Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

The Pyscopath is starting again?

(147 Posts)
CCTVmum Tue 20-Aug-13 01:19:27

If anyone knows me please dont out me. To frightened to use old MN name.

It has been a wonderful few months or should I say nearly a year of peace. No trouble at all since 2012.

I had made plans with help info from here. My main goal to move to be free from any more threats to my and dc life.

Told by mortgage advisor I do not earn enough. They asked did I get maintanence as this counted as wages!

As I dont I thought I would apply as ex doesnt live in UK. I was 100% sure CSA would just say ex moved abroad and close case. I have not heard back from CSA mind you so this could be the outcome. This was 2 weeks ago.

Anyway my senses have gone in overdrive last few days and cant sleep. I decided to check ex blog and low and behold! The title refers to me. His NN for me since we split. The most freaky thing was ( so not even the demonic voice put on) was a weird american sounding childs voice (possible digital enhanced?) of child referring to ex using the nickname I had for ex when we were together (many many years ago).

ex names a night of an attack, but it refers to via FB?

Now thing is if I go to the police they will lock ME up thinking I am nuts!

Welcome to Gas Lighting Infurno <sigh>

Any tips/slaps/hugs welcome as my PTSD has returned 10 fold! But hoping the hypervigilence will keep me awake\alive

CCTVmum Tue 20-Aug-13 02:12:32


I googled the distorted voice and it was taken from a piece of music about...and I quote

"The song's subject matter refers to a man who descends into madness, taking out his anger on his family. At the end of the song, it is hinted his sanity snaps and he murders them."

Is ex just trying to frighten me or is the psycho planning to murder us AGAIN!

He refers to Saturday nightsad This Saturday night? Next week? Next year?

I feel sick! I can't go to police with this...even I think it is total bonkers.

NoToast Tue 20-Aug-13 07:46:53

This sounds really freaky. You must be so frightened. I think that you definitely should log this with the police on their non-emergency line or by email. Outline the background so that they know what's been going on.

I have been in a similarish situation- just to know that the person is thinking of you is terrifying. You are better placed than anyone to judge the level of threat he poses. Please take advice to keep yourself safe.

Take some deep breaths too and look after yourself, you need your strength. Sending you positive vibes.

NoToast Tue 20-Aug-13 07:50:25

FWIW, if he doesn't live in the UK, the CSA contact may just have stirred him up and he's trying to maintain some level of power and control. He may also be able to see IPs of people visiting his blog and if he knows you're going to visit he wants to scare you.

It's the level of effort put into being frightening that's just so twisted....

waltzingmathilda Tue 20-Aug-13 07:52:31

I decided to check ex blog and low and behold!

Why would you do that? you are just as bad, on line stalking him.

Stop giving him head space. People can only get reactions if you give it to them.

Lweji Tue 20-Aug-13 07:53:38


I think I may know who you were.

It really may be healthier for you not yo check these things. He probably knows you check up on him and know about his blog, so he uses it to frighten you.
Stay vigilant but please don't overthink it. Try to distract yourself.

If you get really worried, do contact the police, but prepare what you are going to say first.

TheOneAndOnlyFell Tue 20-Aug-13 08:08:14

ex names a night of an attack, but it refers to via FB?

I don't understand this. confused

I have no idea who you are, but without wishing to sound unsupportive you are sounding a little paranoid over this. Understandable maybe, but from what you've said about this song, I can see no obvious problems or signs in it, and it all sounds a little tenuous. If he had written that comment about the songs content on his blog then I'd agree that would be designed to send a message to you, although the aim would probably be to maintain an element of control over you through fear and cryptic threats, (especially as he is not in the UK) rather than a literal intention to murder you all. And that control can only be achieved by you looking at the blog - so the answer is??!

But he didn't even write that did he - you had to google the lyrics of the song to accidentally stumble across the message. confused If he's doing it deliberately to terrify you then he has a very subtle way of going about it.

What do you mean by 'he refers to Saturday' ?

What exactly does he say about Saturday? In what context?

Smerlin Tue 20-Aug-13 08:24:12

When was the blog post written- recently or could it have been a while ago?

ScrambledSmegs Tue 20-Aug-13 09:51:08

I think it would be best if you never checked his blog again. It's only going to get you into a vicious circle of being scared, checking his blog, being even more scared, checking his blog again etc...

He's probably getting off on posting weird, obscure shit on that blog and imagining you looking at it and getting scared. Honestly, don't go giving him that satisfaction.

Is there anyone you can talk to in RL about this? Rise above the creepy, stick to the normal?

Oh yeah, and even if he does believe in it (purposely vague) doesn't mean it's real. It's not. He's being ridiculous.

Mainline camomile tea (nice with honey) and cut down on caffeine if you drink a lot of tea/coffee, it exacerbates that jittery feeling. You may find that the paranoia abates a little. Seriously, someone I knew had pts and paranoia after an incident (vague again) and was advised to stop drinking caffeine, obviously in conjunction with the help they were getting. It did help a bit.

ScrambledSmegs Tue 20-Aug-13 09:56:27

Well that was all a bit garbled and in the wrong order. Sorry hmm

Hope you're ok. He does sound like a nasty piece of work, from what I remember.

TheOneAndOnlyFell Tue 20-Aug-13 10:50:00

He's probably getting off on posting weird, obscure shit on that blog and imagining you looking at it and getting scared.


TheOneAndOnlyFell Tue 20-Aug-13 10:52:17

Well a single cup of coffee after 3pm can keep me up all hours of the night, so I imagine if I had anything worrying on my mind there would be a whole lot more hours to lay there wide awake fretting about it!

pictish Tue 20-Aug-13 10:54:51

Well I for one wouldn't feel comfortable in ignoring it.

pictish Tue 20-Aug-13 10:56:13

And I say that as soeone who is sitting here in good spirits. I would find that worrying, and would want to seek advice here, or the police - I don't know.

OP - my sympathies.

LoremIpsum Tue 20-Aug-13 10:56:20

I remember you, OP. If you don't feel you can contact the police, you need to get in touch with someone you feel you can turn to for support.

TheOneAndOnlyFell Tue 20-Aug-13 11:06:07

What on earth is she going to tell the police? That her ex who lives abroad has a blog and he lifted some song lyrics from somewhere, and when she googled the lyrics she stumbled across the fact that the song is about a man who killed his family? It sounds creepy, yes, but she sought out the blog - he has not contacted he, nor has he made any specific reference to wanting to kill her on the blog.

They can and will do nothing.

ScrambledSmegs Tue 20-Aug-13 13:23:34

Actually I may be wrong, but haven't you already drawn the blog to the attention of the police, OP? And because it's in the guise of 'art' or some such twattery he can pretty much do what he wants?

CCTVmum Tue 20-Aug-13 18:14:55

Thank you all for your replies. i'll try and answer but dont want ex too find me here so cant quote titles of songs to exact words incase ex defo knows I have seen this rubbish. Then ex has won one then.

NoToast thanks for your support. I cant go to police though as just trying to explain here was bad enough as it makes me sound crazy....but he is a genius in doing that!

Couple birthdays ago I checked and ex wrote piece of music on ds birthday. It was screaming mainly and frighteing and It was basically saying I was or ex was Satan and ds was son of Satan. That really upset me as to think the dad thinks that of his flesh and blood! I contacted police about that as ex only had one ds and did it on the day! Police said nought they could do unless ex actually named his ds name on it. Yes thats it Smegs...even though he has his RL name and photo on the blog.

I used to check the blog frequently esp when ex was attacking my home every few weeks back 2 yrs ago. A lot of support here
i virtually stopped except for times when ie morning after my Bday he was parked outside my house and sped off when I opened the curtain. So I check then. But had not since. The actual usage of blog putting this evil sounding music/lyrics/titles was also an indication he was not happy and back then I knew an attack was looming.

But I had a bad it guardian angel/intuition/gut feeling etc but I felt something wrong and I had not checked for several months. So yes my fault for giving ex the head space. However very freaky that the song was put up the day before!

But as Lugie (thank you for not outing me) and others who know my history with this as been going on a decade now things have been quite I have not posted on MN as things quiet. So I have mot given ex head space and followed good advice here. I am however glad I know as it could save our lives tbh.

