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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Kicking The *Wine Witch* Into Touch, Because Enough Is Enough!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Wed 23-Oct-13 23:16:28

Hello, tis me, Mouse smile

This is a thread for those who are worried about their drinking habits towards alcohol, or/and drugs.

Even if you think that you are drinking more tonight than last night or this week than last, come and have a chat, find a seat, we don't bite! wink

We are a supportive Bus, full of very different posters, from various backgrounds. Some of us drink in moderation, allowing ourselves the odd glass or two as a treat, or just because we're in control of our drinking for that day.

One Day At A Time.

We have those who abstain completely, and those who wake every day to Day 1 and hope with all of their hearts that they can, and will, make it to Day 2.

If you've followed our journey to date, you'll know who most of us are by now smile and we kind of have two 'sayings', that sum up who we are -

1) - The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement

2) - Alcohol Fosters Inertia

That said, we will not have any bashing of support groups, such as AA or Community Support Teams or even your own GP.

This Bus is a place for honesty, sanctuary and safety, something that has taken four years for a number of very special, very lovely, very honest and caring Babes to establish.

So, come find a seat, grab something warm from the supply cupboard at the back of the Bus as it's going to be cold tonight! Brrrr!

And, if you'd like to read back over some of our history, HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And, HERE IS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN

We hope to meet you soon smile xxx

Saving my place on the bus.

And a big <mwah> to you Mouse - you are awesome. x

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 24-Oct-13 05:50:20

New thread! I didn't want this to get lost from the old one, from SharpKat :

I have achieved today. Written some thank you letters, dusted my flat, conquered the mountain of ironing, been to the supermarket and even eaten a little. Even made a list of everything else I need to do before I go into hospital and am going to cross a few things off every day. This is a huge achievement as I normally stay in bed all day to avoid the world

Sharpkat that is HUGE. Well done to you. Considering where you were a week ago, that is astounding.

And that reminds me - Isinde, I too think you and DP should have a talk, but not just to get your point across. I wonder if she isn't a bit depressed and losing her way? At home with twins, and with nothing much to do (I mean except the gruelling nature of childcare, but it's so repetitive, it's hard to feel like you've achieved anything tangible at the end of the day) and is falling into inertia herself? I know that when I've felt under-employed it's been very hard to get anything done (as now, actually; my job doesn't take up much of my day, so I fritter my work hours on the internet, and neglect the bits of tasks that actually do need doing!), whereas when I'm really busy and engaged, I'm a happier person. I wonder if DP maybe actually feels like someone needs to kick her up the bum a bit, and the two of you can talk about the situation positively - so not "you don't do any housework/well you drink too much" but "I'm worried that you're bored and lonely, would you be happier working/you seem under stress as well, I agree we should adjust the work/life balance of the household". You know?

ThisIsMyTime Thu 24-Oct-13 09:24:43

Can I crawl back on the bus gone off the rails over the past month dh threatened to leave if it carries on been drinking copious amounts of vodka and I don't know why day one today and feeling shakey I'm such a disappointment how can some one end up like this

Anneisnotmyname Thu 24-Oct-13 09:27:58

Saving my seat on the bus before I go back and catch up with the old thread. Been a bit busy with work, had three af days then drank last night sad don't know why really. I don't like work but then I have a day off and I'm totally bored with the drudgery of housework. So I think I deserve a drink at night, which I don't even enjoy now, so that makes no sense at all...

guggenheim Thu 24-Oct-13 12:09:07

hello there gorgeous babes

mouse I really like your thread start - very inclusive I thought. Hope it all gets better for you soon. I think you should let the babes come round and 'sort out' whoever it is that's giving you a hard time. would a posse of gangsta babes help at all? smile I'm sure you are keeping your cool and dealing with it all magnificently.

I haven't had any time to post or say hi to new babes but it's finally half term- yay! Was that the longest term ever? I only work part time so I think it's 1/2 term.

Big thank you to babes who nc me. xx

I'm mostly ok, still have a few worries about the health of my crazy ds. Waiting for test results and failing to be calm. Dh is being 'helpful' by refusing to talk about it. He knows it will all be ok cock

Hello annie ok 3 af days is really good but it's a hard cycle to break. By day 3 you will be feeling fine and wanting to reward yourself, I always really fancied a drink by day 3. maybe try to get through to day 4 next week and begin to break that drink/ reward cycle. If you can see it through and make some small changes.

time no disappointment,no judging on the bus. That is a place I've been to many,many times. Today you need to buy /make lots of comforting food, that will help with the shakes and leave you able to deal with the psychology of staying off the booze. Buy some chocolate and plan your evening. Nothing wrong with getting under a blanket and staying in but plan for it to be af. Good luck!

Hello tortoise and sunshine

Has anyone heard from lonnika? or why?

obrigada Thu 24-Oct-13 12:31:31

Marking my place (have changed my name back from TyphoonTanya).

Does anyone know how to link to this thread because there are 2 people after posting on the old thread and I don't know how to link them to here.

Hi all, just taking a seat. I almost finished the last thread until I registered your post obrigada. As I have have no clue how to link I have left the last two posts.

Take care all xxxx

LePamplemousse Thu 24-Oct-13 13:35:37

Hi sorry I posted on the previous thread, will post here now. Yeah so basically I really need to get control of my drinking. I am going to try to make today my first day sober...
Had to get up early this morning yet I still sat up in bed drinking a bottle and a half of red wine till about 1.30am, nothing dramatic happened. But when I woke up today I just thought 'right, this has got to stop'.
My mind is running away with my though and I am having anxious thoughts about all sorts of things, like how do you cope with social occasions if you don't drink? I was supposed to be going out with a friend on Saturday but now I want to cancel it as I know I won't have the self-control not to binge drink.

LePamplemousse Thu 24-Oct-13 13:36:45

And then I think, why am I worrying about Saturday when i might not even be able to make today without a drink...

Isindesidecar Thu 24-Oct-13 13:43:12

xx

PurpleWolfe Thu 24-Oct-13 13:48:00

<grabs seat in the sidecar and searches the Opal Fruit wrappers for un-eaten ones....!>

Isindesidecar Thu 24-Oct-13 14:03:05

Purple <glares ominously at the mess> You stole my last thread post you varmint you!

aliasjoey Thu 24-Oct-13 14:10:35

oh here you all are. sneaking off to gobble sweeties. hmm

isinde I think louise may have hit the nail on the head when she said that you don't tackle your DP about what annoys you - so that in return she doesn't confront you about your drinking? Conspiracy of silence? Or are we way off base?

mouse hope everything is well for you

purple and babyj {hugs}

guggenheim Thu 24-Oct-13 15:36:27

tut... I notice that SOME people have already thrown sweet wrappers around,making a mess <glares and looks stern>

lepample I think something drastic might have happened- you might have got to point where you are sick and tired of drinking and realise that it's not really any fun. What do you think? How is today going- do you have some soft drinks for tonight?
I know what you mean about social events but worry about saturday when you get there. Fwiw I found the first few times of being sober bloody hard, people did make comments. After a bit people stopped giving a shit. I get on much better socially now because I've stopped being that girl who gets slaughtered as soon a possible and keeps going now I talk and listen and bugger off early when I've had enough.

It will be ok smile

myfriendbill Thu 24-Oct-13 16:12:11

Marking my place. X

LePamplemousse Thu 24-Oct-13 16:29:01

Thanks guggenheim smile Made me feel better. Today is going OK thanks but then I don't usually start drinking until about 5pm so the physical anxiety I have got in the past when I've tried to stop drinking hasn't hit me yet.
Yes I got myself some Shloer for tonight and some camomile tea... actually my sister and her DP are coming over for dinner tonight and I would normally have some wine with them. But I am going to offer them wine and say I'm sticking to soft drinks as I'm having a 'detox' or something - I don't feel ready to say I think I've got a drinking problem. Not out loud, anyway.
Luckily I am always trying out weird diets to help with a health condition I have so it's quite easy for me to blame not drinking on trying a new diet.

babyjane1 Thu 24-Oct-13 16:30:50

Hi honey's I'm home xxx

buggermewhatnext Thu 24-Oct-13 16:40:37

Hi all, its jango but ive name changed. Am back on board after faling off for past month or so. So many new names of late, lots of twists and turns. Need to stay with this bus xx

Sharpkat Thu 24-Oct-13 16:42:52

Thank you tortoise x

Only just woken up as was still wide awake at 5am so today is not going to be a day of achievements but clearly I needed the sleep.

Onwards and upwards tomorrow. Just not sure how I am
going to sleep tonight.

Hope all the BBs are doing well. Am too sleepy right now to write anymore but once again thank you all x

Hi all
Just popped by to give a wee shout out for my good pal BPROUD.
If we are still comrades in arms on this journey - this should be around about the time you're having a wee 3rd birthday!

Hope everyone else on Gerald is good. And that his seats are comfie and the day trips are to interesting and educational places.

Bafana x

Scarymuff Thu 24-Oct-13 17:27:36

<puts on hat, scarf and gloves>

It's getting a bit chilly up on the roofrack these days.

Hi Bafana lovely to see you smile

Obrigada I'm glad you changed your name back, it sounded strange going with the new one grin

(Fairenuff btw - irony)

Mouse that is such a lovely opening post x thanks

Anneisnotmyname Thu 24-Oct-13 18:16:33

Guggin I agree that I should really aim for at least four af days. I think there is something about doing three af days that makes me complacent. Like I've already done my government recommended two af days...

H has bought two bottles of wine so I have to be on my guard tonight. I'm at work tomorrow sp it'll be easy for me to tell myself I can have a glass without going overboard. As I'm at work I know it will only be one glass but it's that thinking that got me in a habit of daily drinking.

kumamon Thu 24-Oct-13 19:12:12

I'm brand new to this, but feel like it might be a good place for me. Is it really possible to get control? How can I do it?

buggermewhatnext Thu 24-Oct-13 19:29:21

KUMAMOM ive been on and off this bus for months now. So far Ive not managed to win this god awful battle, but I have had many, many lovely calm sober days and I credit this bus and its wise babes for helping me to achieve thatsmile.
Ive not tried aa, or the smart meetings. Ive not tried exercise or meditation which I know would help me.. It a work in progress I guess

buggermewhatnext Thu 24-Oct-13 19:30:27

annie good on you for being able to stop at one x

Greensbackonthebus Thu 24-Oct-13 19:49:03

Just parking my bum (in the sidecar) I'm sorry I'm not even trying at the moment. Will lurk until I'm ready for a slap from Barry and a seat on the bus. Another shout out to lonnika it would be great to hear from you.

ruralreynard Thu 24-Oct-13 20:06:09

Found you all.
In the side car tonight.
Will read back tomorrow.
Love to allxx

dementedma Thu 24-Oct-13 20:32:59

Hey jango good to see you
Climbs wearily into sidecar.
Who the feck has been at MY opal fruits?

Anneisnotmyname Thu 24-Oct-13 21:24:50

I can stop at one Jango/Bwn but that is only if there is an external factor making me. If I'm off work, have no school run, etc I will always end up drinking more than I intended to x

Rubyredlips Thu 24-Oct-13 21:44:42

Good evening to all. It's been a week since I last posted, haven't been alcohol free but have been sensible so feeling pleased with myself. Have felt awful this week though but I think it maybe more hormone related - totally wiped out.

In fact I need to go to sleep now, sorry not nc but have read all posts and there are some amazing stories....

<snuggles down at back of bus with blanky...zzzzzz>

Greensbackonthebus Thu 24-Oct-13 21:51:39

Bloody hell it's getting a bit squashed in here. ma i hope you have stopped bleeding everywhere.

lonnika Thu 24-Oct-13 21:57:10

Hi all smile. I am here and sober - just really really really busy :
Sorry not to name check - next week is half term so hope to have more time to read and post then smile
thanks for posters (Guggs and Green) for thinking of me
Until next week
L xxxxxxx

Greensbackonthebus Thu 24-Oct-13 22:00:45

That's fab to hear lonni thanks for the update!

LePamplemousse Thu 24-Oct-13 22:10:44

I managed to make it to 10 past 10 so I think/hope I will make today my first sober day in at least a year smile

Isindesidecar Thu 24-Oct-13 22:47:31

Well done pample day one done!
Did I see the wonderful Bafana on here? Hello lovely!
Great to hear from you lonnika

Knackered and off to bed so apols for not name checking.
Day 1 done so hoping I will sleep....please?

That's fantastic lepamplemousse, well done. And may your reward be a lovely night's sleep and a guilt free start to tomorrow smile

And you isinde, lots of deep sleep vibes coming your way smile

venusandmars Thu 24-Oct-13 23:05:13

I'm here. Always.

Scarymuff Thu 24-Oct-13 23:19:56

Hey venus, how are you? Good to hear you are still with us, you lovely lurker smile

Sadnworried Thu 24-Oct-13 23:36:44

In bed sober, and relieved. lepamplemousse day 1 here too. Forever AF sounds dull and long, but 1 more day would be good.

whydidthishappen Fri 25-Oct-13 03:17:59

Just back from the hospital being treated for some minor scrapes on my shoulder having been attacked over laundry detergent at the homeless shelter. The woman was crazy, obviously. But now everybody on our wing has to hand in our nail files. Feels like I'm in a bad movie. Miss my little boy and husband. 6 weeks ago I was looking to go back to work in my professional al job. I know how I got here, but why and how do I get back?

Day 45 sober, homeless and with unkempt nails.

Big hugs whydidthishappen.

Am back in the sidecar, got stinking drunk last night. hmm hmm

LePamplemousse Fri 25-Oct-13 09:27:05

that's horrible whydidthishappen sad poor you.

Yep I managed to make it so now I am really determined to do today as well as over the past few years, one day sober is the most I've been able to manage. I definitely want to change that.

Rubyredlips Fri 25-Oct-13 10:14:30

Why that's terrible for you, hope you're ok? You are amazing and manage to make me laugh despite you having such a rough time (unkempt nails smile. How long do you have to stay there for? Just remember that this isn't forever and soon you will have your son.

LePamp and Sad brilliant achievement on day 2, be kind to yourselves and have lots of sweet treats ready to stop cravings

Sunshine day one for you? Look after yourself today smile

Hi to everyone else there's loads on the bus, in the sidecar and on the roof grin. I'm out tonight with DH and gonna plan my sensible evening so that I enjoy myself and remember it. I still feel rough though - pretty sure it's hormonal. I cried at work the other day....blush thought I was never going to stop - think my boss thought the same and he looked slightly uncomfortable with the whole situation. You've got to grin

babyjane1 Fri 25-Oct-13 10:28:43

why I could weep for you, I'm having some domestic issues myself at the moment and reading your post has been a reality check!! Please keep going, I've been crying most of last night and am shattered today but I'm sending you every fibre if strength and love I have left in me across Atlantic cyberspace and what a lucky boy your son is to have a mother as fierce and strong and brave as you, your gonna be a legend on this thread, other babes months down the line will read you success story (cos it will be by then) and you will change lives, my love to all other babes everywhere xxx ps right now this bus is the only thing keeping me sane xxx

Rubyredlips Fri 25-Oct-13 10:33:01

Baby sorry to read you're having domestic problems. Hope you are ok and I'm here if you want to chat x

obrigada Fri 25-Oct-13 10:41:39

Why, how long do you have to stay in the homeless shelter? My heart goes out to you.
Baby, hope you are ok?

babyjane1 Fri 25-Oct-13 10:55:47

obrigada and ruby thanks my lovely friends, just struggling with dd's, house, illness, dog, weight, depression, anxiety and generally falling out of love with dh, I really feel at 42 the best if my years are behind me and want to change but I fear the decisions and consequences it would entail!!! Thanks for your support xxxxx

Rubyredlips Fri 25-Oct-13 11:22:28

Ah Baby sounds like you've got a lot on your plate there. Are you able to break down the problems into chunks - I always think that makes things a little easier otherwise I tend to feel like I'm drowning in pressure. We're the same age smile and sound like we have similar 'challenges'. How old are your DDs? I think they're quite young aren't they? I have a DD 4 and DS 5. Are you doing anything to tackle the depression & anxiety? What's the prob with the house and dh? Hope you don't think I'm being nosey just trying to help smile

PurpleWolfe Fri 25-Oct-13 11:27:27

Just popping on to send hugs to Baby, so sorry you are struggling with so much. I hope your day gets better. x

Why - What an awful thing to happen - as if you haven't been through enough already. 45 days is amazing for anyone, let alone someone having to put up with what you are going through. Thinking of you.

Can't stop, feeling shitty still. sad

Isindesidecar Fri 25-Oct-13 11:41:48

Hi Why so so sorry you are having such a rotten time. Is there anything your DH can do to help? Can SS really not allow you back into the marital home if you tell them what has happened at the shelter? Really seriously impressed at your sobriety under all that pressure lovely. Stay strong and keep posting xx

Isindesidecar Fri 25-Oct-13 11:48:47

Baby blimey that sounds like a load on your plate. Maybe just focus on getting sober for the moment? Pot calling kettle here as I am on day 2 only but I would love the Isinde turn-around plan tol be
1. Stop drinking a bottle of wine a night
2. Use resulting energy and lack of guilt to get more focused at work and with DP
3. Lose weight (This has got to happen surely??? How many calories are in a bottle of wine plus I eat crap when I am hungover)
4. Start to re-discover some of the things that I used to love but haven't done as I am too busy spending my evenings drinking
5. Magically acquire serenity, swishy hair and thin thighs...hmm

Well maybe number 5 is a bit out there but Iwould like to have a serious go at 1-4

Purps hope you are feeling better soon lovely.
Ma hope today is easier
Mouse sending love and cheese xxx

Greensbackonthebus Fri 25-Oct-13 12:23:47

baby hugs.

Why You are in the midst of a giant shitstorm but one day it will clear and there'll be blue skies ahead. Walk on through the storm babe x

Sat in the loudest busiest soft play eating pombears smile thinking it would have been more bearable without the booze last night!

Rubyredlips Fri 25-Oct-13 12:36:21

Isindie swishy hair and thin thighs too please [ grin] oh and the rest too. There's approx 650 calories in a bottle of wine that's loads shock plus hangover food it could be over a 1000 calories per day

Rubyredlips Fri 25-Oct-13 12:36:56

Ffs grin

babyjane1 Fri 25-Oct-13 13:57:28

Hi guys, thanks for the hugs, very much needed. ruby my dd1 is 14 and very very cheeky to me, dd2 is 3 and adorable but very very mischievous and needs very little sleep and wants me all the time. My dh is not the type to take them swimming or the park, he is very selfish and brought up without much affection, my polar opposite, he works very hard and that's his only contribution. It's all taking it's toll in me, I also have Crohn's disease so
I'm often exhausted and anaemic through that and yet I still get up aching all over about 6 and fall into bed when I get dd2 down, it sounds so ungrateful compared to the babes on here with real problems, last night I wept from my core, I'm lonely in a house full of people, how sad is that????

Mouseface Fri 25-Oct-13 14:05:08

Afternoon. tis me, Mouse

Bafana and BProud - HAPPY 3RD SOBER BIRTHDAY TO YOU BOTH! thanks brew thanks xxx

Why - shock I am absolutely appalled to read that you've been attacked, not shocked but saddened. I hope your shoulder gets better soon sad BUT Can I just say WELL THE FRICKITY FRICK DONE for getting to 45 whole AF days! That, my very strong and Brave Babe is something that you should be so proud of that it shines out of you.

I know that your circumstances are pretty damn shit right now..... and that you are fighting to get your boy back each day you wake.... but KEEP GOING!

We are ALL cheering you on and willing you success in getting him back, we're here for you no matter what, okay? smile xxx

Welcome to the lovely new Babes who have joined us, I hope that we can help smile

Baby - One Day At A Time = One Challenge At A Time smile

You are certainly under it at the moment but as IsinDe has said, take things apart and work on one thing at a time, the most important one. The chances are that's the drinking but you have done it before so you know you can stop.

Even just for 1 day.

Make things smaller, give yourself a break, take the pressure off and if you can, delegate. You're not SuperWoman but you are super and you are really serious about trying to change, otherwise you wouldn't be here still. One step. xxx

Lonni - fab to see you post, even if it is just once a week, it's good to know that you're okay. smile xxx

And that ^ goes for ALL BRAVE BABES btw, it's great to have posters come back and say how they are, good, bad or otherwise!

Sorry not to NC everyone, we're back off to the hospital for Nemo again, we've been this morning to order him some new orthotic shoes. The ones they gave him that we thought would support his legs more are dreadful for him so we've managed to stop the order for another pair because at £150, that's a lot of money for the NHS to be chucking away!

Next appt is a cardiac scan and echo to see how bad the regurgitation is in his chamber, last time we went, it was slightly increased <wibble> and I could see it on the scan so fingers crossed things will have settled down again now.

Greeny - great name! smile xxx

Hey Guggs, Ruby, Ma and others I've not spoken to for a while smile I am finally getting through the current drama that's going on, bit by bit, ticking people who can or won't, help off lists, being able to suddenly see some people's true colours once the pressure moves them into the spot light!

Funny how fast things can get done when you start making lots of noise! grin

I am MOUSE hear me ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAR!!! grin

Again, sorry not name everyone but I'm sending love and huggles from me and Nemo to you all smile xx xx xx

See you later! thanks

babyjane1 Fri 25-Oct-13 14:20:53

Thanks mouse your an angel xxx

guggenheim Fri 25-Oct-13 15:43:40

Hey babes just checking in

baby big hug x I don't think it's possible to describe how exhausting dc are. I sometimes think that if one more person needs me for one more thing then I'll crack like an egg. Hope today goes better babe.

good to hear mouse roaring smile

pample Well done!!! just the one night will start to make a difference, just lets you know you CAN do it. Fuck the ww you are in control.

why So glad to hear from you, even in such sucky circumstances. Any estimates of how long you will be at the centre? i'm relieved to hear you're at a shelter though, I was worried you would be on that park bench.Keep going to those meetings babe.

Best wishes and love to all, sorry not to nc. If you are religious or a bit woo please can you keep for fingers crossed for me (realise there are more deserving cases) for the next few days? Ds has had some health tests and we will get the results next week.

Sadnworried Fri 25-Oct-13 15:58:20

isindesidecar you are describing my wishes - so many of these posts are.
Baby is asleep, errands to do when he gets up. How will I have no wine tonight? And I really don't want it. I'll drink a bottle+ once I start and ruin tomorrow.
Might touch back later smile

obrigada Fri 25-Oct-13 16:06:23

Gugg I am not particularly religious but will light a candle with thoughts of your DS over the next few days.

LePamplemousse Fri 25-Oct-13 18:04:33

guggenheim sad Sorry to hear that. I will keep everything crossed for your DS, really hope he will be OK.

thanks so much, I've had a real boost doing it last night and I think I've just got to keep thinking, if I do it again tonight I'll feel even better tomorrow!

guggenheim Fri 25-Oct-13 18:06:34

thank you obrigada. I'm being a bit of a drama lama - a sober one though. It's most likely to be fine but thank you!

guggenheim Fri 25-Oct-13 18:32:03

Thank you lepamp x

Keep going if you can. I found it hard to get to day 2 -4 and often used to reward day 1 of af with... wine. Of course! But with time it slowly changed. I'm sure that lots of babes found it easier but I drank lots for a looong time and quitting did not come easy!

Best wishes- try another day of sobriety or drinking 1 glass less or starting 1 hour later - ANYTHING you can manage is good. Well done.

ruralreynard Fri 25-Oct-13 19:14:43

Guggs every thing is crossed for Ds. Waiting is Shite thats for sure.
Thinking of you xx

Scarymuff Fri 25-Oct-13 19:18:52

Day 45 sober, homeless and with unkempt nails.

Why I think you should keep a diary, record everything you see, hear and feel. There is a book there. You have such a way with words, you are talented and creative. One day, you could be sober, writing and earning good money by passing your courage and wisdom on to others x

ruralreynard Fri 25-Oct-13 19:22:41

sharp hope you are ok. Keep strong brave babe.
why keep going put up with what you have to, You are staying sober so it has to come good in the end. To that end make sure your solicitor is doing the best they can to bring this to an endxx

dementedma Fri 25-Oct-13 19:31:45

why you are an inspiration.
Venus so good to see you again
Too many fabby babes to name check....you all rock.
I am shattered after a very tough week in work. Lovely boss sent me a lovely email saying he wouldn't have got through this week without me. I feel loved.
We are having takeaway tonight and dh is in calm, helpful mode, giving Ds a back massage to ease her headache. I'll settle for this tonight.

lonnika Fri 25-Oct-13 19:58:09

So many new success stories on here - glad it is half term - been a long one - have succumbed to the occasional wine sad. But now going for total sobriety again and feeling good - in fact feeling solo much better than 8 months ago.
Why you are unbelievable - I admire you solo much and I am going to re read your threads when I think I have had a 'bad' day and feel like I 'deserve' a drink !

