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Why is my work so much less important than his? Bloody fed up.

(81 Posts)
thescribbler Mon 19-Aug-13 14:25:55

I work from home as a freelancer - it's my first work after being made redundant from my job two years ago and spending that time as a SAHM. I've currently got a really good contract that enables me to work round the kids during school hours and in the evenings. It's well paid and interesting and every day I feel so grateful that I can work and be with my kids too. I know how lucky I am.

DH is a teacher. He works long and exhausting hours, but the pay-off is that he gets the summer holidays. It's supposedly a relief for me as I can work without having to arrange child care and summer camps etc, and it means I can work a proper 8-hour day during the holidays without having to make up the time in the evenings and at weekends.

Except that every day I work he comes upstairs at least once an hour with some kind of interruption. In the past hour he has asked me if he can leave the kids while he goes to Homebase to pick up some paint, asked for help removing a bird's nest from the garden and where the sun cream is. After the last interruption I lost my rag and yelled downstairs, 'Why is my work so much less important than yours?' to which he replied calmly, "I wouldn't shout, we have a visitor", so now I feel embarrassed and a complete idiot.

I am fucking pissed off with it. It's not just the constant interruptions while I'm working at home. It's an ongoing battle of him undervaluing what I do. I keep reminding him that without this work we wouldn't have had a new bathroom, new back windows and two holidays this year - he still treats it as if it is a hobby. During the school term he returns from work expecting dinner cooked and everything done - his response if I complain is that he's at work all day. BUT WHERE DOES HE THINK I AM?

Apologies for shouting. I'm just bloody fed up with it all now. Any calm responses would be very welcome.

Youhaventseenme Mon 19-Aug-13 14:31:18

Stick a note on the office door.




NamelessMcNally Mon 19-Aug-13 14:31:40

Nothing calm from me. When I work at home DH seems stunned that I don't have all the wife work (that's snarled through gritted teeth by me, not ever said by him) done. He will be found one day with a cleaver through his skull.

CaptainSweatPants Mon 19-Aug-13 14:35:11

I don't see how it can work with you all in the house

Does he take them out?

Do you take leave in the holidays to help him out?

CailinDana Mon 19-Aug-13 14:35:55

Lock your office door and put a sign on the door saying "working do not disturb unless emergency." Tell him to text if necessary. I freelance and unfortunately have to work in the living room while dh looks after the kids. At first i would do things if he asked but it got my tits so then i just started saying "I'm not here." He finally got the message.

Stop being a house skivvy and divide chores evenly between you.

flowery Mon 19-Aug-13 14:36:54

Can you go out of the house to work? Go and sit in a café/hotel/library somewhere for most of the day?

Twinklestein Mon 19-Aug-13 14:39:47

He may not be aware of just how much he interrupts you during & how much it disrupts your work. So I would set boundaries that as per Youhaven't's post, unless the house is on fire he deals with it all himself.

And you have to tackle him on the cooking front too. If he made so much money that you were a solely a SAHM, then as per division of labour it makes sense for you to cook him his supper. As you both work and you are also looking after the kids, then you divide the cooking 50:50.

If he wants a meal on the table when he comes in then he needs to earn double or transport back to 1950.

thescribbler Mon 19-Aug-13 14:41:20

I like Youhaventseenme's notice...

He does take them out, but not every day. I do take time off during the holidays to share the load, which makes the interruptions all the more frustrating. I'm way up in the attic room so not close to the action - working in the living room must be a nightmare CailinDana.

I just wish he'd show a bit of understanding that my job has some importance. It's not teaching, it's not saving lives, but it helps pay the bills and is a much better deal than so many other mothers have (including me until I was made redundant). I just wish he'd show a bit of bloody respect.

Will write a notice for the door though. Bloody hell, the kids know not to interrupt me, why doesn't he get it?

thescribbler Mon 19-Aug-13 14:42:39

To be fair Twinkle, he does do most of the cooking during the holidays. I'm just on a big downer with him right at this moment!

