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The dating thread 65

(1000 Posts)
Queenofthedrivensnow Sun 03-Nov-13 22:09:18


Bessy5678 Sun 03-Nov-13 22:15:03

Phew, I just went to comment on the other thread and I couldn't! Panic!!
Anyway, he's been texting tonight saying he's horny, I've replied saying I want my date first! So far no reply but I know he's read it. I really want to go on a grow up date, you know the ones where you spend an hour or so getting ready? An excuse to have your hair done and shave your legs!!! I think this one is a lost cause isn't it? Grrrr why is this so complicated!!

Stupidhead Sun 03-Nov-13 22:21:02

Argh! I lost my message! Along the lines of 'dontcall' amazing night!!!

Queenofthedrivensnow Sun 03-Nov-13 22:22:02

Put your foot down about the date but it doesn't look good :-(

powpow80 Sun 03-Nov-13 22:25:19

Hi All,

Quiet weekend date wise for me. Was out Friday night but didn't meet anyone exciting. Next date is tuesday. Haven't been into him since date was arranged so interest is waning to be honest. Chatting to three other guys that I would like to meet. Fingers crossed.

Think I need a notepad and pen to try and keep track of the thread. Moves so fast. Sounds like a few folk had good dates over the weekend. That's great to hear.

Bessy, if you are looking for a casual fling this guy might suit that. If he's sending texts like that he is more than likely just after sex.

ManofMystery Sun 03-Nov-13 22:25:37

Bessy, sounds like he knows what he wants but I think you deserve to be wined and dined and flirted with and it NOT end in sex. That is surely the fun of dating ie the build up.

I think that because he got sex he thinks that he will always get it. I think you need to hold it off for a while so just suggest going for a few drinks one eve this week and see what happens. And don't invite him back no matter. Actually leave the snog till the end too. It's a bit like going backwards but it should work. I think.

Hello boys-I thought women liked guys with confidence and who knew what they wanted?!

Bessy5678 Sun 03-Nov-13 22:33:14

Deep breath and text, "wanna meet this week for a date" *closes eyes and hopes for the best ...................
Will keep you posted!

Stupidhead Sun 03-Nov-13 22:39:13

everything crossed Bessie!
So tall manager has fooked off in a strop. He'd call me little chicken, little angel and bleurgh. Still on a tentative date with tall solicitor for sat but haven't spoke to him since last week so I'll cancel and now tall rock dj is after me, he makes me laugh.

When I call them tall I mean 2 x 6'4" and 1 x 6'6"!!!!

Bessy5678 Sun 03-Nov-13 22:41:47

Crashed and burned - reply "are you getting serious?" NOOOOOOOOO I just want a date! Grrrrrr his profile says he wants long term relationship, I've been honest on mine and said casual dating rahhhhhhhh

powpow80 Sun 03-Nov-13 22:43:09

Feck him so Bessy. Sure at least you know where you stand and don't have to be wondering. Fair play to you for asking though.

powpow80 Sun 03-Nov-13 22:44:14

One more thing Bessy. A lot of people see casual dating/no commitment status as you are just looking for casual sex.

Stupidhead Sun 03-Nov-13 22:51:56

He's a wanker Bessie. Move on x

ALittleStranger Sun 03-Nov-13 22:55:30

What else can casual dating/no commitment mean apart from casual sex??

Bessy I'm only going to say this because you said you were inexperienced and not sure what you're doing. But if the first time you meet up with a stranger from OD is an overt booty call then you have to be prepared for there to be a 99% chance that it will go no where, not even FWB.

If you want casual sex and to be wined and dined it's easy enough, just sleep with them on the first date if you fancy them. But again, generally speaking the more you put yourself out there the greater the chance that things won't go anywhere. But it does at least sort the wheat from the chaff fairly quickly I guess.

Bessy5678 Sun 03-Nov-13 22:56:01

Ok I've text 'GAME OVER'

I just want a date, sex would be nice too but yes I want dinner and drinks first :0)

Ahh I'm resigned to be on my own forever!!!!

ALittleStranger Sun 03-Nov-13 22:59:00

Bessy this is easy, if you want a date, go on a date. Don't booty call someone. Getting dates is the easy part of OD. It's finding someone you want a relationship with that has kept this thread going for 65 chapters.

And one guy who was only after the readily available sex blowing you off does not equal alone for ever.

Someone needs to post the rules quick!

Stupidhead Sun 03-Nov-13 22:59:29

Bessie. Put your status as 'wants a relationship'. Don't contact men first, like their picture if you like it but don't message them. You are the prize here, make them work ;)

Bessy5678 Sun 03-Nov-13 23:01:35

I don't think I did fancy him, it's been a long it me and he offered it TBH, it's was a self esteem boost!

Text back from him "I don't normally do this kind of thing, sorry if I've hurt you" - and ignore and move on!!

Thanks for the advice, lesson learnt loud and clear - move on!

PaulineWhatsername Sun 03-Nov-13 23:03:32

A new thread - how exciting smile

I had date 2 with Polo Man on Saturday but he'd somehow transformed into a conceited, know it all arse, so there'll be no date 3.

I maybe have the elusive 2nd date with Media Guy on Wednesday, a tortured soul but fanciable non the less. I'm thinking it'll be a kind of warm up date to get me in the mood for date with Hot Shot (very posh bloke) on Thursday. Any tips on dating posh blokes most welcome.

PaulineWhatsername Sun 03-Nov-13 23:07:04

The Rules:

1. Develop a thick skin
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon
3. It's all BS until it actually happens
4. Trust your gut instinct
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. Loo update is mandatory

powpow80 Sun 03-Nov-13 23:07:06

Good idea to move on. It's hard at the start to get used to the whole dating thing. I made some schoolboy errors at the start myself. This thread will definitely help you wise up to all the different sorts online. Your twat radar will be finely honed in no time.

Stupidhead Sun 03-Nov-13 23:07:20

Pauline! Posh blokes like a bit of rough! Haha! 'Small cock man' he was ridiculously posh. Just used to talk about rugby, cocaine and how he'll live off his inheritance when the folks die. So I'm no help!

Queenofthedrivensnow Sun 03-Nov-13 23:17:03

Arf at small cock mAn! He he
I dated a posh man back along who became a Tory councillor or mp I forget. I would call him mr unreasonable requests in the bedroom.

Stupidhead Sun 03-Nov-13 23:19:43

He kissed like a washing machine too Queen, awful.

Bessy5678 Sun 03-Nov-13 23:19:52

Thanks for the tips Pauline, I shall print these out and carry them with me always. Going to delete POF for now and maybe rejoin another time when I've thickened my skin :0)

Queenofthedrivensnow Sun 03-Nov-13 23:25:28

Stupid - hurl.
Not that I am
Kissing anyone at all lately .....hmm

ladygoingGaga Sun 03-Nov-13 23:49:16

Date number 6/7 sort of lost count blush
Problem is I have proper <<<gulp>>> feelings for him, shit, kind of scared as don't want to get hurt, not that anything is wrong, but it's that allowing yourself to have those emotions again

dont sounds like a successful date wink

bessy we all make mistakes! only important thing is that you learn and move on

queen mr unreasonable requests... Do tell more!

ManofMystery Mon 04-Nov-13 06:39:18

Bessy as has been said, sounds like lesson learned. Once you have had sex, a bloke will just expect it. Unfortunately a lot just we dating as a way to get laid so once they have th prize, their work is done.

Expect more and I am a great believer on holding out. Take you time, enjoy the dates and make them work for it. If they like you enough, it will be worth their while.

Posh blokes are like any other man-they will think the same but may not be quite so explicit about it. Huge generalisation of course.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Mon 04-Nov-13 07:16:50

Oh, dating thread! What to do! Long one I'm afraid. So housemate guy just left mine....that was a 15 hour date! exhibition, dinner, drinks, back to mine, movie snuggled up on the sofa - that was really lovely - and he stayed over. It's a very happy comfortable feeling just being literally all wrapped up in each other. He makes me giggle and I feel about 17. We have now seen each other 3 times in a week and stayed over together twice. All quite a lot for me really, but I don't feel too intimidated by it, it's all felt very natural.

Anyway, I really don't know what to do now. It seems feelings are developing with him and racing ahead of what I was starting to feel for Dimples, who I have had lovely times with on the 2 dates we've had (and who in many ways on paper is a brilliant long term match for me - similar interests, lifestyle, approach to things etc) but there has been a physical affection barrier there and no real banter in between spaced out dates so it's just not had the chance to develop. So the clear choice would be to end things with Dimples and just see where things go with housemate guy. However there are 2 potential dealbreakers with him. One is religion, but need to discuss that more really to understand his position, but I always thought I could never picture myself with a religious person (I am atheist). To the extent that I would not reply to messages on OD sites if the profile stated a religion, I figured there was no point. And then secondly, the sex issue. We have slept in the same bed twice now, a lot of physical affection, even passion and, well, I have been satisfied if you see what I mean (very!)....but no dtd, and there doesn't even seem to be any, erm, interest in his downstairs's to the point where I'm wondering, is there a medical issue, is it the religion thing, or something else, because clearly he does like me and find me attractive - even used the word beautiful on a few occasions. Sex is quite important to me, I have a fairly high sex drive, and whilst I am not complaining that I was definitely, erm, taken care would drive me mad being in the same bed as someone all the time and not actually dtd.


Stupidhead Mon 04-Nov-13 07:22:41

Oh oneday! I'm the same as you with religion, even down also not replying to messages from guys who were.

The no 'stirring downstairs' at all would be a huge warning to me, I'd wonder if it was some hang up. Especially if you did everything but. What if that carries on? What if he won't do 'it' unless married? Can you talk to him at all?

ladygoingGaga Mon 04-Nov-13 08:44:09

oneday the religion aspect wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, after all we all have different interests, as long as he wasn't fanatical about it.

The sex thing though hmm that does seem strange, all that passion yet no sign he was aroused? I would guess huge nerves or medical issue on his part maybe?

ManofMystery Mon 04-Nov-13 08:52:39

Don't want details but when you say no interest, I take it that errr it was not taken out? I agree with all the above reasons but also perhaps he is not proud of his length/girth. This was mentioned earlier in the thread but if he feels he is not able to satisfy you with it, he may try everything else to keep you happy. As it seems he has done....

Course he can only go so far without going all the way as it were.

Poffedoff Mon 04-Nov-13 09:40:02

Oneday I hear ya!

I'm also an atheist... a good few of my friends would have some religious beliefs ranging from spiritual to full on fanatic...Have you talked about your differences? If so, how did he respond to your atheism? It really depends on how full on he is about it, unlike other "interests" though, religion can be quite a tricky one if you're both on opposite ends of the spectrum..
Regarding dtd, I was with a guy who seemed to have problems first few times we were together... Turns out it had been quite a while for him, he was nervous and just couldn't perform.. Lots of reassurance from me and gentle " coaxing" soon did the job... We did, however, talk about it... Surely he made some reference to the fact there was nothing stirring down below?

Poffedoff Mon 04-Nov-13 09:49:54

Gaga, that's what I was talking about!!!
The changeover from the heady first few dates to the commitment stage is bloody unsettling... There's such a fine line between wanting to show them you're falling for them and coming across as clingy and pushy!
I took it incredibly slow with pof guy, held back a lot and let him open up to me first...
I'm still the one with the constant fizzing in my stomach and broken nights so it seems, in my case, it might have been more the thrill of the chase for him. Once he got me to lose a bit of my vulnerability and admit I was falling he seemed to change his tune..
Communication is vital. Try not to let it go too long before you discuss about being exclusive while you both see where it goes. Have you both come off the site yet?

HelloBoys Mon 04-Nov-13 10:52:09

Man - I can't quite remember now re the confidence.

whatever it seems my dating skills seem to be zero right now!

I'm having next to no luck (apart from men I don't fancy etc) on Match Affinity.

An anecdote for you - met a friend of mine Saturday (with the other friends) - she was meant to have a date with man travelling from Leicester to London to meet her but then she realised when he said he'd come to her house that it was booty call time. She declined. Another man she was messaging - he was asking stuff like "do you like tattoos/body art etc?" she said "hmmm they're ok etc" - next thing he'd apparently nipped into a service station and taken a shot of his buttock with tribal art on it and emailed it to her. She wasn't impressed. What was worse (or better?!) was that he didn't know the significance/meaning etc behind the tribal art.

HelloBoys Mon 04-Nov-13 10:54:29

Anyway back to me (my favourite topic, LOL).

I was wondering - what/where do single women go for man action? Maybe Man could help out?

I was sort of thinking pubs near river (Richmond etc) especially on sporting days - eg for rugby types... been watching too much Strictly with Ben Cohen - gasp

but where else do men go? art galleries? I have NO idea. and it's mostly so we get to chat to these creatures.

ManofMystery Mon 04-Nov-13 11:44:53

HelloBoys-that sounds hilarious re your mate. Not sure I have ever taken a picture of my arse and sent it to anyone- What are some people thinking?

I am sure your dating skills are not zero-and what sort of man action are you after? If it is just to meet some new people, I am always of the thinking that you should just get out there and enjoy some hobbies/activities and the men will come flocking.

If you are enjoying yourself, they will see that and that will pull them in...going out to where they hang out maybe somewhat less easy-I hate football but I would assume it would be harder of there attention is drawn by a flying ball..

I will drop you a message..

ladygoingGaga Mon 04-Nov-13 12:25:22

poff I guess a conversation is needed, we have both come off from the site and have planned weekends together for the foreseeable, I have a weekend planned with friends in December and he is now cominggrin
so I hope actions speak louder than words.
He has referred to me as his 'mrs' in a jokey way and described us as being in a relationship so although we have not had a actually 'so then' conversation it feels certain to

ladygoingGaga Mon 04-Nov-13 12:28:23

helloboys I would say just be confident and happy in yourself and get out there and enjoy yourself in whatever you enjoy, be that gym/other interests.
I wouldn't go off doing things with the only purpose of meeting someone, enjoy being you then its not wasted effort and from what ive seen men like a woman who is happy in herself.. if that makes any sensegrin

Queenofthedrivensnow Mon 04-Nov-13 14:04:01

I have tried loads of methods of meeting men and all I get is new female friends! Which is good but less helpful!

Lots contact and compliments from gap yah. Bit meh about it still

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Mon 04-Nov-13 14:18:57

Man no we were both starkers. There was, as Stupidhead put it, nothing stirring. He seemed comfortable though, this time. The first time I think he seemed fairly nervous. We didn't discuss it directly - to be fair he was distracting me fairly expertly - later I did ask ''is there anything I can do for you'', he said, ''not this time'' and then it was all kissing and lovely stuff being said and I got distracted again.

I don't think religion would be an absolute dealbreaker as long as I was never expected to participate. He didn't react badly, I volunteer with a church-run project and mentioned being the only non-Christian there and being invited to go to church with them and not wanting to, and he seemed supportive of me not being coerced. But I don't really know how seriously he takes it and what it really means to him. There's definitely potential future issues - for example I would not get married in a church, or want any children to go to a faith school (he went to a faith school). That's big stuff to bring up so early on.

But I guess conversations need to be had. Next time. In the meantime I have a 3rd date with Dimples tonight, which I am looking forward to, not sure if my heart is really in it though with the other guy taking up so much headspace. It has been so slow to develop, I feel like I really need to see a sign that he is keen on me and find more of a physical spark otherwise this is all too much of a headache to keep up. Although he is a really lovely man, I fancy him, and interests/lifestyle wise we are very well suited...

I never envisaged having a choice like this!!!

HelloBoys Mon 04-Nov-13 16:08:52

Thanks for the info.

The only snags are.... whenever I'm at the gym everyone there is gyming it too - the only men tend to be VERY into their workouts!

I'm in WI (and we do all sorts (cake making, craft stuff) but they don't allow men in! The only other places I do go are pub, shopping etc but sometimes you see men there sometimes not.

ordinarybloke Mon 04-Nov-13 16:43:23

Dontcall - a meal at a posh restaurant and a pizza in the same evening?Perhaps you needed to keep your energy up ;-)

So had date with Black Pepper Woman - a nice evening, but when I went to kiss her she backed-off. Whether she does not fancy me or it is too fast for her due to her culture (moved here frim China 5 years ago) is something I do not yet know. Texted her sat eve to say enjoyed myself and would like to see her again.No reply yet,but she often takes her time replying.

Sunday afternoon date with Cheese Woman. Nice time, no initial spark but it could develop (more chance than with Black Pepper Woman). Sent message sunday evening that I really enjoyed nyself and would love to see her again soon. No reply yet,although she normally replies quite quickly. Did mention where I worked and she knows somone who also works there and knows of me.So perhaps she is asking him about me?

ManofMystery Mon 04-Nov-13 16:43:48

Gyms are never good places-too much sweat and grunting for it to be attractive...

I always think pugs are a bit forces and shopping is tricky. I do think classes are they way forward. No relationship pressure, get to know them over time and regular contact. What more do you want??!

BillMasen Mon 04-Nov-13 16:44:10

Thread regular here but not been on for a while. Just wanted to comment on bessys situation and say yes it's perfectly possible to Dtd on a first meeting and then to start "dating". A decent bloke will be quite comfortable with what happened, and also comfortable to subsequently meet and date "properly". man is wrong saying he will always just want sex.

To be fair, it does sound like yours wasn't in that space though and was only after one thing. All I'm saying is Dtd on a first meeting does not automatically make the man a "player" or incapable of proper dates.

ladygoingGaga Mon 04-Nov-13 16:46:35

oneday is there anything I can do for you made me laugh because that is exactly what I would have said grin
I'm sure that will improve with time if he is nervous etc and relaxes.

I race ahead in my mind sometimes, easier said then done, but just enjoy it for the now.

Good link with dimples tonight, I'm hope by the end of the night it is clearer in your mind, go with your gut feeling.

" All I'm saying is Dtd on a first meeting does not automatically make the man a "player" or incapable of proper dates"

I have to say, having tried the holding out approach and the just have fun approach, I can honestly say it has made no difference to whether I've dated the man or not. I've jumped into bed with some and dated them for months afterwards, and I've held out with others and it's not lasted. I reckon a man is either into me, interested in dating me, or he isn't, regardless of how quickly we DTD. So I go with the flow and do what feels right at the time these days.

ladygoingGaga Mon 04-Nov-13 16:53:55

Just catching up on the thread updates from last night
pauline no advice I'm afraid for dating posh blokes, never been there!

stupidhead 6'6 and 6'4 I'm very envy

Hormonalhell Mon 04-Nov-13 19:20:48

Yes I agree with Livid if a guy is into you, even if you have sex it won't put him off. He'll just feel incredibly lucky!!grin

I once DTD with a guy because I was horny and not really that into him. He pursued me relentlessly and I never DTD with him again because he liked me more than I did him. We are still good friends tho.

Regarding the 'no stirrings' I once dated a guy like this. He was diabetic and his medication made him unable to obtain an erection. I got bored very quickly shock

Bessy5678 Mon 04-Nov-13 20:26:31

Thank you for all your great advice. Most of my girls friends are married or in relationships and I don't have anyone in RL I can talk to about it all.

So I've set up another profile, selected that I'm looking for a relationship and written a profile. I'm just going to wait now and see and not make the same mistake again!!

Thanks again for all the advice!

49howdidthathappen Mon 04-Nov-13 22:00:03

Agree completely with Bill.

Met my chap on a night out, invited him back for coffee sex within an hour. Been together nearly a year now grin

I have never held out. Works for me.

dontcallmehon Mon 04-Nov-13 22:56:42

ordinary bloke well we had the meal at 4 and pizza at 2.30 v reasonable I think wink

He's texted a lot today, flirty but quite sweet banter. He is v geeky. He has been playing in a table tennis tournament.

49 I agree actually. I didn't think I'd DTD this early - but it seems right with geeky guy. It certainly hasn't put him off or made him respect me less. Quite the opposite in fact! I think, ultimately, if it's the right person then it'll work whatever you do (within reason obviously!)

ordinarybloke Tue 05-Nov-13 07:07:57

Stupidhead perhaps you ought to come and live here-the country with the on average tallest men in the world

I also know that DTD on the first date does not mean that is all the man is after.

Black Pepper Woman replied to my text-she answered that she did have a nice weekend,but did not say anything about my statement that I would like to see her again.

Cheese Woman also replied and said that she would like to see me again,so I am happy about that.

49howdidthathappen Tue 05-Nov-13 07:32:20

If a man thinks DTD on a first date is bad. That says far more about the man.

FolkGirl Tue 05-Nov-13 09:32:39

Ok, I'm joining you.

I've put it off, and wandered in and out of these dating threads (don't think I've ever posted) but now I'm joining you.

I've got a lunch date with someone tomorrow and, supposedly, a date on Friday night.

I'm sure I'm going to need some advice. My OD experience is making me feel a little jaded...

HelloBoys Tue 05-Nov-13 09:49:15

DTD on 1st date can work - I dated a guy for 4 months after this - BUT he lived a long drive away (2 hours) and neither of us was prepared to move.

I also DTD with a 9 month relationship French chef - it was either same night I met him or soon after.

I don't DTD on 1st date now, or any time soon. but I think it does say more about the man/society in general (rather than woman) who is being judgmental.

Posh men - tend to avoid like plague.

