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Please help! I'm admitting defeat now. It's won!

(82 Posts)
BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 08:53:05

I've been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks for a year but now it's crippling me.
It's taken over. I can't fight it anymore.
Im sitting here dizzy and faint, don't feel like I'm in reality. I can't go out. I have no energy.
This has won.
I can't see a way of getting out of this.
I think I need help! Im going mad aren't I?
No one here to help!
I have two DC to look after!

CostaLady Mon 23-Sep-13 08:57:08

You're not going mad, love. Are you getting any help from your GP? Are you on any medication? There is help and it will get better. This moment's going to pass. I find breathing exercises help - breathe slowly and deeply, in through your nose and out through your mouth.

OliviaPope Mon 23-Sep-13 08:58:04

Breathe slowly and stay calm. If it'd won you wouldn't be on here asking for help.

Where do you need to go, and can you call anyone in RL to help you? Please also call your doctor now.

You aren't going mad x

googlecanthelp Mon 23-Sep-13 08:58:38

breath sweetie,

Do you know what has started the panic attacks off?

Can you make an appointment to see your GP and get some help?

This will not beat you or define you, your struggling at the moment and you need help to get past this phase you will get past it, you will win.


Dontlookbehindyou Mon 23-Sep-13 08:58:58

Do you have anyone you can call to come look after your dc? You need to get some support and look after yourself.

Most of all it has not won! You are in charge of your life and are not going mad you're just struggling at the moment and that's ok, lots of people struggle you need to make a cup of tea and phone your gp and get the ball Rolling to get some support and maybe counselling.

It can only win if you let it and even if you don't feel it at te moment you're too strong and brilliant to give up now!

myroomisatip Mon 23-Sep-13 09:01:11

{hug} Panic attacks are horrible, but only that, you are certainly not going mad.

The only way I got over them was to accept them. Once I knew what what happening to me (i.e. I actually wasn't about to die), and I knew what to expect I just relaxed and concentrated on breathing, and waited for it to be over. I am thankful I found a way of dealing with them so I no longer get them. I hope you can find a way of dealing with them.

Have you discussed any of this with your GP?

googlecanthelp Mon 23-Sep-13 09:02:48

You have to breath through a attack

Heres what you do.

Breath in through your noise for a count of 5 untill your lungs are full. Feel the air fulling your lungs, feel it comming through you noise,

Start breathing out through your mouth, slow steady stream for a count of 10.

Imagine your out breath is pushing a red balloon away from you, each time you breath out it gets further away and you can see a clear blue sky piece by piece, untill the balloon is a spek and your surrounded by blue sky and warmth from the sun.

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 09:05:01

Thank you.
I have text my mum but she is at work.
I have no idea what started this. I think stress has just built up over this past year and now it's hit rock bottom. I really really need a break. DP never helps with DC so never a minute to myself.
I had a panic attack driving yesterday after building up to one all day. DP told me I was being a cunt! (Coz I asked him to drive the rest of the way)
I feel so alone! Just me and the kids all day everyday.

rightsaidthread Mon 23-Sep-13 09:10:05

BimboJimbo I have been there and sometimes still am.
I can only second all the advice given here. I have had some wonderful support on mumsnet.
What works for me is focusing on one really small thing when I'm in the grip of an attack. For example gripping an object and really noticing its texture, how heavy it feels etc.

Keep talking to us x

googlecanthelp Mon 23-Sep-13 09:11:13


Your DH is a arse!

No wonder you are having panic attacks, your body is trying to get you to slow down.

Anychance you could get away for a few days?

I would ask MN to move this either to mental health or relationships i think you will get better support.

BTW I never say this, But what exactly are you getting from this relationship???????

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 09:14:37

I'm gonna have a cup tea and start doing my housework. I need to focus on doing something. My mum was like this and now I feel I'm following in her footsteps. I just want to be a good mum to my DC but right now I'm failing them!

googlecanthelp Mon 23-Sep-13 09:17:02


What are you getting from this relationship??????

You are failing your DC if you stay in a relationship that makes you this ill, for no good reason or without trying to see if you can have counciling with DH etc.

you are NOT failling your DCs by being ill, no one can help being ill and I can beat most mums hands down in the ill department, I am still a great mum to my DC you are too or you wouldn´t be worried about failing them!

