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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Off To Find The Summer Sun and Sobriety!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Mon 05-Aug-13 22:38:12

Hello, I'm Mouse smile

Welcome to the Bus, take a seat and enjoy the ride. We're a Bus full of drinkers, non-drinkers, those who are trying to give up for life, those who are giving up for a few hours because that's all that they can manage (which is fine!) or quitting just for today......

We don't wear Judgey Pants (they're far too last year darhling wink) but we have hugs a plenty and tough love when it's needed. Which isn't often!

So, what have you got to lose? If you're reading this, you're thinking that you are no longer happy with the way you drink, which tells me that this is the Bus for you. smile

If you'd like to see where we've been so far and what we've been up to, take a peek HERE

And if you want to knnow why we're here in the first place, take a look at THIS THREAD RIGHT HERE smile

See you soon x

dementedma Mon 05-Aug-13 23:00:05

Woo hoooo - nobody here yet.
<chucks Barrie onto new empty bus and settles into the sidecar>

Anneisnotmyname Tue 06-Aug-13 06:59:56

Morning all, sorry mouse but im taking an early seat on the bus. After finally getting on I don't want to miss it!

PurpleWolfe Tue 06-Aug-13 09:56:43

<Quietly slips in to the sidecar and grabs a seat>

lonnika Tue 06-Aug-13 10:02:58

Morning smile

greeneyed Tue 06-Aug-13 10:31:56

Morning all. <passes cup of coffee to Purple and bus ticket for when she wants to get on>

PurpleWolfe Tue 06-Aug-13 10:38:02

<Hugs Green, slurps coffee gratefully and tucks ticket into a safe place for use very soon>

PurpleWolfe Tue 06-Aug-13 10:57:17

Green What did you decide to do re: your Mother? Sorry, just got back from holiday and haven't been keeping up with the thread much. x

greeneyed Tue 06-Aug-13 11:28:51

Hi purple i just don't think I have the balls to say anything. Still thinking about it. What do you think?

PurpleWolfe Tue 06-Aug-13 11:34:30

Hi Mouse Thanks for the good advice/support re: DD and the comments about me coping with it all on my own. Being a single mum of 3 is, I have to admit, far harder than I had anticipated. XP didn't do much around the house but if nagged continually asked nicely, he would do the garden, car, pick up stuff from the shops, take the bins out ect. DD was fine after that little outburst. smile How are you and Nemo?

Thanks, too, to Thurso and Pervy for your own childhood experiences. When I was DD's age, I couldn't behave in that way. I've read somewhere that if/when children kick off like that it shows they feel 'safe' to do so (note: this info does not help in the heat of the moment!) and know they won't be abandoned or pushed away - which is why I never did it. Maybe it shows I'm a better parent than either of mine were. <hopeful emoticon>

XP turned up on the Friday. The children's faces when they saw him was tear-inducing! It was really great having him there and not awkward at all (except maybe when DS2 suggested he vacated the double bed we'd been sharing and XP and I share it! Body swerved that one by exclaiming "I'm not sharing with him - he snores!!"). He paid for lots of stuff and cooked and cleaned up, too. He was blown away by North Wales. He'd never been and used the word 'stunning' - a lot!

Had a totally fab holiday! We've all come back with a tan - and I even managed to burn a bit - in Wales??!! (DC didn't burn) I was so worried I wouldn't have enough money for DC and I to enjoy being away - but we did fine. The weather was gorgeous for 8 out of the 10 days so beaches and walking were free great adventures. I even swam in the sea - twice!! I had planned to come home thinner, healthier and in a positive frame of mind. Unfortunately, the first two haven't quite panned out but I am feeling pretty up.

Looking forward to catching up with everyone over the next few days. How are you Ma and Baby? And where is Joey?

Hugs all round! x

PurpleWolfe Tue 06-Aug-13 11:38:18

X post - sorry Green. Have you spoken to your siblings about it? Are they concerned? Can you take her shopping (away from your Dad) and casually bring the subject up (sorry, that's stupid - how can you bring something so sensitive up 'casually'!) Does she know about your struggles with alcohol? If so, maybe you could start the conversation about your own worries and battle? x

Pawprint Tue 06-Aug-13 11:50:07

Just checking in smile

After a bad week of drinking every night (last week until last night) I have thrown all my wine away. Nothing in house. It seems that this is the only way I can stay off the booze...

babyjane1 Tue 06-Aug-13 12:41:31

Good morning super babes, I will NC everyone later, heading out uniform shopping with a 14 year old dd, will be a stressful day me thinks!! I have decided I need to get out more in the evening, my 2 year old does not go down til all hours and stress and boredom are big triggers so as I used to be a dancing teacher (many moons ago) so I've found an adult tap class and I'm also back to slimming world tonight, it's a good plan and the ladies are great, ironically when I first joined I went into the wrong room by mistake, it was the AA meeting, oh the irony, truth is If they ran back to back I reckon attendance would be booming us "net curtain drinkers" are usually dieting fiends also, (wine is very fattening) I just want to say a massive welcome to chippit, honey I could have written your post myself, you will get so much support here and feel much less scared about the future, I promise you. purple glad to have you back all bronzed and full of enthusiasm. Love to all babes today x x x ps also getting hair done this week, I can here the swishing already x x x

lonnika Tue 06-Aug-13 13:12:09

hi I am also uniform shopping today Baby - hair ready to swish now so bring it on !