HOWEVER, met a trustafarian - he lived off his trust fund through family business we met on MatchAffinity - he was nice enough, good looking enough but he had slight diabetes mostly because he ate too much rich/sweet food. He also was a bit strange whereas he went to USA met a woman and married her within 6 months. they divorced soon after. He then (wonder why?) lived on streets of New York for oooh a week trying to prove a point to his wealthy family. He probably could have married me, was VAIRY keen but after the oh I slept on the streets I'm so hardcore and it's hard to be rich - he had a flat in London bought for him (Earls Court) would get house etc bought for him and got charity jobs (Cancer Research fundraising for them) for something to do.

Our last date was at London restaurant owned by brother of Piers Morgan whom he promptly introduced me to. I was getting bored of this - we'd been dating oooh a few months now.

Can't believe I passed up opportunity to be a lady of leisure but he was boring as fuck and watching him peel off notes etc. just made me cringe.

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 12:33:17

Hi all... Just to add my tuppence worth I don't necessarily think dtd on the first date is a sure sign of the guy being a player...myself and pof guy did and here we are 6 months later!

Welcome folkgirl... I certainly recognise your name but it's probably from other threads.. good luck with the coffee date, tell us how it goessmile,

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 12:39:12

Just read over that last post and realised I shouldn't be giving the impression myself and pof guy are rock steady!

I'm veeery confused right now... After our chat and lovely 2 days together he has retreated big time... I think I've instigated every text since I saw him.. He replies straight away, all perfectly pleasant and we're making plans for a night away this weekend BUT... I feel something has changed... Could he be sulking/embarrassed at being caught out on pof? I certainly don't think I was out of order asking him about it but wondering now if I should keep instigating texts or just leave it... So bloody strange.

OhWesternWind Tue 05-Nov-13 13:02:18

Pof well, from the outside, it looks like you caught him out, he's managed to wriggle out of it by feeding you a line (sorry) but of course it's changed things. You quite rightly don't really trust him and on his part I would imagine there is guilt and embarrassment, plus whatever motivated him to go back on the dating site won't have miraculously disappeared.

I would tread very, very carefully here, protect yourself emotionally as much as you can as this kind of thing gives me a very bad feeling. On the other hand, I've been in a similar situation myself, which didn't end well, so maybe I'm just a bit cynical and jaded.

I'd be tempted to leave it with the texts and see what happens. Have you actually booked somewhere for this weekend?

Life is really too short to waste time with someone who blows hot and cold like this. I don't know if you remember me at all, but last year when I started dating I had a six/seven month relationship with a bloke who was like this and I suffered from horrible anxiety with not knowing where I stood despite him saying he loved me and making plans for the future. (And yes, it was this man I found back on the dating site ho hum). We split up when I told him I wasn't prepared to put up with it any more and I learned a huge lesson not to put up with the crumbs from any man's table ever again.

The big question is whether this man and your relationship make you happy.

powpow80 Tue 05-Nov-13 13:42:26

OhWesternWind very wise words there. It is a lovely feeling when you get rid of the guy who doesn't make you feel good and realise just how bad he made you feel. Weight off the shoulders. Everyone deserves better than crumbs.

I second the not texting again. Who knows the reasons for backing off, but it is what he appears to be doing. As has been said a million times he will make the effort if interested. Totally get why you are confused. Pretty shit thing for him to do.

Had a lovely talk about dating with a friend over the weekend. Had been feeling a bit jaded and meh about it. Am now feeling a bit more positive and have decided to be a bit more selective. Lets see how that goes. Chatting to three guys who I would be interested in meeting. Not my usual type but am broadening my horizons a little.

Dontcallmehon that sounds like things are off to a flying start with geeky guy grin

Queenofthedrivensnow Tue 05-Nov-13 14:24:24

I have nothing much to report except lots of texts from gap yah. Of the no snog.
Anyway...just logged on to pof and spotted the bloke I dated in the spring Who was divorced because he cheated on his wife while she was on mat leave with their baby. I am well shot of that! Everyone I've told that story to has been v shocked. He looks very young and innocent though hmm

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 15:16:11

Thanks ohwestern... I was only lurking when you were here last but I do remember some of your story.., thanks for your post, sounds scarily close to how things seem to be panning out here.
As a matter of interest what was your guys reaction when you finished it? Did he seem bothered or relieved? I'm wondering now are these guys just cowardly, not wanting to have to be the ones to walk away?
I can't fathom why they repeatedly seem to say one thing but not back it up with their actions! If I wanted out I would welcome being asked about it, surely it makes the task much easier to do if the other person instigates the conversation?
I've given him every opportunity to tell me what he wants and it's always the same answer.. me!

To answer your question ohwestern, no,he is most definitely not making me happy right now... Think the writings on the wall hmm

How are you doing now dating-wise?

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 15:17:05

Queen, are you still feeling a bit meh?
When are you due to meet up again?

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 15:21:12

Think the dips and dives are normal with this dating lark powpow... Id say I'll be taking a little break from it myself after all this..
Thanks for the advice, I'm most definitely not texting him again (doesn't mean my stomach doesn't lurch every time I get one though!)
3 dates?? Tell us more smile

OhWesternWind Tue 05-Nov-13 15:49:36

I think technically he actually finished it Pof after I told him I was fed up with crumbs. He was going to come over so we could talk, then he phoned up and said he wasn't coming, so that was the end of that. However, he keeps texting and phoning me every few weeks but I just ignore him. Apparently he misses me. Ha. I think he liked having me around for sex and company but only on his terms, all take and no give, and he just wasn't ready for a proper relationship.

I'm blissfully happy now with a lovely lovely man who I met on Match a few weeks later. We've just had a week away together and things really couldn't be better. He's just wonderful, and luckily he thinks the same about me. Long may it continue grin

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 16:11:20

How heartwarming ohwestern, there's hope for us all yet! smile

powpow80 Tue 05-Nov-13 16:16:40

Poffedoff the good old stomach lurch and the disappointment when it's just one of your friends wink Have experienced the mehs with pof many times before.

Does anyone else think they show you the same 30 guys all the time? They must be as sick as looking at my face as I am of theirs.

Don't have three dates lined up, I wish. It's just chatting to three guys I would like to go on a date with. I usually would ask someone if I was interested but am wondering if it is best to wait for them to ask. Have had a few penpals so want to avoid that. Just think its time for a new approach for me. Do the gents on here like being asked out on OD sites?

OWW you sound very happy. I get aargh about the guys who don't want a relationship with you but still want to keep you in their little pocket in case nothing better comes along. I dated someone a while back who did this. Said I was gorgeous, that the chemistry was great, that he really fancied me and loved spending time with me. But couldn't give a relationship the time it deserved. Like you I get texts now and again. Eh feck off.

OhWesternWind Tue 05-Nov-13 16:19:51

Yes, it's a totally different relationship to the one with the hot and cold bloke - coming up to six months now and it's just so very easy, it all feels right, there's no tension or angst or difficulty at all. We are so happy together. This is how it's supposed to be.

Going to go back to lurking now, but good luck to you all.

FolkGirl Tue 05-Nov-13 16:19:53

Thanks for the welcome Poff smile

I said on one of my threads this morning that I think where I'm going wrong is being "lovely" and "sweet". Pretty much every man I've met has described me as such.

I've also had, attractive, pretty, cool, quirky, sexy and the like, but every single one has described me as "lovely" and "sweet".

Men don't want a lovely, sweet woman evidently!

dontcallmehon Tue 05-Nov-13 16:26:12

It appears that lovely geeky guy has not been back on pof since we DTD. Of course, if he checks he'll see that I've been on - but only to check on him!

Queenofthedrivensnow Tue 05-Nov-13 16:30:08

Folk girl - gap yah told me today I was sweet - I was a bit meh about it.

I am still generally meh about gap yah - so much nice contact so little action! Plus the exh/ow thing. Meh meh meh

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 17:01:35

Delighted for you drop by again, it's a reminder to all of us here still looking that there are silver linings now and again smile

Queen, he really needs to get the finger out soon and put his words into actions... How are you replying to his texts? Are they a bit meh or are you reciprocating his compliments?

My ex seems to have a finely tuned radar when it comes to my emotional state... He's really ramped up the "I miss you" texts... it's almost like he can sense my vulnerability over the pof guy situation!

Dontcall, it sounds like gap yah's a runner grin when's the date with dimples? Tomorrow? As a matter of Internet does gap yah know he has some competition?

I too would love to hear some of the men's opinions on all of this say one thing, mean another dilemma... Any thoughts guys?

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 17:02:58

Dontcallme I meant geeky guy, not gap yah! Oops

FolkGirl Tue 05-Nov-13 17:57:41

My Wednesday lunch date has texted to tell me he's looking forward to meeting me tomorrow.

He's older than I'd ideally go for, but he's intelligent and has a look about him that I find rather attractive. So fingers crossed for a nice afternoon if nothing else.

Hormonalhell Tue 05-Nov-13 17:58:15

Ohwestern your post gives me such hope! It's true what you say tho, it should be calm, easy and if they did care they wouldn't make you feel second best. Since joining this thread I've totally changed my attitude towards dating as their has been such useful advice and it's working with Donny (my latest OD interest) I'm just not analysing nothing and keeping cool, calm n collected and he's chasing me! Hope the day goes well Saturday.

Hope things get better Queen.

Poffed don't let the ex worm his way back, they are exes for a reason!

Dontcall, sounds good for you smile

FolkGirl Tue 05-Nov-13 18:03:41

My main criteria is

- someone I can get along with (so intelligent, educated, similar social attitude)

- someone who is interesting (interests/hobbies outside of 'watching footie with me mates')

- someone I can do stuff with (openness to new experiences is essential!)

- someone I wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen with if we bumped into friends/family <shallow>

- someone I can have lots of really good sex with (completely lacking in my marriage)

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 18:37:44

Folk I'm loving that list! I've been trying to compile my own criteria too,

I never put much effort into it before because I was really only looking for casual, after this experience with pof guy, I need to put some serious thought into what qualities I really want in a partner.
I didn't pick him initially for any solid reason other than he was gorgeous, confident and sexy... ideal qualities for a fuckbuddy, not so much for a partner hmm
He still hasn't contacted me today. Cock.

powpow80 Tue 05-Nov-13 19:13:04

Poffed that sucks. Think folk has the right idea with the list. I wrote one out at the start of dating. No idea where it is now, but needless to say I didn't adhere to it. Must rewrite and try and stick to it, instead of being distracted by the good lookers.

Was supposed to have a date tonight. Arranged last Wednesday and radio silence since. Got a text at 6:30 (date was 8) saying he'll see me there. Had made other plans when I hadn't heard and said that. Not impressed, don't think we'll be rescheduling!

ladygoingGaga Tue 05-Nov-13 19:31:10

powpow that's rubbish, his lost though smile

folk one of my criteria is someone who will love me for who I am and not try to change me
Good luck for Wednesday, I always go for older men grin

poff never ever ever go back... Golden rule number 1. It ended for a reason, it's history, learn from it and move on.

dont sounds promising smile

I've not heard from supermarket guy today, which is unusual, I know I need to relax but can't help compare him to EA ex and the games he played

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 19:32:23

Powpow, yes it sucks big time hmm

I just can't believe the nerve of that guy you're supposed to meet tonight! What was his reaction when you told him you'd other plans?

brokenhearted55a Tue 05-Nov-13 19:45:18

May have a date next Wednesday. Not sure. Feel a bit fragile after the rough year.

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 19:56:37

Gaga I'm feelin your pain... I know it's hard not to think the worst but I'm sure it's nothing sinister..

Broken nice to see you again smile how are you feeling?

powpow80 Tue 05-Nov-13 19:57:14

Poffed he text back with 'Ha Later'. I don't have other plans by the way. I will throw myself on the couch and read a book.

powpow80 Tue 05-Nov-13 20:22:06

Just realised I contradicted myself in my posts. Meant to say I said to him I made other plans. Not that I had made other plans. Sometimes I think I'm losing my mental faculties. Too much pof I'd say.

brokenhearted55a Tue 05-Nov-13 20:35:53


still a.bit.fragile. Set myself back by texting last guy but got a nice.response.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Tue 05-Nov-13 20:37:13

Ok right my update.

3rd date with Dimples last night. I don't know what it is. He is a lovely guy, he's good looking, interesting conversation, really polite, we have some shared hobbies, I have fun on the dates....but last night I just didn't feel that spark. And I was really looking for it. In fact I realised that he looks a bit like my brother and that freaked me out. I think even if housemate guy was't on the scene, I'd be seriously doubting the whole thing, although I do feel like I haven't really given him a fair enough chance.... my mind was definitely elsewhere. Of course now I've decided that, he's got all keen, and immediately texting asking to meet again later in the week (despite me at the end of the date giving him the briefest of kisses, and when he said he'd call me, I said I'd text in a few days as I was really busy....) argh. I have to say thanks but no thanks now don't I.

Meanwhile, seeing housemate guy on Friday. Despite the worries about sex and religion......only little things lol......I think I really quite like him.....kinda wanted to call tonight just to chat. I didn't though.

Will read rest of thread now :-)

Queenofthedrivensnow Tue 05-Nov-13 20:42:48

Folk I so agree with your criteria you put it so wellgrin

Gap yah has sent me a short story

ladygoingGaga Tue 05-Nov-13 21:03:14

oneday at least you know now smile but you're right, you have to tell dimples, and sooner rather than later.
I am a complete wimp on that to front too, in fact last time I gave my phone to my best mate to text a lovely guy that I just wasn't feeling it... Couldn't bring myself to do it grin

queen short story confused did you reply?

Thanks poff doesn't help when I know he has been online several times and read my text on whatsapp but not responded when he has been very quick to reply for six weeks hmm

FolkGirl Tue 05-Nov-13 21:04:30

Thanks, Queen.

Is it really sad and tragic that I feel like I've found a new home here! hmm

I'm going to add

- someone who accepts me for who I am (geeky hobbies and quirky friends included)

- someone emotionally intelligent (because even if it's only a casual thing, I want it to be good)

Queenofthedrivensnow Tue 05-Nov-13 21:29:00

Yeh I did. I read it. It was ummmm ok. Then I read more stuff he had posted on the same site. Why do all the men I meet purport to want to date women with dark hair and big boobs?

Hormonalhell Tue 05-Nov-13 21:53:41

Are you saying we're sad and tragic Folkgirl?gringrin

FolkGirl Tue 05-Nov-13 22:04:16

No, no, not at all! <realises why I've got no friends>



ladygoingGaga Tue 05-Nov-13 22:10:16

I knew what you meant grin

You lot have been more support than any RL friends, who are all married or coupled up, not sure they remember what it's like.

So quick straw poll.. I text supermarket man this morning wishing him a good day, and this afternoon asking how his day was. Heard bugger all back, know he has read my messages.

Do I send another tonight confused

Queenofthedrivensnow Tue 05-Nov-13 22:12:13

Lady - no!!! Unless he texts you tonight saying omg sorry I was sooo busy. And even then

powpow80 Tue 05-Nov-13 22:14:31

Lady put down the phone. Don't text again.

FolkGirl Tue 05-Nov-13 22:14:55

No, I wouldn't text again.

Queenofthedrivensnow Tue 05-Nov-13 22:22:35

Lady you are the prize - if he turns up in a couple of days it means he put you on the back burner and that's bs! Stamp and reject

SweetSeraphim Tue 05-Nov-13 22:23:11

Noooo. Don't text him at all until he gets back to you, and then only if he has a very good reason for not getting back to you sooner. Actually, there isn't one.

ladygoingGaga Tue 05-Nov-13 22:24:34

I needed to be told, thank you sad

SweetSeraphim Tue 05-Nov-13 22:29:40

It's hard isn't it? Have you seen He's Just Not That Into You? It speaks the truth. When I was dating, I fucking HATED those games... You need a thick skin, that's for sure.

Queenofthedrivensnow Tue 05-Nov-13 22:34:45

Also, lady, if this waiting about is making you feel squirmy and uncomfortable - there's another reason to bin him off!

FolkGirl Tue 05-Nov-13 22:37:50

I'm developing a good nose for games and adopt a zero tolerance approach to it.

I've cut contact with two men who seemed a bit surprised but if I've spent an evening waiting for a text/email/call that I was promised but didn't arrive, then they're just not interested enough.

I want someone who can't stop thinking about me, who wants to say/do nice things, who cares about me. Not someone who's happy to 'fall asleep on the sofa' or lose track of time on a night out. Not at the very start.

ladygoingGaga Tue 05-Nov-13 22:38:25

No I've not seen that, is it a film or book?

Thing is up until today he has been incredibly attentive, then nothing. I hate all this bullshit, and don't do games.

He can fuck the fuck off <pretends to not care>

FolkGirl Tue 05-Nov-13 22:39:24

I think that's the thing lady. I don't do games either and it doesn't matter how nice they are, or attentive they've been, if they've started playing games, then they're out.

Hormonalhell Tue 05-Nov-13 22:42:39

Aw lady it's horrible isn't it? hmm Feel for you but I wouldn't give him any more satisfaction.

I have the just not into you book. Speaks a lot of sense.

ladygoingGaga Tue 05-Nov-13 22:46:29

After 6/7 dates I was just starting to think we had potential, bugger.

Only this weekend though he was talking about taking me away for a night next week, I just don't get it confused

Hormonalhell Tue 05-Nov-13 22:49:13

I would have too Lady, I do after date 3! You've known him awhile and so it's really unfair but maybe something has happened? You just never know

Queenofthedrivensnow Tue 05-Nov-13 22:54:32

Folk girl looking at it that way gap yeh stock is up grin I think I might have upset him because I didn't gush excessively over the story but he will turn up tomorrow. I think he tries to not look too keen.

Lady well done but it's crap starting again isn't it hmm

ladygoingGaga Tue 05-Nov-13 22:57:23

Okay, so he just text saying he has just got home, phone had run out of juice.

Yet I know he read the message at 7pm.

I don't like it, perhaps I have to much emotional baggage and a deep mistrust

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 23:06:27

Gaga I'd bet the fizzy stomach has started too? It is just bloody ridiculous the way these guys get us to a comfortable place, get us to open up a bit and then let us down so badly..

Of course there could be a perfectly good reason for it but if he's been online and read your texts then what could possibly be a good enough excuse?
Pof guy finally texted tonight... Bright and breezy text about how much reading he got done today... I did reply, told him gosh that must be some interesting book you're reading!

Really, really don't text him again... It's just plain rude of him not to reply.. sorry though hmm
Fuckin hate mind games too.

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 23:09:14

Broken.. You texted the last guy?? What did you/he say?

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 23:25:16

Gaga, I'm glad he texted... I think you and I are probably similar in the sense that we don't fall too easily and when we do we're mistrusting and suspicious almost immediately...
Having said that a lot of the ladies on here seem to agree we've been treated poorly so maybe it's time to start thinking of ourselves as the prizes we are!
It was supermarket guys first slip up... His phone could have died straight after he read your message.. Goodness knows but I wouldn't right him off straight away... See how tomorrow is texting wise.. You'll soon know.

Poffedoff Tue 05-Nov-13 23:26:26

Putting out another call for a male perspective on this... Where are you guys??

PaulineWhatsername Tue 05-Nov-13 23:35:28

I want someone who can't stop thinking about me, who wants to say/do nice things, who cares about me.

That's what I want too.

Not much to ask, is it? hmm

ordinarybloke Wed 06-Nov-13 06:32:01

Poff-what was the question again?haven't had my first cup of coffee yet...

ladygoingGaga Wed 06-Nov-13 06:38:24

Ordinary - it was in relation to not hearing from supermarket man all day, after a couple of texts were sent from me, no reply.

After previously being very attentive

Then late text saying his phone had run out of juice, even though he was online reading them at 7pm...

ordinarybloke Wed 06-Nov-13 06:58:18

It has only happened the one day,so I would let it go.If it reoccurs,then mention it to him. Off for coffee now.

ladygoingGaga Wed 06-Nov-13 07:06:53

Thanks, one chance will be givengrin but anymore disappearing or ignoring will not be forgiven

ordinarybloke Wed 06-Nov-13 07:31:33

if it happens again,talk to him about it.

dontcallmehon Wed 06-Nov-13 07:41:06

I agree gaga, give him a chance if it's just a one off.

Stupidhead Wed 06-Nov-13 07:47:19

We have a customer toilet at work,it was quiet last night, me, workmate and a customer. Workmate was busy telling me how this one customer literally shits up the wall (sorry if you're having breakfast!), it was an absolutely ewwww story. So guess what happened? The customer asked me out!!!! Bleurgh bleurgh!! Yak yak!! I'm a lucky lucky girl sad

dontcallmehon Wed 06-Nov-13 07:56:37

Ew- stupidhead- bet that made you feel a bit queasy!

Stupidhead Wed 06-Nov-13 08:05:48

All I could think of was whether this guy could possibly think he was in my league :-0

Meanwhile workmate was busy texting our other colleagues to let them know, lucky I'm off today!

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 06-Nov-13 08:10:07

Ooh you are all so harsh! I would quite often read a text during the day then not reply straight away and then get busy/forget until I finished work (after 7)!! Wouldn't mean I didn't like the guy!! Just that I have other things to do than think of witty replies to non-urgent texts. But then you already sent 2 howyadoin texts without a reply.....unless they were important (needed to know some info etc) I would probably not do that, at least not in the same day. Stay strong! lol. I completely get the no-bullshit radar that we put up; I just also try really, really hard to not turn ''psycho'' as my guy mates would put it. Not always successfully I will cheerfully admit. We all do it.

Didn't get up the nerve to reply to Dimples last night. I will do it today once I've sorted the wording out. I genuinely think he is a really great guy and had fun on our dates, just don't think he's the one, no spark. I ran my draft past my male friend; he just said yeah yeah, girls say that stuff all the time.....I do mean in it though, he'll be a catch for someone! My friend also said don't overthink things it's only been 3 days I'm not going to be breaking his heart. Do feel mean though.

