Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I think I'm going to finish with DP

(261 Posts)
Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:14:32

I'm a regular. Please don't out me if you recognise me. I am female the user name is from a film called short circuit.

I'm going to finish with DP. I feel sick.

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 18:16:08

Do you want to tell us any more ? Is it just no longer working ?

SequinsOfEvents Mon 02-Sep-13 18:16:25

Why? What has happened? Sit down and take a breath or two and tell us what's happened.

There are plenty of folk here to hold your hand

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:17:07

I found something out accidentally and it led to finding out a whole load more.

And he lied and gas lighted me to cover it up.

I don't know him.

onetiredmummy Mon 02-Sep-13 18:17:20

What's happened? brew

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:17:51

He doesn't love with me. We've been together a year and a bit. No kids together but he's met mine and we see each other a lot.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:18:29

Live with me. Not love with me. He does love me and I do love him or rather I love the man I thought he was.

tessa6 Mon 02-Sep-13 18:20:35

Is it an infidelity or something else? You don't have to give details but you'd be better off discussing this somewhere more private if it's sensitive or too revealing.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:21:47

It's not infidelity. It's worse. He's not at all who I thought he was. He has lied ad lied and lied. By omission. And obfuscated and slipperied around. And he just isn't even half the man I thought he was.

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 18:23:12

Then you have to dump him, and make sure he knows exactly why.

When are you doing it ? Do you need someone with you, do you think ?

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:25:57

I don't know whether to meet him at his or get him to come here. He won't get violent or anything that's not his style. But he will tell me I'm mad and unhinged.

Interestingly, my best friend never ever liked him. She was so right. She called him controlling and manipulative. And dead behind the eyes.

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 18:27:04

Could you ask him to meet somewhere neutral and public so you can both walk away if it gets much ?

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:28:13

She has told me to phone him tell him it's over and she will go with me to get my stuff and go no contact. Delete and block his number.

Rambling sorry. This is worse than when I split from my husband. I never cried then. I haven't cried yet but I feel sick and shaky.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:29:21

He won't take the rejection well. He will make it all my fault. I've been reading threads on here about emotional abuse and the one about the husband who was always right and that's him. He's always always right.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:30:12

At least I don't live with him and I have no kids with him

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 18:30:42

Then let him tell you it's your fault. You don't need to prove anything to him, nor try to make him understand

It's over, whether he accepts responsibility or not it changes nothing

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:31:45

Thank you AF. wise words as usual [smole]

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:31:58

Oh damn. smile

beaglesaresweet Mon 02-Sep-13 18:31:59

you mean, he lied about his identity or something like job/finances? that's how it sounds. Unless it's worse and he's a criminal.
Well, thank God you don't live together and no dc, imagkine he mess if you reached that stage! After a year it's painful but possible to recover, but sorry that you were so unlucky <hug>

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:32:49

He lied by missing out a marriage in his count of previous marriages, for a start. I don't see how you can tell someone you've been married once before when it's twice. He forgot. Apparently.

tessa6 Mon 02-Sep-13 18:33:06

I'm sorry for the pain but in a way, your situation is clear and that's fortunate. You know he's a fraud and abusive, you have a supportive friend who will go and get stuff for you. You just need to let him know you know and that it's over, in whatever way you want. Then ignore any lies or tantrums that come back in response. Expect that.

beaglesaresweet Mon 02-Sep-13 18:33:11

x-posts!

PrincessKitKat Mon 02-Sep-13 18:33:35

It's never nice to finish a relationship OP but if whatever you discovered has broken that 'connection' it's got to be done. And so what if he says you're nuts - clearly he has his own issues.

Like a plaster - rip it off, get it done, get away. Yes you might feel terrible for a few days but so much lighter and it will pass. Good luck.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:36:50

He lied about not having a degree when he did (know who I am now?). He lied about his marriage count. And when I called him on it he made me out to be thick and stupid and wrong. And I know what he told me.

He's a liar. He lies about small things like where he's going and what he's doing. Not stuff that matters, but off to the shops vs off to the golf club or going to see his family, when he's out with mates. I don't care, I'm not checking up or asking. But he lies. All the time. I don't know him at all. I know a facade not a real person.

sooperdooper Mon 02-Sep-13 18:37:34

Thinking of you, sounds like you have a lovely friend in RL who can support you too

If you know this is the right thing then focus on getting this done, and then you can start to move on, sounds like you've made your mind up 100% so that's all you need, whatever he says or tries to blame you is irrelevant, you know what's right and it will pass

sooperdooper Mon 02-Sep-13 18:38:29

xposts, sounds like you're making a lucky escape by getting out now smile

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:39:30

I feel like he's been putting on a front all this time. And now I'm seeing the real him and I don't like it.

VanitasVanitatum Mon 02-Sep-13 18:39:51

And at least you've made this decision, it sounds like absolutely the right one. I think your friend might be right, if you phone him to do it and don't go alone to get your stuff he can't get to you with his lies and gas lighting.

TheCricketWidow Mon 02-Sep-13 18:39:54

I've got no words wiser than the ones you've already been given but I hope things work out for you in the end.

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 18:40:10

I have no idea who you are, but you cannot stay with a person like this. Get it over with ASAP

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:41:23

Everything has to be his way. Shoes off in the house. Rubbish n the right bin and he will tell me off if I. Get it wrong. It's like there's a test all the time over stuff I don't even know about and I have to pass.

TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband Mon 02-Sep-13 18:43:44

What weird things to lie about.

Probably better off love

This sounds awful. Get rid at the earliest opportunity. In a case like this I dont even think usual break up etiquette applies, ie having to do it in person. Just do it as soon as you are able, by whatever means.

GilmoursPillow Mon 02-Sep-13 18:46:08

I remember your previous (degree) post. It sounds to me like you are making 100% the right decision. I'm wishing you the very best of luck.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:47:58

Thanks everyone. I needed to know I was doing the right thing. Even though I know I am.

I'll ring him about 7. That's when I usually do. And end it by phone. I'm chicken. I know.

MexicanHat Mon 02-Sep-13 18:48:37

I remember the degree post too. So sorry OP. We are here for you.

