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H finds married life boring

(50 Posts)
QuiteSo Fri 30-Aug-13 17:54:40

That's it really - H says things are dull with me and 2dc so he spends 3-4 nights out a week mainly with colleagues who have no kids, at pubs/nightclubs/parties till the early hours of the morning.

Was just wondering whether this is common among other people's husbands. When I was growing up, my father worked long hours but was home every evening and did domestic things (reading, TV, DIY). I just feel my H is acting like a student and not like a 40-something married father.

No, it is not common amongst other people's H's.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

readysteady Fri 30-Aug-13 17:59:19

No not normal! I have to encourage my partner to go out more with his friends. What's he like at weekends? Does he arrange a babysitter so you can both go out? Did he actually say you and DC were boring? Xx

motherinferior Fri 30-Aug-13 17:59:31

IMO family life is quite boring but that is no excuse for behaving like a total arse, which is what he is doing.

No, my partner does not spend half the week out with childfree friends. We both have one evening a week when we're out, doing our own stuff (I sing, he does t'ai chi) and I go out more than he does the rest of the time but not till the small hours.

nomorecrumbs Fri 30-Aug-13 18:00:40

WTF, what the hell is your H doing to make life more fun for the both of you ?!

Selfish bastard.

He is being a hideous arse.

How do you respond to him saying/doing this?

Not common at all. I don't know anybody who goes out like that except students. Maybe tie-free 20 somethings are able to do that and hold down a job. I am wondering how a 40 something man with responsibilities can do it though. He sounds selfish and immature.

LadyMilfordHaven Fri 30-Aug-13 18:04:49

My h likes to go out early evening to talk bloke to his mates - doesnt bother me now kids are older - I tend to go out when I choose too.

life is boring, occasionally punctuated by good bits

do you both go out together ever?

WhoNickedMyName Fri 30-Aug-13 18:05:17

Well I agree that married life is boring at times, especially if you're quite a sociable person, and having young DC can be quite restrictive.

Does he spend money you cant afford? Do you mind him going out so much, and if you do, have you told him?

LadyMilfordHaven Fri 30-Aug-13 18:05:22

oh not every evening - couple of nights a week

Iwaswatchingthat Fri 30-Aug-13 18:08:27

That is a real insult to you and your DC OP.

No it is not normal and not acceptable.

He needs to work to improve things if he is bored, not just run away.

I feel for you OP - everyone deserves to be cherished by their DH.

Coconutty Fri 30-Aug-13 18:10:15

No that is not normal. He sounds like a selfish cunt to me.

Iwaswatchingthat Fri 30-Aug-13 18:11:51

Straight to the point coconutty grin

ivykaty44 Fri 30-Aug-13 18:12:28

I should think lit is dull living with him if he is out all the time and leaves you holding the babies.

Does he arrange a babysitter and take you out any time?

Does he arrange weekends away as a family?

Does he arrange day trips to family type places or city breaks?

Does he arrange picnics out some where that is not dull?

What has he done to inspire anything other than this dullness he complains about?

QuiteSo Fri 30-Aug-13 18:15:00

Attila, I suppose I get money in the bank (although I do work part time as well) and a pile of dirty laundry.

We used to go out occasionally, with a babysitter for the DCs, but he always complained that it wasn't for long enough/interesting enough/I wasn't dressed up enough and therefore wasn't making an effort, so to be honest I don't feel like going out with him anyway. sad

ladymalfoy Fri 30-Aug-13 18:15:29

If he craves excitement could you vary the fillings in his sandwiches? Cat shit and kitty litter surprise maybe?
Bits from the plug hole in the kitchen sink with mayo?

Book him a bungee jump as a surprise, or a vasectomy.

Or immac his eyebrows when he's asleep grin

Mumsyblouse Fri 30-Aug-13 18:23:06

So- fine for you to be bored, not him. Fine to call you boring, put you down, leave you at home and him to live the life of a single person. Perhaps you might consider letting him live that life permanently, as he's adding nothing currently to your life and is insulting you to boot.

LEMisdisappointed Fri 30-Aug-13 18:23:47

you wasn't dressed up enough? shock fuck that! surprise him wiht a petition for divorce!