Housemate guy got some bad news yesterday that a family member has been taken to hospital; he may go up to see them at the weekend and so have to cancel friday. Bummer.

brokenhearted55a Wed 06-Nov-13 08:10:28

Poffed I asked him about a place he took me to on one of our dates. I wanted to know where it was as id forgotten. also said hoped he was well.

He replied straight back and told me. Said he was ok. Thanked me for asking and said he really hoped I was ok too.

Next steps?

superdooperpenguin Wed 06-Nov-13 09:07:22

Good morning all!

Sorry I've not been around lately, just been swamped with work and haven't had much time to dedicate to dating. I've been seeing the detective for around 6 weeks now, his working hours are pissing me right off though - he cancelled on me 4 times in a row last week! Feels like I'm wasting my time on this one, I almost ended it at the weekend but he convinced me to give him another chance...

I think I'm settling for him as I just don't have the energy to go out there and meet anyone else at the moment. OD is exhausting, constantly meeting new people and putting in all that effort only for it all to go wrong a few dates in!

Hormonalhell Wed 06-Nov-13 09:16:05

Yes I know that feeling sooper dooper, I've not got pays a month seeing someone since I split with my hubby two years ago and that includes the father of my baby confused

Hormonalhell Wed 06-Nov-13 09:16:45

past not pays!

Hormonalhell Wed 06-Nov-13 09:17:50

Oneday yesbut

HelloBoys Wed 06-Nov-13 09:23:41

Hi - have been getting messages from some guy who thinks because we have a high affinity score (I bloody HATE those) that we're well matched. which may be ok but I don't fancy him AND he lives a bit far away.

anyway if you are in London area and get Metro newspaper there's an article on dating site Doing Something which is where you do stuff like eg yoga etc. they're offering 1 month trial for £12 normally £29 quote trial12.

maybe my Cha Cha dance class tomorrow may turn up fresh meat. grin

FolkGirl Wed 06-Nov-13 09:24:48

I am the prize!

I'm reasonably attractive, I look after myself reasonably well, I've got lovely children, I've got lots of hobbies and interests, I'm willing to try new things, I'm willing to share my life with someone (if they're worth it) and not keep them at arm's length, I've got no interest in playing games.

My lunch date is in 2.5 hours. I'm just about to have a bath and get ready. I hope I like him when I get there, I hope he likes me.

But I'm the prize.

I'll report back later.

Poffedoff Wed 06-Nov-13 09:32:20

Oneday I know what you mean about going psycho, I think in my case it was a culmination of the discovery of his profile on pof and the feeling that he should be trying extra hard to reassure me things are ok..
we only get to see each other weekends so I'm just getting tired of saying well lets just see how things go this weekend... They always go so fabulously that I quickly forget about the previous week of uncertainty, only for it to start all over again as soon as he leaveshmm
Broken, i think that's probably as far as you should take the texts...did you reply already to his saying he really hopes you're ok?

Stupid... You gotta admire his nerve lol.. Ugh

Poffedoff Wed 06-Nov-13 09:38:35

Sooper... 4 times in a row?? Please tell me you weren't having to arrange sitters!

Folk.. Fingers crossed here for ya,
Don't forget the loo update smile

FolkGirl Wed 06-Nov-13 09:40:50

Can't do a loo update - no smart phone! But I'll be planning what I'm going to say, don't you worry about that. wink

Poffedoff Wed 06-Nov-13 09:43:36

Oneday it is tough I know, not nice to think you're hurting someone's feelings but just remember, you're being straight and honest with him, you're not stringing him along and leaving him wondering which is the kindest thing...
One thing though, if housemate wasn't on the scene would you be waiting longer before you decided about dimples?

I've got a date on Saturday afternoon with "MrK" and I'm really looking forward to it! I'd met him on POF a while back, but got involved with my gorgeous (now ex) FWB so told him I was no longer looking. We got back in touch and are finally meeting. He's not looking for a serios relationship and nor am I (scares the hell out of me) so he would make ideal FWB material. He's pretty silly over the phone, which I like, so I bet we're going to have great laugh.

Folkgirl, totally agree with wanting a man who has you on his mind a lot so isn't distracted and "forgets" to get in touch. I keep reminding myself of the "he's just not into you" Sex and the city scene, and it's really helping me stay in control of my emotions. There are rarely excuses; if someone wnats to get in touch or meet if they're really keen they will IMO.

"Thing is up until today he has been incredibly attentive, then nothing. I hate all this bullshit"
Lady, it's shit isn't it. Even if I tell my head not to be bothered about it my heart still tells me it is. I think that's the main reason why I only want a FWB situation now, because I want the fun without the emotional crap.

brokenhearted55a Wed 06-Nov-13 11:40:21

Poffed no I haven't replied yet. Not sure what to say.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 06-Nov-13 11:48:18

Poffed.....very good question, I have been wondering that myself. I think I would probably give him one more date if the other guy wasn't around. But there really were a few moments on Monday night, especially after I realised quite how much he reminds me of my brother, that I proper shuddered. I was super tired that night though, and he knew (couldn't really hide it), I do feel like it probably wasn't a very fair 3rd date, and he is seeming really keen...aah. Maybe I should see him one more time.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 06-Nov-13 11:49:47

brokenhearted.....what do you want to happen, how do you want the conversation to go? I tend to try and work out what end result I want and aim towards that with my responses/questions.

FolkGirl hope you are having a nice lunch!

brokenhearted55a Wed 06-Nov-13 11:52:48

Oneday I just want to re establish lines of communication. He didn't really get to know me enough.

Find out how he is doing etc. I don't know.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 06-Nov-13 11:58:59

Hmm really is up to him to get to know you as much as he would like to, if he wants to get to know you better then he should be making the effort to do that, not you offering yourself on a plate just in case he can be bothered to give you a second chance. You are the prize remember!!! If you don't know what you want, then in all honesty my best advice would be to stop it completely, probably delete his number etc too to avoid this temptation (I know how it feels, I am awful for sending late-night drunk texts to a certain recent ex, it always starts a short catch-up convo and I feel embarrassed for starting it, he is never interested in carrying it on beyond the minimal pleasantries!!!)

brokenhearted55a Wed 06-Nov-13 12:01:45

I didn't really get to know him either with all the stress he was.under.

I also miss the sex so so much.

powpow80 Wed 06-Nov-13 12:15:47

Broken I totally agree with what Oneday has said.

brokenhearted55a Wed 06-Nov-13 12:24:15

Its so hard though.

SweetSeraphim Wed 06-Nov-13 12:30:56

It is hard brokenhearted, but whilst you're fixating on this guy, you're not going to be interested in anyone else.

powpow80 Wed 06-Nov-13 12:33:16

Definitely not easy broken. IMO the best way to try and get over something is no contact. If you text now and again it just sets you back.

brokenhearted55a Wed 06-Nov-13 12:35:12

What if you don't want to forget.....

He has gone back to exes before.

powpow80 Wed 06-Nov-13 12:38:07

Broken I'm not trying to be cruel just give an outside perspective. You said a while back that he said he could not see a relationship happening with you. Not sure how there is a way forward from that. Honestly you deserve someone who does want that with you. The more time you spend thinking about this guy the less open you leave yourself to meeting someone great.

brokenhearted55a Wed 06-Nov-13 12:42:38

How does anyone know after such a short period of time. when the majority of it was spent with him.trying to sort his life out at the time.

powpow80 Wed 06-Nov-13 12:55:50

At the end of the day it doesn't matter what the timescale is. It doesn't change the end result. i know it is very hard to understand how he could decide that when he was so busy with other things.

Using me as an example, I can tell quite quickly if I could see myself wanting or not wanting a possible relationship with someone. He could just operate at a faster pace thought process wise than you do.

You do seem like a lovely person and deserve a great guy.

brokenhearted55a Wed 06-Nov-13 13:02:58

If I enjoy someone company and the chemistry is good I give it a good shot.

I'm beginning to think it wasn't me and maybe his ex came back on the scene.

My ex last year slowly withdrew from me over the course of about 3 months. clearly feelings going.

This recent guy we were just warming up. he was getting more and more in contact, planning things and the last time I saw him he said he was so looking forward to seeing me and sorry he was late back and maybe Friday would be better in future. lovely texts in the next few days and then he just vanished. after mentioning things for us for future reference I got dropped.

I wonder if his ex came back. it was too sudden.

Poffedoff Wed 06-Nov-13 13:49:17

Broken I think you'll only drive yourself mad trying to work out why he didn't want to pursue things... I reckon the bottom line is if he wanted to make another go of it then he would contact you again.
Did you interpret his text as a question or a statement? i.e. " i hope you are well?" Or " I hope you are well".

Poffedoff Wed 06-Nov-13 13:58:45

Also broken, you say he just vanished but that to me says one day he just stopped contact without any explanation, didn't you say he explained to you that he wanted to call it a day?

brokenhearted55a Wed 06-Nov-13 14:37:00

I don't know if it was a questions or a statement.

Every indication was he wanted to keep seeing me and then when he got in strife at work he vanished.

brokenhearted55a Wed 06-Nov-13 14:44:46

He did stop contact then I prised it.out of him that he was in hell at work and not in the right frame of mind

I used to make him laugh an happy though.

Poffedoff Wed 06-Nov-13 14:59:48

Broken if you really feel you'd like to reply then maybe something along the lines of " thanks for that info, yeah all well with me, hope work has settled down now and life is treating you well, broken "

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 06-Nov-13 15:15:40

Broken......he dissapeared on you, and then you pestered him enough until he told you that he didn't want a relationship with you? WHY would you want to see him again??? Like powpow said, none of us are meaning to be cruel....but this really does not sound like the guy for you. People keep mentioning the SATC episode/subsequent book/film ''He's Just Not That Into You'''s an attitude that's worth remembering I think. Definitely has helped me rationalise a few guys over the years.

It sounds like you're in quite a sad place at the moment, and looking for someone else to help make you happy. That's not a healthy way to start any relationship - happiness needs to come from yourself first.

With my stuff......I really can't decide whether to give dimples one more shot or not!!! It has been nearly 24 hours since he texted asking to meet up again and I haven't replied, although I have also just got some bad news of my own about something he knows about so I do have an 'excuse' of my mind being elsewhere anyway.

Poffedoff Wed 06-Nov-13 15:31:12

Oneday it's a tricky one... Have you rescheduled with housemate yet or is he still waiting to hear about his family member?

Gaga, dare I ask has normal communication resumed??

FolkGirl Wed 06-Nov-13 15:36:51

Hello all!

Well back from my lunch...

I had a lovely time and I think he quite liked me. He asked if he could see me again and if I was free this weekend. So we've made plans to go out on Saturday.

There was definitely a 'spark' there.

I'm keeping the rules firmly in mind though. wink

Hormonalhell Wed 06-Nov-13 15:39:39

Awwww that's good Folkgirl! I love happy stories smile

Hope I have a spark with my date Saturday. He been very keen so far but we've not met yet so soon see

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 06-Nov-13 15:45:25

Good news Folkgirl, sounds l

brokenhearted55a Wed 06-Nov-13 15:46:24


I didn't have to pester him at all.

He was absulotely fine with me. We had a wonderful last date, he was very kind to me and passioante and understnaing and enthusiastic but he was having a rough time at work too. He seemed to forget about it when with me. He'd mention it and then let it go.

He was fine to me sending lovely texts and then when he went back to work on the monday he had a rough time again and texted to tell me that he ws having a rough time as they were now two Dr's down instead of one. I said sorry to hear that and let him be.

It was only a few days later when I hadn't heard and asked if he was ok that he replied and said he was in hell at work and not in the right frame of mind.

I didn't have to pester. I showed my friends all of his texts and they said it looks like he genuinely cared from the things he said and they don't get it either.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 06-Nov-13 15:46:38

Stupid phone. Sounds like a promising start!

Poffed not rescheduled yet, waiting to see if they are getting better he won't go.

Stupidhead Wed 06-Nov-13 15:51:23

Broken, if he's that snippy in the early days then he'd be hell further down the line, doesn't stop your hurting though, sorry x

I have a date with solicitor on Saturday, just some early drinks. BUT! We only chat the odd line through the site, we exchanged numbers and have sent maybe two texts confirming numbers. Haven't heard for a while so messaged to see if it's still on, it is. BUT, he's changed his location from newcastle to London :-/

Reckon he's a serial dating playah?

Broken, you sound really sad about this guy, which is why I hate to say this but think you really do need to accept...that he's just not that into you, and for what ever reason, regardless of what lovely things he told you he doesn't want you anymore. He may have promised all sorts but he's changed his mind. He may well have gone back with his exes but he's not with them now is he, so who broke up the first and second times? Him, because he doesn't know what he really wants? The sooner you can go cold turkey from him and accept this the sooner you can stop torturing yourself. Sorry thanks. The times I've tortured myself trying to get into the minds of BFs who have gone cold is crazy, and I really wish I'd stopped making excuses for them and just accepted they weren't that into me.

superdooperpenguin Wed 06-Nov-13 16:36:41

Broken Like everyone says, it's horrible when men go off the radar but it happens to us all - you're not alone! You are the prize and deserve to be treated with more respect, don't torture yourself thinking about what he may or may not be thinking.

Folk - sounds great, I'm jealous!

Stupid - does he travel lots with work? Ask him about it on Sat!

Detective is annoying me again! I got really cross last week when he cancelled 4 times and he's promised to try lots harder. But now he's impossible to pin down to a date - he's so scared of breaking the date that he wants to leave it all last min to plan going out this Fri. Which is essentially the same problem, because I will still have to keep Fri eve free just in case... this is all feeling like too much stress and not enough gain! Trouble is when we're together he's lovely. But I can't see this problem going away.

FolkGirl Wed 06-Nov-13 17:06:07

Well, based on a single lunch (!) I'm going to map him onto my criteria based on first impressions:

- someone I can get along with we got along well, he's definitely intelligent and educated (PhD) and he appears to have a similar social attitude to me too

- someone who is interesting Not enough evidence to say, but seemed so and def doesn't do football which is good enough for me at this stage!

- someone I can do stuff with definitely open to new experiences - he said he liked that some of my interests were things he'd never done but would love to try and I mentioned a couple of other things today and he seemed interested in giving them a go

- someone I wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen with if we bumped into friends/family He was definitely attractive and had a nice smile and nice arms (which I like). But also obviously 10 years older than me

- someone I can have lots of really good sex with Well I certainly wouldn't be averse to finding out... wink

- someone who accepts me for who I am probably too soon to tell, but he was making all the right noises today

- someone emotionally intelligent First signs were good and no red flags

I've heard some shocking things on first dates over the past 4 months and didn't hear anything today to give me any cause for concern.

So, he did all the work today e.g. paid for drinks/lunch; arranged a second date; behaved like an absolute gentleman whilst making it clear he was attracted to me, so do I text him and thank him for a lovely afternoon and say I'm looking forward to Saturday? Or do I wait for him to contact me?

Come on dating oracles, share with me your wisdom!

FolkGirl Wed 06-Nov-13 17:07:28

God that was long, sorry!

Stupidhead Wed 06-Nov-13 17:13:22

Personally, I'd thanks him and say that you're looking forward to the next date smile

Sounds promising FolkGirl. Worth a second date I reckon.

FolkGirl Wed 06-Nov-13 17:22:28

Oh yes, definitely worth a second date wink

Thanks Stupidhead that's sort of what I was thinking.

powpow80 Wed 06-Nov-13 17:22:30

I'd also text saying thanks and looking forward to seeing him again.

FolkGirl Wed 06-Nov-13 17:24:24

Problem solved, he's just texted to say it was lovely meeting me smile

Poffedoff Wed 06-Nov-13 18:27:52

Folk girl that seems like as near as possible to a perfect first date!

He sounds just as interested as you too which will hopefully eradicate the stupid mind games and will I /won't I shite that some of us have been struggling with.

All good so far but a quick look at the rules wouldn't be a bad idea ( not to be a party pooper) just so you don't invest too much too soon... are there any other potentials floating around too?

FolkGirl Wed 06-Nov-13 18:49:20

I think so, Poff

I've had the will I/won't I/will he/won't he/does he/doesn't he shite too. But because I wasn't on this thread I had to navigate it all on my own :'(

Don't worry, I'm bearing the rules in mind wink. I have been all along. I've had two 6 week flings and I ended both of them because the game playing/waning interest started. Both seemed quite surprised, but I'm not interested in being with just anyone. I want someone to think I'm amazing!

Oh I won't be investing emotionally too soon either. I've been chatting with a couple of men and am supposed to have another date this weekend with Italian Man. I know that he only wants something casual. He's very good looking...

Poffedoff Wed 06-Nov-13 19:51:33

Folk I think you are going to be a very good addition to this thread.. You may have to go part time in work for a while as you're going to be very busy answering searching questions on here! smile

Super.. Did you ever ascertain what detective actually did for a living? Or is it classified? Lol

ladygoingGaga Wed 06-Nov-13 20:10:38

Evening ladies smile

folk sounds promising, yep I would text just to say thanks for lunch! nice to meet you etc.
Interesting in what you say about 6 week flings, I've just got to that mark with supermarket man.
super why is he cancelling?? Would annoy me too, perhaps you should be a little less available, if he is keen he will sort it out. Is he a detective??

Supermarket man did start texting today, but had a tale of woe, his ex is not coping well apparently, their 2 DC live with her and he works away, so him suddenly being happy and telling her about me didn't go down well.

I appreciate his honesty and he explained he had a lot on his mind last two days, hence lack of texts.

I'm a bit hmm

OnceAgainForLuck Wed 06-Nov-13 20:31:44


<< de lurks smile >>

Have a first date tomorrow so think its time to join you. Weve had lots of great messaging banter, but need to see if its there in RL tomorrow.

I shall call him Funny Guy cause that what hes been so far.

ladygoingGaga Wed 06-Nov-13 21:11:00

Welcome onceagain good luck with date

Queenofthedrivensnow Wed 06-Nov-13 21:19:14

Ooh exciting once again grin

Hormonalhell Wed 06-Nov-13 21:21:02

Welcome onceagain, yes I'm the same as you with Donny (his profile name on pof) but meeting him Saturday for cocktails. He's booked a hotel as he lives a bit far from where I live. So far he hasn't mentioned me stopping there with him n that's the way I hope it stays

Poffedoff Wed 06-Nov-13 21:33:55

Sounds great Hormonal.. How long have you been chatting?

Gaga... I think that is incredibly refreshing to hear.. He acknowledged his lack of contact AND had a reasonable explanation... Speaking as a person who's ex has a wonderful ability to make me feel like utter shite at just the right moment I can sympathise with him..

Poffedoff Wed 06-Nov-13 21:36:43

And he has told his ex about you? Wow.. It sounds like he's very much on the same page as you... I'd be patient with him tbh..

ladygoingGaga Wed 06-Nov-13 21:59:15

poff Yeah I know, I'm not used to such honesty grin I can do patience

hormonal that's a good sign smile

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 06-Nov-13 23:08:55

Well what with my own bad news earlier and having a commitment all evening that has run on late, I haven't texted Dimples, and it's too late to text tonight now. Plus I can't really decide whether to give him one last shot or not, but if I do it'd be either tomorrow night (and texting tomorrow morning) or next week (with it hanging over me all weekend). Bah.

saturn Wed 06-Nov-13 23:15:00

Hi, have my first date tomorrow (lunch) in almost 20 years...can anyone give me any advice/reassurance? Was really looking forward to it/excited, but starting to worry (a lot!)...

ladygoingGaga Thu 07-Nov-13 06:55:38

Saturn, the rules of OD, below, good luck on your date, how did you meet him?

The Rules:

1. Develop a thick skin
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon
3. It's all BS until it actually happens
4. Trust your gut instinct
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. Loo update is mandatory

RE rules, to add to number 6, if they aren't trying to impress and are coming up with excuses why they've not been in touch, are vague and non-committal about meeting again, they just aren't that into you. In which case, stop thinking you can get them into you and move on to someone who is keen. I love this clip from SATC:

Hormonalhell Thu 07-Nov-13 07:47:43

That's brill livid!! grin I love sex and the city! So true though.

Lady yes I agree that it's good he's told ex about you, redeems him a lot.

Poffed well I was chatting to Donny for awhile earlier this year but never met up. His attitude towards me is totally different this time around.

I also have a couple of other options. A guy I went on a first date with, who I liked but just didn't seem to want to make time for me so I got bored. He started texting again.

And another guy from Pof who I quite like n exchanged numbers

Hormonalhell Thu 07-Nov-13 07:48:33

*not want to make time

brokenhearted55a Thu 07-Nov-13 08:55:51

This guy had been texting me for a while. Asked me out finally. Doesn't seem that bothered. look at his text:

Ok, well i'll be free by then. Need to end up at padd for a train but fairly flexible. Assuming you're still keen?

Sack him off?

powpow80 Thu 07-Nov-13 09:03:53

Morning grin

Broken that doesn't sound disinterested to me. He sounds like he does want to meet up.

Hormonal always good to keep options open.

Saturn and Onceagain good luck today.

OneDay what did you decide to do about Dimples.

Lady it's great that he is do honest about what's going on.

Sorry if I missed anyone.

One of the three guys I am interested in meeting has asked me for coffee grin Time and date to be arranged. I must get onto him after work. Woo hoo. Good start to my Thursday.

niceupthedance Thu 07-Nov-13 09:11:30

Broken he sounds up for meeting. He's probably just giving you some warning that he can't stay all night, with the train/station thing.