Ex talks about lots of people coming together on Saturday night on FB ( so if not this Saturday night it must be another one in the future but sounds like this one) to create a powerful attack with lots of bells ringing. Ex is a Wican heavily into Alester Crawley ( I had bever heard of the man until ex music titles had a lot of AC quites) which also frightened me back then. He bosts about being a High Priest too so yes I was scared. But it settled down.

Smegs no one RL to talk too as would be locked up! Feel like a priest would be the safest person as prayers to help stop the evil twunt.

He is also talking in tongue on the music after the religious music...the man is very sick! But the last bit well stupid me googles thinking what is this about? ? A plot to murder his family!

This will not be the first time he has tried to murder us hence the CCTV in my NN.

sorry sounds totally crazy please dont slate me just need hand holding until Sunday morning as I am posititve I will not sleep all night on Sat.

MrsMcEnroe Tue 20-Aug-13 18:41:14

God you poor woman.

I'll hold your hand.

I would honestly go to the police with this if he has tried to murder you before, or Women's Aid... could you do that?

CCTVmum Tue 20-Aug-13 19:04:38

Thanks Mrs McEnore cant wait for Sunday morning! Until then I do feel scared. Wish I didn't as it means ex has won.

Their are a few MNs on here that I have disclosed ex music blog too, wish they were around to try and explain this mess better than I can even! OLKN you around.

Victim Support helped me mainly and Arson Team yrs ago and some good counselling at WA last year. Police have been a joke throughout tbh! But Theone andOnly you are 100% correct although creepy ex has not broken the law as not mentioned names directly.

I guess I will be ok after Saturday. Hopefully?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 20-Aug-13 19:43:29

Amazingly, I just found you... I can be around on here a lot of the time, esp. on Saturday.

Hissy Tue 20-Aug-13 19:47:19


I think you ought to call WA again, and ask for advice. It may be that they can come to police with you.

Have there been any suspicious cars etc?

Would your mortgage co allow you to rent the property out? Then you could rent somewhere else.

CCTVmum Tue 20-Aug-13 20:03:22

HH thank you for the squeeze.

I have always listened to your advise which was always MOVE!

So back in work 6 months...went to bank (several) and asked for mortgage for to cover cheapest 1 bed in whole area! Declined! I was told if wages increased ie maintanence I could meet criteria!

I was so pee'd off as this has been my goal for years but couldnt buy when not working. Plus with the history of violence on my property I dont think I could get a tenent? They only have to stare at CCTV alone to be put off but can check police reports now too.

I cant afford to move stuck foreversad Well until either wages increase or credit score improves to lend more). I was so upset I applied to CSA knowing deep down they could not help....but I forgot! Ex still registered at parents house and GP so he doesnt have to pay for GP/medication and free hospital treatment. I remember he had gout yrs ago and came home to see GP and treatment as to expensive where ex lived.

He possibly has had letter from CSA then at parents! Planning to return home on weekend? Oh fuck!

I have not looked out for cars and tbh not here in day as been to busy trying to find a mortgage to move. Getting desperate now esp after another crazed song! Trouble is if I speak to police HH they will say it is me that is mentally unwell as ex gas lighting is Olympic levelsad

CCTVmum Tue 20-Aug-13 20:06:06


Can you just check the blog and give me your honest opinion!

Am I being over sensitive or is it a tiny bit evil and scary!

PS that was NN for ex back then when dc on music says 'Where's ....' Eek!

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 20-Aug-13 20:19:51

Just listened to the new one, does sound weird but I can't make out all the words. confused And, yes, I see why you find it threatening, and targetted, but I don't see how you could convince the police to do anything because it's not criminal. He's a clever one, eh? angry

TramadolDaze Tue 20-Aug-13 20:24:13

I remember you. Why can't you post in your old NN? I'm afraid it's crystal clear from the get-go who you are so if he's looking for you it won't be too hard. I know in the past you've been advised repeatedly by the wise people here to stop looking at his shit online but you don't. You just keep on doing it. YOU and you alone are permitting him to get to you - if that is his intention. He just sounds like a nutjob to me but you're making him out to be the High Priest of Evil when really he's nothing of the sort and if you'd only stop googling him and reading his blog then he couldn't touch you.
Also I remember that incident when you thought it was him outside but I also remember that it was never proven was it? Could have been anyone but you're making it him and so once more allowing him into your head. The power to change all this in in YOUR hands.

Hissy Tue 20-Aug-13 20:29:28

Do you have any savings?

When is that home buying scheme for existing properties coming into operation?

Why not get a letting agent to come and value your property? Let them make a comment on if the cctv'd put people off?

CCTVmum Tue 20-Aug-13 20:31:58

Oh that is super amazing you found me OLKN as have not had issues since 2012! WOW thank you and the oldies to still see here like Lewg and HH! Didn't even know if you were still here as not been here much as life going so well/quiet!

Ex says about meeting up on FB on Sat night to cause the most evil type attack. Then it is religious music of St Peter and then it is ex speaking in tongue possibly backwards eek!

I know police will have the biggest laugh of 2013 if I go into that station sad

An all nighter it is...just like the old days <sigh> I think it is possibly more online and evil spells to make me disappear?

Do you think he is into Satan then OLKN? Or does the deluded twurp think he actually is Satan? Or is he calling me Satanshock

Can I ask for marker on my property without giving a reason???

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 20-Aug-13 20:39:04

I think he's still into Satanism but I'm not sure if his delusions have escalated into thinking he is Satan. But I completely understand why it's freaked you out. Can you see his FB page?

CCTVmum Tue 20-Aug-13 20:42:10

HH I think my credit history is poor because I have not long started work. Home buying scheme is in England only (I was first to enquire I think as so chuffed to get help <sigh>)
Oh I bought new car hope if ex came close he'd think I had moved as different car on drive. SO credit history not long in work is the trouble now <bangs head against wall>
No savings and worse off in work tbh! But it was a great distraction and an escape from this prison! Can't wait to return after hols and leave this house.

A car alarm went off in street early hours HH I hit the ceiling nearly from shock and fear.

Tramadol I swear I was good for several months and well a blessing something made me check as twunt is up to no good again. I was hoping ex would only look for my NN if ex searches at all.

HarrietSchulenberg Tue 20-Aug-13 20:43:40

I'm not quite sure what you think he's going to do on Facebook. Is it to coordinate something physical or a cyber attack on your page?

CCTVmum Tue 20-Aug-13 20:46:51

No I don't have FB.

He is planning some evil satanic stuff on their on Sat night though!

Can you access it OLKN (sorry to ask)?

I wish a psychiatrist could get to him before Saturday <sigh> he is a troubled, loner with nothing to lose who blames me for everything in his life including his disabled ds and dd with 2nd wife!

CCTVmum Tue 20-Aug-13 20:53:55

Harriet he talks about getting together on FB like a prayer group but not for God but for Satan and carry out some evil stuff together as a strong it works better??I dont know never been that way inclined. However I do not have a FB page but planning to do something not nice over FB! It was the last sentence I was worried about that made me think linked to it was his NN by me.

I hope and pray I could be totally wrong!

Tram police didnt want to know when I had CCTV of ex driving up and down at night slowly starring into house from car! I have wittnesses too 3 on one day alone.

I hope I don't die of fright on Saturday night if I hear a bell going off outside sad

CCTVmum Tue 20-Aug-13 21:06:50

Anyone know about Satanism? Do they do prayer groups? What's the bells about?

Might post this somewhere else as doubt anyone with experience on MN grin...I'll have to join an online Satan group (may God forgive me!)

OLKN do you think he is coming over to attack or as it states just an internet thing? (I'm catholic how in God's name did I not see what he was? Told me he was non religious and never listened to ex going on about Crawley at the time)

OLKN ex has got worse with age...this is a bad sign as Psychopaths usually mellow with age! But I guess the psychosis of being supreme (Statan and High Priest etc etc) is most worrying.

That was his voice doing the 'Tongue' talk over the music. OLKN on a score of 0 to 10 how dangerous is ex at moment? Is this common murderous behaviour in DV situations?

I have not heard another case similar and wish I had to have someone else who knows! How they coped with this for years? How they protected themselves?

