzy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:00:31

Actually, just realised that he was physically violent towards your child too. For the sake of your child, you need to get out now, today.

tinyturtletim Mon 11-Nov-13 13:00:46

I would say it is to save for the children?

ABitterPIL Mon 11-Nov-13 13:01:05

I think the birthday and xmas presents as a suprise for him is a good idea.

I.e wanted to order somethong as a suprise from amazon and didnt want him to get a receipt.

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:01:12

I get all post as I'm home - I've even intercepted a letter from bank telling him I'd set up online banking (we shared a log in previously)
The only other person that knew was my mum & there's no way she'd tell him (she has one of her own)
We're barely on speaking terms so the Xmas present for him won't work
I'm scared he'll now find out I transferred child benefit to new account.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Mon 11-Nov-13 13:01:53

"I have easy access to joint account so that won't wash"

what won't wash?

Pootles2010 Mon 11-Nov-13 13:02:00

hillybilly's idea is great. Its right time of year, and would make sense for you to keep it secret.

Would also be concerned as to how he knows though.

gamerchick Mon 11-Nov-13 13:02:12

How does he know you've got your own?

If I don't want to answer a question I ask a question. Or just keep saying that one sentence over and over. 'I just wanted my own' you don't have to elaborate on that.

Tuhlulah Mon 11-Nov-13 13:03:00

Appear to concede. Tell him you don't need one, but that you wanted one, but that if he doesn't feel happy about it you will just close it, or he can see your statements.

Then open another account in another bank, with statements sent elsewhere or no correspondence sent to your home.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 11-Nov-13 13:03:29

Could you say you went n the bank for something and they pressed you into opening one? You know they're always trying to sell you all sorts of shit / policies / accounts / products in the bank aren't they?

Say it's for id for the library?

I would also suggest you leave now. He could well become violent when he returns.

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:03:54

Oh sorry. Sorry sorry. He knows already. :-/
My plans were rumbled too. It is incredibly hard to plan to go. Very hard. I hope you are ok.

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:04:01

Parents not in country so that won't work either.
I'm pretty certain he won't be violent - I think more likely to just keep badgering for an answer.
I thought I'd done so well... I set it up 2 weeks ago

Spirulina Mon 11-Nov-13 13:04:03

op you know he wont leave it......you said so yourself. he knows now,he knows you plan to leave....this is the most dangerous time for a woman in a dv relationship.....womens aid will confirm this.....ring them and get out of there today.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 11-Nov-13 13:04:25

And open a building society account with just a book, and online statements, and make sure its a bank he has no accounts at

And good luck xxx

Spirulina Mon 11-Nov-13 13:05:13

did you think he'd be violent to you when you married him? got pregnant? no....so you cant be fairly sure he wont be later either....

"I'm pretty certain he won't be violent"

You cannot assume anything. You are already frightened of his reaction over a bank account set up in your name.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 11-Nov-13 13:05:31

OP say what I said at 13:03. Say they bamboozled you and you didn't really understand what they were saying and signed something...

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:05:32

Good idea from bitoutofpractice I know I got £100 once for opening an account. Well, it was £100 in six months, and they opened the account with an overdraft facility! so, bit of a honeytrap from the bank,but these offers are made.

ABitterPIL Mon 11-Nov-13 13:05:57

If you really cant leave now try to find out how he knows. He could be tracking you with spyware on ypur pc. If he is then ypu need a safer method of making your escape plans.

BuzzardBird Mon 11-Nov-13 13:06:10

You could say that you are so worried that is something ever happened to you (like, I don't know, getting assaulted by a violent husband) that your DC's needed to be looked after and a separate bank account was just one of the things you have been advised to do?

cloudskitchen Mon 11-Nov-13 13:06:11

Tell him it's a savings account for ds. Or that you were caught off guard by the bank when you were in there/on the phone to them and they "sold" it to you as it has higher interest rate - you know what banks are like. You go in to pay a cheque in and they try and flog you their grandma wink

PedantMarina Mon 11-Nov-13 13:06:16

Does anybody have a link to the previous thread, please?

But I'm beginning to agree with others - get out sooner rather than later.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Mon 11-Nov-13 13:06:22

He would have found out you transferred the child benefit anyway surely? The first time it's not paid into the joint account he'll know you transferred it.

The bank must have rang him, them for some reason. Although that's odd.

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:07:01

Would a new account better my credit rating?

Tiredemma Mon 11-Nov-13 13:08:18

Your new account would show on your credit report, so yes- it could be used to improve rating.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 11-Nov-13 13:08:26

YOu'd have to have some incoming money to open the account...that was the only one you could think of

OP you need to start accelerating your plans sad

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Mon 11-Nov-13 13:08:51

Do you have a group of friends who you could say are all entering into a lottery sy;dicate? Id imagine for that, a separate account would be necessary.

cloudskitchen Mon 11-Nov-13 13:09:14

It might do as its your own credit history. Even if it doesn't you can say you thought it would. Whatever you say keep it simple and stick to it. And get out of there asap!

ChristmasCareeristBitchNigel Mon 11-Nov-13 13:09:56

"They were offering a £25 M&S voucher and I wanted a new pair of shoes/bra/whatever"

Would that do ?

If you've transferred child benefit to the account how about saying it's a separate account to buy things for the DC (as not easy to have one in their name is it ?) This will probably seem more likely than secret accounts for XMas pressies if your family is anything like ours (we don't do big pressies for one thing)
Good luck and keep safe x

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:10:28

I'm mrs cautious with signing anything - and he knows this
I'd never sign up for anything on the spot.
Stupidly I opened the account with the bank we're with (idiot!)
Fuck fuck fuck !

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 11-Nov-13 13:10:40

Why are you worried about your credit rating when you're in a situation where you are 'shitting yourself'?