Stupidhead Thu 07-Nov-13 09:28:09

Guess what? A new guy chatted to me yesterday evening, not totally my type but funny. He told me to get changed and he'd take me anywhere - so i did! Got a bus into town, had some drinks and a laugh and got the bus home alone, tempting though it was..I've broken my OD cherry!

Not sure I'll see him again but it was a good night and stopped me thinking about ex, also made me more prepared for tall solicitor on Saturday.

Oh and I have another who is good looking and intelligent but only 5'8", I'm 5'7" but he is cute..

Shocking hangover this morning too!

powpow80 Thu 07-Nov-13 09:30:28

Stupid boo to the hangover but woo hoo to popping the OD cherry. Glad to hear you enjoyed yourself. Fair play on bring so spontaneous.

powpow80 Thu 07-Nov-13 09:31:15

*being. Stupid phone.

dontcallmehon Thu 07-Nov-13 09:55:44

Geeky guy has been on POF today. Feel like having a little cry sad. I like him.

Poffedoff Thu 07-Nov-13 10:19:49

Ah Dontcallme ... Really?
This begs the age old question though, weren't you on it too? I know we only go on to check and see if they have been but maybe he's doing the same?

Poffedoff Thu 07-Nov-13 10:20:42

Stupid.. Love that spontaneity too.. Good woman yerself smile

Poffedoff Thu 07-Nov-13 10:28:01

Feck... One of my posts didn't post! It was a long and insightful one too lol.
I was saying that Donny sounds like an exciting prospect Hormonal, especially seeing as you've chatted previously... Nice to have a couple of others on the back burner too to dilute the nerves smile

Good luck on the dates today ladies.. Saturn, I reckon the most important rule for date number 1 is to remember you're the prize, just be yourself and all will be well.

Poffedoff Thu 07-Nov-13 10:37:35

Livid I think your postscript to no 6 should be added to the rules permanently... I'm still awash with confusion about pof guy...
I can't put my finger on it, texting has been sporadic, on my part as much as his. The closer we get to the weekend the more frequently he's texting.. (We're due to go away for a night on Saturday)... Do you think in a lDR this tends to happen? That the communication ramps up a bit the closer it gets to meeting up again?
My gut tells me this is a long term FWB situation tbh.. I feel like we're stuck in this cycle and unless something changes location wise it's going to fizzle hmm

CynicalOptimist Thu 07-Nov-13 10:40:19

Hi everyone

I'm feeling a bit jaded just now sad
I've been on POF for a couple of months now and been out on about 7 dates , all so far have been a major disappointment one way or another!

I was due to meet someone for a coffee tonight but I told him to forget it, I just want a second opinion that i wasn't being too harsh!

We had been messaging for a while but he just seemed to send one line replies, although pleasant and friendly enough - he suggested meeting up first.
He then had to go away for work so I didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks, but you can have internet connections everywhere unless he was going to Mt Everest right? So this is strike one.

When he got back in touch he fails to mention meeting up again until i prompt him - strike two.

We try to arrange a time for coffee and he says any lunchtime(?!) or any evening. I reply fine how about Thursday 8pm.
He replies oh sorry I can only manage between 5pm and 8pm!! wow, how flattering to "allocated" a time slot! - Strike three and he's out!

Hmm, I just wasn't feeling the enthousiasm from him so i told him to just leave i being too picky??!

SweetSeraphim Thu 07-Nov-13 10:50:30

See, to me Cynical, those allocated meeting times hmm would say he was married. And the going away for work thing, like you say, there's no reason that he couldn't still be in contact.

You're not being too picky, honestly. If he can't muster up enough enthusiasm at this point.... fuck him. Or not grin

HelloBoys Thu 07-Nov-13 10:52:37

I'm on DoingSomething now - they had a half price offer yesterday. signed up loaded an old but not bad photo - contacted some people but no bites...

what am I doing wrong?!

Stupidhead Thu 07-Nov-13 10:56:23

Cynical, I agree with below! Also, he has to do the running IMO ;)

Decided that my spontaneous date is a no-go, he wears diamond earrings ffs! But it was a laugh and he's texted a lot. Still got tall solicitor on Saturday which I'm really looking forward to! And he's just invited me to a gig in London in a fortnight!!!!! Great music taste!

dontcallmehon Thu 07-Nov-13 10:58:00

Yes, I think the allocated meeting times seem very odd, I wouldn't be happy about that either.
With finding geeky guy still on POF - I know I should relax.
I was checking up on him and maybe he was checking up on me. No good will come of this checking anyway. I know he was worried that I might date others (I told him I'd had other dates arranged but had cancelled them because I liked him too much). He is insecure like that.

Stupidhead Thu 07-Nov-13 11:06:36

How long have you two been seeing each other dontcall? And if he's online don't forget you are too!

CynicalOptimist Thu 07-Nov-13 11:18:48

Thanks for confirming I'm not being too harsh! Him being married did cross my mind although he does have several pictures up on his profile confused, mind you it's not my problem now smile

Dontcall - don't worry too much that he is online, it's not good for BOTH of you to invest too much too soon, so you should both keep your options open for now.

HelloBoys - you're doing nothing wrong. This is just my experience but mid-week is a "slow" time for messages - just wait till the weekend!

dontcallmehon Thu 07-Nov-13 11:27:36

Technically only 2 dates, but the first date lasted from 3 till midnight and the second date he stayed over. He said he was scared by the strength of his feelings so soon.

dontcallmehon Thu 07-Nov-13 11:28:33

He's not online very often either.

Poffedoff Thu 07-Nov-13 13:25:36

Dontcallme... This does sound very, very similar to how I started out with pof guy... He was very much the chaser, told me he'd been screwed around a lot and was insecure, wanted reassurances I wasn't meeting anyone else etc
The tables are turned now though and I'm feeling unsure about how much I can trust what he's saying/doing...
Just be a little cautious, don't feel you've got to reassure him too much just yet because as you do you'll find yourself committing more and more emotionally to the whole thing and it's just to early...

Bant Thu 07-Nov-13 13:36:23

dontcall - from what I've seen on these threads, a man saying he's 'scared of the strengths of his feelings so soon' can be a bad sign, maybe an amber flag. The best way (probably) to address that is to suggest you just take it slow and see how you go, no long term commitments, you're still getting to know each other.

I've heard some men say it as a prelude to 'I'm not ready for this kind of commitment' and some say it because they're getting very emotionally invested which has a tendency of burning out, and they switch off.

Of course it could be innocent and honest, just be careful with it.

Cynical - the allocated meeting times sounds like he's fitting you round work and his kids. Not being in touch when he's away isn't necessarily a huge thing - I've just been traveling for work for the last few days and I was so knackered flying and in meetings that I really didn't have any time to check personal emails or think about being flirty via messages.. but the other stuff sounds a bit suspicious, almost businesslike. Canceling the date because your radar is pinging sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

Hello everyone else smile

dontcallmehon Thu 07-Nov-13 13:36:24

You talk sense poffed. He's just been texting me - he's quite good at checking in everyday to see how I'm doing. I feel like I am getting a bit attached, which I knew would happen once we had sex, so it is a bit scary and uncertain for me.

dontcallmehon Thu 07-Nov-13 13:38:48

Thanks Bant - I will bear it in mind. He isn't given to effusive emotion generally and is a fairly cautious type, so I'm inclined to trust him. I think he meant he was scared of getting hurt by me. Tbh - that's how I feel about him.

Poffedoff Thu 07-Nov-13 14:04:41

Pof guy isn't given to effusive emotion either Dontcallme, made it all the more believable when he did tell me how he was feeling...
I don't mean to be so gloomy about it, you should be enjoying this time ALOT and not having to worry about all this... I'm six months in and still playing the game, still unsure, swinging between believing he feels the same about me and wanting to throttle him on a regular basis!

Hormonalhell Thu 07-Nov-13 15:27:16

Dontcall you sound like me and prob most women about getting attached when slept together but I also think men do too but it just takes them longer. He's not done anything wrong as yet so just take it day by day.

It's such a roller coaster ride but not always fun hmm

dontcallmehon Thu 07-Nov-13 16:26:13

We've exchanged about 15 texts today, but I keep second guessing myself, wondering if I should play it cooler. He is initiating the texts though. Plus we sort of agreed to go out Monday, but I'd like him to confirm it. Feel like texting 'are we still ok for Monday' but think it might look desperate.

dontcallmehon Thu 07-Nov-13 16:29:52

Actually just counted - 28 texts! He obviously likes me then, I guess.

powpow80 Thu 07-Nov-13 17:30:38

I'd say he does like you all right dontcallmehon. Great news.

Aargh I have a date tonight. The rooting in the wardrobe must begin.

Hormonalhell Thu 07-Nov-13 17:42:21

Good luck powpow! Loo update grin

Sounds pretty keen Dontcallme smile

Even though I have a date Saturday am not really excited, just fed up of the whole thing tbh

Stupidhead Thu 07-Nov-13 17:56:24

How do you choose? I've got a date on Saturday. A lot of text convos with a guy I really get on with, who I would like to meet up with at sometime even to discuss future work, another who's keen but short, and another who could be a good friend in future. Oh and one more who looks like ex. Haven't met any yet bit feel guilty for chatting to them all! If Saturdays date goes well then were off to the gig in London in 2 weeks (staying over eek!) which would wipeout the others :-/

They all seem really nice guys.

Poffedoff Thu 07-Nov-13 18:19:56

Don't choose any of them yet Stupidhead!
Wait until you've met them all at least once.. I'm sure they're doing the exact same thing

Poffedoff Thu 07-Nov-13 18:22:18

Hormonal... You'll feel more excited about it tomorrow. I've little to no interest meeting pof guy at the moment but I know come Saturday morn I'll be buzzing!

Poffedoff Thu 07-Nov-13 18:25:16

Powpow.. Remind me, who's the date again? Hate deciding what to wear for date one, two and three... After that I couldn't give a shit grin
Worse than deciding what to wear though is the "prep" work... It's taking me longer and longer the older I get hmm

powpow80 Thu 07-Nov-13 18:53:27

Poffedoff he's one of the three guys I was hoping would ask. A year or two older than me and an engineer. Seems nice and is funny enough. Have a few common interests and have both travelled to some of the same places. Hopefully that will keep conversation going if we get stuck. Just meeting for coffee at 8. I wearing skinny jeans, pumps and a black top. I wish my face would calm down after blowdrying my hear. It's a heart attack shade of red!

saturn Thu 07-Nov-13 18:58:37

Just wanted to say thank you for advice this morning...was at work so couldn't reply but had a read before I went at lunchtime. Especially gaga with the rules, kept repeating to myself that I am the prize! Date went ok I think, but don't have anything to compare against - so not sure. Turns out he drove an hour to meet me for lunch for an hour and then drove back an hour, so he must like me mustn't he? confused

Hormonalhell Thu 07-Nov-13 19:01:04

Oooooh hope it goes well powpow, he sounds nice smile

Yes I'm sure Saturday I'll start to feel better about it, wish I could afford my hair doing hmm

The closer we get to the weekend the more frequently he's texting.. (We're due to go away for a night on Saturday)... Do you think in a lDR this tends to happen? That the communication ramps up a bit the closer it gets to meeting up again?

I don't do the frequent texting thing, Poffedoff, but it sounds normal to me that there would be more contact the nearer the date.

Broken he sounds up for meeting to me smile

Cynical, if your gut is telling you something's amiss, you've done the right thing to listen to it. Two weeks without contact is odd for a start (to me it's a "he's just not into you" enough red flag), and why does he only have until 8pm? Has he said?

I wish my face would calm down after blowdrying my hear. It's a heart attack shade of red!
Stick your head in the freezer, Pow, that's what I used to do when I had a hot red face before a date grin

ladygoingGaga Thu 07-Nov-13 19:41:45

saturn glad it went ok! did you fancy him at all? Was there any spark? Just trust your instinct, if you had fun, felt comfortable then that's a start.

It is always really hard to tell after one date, but if you came away feeling good, then there is no harm in a second date. Or if It was just meh.. Then don't bother!

Good luck powpow as soon as you hit the cold air! sure you will be fine

stupidhead another one for saying date them all! why not grin chances are you can eliminate a few straight after, narrowing it down.

Keep your chin up hormonal you never know when a good date is around the corner! as in Saturday smile

28 texts... He is definitely into you dont exciting

Normality has resumed with texts between me and supermarket guy, he appreciated me understanding the circumstance and offering support
and distraction in the form of sex grin

Hormonalhell Thu 07-Nov-13 20:14:37

Oooooh I love that kind of distraction too Gaga,glad things are back on track smile

Saturn sounds like a nice date anyway, I know I've had a good date when I'm waiting for the first text after it!

Queenofthedrivensnow Thu 07-Nov-13 20:22:39

Ok I am in date #4. Loo update soon grin

dontcallmehon Thu 07-Nov-13 21:25:49

Oh exciting, Queen!

FolkGirl Thu 07-Nov-13 21:31:12

Good luck Queen.

Thanks for your lovely welcome last night, Poff.

Sadly, I've been at work today and so unable to contribute. I've had a couple of glasses of wine now and so my brain isn't working properly, so I'm still unable to contribute.

Just one little thing, if a man invites you to his house for dinner on a first date, that's not a good sign, is it?

dontcallmehon Thu 07-Nov-13 21:38:14

I'd say not, folk girl.

FolkGirl Thu 07-Nov-13 21:42:24

Just as I thought grin

Damn he's so good looking and charming. Men like that never turn out to be the bad guy, do they... hmm

ladygoingGaga Thu 07-Nov-13 21:47:48

folk I would be wary of that kind of invitation for a first date, why would you invite a stranger to your house for dinner confused
I only invited date back after 3/4 dates, actually we had dinner out, but dessert at mine, in more than one way grin

FolkGirl Thu 07-Nov-13 21:49:09

Oh don't worry, I have no intention of going!

saturn Thu 07-Nov-13 21:56:56

Thanks gaga, really like him and he kissed me and certainly wouldn't mind more kisses like that grin

Hormonal - he has e-mailed me a few times this afternoon/tonight!

Sorry I haven't really much else to new to all this confused...

Hormonalhell Thu 07-Nov-13 22:00:22

Oh well that's good Saturn smile he obviously keen on you. When's date 2?

Where's these updates? Keep checking in grin

powpow80 Thu 07-Nov-13 22:01:45

Just home from date. He has to be up at 5 in the morning. Nice guy, chatted away but I just don't know what to think. If he asked I'd see him again but wouldn't be upset if he didn't ask.

saturn Thu 07-Nov-13 22:28:46

He's just e-mailed and said he'd try to see me after work tomorrow (depending on his work) don't feel worried sick about it tonight like I did last night...just excited! That's a good sign isn't it? smile

ladygoingGaga Thu 07-Nov-13 22:54:20

saturn that is definitely a good sign grin be careful when they say 'try' get him to confirm one way or another... Just so you are not in limbo all afternoon putting other plans on hold

powpow did you fancy him? Was there a kiss to go on? I've never had a first date which has been wham bam type of stuff, but others have. If you enjoyed it and think maybe then what's to lose with a second date smile

Queenofthedrivensnow Fri 08-Nov-13 00:57:14

Oh fss. Ok so really good date seeing a film. Great conversation as usual. Went back to his house and hung out with his housemate for a bit. Good times. I called it a night and went in the kitchen to ring a cab. He came in and hung around awkwardly like he didn't know what to do. When the cab came I kissed him goodbye, on the mouth. I'm now in the cab wondering whether it was a good idea or not.

He did reciprocate. I think. Oh god.

Hormonalhell Fri 08-Nov-13 06:34:05

Wow! That's progress though Queen grin I give you 10 out of 10 for patience!!

That's good Saturn, like Gaga says try not to wait around for whether or not he'll be there. I suppose if it's work he won't know til he's done

That's true about not feeling much on first date. I think I have never felt a spark with anyone on first date and I've had 30+ dates now hmm

Hormonalhell Fri 08-Nov-13 06:35:41

Powpow no kiss then?

Queenofthedrivensnow Fri 08-Nov-13 07:06:15

I got annoyed about it and text him that I didn't know if he was attracted to me. Responses were gushing but also about his he doesn't know what I want.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Fri 08-Nov-13 07:51:24

Sorry dating thread I've not been keeping up - had a bad week generally sad with just a few different issues in my life piling up at once. Going out with housemate guy tonight though smile had a lovely phonecall with him last night - shock, me talking on the phone - and looking forward to a good night out to forget about a rubbish week.

Dimples I feel a little guilty about. I couldn't decide if I wanted to see him again or not, or if it was just because housemate guy was on the scene, and that is still early days and has some fairly big concerns about whether it's a go-er or not. What with the other stressors in my life I couldn't get my head around the situation, so I chickened out slightly and didn't really make a decision. I sent a text saying sorry I hadn't been in touch sooner, that I'd had some bad news and a lot on, and maybe we could get together one night next week. He wrote back immediately saying sorry to hear that, that I could call him anytime if I wanted to talk (what? we don't even text much!) and he understood if I needed some time. Dammit, he really is a nice guy. I feel horrible.

I did buy a very-short-introduction book on Christianity. Figured I should be informed to tackle the religion issue with housemate guy.

powpow80 Fri 08-Nov-13 08:34:59

Morning. No kiss for me. I just find the end of first dates really awkward. I almost want to run away! Have had the unbelievably chemistry on a first date once out of 40+ dates. I need to realise that that is rare and I should not write guys off so quickly when I don't feel that. Last nights guys was attractive. He's 5'11 (which I know is tall enough) but I like really tall guys. Have been ruined by going out with a 6'5 for 7 years. All guys seem short in comparison. I'm really short 5'3 so really need to get over the height thing.

OnceAgainForLuck Fri 08-Nov-13 08:40:22

Hello everyone smile

My date yesterday was okay - he was nice enough, but I didn't fancy him at all. He'd put on about 3 stone in weight since his profile pic had been taken, which wouldn't have been a problem if there'd been some attraction could have exercised the flab off him somehow but it wasn't to be.

Need to find some time to send a few messages to drum up some interest - its all so labour intensive after the first flurry drops away.

OnceAgainForLuck Fri 08-Nov-13 08:47:59

To anyone on Match:

How do you keep track of emails to and from someone if you have lots on the go at the same time, as it were? On POF its simple - all kept together - but on Match its received and sent boxes (like email) and I'm struggling to keep organised and not finding it easy to follow conversations I'm having confused

Am I missing something? Or making it more complicated than it needs to be?

OnceAgainForLuck Fri 08-Nov-13 08:52:04

Queen grin Can't wait for the next instalment.

Poffedoff Fri 08-Nov-13 09:14:35

Queen it was about time one of you made a move... I would have done the same tbh... I can't make out your second post though, he said he wasn't sure about how you feel or how he feels?

Poffedoff Fri 08-Nov-13 09:18:02

Oneday sorry to hear you've has such a hard week.. I wouldn't worry too much about dimples, it sounds like you've enough on your plate right now... Go out tonight and have a blast.. You can tackle the dimples situation next week

superdooperpenguin Fri 08-Nov-13 09:24:55

Good morning all, great to see so many dates are happening!

The detective is still messing me around with his work schedule. He will "try really hard to leave work on time" and see me this eve but I'm getting really fed up of being kept in limbo all the time. I texted him last night and told him if he doesn't have time to see me once a week then he doesn't have time for a girlfriend. So it's make or break tonight, if he cancels again then I'm going to ditch him.

I'm a bit gutted as I do quite like him! Think I will take a break from dating for a while after this one, it's energy zapping and a bit soul destroying at times!

Queenofthedrivensnow Fri 08-Nov-13 09:26:51

So I asked him if he was attracted to me. He replied yes very much but he was also confused about my feelings if that made sense? He has sent love lovely messages about how great he thinks I am so I feel better about it. I still want some action though!
I have told him I am spun out by how different he is from what I am accustomed to. Sounds naff but he is and also I have never started a relationship where we talk about it sensibly first which is what he wants to do. I am a bit weirded out bit the grown up in me says actually you need to go with this - this is a genuine bloke trying treat you well.

Poffedoff Fri 08-Nov-13 09:42:09

That's disappointing Super but you're absolutely right, your precious time shouldn't be spent hanging around waiting for the call to drop everything and snatch a date whenever he's free... what was his reply to your text btw?

Poffedoff Fri 08-Nov-13 09:44:49

Queen... He seems to be doing everything right! We all know how sex changes things, emotions get involved etc so he is being sensible, trying to get a handle on where you stand before taking the next step...
It's alien to me too but perhaps we could all learn something from him! grin

Poffedoff Fri 08-Nov-13 09:54:42

Onceagain, why these guys don't mention they've "changed somewhat" since their profile pic was taken is beyond me.. do they not think we'll notice? grin
No idea about match, sorry..

Hormonalhell Fri 08-Nov-13 10:25:09

Onceagain yes it's very annoying, that's happened to me quite a few times with the overweight thing! Aparently women are even worse!

splishsplosh Fri 08-Nov-13 12:01:16

Queen - it's lovely he's not rushing into things and thinking about how you feel about one another... but shouldn't expressing some physical affection come naturally, rather than be discussed in detail before so much as a kiss? I don't know - seems a bit of hard work to have to discuss and negotiate before doing anything. But if you like him, maybe it's worth it. I'd be frustrated though!

