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Is this pic strange?

(142 Posts)
wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 13:06:45

Many years ago, after I first met my husband he went holiday to Ibiza with a group of friends. One of the pics taken at that time was with his female hometown friend and he was standing with her puting his hand on her waist. Is this anything strange?

AnyFucker Sun 01-Sep-13 13:09:49


candyflossisevil Sun 01-Sep-13 13:12:21

Why do u care if it was years ago?

Tailz Sun 01-Sep-13 13:12:48


Gruntfuttock Sun 01-Sep-13 13:14:34

Why on earth are you wondering about this now?

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 13:16:31

Just wanted to know if this is acceptable as a common sense.

AnyFucker Sun 01-Sep-13 13:18:14

double confused

He had his hand on her waist?!

What wouldn't be alright about that?!

Vatta Sun 01-Sep-13 13:18:49

Yes I think it's acceptable for a man to put his arm around the waist of a woman other than his wife. Is that what you're asking? Not sure I understand the issue?

str8tothepoint Sun 01-Sep-13 13:19:02

seems like someone is looking for evidence of wrong doings, either to get attention or to split, is your relationship really that bad you have to look at pictures from years ago

Rooners Sun 01-Sep-13 13:19:51

It could be totally innocent or it could mean he was involved with her on some level other than simply being friends.

Wecan't tell and neither can you from a photograph. Are you worried?

ImATotJeSuisUneTot Sun 01-Sep-13 13:20:10

They're all huddled on for the photo, surely. Not that it would be strange anyway?

mynameisslimshady Sun 01-Sep-13 13:20:28

Every time someone takes a photo of me and someone I put my arm around them whether its a family member or friend. Perfectly normal imo.

IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous Sun 01-Sep-13 13:20:47

It would depend on pose, context, position all sorts of things. On its own is it an issue NO. But I suspect there is more here than this question alone

WafflyVersatile Sun 01-Sep-13 13:21:36

This is what people do when posing for photos with friends.

AnyFucker Sun 01-Sep-13 13:23:10

Does he have his other hand inside her bra ?

piratecat Sun 01-Sep-13 13:24:41

only if they are naked

IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous Sun 01-Sep-13 13:26:48

Oh and there are countless photos of me with other men with an arm around me (other than my husband) None of whom have I had, or have I wanted to have, any kind of sexual contact with.

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 13:28:22


I asked him if he has ever been a bf of her or dated her and he said no.

WafflyVersatile Sun 01-Sep-13 13:29:16

So is there something else going on?

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 13:30:05

Nothing else going on

AcaciaRoad Sun 01-Sep-13 13:32:47

No I don't think this is strange at all.

AnyFucker Sun 01-Sep-13 13:34:45

There is something strange going on here, and that is all the posts by OP so far

AnyFucker Sun 01-Sep-13 13:36:03

OP...are you from a culture where men are not allowed to touch anyone other than their wives or close female relatives ?

Hassled Sun 01-Sep-13 13:36:28

You're overthinking this, which makes me wonder if there is actually a back story of you having assorted suspicions and this is the one tangible thing you can actually hang your suspicions on? What else is on your mind?

TheWomanWhoMistookHerHusbandFo Sun 01-Sep-13 13:37:16


<backs away>

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 13:38:21

Yea this is the only issue.

Vatta Sun 01-Sep-13 13:40:27

OP, I really don't think this is an issue. It's totally normal. Not sure why you find anything odd about it to be honest.

Viking1 Sun 01-Sep-13 13:42:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KonnieLingus Sun 01-Sep-13 13:48:39

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 14:10:45

Yes this pic was on his facebook. Actually the pic was very small and low quality so I deleted it the other day when I logged on his account. I dont know why it suddenly bothers me at this moment. Maybe I've never taken pictures putting my arm around my male friends. I was going to talk about this pic with my husband if most of you say the pic is strange.

Portofino Sun 01-Sep-13 14:13:43

You logged onto his account?