Mouseface Fri 25-Oct-13 21:02:58

Gugg - Sweetheart, it doesn't matter how big or small the tests might be, for you, DS and your family, they are HUGE. I'm using my new tablet so I'm not sure if this will post or not but please know that I am thinking of you all and I'm sending so much love to you all. It's scary isn't it?

Just off to put the little fish to bed then I'll be back to update on his heart appt xxx

dementedma Fri 25-Oct-13 21:09:30

mouse are you ok?
Jeez, I'm tired. Had a couple of glasses of wine and am ready for bed.

dementedma Fri 25-Oct-13 21:23:16

mouse are you ok?
Jeez, I'm tired. Had a couple of glasses of wine and am ready for bed.

whydidthishappen Fri 25-Oct-13 21:38:05

gugg As an athiest (literally in a foxhole) I will be praying to my higher power of my understanding for your son.

Thanks for all the support, babes. It really cheers me up. Only had to go to the hospital as protocol of the shelter for insurance purposes only. Although who would Sue a homeless shelter?

Anyway, another sober day squared away. I have decided to not focus on how many days I have sober, but on the fact that everyday I am sober is one day closer to my beautiful boy back with me in a proper home. He is 8 months old on Sunday.

TrinityFucker Fri 25-Oct-13 21:38:49

<runs in to thread, flashes arse and runs away>

LePamplemousse Fri 25-Oct-13 22:05:23

Sending all my good wishes to you whydidthishappen, you're being so strong.
mouse I don't know Nemo is, guessing your DS. Hope he is OK.

Just a question to all the babes - those who have gone through physical withdrawal symptoms, how long did they last? I have this physical anxious tight feeling in my chest and feel very jittery, just wondering how long I can expect it to last...

Isindesidecar Fri 25-Oct-13 22:35:59

trinity always a pleasure to...er..see you grin
LePamplemousse i think the physical withdrawal really depends on you, how much you drink and how you react to the withdrawal. I am ending day 2 feeling very itchy and with jumpy legs. I have also felt really pre-menstrual all evening (that buzzy irritated feeling that normally means i want a fight or a bottle of wine...thsnkfully i have had neither) and a bit anxious today.
For me in the past these feelings have only lasted until about day 5 although I havent done 5 days for a long time so I will revise my hypothesis if I get to day 6 smile
sharpkat how are you doing lovely?

why sending love and strength Babe. i agree with the wonderful scary that you should keep a journal and there is definately a book to be written once you are the other side of all of this.
Guggs holding your dS in my thoughts lovely. Xx
Love to ma and mouse lonnika rural sadnworried and everyone else this evening. Day 2 down anyway. Xx

whydidthishappen Fri 25-Oct-13 23:11:39

Withdrawal? I had no withdrawal. No shakes, no pain, no headache- nothing. But I was a beer drinker, not wine or spirits, which I'm sure cause worse withdrawal symptoms.

If you are worried about withdrawal DO call your GP. There is no extra medal for doing sobriety while puttinng yourself in danger.

I agree why. My XH used to fit when he was in withdrawal.

Well done on 45 days, you are amazing. flowers

Day one (again) nearly over and the anxiety is receding, thank feck.

Mouseface Fri 25-Oct-13 23:34:04

Ma - I'm sorry not to have emailed you, I'm fine, I'll find time over the weekend smile xxx

Trinity - You're a star! Lovely arse grin Hope life is better for you and the girls are well, lots of love sweets xxx

Pample - It does take a few days for your body to adjust to not getting the sugar from the wine, the chemicals in the wine and the alcohol itself. You will have a few days of uphoria and then you may dip, but WILL bounce back and start to feel the benefits of not poisoning yourself. You can do this, because you want to. smile xxx

IsinDe - Good on you sweetheart for getting to day two! xxx

Right, Nemo is in bed and yes, he's my DS for the Babe who asked, there are photographs of him on my profile. His heart appt went as expected, he still has regurgitation of blood from one chamber to the other, it is significant but not life changing and normal for anyone with his heart condition, Tetralogy of Fallot.

Anywho, it's late and my boy is coughing so I'm getting ready for a long night shift.

Guggs - Please keep us posted with your DS. xxx

Night Brave Babes, stay safe, stay strong and stay with us! xxx

SocFish Fri 25-Oct-13 23:55:32

Hello Babes
Soc here. Firmly in the side car, but have one foot back in the bus. Been reading and catching up. Everyone is doing so well. why you are incredible.
xx

Sadnworried Fri 25-Oct-13 23:58:21

Guggenheim
I speed read and missed that your DS was unwell. I hope the news is good.
Thanks for your support/wisdom

Ladamned Sat 26-Oct-13 09:06:31

Hi everyone Just rushing in to say ((hugs)) to Guggs Fingers and toes crossed for your ds.

Sorry not to nc everyone but rushing around like mad getting stuff ready for new job. Have a good Saturday babes

TrinityFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 09:56:48

hi yeah we're doing ok

dd1 has suspected Glandular fever, been really ill and off school for about 6 weeks now sad
waiting for a 14 Nov. paediatric app but I'm not happy with that wait so will be calling someone? not sure who tomorrow
dd2 is wetting again and now has a urine infection, she is also pulling her hair out again
gecko burnt herself badly on her legs three weeks ago, one leg is all fine, other is still bandaged and she is on 2nd lot of antibiotics
social services are back as A and E reported the burn to them
also nhs 24 made an error in their 'paperwork' and reported to social services that I had contacted nhs 24 but not followed through with the call back and therefore wasn't getting medical attention for dd1 sad

<huge fucking sigh>
feeling totally fucking got at and worn out
joints flaring again
just feeling meh
searching for the pause button again sad

but hey I'm sober and fag free so thats a huge win and I know for sure I wouldn't be managing AT ALL if I was drinking
good luck and well done to all <hugs and shit> grin

TrinityFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 09:59:13

obviously I mean monday i will be calling someone
<struggles to know what day it is>

IsindeGhostTrain Sat 26-Oct-13 09:59:41

Ladamned love the name! How are you lovely girl? You really sound excited about this new job. Fantastic to hear you so upbeat!

Sadn how are you doing today? Are you, me and Lepamp all on day 3?

socfish hey lovely, tidy that bloody side car up will yer?! Mas left her opal fruit wrappers on the floor and Spirit's water bowl needs filling.

Mouse hope you had a decent night with lovely fish-boy.

Sunshine welcome to day 2 lovely!

well I feel hungover this morning. angry not the dreadful move-me-and-I'll-puke kinda thing but a definate headache and achey bones general malaise. Ach well, i do remember the immortal miflaw posting about having o really "see the hangover through to the end" and here I appear to be doing that.

I guess it's like any withdrawal. When I stepped off the corporate hamster-wheel a few years back I realised that most of my adult working life had been fuelled by caffiene smile large starbucks at london bridge to walk into the city, coffee with every meeting, last one whilst waiting for colleagues (before hitting the wine bar obviously hmm )
Then I left it all and the week after I left I felt as though some evil gnome was garrotting my brain! i had the shakes, sweats, everything. I reckon it took about a month to properly rid myself of an addiction that had crept up so gradually and was so socially acceptable that I hadn't even realised just how addicted I was.......hmm .....shame I did't apply the same thinking and determination to my other, more serious, addiction at the time innit?.

Right, enough navel-gazing-as-displacement-activity I am off to clean the kitchen and bake bread and make soup! If the DTs will let me. DP away so we are having a day together which is really nice.

Have a lovely weekend all, apologies for the stream-of-conscious ramble grin xx

IsindeGhostTrain Sat 26-Oct-13 10:02:02

X posted trinity that sounds like a bag-o-shite lovely. At least you can deal with it all sober and fag-free though! Well done you! X x

TrinityFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 10:03:33

Thanks Ghost, sorry I didn't mean to shit on your supportive thread Mouse

IsindeGhostTrain Sat 26-Oct-13 10:51:05

Hey lovely, you didnt shit on the thread! You are one of the brave BAbes and tour ticket is non-refundable!

Now, kitchen cleaned, bread rising and off to morrisons! Ooh the exciting life I lead! grin x x

LePamplemousse Sat 26-Oct-13 11:13:21

Thank sunshine, mouse, sidecar and sunshine and anyone else for your replies re: withdrawal. It's not bad enough for me to be worried about or to call my GP, I just felt a bit anxious and a tiny bit shaky but this morning I woke up and I feel absolutely fine. Also I do get anxiety sometimes so it might be partly that and not just the alcohol.
anyway I've made it to day 3 so hurray for that.
Best wishes to all the babes for a good Saturday.

aliasjoey Sat 26-Oct-13 11:18:47

Hello Babes

guggs hope everything goes ok with your DS appt

isinde now I've got a stupid tune going through my head because of your namechange! Hey, did you read louise' s post to you? I didn't see a reply, but thought she maybe hit the nail on the head there....

Waves to everyone else.

PurpleWolfe Sat 26-Oct-13 11:22:39

Well, Babes, it occurred to me yesterday that I haven't told you the full story of late. I read something raw and painful written on another thread and realised I've been 'pulling my punches'. I haven't meant to be less than honest but sort of drifted into not posting all the details, doing the same as I do in RL - only telling some of the problem. Apologies.

I've returned to lots of all-day-drinking, drinking a huge amounts, and this morning my bedroom stinks of that ghastly chemical wine smell, again. Watched iPlayer and drank 'til gone 1am. Every day/week I make the resolution not to drink on Monday - or tomorrow - or after 'such-and-such' but still, it continues. My stomach is sick of the acid - literally.

To the outside world, I'm doing fine. Fully functioning (if a bit last minute a lot of the time), happy and confident. But, inside, I'm feeling like a huge failure - in all areas of my life - with the exception of my children. All the energy and love I have is given to them.

Back to the Doc's? Well, I still have some of the meds (Campral) from last time but I need the resolve to take them. Stupid, isn't it? As for the Alcohol Services Nurse - there were occasions she said something helpful but, on the whole, I really didn't feel much support. Maybe I should be asking for Antabuse? AA scares me and some of you will remember my two brushes with AA didn't go well (the missed meeting and the 'more than blunt' on-line answer). Cannot recall the name of the other organisation (??) but it's too far for me to be able to get back in time for the school run.

Only tea drunk here so far today. An achievement. But, out to lunch with a friend later and no children this weekend, so no responsibilities.........

Feeling sad, hopeless, worthless and crying.

Stupid thing is, I no longer even like the taste of wine.

Well done Pamplemousse on day 3. I suffer from anxiety and find that it massively ramps up after I've been drinking. I was very shaky last night. I'm on day 2 and trying to get through it.

Trinity big hugs.

Insinde I'm so impressed you've already cleaned the kitchen and started bread! I've managed brekky and sitting around in my dressing gown thus far smile

Soc <plumps sidecar cushions> how's your day going?

Guggs I missed that your DS is poorly, wishing him a good recovery.

Mouse I hope you and the lovely Nemo had a good night without too much coughing and sleeplessness.

I'm off now to get stuff done - DM is coming from theForrin today so I might not be back for a bit. Big hugs to all you wonderful Babes, I hope you have a good day. xxx

aliasjoey Sat 26-Oct-13 11:29:13

mouse quote "alcohol fosters inertia"

Or do inert people become alcoholic because they are lazy? (I'm talking about me, not anyone else!) I've been drinking more lately - not too much at a time, but most nights - and feel like I can't be bothered trying to quit.

Well this is embarrassing but I'm supposed to be going for a meal tonight and I've just cancelled. I have a bit of a cold, but it's not that bad. I just feel like I can't be bothered.

Don't know if I even want to drink tonight (well, of course I want to, that goes without saying) but it's more that I can't make the effort. I could happily turn into a recluse. Is this why I have no friends? sad

Scarymuff Sat 26-Oct-13 11:53:33

Morning all smile

Joey I used to love getting out and about, walking on the beach or across the hills. Then, as I started to prefer drinking, we would walk along the beach to a the pub or across the fields to the pub. Once I was parked on the pub bench I had no wish to do anything else.

It got to the point where I would find pubs right on the seafront so I could sit and drink wine and watch the children. I didn't bother with the walk first. It gradually dawned on me that most of my outings were car, pub, car (with dh driving). So, for me, alcohol did foster inertia.

Purple it sounds to me like you're sick of it, my lovely. You don't like drinking, it doesn't taste nice, it makes you feel like shit, yet you are compelled to keep forcing it down? I've been there too. It's baffling isn't it.

If your stomach is suffering, you have something else to focus on. Tell yourself that you will not drink today because you can't. It's not your choice anymore, you have to give your insides a chance to heal.

Just for today. Don't think any further than that for now. Every time that thought comes into your head, bat it right out again. Prepare a mantra "I can't drink today. I can't drink today. It's not my choice."

Prepare for later. If you have any booze in the house, get rid of it. Plan an early night. Get a selection of good books, magazines, get some hot chocolate and take yourself off to bed as early as possible.

If you get the urge early evening, plan an activity that can take your mind off it. Go out if you can, or get busy at home. What about searching for recipes and making a batch of homemade vegetable soup? Do you have any hobbies, like knitting, that will keep your hands busy. If not, why not learn. Find a thread (or start one) and find out what you need and how you do it.

You could make yourself a 'sober blanket' or something, with each bit representing the times that you didn't drink. I really think you can do this because I can tell you really, really want to and that's half the battle. Actually, that's 90% of the battle!

Once you get a day or two under your belt, it will reinforce the fact that you can do a day. And if you can do a day, you can do another day.

It honestly does get easier x

JustLikeHeaven Sat 26-Oct-13 12:09:54

So glad i found this thread. . i can relate to so many of you

I am not alone.

has anyone got a tip for saying,- . . No thank you, a water/orange etc is fine. I have woken with a new resolve today. . .and have a party tonight and i want to go to it and really try to enjoy it without alcohol. I am know for loving a party (or so i like to think. . they probably think i am a lush) and when i refuse i drink a will be asked if i am pregnant. . .or hear the usual. . go on. one won't harm you, you are very boring. you used to be great fun etc etc. over and over all night or until they are too pissed to notice or care

please dont say, just dont care what they think. the reason i drink so much when out socially is because i am so self conscious and am naturally shy . . . . though i have a party animal reputation because i hide this. I am sick of myself. . . sick of being afraid to be me . . . sick of The Fear the next day. . . the over eating because i am so Hungover. more alcohol to get rid of the hangover. the whole horrible cycle

i am going to get up now and force myself to go for a walk. sounds pathetic!!!

do i take one bottle of beer or glass of wine and pretend to drink it for the night or do i stand firm. . and if so any tips on doing so. thank you

TrinityFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 12:15:56

Hi, Justlikeheaven,you could tell them you are on antibiotics for a tooth abscess

there is a type beginning with M that will make you vomit if you drink with them so its above board

I actually was on them for the first five days of my 16 months of being sober
I'm an emetephobe so the fear of throwing up stopped my overwhelming urge to drink for 5 days

good luck, I've been there

LePamplemousse Sat 26-Oct-13 12:20:25

Justlikeheaven, you could always say you're on antibiotics or something... or just say trying to detox if you don't want to come out and say 'I've got a problem with alcohol'.
Incidentally though, I do think it's absolutely fine to say 'no thanks, can I just have an orange juice/lemonade?' and anyone who questions you too closely might just have a bit of a problem with alcohol themselves.
Have you read Jason Vale's 'Kick the Drink Easily'? It's really helping me feel confident about the idea of not drinking alcohol at social occasions.

aliasjoey Sat 26-Oct-13 12:24:58

Welcome just

You could try saying you'll have a drink later, but you're really thirsty and want a soft drink first. By the time anyone realises they will probably all be drunk themselves and oblivious.

Or say you're on antibiotics.

Or say you're doing a detox and want to lose weight for a party next month.

Actually you would be surprised how many people don't notice or care, and the ones who DO notice (and try to persuade you) are often people who have their own 'issues'. (I speak from experience, I used to be one of those people blush )

You sound very strong and resolved! Make sure you have a plan, know what you will ask for, and an alternative in case that's not available.

babyjane1 Sat 26-Oct-13 12:33:01

Hi babes just checking to say I've said a little prayer for your boy guggs and I want to remind purple it was you who started me on this journey with the fabulous results when you stopped for 6 weeks. Remember it honey and read back. You inspired me so much with your enthusiasm of
Losing weight, improvement to your skin and your upbeat Joie de vive attitude and your incredible generosity to me when I hated myself completely. That IS you beautiful lady, I want to feel your sunshine again!!!

babyjane1 Sat 26-Oct-13 12:38:50

guggs I love your posts, they are calm snd practical and always always generous, you have helped me immensely and I have great affection and respect for you, I'm also intrigued by you, would you share why you decided to stop drinking, was it one event or a lifestyle choice, you sound so smart and knowledgeable about all facts surrounding alcohol and I just can't imagine you ever not having control, sorry for prattling on, not nosey just interested on your story xx

Ladamned Sat 26-Oct-13 14:11:59

Hi Lepamplemousse (Love the name btw grin Just popped in to say, re the anxiety thing. I find if I haven't had many AF days during the week, that when six o'clock swings round, I get a fluttery slightly anxious shaky feeling - not so much a craving, as a need for something to restore my calm iyswim. The more nights I have off and I have been really bad lately, no dd handbrake and a few things to get my head around the less anxious I feel. Then, by the time I've got up to three days, it's hardly noticeable. I think my body expects the sugar and is telling me it 'needs' it - which of course it doesn't. I think the withdrawal of anything you've got into the habit of having is bound to have some effect.

LePamplemousse Sat 26-Oct-13 15:15:57

Thanks ladamned that does seem similar to what I've been getting. I also think it's partly the fear of NOT having a drink all night because once it gets to 9pm/10pm it seems to go away so that's a relief. So pleased to be on Day 3! smile

ImagineJL Sat 26-Oct-13 15:20:31

Justlikeheaven if you didn't want to draw attention to being alcohol-free tonight and didn't want to ruin your party-girl image, could you say you had a heavy night last night and still feel a bit poorly?

I don't have a drink problem myself so apologies if I'm way off the mark. My cousin is a 40 unit per day alcoholic so I sometimes read the Brave Babes threads to try and get a handle on it.

dementedma Sat 26-Oct-13 15:34:38

purple my friend. Are you managing to hold off for another wee while? Can you take yourself to bed with books, letters to write, mning, cups of tea etc. You have done this before and you inspire me. Sending you much love and thoughts

JustLikeHeaven Sat 26-Oct-13 16:19:39

Thank you for the good tips.

The thought of never drinking again seems a little overwhelming which confirms to me i do have an issue with alcohol. But then again i cant seem to control it when i tell myself i will only have one or two. There never seems to be enough alcohol to help me feel the way i want to.

I am going to say i am driving as i have a lot on tmrw. . And if asked what that is, I will have my story ready.

I drink to feel good about myself, to feel confident, be funny etc. . .but I have realised that i am all those things before i get drunk but I dont have the confidence to just be myself, or in fact dont think i am good enough. My stomach just lurched thinking that.

Thanks again. . .I see tonight as a challenge and for once I won't be the last one there, refusing to go home when my husband wants to.

babyjane1 Sat 26-Oct-13 17:04:29

pampel your doing brilliantly, day 3 is amazing, all the benefits are starting to kick in and feelings of anxiety get easier as time passes, well done you!!! just be thinking of you tonight, you can do it babe xxxx

aliasjoey Sat 26-Oct-13 17:13:16

just you don't have to think of never drinking again... just tonight. It's one of our mantras: One Day At A Time.

Mouseface Sat 26-Oct-13 17:36:04

Afternoon, this me, mouse

Trin - FUCKING SS! I'm sorry that things are tough for you again, don't EVER, EVER! apologise to me or anyone for posting on "my supportive thread"

You see what you missed there 'SUPPORTIVE' and it's not my thread, it's our Bus! Filled with love and support and people who gives shit about you. I'm so sorr. to hear about the girls and their troubles, I'm sure that things are still pretty tough for you gorgeous lady..... sad

You know that you can come here anytime and let off steam? Sending much live to you and the girls, you know where I am, anytime. xxx

Purps - I totally agree with baby's post to you. You have a lot to deal with just now, and you're facing them on your own. Day in, day out. BUT, YOU, YES YOU! Are at least facing them. I'm glad that you posted that you're drinking more again, now we can help you, hold you, walk beside you with love and support. Thank you. You're honesty will only help you xxx

Metronidazole is given for dental treatment and WILL make you vomit Just, it's a well known fact, it's vile! Always worked for me, welcome BTW smile x

Guggs - thinking of you level, hope everything is OK for you and DS xxx

Bit of a rough night with Nemo - his cough is wicked, he sounds as though he's smoking 60 a day sad He's not sleeping well and that has a knock on effect for the day. The poor lilllt dude always has something.

How is everyone else? I'm afraid I've only skim read but hope you all surviving as such xxx

Mouseface Sat 26-Oct-13 18:37:03

Imagine - hey, thank you for posting and telling us about your cousin, that must be hard to watch or see sad

I'm glad you read the thread and then commented. I hope you stick around smile

guggenheim Sat 26-Oct-13 18:47:05

Thank you all- it means so very much to me xx

Ds is having a lump investigated and sometimes I think everything will be fine and sometimes I think of the worst possible scenario. We will get some results on monday / tuesday.

Right Ds is off to bed and I'll come back later with my big very big knickers on and get back to chatting about all things booze related.

Dh just WON"T talk about it so thank you again- saving my sanity one more time ladies. xx

Anneisnotmyname Sat 26-Oct-13 19:44:48

Fingers crossed for you guggin and mouse I hope your little boy has some relief from his cough tonight x

Sorry not to nc all, I've been reading but not posting much aa I don't feel like I'm trying hard enough lately. I've had four af nights this week - not consecutive - andthey almost feel like freedom. When I'm drinking I feel trapped, there is no real pleasure in it. Purple I emphasise, I don't think I even like wine now yet still I persevere with it...

Welcome to all new babes smile

whydidthishappen Sat 26-Oct-13 20:10:07

I think that maybe only a Haitian prison or a Russian orphanage could be more depressing than this place. I can't call my husband because he cries all the time about me being here.

Anybody know any good jokes? Because the TV is stuck on a news channel, my room has a bug in it (no husband to kill it-sorry to sound pathetic) and I can't tell if the woman in the 'lounge area's is moaning in pain or pleasuring herself.

This too will pass. This too will pass. This too will pass.

Mouseface Sat 26-Oct-13 20:33:39

Annie - You are lovely smile

I really want to disagree with you when you say you're not trying...... you ARE! You've had AF days, DAYS! Not minutes or hours...... days you wonderful Babe you. You've been here long enough to know that posting or not, you have our support.

I think you are fab. You really are. xxx

Purps - How are you holding out? Xxx

And everyone else?

DH and I are having a 'date night' as we've lived in this house, our home for 5 years tomorrow so are having a home cooked slap up dinner of steak with herb potatoes for him, salad for me and then gluten free chocolate towers for after. We're sharing a bottle of cava to mark the event.

It's quite an emotional time, we're celebrating tonight as I need to drive early on Monday for my acupuncture spot - ouch! Even Nemo is getting into the celebrations by being chief taster!

Back later xxx

dementedma Sat 26-Oct-13 20:33:42

why can your dh stop the order now and get you back? He sounds supportive. Surely he can do something to get you out of there and I to better accommodation.

IsindeGhostTrain Sat 26-Oct-13 20:37:45

why
I have a load of rude, sexist abd genrally non-pc jokes if you like?

-How do you titillate an Ocelot?
-You occilate it's tits a lot

- Whats the useless piece of skin at the end of a penis called?
-A man

- What's pink and wrinkled and belongs to Grandpa?
- Grandma

-Did you hear that cadbury's are bringing out an oriental chocolate bar
- It could be a chinese Wispa

Erm.....trying to think of some more just to distract you lovely mate.

It must be sodding grim lovely. How long will you have to stay there?

IsindeGhostTrain Sat 26-Oct-13 20:39:16

And what Ma said as well!

IsindeGhostTrain Sat 26-Oct-13 20:41:52

An homosexual just back from Khartoum
Took a lesbian back home to his room
So she said to him "Now before we begin,
who does what and with what and to whom?"

IsindeGhostTrain Sat 26-Oct-13 20:47:03

There is a brave Babe called Why
Whose predicament makes us all cry
In the lounge is a moaner
Her DH can't phone her
But from this we know she will fly!

what's your distraction request tonight lovely Why? We can do poetry, songs, un-called for rudeness about Ma's norkage....name yer diversion lovely. Xxx

guggenheim Sat 26-Oct-13 20:48:36

Who collects frogsporn? (I know it's spelled wrong)

A very naughty frog.

Why did the crocodile go to the psychoanalyst?

He was in de Nile.

These are cheering me up too. Love isinde's jokes. smile

why lock the door and pretend the whole bus is in there with you. Wait- that might be worse than the 'lady' in the lounge.