I've had a couple of dates with someone I like, and seeing him tomorrow too. He texts loads - but he has a tendency towards the kinky, and I get the feeling that is the priority rather than me - I've brought it up with him and he denies it, but I think he is firmly in the Bit of Fun For Now category for me, which is OK at the moment. May resume looking for something more meaningful after Christmas!

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Fri 08-Nov-13 14:01:35

Well.....housemate guy has cancelled on me (very valid reason).....which was only to be expected after this week to be honest!!! Rubbish end to a rubbish week!!! Hopefully seeing him tomorrow. Was really quite disappointed - which has made me a bit wary I may be emotionally investing a bit early. It did flash across my mind to text dimples and see if he was free tonight.....but instead am meeting a friend. Girly time.

saturn Fri 08-Nov-13 14:37:39

Hi, well he confirmed for after work...very excited, which makes me think I may be breaking the emotionally invested rule already!! Are there are second date rules I should know about? grin

Bant Fri 08-Nov-13 15:37:35

OneDay - it's good to be a bit disappointed if someone cancels, it means you're not just dating for the sake of it. If you went 'meh' then it probably doesn't have potential.

Saturn - first dates are, in my experience, for telling whether you can stand being around someone. Second dates are for seeing whether you actually like them or not. That's when little things might come out which you notice because you're not so nervous - like whether they're rude to the waiter, whether they have nothing to say after the first date.

It's often after the second date you work out whether you might want to bump uglies with them. People let their guard down on a second date and you can see more about whether you like them when they're not so much on their best behaviour. Some people are very good on first dates, not so much on second ones.

Bant Fri 08-Nov-13 16:18:30

I'm bored at work so I thought I'd extend the rules/guidelines to deal with date-specific questions.

First dates:

1) Men generally don't care what you wear unless you're in a cloth sack or dungarees. It's good to look good, but it's more for your confidence than something the man will notice.
2) Some alcohol is good, not too much. Coffee-only dates are generally quite sterile, so one or two drinks lets you both relax a bit without getting too horizontal.
3) If a man invites you to his place, or wants to come to yours for the first date, he is after a quickie. That is all.
4) The old tried-and-tested emergency phone call still works if you need to get out of there. Choose a place you know, if you can, and don't be afraid to tell the staff if you're feeling threatened.
5) Generally, a place for coffee-then-maybe-drinks-then-maybe-dinner gives you multiple options for having to get home to the kids if things aren't going well on the date.

Second dates:
6) Second dates are for seeing whether you like them a lot. This can happen on a first date too, but if you're not feeling 'it' by the end of the second date, then it's probably best to call it a day
7) Second dates give you more understanding of whether the man has a 'set-piece' performance he rolls out on first dates. Those monologues about working with children in India, the funny stories - on the second date he may have nothing left of interest to say.

Third dates:
8) Third dates are generally accepted as getting a bit, or very, physical but only if you want to. There are notions that a man will shag and disappear after a first date, third date or a twelfth - this is of course possible, but the greater the emotional connection, the less the chance of disappearance. Emotional connections take time, whereas physical chemistry is fairly instantaneous.

dontcallmehon Fri 08-Nov-13 16:41:37

Oh bless! Geeky guy is away for the weekend, so I didn't expect to hear from him, but just got a little text smile

dontcallmehon Fri 08-Nov-13 16:42:52

Oh no Bant, I rushed things by having geeky guy stay over on date 2! But date 1 did last for 9 hours!

ladygoingGaga Fri 08-Nov-13 18:18:48

Thanks Bant useful to get a mans perspective smile although I clearly need to change jobs! as I've barely had time for lunch let alone MN grin
In fact they would prob wouldn't approve me even logging in!

dont only guidelines! rules are meant to be broken grin we are all adults and as long as no one gets hurt anything goes really.

saturn excitement is exactly what you should be feeling, that is entirely different to investing emotionally

Enjoy your girly night oneday

I've had a few texts from supermarket man tonight, but making this weekend a DS special time and relax with him.
I'm seeing supermarket man Tuesday whilst DS is at school, going to book go karting for a laugh grin

Hormonalhell Fri 08-Nov-13 18:51:02

Thanks Bant for that very useful post. I'm purposely going to wear my ugliest greyest underwear for my first date with Donny tomorrow.grin

Gaga that sounds like fun!! Donny said I had three choices for our first date - sky diving, visiting an art gallery or cocktails.

I chose diving shock

saturn Fri 08-Nov-13 20:22:23

Thanks for the rules bant and thanks gaga smile

Don't - did all turn out fine with you and geeky guy after date 2?

I've just bumped uglies on date 2 blush that's not good is it?

Hormonalhell Fri 08-Nov-13 20:29:00

Help me ladies, what shall I wear first date cocktails in the city centre? Here are the options:

1. Sparkly dress, thick black tights heels or boots with leather biker jacket

2. Tight black pants, leopard skin fabric top, heels

Obviously grey underwear for both grin

Poffedoff Fri 08-Nov-13 20:31:22

I'd go for the dress/ jacket/ boots option myself hormonal... Have a fab time.. Please give a loo update if possible for all us saddos stuck at home tonight hmm

Poffedoff Fri 08-Nov-13 20:32:47

Oh.. Just spotted your date is tomorrow hormonal! Was wondering why you were only asking about outfits at 8.30!

Hormonalhell Fri 08-Nov-13 20:44:50

Yes tomorrow n I'll try n remember if cocktails don't go to my head quick! Dress it is smile

FolkGirl Fri 08-Nov-13 21:13:26

hormonal definitely dress, boots and jacket. That's what I'm going to be wearing for my second date with Wednesday Man tomorrow night.

Cocktails sound fab - don't drink them too quickly!!

Poffedoff Fri 08-Nov-13 21:25:14

Saturn! I almost missed that one! Lol

Sounds like date 2 was a huge success grin

Poffedoff Fri 08-Nov-13 21:31:53

That sucks Oneday hmm

I'm meeting pof guy tomorrow for a night away... Texting ramped up as the date gets nearer... He's telling me he can't wait to see me, it's been a long week etc. All I see when I read them tho is " I can't wait for the sex"... really think the trust is gone for me and all he's interested in is a weekly shag at this stage....

Hormonalhell Fri 08-Nov-13 21:39:28

Poffed try not to think too much about it and have some fun yourself! If you go with that kind of thinking it will show that to him too

Poffedoff Fri 08-Nov-13 21:54:06

See I could do that if I knew for sure that was all it was... He just keeps laying it in so thick when we meet... Lots of talk about us being a couple etc. but then crap communication all week!
Maybe he likes the idea of me being exclusive, admitting we were fuckbuddys would mean I could go elsewhere too?

dontcallmehon Fri 08-Nov-13 21:56:34

Saturn, geeky guy sent me 15 texts yesterday and about 5 today - even though he's away for the weekend. So yeah, I think he's pretty keen ;)

dontcallmehon Fri 08-Nov-13 22:03:22

I agree with the dress option-hormonal. Hope you have fun!

saturn Fri 08-Nov-13 22:16:22

sad well he hasn't e-mailed me...guess that's my first dating lesson learned. Well can't say I didn't enjoy it!

Obviously not the success I thought it was poffed!

Thanks don't

Btw, novice that I am, I would go for dress option too hormonal

Stupidhead Fri 08-Nov-13 22:20:12

Got solicitor date tomorrow, he's moved it to 2pm..and is pretty inconstant with texts or messages so I still dunno where we're meeting! Another guy chats all the time, not sure i fanxy him but we have so much in common...hmm...I don't know what to do. I've half a feeling I'll be stood like a lemon tomorrow if solicitor doesn't show :-/

Stupidhead Fri 08-Nov-13 22:27:02

Oh and the dress, definitely te dress!

dontcallmehon Fri 08-Nov-13 22:29:21

The thing is, Saturn - I don't think having sex on a second date would put off the right guy. Wait and see - there is time yet for him to email you.

Stupidhead Fri 08-Nov-13 22:45:56

Saturn, I slept with the last guy on my second date (he hates 'easy women') we were together for three years ;)

saturn Fri 08-Nov-13 22:57:38

Thanks don't and stupid...think I was a bit premature there...he e-mailed! Feel so relieved!!! He really enjoyed this evening (well he went into more detail than that, but that was basic jist of it!) grin

Hope everything goes ok with solicitor tomorrow stupid smile

ladygoingGaga Fri 08-Nov-13 23:11:14

saturn yeah, glad he replied, sounds positive, any plans for next
shag date?

stupid some blokes are just a bit crap with texts before a date as they don't know you! I'm sure once you wow him on the date it will be different

And def the dress hornonal

Poffedoff Fri 08-Nov-13 23:15:07

Nice one Saturn wink

Gaga this is the guy I've been seeing since May! Lol

Poffedoff Fri 08-Nov-13 23:15:55

Can't wait to hear how date goes tomorrow Stupid... Good luck smile

Stupidhead Fri 08-Nov-13 23:22:09

Eeeeek!!! Haha!

Stupidhead Fri 08-Nov-13 23:31:48

I may have organised a last minute if I get stood up...I am not a slut, I am not a slut.... ;)

Hormonalhell Sat 09-Nov-13 06:57:30

Don't blame you Stupid, it's a Saturday night after all.

Right it's settled I'm going with the dress, black tights (not hold ups as dress too short grin) and long boots with my leather biker jacket. Just won't have to eat all day as dress shows every lump n bump hmm

FolkGirl Sat 09-Nov-13 07:01:30

Glad to hear all these dates are going so well.

I have a second date with my Wednesday Lunch man this evening, and I have a lunch first non-date too.

Good luck to everyone who has dates this weekend!

dontcallmehon Sat 09-Nov-13 07:25:16

Geeky guy said he's been telling his friend about me smile

FolkGirl Sat 09-Nov-13 07:30:29

That's lovely! smile It sounds like he really likes you!

Poffedoff Sat 09-Nov-13 08:22:35

I was on to a friend last night trying to arrange a night out, with all this dating going on does anyone else feel they've neglected their friendships a wee bit? Especially those of you with kids... I seem to plan dates around nights that my kids are with their dad... Doesn't leave much time to see my mates..

ladygoingGaga Sat 09-Nov-13 08:53:38

poff it is hard fitting friends and family in around dates, however my few DC free nights tend to be for dates, as I invite friends over when I have DC here.
That said I would prioritise a girly night out defo grin

dont that's a good sign, very sweet

stupidhead that's just great time management grin

Stupidhead Sat 09-Nov-13 10:59:08

Damn. Tall solicitor cancelled as he's stuck in London on business..he says. I kind of like a lot of texts and he's pretty rubbish on that. So what's a girl alone on a Saturday night to do? Option number 2!!! 6'7" rock dj at 7:30 tonight scary!!!!

Tbh I'm more of a rock chick so at least I won't have to worry about what to wear smile good luck to you all and yes I'll toilet update!

FolkGirl Sat 09-Nov-13 11:29:06

Well that sounds like a plan, then stupidhead.

I'm having a crisis of confidence today.

Need to snap out of it, though. I've got a lunch date in 2 hours and I'm current wet and muddy after exercising in the park.

FolkGirl Sat 09-Nov-13 11:30:50

* currently

educationforlife Sat 09-Nov-13 11:46:33

Back again for some more advice from all you dating experts, please.

Messaged someone who sounds nice on GS.
Got a standard GM selected message saying would like to reply, but don't have a subscription. Will reply when I do.
Now ...
1. do I wait - my subscription runs out in a few weeks and I am not planning on renewing it.
2. do I send him my email (or an email I set up)

Suppose he is 'just browsing' - fair enough in my book, but is there a problem I can't see?

RollerCola Sat 09-Nov-13 11:52:06

Stupidhead Rock Man sounds great! Don't sweat about Mr Solicitor, in fact perhaps let him know you've now made 'other plans' - it might keep him on his toes & realise you're not hanging about.

Can I ask a bit of advice too please? I met a guy online about 6wks ago. We've met twice and he's ace. We have massive amounts in common, he's v keen without being too forward and we just get on great.

My issue is trying not to get too carried away. I only separated from my h in July & the divorce isn't finalised yet. I don't think I'm ready at all for a relationship yet (yes I know, why was I on pof??!) and I actually didn't expect to meet anyone at all for ages yet.

So while I'm desperately trying to play it cool, I think I'm really falling for this guy. We've been texting every single day for 6 weeks. He knows my situation & is totally cool with it. He's not pushing to see me more often but it's clear that we're both desperate to see each other again.

So I've only actually met him twice so I barely know him at all. I'm not due to see him for another week which 'in theory' suits me fine as I'm supposed to be taking it slow.

So why do I need to see him again NOW? grin Please help me keep my feet on the ground & not take this too seriously. I get the feeling I'm just leaping into it after being in such an unhappy marriage for donkey's years. But he makes me smile so much & there haven't been many of those for a long time..

splishsplosh Sat 09-Nov-13 12:13:25

Roller it's no wonder you're keen to see him, it must be so lovely to have a contrast to your relationship with your ex... and the fact that you can't wait to see him again is positive - but maybe it's good to how some gaps between dates so you can take it steady,and also keep perspective on how things are going. But otherwise apart from trying not to get too carried away too soon - just enjoy it!

HelloBoys Sat 09-Nov-13 12:36:19

After a week on doingsomething got 2 dates and 1 potential one lined up.

RollerCola Sat 09-Nov-13 14:21:30

Thanks splish, yes he couldn't be further from my ex (looks a bit like him mind, but I can handle that smile)

So far we've seen each other twice, with a 2 week gap in between, and I won't see him now until next weekend which is another 2 weeks on from date 2. It's actually only because of work/childcare commitments that it's worked out like that, but I guess waiting is exciting too..?

educationforlife Sat 09-Nov-13 14:22:05

Shamelessly copying and pasting onto new page for advice
Back again for some more advice from all you dating experts, please.

Messaged someone who sounds nice on GS.
Got a standard GM selected message saying would like to reply, but don't have a subscription. Will reply when I do.
Now ...
1. do I wait - my subscription runs out in a few weeks and I am not planning on renewing it.
2. do I send him my email (or an email I set up)

Suppose he is 'just browsing' - fair enough in my book, but is there a problem I can't see?

RollerCola Sat 09-Nov-13 14:22:51

Hello boys, sounds exciting - are you going to see them all? I can't cope with more than one at a time - this one is stressful enough for me!

RollerCola Sat 09-Nov-13 14:23:51

Education - I'd send him your email if you're keen, then there's no reason for him not to contact you. Nothing to lose?

educationforlife Sat 09-Nov-13 14:35:51

Thanks Roller smile
Not got enough recent experience of dating to offer advice to you, but it sounds like you are doing great - enjoying it but pacing it so it feels right.

RollerCola Sat 09-Nov-13 20:04:36

So anyone on any interesting dates this eve? I'm home alone so toilet updates would be great thanks grin

Putitonthelist Sat 09-Nov-13 20:17:01

Hi everyone. First time on this thread. Separated from my H nearly one year ago and feel ready to dip my toe in the water.

Met a lovely guy while out with my girlfriends last night. We talked for a couple of hours, had lots in common, he bought me a drink and seemed to like me. He's been divorced for 5 years (not his choice and he did mention his EX rather a lot tbh) Anyway he asked if I'd like to see him again and I said yes. Swapped numbers. I have no intention of texting him. He hasn't texted me today so I'm thinking a) he's not really that interested or b) I only met him last night - give him chance!!

What do you daters think?

ladygoingGaga Sat 09-Nov-13 20:53:19

education def send him your email, why not?

putitonthelist hmm bit of a red flag if he is talking about his ex a lot the first time you met him. Do you like him? If you want to see him again why not text him, if he doesn't like you then he will politely decline or ignore, either way you will know.

<<sits waiting patiently for loo updates>>

dashoflime78 Sat 09-Nov-13 21:42:34

Hi Everyone. I'm a first time poster to this thread too, though I have been lurking for some time.

Went on my first 'post separation' date last night and need some advice on the follow up!?

I had dinner with a lovely man I'd met on Match. First impressions were, 'I don't fancy him,' BUT i kept an open mind and I actually began to enjoy myself. He was easy to talk to; open, chatty, down to earth and the date seemed to go well. We met at 7.30 and left the restaurant at 11.20pm, with him continuing the conversation - a good sign...yes?

As we left the restaurant, I thanked him for a lovely evening, he hugged me (sort of squeezed), said a cheery 'speak to you soon' and that was it. Not sure what to make of that?!

I'd quite like to see him for a 2nd date, and I'm contemplating sending a text to say thanks. Need a quick straw poll as to when or if to text him?!

saturn Sat 09-Nov-13 21:56:13

Hi dash, I'm a newbie here so not sure I'm qualified to give advice...but I went on my first date on Thursday (lunch date) he paid for lunch, so I e-mailed to say thanks and he did say he was waiting for me to if I hadn't may still be waiting. As it was he suggested second date for Friday. So I would say to text just to say thanks smile

dashoflime78 Sat 09-Nov-13 22:14:14

Hi Saturn - Great news on your successful date, is it next Friday your 2nd?

I've bitten the bullet and sent a text to say thanks. Now waiting for a reply. This dating malarkey is sooo confusing!

ladygoingGaga Sat 09-Nov-13 22:47:34

dash go with your gut every time. Sounds like you had a great first date, I'm glad you've text him. The trick is not to overthink anything, easier said then done I know. Do what feels right, invariably it is.

saturn Sat 09-Nov-13 22:54:02

Oh I know...that's how I ended up on here Wednesday night!

No, second date was yesterday and he e-mailed me 8 times last night and 7 times think it may have been successful grin

Hope you get your text back soon x

Stupidhead Sun 10-Nov-13 00:55:48

I had a great night and he's interesting but I don't fancy him sad
I want to but just don't. He texted and thanked me and apparently I'm his first date in 5 years :-0 if I found him attractive then it'd be perfect as we have everything In common. He apologised for being nervous and wants a second date...

I don't know what to do.

dontcallmehon Sun 10-Nov-13 08:34:01

Hope you get a text soon, dash. Stupidhead, I think you will have to politely decline a second date - the spark won't grow.

Waiting for geeky guy to text today...

RollerCola Sun 10-Nov-13 09:11:47

Stupidhead was that the Rock dj guy? That's a shame, could he not be a grower? smile If you really don't find him attractive it's prob best to let him down now though. It's difficult isn't it?

RollerCola Sun 10-Nov-13 09:12:33

Any reply dash?

RollerCola Sun 10-Nov-13 09:58:12

After saying I'm trying to play it cool & not get carried away, and not being due to see Cool Dude until next sat... I've just heard that my kids are now staying at their dads all today so I text him to see if he wants to meet up later..aaagh I need to control myself!

He worked nights last night so I know he'll be asleep for ages yet. Panicking now that I'm being too forward.

Putit and Dash, I hate the waiting game so would be inclined to text or email a man I'd like to see again. Then that places the ball well and truly in his court rather than any ambiguity about who's making the first move. I lie to know where I stand where possible.

My date with "KrK" (man5) yesterday went really well and we have arrangements for a shagfest another date next Saturday (although he has to double check he's not required at work first). grin As soon as I spotted him I thought "ooh yes" and thankfully the feeling was mutual. We met at 1pm at a shopping centre, off to the local pub for drinks and snacks, and went home at 7pm (the last 2 hours being spent chatting and snogging in the car!) We had a fun time, there were no red flags, and I think he has potential to be a lovely fuck buddy for me so I'm rather excited. There was tons of sexual chemistry which is a must for me; it's a pretty instant yay or nay I find.

Putitonthelist Sun 10-Nov-13 10:16:17

Thanks lady yes I thought that fact that he mentioned his ex so much when they've actually been divorced for 5 years a bit off putting.

Can't text him as deleted my call log (he called my phone when I gave him my no.) and didn't save his no. I guess if he's interested he'll call.

That's a shame Stupid - do you just not find him attractive?

Hormonalhell Sun 10-Nov-13 10:30:03

Well I had my date with Donny last night. Really great guy, enjoyed his company but didn't really fancy him hmm he just wasn't my type at all. I'm so disappointed to be honest. As per usual when I'm not too fussed he really likes me and asked at the end of the date when he could see me again. hmm

So know how you feel Stupid...soul destroying

Concentrateonthegood Sun 10-Nov-13 10:34:41

I've dipped in and out of these threads. Back with my latest tale of woe. Met a lovely bloke through eharmony back in august. Both agreed that there was spark. Daily contact over a three month period, several dates in that time which each was perfect. Spent hours chatting on the phone daily. He had a close family bereavement during that time. Anyway, three weeks ago, met up for a weekend away. It was perfect. He said so, I thought so and said so. Others thought so cause during the evening, someone sitting near us in a bar actually said I hope I manage to find what you two clearly have. I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, I would get my happy ending. Few days after a weekend away, he actually told me he felt like he'd been unfaithful to his ex. They split up 3 months before we met but he said he'd been unhappy for years and just hadn't done anything about leaving so I was less concerned about rebound.

Anyway, he's completely withdrawn from me. No explanation, no closure. I don't need him to explain as it won't help me understand the callous withdrawal and I won't forgive it. It's over, but for fucks sake, can I just never find anyone I like this much that could actually want to be with me?

I think the worse thing is we both agreed to take things slowly and he knew the one thing I asked for was honesty. If our arrangement didn't suit, no reason for him to not just be able to say. The silence is a killer isn't it?

The silence is a killer isn't it?
It sure is Concentrateonthegood. thanks Sorry to hear about your bloke; what a crap way to behave after all that angry Why couldn't he just be honest with you. All it takes is a text to say he'd changed his mind, but to just go silent is so cowardly.