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 09:19:25

I am starting to realise that DH is not what I need right now.
After many pleas for help to him, he just says sorry, I forgive and nothing changes.
I can't be in this house anymore. I have lost who I am. I don't know who I am.
Really can't remember the last time I was happy.
Every now and again I will smile and the think, Shit I was happy then for two seconds. Which means they are rare.
I need my children to be happy and right now with a mum like me they are not.

googlecanthelp Mon 23-Sep-13 09:23:41

can you get out?

If this relationship is making you miserable and ill you need to think about a way out!

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 09:27:06

I just wanna leave. I need time away from this.
How can I just spring this on DP? In his eyes he's doing nothing wrong. I fear it will end horribly if I bring that conversation up. But I can't carry on here

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 23-Sep-13 09:31:50

Have just skim read and might have missed it, but have you been to the GP? There could be an underlying physical cause for this.

It's hard to seek the help you need when you get knocked back like that. Perhaps your DH is scared that you could be ill and doesn't want to accept it, wants to make you better by pretending it isn't happening? Whatever the reason, you need to go to your GP.

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 23-Sep-13 09:34:48

Have you had any blood tests to check your thyroid function? What was it your mum had (or did she not get a diagnosis and lived with symptoms?)

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger Mon 23-Sep-13 09:35:47

Oh love, it hasn't won. I suffer from panic attacks, am on beta blockers and am on my second round of therapy ... but I will get there and so will you. I know how utterly terrifying, frustrating and depressing it is, PM me if you want to talk x

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 09:50:41

Sorry if I miss anything out.
I have been to GP and am taking a beta blocker but while it stops physical symptoms to an point it doesn't stop me working my self up. Sometimes however there is no reason. I haven't had thyroid checked. My aunt has had problems with hers though. I'm not completly sure of mums diagnosis. I know she suffered depression and used to self harm, panic attacks as well.

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 10:24:37

Posting here has made me feel slightly more normal this morning. I've had some food (had no appetite lately) and I've put some washing on. Even cleaned bathroom!
Normal things for everybody, but the smallest task lately has me anxious!
The only thing I'm worried about now is picking DH up from work at 2!
I really can't get into the car today! I know it will end in a panic attack. I just need to shut off these thoughts, relax and do it calmly! But I've forgotten how. Why am I letting my mind do this? It's a 15 minute drive. More than 2 minutes makes me panic now. I know I need to see GP again but last time I was there I was on a high and she now thinks I'm fine!

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 23-Sep-13 10:32:16

Low or over active thyroid function affects various hormones can cause depression and/ or anxiety...Worth getting checked, especially as your aunt had this. There are other symptoms too, so might be worth looking into.
That might not be it...Perhaps some counselling would help, or there's something else making you have these symptoms.
Read NHS direct pages on your various symptoms before seeing your doctor.

As for your dp, present an assertive front to him and explain to him how you feel, adult to adult.

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 23-Sep-13 10:33:40

Why does driving make you anxious?

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 10:42:51

I defiantly need to be more assertive with DP. I just hide most feeling from him coz I know the reaction will be not worth it. Yesterday for example.
Driving makes me anxious purely because I've had panic attacks in the car. No other reason.
I used to love driving. Would put DCs in the car as babies and go on long drives! We used to go everywhere.
That seems like a lifetime ago! And now I can't handle more than two minutes which restricts my day to day things. I'm slowly becoming a prisoner in my own home.
I used to not understand when people said 'I can't leave my house' Couldn't imagine why some people were anxious to go out.
That has bitten me on arse now and I'm suffering.
Maybe it's for being so selfish in my younger years.

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 23-Sep-13 10:55:31

Why do you have panic attacks in the car? Do yiu have them that often in the house?

Can I suggest you go and take your next tea break in the car? Or give it a bit of a clean. Do your MNing in the car if you can. Spend time in the car without driving anywhere. Are you able to do that without a panic attack?

Then if that isn't it, what is it about driving that causes your panic attacks?

