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(106 Posts)
ANNETTE5355 Thu 17-Oct-13 19:32:50

I a guy a month ago and we still getting to know each other and now his ex wife who has been divorced from for 5 years (they have not been speaking much) wants him back,they have a 11 year old daughter together. They got divorced because she cheated on him and had another man's child. He told me on saturday and will be making his decision by the end of this week, he feels very bad for putting this on me and wants to do what is right for his daughter. I have been understanding and supportive up to now and listened, he has still been txting and ringing me everyday since she asked him.what do I do, how do I treat him, I have just been myself and not been any different and still laugh and joke and we able to talk about anything. He seems very confused.

Redtartanshoes Thu 17-Oct-13 19:35:04

Make it easy for him. Tell him to get fucked.

itsmeisntit Thu 17-Oct-13 19:35:22

Let him go. Cut contact don't wait around for someone to decide wheither they want to be with you or not.
You are worth more than this

SoleSource Thu 17-Oct-13 19:37:18

That old chestnut. Either he is using it as a get out clause to leave you or he is already seeing her.

Either way make the decision for him and lick the dirtbag to the kerb.

Cut all contact and never treat yourself like that again x

gamerchick Thu 17-Oct-13 19:38:50

Dump him... deciding at the end of the week indeed. How dare he!

MsWinnieBaygo Thu 17-Oct-13 19:39:58

Eh, deciding at the end of the week?? Tell him that you're not an option and he can save himself the decision. Cheeky fecker.

ScaryFucker Thu 17-Oct-13 19:41:16

Make the decision for him and save your self respect.

Are you seriously sitting by the phone whilst some bloke you hardly know decides who gets the Golden Prize That Is Him ?

Tell him to go fuck himself

JaceyBee Thu 17-Oct-13 19:42:03

Wow 5 years is a long time for her to change her mind suddenly! Are you the first woman he's been with in that time (that she knows of)?

Xales Thu 17-Oct-13 19:42:31

If he needs to take a week to decide between you and a woman who cheated on him, had another man's child (who I guess is there for his child so will always be involved), who he has not been speaking to much and then out of the blue says she wants him back he doesn't think very highly of you.

Tell him you don't need a week and goodbye.

It's only been a month consider it well worth it to get rid.

tribpot Thu 17-Oct-13 19:42:35

Is he having a laugh? Expecting to carry on seeing you whilst he decides if he's leaving you for his ex? Fuck that for a game of soldiers! I'd kick him to the kerb rather than lick him there as SoleSource suggests smile but get him there one way or another!

Dear God, tell the arrogant cunt to take a hike.

So you are the reserve partner sitting waiting on the subs bench in case the relationship with the ex doesn't work out?

flippinada Thu 17-Oct-13 19:43:52

He has a very high opinion of himself, doesn't he?

PoppadomPreach Thu 17-Oct-13 19:44:14

The fact he is even considering it means you absolutely need to tell him to piss off. He's being a prick.

PopcornGrace Thu 17-Oct-13 19:46:31

He has set himself up as the prize. Go on a date with someone else. Forget him.

Leverette Thu 17-Oct-13 19:47:38

Have they actually been divorced for five years? Given you met him a month ago, have you considered maybe you haven't been told the whole truth? Tell him to pull the other one, it's got bells on.

ANNETTE5355 Thu 17-Oct-13 19:48:24

no, I am not the first, he previously was in a relationship with a girl for 4 years after the divorce who wanted him to go back to her country and start a family and leave him daughter behind, so he broke up with her and now we have met on "eharmony", I just feel why did he put himself on a matching website if he is not sure if the past is the past, I do feel why do I have to go threw this, but also wanted to trust him and give it a chance, it does bug me why he is even considering going back, but i did not want to add extra stress to the stress he has to deal with now.

Annette, how can I say this kindly.
What fucking stress?
He's like a dog with two dicks.
You have known this douche for 4 weeks.
Where is your self respect in all this?

Putitonthelist Thu 17-Oct-13 19:51:24

So he's thinking about getting back with the woman who cheated on him and had another man's child?? That's your competition? I couldn't actually think of anything more insulting!!

Text him now and tell him you've made the decision easier for him. What a prick. Lucky escape there OP.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 17-Oct-13 19:51:37

What a pack of lies! My guess is that there is no girlfriend back in her own country and that you're just the latest in a series of affairs. He gives everyone a few weeks then pulls the 'my wife wants to try again' trick when he's had enough.