Tuhlulah Mon 11-Nov-13 13:11:09

I can't see how she can say it's a savings account for DS when she has already said it's because she wanted one.

Is there a reason why he should assume it's because she wants to leave him?

And if he has accessed MumsNet and knows her username then he is reading all this anyway. If there is any possibility of this then OP needs to leave now.

BuzzardBird Mon 11-Nov-13 13:11:54

I would try to be as honest as you can to an abuser, they can smell a lie a mile off and it makes things worse. There is nothing wrong with saying that you are scared for your child and you want him to be looked after should anything happen to you. This would be a true statement and completely understandable given what has happened.

garlicbutter Mon 11-Nov-13 13:12:18

Agree with Tuhlulah: Appear to concede. Tell him you don't need one, but that you wanted one, but that if he doesn't feel happy about it you will just close it, or he can see your statements. Then open a different account.

Of course he will see the CB going missing. Could this be how he found out? I also feel you are in danger - have you spoken to Women's Aid? They have the experience to forecast what will happen next, and additional resources to help you make your escape.

Wishing you well.

DowntonTrout Mon 11-Nov-13 13:12:20

Is it the child allowance? Has he noticed it has not been paid in or has there been a notification letter about changing the account it is paid into?

I would not be giving other excuses, as it will trip you up. If you are having the CA paid into the new account, say so. Say that it is because it is getting "lost" in the household expenses from your joint account so you have swapped it.

TheSmallPrint Mon 11-Nov-13 13:12:20

If the account is with the same bank as your joint account then it will probably show up on his online banking. I know my joint account and my personal account are visible on there.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 11-Nov-13 13:12:37

Cogito she's not worried about her credit rating your narna grin - she's trying to come up with a reason why she opened the account that her H will believe!

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:12:38

Not enough friends for a lottery syndicate hmm

DowntonTrout Mon 11-Nov-13 13:13:10

Is it the child allowance? Has he noticed it has not been paid in or has there been a notification letter about changing the account it is paid into?

I would not be giving other excuses, as it will trip you up. If you are having the CA paid into the new account, say so. Say that it is because it is getting "lost" in the household expenses from your joint account so you have swapped it.

DowntonTrout Mon 11-Nov-13 13:13:35

Double post- sorry.

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:14:16

Yes, keep it simple. I wanted an account. Why? thought it mgiht improve my credit rating, but really I wanted one.
will there be a court case, him the barrister, cross-examining you endlessly. God love you, i odn't miss that shit.

Tiredemma Mon 11-Nov-13 13:14:52

If you told him that you opened it after he was abusive to you and you had planned to leave- whats he likely to do?

would he attack you again?

If you really believe that he wouldnt then you have nothing to lose by being honest and saying you had planned to leave.

If he is likely to abuse you again then now is your chance to go- regardless of whether you have £££ saved or not. Get to a refuge.

cloudskitchen Mon 11-Nov-13 13:15:21

Your parents wanted to tranfer some money for you to look after for them and you didn't want it getting mixed up with household finances? You forgot to mention as they changed their mind.

Cognito she's not worried about her credit history, just needed an excuse.

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:15:57

Cb not gone into new account yet
He isn't in top of money in & out - just sees the balance
I'm thinking - improve credit score may work. He's mentioned moving lately but we can't financially do it - so this may just convince him.

GeekLovesANYFUCKER Mon 11-Nov-13 13:17:20

I am sure if there are any local MNetters they would be willling to get you and DCs out of there in an emergency if they know your rough whereabouts. Don't give away your exact location though but I am scared for you.

cloudskitchen Mon 11-Nov-13 13:17:24

Go with that. Tell him if he's not happy you'll close it and then start one somewhere else when he's forgotten. I hope you get out soon Devons x

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:17:49

Not that I have any intention of buying another property with him

I wouldn't talk about planning to leave, I think that's a bad idea.
But yes, keep it simple and fairly honest that you decided to open an account for the DC for "their" child benefit.

MisForMumNotMaid Mon 11-Nov-13 13:18:09

Set up more, say you're doing it for the incentives. Also suggest changing the joint bank account elsewhere for incentive. The spare cash around will no doubt help.

On a personal note I set up a seperate account with the same bank as XH. When he walked out I froze the joint account. Bank messed up, froze both then reissued him with cards but not me. Took a while to sort out.

Deffinately worth doing it with a seperate bank.

read this its the current bank accounts offering deals.

Lancelottie Mon 11-Nov-13 13:19:02

Can you get surly?

'Why not? What's your problem with me having an account for the kids' stuff? It's what everyone does, having separate accounts for savings and things. Why do you make such a big deal out of everything?'

Or is that dangerous?

How did he find out? That is important.

You could say you opened it to save a bit every month so that you have money for Xmas every year and were planning on putting in x amount per month.

Tuhlulah Mon 11-Nov-13 13:19:07

Agree about child allowance - you think it is getting lost in household expenses and you'd like to set it aside for school trips or special expenses, or even to save up for DS (if you don't need to spent it).

But also agree with Downton -keep it simple. No big lie to trip you up, and if he argues you down just accede and say, yes, now he puts it like that you can see it wasn't such a good idea or necessary.

My dear lady, you cannot live like this. You and your children are under siege.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Mon 11-Nov-13 13:19:39

If he accuses you of setting up an escape fund, tell him you would not have used the same bank.

First purchase:your own laptop with a fingerprint lock.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Mon 11-Nov-13 13:20:10

OP - the only plausible way for you deal with this is Tallulah's suggestion. I would also guess that he's onto you. Two weeks ago he was violent to you and ds - and then you open your own bank account, in secret. Do you know how he found out? He's likely to suspect you're asserting your independence/ preparing to leave.

What happened when he was violent two weeks ago? Were the police called?