Twinklestein Mon 19-Aug-13 14:48:37

Fair enough, but he's not working full time at that point. When you're both working you should split it.

My dad used to do the pestering with silly questions while my mum was working thing & it drove her nuts. I think it's just habit, so if you draw his attention to it, he might realise...

CailinDana Mon 19-Aug-13 14:52:13

I actually had a somewhat similar situation recently where my Dh said he couldn't go part time in his (very flexible) job so i could work during the week, but then when an opportunity came up for him he suddenly was able to go part time. Needless to say i was not happy. I felt as you do, that he saw my job as a hobby that just has to fit in around him. I had a serious chat with him and the upshot is that he's staying home tuesday mornings to let me work.

CailinDana Mon 19-Aug-13 14:53:28

Have you tried talking to him about it?

MadBusLady Mon 19-Aug-13 15:04:11

"It's not teaching"

Hm, careful you don't start using his attitude on yourself! Teaching is a fine profession like many others, but I cannot stand it when people use it to play a sort of whiny moral top trumps game.

I don't suppose a local office space or hot desk is feasible? I don't think you should really have to go to the expense, obviously, but I just mention it in case it sounds appealing for other reasons.

thescribbler Mon 19-Aug-13 15:11:47

Cailin I have tried talking to him about it many times, but I really think he doesn't get it. We had a big discussion about it just before the school holidays and I told him that it was no different from working out of the home, just more convenient. I honestly think he just can't make a leap of imagination to realise that just because I'm not half an hour's commute away I am still doing a job.

MadBusLady your advice has made me think that there is a form of top trumps going on. I also have a tendency of putting down my work in favour of his. Hadn't really realised that until now.

I have thought of investigating local office space. I do work in a cafe from time to time but it's not ideal. Perhaps if I investigate how much a hot desk would cost to rent it might make him leave me alone!

BitOutOfPractice Mon 19-Aug-13 15:15:00

You need to rent yourself some desk space somewhere

That is the voice of bitter bitter experience.

But I have to say, I think you should have some time off in the kids' holidays as well. I know it's hard when you're freelance

Somethingtothinkabout Mon 19-Aug-13 15:22:09

I absolutely lurve youhaventseenme's sign.

If I ever get a job working from home, I am making that sign!

<Googles job vacancies>

Katnisscupcake Mon 19-Aug-13 15:24:34

Nothing helpful from me either, but to tell you that you're not alone...

I work full-time hours squeezed into 4 days. I start work just after 6am, get DD up at 7.30am, continue working while she has breakfast and gets dressed then take her to CM for 9am. Then back to work until 5pm. During the day I don't get a lunchbreak. If I take time out it's to prepare the evening meal, make all the beds and put some washing on.

When DH gets home at 3.30pm after spending 2 hours at the gym and then picking DD up, he whinges that I haven't had chance to walk the dogs.

Once DD goes to bed at 7pm, I'm back downstairs working for another couple of hours while he takes the dogs out for a walk.

I am the higher earner but because I work from home, he thinks I do nothing all day of course being on MN is part of my job (not).

It's just rubbish... sad

CailinDana Mon 19-Aug-13 15:24:39

An office in the attic is great, renting one would be a waste. Just put up a sign and ignore interruptions.

Lweji Mon 19-Aug-13 15:25:59

Find yourself an office, lock the door and put on headphones?

He'll get used to you not being available.

Talk it over again, negotiate, make some changes ....
Hire that hot desk
Limit interruptions to one coffee break ? in morning, one break/ interruption in afternoon ?
Take an afternoon off each week to do things together during the school hols ?
Explain how you find interruptions - he may not find them the same tbf working as a teacher is a life of constant interruptions.
I think he may find the whole day on his own with the DC a bit lonely hence interruptions as excuse for a bit of company ? - which is very understandable I think.
I feel ideally you both need to share more about your feelings and how they are related to the ways you both behave HTH smile

CailinDana Mon 19-Aug-13 15:26:59

Katniss why on earth are you doing housework during your work day? Your dh sounds like a nasty arse, is he?