Oh, how disappointing Hormonal sad Attraction is quite complicated isn't it.

powpow80 Sun 10-Nov-13 11:30:31

I genuinely think the majority of guys on dating sites have no balls. Think silence is the easier option. To me I think it is so rude and bad mannered. Someone once said to me that if they don't send the I don't like you text that it leaves it open for them to get back in touch down the line.

Pity to hear about the no fancy for stupid and hormonal. Nothing worse than meeting a guy who you know would be great but not fancying him. You'd nearly be trying to force yourself.

An in the midst of lining up a date for next week. Guy is a bit older than me, seems lovely from messages and looks quite manly in his pics. No expectations but hope it will go well.

RollerCola Sun 10-Nov-13 12:26:36

Just a thought Concentrated but could he be struggling with the family bereavement? Grief makes people do unusual things doesn't it?

Or he might just be an idiot...

Concentrateonthegood Sun 10-Nov-13 12:48:09

Rolla, I wondered that too. It was the comment about him being unfaithful to his ex and the guilt he felt over her that seemed to start it all off. He is very deep, analyses everything to death and has says he retreats into himself at times. In the early days, I did ask him about his ex and whether she had accepted the relationship was over. He assured me it was for him but I had a doubt over whether she was in the same place and indeed whether he had been honest with her about that (or honest with me about that!)

But, 3 bloody months of being in each other's lives to abruptly end. He text me last week saying did I fancy a chat. I text him back saying that I was at dinner and would contact him when I got back to my room (away with work) and then he didn't respond. I think that was probably going to be the "end" discussion and he chickened out. Shitty and it took me so long to get my confidence up to a level and even more faith to think in terms of an us rather than we walking this earth on my own which I have done for many, many years. :-(

RollerCola Sun 10-Nov-13 13:01:51

Oh no, that sounds v sad hmm Please don't assume it's what you think though, he might have all sorts going on in his head (especially if he's an 'over-analyser?')

Have you considered texting him again? Did you not contact him again after your dinner last week? Perhaps he thinks you've gone cold rather than the other way round? I'd honestly send him a quick text. Maybe something just along the 'are you ok' lines? If he doesn't reply to that then maybe it'll be time to accept it's not going anywhere. But if he's in a bad way perhaps it'll open up communication lines again? (That's if you still want to)

Putitonthelist Sun 10-Nov-13 14:37:31

Concentrate it sounds like he isn't ready for a relationship on any level. Maybe the weekend away made him feel that things were getting a bit more serious than he intended so he's backed off, who knows? There are many posts about men on MN who just go cold after months of non-stop contact for no apparent reason. That's no help to you I know. His recent behaivour has been shitty and that probably tells you all you need to know about him. flowers

Stupidhead Sun 10-Nov-13 15:41:09

Hiya ladies, just in from work, two texts from rock dj asking about second date..haven't replied yet. I couldn't even grow to fancy him, there wasn't anything about him lookswise I found attractive :-/

So how do I reply?

I woke up in a bad mood to a message from a new bloke who is quite cute (young oliver reed). So I replied I have 3 kids blah blah blah' to get it out there...meeting him this week!

But. Back to replying to dj? Help!

Stupidhead, how about something like "I had a nice time but I'm afraid you aren't for me, sorry"? I'm no good at this sort of thing though.

ladygoingGaga Sun 10-Nov-13 16:50:25

stupidhead yep definitely something like, had a lovely evening, you are genuine bloke but just not for me or there was no spark... Wish him luck, that's it.

concentrate they are ignorant shits, silence is not fucking golden, grow a pair and be honest!! Rant over grin

MemphisMinnie Sun 10-Nov-13 17:15:07

I'm on POF with less than no luck so far. I'm seriously thinking of deleting my account because no men my age seem interested other than those who I wouldn't, I just wouldn't…..

The admittedly tiny straw which has broken the proverbial is train man who got all excited about asking me on a lunch date. Fine I said Sunday (today) is the only time I can do. No, he can't do it, working in London all weekend (a 24/7 role in public transport). So we settle on Weds eve for early drink. I go online to pick up a message and he's online. I go back later, he's still online. A third time an guess what? Yep, he's online. I don't give a monkeys about him being online frankly. I just think he's lied. Already.

Anyone? Cancel and come off POF? Thing is they say if you delete your account you can't come back!!

MemphisMinnie Sun 10-Nov-13 17:16:41

Oh that didn't make sense. I mean today, I go online when he is 'working'. That's what I mean about lying.

Stupidhead Sun 10-Nov-13 17:45:39

He could be genuine though! Date last night was almost always online at work! I'd take his word for now but if you keep getting crap then block.

Stupidhead Sun 10-Nov-13 17:46:23

Oh and I was on pof a few years ago, I rejoined no problem, just set up a new email address if needed smile

SweetSeraphim Sun 10-Nov-13 18:09:49

Re PoF though - as far as I recall, if you don't log out, you show constantly as online.....

Putitonthelist Sun 10-Nov-13 18:52:00

Had a text from the guy I met on Friday night. Asked if I'd like to meet up for a drink. Told him I would and when I'm free. Will see how it goes (and how often he mentions his ex again).

stupid did you send a text yet?

MemphisMinnie Sun 10-Nov-13 19:04:04

Well I deleted my profile anyway. I need a break, it was beginning to feel more like a chore than a pleasure grin. Shall veg on the sofa til the Spring I think.

Concentrateonthegood Sun 10-Nov-13 19:29:43

Roller, I did text him when I got back to my room and heard nothing. I'm not going to contact him. Regardless of what has been going on in my life, I would never ignore someone.

dashoflime78 Sun 10-Nov-13 20:11:48

Well I've finally had a response, oddly not by text but email. I now feel we're in the silly territory of him playing it too cool, leaving it 48 hours before contact and not replying to my thank you text until late today. I cant decide whether or not to respond (having felt a little rejected all weekend). So bloody silly, I didn't even fancy him. I suppose with it being my first date in years, I wanted my self esteem boosted with some male interest!

Memphis - I'm with you, may delete my match account and hibernate for the winter.

ladygoingGaga Sun 10-Nov-13 22:42:23

Ladies, you have to toughen up a bit grin don't take it personally, not every bloke you meet will be mr right. It's a numbers game, go out, have fun, get a thick skin. If it's not fun and you are going to get hurt chances are you're not ready to start OD, it's brutal smile

It was 18 months before I realised I was ready to date, spent that time finding me grin

Stupidhead Sun 10-Nov-13 22:59:40

Gah!!! Had to drop some shit off at my exes flat and it wasn't nice, he dumped me btw.. Made my text easier as he knew i had to go there today. Told him I was still hung up on 'him' and I'd like to stay friends.. Which is true. Still feel like a big fat chicken shit sad

Hormonalhell Mon 11-Nov-13 06:47:00

Oh no Stupid, that's stupid grin did you actually tell him that?

I think I must be very thick skinned as I've had so many let downs n rejections over the past year but I just dust myself off with the motto 'plenty more where he came from' and it seems to work for me grin

ordinarybloke Mon 11-Nov-13 07:11:34

A couple of posters have been wondering if they should continue to see someone if there is no spark. My opinion is that there is a difference between potential for something to develop and that the battery will always remain flat.

After my positive post 2nd date text to Black Pepper Woman,she replied to my two non date related questions,but nothing about my comment that I would like to see her again.So no further reply from has to be a 2 way street for me.

Cheese Woman replied saying that she has realised that with her cuurent workload (she is a freelancer) and the care for her DCs she does not have the time to get to know a potential partner. At least no second guessing with her.

I am still messaging 2 other women,so I stil have options.

Stupidhead Mon 11-Nov-13 07:21:32

Yeah I did hormonal! He was pushing for a 2nd date and I was the first date he'd considered in five years, he seems really shy so I didn't want to think it was him!

Hormonalhell Mon 11-Nov-13 10:15:11

Ah well it's a good excuse to use Stupidhead.

Yes Ordinary, I've been on dates where I know I wouldn't see them again but with Donny was just unsure and told him so and he's convinced me to see him again and just see how it goes. I liked him I just wasn't woo about himhmm

dontcallmehon Mon 11-Nov-13 13:00:02

Penis picture guy texted me on Saturday - luckily no pics. I ignored him. He surfaces every now and then. I last dated him in August and it ended when I realised he was just after sex and got the pervy pictures! Funny how men who say they are not after sex, like geeky guy, are much more likely to get it. Men really should cotton on to this little fact.

Date with geeky guy tomorrow. We are going to the cinema. We're watching the film in 3d - he told me not to laugh at him with two pairs of glasses on!

OnceAgainForLuck Mon 11-Nov-13 13:14:55

I'm feeling rather meh about OD - I'm older than most of you, I guess, (50s), and have been on POF and Match for a few months. I don't have anything particularly negative to say about the sites as I don't reply to the potential fuckwits (Hiya sexy babe etc), so the guys I've messaged/met have all been decent, nice, professional men.

But I've not been attracted to any of them. I'm not after perfection or a certain type - just someone I'd be prepared to shag fanciable and intelligent. Have met 7 men so far - all wanted to see me again, but I didn't want to see them - good for the self esteem I suppose, but not really getting me anywhere.

I've got the ladygaga attitude and thick skin, but its still meh.

Hormonalhell Mon 11-Nov-13 13:22:24

Yes I'm same as you Onceagain, I never seem to fancy them and they all are potentially great guys but I'm just looking for phwoarrh factor but it never happens hmm

powpow80 Mon 11-Nov-13 13:55:23

I'm throwing my hat in the ring with Hormonal and Onceagain. No woo or socks being blown off here.

Dontcall sounds like things are going great. Delighted to hear it.

OnceAgainForLuck Mon 11-Nov-13 18:30:06

So Hormonal and powpow, what do we do about it? The problem is clearly not with us as we're fuckin' gorgeous so why aren't we getting to date the phwoarrh types?

powpow80 Mon 11-Nov-13 19:14:08

Who knows Onceagain. Being honest in my location and within my search parameters there are three guys with the phwoarrh factor! My search parameters are not insane or anything. 33 to 45 yrs within 35 miles and wants a relationship. Not sure where all the eligible men that age are gone. Those three guys are too hot to even email! I'm thick skinned but think I'd only be wasting my time messaging them.

Hormonalhell Mon 11-Nov-13 19:16:37

Yes same with me, I don't message the fit ones cos they would prob be after one thing anyway! I don't get many if any fit ones messaging me first hmm

Once, Hormonal and Powpow, do you fancy the men from their photos but are disappointed when you meet them in the flesh? Or are they visually OK but just don't float your boat?

Maybe I've been lucky because out of the 5 men I've met I've wanted to shag 2 of them within the first 30 minutes of the date! One I saw 4 times (god I miss his handsome face, great body and outrageous stamina...damn him, he raised the bar really high!sad) and the other I have a 2nd date with on Saturday. I am very fussy though and reject any whose faces I wouldn't want to look at during sex, and whose bodies aren't toned; I'm extremely visually stimulated during sex and I bloody well want the phroarr factor for once. If there's mutual attraction we chat, if they can string a sentence together well enough to try a date we meet, and if we can have a laugh it's all systems go. I have to say though that there are very few men I actually fancy so maybe I've had my quota now sad

Those three guys are too hot to even email! I'm thick skinned but think I'd only be wasting my time messaging them.
But Powpow, if you message them not expecting a reply, if they do like you it's a bonus isn't it. Otherwise you've lost nothing as the outcome was as you expected. In other words you have nothing to lose (if your self esteem can handle it though I suppose).

Yes same with me, I don't message the fit ones cos they would prob be after one thing anyway!
Hormonal, there's a thread running at the mo about being put off by attractive men, and it seems the handsome ones are no more likely to be players/cheaters than the fuglies. It's a minefield anyway, so why not take a chance with someone tasty is my motto. I've found that there are guys who lie to get into our knickers, will say they're after a relationship when they are actually after something non-committal, so all we can do is be cautious regardless.

powpow80 Mon 11-Nov-13 19:57:36

It's a bloody minefield. Definitely need to have your wits about you. The good lookers are very new to pof so I might leave it a week or two to let the rush on their inbox calm down.

Have only had the lets get naked ASAP feeling with one guy. Was seeing him for a little bit but didn't work out. Other guys I have dated have been mostly nice but if I don't have the lets go in our nudies feeling I can't see it going anywhere.

Have one guy in the pipeline for this week. Just waiting on him to sort a suitable day for meeting.

Hormonalhell Mon 11-Nov-13 20:11:46

Livid I've not seen that thread, will have a nosy smile

The guys I meet and think 'he's ok' never 'god he's gorgeous' just don't message guys like that n they don't message me either really unless they after sex

powpow80 Mon 11-Nov-13 22:32:16

Advice needed please and thanks. I'm chatting to a guy who is 16yrs older than me. Looks great for his age and seems nice. I bit the bullet and asked him for a date. He said yes. Although in his response he said 'I'm still a bit emotionally not over the last relationship.' So, should I run a mile or go out once with him?

ladygoingGaga Mon 11-Nov-13 22:51:41

powpow I nearly spat my wine out then, still not emotionally over the last relationship Seriously wtf. Why would he be looking to go on dates. I would run a bloody mile, he wants someone to make him feel better.
Only one thing will happen, that's you getting hurt.

It's a funny thing about messaging the really attractive blokes, I'm the same I see gorgeous fit blokes, and just think they are out of my league, or they will be utter shaggers. So I don't bother.
Sounds strange but I don't want to see a bloke who has woman drooling over him all the time.
Yes I want someone I find attractive, but it's more about them then their looks/body.

powpow80 Mon 11-Nov-13 22:54:56

Lol at the wine spitting. Bit of an odd response all right. I'll give him one thing at least he is honest.

I was the uglier half of a couple for 7 years. Got used to women looking at me thinking what the hell is he doing with her. We were out one night just the two of us and clearly together. A girl came over with a rose for him and tried to chat him up while I was sitting there. Amusing to say the least.

ladygoingGaga Mon 11-Nov-13 22:59:00

Yep you can give him the honesty badge grin

Perhaps chat to him some more, find out a little more and go with your gut feeling.

I'm not sure I could go out with drop dead gorgeous bloke, says a lot about my insecurities I think, oh well!

powpow80 Mon 11-Nov-13 23:01:38

The ex was the least shallow and one of the nicest guys I ever met. Way more to him than his looks. People used to think he would be a cocky arrogant twat. Nothing further from the truth. Can't judge a book by its cover.

ladygoingGaga Mon 11-Nov-13 23:09:15

That's nice to know, I suppose its self preservation though. I want to limit the chances they will bugger off with someone else.
My boss is a great example, 6ft 4 bloody Adonis, seriously every female literally swoons at his mere presence. Not sure I could be the wife/partner of him although I regularly dream about him

FolkGirl Mon 11-Nov-13 23:10:12

I've had a very up and down weekend.

Lovely Saturday lunch non-date with guy I met on OD site but have just become friends with instead.

Not great date with lovely, charming Wednesday Lunch man from last week who made some rather explicit declarations of things he'd like to do to me in an attempt to persuade me to take him home with me after I'd said no. He then accused me of being "very stubborn". Um, no.

And a lovely date with Italian Man yesterday. In many ways it was just perfect. Lots of lovely emails last night when he told me he hadn't felt the way he had done with me for a long time, and lots of other stuff including saying that he was going to cancel the other date he had planned next week.

Today he emailed and said he wasn't going to cancel the other date after all. It's not until next Saturday which means a whole week of flirty emails/texts with her too and not like it's tomorrow and he just didn't want to let someone down at the last minute.

So I told him I'd had a lovely time yesterday but that I wanted someone who thought I was special enough to not want to date other women too.

I know I've done the right thing, but I'm sitting in here crying now (probably not helped by the fact I've drunk a bottle of Magners too!) because I liked him. We had so much in common and it made sense when he said he liked me because we clearly ticked a lot of each other's boxes. And I really wanted to believe that someone liked me too.

Just feeling very, very sad now sad

powpow80 Mon 11-Nov-13 23:11:35

Your boss sounds like my cup of tea. I love a tall man. Zero to swoon at in my work unfortunately.

FolkGirl Mon 11-Nov-13 23:13:12

Just to clarify - it was a first date with Italian Man. I wouldn't normally expect someone to cancel other dates after just one date. I certainly wouldn't! But I think that if you've made a big deal of telling someone just how special you think they already are etc and that you're going to cancel your other date, then when you don't, you're clearly stringing someone along.

And I'm not prepared for it to be me.

powpow80 Mon 11-Nov-13 23:17:09

Sorry to hear about the Italian folk. That is crap. He should have kept his love bombing to himself. Way too much for a first date. if some guy was like that with me it would turn me right off. sometimes the keener they are the less keen i am. You are right to cut him loose. You deserve to have what you want. You've had your cry, dust yourself off and head for greener pastures.

FolkGirl Mon 11-Nov-13 23:24:25

Thanks powpow. I needed to hear that because I'd just started to wonder if I hadn't just sabotaged something because I have such low self esteem, but actually, it's a sign my self esteem is improving that I cut him loose so quickly.

Yes, you're right, he was just love bombing and clearly feeding his own ego in the process.

Oh well. On the plus side, it was only one date.

Time for a second bottle of Magners, I feel...

FolkGirl Mon 11-Nov-13 23:26:30

I've 'blacklisted' him anyway. So he can't contact me again.

Feel even more sad now sad

powpow80 Mon 11-Nov-13 23:32:43

The sadness will pass. Great to hear that the self esteem is coming back.

FolkGirl Tue 12-Nov-13 05:16:17

Feel much better already.

I'm not even sad about that man really. It's a shame, it's just that he was date number 10 and I'm starting to get weary of the whole making the first contact, emails, arranging to meet, looking forward to it, not fancying them/them not fancying me/realising they're an arse thing.

It started off boosting my confidence to realise that I was still attractive to someone, but now OD is running the risk of making me not trust any man ever again!

On the plus side, my red flag radar is becoming very well honed!

I've no idea how these people who go on 20+ first dates do it!

Hormonalhell Tue 12-Nov-13 06:54:06

Folkgirl I know exactly how you feel! I have had a couple of dates where I've felt total happiness (on my part) and presumed they felt the same by their words, gestures etc only to fun they change their mind ! hmm It's soul destroying and you just want to sack the whole thing but yes as others have said just dust yourself down and think it's their loss!

I've had about 30+ dates now and still plodding on....

Hormonalhell Tue 12-Nov-13 06:57:10

Powpow can't believe he said that, in my experience the older they are the more 'burned' they appear to be. I wouldn't go there hmm

Gaga I fancied a guy at work, wasn't drop dead gorgeous but to me he was God! Wish I could find him on Pof hmm

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Tue 12-Nov-13 08:36:38

Wow I disappear from the thread for 3 days and there's acres to catch up on!!

Welcome to all the toe-dippers :-)

Folkgirl: Definitely good call on cutting loose both those guys....when I was reading about your date with the Italian I was seeing red flags pop up even before you got to the bit where he changed his mind and decided to go on the other date anyway!!! Lol. update. I had a wonderful weekend and it was mostly thanks to housemate guy. It was my birthday on Saturday and I was being a grumpy git not wanting to celebrate it. But he turned up on my doorstep in the afternoon with a gorgeous bunch of flowers in my favourite colours, being all very lovely, we hung out, then went out to the cinema, then for dinner, then back to mine until Sunday morning. Lovely little phone calls Sunday night and last night too. This one has chemistry, sparks and loveliness all over it.....we also had big conversations about those potential dealbreakers (sex and religion) and well I won't bore everyone, but my mind was put at rest on both those issues. Very grown up and mature of us to be able to discuss those elephants at such an early stage, even if it was rather wine fuelled! I really quite like this one. We have plans to spend next Saturday together too and maybe dinner on Wednesday, work permitting. And lots of ideas have been mentioned from both of us about places we'd like to take the other too ''some time''. It's all quite exciting :-)

FolkGirl Tue 12-Nov-13 08:45:32

I don't really get it hormonal. I'm lovely to everyone on a date, even if I don't see it going anywhere. But there's a difference between being polite, charming and sweet and saying things that you just don't mean.

I suppose, I just really wanted to believe that I'd met someone who found me attractive and liked me and thought I was interesting. I am aware that I have, um, a quirkiness about me that isn't to every man's (or many men's tastes) and he seemed to just 'get' me.

I mean he wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and not the best looking man in the world... but he was actually really honest and upfront about what he wanted (and still was to be fair, which is why I was able to make the decision I did!), and we were very compatible in very many ways.

I had a reply from him saying "I had a lovely time too and I really liked you. So I will look for no one else." I'm not going to reply.

I suppose it's hard to not feel deflated and wonder what's wrong with you. If I may be self indulgent for a second... my parents openly didn't love me, I managed to marry someone who didn't love me and be with them for 13 years (latter probably linked to the former) and I'm nearly 40. I'm not bad looking, I have a reasonably good figure, I'm educated, I have friends/hobbies/interests. I have my children. But it's beginning to present itself to me that I may end up getting to the end of my life with no one ever having loved me. And that just makes me sad, because I think I'm an ok sort of a person.

Anyway, enough of that wink

As much as anything, I feel like I've trawled through the profiles so many times and there just isn't anyone else I'd be interested in!

FolkGirl Tue 12-Nov-13 08:46:15

Thanks oneday smile

ALittleStranger Tue 12-Nov-13 08:54:16

FolkGirl I've just been skimming, but the problem is with him. It's completely unnecessary and not helpful to talk about cancelling other dates on your first date. There's an acceptable veil of ignorance that we draw over OD. Everyone knows in the early days that people are multi-dating and shopping around. But you don't bloody talk about it. He's inept and I'd take that as a bit of a red flag. (But I see you've blocked him anyway).