Spirulina Mon 11-Nov-13 13:20:37

stop messing about op....he's been violent to both you and your child? stop looking for excuses for him now,he's already rung you twice,if you had a valid reason for a new account you would've told him then and there. add something new in now and it will heighten his suspicions

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:24:35

Agree with Tallulah's advice for right now, and also that you can't live like this.

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:24:57

I didn't call police - I had the phone in my hand but had to deal with my dc's upset.
He didn't punch or hit us - it was grabbing -ds on shoulders & picked him up by them
He grabbed me around the neck from behind abd shoved me (after I slapped him in the face telling him to leave ds alone)
I'm not defending him by saying that

Spirulina Mon 11-Nov-13 13:26:30

you do realise that if your ds mentions to school then ss will be down on you like a ton of bricks?

Did you not call the police at all subsequently?.

That was still domestic violence on his part involving both you and your child. He is also verbally abusive towards you and is upping the ante now.

The most dangerous time for you is actually around the time when you are planning to leave.

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:30:22

Honestly Devon'smummy, it is like a frog being boiled. I know. It was a shove and a shout, and then it was a rougher shove and a louder shout, and then it was a poke and a grimace and a rough shove and a louder shout..... it jsut escalates, and you always stop short of calling the police because you think, well, it wasn't much worse than last time, and I didn't call the police then so you think in your distorted thinking that it would be dramatic to call the police, and besides, women like you aren't 'victims' of domestic violence really, because you could go back to your parents, but you choose not to right? you choose to stay and take it, for now. Please go to women's aid. It's one of my biggest regrets that I didn't. I always thought that there were women worse off than I was and that I'd be using up valuable resources if I went to them. Even tually I did step on a plane to relocate to where my parents lived. It was a total relocation. In my late 30s. With two children. But i never regretted it. I remember those interrogations very well. Imagine never having to answer to that bullshit ever again!

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:30:42

That's something else for me To worry about then

Devons, has this been the first time he was violent against you?

If not, I'd be packing my bags now.

If yes, what has happened in the mean time? If you're not talking I assume he hasn't apologized? Shown remorse?

Please keep yourself and your child safe.

fuzzywuzzy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:33:44

If he runs a credit check on you both accounts joined to your name will come up if you've used your marital home as the address for the bank account.

Tuhlulah Mon 11-Nov-13 13:33:48

Devon -is that the worst he has ever done?

Not a facetious question and I may be totally wrong - but if this is the worst he has done, is it likely he is going to come home tonight and be more violent that this (and I am not undermining it)? Because if it is just pushing and shoving and shouting, then it might not warrant an immediate escape. You may have time to sort yourself out and create new account etc.

If you do decide to stay, could you ask DS friend's parents to let him stay overnight, so he doesn't get caught up in this tonight? Or will that create further problems.

I am not suggesting you stay with him, just that you may be able to stay long enough to be a bit more sorted. But I expect you will never feel ready.

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:33:53

No. DOn't worry about it. It's not new information really. YOu know it already deep down. You do don't you?

The worst attack my x perpetrated on me was when he realised I wasn't coming back, and although it hurt physically, I knew as he was doing it, finally finally finally the fucking anaesthetic and worn the fuck off and I was free. Does that make sense? I'd "come round". Mentally.

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:34:44

Nobody wants to load more on to your plate, but, line up your ducks, that's all anybody is suggesting. And that's what you were trying to do!

Spirulina Mon 11-Nov-13 13:35:24

why are you still there?

you are being complicit in your dh child abuse.....its neglect. so why are you keeping your ds in this environment?

I also got out of a dv relationship,had to flee to a hostel with 4 dc. it was fine

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:35:41

Mumbrage - sounds like you were living my life.
Ds's birthday on Wednesday & party booked (I don't want him to hate birthdays because they remind him of. Mum leaving dad - he's outwardly forgiven his dad , who is on overdrive to the outside world taking dc's out letting ds stay up late with him)
I'm actually in tears now
I just wish my mum lived here - I'd be home in a shot

toffeesponge Mon 11-Nov-13 13:37:55

Devon, stop getting snippy and PA with posters and listen to what they are telling you. Your husband is an abusive bully and your children need to be away from him.

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:38:07

Spirulina, that was a pivotal moment for me. When I realised one of the dc had regressed, wetting her knickers when her father was ranting and raging at me. sad god the shame now that I didn't leave sooner

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:39:23

Thanks for all your support
Spiralina - I'm not in a strong enough place right now to read any more of your input so I'm off

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:41:07

oh honey,

Are you Irish by any chance? I'm Irish and I had to leave your situation in the UK. Your son will be ok. There is support here too. Community Welfare officers, Lone parent allowance. I am so grateful to the 'authorities' here iykwim.

Devons, there is no need to cancel your ds's birthday party.

If you think the shit will hit the fan later on, make plans to get away. Your children will thank you for it, believe me. They might be small, but they know something isn't right. And dad now being in superdaddy mode confuses them even more.
They will grow up trying to work out an abuser's brain, which mode is he in, will always try to please him, will think it is their fault he is behaving like this and will feel responsible for your safety.

fuzzywuzzy Mon 11-Nov-13 13:42:09

Devon, you could have an amazing party for your DC being the first bday you are free of this monster.

Spirulina - you are not helping. She knows all that and is trying to do something.

Anniegetyourgun Mon 11-Nov-13 13:42:35

Why do you believe that DS will hate remembering Mum leaving Dad rather than being extremely relieved? Don't answer - just think about it.

Pancakeflipper Mon 11-Nov-13 13:43:03

Devon, don't go stay here. Decision making is incredibly hard and it's scary. But don't be alone. Talk.

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:44:13

I left my life in the UK and relocated with one rucksack. Up until a week before I left my friends believed I was ok. Well, maybe not closest friends. But I'd been wasting so much energy maintaining a facade.