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 11:56:40

I have them in the car and house. The one this morning was in the house. In the car is because I'm scared of one happening and something will happen to me with DC in the car. I'm constantly thinking bad thoughts while I'm in car. But now I'm doing it at home as well. I feel so unwell. I am fine as a passenger. So it's not the car itself. I need to ask for help but it makes me feel like a failure. My whole body aches. I just dont think I can face driving to get DH from work. I can't physically do it! But I can't leave him there either. sad

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 23-Sep-13 12:05:56

It doesn't sound as though you should be driving, no. Whether you have your DC with you or not, your own life is potentially in danger if you lose control, as well as other road users. Is there any other way he could get home? Could he not drive himself to work (and home) from now on?

It sounds as though cognitive behavioural therapy would help, and anti depressants for a while.

TheBakeryQueen Mon 23-Sep-13 12:56:56

Oh sweetheart it sounds like you're having a really tough time.

I put money on your 'relationship' being the main factor in all of this.

He sounds vile.

Can you take your kids & stay with a relative for a break to have a think, and a rest?

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 13:11:34

I was thinking of going to stay with my mum but I don't want to be a burden as parents both work full time. I feel so alone and count down the hours until DH is home but lately him being here does not make me feel better. I still feel totally alone. I'm struggling so much today with it all. I feel more depressed than anxious now. Trying so hard to keep it together and not fall down a huge black hole but it's hard. I might just wait for DH to call and see if he can get a lift home.

BimboJimbo Mon 23-Sep-13 15:32:57

DH got a lift home. Told him I couldn't drive today. He's asked if I'm ok. Told him I'm struggling. He said it's probably because I'm tired!
I'm off to GP tomorrow. Hopefully they can give me something else.
Thank you for all your replies! You really helped me get through this morning, and not completely give in to this.

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 23-Sep-13 23:11:48

Well done! flowers Well done to your DH for asking if you're ok - it's a start!

You're doing the best you can, and you made a good choice not to drive. Glad you have got an appointment with the doctor. Ask the doctor if there are any lifestyle changes you could make to help, as well as medicine they could prescribe. Ask about counselling too (cognitive behavioural therapy).

BimboJimbo Tue 24-Sep-13 15:59:11

Couldn't get an appointment. It's useless at my doctors. Gonna try again tomorrow. Feeling slightly better today. Probably as DH has two days off so I'm not alone. He still not fun to be around but I told him I'm feeling so lonely and anxious. I just need someone to talk to. We moved up here and my family is an hours drive away. I have no friends. I'm just sick of being alone now when he is at work. I'm really not confident when I'm out to make more friends. I know I just need to push myself and get out there again. I've lost everybody and just feel so invisible. I would love to just have a mummy friend to even just go for a coffee once in a while. Thank you for your reply

Hi Bimbo, I'm glad you're feeling a bit better and I'm sorry you couldn't get an appointment. Keep trying though, you need to convince them how low you are.

Can you ask your DH for help but in a non confrontational way? So, while you're feeding the kids, and therefore you're busy, can he empty the bins/wash up those few things/take the washing upstairs. Just little jobs that he might not mind doing but he's still helping you out. Then hopefully you won't have to deal with the stress of him reacting to thinking he had loads to do? Can you allow plenty of time to pick him up, so you can pull over and calm yourself down if you need to? Or do you think your attacks are of a nature that you won't be able to carry on?
Can I ask where you are OP? Just in case we're close enough for coffee? smile

BimboJimbo Tue 24-Sep-13 19:12:49

Jamjar thank you for your suggestions. I will try and leave earlier next time to pick him up. Thing is I'm already wound up before I get into the car. He is working late shifts for a week now so he will take the car as I don't need it. Once I'm fully in an attack it's extremely hard to get out of it and they can last on and off all day. I can semi control them when I'm around people, and just put a smile on and carry on. It's when I'm alone that I just let them take over. Then my mind is running all day with bad thoughts.
I'm in Buckinghamshire smile

MadBusLady Tue 24-Sep-13 19:22:13

Is it typical for him to call you a cunt and similar names? How often do you feel you are policing what you say around him so as not to prompt the wrong reaction?

Have you talked about him doing a bit more housework and work with the children, and what does he say to this?

You say your mum also had anxiety - what was your dad like?

BigArea Tue 24-Sep-13 19:37:38

Hi OP, having suffered anxiety and depression in the past I think you ought to be asking for an emergency appt tomorrow. I benefitted from a quadruple pronged attack of ADs, beta blockers, sleeping tablets and CBT - I was able to have 12 sessions for free. Ask what is available in your area and get booked in ASAP - there may be a waiting list. Sorry you are feeling like this and I hope your DH is able to be more supportive.