I smell excrement of the bovine variety.... hmm

PopcornGrace Thu 17-Oct-13 19:55:45

He likes having you as an option. Great book by Pat Allen called 'Getting to I do"

He thinks he has control of the situation with 2 women after him- keeps you dangling with 'confused' and 'stressed' man

See yourself as the prize - not him. Move on and forget him (more difficult if you've already started sleeping with him)

TwerkingNinetoFive Thu 17-Oct-13 19:57:40


Leverette Thu 17-Oct-13 19:57:40

Online dating site? He's probably a lying cheating douchebag who has an oblivious wife at home. Agree with vs trying smell of bovine excrement.

Leverette Thu 17-Oct-13 19:57:56

Online dating site? He's probably a lying cheating douchebag who has an oblivious wife at home. Agree with v strong smell of bovine excrement.

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime Thu 17-Oct-13 19:59:48

another vote for its all lies. he is breaking it to you 'gently' and is going to dump you. he wants to make it 'noble'.

but on the other hand this is a very odd thing to do and you are sooooo much better off without him.

C0ffeeN0biscuit Thu 17-Oct-13 20:01:38

omg, bovine excrement indeed. Tell him it turns out, his wife hired you and you're a private detective. Watch his blood run cold.

Lavenderhoney Thu 17-Oct-13 20:02:18

Sort yourself out to be busy tomorrow night, all weekend with friends.

Text him and tell him not to bother you again. What a lucky escape!

I had a bf like this once. I listened in amazement, realised what he was asking and ran away, literallysmile just caught some friends at the local before they went home and clarified he was a twunt. Whatever is happening in his life, you are best out of it!

Dahlen Thu 17-Oct-13 20:06:17

Wow. Even assume he's telling you the truth about this (of which I'm doubtful) any man who thinks it's a good idea to get back with his XW for the sake of their daughter after 5 years of being divorced should be dumped on the grounds of being completely stupid.

frustratedashell Thu 17-Oct-13 20:06:25

Yes I agree with all that's been said!

pictish Thu 17-Oct-13 20:11:05

He'll let you know by the end of the week??!!

Wtf is your dilemma here? As soon as I became any man's 'maybe' they could get to fuck!
Never make someone a priority if they'll only make you an option.
4 weeks in??
Self respect - get some!

29chapel Thu 17-Oct-13 20:12:48

Tell him to poke it.

summerbreezer Thu 17-Oct-13 20:13:07

Annette, I would strongly suggest you do two things:

1) Dump him.

2) Ring a counsellor and go and find out why you believe someone else's happiness is more important than your own.

I know, from bitter experience, that you will not form a decent relationship with a good man until you deal with your own issues. Good luck.

ANNETTE5355 Thu 17-Oct-13 20:13:12

Thank you all for your support, I am a honest, true, genuine person with so much to give and now this happens to me, his loss, I am going to txt him tomorrow and tell him I am not prepared to play second fiddle to his ex wife, he told me honesty is number one to him ???????

ScaryFucker Thu 17-Oct-13 20:14:07

Tell him now. What are you waiting for ?

Exactly that. Why wait?

Bogeyface Thu 17-Oct-13 20:16:16

Yep, I think he is lying too.

Chuck this one back.

IComeFromALandDownUnder Thu 17-Oct-13 20:16:55

Honestly Annette he is so not worth it. He is not going to choose you. If he was he would not need a week to think about it. Why are you acting all sweetness and light when he calls? Tell him to get lost tonight.

Dahlen Thu 17-Oct-13 20:18:04

The fact he's put you in this position is not because you're not good enough Annette it's because he's a twat. You could look like a supermodel, have the brain of Steven Hawking and the temperament of Mother Theresa and he'd still treat you like this because he's a fuckwit.


CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 17-Oct-13 20:18:18

She's not his 'ex' wife. There's no other man's child, no five year divorce etc... Text him that you've done some digging, know the truth about him and you'll be going public & talking to his wife tomorrow. (Or something similar) Make the cheating bugger sweat.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Thu 17-Oct-13 20:20:03

Hmm - would you want him to go back to your country if you stayed together?

SoleSource Thu 17-Oct-13 20:20:05

Yeah kick not lick lol sorry.