Too right that this too will pass- hope it passes bloody quickly for you.

annie don't apply any pressure or you might get resentful of your af days. 4 days is great, most of a week and it's the recommended amount of af days per week. Well done. Do you want to stop or control? You probably have said but I can't recall I'm afraid.

dementedma Sat 26-Oct-13 20:49:13

grin at indie Limerick.
I know a good one....let me think...

dementedma Sat 26-Oct-13 20:51:33

While Titian was mixing rose madder
His model reclined on a ladder
Her position, to Titian
Suggested coition
So he climbed up the ladder, and 'ad er

dementedma Sat 26-Oct-13 20:53:23

There once was a lady from Rude
Who ate a bad apple and died
The apple fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider insider inside

dementedma Sat 26-Oct-13 20:54:08

That shold say RYDE, damn auto correct wrecks Limericks

dementedma Sat 26-Oct-13 20:55:03

Hey, leave my Norks out of it!

dementedma Sat 26-Oct-13 20:58:49

There once was a lady called Ina
Who had an enormous vagina
When asleep on the beach
She awoke with a screech
And found she had dry docked a liner

IsindeGhostTrain Sat 26-Oct-13 20:59:23

That was 'Rhyde' shurely Ma? grin love the titian one! ( but then I do have the sense of humour of a 12 year old boy grin )

IsindeGhostTrain Sat 26-Oct-13 21:00:13

Bows down in humble homage to Ma

guggenheim Sat 26-Oct-13 21:01:52

baby that was a really kind post earlier and i'm, sorry I didn't reply sooner. I still don't cope very well with proper emotions.Thank you. I'm so pleased to see how well you are doing and the strength you are passing onto other babes. Much love and respect to you. And you can have ma and joey's opal fruits too-I know where they hide them.

I had to stop drinking. I'm not the heaviest drinker in aa or even in my group of friends, I'm kind of aa lite. But I knew I had a massive problem. I joined the bus and it turned EVERTHING around for me.But I couldn't stop for long and realised that I needed some rl support too, hence joining aa.

I drank every day for 20 odd years. sometimes just a glass or 2 sometimes as much bloody booze as I could get down me. It came close to destroying eerything I hold dear and masked some problems / traumas that I hadn't faced up to.

I've had a painful 10 months facing up to my problems and I need as much help as it's possible for the bus and aa to give! I'm a very grateful recovering alcoholic and babe. Ta for asking love! That's mostly what happened.

How are you doing lovely?

dementedma Sat 26-Oct-13 21:04:15

How non PC can we be? I know some bad ones.....

LePamplemousse Sat 26-Oct-13 21:04:28

mouse hope your DS sleeps better tonight. I had a look at the pics on your profile and he is really adorable smile
Hope you enjoy your date night.

dementedma Sat 26-Oct-13 21:08:10

There was a young man from Japan
Whose poetry never would scan
When asked why this was
He said its because
I always try to fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can.

LePamplemousse Sat 26-Oct-13 21:09:13

Haha, I love that one ma

dementedma Sat 26-Oct-13 21:22:38

OK, all time favourite joke here :
A jelly baby is in a bar, quivering and crying. A Smartie goes up to him and asks what's wrong. " Every one picks on me" sobs the jellybaby, " because I'm soft and wobbly. They all beat me up."
"That's not on " says the Smartie," I'll protect you. I have a hard shell, I'll take on the bullies and look after you."
The jellybaby is well chuffed and enjoying a drink with the Smartie when two Tunes make an entrance, looking for trouble. They spot the jellybaby and proceed to set about him and beat him up. The Smartie takes one look and runs away.....
Later the Smartie and the Jelly Baby meet up. The jellybaby has had a hiding and is furious.
" you said you would stand up for me and protect me" he rages, " yet at the first sign of trouble, you ran away!. What was that all about?"
The Smartie replies, " I know I let you down but seriously....did you see those Tunes? No way I was taking them on. They were menthol"

whydidthishappen Sat 26-Oct-13 22:23:12

Husband can't get rid of the order of protection and he didn't ask for it in the first place. The state issued it. It is also tied to our address.

But you guys sure are cracking me up.

IsindeGhostTrain Sat 26-Oct-13 22:26:07

Hang on in there why you have a lot of mad bastards Brave babes really rooting for you lovely. Holding you in our hearts tonight Why our intentions are noble even whilst our humour is lavatorial smile xxx

iwanttobelola Sat 26-Oct-13 22:34:34

need a space on the bus if there is any room ( am rather ample in the backside department but could probably huddle down in the buggy rack if need be?)
Tried to be Sober For October ..lasted five days sad but got soo much other stuff done when without the booze.... now back to drinking every night (a bottle of vino can go with ease) need some motivation !! can't carry on like this surely ?

aliasjoey Sat 26-Oct-13 22:37:57

Don't know if I'm allowed to do this because I have been drinking tonight, blush but I think purple might be in a bad place, she is not replying to FB or messaging and sounded really down earlier today...

purple if you are there, I hope everything is okay with you

<hugs>

aliasjoey Sat 26-Oct-13 22:45:56

Babe in trouble alert! C'mon people, look lively.

<sounds klaxon>

purple am thinking about you

<stockpiles opal fruits and ribena>

Greensbackonthebus Sat 26-Oct-13 22:58:32

purps don't make us find Barry! Hope you are okay sweets x

guggs keeping everything crossed for you. I would be so worried and you are being very brave.

Welcome new babes. Night night from the sidecar, very very busy day and same tomorrow. A week of family staying, hope I survive without losing my rag and upsetting anyone!

LePamplemousse Sat 26-Oct-13 23:22:39

Hope you are ok purple

Mouseface Sun 27-Oct-13 00:02:34

Just wanted to pop in to say night and well bloody done to those who have abstained and to those who have just had less than their norm. And if you've had your normal intake or close too, then tomorrow is a brand new, shiny day :}

Dinner was lush. And my DH is awesome and I'm very lucky to have a DH like this.

Night Babes xxx

Mouseface Sun 27-Oct-13 00:10:24

Purps - stay with us babe. Love you xxx

Night all xxx

whydidthishappen Sun 27-Oct-13 01:40:29

Never, ever give up hope! Because you are not done until your last breath. I was a no-show at my Saturday night AA meeting. When a guy I have spoken to twice in meetings found out where I was stayin from another member, he offered a room in his house for a few weeks till I get a place.

I did not know this man 46 days ago. The love and support I have been shown by AA people and you Brave Babes is overwhelming.

Down, but never out. I could cry with joy.

guggenheim Sun 27-Oct-13 06:53:32

Morning babes

purple where are you lovely? Come back and talk to us- doesn't matter if you are hungover or drinking or whatever we just want to know how you are doing. x

joey do you think she would mind if I pm her?

greeny thank you. I'm not being calm or even sensible, Thank you for listening.Is it your family or the inlaws? I would be done for murder by the end of the week either way [thismile] Do you have an escape route? Long hot baths/dog walking- doesn't matter if you have a dog or not/ locking yourself in the kitchen with mn?

mouse that was a nice post.
iwant there is always room on the bus! Welcome.5 days is a pretty good start,there were plenty of times when I couldn't manage even one af day. A proper grown up will be along in a bit to give you a ticket.

guggenheim Sun 27-Oct-13 06:58:12

why ok [thismile] [thismile] Thank whatever higher power /goddess/ flying spaghetti monster you care to name!!!

Well done babe there is no way that would have happened if you had caved in to the ww. I so happy for you. I notice that you are well on the way to being 2 months sober,from here on it will all get a little bit easier and the last of the 'fog' will clear. Well done [thismile]

guggenheim Sun 27-Oct-13 06:59:02

arse- i've lost the power to do emoticons.

Imdoingthis Sun 27-Oct-13 07:08:22

Hi everyone
I haven't posted much feel if done rubbish, I did day one yesterday,

Things have been so bad with my ex I don't really know where to turn
I know me drinking only clouds what he does and blurs my judgment to open my door and all that.

Day two today then xx

PurpleWolfe Sun 27-Oct-13 07:22:44

(Sorry to worry you by not posting last night, a friend of 12 years (who I've never even see shed a tear despite a lot of shit) sent me a text indicating she was having a bad time - something she's never done. I popped over to give her some support - even tho' she said not to (that's something I do and I don't mean it either!). Stayed later than planned so was tuckered by the time I got in. Poor love is in a bad way.)

Thank you for your lovely words Scary, Baby and Ma (made me weepy - in a good way) and for the love and kindness from Mouse, Green and LaPamp*. The lovely PM's, Joey were so supportive, thank you so much, Sweetpea.

I didn't manage not to drink but I did managed to start later, drink less and eat 2 and a half meals, too. Took vitamins, drank water and did ("what I like to call") ad break tidying also. There was hardly a clean dish in the place! (due to illness - not drunkenness!!). So, a better day all in all. This morning I've got to be up to take DS to rugby so no early drinking or staying in bed for me.

I'm ashamed to tell you that I hit an all time low when, late one evening recently, still quaffing away, my body told me it really didn't want any more acidic wine. I didn't listen. Took a large sip and was immediately sick - everywhere. The mess and the smell was horrendous. (Sorry if TMI.) The total shame of it. As I said before, wine is no longer a 'naice' treat, I don't like the taste and it often makes me gag. Makes no fucking sense to keep drinking the stuff.

It's been such a hard few days with having this cold/flu/bug thing. A lot of time, being on my own with 3 children isn't too much of a struggle but when I'm ill, I still have to carry on with everything regardless. It's pathetic, but there's no-one to ask how I am or make me a cup of tea or do the school run or listen to me moan or do DC's homework with them. DD was great on the Wednesday evening but I can't/wouldn't ask her to do more. If she offers - that's fantastic but her nursing skills soon give way to more important pre-teen things (as they should). Also, it's MOT/car tax time so lack of finances have been on my mind too. Added to that, had to sort out bullying issues for DS at his new school. Heartbreaking to see him sobbing and not wanting to go back there. (And I'm not even going to start on my mixed feelings about XP!) What I miss the most, though, about being on my own, is that 'end of the day off-loading' about silly stuff/important stuff that you do when you have someone around that cares. I've found that if that stuff's not downloaded, it sort of amasses and clogs up my mind somehow. Does that make any sense to anyone?

On the good news front, I've had two people make amazing comments about my children this week. Yesterday, my 'lunch date' friend was saying lovely things about how polite, bright and personable DC's are and what a great job I'm doing with them (she's a 'spade is a spade' sort) and when I managed to drag my sad, snotty/coughy self into school for youngest son's parent/teacher evening the teacher's comments on my 3 children (she's taught all of them) made me cry. She said they were all wonderful children and I was doing a fantastic job bringing them up so well. She commented how polite, how bright they all are and how well they speak to adults. She seems genuinely fond of all of them. She has a young baby and said she'd come to me for parenting tips!! This teacher is not normally so forthcoming. I was so chuffed. I can't tell anyone else at the school as I don't want them thinking I'm bragging - but I can tell you lot. grin

Joey I'm definitely going to make an appointment to see the Dr and ask about AD as you suggested - and if that means I have to sit there and tell her I've failed on the alcohol front, then so be it. On the vanity side, for the first time ever in my life, I weigh as much as I did when I was pregnant - and I'm not pregnant! I promised myself I wouldn't stop looking/asking for help with this insipid problem and I've let myself down of late.

So sorry for the self indulgent post and for not being any help to anyone else - I haven't got much energy just now. Take care, everyone, and if you have someone that cares about you, that listens to your silly nonsense and your important worries and makes you a cup of tea when you look like you need one - give them a big hug, for no particular reason other than that they are there for you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PurpleWolfe Sun 27-Oct-13 07:24:56

(... and thank you too, Guggs xxx)

Greensbackonthebus Sun 27-Oct-13 08:03:10

Hey purps thank you for updating. You have an awful lot on and sounds like you are doing a great job under the circumstances.

GP sounds a good idea. How about setting some goals between now and Christmas around health and fitness. I know you like the gym and want to lose weight. Slim and awesome for Christmas! Put all the wine money in a jar and save for christmas presents and nice outfit for new slim you.

Greensbackonthebus Sun 27-Oct-13 08:09:41

Oh and yes your stomach needs a rest. I have chronic gastritis and honestly I am glad of it. It forces me to curb my drinking. Be kind to yourself do what you can to let yourself heal. If you really want to stop and can't manage it on your own then yes tell the GP and maybe try AA again. And keep talking to us here of course smile

gugg it is inlaws. They are here for some half term babysitting so I can escape to the office for a couple of days!

dementedma Sun 27-Oct-13 08:44:40

why brilliant news on getting a room.how much longer is the order for? You are SO not going to be beaten by this.
purple so good you are still here. <stands down the SWAT team and plops Barry back in the tank>. You are doing such a difficult job and raising 3 fab Dcs. If you can just reduce your intake even a tiny bit it will help. This is of course a classic case of the pot calling the kettle............
green and guggs and everyone else - hi!
New babe with ample backside (can't remember your name and this keeps dumping me when I scroll back) - welcome to the bus and sidecar. Here is your ticket which is valid for the rest of your life. Someone will be along to take your breakfast order shortly.
mouse put that DH down and wipe the stupid grin off your face dammit!

I am going to visit Richard today in his little SA flat to celebrate the birthday we thought he would never reach. There is always hope.

Imdoingthis Sun 27-Oct-13 09:05:00

I need to do this I need to get sober I have to so I stop fucking up with him I'm so desperate to do this.

It's nine in the morning all I'm thinking about is a drink

dementedma Sun 27-Oct-13 09:10:03

l'm we can do this together.
Get a sheet of paper and write down all the things you want to do today which don't involve drink. Chores, nice thing, odd jobs -whatever. Tell the wine witch you don't have time for her for the next half hour, hour whatever as you are doing ironing, walking, washing your hair. You are too busy today to drink. Ask anyone who is in the house to chuck out any booze. You can drink tomorrow if you choose, but today you just don't have time. Drink lots of water. Check back in in one hour, and then we can tackle the next hour.

Imdoingthis Sun 27-Oct-13 09:19:26

Thankyou
I have none in the house seems like a long day to get through if I didn't have dc I'd go to bed right now.

I will go do something for a while x

JustLikeHeaven Sun 27-Oct-13 10:01:01

I just wanted to say. . the support you all show each other is really heart warming. You all sound like lovely people though i am just here and dont know who is who yet. . . . I am grateful that there is a place like this to come and that women are so supportive of each other.

I had my alcohol free party last night. I got though it. . . nobody really cares what you are drinking once they have theirs. I had one or two comments. . .but as someone here wisely pointed out. . . I would imagine they are people who have their own alcohol issues to deal with. sounds mad but thinking of you lovely ladies and what you do to stay strong really helped me. It also helps to remind myself if i slip up its not a hanging offense. It wasn't a great night but i remember my conversations, i didn't make a fool of myself and i dont feel like death today.

I hope you are all as good as you can be today. keep busy and believe you are worth feeling good about yourself. thanks again. . .

dementedma Sun 27-Oct-13 10:23:37

You can do this "I'm". I will try and do the same and am trying hard not to project to this evening when temptation will come calling. Am off out now for a while, but will check in later.
heaven thank you for your kind comments ts and well done on last night.

Imdoingthis Sun 27-Oct-13 10:38:23

Iv done some jobs, dc driving me nuts got another week off yet ... Sigh
I just want them to leave me alone.

I need so badly to do this I can not this man back in my life cracking this is key to cracking him and being truly free if I'm pissed I let him in sad I don't feel protected or safe but I still let him in if I'm drunk something happened last week I can not allow it to happen again
Sorry for ramble I'm in a bit of a panic

aliasjoey Sun 27-Oct-13 10:56:53

purple glad to hear you're okay. More than okay - you're amazing! In the midst of all your own problems, you found time and strength to go and support a friend in need. <pins a gold star on purple>

You said you couldn't go to the doctors till next week - is that because there isn't anybody to look after DCs? Or because you don't want to tell anyone the reason?

Are they old enough to just quietly in the waiting room for 10 minutes (after being bribed... smile ) it sounds like you have such a lot on your plate... and you need someone to take care of you

Mouseface Sun 27-Oct-13 13:23:25

Afternoon, this, me, Mouse

Purps - What a fantastic post from you. The raw reality of alcoholism is one of sheer horror when it hits you, and boy does it hit you, and hard.

You ARE AN AMAZING MOTHER, you don't need pacifying, you don't need patronising either. Being a single parent, with a mixture of ages and sexes is bloody horrific at times. You're constantly trying to keep the peace, be the right level of mum, friend, carer and suddenly you're juggling flaming swords all day long, whilst running a what feels like a hotel, restaurant and launderette!

It's no wonder that you're where you are now. You're SO run down, exhausted, and it's all up to you, every job is yours, homework, lunches, dinner, housework, food shopping, finances, the works. But for people to tell you, when you feel at your lowest, just how wonderful a job you're doing with the children, how polite, balanced etc they are tells me that no matter what, YOU ARE AMAZING! smile

Every day, you get up, go and do what's needed, even though you want to stay in bed and cry, disappear so no-one can see you, need anything from you......... you beat that, maybe by the skin of your teeth but you beat it evey day my lovely. That in itself is fantastic. It really is!!

Your XP clearly holds a part of your heart, and when he is nice, when things are civil, you catch yourself wondering 'what if?' And then reality hits and you realise that he's your XP for a reason. You get lonely, even in a room full of friends, you feel lost and small.

But you are worth so much Purps you really are. You need to start to value your life. Your children need you, you clearly have friends (looks around the entire Bus) who love and need you.

You've finally hit the point of no return as far as I can see. You need to stop now sweetheart. You need to keep looking at all YOU'VE achieved, all that you sacrifice day in and day out for your children. For your future as a family, as a unit, for each other as you all grow and find your paths in this crazy, fucked up world......

Each time you sit and help with homework, talk to them about any worries they have, every time you hold them when they're ill, upset, even after every screaming match....... you're carving a path, laying down a faint blue print for them to follow, feathering their wings, helping. Even though you can't see it, it's there.

So, go and talk to your GP, make a list of what you drink, why, when, everything and take it with you. Even if you can't say the words out loud, you can give them your list.

Tell them how sad you are, or if you're worried about SS getting involved, pick your words more carefully, being on your own etc...... maybe look at other sources of help? AA or a community group?

One thing is for sure thoughbdarling Purps, you are worth so much more than you think, you have our unconditional love and support and we will NEVER, EVER JUDGE YOU!

So, how can we help you? Where do we start? xxx

Mouseface Sun 27-Oct-13 13:34:29

Also, massive jungles to your poor DS Purps - bullies are mast pieces of work sad xxx

Imdoingthis Sun 27-Oct-13 14:04:08

Made it till now, I'm holding on tightly

Mouseface Sun 27-Oct-13 14:21:37

'Huggles and Nasty' pieces - sorry, still getting used to this new tablet! grin xxx

Well done I'm Keep going! smile

dementedma Sun 27-Oct-13 15:30:53

How are you doing I'm.
We had to pop into Tescos on the way back and the ww was there, whispering that I should get a bottle for tonight and start tomorrow...grrrrr. Fled empty handed and am grimly gulping a cup of tea. This is a bloody long day. Are you still with me. Are you sage from the man you mention?
mouse great post to purps. I second it all.
I have got dinner in the slow cooker and a plum, apple and blackberry crumble ready for afters. Am helping Ds clear his room to get it ready for decorating...keeping busy, keeping busy.....

Imdoingthis Sun 27-Oct-13 15:54:31

ma yes I'm still with you smile somehow.... I don't quite know how but I am
Sooooo glad you ignored the wine witch's whispers,
Did you mean am I safe? From him

Mouseface Sun 27-Oct-13 17:18:32

I'm - I think that's Ma meant, are you safe from him now? Is it a case of he comes round when your guard is down to try and sleep with you? Promise you it's all going to be OK etc? Any of that even close?

I hope are safe.

dementedma Sun 27-Oct-13 17:31:32

Yes, I meant safe. Sodding autocorrect.I'm struggling now I must admit. This is such a tough time of day...if I can get to nine o clock I'll be OK but GOD I want a drink....

Imdoingthis Sun 27-Oct-13 17:44:41

ma can you go keep busy for an hour, what's to do?
mouse yes he comes round I seem to let him in when Im low then when Im stronger he don't get what he wants and kicks off.

That's why I need to stay strong and sober as I keep repeating same mistakes with him.

Imdoingthis Sun 27-Oct-13 18:03:17

I think Im safer when Im sober,
At the moment hes really got worse and doesn't seem to care what risks he takes.

So I need this more than ever.

Mouseface Sun 27-Oct-13 19:17:16

I'm - I've been you. I used to be in a very abusive relationship, he'd use sex as a replacement for love, he'd rape me (sorry, tmi and very raw) but he controlled me with drink and drugs, promises, false dreams, ifs, buts and maybes.

Stay strong I'm - please? xxx

Ma - please come chat and with us. You still dry babe? xxx

Imdoingthis Sun 27-Oct-13 19:31:57

You know my life mouse Iv moved here away, sometimes I feel nothing's changed, last week I got punched in the back of my head so its given me a kick up the arse, drink changes everything so so much.

ma how's you doing lovely x

IsindeGhostTrain Sun 27-Oct-13 19:48:20

Oh Imdoingthis please stay sober and stay strong lovley babe. And find the strength to kick this fucking arse-wipe out of your life.

Ma how is it going tonight smut-lyricist-of-all-time?
I am sober, no booze in house and DP told i am giving up alcohol ....and am wrestling the WW but with no chance i will give in tonight.

Mouse sending love to you tonight my fabulous friend. Xx

Mouseface Sun 27-Oct-13 19:52:39

sad I'm - I think that our lives have maybe mirrored at times........

It's not something I'm proud of, I'm guessing you aren't either but your new life could, can and will start here will the support of this Bus, and other sources.

You can get through this but you HAVE TO BE SOBER. And you MUST KEEP HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. No excuses. He hurts you. He damages you. He controls you and that has to stop. Now.

If you want to talk more off thread, PM me smile Stay strong x

Imdoingthis Sun 27-Oct-13 20:13:25

I'm getting out of my depth iykwim, sober Im scared of him and pissed I see no fear it has to stop.

Bless ya mouse That's kind of you I will do x

dementedma Sun 27-Oct-13 20:15:26

I'm here. Had a major wobble but kept repeating the names of the Babes in my head like a mantra and got through. Have even cooked tomorrow's dinner today, to keep me busy. I'm through the worst now, I'll nail this fucker and wake up clear headed tomorrow.
Well done indie on tonight. And is DP going to start pulling her weight with the housework?
I'm stay strong and get that fucker out of your life!

Mouseface Sun 27-Oct-13 20:23:15

IsinDe - I hope DP is going to share the load with you sweets. It's not on, you both work, things should be split evenly. Much love to you xxx

Ma - Kick that witchy bitch in the face lovely xxx

Putting the boy to bed, back in a mo.

Imdoingthis Sun 27-Oct-13 20:51:16

Can we stay strong together ma ? I'm glad I just read your post before going sleeps smile x

dementedma Sun 27-Oct-13 21:10:05

We did it I'm . we did today. It was just one day, not too bad. I didn't want to let you down when I had my wobble so you helped me a lot today. Am in bed now with a cup of tea so safe. Let's do it again tomorrow.

Imdoingthis Sun 27-Oct-13 21:27:26

Yes let's ma .... Sounds like a plan

I'm in bed too all locked in

Save me a seat beside you tomorrow won't you ? sleep well lovely

dementedma Sun 27-Oct-13 21:33:31

<clears a space in the sidecar for I'm>

Something is gnawing and chomping in this bedroom! The cat is zonked out and couldn't give a shit but I can hear it!!

Greensbackonthebus Sun 27-Oct-13 22:06:21

ma is it the wankbadger?

HotVimto Sun 27-Oct-13 23:05:04

Venus please come back and post. I said upthread that I was a long time lurker and fate calls, a Buddhist Meditation Group is starting locally. He is offering a "drop in" service for an hour before the serious stuff begins. This is something that I would not have considered before "meeting" you. Worth a try maybe? PS I am heading towards 2 bottles of wine a night... .

aliasjoey Sun 27-Oct-13 23:50:30

ma has a wankbadger ? shock

IsindeGhostTrain Mon 28-Oct-13 05:52:49

Well day 5 dawns.....

Massive row with DP yesterday. Don't know where we go from here. Poor night's sleep in spare room and dreading the day.

Well done Ma and Im on last night.
Hope everyone has a good day.

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 06:00:10

Thank you isinde

Day three for me today

Hope your ok,

louiseaaa Mon 28-Oct-13 08:26:30

Hi all

Well it's half term here - I work term time and it's usually the holidays where I fall off the wagon - so today and this week I have a lot of stuff planned - re-decorating the bathroom, my auntie is staying for a few days, stuff with the kids and all the usual food prep, housework etc. I am amazed at how much I can get done when I've kicked the ww in the murry.