The one bed HH was in a gated CCTV community...perfect <sob>

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 20-Aug-13 21:12:12

I've searched FB for his name, but as you know, it's not an uncommon one. None of the results seemed to be him (wrong locations etc) but he might simply have his privacy settings pretty secure.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 20-Aug-13 21:17:47

X posted... I really don't want to worry you, but my friend's ex escalated after he got bloody married, when you'd think he'd be all loved-up with the new victim wife, and he's still not backing down with his accusations. Friend is lucky, she has fantastic support from the authorities, but they've seen what he's done and what he's like, whereas, as you say, it makes you look mad when you try to describe your ex.

CCTVmum Tue 20-Aug-13 21:29:43

OMG OKLN so this man was trying to show off to new wife maybe? Show wife who is boss too and frighten her now trapped married! The Narcs true colours were free to be exposed as legally bonded!

Ex has tried every trick possible with authorities as you know! Everything about ex I try to discuss makes me sound mad! I can't open my mouth! Not ONE word! What ever angle I use! I stopped reporting the abuse years ago as it mad me look Cuckoo!
How does he do it? I mean I have tried to stay ahead but ex checkmates with his tactics.

"Hi Officer my ex who is a Satanist is holding an all nighter to try and destroy me via evil spells' HAHAHAHAHAHA! Makes EastEnders look like Waybaloo!

Your friend is lucky she lives in an authority that understands Gas lighting etc. She has the law behind her. I am lucky I have CCTV for now. My ex too clever to go to authorities but doing it around the garden to frighten me so if I do report it I am an unbalanced mother as too crazy to be true AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Allice Tue 20-Aug-13 21:30:06

Sounds awful, you poor love. Is there anywhere you can go this weekend just to make sure you're safe?
I know you probably don't to run away but better to be safe.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 20-Aug-13 21:34:11

Ah, new wife is still all loved up, she hasn't "seen" him yet. And she's up the duff, too. sad Things can only get worse there.

Can you go and have a word with a friendly priest, who might be better placed to understand demonic threats?

CCTVmum Tue 20-Aug-13 21:34:20

Sorry OLKN been a whilesmile

Oh the only person who understood my ex in 'authorities' and said how extremely dangerous he was is now not around due to governement cuts I think? I will try and speak to her before Saturday though as worked in this field 40 yrs and she could describe ex to me how his personality was before I even really explained! She was only one who 'got it' and contacted police etc for more support for me as regional manager in position too....fingers crossed she is still their as she saved mine and ds life CCTV!

waltzingmathilda Tue 20-Aug-13 21:36:03

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 20-Aug-13 21:37:19

Oh, that sounds promising, hope you can find her again. Just having someone who understands makes a difference.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 20-Aug-13 21:38:36

And what a fortuitous xpost with waltzing. <rolls eyes>

NoToast Tue 20-Aug-13 21:43:23

You're obviously very frightened and can't deal with this alone. Can you speak to Women's Aid about a refuge place for you on Saturday night? Also it may help you to speak to a priest as you suggested or look for a helpful catholic organisation.

CCTVmum Tue 20-Aug-13 22:08:55

Allice I would love to go away for weekend but ds has home education on Monday so we need to be home and with BH Weekend I am worried ex may be over as that is when he usually comes home (for long weekend of drinking) and want to protect my home too. Then the cost of going away I am broke for this unforeseen event.

Oh Dear OLKN is this the same ex! Trying to build his ego by bullying your friend infront of pregnant wife...yep next victim if she dares challenge him!

Yes I forgot about Regional Manager of Victim Support! Will do this before Saturday. Fingers crossed!

Notoast great idea...but if I go to WA they involve Social Services and if I tell Social Services why I need refuge...well alike Waltzin they think I am bonkers! It's lose lose which ever way I turn!

It's ok Waltzin I expect this response from 'authorities'. So I will shut up now about it and wait! I just hope you never ever have to be in this position as you do not believe it otherwise so I don't blame you for not understanding gas lighting and other tactics a psychopath often uses when the early reporting etc fails.

Thanks to others and hopefully I will have a quiet Saturday night! Catch up Saturday night feel better/stronger for the support of you lovely ladies!

SunshineBossaNova Wed 21-Aug-13 00:14:33

Hello lovely I remember you from before. He really is vile, isn't he?

<proffers hand>

HoopersGinger Wed 21-Aug-13 00:26:09

You don't sound paranoid OP. 1 yr through a 2 yr restraining order for similar here. FB, blog, calls to child line, harassment, surveillance, stalking.

You know how it is with the police. Sorry to be rude but avoid incredulous bobbies and go through Behind Closed Doors and they will ask your local Safeguarding Unit to contact you. They will take this seriously.

GingerBlondecat Wed 21-Aug-13 02:34:49

all I've got is ((((((((((((soft Hugs))))))))))) and Love and Prayers.

I am so sad this is continuing (remember you) <3

CCTVmum Wed 21-Aug-13 03:11:38

thank you for the hugs means a lot GingerBlonde.
Sunshine rotten to the core so many people remembering my ex situation on such a busy thread is such a bad sign.

Thank you Hoopers for sharing that. Thankfully you have excellant services in your area. What will happen in another year?
or are you just hoping he will now stop as pattern broken. Trouble is sounds like your ex wants to control and keep in contact etc so different type of abuser. My ex just wants me dead so he doesnt have to pay CSA and has someone he carn take his bad days out on.

We sadly dont have Behind Closed Doors here, but we have Womens Safety Unit.

I was basically blamed and told it was my fault by Womans safety unit because I applied for maintance through court years before.
Its not get Arson attempts and threats like that! The sick tunes to frighten me etc.

I cant believe I checked last in 2012 and then ex posts that a day or less less before I get a gut feeling.

Got to start preping for Sat night now!

UptheChimney Wed 21-Aug-13 05:55:58

I think it would be best if you never checked his blog again. It's only going to get you into a vicious circle of being scared, checking his blog, being even more scared, checking his blog again

I don't know your background (newish to MN) but the other main reason you shouldn't read his blog is because most blogging software can allow blog owners to see the IP addresses from which readers log on, and also the route they used to get there (eg through Google Analytics). So he may have recognised something in your computer's IP address.

There are ways to disguise it, but I don't know how -- someone else in here, or on another section of MN, may be able to help you about that.

NoToast Wed 21-Aug-13 22:42:38

I don't have any experience of women's refuge and the rest but how important is it that you are totally honest with them and Social Services? Isn't it enough that you are scared and it's a time that your violent ex could be around? I understand you want to protect your house but you are more important than your things. Could you get insurance to replace your things if anything happens (take important documents etc with you).

My ex had a big 'Satan' thing going on during psychotic bouts. It may seem laughable to people not going through it but it's bloody scary when you're in it.

Also can you get someone trusted to check his blog for you and warn you if it's updated so you never have to go near it again? Maybe they can send you an email every week that they've accessed it so you don't worry they've forgotten to check.

Sending you positive vibes.

CCTVmum Thu 22-Aug-13 01:22:32

thank you NoToast I know you mean well but honestly been in this situ many times and SS and police take no notice and thinks it is revenge on my part! As very common thing they see for an ex to make up things as revenge for no maint.

I dont know if you had this type of response from SS and police too 'oh its revenge as she isnt getting CSA'.

Then it will be all my fault for going to CSA if I tell WA. I guess it is but so desperate to move and then to be told only maintenance counts as extra wages to make up for the pennies I do earn to try and get mortgage to move.

It is a spiral as I am now scared and jumpy. Ptsd returning Fast. Wish I could not be scared. But my past RL experiences from ex and how clever ex is at doing stuff to convince others I am mad.

I have truly been checkmated by my ex!

Spent most of day with an expensive mortgage broker who charges big fee if I get mortgage with them. Even they are having trouble getting me anything as promised to call back when something found. Got a feeling it is a 'no' from them too! A studio flat I am trying to get. Trouble is Social Services will then say ds hasnt got a bedroom to himself....
i cant afford anything else!

Very jumpy again tonight. My poor old mum who also thought it was me too at first to blame but over years realised what was happening. She never slept last night either as so disturbed by the evil creation and worried for us.