Text, do.not wait for a reply, block his number, email, FB , yahoo messenger, MSN etc

Feel smug he knows you know he is a cunting LIAR!

IComeFromALandDownUnder Thu 17-Oct-13 20:20:14

I suspect the same Cognito. Have you been to his house? Met any friends/family?

BUT even if he is telling you the truth dump him!!

ANNETTE5355 Thu 17-Oct-13 20:37:03

yes been to his flat, he works away all week end comes back to his flat on friday's, believe me a lot have thought have been playing on my mind about what is really going on, but I fell for the guy (I do not easily fall for someone) and wanted to give him a chance, can not believe this has happened to me !!!!!!!!!!!

ScaryFucker Thu 17-Oct-13 20:38:49

What are you going to do about it ? Carry on waiting by the phone ?

ScaryFucker Thu 17-Oct-13 20:39:20

You have been well and truly scammed, love. I hope you learn from this.

AmberLeaf Thu 17-Oct-13 20:45:28

Sounds like a crock of shit from a man who is married/in a long term relationship.

PeppermintPasty Thu 17-Oct-13 20:47:32

I love you lot grin

Kick him to the kerb, the cheeky bastard.

Vivacia Thu 17-Oct-13 20:49:17

You have been well and truly scammed, love. I hope you learn from this.

That's a bit harsh and unfounded. Makes it sound as though the OP's been naive and stupid which I don't think she has.

ScaryFucker Thu 17-Oct-13 20:50:28

I do. Until she came on here, she was waiting by the phone for this fuckwit to choose her.

There's gotta be a lesson to learn from that, surely ?

FolkGirl Thu 17-Oct-13 20:56:10

Step away from the man!

PerpendicularVincentPrice Thu 17-Oct-13 21:14:32

I agree with every other poster, you're being messed around. If he and his ex haven't spoken for a long time and she had a baby with another man, why would he even consider getting back with her?

WearingAnUmbrellaHat Thu 17-Oct-13 21:24:01

If I was you and he "chose me" I would always feel like second best. If he wanted you then he would have told her to bugger off straight away. Sorry to be harsh but best to save yourself a lot of heartache.

ScaryFucker Thu 17-Oct-13 21:29:52

Have you jettisoned him yet, OP ?

scarletforya Thu 17-Oct-13 21:41:58

It's not a good idea to fall for someone you've known for only four weeks. You say you want to trust him. Why? You don't trust someone you've only known four weeks. Someone you've known four weeks is not your boyfriend.

Btw, the ex thing and what's best for his daughter is a load of old shite. It's a convenient excuse he's going to use to drop you.

You rushed in far too quickly and I'm sorry but you've been very gullible.

middleeasternpromise Thu 17-Oct-13 21:51:11

I had this happen to me so dont beat yourself up there are some crazy motherfeckers out there. Guy I met was divorced 2 kids, his ex wife kicked him out as she was having an affair with the neighbour - quickly got pregnant and had BFs baby. Acrimonious as hell relationship (I saw the texts etc) but I just knew something wasn't right with this bloke (all talk not much substance) anyway decided it was going no where so binned him off. Low and behold he has got back with ex wife 6 years post divorce and taken on other mans kid. There are these mad people out there whose lives are so fecked up and they want to bring the whole sorry mess to your door. Smell a rat? its a rat, run for the hills and count yourself lucky this only took up a month of your time. Think of it as a mild distraction from the other stuff on dating websites.

Vivacia Fri 18-Oct-13 05:59:43

I agree. Falling in love after 4 weeks, trusting, caring and showing understanding does not make you the bad person here. His behaviour is the not ok behaviour and you were right to have your concerns and write about it here.

LibraryBook Fri 18-Oct-13 11:21:50

Text him and tell him that you know it's shallow but you've fallen for a man with a much bigger penis. Sorry.

C0ffeeN0biscuit Fri 18-Oct-13 11:25:59

I'd tweak that slightly. "sorry I know it's shallow but I want a man with no complications, thank you and good luck".

Where does he live during the week? clue it's with his wife

C0ffeeN0biscuit Fri 18-Oct-13 11:28:27

ps, every story he tells you paints him in a good light. The only and only relationship I had since my divorce, the man (like me) was aware of why they'd split up and had learned from the whole experience. We weren't right for each other and split up but he wasn't casting himself in the light of wronged injured party and casting the women in his life as people who'd wronged him. THAT would make me smell bovine excrement for SURE.

