Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Men who push for sex on a first date....

(91 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Tue 10-Sep-13 21:36:54

Are idiots right? That's twice now I have broken my rule of no first date sex. Admittedly it is my fault for giving in but the hints, flattery, suggestions of driving me home combined with them being fit and me having a glass of wine all gets too much. Then of course...poof!

TBH when a guy starts pressuring me I sometimes give in as it makes me never want to see them again anyway but more often or not I feel a bit crappy about it.

Has anyone actually initiated first date sex themselves and how did it work out? (just curious) I still have that silly Rules book lodged in my head that states no first date sex.

ALittleStranger Tue 10-Sep-13 21:52:10

I have but only with men I didn't want a second date with. So I don't see it as "first date sex", it's just a one night stand.

I don't deliberately follow the Rules but I have observed that no one I have had a relationship with has initiated first date/first meeting sex.

ApocalypseThen Tue 10-Sep-13 21:57:59

It depends on what you want. You don't want sex on a first date with an uncommitted guy, it seems, so don't do it. They'll find another chump. But you suit yourself and don't have sex you don't want.

Darkesteyes Tue 10-Sep-13 22:02:09

If a man didnt want to see me again because id slept with him on a first date i would assume hes a mysogynist with a sprinkling of Madonna/whore complex so at least sleeping with someone on a first date filters this out.

Ive never done this but the oppurtunity has never presented itself so im not sure what i would do if it did.

waltzingmathilda Tue 10-Sep-13 22:10:33

No man will buy the cow when he's getting the milk for free. Get some dignity and stronger knicker elastic

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Tue 10-Sep-13 22:12:28

I literally don't know anyone who didn't sleep with their DH / life partner on the first date or before. The Rules is a load of bollox.

Angeletta Tue 10-Sep-13 22:16:55

I know at least one happily married couple who had sex the first night they met (not even a date) so I don't think it will necessarily scare a guy off (unless like Darkesteyes says he has a Madonna/whore complex in which case you're well shot of him). On the other hand I don't think waiting guarantees that things will work out. It comes down to what you want and how it makes you feel, and how it makes you feel is crappy, so maybe say no to them escorting you home so things can't get out of hand. If they get angry or continue to pressure you after you've made it clear you don't want to take things further that night, they aren't worth any more of your time.

I take the Rules with a bucket of salt personally. There is some sense to it but also lot of wishful thinking (playboys will turn into princes if you just apply the Rules) and having read the Rules for Marriage, let's say the authors' idea of a happy marriage is light years away from mine. But each to their own.

LEMisdisappointed Tue 10-Sep-13 22:19:27

Just say no! Zammo talked alot of sense

I shagged my DP on the first date - 20 years ago

ParvatiTheWitch Tue 10-Sep-13 22:23:00

Yes, DH was a one night stand, at first at least. We'll have been together 20 years in October.

joanofarchitrave Tue 10-Sep-13 22:27:29

Well, they're not idiots, they're just pushy. The bad news is that you're doing stuff you don't feel sure about. Meet people for a nice walk or brunch or something instead?

Alternatively, have some casual sex and enjoy it? It's OK to fancy people and like sex.

Thistledew Tue 10-Sep-13 22:29:30

I seduced a man on what wasn't even officially a date- we had last met when were at school together ten years previously and just met for coffee having got back in contact through a mutual friend.

We got married this Spring and have now been together for 5 1/2 years! grin

ParvatiTheWitch Tue 10-Sep-13 22:29:54

Sorry OP, not helpful, no "pushing for sex" on either part on that one.
If I felt pressured like that, I would probably dig my heels in and they would not be getting into my knickers. If you really wanted to shag them, they wouldn't pressure so much, so don't! Take no notice of the rules; follow mine instead;
1/ feeling horny with a nice bloke? Shag him.
2/ feeling horny, with not such a nice bloke? Don't shag him, go home alone and have a wank.

callamia Tue 10-Sep-13 22:35:50

The Rules are a hateful load of old guilt-inducing nonsense.
I've had a lot of first 'date' sex, and the last one is now my husband.