Dont his parents or employers or friends or even GF see this and worry about his mental state?

I am hoping it is a satanic onlie ritual rather ran coming here.
i need to stay strong just difficult when a jitery wreck and no sleep.

SunshineBossaNova Thu 22-Aug-13 01:40:03

Hello lovely

I don't believe in satanism or its power. However, I can get why you are feeling so frightened, given what has happened before. Could you try and hold on to the good that is created when mumsnetters think good things for you, as some kind of antidote against whatever nastiness your x is trying to conjure up?

Please keep posting. You are not alone - there are lots of lovely people on this site, some who know your story and some who don't. We're here to hold your hand when things are tough.

Big hugs to you, your DM and your DC. I hope you get some sleep tonight - please take care of yourself. xxx

garlicagain Thu 22-Aug-13 01:46:45

HI, darling. I've been on your other threads, too. I'm gutted to hear he's managed to scare you again.

I don't believe in anything supernatural at all, but am certainly aware of how malevolent intent can cross over into tangible action sad If there's anything I can do to help practically, then please will one of you PM me - or, Hissy, you know who I am!

I will be around on Saturday. Also sober. Have run out of beer until next week, dammit.

garlicagain Thu 22-Aug-13 01:56:16

August 24th isn't any kind of festival in Wicca or satanism - just checked. My guess is they're having a party because of the bank holiday weekend.

CCTVmum Thu 22-Aug-13 02:14:37

Hi GB thank you so much for your support. Thanks for checking if a festivel date too! Wish it was as would then be 'Ahhh I see' but sadly not then! Just another long BH maybe if I drink a bottle I will be to happy and drunk to care. Ex mainly always attacked my home on BH weekends when he would be home for loner.

I think it was you GB and spring who first explained gas lighting to me as was shock as ex was doing this all the time. I was shocked but relieved to know that this type of behaviour is common in this type if mindset.

Hi Sunshine I remember you too thank you for your lovely idea....maybe we can have a MN ritual online to counterbalance (even if it is rubbish to just help me feel safe Sat night).

NoToast thank you...I need to know I am not alone with this psyhoc dribble! Did your ex get diagnosed after? That is great idea gettig some else to check so my IP isnt showing up?

Sunshine you got me thinking of (whats the name of when you do what the person did to mirror them) its a psychopathic trait cant remember now, but doing good ritual should counteract?

NoToast Thu 22-Aug-13 02:19:33

I'm sorry, am trying to be helpful but it's the last thing you want to hear when you are trying your bloody hardest. I think I get it now about WA/CSA and your mortgage.

I really hope it works out for you and you get past this weekend fine. It's not fair you have to go through this.

NoToast Thu 22-Aug-13 02:23:10

Just responded to your earlier post, happy to talk a bit about my experience but going to sleep right now. Catch-up soon.

SunshineBossaNova Thu 22-Aug-13 02:23:28

Hello lovely

My XH was abusive (but thankfully not too dangerous) - he was a master of gaslighting. It's hideous, and I'm sure your XH posts things on his blog knowing that it will be a trigger.

I won't have internet access on Saturday (am away with DH and MIL) but will be thinking of you.

I don't know the word you mean, but I think I understand what you mean about mirroring. Perhaps staying close to MN peeps on Saturday night would be a good idea - a kind of shield IYSWIM? I won't be online, but like I said I will be thinking of you and your DC.

<gentle squeeze>

OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 22-Aug-13 15:38:44

Re some sort of spiritual support, I'll happily ask over in the religion topic if we have any white witches or similar, who might be able to help out with rituals for you, OP?

StElmo Thu 22-Aug-13 16:31:09

I obviously haven't listened to your ex's blog, but I think I know the song about a man who goes crazy and kills his family (harvester of sorrow) the disembodied voice is actually on the B side and part of a completely different song. I think you should confide in a real life friend about all of this but try not to worry too much about the 'Satan' stuff, you're ex says he's Wiccan but also calls himself High Priest of Evil? He has no idea what he'd talking about.

LemonDrizzled Thu 22-Aug-13 16:54:17

It's a shame to hear you so afraid of what your ex can do. He is only a man and still subject to the law. His nonsense about satanism wouldn't worry you if you didn't go looking for trouble on his blog. If it helps you we can have a virtual spell casting session to protect you on Saturday. But if it was me I would just ignore the silly man and get on with something more interesting.
Does Satan use Twitter too? or just Facebook?

FridaKarlov Thu 22-Aug-13 17:29:51

Hi OP.

If he's a Satanist, then know this: curses will only work if you let them- it's the fear of the curse that does the damage. He can light all the black candles he wants and chant til he's blue in the face, but the only magical power he has is your fear. If you regard him as a pathetic delusional tool, then he has no power.

CCTVmum Thu 22-Aug-13 17:43:10

NoToast I think you helped me last yr or yr before under different name as not many MNs here with ex's into Satan etc
Would your ex still try to control you with fear being the reason etc I know my ex knows me and he knows a satanic threat would frighten me.

I do think Unch what you say re ex knows my IP address and loves frightening me if he does know it is for my eyes that website as all his music is usually twisted with weird names that are evil.

OLKN would you please! You will word it better than me and not sound loony! I imagine a lot of good spiritual advice on that section...great idea.

I phoned VS and the woman is off but they can only give support now. They said to speak to and log it with police...but no point tbh.

I imagine by Sat night I will be so exhausted I will sleep through a bomb...literally!

Hei op, I thought I posted yesterday, but must have been distracted. Just wanted to say I understand if this creep is into Alistair Crawley, that you are scared. I was going to suggest that you go away for the weekend, as a temporary measure. Can you visit your mum?
Agree with Frida, if it's just a magic circle type thing, but clearly you are worried he's going to rile up the others in his group (if he is high priest) and go to a physical attack. I'd ring WA, and also see if you can find any white witches for support. I'm not into that sort of thing, but there are people that are, and they may be able to offer you real life support against this loony.
Crawley was a mad person, and to follow his footsteps require all sort of action, as far as I gathered when I read up on it in days gone by.

CCTVmum Thu 22-Aug-13 17:54:08

grin drizzle re twitter too! Made me laugh! Makes me start to relise what a turp he is!

However when it gets dard I get scared now. So StElmo I truely would like a help like this even it just helps me feel safe psychologicaly. So please any spells or prayers greatly appreciated. That is the clip on the end of ex song after the venomish talking in tongue (religious St Peter music before that and the planning to create something super evil on Sat night on FB? ) ( sorry I sound crazy but its the gaslighting).
He says he is high priest and counsellor of wiccan pagan cult and his hero is Alister Crawley!

I,ve been getting choking feelings in my throat but I know that is anxiety, well I ihope that is all it is.

garlicagain Thu 22-Aug-13 17:55:54

I'm hoping ex will have a ceremony, drink mead, then retire to the pub for an occult back-slapping session. He would be expecting his summoned spirits to beaver over to OP's house & do his bidding - which won't happen grin

Problem is he does lurk around her home - hence the CCTV - he plays mind games to which, given their history, OP's still quite vulnerable, and has attacked her and her house in the past.

Me, I'm willing to call out the games for the bullshit they are. I also think it's not a bad idea to get spiritual support if it will help you feel protected. But the very best thing, imo, would be for you to get away with DC and stay somewhere you feel safe.

CCTVmum Thu 22-Aug-13 18:00:12

Shall I call 101? Victim support said too and BH weekend looming as I know this is when he comes home home (passes my house on motorway so only 10 mins out if his way to do something).

Police have never done nought though to point!

Might try WA? Getting scared as getting closer.

garlicagain Thu 22-Aug-13 18:00:48

Does he not even know how to spell Aleister Crowley's name? Some wizard he is! grin

I've read all Crowley's work, had his books on my shelves for years. Never been attacked by Gollums wink

garlicagain Thu 22-Aug-13 18:02:10

Yes, if Victim Support said to call them, do! Why ever not?

You can call VS again, too, can't you smile Good that you're thinking of these things. It shows you've got at least one foot firmly in the real world, and that's where you're safe iyswim.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 22-Aug-13 18:14:57

Yes, he can chant till he's blue in the face and draw up a gazillion pentagons or whatever, but that bit can't do anything to you. It's if he shows up at your door, which is why I'd suggest you are elsewhere for that night. Seconding Garlic!
I've been on graveyards many a night (it was where I used to park my bike so no-one would steal it), and read some of his books (though I still can't spell the name smile )
And yes, do call VS and 101 (and say you have suspicions something's up?)