Catwoman12 Mon 02-Sep-13 18:49:24

Good luck OP, I remember the last post, I hope your ok, xx

GilmoursPillow Mon 02-Sep-13 18:49:28

You're not chicken. We can't do it for you but we are all here to hold your hand, you know that smile

Isabeller Mon 02-Sep-13 18:49:49

How horrible for you. I cracked up after finding out about (some of) exHs extensive lies (over a long period) and had the same reaction of 'I don't know this person at all'.

I would disagree slightly with AFs early post about making sure he knows why you're dumping him. It may be mentally safer to engage as little as possible. 100% agree ASAP is the way to go. So good you have RL support.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:50:59

Thank you. thanks and brew

He's twisted. And weird. And. Don't know what he's at - what game he's playing. I do know his last wife packed up and left in secret and the first he knew was when her stuff was gone.

AllThatGlistens Mon 02-Sep-13 18:51:29

I remember you OP, you're doing exactly the right thing, take your best friends advice and use the support she's offering you, he will only hurt you more and more if this continues.

flowers

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:52:55

I do, or did, suffer with anxiety when I was married. And I can feel it creeping back. And I'm not going to let that happen again. Not for me or DC. So even if only for that reason he has to go.

Topseyt Mon 02-Sep-13 18:57:50

I know someone rather like you describe and I was just glad I was never in any direct line of fire from him. His marriage, relationships and everything else have never gone well or ended well.

You are doing the right thing getting out now.

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 19:02:20

You finish it in the way you feel most comfortable with. In the light of your more recent posts, it may be best to not go into detail at all as to why, as Isabeller said, or stick to the broken record technique of "this is no longer working for me"

Very, very telling about what happened with his wife doing a moonlit flit, as it were. She must have been frightened of him. Don't let it get that bad for you. End it quickly while you still know your arse from your elbow (Northern term)

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 19:03:47

He came home from work and all her stuff was gone. And she left him a note. He said he had no idea it was on the cards.

I should've taken more notice of that as a red flag really shouldn't I?

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 19:05:22

Off to ring him. I'm just going to say its not working for me, like has been suggested.

On god.

Good luck OP.

WayHarshTai Mon 02-Sep-13 19:09:45

Hey lovely.

wine and hugs.

Lavenderhoney Mon 02-Sep-13 19:10:14

Bit late to this, but if your friend does go round to get your things, make sure she takes a big mean looking bloke with her. Not you!

Sounds awful, but at least you know and are not putting up with it. Don't let him worm back in. Do you need to change the locks and tell your dc nt to let him in?

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 19:11:42

No reply. I left a message just saying need to talk can you call me.

Fairenuff Mon 02-Sep-13 19:12:07

You are doing the right thing. Let us know how you get on.

ChasedByBees Mon 02-Sep-13 19:16:41

You are most definitely doing the right thing. You don't have to give him reasons. You are entitled to leave a relationship at any point for any reason. 'Its not working for me' is more than reason enough.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 19:18:46

It was such a stupid thing such a stupid series of small lies. How could he have thought I wouldn't find out and why lie? I don't understand. And then to make me feel like I was misremembering or off my rocker because I knew what he'd said was just so cruel. It made me doubt myself.

TweedWasSoLastYear Mon 02-Sep-13 19:22:19

Be Strong . It will feel like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders once you kick this guy to the kerb . All the little niggles and doubts that leave you wondering if its you who is wrong about something or him will instantly end.

Take a hefty guy with you , he only has to sit in the car and be on speed dial if the need arises. Although if you do give XDP time he might take a pair of scissors to your stuff? Only you know if he will be destructive or vindictive like that.

Try to go instant N/C and block him on FB /email etc. Get a door chain short term and new locks in the near future , plus a spotlight that comes on automatically if you live in a semi / house.

Hope it all works out for you .

Lizzabadger Mon 02-Sep-13 19:24:09

Can you just text him then switch off your phone (and have a large glass of wine)? You don't owe him politeness if he's been lying to you. You just need to get the hell out of the relationship.

ImperialBlether Mon 02-Sep-13 19:25:48

Good for you. Get rid now.

I remember the degree and the photo. I have thought about it a lot - I can't understand why he would lie like that. Most lies are told to make someone think you're better than you are - that lie didn't make any sense to me.

How did you find out about the other wife?

Lizzabadger Mon 02-Sep-13 19:27:51

Pathological liars (not saying he is one) lie for the sake of lying. It doesn't need to make any sense.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 19:27:57

He told me about the other wife. He never hid what happened with her. He just kind of forgot to mention the one he had before her. She must have slipped his mind.

LEMisdisappointed Mon 02-Sep-13 19:28:00

I remember your other thread, yes, you are definately doing the right thing - time for a fresh start!

PopiusTartius Mon 02-Sep-13 19:34:10

How very strange. I'd say you're well rid x

WhiteandGreen Mon 02-Sep-13 19:34:38

I hope it goes as well as can be expected.

Corygal Mon 02-Sep-13 19:39:50

Mate, you're dead right. Bin it, you'll feel miles better immediately.

MulliganandOHare Mon 02-Sep-13 19:41:50

OP this is just the ticket you need to LTB. Sometimes, you can kind of get by with all the other lies/ behaviour because the good still - just - outweighs the bad.

In a bizarre way, although upsetting, it kind of makes decisions like this a hell of a lot easier.

Hold your head up high. You're doing the Right Thing. I had just this kind of gift from my Ex H last year, and I was almost relieved iykwim. It gave me permission to go.

Good luck x

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 19:47:49

Do I ring him again? Or not?

Stropzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 19:48:18

I think I remember your other thread. You are stronger than you know. This is so the right thing to do. Let him tell you you're wrong, mad, whatever. Just reply with keep telling yourself that, it doesn't make us any less over.

Your friend is a good one, keep her!

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 19:48:34

Just been to the shop and bought fags. Grr. And don't drink but have put a slug of baileys left since dear knows when in my coffee.

Stropzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 19:49:27

Don't ring him don't chase him. Let him ring you and if he doesn't not your problem.

Unless you're on tenderhooks waiting in which case get it over with.

cloudskitchen Mon 02-Sep-13 19:51:11

He sounds a bit "Sleeping with the enemy" to me. You definitely sound like you are doing the right thing. Ex wives don't leave in secret for no reason. Very best if luck.