BitOutOfPractice Mon 19-Aug-13 15:27:21

I strongly disagree. It's not just the interuptions, it's the having her work taken seriously isn't it.

A rented desk / office will address both issues

And it's not as expensive as you'd think. The OP's job obviously pays well anyway

MadBusLady Mon 19-Aug-13 15:28:26

Katniss, does your DH, as the expression goes, have a 10 inch cock of solid gold?

tribpot Mon 19-Aug-13 15:34:42

Definitely rent some office space - not just threaten to do it because of the cost, just do it. I think you'd benefit from having contact with other freelancers and I think it would send a very clear message 'I am working now, this thing I do that you fondly imagine is a hobby, ISN'T'. It might only be necessary to rent for 6 months until he gets the message.

You do need to tackle the question of chores head on. Dinner on the table every day just because he's been out at work? Bollocks to that.

SpottyDottie Mon 19-Aug-13 15:36:56

Perhaps saying something like..' Just because I am this building and not in an office block does not mean I am not doing a full time job earning money for the family.

I really like YouHaventSeenMe's notice and I'd also put a lock on the door! grin

thescribbler Mon 19-Aug-13 15:44:20

I've emailed a local office space firm so we'll see what they say re. cost. It's a whole bigger issue, not just the continual interruptions- Juggling you're right about the constant interruptions in teaching, but that is part of the job! I've also tried to talk, negotiate, say I'll try to finish work by 3pm so we can do something together, negotiate that I work for three days and have the kids for the other two... it doesn't seem to make much of an impact.

Katniss your situation sounds infinitely worse than mine - your husband sounds exceedingly selfish.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 19-Aug-13 16:01:13

OP you might be suprised at how reasonable office space is, and how flexible. DH is a contractor and often hires one for a week/day/afternoon. You can write the cost off against tax because it is a business expense.

Twinklestein Mon 19-Aug-13 16:26:47

OP I thought from your OP that you may be venting & hadn't made it clear enough to him. But from your subsequent posts you make it clear he just ignores you, which is really disrespectful.

Katniss what on earth are you doing? shock

Lweji Mon 19-Aug-13 16:27:53

In the meantime, I'd buy The Hidden Child by Camilla Läckberg and share it with him.

Apart from the thriller/crime aspect of the book, it addresses quite well the struggle of the work from home mother versus the stay at home father who's not used to it.

oscarwilde Mon 19-Aug-13 16:44:45

You need these They even allow you to take calls. He'll have to physically come in and tap you on the shoulder to get your attention.......

.............. then you can use one of these on him. It's a nice friendly pink colour grin

eurochick Mon 19-Aug-13 17:04:25

Stick a sign on your door saying "Does it require an ambulance? If the answer is no, please don't knock"

Jux Mon 19-Aug-13 18:21:10

Can you get one of those cords you can sling across the bottom of the stairs up to the attic? Hang a notice on it saying NO. If it's harder for him to get up there to knock on the door, it might help him think about whether he really needs to.

Of course, there's need and need......

thescribbler Mon 19-Aug-13 18:22:48

Such helpful (and entertaining) comments, thank you everyone. I feel a whole lot better now - not about his interruptions and inability to recognise my work, but a bit more focussed on what I can do about it. Ironically I am in my client's office all day tomorrow, and DD has just informed me that daddy is taking them swimming and then out somewhere. Why does he make these plans on the days that I'm not here rather than the days that I am? Grrrr!

Jux Tue 20-Aug-13 00:47:29

Because he knows that if you's not there then he's in sole charge and will jave to keep them entertained until you return. Therefore, he makes arrangements which will make it easier for him to look after them. If you're home en he doesn't need to look after them so much, becaue he can call on you.