CCTVmum Thu 22-Aug-13 18:41:12

Frida thank you I try to think that way...but as getting closer and possibly tired older etc feel more frightened. Stupid really as I was a stubborn cow in they earlier years and would not leave my house. Now I am trying to get out for good.

Well I hope the only spirits he has contact GB is 37.5% vol smile
It's me that is no wizard as spelt AC name wrong eek!

Just phoned WA and they will put me up same price as travelodge but at least I wont be alone if I can't cope at home alone. Don't want to be alone as I know this is an internet online thing on FB. But never know until Sat night...I feel ill with this time round can't cope with it. It's beating me down fast.

Thank you so much OLKN knowing others are willing safety too gives me support.

WA told me to get police to put marker on property Sat night.

Thanks turbo too.

Really don't know what I would do without you MNs thanks

OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 22-Aug-13 18:47:23

Excellent news that WA can offer you a bed and company on Saturday if you feel you need it. Sound like a good choice.

garlicagain Thu 22-Aug-13 18:53:12

I think so, too! You could take a purple candle and some rosemary oil with you, OP smile

garlicagain Thu 22-Aug-13 18:54:32

This is so cool. I really want to see you all safe, protected and in good company - while some half-cut wizard wazzock thinks he's casting the heebie-jeebies on you wink

myroomisatip Thu 22-Aug-13 18:58:55

I always use a little prayer when I have a long journey or difficult journey to make....

'I surround myself with the white light of love and divine protection for all eternity in all directions of time'. You can substitute 'myself' with 'my home', or 'my car' or whatever you need. I also picture being surrounded in a white light, as big and bright as possible.

This is also a great website and I am sure that someone on there will be able to put your mind at rest further:

All the best for Saturday. I will be on line and sending you love and protection (as probably the rest of MN will be lol).

CCTVmum Thu 22-Aug-13 19:08:40

Thank you myroom and Sunshine for positive vibes and have a fab weekend away Sunshine in the sun.

I hope what he does do repeats on him big time.

Lovely WA woman didn't think I was talking rubbish either!

Thank you GB.
I am favouring WA at mo. I will see how I feel by Sat as I may feel much stronger by then as getting support through this.

SunshineBossaNova Thu 22-Aug-13 20:13:48

I'm so glad the WA are able to help, and that you won't be alone on Saturday night. smile

CCTVmum Thu 22-Aug-13 23:27:08

I wont be alone on here as this is psychological fight not an actual physical and as long as I got support from here I think I might well cope. I don't know if I should run away! As long as I don't have any weird stuff happening or Buffy Vampires LOL I should be able to cope and ride through the fear....keep remembering he can only hurt me this way if I allow it.

I will see how I am on Sat with WA Sunshine as it feels so daft as the man isnt even in same why would I feel frightened? Gotta keep reminding myself of that.

SunshineBossaNova Fri 23-Aug-13 00:00:44

smile You're right, it's definitely a psychological battle. It sounds as if you are feeling more confident.

Jux Fri 23-Aug-13 00:34:09

Burning dried white sage is supposed to cleanse places. I know your home probably doesn't need it, but if you were to burn a small amount of sage at doors and windows and have the fragrant smoke wafting around, it might help you psychologically.

I don't think we're going to be around on Saturday night, otherwise I'd keep vigil with you too, but I'll be thinking of you from the middle of a field somewhere.

(Oh, and he's not a Wiccan. They are essentially peaceful people; one of their beliefs is that spells done for harm against others or for personal gain will come back to bite the caster.)

MariaLuna Fri 23-Aug-13 00:40:15

YYY to using spiritual protection!

A circle of white light around you and your house (and loved ones) is powerful. Just visualise it every morning and night... (or whenever you remember).

CCTVmum Fri 23-Aug-13 01:21:45

Ex knows I am looking and getting a right laugh out of making it up to frighten me. Thanks GB for finding that out for me. So yes battle of the minds Sun!

The vibes will defo help Jux and Maria will do all helps to protect us both.

You sound a lot stronger for having people listening to you. good!
FWIW I don't think it's running away to go away for the night. You'd be having the last laugh as he'd be chanting away to an empty house smile It's also lovely to change scenery every now and then!
But do what you feel is best, and take your precautions. It's a tough job to stand up to people harrassing one, but it does make you stronger in yourself (once the shaking and sweating eases... smile )

You sound awesome CCTV

sashh Fri 23-Aug-13 10:30:45

Just come here from the other thread, thanks OldLadyKnowsNothing IMHO your ex is not a high priest, he is mixing up too much so he doesn't know his stuff. He is trying to frighten you, and it's working. If he believes this stuff he is dangerous, but I think you know that.

Can you go elsewhere for the night? I have a futon that is quite comfortable.

The bells thing is odd, they are usually used to scare away bad spirits, evil, other forces that can hurt. That's why they are in churches and rung in some church services.

The prayer thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts gives on the other thread is a well known and used protection.

I would go to the police, tell them you know you sound mad but your ex is unstable, believes in the occult and you believe he may try to harm you on Saturday. If they ask you how say he might do a bit of chanting (you can laugh at this point) or it may be physical. Ask them to do a drive by a couple of times that night.

I will be looking up some protection spells and burning white candles for you on Saturday night.

NoToast Fri 23-Aug-13 11:10:50

Sent you a pm.

WayHarshTai Fri 23-Aug-13 11:26:28

Oh for heavens sake.

I don;'t think feeding into the OP's delusions is going to help her AT ALL.

Ive been reading your threads for years and I firmly believe this is all a paranoid delusion. You have no proof of anything involving him at all. Am I right in rmemberingteat the 'attacks' on your front door were you finding some scratches and deciding it must be him?

That you have never actually seen him near your house, just a car you thought might be his, maybe?

All your threads are full of menaings you've invented for song lyrics or words. It's IN YOUR HEAD.

Stop reading his blog, go to the GP and ask for help.

This is not the behaviour of a mentally well woman.

WayHarshTai Fri 23-Aug-13 11:27:01

..remembering that. Not sure what happened there.

reelingintheyears Fri 23-Aug-13 11:31:03

Protection spells?

Really? hmm

OldLadyKnowsNothing Fri 23-Aug-13 13:47:01

Yes, protection spells, really. If nothing else, the placebo effect is valuable.

garlicagain Fri 23-Aug-13 22:39:20

Hi, CCTV. How are you this evening?

CCTVmum Fri 23-Aug-13 22:46:26


I have Pm'd you.

Very tired. Going to call 101 later as their was a man hanging round earlier just starring down my street sat on wall of a house that was empty.
But that was more to do with bulgary worry than ex.

Ex worry is tomorrow eve.

SunshineBossaNova Fri 23-Aug-13 22:50:37

Hugs lovely xxx

As I said, I'm not on t'internet tomorrow night, but I will be thinking of you and yours.

garlicagain Sat 24-Aug-13 00:04:31

Heh, I've sent you two interminably long replies! Should keep you busy for ten minutes wink

Poor you, you are hypervigilant, aren't you? Still, that's no bad thing if it's helping you spot potential burglars. But it is exhausting, being on the alert all the time. Hope you manage to snuggle up warm & safe, get a decent night's sleep.

CCTVmum Sat 24-Aug-13 01:29:57

I want to thanks everyone here for their support and replies.

I call it divine intervention but a change of family circumstances and I can now stay with my mum until Monday.

So if the ex wants to torch the house I have insurance and sending an evil presence I wont be home phewie! Seriously I was terrified although laughing now still very shellshocked!

I want to thank NoToast as I know how hard it is for you and Sunshine go away and enjoy in peace I am safe OLKN for your offer to come and stay with me and GB for gas lighting the evil turp which has resulted in removal of the evil filth and hopefully forgot about his FB plans of Satanic rituals tomorrow pmgrin few others who PM'd me too who I will not name to respect confidentiality many thanks.

All the others on the spiritual thread too thank you!