BimboJimbo Tue 24-Sep-13 19:39:06

Yes it's typical. Really nice one minute, horrible the next. I suppose it started 3 years ago when DD was born. She was premature and he kind of started controlling who I saw and who saw DD. He even used to argue with me if I saw my mum a lot. That has stopped now but I still feel I can't say certain things. If I do say something he doesn't like, he will just leave. If things get too much with the DC, he will also just leave me to it. He says sorry after but nothing changes. Said today he was trying to think of a way I could have a break. Nothing ever came of it as usual.

BimboJimbo Tue 24-Sep-13 19:44:17

BigArea, I'm going to ask for an emergency appointment in the morning. I just struggle when I'm in there and always hide how I'm really feeling. I just lie and say I'm ok. But I cannot carry on like this so will just tell GP everything. Did you find CBT helped? I will ask about this also.

MadBusLady Tue 24-Sep-13 20:31:45


I have very good news for you, in a sense.

Your anxiety is almost certainly easily curable and down to one problem, and that problem is that you are living with a nasty controlling emotional abuser who has you walking on eggshells, isolates you from friends and family and generally crushes your spirit. None of this is your fault, it's just what he's like. I'm not surprised to hear it started when DD came along. Abusive men often escalate once children are in the picture because the woman isn't as free to walk away.

The bad news is obviously that recognising all this and deciding what you're going to do about it is tough.

I suggest you ask for your thread to be moved to Relationships.

BimboJimbo Wed 25-Sep-13 07:56:26

How do I get it moved?
I feel it's got to the point of I'm just living his life now. I follow in his footsteps. I don't have a life of my own at all now. Have no friends whatsoever. I just don't see how it will ever change. I've got so sucked in, that when he is not here I'm anxious. Clinging on to him as I have nobody else. I have no where to go if I leave. And how can I just get up and go? I used to be so independent. Now I just spend my days sat at home alone with the DC

MadBusLady Wed 25-Sep-13 08:12:09

Click on Report next to your original post, a text box will come up.

And don't worry too much about long term decisions right now. All you're doing is exploring the problem, you don't have to climb the whole mountain at once smile

BimboJimbo Wed 25-Sep-13 08:20:01

Thank you buslady. That's the thing, I let my mind race ahead. I need to slow down.

Hi Bimbo, I'm in Essex, so not much help to you I'm afraid. Do you have any toddler groups you can go to? Our one is lovely, I was really nervous about going but the volunteers are fantastic. Maybe just going once a week will be enough to get you out of the house and give you a little independence (to get you started! wink )

BimboJimbo Wed 25-Sep-13 08:31:51

I have been looking for groups but I just don't think I could push myself to go to one. My three year old DD is being extremely bossy and demanding at the moment and I worry that I'm not doing a good job and other mums will judge me. I have zero confidence. I am trying to find DD a pre school place as I know she needs to burn of some of her mountains of energy and I think she needs it now. I was thinking of trying going for lunch or something with both DC first. If all goes smoothly, move on to more things.
I sound like a useless mother don't I?

FTRsMammy Wed 25-Sep-13 08:33:59

Hi sorry to hear you're having such a crap time. I suffered from panic attacks as a symptom if PND, I had some CBT and the psychologist taught me a good trick for getting through an attack.
Focus on a rectangular object such as a window or door, run your eyes along the short edge while taking a deep breath in and slowly let the breath out while running your eyes along the long edge.
Look into some local toddler groups if your DC are young enough, if they're at school is there a hobby you have that you could join a local club, you'll find that there are other people in a similar situation to you. Look for your area in the mumsnet local pages too and see if there's any get togethers going on.
With regards to your DP, write down exactly what you're feeling and what's going on and get him to read it on his own when you're not around. Men tend to be very defensive so talking face to face he might not hear what you're telling him because he'll jump on the defensive without really listening to you.
Good luck and I read hope things get better for you

BimboJimbo Wed 25-Sep-13 08:37:19

Thank you FTR.

You're not a bad mum, you came on here asking for help, that's brilliant!