Sorry to sound stupid but can someone tell me what gas lighting is please?

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 19:53:50

Gas lighting is trying to make someone think they're remembering wrong.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

cloudskitchen Mon 02-Sep-13 19:56:03

grrrr angry !!! So pleased you discovered all this before you lived with or married him x

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 19:57:08

We were going to spend Christmas Day together. And DD is with her dad. Guess I'm on my own then sad

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 19:59:29

He's never been violent to me. Ever. But. This sounds weird. I always felt an anger under the surface. I was scared to do something wrong.

Fontofnowt Mon 02-Sep-13 20:01:02

Come round to my house I will get you drunk It's traditional at Christmas.
Keep your chin up love It will be over soon enough.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 20:01:41

I mean, I always felt an anger. Like he could be violent if I pushed him. Well, not always bit once the first few months of being on best behaviour were past.

Fontofnowt Mon 02-Sep-13 20:02:55

It's a good way to think of this.
You are getting out before he has the chance.

Fairenuff Mon 02-Sep-13 20:08:54

Have you finished with him yet OP?

cloudskitchen Mon 02-Sep-13 20:10:42

If he is behaving like this to you when you live apart I can just imagine how much worse that would become if your relationship went to another level. Its a shame more people don't see these signs as soon as you have done.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 20:18:38

He hasn't rung me back. Which is unusual. Unless he's at the gym.

cloudskitchen Mon 02-Sep-13 20:34:03

I would try and call again but then I'm a little bit ocd when I need to get something off my chest smile if no reply can you text and ask when he'll be back. Do you think he might suspect what you're going to say to him?

ImperialBlether Mon 02-Sep-13 20:34:37

If a partner rang me saying they wanted a word with me, I'd guess they were going to dump me. Do you think he's realised that?

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 20:35:17

He knows from how I've been and what I've been saying that I'm not happy. I've been calling him on every single small lie for the last few days. He didn't like it.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 20:38:45

I'm going to text him saying we need to talk, give him til the morning, if he doesn't reply then text telling him it's finished.

He has a key and I have a key to his and we both have stuff at each others houses so what do I do about that?

akaWisey Mon 02-Sep-13 20:41:53

Get your mate involved for the collection of his and your stuff.

I know that 'dead behind the eyes' and under-the-surface-anger thing.

You know it's there, he knows and so does your mate. Keep safe OP and good luck.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 20:48:30

I've texted him. He's read it (we have iPhones). No reply. And he's not typing one either because there's a wee speech bubble thing comes up if he's typing.

Guess that's it then.

ageofgrandillusion Mon 02-Sep-13 20:53:46

Ive known a few people lie all the time about really pointless things, it really is quite irritating after a while. You are well rid OP and, compared to some people on here who are in it up to their eyeballs - house, mortage-wise etc - with abusive partners, you are getting a relatively uncomplicated escape. Not that that makes it easier mind.

TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband Mon 02-Sep-13 20:54:32

What does he say when you confront him?

If you were to say 'why did you lie about having a degree?' Or 'why didn't you tell me you were married twice?' What would he say?

Clobbered Mon 02-Sep-13 20:54:51

Can I suggest that you get your locks changed tomorrow as a matter of urgency?

Stropzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 20:54:55

Don't ring him don't chase him. Let him ring you and if he doesn't not your problem.

Unless you're on tenderhooks waiting in which case get it over with.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 20:55:43

He closed out the degree conversation with "I'm not going to talk about it. It was the worst time in my entire life". After lying and telling me he'd told me. The marriage thing he says he told me. I know he didn't.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 20:56:42

I was just thinking about the locks. He doesn't have a back door key just a front so I'm going to lock the front door and leave the key in it and go out the back. And get the locks changed as soon as I can.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 20:59:03

How DARE he do this to me? Who the FUCK does he think he is to think he can do this to me?

He can stew in his own juice. To hell with him. angry

ParsleyTheLioness Mon 02-Sep-13 20:59:58

You would have remembered the marriage if he told you. I married a liar, who was abusive in many other ways too. I recognise the barely contained anger. It is not possible to have a meaningful relationship with a liar. Mine lied when the truth would have served him better. Lying stops you knowing who they are from the very beginning. Mine lied for 20 yrs and I began to normalise it in the end. Do what I should have done and run for the hills, before you have a child together and are bound together for life.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:02:03

I would have remembered a marriage. So, johnny5, have you been married before? Yes, once. You?

That sort of conversation I know we had right back at the beginning of us dating.

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 21:04:30

This just proves you made the right decision

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:06:16

He would talk about when he was married and tell me things he'd done but they were always about his 2nd wife. He never ever ever mentioned the first wife. I don't think they were married that long, but neither were him and his 2nd wife. Which is actually a red flag for a man pushing 50, isn't it?

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 21:07:38

For me it would be, yes

cloudskitchen Mon 02-Sep-13 21:11:37

Yes and the fact she left in secret. I think I'd be more concerned by what you don't know about his first wife iykwim. What's he covering up there? (I'm not talking sinister but interesting that he just didn't mention her!)

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:11:51

God how much worse would he have got if we had married or lived together. How bad must it have been for his wife that she did a flit with no warning? Or did he just choose not to see the signs?

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:13:18

I know not a thing about her bar her first name. That's all. And he's had girlfriends that he has mentioned in passing. But none of them seem to have lasted much beyond a year-ish.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:18:26

I'm so angry that he hasn't had the decency to answer me. Either my text or my phone call.

WayHarshTai Mon 02-Sep-13 21:20:35

He won't respond, he knows he's been caught lying.

Please be aware that he's likely to get really really angry now.

cloudskitchen Mon 02-Sep-13 21:22:16

Last ditch attempt at controlling the situation perhaps?

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 21:22:18

I don't think you should poke him, love

Let it lie, it's for the best

mammadiggingdeep Mon 02-Sep-13 21:22:24

If I were u I'd be cracking open the moet and dancing a jig.....you have just escaped a wrong 'un!! High 5 x

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:22:52

Doors are locked. Windows are locked. I won't answer the door to him if he pitches up here. That's sensible, not over anxious, right?

