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What is the age gap between yourself and your partner?

(87 Posts)
squinney Mon 30-Sep-13 15:58:23

and what would you consider to be too old or too young?

miffybun73 Mon 30-Sep-13 16:00:41

2 years.

I'd say that a gap of more that 5 years either way would be too much for me, but some people have 20 year gaps and are quite happy with that.

Rooble Mon 30-Sep-13 16:02:25

I'm 5 years older. It suits us fine. I think it's down to the individuals really. Like every aspect of a relationship

tanfastic Mon 30-Sep-13 16:03:49

Dh is 8 years older and I wouldn't go above 10 years' older or 5 years younger.

valiumredhead Mon 30-Sep-13 16:04:57

3 years. I'm not sure I'd consider anything too old tbh.

themonsteratemyspacebar Mon 30-Sep-13 16:05:55

DP is 2 years older. I wouldn't go younger but would probably go up to 10 years older

Greydog Mon 30-Sep-13 16:05:58

I'm 10 years older than my DH! It came as quite a shock to some people when they found out at a recent birthday!

Capitaltrixie Mon 30-Sep-13 16:08:43

DP is 7 years younger. I NEVER thought I'd go more than a couple of years younger..

Ledkr Mon 30-Sep-13 16:08:51

Me too greydog it's a feather in my cap!

merlin Mon 30-Sep-13 16:09:04

I'm 6 years older than DH - love having a toyboy!!

I guess if you have the same interests and outlook on life age is but a number. The only time I could see a big age gap being an issue would be with children if they were little.

I am 1 MONTH older than dh!

fruitpastilles Mon 30-Sep-13 16:09:26

Dp is 16 years older, works for us smile

cogitosum Mon 30-Sep-13 16:09:47

Dh 17 years older! Never thought I would've considered that but he's great and we're really happy! It helps that he's very fit etc and young looking

DH is 2 years older. In the past I dated a bloke 25 years older. DH definitely has a firmer bum

RobinSparkles Mon 30-Sep-13 16:10:44

7 months. He is older and I never let him forget it wink.

I don't know what my age gap limit would be. I think it depends on the person. Some people act older than they are and some people act younger etc.

I wouldn't go much younger - maybe a year or two.

poshfrock Mon 30-Sep-13 16:16:01

DH is 5 years younger. Works for us. Ex-DH was 4 years older. I found him too controlling. But maybe that's just him and nothing to do with his age... Anyway I look younger than DH ( so people tell me) so I'm happy with that and so is he. smile

myflabberisgasted Mon 30-Sep-13 16:18:02

my DH is 19 years older... works brilliant for us as he is still a massive child at heart!
We have been together just over 5 years smile

DH is 12 years older than me. We have been together for 15 years so it must be working!

I don't think I have an upper or lower age limit, I think it depends on the person.

tory79 Mon 30-Sep-13 16:21:24

Dh is 8 years older. We've been together for 9 years now, and to be honest, it's starting to become an issue. I never noticed it when we were first together, but now at 34 and 42 there is quite a difference between us and not in a good way sad

HappyJustToBe Mon 30-Sep-13 16:23:05

DH is 6 years older. We don't tend to notice.

Don't have an upper/lower limit really.

EstelleGetty Mon 30-Sep-13 16:24:22

DH is 10.5 years my senior. I'd agree with Jemima - depends totally on the two people in question.

Our age gap isn't without its issues - DH is obviously much further along in his career than me, and our earnings are vastly different as a result. And I used to worry about him being an 'older' father (we don't have DC yet, but would like to. I'm 27 and he's 38), but I've come to see that as not being an issue. On the positive side, he thrills me with lots of wonderful tales of Glasgow in the mid-late 70s and the three day week! And I explain who people in Heat magazine are to him. smile

Dahlen Mon 30-Sep-13 16:25:03

XH was 17 years older. It didn't work out but not because of anything age-related. Current BF is 9 years older, though you'd think we were much closer in age if you saw us together. He looks younger than his age and I got the face I deserve through some serious partying in my 20s. wink

I don't think age gaps matter either way in terms of compatibility. You'll have more in common with a like-minded individual 15 years older than someone you own age who has totally different interests and values. Also, maturity doesn't really alter personality after about 23 years of age IMO. So-called immaturity is more of a character flaw IMO than it is something which improves with age.

