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I've left him

(35 Posts)
frustratedashell Thu 26-Sep-13 23:21:13

Things have been difficult since I moved in with my partner 4 weeks ago. I moved 160 miles to be with him. But he's still behaving like a single man. I've spoken to him about it many times. He just doesn't get it. I had one last try to talk to him tonight, went badly. So i told him I was leaving. I packed an overnight bag and am now at a travel lodge. Going back in the morning to pack my stuff and go back home tomorrow or Saturday. I haven't cried yet. Just feel angry. Can't sleep.
He's not going to change is he? We're both mid 50`s. I can't livetthe way he wants to. I've given up my whole life for him butIhe can't see that. I know i will get over it but I've got it wrong again!

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 26-Sep-13 23:24:03

Don't give yourself a hard time. Give credit for recognising he doesn't intend to change his knobby single ways.

akaWisey Thu 26-Sep-13 23:26:47

Oh that's shit, but I'm glad you walked so you've left him in no doubt you mean what you say. Don't look back.

Is he likely to try and talk you round? I think he might if he's a man-child, otherwise who's going to put up with him?

frustratedashell Thu 26-Sep-13 23:28:47

Thanks guys. I don't think he thought I would go through with it. He got a bit of a shock. Don't know if he will try to talk me out of it. But my mind is made up.

ImperialBlether Thu 26-Sep-13 23:31:21

Do you have somewhere to go back to, OP? Did you give up your home to be with him?

frustratedashell Thu 26-Sep-13 23:33:20

I was in a rented room in a lovely house. I've text them tonight and I can go back. So I'm lucky there. But no job

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 26-Sep-13 23:34:34

Chances are, in his 50's he is fairly set in his ways....<voice of experience> Will you be ok Frustrates?

Midwifeandmum Thu 26-Sep-13 23:34:41

Good for u. Some poor women take years to leave an unhappy relationship whilst others never get the chance. Take your happiness first. It will take a bit of time before u see the benefit. We r all here for a shoulder to cry on hun xxx
Zoe

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 26-Sep-13 23:35:03

Cross post.

frustratedashell Thu 26-Sep-13 23:41:47

Yes I will be okay. Thank you. I suffer with depression and am going through the menopause. But I am strong most of the time. Funny thing is he says he's given up loads for me! He can't name anything though when challenged on it! Lol

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 26-Sep-13 23:47:52

Well, speaking as a menopausal old bag, my depression got a lot better when I got rid of XH lol...

frustratedashell Thu 26-Sep-13 23:50:03

Lol . Well let's hope I'm the same!

MariaLuna Thu 26-Sep-13 23:54:04

Chances are, in his 50's he is fairly set in his ways....

Nah, it's not about the age, it's about the mind set. You can find people in their 20's like that.

I'm in my 50's and still energetic. Go out. Travel, etc.
Shit! My parents were driving around Spain in their 80's! way to go!

Give yourself a pat on the back you left after 4 weeks and not 4 years!...

Life is too short to waste it on fuck-overs.

Just move on...

frustratedashell Thu 26-Sep-13 23:55:26

Thanks Maria.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Fri 27-Sep-13 00:03:23

Yes, bad as it is now, it would be worse if you left it till later. At least you can get your place to live back. Maybe this will open new doors for you job wise. You're being very strong.

frustratedashell Fri 27-Sep-13 00:08:21

Thanks snazzy. I do feel strong at the moment but I don't think it's sunk in yet. I hope he's not there tomorrow when I pop back to pack my stuff. He should be at work.