Ladame Tue 06-Aug-13 13:16:41

Hi all brave babes
Move over Ma and Purps (I've got chocolate grin )
Day 3/7 for me.

chippit Tue 06-Aug-13 13:30:11

Thanks babyjane. I appreciate your words of support. Isn't it odd that a stranger's compassion can bring so much comfort? Humans are indeed a funny bunch. I feel okay today, slowly emerging from the raggedy edges of a 3 day hangover. I really did a number on myself at the weekend and it's shocked me into action. My first counsellor session is on Friday. Have no idea what to expect, but it'll be nice just to tell the truth without (too much) judgement. I may tap dance in to the appointment...

babyjane1 Tue 06-Aug-13 14:02:32

chippit when I first typed the words "I drink to much wine" into google I was desparate and very very lonely and thank god for our lovely mouse who keeps this thread alive, i found this bus. whilst I'm still battling the wine witch I have the support and affection of these wonderful babes and realise I'm not alone, you will feel this too!! Anyway enough sop I'm off to shop x x x

babyjane1 Tue 06-Aug-13 14:16:19

chippit when I first typed the words "I drink to much wine" into google I was desparate and very very lonely and thank god for our lovely mouse who keeps this thread alive, i found this bus. whilst I'm still battling the wine witch I have the support and affection of these wonderful babes and realise I'm not alone, you will feel this too!! Anyway enough sop I'm off to shop x x x

Ladame Tue 06-Aug-13 15:43:56

Chippit Hi you. It's safe on this bus, our fantastic mouse makes sure of it. Plus we all care about each other, no-one judges. You can say that you're doing fine, you can say that you've f**cked up, you can say that you're a bit down and not doing so well ... you can say anything and I guarantee you, one, if not all of us, will understand. Good luck for your counselling session.

I'm day three, as I said earlier. Always a problem for me, day three, because I feel so much better. Calmer, less anxious, more in control, which makes me think ... you know what, I can manage this ok - and the next thing you know I've got my paws round a bottle of wine and groundhog day will begin again tomorrow. I've got to break the cycle and at least get to bloody day four.

All babes have a good evening and be kind to yourselves x

venusandmars Tue 06-Aug-13 16:05:02

purple I'm with you on the childhood experience - my dm has recently died so it's not easy to write about her, but when I was growing up I was taught to be 'good' child - who didn't storm or fight or argue... but it wasn't because I was good, it was because I was scared that if I disagreed with my Mum then she would stop loving me sad

So however tough it is when our dc fight with us, I am somehow glad that they feel safe enough to not agree with me.

But it sounds like you had a lovely holiday - that's the kind of stuff that childhood memories are made of, they will remember glorious summer days in Wales (and I bet when they are grown up they'll take their own kids there).

ThisIsMyTime Tue 06-Aug-13 17:00:38

Hello peeps day 2 stressed as hell for interview but feeling ok hope all babes are well welcome chippit

PurpleWolfe Tue 06-Aug-13 17:21:23

Venus Thank you Lovely! I have tears in my eyes after reading your post. Sorry for the loss of your Mother recently. My Dad hasn't made any effort for me or my children despite years of me trying to keep/make a connection. I have no idea how I'll feel when he dies (he's 84-ish) but it will mean that he'll never appear on my doorstep to tell me he loves me and he's sorry he didn't stick up for me all those years. Philip friggin Larkin was so right. I was always 'in the way', both with my Mother - who suffered from overwhelming depression, serial bad boyfriends and alcoholism and then, when she died when I was 12, was a very unwelcome 'surprise' for my step mother (who ruled my Father with an iron rod) from 12 to 17. My self-worth was zero. Thank you, too, for your comments about DC wanting to go back. I'm impressed and amazed that they love the place and the experiences that I organise for them. We are better parents! For me - not perfect - but better is good. I guess we're on here because we are trying to be the best we can. Don't think my parent gave a shit about the repercussions of their actions. xx

lonnika Tue 06-Aug-13 17:30:48

Lovely thoughts and words on here today

Just wanted to share - but you may think I am bonkers so please bear with me.