The only things to consider about age gaps are other people's reactions if you are sensitive to wider opinion, and the implications for health when you are older.

CaptainCupcake Mon 30-Sep-13 16:25:15

Husband is 5 years older. I have always dated older men, never been attracted to anyone my age or younger. Actually that's a lie, once I had a date with a guy a year younger and it was disastrous!

I am happy with the gap as it is now, and can't see that changing. It's big enough that we are on a similar level intellectually, but not so big that it will cause issues.

KittyMcAllister Mon 30-Sep-13 16:25:19

DH is 4.5 years older, seems to work very well. I've always gone for older men, would probably go up to about 15 years older - don't think I'd go younger much tbh.

pxmx Mon 30-Sep-13 16:34:04

DH is 12 years older. I've never had a boyfriend of the same age or younger they have always been older. With dh you would never know there was more than two or three years between us and people are often shocked to find out his age. In fact he is more of a big kid than I am smile

mrsmartin1984 Mon 30-Sep-13 16:39:48

My DH is 5 1/2 years older. But it does depend on the persons involved. There are some immature 40 year olds and some mature 20 year olds.

Wigeon Mon 30-Sep-13 16:41:46

17 days. I am older grin!

squinney Mon 30-Sep-13 16:42:20

Thanks everyone smile I'm considering meeting someone who is 44, I'm 36. Which is making me slightly nervous, but, from what I can gather, personality, intellect and lifestyle have a lot more to do with compatibility than age.

thecockyfoxreturns Mon 30-Sep-13 16:42:50

DH is 9 years older than me, we have been together 12 years, we are very happy but I know that mumsnet thinks I was groomed as I was 17 and he was 26 when we got together.

caramellokoalalover Mon 30-Sep-13 16:44:56

I'm 3 days older than DH. Cradle snatcher wink I agree with you though, compatibility is more important that a specific age gap.

TwoTearsInABucket Mon 30-Sep-13 16:47:58

DH is 9 years older than me. I am nearly 39. If DH had been younger he wouldn't have been ready for children at the same time as me I think.

We have been together 14 years and the age difference was much more noticeable at the beginning of the relationship.

Sometimes DH is really annoying and talks to me like he is the parent, but that's not our age difference that's just because he's annoying!

milk Mon 30-Sep-13 16:48:38

DH is 9 years, 3 months, 23 days older than me.

BabyStone Mon 30-Sep-13 16:49:34

There is a 7 year age gap between me and DP, i am in my mid 20's and he is early 30s
Before DP I also went for guys who were my age or 1-2 years older, and didn't like the idea of being with someone who was 'alot' older than me and maybe only a year younger than me. But we met, got on really well. He doesn't look or act his age which i think makes me forget his actual age

MummyBeerest Mon 30-Sep-13 16:50:00

DH is 6 years older. I'm 30, he's 36...though I suspect he's secretly 85.

CbeebiesIsMyLife Mon 30-Sep-13 16:50:47

Dh is almost 7 years older than me, I've never really though about it tbh.

weblette Mon 30-Sep-13 16:51:25

20 years between dh and me, this year is our joint 100th! His age has never really been an issue as he stays v fit. We've been married 11 years and have 4dcs.

MummyBeerest Mon 30-Sep-13 16:52:39

Oh...and not sure about my age cap. PrPresumably, not so old that he'd wear dentures or so young thay he'd wear braces.

DH is 7yrs older. I'd go up to 15yrs older. I'd go down to 5yrs younger.