LadyMilfordHaven Fri 30-Aug-13 18:24:30

is there more to this than just going out?

do you feel good about yourself? Have you been out with mates? Are you sure he hasnt another woman somewhere?

SO you get nothing of real consequence out of this.

What sort of relationship model is being portrayed to your children here?.

Why on earth are you still together?.

Back2Two Fri 30-Aug-13 18:27:26

Yup. If he's bored already then just cut to the chase and suggest a divorce.

He sounds like a cock, sorry.
How old is he? 40-something?

You deserve better OP.

FreckleyGirlAbroad Fri 30-Aug-13 18:30:08

This post makes me feel really sad. The fact that his children are not enough entertainment to keep him at home is heartbreaking. What sort of person was he like before the dc came along??

LovesBeingOnHoliday Fri 30-Aug-13 18:31:18

Not common and not on

nomorecrumbs Fri 30-Aug-13 18:46:50

If he wants to live like a student, then join in!

Don't do his washing or cleaning and cook the most basic, unimaginative food you can muster. Leave empties around the place and stay in bed and play computer games as much as you can. Get Amazon packages delivered to the house and act mysterious about the contents. Stay in your PJ's all day until it's time to leave the house, then dress as trampy as your wardrobe will allow. Spend all the rest of your time staring out of the window.

Nah seriously, if you want to make another go of it with your H, maybe your need to find common ground again? Are there activities you both particularly like doing? Can you get someone to babysit the DCs while you both go out together? You need to find that tender spot with each other again and the only way is through shared positive experiences.

Notmadeofrib Fri 30-Aug-13 18:50:06

No it's not normal. My dh said his favourite bit of the day is the cup of tea we have in bed in the morning with our DC having their milk. Life is 'boring'.

I'm sorry OP but this doesn't sound very positive. - why are you with him? What do you get out of this?

AnyFucker Fri 30-Aug-13 18:53:31

You tolerate this shit ?

Why ?

stargirl1701 Fri 30-Aug-13 18:54:33

No, not normal. Most people get this out of their systems when they are students in their 20s and actually relish the settling down into family life in their late 30s/early 40s.

mammadiggingdeep Fri 30-Aug-13 19:05:29

It's normal when the relationship isn't right and the bloke isn't into his family enough. Been there, got the t shirt. You'll feel so much better when you tell him to sling his hook......

Yes family life can get boring, but if you love your partner you try to make more fun for both of you -- either going out more, or finding fun things to do at home together, or making sure both of you get to go out with your friends on your own.

Someone who just says 'you're boring, I'm out' has basically checked out of the marriage. I don't know how you stay with someone like that.

Is there anything left between the two of you that can be rebuilt? I'm sorry but it sounds pretty dire.

Nagoo Fri 30-Aug-13 19:16:54

Not normal.

I admit that I do get fed up of sitting in front of the telly while DH falls asleep.

So I go out once a week, send him out with his friends so he has something to talk about, and try to book us a 'date' once a month at a comedy night or something. He also cooks dinner every fortnight or so where we turn off the telly and have wine and talk to each other.

He's being a dick and blaming you for it. Not on.

calmingtea Fri 30-Aug-13 19:25:22

He is entitled and spoilt.

Portofino Fri 30-Aug-13 19:28:44

No not normal. He sounds like an arse.

Gracie990 Fri 30-Aug-13 19:34:51

I don't think life is boring with children!

I slept way too much pre children, now we get up and do fun family stuff.

How old is he? I married at 31 so had a good, wild 12 years pre DC.

Whogivesashit Fri 30-Aug-13 19:40:09

He's a Twunt. But you know that already.

Bogeyface Fri 30-Aug-13 19:41:06

I am assuming he is now out, so tomorrow, around 6 ish say to him

"I have been thinking about what you said, and you are right, married life is boring. So I'll see you tomorrow. Dont forget the kids baths, dinners and homework!"

And go. Go anywhere, preferably to a friends where you can sleep over and dont go back until lunchtime. When he kicks off about it, as he will, explain to him that you were just agreeing with him about life being boring so you are just going out as he is doing. Act as if you genuinely cant see a problem, say to him that after all he does it so why cant you?