Can I just share that when I got sober (properly) it took a good six months to break some really disruptive habits that ma & dp had fallen into. Along with falling into the wine bottle, I'd also fallen into a pit of despair, self blame, depression and inertia. My dp had followed my habits and was very hurtful and I was the family scapegoat for everything. The situation looked hopeless and I thought that we'd have to seperate - it was all so painful. A very good friend in AA said make being sober your priority, don't try and fix everything, and don't make any major changes (apart from sobriety) for at least six months. Little by little, week by week I changed and got better, less depressed, more pro-active, full of energy. More stuff got done, more stuff got planned and followed through, and my dp's attitude to me changed. Not overnight, not as much as I felt I deserved, but non the less changed for the better.... and finally when the fog of alcohol cleared (it did take some time) we had proper discussions about important things, we had been so scared up to that point, of the future, that we didn't want to plan anything.

Now - life is no way perfect - but it is manageable, I love waking up in the morning clear headed. I love that fact that there are no self inflicted drama's to sort out. My children can feel secure in their home - mum is not going to have a screaming match with dad - the difference in their behaviour is so noticeable - I thought that I had hid the worst from them - oh no not at all. I cannot change the past - I have no idea what the future will bring, the only thing I can change is the here and now - by not giving the ww room in my head or house. Without taking that first drink I have the present, here, with my family.

If this is your goal Babes - you can have it - it is out there for you x

IsindeGhostTrain Mon 28-Oct-13 09:53:20

Hi Louise thank you for your wonderfully thought-provoking post. I also haven't thanked you for your similarly insightful post a few days ago about my and DP situation.

I am feeling sad and upset this morning. DP and I don't seem to be able to communicate and the atmosphere feels dire. I have been up since 5.30 with DT2 after lying awake half the night thinking sad

Trouble is, I don't know how much of this is a) The issue of conflct which is a frequently raised one b) The fact that we row every time I stop drinking for a few days...I think it just alters the dynamic and neither of us know how to deal with it or C) My withdrawal making me more argumentative or moody or something

So, hoping everyone else out there has a good day but holding out no hope for one here

guggenheim Mon 28-Oct-13 09:57:52

Test results have come back clear. They want to to an ultrasound to br entirely sure but Dr doesn't have any worries.I'm off to be sick in relief...

Will light a candle in gratitude this pm and NOT celebrate with wine. think the diet might have to wait for another day though.

Thank you all for the good wishes.

guggenheim Mon 28-Oct-13 10:03:35

ma and I'm I love the support you gave each other. It's absolutely the best way of beating the ww.Well done and I hope you have another good sober one tonight.

isinde my heart goes out to you, I hope you both have a better day today. Stay sober babe some aspect of your relationship may change but it's likely to be for the better. 5 days is awesome.Big changes and small children are always going to be a tricky balance but please stick with it lovely.

ruralreynard Mon 28-Oct-13 10:04:57

guggs wonderful news smile I feel your relief, so happy for you and DS. xxx

dementedma Mon 28-Oct-13 10:13:34

grin at it being the wankbadger....that made me laugh a lot.
I have decided not to keep a tally of days as then I feel more of a failure when I lapse. So another day 1 here.
indie love - you guys need some time out to talk things through before the situation gets any worse. Resentment will grow like a fungus in both of you and eat away at all the good things you still have.
guggs great news on DS - what a relief.

Well, DS spent much of last night in tears at the thought of going back to school today after half-term. he started secondary in August and although no concern has been expressed by any of the teachers, he says he hates it and doesnt have any friends. He hasnt gone this morning! Waiting for a call from the guidance staff......

I'm are you still with me? - I kept you my best opal fruit. <hides bag from alias>

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 10:17:22

isinde (( hugs))

guggs I don't know your situation sounds like good news though!

I'm struggling to feel strong today, feel tired and just not got my hard hat on today
Sorry If Im posting to much

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 10:24:18

Oh!! ( jumps up and down in excitement )

What colours the best?

I'm 100% still with you ma I'm sat snugly
you don't get rid off me that easily honey!!

IsindeGhostTrain Mon 28-Oct-13 10:36:26

Oh my lovely friend Guggs my day just got that bit brighter! Hooray for your DS getting the all clear! Such a relief and wonderful news.

Im I hope you know what an honour and a priviledge it is to get Ma's bst Opal fruit....make sure she washes her hands....after what she has been doing to that Badger she really needs to grin

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 10:47:05

grin Isinde

SocFish Mon 28-Oct-13 11:01:13

Hello
Puts both feet back in the bus and steals the opal fruits. Fab to be back. Will think and write more later. Soc xx

Greensbackonthebus Mon 28-Oct-13 11:15:14

guggs that's fantastic news, thank goodness!

isinde sorry to hear about the crap that's going down. I don't have any answers but better to row and face up to issues than bury head in sand ( or wine)

I feel like 50 shades of shit today. Enough, back on bus, day 1. It will be hard as guests here and wine in the house but I don't want to feel like this tomorrow!

aliasjoey Mon 28-Oct-13 11:31:42

guggs good to hear your news

ma that's tough about your wee man. My DD has also just started secondary and it is such a big change for them. Do they have a good pastoral care team? They will have seen all of this before, and hopefully give you support and advice...

and yes, I did see where you hid the Opal Fruits

Greensbackonthebus Mon 28-Oct-13 11:35:38

sharpkat how are you doing babe?

MrMeanour Mon 28-Oct-13 12:38:47

This is probably my third name change on this thread over the past two years or so... I feel like a loser as I Cannot Do It sad I can stop drinking for days, months, I can be strong in pubs, at home with dh drinking, I will go running, and exercise and feel fabulous...and then, I will fuck it up, really really fuck it up. I don't want to sound self pitying so will just say I had a pretty awful childhood, horrible time in my twenties (single parent, drinking from 10am till dark for a while) and have tried and tried and tried to stop. Tried AA, and will not return - awful experiences, tried self help books, tried doing it on my own, I have tried everything. Have had a hideous few days bingeing - blackout in a restaurant with people I love very much, attacked dh. God, need I go on. Please help me sad I know that today I'm having the typical remorseful, depressed self pitying day, and I must stop. Also having a very difficult time with my mother which is seriously causing stress. Please. What can I do??

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 13:21:42

Someone wise will be along I'm sure but welcome x

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 13:24:53

I'm doing shit want a drink so badly got bad headache been stuck in this
prison house for days sad with my dc I'm going mad

3 o clocks danger time for me feeli like I'm planning to drink

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 13:25:35

Someone shoot me now please

Mintyy Mon 28-Oct-13 13:31:29

De-lurking just briefly to say to ImDoingThis - can you go out for a while?

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 13:33:19

It's racing and so cold hard with no money carnt do walk or park really

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 13:33:36

Raining

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 13:36:14

mintyy I'm having a fag hiding from my dc in toilet
I don't smoke either oh tell me this gets better

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 15:59:12

Oh deer.... I killed the thread

Mintyy Mon 28-Oct-13 16:13:48

Sorry! You haven't killed it but I'm working, shouldn't be lurking really. Its just that you seemed to need someone to hear you flowers. All I can say is that whatever is making you feel bad today will not be made better by drinking, as you know. Infact, you will just feel worse and I am sure you don't want that. Hope another babe comes along shortly ...

Mouseface Mon 28-Oct-13 16:31:19

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Mintyy - thank you for delurking, it's always fan to see you. smile xxx

I'm - you need to try and calm down and distract yourself. Will the DC sit and watch a DVD? Do you have any booze in the house or not? Have you managed to stay AF so far today? Are you safe for the night?

Sorry for the grilling, I just want to know you're all OK.

IsinDe - I'm going to take a wild guess and ask if the row was about the obvious? What are you going to do? Have you even spoken to her this morning, or did you just go to work? sad xxx

Welcome MrMeanor - I hope that this time, you'll be able to kick the WW into touch? smile

Mouseface Mon 28-Oct-13 16:34:46

'Fab' - still getting to this touch screen!

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 16:54:39

Thankyou minty
So far today I have yes been AF I have bought some though

Dc are a bit better now, fed and watching a film.

I'm in a panic today for some reason,

aliasjoey Mon 28-Oct-13 17:25:35

Day 1

IsindeGhostTrain Mon 28-Oct-13 17:45:14

What day is it for you Im?

The feeling of panic might be your body adjusting and finally ridding itself of the alcohol residue.

If it was me and I had bought booze then the chances are that I would drink it but I would urge you to take a few minutes to "run the video through to the end" and think about how you will feel later tonight and tomorrow. The smuggest of feelings is the one where you don't drink the stuff and beat the WW...also, even if you do drink tonight for gods sake dont have any contact with arse-wipe exH please?

Sorry if that over-stepped the mark lovely, I just know how vulnerable we can be when pissed and you are worth so so so much more than this. xx

IsindeGhostTrain Mon 28-Oct-13 17:49:40

Minty How lovely to hear from you! Hope all is groovy with you x

MrMeanor love the name and welcome once again. There is no shame in ground-hog day feeling here my friend...or if there was I and a few others would have been kicked off the bus years ago!

I know the horrible feelings you describe. You have done it before and can do it again. Just dont drink today and then tomorrow make the decision not to drink for that day ODAAT

Come back and post lovely.

Anneisnotmyname Mon 28-Oct-13 17:52:54

Hi quick check in, I'm on my phone which I find a total faff on but I have a horror of h discovering this if I go on the pc. Anyway I've spent the last three days decorating and rrewarding myself with wine. Which I know isn't really a reward I just feel like I deserve something. H does not help at all and the majority of the house work is still left to me too. So I'm feeling very swlf pitying sad

isinde I hope things improve with you and your dp. I have no suggestions on how to get her to do her fair share round the house, this is a massive issue for me. Me and h both work part time but I do most of the domestic stuff. I know what it's like to come home from work to a shit tip and be faced with the choice of a furious row or just quietly getting on with it and diving into the wine. Oh and my h has rewarded me with a bottle of wine for my efforts when I would really appreciate it if he would just go do some ironing!

Guggen I've been trying to do controlled drinking. I'm much better than I was but I think the quantity I drink on my alcohol days is creeping up. I'm considering trying not to drink during November, partly to save money in the run up to Christmas, but also because I know it's the time of year when I'll start to drink more. Then I'll say let's wait until January and so it goes on...

chopin33 Mon 28-Oct-13 18:15:37

Hi guys just delurking here if that is OK? Have been following all your stories. Isindie you sound like you have a very difficult situation at home and I really hope you can get it sorted between the two of you. Since my kids have been born I have worked full time as a solicitor, part time and not at all so am wearily familiar with all the "well I do this and you do that" arguments - my sister is due to give birth to her first child this December and I feel like warning her that of everything this is by far the hardest part of it all in my opinion - the main problem being that when you are a stay at home mum although you work very hard(if you are conscientious about it! you get no pay cheque at the end of the month. The whole thing is just such a battleground really. Other than that I love being a Mum! Even enjoy all the keeping the house clean and cooking etc (weirdo!) Hugs to you.

As I say I have been lurking but wanted to post today Today here in Manchester is the first day of half term - normally I am very ashamed to say that half term is when I would "take the brakes" off with my drinking as I don't have to be up in the morning to drive the kids to school etc. I have wasted too many half terms in this state and don't want to repeat it again this week. I like to think this year that I have been doing ok - managing four alcohol free days most weeks the problem is that when i do drink it isn't just one or two but a lot - an awful lot- even on just three days a week i manage to notch up nearly forty units of booze! In my saner moments I know that is terrible but I have got myself stuck in a cycle of say planning to have a week off the booze not drinking Monday or Tuesday then by Wednesday morning - you guessed it - I am saying to myself "look you are in control of this it's no big deal you can still have a drink a few times a week -and so it goes on week after week. I have looked on here and also on the Soberistas website which is also good and the stories there are very inspiring. I read the blogs there of all men and women who are not drinking and loving it and then thinking "yes perhaps a year from now this is where I would like to be myself. I could get back into my piano properly - I was Grade 8 when I left school now I hardly touch the piano I just watch over my daughter playing whilst sitting with my wine! What a waste I am what an insult to my lovely parents who paid for my lessons, sat in the car week after week whilst I was having my lesson encouraged me and supported me.Me and my DH are starting a new business at present and I will be saying to myself "well in a year from now when I have set up the business and got over the stress of that then I will give up drinking." In my saner moments I examine comments like this and think "how on earth will drinking help the new business get of the ground,how will it help me, my DH or the children?" To be honest when I look at it like that it sounds like the comment of someone in the grip of a terrible sickness.

Well as I say it being half term normally I would have given myself carte blanche to rip up my (not so great ) rule book and drink all week - at least I have spared myself that - a topside of beef is in the oven and we are eating at seven and today I will not be drinking. Isinde you have told your DP that you are giving up alcohol if you don't mind I will try and join you.

Love to all the babes I think you are all great sorry for waffling chopin xxx

guggenheim Mon 28-Oct-13 18:45:12

Thank you everyone x

Good luck to anyone on day 1- just get to bed early and relax. That's all you need to do tonight,let everything else take care of itself.

Welcome new babes
mrmeanor life sounds tough,sorry to hear it. Stick with this thread and keep posting and keep reading. It strikes me that you have several things to think about- childhood,alcohol and your feelings. If aa doesn't work for you then how about SMART or private councelling? Have a think but just keep coming back and talking to us.

annie sounds like you are doing well. I had a long stop at that stage and just gave myself time to work out if I wanted to stop completely or control. In time it became clear that I needed to stop smile loads of other babes control. Well done for what you have achieved.

Welcome chopin you have a lot of thoughts running round in your head and lots of projected concerns about the future. I'm sure your parents were happy to give you piano lessons.
Please think about this: One day at a time.
Honestly,that is all that anyone can do.

How are you doing i'm? Well done for having got this far-whether that bottle is open or not! Are you sleeping better at night?

MrMeanour Mon 28-Oct-13 19:00:13

Hi again. Thank you. Feeling better tonight and determined (again!) It's gone on too long sad Am going back to work tomorrow and for a run after work - haven't been for nearly a week. I need to get on top of this. It's no good

Mintyy Mon 28-Oct-13 19:08:55

Hello mouse and inde! Yes thank you for asking, all good with me. I stay silently on this bus because I am still always thinking about giving up alcohol for good. It is a sort of long term goal. But, strangely, I still need convincing that becoming completely alcohol-free (if not at rock bottom) is not a weird thing to do! I am very silly. But am coming round to it.

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 19:14:15

isinde thanks for you lovely post lovely
It's day three for me, iv stumbled at day 3 before

You've not overstepped the mark at all really you haven't I appreciate you're support
He's a drug as much as is the booze if that makes sense

Hay guggs after the first day yes slept well last night, thanks smile

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 19:16:03

Hay ma come over here talk to us, bring the Opel fruits while your at it to.

buggermewhatnext Mon 28-Oct-13 19:28:37

Hi all jango here smile name changed nd I cant get old name back!!
So Im chugging along.. Still having a challenging time at the moment. Decision made to split with partner, that opens up a pandoras box of new challenges.. Its me! who will have to leave, me who has to try and sell or rent out the house. Have also had a family bereavement so all in all hellish.... But I am managing things. Still having alcohol but strictly limiting it. So I am aiming to have practically none but it is going to be a right battle. I get so much strength from this bus.
Good luck to all who are aiming for an allcohol free day x

dementedma Mon 28-Oct-13 19:43:52

My goodness what a struggle. WW started the whspering 5pm about me getting a bottle in. On the drive home I actually shouted OUT LOUD "why dont you just fuck off?". Had to go to shop to get milk but knew I only had enough coins so couldn't get wine. Got home and then Ds who IS going to school tomorrow told me he needed a packed lunch as he is on an outdoor trip thing. Fuck. The thought of going back to the shop, with a debit card, made me want to cry....I went back out, arguing with myself the whole time. Get a bottle, don't get a bottle......so I ended up at the wine bit deciding which one to buy and a huge surge of energy came over me, like a power from somewhere else! I swear I could almost see Gerald pulling up at the kerb with all the Babes with their noses presses up against the bus windows --mouthing obscenities--willing me on and I DIDN'T BUY ANY!
God that was way too close for comfort.
I'm well done you. You kept me going...
jango good to see you
purple how are you today.
indie what I do with the badger is my business OK?

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 19:49:15

ma you amazing fucker you I knew you could do it, wo ho go you

So what did you do with the badger last night ?

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 19:49:45

grin

aliasjoey Mon 28-Oct-13 19:51:30

Oh ma well done you!

dementedma Mon 28-Oct-13 19:52:05

I want a badge which says "I am an amazing fucker!"

What happens between me and the badger, stays with me and the badger.

guggenheim Mon 28-Oct-13 20:00:16

lol- BY THE POWER OF THE BADGER!!!!!
ma good for you,keep telling her to fuck off!
Yeah a bus full of babes charging down the wine aisle of sainsbos is enough to put anyone off. smile

i'm you sound brighter x
the sleep thing is one reason I stay sober, there is no way I will go back to broken nights and sweaty anxiety and guilt. might make an exception for a handsome man ahem.

Hi there minty and jango

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 20:02:25

Awarded to you ma .... From the badger... You an amazing fucker grin

Imdoingthis Mon 28-Oct-13 20:07:07

Ha ha * guggs* the power of the Hanson man smile

I really get that Im struggling anyway with ds who's 2, I know the clocks went back but 4.15 he was up this morning I chuck him in the bath with me very day yeps wake up sweaty yuk
I feel brighter x

dementedma Mon 28-Oct-13 21:57:10

Hmm, just been pottering through an old box of trinkets - the things you do when you are sober - and have found an old silver sixpence. George 3rd would you believe and dated 1819. Am holding it and imagining all the hands it has been through and what it might have been used to buy.
I am channelling my inner Georgette Heyer...

Scarymuff Mon 28-Oct-13 22:10:27

Ma I don't usually swear, but, fucking hell, you did good girl!! grin We are seeing determinedma again I think x

But, strangely, I still need convincing that becoming completely alcohol-free (if not at rock bottom) is not a weird thing to do! I am very silly. But am coming round to it.

Minty that idea of 'coming round to it' is one of the key turning points ime. It does take a long time to get to that point where you start to even entertain the idea that, actually, the idea of life without alcohol is not as bad/scary/impossible at it first seemed. Stick with it, the more af days you have, the less scary they are. You start to see that there is another way and, actually, it's a bloody fantastic way smile

Welcome back jango/buggerme well done on making the split, sorry to hear you are having such a challenging time of it right now. Keep posting, it will help x

Isinde something is changing for you. Nothing will ever be as it was before because you are changing. You are starting to see that you want a different way, a way that is a better choice for you. You may well be at a crossroads right now and there are several choices for you and your dp to make right now.

I hope you can both find a way to come together and discuss this. How about a 5 year plan? I like a 5 year plan because it doesn't require immediate action but allows plenty of time to put into place those steps that are required to get you where you want to be in five years. Further education, savings, career change, relationship change, etc. Hope you don't mind me sticking my nose in, ignore me if you want, I won't mind, honestly x

Mouse thinking of you, as always. Nemo has done his first half term!! That's worth celebrating. How is he getting on as taster? Sounds like he's really getting into different foods now?

Hi to all new and returning babes smile

Scarymuff Mon 28-Oct-13 22:19:35

ma a long, long time ago me and my friend cut a halfpence piece in half with a pair of pliers. She's got one half, I've got the other. I keep it in my 'box of treasures' along with my membership to Desperate Dan's Pie Eater's club, some teeth that I lost and other assorted memorabilia.

I'd forgotten all about it 'til you mentioned that sixpence (remember half a sixpence). I wonder if my friend still has her half?

ruralreynard Mon 28-Oct-13 22:52:05

Just a quick check in.
Well done ma wear your badge with pride smile
Will read back properly tomorrow.
Caned it this weekend lots of triggers I totally failed to deal with sad
Day one today done and dusted , it felt harder than ever but so glad I made it.
Love to all, sleep wellxx

dementedma Tue 29-Oct-13 07:18:05

A quick good morning. Won't be able to check in much today from work but will be going for another day 1 today. Odaat.

IsindeGhostTrain Tue 29-Oct-13 09:35:50

Morning Babes, Very quick post here as I am off to the police station. shock
Some fucker person drove into my parked car last night and damn near took the front end off before driving away. I called police and have to report it all at local station today. So if anyone sees a white flatbed truck driving around liverpool with a bashed in front end feel free to rain down curses on his arse-wiping-selfish-bastard soul!
Also had to cancel paid day's work today so this is already proving very costly!
On the plus side the day 6 boing has finally arrived! I feel lighter (I'm not acording to the scales but I feel it) and have a lot more energy this morning and the achey feeling has gone. So maybe for me it takes 5 days to see the hangover through?...dunno...feels lovely anyway. smile

Ma well done you!!! Actually we really were at that kerb last night. Silver was driving, Venus, Thurso and Faire were in the front seat. Im, Guggs Rural Mouse and Minty were squashing their noses up against the windows, Annie, Chopin and Jango were leaning out of the roof-rack yelling at you not to buy the stuff....and Socfish Ladame and Why were beaming themselves by satelite aerial across the car parl whilst JWN sat astride the giant stilletto on Gerald's roof.....and all eyes were on YOU and YOU WON!!!

Hooray! Hold that image in your head next time you are in that aisle lovely mate. xxxx

aliasjoey Tue 29-Oct-13 09:49:10

isinde 5 days! That's brilliant.

Lots of positive Babes today!

buggermewhatnext Tue 29-Oct-13 10:27:45

Hi folks smile
Checking in with you all.
Did quite well last night four units! for me that is fantastic.
Hi ma lol at the badger image! is that hubby? or other? also whom is Georgette Heyer?
Hi im wow in awe. Keep bloody going.
Hi guggs hope your ok?
Hi too scary too have you name changed?
Hi rural I failed too at weekend. Always picture you in a country cottage with dogs and the nearest shop miles away.
Hi indi loved your description of all us babes cheering on ma through the supermarket yesterday! funny.
Hi too all on the bus or off it x

IsindeGhostTrain Tue 29-Oct-13 10:30:54

joey hello lovely one! Hope you have a good day today x

IsindeGhostTrain Tue 29-Oct-13 10:35:10

buggerme well bugger me it is! There is no way in the creation of crab shite that I could do four units and leave it at that!

< hands Jango the Roger-the-Roofrack-Regulated-Drinking award of the week>

Scarymuff Tue 29-Oct-13 10:42:07

buggerme yep, nc for Halloween (usually Fairenuff), changed to Scarynuff and then someone made a typo and called me Scarymuff, which I thought was funnier, so it's stuck for now grin

Loving all the awards being given out at the moment smile

SocFish Tue 29-Oct-13 10:44:12

Hello
Day 1 done. Back on the bus. Drinking makes everything shit. The first day always sucks so much. I nearly succumbed but here I am. Sober and grumpy as all hell. Who stole all the opal fruits??? I disappear for a couple of weeks and it's anarchy!
Well done to you all. Xx

ruralreynard Tue 29-Oct-13 12:08:38

Morning all
Im with you soc Day one done and it seemed bl**dy awful at the time.
No regrets this morning as the amazing why has said. Grumpy as hell too as I become an insomniac the moment I stop losing my head in a bottle of wine. Going for day 2 today hmm.
buggerme You sort of have the right picture of my abode. One dog of my own two here at the mo as always seem to be looking after the dogs, cats, chickens etc of other family members. Many sheep, a few cattle. Nearest local village shop 8 miles away and not open late. Non existent public transport . Nearest supermarket and town 18 miles. Nearest neighbour a good few hundred yards. Yeah in the sticks is an understatement. grin
isinde well done to you on 5 days, keep going so pleased you have the boing today. You must be fuming over the tw*t who ran into your car. I guess not much hope of finding said tw*t .
ma good luck today you are going great guns. As you said odaat smile

Imdoingthis Tue 29-Oct-13 14:17:38

Checking in lovely babes

Extremely tired today two youngest dc up at 4.15 today! They have destroyed the upstairs of my house, every toy out of their bedroom is in the bath [hmmm] and the bath is full of water ... That's me for the next hour

Waves to all babes on bus x

IsindeGhostTrain Tue 29-Oct-13 15:05:08

Oh, sorry Im did my DTs visit your house? smile That is so so the world I live in.
I was feeling all proud mummy over-hearing their conversation the other day, listening to them as they counted up to 16 16!!!...and then I heard "You make a road with your one" and wandered onto the landing to see that they had unpacked the cupboard under the bathroom sink, counted out the loo rolls (pack of 16) and had opened up every one and were making "roads" all over the floor. It looked like a whole pack of andrex puppies had gone berserk!

dementedma Tue 29-Oct-13 20:19:42

indie lol at Andrex DTS.
Lapsed tonight at wankbadger of dh had bought wine. Yes, I know he didnt force me to drink it but it would be so much easier if it wasn't in the house.
Got to work late tomorrow so drinking just not possible so will be AF tomoz, so not giving up.
Georgette Heyer wrote lots of Regency Romances and finding that old sixpence transported me back in time......
I'm are you OK? And you why ....how adw things?
thurso check in please and you too purps

aliasjoey Tue 29-Oct-13 20:50:53

Another one who has relapsed here sad tonight

I'm getting stressed listening to the new baby crying next door. It cries a LOT. Probably mine did too, it was a long time ago (or I've blanked it out) I keep wishing I could do something. I'm sure they have it all under control, and they have friends and relatives who pop over.