Come back, nobody's judging. We know you know that the best thing is to leave. We understand the practicalities and the logistics of actually arranging that can be hard.

Spirulina says she went to a refuge and I foolishly thought that that was not right for me, that what I'd been through wasn't 'bad enough'. Now i'm out the other end i can see that it was plenty bad enough. Ishould have taken the support that was there, that's one of my regrets now, that I didn't take the help that was there sooner.

Tuhlulah Mon 11-Nov-13 13:44:37

Devon, my poor love. Don't cry. You are a big girl and you are capable of sorting this out. You will survive this because you are not going to wait for this to escalate until he is punching you and worse. This is enough.

You are assuming your DS will think his mum leaving his dad is a bad thing. You are living in fear and I expect DS is too. I can hear the eggshells from here.

Every step, every day as it comes. But make a start. Before he comes back call Women's Aid. You have the number and you have the time. Does the cunt check your phone numbers? If so, call box.

First, find your way out. Do not live in this fear. You have the power to do this. Your DS needs you to protect him from this. He didn't choose to live with your fucking bastard cunt of a runt of a man, but you are choosing for him.

dinnaementiontheprunes Mon 11-Nov-13 13:44:49

Banks are really blasé about contacting spouses, even if you have different names. There was a thread on MN a while ago (I can't find it now) where people were saying the bank had contacted their husbands, even if the account was in the woman's name only. (It was about energy companies iirc.)

If you used the same bank as he does, or one you had a joint account with previously, it's possible this has happened. It shouldn't happen, it's outrageous, but it does sometimes. My own account doesn't show up on dh's banking page, btw, he only has access to our joint account details.

Sorry not to be of any concrete help, I just remembered that thread and thought that you might not need to be looking for a sinister method by which he found out. All the best.

Please keep talking. Everyone who's been in your situation has found it incredibly hard to leave, but no one ever regretted leaving an abusive partner.
You may be stronger than you think.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Mon 11-Nov-13 13:47:20

Call WA. Get help. This is not normal.

In terms of reasons:
- as you have no earnings, any money you save in your name is not taxable, (fill in a R85 form from HRMC and hand to your bank, they will not charge any tax in your savings) so arguably all your household savings should be in your name.

- what if he gets under a bus? The joint account would be frozen and it takes up to six weeks to unfreeze.

- so that he does not know how much his birthday and Christmas presents cost.

PeterParkerSays Mon 11-Nov-13 13:48:33

Devons, do you have to leave? could you get the locks changed so he can't get in?

I can absolutely see why you want DS to have his party as planned, but I would really look to get out, rather than deal with him tonight. You could call him this afternoon and say "You wanted to know why I have set up an account? It's so I can build up a fund to move my son away from your violence. I can't talk now, I have a taxi waiting" and get into it, having been in touch with Women's Aid.

You don't need to explain your decision to him.

bubblybottom Mon 11-Nov-13 13:49:58

thanks

bubblybottom Mon 11-Nov-13 13:50:32

If you are in merseyside and need refuge you can come to me xxx

Perhaps he got a text because of the shared online banking details.

Saving up for Xmas so the money is ringfenced from the general spending.

Spirulina Mon 11-Nov-13 13:51:41

gosh don't tell her to change the locks! that's not legal at all and could make things ten times worse

is it still 2 women a week dying at the hands of a partner? I ask because the many MN threads alone make me fearful for all the dc involved,there are so many threads where women will not leave....why?

garlicbutter Mon 11-Nov-13 14:02:40

Spirulina - Women's Aid page Why doesn't she leave?

Being in abusive relationships alters your perception of normality. You simply don't think like a 'normal' person, neither do you value yourself as a 'normal' person does. Overcoming these factors is the biggest issue for most.

garlicbutter Mon 11-Nov-13 14:04:54

I'm in favour of changing locks - after reporting to the police and having backup in place. Fuck the legality; it's illegal to abuse your wife and kids. But, just on its own, it's dangerous. You need to know you're protected.

PeppermintScreams Mon 11-Nov-13 14:06:55

Did he get a text message? Our bank (NatWest) once sent me a text message saying that DP have set up a new payee on his own personal account that is nothing to do with me.

Tell him that you just want your own. You're probably not going to use it but you've read something online about how every woman needs their own personal one, and some bills in their name for credit checks and CRBs (for when you volunteer at kids school etc) and in case he dies. Or you're going to use this account for Christmas and Birthdays. Your son's upcoming birthday has highlighted this. Set up a standing order from your joint account for £20 a month that he can see.

Now set up an online account with a different bank as mentioned above, and start syphoning money away.

But you know this is just a sticking plaster, and you need to seriously start planning your escape.

Good luck.

fusspot66 Mon 11-Nov-13 14:06:59

Phone calls to woman's aid don't show up on your phone bill

Spirulina Mon 11-Nov-13 14:07:01

thing is if he calls the police they cant make him stay out of his own house,but she will have to let him in.....or he can break in.....then what? do you think he will just shrug it off?

Spirulina Mon 11-Nov-13 14:07:35

oh,and the dc will witness the whole charade

fusspot66 Mon 11-Nov-13 14:07:41

You can also contact them by email

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Mon 11-Nov-13 14:15:09

Here is the HMRC links that explain about getting your savings interest without tax. I hope this reason buys you some breathing space on the issue of your own bank account.

R85 helpsheet
R85 form

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Mon 11-Nov-13 14:18:40

Spriulina Did you read the link provided for you?

You're not being at all helpful

Spirulina Mon 11-Nov-13 14:22:50

what about changing the locks?

suggesting changing the locks isn't helpful
suggesting further lies and cover ups isn't helpful
suggesting staying and bowing down to him isn't helpful

what is your offering then diary??