I'll report back tomorrow but I am sure to say I am going to have a fab nights sleep as truly exhausted and drained from this.

Don't want to jinx it but hopefully this particular situation is over!

I will keep you updated...please keep the prays and positive vibes going to ensure my son and I remain safe not just tomorrow night but for many years from this sick, evil bully.

jumpingpillows Sat 24-Aug-13 04:17:47

I remember you.

Look, I the nicest possible way - you did this a year ago in July, looked up when he earned etc and were told and advised to not go near him/not pursue any claim etc.

DO NOT CONTACT HIM. (including via CSA etc)

He sounds truly evil. He feeds off this kind of crap. What possessed you to try to get money from him? Look out for yourself - you do not need this stress! And agree about looking at blog he can probably trace IP address or some such shit.

Reading this thread is like the way you used to feel all the time. You deserve to feel better than this.

Glad you are away for the weekend. Look after yourself.

TheOneAndOnlyFell Sat 24-Aug-13 08:10:30

Sorry for the slight hijack but how do you go about tracing someone's IP and what does exactly an IP tell you? Surely not the name and address of the user? confused

I used to have a widget on my blog that gave details of who had looked at it, their IP address, their country, city, Isp. I could also see which pages they looked at and how long they spent and I think the browser they were using too.

I remember OPs previous posts and I have to say I'm inclined to agree with WayHarsh. By actively seeking out his blog and other info you are giving him power over you, you do not have to read his bullshit posts or listen to what sounds like really bad death metal or whatever. Continuing to do so isn't vigilance, it's choosing to seek out what he is doing and then allowing it to scare you. he only has the power over you that you are continuing to give him.

Facepalmninja Sat 24-Aug-13 17:39:38

Theone, to trace a persons ip you need to run say the email header through here

Good luck CCTV an sending you lots of positive thoughts

garlicagain Sat 24-Aug-13 17:49:31

Continuing to do so isn't vigilance - No, it's hypervigilance: a PTSD symptom. 'Choosing' not to be hypervigilant is, regrettably, a long & complicated process.

ImperialBlether Sat 24-Aug-13 18:02:38

God, that was scary, Facepalmninja! It showed my IP address, the town I live in and my internet service provider!

ImperialBlether Sat 24-Aug-13 18:04:21

How would anyone find an IP address from an email address?

Facepalmninja Sat 24-Aug-13 18:31:53

Easy imperial....

It's very easy, I do a bit of online sleuthing for those in need/ask, this is one way to identify a location of someone.

ImperialBlether Sat 24-Aug-13 19:00:15

It worked on my address, but my son's came up as in Oklahoma and an American friend's came up as California, though he wasn't from there. Would those be the server IPs that I have? I'll keep trying.

NoToast Sat 24-Aug-13 21:58:25

Am bells!

CCTVmum Sat 24-Aug-13 23:52:26

Good evening from a safe lovely mum'ssmile

My mum and ds now both asleep and I feel so relaxed! It really is lovely!
My mum now realises the extent of how bad it is as I never told her until today how frightened I was and about to go into a refuge tonight or Travelodge or something to get away from the house.

Now away from the house I realise how scared and stressed I really was of tonight. I think I would have just dropped down dead in fear alonesad

I went back to house around 7pmish to get a few things I forgot as not returning until Tuesday.

As ds not with me I took opportunity to call police and just say what the situation is and can they check the house.

The police officer was amazing and really sympathised with me! She kept saying how did you manage to stay their as I couldn't! I replied I had no choice as I had no where to go. I said it was all my fault as I contacted CSA and I think he has had a letter but only 10 days earlier? I was reassured this was not my fault as he should not be behaving this way. So I feel a bit less it is my fault now. I gave his website name DOB so hopefully they can lok at the now deleted song about summoning an evil presence to attack on FB page. I hope they can retrieve it?

So within 10 mins of call as I was driving out of street police was driving into street to check! WOW!

I then had call from Policeman from local station and he is checking my house frequently until his shift finishes at 3am and will ask next duty to check too. He is sending a community officer around to my mum's over weekend at some point to see if their is anything he can do to help WOW! It is being taken serious now <sob>

I want to thank each and every one of you and the checks and offers of RL help that I would not even get off most of my RL family!

I really need to leave fast! I saw a studio flat today, it was so small. I don't know what I am going to do. But I must get out!


CCTVmum Sun 25-Aug-13 00:00:08

No bells NoToastsmile

Ahh a car just came up my mum street (dead end not often) and a bit jittery for a few seconds and when fridge powered up heart skipped a beat just then! So a little bit scared still but so grateful I am not home tonight.

I know a lot of you around for me tonight and I am so grateful flowers

Jux Sun 25-Aug-13 00:06:44

Oh CCTVmum, I'm so glad you are somewhere safe where you can relax and sleeeeeeeeeeep!

Yes, you do need to get out, don't you? Just so you can feel safer and relax more. There must be a way to do it. Can you remortgage so you have some money to do whatever you need to get lodgers and rent a place until you can sell? I don't know the ins and outs of that, and it may not be financially sensible. I'm sure someone can give you the advisability of such a course of action.

Hope you are asleep right now, and you wake refreshed.

Jux Sun 25-Aug-13 00:09:10


Try to get to bed and sleep. Tell yourself that you are quite safe. Keep repeating it, like a mantra.

Have to go to bed myself now, but will be thinking of you.

CCTVmum Sun 25-Aug-13 00:25:39

thanks Jux

I will sleep...still need to wind down after a worryng few days that esculated every day! Today has been the least stressed as I had somewhere to go and not be alone.

Jux I was told I could only remortgage 7K as my score bad...I had been home edding ds for couple years and just returned few months ago. I bought a new car on finance and got a credit card all within weeks of returning so my score is bad! I did not know this would happen as I thought ex stopped this nasty stuff!

Mortgage advisor said 'maint' counts towards wages and I contacted CSA to see if I could get CSA and then more mortgage to move! With value I have in house already I could get a 1 bed studio. Ds has ASD and a studio is not good esp as we live in 3 bed house.

I'm rightly stucksad

NoToast Sun 25-Aug-13 00:41:33

No bells and no whistles, sleep well !

garlicagain Sun 25-Aug-13 01:39:09

I've been thinking of you all evening, too, CCTV. Mostly thinking how pleased I am to know you & DS are all snuggled up safe with your Mum smile Great news that you're staying till Tuesday. You can patch up your sleep and your emotional stability over the next couple of days.

How great that the police have been so understanding and responsive! I know this doesn't remove the sense of threat, but it is very reassuring.

How the heck could it be your fault??? Just because a psychopath says so, doesn't make it true! Duh! grin

I happen to agree, it would make sense in many ways, to remortgage and use the money to rent somewhere. With peace of mind, your brain will start firing on all cylinders again, giving you a better chance of charting the way forward. Perhaps you'll be able to discuss it with your mum over the weekend - and, of course, there's always us.

Happy Sunday! xx

sadwidow28 Sun 25-Aug-13 01:47:35

I am glad to know that you are okay CCTV. I have followed your threads.

I am of a different faith to many on this thread so did my rosary - and got many other friends to do it all day today.

Take care.

Buzzardbird Sun 25-Aug-13 06:23:31

Am glad you are safe Op. If you managed to get a car on finance and a cc your credit rating must be ok and would have improved further by those surely? My ds owns a finance company and advised me (a long time ago admittedly) that to create my score I had to get cc's etc as I had no debt to give me a score. Maybe you need to seek financial advice along these lines?
oh, and the ex must be a really weak man to pull the big guns out like Satanism for a feeling of empowerment? I met a 'high priest' once...he was a postman dressed in shorts Ffs! Never been afraid if satanic crap since that moment grin
Hope you have a lovely chilled out Sunday thanks

sashh Sun 25-Aug-13 07:15:46

Glad all is OK

Dobbiesmum Sun 25-Aug-13 08:39:25

Read both threads and although I can't help you anymore on the practical side I can help you with the spiritual a little. I'm Pagan and can tell you that he's full of horseshit if he's connecting Wicca, Crowley and Satanism, the 3 don't match.
Wicca is a non violent set of beliefs with the law 'do as thou will as it harms non'. Crowley was an itelligent but drug addled big head IMO with a strange hold over people and true Satanism is more of an atheist movement who's followers believe in furthering their own lives in a type of 'do as thou will' without the last caveat rather than following a horn headed evil being. In fact most Pagans don't even believe in the Devil as it's generally accepted to be a Judeo-Christian invention using the generic horned man symbol to define evil (believe me I can go on for DAYS about this!).
SO essentially he's talking out of his arse in an attempt to scare/intimidate people. And possibly to look 'alternative'.
Arm yourself with knowledge on the belief systems, even if you don't believe. I'm a member of Children of Artemis, they're good sorts. Witchvox is another good one and the 'official' church of Satan has it's own website. That ones a bit arrogant for my tastes but it's full of info.
Above all, proect yourself on the physical side first, then concentrate on the spiritual.