Today I have noticed that we have birds nesting in our roof - this has happened before (both times I was pregnant actually).

For me this kind of symbolises my second chance in life - it feels like someone is telling me that all is going to br ok (bonkers maybe ?). Anyway had made me feel calm and peaceful inside. It may sound mad bit it just feels like a new start to me.

PervyMuskrat Tue 06-Aug-13 18:33:48

Takes place on bus and waves hello to everyone and a special welcome wave to chippit. Hope to be back later once DS has finally eaten his dinner and I've rinsed the gravy off his hair!

GladToBeBack Tue 06-Aug-13 19:16:55

Slopes back onto the bus

<hugs Gerald>

And whispers - it's me Silver

There is a long and very positive story to tell about what happened during the time I have been away - but you know what - I overestimated my recovery and, I have predictably slipped back into the hell hole that is addiction.

I am ok and doing soooo much better than is time last year.

I have followed the thread all of that time, but couldn't bring myself to post because I knew I wouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't want to follow up my posts. So I stayed silent.

I can't promise that I will post again after this , but I need this bus and I need to get over myself and embrace the warmth and love that has always been here

Most of you won't have a clue who I am - but I can say with total certainly that this bus can only ever help your quest to achieve, whatever it is you want to do - cut down, stop, abstiain completely.

Also you shOuld be asking your GP about baclofen.

it is a drug that has saved me. Xx

PurpleWolfe Tue 06-Aug-13 19:43:24

Sending Silver - aka Glad, an enormous hug! Please keep posting. You know that the bus is totally non judgemental and always welcoming. Don't make the mistake I have in thinking that you can only post positive stuff once you appear to have got a hold on this vicious nasty problem. You've done an amazing job re-posting. Stay with us all and let us give you the understanding and support that will help you. The only failure is to give up trying to give up. xxxx

PurpleWolfe Tue 06-Aug-13 19:45:52

Ladame What sort of chocolate do you have......? x

venusandmars Tue 06-Aug-13 19:47:38

Hello gladtobeSILVER whatever, wherever, how ever you've been it is always great to see you. And I have never forgotten your huge willingness and support when I was stuck in that Bristol airport.

thurso13 Tue 06-Aug-13 20:02:44

GladtobeSilver has a nice ring to it my old friend. What Venus said grin. Lovely to see you.xxx

GladToBeBack Tue 06-Aug-13 20:03:06

Thank you purple

venus my lovely lovely friend - I would have done that drive in a heartbeat x

Getting to grips with posting on iPad - not so easy to bold I find - or find any symbols .......

But you know what - I have reached an age where I believe that embracing, rather than rejecting change, is a good thing to to.

However is seem to spend an inordinate amount of time correcting spelling and punctuation mistakes, instead of just getting the general gist across

AND CLEAN THIs FECKING BUS UP

< bunch of miscreants>

Auto correct pretty handy tho grin

GladToBeBack Tue 06-Aug-13 20:05:18

Name change coming up - I may be some time

GladToBeBack Tue 06-Aug-13 20:18:06

Thurso - much love to you x

MUMSNET people - FFs - a good twenty minutes wasted there trying to change my name - argh - why won't GladToBeSilver be acceptable...

Think I need to go and rest &#128548;&#128545;&#128545;

GladToBeBack Tue 06-Aug-13 20:33:09

And one thing I can tell you all, from bitter and recent experience, is that

Your eyelids will puff up massively after just a couple of weeks of heavy drinking ( bottle of wine a night)

Those horrible bags under your eyes will pop back out straight away

Your confidence in everything you do, or think about doing, will disappear

Your energy will be sapped and you will feel worthless

You will wAnt to just hide under the duvet and be alone.

It is not a good way to feel

Once you have experienced how good it feels, to not have your whole life ruled and dictated by alcohol, you will realise what you are losing, when you drink again.

GladToBeBack Tue 06-Aug-13 20:36:36

Bouncing off the door frame - and not remembering the next day where the bruise came from - just done that and I can pretty much guarantee I won't remember it tomorrow - or indeed, that I ever posted on here this evening..........

Pawprint Tue 06-Aug-13 20:38:50

Checking

PurpleWolfe Tue 06-Aug-13 20:45:11

Yup, Silver, I hear and understand every word. After over 7 weeks AF, 'something' happened (knowing me, it was something I thought I should be 'rewarded' for! Hollow laugh!) and, in an instance, the drinking level rushes, at break-neck speed, back to a level where it was at the worse time. I love not drinking, I love the wonderful benefits - the weight loss, the clear eyes, the healthier nails and hair, the being organised and on top of things, the financial saving, the weight loss but for me, the biggest and most freeing benefit is the lack of guilt. The freedom to know, each day, that if you do fuck something up, it's a sort of 'honest' fuck up - and not due to alcohol. It's a feeling which leaves me feeling lighter, happier, more in control and like I'm a grown-up. So, having said all that, why, for the love of Jeff, do I slip back down the slippery slope that alcohol is beckoning me down? Deep sigh. x

chippit Tue 06-Aug-13 20:48:51

Thanks to everyone who has welcomed me. I appreciate your kindness and support.