I agree with everyone else; don't feel guilty about having sex with someone you fancy. But don't do it because you feel obliged or pressured.

Lazyjaney Tue 10-Sep-13 22:41:19

The men clearly arent idiots, as they have a good chance of getting it. But that doesn't mean you have to do it if you don't want to.

theginganinja Tue 10-Sep-13 22:42:43

That rules stuff is such a lot of old bollocks. Me and dh had sex on our first date, we've been together 15 years, married for 10.

If you feel crappy about it then just say no

PosyNarker Tue 10-Sep-13 22:45:01

First date sex with ex - 3 year relationship.

No sex, but fooling around first date with DP, 10 years and counting. I believe I seduced the poor bugger and we are engaged to be married if we ever pull our fingers out and get it organised

Do what you feel comfortable with. No-one was pressuring anyone in my case. We were horny blush Pressuring is not cool.

AdoraBell Tue 10-Sep-13 22:58:42

The only rule I recognise is if you don't want sex you don't have sex. Anyone pressuring me would be told straight that it's not happening because of the pressure. To my mind any pressure means they just want a shag and don't care who they shag.

KikiShack Tue 10-Sep-13 22:58:48

I agree completely with darkesteyes, anyone who is willing/ wants to have sex with me on a 1st date and then judges me for it afterwards is a misogynistic wanker who I want nothing to do with.
Invited DP back to mine the night I met him in nightclub 9 years ago and we're blissfully happy and expecting our 1st child any day. I also slept with plenty of other guys back in the past and am not in a loving committed relationship with any of them, equally in my younger days I denied myself sex with some pretty hot men as I 'didn't want them to think I was a slut' and it didn't make them magically fall in love with me!
The right guy (for me) will respect who I am as a complete perversion by talking to me, not by counting the number of hours between meeting me and being allowed into my knickers! I hate all this rubbish about men being randy dogs while women make them wait until they've earned it, yuck.
Rant over.

KikiShack Tue 10-Sep-13 22:59:48

as a complete PERSON! Not perversion. Bad phone swype, not Freudian slip, honest.

Lazyjaney Tue 10-Sep-13 23:16:33

will respect who I am as a complete perversion

Freudian gymslip grin

SomethingOnce Wed 11-Sep-13 00:27:43

Having sex on a first date is one thing; men who are pushy about sex are another thing entirely. I'd find that a massive turn-off tbh.

Don't do stuff that makes you feel crappy.

Lazysuzanne Wed 11-Sep-13 01:18:59

exactly
the problem is not first date sex
the problem is that someone else is trying to co erce you into doing something you are not comfortable with

I cant believe people still come out with this anachronistic tosh
'No man will buy the cow when he's getting the milk for free.'

superstarheartbreaker Wed 11-Sep-13 04:06:10

'Stronger knicker elastic' made me smile! Irs not so much the first date sex that bothers me. .its the being ignored/ game-playing after it that pisses me off. All this dont text, call, phone. Let hin chace. It just seems like we are not allowed to be genuine or true to ourselves. I blame the rules. I threw my copy away at uni as it did my head in so much!!

superstarheartbreaker Wed 11-Sep-13 04:06:54

Chase

superstarheartbreaker Wed 11-Sep-13 04:07:54

Tbh...he was so fit I couldn't keep my hands off him! No shame in that I guess!

LolaCrayola Wed 11-Sep-13 04:19:08

Yes. I married him.

Lazysuzanne Wed 11-Sep-13 10:04:00

Yes the being ignored afterwards is annoying, but I've been guilty of the same offense.
Ie slept with a bloke on a first date thought oops that really didn't work for me, then just tried to drop off his radar instead of having the guts to tell him straight blush

Dahlen Wed 11-Sep-13 10:20:04

Anyone who pushes for sex is a twat.

Anyone who has sex on a first date because they feel obliged to should probably stop dating for a while. It's not their fault (if no one pushed they'd having nothing to defend themselves against), but self-preservation is a vital skill in the world of dating.