And I've said if they need anything, just ask (not that I can remember much about looking after babies!) It's not that it's loud (yet - only a few weeks old) but I just don't like hearing it. I feel sorry for the parents too, it must be exhausting. I remember that much. I want to cuddle it for a couple of hours, even if it was still crying at least the parents would have a break.

Silly me... I think I'm just broody blush

dementedma Tue 29-Oct-13 20:53:44

How well do you know the neighbours? Can you pop round under a pretext and offer to cuddle wailing offspring while u are there?
I hated the wailing, shitting, puking new baby stage but each to her own.....

aliasjoey Tue 29-Oct-13 21:36:46

Oh I'm not fond of that stage, I think it's just my hormones!

I've already been round a couple of times, and they seem to be coping okay really.

buggermewhatnext Tue 29-Oct-13 21:37:04

Hi babes, survived today just! half term temptations blowing a gale!
ma lol at the name for dp wankbadger who dreamt up that name??
hmmm <sits here at back of busalone trying to dream up a suitablle namesake for my nsdp >
purps where the hec are you gal? need you to give me a hand with cleaning up this bus! The buggers have left me to do it all tonight!!

Mouseface Tue 29-Oct-13 21:38:08

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Just for those who have asked, Purps, she's had no electricity so no internet but we're in touch via text and things are okay smile

Welcome to those who have joined us, those <swoons with pure admiration at the wonder of Ma> who have kicked ass over the last few days, hours, minutes......

Today I found out that Nemo's nurse is handing over to another nurse, she's reducing her hours. I wept in front of her, for four and a half years, she's been my rock, my wingman, my voice on the inside, my forcefield surrounding us, Nemo and I.

I feel like I'm losing part of me, us........ I'm feeling lost and sad, she's called me when he's been dying in PIICU, she's been to see him in the local hospital, got him presents, cards, devoted more of herself than was ever needed...... so I'm afraid to say I'm drinking tonight.

This was the straw that broke the Mouse's furry little back.

I'm feeling very sad so I'm having a night off the Bus, in the Sidecar if there's room? Sorry xxx

buggermewhatnext Tue 29-Oct-13 21:45:02

mouse sending you lots of hugs. xx

Scarymuff Tue 29-Oct-13 21:52:29

Ah Mouse what a sad loss, so sorry that you and Nemo are losing her. I hope you can build an equally strong relationship with the new nurse. Is Nemo any better at all this week?

babyjane1 Tue 29-Oct-13 22:07:33

Big giant hugs to Mouse xxxxxxx

Mouseface Tue 29-Oct-13 22:54:03

Yes, he's a bit better but this is the worst time of year for him, fluctuating temperatures, inside it's warm - cold and damp outside. His immune system won't be fully formed as such because of his heart until he is 8/9 years old.

He's had a flu jab for the last three years. He can't have cold remedies as he's tube fed and won't take medicine orally sad

So, two glasses of white wine down (I appreciate that sounds like nothing compared to others and of course my own past record) but on a Tuesday, that's not my 'norm', pain meds have been taken, and topped up because my acupuncture has really bruised me, and I have a very long journey to hospital for my little fish, then up to north Yorkshire on Thursday which is only going to add to my pain levels, rather a lot as it happens......

DH is playing golf with our friend's DH and they're staying over in Leeds. So, no respite. But at least DH gets a MUCH NEEDED BREAK! DD is off to my parents so will see her grandma and grandad who miss her so much.

Roll on term starting again! My physio asked me to rest, ahahahahahahahahaha! <Falls off sofa laughing> grin

Anyway, I've hogged the thread, sorry. Off to bed and to start the night shift.

Take good care all. Be back tomorrow. Thank you for being you Babes xxx

For any new Babes, I'm not normally down, it's been a tough day, one I thought I could kick.

So, night all, tomorrow's a whole new day and asses shall be kicked!

M xxx

PS - sorry for any typos etc, still getting used to this new tablet! smile xxx

Scarymuff Tue 29-Oct-13 23:00:59

Night mouse, hope you get a good night x

whydidthishappen Tue 29-Oct-13 23:06:58

Hang in there Mouse! What a rough piece of news.

I know I said I wasn't counting days anymore, but because I get a double visitation with my boy in a few hours AND I'll be doing it on my 50th day sober, I felt like sharing that.

Life still an unending torrent of shit, topped now by a throbbing toothache. Keep throwing it my way life. I don't know how high the mountain is going to be, but I'm climbing it every single second of every day.

dementedma Wed 30-Oct-13 07:30:23

makes teeny tiny space in the sidecar for a sad mouse
why you are the new Jesus on this thread.
bugger saw the phrase wankbadger on another thread and loved it.
Well, the lapse last night gave me a splitting headache, a night of thirst and sugar cravings and a morning of the shits.quelle surprise. Back into determined mode today and as I am working until 9 pm I should be safe.
Have a good day y'all

thurso13 Wed 30-Oct-13 07:56:50

Good morning lovelies,

Sorry,I haven't posted or read back for a while, time poverty with new job, and now it's half term (Yesssss!). Ds2 has been home for a week, and I was awake really early this morning feeling weepy because he goes back today.Who would have thought the time would come when I feel bereft that there will be no wet towels on the floor, disdainful answers (I don't think so, mum!), for a while. Overall, I just miss him, for him, lovely boy that he is.

Anyway, I just clocked in, and wanted to say Mouse, I hope you are ok this morning, what a blow. I'm sure Nemo's new nurse will have been given the complete lowdown on lovely Nemo, and will be wanting to get things right, and make Nemo feel safe and secure. I imagine change is a very difficult thing for Nemo, and you, with worrying about the future. But, remember, Nemo bless him, has taken huge strides this year with school, and new people, and has done brilliantly.
Take care sweetheart. xxxx

Bright and sunny here today, hope it's the same for everyone smile
xxx

thurso13 Wed 30-Oct-13 07:58:03

Whoops, slight overuse of your boy's name there Mouse grin.
xxx

thurso13 Wed 30-Oct-13 08:01:25

Ma Morning matey! I hope the head is getting better!
Is there somewhere you could take a little nap at lunchtime? I hope your day goes well, and that hometime comes around fast for you.
xxx

Anneisnotmyname Wed 30-Oct-13 10:06:42

Wow why well done on 50 days smile

Hope your feeling better mouse, I imagine it must feel almost like losing family sad

Well I've lapsed for the past five days. Partly because it's been half term and I've not had to get up early, partly because h has bought wine nearly every night. However it was my choice to drink it and I need to get out of this mind set of thinking if it's there I'll have some. So day one today.

Mouseface Wed 30-Oct-13 11:00:30

Morning, tis me, Mouse smile

I think I 'needed' last night if that makes sense, we've just had so much going on, and 'I've' had so much going on that I needed a bit of a fuck it moment! Thank you for all of your kind words of support, it means a lot.

I wanted to say that over the last four+ years, we've seen lots of successful Babes kick the living shit out of the booze, FOR GOOD even though it's only ever really One Day At A Time.

JWN, Venus, BProud, Bafana, Trinity, and MIFLAW to name a few who are TOTALLY SOBER today, but we have those who have been sober for days, weeks, and months too, which is something that they didn't quite believe they'd ever really achieve.

This place, this Bus has always had those who lapse and always will, that's what keeps it moving.

We're not a Boot Camp, honest! We're a support thread for those who are trying to find their own source of support away from here. AA, Addiction Counselling, Detox via a set program, seeing your GP or checking into a private clinic. Whatever works for you might not be for me and we need to be our own leaders in that.

Some Babes have even devised their own way of detoxing or ways to reduce the amount they consume and those too are success stories, but some aren't and that's what keeps us trying, surely?

Those who do come back to say why they failed, to say why they feel they didn't quite get it right and either ask for advice on how to avoid that gigantic pitfall or blip again, do so because there is ALWAYS someone who has walked in those shoes, their shoes.

We've all said how bad drinking makes us feel, emotionally, physically, etc and are never 'proud' to be hungover, or feeling sick, shaky, knowing that it was never going to end well!

But our posts, the honesty that some of us feel we can share, might just be helping someone out there, even with those who are trying to end the living hell of the constant cycle of drinking, those desperate to get off the hamster wheel........

For me it's those posts that help me and I'm sure others, to stop at my own limit. To now know and understand why that boundary is now in place to start with.

There's so many sources of support out there, and on this site, so many different ways to go these days, but knowing that this Bus has a stop for me and it's always within reach, keeps me starting these threads for whoever wants to use the Bus and as long as we have those who are trying to stop even for that next hour of their lives, then I will start a new thread.

Thank you all for making that the case smile xxx

Have Brave days Babes, you can stop drinking for 'good' but you REALLY HAVE TO WANT IT! And you will, one day you really will. Just look at Richard's story. From zero to absolute hero in my book, with the right tools anything is possible xxx

Mouseface Wed 30-Oct-13 11:04:52

Annie - that's what I mean, it's that easy isn't it? I'm glad you're seeing it for what it is though and taking action. Go you!

Scarymuff Wed 30-Oct-13 12:04:35

I wanted to stop but I couldn't. Every morning I told myself, that is it. No more.

Yet every evening there I was, opening a bottle again. I wanted to stop - I just didn't know how.

Then I found this bus. If it had had been full of people who had been sober for years I honestly don't think I would have joined. It would have been like waddling into weightwatchers to find all the others at their goal weight and maintaining.

I wasn't ready to give up completely. I was scared. I could not imagine a life without alcohol. But this bus is a journey and I have moved so far from that starting point.

I love to hear success stories but I am also so, so glad that for those who are not so successful that there is a safe place to come and try again. To find acceptance, support and kindness without judging.

Why I agree with Ma, you are the new Jesus grin Love your posts so much.

Mintyy Wed 30-Oct-13 12:18:14

I agree with you Scary. I lurk on the bus but I drink less and less as I get older and am coming round to thinking that I might just give up altogether if I choose to.

To be perfectly frank, and I apologise if anyone finds this hurtful, I find the sad stories on this bus a stark warning of how things could be if I didn't keep a mindful grip on my drinking. But it is an effort to keep this grip and, otoh, from reading the inspiring posts from the likes of Jesus, Venus, Bproud and others, I am coming round to the idea that being totally alcohol-free might well be the best state of all.

I am sure there are countless lurkers on these threads. The Bus is here for hundreds if not thousands of users and long may she continue.

flowers to you Mouse for all the effort you put in!

ThisIsMyTime Wed 30-Oct-13 13:12:25

Alcohol is ruining my life I hate it why can't u just stop day 1 agin and feeling nervous as hell

Mouseface Wed 30-Oct-13 13:42:19

ThisIs - get through the next two minutes, then the next hour of today, then get to 4pm. For me and for you and because you can. Just look ahead to 4pm and see how you feel by then.

I'm taking the boy swimming but keep coming back to post. Let it all out. Please just don't pick up until 4pm and we can take it from there together and with anyone who comes along. You're seeing yourself through worthless eyes This and I, we won't let it happen!

Keep busy, search on here for a thread to read in classics, something funny. You are not worthless, you can stop. So do it. X

obrigada Wed 30-Oct-13 15:23:15

Hey babes, checking in. Day 2 for me today, drank too much on Monday night and ended up calling in sick to work. This has never happened before. Today I will not drink.

Mouseface Wed 30-Oct-13 15:46:37

This - I'm back from our swimming trip, are you there sweetheart? How are you feeling now?

Obrigada - I'm not surprised you're feeling crappy, especially if you were that bad you called in sick. What triggered that session? Are you OK?

Mintyy - GREAT POST! Those are the kind of posts I'm talking about. From your heart, gut, soul, wherever BUT from deep within, something's beginning to change, on your terms, in your, time but it's coming. smile x

ThisIsMyTime Wed 30-Oct-13 15:55:10

Still muddling through finding it tough

Anneisnotmyname Wed 30-Oct-13 16:12:56

Fab posts mintyy, mouse, scary, I've been sat in the hairdressers and have read them back at least twice. They very much sum up why I'm on the bus and what it means to me better than I ever could.

Hope your ok thisis. I'm on day 1 too but telling myself it's better than not trying at all. I think it was Ma who said up thread that every day is day one and that makes a lot of sense to me. If I looked too far ahead I might not even try, if I always think I've gone back to the beginning I'll get demotivated.

Well h has bought another bottle of wine but I will not drink it. I'll keep reminding myself that last time we had it it was foul and that I have to take responsibility for my own drinking. I did have a bit of wine left - that I like - from last night. I tipped that down the sink, a first for me smile

Mouseface Wed 30-Oct-13 16:12:59

Okay, so how have you 'muddled' through before? You're not new to this torment, so how do we get to 5pm? x

ThisIsMyTime Wed 30-Oct-13 16:24:16

I have no choice don't know how things got this bad, just eaten some stogy food it's my sons birthday tomorrow so want to be fresh for him just want this anxiety to clear off

Mouseface Wed 30-Oct-13 16:48:06

Great! There it is, right there. Your Son needs you to be his sober, not hungover, totally with it Mum/Mummy. How old will he be? What do you have planned?

Use this as your reason to stay sober, USE IT! smile x

ThisIsMyTime Wed 30-Oct-13 16:55:24

He is 3 had party in sat for him so just close family tomorrow hope I'm feeling better tomorrow x

ruralreynard Wed 30-Oct-13 17:39:32

You will feel better tomorrow thisis just keep going today and you will wake up sober and be poud of yourself. smile
I am trying to get through day 1 right now just like you are. I feel sick, headachy, very anxious and shaky. If I get through though I will feel better in the morning. Lets do it.
Sorry got to go for now, KEEP GOING.

ruralreynard Wed 30-Oct-13 17:40:11

proud I MEAN'T typo lol

PurpleWolfe Wed 30-Oct-13 18:14:54

Thanks for up-dating Mouse What buggery bollocks - not having electrickery for a whole day! Still, could be worse, there are some villages not far from here that still don't have power!

Green I love your 'get slim/alcohol free/stunning' for Christmas idea. Traditionally, we go to the panto with the same crowd each year (Oh, yes we doooo!) and we rarely see each other in-between. I'm about 2 stone heavier than this time last year so anything I can lose between now and then will be a bonus. x

Ma Thank you, my friend, for your shout outs and your support. Your idea of a tiny bit at a time is the road I'm travelling. I'm doing slightly better each day - mostly. Was so impressed with your 'aisle incident'! Such strength. x

Joey Thank you for the Gold Star you awarded me! grin I'm wearing it with pride! My friend has so much crap to put up with now it makes me embarrassed that I'm being so pathetic. Re the doctor's visit - my DC would sit and wait in reception for me if I went to the Dr's this week but I know, full well, that I will be a blubbering mess after the consult. It would worry and scare them so it's better that I can have time to compose myself before I face them. x

Mouse I've thanked you 'off site' already but I just wanted to say that so many of your words resonated with me as if you'd known me for years. Every day, you get up, go and do what's needed, even though you want to stay in bed and cry, disappear so no-one can see you, need anything from you......... you beat that, maybe by the skin of your teeth Me, to a tee. And the bits about XP, too. Thank you, again, for your un-erring support and relentless help you offer me - and everyone else. Love you to bits. I'm so sorry to hear about Nemo's nurse. It must be like losing a close friend? Fingers crossed that some other wonderful, understanding, calm person comes into your and Nemo's life. x

Isinde Sad to hear your struggles with life with DP. No advice - just a massive hug. x

Guggs Wonderful news about DS. So glad that particular nightmare is over for you. x

Chopin Totally with you on the 'half term/holidays' drinking thing. For me, it's the lack of routine, too. Hope you're doing OK.

Bugger Got sticky fingers - from picking up Opal Fruit wrappers! What were you thinking!? x

So, doing better here but not brilliant. Looking to Monday for Day 1 (plus gym visit). Got a fab Bushcraft day on Saturday with DC. Camp fires, building dens, making dams, rope bridges across streams, sausage, beans and pots for lunch and baked apples with raisins for pud etc. (Don't tell DD there will be a 'screened, basic 'backwoods' toilet with a seat' - she won't come!) Looking forward to it. Been asked to do the photography. grin And nice compliments about my photography from DS2's yummy rugby coach. Always nice to be appreciated. My pics up on their club web site, too!

Apart from that, probs with DD. She didn't want dinner tonight as she 'wasn't hungry'. Hmmmm, all she's had all day has been a bowl of Coco Pops this morning at about 7am. Not ill, not been snacking. Right or wrong, I insisted she had a small amount of cottage pie (all stuff she would normally eat) but am a bit concerned about the implications.

Sending good, purple vibes to everyone tonight. Thank you to all of the Bus Babes for your continued support and understanding. xxxxx

Mouseface Wed 30-Oct-13 18:26:18

Come on you two! You can support each other! Sorry you're feeling crappy too rural sad x

This - how are you holding out? X

ThisIsMyTime Wed 30-Oct-13 18:47:51

Just about coping thanks for supportive words x

ruralreynard Wed 30-Oct-13 18:51:32

Thanks mouse Im still a/f still struggling tho. How about you this
Meant to say earlier mouse so sorry to hear about Nemo's nurse.sad I know change will be very hard on both of you but am crossing everything that the new nurse is just as lovely as the old one and things settle very quickly.

ruralreynard Wed 30-Oct-13 18:53:04

Well done thus far this keep busy.

Mouseface Wed 30-Oct-13 20:27:14

Purps - Hello you, thank you for posting! I was going to text to see if you were back in the land of technology yet! grin

Re DD not eating, I've been through this with my DD, so much so that I took her to the GP. I'd seriously not worry because sober or not, how many times have you not felt like eating much? Funnily enough, my DD lived on Coco Pops too! I know you worry, rightly so but if she's hungry, she will eventually give in and eat, my DD did. I'm not belittling the situation or your concern but she's maybe just feeling that way out?

You sound so excited about this forest venture, it sounds ace, can I come? grin

So, This and other Brave Babes, how are you getting on? xxx

ruralreynard Wed 30-Oct-13 20:41:15

Im nearly past the worst mouse about 1/2 an hour to go I Think smile
How about you this
Really nice to have you back purps enjoy the bushcraft.

PurpleWolfe Wed 30-Oct-13 20:57:13

Mouse, thanks Lovely, for your wise words. I know sometimes we don't feel like eating but, what I failed to add was, she's been saying things like 'I'm fat', 'my legs are huge', 'I have a sticking out tummy' etc. She isn't/doesn't/hasn't - in fact she's very much the slim side of 'normal', so I'm a bit more alert to this stuff. Won't over react, just watchful. And, of course you can come on our forest adventure! We went a few years ago and it was the best thing!! DD was a bit reserved but the boys pitched in, got dirty, got wet, shinned up trees, did blindfolded mazes, had fun, waded in streams, took (safe) risks, pushed their own 'comfort' zones - and felt very proud of themselves at the end of it. At some point my friend told me to look away as I was so nervous that my gorgeous (then) 4 year old son was traversing a plank slung under a bridge suspended over a river!!! Eeek! He was fine - and proud that he was the youngest to attempt and achieve the feat!

Thanks Rural grin Hope it doesn't tip it down! Good luck with the remaining few mins of tonight. smile

ThisIsMyTime Wed 30-Oct-13 21:05:15

Still hanging on feeling shattered can wait to go bed got some wrapping to do for sons birthday tomorrow I hate wrapping at the best of times

IsindeGhostTrain Wed 30-Oct-13 22:00:35

Hey peeps! Well done this really hope you enjoy your DS birthhday tomorrow.
Day 1 again here after drinking when staying at a friends last night. I knew I would but i was not prepared for the stinking hangover this morning. Blimey even 6 days must have down-regulated my tolerance which is encouraging. No desire at all to drink tonight now firmly back on the bus
Love to all xx

dementedma Wed 30-Oct-13 22:09:29

Quick hello and hugs to all.
Not long in from work and AF so that makes 3 out of the last 4 days.
Ds had another miserable day at school. Crying, says he has no friends and just spends break and lunchtime on his own.
Bummer. Will have to speak to guidance team again and see what they suggest.

ruralreynard Wed 30-Oct-13 22:14:50

know that hangover after being a/f for a while is a killer isinde every sympathy. Glad your back on board Gerald perhaps we could all go somewhere warm and dry tomorrow <thinks Gerald might need to sprout wings>.grin
Sounds like you made it today this well done you smile
Off to bed now, sleep probably not really hate the insomnia I develop when not drinking.
Goodnight babes, sleep wellxx

ruralreynard Wed 30-Oct-13 22:27:26

Sorry ma crossposted. Well done on the a/f days your a star smile
So sorry about DS and school. It must be so upsetting for both of you.
Definitely get help from the school on this. I know some children take longer than others to settle and make friends when they move to High School but thats no consolation when your child is obviously unhappy.
Really hope the situation improves very soon.xxx

Mouseface Wed 30-Oct-13 22:33:42

Purps - the same! Exactly the same! DD said all of that, your DD is only a year or two younger than mine? I know you are the kind of mum who worries but tries not to intrude into her privacy, you're not. Your concerns are real and valid...... I feel your pain. Massive hugs xxx

This - can you go to bed soon and get up earlier? I hope you're okay lovely, you really have kicked the arse out of the Wine Witch tonight and should be so so so proud of yourself, I am. Go YOU!!!! xxx

Rural - how are you feeling now? xxx

I'm off to bed, and have soooooooo much to do tomorrow but will pop in.

Well done to all of you who kicked ass tonight. To those who failed, tomorrow is a brand new day smile xxx

Today has been a better day for us, I'm not as worried about losing Nemo's nurse, just my friend........ anyway.

Night Brave Fellow Babes xxx

ThisIsMyTime Wed 30-Oct-13 22:51:52

Just settling in bed for the night hope I can get some sleep thank u all for your kind supporting words well done to every one x

Mouseface Wed 30-Oct-13 22:58:49

Yay! I frickin love you This - WELL DONE! Sleep well sweetheart, you nailed today, I'm so proud of you, I hope you're not patronised by that but you rock! xxx

SocFish Thu 31-Oct-13 04:39:21

Hello Babes
Drank yesterday so back on day 1. Really struggling to get back on track. But I feel like shit. Anxious and depressed. All alcohol induced. Hopefully enough to keep me sober for a while. Back to AA next week and have an appointment with my alcohol counselor tomorrow. I clearly can't do this on my own. Xx

IsindeGhostTrain Thu 31-Oct-13 07:02:34

Morning lovely Babes.

socfish yes, get thysel back to AA and the counsellor lovely. You dont need to do it all on your own.
Mouse i hope today is a better day for you lovely.
This yay for you last night. Will you join me in not drinking today? Xx
Ma well do e on the AF days lovely. So sorry to hear about DS, he is a clever and sensitive wee soul and I hope he finds his feet and makes a few friends soon. That transition is a massive one and i hope the guidance team can help. Xx

Rural where should we go today? How about a lovely greek island? Skopolos springs to mind. We could drive over the mountains taking in the scent of the thyme and stop at a taverna and eat greek salads and have yogurt and plums with local honey before strolling along the beach and admising theh view......any takers?

Imdoingthis Thu 31-Oct-13 07:18:13

Count me in Isinde sound lovely smile

I let myself down yesterday and drank, I need to do this badly, not liking myself much today

Hope you all are well x

IsindeGhostTrain Thu 31-Oct-13 07:50:22

Well WE like you Im so there!!!

I have a Masters in hungover-self-loathing so I am an expert in this field. Get a brew and something good to eat. Be kind to yourself and drink lots of water today.

You are a lovely woman and today you need to be KIND to yourself. Self-flaggelation only makes you feel worse and less worthy of a sober and positive future

NO-ONE EVER BEAT THEMSELVES UP INTO A HAPPY PLACE

Don't do it...im my experience far from giving you a positive kick up the arse it indirectly leads to more drinking. YOu have to care enough about yourself to want to get off that misery-go-round

Now, get the map out lovely Im you can navigate today smile

ThisIsMyTime Thu 31-Oct-13 08:20:50

Morning campers feeling alitte better today is indie will defo be joining you in remain a/f today wat about you rural ? Mouse I love your supportive words and don't find you patronising at all good luck today every one x

ruralreynard Thu 31-Oct-13 10:05:14

Good morning babes
Well done this as mouse said YOU ROCK grin
I will join you and isinde in going for another A/F day.
Skopelos, oh yes lets go there, I can feel the warm mountain breeze and smell the scented air. A Greek salad with some lovely black olives, olive oil and crusty bread and maybe a couple of slices of fresh picked watermelon
would be wonderful.
Lets get this bus on the road and in the air grin

SocFish Thu 31-Oct-13 10:16:11

Good night all. god I am so looking forward to waking up tomorrow not hungover. xx

venusandmars Thu 31-Oct-13 10:37:55

Hi all, I know I don't post very often these days, but I always lurk and read, and cheer, and empathise, and silently cajole and encourage.

