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Husband grumpy with me.

(59 Posts)
KiteSurfer Fri 13-Sep-13 15:39:45

Last night we were going to the cinema, I got changed but didn't make a special effort as to me it was just a film & not a big night out, iyswim.
H got in a massive strop 'cause I'd apparently spent 1hr 45mins the night before to go to a work meeting with my work colleagues.
Now he's right, I did take that long - because I washed my hair (needed doing) & so last night when I was going out with him, it didn't need doing.

He says I didn't want to go out with him (we rarely go out, something I'm trying to remedy), by the way I made such little effort!

Is he crazy or what?

TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband Fri 13-Sep-13 15:40:27

He was unreasonable

Jux Fri 13-Sep-13 15:44:52

Sounds like he's looking for a fight.

Offred Fri 13-Sep-13 15:45:05

Yes, he's unreasonable. What is he insecure about because if it is you working then that's really no good at all...

So he wanted you to spend nearly 2 hours getting glammed up to sit in a dark room where no-one can see what you look like anyway?
You know YANBU!!! But he is!

He's mad as a chicken

I go to the cinema in my slippers sometimes (sheepskin boots)

Clearly he has an 'I'm coming second, you don't care about or prioritise me issue' hmm

slapandpickle Fri 13-Sep-13 15:50:55

I suppose he didn't consider that you didn't do your hair on your evening out because you wanted to spend more time with him rather than with the hairdryer?

paperlantern Fri 13-Sep-13 15:51:56

did he make an effort?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 13-Sep-13 15:53:03

How long did he spend getting himself ready for you?

slapandpickle Fri 13-Sep-13 15:53:25

and yes it does sound like he is looking for an argument. Ridiculous thing to say!

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 13-Sep-13 15:56:20

How much time did he spend getting ready?

This kind of thing is in LTB territory for me.

He thinks he gets to decide how much time you should spend on your appearance?

KiteSurfer Fri 13-Sep-13 15:57:27

He had a quick shower & change of clothes. Pity he doesn't put clean undies & socks on after his shower EVERY say!
Who on earth wears the same pair of socks & undies all week but has a shower every day??

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 13-Sep-13 16:00:36

Ewwww, point that out to him!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 13-Sep-13 16:00:53

meant to add

cheeky bastard!

Thumbwitch Fri 13-Sep-13 16:01:58

Sounds like he suspects you've got your eye on a work colleague and he's jealous.

KiteSurfer Fri 13-Sep-13 16:05:35

I think you're right Thumb it's been a rocky marriage from Day1 and maybe it's occurred to him that I might just be getting to my limit and that I might leave.

BeCool Fri 13-Sep-13 16:07:08

"Who on earth wears the same pair of socks & undies all week"
So he doesn't make any effort at all ever? (In fact makes an anti-effort). But expects you to spend hours getting ready to go to cinema?

There is something else going on here isn't there OP?

Does he usually time you when you are getting ready?

TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband Fri 13-Sep-13 16:09:49

That's rank

Cerisier Fri 13-Sep-13 16:09:49

Puts the same undies on after showering? That is gross. Does he only possess one set or something? He needs to buy some more immediately.

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 13-Sep-13 16:11:56

He puts dirty keks back on after he has a shower? confused

IcedTeaOneSugar Fri 13-Sep-13 16:13:06

DH can get a bit twitchy about that kind of thing, obviously thinks I work with lots of eligible men who are desperate to run away with me smile

DropYourSword Fri 13-Sep-13 16:13:30

Clearly I'm the only one who sees where he's coming from (not that I necessarily agree!). All he can see is that you took longer last night to get ready, so you "cared more" about what they thought. Because you didn't take too long tonight you clearly didn't care as much. I think he just sees it that he deserves as much "effort" as anyone you work with and he wants you to make that much effort for him. And if you don't try as hard for him, it shows to him that you care less about his opinion than you do about your work colleagues options. You have done NOTHING WRONG, but your DP just wants some reassurance!