I can see that rented office coming closer every minute.....

NoComet Tue 20-Aug-13 01:02:37

As the person on the other side of this situation it is awfully easy just to wander in and interrupt if your Dzh works from home.

It is particularly easy when DH is being sociable one minute and writing complex code the next and I'm supposed to know when not to interrupt, but the study door is wide open.

This is compounded by the fact that DH does technical stuff for fun as well as work and it all merges together and sometimes hobby tech is more likely to get him to explode at being disturbed than a bit of work occupying less brain cells.

I'm not psychic. If you don't tell me you need peace for the next two hours how do I know?

thescribbler Tue 20-Aug-13 08:28:36

In my case Star the door is firmly closed and I'm up two flights of stairs for hours at a time - how hard can that be! The kids get it at least.

Will be checking my emails at regular intervals for a reply from the office space people!

BitOutOfPractice Tue 20-Aug-13 11:48:25

Did you hear back Scribbler?

Biscuitsareme Tue 20-Aug-13 12:03:22

I work from home the odd day while DH is at home too with the DC. He's usually good at not interrupting but lapses occasionally.

I have learnt to adopt the attitude of utter uselessness for anything housework/childcare-related during my working hours. No helping out; no suggestions; nothing. It's probably not my DH's while to interrupt me so maybe that's while he doesn't. Would that help in your case you think?

thescribbler Tue 20-Aug-13 19:27:33

Still haven't heard back from the office space people. Will ring them tomorrow if nothing in the morning.

Biscuit, how do you word your uselessness? A shrug? A 'I don't know'? Saying nothing? Hasn't been a problem today as I've been out - tomorrow will be another matter!

Biscuitsareme Wed 21-Aug-13 12:44:42

'Hmmmm' and 'I don't really know' mostly while not looking up from the computer. I know this sounds rude. But like I said, OH doesn't interrupt much and doesn't expect me to look after the DC while he goes to the shop, so perhaps this wouldn't be effective in your case?

Good luck! Hope renting office space works out! flowers

Fairenuff Wed 21-Aug-13 12:57:05

Just out of interest, when he asked if he could leave the kids with you so he could go to Homebase, did you agree to that?

thescribbler Wed 21-Aug-13 15:38:22

No I did not!

Sadly renting office space is beyond my finances - £60 a month locally and there's a waiting list. So it's back to large signs and strangled cries.

BranchingOut Wed 21-Aug-13 16:02:53

How about air bnb for renting space? Might be worth a try.

<Wishes I had had a wife to prepare a home-cooked meal every night when she was teaching. Oh no, wait a minute, I was the wife...>

Teaching is hugely stressful, but it doesn't completely absolve you of domestic responsibilities.

oscarwilde Wed 21-Aug-13 16:09:38

How big (and quiet) is your nearest public library or do you need to take/make calls? Maybe just leaving the house randomly to work for a few weeks will break the habit ?
Are you brazen enough to sit all day in Starbucks/pub with wifi nursing a single cup of coffee every 3 hrs?

Lweji Wed 21-Aug-13 16:14:22

Or... tell them at each breakfast that they are going out to Y for X hours and not come back.

oscarwilde Wed 21-Aug-13 16:16:06

I can be fairly passive aggressive when people do this sort of crap.
I'd probably and very pointedly time every interruption, and then add it to my working day. Then come downstairs every evening and ask "have you done the ironing yet and what's for dinner ?" until he gets it.

Or rent a quiet bedroom from a friend or relative.

Time to get a babysitter and take him out for an adult chat over a bottle of wine I think. He's on long summer holidays, you have a flexible job. What can be done in the next two weeks to make life a bit easier when everything is back to normal and you at least get some peace and quiet when everyone is at work/school. Could he do some batch cooking so you can divide the evening meal responsibilities during the week for example?