SoupDragon Fri 18-Oct-13 11:30:22

you've only invested a month of your life. Run like the wind!

Madlizzy Fri 18-Oct-13 11:31:41

You text him and tell him that you don't play second best to anyone, nor do you wait around for someone to decide if they want you or not, because you're actually far better than that.

Either that or tell him to go fuck himself.

Tweetypie27 Fri 18-Oct-13 11:41:30

When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time and he has shown himself for what he is. Run away from this idiot your sitting waiting for his decision while he leaves you dangling like a puppet on a string. Have some dignity here and dump him right now today and of course he's being charming and lovely that's what these men do and you deserve so much better!

CuChullain Fri 18-Oct-13 12:01:30

I can only add to what others have already said.

Move on.

If he was seriously keen and wanted to build a future with you his ex wife would have been told 'no' the moment the idea was mooted. Putting you on the back burner while he gets his act together is rude beyond belief. Nobody wants to be 'the one' after week long consultation exercise.

Lweji Fri 18-Oct-13 12:06:01

I hope you have dumped him already.

I wouldn't trust anything he says.

SoleSorceress Fri 18-Oct-13 12:35:21

Dump, dump, dump!!!

bestsonever Fri 18-Oct-13 12:35:22

Sorry, but the way you describe the whole circumstance as to how this has panned out screams at me that you should not use dating sites. Really, you have to be less easily lead on these sites otherwise you will repeatedly get hurt like this. I am betting you have not seen through what are very obvious lies, because once you DTD it clouded everything and you 'fell for him'. Sex does not equal commitment.
I tried eHarmony once, thinking mistakenly that men on there would be interested in a relationship, met someone - lots of chemistry but I held back, saw through stuff, challenged it, at which point he let me know I would of been just a shag. Dignity intact, minimal emotional attachment, just a day of feeling disappointment. That is as far as you should have got in the 4 weeks. Given OD the heave-ho now and much happier for it - life's too short to be wasting it on meeting arseholes.

FabricQueen Fri 18-Oct-13 12:49:21

He is confused? Bin him off, instantly. This happened to me a few years ago and I wish I had told him to fuck off to the far side of fuck. Turns out that her wanting him back also translated to him fucking her. hmm

bestsonever Fri 18-Oct-13 13:21:25

Hmm, I'm disputing the title too. I doubt he is your boyfriend as he is not exclusive to you. Have you discussed being exclusive in the 4 weeks? - something you need to do to be on the same page with OD. If it's not been talked about, assume there are others - 'works away during the week' could be a euphemism. Sex does not equal relationship with dating until you have it verbal intent for the future.

BooHissy Fri 18-Oct-13 19:48:11

Could he be playing with your mind, getting you to beg him to choose you?

he sounds seriously fucked up!

Ditch him!

HellonHeels Fri 18-Oct-13 20:02:45

Oh dear! PLEASE dump him he is awful!

mammadiggingdeep Fri 18-Oct-13 20:52:42

Oh for the hills!!!!!
Waiting for him to decide ?! Please, no!!!!! Bin him. He sooooo lives with his wife or ow in the week
You've had a lucky escape x

Lizzabadger Sat 19-Oct-13 06:31:06

Do what librarybook says (and please be less naive next time).

Mojavewonderer Sat 19-Oct-13 09:25:58

He sounds delightful op ;)
Seriously though op, the nerve this guy has to sit there and openly ponder which relationship to go for.....
'hmmm the ex wife or the new girlfriend....whichever will I choose.'
What a cad!!

whilewildeisonmine Sat 19-Oct-13 09:53:21

Run for the hills! This happened to me (although longer than a month in and I was pregnant at the time) and if I'd known then what I know now I would have stayed well away.

You definitely need to spend some time sorting yourself out before you date again. You sound naive, young and desperate. It's fine to be single, fine to have lots of casual sex (which is actually very good for women. It stops you falling for bullshit and putting up with men who are crap in bed), fine to be completely celibate if that's what you prefer.
But at the moment you seem to be desperate for The One and therefore cast any halfwit with a cock in the role of Prince Charming, and that's not good for you.

antimatter Sat 19-Oct-13 11:08:50

what SolidGoldBrass said and also most men on dating sites are there for a quick shag, so they won't worry about you & take what they are there for

you never mentioned how long you have been single for, but myself having gone through break up of my marriage and getting used to idea of being on my own can recognize point at which you are now

lots of other good advice on this thread - I bet all from experience :D

Kelly94 Sat 19-Oct-13 14:18:15

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Wellwobbly Sat 19-Oct-13 14:46:49

'The Unified Theory of Cake' -

Isetan Sat 19-Oct-13 15:21:25

It's not you it's him. Even if he is telling the truth he isn't worthy of you. Unfortunately there are a lot of dick led wankers on dating sites and maybe you don't have the stomach (I certainly don't) for such an environment where they hangout.