BeCool Fri 13-Sep-13 16:19:44

DropYourSword meanwhile he makes no effort/places no importance re his own basic personal hygiene, which therefore tells me he's just using the time difference to pick a fight.

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 13-Sep-13 16:22:19

Yeah, someone who puts on dirty knicks after a shower doesn't get to criticise how much effort anybody else is making.

You could point out to him that the people you went out with the night before wore clean undercrackers?

Topseyt Fri 13-Sep-13 16:24:47

I'd be tempted to remark "at least I change my undies after every shower" and then leave him to stew.

That is probably just me though.

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 13-Sep-13 16:25:57

It's not just you. grin

Distrustinggirlnow Fri 13-Sep-13 16:36:33

Oh and if you'd spent ages that would've been wrong too wouldn't it... Maybe you don't really want to go, too late now as we will miss the start of the film etc etc

I'm surprised he noticed how long it took you to get ready. Sounds a bit of an arse to me..! But then I've been there, done that, with snide comments, twisting comments, derogatory comments and I simply wouldn't tolerate it again. End. Of.

I deserved better. And so do you.

KiteSurfer Fri 13-Sep-13 16:37:25

Drop I got his reasoning totally but on the day I had my work meeting, I was off and was in scruffs all day with greasy hair etc hence why I showered & washed my hair before I went to the work meeting. Last night, I'd had a shower (albeit earlier in the day) and was fully made up, so needed little 'prep'.
He knows this, so is being U to need reassuring, surely?!.

Offred Fri 13-Sep-13 16:40:45

What is he asking for reassurance over though exactly? That he is more important than work? Bit worrying that...
That you will dress up for him? Also a bit worrying...
That you still love him?

On the face of it he is utterly ridiculous and the length of time you took to get ready cannot really be the problem.

KiteSurfer Fri 13-Sep-13 16:47:50

I think he probably feels unloved; we don't much sex because resentment & period probs hav killed my sex drive, so I suppose he thinks I make little effort for him.

It's ridiculous though, as I pointed out to him, why do the things that matter to me never happen yet he thinks his wants/needs trump mine?

Offred Fri 13-Sep-13 16:50:07

Yes, that is ridiculous and his angry reaction demonstrates feelings of entitlement.

Offred Fri 13-Sep-13 16:51:27

Why does he think you should make an effort for him?

What is he doing for you?

Offred Fri 13-Sep-13 16:53:00

Because if you take his logic (which i think is ridiculous anyway) on it the fact he never changes his pants or socks surely equates with him not particularly caring for you doesn't it?

KiteSurfer Fri 13-Sep-13 17:01:58

Offred I know - he doesn't make effort for me but thinks I should for him!
I'm a real strong personality & can tell you I won't give in over this and make more effort unless it's reciprocated - have told him this too.
A sense of entitlement is EXACTLY what he's got & we clash 'cause I won"t enable him.

Gruntfuttock Fri 13-Sep-13 17:08:36

I can't fathom why someone wouldn't put on clean underwear after a shower. It doesn't make an sense and would certain be a massive turn-off as far as I'm concerned. How dare he expect you to make a big effort before going out to the cinema with him when he doesn't even maintain the most basic personal hygiene? That's vile and something I would find totally unacceptable.

Jux Fri 13-Sep-13 17:13:50

So, he's dirty, entitled and unreasonable. Anything good about him? Why is he there?

KiteSurfer Fri 13-Sep-13 17:13:52

Is that some kind of MH issue - putting dirty u/wear back on after a shower?
He talks to himself 'silently' quite a lot. I watch him having conversations with himself hmm no words, but his lips are moving and his head is tilting like when you are in conversation.

KiteSurfer Fri 13-Sep-13 17:15:31

I should add he's immensely intelligent - scarily so. V. high IQ.

Gruntfuttock Fri 13-Sep-13 17:34:42

Have you never asked him about the dirty underwear thing? I mean he's your husband, not a stranger, so you have surely spoken about the issue. What does he say?