All has been very, very busy here, not least because I now have a grandchild (is dgc the correct terminology ??). It's a wonderful, emotional and uplifting experience which has taken me back to some of my best and worst memories. So what better excuse to celebrate with a wee glass of something? Well, no actually. What better reason to be fully conscious, to be healthy for the short term and the long term, to have energy, to be in touch with all my emotions, to be able to provide subtle support for dd and her dp, and to offer (rather late in life) a model which celebrates with smoked salmon, scrambled eggs, croissant and coffee, or which responds to stress with a 10 walk in the blustery wind.

ma, isindie, thurso, mouse special hugs to you, as ever, and wishing you all (EVERY poster) the tactics you need to beat the wine witch, the determination you need to achieve what you want, the support and encouragement you deserve, and those few glorious and peaceful relief-filled moments when you go to sleep (or wake up) knowing that for one more day you are sober and safe.

ruralreynard Thu 31-Oct-13 11:06:39

Great to hear from you venus and such a lovely insightful and supportive post. smile
Big congrats to you on the birth of your dgc and to DD and her dp of course. I am a grandmother 6 times over now including step gc's but it never loses its wonder and the emotional experience does not wain.
Love to you all xx

aliasjoey Thu 31-Oct-13 12:27:27

purple please don't think your problems are any less important or stressful than anyone else's. You do have a lot on your plate, and deserve a bit of TLC.

Re. your DD my heart sank when I read that. Mine is not far behind yours, and already we have had the 'my tummy sticks out' comments. Obviously, I haven't been through your stage yet, but I think if it happened I would try and keep her busy (physically) as much as possible. Eg. go swimming and then immediately get fish and chips, the exercise and seeing her brothers wolf it down will stimulate appetite. The woodland activity on Saturday sounds like great fun!

aliasjoey Thu 31-Oct-13 12:31:59

oh ma your poor DS. Do the school do any kind of 'settling in' meeting to see how they're getting on in the first term? Is there something specific that's is bothering him?

Tell him he can say anything to you, even if it's something silly and he's worried you won't take it seriously (my DD admitted she was anxious about going to the toilet, as the Big Girls were all crowding round the mirrors, the air thick with hairspray and hormones, rather intimidating!)

I'm sure the school will take it seriously and they should have a teacher who looks after this side of things.

Congratulations on your first grandchild Venus. Your posts are always so encouraging and inspirational and having read the old threads your life sounds so much better now. I bet you are a rock to your daughter and her new family. I love seeing your updates and even though I don't 'know' you, I wanted to say thank you for sharing.

Also love isinde's quote today NO-ONE EVER BEAT THEMSELVES UP INTO A HAPPY PLACE. Think I will pin this up somewhere, so true and yet we all seem intent on bashing ourselves silly. Much better to try and treat yourself as kindly as you would treat a friend in need.

Things are ok here, still struggling with the WW but managing much more discipline. I have started a list of the benefits that I get from not drinking.

Good, deep and valuable sleep
Waking up without the racing heart and anxiety
A feeling of capability and control over myself
Not worrying about wine smell seeping out my pores
Time to put on and remove make up properly
Reading (and remembering what I read the next day!)

I wish I could put loss of weight but sadly that is not a benefit that I have enjoyed......yet.

All in all I think focusing on the positives will help me more than anything else today. I am really glad this bus is here and remains a place where it is safe to come and share our own journeys without demands or judgement. Mouse you do wonders in keeping it on track as do all you other babes old and new thanks

PurpleWolfe Thu 31-Oct-13 14:56:42

Thanks Joey. She really doesn't like doing physical sports etc. It's not cool, apparently! We do go recreational swimming quite often but apart from that, it's only PE at school (which is minimal). School have asked her to join the netball and basketball team but she turned them down, despite me gently encouraging her to accept. Over the years she's been through swimming, ballet, horse-riding and swimming again and has given them all up. She did run the Race For Life last year, though, and did well. She's often on her bike and we have a huge trampoline so gets some exercise from those. My cooking is pretty healthy - grilled stuff, lean protein, fresh veg, 5 a day, and yoghurt or fruit for pud mainly. I quietly sneak in the 'healthy' eating message if they're helping me cook and they're all pretty clued up as to what constitutes a balanced diet. They're (generally) only allowed sweets on Saturdays (but not when their with Dad!). We've talked about her worries in a reasonably 'relaxed' way and I've assured her she's 'normal' so I think I'm doing all I can. She's lean with lovely long legs and still fits into a couple of skirts that are aged 9 years (she's 12 and a half years old) - so I use that as an indication that she is in no way overweight. Still, common sense facts don't seem to wash with a pre-teen!! Sigh! Thank you for you comments about my problems being important. Sometimes, I would love someone to swoop in, sort all my problems and give me some TLC. I can dream. xx

Lovely post Venus Wonderful congratulations on your new arrival!! I adore tiny babies (odd, I know), there is something so special about them. Enjoy those snuggles!!

This Well done for yesterday, thinking of you today and wishing you huge luck for another day under your belt.

Great list of positives Beaches, what's not to want? Reading (and remembering what I read the next day!) Soooo me! Giving up/cutting down on alcohol is a win/win situation. I need to get a grip.

Baby Where are you Hun???

How's your day gone Ma? My DS (9) has gone through bullying in his first half term at middle school here, too. It broke my heart that he didn't tell me because he 'didn't want to worry me'. sad He was being spat at and hit by two older girls on the bus!! One of the girls Mums was one of my best friends, too! I sent her a low key message and it was sorted out straight away. He was also struggling in the playground at playtime. This is a boy who was very popular at his last school and one of the 'in' crowd. I know I would say this anyway, but he is a kind and personable soul who was well liked in primary. I phoned his form teacher, she was great and put a few new things in place - including seating plans in the classroom. He's started karate and rugby - I think these things will boost his confidence. Things seem to be settling down now. Good luck with your DS. What have the school said so far?

Isinde Hope your head is better? Greek Islands? Greek salads? Sun? What's not to like. Book me a seat! grin How are things with DP? Is it 'eggshell' time or have things evened out?

Hey Mouse. When is Nemo back at school and have you met the new 'helper' yet? It will mean a bit of 'starting again' but Nemo is a bit older and has been used to someone else looking out for him now. It may be slightly easier this time? Everything crossed for you both.

aliasjoey Thu 31-Oct-13 17:54:32

purple it sounds like you're pretty on the ball re. your DD then, I know we wonder if we've done everything we can to help and support our kids, and you have honestly, just by being there, listening to her.

whydidthishappen Thu 31-Oct-13 18:39:43

My DS's first Halloween and I'm spending it away from him. No costume, no party, no photos.

How much more of his life do I have to spend apart from him?

Sorry for the sober pity party. Very weepy. Don't know if I could handle a Christmas apart.

How much more do I have to do? How much longer is this necessary?

guggenheim Thu 31-Oct-13 19:19:19

Happy halloween gorgeous babes

Just quickly checking in- venus wise words as always smile Congratulations! Honestly, you don't look old enough to be a g'ma grin

purple thank you! Good to see you posting. I'm sorry to hear that your dd is worried about her weight. What's happening with her friends? Are they all talking about it or just her? Providing healthy food is a good way ahead.

mouse I'm sure the new nurse will be very competent but I can see what you mean that she just won't know him as well (of course) or have the shared history. Bugger sad

why you are so strongly attached to your baby and while I don't want to hear that you are sad tonight (hug) it would be awful if you had allowed alcohol to blank out your feelings. You love him and want him and already have a strong bond.You will get him back. Sober and strong for him.
This won't really help but I've had all the 'fun' of getting my feelings back in sobriety and it's very painful- though I respect that your situation is awful at the moment. It does pass and you just have to let those feelings happen as they need to.sorry, love!

Take lots and lots of vitamin B- that helps. Remember HALT. Eat cake (but don't get as fat as I have- maybe eat cake in moderation)

Love to all on the bus tonight x

IsindeGhostTrain Thu 31-Oct-13 19:26:56

Evening all.

Well this is the 88th AF night in the last 9 and the WW has departed now I think. I got a real wobble in the supermarket but remembered Ma and conjured up the Bus and left without the wine!

As Venus once said, the cravings don't get worse and worse and they do subside eventually if you dont give in to them....thanks Venus!

love to all tonight xx

IsindeGhostTrain Thu 31-Oct-13 19:27:42

blush That would be 8th not 88th!! Bit of wishful thinking there!!

guggenheim Thu 31-Oct-13 19:40:15

isinde I am WELL impressed on those 88 days- sorry!

well done on being almost at the 2 weeks af stage- that's really good. Hope it's all getting easier x

guggenheim Thu 31-Oct-13 19:43:39

P.s- I like the list beaches

Can you add-
after the first few times of sober socialising,no one gives a fuck if you drink or not.
When they tut about who got drunk the night before- it won't be you they talk about.
When you want to think / talk about a nice night out,then you can go ahead without the horrible guilt and shame of having gotten slaughtered.

Can you tell that it was me what always got slaughtered on nights out?smile

dementedma Thu 31-Oct-13 20:56:22

indie 8/9 is brilliant.I am 4/5 but she is still here, whispering and muttering. Is every night going to be such a fight?
why how much longer indeed. You have done everything g they have asked of you and more. How long was the order for? Can you go back to court or wherever and plead your case with dhs support?
Venus fab news on the dgc, and big congrats to your daughter. Such a relief and joy for you all. I am very happy for you
alias I have contacted the guidance team who were very nice but don't seem overly concerned. Pretty sure there is no bullying or other issues, he is just lonely and missing primary school. He ate his lunch all alond today again. I had that.

dementedma Thu 31-Oct-13 20:56:49

Hate, not had.

Scarymuff Thu 31-Oct-13 21:22:02

As Venus once said, the cravings don't get worse and worse and they do subside eventually if you dont give in to them....thanks Venus!

Yes, thanks Venus, that is really important to remember. We do not have to feed this addiction. It will die out if we ignore it.

Many, many congratulations on becoming a grandma lovely lady smile

Ma my heart breaks for your poor wee lad. Just bear in mind that this is a transition phase for hm. He is a brave and wonderful boy. What lunchtime clubs can he join?

dementedma Thu 31-Oct-13 21:40:57

He has joined the amnesty international one bit not sure if he is attending. He won't go to any sports ones which is pretty much all of them as he isnt sporty and says they will all laugh at him.
I just picture him being the chubby lonely kid with no friends...sniff
I'm a bit of a misery guts tonight. Been pretty much AF all week and don't feel much better for it, unfortunately. Where's this bloody boing people talk about?

And who the feck let indie drive the bus?

IsindeGhostTrain Thu 31-Oct-13 22:23:01

Ma hold onto your seat...
Right, second star on the left and straight on til morning....

Sleep well Babes and nemo xxx

ThisIsMyTime Thu 31-Oct-13 22:31:54

Just checking in end im of day 2 a/f had really productive day and my son had the best birthday what a difference a day makes ay smile night all sending love to you all out there x

dementedma Thu 31-Oct-13 22:34:03

Bloody well done this. You should be very proud of yourself.

ThisIsMyTime Fri 01-Nov-13 07:28:34

Here's a question has any woke up on day 3 with hangover symptoms like sweating and headache? Or I'm I just getting ill?

SocFish Fri 01-Nov-13 08:45:14

Yes this. I felt awful the first few days. And tearful. You may be getting ill but it could also just be your body adjusting. Well done on day 3. Xx

Anneisnotmyname Fri 01-Nov-13 08:54:04

Morning, quick check in, day three here. Got through yesterday by the skin of my teeth as it was a day I'd allow myself to drink. No work today and no school run.I kept telling myself that I could drink another day just not them. It sort of worked.

I've worked out my danger time, between nine and eleven pm. Basically as the evening goes on I think ok I can have a drink, it's late now so it'll only be the one or two, no harm done. I'm not sure what I can do to avoid that. With the best will in the world I really don't want to do house work at ten pm! I could go to bed earlier but I think that would just reset my trigger time to earlier.

Anneisnotmyname Fri 01-Nov-13 09:40:36

Oops just got weighed. Five days of drinking about half a bottle a night, plus all the carby sugary snacks the next day and I'm two pounds heavier sad this really should be an incentive for me to do dry November, I don't want to put on weight before we're even into the Xmas season!

obrigada Fri 01-Nov-13 10:38:35

Annie, dry November sounds like a plansmile
Waves to all the other babes.

IsindeGhostTrain Fri 01-Nov-13 10:39:03

Hi Annie well done on day 3. If it's any incentive I weighed in at 3lb less this morning which I am sure is purely down to cutting out the bottle of wine every night!

So, a sober weekend planned with a lantern festival and nice time with DTs. DP and I are getting on better so hoping for some harmony this weekend!

This I second what Socfish says about the first week. I think I posted on my day 3 that I felt hungover and achey. You may be going down with something of course but it might be the detox process. Stick with it lovely it really is worth it.

IsindeGhostTrain Fri 01-Nov-13 10:40:19

Hello lovely Obrigada yes, dry November sounds good to me. I have a danger point with a family weekend mid november but am trying not to project!

Imdoingthis Fri 01-Nov-13 10:50:51

Just read back thank-you isinde for the lovely post yesterday,
I haven't been posting last day as I have my DD who doesn't live with me to stay over a night for Halloween smile Im so happy to have her its just fab.
The wine witch is still winning right now Im feeling like Im ready to batter her over her head with her broom very soon grin
ma hope your ds is ok bless him xx

Onefewernow Fri 01-Nov-13 11:12:49

I have been lurking, a bit.

I know I drink too much, and I cant even be arsed to namechange.

I drink about four bottles of wine on a good week, and five on a bad. The pattern is, about two thirds of a bottle, about six days a week, maybe five days a week.

Its nearer bad weeks at the moment, not because I am unhappy, but because I stopped smoking a few weeks ago.

Im always planning to stop/cut down, but never do.

It isnt good.

Mouseface Fri 01-Nov-13 11:43:05

Morning tis me, Mouse

Welcome to you One smile it's fab that you've posted with such honesty. Never an easy thing to do! Dropping two addictions at once is bloody hard going, no wonder you're struggling. One of our very wise Babes once said that it was always best to start dealing with the addiction that was going to kill you first..... I think it would be the drinking but you're obviously found well one the no smoking front.

In a way, your replacing or increasing one for the other...... Not a huge way to cope really smile

So how can we help and what do YOU want to do about dropping, there's lots of us here, all at different stages as you know.

What's going to work for you TODAY? x

Mouseface Fri 01-Nov-13 12:33:17

Purps - the person who Nemo is losing doesn't go into school, she just comes to the house to check his tube is ok, bring me medical stuff for him etc..... Did you think I meant his one to one at school?

I know it's easy for me to say but try not to worry about DD. She's going through lots with her hormones and it takes so much out of them with each surge they have. It's always the end of the world, the smallest things....

DD is 5' 8" and weighs 8ish stone. She's skin and bone with boobs but her hips are finally fillng out. I've always told her she's pretty, gorgeous, has a fantastic figure and after 3/4 years of me telling her, she's finally getting it. Maybe having a boyfriend is helping too....

It's heartbreakingly sad to know that your child isn't happy and you can't help. Just by being there, through the good, the bad and the downright ugly will help. I promise.

Ma the same to you lovely for your poor DS sad it's crippling not being able to take their pain away.... Big hugs xxx

Well done to those who've told the WW to get lost xxx

Onefewernow Fri 01-Nov-13 13:42:40

Thanks Mouse.

I think Im going to plan a strategy for the future, to stick to.

And Im going to limit my drinking over the weekend to a bottle in total, whilst I do so. And start reading this thread, which ive only kinda peeped at before, IYSWIM.

I think in my case, the smoking was getting to be a more damaging addiction, my lungs were terrible, and are better by far already, after five weeks.

And im going to go into town and buy a knitting pattern, havnt done that for 20 years! Will keep me busy and 1. off the wine and 2 out of the fridge (have put a few puonds, too, my size 14s are getting quite tight.

Anneisnotmyname Fri 01-Nov-13 14:06:49

Isinde I'd love to lose three pounds in a week, I'll try to hold onto that to motivate myself. Not done well so far, I took the dds to the pictures and I've been dipping into the picknmix!

Welcome Few, I think I drank that amount a couple of years ago. I cut back on my own, forced to as the hangovers got worse, but found I couldn't get out of the habit of daily drinking. Joining the bus has helped enormously smile

PurpleWolfe Fri 01-Nov-13 14:31:42

Ah, sorry Mouse, got the wrong end of the stick. Still, hope the 'newbie' turns out to be fantastic - you and Nemo deserve it so much. Is it purely a practical help or are you able to chat about Nemo and have a sounding board?

Thanks for the words about DD. A lovely friend was round last night (we took the 'horrors' round the estate to relieve my neighbours of their goodies!). She's a teacher of children the same age as DD. She also said not to worry. Apparently, the bad signs are when they are being really sneaky and ARE eating in front of you then disappearing off after meals..... DS does seem happier and I think we've got most of the problems ironed out. I'm pleased he knows that if he tells me/the teacher actions will be taken and situations improved. It's helped with him starting rugby and karate - just for the fact that those activities made him nervous to start with but he learnt he could overcome that feeling.

Feeling jaded and tired here but gearing up for Monday's Day 1.

Hi to Green, Joey, Ma, Guggs, Baby, Scary, Bugger, Rural and everyone else on the Bus fighting the good fight. xxxxx

IsindeGhostTrain Fri 01-Nov-13 16:52:51

Afternoon Babes. Well I am fighting the WW in advance this afternoon. I think this is what they refer to in AA as "alcoholic thinking" I don't actually want a drink now...definatley not...but I have been plagued for the last hour by thoughts of tonight and how I might want a drink then....wtaf??

Bizarre how your thoughts get hijacked by the bitch really....

Anneisnotmyname Fri 01-Nov-13 17:10:29

Isinde I never knew there was a name for it. Yesterday I felt like therw was a fly around my head I wanted to swat, this annoying nagging voice. I really want to do dry November, to cut my drinking right back if nothing else, but I'm not sure I'll even get through tonight...

H is going on about getting me wine, I've said no but this is his way of being nice. He is trying to make amends as yesterday I was at work all day, the dds were with the child minder, he was at home and he did not lift a finger around the house. Same old, same old sad

guggenheim Fri 01-Nov-13 17:25:13

evening babes

How about a nice list of delightful drinking symptoms?

Nausea,room spinning,sweating,crap sleep,talking bollocks loudly (might just be me),stupid ideas beginning to seem like a fab choice,stupid dancing- that IS just me,I know.

The following morning: headache,nausea,sweating,bad temper etc etc.

Does that help to put anyone off? I wouldn't even class that as a big night out and I didn't mention the guilt or anxiety or loss of weekend.Tell the ww to fuck off...

ma I'm sorry the hear that Ds is unhappy & school aren't being helpful. Does he like chess/ computer club type things? There should be a selection of clubs not just sporty ones.Hope he finds his way soon.

Lo there purple how is dd doing?

guggenheim Fri 01-Nov-13 17:26:52

welcome to one, keep reading and posting it will help.Good luck!

blathin Fri 01-Nov-13 18:11:01

Don,t know if I,ve been fooling myself for a while now. I drink 5 nights a week ,sometimes half a bottle but at weekends a bottle isno problem. I rarely suffer any hangover , if I drink enough to make me queasy I just throw up and feel ok next day,.I drink lots of water always. My health is fine and my weight is within the ideal BMI ( I work at it). I do cut down during the week and I want to cut it out but I always have the excuse that it,s not a problem and I deserve it. I love wine. I rarely drink spirits. Is it wrong not to want to go to a social occasion without a drink? Is it time for me (I,m mid 50,s) to cop on and wake up to reality/ Sorry if I may have inadvertently broken any forum rules.

dementedma Fri 01-Nov-13 19:10:15

Welcome one you are in a good place here.
Then guidance team met with Ds today and want to see him next week. He is FURIOUS with me.
Says he's doesn't need any help and everything is fine.....sigh did I do the right thing?

ThisIsMyTime Fri 01-Nov-13 19:24:30

Just belted wine witch with sugary sweets and fuzzy pop was struggling for about 30 mins think its passed now !

PurpleWolfe Fri 01-Nov-13 19:28:57

Guggs, DD consumed her own body weight in Trick Or Treat sweets yesterday! Feeling relieved! Liked your list of 'drinking symptoms'. I agree with all you've written and - waste of money, guilt, anxiety and lethargy. It's a 'no-brainer'!!

Ma Damned if you do and damned if you don't, Lovely. So sorry he's cross with you. He's going through such a hard stage in life. A part of him thinks he should be able to cope with all this shit on his own but, the truth is, he can't. Will the guidance keep it low key? Can you convince him his 'mates' won't find out? For my part, I think you DID do the right thing. Letting him try and cope with it on his own would, I think, have eventually led to more heartache. Sending you hugs, this stuff ain't easy!!!

PurpleWolfe Fri 01-Nov-13 19:46:54

*guidance people

IsindeGhostTrain Fri 01-Nov-13 20:37:28

Hello Blathin welcome to the bus.

There are precious few rules here lovely!

I am no expert but I did do this test a while back and it made for (literally) sobering reading.

here

Also, I have been noticing since I have been on the bus, what normal drinking actually looks like. I went out with some friends for lunch this week. I was driving and am trying to abstain so was not drinking. One said "Ooh let's get a bottle of wine" ONLY after she had canvassed the other 3 (THREE!) drinkers at the table and ascertained that they would have a glass if she ordered a bottle shock - my usual style would be to order a bottle if there was only 1 other wine drinker and then hope that she did not fancy more than one...

So I don't really know what constitutes 'normal' anymore really. Blathin I don't think there is anything "wrong not to want to go on a social occasion without a drink" ...but it does seem that you are worried enough to be concerned about it and that, in and of itself, is telling you something.

Either way, come and join the bus and post with us. What would be ideal for you?

dementedma Fri 01-Nov-13 21:04:10

Had a bottle tonight. Will be interesting to see if I can repeat the 4 days AF next week.
thurso how are you?
indie how's things with do?

dementedma Fri 01-Nov-13 22:07:28

Off to bed.
Night all.

The WW has finally left. Had a real struggle today, not sure if it was Friday effect or the decision I made to have a dry November but whatever it was, it was a long and difficult fight. I started a row with dh, swore, sulked, humphed, and generally behaved like a spoilt brat. I resented him drinking, in fact I resented everyone and everything. It was 'seeing the film through' that I hung onto. Knowing that I would drink more than I meant to and feel like shit physically and mentally after. I am glad I didn't drink. Not glad that I am such a stroppy cow.
Long day, glad it's over.

Welcome to Blathin and Onefew. Purple I hope you enjoy your bush craft day. Guggs love your drinking symptoms, they helped me tonight.

ThisIsMyTime Sat 02-Nov-13 08:05:47

Good morning all day 4 waking with a clear head sorry not to name check I'm useless at it hope everyone is feeling ok wether you drank or not big hugs to anyone who is suffering this morning xx

ThisIsMyTime Sat 02-Nov-13 08:07:07

Ps beaches I will join you in a dry November if that's ok with you!

PurpleWolfe Sat 02-Nov-13 08:08:38

Thanks Beaches. Well done for holding out yesterday - despite others drinking. It does affect your mood sometimes but it is worth it in the end. Good luck for today. x

SocFish Sat 02-Nov-13 08:56:53

I drank last night. I wish I could bottle exactly how awful I have felt today. It's been disgusting. Why can't I just remember this feeling in 3 days time. Why on earth is it so hard to give up? Anyway, off to AA on Monday and I certainly won't be tempted to drink tonight.
Have a good Saturday babes xx

IsindeGhostTrain Sat 02-Nov-13 09:07:10

Morning!
Well second sober saturday in a row and I do love the feeling of waking without a hangover.

I came horribly, perilously close to drinking last night. We were walking back from the lantern parade and I voiced a sudden urge for "a beer and a curry" We were walking past the offy at the time and DP just looked pointedly at me, then it, then said "well you could have a curry" then we both laughed and walked past. Really big battle with WW later.

IsindeGhostTrain Sat 02-Nov-13 09:24:50

I know the usual advice is ODAAT but I am beginning to think that for me I might be better off just really trying to get my head around not drinking ever again. I don't like the thought of it but those people who have got there do seem to be calmer and happier with that decision.

I saw an old friend a few weeks back who used to drink a bottle of gin a day and was eventually hospitalised after a huge binge. She went to AA and then lapsed and retried and lapsed again. She has now been completely dry for a year and it was very interesting to talk to her.
She likened it to getting over a bad relationship, everyone likes the idea of keeping in some sort of contact and trying to be friends but actually you just need to cut them out of your life alltogether, deal with the bereavement and then move on.

Thought it was an interesting analogy.

Xxx

Anneisnotmyname Sat 02-Nov-13 09:44:08

Day four here. Slight wobble, h kept asking if I wanted him to get some wine. Said no without engaing in the conversation so no chance to change my mind. Funny thing though, I woke up thinking I'd had a drink, was such a relief when I remembered I hadn't!

guggenheim Sat 02-Nov-13 11:15:02

Morning BOING BOING!!! have been up since stupid o'clock with ds. sigh.

We saw the Dr again yesterday and he said just come back for a check up in a months time- I was finally able to relax after that.phew.