Libertine73 Sun 01-Sep-13 14:16:54

The w-w-w-w-waist???!!! <<clutches pearls and posts Relate number>> sorry OP, but this is Soooooooo not an issue in my book.

Viking1 Sun 01-Sep-13 14:16:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous Sun 01-Sep-13 14:17:27

You deleted photos on his account because you have some odd insecutities? If there really sis nothing else going on here, and he gives you no other reason to doubt his word, then you really need to get some professional help.

AnyFucker Sun 01-Sep-13 14:24:19

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Libertine73 Sun 01-Sep-13 14:24:28

Yes, does he know you've been in his account and deleted an old photo??!shock

fifi669 Sun 01-Sep-13 14:27:55

OP I'm a pretty jealous person..... But I don't see any issue here. Standard photo pose I think.

HeySoulSister Sun 01-Sep-13 14:28:18

You have bigger problems than a photo!

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 14:28:37

I go on to his account and upload the pics and delete them too. I dont think it's a problem to edit his photos. He knows that.

ElaineVintage Sun 01-Sep-13 14:28:59

Get. A. Grip.

IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous Sun 01-Sep-13 14:35:39

Yes that is a problem!

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 14:37:48

IKnewHousework.. what is?

Foxred10 Sun 01-Sep-13 14:39:14

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HeySoulSister Sun 01-Sep-13 14:39:59

Deleting his stuff, logging onto his account etc.... It's not healthy is it?

TurnOffTheTv Sun 01-Sep-13 14:40:34

I'm really sorry but you sound BONKERS. I can't even wrap my head around what you are trying to say. How many years is since he touched her waist? And would you honestly ask him about it?

AnyFucker Sun 01-Sep-13 14:40:57

advance search is every respondent's friend here

TurnOffTheTv Sun 01-Sep-13 14:44:39

grinAnyFucker. Some fab posts in the search history!

IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous Sun 01-Sep-13 14:46:42

If what you say is real then it is a problem to be concerned that your dh has, in the past, met people, some of whom may have been female.

It is a problem that you are upset by an innocent group photo.

It is a problem that you are this anxious

It is a problem that you are editing HIS account without his say so. The clue being it is HIS account

Foxred10 Sun 01-Sep-13 14:46:52

AF I am now TOTALLY speechless!! shockshockshockshockshock

Viking1 Sun 01-Sep-13 14:49:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 14:53:24

There was only him and her in the picture. I guess one of the friends who went together took this pic.

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 14:55:43

Yeah the pose is normal except he put his arm around her waist. But then you all said men putting arms around their female friends are fine. So I shouldnt take this as an issue.

IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous Sun 01-Sep-13 14:56:03


Really, what can anyone on here possibly say to you.

You say in one of your other threads that you were going to start counselling for anxiety. Have you been? Are you still going?

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 14:57:27

Yes, it didnt help.

TidyDancer Sun 01-Sep-13 15:01:28

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IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous Sun 01-Sep-13 15:01:32

Have you stopped going?

ShadeofViolet Sun 01-Sep-13 15:11:15

Are you not the poster who wants to separate from your husband but dont want him to date?

Wow...unclench a little bit why don't you hmm

fluffyraggies Sun 01-Sep-13 15:17:06

OP, i am a self confessed heap of insane jealousy when it comes to DH, but even i wouldn't worry about a years old photo like that.

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 15:21:22

She is still his friend.

IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous Sun 01-Sep-13 15:40:26

So. I am facebook friends with my x i dated for 3 years. The thought of anything between us now makes me feel physically sick

Anniegetyourgun Sun 01-Sep-13 15:53:37

My God, it's XH's twin sister.

ALittleStranger Sun 01-Sep-13 15:57:40

Can we track down the husband? Someone needs to tell him to LTB.


HeySoulSister Sun 01-Sep-13 15:58:03

So they are friends now...still? Interesting!