Try the Mumsnet famous rota listing everything you do including work, and everything he does .....

peggyundercrackers Wed 21-Aug-13 17:00:19

i work from home but shut my office door. if people come in i stay in room and dont go and socialise or to even say hello. at first people used to stick their head round the door and say this'n'that but i just used to say im working please go, they soon got the message.

cory Wed 21-Aug-13 18:26:59

I once threatened dh that if he didn't stop doing this I would wait until he went back to work and then start ringing his office every 10 minutes with inane questions.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 21-Aug-13 19:43:27

Hold on, your job is "well paid" and has paid for "a new bathroom, new back windows and two holidays this year" but doesn't run to £15 a week for office space? Which is tax deductable?

flowery Wed 21-Aug-13 20:24:43

£60 a month? Good grief that's cheap!

Biscuitsareme Wed 21-Aug-13 20:27:26

Cory I love your threat grin

Pilgit Wed 21-Aug-13 22:06:58

starballbunny - do we have the same DH? you could be describing mine! but can't be as that would require my DH to actually leave the house once in a while.....

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 21-Aug-13 22:18:48

Hold on, your job is "well paid" and has paid for "a new bathroom, new back windows and two holidays this year" but doesn't run to £15 a week for office space? Which is tax deductable?


Methinks that the OP doesn't actually want a solution, or perhaps just doesn't want to be out of the house. Lovely working at home in your pjs with the teapot and fridge within reach wink

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 21-Aug-13 22:19:35

Seriously OP, what were you expecting? £60 a month is fuck all, these people are running a business just like you are.

Mintyy Wed 21-Aug-13 22:25:51

I guess she must have meant £600 per month?

MrsSchadenfreude Wed 21-Aug-13 22:52:39

I don't think it's a working at home v working outside the home thing so much as a man v woman thing. In my experience, if a man utters the words "I understand that your job is as important as mine, and will do everything possible to help you to do your job and make your life easy" then his balls will spontaneously combust, and they and his penis will shrivel to a little pile of dust on the floor. <bitter>

MrsMargoLeadbetter Wed 21-Aug-13 23:08:14

I am guessing OP means £600 too.

On a practical level what about mentioning to DH that you will be starting your working day in a coffee shop during the hols? That way he knows you won't be around. Then you can plan your return time based on their plans.

This might only be an option in City Centres but you can join a members club. A client of mine (I freelance too) pays something like £400 a year for access. Downside is you don't have your own desk, you just grab a seat where you can etc.

thescribbler Wed 21-Aug-13 23:10:00

Some of you make it sound as if I'm being huffy about the cost of renting a hot desk. I wasn't expecting anything price-wise. I've never investigated it before - I have no idea how much 'these people' charge. (I'm not running a business btw, I work as a freelance consultant and am paid a daily rate set by the people I am currently working for).

I realise my OP can be interpreted in different ways. 'Well paid' doesn't mean 60K a year and two holidays in the Bahamas. It means around 20K a year (which I think is well paid for work that's flexible and not full time), a week's holiday in the UK and a week in Eastern Europe. The windows and bathroom were paid for using a combination of wages and savings. Without my wages we couldn't have afforded them, at least not this year. I hope that makes things clearer for your judgements.

£60 a month isn't a lot of money, but it is more than I want to spend. Why? Because it's £60 for 32 hours usage a week, and I can only work from 9.30-3pm because of the school run. My kids' school doesn't have a breakfast or after-school club. I make up the rest of the hours in the evenings or at weekends. Therefore I wouldn't be getting my moneys-worth from the office space and that is why I think £60 is too much.

Office space is an option when I can work the hours that make it worth it, or get more consultancy work - thanks to those who suggested it and put the seed in my mind. In the meantime I will consider the other helpful advice that's been given in relation to notices, ignoring and talking. Cafe working I do from time to time but no, not brazen enough to nurse a coffee for three hours! (Library sadly not an option as I have to make phone calls and would have to take all my work and computer with me when I go for a wee).

