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nice guy or complete tool?

(30 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Sun 22-Sep-13 10:34:16

Been chatting to a guy from pof. Looks and sounds v sexy...however he is not yet divorced and only left his wife 3 months ago. The reason beingvis that they apparently hadnt had sex in a long time blah blah blah.
I wouldnt mid so much but there areva few things im not sure about. He says that as soon as his wife knows hes seeing someone she will then file for divorce citing unreasonable behaviour so that it goes through quicker.
I dont really want to be involved in their divorce or used as a reason for something that is nothing to
do with me.

superstarheartbreaker Sun 22-Sep-13 10:37:19

Also he asked if he could sleep on the couch on thevfirst date as he would have to travel for an hour to see me and he cant be bothered to motorbike back. Tool after sex right?

CailinDana Sun 22-Sep-13 10:37:53

Stay well away. Talking negatively about exes is a red flag anyway but getting involved in a divorce is Not Fun.

meditrina Sun 22-Sep-13 10:38:17

She can cite unreasonable behaviour without a third party, and the time taken for unreasonable behaviour oetitions and adultery ones is the same.

Someone who is only 3 months out from a marriage may not be sufficiently over it to be genuinely capable of forming a healthy new relationship. If you fancy a shag, then perhaps. If you're looking for a relationship, this isn't the greatest start point. Especially if he's planning to flaunt you in front of his STBX.

tethersend Sun 22-Sep-13 10:38:30

Black and Decker.

Lweji Sun 22-Sep-13 10:39:06

Not necessarily nice or tool.

But I'd leave it.
He's been separated (assuming it's true) for a very short time.

The wife or him can quote any unreasonable behaviour. That he didn't do enough at home. Or that she was too jealous.

I'd really stay out.

TheSilverySoothsayer Sun 22-Sep-13 10:39:22

What's stopping him filing?

I think this one's a tosser, sorry.

Lweji Sun 22-Sep-13 10:40:15

And the sleep on the couch thing would definitely put me right off.

Xales Sun 22-Sep-13 10:42:41

Stay clear.

He only left his wife 3 months ago.

He left his wife because they weren't having sex sounds like a classic line cheaters come out with.

If they are separated why are they waiting until he has someone else to divorce instead of getting the ball rolling now? He or she could use lack of sex some how as unreasonable.

It sounds like bull. I am wondering if his wife knows they have separated yet...

GetStuffezd Sun 22-Sep-13 10:43:55

Noooooo, I really wouldn't allow a total stranger to sleep on my sofa - I would feel very, very vulnerable indeed. It would put me right off that he even asked, to be honest.

Numberlock Sun 22-Sep-13 10:46:09

Sorry to say but I don't think you're ready for dating if you're having to ask such basic questions.

What's your relationship history like?

pictish Sun 22-Sep-13 10:46:17

The sofa request would be it for me. How inappropriate.

mcmooncup Sun 22-Sep-13 10:46:48

Sounds like still married with bells on to me.

WeAreEternal Sun 22-Sep-13 10:48:21

I think this is one of those situations where you need to run away, fast.

anon2013 Sun 22-Sep-13 10:57:42

Still married and how dare he presume to stay over?. What if the dates a disaster and you want him to leave?.

P of F is full of such chancers. Avoid at all costs.

PTFO Sun 22-Sep-13 11:08:08

Oh dear. I think you know the answer to this one.

love the black and decker comment haha

Nagoo Sun 22-Sep-13 11:20:13

run away.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 22-Sep-13 11:33:37

I wouldn't touch that with someone else's barge pole.

Hills >>>>>

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 22-Sep-13 11:51:34

Ah.... the subtext is that yes, he isn't getting any, there is no imminent divorce and 'don't tell the wife or she'll take me to the cleaners' means he wants you to be his secret. Sleeping on the sofa? LOL! All in all... nice try sunshine but we ain't stoopid.

sixfootplus Sun 22-Sep-13 13:13:04

Hello Superstar... I'm new to the site and think I can offer you some advice - from a blokes perspective - that may give you a better insight into the guy you've posted about (hopefully).