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 15:59:04

I just found this photo from her facebook. It was actually he put his arm around her hip. I asked him 'isnt this more than just friends' and he answered it's not unusual people take photos when they take photos with friends and he has never been more than friends.

I asked him if he can ask her to delete her photo on her facebook and he said he cant ask her to delete her own photos and it's been a few years since he spoke to her.

WhiteandGreen Sun 01-Sep-13 16:00:15

She would think you very odd if he contacted her with this request.

WafflyVersatile Sun 01-Sep-13 16:03:57

Never mind what we think. What do you think?

fifi669 Sun 01-Sep-13 16:07:11

What's a reverse thread?

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 16:11:08

I think she may be actually just a friend as my husband is not type of person who tells a lie with this kind of things.

Tiredemma Sun 01-Sep-13 16:13:22

So what's the bloody point of the thread then?

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 16:17:23

Ive judged she is just a friend of him and putting his arm around her waist/hip(just under waist where your arm reaches) based on your opinions and my husband's words.

Tiredemma Sun 01-Sep-13 16:18:43

You have wasted three hours of your life on this.

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 16:19:32

it was a side of hip where your arms touch on your body if you stand.

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 16:20:48

I dont think I wasted my life as I have a conclusion. otherwise it would have kept bothering me.

Tiredemma Sun 01-Sep-13 16:24:03

That's a relief.

piratecat Sun 01-Sep-13 16:27:41

i'm sorry but pahahahahaha. classic

LittlePeaPod Sun 01-Sep-13 16:40:55

WTF confused & confused - Op. Did you also start the thread regarding DHs having female friends on FB! What is going on here? Are you concerned your DH is cheating or are you just very insecure/paranoid?

HeySoulSister Sun 01-Sep-13 17:02:46

I think if he isn't cheating now.... Then he will! And prob soon

Xales Sun 01-Sep-13 17:09:30

You need some help.

If you are deleting old photos from many years ago and telling your H to tell his friend to take down her photos you have a problem. You are being exceptionally controlling.

If a woman came on her saying her H was deleting very old pictures and telling her to tell other people to take pictures down from FB she would be told her H was completely unreasonable and asked if he was like this in other areas of their relationship.

She will still have the photos. They will still have the memories of what ever was or wasn't between them.

You need to get help for your problems otherwise he will one day rightly get fed up of being treated like this and leave you.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 01-Sep-13 18:16:20

Just cheered myself up reading this thread.....had been a shite this and have actually belly laughed out loud.......thankyou all. Sorry to laugh op....I hope you're feeling less....anxious smile

shootfromthehip Sun 01-Sep-13 18:23:24

Awww, I loved this thread too- I actually guffawed. Thank you OP, you've actually made my weekend (it has indeed been that shit). Best of luck with everything.

Maryz Sun 01-Sep-13 18:24:29

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LittlePeaPod Sun 01-Sep-13 18:28:17

You should read the other one I saw if you like this one grin

Sorry Op

firesidechat Sun 01-Sep-13 18:36:43

I've posted on the OPs threads before under this name and a previous one (her names, not mine).

OP, you have posted about similar scenarios involving your husband and your obviously extreme anxiety. I'm going to do you the credit of assuming that this is all for real. Please, please get some help. Looking for various non existent ways in which your poor husband has misbehaved in some way is going to cause terrible harm to your marriage. It really can't go on and I hate to see you back with another "problem".

I hope I haven't overstepped the mark with you OP, but I hate to see anyone in your position.

CatAmongThePigeons Sun 01-Sep-13 18:44:37

You shouldnt be nosing through his facebook and deleting photos.

I can't decipher anything else from this thread hmm

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 19:12:27

HeySoulSister, why made you think so?

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 19:13:06

Correction: what made you think so?

IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous Sun 01-Sep-13 19:16:22

Because no person can live with that level of scruitiny and doubt on them forever.

If you dont seek some help about your anxiety you may well lose him.

123bucklemyshoe Sun 01-Sep-13 19:17:27

Really is this all you have to worry about?