Sindarella Mon 30-Sep-13 16:58:35

P is 10 years older. I don't think i would go younger, or near my age as i think it takes the male species longer to mature grin

OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 30-Sep-13 16:59:19

squinney 44 and 36 is more than normal. I think there's this unwritten rule of half your age plus 7. If your lover/partner/spouse is younger than that, then it becomes a bit strange. I know it's no one is supposed to judge others for love. But it came up with one of our old university friends. He had a divorce last year. And last month he started boasting on fb about his new gf. He's 39 going on 40. His new girl friend graduated from university last year and is 20 or 21. It just feel a bit sleezy, especially all the gifts and expensive meal photos that get posted.

OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 30-Sep-13 16:59:48

I think without that type of fb posts, it would probably look ok!

Tory79 if you don't mind my asking, what sort of difference have you run into? DH and I have a similar age gap and so far so good.

Quote To be honest, it's starting to become an issue. I never noticed it when we were first together, but now at 34 and 42 there is quite a difference between us and not in a good way Quote

Pachacuti Mon 30-Sep-13 17:01:51

6 months.

I suppose up to a point I go along with the bottom of age range being (half your age) plus seven years, top of age range being twice (your age minus seven years) which for you would mean anyone from 25 to 58. But there are plenty of successful relationships outside that range, too.

gamerchick Mon 30-Sep-13 17:02:50

He's 12 years older than me... I adore the bones off him.

I agree that compatibility is more important than age.

You don't have anything to lose do you OP?

Dp is 7 years older. Dated a guy once who was 36 when I was 18, and was fine at the time, but was clearly nothing serious!

springthorn Mon 30-Sep-13 17:08:05

DP is 8 months younger than me. Anyone I've ever had a long term relationship with has been very close in age to me, although I'd probably consider dating anyone between 30 and 45 (I'm 34).

ajmc67 Mon 30-Sep-13 17:09:24

I'm 45, nearly 46...bf is 23. Been together four and a half years. I'm sure many people think it's odd/sleazy but that's their problem...we're quite happy!

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Mon 30-Sep-13 17:10:08

dp is 12 years older than me, I don't have an age limit ive been out with older and younger men and really don't think age matters.

ouryve Mon 30-Sep-13 17:10:31

I'm 4 years older. At our age, it's hardly an issue.

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter Mon 30-Sep-13 17:11:38

There's only a week between DH and I.

ExH was four years older, but I don't think his age made any difference to our relationship, although he did have a habit of 'pulling rank', I think that was because of the type of person he was rather than the age gap.

JennySense Mon 30-Sep-13 17:13:22

18 years for us and we've been married for 16 years. The only thing I would say is that we had to work hard at doing new things together and going to new places, as invariably DH would already done something before. He started university the year I was born!

overitalready Mon 30-Sep-13 17:15:36

dp is 18 years older than me. Its never been as issue for me, we're very similar in our outlooks so I guess that helps smile

I find other people have more of an issue with it and have heard over and over again 'she's only with him for the money' And I've yet to find 'the money' 4 years later!

Do what feels right for you

Metalhead Mon 30-Sep-13 17:18:54

DH is 6 months older than me. I once (briefly) dated a guy at uni who I think was about 12 years older than me - when he told me about something he did when he was 20 I realised I would have been only 8 at that time, and that really freaked me out for some reason!!

Personally I'd probably draw the line at 5 years older or 2 years younger (if more they'd be younger than my little brother which again I'd find weird).

Bonsoir Mon 30-Sep-13 17:18:54

13 months.

I'm not personally given to relationships with men who aren't more or less the same age as me, but I have friends with seemingly happy marriages and 12-15 year age gaps. They don't spend as much time together as we do, though.

OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 30-Sep-13 17:21:11

The problem I would see with a large age gap is when the older one gets to retirement. I work full time so for me it would probably feel like I'm paying for him to do nothing a home. If I were a stay at home mum, I would worry where money is going to come from for the next 20 years before I get to retirement age, and then what my pension provision would be. Obviously doesn't apply to the vey rich.