Annie and isinde please,please stick with it. You have both done so well. I always found myself at the 'I need a reward' stage after some af days but when I caved in it meant having to go through the whole cycle over and sodding well over again. By 2 weeks there was a really strong urge to have 1 drink,just the one. I know what happens when I have 1,the next night I have more,then more then by the end of a week I'm back where I started.See it through and it gets better, the cravings will go.
isinde you sound calm smile

Well done all. If you drank yesterday then how about making today a fresh start? Hope everyone feels well and strong ready to tackle the ww. Apologies for not NC- happy weekend all.

How strange, I dreamt about my first love last night and it was one if those lovesick relationships where he had all the power. I was needy and couldn't stop myself trying to win his love, despite him being a bastard. The dream brought it all back and after reading your post isinde I think that may be exactly what my relationship to alcohol is like. Despite knowing better, I keep trying to make it work out differently.. Very interesting analogy and FWIW I was so relived when the first love was finally over (after the heartache of course)

this I would love some company on dry November smile

Thanks purple, i didn't handle it very well last night but no damage done. I hope you use some of your kindness and forgiveness on yourself, you deserve it too xx

Take care all.

ThisIsMyTime Sat 02-Nov-13 13:29:34

I have come the conclusion it's the habit of drinking I'm addicted to just like smoking was before I gave that up! It's amazing day 3 AF I went swimming day 4 today I've been gym and my zest for life is back I'm living proof to all on day 1 that day 3 isn't a million miles away I feel like a different person after wallowing in self pity and being anxious all the time binging for 4 days at a time now on day 4 and feeling normal x

blathin Sat 02-Nov-13 13:45:38

Thank you Mouse for the welcome. Of course you are right I must be concerned and in my social circle what is "normal" is certainly not drinking within the guidelines. I suppose I grew up with an alcoholic so drink has always been an issue. I drank very little in my 20's and 30's but the wine habit started to creep in as the kids got older and people stopped going to the pub. I think my tolerance levels are high now and I need to cut back so that a bottle becomes too much. I'm going to take stock and look more critically at my consumption. For next week my plan is 4 days AF ....this is a work in progess...thanks again

Anneisnotmyname Sat 02-Nov-13 14:10:26

Welcome blathin, good luck with your plan. I think for a lot of us drinking is something that has gradually crept up on us over the years. I know in my twenties I rarely drank and hardly ever at home. In my thirties I rarely went out and drinking at home became the norm...

Well good job I'm not drinking tonight as I'm being tested to the limits today and would likely have too much. Found out h haa been taking money from my account for his debts (nothing to do with me). He's making out it's no big deal and he forgot to say - pn fivesseparate occasions! I want rid of him but don't think it's really possible....Im stuck but at least I've not got a hangover making me feel even worse

blathin Sat 02-Nov-13 15:23:44

Sorrry I should have said thank you to Insideghosttrain!

dementedma Sat 02-Nov-13 15:40:35

Well done this. You sound so different. Keep at it. Just Ds and I home today. Cold, rainy and dreich so we are cosying in for the rest of the day. Once he has finished his maths homework, using the cat as a table, he is going to "ribbonise" the pile of Christmas presents already bought and wrapped in plain brown paper, awaiting ribbons and tarting up. yes, I am that organised. <smug emoticon>
He is happy cutting, sticking and tying ribbons.Then he wants to light all the candles and nightlights so we can watch Strictly snuggled on the sofa. Bless his cuddly wee soul.

Fairenuff Sat 02-Nov-13 17:56:49

Hi all smile

I have consigned my Halloween costume to the dressing up box for another year and back in my usual guise now. It's blowing a gale here again ma so I am just waiting for dd to finish her homework for today and we are also going to snuggle down with a movie.

Well done on buying your Christmas presents already, you are organised! I've got a few birthdays to get through before I start on Christmas

ruralreynard Sat 02-Nov-13 18:10:48

Hi babes,
Had a f*ck it Friday. Feeling shite sad
Inspiring posts here at the Mo and so many of you kicking the ww into touch. Well done this isinde ma and so many others sorry not to nc you all. Reading your posts this evening is helping my fight with the WW tonight. So thank you allxx smile

ruralreynard Sat 02-Nov-13 18:13:52

Sorry, welcome blathinlots of wise babes here to help you. Not me at the moment but this is a good place to be. Keep posting and good luck with the A/F days. smile

ThisIsMyTime Sat 02-Nov-13 21:24:39

How's everyone getting on this evening sober day 4 for me hope everyone's not struggling to bad this evening it's very wet and windy here pj and couch weather x

IsindeGhostTrain Sat 02-Nov-13 21:37:01

Evening lovely Babes!

Well, sat here with bottle green apple and elderflower and fizzy water. Had another major wobble earlier and spent at least an hour having the most ridiculous internal dialogue about getting a bottle of wine, what DP would say, how I could anyway, what would i feel like tomorrow, etc etc et-bloody-cetera hmm not sure what swung it although remembering the slogan "no-one ever regretted NOT drinking the night before" did help.

And then, as if by magic, it fades....still amazed that it does that tbh.
So am safely the other side and another sober saturday

Feeling bloody grateful and releived.

Apologies for me me post.

Hope all ok and loveto all xx

dementedma Sat 02-Nov-13 21:57:01

Well done indie
I am drinking tonight bit if I'm honest it was more force of habit than any burning desire. Probably could have done without if I put my' mind to it.
Had 4 AF days last week so will go for the same again this week. I'll be more than happy if I can keep that level up!

Anneisnotmyname Sat 02-Nov-13 22:02:17

Day four nearly done. Had wobble earlier as h bought home wine - surprise, surprise - as this is his way of dealing with a problem or pacifying me. Thought I could have a glass as I originally intended to do controlled drinking. Then said to myself that that is the ww talking, I really don't want it.

It occurred to me that I used to drink, when I did, pn special occasions, happy occasions. Now I drink when I'm bored, miserable, etc and this is probably why I feel like something is missing when I do. I suppose I need to question more what I really want/need before I pick up the glass.

Onwards and upwards smile

Mouseface Sat 02-Nov-13 23:04:19

Good evening, tis me, Mouse

blathin - no worries lovely, welcome to the bus smile. I love your plan! Why? Because you've got one. xxx

rural - sweetheart you're having a properly shite time of it aren't you. sad You're doing the best you can with what you have, and still posting very honestly about struggling. Personally, well done to you!! I think you're doing ace! You're being honest with yourself and us, saying it out loud is damn hard, breakable...... stay with us Babe xxx

IsinDe - your post about finally, FINALLY seeing the best way to break the cycle, has made my day! You know that you're a 'serial offender' (I hope that you're okay with me saying it sweetheart) when it comes to drinking and I love your way of thinking, realising that for YOU, it has to be all OR nothing. No in between, no controlled (or rather not controlled) attempts followed by self loathing for days on end, arguments with DP, feeling like you're letting everyone down at times. That's not so.

You're worth soooooooooo much than you realise. You really are. I hope that you're okay with me saying this to you. I mean no malice, I heart you and will help you (as we all will I'm sure) as much as I can Brave and gorgeous Babe. It. Is. Time. xxx

This - Day 4 is awesome! Bloody well done to you! You're doing ace, really! You'll start to feel the physical benefits soon, and much more besides smile xxx

Purps - sweetheart you're doing the best you can too with the gorgeous DD of yours, I'm sure that you'll have peaks of highs which you must ride with huge pride, knowing that you've done that for her smile

It takes time, tears, tantrums from both sides, but eventually, it comes, the calm. Re the new nurse, she's my first port of call should I need supplies - tubes for his cleft, tapes, syringes etc.... I hope that we all will be happy, even with his current nurse he's off at times! Monkey!

Why - go you! I'm sure that the more hours that pass, days even, you'll feel stronger sweets xxx

Right, it's taken too long for me to post this and I've missed loads of you wonderful Babes out.

We've been away seeing fab friends that we just don't see enough oh, but Nemo really loved it and really did great given we had been at the hospital to see his SaLT. I'll read back properly tomorrow and catch up with everyone. Hello to you All smile

Lots of love,

Mouse xxx

Mouseface Sat 02-Nov-13 23:20:21

Ex posted with you all as it took me so long to bloody post. grin

Well done to you Babes out there who've kicked ass tonight, those who haven't, well, tomorrow is a whole new kick ass day.

Night all xxx

<goes up to bed hiding behind DH because the wind is frickin scary as hell!>

You are up late Mouse!

Hi to all the other babes, on the bus, in the sidecar or running alongside.

Tonight is much calmer for me, don't feel resentful or hard done by, I am quite happy to choose a decent nights sleep. Should perhaps feel guilty about the pizza and ice cream but it is Saturday after all!

Take care all xx

louiseaaa Sat 02-Nov-13 23:34:09

Just a note to say I've had a very busy week - wow how things can change in a week Inde - lovely to see you kicking the ww in the you-know -where. And I can relate to what you say about the going sober completely rather than trying to moderate - in the end I decided to give myself a year off - and at the end of the year you know what - things were so good I really didn't want to end up back where I'd left off with the ww. I'm so much happier now as I am today. It saddens me to see the lies peddled by lazy advertising execs about alcohol - it does not enhance life - it may blur it a bit - make you feel more convivial - but in reality- it is a mood altering drug - legal - nothing more, nothing less. It does not deserve the relationship it has with our society, and in reality if it was newly discovered it would be illegal. <rant over> sorry - I'll get my coat (And go for a hypocritical fag)

aliasjoey Sun 03-Nov-13 00:18:34

isinde interesting analogy about the relationship gone bad... sounds like you've been doing some deep thinking!

IsindeGhostTrain Sun 03-Nov-13 08:59:07

Morning lovely Babes! LouiseAA thank you so much for another really thought-provoking post.
Morning joey my lovely friend, i hope you have a great sunday.

I am currently reading "Drinking - A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It is engrossing and painful (to me anyway) and brutally honest.
Apologies for the long post but this bit resonated with me. She is talking about getting into the habit of drinking alone in her apartment after work in her late twenties (something I did too)
"The paradoxical thing about drinking alone, the insidious thing really, is that it creates an illusion of emotional authenticity which you can see as false only in retrospect. When I drank by myself, the liquor truly seemed like uhe one thing that gave me access to my true feelings, a route to real emotion. But liquor is deceptive, the feelings it generates illusory: the next day ypu don't remember the action or the feelings, the only real thing you have is a headache"

This just resonated so strongly for me. I am ashamed of all the wasted nights and years I have spent drinking alone when I could have been doing something more constructive and worthwhile with my time and my life.

Any misery-road up! Tis not my intention to bring the thread down on such a wonderfully stormy and blustery day!

I am off to drag take my DTs to the park and watch the trees fall leaves swirl!

Have lovely sundays BAbes! Xx

dementedma Sun 03-Nov-13 09:09:59

Morning all. Some gold positive stuff on here this morning.
Will be going for some AF days again and see how it goes. The thought of that doesn't worry me as much as it would have done previously,so that's progress.
Where is la belle Dame? (Sans merci)

IsindeGhostTrain Sun 03-Nov-13 10:02:13

Morning lovely Ma ! I hope you have a,lovely sunday. The weather here has just turned to a massive dump of hail which the DTs think is amazing. Don't think they have ever really seen it before. The hail stones are bouncing down the chimney and leaving black sooty marks on the carpet.....this is hysterically funny of course hmm

Anneisnotmyname Sun 03-Nov-13 10:32:38

Isinde I read that in january, totally gripping, I'm planning to read it again.

Day five but no boing yet. Had a bad nights sleep but that was more to do with stress from h than anything else.

SocFish Sun 03-Nov-13 10:36:21

Hello everyone.
Sunday evening here. No real urge to drink after that god awful hangover yesterday. I'm loving the "play the movie to the end". The end is always awful.
My councillor also said I must practice pausing and this works well with imaging the whole sorry saga and waking up in the morning with nothing but regret.
Have a good Sunday babes.
xx

Imdoingthis Sun 03-Nov-13 10:53:30

Going to try today for AF, had issues with him friday night kicking off, shouting at kids dd left ahh jeeze it never ends.

Good to read back what iv missed

How's you ma ?

Sorcha1966 Sun 03-Nov-13 12:33:14

Hi I have ventured here for a look from the other' tread. I'm doing abstinence after a very much too long Hx of far too much wine. Day 6 today. Have tried (and tried and tried) to drink in a controlled way and I cannot

this One said "Ooh let's get a bottle of wine" ONLY after she had canvassed the other 3 (THREE!) drinkers at the table and ascertained that they would have a glass if she ordered a bottle shock - my usual style would be to order a bottle if there was only 1 other wine drinker and then hope that she did not fancy more than one...

rang such a huge bell with me I almost spat my diet coke out...

Fairenuff Sun 03-Nov-13 12:40:20

Hello to Sorcha and Blathin welcome to the bus smile

There are loads of inspiring posts and amazing women here, sharing their experiences, success and being honest about their struggles.

dementedma Sun 03-Nov-13 13:46:36

Christmas cake is done and smells divine.
Got to sit down with dh and talk money - a major cause of stress-but he is watching the football. As always, his priorities are in order.

Thanks for the reminder Ma, Christmas pudding now underway.

Hi Sorcha, glad to see some crossing over of threads. Think there is a lot of inspiration and thought provoking stuff on both.

Stay safe and strong everyone xx

Fairenuff Sun 03-Nov-13 16:28:32

Ma presents bought and wrapped, cake made - you are so organised smile

IsindeGhostTrain Sun 03-Nov-13 17:54:07

Blimey Ma you are soooo organised!
I have made the christmas cake (vegan) and bought the mincemeat (vegan) for the mince pies and am currently doing a practice run on the vegan nut roast recipe (5 more mins in oven then roast dinner here we come) and a rather large pack of (oh so very very non-vegan) cashel blue just somehow fell into my trolley at the supermarket grin

Havent got anywhere near presents yet. I am in awe!

Mouseface Sun 03-Nov-13 18:14:36

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

beaches - it had been a long day so I was trying to wind down. smile

Ma - you're ace, I've done my Christmas cake....... it's last year's blush x 100,000,000! Lists are written and most things will be from .com because I just can't cope without my crutch/es now so juggling bags and a purse and basket and crutches is impossible!! So well done you xxx

* IsinDe* - I hope my my post last night didn't upset you. xxx

Welcome Sorcha - I hope you will succeed in your quest for sobriety, it's not easy but just knowing you're not alone, ever alone, can be the biggest help of all when you're lost, not knowing how to beat a craving so bad that you would do ANYTHING to get a drink. We've all been in that torturous hell. Good luck xxx

Faire - great to have the real you back! grin How are YOU?

I drank whilst we were at our lovely friend's house but not as much as I have previously....... I allow myself to drink whatever was put infront of me when away etc but I noticed that I'd hardly even had half of what would normally be consumed...

I just didn't fancy it. A good thing! smile

Back to school and a bit of normal tomorrow so bath time for the fish soon.

All Brave Babes - I hope that you're all okay,

Back later xxx

aliasjoey Sun 03-Nov-13 18:51:09

evening babes

welcome sorcha

aliasjoey Sun 03-Nov-13 19:01:34

Sigh

Well alcohol control is better. Yet another evening spent at in-laws without drinking. I have not had a drink in front of them since CHRISTMAS - that's 10 months! It gets to the stage now where I don't even need to come on to the Bus and mention it, because it has become automatic.

Still struggling in other areas though. I've twice now cancelled going out with friends - not sure if that is to do with alcohol or not. I could have gone and not drunk, but found it hard to get my head round that. It just seemed easier not to bother. Am becoming quite insular sad

Tonight... well I have some wine, but have a cold and don't feel like drinking. But am anxious about work tomorrow (take some Kalms instead maybe?) and DH is really pissing me off.

Would it be terrible of me to book him onto an anger management course?! I've checked, it's £145 for a one-day course grin

Ach, just writing this down has helped. BTW my plan to sleep better last month (Noctober: Nocturnal October) didn't really happen - I have to work as hard on this as on not drinking.

dementedma Sun 03-Nov-13 19:07:24

Wish I could get dh on an anger management and negative/misery course.
I am sick of walking on eggshells waiting for the next "issue" to kick off.
He needs to get out of residential childcare because he can't cope with it any more, but says he can't do anything else, has no transferable skills...just being completely passive instead of proactive.

aliasjoey Sun 03-Nov-13 19:33:58

ma it's hard, isn't it. And the negativity becomes catching.

It's frustrating because I try so hard to overcome my issues (anxiety, alcohol) with relaxation, hypnosis, drugs, herbal remedies, joining the Bus etc but he just says why should he have to change his attitude? Umm, because you're not happy, you idiot?!

Men really don't want to think about self-help. angry that would be like admitting their weaknesses!

ThisIsMyTime Sun 03-Nov-13 19:43:58

Day 5 having major wobble mind keeps telling me to nip the shop for a bottle before X factor just had sugary sweets to see if that helps !

Hang in there this day 5 is fantastic....but wouldn't it be good to see day 6? Wake up pleased with yourself? Good luck xx

ThisIsMyTime Sun 03-Nov-13 21:09:53

Thanks beach made it through by the skin of my teeth thanks for your support so glad I didn't give in to the ww day 6 in the morning wahoo

Well done this, touchdown!

venusandmars Sun 03-Nov-13 22:05:30

Well done this it really is worth hanging on for grim death through those feelings, and then appreciating the relief when you come out the other side without having had a drink.

Who remembers 'The Drill' (for times such as those) - have a bath, get your PJs on, brush your teeth with really strong toothpaste, TWICE, take a big glass of water and get into bed with a book. It takes a really big effort from that point to be arsed getting up out of bed to go to the shops. You may lay there wishing you'd gone earlier, but those thoughts will pass and when you wake up in the morning you'll be delighted that the Drill was the winner.

Sadnworried Sun 03-Nov-13 22:06:50

I feel like an eavesdropper. Thanks for the wisdom.

Mouseface Sun 03-Nov-13 22:31:56

sad - never an eavesdropper lovely! You are so welcome here! Keep posting lovely xxx

I'm away to bed as my pain is way higher than normal but tomorrow is a whole new day, albeit very early grin

I hope you are all safe and sound tonight........

Sorry not to read back in detail. I'll be back (Arnie mode grin ) tomorrow, stay safe Babes xxx

ThisIsMyTime Sun 03-Nov-13 22:32:20

Thanks Venus good advise the sugary sweets seem to help too xx

Mouseface Sun 03-Nov-13 22:34:11

This - you're kicking ass and I frickin love it! Just wanted to say that! Sorry. You are so brave! Keep posting xxx

IsindeGhostTrain Mon 04-Nov-13 07:26:15

Morning groovy Babes!
bOING! Well this,morning the brilliant boing definately arrived! However, I suspect it gas a lot to do with going to bed at 8 last night. I felt suddenly knackered and one of my new resolutions is to look at my whole package of behaviours around working myself into the ground, lack of self care, self respect, drinking etcetera. So last night I made a roast dinner and served it up, we ate then Ii left the kitchen looking like a bomb-site and went for a lie down.....was woken up at 9 by DP who had put the DC to bed and I just got pjs on and went back to sleep.

And the quality of sober sleep is just lovely! I seem to have passed the itchy skin and disturbed sleep pattern stage and am now left wondering if 'normal' people sleep like this all the time? grin

So I have been up.since 6. Cleaned up the mess from last night and am now sitting watching the day lighten over the plum tree, smelling the bread rising, listening to the satisfying gurgle of the dishwasher (can't start the day with a dirty kitchen...OCD...me? smile ) and having a peaceful brew before starting my week.

Am away in a hotel on my own tonight so I am really grateful for your reminder of 'The Drill' Venus I will be doing that tonight for sure!

Have lovely days all xxx

Ladamned Mon 04-Nov-13 08:56:18

Indie Well done, I'm following in your footsteps with another AF (by the skin of my teeth) weekend. I will be alone in a hotel room tonight as well. Hi all babes sorry not to have been around lately, I've been getting ready for my job which starts today. Catch up soon x

ThisIsMyTime Mon 04-Nov-13 09:08:43

Morning lovely ladies boing boing boing what a difference 6 days makes not been AF this long since August! So glad I didn't go the shop for wine last night got through it by the skin of my teeth and with the help of you lot thanks to everyone x

PurpleWolfe Mon 04-Nov-13 10:03:17

Ladam Best of luck on your new job today. Hope it all goes swimmingly. smile

This - Well, done, you've come such a long way. 6 days is awesome!

Joey Sorry to hear you've had to cope with DH's anger problems. My XP had passive aggressive tendencies. It took me a long time to realise I was taking the responsibility for trying to circumnavigate any instance that would make him stressed/angry - whether that was me telling the children off before they annoyed him or rushing to sort the printer out before he chucked it out the window or cossetting him in social situations to try and prevent him feeling left out. Sort of protecting him but at the same time - stressing myself out too. I stopped being his 'shield' and let him put up with his own problems and anger - but this was only after a councillor explained the 'passive aggressive' stuff and when I realised that I actually was going to leave him. Sending a hug. x

Lovely Mouse, I hope your pain is easier for you today. You have so much to put up with and it really doesn't seem fair. Is Nemo back at school today? x

The Bushcraft day on Saturday was amazing! 6 hours in the woods - and no rain - 18 adults and 18 children!! I had had visions of me floating around with my camera, catching wonderful shots of my children's activities whilst they were supported by one of the days helpers. It soon became clear that I was my DC's helper - we were Team Purple!! We built a shelter (with a bit of guidance), made a campfire (after a masterclass from the guy running the day) without the use of matches (something I've never done and didn't think I could do!) and cooked the beans for the whole group's lunch on our fire! Responsibility!! (Could have been worse, one family got to cook the sausages!) We also cooked baked apples in the embers! Delicious! Had thought about inviting XP but so glad I didn't - I would have stood back and let him get on with the 'difficult' stuff. As it was, I felt fantastic that (without a bloke) we'd done amazingly and did our bit for the whole group (only one other Mum and child group and they didn't cook anything). The children had such a good day that when the 6 hours were up they didn't want to go home. DD had a bit of a hissy fit (she'd been out late the night before) but came and apologised after about 10 mins and we were able to move on happily. We were knackered but bloody pleased with ourselves on the drive home. A real team. And, I did get some great photos and the guy who runs the course wants to use them on his new website. grin

Hi to all, sorry not to NC, and good luck to everyone. x

IsindeGhostTrain Mon 04-Nov-13 10:55:01

Wow purple that sounds like a fantastic day!

What lovely memories to treasure as a family.

Anneisnotmyname Mon 04-Nov-13 11:01:43

Day 6 first sober weekend since the beginning of August smile

Anneisnotmyname Mon 04-Nov-13 11:03:05

Day 6 first sober weekend since the beginning of August smile

Good luck with your new job ladame x

ThisIsMyTime Mon 04-Nov-13 11:07:33

Me too Annie feels great smile

aliasjoey Mon 04-Nov-13 12:00:51

Day 4

Rather chuffed that I didn't drink last night (although to be fair, my main reasoning was that I wasn't well, wouldn't enjoy it and therefore it would be a waste of good wine hmm )

It really helped to just come on the Bus and think it through. I took some Kalms, tried not to panic about work, and spouted some Desiderata at DH <like that's going to solve all his anger issues! Now he just thinks I'm a New Age loony)

Hi all,

Isinde it is all about the sleep for me too, lovely deep and restful sleep (actually almost dead I think!). The recently seen term 'drinkers dawn' is one of the worst parts of heavy drinking.

Purple love your descriptions of the bushcraft day, sounds like you had a great family adventure. How are you feeling about today?

Well done Annie and This, day 6, just one day away from a whole sober week!

joey I love desiderata and have it pinned to my fridge. Not that I am a new age loony you understand grin

Good luck on your first day ladame

Happy thoughts to you all xx

Joey Some of my best friends are New Age loonies grin

Beaches yes, the 'drinkers early dawn' for me used to be 3am. I would wake up feeling like shit, full bladder so often woke a v grumpy DP up going to the loo. Get back into bed as quietly and guiltily as possible then lie awake and catastrophise for an hour hmm What a joyful pattern that was!

Mine was usually more like 4am and involved a groggy semi-awareness then the racing heart/background pounding head/many self punishing thoughts.