Fairenuff Wed 21-Aug-13 23:11:37

You really should not have to vacate the home to get your work done. Just spell it out to him that you are not to be disturbed during working hours unless it is something that you, in return, could call him out of the classroom for. He'll understand that.

Then have a chat about what your expectations of each other are regarding the childcare, housework and mealtimes. Maybe they could be re-arranged to give him a bit of a break during the day and you could instead put in a hour of work in the evening? I'm sure you can reach a compromise if you discuss this sensibly.

TeaJunky Wed 21-Aug-13 23:42:08

I'm still shocked that the office is £60 a month shock

Mintyy Thu 22-Aug-13 00:13:35


I just can't help wondering what you thought it would cost to rent a desk elsewhere? £60 a month is £15 a week. Am surprised you thought it might be cheaper confused.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 22-Aug-13 00:46:26

Of course you are running a business.

DH is a freelancer/contractor. He gets paid a daily rate. We have our own business.

£60 a month is so, so cheap. I really don't mean to have a go at you, but I can't help but feel that the issues at home can't be that bad if you feel that would be a waste of money.

I hope you can find a solution.

BitOutOfPractice Thu 22-Aug-13 01:24:28

Of course you're running a business! Your own business. And I blummin hope you're running it professionally with regards to tax etc!

the way you speak about it makes it seem like it's not just your DH who isn't really valuing it!

£15 a week gross would be around a tenner once you've written it off agianst tax. I bet you spend that on electricity working from home - or not far off!

flowery Thu 22-Aug-13 07:18:06

"£15 a week gross would be around a tenner once you've written it off agianst tax. I bet you spend that on electricity working from home - or not far off!"

Yes, this.

flowery Thu 22-Aug-13 07:20:44

Heating the house in winter through the day will pile on a bit as well. Plus I don't know about you but when I work from home I 'graze' a fair amount, costing money in food, whereas when I go in to my costs a lot more than £60 office, I only eat lunch.

Wearytiger Thu 22-Aug-13 07:29:04

My friend told me she pays £25 per month to hot desk in any regus office - if that's correct that's an amazing deal.

MadBusLady Thu 22-Aug-13 07:31:18

A proportion of utilities are also deductible if you're self-employed working from home though, as I recall.

Lweji Thu 22-Aug-13 07:42:44

I'm actually thinking that most office workers also get interrupted constantly with phone calls and people popping in.
Ok, it's work (mostly, as we also get the chatty types) but they are distractions.

Just practice the words
I don't know
I can't

He'll get the message

tribpot Thu 22-Aug-13 07:49:01

OP, the title of your thread is 'why is my work so much less important than his?'.

Virtually everything you've said on this thread indicates that, subconsciously at least, you think it is so much less important than his. And you are fortunate that - at the moment - it is a supplementary income upon which the family does not depend. But that does trivialise it to the level of a hobby. Personally I think you must have some mad skillz to have been able to get such a convenient gig and that once you are less constrained by childcare responsibilities your business could be a serious income generator.

It is extremely important, both for your self-esteem and for your children's development, that you see your job as just as important as any other job. It would appear that your DH requires some additional encouragement to see it that way too. That, to me, is worth £60/month. On top of which, I think psychologically you would see the benefit - if you 'go out' to the work, it will seem more like work to you too, and less like a well-paid hobby. You say you would only use it during school hours - your DH only uses his office during school hours (not quite true but you take my point). As he is off during every training day and holiday, you can use some of those days to retreat to the office to crack on with work. You will be more efficient and hopefully see a better work-life balance than when work is creeping into every spare hour you have. Or rather, every spare hour he has to 'let' you work confused

As your income is supplemental, there is very little downside to the extra expense - a month longer to wait for the next household purchase that it's funding, maybe. But it will send a very clear message that you value your work and others should too. Furthermore the opportunity to get out and meet other people will help - with networking, with having some social contact, and with reminding yourself that you are a high performing professional doing a good job.