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs Mon 30-Sep-13 17:21:38

3 months. Childhood sweethearts smile

SevenOnwardsAndUpwards Mon 30-Sep-13 17:22:43

Day is 13 years older than me, it works great for us and we've been together nearly 10 years.

BlatantRedhead Mon 30-Sep-13 17:23:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PosyNarker Mon 30-Sep-13 17:25:30

A few months. I am older. He is a young 30-something in many ways but I think he'll be a big kid at 50 to be honest.

My only slight worry early doors was that he might suddenly decide he wants kids at 40 (we aren't planning to have children) because I do think some men are 'ready for a family' later but he is fully aware of the limitations of my biology in that respect (not saying I would change my mind, but at 40-something I may not have the option).

overitalready Mon 30-Sep-13 17:29:02

One you really feel you would be paying him to do nothing? Regardless of age gaps I hope by the time I retire people don't look at me as if I done nothing after working 60 plus years of my life

Tigerbomb Mon 30-Sep-13 17:35:10

My DH is 12 years younger <go me> . I am 47. We have now been together 8 years , married for 5

It bothered me a lot at first but that was my issue not his. I suppose it helps that he and all his family/friends thought we were the same age

RegTheMonkey Mon 30-Sep-13 17:38:16

My husband is 8 years younger than me. We've been married 17 years in a few weeks. The biggest gap was with an older man who was 23 years older but I adored him.

emmelinelucas Mon 30-Sep-13 17:45:21

My husband is almost 17 years older than me.
It doesnt really matter because we were both quite old when we married.
I dont think the age diference matters so much after a certain age.
I love him smile

Wuxiapian Mon 30-Sep-13 17:48:09

DP is 10 years older - met 11 years ago, been together 5.

BabyBorn Mon 30-Sep-13 17:49:27

19 years between us. Have been together just over 6 years and have 2 DC, married for almost 5 years.There is a noticeable age gap when it comes to life in general as he's very calm and likes a quiet easy life and happy to be at home all time when he's not working etc, where I am different.

Never been with anyone my own age, always been 5 + years older when I was younger but now I wouldn't go under 15 years or over 25 (depending on the persons general health and fitness of course)

Grotbagstwin Mon 30-Sep-13 17:52:33

5 years between myself and dp, I presumed he was older as his friend who set us up knew I liked older men, a month doen the line I found out he was only 5 years older and I admit if I found. Out on first date it wouldn't have gone any further! blush
My biggest age gap was 21 year gap for a relationship in the past.

OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 30-Sep-13 17:53:21

over yes in the sense that I am not ready for a pensioners lifestyle at 40. But if I am with someone who is say 30 years older than me and in retirement, the chance of him being able to afford overseas holidays are lower. And let's not talk about saving up for a university education for the children. I'm only putting the very rational hat on.

Not everyone retired can't afford done luxury in life ofc. My aunt's husband is retired and goes to plenty of expensive foreign holidays and stay in hotel suites. But with two incomes, we still have to save for our holidays, so I'm just talking at a more normal income level.

OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 30-Sep-13 17:53:54

And I expect my retirement will be poor obviously. I have peanuts in my pension provisions.

OneLittleToddleTerror Mon 30-Sep-13 17:55:17

My uncle has just had a new baby a couple of years ago at 58. The wife is 30. So I have plenty of family example to imagine what it could be like.

PaperPomPom Mon 30-Sep-13 18:07:53

DH is 12 years older than me. I'm an old head on younger shoulders and he's like a big kid sometimes, so it works and isn't really noticeable. Most people think we are both around the same age until we tell them otherwise.

I never thought I'd want someone older, but it's just the way it turned out. We haven't got DC together (he has 2, I have none) but it doesn't concern either of us that he will be older as he's so young behaviour wise, fit and healthy. We are just waiting for the right time impatiently.

Calabria Mon 30-Sep-13 18:48:01

My husband is almost eleven years younger than me. It works for us.