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:24:04

If it comes to it I can leave his stuff at his sisters. Change my locks. And whatever is there of mine I will chalk up to experience and cll it cheap at twice the price.

cloudskitchen Mon 02-Sep-13 21:24:11

Given what you have said about him I'd say sensible.

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 21:25:51

Very sensible.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:27:20

I feel bad, because he hasn't actually ever done anything violent to me. But I've been uneasy with him these last few weeks. Since I found out about the degree, really.

cloudskitchen Mon 02-Sep-13 21:29:39

You shouldn't feel bad. On the basis of the lies alone you have good reason to wrap up the relationship. The rest is your instincts which you should trust.

AllThatGlistens Mon 02-Sep-13 21:31:05

Your instincts have served you well, trust them smile

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:33:12

He had this way of making me feel inferior. He is a professional, on a good salary. I was a single parent in a rented house working part time until a few weeks ago I'm now full time. He'd take me out and buy me dinner or pick me up in his poncey car and in subtle ways just make me feel like he was doing me a favour going out with me.

I'm rambling. Sorry.

WhiteandGreen Mon 02-Sep-13 21:33:53

You sound like you are being very sensible about this.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:35:51

Even in the last year, ages ago, I had a chance to go for a full time job. He talked me out of it. I suppose that suited him. Kept me less,than him in his head somehow.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:37:40

And he would come here and this house wouldn't be clean enough for him and he would clean. But he did it in a way that made me aware I had failed to reach a standard (and the house isn't that dirty I promise). He also would never ever have sex unless we both showered right beforehand and I re-did my hair and make up.

Fairenuff Mon 02-Sep-13 21:42:47

You are so much better off without him. This was always going to end badly. Better now than much later.

knickernicker Mon 02-Sep-13 21:42:50

..and you had to redo your hair and make up! That's nuts.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:45:10

To be fair, he didn't do that in the very beginning, but after a couple of months that just became what we did before we had sex we would shower separately, and I would re-do my face and hair. I can't defend why I did it, it just kind of crept up on me as what we did.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:47:16

I've really been a bit of a mug, haven't I!

cloudskitchen Mon 02-Sep-13 21:47:34

In all seriousness, who is inferior? You or the person that needs to lie about their life to make themselves appear better or at least different to who they really are?

If anyone came round and started cleaning my house unless I was paying them to do so I would kick them out (although I do very kindly let relatives do the washing up if they so desire when I've cooked them a nice lunch grin )

MissStrawberry Mon 02-Sep-13 21:48:22

You are so better off out of this "relationship" prison

You can finish with someone for any reason you like, be it big or small, and just because he hasn't smacked you one doesn't mean you have o stay with him.

Don't weaken. You have escaped. Don't trap yourself again.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:50:57

You,are all so right. Thanks. To all of you. Have texted my best friend. She's coming round tomorrow evening. I think she may bring champagne grin

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:51:33

And he still hasn't replied.

Not a mug. Just trusting, which isn't a bad thing. Well done for sorting the situation out though and going with your gut instinct flowers

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 21:57:11

I'm going to go for a bath then bed. Thank you all for the support

I'm thinking over lots of things and realising how he manipulated me in big and small ways. For example, he's on the insurance of my car and drives it but I'm of allowed to drive his penis on wheels BMW

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 22:00:24

Take care x

cloudskitchen Mon 02-Sep-13 22:04:18

Have a good rest. I hope tomorrow brings a bit more clarity (and perhaps a locksmith!)

CookieDoughKid Mon 02-Sep-13 22:07:38

F*going hell op. These are not small lies he blindly glosses over!! He sounds like a psycho and making you shower all the time? Seriously what is his problem?!

You got shot of him OP. Call a locksmith out chat thing and get locks changed. It would be worthwhile protection and you won't need to talk to him again!!

Fairenuff Mon 02-Sep-13 22:18:11

Oh, and turn your phone off overnight (but keep it handy). I wouldn't be surprised if he bombarded you with texts in the small hours, pressuring you whilst you are vulnerable.

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 05:57:10

Not a peep from him. Not texts, phone calls nothing. It's weird.

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 06:10:26

I feel really scared. I thought he would have contacted me. Even if only to tell me how wonderful he is and what a big mistake I'm making.

PseudoBadger Tue 03-Sep-13 06:27:32

It's probably a ploy to get you to contact him again, maybe with an "are you alright?" or to say you're so sorry. Please maintain silence.

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 06:40:33

Thanks. I am. But it feels wrong.

Lizzabadger Tue 03-Sep-13 06:45:32

It doesn't matter. Stay busy and don't forget the locksmith.

kittybiscuits Tue 03-Sep-13 06:45:51

Yes, what pseudo said, Johnny. He knows he's busted. Not acknowledging you is the only way he can control the situation. I would deliver hia stuff to sister's - could you post it or have your friend delivery it? Keep being careful about your safety, though he may maintain silence. He's been here before, remember. It's not the first time he's been rumbled. Try and go out and do things rather than 'waiting'. And well done. You had a really close shave with someone really toxic. Great that you called it and acted x

kittybiscuits Tue 03-Sep-13 06:46:59

Soz for typos!

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 06:54:58

Thank you all. I was so worried last night you'd all think I was daft and tell me I was being over anxious.

Letsadmitit Tue 03-Sep-13 06:58:04

Don't contact him again, considering his background history, he might already now what would the conversation be about. I won't be surprised if he is trying to make you aware he is the one calling the shots by leaving you hanging there.

The fact is that you want to end it rather than talk about it to sort it, right? If so, talking to him is a courtesy to him not something you have to do. Just count your loses (stuff at his home) and move on. Any further interaction seem to me it will be about him hurting you more. Just leave it.

Does he know that you use MN? If so, he probably knows what you are going to say already.

Maintain your dignity, and stay safe. Thinking of you.

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 07:08:14

He does know I'm on here. What I've posted will identify me enough that he'd know it was me if he came looking. I don't think he will though.

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 07:12:51

He is without any shadow of a doubt the most subtly manipulative person I have ever met. It's all done with a smile and concern but he manipulated me.

I've learnt not to underestimate the quiet abuser's capacity to stalk.

It's really good that your friend will be with you tonight. Try to relax then! wine

BitOutOfPractice Tue 03-Sep-13 07:25:20

Oh johnny I've been reading this with a growing feeling of alarm for you. He sounds vile. I am so glad you've ended it. Well done!