Seriously, just try a group. You only have to stay for half an hour if you want, it's a brilliant way to meet people, and for your DD to burn off some energy. You can just sit there if you want, you don't have to talk to anyone until you get the lay of the land. Our one has a couple of volunteers, and their only job is to talk to the mums who look a bit lonely! I think that's lovely! And trust me, there will always be another mum who's kid is playing up. ALWAYS! Just last week we had a kid who kept going in the storage cupboard and another one who was climbing on the tables. Plus the two who were clinging to their mum, she couldn't have a cup of tea in peace. And the little girl who doesn't want her mum to leave the room, it results in a meltdown. So I think you'll be fine. If DD misbehaves, tell her off or take her away.

I really think this could be good for both of you, but it has to be up to you. I would say as long as you discipline you child if they do something wrong, and apologise if she upsets another kid, you'll be fine!

Have a think about it. You are doing your best by your kids so you can't be that bad a mum! smile

TheBakeryQueen Wed 25-Sep-13 10:23:09

Hi bimbojimbo, your 3 year old sounds like a typical 3 year old! Please don't let that put you off going to toddler groups.

I know it's hard but just that one little step towards meeting new people & not feeling so alone will work wonders. You haven't got anything to lose.

Maybe at least have a research of what's on in your area? Explain to the organisers that you're new to the area & don't know anyone.

You need to get your strength back.

I'm sorry that you're in such a crap relationship. It's undoubtedly the cause of your anxiety. He's got you where he wants you! You need to start making steps towards getting the confidence to leave him (or make him leave).

Definitely push for an urgent gp appointment or get one through our of hrs.

Medication might help you with the anxiety so you can get a handle on things.

I think it's a good idea to look for the free 15hrs nursery or preschool place for your little girl. It'll be good for her & you might meet some mums! smile

BigArea Wed 25-Sep-13 11:25:25

Hi Jimbo, just a quick note as I am at work - yes CBT did help, I went from thinking I was completely crap as a mum and a person to realising that I was in fact ok. I started to judge myself as I would judge one of my friends, ie be kind to myself and give myself a break. Really helped.

Re the docs I know what you mean - I'd suggest writing a list of bullet points which you can either talk through or even just hand to the doctor if you can't speak at the time. Is there anyone who can go with you or at least have DCs while you go?

BimboJimbo Wed 25-Sep-13 13:22:15

Just got a place at pre school for DD! I emailed them this morning and they have places. So that's a start. Hopefully meet people from my area. Still no appointment. It's been busy everytime I call. My surgery is pointless, I can never get to see a doctor. I'm still trying though. We have all been out this morning and I was ok, now back at home, keep thinking about DH going back to work tomorrow. I'm going to be on my own doing tea and bedtime with two energetic children. Im making my self anxious already! How can it be this hard to put the thoughts out of head! Just be normal again?! I need to Stop being so stupid!

BimboJimbo Wed 25-Sep-13 13:24:36

So I finally get through to docs to a recorded message saying it's closed until tomorrow morning sad.
I think ill have to go into the surgery in the morning before DH goes and just demand an appointment

Great news about your daughters school place!

Have you got a slow cooker? takes a lot of stress out of dinnertime.

BimboJimbo Wed 25-Sep-13 14:57:10

No I haven't, I was thinking about getting one the other day. Think I will now DH will be working lates some weeks. Almost impossible to cook with 2 and 3 year olds! DH has been ok so far today.

TheBakeryQueen Wed 25-Sep-13 16:44:39

And you haven't always got to cook something that takes effort.

I often do Beans & cheese on toast or fish fingers, pasta & peas, that sort of thing. Lower your standards. There's lots of easy things you can do that are nutritionally balanced that require little effort. Or buy fresh veg pre chopped & fresh mash already mashed grin and then just add sausages or chicken or whatever they like, bit of gravy (instant) & that's tea sorted.

TheBakeryQueen Wed 25-Sep-13 16:45:03

And well done on getting the preschool place organised, that's fantastic.

Chyochan Wed 25-Sep-13 16:49:41

I'v been exactly where you are and I can tell you it gets better, its not quickly or easyly, but it does get better.

Have you seen your GP, you need to get medical help, I found anti depressants and going to a day centre put me on the path to recovery.