SnookyPooky Fri 13-Sep-13 19:13:49

My husband has done this in the past, I ignore.

KiteSurfer Fri 13-Sep-13 20:36:49

Sorry, had to go out.

He just says they're clean Gruntfuttock. He's got loads of pants & socks, just refuses to wear clean ones after his daily shower.

Gruntfuttock Fri 13-Sep-13 20:48:20

Sorry, but "he's got loads of clean pants and socks but refuses to wear clean ones after his daily shower" is beyond weird or eccentric, it's bloody insane? Isn't it?

Refuses to wear clean ones

I don't get that. I suppose you let the subject drop. I don't think I could or would.

KiteSurfer Fri 13-Sep-13 20:53:46

I just let him get on with it but I find it hard to have sex with someone with such odd habits and so we don't have sex much, which is another thing for him to whinge about!

ImperialBlether Fri 13-Sep-13 21:17:20

I wouldn't be having sex with the dirty bastard any day of the week! How intelligent do you have to be to know that if you put dirty underwear on after a shower you might as well not have had a shower?

He doesn't sound too nice to me. Paranoid, talks to himself, dirty underwear, bad attitude. Do you love him?

KiteSurfer Fri 13-Sep-13 21:36:57

Np Imperial, I don't.

Offred Fri 13-Sep-13 21:43:16


redcaryellowcar Fri 13-Sep-13 21:51:53

My dh would say out but partly in jest, I tell him to take me somewhere fancier if he wants me to make an effort! Yanbu.

Jux Fri 13-Sep-13 22:57:00

You don't love him. Leave him. You'll both be happier. Why waste your life?

KiteSurfer Fri 13-Sep-13 23:44:48

Kids, finances & admitting to people it's failed

AllThreeWays Sat 14-Sep-13 00:15:13

Your happiness is more important that peoples opinions. The children will blossom when you are happy. Finances sort themselves out in the end. Please don't stay for prides sake.

Offred Sat 14-Sep-13 07:30:28

Agree with allthreeways I am in the process of leaving a husband I don't love. You very quickly see the light at the end of the tunnel when you look into things.

Chubfuddler Sat 14-Sep-13 07:58:46

Oh leave him. Seriously you're both miserable, neither of you love each other and you're both resentful and bitter.

The children will be fine, pride is a fucking stupid reason to waste your life and money schmoney.

Don't stay together out of pride for goodness sake. There are not prizes awarded for martyring yourself in such a manner and the three factors you cited for staying are not good enough.

Your children won't thank you either for a) staying with him and b) both of you showing them a completely messed up version of how a relationship works, or in this case doesn't. Is this really what you want to teach them about relationships?.

janajos Sat 14-Sep-13 10:41:19

'Who on earth wears the same pair of socks & undies all week but has a shower every day??'

My DH! I always tell him I will know when he is having an affair, because the underwear will be changed more regularly!

KiteSurfer Sat 14-Sep-13 11:50:59

janajos - does he really?

I've never known anyone do this; I know of people who wear same stuff for days on end and not bathe/shower (yuk!) but they always put clean ones on after a shower.

It is odd behaviour, I think.

Hawkmoth Sat 14-Sep-13 11:58:36

But... What about poo crumbs???

KiteSurfer Sat 14-Sep-13 18:34:55

Bleurgghh Hawkmoth!

No wonder I won't share bodyparts with him! Just can't get through to him what a turnoff it is. He's not dim, just very, very stubborn.

MariaLuna Sat 14-Sep-13 19:38:51

So you say he's got a high IQ.

Doesn't sound like he has much EQ though...

He controls your time getting ready to go out (and finds you wanting) and ewwww, wears his crummy underwear for a whole week.

Both of those would be enough for me to LTB.

Oh, and don't fuss what other people think. Most are too wrapped up in their own stuff anyway.

Don't sacrifice your happiness on what the rest of the world might think.
Life's too short.

Jux Sat 14-Sep-13 19:39:05

Well, at some point he'll be being very stubborn on his own I hope.

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