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Mon 11-Nov-13 14:29:41

hmm

I would imagine every single person who has read the thread wants the same thing but making OP feel worse isn't helping anyone. Just because you have escaped doesn't make it easier for others to do the same.

But you know this. You seem well aware of your unhelpfulness

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Mon 11-Nov-13 14:30:34

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Spirulina Mon 11-Nov-13 14:32:30

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Mon 11-Nov-13 14:38:17

No advice to add no, although I do not have to justify myself to you.

You're not advising either though are you?

The OP left her thread because of you.

wannaBe Mon 11-Nov-13 14:40:19

Do people seriously think that getting angry at someone who is already in a vulnerable position and telling them they are complicit in child abuse is going to make them sit up and leave the situation? Or scaring them about the number of women who are killed/that shoving will lead to punches and kicks and so on?

From what op is saying it sounds as if this was low-level violence, no not acceptable by any means and certainly good grounds for leaving the relationship but not a situation where the op is currently in fear for her life or that of her children. Even the likes of women’s aid urge people in abusive relationships to take steps in order to leave rather than taking compulsive steps such as changing locks which may actually put them in greater danger.

Chaging the locks is a bad idea and would be ill advised. If the op locked her h out of the house she would be told by the police to let him back in as this is the marital home and he has the right to be there, especially given the op hasn’t made any allegations against him previously. I speak from experience (not mine but that of a friend). But equally talking about child abuse and social services isn’t helpful either. Many, many people are in abusive relationships, either physical or emotional, and SS certainly don’t come down on them like a ton of bricks or brand them child abusers. Yes if the abuse is such that the authorities become involved then ss would also be informed, but the op is putting steps in place to leave this relationship, she doesn’t need the fear of ss being thrown at her in order to satisfy some posters’ desire for it to happen when they want rather than when op is ready.

Op, if you want to leave the relationship, is there any other reason other than your ds’ birthday why you are biding your time? There’s never an easy time for children to have their parents split up, but as time goes on they do ultimately come to terms with it, and if it happens over an important event such as a birthday there will be other birthdays that will take the place of the one which spelled the end of their parents’ marriage. Children are resilliant, and they will bounce back from this and go on to have happy childhoods.
If you’ve changed the child benefit into your own account
Then your h is going to notice, especially if he’s found out that you have your own bank account, so I’m presuming you are planning to leave sooner rather than later, in which case what plan do you have for leaving?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Mon 11-Nov-13 14:45:23

Spirulina you frightened that poor woman away.

Retroformica Mon 11-Nov-13 14:58:41

Your saving the child benefit separately so that you can give them a chuck of money when they need to pay for uni or car or house deposits etc.

s4

Sorry, wrong thread blush

OP, hope you are ok. Where about are you? I am in Kent. I will help if you are nearby and want to get away.

ImperialBlether Mon 11-Nov-13 15:40:16

I think I'd say that you heard about someone separating out the CB into a different account to try to save a bit of money and that you didn't make it a joint one because you were on your own when you did it and they would have needed his signature.

AdoraBell Mon 11-Nov-13 16:14:52

I agree with pps who have suggested you are saving CB for DS.

Then move up your plans To leave, call Women's Aid and inform the police of the previous assult.

Do you have a friend you could leave a bag with? Someone you can really trust, who could lié through her/his teeth if H asks if you've stashed a suitcase.

If so pack documentos, birth certificates for both you and DS, marriage cert, pasaportes, driving licence. Unless H would notice their asbence.
Include a small amount of clothing as small treat for DS, his favourites sweets/chocolate.

Good luck OP

Geckos48 Mon 11-Nov-13 16:17:18

I would tell him you got cold called and it all
sounded like a good idea and you'd not really given it much more thought, thought you could use it for Christmas presents and just opened it because you felt pressured.

dustarr73 Mon 11-Nov-13 16:18:25

I hope the op is still reading this,even if she is not replying.I think Adorabell is dead on the money.Stash a bag somewhere that if you nees to leave you have a bag somewhere

AdoraBell Mon 11-Nov-13 16:20:43

and a treat for DS, clothing for both of you.

Hendricksandcucumber Mon 11-Nov-13 16:28:58

I just wanted to add, SS aren't something to be afraid of in this situation, by leaving they will see that you are safeguarding DS and they can help you get to a refuge. There may also be the possibility of section 17 payments until things are sorted financially. Additionally if you do leave because of DV the police can accompany you back to the family home at a later date to collect toys clothes pics etc.

Good Luck!

perfectstorm Mon 11-Nov-13 16:51:24

Spirulina if you really care about the people in this situation, then be a love and back the fuck off. This is the OP's life and trying to bully her into doing as you think best is possibly a tad reminiscent of her home situation - scarcely constructive.

OP I think you need to focus a little: visit your GP and tell him or her everything. Financial abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse. If you live in England and Wales, you need a record of abuse in order to be granted legal aid. You will need legal aid for contact/residence disputes when you're ready to leave. If you can't provide evidence of harassment or domestic abuse/violence, you don't get legal aid anymore. I understand why you don't want to report to police right now but you NEED to get this logged with a GP, because that counts as contemporaneous record for public funding reasons yet they are 100% bound by confidentiality, so nobody will talk to your H and increase your risk. Health Visitor is also a good idea if your child is preschool aged - that counts, too.

Please call Women's Aid if you haven't already. They will be able to offer the emotional support you so very much deserve and need, as well as sensible practical advice. Look after yourself, and please check in here if you feel able to? A lot of women here are thinking of you and wishing you nothing but well. flowers

Tuhlulah Mon 11-Nov-13 17:04:52

Well done Perfect Storm, great advice. I didn't know that about legal aid.
I guess this is why OP needs to contact Women's Aid, for practical and tactical advice.