Also getting a bike was a godsend as it enabled me to leave the house, even if it was just for a ride around for 10mins. Would anything like this help? Try to think of things that could help you.

Also tell people, I was inhibited about people knowing, that was part of my problem, but when I did start to tell people I was amased how understanding other people were, many having similar issues. So dont feel its just you.

sixfootplus Wed 25-Sep-13 18:06:00


I'm sorry to hear of your troubles and can't help sitting here thinking wtf is wrong with your man?!

You've told him about the panic attacks whilst driving, and yet he still insists you drive for 15min to pick him up from work! Surely for such a short journey he could show an ounce of compassion and understanding and get the bloody bus!!!

I had a friend once that had a simliar thing to you - panic attacks whilst driving - and she went to her GP, who prescribed a small dose x 5 of Diazepam. The GP's instructions were to take one pill and let her body feel the effects (almost instant feeling of calm - her words), and then to keep the others in a pill bottle and carry with her when ever she was out driving.

The idea was for her to feel more relaxed about doing what ever the trigger for the attacks was because she had these pills on her. Being more relaxed helped with the anxiety, and to this day she has not had another attack, or taken any of the other pills.

It's all about a state of mind and finding a way to get your head around what is happening to you and not panicking, which just increases the strength and length of the attack.

You will find, likely, that during an attack you are hyperventilating (breathing too deep and too fast). This can cause your body to take in too much oxygen and trigger muscle cramps in your joints, fingers, arms and legs, it can also lead to feeling a tightening of the chest muscles and thinking you are having a heart attack - not so!

Breathing in and out into a bag will help ease this as you take in less and less oxygen and your breathing, body and pulse rate should return to normal after just a few breaths.

Another way to control your breathing is to breath in clench your fists and count to 10 and then breath out and release your fingers....

Like most things, you will have to find a way that works for you because we are all different. One thing that is generic though is that uncaring sod of a bloke that you're with who needs to be given a boot up the bum by you, or shown the door. You owe to yourself and your kids to stay mentally and physically fit and shouldn't have to put up with any nonsense from him because it's likely that's the cause of 99% of your continued anxiety.

I would, if it was me, show him your thread and tell him to wake up and realise what's to come if he doesn't shape up!

Best of luck to you and hope it works out OK.....

onyerbike Wed 25-Sep-13 18:15:23

Panic attacks can be a learned behaviour as a result of stress and depression. Its a good thing to keep yourself busy, i take it you cant go for a walk?
Housework is the next best thing.
Do you know you can get apps that are designed for anxiety to distact your thinking?

Thats how common it is - you're not alone!!!

Hissy Wed 25-Sep-13 19:27:34

I was in a similar situation to yours. My DS was 3 too, i'd lost my entire life.

Ended up with agoraphobia. Mild, but crap nonetheless.

My DR suggested Rescue Remedy, I have a spray in my bag still! Never need it now though!

Your relationship has done this to you.

I'm on my own for almost 3 yrs now. Couldn't be happier generally. Issues with my family, but i'd have that anyway!

You can do this, and you won't recognise yourself!

BimboJimbo Wed 25-Sep-13 19:44:06

Thank you so much for all your lovely replies. It nice to know I can come here and people will listen to me. It's been a nightmare trying to get GP appointment, but I will try again tomorrow.
DH has been saying to me today that he doesn't understand why I can't drive and how has it got to this?
I wish I understood myself. He will never understand as he doesn't have to live with it on a daily basis.
I was having a good day until about an hour ago, my mum phoned to tell me she has just found out she has breast cancer sad
Can this world I live in throw anymore crap my way?!
I'm determined to try and carry on my good mood today but it's slowly going.
Will probably been posting a lot tomorrow afternoon/ evening while DH away. You lot really helped me through the other morning, so thank you

TheBakeryQueen Wed 25-Sep-13 20:47:46

Oh no hmm I'm so sorry for such terrible news.

Wishing you & your mum strength.

NamelessMcNally Wed 25-Sep-13 20:57:33

Oh lovely, your poor Mum. I don't know what to say. Cancer is a horrible disease. Do you know what stage?

Could you just present at your GP? I genuinely think you are in crisis and a turn up and sit in might motivate them to see you. They do sound shockingly bad. When does your 3yo start preschool? Maybe just one spirited toddler in tow to increase the motivation?