Well done, frustrated. Shame he turned out to be a loser.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Fri 27-Sep-13 00:15:55

I'm sorry. It's shit, even when it's the right thing to do sad

How long had you known him and how much time had you actually spent together before you moved up there?

frustratedashell Fri 27-Sep-13 00:17:12

Yes Ellen it is! He's so nice in other ways and we love each other so much. But we can't get past this problem. I know i have to move on. Start brain, I've done it before, so I can do it again. I've been through worse situations. At least I've hung on to my self esteem.

frustratedashell Fri 27-Sep-13 00:21:10

It was all very quick , Chipping. Was emailing and texting as friends for 3 years but didn't meet till this may. Saw him at weekends cos of the distance. But it felt so right! So yet again my bloody mother was right!! She said it was too soon. Oh well!

frustratedashell Fri 27-Sep-13 00:24:51

Going to try to sleep now. Goodnight all.
Be back tomorrow! Sorry not start brain, meant start again!

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Fri 27-Sep-13 00:29:15

Are you happy with your decision? If so... read no further smile

If not - a month isn't actually very long to start adjusting to living as part of a couple when you have lived alone for a while... it is a massive change probably harder for him to make as he's still in his own home etc.

What was he doing exactly that you feel is 'behaving like a single man'?

frustratedashell Fri 27-Sep-13 03:18:09

Yes I'm happy with my decision but read on anyway! Yes I realise a month isn't long but he doesn't think he's done anything wrong and his whole attitude is horrible. He wants to carry on in the same routine with no thought as to whether it's what I want too. He goes down the working mens club Saturday and Sunday. Sunday to watch football. I don't feel that I fit in down there, I have tried. Last time we went down there i was ignored by his friends. They have not really made me feel welcome.

Going by your last post no wonder you've left. The idiot.

Hope you feel better soon thanks

frustratedashell Fri 27-Sep-13 07:15:54

Had a very restless night, but I'm a bad sleeper at times . Going back to house in a while to pack. I do hope he's gone to work. Think I've got a man and a van sorted for later this afternoon. Thanks for your support ladies.

oldgrandmama Fri 27-Sep-13 09:49:23

Good for you, OP. Wish I'd been as brave and decisive as you (long story). Did it eventually but took two years to get to the point ... NEVER looked back since, hurrah!

Don't listen to your mum.
Even as we get older, we have to make our own mistakes.
No point wondering. Sometimes we have to take the plunge and see how it goes as life is too short.
You took the plunge but got up and out pretty quickly.
Everything happens for a reason.

frustratedashell Fri 27-Sep-13 19:42:41

Hi all, I'm back home in Sussex. Had a lovely big wet kiss from the dog. Lol

ThePinkOcelot Fri 27-Sep-13 22:40:18

Good for you girl! Good luck on the job hunt. Onwards and upwards!

cjel Fri 27-Sep-13 22:48:57

well done, so glad you were brave enough to do this. Hope you get job sorted soon.xxflowers

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Fri 27-Sep-13 22:54:47

Ah great, sloppy dog kisses, just what a girl needs at a time like this smile

Was he there when you went back for your stuff? Has he had much to say for himself?

I hope you sleep better tonight.

perfectstorm Fri 27-Sep-13 23:01:12

It has to be the right decision if he thought his weekends could be spent almost wholly with the boys, when he has a DP! What century is he living in?!

Sorry for your heartbreak. I hope the job search is triumphantly successful.

betterthanever Fri 27-Sep-13 23:01:27

You have done the right thing to trust your instincts flowers it is the main resource we have and it is never wrong.

frustratedashell Sat 28-Sep-13 02:51:01

He came home from work around 10.00 . I was packing. He stayed home. We had words but then things calmed down. He still didn't understand why. He said he didn't think I would leave and was surprised by my decision. He cried when I left. We hugged goodbye and I left. He looked so upset. I said he should have appreciated what he had . We parted as friends.
To be fair perfect storm he didn't want to spend all week with the boys but expected me to tag along and be happy with his choice of where we would go etc.I

frustratedashell Sat 28-Sep-13 02:55:49

Weekend not week! I still love him but am not prepared to be treated like that. It's a shame cos in many other ways he was great.
Going to take stock and think about what I want to do next. May have a short break somewhere.
Haven't unpacked yet. Will spend the weekend doing that.
Have had a few hours sleep. Better than I've slept for a while. Thanks for the support ladies.

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