Loopyloulu Mon 11-Nov-13 17:19:51

I still can't see how the DH knows about the bank account. If it wasn't a letter home which he saw then it was the bank calling home and speaking to him instead- OP should contact them to ask and give them a bollicking.

Changing the locks is a no-no. For a start how is that possible unless someone can do it at the drop of a hat when he is at work? Secondly it's illegal- it's his home too. Thirdly, it may prompt more violence if he tried to get in via smashing windows etc , which he has every right to do to gain entry to his own house as there is no order against him to stop him.

OP if you are still reading then I don't think you need make it complicated- you need to tell him that you wanted to put some money aside for a rainy day or for some savings, and that is why you opened a separate account.

If you are so worried about his reaction to what is a normal thing for a wife to do, then it's sign you need to leave the marriage as soon as you can. Have you got friends in RL you can go and stay with?

Mumbrage Mon 11-Nov-13 17:28:52

They know by looking at you (these abusive bully types)

MaryPoppinsBag Mon 11-Nov-13 17:38:04

OP did you open your account online? If so he may have looked on the Internet history.

Just say that you want to separate the child benefit from the main account so it can save up for treats.

lisad123everybodydancenow Mon 11-Nov-13 17:39:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfectstorm Mon 11-Nov-13 17:40:14

OP I really, really hope you're using private web browsing to post on MN, and clearing all cache/history afterwards. There's also the option of the other place to post, if you need it. (PM me if you want advice on how?)

I can't believe the OP has been scared away. Some people ought to be ashamed.

Yes lisad123, you are right. I have been with Nationwide for donkeys years, dp with another bank. When we opened a joint account for household and kids stuff, the new account just automatically comes up on the list of accounts when I log on.

OP come back come back.

I was in your shoes once (without kids) and know what its like when you are slowly facing up to what has been your life. You can't accept that YOU are in a domestic violence situation and people telling you that you are putting your kids in danger is not helping. Yes you keep on autopilot for things like a childs birthday, because the thought of all the upheaval is too much just now. Also if you are used to being dependent on someone else for money and decisions, you feel like you still need their 'approval' to do anything like leave them.

Hope you are ok.

Loopyloulu Mon 11-Nov-13 18:15:18

OP Maybe revert to the old banking in person and cheque books instead of internet banking? I have several accounts but only have internet banking for one account. All other savings accounts are pass books, ISAs, or I just don't bother to get up online banking.

34DD Mon 11-Nov-13 18:31:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tuhlulah Mon 11-Nov-13 19:05:48

Op may not have been scared off. Her DH will be home by now I presume, and she has a child, so she is probably busy just now with one thing or another.

She may come back later.

There is advice on the Womens Aid pages about covering your tracks online.

Tbh OP if you've done anything online for this account then that's probably how he knew so when you want to set up another or make changes don't do it in your house. Go to the library and use the PC there.

FestiveEdition Mon 11-Nov-13 19:23:26

OP - take a deep breath, sweetheart. You are in a difficult place, right now, and I think you have been handling it well. If there is asvice here which just isn't appropriate for you at the moment, then ignore it. You have enough going on!

I don't want to worry you further, but given that you seem to have covered all the possible routes of your H finding out about the account (mole, post etc) there is one lousy possibility left ...... you said you set up online banking, so is it possible he has set up spy softwear on your computer> its ridiculously easy to do, and you would never know it is there,. Some programmes don;t even show up in the programmes list.

Please don;t think I am saying this to worry or frighten you, but it is the only other route to his finding out about the account, that I can think of.

At the moment, I would play it cool but please just try to make sure that your mum always knows exactly what the situation is from day to day, and arrange a code call ....so she appears to just randomly call you, but is actually also checking that everything is OK.

You have been planning well, and handling things well up until now .....don't let this setback scare you too badly, just continue to ensure you stay safe.
flowers

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 11-Nov-13 19:24:24

Everyone is worried for you and your DCs, feelings ran high here. OP hope things are quiet this evening. Sticks in the throat to say it but avoid his triggers, be bland, soft, really for now just keep yourself safe.

Tiredemma Mon 11-Nov-13 20:37:06

I hope that the OP is ok.

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 20:42:06

He got home just as I was taking dc's up for bed.
Didn't speak to me at all - spoke to kids.
I'm now in bed with kids (I've gone to bed with kids for last 2 years so not unusual behaviour!)
I'll call women's aid tomorrow once both dc's are at school.
Spoke with my brother earlier when he called me - told him situation, he said there's always a bed for us at his if we need it.
Thanks everyone for your concern / advice.
Helps make me feel I'm doing the right thing.

ABitterPIL Mon 11-Nov-13 20:44:00

Violence is never ok. You are doing the right thing. The quicker the better

devonsmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 20:45:37

Still none the wiser as to how he found out.
I've logged onto online banking using shared password & my new account doesn't show from there
I've been deleting browser history daily
I'm using my phone to post on here & it never leaves my side.

whitsernam Mon 11-Nov-13 20:47:59

I am so relieved to hear your brother's response!!! You do need family on your side. I've been worrying about you, and knowing you have a place to go if you want it is fabulous. Please don't wait for things to spiral out of control. If you can get out and get help before it's an emergency, you'll all be better off for it.

Wishing you the best, and a good night's sleep!!

Crazyex Mon 11-Nov-13 20:51:02

I used to get mails from my credit report subscription even if exh took out another credit card because the addresses were linked so that might be how he knows.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Mon 11-Nov-13 20:53:26

OP flowers for you. You have recognised you are in an abusive situation and are making plans to leave it.

Please take care of you and yours - ignore the posters berating you and please look after yourself. When a woman tries to leave an abusive, violent partner is, statistically speaking, a dangerous time and you need to be aware that violence can often escalate, and be ready for it. Plan your escape now - have your papers/documents/an emergency bag packed.