Do you have access to surestart or a reasonable HV who might be able to prod your useless GP? Sure start more for toddler support (they sound challenging which is normal, mine are 4.6 and 2.5 and I'm still driven nuts most days).

You are doing so well.

DENMAN03 Wed 25-Sep-13 21:07:54

Please go to the doctor. I have suffered with panic attacks for over 30 years. At my worst I was having 20 a day and could barely go to work. I now have a low level drug which keeps it at bay. I haven't had one for nearly 3 years. Its breaking the cycle that's the hardest part. I can recommend CBT if your doctor will agree to that. It helps with coping strategies. Stay strong x

FTRsMammy Wed 25-Sep-13 22:13:08

My pleasure. Sorry to hear about your mum that's really not what you need. So I'm send you some very unmumsnetty hugs

BimboJimbo Wed 25-Sep-13 22:35:15

Thank you everyone.
I am going to go into doctors tomorrow. Pointless ringing them, I sat on phone all day to then be told they shut at lunchtime today. I already take a low dose of a beta blocker but it doesn't help at all. I will ask about cbt. I would rather that than cover up a problem with pills. I get so anxious taking tablets anyway because I'm scared of the side effects. Sounds so silly. I'm going to try and go for a long walk with DC tomorrow. I've got to force myself out or it will just get worse.
I have to go for a look around the pre school for DD tuesday afternoon. DD is very excited! It's right around the corner from our house too, so another reason to go for walks. Feeling positive tonight, we will see about tomorrow.
Mum isn't sure what stage the cancer is at yet. The nurse/consultant said they think they have caught it early and hopefully mum will just need an operation and a little bit of radiotherapy. She finds out more Wednesday. She's off on holiday for the weekend so hopefully take her mind off it. DH not exactly been very supportive. He buggered off to our neighbours house for the evening!
I'm going to try get some sleep.
Thank you for all your replies .

bimbo if ever there was a problem crying out for CBT, this is it...
I had exactly six sessions of CBT and it enabled me (for example) to walk up a road that had completely paralysed me before, to climb ladders (impossible before) and to go to the theatre like a 'real' person.

I know you a having problems getting a GP appointment, but even googling and researching CBT might help you to learn some techniques.

I am setting aside the problem with your husband deliberately. BUT you may well find that he is the root cause of a significant proportion of your anxiety.

Sending strength and love fom Malvern

BigArea Thu 26-Sep-13 00:01:23

Bimbo so sorry to hear about your mum.

Re the CBT, with my local service (Bristol) you could just self refer, no need for a GP to get involved at all. It was Right Steps which is part of Turning Point - you can put your postcode in here to find your local equivalent I think.

That aside I think it sounds like different meds might benefit you anyway (esp with this new bombshell to deal with) so go to the surgery, tell them it is an emergency you are having a breakdown or whatever word you feel is appropriate and you need to see someone urgently. I'd just turn up at the docs for 8am and sit it out if I were you.

I suggested earlier writing a list or some notes for the GP - might this approach help you explain to your DH too?

Hope you get a good sleep, I am going to try for some myself now.

BimboJimbo Thu 26-Sep-13 10:31:40

Doctors tried to fob me off again saying there was absolutly no appointments today.
I said I would keep ringing unless somebody sees me today.
She gave me a sit and wait appointment for 11.10.
Going to force myself to tell them how I really feel.
Im having a crap morning with it all again.
DH is being a total lazy arse!

Lweji Thu 26-Sep-13 10:43:47

Take any appointments. Even if in two weeks.

Meanwhile, try [[ Mind]]. They have a link for urgent help.

Also their page about panic attacks

Lweji Thu 26-Sep-13 10:44:05



Blossomflowers Thu 26-Sep-13 10:59:24

Hi Bimbo it is very difficult for people to understand panic attacks if they have never suffered them. I talk from experience, It took over my life for several years, in the end I could not leave the house, I could not walk, breath, I thought I was going mad. in those day GP's were not that sympathetic. My leg went numb at some point and GP stuck lots of pins which made it bleed, I felt nothing, he then prescribed diamzipan (not sure how you spell it) which made me worse. I am telling you because, I know you can overcome this. It has been many many years since I suffered an attack, How? I went to see a hypnotherapist, it was an almost overnight cure. She taught me how to cope, I still use her coping technique to this day. I was a totally sceptical before but it worked, she saved my life, she really did. I urge you to give it a try. Please pm if you want to know more smile

Hissy Thu 26-Sep-13 11:23:44

Good for you for insisting! Fingers crossed the GP is less of an arse than the Receptionist!