It sounds (and is) vile but it seems to fade away somewhere after breakfast until it is completely forgotten by wine o clock. Well NOT this day. I like the groggy semi-awareness without the other stuff smile

So good to hear you enjoying not drinking isinde

aliasjoey Mon 04-Nov-13 14:29:48

isinde DH not impressed with the New Age loony act - I shall try singing "Kum-by-ah" to him, see if that helps grin

purple what a fantastic day you had by the sound of it! Wish I did more like that, but I'm so fucking lazy

beaches I also sleep badly when drinking (didn't used to, it just crept up the last few years) but as you say, somehow it is forgotten by the time evening rolls around again. It's something I really have to work at - even when sober, I tend to stay up late - god knows why - for some reason I just HATE going to sleep.

joey tell him you are going to make a 'humocompost' toilet in the back garden and collect the family urine to use for bleach....then offer to tie-dye his y-fronts grin

Imdoingthis Mon 04-Nov-13 16:16:29

Well I'm not drinking today.... I had money this morning and kind of blew the lot on Xmas gifts for the dc hmm left my self silly skint kind of accidentally on purpose iykwim sure it's the only way I don't drink right now if I have zero funds sad
X

ThisIsMyTime Mon 04-Nov-13 16:41:26

How's everyone getting on? Sorry I'm not very good at name checking day 6 going well feeling well I think this time is defo going to be my time ! Sorry for self observed post

ThisIsMyTime Mon 04-Nov-13 16:46:45

Obsessed * even

mewmeow Mon 04-Nov-13 16:50:13

Babes! Hope you're all doing well. I'm worse than ever, no sympathy - entirely my fault. Chose to drink all day instead of working, continuously make that choice despite having deadlines coming up, a 3 year old and a poorly parent. Well done to all of you doing well, I keep lurking here from time to time and your progress is very encouraging smile
I will join you one day, will probably have to hit rock bottom first. Just want to drink all day, cry and listen to music. Love to you all keep it up! Xxx

ThisIsMyTime Mon 04-Nov-13 19:03:42

Mew I was in that place just 6 days ago and believe me if u can just get passed day one things will get better wen I was drinking all day I was merely existing now I'm living! You can do it with our support make tomorrow yor day1 keep posting and we will get you through it hour by hour big hugs xx

ThisIsMyTime Mon 04-Nov-13 19:03:59

Mew I was in that place just 6 days ago and believe me if u can just get passed day one things will get better wen I was drinking all day I was merely existing now I'm living! You can do it with our support make tomorrow yor day1 keep posting and we will get you through it hour by hour big hugs xx

dementedma Mon 04-Nov-13 19:27:18

Epic fail again
Now that indie is on the bus, I'm a lonely disgrace in the sidecar.

Mouseface Mon 04-Nov-13 19:39:56

Evening, tis me, Mouse

A HUGE, GIGANTIC, MASSIVE, WELL DONE!!!!

Every single Babe who kicked the Wine Witch into the arse end of nowhere today, yesterday, and for the days before that! I am SO PROUD OF YOU ALL! thanks

Reading how well This and Annie have made me realise that the support of this Bus (and all who ride on the wonderful Gerald grin ) has supported me more than ever before over the last few weeks as I've actually been very stressed and not realised just how much until my friend said how thin and low I looked.

When I sat and thought about it, I realised that I hadn't stopped of late and maybe it's some time for me.

Plus, I've actually been craving vodka again (default setting) which is not a very good thing at all.

I'm my own worst enemy..... I say I'm okay, fine, 'just tired' etc but I'm like a swan, serene and calm on the water, peddling like mad below the levels anyone can see to stay afloat.

Today,I realised I really do need you all and this Bus, the posts to read to know it's not just me!

Sorry to be posting such a negative post, my day started so productively....... and now I want to go to bed,rest my aching hips and back and sleep for hours until I feel free from whatever's building up.

Keep posting babes, be sober, and try with all of your might to stay sober!!! You're doing such a tough thing, giving up an addiction, fighting an addiction, a habit that's held onto you for years...... with or without you knowing or maybe admitting it. It's an old friend, a member of the family you're passionate about maybe......

I'm rambling now, sorry.

<goes off to do something more constructive! >

thurso13 Mon 04-Nov-13 19:42:35

Mew, I've just got in from work (eek!). but wanted to say..... I know that feeling, not during the day, but, at night, just wanted to have a drink, listen to my music, and switch off!
But, it doesn't switch you off really, a largo glass of wine, starts to make you feel better, but, then re-scinds all the nice stuff, and leaves you feeling horrible.
Don't do it tomorrow, sweetheart, if you can, you don't have to hit rock bottom, you can go up!!

Sorry, bit of a quick post, but, also, a bit sad (I think it's me!), about being called "fluffy" on the other thread, shouldn't have read it really. Oops is this crossing the guidlines? Fantastic thread, but, I'm at home here.
Lots of love
xxxxx

thurso13 Mon 04-Nov-13 19:44:16

Ma, Mouse, just xxxxxxxxx

Mouseface Mon 04-Nov-13 19:49:00

<comes back >

Ma - that's bollocks. I still drink, okay far less and not 'often' but don't forget the person you were when you did a number of dry days before, and more than once, you can do it again, if you want to.

You're certainly not alone in that sidecar though sweets, I can see Barry for a start!!!!

Seriously though.... we're here for you xxx

Aw thurso my love c'mere..<wraps thurso up in the biggest softest fluffiest hug imaginable>
Everyone is entitled to their opinion lovely and frankly this stuff (alcohol) takes and ruins lives so anything that helps anybody in anyway (just reclaiming the martini advert grin ) is just fine with me.

You sound tired my mate. I hope the job is settling in ok?
Lots of fluffy love to you and everyone else tonight smile

And ma keep that bloody squid off the sidecar seats will yer!
I never know when I may need to hunker down there again.

Love ya * Ma* xx

ThisIsMyTime Mon 04-Nov-13 20:03:54

Mouse your a very inspiring lady and you have helped so many including me despite your life being difficult your like superwoman, supermum and superbus supporter all in one I don't know how you do it vodka was often my drink wen I was in my really bad stage take care lovely lady we are all here for you too xx

thurso13 Mon 04-Nov-13 20:09:08

Thank you Isinde I need a bit of fluffy love tonight! No hot cox that's for sure!!

I think I'm not very wordly (great thing for a teacher!!!), and I should have stayed in the state where I only read one thread.

Anyway, on a different note, I had the most brilliant day, with Year 11's, de-constructing poems, complete bliss, and I wish I could do it all of the time.
Yes, my job is great, wish I could say the same about my relationship, at the moment!

Lots of love
xxx

thurso13 Mon 04-Nov-13 20:13:24

worldly!

Mouseface Mon 04-Nov-13 20:33:58

Have we been called 'fluffy' by the other addvice thread? Not once' once has anyone said anything but supporting things about other help threads. Why would they bash us? sad

Mouseface Mon 04-Nov-13 20:47:11

'Advice' sorry.

thurso - sorry, I shouldn't of commented about the other thread, but if it's a thread that means ONE, just ONE poster gets sober then fantastic.

This - thank you so much for your support. So kind of you lovely..... I love you guys and feel safe here, to say what scares me, how I cope, how I want to help and be helped too some days.

Thank you, time for me to leave MN for the night.

Sleep well lovely babes, be safe, you're all so ace xxx

aliasjoey Mon 04-Nov-13 20:54:18

Hardly an 'epic fail' is it ma when you have achieved several days AF? Maybe you could try thinking about what you have managed to do - rather than what you haven't? smile

Hey lovely mouse if I may interject

( and by the way mouse I would just like to share that I am in an Indian restaurant a few minutes from my hotel eating curry ...and NO BEER! grin ) ahem as you were
..oh yes, i was interjecting wasn't I? ( Easy thurso I said inter-jecting grin ) well I have read t'other thread and posted on it and yes, there were a couple of remarks about 'fluffy' etc but here is my personal take:-
1) This bus has always been an all-inclusive kinda place. Over the years Gerald (yes, it's a pretend bus with a silly name..how fluffy is that?) has grown a sidecar and a roof rack to accomodate the fact that we wanted to be an inclusive come-all-ye sort of thread.
2) This all-inclusive approach does not and tbh has not suited all posters either in the past, now or likely in the future....and that's ok. We have had posters decide to stop posting because they found hearing about other people drinking too much of a trigger. I for one would not want anyone to feel their sobriety was threatened by my or anyone elses' lapses or relapses.
3) There is clearly a demand for a thread that focusses exclusively on supporting people who are completely abstaining from alcohol and i would support that - i can personally see some difficulties posting on there if I lapsed a few times and felt i had broken the rules but that is just me.
4) alcoholism, alcohol dependency, booze mis-use, being a pisshead, relying too much on wine-o-clock...whatever your angle on the issue...these are all serious issues and can and do ruin lives and families and I applaud as many and as varied ways of supporting people with them as possible.

Now is that the longest distract-from-the-kingfisher ramble in history or what?

guggenheim Mon 04-Nov-13 21:28:59

mouse sorry to hear that life has been extra hard. Wish there was something we could do to help.

I'm very knackered after a day at the chalk face <waves at thursoand all other teachers with a drink issooo> followed by an aa meet,so I'm not going to name check just send best wishes to you all.

Hope it's ok but I'd like to post on here and t'other thread at times. The 'other' thread moved on fairly quickly with some very sensible and interesting advice. I'm not sure that bb is a fluffy thread- it's funny because we are dealing with a deadly,progressive illness and new posters need to see that life gets better when you stop or cut down. I couldn't have started reading or posting on a sobriety thread at first because I was in denial about my drinking habits. I really needed the gentle approach of the bus,and still do.

I think the threads need to run alongside each other and offer maximum support sounds like a bra ad to anyone with a drink problem.

Flumpyflumps Mon 04-Nov-13 21:31:48

Hi again babes, it's Monday and its been a struggle.
Party at a friends house and they were all at the coke I knew it, but because of my history they were doing it behind my back presumably to try to protect me but it felt worse.

It's like I have no friends anymore as everyone I know is from my old life.

Still trying to move forward.

God it's hard

Hey flumps really lovely to hear from you again. Sorry that you felt excluded in that party lovely. But at least they were trying to protect you and at least you know that joining them would not have helped you in the long (or even short!) term.

It is hard lovely. But I really think it is worth it.
Stay strong lovely and keep posting. You have people who care about you here. We might not be a substitute for rl friends but we are still real people typing into our screens day after day with feeling and compassion and, most of all, recognition of how you are feeling. X

dementedma Mon 04-Nov-13 21:58:11

Meh.
< cuddles up with Barrie>

Slings fluffy blanket over much-loved-ma and goes to bed.
Night night lovely Babes

Flumpyflumps Mon 04-Nov-13 22:11:09

I need some new friends that don't know old me.
What could I do?? A course?
Thanks for the support x

mewmeow Mon 04-Nov-13 22:16:29

Thanks for the replies This and Thurso. Means alot, will try day one (again tomorrow), cant imagine it but will see! Did see something about another thread somewhere, is it the one for complete alcohol abstinence?! Not sure as haven't seen it since. I've always lurked on this one for support and found the advice really helpful, non-judgy and supportive of everyone's individual set-up & goals. Take care everyone xxx

Fairenuff Mon 04-Nov-13 23:10:33

I think it's bloody amazing that this bus has been trundling along for all this time. Years, I tell ya, fecking years. We are made of pretty persistent stuff grin

Mew the trouble with looking for rock bottom is that, when you get there, you might find it's just a ledge on the way down. How bad does it have to get, what are you prepared to lose?

Having one day AF, however, is a heck of a lot easier. It's just one day. Plan it. Read back over the threads and copy out all the advice and strategies for avoiding that first drink.

Or just come here and give a shout, there is usually someone around with some good advice x

Mouse sorry to hear life is particularly tough for you at the moment. You always offer such a lot of time and support to others, I hope you feel supported back. Be gentle on yourself.

Im spending all your spare cash is a good way to limit temptation, a bit like The Drill, but instead of making it physically difficult you are making it it financially difficult.

Mew it sounds like you are very sad in the cycle you are in. I would also encourage you to try for a 'day off', just to give yourself a much needed break. We would love to help if we can.

flumpy well done for getting through that party and not caving in. That sounded hard. Building some new friendships is a great plan and a course could be a good starting point. Nothing too New Age loony though grin

I see this bus as a supportive and forgiving environment where people can explore their issues with drinking. Long live fluffy Gerald and all who clamber aboard him!

SocFish Tue 05-Nov-13 02:09:51

I'd be lost without this bus (and all the others bus threads). Even if I don't post I read, reread and then read again. xx

Good morning lovely Babes.
Well I feel ridiculously pleased with myself this morning (apologies for the smug-start to the day post) but last night was a bit of a milestone as it was the first overnight in a hotel sober in a very very long time.

Mew come back and post lovely. I so so understand the "can't imagine it" feeling. Its a funny thing but just making it to day 2 and then day 3 is always the hardest for me. I really think it is partially about making that leap of imagination and beleiving that you can just not drink for one day...andcthen another day. I know everyone is different but I really believe if you could just do 2 af days mew you world would begin to look and feel a lot more hopeful and positive.

so am I reading this correct IM ? You spent what little money you had on your children rather than on drink? smile you should be proud of yourself for a) being the lovely loving and fabulous mother that you are and B) adopting a very useful booze avoiding tactic grin

Hope everyone has good days. X x

Flumpyflumps Tue 05-Nov-13 07:48:22

Is the bus called Gerald??

That's made me smile this morning, Gerald!

Gerald!!!

Fairenuff Tue 05-Nov-13 08:21:25

It's not fluff, it's fur dahling.

All aboard! grin

Fairenuff Tue 05-Nov-13 08:22:44

Isinde you rock!

Fairenuff Tue 05-Nov-13 08:32:28

PS Isinde wasn't the Martini slogan 'Anytime, anyplace, anywhere' shock. That must have been when the brainwashing started. I blame the 70's grin

Adverts like that made my parents feel sophisticated by dressing up the gin and sharing it with friends whilst floating around in those long dresses with wide sleeves.

That's what I saw growing up - perfectly normal for every to drink - anytime, anyplace, anywhere. They even took wine to the beach as part of a 'picnic'.

No wonder my idea of normal drinking is warped. Anyway, not going to give my children the same message smile

Have a good day babes x

ThisIsMyTime Tue 05-Nov-13 08:42:31

Day 7 one whole week AF yess! Mew are you there lovely all set for day 1 keep posting we will get you through I found that them sugary laces help wen you get the alcohol craving . It's your body asking for sugar not the alcohol also I've you read back there is a drill you can follow till the craving passes x

Ah yes my lovely friend flumps the bus is called Gerald. We have Sidney the side-car of shame where anyone who fell off the bus is kept safe and warm and loved. In the sidecar lives Spirit the free-wheelin' biker-dog who wears a flying helmet and bears an uncanny resemblance to that guy in Easyrider. We also have Roger-the-rigidly-regulated-roofrack for those Babes who can do controlled drinking.
Then there is Barry the squid who Ma looks after and who is deployed to smack people across the chops if they are getting too self-critical ( are you making notes? keeping up?)
..oh and we also have a horse....but I have forgotton what she is called.
< yells down the bus in a northern fish-wife fashion> CAN anyone remember what the HORSE is CALLED?

So really simple then...grin

Well done on 7 days this you rock girrrl!!

ThisIsMyTime Tue 05-Nov-13 08:57:03

Thanks isinde feeling human again can wait for physical benefits to arrive ie weight hair etc where is baby these days ?

Onefewernow Tue 05-Nov-13 09:13:41

I'm sorry I posted and ran on Friday. I've just been so busy. H is working away for a few months, so we only see him Friday night to Sunday late afternoon too- making weekends difficult to post ATM.

Annie- your pattern and history sounds like mine. I also agree with Thisis, that for me drinking has become habitual rather than necessary. But difficult to take that first step off.

I did buy some knitting wool and a pattern and started knitting yesterday. That'll keep me busy evenings.

I had a bottle of wine and one glass left in the house on Friday. I drank that split between Friday and Saturday night, and havnt drunk Sunday or Monday. So it's a start.

I can't settle on an intention though. I'm not sure whether cut down or stop.

Onefewernow Tue 05-Nov-13 09:14:17

Thisis, well done you!

ThisIsMyTime Tue 05-Nov-13 09:31:44

Thanks one I'm like you want to do controlled but not sure if I can because wen I do drink I end up binging then going on a bender so I've decided to try AF November and see if my attitudes change towards drinking after that x

Imdoingthis Tue 05-Nov-13 09:40:02

Prrrrrrrr... Roar! This bus don't bite! It rocks grin

Hay if we are fluffy who cares this bus works we have it all here fluff and all, hot cock you name it gerold has it all

Yes it was a beer avoiding tactic as I'm skint now till end of week day two today x

Oh puhleese do put away the hot cocks...grin

I blame thurso I think Mr Thurso is not seeing to her needs sufficiently....smile

Onefewer hello lovely! Well done on climbing aboard the bus. Here's the thing, you can stay and post and no-one will mind if you don't have your intention thought through. Maybe posting and reading here will help you with that process.
Either way you are welcome here lovely. smile

shock at the fur bus! I imagined Gerald was a little less racey than that

aliasjoey Tue 05-Nov-13 12:18:13

well done isinde and thisis !

I have had an unexpected and unplanned Day 5. Something weird happened last night, which I still don't understand.

I had wine and didn't want it

confused

On one hand, this is wonderful - to not feel the need, urge, desire.

On the other hand - it's terrifying. What, not want to drink?! What if it carries on, the thought of never wanting a drink, of losing that lovely warm fuzzy feeling...

I actually feel quite bereft and panicky. God, how stupid does that sound. I'm at a weird stage where if I don't want a drink, will I go ahead and have it anyway, out of habit, or fear of what would happen or a terror of becoming 'dry'.

Sorry for the babble...

aliasjoey Tue 05-Nov-13 12:19:07

I think the horse is called Susan.

Hey joey I have been thinking about your post and why you might feel panicky at not fancying wine again. First of all I thought how bloody lucky grin, then I wondered if it comes from that fear of change many of us have. Not being comfortable about a shift in identity, you are a drinker right? If not that then what? I can't actually remember the last time I asked myself whether I actually wanted a drink. I was either having a drink or not having a drink. Whether I wanted it or never crossed my mind. So maybe it is a sign that your habit is changing, that instead of just automatically drinking the wine you are stopping to think about it and lo and behold sometimes the answer might be no! Either way, I hope you are having a good day 6.

Mumbles to self <Susan is a ridiculous name for a pretend horse> grin

Anneisnotmyname Tue 05-Nov-13 16:11:20

Joey I've had that happen before. When I first joined the bus I got to day six and drank for no reason. It was almost like I panicked at the thought of having a sober week. Like I was losing something.

I'm at day seven too thisis, can't quite believe it. I'm really hoping to do dry November but I'm trying not to think too far ahead.

Well done on staying sober in the hotel isinde smile I'm wondering myself how many times I've said 'oh I can't not drink it's Saturday/there's an open bottle, I can't not have some' I've not even tried. It's like I've sleep walked into this habit and told myself it was impossible to overcome so didn't even try.

Few I'm also unsure of my long term goal, probably controlled drinking. In the meantime I want to have as many af days as possible. I think this is a really good place to explore your issues with drinking, and work outwwhere you want to be.

Hope your feeling better soon mouse. I think you give so much of yourself to others you must be at risk of running on empty xx

Fairenuff Tue 05-Nov-13 16:17:11

I thought the horse was called Geraldine, or did I dream that confused

LRD named the horse, I do remember that much.

Onefewernow Tue 05-Nov-13 16:27:14

I think it is an amazing achievement to not drink at a hotel overnight, Isinde.

Oh and here's one I might find tricky- having half a bottle in the house and not bothering.

But something- I am a gardener, and when I gave up smoking I dreaded more than anything the thought of not being able to stop and have one in the garden.

It was tough fir two days, and I never thought about it after that. Maybe we dread more than is actually is dreadful, IFSWIM.

One I love the idea of a tough Fir days! grin
There is no way I would be ok with an open bottle in the fridge though. I am seriously considering how to deal with my dsis visit soon. I love her dearly and when we get together we drink....its just what we do. I am quailing at the idea of telling her I am not drinking with her. sad

I also am having real pangs of loss around not being able to drink again. I think on some level i need to mourn the loss of that life even though it has become negative and horrible...on some level it is what I know... Hope that makes some sort of garbled sense to some onesmile

The Horse is definatley Geraldine. I had forgotton that LRD named her ( where are you lovely? Come back and post? )

Although joey i kinda like the idea of a horse-called-Susan too smile

whydidthishappen Tue 05-Nov-13 17:29:05

Just checking in. Good to are all you lovely babes kicking ass.

Life still one endless debacle after the next but I'm still sober.

Fairenuff Tue 05-Nov-13 18:30:08

I like the idea of a horse-called-Susan. I also like the idea of a horse-called-Man (after a man called Horse). Maybe we could have a few horses following the bus and if anyone needs to catch up they can just whistle for Manny, or Susan, or Geraldine.

Have I finally lost the plot? confused grin

< Snuggles under fluffy blanket with Thurso >

Well done why you are totally amazing smile

Isinde how long is your dsis visiting for? If it's just one night, I reckon you could grit your teeth and get through it. It would be another achievement, another 'first' (or at least first for a long time) and you would feel so great the next day.

I think Onefewer is right. It is never as hard as we thought it was going to be, we just have to be so determined to get through the peak of the trigger and then it gets easier.

Btw babes I'm doing dry November too and am having a bit of a sort out of the house at the same time. Keeps me busy pottering around in the evenings when there's not much else to do.

Ladame did you have your first day at work today? How was it.

Mouse and everyone else, mwah x

Onefewernow Tue 05-Nov-13 18:44:19

with smoking, this is how I coped.

Several times each of the first few days I wanted one. A few times randonly after that.

But because I had already committed to stopping, i sort of had a mental image of me flicking the thought away out of my head, a bit like a fly. Its almost like saying to myself, 'oh, dont go there- you know you said you wont do that, so why think about it'. That has helped.

I feel I deserve a glass of wine tonight, after two days, but im not going to. So there.

Isinde- im not keen on Firs in gardens, as it happens. Very 50s.

guggenheim Tue 05-Nov-13 19:18:33

Fluffy hot cocks? firs? shock
Have you lot been at the vino?

There's nowhere like the bus really,is there? smile

Hope you are all well and much less mad then you sound. I'm battling the ww now. She always pops up around this time.Time for one of those post tonic waters I think.

Happy guy fawkes all- I usually see bonfire night as a good reason to start on the red very early. After all it would be ridiculous to just go any enjoy the fireworks,wouldn't it? hmm So a nice clear safe evening for me instead. I am looking forward to it just wish it was possible to have a little drink too.smile

aliasjoey Tue 05-Nov-13 19:19:03

beaches I wouldn't mind not wanting a drink sometimes but the idea of NEVER wanting one is scary!

And if I did want one, how to know whether it was a 'normal' desire or an unusual addictive desire??? confused

guggenheim Tue 05-Nov-13 19:19:39

posh not post. oh for fucks sake!

Them fluffy cocks distracted me.

dementedma Tue 05-Nov-13 19:36:56

Hot cocks on the bus? <grabs Thurso and runs for the hills>

Gerald, Geraldine, Spirit, Barrie......you forgot horrid baby doll!

shock This bus gets stranger by the minute and joey I am not sure that bringing up normal or unusual desires is going to help elevate the tone!

Maybe we dread more than is actually is dreadful This is spot on for me. I spend so much time projecting on how I am going to feel and more often than not is not the same as what I do feel.

isinde maybe look at it as trying on a new lifestyle rather than losing an old one. No-one has told you you can't go back but perhaps this choice is a better fit right now?

How are you purple? (apparently if you whistle you will summon a manly horse called Susan or was it a horrid baby doll with a fluffy cock, can't remember now)

Stay strong babes

Anneisnotmyname Tue 05-Nov-13 20:41:19

Finishing my first sober week in over four years! Just got back from a firework party where I'd normally have a drink and it was fine. Nobody tried to twist my arm to drink. Wine was offered, I said no as planned and that was it. Simples. I half think I imagine the pressure to drink will be more than it is so I don't even attempt not to...

Annie wow! What a brilliant acheivement. Bloody well done you
<awards Annie this weeks Smock-of-Smug prize - you get to wear the smock and to allow yourself to feel justifiably smug until you award it to someone else>

Ma NOOOOoooo! You mentioned Horridbabydoll! < peers anxiously over her shoulder into the shadows at the back of the bus>

(adopt wurzel- wife accent) Now my preciousnesses don' you go taking no notice of that there Ma an' her tales y'hear.....them stories of the horridbabydoll be just ol' wives tAles used to scare the bairns ....they'ze not real see....< shifts gaze uneasily towards the creaking back seat as ir slowly rises....>

Fairenuff Tue 05-Nov-13 21:35:37

No, no, def'ly not real...

< cowers behind Isinde >

Well done Annie, looking good in that smock. Wasn't there a badge as well? Isinde, go rummage in that box at the back...

beaches guggs faire and joey and everyone else around tonight. Thanks for being here. This thread really is a lifeline at the mo for me.
I am now in bed cos after feeling so smug this morning I had a massive wine craving travelling home tonight. All my triggers were there. Tired, long day, poor me I deserve a treat, I have been good ( so I will reward myself with booze for staying off the booze hmm wtf? ) I could swear that Bargain Booze is fitted with very strong isinde-magnets hmm

So I have done 'The Drill' and told DP how I was feeling. Made my apologies ( noted the kitchen looks like armegeddon but I am not coming home tired and cleaning as a) DP has been home for 2 days and done FA and B) that's my old pattern and leads to drinking) and have simply taken myself to bed. smile

Night night my lovely friends. Another sober day done. X x