Anyone who has sex on a first date because they want to and the other person does as well, is on to a winner.

superstarheartbreaker Wed 11-Sep-13 10:44:14

I did want to but I know what the fall out is....confusion. Trouble was we didn't even have penetrative sex as we didn't have condoms....so it wasn't fantastic sex. I am the kind of person who knows that first time sex with a new dp (esp on a first date) is always a bit awkward whilst some men expect Karma Sutra straight away. We enjoyed lots of lovely naked cuddles, kissing and other stuff though!

FreckleyGirlAbroad Wed 11-Sep-13 11:39:17

I firmly adhere to the only rule of doing what I fancy when I fancy it, first date or not. I totally agree with three view that if he disrespects you for first date sex then he is not worth wasting a moment's breath on.

I broke all the rules in the book with my dp of 3 years who is about to be father to our first. It was a first date through a dating web site, we met for a drink on a Saturday evening, then he invited me back to his for dinner and I left his place on Monday morning. Luckily we were both looking for the same thing, with mutual respect and no guilt.

HellonHeels Wed 11-Sep-13 12:04:09

I don't like the sound of "giving in" - that makes it sound as if you were pressured or coerced into having sex. Is that what happened? sad

YoniBottsBumgina Wed 11-Sep-13 12:05:23

There is nothing wrong with sex on a first date if you want it as well.

Pressurising/pushing for it is a sign of an arse though, so if you're holding back but they are pushing and not respecting that steer clear!

HairyGrotter Wed 11-Sep-13 12:50:04

I hate anyone pushing/pressuring me to do anything, least of all sex!

I had sex on our first date, he's my fiancé now! There is nothing wrong with it, do what feels right to you, as long as neither of you are hurting anyone, go have some fun!

lurkinglorna Wed 11-Sep-13 12:58:03

(i'm a woman)

just another point. surely there's a reason why one test drives a car before one buys it, or tries a dress on before paying for it?

whilst i'm in my sexually active years, i don't want to be partnered up with someone i'm sexually incompatible with shit in bed ....

(just to take a possible BAD example) a guy who lies there like a lump and says "oh you can go on top and enjoy yourself, cause i'm a nice guy" is probably not the one i'll want to be on a long term promise to or accept a further date with....hmm

superstarheartbreaker Wed 11-Sep-13 13:35:25

I ended up wanting him very badly as he kept making innuendos at me etc, offered to drive me home etc and told me it's a shame I didn't put out on a first date. This didn't shock me; it turned me on. He said he would see me gain before the weekend but hasn't contacted me. Why do thay make these promises?

BeCool Wed 11-Sep-13 13:38:52

"Why do thay make these promises?"
Er because they work perhaps?
Bet this guy has a string of one night stands first dates, where he has successfully employed this technique.

VelvetSpoon Wed 11-Sep-13 14:06:48

I think with OD (and speaking from personal experience, and what I've heard many times from friends) as opposed to RL, there are a disproportionate number of men who DO judge women for being 'easy'.

I was chatting to one the other day (decent-sounding bloke, mid 30s, professional, uni-educated) and discussing previous bad dates. He said on one date a woman had invited him back to hers at the end of the evening, and then propositioned him. He said he made his excuses, and lost all interest in seeing her again because 'if she was giving it away that easily, how many others had she been with?' hmm. I suspect that sort of attitude is still alive and well with many men, including those who are more hypocritical and would take the offer, with no intention of seeing the woman again.

I think the only right time to have sex is when you want to, and are happy to. I have been around these sort of pushy men, and whilst I did tend to give in to persuasion in my younger days, it sits ill with me now because I think with hindsight some of it did stray into the territory of coercion.

Mojavewonderer Wed 11-Sep-13 14:20:38

I sex with my DH the first time I met him. We are very happily married so it worked out well for me.
Doesn't mean it suits everyone though I guess.
I didn't follow any rules when I was single, I just did what felt natural and right.
I wouldn't have sex with just anyone though as I'm quite picky ;)

TwoStepsBeyond Wed 11-Sep-13 14:46:29

I've been ignored by plenty of blokes I didn't have sex with, so not sure that its the sex/no sex that actually makes them call you, its whether they like you/whether they think they have other options. Only an idiot would have great sex with someone they fancy and then NOT go back for more, so lucky escapes all round on that front.