Falling hard for someone you hardly know can happen but you have to be more cautious as such strong emotions will cloud your beter judgement.

You sound lovely but stay away from bear pits (dating sites) for your own sanity. Dump his ass!

tinyturtletim Sat 19-Oct-13 15:28:49

Any man who has to consider if they want to be with you is not worth a second of your time

nkf Sat 19-Oct-13 15:29:50

You move on. It's over. Can't you see that?

ScaryFucker Sat 19-Oct-13 18:42:44

where has OP gone ?

Vivacia Sat 19-Oct-13 19:09:13

She should have stuck around for a bit more of people telling her how niave she is, if the first ten weren't enough.

Branleuse Sat 19-Oct-13 19:18:41

hes still with her.

ScaryFucker Sat 19-Oct-13 19:19:06

I'd feel better if she has dumped him.

Not my problem though, of course.

The lack of response implies she has run screaming back to his duplicitous arms, but we don't know that. Not hard to imagine though. sad

Vivacia Sat 19-Oct-13 19:24:02

Hey! Does anyone have a theory as to why OP's boyfriend is doing this?

ScaryFucker Sat 19-Oct-13 19:27:52

< backs away slowly from the fighty one >

Strangely enough, most people post on the relationships board because they are concerned about the OP and don't want to see her/him get hurt.

ouryve Sat 19-Oct-13 19:28:06

If he has to stop and think about it, your decision is made, already. Besides, getting back together with an ex isn't something you simply do for the sake of a child.

Now I'm going to read the rest of the replies, as I assume this has moved on since your first post.

ouryve Sat 19-Oct-13 19:32:00

Or maybe not. Hey ho.

BasilBabyEater Sat 19-Oct-13 20:02:45

The reason he told you this, is because he can't continue to see you anymore because his wife is getting suspicious, but he doesn't even have the cojones to dump you. He thought that you'd be so outraged by being told that you're the also-ran, that you'd send him a furious text telling him it was finished and then he could breathe a sigh of relief that it's over, tell himself you ended it not him so he's not the bad guy and spend the next six or so weekends with his wife so that her suspicions are allayed before he starts up again on the dating site.

Really OP you need counselling because if you have so little self-esteem that you would tolerate this sort of man in your life, you need to do something about it otherwise you will spend the next few years being walked all over and you don't deserve that.

Wellwobbly Sun 20-Oct-13 07:51:02

Hey! Does anyone have a theory as to why OP's boyfriend is doing this?

Yes. It is as clear as mud.

'The Unified Theory of Cake'

Cake eating is the preferred Nirvanic state of the unrepentant cheater. It’s the situation in which the cheater has the affair partner (AP) and the spouse. (“Having your cake and eating it too.”) In fact, cake is a preferred lifestyle for many.

Ideally, the spouse is unaware of the AP, because that means the cheater has unfettered access to cake. After discovery, however, many cheaters will go to tremendous lengths to maintain cake. Cake eating is confusing to chumps. Chumps tend to think of affairs as competitions – it’s me or him! Or what does she have that I don’t have? Chumps see marriage through their own lens, of monogamy and commitment to one person. If they are not committed to me, a chump thinks, then they’re for the AP. So who’s it gonna be?

Cake eaters do nothing to dissuade a distraught chump from this line of thinking. They would prefer a competition in which they are the center of the drama — all attention is on them! And a catfight ensues over their fabulousness. Cheaters would prefer you not discover their cheating, but if it must be revealed, this is how they’d like to see it play out. You try harder to win them back and maybe if you’re lucky, they’ll choose you! (See “The Humiliating Dance of ‘Pick Me’!”)