For the, er, more aggressive posters here - holding a woman responsible "because why didn't she leave" is a pernicious and subtle form of victim blaming that is rife in society - and should be avoided on threads like these.

mindlessmama Mon 11-Nov-13 21:06:55

2 things Devon,
I don't have a clue who you are but feel so proud of you for taking the first steps and seeking help.
Secondly, you are an exceptionally brave and couragous person. Well done!
Praying and hoping you and dcs are safe soon.

AliceinWinterWonderland Mon 11-Nov-13 21:14:13

I do think it's important if you can figure out how he knows about it. Is he using a key stroke programme on your computer? Thing is, if he can find out that, he may be able to find your other things as well.

mainamow Mon 11-Nov-13 21:24:51

Devons, you need to be very careful with your DH as he is not stupid. I think I would answer this: I need this account because as a SAHM I feel very dependent. Having a separate banking account will give me some independence. I know I can use money from a shared account but it would be so much nicer if I'd just buy a oresent using money from my account. Lots of couples have separate bank acc-nts and do not make a big deal out of it. I opened it in secret because I knew how you would react and I didn't want to have more arguments as this is no good for our family's wellbeing.
Of course he will ask about where you will get money from. Say drom the chikd benefit. Actually did you not transfer it to your account from your joint one? That is probably why he guessed about yr account.
Stupid phone. Cannot correct the mistakes.
I have separate account. I get CB into it. Feels so much better. I am looking for jobs and this tiny ammount feels like a lot because i hate my financial dependance on my DH.
Good luck.

mainamow Mon 11-Nov-13 21:30:30

Also, if asks why did you open it soon after our fight, you could say, because youbthink you would treat me better had I have my own money. I have always wanted to open it. Now I have it and leave me alone. It is noy a crime to have a aeoarate bank account.
An innocent talk is the best. X

blancminge Mon 11-Nov-13 21:37:22

When I open a new account it shows up on the credit-checking website Experian. Could it possibly be that?

AdoraBell Mon 11-Nov-13 21:37:25

I'm really glad that your brother responded the way he did.

cloudskitchen Mon 11-Nov-13 21:54:53

Glad you came back Devons. Please keep us posted. Lots of people worried about you and wanting the best for you x

hollyisalovelyname Mon 11-Nov-13 22:04:09

He not talking to you - be careful. The calm before the storm.
Is your brother nearby ?

Tuhlulah Mon 11-Nov-13 22:10:04

The bastard probably knows you're really scared, and is loving it. The living in dread must be so terrible for you.

Take care. Be brave.

If I knew how to use those emoticon things I would do you a bunch of flowers but will have to make do with a X.

FestiveEdition Mon 11-Nov-13 22:17:54

So pleased you came back OP.
Lots of support here for you, but am very very pleased to hear about your brother being there for you. It is a big help if you know you have someone to go to.

Talking to WA tomorrow will be great to help you re-establish perspective after your scare tonight. FWIW, I think it would be a good idea to think about making your timeline plan a bit faster than perhaps you had thought, but the one really important thing is that you keep yourself safe ....and take it at whatever speed is going to keep you that way.

flowers
Its very very hard, but there is light at the end of this tunnel.,

ProphetOfDoom Mon 11-Nov-13 22:31:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProphetOfDoom Mon 11-Nov-13 22:32:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BobaFetaCheese Mon 11-Nov-13 22:56:35

Best of luck, hope your phone call tomorrow goes well. x

Does he know someone that works for your bank/anyway of accessing bank information professionally?
My abusive ex worked for a mobile phone company and he would track not only my calls/texts but those of all my friends/family (my next boyfriend got a missed call from him 2 years after we had broken up)!

Also, I had a new credit card sent recorded delivery once, could he have picked up a 'sorry we missed you' postie card & picked up something from the sorting office?

Is your username one of your DC's names? If it is, it's quiet unusual so it might be worth namechanging & seeing if MN will change your previous posts.

Ruprekt Mon 11-Nov-13 23:02:30

Take care DM and remember there is lots of support for you. brewbrew

Glad you came back OP.

Well done for confiding in your DB. Do you know where you are going to go from here? It's hard, I know. I think you are making the right choices though.

flowers for you

Mellowandfruitful Tue 12-Nov-13 00:01:16

Maybe he noticed the child benefit hadn't come through to the usual account, rang them and they told him it had been changed? I don't know how they handle such things.

So glad your brother is there for you. Please think seriously about taking him up on his offer sooner rather than later. The mortgage can be dealt with all in good time but you and your DC need to be safe.

Immenowithink Tue 12-Nov-13 00:13:43

From experience delete all your mobile Internet history too. My ex did follow me onto here by looking at my phone, something I never thought possible. ... why would he look at my phone? Only he had to much to hide on his phone and was projecting onto me. Don't want to scare you but to warn you. Hope you're ok x

CanucksoontobeinLondon Tue 12-Nov-13 00:37:00

That is really awesome that your DB is being supportive. Finally a bit of good news! Can you stash a bag at your DB's house so if you have to leave in a hurry, you're not leaving with just the clothes on your back?

dustarr73 Tue 12-Nov-13 07:50:34

Delighted you came back op.How far does your brother live,can you go to your brothers tomorrow and leave from there to Womens Aid.Or at least drop your bag there.
We are all here rooting for you and hoping you leave sooner rather than later

Mumbrage Tue 12-Nov-13 11:47:17

So glad you have a place to go.