QuiteSo Fri 30-Aug-13 20:00:01

In a recent argument he said when we met (in our 20s; now pushing 40) I was much more fun, more lively, more sociable. Well, I was a carefree student then with no dependent children or job to get up early for!

He even complained on our recent holiday (which I booked) that it was too family-friendly and not adventurous enough, and he didn't want to go on 'family'-type holidays any more.

AnyFucker Fri 30-Aug-13 20:06:48

I think he is comparing you, and your life together, unfavourably with other (younger and carefree) women

Do you have any suspicions he is playing away at all these late nights out, because I would after those last comments.

yellowballoons Fri 30-Aug-13 20:08:36

This current situation is dangerous for your marriage.

tbh, I think I would slightly call his bluff and see what happens.

Get a babysitter, and you go out with your friends 3 or 4 times a week for a couple of weeks. See what happens.
A bit drastic and dramatic I know, and it may not have the intended result. But at least it will make him sit up and think.

If you carry on doing the same thing as you are doing now, you will get the same result.

Zoe900 Fri 30-Aug-13 20:16:57

Let him be crystal clear that if you split up he'll have the children HALF of the week.

He sees the alternative to married life as being freedom to come and go as he pleases. He probably doesn't visualise being 100% responsible for two children half of the week does he?? that's not what he's hankering after I bet.

I'd frighten him by listing off all the experiences you fancy having yourself and say you could get a chance to do them while he has the children.

AnyFucker Fri 30-Aug-13 20:18:59

Men like this would simply use some other woman to provide child care for his half of the week (if it came to that)

His mother, or some naive bimbo he picked up along the way who thinks the sun shines out of his arse (for a while, at least)

Zoe900 Fri 30-Aug-13 20:22:04

hmm, it sounds a little punishment. You are the mother of his children. he is not a 25 year old dating a woman nearly 15 years older. HE is part of the set up. He is a father. A husband, yet suddenly he's acting like this whole family thing is not his scene. confused Agree with anyfucker i'm afraid. I reckon he's infatuated/flirting in an EA with some younger and/or childfree woman from work.

As yellowballoons suggests, take the wind out of sails by calling his bluff.

"yes, yes! I need more me time! yes, I need to go out more! yes yes I'm so glad we discussed this as there are so many things I could get done if we split childcare 50:50

Zoe900 Fri 30-Aug-13 20:22:44

puzzling I mean.

Squitten Fri 30-Aug-13 20:29:16

Ask him if he would like a divorce so that he can go and live seperately as he wishes. I would like to hear what response he gives

Has he always been like this or is this a bit of a midlife crisis, hankering after the youth that's slipping away so quickly? If the latter, you have a chance of repairing things. If he's just never grown up, I fear he never will.

FrancescaBell Fri 30-Aug-13 20:40:45

I think it's possible he's met someone else and is comparing her idiotic attempts at pretending to be a 'free spirit', with a real-life flesh and blood woman who by dint of being married to a boring drone of a man, unremarkably doesn't hang on his every word and tell him he's witty and marvellous all the time.

My advice? Check his phone and his laptop.

AnyFucker Fri 30-Aug-13 20:55:59

Yup, a little simple detective work is needed here, IMO

Gracie990 Fri 30-Aug-13 21:12:28

I would also spy on him. I also think he's infatuated with a fun 20 something . :-( sorry.

One of DH's friends is like this. He plays away as well. Sorry. He thinks he got married and had DC too early. His choice so I'm not crying for him. He was always moaning about his life, his hard-working, beautiful and wonderful wife. He was talking about divorce until she called his bluff and told him that he added nothing to her life, she added to his and he needed to sort himself out or fuck off. He has, partially at least, sorted himself.

Your DH needs a reality check.

Lweji Sat 31-Aug-13 02:36:49

So you also spend 3-4 nights out a week, right?

I'd be out the door every night he's in. Possibly racing him to the door on nights he's supposed to go out too.

I'm sure you find married like to such a crap husband boring as well.

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