The goal of cake is not to choose. Chumps often go painful round after painful round as the cheater “commits” to the marriage and then retreats. Swears to be faithful to the spouse, and then is caught again with the AP. Makes promises to both the chump (and the AP), and breaks them. The cheater is NOT trying to decide between two people – the cheater is trying to maintain cake. Cake eaters are NOT confused. They are deliberately trying to maintain an unfair situation at your expense.

Cake eaters act vague. They need time. They appeal to you for patience. They feel very, very sorry for themselves. They’ll assert that they’re trying very hard to appease you (they’re not, but they may throw you a bone like marriage counseling, or sex, or paying attention to their children), but you’re soooo unreasonable with your demands. Cake eaters are defensive when you question their commitment or the sincerity of their remorse. They really just want you to leave them alone and let them get back to the business of eating cake.

There is only one way to deal with a cake eater and that is to take away the fork and leave.

Vivacia Sun 20-Oct-13 08:19:01

Phew, glad somebody finally had a theory to share.

Lweji Sun 20-Oct-13 08:23:58


Wellwobbly Sun 20-Oct-13 11:01:09

<adds confused to Lweji>

passive aggression is soooo attractive, don't you find?

Vivacia Sun 20-Oct-13 11:58:52

I'm being sarcastic, it's not passive aggressive. I'm really surprised at how unhelpful people are being to the OP. I'm not surprised she's not returned yet for more of the same treatment.

BasilBabyEater Sun 20-Oct-13 12:13:48

I don't think people are being unhelpful Vivacia, I think they're trying to be helpful; they want the OP to recognise not just that the bloke's behaviour is a problem (he's clearly fucking her about) but that her behaviour is a problem as well - the response of a normal, functional woman to such behaviour would be to instantly bin him, while her response was to give him the benefit of the doubt.

That's a bigger problem for her, because she can get rid of the bloke, no problem, but she's left with the fact that she is prepared to put up with shit from men and call it being supportive - what about the next git who comes along? That's a much bigger problem for her and people want her to see that and address it, so that she doesn't ever get treated like this again. I don't know how to express it any more helpfully than that, hope you're not experiencing this as unhelpful OP.

ScaryFucker Sun 20-Oct-13 12:48:56

Viv, would it have been better if people had given her a patronising pat on the hand and said "you stand by your man, he's just a bit confused right now, you know how men are so hard of thinking.... etc" ?

That would have been very unhelpful. As it turns out that is entirely the tack she has taken, but it is her own choice what she does with the advice that she specifically asked for

ScaryFucker Sun 20-Oct-13 12:50:41

Also, it seems logical to me that if lots of people are saying the same thing, they probably have a point

Thants Sun 20-Oct-13 12:58:57

Don't wait on his decision. If he cared about you he wouldn't need time to decide he would know that he wants to be with you. Walk away because he is walking all over you.

Lweji Sun 20-Oct-13 13:07:35

Not sure what Vivacia would have considered helpful. confused

And the theory comments are weird at best. They don't sound sarcastic nor passive aggressive. Just provocatory, IMO.

And if you have better, more thoughtful advice why not go ahead and give it?

The OP has her own reasons for not returning. She may not have liked the answers here, she may have told him to feck off and has no more need for advice, or she may be on NM asking for more advice.
It's up to her and no need to tell off posters about something we know nothing about.

Vivacia Sun 20-Oct-13 13:16:10

BasilBaby I found your post really useful. I just don't think hinting (or outright saying) "you're abnormal and dysfunctional" is helpful. Especially as her behaviour seems pretty normal to me, we've all made mistakes because we've wanted to be loved or supportive or a good friend.

ScaryFucker it's not an either-or situation. It's not a case of
1) "Stand By Your Man And Be A Doormat" or

I agreed with the early advice of,

3) "he's not good enough for you mate, tell him you've made the decision for you".

Wellwobbly Sun 20-Oct-13 13:23:12
BasilBabyEater Sun 20-Oct-13 13:39:16

But the problem with leaving it at "this particular bloke isn't good enough for you" is that it doesn't address the problem of the next one, or the one after that...

Vivacia Sun 20-Oct-13 13:47:20

If it's a new way of thinking about relationships, I think it's a proportional and therefore kind response.

Lweji Sun 20-Oct-13 13:48:18

I think the advice for counselling is quite good, as who (who has good self esteem) really wants to feel they are one of the three bachelorettes in the Dating Game? Or worse, the Bachelor? confused

It doesn't mean "you're abnormal and dysfunctional" (V.'s words).

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