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 19:22:32

IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous, is your comment the answer to my question for HeySoulSister?

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 19:24:20

123bucklemyshoes, yes this is all I have to worry about for now.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 01-Sep-13 19:26:41

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wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 19:29:32

I thought I forgot this pic issue until I saw the comment by HeySoulSister. Is she saying my husband will cheat on me soon? With who?

Coconutty Sun 01-Sep-13 19:33:12

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LovelyMarchHare Sun 01-Sep-13 19:35:15

Could you be more precise about the waist/hip location thing pls? grin

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 19:35:35

It was the right hand side.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 01-Sep-13 19:37:24

Baaaaad.....very very baaaaaaadddddd ;)

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 19:38:35

Are you being serious?

Madlizzy Sun 01-Sep-13 19:43:00

I think you have a big problem with jealousy and insecurity and this is an issue that you need to address, rather than trying to read more into an innocent photo from years ago. You'll drive yourself mad with this. Go and talk to your GP and get a referral for some counselling. A big part of a loving relationship is trust, and if you don't trust him, your marriage will be at risk.

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 19:43:30

Well today I told me husband I'm not happy with him taking photos putting his arm around his female friend's hip and he said he wont take any photos with other than me.

lucidlady Sun 01-Sep-13 19:44:04

I think soul sister means you may drive him away.

Madlizzy Sun 01-Sep-13 19:44:21

Wherewouldyou, that's not normal behaviour on your behalf. You need to see that.

skyeskyeskye Sun 01-Sep-13 19:45:00

Obviously you should LTB immediately if he dared to put his arm round his friends waist several years ago. grin

Gruntfuttock Sun 01-Sep-13 19:48:57

"It was the right hand side."




You should have put that in your first post.

I can imagine how devastated you must feel. If only it had been on the left side. sad

Oh, btw OP, I feel very sorry for your husband. Because you are being ridiculous.

IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous Sun 01-Sep-13 19:50:54

Yep that was my answer to the question you asked heysoulsister

LovelyMarchHare Sun 01-Sep-13 19:55:15

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wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 20:01:40

LovelyMarchHare what do you mean by this?

LovelyMarchHare Sun 01-Sep-13 20:03:22

I think my post was clear enough actually.

WafflyVersatile Sun 01-Sep-13 20:05:39

Maybe you should get your husband to join here so we can have a word with him.

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 20:07:32

I'm going to see a private counsellor tomorrow or Tuesday. I have always believed he wont cheat on me because his pareants are still happy being together for over 40 years. But when I saw the pic I was unhappy.

ExcuseTypos Sun 01-Sep-13 20:11:29

Good move to see a counsellor.

I'm sure they will point you in the right direction.

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 20:11:38

Maybe I will just have to trust him. There's nothing I can do about it.

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 20:12:58

It was 7 years ago by the way.

HeySoulSister Sun 01-Sep-13 20:15:59

yes,i think you will drive him away.....if you aren't already doing so. poor man! is he supposed to live with this?

nenevomito Sun 01-Sep-13 20:20:26

There's photos of DH and of me hugging friends. Its normal. Its friendly.

You'll drive your DH away if you keep behaving like that.

Telling him who he can have a photo taken with.
Telling him to delete her photos.
Questioning an innocent photo from 7 years ago.

Stop it.

Stampingmyfeet Sun 01-Sep-13 20:20:50

OP I really hope the counselling will help. It sounds like you are a bit anxious and have a tendency to over analyse.

One of two of the responses on here have made tea come down my nose and after a weekend so poo that I watched X Factor and enjoyed it, I am very grateful.

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 20:48:23

Gruntfuttock, why right hand side is ok and left hand side isnt? I'm looking at the photo again and his hand was where the bone starts which is just below waist.

HeySoulSister Sun 01-Sep-13 20:49:54

stop looking at the must know the left side/right side thing was a JOKE!!!

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 20:50:11

I wish I could show you the pic but the counsellor will see it.