You know why he's not responding. He is using the "no answer is the best answer" tactic. It's devastatingly effective. It means that you are left wondering, worried, discombobulated. It is far more devastating than any reply he could think of. Subtly manipulative you say?

Be strong and maintain your silence now. Play the same game. Stay strong and bloody well done

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 07:25:26

Quiet abuser is EXACTLY the right phrase for him. That's him to a T.

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 07:26:48

Bitoutofpracfice - x-posts. You're right as well. He knows (or thinks) ill be second guessing myself.

Not anymore. He's out of my life. Because I've decided he is.

Letsadmitit Tue 03-Sep-13 07:27:19

Don't worry, unless he knows your Mumsnet ID, the chances of him identifying you are practically nil, who has the time to go through hundreds of threads and thousands of posts?

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 07:31:00

If he finds me on here, so what? I'm not the one who has lied. He is.

grin you lot would make mincemeat of him

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 07:33:04

Which I mean as a compliment and in a good way.

CinnabarRed Tue 03-Sep-13 07:40:43

Just come to this, sorry I was out all day yesterday so missed it.

You're doing great. Marvellously, in fact.

Right decision, without a shadow of a doubt. Good for you!

Keep posting, we're here for you.

Stropzilla Tue 03-Sep-13 09:34:01

I love your attitude in your last few posts! You sound like you've gone from being shakey and unsure to so firm and resolved! Nice one and yes we would make mincemeat of him. Sort of hope he has read all these great responses and is now wondering if real life people have him sussed too.

GrandstandingBlueTit Tue 03-Sep-13 10:30:29

I feel bad, because he hasn't actually ever done anything violent to me.

So what? Violence isn't the only reason you can break up with a man. You can break up with a man for any reason you want. Indeed, for no reason.

Believe me, you have reason enough to break up with this man.

Katisha Tue 03-Sep-13 10:41:35

There may suddenly be a grand gesture - red roses say, or perhaps a "crisis', even some sort of illness or even suicide threat. Have seen all these in practice. Treat all with contempt.

SirRaymondClench Tue 03-Sep-13 10:47:37

Johnny5 you're doing the right thing in ending it.

This man is a cock-fiend.

MissStrawberry Tue 03-Sep-13 10:55:36

Why does it feel wrong that you haven't heard from him? Why do you care?

Block his number. Delete it too. If it is over it is over and stop giving him anymore head space and phone the insurers to have him taken off immediately.

ouryve Tue 03-Sep-13 11:11:05

Katisha has it all spot on - I did the unannounced daytime flit on my ex. He had form for all of those things and I didn't want to give him the opportunity.

cloudskitchen Tue 03-Sep-13 11:21:45

The fact that you haven't heard from him speaks volumes really. I hope that's the last you ever hear from him (though I suspect not). Have you decided to do anything re the locks?

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 12:23:34

On lunch at work so quickly posting from phone. Still no contact from him. He's off the car insurance and a locksmith is coming tomorrow to change the front door lock.

I'll ring his sister and drop his stuff round there for him. Anything I have at his is small stuff. If I don't get it back I won't be bothered.

TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband Tue 03-Sep-13 12:37:57

Good for you, op

LadyMercy Tue 03-Sep-13 13:01:45

Johnny you said earlier that you were constantly worried about doing something wrong on one of his little tests. That he would tell you off. You're probably anxious because you have done something 'wrong' in telling him to sling his hook.

You haven't done anything wrong, you've got a nasty manipulative man out of your life! Hopefully the anxious feeling will fade.

Fairenuff Tue 03-Sep-13 13:39:34

Ah well, if you had any doubts at all, this current behaviour must be strengthening your resolve, OP.

I do admire the way you are sticking to your guns. I bet he thinks he's in control and you are just waiting for his call.

What he doesn't know, is that, as far as you're concerned, it's over. Done. Finished. Moving on.

Imagine his shock when he eventually tries to call you and you've changed your number. Or comes to the house and the locks are changed. Or gets a call from his sister to say, your stuff is here come and get it.

PopiusTartius Tue 03-Sep-13 13:49:54

Good work OP. Stay strong.

I still can't get over the part about re-doing your hair and makeup before sex! Showering, ok fine maybe, DH does if he has been at the gym or working in the garden or whatever, but hair & makeup? WFT? It's like he was trying to make you feel like the natural you wasn't good enough or pretty enough or something.

Twat of the highest order.

bragmatic Tue 03-Sep-13 14:29:47

You dodged a bullet, my dear. Well done you!

Onward and upward!

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 17:49:16

Justin from work. Still no contact.

How do you feel about him not getting back to you? Is it a relief or would you feel better if you'd had a chance to actually spell it out?
Agree with Katisha's post 10.41.35. He may come up with some wild story or grand gesture. I get the impression you won't fall for it, but just be aware to expect something from him.

Lizzabadger Tue 03-Sep-13 17:58:18

Good. Have you had the locks changed?

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 17:58:44

I don't care at this point. I'm totally pissed off with him.

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 17:59:11

Locks are getting changed tomorrow.

BearsInMotion Tue 03-Sep-13 18:11:36

Good for you flowers

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 19:06:37

His sister has rung. He's round at hers very upset. He doesnt know whats going on. I said I was sorry he was upset. That I didn't want to see him any more. She asked me why and I used what someone up thread said that it wasn't working for me any more.

Shaking. Manipulative to the max.

Fairenuff Tue 03-Sep-13 19:09:53

Oh well done, OP. Fantastic. Just right.

Not sure why he was upset though, as far as he knew, all he had was a message from you to call him. What a baby.

Anyway, 'tis done now. Glad you're getting the locks changed.

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 19:12:05

He knows damn fine what was coming. He's just playing everyone. Prat. Does he think I can't see right through him? thanks to you lot

Lizzabadger Tue 03-Sep-13 19:12:22

Don't waver whatever he threatens (and plenty of them threaten suicide) or however much he pleads.

Congratulations for ridding yourself of him. You got out quickly.

Fairenuff Tue 03-Sep-13 19:13:17

If he's at his sister's can you get someone else to drop his stuff round so that you don't bump into him?