Hei CCTV, just so glad to see you did go to your mum's house! yay.
Also happy that you found the police responsive. There are so many shades of crap out there, I think the police are waking up to that fact!
good luck wuth moving.

cherrysparkles Sun 25-Aug-13 08:50:41

Was just going to say the same as dobbiesmum; I'm Pagan and it really annoyed me to see the Wicca reference (not blaming you OP, I know he probably used the term 'Wicca' to describe his beliefs).

But yeah; what dobbie said smile

garlicagain Sun 25-Aug-13 10:51:27

most Pagans don't even believe in the Devil as it's ... a Judeo-Christian invention ... I can go on for DAYS about this! - Me, too, Dobbies and cherry. Good thing we don't know each other in RL, we'd never shut up! grin

There you go, CCTV, confirmation from actual pagans, in case my atheist ramblings weren't enough!

I'm not scared of evil spirits, but human psychopaths are another matter. Their realm of influence is limited to words & actions, though, like everyone else's.

Dobbiesmum Sun 25-Aug-13 14:53:17

garlic seeing as I bore the pants off DH on the subject and I don't get to my local Moot very often it would be great!
Honestly Op the Paganism aspect is a red herring. Develop a basic knowledge of the subject, it can't scare you if you understand it. (Just thought of the Patheos website, there are many parts of that site that could reassure you)
Keep logging everything with the Police and for your own reference, no matter how small.
Hope you're well flowers

CCTVmum Sun 25-Aug-13 22:15:18

Good evening I am checking in say I got through last night really well and I enjoyed today as we went for lovely coastal walk to help reduce the stress.

I assume my house is fine as police have my number if a problem. But after all got insurance and I really do not want to return their but have no choice on Tuesday am.

This time away and space has given me time to really see this cannot continue but it is going to take as it costs money.

garlic it is my fault as I want to move and cannot increase my borrowing to get more than a studio flat. When mortgage advisor said maint payments increase lending amount I thought oh well they won't contact him as abroad anyhow but I think ex is registered in UK when should not be. So i will contact CSA on Tuesday and canceled too dangerous.

A MN friend on here was talking about CSAa lot as didn't get maint one month and I felt really down as been years andI have struggled as couldn't work for 5 yrs as home educated disabled ds and now I am worse off back in work by a lot of moneysad

But when not in work for those years I could not move as on benefits it is an horrendous circle for me!

I am grateful of all the support and prayers for protection the religion does not matter to me thanks the kind thoughts and wishes mean so much

Ex wrote a song once when attacking called 'do what thou will' he did not have the do not harm others and I realised it was AC quote when I checked. Their was other AC quotes used for titles and also about Ptah and veils and Egyptian pyramids etc but the many satan titles very clear to me as I had not a clue about other religions only my own.

I am using this time to sleep and regain strength and try and thing of ways out of this situation!

I just hope this stops now and I can move before anything happens again. as I really can't cope with it anymore.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Mon 26-Aug-13 14:03:42

Hope last night was also peaceful for you, and that resting for a few days will refresh you enough to face the struggle. flowers

CCTVmum Mon 26-Aug-13 21:44:27

Thank you OLKN we went to the beach today and we had fab time. Tomorrow we have to go home sadly. Even ds wants to stay with his Grandma (I would love to never return home)

My mum has been amazing and we drove around one area I like as quiet to see what is for sale.

I am going to start getting my home up to scratch which oddly enough had guttering fixed and trees removed last week a huge job.

I don't have to look anymore when I feel something is wrong as Garlic will check for me. So this sick joke laugh at the least ex does on the internet at least he will think I have not seen it although I will be informed if anything weird written again that may be a possible threat.

I just hope the wacko music is the worst ex does and not some weird type of rituals to try and harm me etc but am so grateful to you and all MNs here who helped by thoughts and prayers to help counterbalance any nasty stuff the evil twunt was/is thinking of.

It's going to take a while to get out. Trouble is keeping ex from finding us will be tough too. But the house has so many bad nightmares (RL) and I can't stand it anymore their!

OLKN thanks for your RL offer of help and I hope some day you can visit but not as a DV threat situation as you truly have been a rock since I came to MN about this awful situation.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Mon 26-Aug-13 21:53:16

{{{{CCTV}}}} Glad you had a good day, and are starting to make plans for the future. smile

SunshineBossaNova Mon 26-Aug-13 21:57:17

So glad you had a good weekend CCTV, that's fab news. Big hugs.

garlicbargain Mon 26-Aug-13 22:43:47

smile flowers smile

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Mon 26-Aug-13 22:58:38

St Patrick's Breastplate - prayer for protection (Esp from evil wishing), also called the Lorica (cry of the deer)

Short version:

"Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right,
Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me."

Full length version is very long but also more specific long version

CCTVmum Tue 27-Aug-13 07:48:20

Doublelife that is a lovely prayer thank you.

I have had so much kindness from strangers (even though known some of you years) it is touching and GB you are very very welcomesmile

I am back at the isnt a 'home' as that is somewhere safe and happy! That man made sure he truly destroyed that for ds and I.

If their is such a thing as Kama why hasn't my ex received a fair share from what he has done to us alone?

The fear factor has reduced now Sat and BH weekend over. I am so glad I got through the weekend and nothing happened to us, if anything a fantastic weekend smile

CCTVmum Tue 27-Aug-13 07:52:51

thanks Sunshine too your support meant a lot!
Imperial thanks for your offer too if it happens next time I will let you know send you links too. But am really really hoping this stops now!! If only police could talk to him I am sure it would stop but he isn;t breaking the law so nothing they can do! Community officer may come round today too? But again nothing they can do...just having the support is nice though after all these years.

Just to say so pleased you got away for a couple of days! It's amazing the difference it makes, and things stand out clearer. At home it all can become a muddle sometimes.
Good luck with your next move away from creepiness! That community officer comes round to check on you is also lovely, it's good to know someone's looking out for you where you are. smile
Karma is for next time around... ;) (Again, not my cup of tea, but it can't be ruled out completely now, can it?)

CCTVmum Tue 27-Aug-13 23:17:02

thanks turbo
Community officer never came round but not sure when that will be if ever but police know I am home now. Really dont think they can do anything anyhow as couldnt when ex was attacking my house (told need proof) so got CCTV and then told that he was only driving past on CCTV so excuse my negitivity about their input.

Speaking to my mum tonight on phone and I have decided gated apartment with cctv and 24 hr conceige and underground parking is my next move! Dont know how ds will cope with that from detached house and needs quiet at night to sleep due to super sensitive hearing a part of his autism. Feels like prisonsad

The ex has still got control as being forced to move as my life has been hell since giving birth to ds. Before I was stubborn and would not give in but 10 years of trouble on all different levels of bullying I feel broke and too old to cope with the stress.

Really don't know how I would have got theough last few years without all your support MNs thanks

garlicbargain Tue 27-Aug-13 23:40:31

You would have done, because you are fantastic and resourceful and people want to support you smile

Do you think you might be feeling any differently, now, about renting your house out in order to rent a secure apartment for you & DS?

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Tue 27-Aug-13 23:58:06

Well done for getting through the days and not letting him get you back in an awful place again.

Glad you liked the prayer, I was thinking if I was at home alone and terrified about some maniac desperately trying to get through to satan / evilness, then this is what I'd be repeating to myself.