As others have said, you are running a business. It's time for you both to start acting like it. I think your confidence has taken some knocks with being made redundant and the subtle undermining that you've both participated in since then because your main 'label' is SAHM. All your work counts just as much as his - this paid work and your work as a SAHM.

sameoldIggi Thu 22-Aug-13 07:51:37

You are making your dh's life so much easier with your job being so flexible, him never needing to worry about nursery drop-offs, school pick-ups, can stay late to fanny about work or have meetings or attend parents evenings with no juggling to do, and no dreaded sick-child phonecalls at work when you have to arrange class cover and rush home. Just thinking how much my (teacher) dh would love this! It sounds a bit like you have the worst of both worlds as being in charge of home and also being employed.

newbiefrugalgal Thu 22-Aug-13 07:51:52

I'd pay £60 to go to an office to MN all month!

MrsMargoLeadbetter Thu 22-Aug-13 07:59:55

Yes Yes what tribpot says. I'd love an office for that money.

LauraChant Thu 22-Aug-13 08:10:50

Both DH and I work from home. We are both freelancers and have no childcare so have to juggle who is working when. I definitely feel that I work in the evenings far more than he does and I have far more interruptions.

Yesterday I had to remove our three year old from the office five times as DH was sanding a window and not keeping an eye on him. One time I was on the phone doing an interview about a sensitive subject and I had to pick him up and remove him screaming from the office. In general DH is great, we completely share housework etc but this has me fuming. He blames the three year old.

I was thinking if renting not worth it do you know any other work from homes you can swap offices with?! There are quite a few round here, we do an "office Xmas lunch".

wordfactory Thu 22-Aug-13 08:11:09

I've worked from home fore years now, and people (not just DH) thinking I'm essentially free or at least utterly flexible, has been an ongoing problem.

Sometimes it drives me crazy. Especially when I'm on a deadline.

However, the whole point of why I love working from home is that I am, to some degree, a degree chosen by me in a ideal world, flexible. I want to be able to flit between my work and other life. But I want it to be convenient to me.


LauraChant Thu 22-Aug-13 08:38:04

I hear what you are saying wordfactory. Me too.

lottiegarbanzo Thu 22-Aug-13 09:00:21

Lol at 'its not teaching or saving lives'. Teaching is important but it's not saving lives. Does firefighter trump teacher in your household hierarchy?

DP and I have both lived alone in the past, working ft, so experienced knowing that if you want dinner, you make it, if you want something ironed, you iron it. Has your DH always lived with parents or partner? I cannot understand how else the 'I've been at work so deserve to be served' mentality can come about.

Yes to mumbling, timing him and adding time to your day and phoning him at work. He'll say it's not the same, it is.

celticclan Thu 22-Aug-13 12:29:32

I'm amazed at £60 per month for office space. A friend of mine asked if I was interested in sharing office space to save costs. I said that it was unlikely as I assumed that office space in the south east is around £500 per month.

How much does everyone else pay?

I don't have an issue with dh's attitude re home working but friends and family drive me mad. Thinking I'm anti social because I don't do coffee after the school run and the endless comments about applying for full time employment...

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 22-Aug-13 13:51:09

celtic - we are SE and could be paying Regus £200 a month for an office - that includes them taking calls for us I think. London is more expensive in some areas but it varys hugely, much more than I thought it would.

We actually pay just the £25 a month for a hotdesk at the moment because that is all DH needs.

Biscuitsareme Thu 22-Aug-13 14:07:45

I'd rent an office for 60 quid. I bet there will be a psychological dimension too, and you may even come to feel differently about the value of your job.

Good luck!

ps like tribpot's post of 08:10

celticclan Thu 22-Aug-13 14:25:02

Thanks Alibaba.

oscarwilde Thu 22-Aug-13 14:32:52

£60 ? Wow - does that include heating, lighting and internet connectivity?

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