Lizzabadger Tue 03-Sep-13 19:13:44

P.S. He may stalk you. Don't hesitate to involve the police if this happens.

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 19:16:42

I could get my best mate to drop the stuff round it really isn't that much. Or just leave it at his sisters on my way to work. She's lovely. I'll miss her. She was my friend at first and that's how I met him.

Vivacia Tue 03-Sep-13 19:20:11

Take care of yourself Johnny you're doing really well.

Squitten Tue 03-Sep-13 19:20:29

If your best friend is willing to drop his stuff to his sister, let her.

It's not a coincidence that he has chosen her to contact you - he knows she is your friend and is using her to get to you. Be aware that she is his sister first, your friend second. Step back from her, for now at least.

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 19:22:35

Squitten - that's exactly what I thought. Manipulative.

I'm not doing that great. Have eaten my body weight in chocolate and am chain smoking. Friend due at 7.30.

cloudskitchen Tue 03-Sep-13 19:30:28

Glad your friend will be with you any minute and well done. Must have been hard giving her the message but so manipulative of him to do it that way when the only message he had from you was that you wanted to chat. I hope that it's all done with now x

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 19:32:02

I reckon he wanted to make me u comfortable by having to tell her.

Sod him. He's not worth it. Chalk it up to experience, call it a lucky escape and move on.

I'm still puzzled by the whole degree thing that started it though. But. I can't figure it out. I never will. And it will give me brain ache to try.

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 19:32:18

UNCOMFORTABLE.

WeAreSix Tue 03-Sep-13 19:42:10

I remember the degree thread, how he made you doubt yourself and think you were going crazy.

I know anxiety can creep up on you and take over, but you are beating that AND not allowing yourself to be used by this man either.

You are so strong... Don't let yourself forget how much you have already achieved.

Katisha Tue 03-Sep-13 19:42:21

It's highly likely that he believes his own version of events. People like this often seem to manage to create an alternate universe where things did and didnt happen according to what they think ought to have happened, not according to fact...All very convenient.

BitOutOfPractice Tue 03-Sep-13 21:43:47

Hey Johnny I hope you are having a good old chinwag with your friend now and laughing at his ridiculousness

Do you know what the answers are to all your questions? Why he dd this or that or the other? The anaswer is

IT DOESN'T MATTER

It won't change anything. You'll never really get to the bottom of it. And it won't mke you feel better to know

I have struggled througha horrendous break up in the last year or so and I tortured myself about what went wrong? Why did he change? What did I do? Why doesn't he love me? Why does he love her?

And then I realised that all of that shit just doesn't matter!

Even now, I sometimes catch myself wondering, so I give myself a shake and say to myself "IT DOESN'T MATTER!" and it really does help

What does matter is that you look after yourself. Have a think about what you want in the future and move on forward.

Johnny5needsinput Tue 03-Sep-13 21:47:29

That made me laugh. She's left about 9 - we didn't talk about him as much as I thought we would. He's not worth my time or energy. That gives him power over me, it's what he wants. Me. Worrying and talking about him. He's not getting that. He isn't going tiger what he wants out of me anymore.

If I fake it til I make it that'll be enough.

BitOutOfPractice Tue 03-Sep-13 22:00:00

Go girlfriend! ;)

BitOutOfPractice Tue 03-Sep-13 22:00:47

Damn! wink

AnyFucker Tue 03-Sep-13 22:29:32

< pom poms >

cloudskitchen Tue 03-Sep-13 22:48:50

Yay grin grin grin

What a creepy sounding bloke. You are well rid and well done for seeing through him. He has issues. None of it is your fault grin

Johnny5needsinput Wed 04-Sep-13 04:02:43

Not so great right now. I let him away with so much.

AnyFucker Wed 04-Sep-13 06:35:24

And now you are not. Congratulate yourself.

Johnny5needsinput Wed 04-Sep-13 06:42:30

That made me smile. So true. Onwards and upwards and leave him trailing in my wake.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 04-Sep-13 16:33:57

How are you today johnny? All peaceful for you I hope!

Johnny5needsinput Wed 04-Sep-13 17:52:59

I have not heard a dicky bird from him.

Is this it? Is it just going to fizzle out like a damp squib?

Fairenuff Wed 04-Sep-13 18:47:42

Hopefully, Johnny.

Try to put him out of your mind every time he pops in. Have you dropped his stuff over to his sister's yet?

Johnny5needsinput Wed 04-Sep-13 19:03:29

Just back. Did a dump and run. Didn't stop to talk to her purposely had dd with ke

whitsernam Wed 04-Sep-13 19:07:58

You are impressive!! Keep it up, and NC is great!! Hope it lasts.

MexicanHat Wed 04-Sep-13 19:09:03

Hope you're ok OP. Must feel really strange for you. His behaivour is really bizzare.

Johnny5needsinput Wed 04-Sep-13 20:20:10

I feel really odd. The house is quiet.

PseudoBadger Wed 04-Sep-13 20:24:09

Stay strong. Take a bath, watch telly, early night? Don't contact him!

Johnny5needsinput Wed 04-Sep-13 20:28:02

You're a mind reader grin went to tesco for milk on the way home from his sisters and got reason on an offer and have the water n for a bath. And nice clean sheets on the bed.

Johnny5needsinput Wed 04-Sep-13 20:28:24

RADOX. NOT reason.

nenevomito Wed 04-Sep-13 20:29:16

I remember the aftermath of breaking up with an EA arsehole. Large amounts of time thinking what an idiot I'd been. My good friend just said "would you do it again" to which I said no. She pointed out that there was no point in beating myself up as life is about learning lessons and its only if you don't learn that you're an idiot.

Its so easy to get sucked in, but stand tall as you're not there any more and won't get sucked into his crap again.

If it just fizzles out like a damp squib, you've won. Keep your head held high.

Johnny5needsinput Wed 04-Sep-13 20:33:21

Front door lock is changed and he never had a back door key so it doesn't matter if I don't get my key back. I think at his I have a pair or two of jeans, a couple of tops, pair of trainers and a pair of boots. Plus make up bits and obviously a toothbrush. I don't have CDs or anything coz all my music is on my ipad. Ditto DVDs. Don't really have anything of value there that I'd be annoyed to lose.