I took DP home on our first date, we spent the night, I gave him a BJ. The next day I set him a challenge to see how long we could leave it before having sex. We lasted a couple of hours grin.

We both said we weren't into playing games, if I liked him I was going to text him, if he wanted to come over he didn't have to play it cool. A year later we are happy and in love - he has both 'the cow and the milk' and has had from the start.

lurkinglorna Wed 11-Sep-13 15:12:34

Interesting thread smile

I reckon the key is to that one is doing it because one wants to, in the moment, not for approval or as a trade off for a second date?

Sex is a red herring really. It goes for other stuff, too. If a guy I'm dating is projecting a vibe of trying too hard or doing stuff so he can be liked and impressive and popular it's a bit wet and a turn off

(plus that type tends to turns all angry and passive aggressive as soon as they don't get what they want in return for their "niceness" hmm).

That lack of self is the difference between someone who is good for a few dates (and then forgotten about as soon as someone better comes along) and someone who I emotionally take seriously and who makes an impact.

SomethingOnce Wed 11-Sep-13 15:58:55

kept making innuendos at me etc, offered to drive me home etc and told me it's a shame I didn't put out on a first date. This didn't shock me; it turned me on.

Whatever floats your boat (starting to wonder if this is a wind up, tbh).

What is appealing about being approached like that OP? Maybe I'm uptight but I'd tend to agree with Yoni that it would be a sign of an arse, and a desperate one at that.

PoppyField Wed 11-Sep-13 16:07:18

Do men ever feel guilty or seedy for having first date sex?

lurkinglorna Wed 11-Sep-13 16:13:41

yeah I do agree somethingonce.

Nothing wrong with 1st date sex in itself, but OP I'm afraid I do think asking stuff like that straight off is crude and weird? Either it should be mutually spontaneous one of those "both drunk and can't keep hands off each other things" or approached in a way where you can turn him down/take him up on it if you fancy him THAT much with no offence taken.

Eg:

Man: " Do you want to maybe come back for coffee? Or we can stay out and get another drink?"

(variation of this might be "We can go out for dinner and a film or you can watch a film at mine")

If you accept the coffee, that's not consent of course, you can still just have a latte and go home, but it is a "signal" that you're up for going somewhere more private and maybe going further.

But he shouldn't be trying to get inside your head or guilt you into doing stuff? It's not abuser level, but there's nothing creepier (in a weak feathery strokey kind of way) than a man who is trying to "get" you so he can "get you"....

Had sex on the first date because I really fancied him and we got on incredibly well. That was four years ago next week, we are having our first baby in November and we're engaged and sickeningly happy. The sex was good the first time so even if we hadn't had a relationship I would have enjoyed.

Angeletta Wed 11-Sep-13 16:40:01

told me it's a shame I didn't put out on a first date.

I'm another one who finds this creepy, crude and entitled. He sounds like the sort of man who sees dating as a cheaper alternative to escorts.

lurkinglorna Wed 11-Sep-13 16:40:01

the last 3 times I've had 1st date sex....

1. Last year: knickers off within about 3-4 hours of meeting, amazing sex, cried in the taxi home just as I'd felt an amazing connection and actually felt really alive and female and it was GOOD. He called me afterwards (long distance date so as soon as he got home) and became my fellah. One of the best, most secure and solid men I've met (we separated cause of distance logistics). I am keeping everything crossed we get back together at some point, which seems like it might be an option smile.

2. First notch on the bedpost this year. Sex really impressed. So of course I was up for 2nd meet to see how things progressed wink.

For our 2nd meet he asked about exclusivity. After spending more time with him we don't have compatible lifestyles. Plus he's cool and interesting but in terms of personality he lacks that solid masculine character which I like. So I've categorised him as "casual sex option in X city" and drifted away...

3. Second notch on bedpost this year, SHITE in bed no way I wanted any more of that... (feathery strokey and didn't want to use a condom, just plain yuck to the power of yuck). We got on well and had great chemistry over a dinner table so there was no predicting this.