My ex is fourteen years older than me. That worked too. It wasn't the age gap that split us up, we were together for eighteen years.

deste Mon 30-Sep-13 19:03:44

DH is two weeks older than I am.

Straitjacket Mon 30-Sep-13 19:10:24

He is 8 months older than me.

No more than 10 years older for me I think, and 5 years younger (currently. Might change as I get older!)

timetohaveago Mon 30-Sep-13 19:29:00

DH was 10 years older. Age was partly to blame for our split as he had very dated expectations of a woman's role and he was a dickhead

Last two long term relationships have been 6 and 7 years younger and age wasn't an issue.

But now I'm 50ish I'm wondering how feasible it is to attract a younger partner........but I'm trying. Definitely don't want someone older, except for wining and dining purposes grin

Ledkr Mon 30-Sep-13 19:30:53

It's nice to hear of all the you her men older women combos in this thread.
It works well here too and I even managed a baby at 43 buy I often wonder if we are in a very tiny minority.

DH is 14 days older than me.

I've stuck within a few years either way.

I have had a major, major work crush on a man 15 years older than me and wouldn't think twice if I was single. But he is very mature, caring, thoughtful fit as a fit fittie & handsome. He also has youngish tastes. Our other desk buddy was 2 years younger than him, but always seemed like an old man.

Crownjewel Mon 30-Sep-13 19:42:26

DP is 10 years older than me, and neither of us have ever considered the 'age gap'.

That said, XP is 19 years older and it wasn't an issue either, in fact we're still very good friends - the reason it doesn't work out between us was an, 'expectation gap'.

I have never dated anybody younger than me though (I agree with previous posters about the male mind taking longer to mature grin)

FellatioNelson Mon 30-Sep-13 19:42:57

DH is five years older than me, and my ex-H was four years older. I've never had a younger boyfriend, and oldest fling/shag was 18 years older, when I was 23 and he was 41. He wanted to date me properly but tbh I just found him too old for me. I can't imagine being with anyone more than ten years older/younger but I wouldn't rule it out in theory.

cupcakeicing Mon 30-Sep-13 19:44:28

DH is 8 years older, we have different memories of children's TV programmes but other than that we are soulmates.

fluffyraggies Mon 30-Sep-13 19:47:45

DH is 10 years younger than me grin

XH was 2 years older.

It helps that i look younger than i am and he looks older than he is. Well it helps me, anyway, as i am shallow enough to worry about that kind of stuff smile

My DP is 21 years older than me. We have been together for 3 years and getting married soon. The age gap has not yet presented an issue smile

TaudrieTattoo Mon 30-Sep-13 20:24:54

DP is fifteen years older than me. Age gap a complete non-issue. He's great. I completely adore him.

STBXH was three years older and just about ready for his pipe and slippers.

It's not what's on the birth certificate, it's who they are as a person.

thegreylady Mon 30-Sep-13 20:34:28

My dh is 8 years older than me-it works well for us.
My dd is 13 months older than her dh and that is fine too.
My dh was 12 years older than his ex and she found that a problem.She is now married to a man 10 years younger than her-they seem fine.

WingDefence Mon 30-Sep-13 20:35:56

I'm 36 too but my DH is 52 so 16yrs between us. We met at work when I was 24 and he was 40 and finally got together when I was 29 and he was 45.

He's wonderful and we have a very happy marriage. FWIW there was a similar age gap between his parents.

36 and 44 is not that much of a gap to me smile

WingDefence Mon 30-Sep-13 20:36:44

It's not what's on the birth certificate, it's who they are as a person.

^^ This smile

MrsPnut Mon 30-Sep-13 20:39:51

OH is 5 years older than me and I don't even notice apart from pulling his leg about being an old codger. We like the same type of music and have mostly the same reference points from our childhood.

queenbitchapparently Mon 30-Sep-13 20:56:27

My ex husband was 9 years older than me. I have had a bf that was 12 years older than me.
My current partner is a couple of years older.
I don't really have an upper age limit but would not date anyone significantly younger than me.

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