I think I went on about 30-35 first dates before meeting my BF, and I imagine I'll put myself on the merry-go-around again in the future. It's really fine, I think the emotional investment in those 30-35 people was equal to about 5ml of adrenaline.

FolkGirl Tue 12-Nov-13 09:02:11

Thanks stranger. Yes you're right, there's no way I'd cancel other dates after the first date. After all, my date on Saturday night was a second date and I had another planned for this week (but cancelled that for other reasons).

But as you say, you don't talk about it.

"I'm still a bit emotionally not over the last relationship"
then dont get involved with anyone until you are, mate! Jeez. In my experience men like this run a mile from a relationship once they feel better, leaving emotional distruction in their wake. I'd run a mile personally, they're likely to be mind fucks. If I wanted to give him a chance I'd have my barriers right up and find out exactly what's going on in his head.

Aw, what a shame FolkGirl. I know where you're coming from though. Why make a big deal about how wonderful you are, say he's going to cancel the other date, then tell you he's not going to after all. Too up and down. I expect men to date other women until we get to know each other and decide to be exclusive, but I wouldn't expect them to tell me about them.

I'm also wary of men who are too full on too quickly, because how can they feel so much for me when they don't even know me. "R" (man4) is like that and the more he gushes the more I go off him; I don't like being put on a pedestal. He's even given me a nickname (some fictional heroine) and talks as though I'm some warrior princess! Gah! He called me last night (at 10pm FFS!) to arrange a 2nd date for next week, but I'll probably cancel it because I'm not sure I even like him any more. I thought he was interesting at first, but now I just find him intense, humourless and draining (especially compared to my Man5, "MrK" who is pretty silly).

powpow80 Tue 12-Nov-13 09:38:08

Livid et al I know I should run screaming for the hills. Clearly I am an idiot and have decided to meet him for a drink or two on Thursday (nothing better on). I'll be sussing out what the story with last relationship was. Definitely do not need to be left in the wake of a man who can't figure out where he is at.

Folk I've been on 40+ first dates. All you can do is plough on. I see it as a numbers game. The more people you meet the more likely you'll find someone great. It does get disheartening at times. If I am a bit down about it I just take a break.

FolkGirl Tue 12-Nov-13 12:51:32

Crikey Livid that is a bit much!

He wasn't over the top or too gushing or anything.

I'd like to take a break powpow, but my subscription is up at the end of December anyway. The last thing I need is to be on there when there is a glut of New Year singles!

dontcallmehon Tue 12-Nov-13 13:04:24

Oneday it sounds like things are going amazingly.

folkgirl, you did the right thing ditching Italian guy. There was no need to tell you about his other date at all! I experienced love bombing on a first date once and it didn't go at all well!

I did cancel dates after my first date with geeky guy and I told him so. It was just because I properly liked him. He's not seeing anyone else either and he hasn't been on POF looking (though I have to stop going on to check!!).

Date with geeky guy tonight at the cinema...

Bant Tue 12-Nov-13 15:34:49

I know I have a slightly cynical point of view, but I think if a man says 'I'm still a bit emotionally over the last relationship' what he's doing is laying the groundwork for shagging and dumping, so he can turn round and honestly say 'I told you so..'

Someone on this thread once said - listen to what the guy tells you. Don't try and fix him, don't try and twist it so it fits some fairy tale. If he's telling you the truth, you should pay attention.

Hormonalhell Tue 12-Nov-13 16:46:15

Yes that's true Bant one of my very many dates was with a guy who I did like. We had two dates and on the second one he told me that he didn't want anything serious and basically wanted a fuck buddy. I didn't want that and told him so it went nowhere. He still chats to me from time to time on pof. Don't think he found anyone willing as yet grin

powpow80 Tue 12-Nov-13 16:48:15

Thanks for your perspective Bant. I shall proceed with caution and iron knickers!

Bant Tue 12-Nov-13 16:53:49

whenever anyone mentions iron knickers, I can't help but wince and think of pinching and rust..


powpow80 Tue 12-Nov-13 17:08:12

Lol at the pinching and rust. I know you all probably think I'm mad for going on the date with this guy, but it's a few hours out of my time and if he is woe is me or just looking for a good time I won't see him again. Have never dated someone that much older than me and its curiosity that is driving me to go. (He also looks pretty good for a man his age). I know I know it killed the cat but I'm well able to walk away if something is not what I want.

Stupidhead Tue 12-Nov-13 17:22:30

Good luck Pow!
Go for it, unless they're boring or hideous then I'd go on a date. Just think of them as mini adventures and a couple of drinks instead of 'he is/isn't mr right'.

My tall solicitor has set up a possible date for Friday so I hope I fancy him. Well I did hope anyway, he texted me a cock picture...then called and apologised when I hadn't replied - I'd actually fallen asleep and hadn't seen it then.. Oh dear sad

Got a lovely guy as a possible for Sunday but he's short sad

Hormonalhell Tue 12-Nov-13 17:38:33

Why do they do that Stupidhead???? I just will never understand why men think showing u a picture of their cock is going to somehow sway things to their favour....or is it just me who thinks that? I just think it's weirdhmm

powpow80 Tue 12-Nov-13 17:42:07

Not a fan of the cock pics either. I like a man to keep some bit if mystery about what's in the trouser department. Personally I wouldn't go on a date with a guy who sent a cock pic. To me it is making his intentions pretty clear.

Hormonalhell Tue 12-Nov-13 17:47:33

Some men just think if they've got an impressive cock it's game over hmm sadly they are usually big cocks in more than one way.

powpow80 Tue 12-Nov-13 17:52:14

Indeed. My favourites are the ones where guys put something like the sky remote next to it for scale. Aha ha ha.

Stupidhead Tue 12-Nov-13 17:58:13

Haha at sky remote! When I was online dating 3 years ago I was sent about 7 different cock pics! This one guy sent me one and asked for a picture of my pussy so I sent a pic of my cat asleep on the bed smile

Men huh! The jury's out on cock pic guy, he's gone right down in my estimation BUT phoned me - first time we've talked properly - and was mortified so he's getting another chance. Btw, it was quite impressive :0 didn't tell him that though..

Hormonalhell Tue 12-Nov-13 18:08:41

Oh god that made me laugh powpow grin

Hormonalhell Tue 12-Nov-13 18:10:28

Maybe we should put watermelons at side of our boobs n send them......perhaps lemons at side of mine hmm

FolkGirl Tue 12-Nov-13 18:23:51

I've never had a cock picture.

Thank goodness! It would be an automatic rejection from me.

One of my OD 6wk flings was with a man with the most marvellous cock I have ever seen. It was truly a thing of beauty. But I still would not have been impressed to have received a photo of it...

I like your style, Stupidhead grin

Hormonalhell Tue 12-Nov-13 19:06:47

Don't think I've ever seen a cute cock. They all look quite ugly to megrin

FolkGirl Tue 12-Nov-13 20:09:16

Not this one, hormonal. It was quite... captivating! grin

Bant Tue 12-Nov-13 21:02:14

And bant steps back from the thread for a little while...

ALittleStranger Tue 12-Nov-13 21:04:58

I get the cute thing. I've often had to stop myself saying "aww, it reminds me of a dormouse".

I agree with FolkGirl. There are some fantastic cocks out there! grin My recent ex fling had a lovely body and the most perfect cock to go with it [sigh], but I wouldn't have been at all impressed had he sent me a picture of it, even though it was the sort I'd want to make a cast of. He could've been a cock model, LOL. So far no-one has sent me a cock pic which I'm glad about. The nearest I've got is a pic of a topless man with a towel round his waist.

FolkGirl Tue 12-Nov-13 21:51:16

Oh yes, my exfling could have been a cock model. It was a vision of cockular perfection!

It has ruined all willies for me for evermore... sad

Bant Tue 12-Nov-13 22:15:06

<steps further back>

Hormonalhell Tue 12-Nov-13 22:16:26

Will you two stop being 'cocky' grin poor Bant has run off now....

saturn Tue 12-Nov-13 22:35:05

Well just to change the conversation away from cocks for a moment...I went on a third date tonight and really enjoyed why do I suddenly feel so insecure? Is this normal? He's actually e-mailed and said he had an amazing night and he hopes I enjoyed it too...don't understand why I feel so insecure about this all of a sudden...

Also, for those who are more experianced daters...we went for drinks and I offered to pay for second round, but he said he would (he also paid for lunch last week) should I just let him pay or should I be insisting? Not sure confused

FolkGirl Tue 12-Nov-13 22:36:33

Come back, Bant! Don't go!!!

FolkGirl Tue 12-Nov-13 22:37:47

I suppose Saturn it could be that now you've had a great 3rd date you're possibly on the verge of 'going out' with each other.

I don't know. I think after a 3rd date, and an amazing one at that, I'd want to know where it was going.

Could that be it?

tigerbear Tue 12-Nov-13 22:54:26

Hello all, I'm so glad to have found this thread and to read all of your experiences. I've been OD for the past 2.5 months and been on about 7 dates so far, none of which were quite right for various reasons.
Finally started chatting online and texting someone I thought could have real potential - he actually wrote proper emails - intelligent, well considered, articulate - we seemed to have loads in common from our profiles, he is good looking (without being overly so).

Had a first date last night which really seemed to go well - conversation flowed, he was charming and interested/interesting, date lasted til midnight, had a kiss at the end...

Then today, nothing, no text/email from him, and I can see he's been online (GSM) today. So I'd rather resigned myself to the fact that he's not interested (I'd texted him this morn).
But it was still hurtful to get the dreaded "I had a great time, lovely to meet you, but I'd prefer not to take things further" text from him about an hour ago.

My confidence is at rock bottom - questions for you fellow daters:
- How do you stop over analysing everything you said/did on a date and wondering exactly why they didn't like you??
- How to get the confidence back?
- How to stop feeling mortified (I practically launched myself on the poor guy for a kiss!!)

General question - who else is on GSM, and anyone else finding a severe shortage of decent looking men in the 35-40 category??

Sorry, I realise this is a bit of a long rant!

saturn Tue 12-Nov-13 22:58:44

Thanks folk, I think maybe you're right...obviously dating (hopefully) leads to 'going out' but it's been such a long time since I've been going out with someone it does seem a bit of a scary prospect now confused

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Tue 12-Nov-13 23:01:41

Saturn I agree with FolkGirl sometimes when it seems like something is going somewhere it suddenly becomes all a little bit scary, well for me anyhow!!

With paying for things - completely up to you I think, whatever you're comfortable with. I always offer to split bills but will accept when my date pays. When it comes to rounds of drinks I will often buy at least one round but sometimes do it before they get a chance to offer IYSWIM with some guys who seem to not like me paying for stuff, then I feel uncomfortable not paying my share! Funny.

ladygoingGaga Tue 12-Nov-13 23:05:21

Evening everyone smile
grin at the cock stories, although please come back bant

So I went out for a whole day with supermarket man today, walk, lunch then 90 mins of go-karting which was actually tremendous fun, time flies by when we are together.

Think it needs to move on in the bedroom department as it's been a few stolen moments quickies in various places but he is taking me away end of the week, it will be our first night together!

I intend on smuggling in a bottle of fizz, then getting him slightly tipsy before we explore each other some more, sorry if TMI grin

ladygoingGaga Tue 12-Nov-13 23:08:09

oneday sounds like a perfect birthday to me, sounds very promising.

Just catching up on the thread..

saturn I like to take it it turns to pay for things, but then I'm quite independent

Bant Tue 12-Nov-13 23:09:59

I'm not going, I just don't feel I have much to contribute to the cute penis discussions smile

tiger - it's very unlikely it was something you did or said. Various people can come up with various explanations for spark or chemistry, or lack thereof. Some of them are more correct than others, but you really can't control how someone else feels about you. If its not happening, it's not happening.

It will happen with someone else though. It generally does. Thick skin, keep on plugging away and take a break if you need to. The rules are somewhere in this thread, they really do help

tigerbear Tue 12-Nov-13 23:15:21

Thanks Bant.
I know, and I guess I've done the same to men - met nice guys but just didn't feel the spark, even though they were nice...
Guess I'll have to develop a thicker skin!

saturn Tue 12-Nov-13 23:15:32

I'm used to paying my own way, which is why I feel a bit uncomfortable about it...but didn't want to make a big deal of it by insisting...

Glad today went so well gaga grin

Sorry tiger, I can't advise as new to all this...but hopefully someone else can xx

FolkGirl Tue 12-Nov-13 23:23:07

Tiger I think a "I don't want to take it further" is far easier to take than dealing with the crappiness of blowing hot and cold etc.

I've decided to be really pragmatic about it. If someone doesn't fancy me, then that's it - they just don't fancy me.

When I don't fancy someone, it's not anything personal. I just don't. It can't be explained.

tigerbear Tue 12-Nov-13 23:32:37

You're right Folkgirl, I definitely prefer straightforward honesty and an upfront 'no thanks' than radio silence or game playing...

dontcallmehon Wed 13-Nov-13 01:42:02

I agree, nothing is worse than radio silence. I'd prefer to be told, I think you can move on quicker. Just had amazing third date with geeky guy, which started at the cinema and ended in my bed blush. He just left as he has work in the morning but we were staring into each other's eyes and not wanting to go.

ladygoingGaga Wed 13-Nov-13 06:57:03

Ah that's fab dont its weird when you have a great day! then saying goodbye, it's like a parallel universe for me. Once he has gone its back to being mum

Tigerbear, sorry to hear of you knockbacks. I don't know what to suggest other than the usual "throw yourself into things you like doing". Anything to try and minimise dwelling on the situation, even if you have to make a conscious effort to stop analysing it. I had some CBT to stop trains of negative thoughts and found it so useful; I used to think myself into knots and get really upset, but now things are easier. However, I do envy people with thick skins, who can just shrug things off, because I'm not naturally like that. I wonder how they do it too.
Also, I think it's possible to be attractive and good company but for the other person not to feel the "chemistry", so I remind myself that I'm not ugly or boring, just that the man didn't "feel" it IYSWIM.

Saturn, my ethos with bill paying is that I'll take turns on rounds of drinks, I offer to pay my share of a meal but won't argue with them if they insist on paying it all (unless I know I don't want to see them again). The more I like someone the more I'm open to them paying because I'm hoping for another date where I can repay the favour.

Glad you're "back", Bant smile

superdooperpenguin Wed 13-Nov-13 09:18:28

Well it looks like my latest fling with the detective has come to an end. I just got fed up of being constantly cancelled on at last min - I know he has to work hard but I can't have a relationship where I'm constantly left hanging and wondering if I'll see him or not. I haven't told him my decision, I've just decided to back right off and see what happens. Realised it's me doing all the leg work, arranging dates only for him to cancel them. I deserve better than that. I am a bit gutted though as I did rather like him. <heaves a great big sigh>

So now I'm wondering should I go back to POF for a look around or wait until next year? Concerned that there might be an influx of emotional f**kwits around looking not to be alone at Christmas at this time of year!

Tiger - Sounds like you are doing all the right things and as horrid as it must have been to receive that text at least you know where you stand. Get back on the wagon!

Saturn - I always offer to pay my half but I'm a bit old fashioned at heart and like the man to pay if he's asked me out!

FolkGirl Wed 13-Nov-13 09:35:38

Oh penguin I really feel the heavy heartedness of that sigh sad

I think you're doing the right thing by backing off. If he's really interested and has just been resting on his laurels a bit until now, then he's going to buck his ideas up. If not, then at least you're not wasting any more time on him.

Doesn't make it any easier though, does it?

superdooperpenguin Wed 13-Nov-13 09:52:34

Thanks Folk, feeling a bit teary about it now I've just read my post back! I just can't seem to get this dating malarky right. It's like I have an in-built twat radar! 12 months of online dating has resulted in 3 flings and every single time I've been let down. Starting to wonder if most men are this flaky or if it's just the ones I'm attracted to?

Enough of feeling sorry for myself - nothing that tea and chocolate biscuits can't fix I'm sure!

FolkGirl Wed 13-Nov-13 10:20:43

Can I make a little confession? It made me a little teary too! blush

I thought I'd 'twatproofed' my profile and that most of the men I meet are, essentially, decent men - we just haven't really clicked...

I do a fair few hobbies and interests, I get out to places and I do stuff. And yet I don't meet men. And the ones I do meet aren't interested.

FolkGirl Wed 13-Nov-13 10:21:51

Just to clarify, it was knowing exactly how that sigh felt that did it for me.

Might look a bit odd otherwise!

FolkGirl Wed 13-Nov-13 10:30:48

I don't think I want too much...

I want someone to camp out under the stars with.
I want someone to lie in bed and drink wine whilst we watch dodgy horror films by candlelight with.
I want someone I can sing crappy love songs with my guitar to.
I want someone I feel completely at ease being myself with.
I want someone who thinks I'm amazing because I want to do the above.

I'm beginning to think that person doesn't exist. sad

FolkGirl Wed 13-Nov-13 10:36:12

Just in case it would make anyone feel better to have a good old feeling sorry for yourself weep. Works for me wink

Bob Dylan singing Make You Feel My Love

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 13-Nov-13 12:42:23

Goodness how maudlin are we all today!! I'm trying to control my urge to text housemate guy and wait for him to get in touch with me about tonight....must not text....must not text....putting a plan B in place for if he does have to work late....

Here's a (slightly) more positive thing to read and consider that was sent to me the other day. Some food for thought.

I especially like no.s 10 & 14

Chins up dating thread!

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 13-Nov-13 12:43:42
dontcallmehon Wed 13-Nov-13 13:18:37

Thanks oneday.

I was actually feeling v positive - amazing date and amazing sex with geeky guy. But - no date arranged yet and no text today - so I feel very vulnerable. I very much like him. He did say he'd had an amazing time. I don't like feeling so vulnerable though.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 13-Nov-13 13:35:18

I feel the vulnerability thing dontcallme. Exactly the same here right now.

So housemate guy just got in touch....he's not working that late tonight (I find it an acceptable time, in fact it's the time I would normally finish on a work day) but thinks he'll be rubbish company anyway so are we still on for Saturday. Hmm. Well obviously we are but I feel like I would really like to see him tonight. He seemed really very into me last time we were together....yes lots of looks, cuddles/touching/hugs/snogs, just very comfortable in each others company and I love the chemistry and sparks etc...he has told me he thinks I'm beautiful on more than one occasion blush and like I said nice phone conversations sunday and monday nights but I haven't been in touch with him since then as I don't want to be the one that instigates each contact. (sunday was following texts from him....monday night i started i think).

I just replied saying that it would be a normal time for me, and I doubt he would ever be rubbish company, but it's cool if he's not up for hanging out tonight and yes for Saturday. I feel a bit sad though.

superdooperpenguin Wed 13-Nov-13 13:50:04

Folk - you've made me all teary again - I think we are looking for each other!! I just relate to everything you've said so much - there has got to be someone out there who is right for us, we are not asking for anything unreasonable. Although Johnny Depp looks would be very nice.

OneDay - thank you I will check the link out. Do not text - post here instead if you get the urge!

Dont - Being vulnerable goes hand in hand with successful dating, you have to let someone in or it just won't work. Keeping everything crossed for you that he's one of the good ones.

Supposed to be working from home today but it's not going so well! I've been to the gym and subsequently eaten my body weight in kitkats, oops.

FolkGirl Wed 13-Nov-13 14:03:09

super grin

OneDay sorry for being maudlin!

Hormonalhell Wed 13-Nov-13 14:08:00

Awww we all sound down in the dumps today.

Oneday try not to worry if u spoke to him Monday it's only Wednesday isn't it?

I like number 14 in that link too smile

Dontcallme I'm sure everything fine with geeky, perhaps he's busy. They say that men need to pull away I order to spring back. That's probably what's happening for you and Oneday.

Hormonalhell Wed 13-Nov-13 14:10:28

I'm still texting with Donny and agreed to go on a second date with him hoping he 'grows' on me. The one thing that annoys me if I haven't text in awhile he sends me a text saying 'Boo!' Find it very irritating hmm

Stupidhead Wed 13-Nov-13 14:30:27

Oh I'm so fed up. They all seem to be ugly sad

FolkGirl Wed 13-Nov-13 14:31:32

grin Stupidhead

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 13-Nov-13 14:40:07

Haha we all get a bit wallowy sometimes just as long as we are all here to prop each other up rather than drag each other down!!!

Hormonal sounds like he thinks he's being may have to nip that in the bud if you find it otherwise!! (I text that to a particular friend occasionally....he always responds saying ' ''Aaargh!!'' oh no, wait, FUCK OFF' as he knows I know it annoys him). It's like the text equivalent of childishly poking someone for attention isn't it.

super it sounds like you DO have this dating malarkey right because as soon as you've realised that there is an issue then you are doing something proactive about it. You never know he might man up and realise that he's losing something great.....or he may not, but then you'd be well rid anyway as he clearly would not be a long term prospect.

On an ego-boosting note I also just received a hey-whats-up text from an on-off fling, referring to me as 'hot'. I had decided a few months ago that we were permanently off, he didn't seem to notice for a while but then went quiet about 6 weeks ago. It doesn't mean anything to me now to hear from him, apart from make me feel a bit smug that I popped into his thoughts in a wink kinda way.

superdooperpenguin Wed 13-Nov-13 14:57:28

Stupid - are you on POF? So many ugly men, particularly depressing when they get in touch!