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 20:54:03

Oh really? I didnt know it was a joke. Thank you for letting me know. I tend to believe as it says.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 01-Sep-13 20:57:04

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CookieDoughKid Sun 01-Sep-13 20:59:18

OP.. you need to seek some professional help. You don't read OK to me.

firesidechat Sun 01-Sep-13 21:22:50

mammadiggingdeep it may be best not to add fuel to the fire with this one. Either the OP is winding us up or she has very consistent issues with her husband. Issues that stem from her anxiety and not anything that he has actually done. If it is real then I think she needs as much help as she can get and probably in real life rather than on MN.

OP I think that I have previously suggested that you mention your anxiety before asking about another problem. If these are real situations then it would maybe help to stop all the "this can't be real" posts.

Are these threads even helping you OP?

firesidechat Sun 01-Sep-13 21:27:29

Actually scrap that mamma. I have just read the up to date posts and the OP doesn't seem remotely upset with the posts which ridicule her slightly. I seem to be annoyed on her behalf for no good reason.

123bucklemyshoe Sun 01-Sep-13 21:37:30

If this is all you have to worry about then you should count your blessings and get on with your life....

LEMisdisappointed Sun 01-Sep-13 22:05:30

OP, are you feeling quite well?

May i ask why you are seeing a counsellor on tuesday?

i see a counsellor due to anxiety and depression, sometimes i can have quite warped ideas about things and am very insecure.

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 22:27:35

HeySoulSister, why is it interesting they are still friends? He has many tometown male and female friends who are all long term friends and she is one of them.

Coffeenowplease Sun 01-Sep-13 22:37:11


do you have any erm mental health issues ?
Because your posts seem..well odd to be honest.

Coffeenowplease Sun 01-Sep-13 22:43:07

Also are you English ?

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 22:51:09

LEMisdisappointed, I am going to see a counsellor to talk about this pic and anxiety

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 22:52:17

Coffeenowplease, I dont have mental health issues and I'm not English.

Coffeenowplease Sun 01-Sep-13 22:57:04

Ok that might explain why your posts read a little oddly.
You do seem very anxious - is that what you re seeing a therapist for ?

Just wondering are you and your husband from different countries/cultures ?

wherewouldyoulive Sun 01-Sep-13 23:08:02

My husband is English.

Gruntfuttock Sun 01-Sep-13 23:15:56

Where are you from, OP?

beaglesaresweet Sun 01-Sep-13 23:29:40

I really don't think that OP's NATIONALITY matters here! People of foreign origin can have a sense of humour, Coffee, and read the posts as they are intended, you know. Obviously OP may be very new to English language, but the main point is, she is unhealthily, seriously anxious (or both).

Gruntfuttock Sun 01-Sep-13 23:42:56

Beagles, nationality can be relevant in so far as what is considered acceptable and normal behaviour between the sexes and also recognising humorous and/or sarcastic replies as what they are. That was why I asked.

MrsMinkBernardLundy Sun 01-Sep-13 23:50:57

OP are you happy with your husband?

beaglesaresweet Sun 01-Sep-13 23:51:11

well, assuming she lives in the UK and with her English H (I may be wrong here) she would have picked how humour and sarcasm are expressed. Tbh I think that OP personally lacks any sense of humour, as most immigrants with English husbands would be conversant!
As to the touching culture - yes, agree. She sort of accepted that ut's fine, but then started questioning left/right coments in all seriousness - come on, no one's English is that bad, if they can write/spell!

CanadianJohn Tue 03-Sep-13 01:04:21

What I want to know is, is the woman in the photograph named "Sharon"?

Apocalypto Wed 04-Sep-13 01:08:25

This is priceless

OP, please post more often

LessMissAbs Wed 04-Sep-13 04:13:16

OP, has anything interesting happened in the intervening 7 years since the picture was taken?

I mean, anything at all? Not just to do with the friend from the "hometown"? I take it that both you and your husband have been out of the house since then?

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