Please tell them EVERYTHING you told us - relationship stuff too? It's relevant, and NOT your fault, ok?

BimboJimbo Thu 26-Sep-13 11:47:19

Just got back from doctors.
GP understood slightly. He's upped my dose of beta blockers from 2 to 5 tablets a day.
He's also referred me to CBT. Thank god! Something is going to happen! He didn't tell me how long I would have to wait though. Just told me to fill out a questionnaire and give it to the receptionist. I really hope it's not too long.
Feel like crap today! I haven't had a panic attack but anxiety is threw the roof and my breathing is crap! I can't wait to try and put this behind me! And hopefully when I'm stronger I'll get rid of the other problem in my life.
Thank you, will have a look at link

Lweji Thu 26-Sep-13 12:01:59

That's good.

I don't know in your area, but my exH in London had to wait 3-4 months for CBT and he was entitled to 25 weekly sessions.

You can still try the breathing exercises. There are books and even CDs that you can listen to to practice.
You can try sites likethis for self help.
CBT is a lot about doing your homework and working on yourself to change your patterns of behaviour.

PS - I wonder if you shouldn't get rid of the other problem in your life to become stronger...

Lweji Thu 26-Sep-13 12:03:36

Exercise may also help with anxiety and panic attacks, particularly with the tiredness that may follow.
If you have a strong heart, the panic attacks won't seem so bad.

Hissy Thu 26-Sep-13 12:13:45

I agree, the one problem will help you resolve the other.

Your body's crying out for you to notice this.

Stick around kiddo, we're here!

BimboJimbo Thu 26-Sep-13 14:38:04

Thank you for the links will have a read. DH has gone to work now, so just me and DC. We have been round to the shop and had a chat with the neighbour. Feeling ok at the minute. Just got to get through until bedtime. Dinner is prepared. Thank you for being here when I need to talk

Jux Thu 26-Sep-13 15:08:32

Could your dad come and get you and dcs when your mum has her op? Helping to look after her while being back there, may help you relax but also get you emotional support for your feelings about your mum as you won't be the only one feeling it. Furthermore, your dcs may bring her happiness and distraction when she's feeling anxious. I know some people would think that was a mad idea so feel free to completely ignore it.

BimboJimbo Thu 26-Sep-13 15:21:37

No that sounds like a great idea. Mum loves seeing the DC when she is poorly as she says it's make it better. When my nan died, my mum wanted DCs all the time, as they distracted her thoughts and cheered her up. I think I will go spend some time with DM and Df after the operation.
Have printed out the self help cbt, so thank you. Going to have a good read later. Need more printer ink now!

BigArea Tue 01-Oct-13 09:32:31

How are you Jimbo?

BimboJimbo Wed 02-Oct-13 17:24:34

Hello, Sorry havent been about.

Ive avoided this thread as thinking about that day when I first posted, makes my stomach flip. I dont want to go back there.
My sister has been a star! I stayed at her house from sunday and came back last night! Ive even been driving! Havent really seen DH so no stress coming from there.
DD starts pre school monday!! 4 afternoons a week.
DH has been working a lot and I Havent been home much so its nice to be me again for a few days.
Im slowly starting to enjoy my own company again in the evening when he isnt here.

So everything is going ok at the moment.
Ive had highs before and I know it could come crashing back down as fast as it went up. Trying to stay hopeful. Cant wait for CBT starts too.

Thankyou for checking back in on me smile

Jux Wed 02-Oct-13 18:06:21

When you go to your mum's, would you tell your dad how your dp treats you? You don't need to have a sit down serious talk, but find out if he ever called your mum cunt? Just ask. And ask, if your mum had panic attacks driving would he insist she pick him up. And if your mum were exhausted with the kids, would he have done something to give her a break or sat there 'thinking' but coming up with "nothing, sorry".

TheBakeryQueen Fri 04-Oct-13 17:20:45

You sound like you're doing really well in very difficult circumstances.

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