After this, I've had sex on third dates or thereabouts and I'd say on average I don't like or dislike them or its any easier than 1st date guys.

I wouldn't overthink it in future or have a Rule or Policy, just go with what feels right. And use a condom, of course smile

SomethingOnce Wed 11-Sep-13 17:52:21

Lorna, I'm a cautious person but if 1's all that... can you not move to wherever he lives?! grin

lurkinglorna Wed 11-Sep-13 18:03:10

Something thank you, great minds think alike, but that might be hard right right now, as his job involves being sent off to places where there's bombs and things grin

I think the "loose plan" is to re-engage at the end of his current deployment and see if we pull it off (in more ways than one wink) - will exchange some e-mail messages before then but I don't want to put my heart 100% into it before then

So I'll stick with doing my own life stuff (and maybe getting off with some slaggy men on the internet before then if I get really desperate. YOLO!)

'The Rules' is actually harmful, woman-hating nonsense. The only type of man you are going to 'win' by following the awful advice in that book is an abusive one who considers women less than human.

Have sex whenever you want, with whoever you want, OP. But don't feel that you owe it to a man because he bought you a drink or a meal, and if he starts complaining, just walk away and refuse any further contact with him.

SomethingOnce Wed 11-Sep-13 18:19:43

That last paragraph makes me a bit uncomfortable tbh, Lorna, but maybe it's irony smile

I hope it works out with lovely military man.

2cats2many Wed 11-Sep-13 20:14:15

Well, I slept with my husband on the first date. That was 12 years ago. A marriage, a mortgage and two kids later we are still happy with each other :-)

AnyFucker Wed 11-Sep-13 20:53:28

I wanted to shag my H on our first date, but he turned me down smile

superstarheartbreaker Wed 11-Sep-13 21:06:50

I think I am over the first date sex and tbh I don't think he put much pressure on me as I did find myself very attracted to him. What I am upset about now is that he clearly dosn't want to do it again. We did have a very strong connection.
I am analysing my performance; we didn't do it properly as we had no condoms so it wasn't amazing but we had oral and lots of lovely hugs. Mabe he didn't like my technique.I do feel about crap about myself even though the last bloke I was with said I was the best fuck ever. Sorry guys...tmi!

superstarheartbreaker Wed 11-Sep-13 21:07:28

I'm just shit at this game. Why couldn't first date sex lead onto something more for me?

AnyFucker Wed 11-Sep-13 21:09:52

You sound too needy. Sorry love, just being honest. Is this dating lark something you should shelve and just be on your own for a little while ?

superstarheartbreaker Wed 11-Sep-13 21:18:15

I have been on my own for years and I'm fed up with it. sad I can't win can I?

AnyFucker Wed 11-Sep-13 21:25:35

You need to stop trying too hard, I think. You obviously didn't have a "strong" connection with this latest bloke. And what's all this being proud of being the "best fuck ever" uttered by another of these nobbers ?

If shagging random men is what you want, go for it. But that isn't what you want, at all

I am an old fart though, so what do I know ? smile

superstarheartbreaker Wed 11-Sep-13 21:46:38

Theres nothing wrong with being pleasedveith a compliment af although I do agree that it was nauseating of me to mention it! I certainly dont consider myself shag of of the century but its nice that someone else did ! ;-)

superstarheartbreaker Wed 11-Sep-13 21:47:05

Theres nothing wrong with being pleasedveith a compliment af although I do agree that it was nauseating of me to mention it! I certainly dont consider myself shag of of the century but its nice that someone else did ! ;-)

AnyFucker Wed 11-Sep-13 21:54:30

Fucking is great etc. But you don't want to be "fuck of the century" and nothing else, do you ? Going off your posts on this thread, that is.

AnyFucker Wed 11-Sep-13 21:55:50

Anyway, you can't be Fuck of the Century, 'cos I am wink

Lazysuzanne Wed 11-Sep-13 22:05:03

Thing is, if someone says you're the best they've ever had, well wouldn't you wonder what they were used to?

He may have very limited sexual experience! Seems a kinda juvenile thing to say?