Vivacia Wed 04-Sep-13 20:37:58

Would it help to start focusing on your new life and what will look like? This might help you to stop thinking about him and what you're missing.

betterthanever Wed 04-Sep-13 20:50:44

Just read the thread I know I am late in but just wanted to say well done OP, you have been so strong and done everything right - great advice on here - glad you used the line about why you split.

He does sound very manipulative and controlling and I guess that may be why you have not heard from him - he is putting his own untrue version of events together and his plan of attack possibly. The fact you predicted at the start he would call you mad and unhinged says a lot. Name calling isn't nice - you have given detailed examples of things which is very different.

I can't remember who said this: Mine lied when the truth would have served him better. but this rang true for me - the lies would never end as they can't stop once a couple are told. So glad you don't have DC together but sorry for the loss of what you thought you had. It is great you have a good friend in RL to support you flowers for her.

Others have said that your instincts will be right and the fact he has not been in touch really does say a lot - who, other than a strange person would not reply when someone ends a relationship with them - he knows exactly why you have and why the other two wives did?

The post about you feeling like you were being tested but didn't know the rules bit also stuck out for me, scary stuff I have been there - you will move forward, he will carry on being ultimately unhappy.

Johnny5needsinput Wed 04-Sep-13 21:01:36

Thank you all.

I feel rather deflated and flat tonight - dd is busy with her stuff so I've had a bath and I miss him.

But so far I've not contacted him. What a coward he is. He didn't even hear what I had to say he ran away I haven't actually told him its over. I told his sister who he got to do his dirty work, but he hasn't actually spoken to me. Even that is weird.

No flags tonight and only a small glass of baileys. Which feels like a victory.

betterthanever Wed 04-Sep-13 21:08:30

Someone posted some good advice on another thread with similar circumstances that the adrenalin may reduce after the initial action is taken and they may take a dip before moving forward to great happiness which may be the case for you tonight. Enjoy the Baileys smile in many ways him not speaking to you will mean you don't have to hear any more of his lies.
It is very doubtful he would ring and say - yes I lied about everything - I think he would just keep on lying and it would make you feel worse. You know you can;t stop him lying just stop the impact of that on you and silence seems to be a good thing in this case. You miss what you thought you had - you will very soon not like him/the person he really is, at all.

Johnny5needsinput Wed 04-Sep-13 21:08:45

I'm so tired I think I could fall asleep on my feet

betterthanever Wed 04-Sep-13 21:10:10

Yep - the adrenaline has done it's job and retreated OP - snuggle up and get some well deserved rest.

PseudoBadger Wed 04-Sep-13 21:11:36

But he doesn't need to hear what you've got to say. He knows he's lied/misled you. You caught him out and you've ended it. That's fantastic, and please don't contact him. Move on and have a wonderful life.

Lizzabadger Wed 04-Sep-13 22:38:50

Get to bed if you can. Your life has already taken a massive turn for the better.

BitOutOfPractice Thu 05-Sep-13 20:52:55

Hope you are OK tonight OP

Remember, there's no point in hearing from him because whatever he has to say doesn't matter and won't change anything anyway

Stay strong

tessa6 Thu 05-Sep-13 20:56:09

well done OP. It's a sign of what a coward and a liar he is that he didn't contact you. He must have not known which lie you'd discovered and feared it was so bad that he couldn't face the reflection of himself.

clam Thu 05-Sep-13 23:16:39

Of course he knew what you were going to say, but he didn't want to give you the satisfaction of being able to actually say it. So maybe, in his mind, he can twist the reality into him not technically having been dumped.

SweetSeraphim Fri 06-Sep-13 10:24:20

Have you heard anything from him OP?

Johnny5needsinput Fri 06-Sep-13 13:27:20

Not a word. That's odd, isn't it?

PseudoBadger Fri 06-Sep-13 13:43:53

No, I think it may still be part of his 'plan'. Stay silent.

tessa6 Fri 06-Sep-13 13:45:29

It's his only power left over you. To ensure you still think of him and to have some last remaining control over your thoughts and feelings. Sad really.

cloudskitchen Fri 06-Sep-13 13:58:48

When I was in my teens I was in a very emotionally/borderline physically abusive relationship and when we had a big row over the phone and I told him where to go I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks. By the time he rang me after giving me time to "cool off" I had got completely over him so that completely backfired on him. He was trying to manipulate me and failed. my mum and dad had bundled me in the car and taken me to cornwall. I cried all the way there. Was a different person on the way home. No mobile phone to torture myself with then so best thing they could have done.

This is my long winded way of saying he's giving you time to think and regret so he can just step straight back in with you all apologetic and grateful (or he's reading this thread and realises it's hopeless or he's a coward that doesn't want to face the music grin )

Did you get your stuff back?

You've got him out of your life now you are going have to give yourself time to get him out of your head. Often being with a manupulative person leads you to internalise their rules and prioritise their feelings. I get the sense you are still trying to second guess his thinking as second guessing him has been a survival strategy in the relationship e.g. oh I'd better tidy this away because X will make a fuss if I haven't; I'd better not do this because X won't like it if he finds out etc.

It really doesn't matter what he is thinking or why he hasn't contacted you. His feelings and motivations are now irrelevant to your life. For his own twisted reasons he has chosen not to contact you directly. He is trying to mess with your head because that is what has worked in the past; in fact he is doing you a favour because it makes it very clear that you have made the right choice.

Stay strong and think about what you want to do and watch out for anything that you are still doing that comes from his rules and control rather than from you.

HatieKokpins Fri 06-Sep-13 14:58:36

Change your phone number, then you won't constantly be waiting for his contact, and you can just move on with your life.

Well done, OP!

SweetSeraphim Fri 06-Sep-13 16:00:01

It is odd, but it's control, I think. He wants you to be wondering what's happened and why he hasn't responded. You've done exactly the right thing x

Johnny5needsinput Fri 06-Sep-13 19:14:47

Me and DD are at an engagement party tonight. I'm going to have to tell people why he's not with me. sad

ANd I've not heard a word. Nor got my stuff back neither. Nor my key.

Fairenuff Fri 06-Sep-13 19:19:04

Remember how you said it was just stuff you could live without. You don't need the key back, you've changed the locks.