Your head is shifting from one reality to another. It's not just a simple click of the fingers to accept change. It's well known that change, even for the better, can often be hard! and yet you're making plans, being honest with your brother, you have a place to go lined up, you are being very pro-active. brew

My x had a key logger on the old pc as well. At the time that made me angry and feel so 'invaded' and even more abused and violated, but now, I think, my god, he had it right there in front of him, my honest account of how distressed and unhappy I was with him, because of him, and still he wanted to prevent me leaving. So, in the passing of time it actually doesn't matter to me if he had read my thoughts. BUT for now, yes, just communicate with mn on your phone. You'd be amazed how text book these guys are. Controlling, tick, physically abusive tick, verbally abusive tick??? I can almost predict the next chapter. They're all so alike. Key logger?? well whaddya know.....

garlicbutter Tue 12-Nov-13 12:24:46

Well done on talking to your brother and Womens Aid, devons! It can be a bit scary to 'make it real' by talking about it, but, well, it is real. So good to know you have somewhere to run if needed smile

Wishing you continued strength and support.

Tuhlulah Tue 12-Nov-13 13:00:51

Devons, can you let us know how you are today?

FestiveEdition Tue 12-Nov-13 16:34:38

Also checking back ....are you OK, Devons

deste Tue 12-Nov-13 20:21:42

Today we had a letter addressed to myself and DH. It was my bank statement but they had added my DH's name to it. He did ask where the account came from, neither of us knew what it was. When I checked its one of my accounts with his name added to it., could this have happened tp you.

perfectstorm Tue 12-Nov-13 20:50:04

Thinking of you, Devons.

garlicbutter Tue 12-Nov-13 21:06:16

Good grief, when are banks going to make it into the 21st century? angry Or are they waiting until they've sucked us all dry apart from debts, when they can just roll it into one massive repayment plan for us all? confused

Sorry, devons, got a bit carried away there! I'd love to find you're offline because in a refuge ... Wishing you all the very best, wherever you're at.

Tuhlulah Wed 13-Nov-13 11:49:15

Thinking of you, Devons. Let us know how things are.
x

Pinkpinot Wed 13-Nov-13 12:39:43

If you've changed the account that the cb gets paid to, there would have been a letter confirming that. Did he receive/see that?

FestiveEdition Wed 13-Nov-13 12:51:59

Devons, as someone said - hope you are not returning because you are now somewhere safe, but some of us are quite worried about you.

If you do feel able to just post an "I'm OK", it would be great.

cloudskitchen Wed 13-Nov-13 13:26:56

Thinking of you Devons thanks

MorningHasBroken Wed 13-Nov-13 15:13:58

I've been checking back constantly, worrying about you. Please let us know if you're okay, Devons.

NancyOsbourne Wed 13-Nov-13 15:29:24

Thinking of you Devon thanks

43percentburnt Wed 13-Nov-13 18:36:00

Does your husband track both of your credit files via experian/equifax. He may have set up an account if you have recently applied for credit and been rejected or if you were trying to improve your credit score to obtain future credit. He may have set one up in your name too, this is illegal but very very easy to do if you live with someone and know about their info or have access to their info.

If he does track your credit, he would have received a text saying your credit file had changed, he could then have logged on and would see you applied for a bank account.

Scarily he could do all the above and you could easily know nothing about it.

Look at your bank statements, credit card bills and see if money goes to experian, equifax, credit expert, call credit. You also get it 'free' with a natwest silver account. This would show as a £10 charge each month from your natwest account.

43percentburnt Wed 13-Nov-13 18:38:34

If the bank have told him that you have an account, by calling him for example, they have breached the data protection act. It would be taken very very seriously.

Tuhlulah Wed 13-Nov-13 20:04:41

Still no Devons? Fuck.

FestiveEdition Wed 13-Nov-13 22:51:49

Deeply worrying.

Mumbrage Wed 13-Nov-13 22:53:55

Devons brew

Hope you are ok.

hollyisalovelyname Fri 15-Nov-13 00:27:22

Devons thinking of you

mindlessmama Sat 16-Nov-13 13:10:25

Where are you Devons? sad Praying you are safe somewhere.

kittybiscuits Sat 16-Nov-13 13:16:42

Also thinking of you devons and checking regularly. Please be safe x

starfishmummy Sat 16-Nov-13 13:51:38

We had the opposite to deste - bank suggested we open a savings account linked to our joint account, which we agreed to; but they just set it up in my name. DH knew all about it - and was not in the least bothered; but it could have been very different especially as the person I spoke to was not at all helpful regarding rectifying their error.

paxtecum Sat 16-Nov-13 14:20:08

As already said - he could have installed key logger onto the PC.
Hope you are ok.

marimeifod Sat 16-Nov-13 14:40:46

Devons, just to echo the others that I am thinking of you. Please post when you can to let people know you are OK.

Just a thought as well - you said you're deleting your internet browing history every day, but do you have an account with your search engine? For example, if you have a google account, and are logged on to that account when you make a google search, it is possible to access your google search history which is separate from your computer's browing history. Does that make sense? Just wondering if you were aware of that and can use that info to make your browsing safer.

jellyfl00d Sat 16-Nov-13 15:28:16

Does Mnet ever check people are ok in this situation?

Mumpiring Sat 16-Nov-13 15:37:07

Maybe he's not letting her on the internet. my x used to hate those backslapping feminist lezbos. That's why I left him. Had my head filled with hate by the backslapping feminist lezbos.

I hope the OP is ok. Maybe (with luck) things are in a calm phase in the cycle at the moment.

MorningHasBroken Mon 18-Nov-13 14:16:00

Devons, just to let you that people are still checking back on you. Hope things are okay - please do let us knowing how things are going as soon as you can.

DownstairsMixUp Mon 18-Nov-13 14:21:30

Have read all your updates, how is everything?

FestiveEdition Tue 19-Nov-13 08:24:17

Devons, still checking to see if you are OK.

You are in the thoughts of several people, truly hoping all is well
x

EasyCompadre Tue 19-Nov-13 08:37:13

Still thinking of you Devons, hope everything is going ok. Hope to hear from you soon.

hollyisalovelyname Sat 23-Nov-13 18:34:39

Devons hope all ok with you.

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