I do think he sounds like a disgusting mess who is mixing and matching all sorts of ideas and fakery to play at talking to the devil and make himself seem important... In reality hes a revolting crumpled sad little man... But it's hard to think that at the dead of night when the fear gets to you.

He sounds like he's always on the watch out to suck you back into his web of freaky nastiness, and you have to be so so strong to not let him pull you in. So hard for you.

CCTVmum Wed 28-Aug-13 00:24:48

Hi Garlic, I cant let my current home out as it is mortgaged. You are not allowed to do that and if found out it is criminal offence so I would never dream of it. So as you can see truly stuck! I was told I could remortgage and use money to buy another house but was told my credit score bad and could only borrow 7K.

I have to sell house is only option. This will take some time even if I sold it tomorrow! But I know they have not really sold since 2008!

But the huge audience ex has now Garlic I am hoping he is distracted for a while wink

Double I agree, I was told by Victim Support that this 'man' is doing this to me as control of me (most vulnerable person re lives alone no physical family support in terms of family to physically protect or shelter me) and disabled ds I am an easy target to get his kicks (literally physically most of the time). It feeds his bruised and small ego ? having to do this to me. Sad thing he knows he can and has done got away with it as very clever in doing it re stalking me out until no one here etc just ds and I. my poor ds has been terrified his f would kill him from 4 years old with the actual attacks. Couldnt hide it from ds as ds usually awake when door kicked etc and if not when police came I had no one to mind ds and would have to discuss it infront of ds.

It really upsets me that ds f wants to harm his ds and mum. But its all about control on his part I was told!

I was told by one witness who spotted ex 3 times all in all that ex was doing it to us in hope I run to him for help as he as done his best to not be seen doing attacks etc. So we would depend on him for protection and ex would have foot back into our lives again.

However I think what victim support manager told me tbh about control and easiest target for him to help keep his ego high and control too is the reason.
But yes again home and dont feel safe anymore...he has stolen my safety and home comforts. I do hate the pyschopath for that.

WayHarshTai Wed 28-Aug-13 06:51:56

CCTVmum that isn't necessarily true about not being allowed to let out your home. Most mortgage companies will allow you to, you just need to check with them first.

CCTVmum Wed 28-Aug-13 08:12:50

Yes I checked and I cannot let it out Way
I looked at swapping mortgage lenders but hefty fee too as tied in. I feel trapped. I have not got the funds to move either. I just feel defeated and have to run away to get some peace and reduce the risk and try and get a life back for ds and I. without finances its going to take a while but so is finding a buyer.

WayHarshTai Wed 28-Aug-13 08:38:46

Could you tell me a bit more about the attacks?

Are you having any kind of treatment (CBT, counselling, meds) for your anxiety?

I am concerned that you are seeing more to the attacks than there is, if you see what I mean. Im not doubting he's a nutjob, but I do wonder if because of his veiled online threats, your mind is racing and you are having more anxious reactions to sounds outside, glimpses of strangers and cars than is necessary?

I have been reading your threads for a very long time and I'm sorry if I have it backwards, but that is the impression I have got. I am worried about you and your DS, but not because of your ex.

AintNobodyGotTimeFerThat Wed 28-Aug-13 11:47:00

I am glad you have had a good weekend and nothing eventful happened.

I too expect that this psycho is just trying to scare you and is doing a good job - but you never can be sure with these types of people if they are idle threats or not.

I am wishing you the best and hope you don't hear anything else from this nutter.

garlicbargain Wed 28-Aug-13 14:37:16

That stinks about your mortgage lender's policy! I wonder if there's a way round it ... sometimes a request for special circumstances can work, if you ask higher up the decision chain.

I agree with the PP who said that not having a credit history works against you with credit scoring. Well-maintained mobile phone accounts, catalogue accounts and small-sum credit cards all boost your score.

Also, not wanting to teach my grandmother to suck eggs & all, but have you checked with Experian and Equifax that you're not being held responsible for debts incurred by your loony ex?

To fellow posters who've asked: OP's ex is a downright nutjob. He has physically and verbally assaulted both CCTVmum and her son in the past & is a serious control freak. The CCTV was installed by the police, iirc. The fear he's created in them is real and justified: the woo bollocks is simply another part of it, enabling him to retain 'control' from a distance. Obviously the way forward is to break free of that residual fear, so his batty behaviours look as pathetic to OP as they do to the rest of us, but that is a complicated process and anything that helps to reinforce her sense of sovereign control over her own life will be worth doing smile

CCTVmum, you're doing absolutely great! You know that, right?!

CCTVmum Thu 29-Aug-13 00:59:49

Way my ex has won with the gaslighting when people question my sanity and not his! I dont expect anyone to understand unless they have been gaslighted themselves.
This isnt an anxiety reaction, this sadly is reality! actual sightings and attacks Way 19 I think or was it 20 the last time? I dont count now as they have reduced significantly since I got CCTV thankfully and no I dont even look or think about him coming here hence I had not posted much in last several months as I got my life/job back etc and things looking good! Until last week when I intutively knew something was up and checked and the song was put up day before.

thanks Garlic for explaining for me as I really know people are going to think I am crazy when I try to explain it all. I feel a lot better you have stepped in for me to keep an eye so I am not feeding that twisted mind of his. He might even then get bored and stop altogether if he thinks I have not checked?

But I think he will be a bit knarked if I disappear as he will have no one to have fear or control over! I just hope when I can leave he can't find me. As I discovered on here it is so easy to track someone down!

CCTVmum Fri 30-Aug-13 09:17:52

Two community police officers came yesterday. They were lovely and said they would keep eye on my house more. That is nice to know hopefully ex will turn up as they walk past.

They said bet not to look at website or dont check cctv (I dont anymore) but if I do and happen to see something on blog then screen shot it (but have not a clue). This can be saved to count as evidence then get solicitor to get injunction. Sounds very complicated!

I am not going on ex blog again as dont want to feed ex with my fear that makes him worse. So thankfully Garlic will do that side of it from Oz IP etc smile

LoisPuddingLane Fri 30-Aug-13 09:21:19

Doing a screen shot is not difficult at all. On your keyboard (presuming it's a standard keyboard) there should be a button that says "print screen". The way I use it is to then paste the image into Microsoft Picture Manager and save it.

I knew the CPO would come round, because the police up and down the country takes DV very very serious now. I had a short chat with the officers helping me about it, and it was stated clearly that the police used to be shite but have now realised they have to take it seriously. As, obviously, it has pretty serious consequenses for so many.
So yay for that!
For me, and a friend who's had an ex harassing her, just the fact that someone sits down, talks to you nicely and actually listens to what you have to say, is half the battle won.
I hope now you feel validated CCTV (is that the right expression?) and can make strong decisions for yourself. The cavalry has arrived smile

garlicbargain Fri 30-Aug-13 12:12:13

Good news that the police are getting to grips with it now, Turbo!

CCTVmum Sat 31-Aug-13 09:34:57

Thanks Lois, I can screen shot! But realised last night how do you screen shot a tune? As it is what he says in the song that is threatening not what he writes.

Yes turbo I feel they are taking it serious now and they said 'in light of the amount of previous attacks'. This is sad 'now' they are bothering as I was in a lot more danger when ex nearly got front door open as I lay asleep in bed at 4am 2 years agosad
So glad they took your situation serious too now also. I think their has been a change in law? Or is it the lives taken as a consequence of the police not listening to these women? Stay safe x

garlicbargain Sat 31-Aug-13 13:37:50

One hugely significant change in the law is that the CPS can now prosecute domestic violence. Previously, the victim had to make a complaint and many would withdraw it (unsurprisingly.) Now the police can go ahead and do DV perpetrators; as long as they've got their own evidence it doesn't matter whether the victim changes her/his mind.

There have been two other vast improvements, as well: the police can remove a perpetrator and get an injunction to keep him away from the home (he can be arrested for breaking it,) and the legal definition of domestic violence has been expanded to include mental, emotional, verbal, financial & sexual abuse.

All absolutely brilliant moves, and it's so good to see the police training programme is making a positive impact smile

As an aside: In my experience, there was always a very high incidence of domestic violence amongst police officers. They used to tell themselves they weren't breaking any laws - which, shockingly, was true. I wonder whether these changes will filter through to police households? It may even happen!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now