AnyFucker Wed 11-Sep-13 22:06:41

Yes, it's like being flattered when someone calls you a MILF. Not actually a compliment IYSWIM

(although I am sure you really are 2nd best Fuck of the Century, OP)

Lazysuzanne Wed 11-Sep-13 22:12:49

Or like being flattered when some bloke says he'd 'do' you

The appropriate response being 'in your dreams sunshine' grin

AnyFucker Wed 11-Sep-13 22:14:37

Apparently, some male friends of my teenage dd consider me to be "peng"

My face was like this hmm

YoniBottsBumgina Wed 11-Sep-13 22:39:48

"tbh I don't think he put much pressure on me"

But any pressure is too much pressure. Showing enthusiasm/interest, yes, pressure, no way.

What do you want from a relationship? What are you hoping to gain from first date sex? I like Natalie Lue on this, Dating is a discovery phase, she explains it sort of like a very extended job interview, not some kind of exam you have to pass by doing it "right", but a chance for you to see if he might fit into your life, and him to see if you might fit into his.

VelvetSpoon Wed 11-Sep-13 22:54:09

Thing is, when you're single for a LONG time (and I know how it feels OP, I have been too) you seize on any compliment, even if it's a bit sleazy, or not that great, because for the rest of the time, every day of every week of every month, on and on, you never get a compliment, to the point you almost feel invisible to the opposite sex, and start to wonder, if you have so much going for you, then why does no-one notice?

The last time a man said I was beautiful was my Ex, 5 years ago. I've been on many dates since then, snogged lots, slept with a few (even some on the first date) but the number who actually said I was attractive (and no more than that) is less than 5. Whereas the number who made some sort of sexual compliment - at the tamest end something like what a horny (ugh, hate that word) kisser I was - practically all hmm

I'd love someone to tell me how pretty and charming and intelligent I am, but in modern dating that doesn't seem to happen - or at least not to me! Hence I have to take the compliments I do get, cos they're better than nothing.

lurkinglorna Wed 11-Sep-13 23:06:18

Oh I like "peng" grin Quite liked it when a (very) young man came up to me and said GIRL I LIKE YOUR STYLE!

I got called "elegant" by a former admirer - not an English guy. My friend then said "yes you are, but by that nation's standards, anyone who can put a dress on is elegant, they're hardly the French"

hmm

(friend was probably right)

I like to strive for "personable" myself, personable is probably better than being beautiful, although of course I think I am smile

AnyFucker Wed 11-Sep-13 23:12:31

I prefer "intelligent" or "witty" meself

lurkinglorna Wed 11-Sep-13 23:14:52

I probably THINK when I meet blokes in a dating context

"wouldn't do, yuck"
"would do, wouldn't date or spend time outside the bedroom with"
"might be Ok, let's see what happens as we get to know each other"
"this is boyfriend/world changing material take seriously and enjoy"
"butterz"
"ok to date in a non committed way"
"buff"
"shit I KNOW him or one of my buddies has had him, ABORT asap"

But I wouldn't work that into conversation or phrase any of it as a compliment.

AnyFucker Wed 11-Sep-13 23:19:28

smile

I don't know why I am even still on this thread. I haven't dated anyone in 25 years

bestsonever Wed 11-Sep-13 23:41:22

Sounds like you have an expectation or at least hope that first date sex will lead to something. You have to accept that it doesn't indicate any man's future intentions and could just as easily be about getting a one-off fuck. If you don't 'put out' on first date and you still get to see them for more dates you have a better indication that they see you as GF material rather than just ok for a shag (some men will shag either category on a first date so you cannot tell).

Diagonally Thu 12-Sep-13 00:00:34

grin Lorna

But wtf is "butterz"?!