Do tell people that you are no longer together. The more you talk about it, the more real it will seem.

Hang on in there, you're doing great. And enjoy the party!

SweetSeraphim Fri 06-Sep-13 20:06:20

What Fairenuff said. Just honestly write it all off. He's using it as a reason for you to have to get in touch with him. Ignore him and go and have a good time.

nenevomito Fri 06-Sep-13 20:43:21

Its possible that in a few weeks time, just when you've started to feel much better and life is getting back to its new normal, he'll be in touch and through you right out of kilter again.

Either that or he's just a cowardly fucker who has been caught out and is too childish to face it.

Johnny5needsinput Sat 07-Sep-13 06:58:34

I'm not bothered about the stuff. I'd like it back, but it's no biggie if I don't get it.

Me and DD had a great night last night - it did feel weird to tell people at the start of the night that I wasn't with DP any more but after that we just danced and chatted and really had a brilliant night. I could be loud and obnoxious and talk and snog and dance with out mr grumpy sitting in the corner with a face on.

Got home about 3 blush.

Johnny5needsinput Sat 07-Sep-13 06:59:02

Snog?? Sing !!! There was no snogging.

Vivacia Sat 07-Sep-13 07:02:34

Ha ha! Glad you had a good night.

Johnny5needsinput Sat 07-Sep-13 07:05:40

It was a brilliant night. It was exactly what I needed - a night out with people who were friends of mine and not joint friends. And they are younger than me and very loud and very silly and it was just brilliant. Like my nan would have said, it was just the tonic I needed. Even though I really didn't want to go beforehand blush

Lizzabadger Sat 07-Sep-13 07:06:09

You can snog away now!!

Johnny5needsinput Sat 07-Sep-13 07:08:09

I read another thread and a poster described how their faults were put out on display so they could be corrected, and his needs were put first - and that is exactly what he did to me. I'm not perfect, but I'm not a bad person and if there's ever a next potential mr johnny5 and he doesn't like me and thinks he's for changing me, he can jog on.

changeforthebetter Sat 07-Sep-13 07:18:43

You sound great Johnny smile

Onwards and upwards without the wankferret in your life! wine

Johnny5needsinput Sat 07-Sep-13 07:29:52

I'm really not that great, but thanks thanks. I miss him. But not enough to want him back. If we had still been together I probably wouldn't have gone last night because he would have moaned and huffed and puffed and it would have been easier to stay at home.

changeforthebetter Sat 07-Sep-13 09:54:03

perhaps you don't miss him, just a someone to share stuff with. driving home from work after a tough day I'd love to have a dp for a hug. I get two stroppy overtired primary kids instead. but I really wouldn't have my wankferret back. I'm worth more and si are you <one hand on hip, wags finger> wink

Johnny5needsinput Sat 07-Sep-13 10:02:53

Lol that made me smile. You're right.

Fairenuff Sat 07-Sep-13 10:06:52

So glad you went out and enjoyed yourself Johnny. Maybe make a note of that and stick it on your fridge so that next time, if you can't be bothered, it will give you that little reminder.

Johnny5needsinput Sat 07-Sep-13 19:10:37

Thanks all. Tonight I am not so good. I suspect even though I don't drink I am knackered after last night.

Vivacia Sat 07-Sep-13 19:40:31

What have you got planned for the evening?

Johnny5needsinput Sat 07-Sep-13 19:53:57

Nthing. Dd has a friend round. We are out all day tomorrow at my cousins. So a night off is no bad thing.

Vivacia Sat 07-Sep-13 19:55:23

Are you in to the X Factor? I'm going to join in with the thread in Telly Addicts at 8.

Vivacia Sat 07-Sep-13 19:55:37

That's the rock and roll lifestyle I live, you see?

Johnny5needsinput Sat 07-Sep-13 20:05:25

Lol. Similar but foyles war here

Johnny5needsinput Mon 09-Sep-13 19:06:23

This is not a good night. I'm sitting here in tears. I miss him.

PseudoBadger Mon 09-Sep-13 19:10:48

Read back through the thread. Remind yourself what an arse he is. Turn off your phone and delete his number.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 09-Sep-13 19:12:33

He still hasn't contacted me. Not a word. No text. No phone call. No visit. No flowers. No dramatic gesture. Is that really all I was worth? Nothing?

tripper20 Mon 09-Sep-13 19:18:16

<delurking> You are worth more than all the empty words, texts, calls, flowers he could send. He's hoping you'll be missing him and is waiting for you to contact him. Then you'll be back to square one - again.
<back to lurking>

Johnny5needsinput Mon 09-Sep-13 19:21:30

I haven't contacted him. I won't. That would give him power over me. I know that, logically. But god I miss him.

PseudoBadger Mon 09-Sep-13 19:30:05

So ask yourself - if he contacts you, or does any of those things in your last post - what do you want out of it? What will you do? This no contact seems hard now, but it's surely easier in the long term as you could put him out if your mind now and move on.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 09-Sep-13 19:31:24

I want to shout and rant and yell at him. But if I do he'd just twist it against me.

So I'm eating chocolate cake and mnetting instead :D

Johnny5needsinput Mon 09-Sep-13 19:45:28

I'm going to have a bath and go to bed. I ache.

PseudoBadger Mon 09-Sep-13 19:57:58

Stay strong smile

SequinsOfEvents Sat 14-Sep-13 04:50:43

Hi Johnny

Hope all is going well for you and you've stayed strong and away from this man.

It's been over almost a week since you last posted and I was just wondering.

Hope you're well smile

cloudskitchen Sat 14-Sep-13 09:08:26

How are you doing Johnny?

Johnny5needsinput Sat 14-Sep-13 09:25:22

Doing good. Still haven't heard from him. Spent last night out with a bunch of girlfriends. I do miss him but I also like being able to be me.

Dd is with her dad this weekend so I'm keeping myself busy.

Lizzabadger Sat 14-Sep-13 10:49:28

Good on you!

You are well-rid.

Hope you are doing lots of nice things.

Johnny5needsinput Sat 14-Sep-13 11:12:43

Washing and ironing .....

Lizzabadger Sat 14-Sep-13 11:28:39

Oh sod that. Eat chocolate cake and watch trash then go out dancing!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now