I don't claim to be an Oracle on all things Internet Dating but, I have recently had some good and a lot of not-so-good experience of the above!

Been chatting to a guy from pof.

Straight away alarm bells start to ring! This is NOT a good site to start ID'n on.... There are a million reasons why you shouldn't, and only one why you should - it's free!

Looks and sounds v sexy...however he is not yet divorced and only left his wife 3 months ago.

Really?! Then ask yourself this question. If he's soo hot and sexy then why doesn't his wife want him?

Or, why can't he find anyone suitable in day-to-day life?

The fact that he is so recently out of a serious relationship should make you very very wary.....

I would guess, and this is only my honest opinion, it was infact his wife that booted him out of the relationship (if they are indeed even separated), and you would need to know a lot more about why.... There is nothing wrong with questioning people about their previous relationship, and I would recommend that you do this even before meeting any potential dates. After all, our past relationships is what makes most of us (emotionally) the people we are today.

The reason being is that they apparently hadnt had sex in a long time blah blah blah.

Hmmmm, not much to say about this that your instinct isn't already screaming out at you!

I wouldnt mind so much but there are a few things im not sure about.

Instinct and gut feeling here again! Always, always trust and go with this because it's your inner self trying to protect you.

He says that as soon as his wife knows hes seeing someone she will then file for divorce citing unreasonable behaviour so that it goes through quicker.

This is a classic one and almost could be in the top 10 tips for a successful player! What he is doing here is keeping some distance between you and him by using this excuse to keep the relationship secret. Common traits here are; not introducing you to any parts of his life - friends, family, work colleagues etc. It also enables him to limit what times/days etc that you can contact him.

There are various reasons why players use this tactic, but this guy sounds like he's still hung-up on his ex and hoping for a reconcilliation, or just filling in time and keeping his options open.

^I dont really want to be involved in their divorce or used as a reason for something that is nothing to
do with me.^

Very, very wise. And he know's that from conversations with you I bet, and that's likely why he chose this particular one! I'll wager he questioned you very early on about your thoughts on marriage, divorce etc and knows a lot more about your weakness's than you think he does.

This guy sounds like a relatively new player honing his craft, he will have likely had a few conquests, but still capable of making stupid mistakes that can easily be found out.

If any, or all of what I've said is of interest to you, then reply back and I can try and give you some tips on how to protect yourself. The stuff I have learnt over these past few months has come partly from personal experience (not all players are male), and also a lot from talking to other people about dating online.

There is also tonnes of info out there, and Google is your friend if you take the time to research....

nkf Sun 22-Sep-13 13:16:01

Seriously, why are you having such intimate conversations with a stranger on a dodgy website?

CressidaMontgomery Sun 22-Sep-13 23:23:53

Another of your slightly mad threads!

This is a basic one. You know the answer

AnyFucker Mon 23-Sep-13 00:57:05

This is a joke thread, right ?

Lizzabadger Mon 23-Sep-13 00:57:38

Complete (married) tool.

Honestly, you must know this.

Tonandfeather Mon 23-Sep-13 01:05:55

Are you very young e.g a teenager?

No grown woman I know would be wondering about this. It's so obvious this bloke's a complete tool.

Bogeyface Mon 23-Sep-13 01:13:58

Bish bash Bosch

AnyFucker Mon 23-Sep-13 01:21:18


This one's got a screw loose. Or you would have, if you believe one word he says

LittlePeaPod Mon 23-Sep-13 02:23:31

hmm sounds like a complete tool. Run, run in the opposite direction as fast as you can.

Numberlock Mon 23-Sep-13 03:46:26

Surely this whole thread is a wind- up...

As for POF, yes it's the devil's work but no different to any other dating sites, free or with a charge. Time wasters in all of them whether it's POF or Guardian.

Same shit different wrapping. grin

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