Totally agree with Best on this

First date sex is no predictor of what's going to happen next

If you'd rather find out more about them and their intentions before you sleep with them, then don't do it

If you'd rather try before you even think about buying then go for it, but accept the.risk

Neither is wrong, but sex on first date is probably more risky if you tend to feel let down in some way after having sex and then they blow you out

Be wary of linking your ability to please someone sexually to your self worth

Losers will take advantage of that

lurkinglorna Thu 12-Sep-13 00:11:23

a "butterz" guy is a cool city guy who shows me things (not necessarily including his penis or his emotions) like new interests or music or places or food types. this expands my world.

this year i haven't met anyone i've fallen in love with, but i've tried a lovely portugese tart (yeah yeah grin), korean food, read an ancient military history book, discovered a folk musician i wouldn't have otherwise. these memories will probably leave a lot more of an impression than the guys in question!

SomethingOnce Thu 12-Sep-13 00:18:26

A Portuguese custard tart (pastel de nata)? I got quite fat from my love affair with those.

lurkinglorna Thu 12-Sep-13 00:20:50

they're great aren't they? grin when i saw it i was like "ok, this is basically an egg custard tart" but tastes amazing.

also had my first macaron on a 1st OD! that's another decent sweet find.

SomethingOnce Thu 12-Sep-13 00:32:56

In comparison, the standard British custard tart is distinctly lacking.

I must have one tomorrow for breakfast!

[falls off tart wagon]

Lazyjaney Thu 12-Sep-13 06:50:44

You need to date a South African, their melktert is the ultimate custard tart. Fact.

No man will buy the cow when he's getting the milk for free. Get some dignity and stronger knicker elastic

What a load of bollocks. Why buy a whole pig when you only want a bit of sausage.

superstarheartbreaker Thu 12-Sep-13 07:14:00

Well my compliment to this guy was tgat he was 'fit' . He was...but he was also interesting and intelligent. We had much in common...music" places wed been to, sports but the difference between me droppng my pants on a first date and keeping them firmly on was the simple fact tgat he's fit! Ive had three dates with a guy who I wasnt attracted ti in tgat way. He was funnybso I thought it would grow. It hasnt. So many if my girlfriends think I should settle for someone 'nice' even if i dont fancy them as it will grow. Imo it normally dosnt.

Takingbackmonday Thu 12-Sep-13 11:43:53

I don't believe any of this. I've had 3 long term relationships and numerous prolonged flings with 1st date sex men

Lazysuzanne Thu 12-Sep-13 12:14:39

Surely we are all now agreed that there is no problem with first date sex in and of itself?

lurkinglorna Thu 12-Sep-13 12:48:11

googled melktart, yum smile

AnyFucker Thu 12-Sep-13 12:48:19

What don't you believe,, TBM ?

specialsubject Thu 12-Sep-13 13:03:23

forget 'the rules'.

if you want sex with this person and will still be happy about it next day, do it. Doesn't matter how long you've known him.

if you don't, say no.

I thought 'butterz' meant uncool and ugly. I am obviously quite old.

lurkinglorna Thu 12-Sep-13 13:30:08

SGB

you're right and I'm right grin see HERE

Takingbackmonday Thu 12-Sep-13 15:01:10

The whole buying cow, milk business but I see most of us agree

internationallove985 Thu 12-Sep-13 20:20:38

I have always D.T.D the first night. I see nothing wrong with it. I have a F.W.B now and we see each other a few days a week for sex. xx

Diagonally Thu 12-Sep-13 22:22:40

"In some instances he may sport a wave"

I bloody love UD

Back to topic

I think your friends are wrong - what on earth is the point of dating / seeing a man romantically unless you want to have lots of sex with them?

lurkinglorna Thu 12-Sep-13 23:52:25

Aye, Diagonally horrid advice there!

I think when women have settled for stability or for some guy because he "likes me and is there" it often turns out bitter.

No-ones suggesting holding out for prince harry but men who are fanciable as fuck AND principled and into us do exist.

I know personally if I accepted the kind of man who is "nice and looks after me" just cause I'm lonely or afraid of time passing, then I'd end up resenting him.

And what would happen if that guy I only picked for stability and companionship ends up losing that "stable" status - say job loss or illness or something? confused

Of course initial charm doesn't rule over everything, but I think every now and then that "^look at my man across the room and fancy him and feel bloody proud he's mine and no one elses"^ moment has to happen.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now