Hormonal - that would bug me too! Go down the toddler parenting route, ignore the bad behaviour and reward the good! Ignore his 'boo' texts and reply to the interesting ones.

Oneday - Thank you. I'm letting this one go, it's only going to cause more days of feeling in limbo and wondering if he cares or not. I'm going to save the energy for someone more worthy! But only after I've spent today wallowing, eating too much and come this eve probably drinking too much! And I'm glad you received that text, always nice to know someone's missing how hot you are wink

dontcallmehon Wed 13-Nov-13 15:14:34

God, I am desperately trying not to text geeky. I hope he's not had second thoughts about me sad

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 13-Nov-13 16:07:42

dontcallme, stay strong!! I'm glad we have this thread here to help curb texty impluses.

It sounds unlikely that he'd be having second thoughts. I am worrying the same though I understand! I guess it is a very good sign that we clearly care so much though. Now just have to stay on top of the temptation to turn slightly crazy!

Hormonalhell Wed 13-Nov-13 16:10:58

Stop stressing Dontcallme! I reckon it's because he probably feels quite secure you like him and thinks you are the same!

Hormonalhell Wed 13-Nov-13 16:12:27

That is the problem though Oneday we yearn to meet someone we really fancy but when we do we stress they don't feel same. God it's hard work! confused

FolkGirl Wed 13-Nov-13 16:33:12

Haha, I might start hanging out at Sainsbury's!

Just popped in with my daughter after the school run and there was a really nice looking man a couple of tills away. I was gazing at him when he turned round and smiled at me. SMILED!! I think I just blushed and looked away.

Anyway, then he walked past me a couple of times and looked over and smiled again.

I mean, I didn't talk to him, I don't know him, I've never seen him before so I doubt I'll ever see him again... but I had no make up on, my hair was looking wild and windy, I was just wearing jeans, a jumper and my big M&S autumn coat. But clearly he saw something that he liked.

So maybe he won't be the only one!

I'm feeling hopeful again...

dontcallmehon Wed 13-Nov-13 16:35:36

I'm so not secure and I think I'm falling for him and it makes me feel a bit sick. I will heed all your advice and stay strong!

Hormonalhell Wed 13-Nov-13 16:37:51

It's nice when that happens Folkgirl smile gives u a confidence boost especially when u don't look your best. I used to get eyed up far more by men when with exhconfused

FolkGirl Wed 13-Nov-13 16:46:50

Well to be honest, I think it's probably very many years since it's happened Hormonal

No one ever fancies me!

But what was interesting is that my friend and her husband said I usually give out "don't even think about it vibes". I don't think I do, but they've both said it.

Perhaps I'm giving out fewer of those vibes now.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 13-Nov-13 16:55:04

Go Folkgirl!

ladygoingGaga Wed 13-Nov-13 17:56:39

dont I would be feeling the same as you, but listen to everyone's advice and play it cool and don't text. I am sure from what you have said he will be in touch smile

super sorry to hear detective was such a twat, you are absolutely right, you deserve better, it shouldn't be an effort, it should be mutually exciting to see each other. Maybe give yourself a break for a few weeks, but no harm in window shopping grin

It's hard to be reflective, and friends who are honest with us are great, maybe have a few drinks next time, works for me!

So I'm being picked up in the morning for a night away with supermarket guy.. First night together, I've bought a bottle of fizz to smuggle into our room. Very excited, feel very grown up grin

Poffedoff Wed 13-Nov-13 17:57:47

Hi all.. I've been lurking but haven't had much to contribute so just stayed schtum!

Super I'm sorry to hear that but it would have been such a head wreck for you going forward.. Never being able to make proper plans etc.

Dontcallme.... This is the exact way I was feeling a while back with pof's so fucking unsettling isn't it?

I know this sounds awful but I decided I was spending a ridiculous amount of time stressing about lack of texts and general contact so got back on touch with a couple of guys I'd met on pof..

I explained I was seeing someone but was just dropping by for a chat... They didn't seem to mind and you know what? It took my mind off my phone for a bit...was a nice distraction... I know you say he's not online and that's great but did you both agree to exclusivity yet? It might be a tad early to put all your eggs in one basket.

Hormonalhell Wed 13-Nov-13 18:48:03

Wondered where u'd gone Poffed smile

Oooh have a nice time Gaga wink

Queenofthedrivensnow Wed 13-Nov-13 20:16:23

I lost the thread!!!

dontcallmehon Wed 13-Nov-13 20:38:28

Well he did say he wasn't seeing anyone and wasn't planning to and he knows I'm not. I've switched my phone to airplane mode till at least 3pm tomorrow, so I'lll not know if he texts or not.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 13-Nov-13 20:54:41

Have some gin, dont, that's what I'm doing!

Hormonalhell Wed 13-Nov-13 21:06:00

Am guessing u still not heard anything Dontcall?

dontcallmehon Wed 13-Nov-13 21:07:10

I wish I had gin in the house, oneday. If the kids weren't here I'd run out and get some right now! So glad my phones on airplane mode, so it removes a little of that 'will he won't he.' Otherwise I would have definitely texted him. I keep thinking of how gorgeous his smile is blush

dontcallmehon Wed 13-Nov-13 21:08:20

I wouldn't know hormonal, as my phone is on airplane mode and I'm not turning it on till tomorrow afternoon. If he hasn't texted by then I'll be sad

dontcallmehon Wed 13-Nov-13 21:15:27

He told me yesterday that he didn't get much work done on the day of our date, as he was too excited.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 13-Nov-13 21:21:56

Oh that made me go ''aww'' out loud dont!!

He is probably just very sensibly taking a little time just to take stock. It sounds like things have been going very well and you wouldn't want to rush things I guess.

Hormonalhell Wed 13-Nov-13 21:26:34

Like I say men stretch like an elastic and then bounce back or so it says in my Men are from Mars book grin

brokenhearted55a Wed 13-Nov-13 21:33:23

Date was really good. I got a kiss smile

Hormonalhell Wed 13-Nov-13 21:34:27

Chapter 6 Men Are Like Rubber Bands
Men are like rubber bands. When they pull away, they can stretch only so far before they come springing back. A rubber band is the perfect metaphor to understand the male intimacy cycle. This cycle involves getting close, pulling away, and then getting close again.
Most women are surprised to realize that even a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer. Men instinctively feel this urge to pull away. It is not a decision or choice. It just happens. It is neither his fault nor her fault. It is a natural cycle.
When a man loves a woman,periodically he needs
to pull away before he can get closer.
Women misinterpret a man's pulling away because generally a woman pulls away for different reasons. She pulls back when she doesn't trust him to understand her feelings, when she has been hurt and is afraid of being hurt again, or when he has done something wrong and disappointed her.
Certainly a man may pull away for the same reasons, but he will also pull away even if she has done nothing wrong. He may love and trust her, and then suddenly he begins to pull away. Like a stretched rubber band, he will distance himself and then come back all on his own.
A man pulls away to fulfill his need for independence or autonomy. When he has fully stretched away, then instantly he will come springing back. When he has fully separated, then suddenly he will feel his need for love and intimacy again. Automatically he will be more motivated to give his love and receive the love he needs. When a man spring back, he picks up the relationship at whatever degree of intimacy it was when he stretched away. He doesn't feel any need for a period of getting reacquainted again.

dontcallmehon Wed 13-Nov-13 21:34:46

Thanks for the support - it's really helping me to stay sane! If I switched my phone to normal mode and he hadn't texted, I honestly wouldn't be able to sleep. But I think he is taking stock and I think I'd drive him away by being too clingy. He knows very well that I like him - so I'll give him space.

He still hasn't been on POF. The one time I thought he'd been on last week was because he was trying to find a message that I said my friend had sent him once and he couldn't remember. So I'll breathe and relax.

dontcallmehon Wed 13-Nov-13 21:36:03

Thanks hormonal, I'm feeling better now. That makes a lot of sense.

OnceAgainForLuck Wed 13-Nov-13 21:51:13

Folkgirl funny you should say that about the vibes. I'm sure I used to give off negative vibes during a particularly unhappy phase a couple of years ago - no one talked to me, acknowledged or seemed to even see me.

But when I decided that in fact I was god's gift to all mankind gorgeous and started wearing make up and brighter clothes and a smile, people's attitudes changed. It was really obvious - people in shops would start conversations with me, acquaintances suddenly seemed interested in what I was up to.

ladygoingGaga Wed 13-Nov-13 22:28:27

dont i do understand but wouldn't you feel better if you did know if he has text confused we can help you stay strong and not reply/text, whenever you feel the urge just post on here grin

hormonal I'm liking the comparison. I learnt so much from my last relationship, I would beat myself up when he pulled away and was left utterly confused when he was right as rain the next day.
It's exhausting and you know what, I've utterly changed my mind set now, I spent 18 months on my own, realising I deserve more, my mantra is 'there are men out there who don't do that'

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 13-Nov-13 22:29:25

I agree with OnceAgain, it's that old cliche of loving yourself first/being happy with yourself....but it's true. Then you naturally give off attractive vibes, methinks. Certainly I notice more people, well more men, looking in the street etc when I feel like I've made an effort or am in a nice chilled happy mood, even if it's fairly normal clothes in the daytime etc.

I have spent my evening dancing around my flat cleaning in my tracksuit singing badly and then sat and watched catchup of the latest episodes of my fave tv progs drinking gin with a face mask on grin

powpow80 Wed 13-Nov-13 22:36:30

Evening All. Don't it sounds like things are going well. Fair play to you for having the will power to not check your phone.

It's hard to figure out what guys are thinking. Hormonal thanks for posting the elastic band theory.

Folk you were saying that your self esteem is improving. It's giving you an air of confidence and guy in supermarket picked it up. It's a great boost when a random stranger gives you a smile.

I'm reading he's not that into you at the moment. Twat radar being finely tuned.

dontcallmehon Wed 13-Nov-13 22:36:34

ladygoinggaga I would feel better if I knew he texted me - but if he hasn't I will be too sad to sleep. At least this way I don't know and I can get to sleep tonight. The longer I leave it, the more likely it is that he'll have texted me.

Poffedoff Wed 13-Nov-13 22:37:25

Hormonal... That's really interesting, thanks. I wonder does it refer to the beginning of relationships specifically, a once off thing, or is it a pattern that's repeated?
I read that book years ago but I've forgotten it all.. must root it out again!

Poffedoff Wed 13-Nov-13 22:38:00

Yay for broken! Tell us moregrin

Poffedoff Wed 13-Nov-13 22:39:36

Dontcallme...very good move re the phone... I wish I'd thought of that myself a couple of weeks ago! smile

powpow80 Wed 13-Nov-13 22:39:54

Yes broken. Tell us more. Delighted to hear you had a good date grin

ladygoingGaga Wed 13-Nov-13 22:40:08

grin at oneday I do the same, cleaning whilst singing and prancing about, makes it so much more enjoyable.

I'm a bit confused with supermarket guy, he is being given a hard time by ex, emotional blackmail type stuff as he only went and told her we were going away, now I'm all for honesty, but he could have said he was going to friends

Poffedoff Wed 13-Nov-13 22:41:41

I resorted to onedays tactics instead.. It wasn't gin though, it was large amounts of wine!

ladygoingGaga Wed 13-Nov-13 22:42:14

Shit, missed the broken update.. come on tell us more grin

brokenhearted55a Wed 13-Nov-13 22:45:51

First date. went for dinner. very formal and business like to start with. warmed up and he gave me a proper snog goodbye. he has texted me three times and we said goodbye only 2 hours

dontcallmehon Wed 13-Nov-13 22:47:26

That's great news, broken - sounds like a fab date!

brokenhearted55a Wed 13-Nov-13 22:56:46

It made me realise how socially inept last guy was.

We had great chemistry and he just blew me off for nothing.

Putitonthelist Wed 13-Nov-13 23:28:05

Hi. Just back from my first date. Enjoyed it. Find him attractive, very chatty (in fact he never bloody shut up!), had a laugh BUT he did mentioned his ex (divorced for 5 years) a LOT!!! He has just texted about another date. Is the ex talk a big reg flag??

Sounds great broken!

Queenofthedrivensnow Thu 14-Nov-13 00:01:59

My man analogy is that they are like boomerangs - throw them away and they come pinging back for more!

Poffedoff Thu 14-Nov-13 00:08:58

Powpow do feel free to share any interesting snippets from the book... I've seen it mentioned so much on this thread but still haven't gotten around to reading it.

Myself and pof guy had another fab night on Saturday... Dinner, drinks, sat up half the night listening to music all followed by amazing sexsmile
All good until he goes home and I know it's gonna be another week before we see each other... That's when the text counting commences again... Ugh

Poffedoff Thu 14-Nov-13 00:12:42

Putiton...talking about exes on a first date is a huge no no in my can be unavoidable if they're telling you about a holiday etc. so it depends on what he actually spoke about...

brokenhearted55a Thu 14-Nov-13 00:55:45

Drivrnsnow so we have to do the dumping for them to come back?!

dontcallmehon Thu 14-Nov-13 07:07:07

The urge to check the phone is strong this morning.

dontcallmehon Thu 14-Nov-13 07:14:31

I checked and he texted! Apologising for not being in touch earlier and asking how my day was. He said he'd had a crap day. I'll leave it till later in the morning to text back, which will worry him as he sent the text last night - but then, he should've texted me earlier.

Poffedoff Thu 14-Nov-13 07:31:22

Dontcallme.... grin

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Thu 14-Nov-13 07:36:52

Yay grin

dontcallmehon Thu 14-Nov-13 07:38:36

smile so proud of myself for not giving in and texting him. I am the prize!

FolkGirl Thu 14-Nov-13 07:52:47

That's fab news dontcall!!!

Well done, you wink

Hormonalhell Thu 14-Nov-13 08:02:42

Probably won't worry him Dontcall because they don't think like us do they?!!

Glad you had a nice date Broken smile

Have a great day/night Gaga

dontcallmehon Thu 14-Nov-13 08:08:35

I think he does think like that. He said before he doesn't like it when I don't text often.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Thu 14-Nov-13 08:10:58

Broken sounds like a good date - what about the guy? Do you like him?

Putitonthelist I would be wary of mentions of exes at all on first dates, tbh. If I was telling a story when the ex had been there, I would just vaguely say ''we'' and not specify and not expect the other person to ask. I would avoid stories where my XP was the focus. Hmm even on a second date recently I found myself going down a route that led me to talking about my XP and I stopped myself and openly said, oops, I'm not going to do that, and changed the subject. It's like one of the unwritten rules of dating etiquette. ESPECIALLY don't bitch about exes in a disparaging way. If I ever hear a guy refer to any ex as ''psycho'' (or similar) then my twat radar would be screeching off the charts. But it sounds like you had a good time. Did he seem interested in finding out about you too, or just telling you about himself?

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Thu 14-Nov-13 08:14:45

dontcallmehon I am proud (and a little envious) of your restraint as well!!

So; after not seeing me last night (we had made loose arrangements to meet up, work depending, but he said no due to working late/too tired - I didn't think it was that late but fair enough) we had a little texting last night, my last text was to call me if he liked. He didn't. We do have plans to spend Saturday together so now I am putting a text-ban on myself again until he gets in touch about it. Do not text. Do not text. Argh. Hope it's a busy day at work.

Poffedoff Thu 14-Nov-13 09:01:58

Have a wonderful time Gaga... update as often as is humanly possible!

Poffedoff Thu 14-Nov-13 09:04:10

Oneday... Stay strong! Hard I know but just distract, distract, distract smile

dontcallmehon Thu 14-Nov-13 10:19:02

Be strong oneday - I could not have done it without the support on here. Good luck gaga

Told geeky I'd had a nice time. He said 'nice?!' I knew that'd annoy him. So I said 'maybe a bit better than nice ;)'Feel like I've got the upper hand again.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Thu 14-Nov-13 13:55:14

Haha 'nice' one dont lol.

Not texted so far. Busy morning at work so easy to not think about it! Got a long lunch break to get through and then working till 10pm anyway....hmm....gonna read a book....

brokenhearted55a Thu 14-Nov-13 14:41:59

Date last night just texted me ....again with a lovely message.

I guess this is what an interested man looks like?

Poffedoff Thu 14-Nov-13 15:01:18

I'd bet you're already thinking about last guy less and less Broken smile

Poffedoff Thu 14-Nov-13 15:04:06

Oneday... Hang in there, he will definitely text, no doubt.

Poffedoff Thu 14-Nov-13 15:10:34

When's the next date with Donny Hormonal?

brokenhearted55a Thu 14-Nov-13 15:35:41

Poffed it's confusing me a bit more as the last guy was like this to a bit certain extent. We could have a great evening together, talk about friends, family, jobs, travel, have a good laugh with a similar sense of humour, good chemistry and still he fucked off and said we have nothing in common. couldve fooled me.
Even if you have a good time it can still go tits up.

Putitonthelist Thu 14-Nov-13 16:50:24

Hi OneDay He didn't bitch about his ex - far from it - she just came up quite a few times in the conversation. Anyway had a coffee with one of my single Mum friends today and she has dated him too! They went out on 3 dates earlier in the year. He phoned her to say he didn't feel there was a spark (after being very full on with text messages) so they didn't have a 4th date. She also said he spoke a lot about his ex. He has texted me about going on another date and I'm really undecided what to do now. Help!

Hormonalhell Thu 14-Nov-13 17:47:18

Oh dear that's a very awkward one Putiton, if was me I wouldn't go but easy to say I guess.

Poffed I got second date with Donny tomorrow we going to German Xmas market n then for a meal. Can't decide whether to let him stay as it not fair him getting hotel again

Putitonthelist Thu 14-Nov-13 19:24:42

Thanks Hormonal couldn't believe it! Have decided not to go out again. Just need to find a nice way to tell him. He is clearly not over his wife - he did tell me he has dated 40-50 different women in the past couple of years - I think he is probably looking for a woman just like his wife!

Poffedoff Thu 14-Nov-13 19:35:35

Wow Putiton! That's a first for me, I really don't know what I'd do in your position!
On the one hand just because he didn't take things further with your friend doesn't mean it won't be different with you... On the other would you find it weird dating the same guy as her?
Hormonal that sounds like a great idea for a it a sure thing that you're going to end up dtd? If not I would let him check in to a hotel one more time...

powpow80 Thu 14-Nov-13 19:36:18

Putit you could be honest and gently say you think he may not be over the ex.

I am in the midst of prep for my date with 'I a little bit not emotionally over last relationship.' Had a bit of a crap day so am looking forward to a drink or two. Just hoping his pic is not from 15yrs ago and a man who looks like my dad turns up.

Putitonthelist Thu 14-Nov-13 19:58:38

Hi powpow They've been divorced for 5 years - god would hate to think that my STBXH was still droning on about me after 5 years!!

Good Luck with your date!! Enjoy your wine

Hormonalhell Thu 14-Nov-13 20:22:28

No Poffed I'm not even considering DTD with him at mo and I really don't think it's on his agenda. He is genuinely sincere which makes a refreshing change. Still feel bad about him footing a bill tho as he insists on paying! How r things with your guy at mo?

Good luck Powpow fingers crossed he not an old guy grin

superdooperpenguin Thu 14-Nov-13 20:29:54

Good evening ladies!

Putit - I think you're right, if he's still talking lots about his ex then he's got issues to work through! 40 - 50 women is a heck of a lot of women too!

Powpow - enjoy your date and a drink or two. Look forward to the post-date report - hopefully he doesn't look like your dad!

Hormonal - only let him stay if you want to dtd! Otherwise hotel.

Broken - so pleased to hear he's treating you well. Fingers crossed this one will be a good one.

I'm feeling better today post-breakup with the detective. He was letting me down constantly and if he couldn't prioritize me just once a week then it would never have worked. My emotions have been all over the place lately, feeling much calmer today and have planned a lovely weekend of Christmassy stuff with the kids.

I've decided to go back on POF and see what's out there. Slim pickings so far...

Hormonalhell Thu 14-Nov-13 20:36:21

Aw it's a shame Sooper but like u say if he not willing to compromise then it's not going to get any better and we are the prize!!

Yes I'm still on POF too, a sexy Marine has been messaging me grin

Queenofthedrivensnow Thu 14-Nov-13 22:28:21

There was a kiss!!!!!!

Poffedoff Thu 14-Nov-13 22:51:52

Queen! grin

Tell us more...

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Thu 14-Nov-13 23:32:26

Queen elaborate!!

Hormonal I'd only have him stay over if you want him to not just because you feel guilty about a hotel bill, it sounds like he's happy to go to the hotel anyway?

Putiton the friend having dated him thing wouldn't bother me, but if he's a serial going-on-about-his-ex-er then yeah that'd be a fairly big concern. What are you going to say?

Broken sounding promising!!

So my guy.....texted this evening :-) whilst I was still on shift and then ended up on the phone for nearly an hour when I got in. He said he had wanted to call me last night but then had fallen asleep straight after dinner and woken up in the early hours in the same spot and felt a bit guilty! Seems like we're both looking forward to Saturday. Planning to spend all day together until I have other plans on Sunday morning grin. This is going swimmingly well overall. It's terrifying. Even managing to negotiate the minor gossip at work that I'm dating someone a colleague lives with (and people know that I have been multiple dating...although not really any more!). There was a suggestion that I invite him to the xmas do. Errr, no.

Queenofthedrivensnow Thu 14-Nov-13 23:42:11

In between dates 5 and 6. I went in on the way home to see him and he finally got over himself. God it was a fantastic kiss! AmaZing chemistry - well for me anyway