LADAME - good luck for day 3. Me too...not so much of a struggle because I'm a weekend binger (however, my weekends start on Thur and end on Sun!). I know what you mean about feeling better. bright. breezier and of sound mind, so you think, hey...I've over estimated the issue. We had takeaway Thai tonight and I could feel the words 'shall we order some wine' at the back of my throat. Thankfully they stayed there. Hope you make it through to day 4.

VENUS & PURPLE - I feel personally for both of you and I'm sorry that the relationship with your parents didn't make you feel anything other than loved and secure. Parenting is SO different these days (thankfully), isn't it? My mum made me feel like an intruder all my life and beat me black and blue because my dad happened to think I was a nice kid. Now she can't understand why I don't want to be near her. When I'm feeling really low about ti all (which in itself then makes me feel guilty and self absorbed...man, it runs deep), I can kinda get through it by reminding myself that the best part of my horrible upbringing was the daily reminder that I never want my DD to feel that way about her childhood. I want hers to be full of joy and amazing memories - so it makes me try harder and think that just sometimes, good stuff can come out of bad. I recommend this to both of you when you're feeling crummy about your own stuff. It kinda works for me.

LONNIKA - I don't have any birds, but I do feel like there is always someone looking out for me. There MUST be as there is NO WAY I should still be alive and healthy and (relatively) happily married given the way I've lived most of my adult life. I think that we're all quite good people with good hearts...and I can only hope that because of this, we're thrown a few second (third and fourth and fifth and...) chances when we need 'em. Enjoy the feeling, it's nice, huh?

GLAD - Hello, I'm brand new here and blinking my way into the sober daylight as i type. I am so glad you are doing better than this time last year. Whatever your story is, it's given me a little bit of faith that a) I can do it too and b) I'm in the right place when I need a wee bit of (web based) hug. Thank you for affirming this in your post. It helped me.

Finally - sorry for the big ramble, but I wanted to give a wee bit back, because you've been so nice to the newbie.

Sorry also for the block caps, don't know how to do the stupid bold asterix thing. Think it might be because I'm on a mac.

XXXXX

PurpleWolfe Tue 06-Aug-13 20:49:45

And, yes, Silver those bruises people ask you about - that you have no recollection of - and you have to make things up. Read back in the morning, Sweetpea, gain strength from the fact you had the courage to reach out and take it from there. A new, clean, clear day to do with what you decide. A new start? You've done it before and you can bloody do it again (me? hypocrite! Yup. sad ) Do as I say, not as I do. Hugs and positivity Silver. This thing is huge and shit but don't let it define you Lovely. xxxxx

PurpleWolfe Tue 06-Aug-13 20:55:48

Hi Chip, thanks for the comments. It sounds like you are trying, and succeeding, to be a far better parent than you were dumped with. Like you, I'm trying to break the mould with my three. I've made mistakes and had to lean 'on the hoof' - having no good role models to work from - but I think I'm doing better than my parents and it is possible. Hugs.

lonnika Tue 06-Aug-13 21:05:51

Thanks Chip xxxx
Big hugs to all xxxxxx.

GladToBeBack Tue 06-Aug-13 21:07:30

FFs just wrote lost and lost it

purple - just wow and thank you , it means a lot to me

chips. I will read back now - but you know what - if I can do it, then ther is hope for all of us X

PurpleWolfe Tue 06-Aug-13 21:09:09

Doh! *learn! smile

GladToBeBack Tue 06-Aug-13 21:12:06

To know that someone else realises exactly where I'm coming from.....

The fucking GUILT is the killer

Every minute of every day x

GladToBeBack Tue 06-Aug-13 21:20:21

Going back to touch typing on lap lap top - (shows age)

See what happened there (upwards pointing arrow)

Fucking technology

AND WILL YOU LOT CLEAN THIS BUS UP

< I am very disappointed in you all>. grin

GladToBeBack Tue 06-Aug-13 21:22:09

paw print are you ok?

PurpleWolfe Tue 06-Aug-13 21:23:13

Silver We do know where you're coming from. For me, if I'm drinking too much, every little, stupid thing I fail at/mess up is loaded with guilt because I'm drinking. It may have fuck all to do with the alcohol but every, little, big, horrible, embarrassing thing, when I'm drinking, is magnified by about a thousand percent - because I feel I brought it on myself. Guilt is an all permeating, nagging, ghastly, self depreciating bloody feeling. As I said, being free of that feeling is amazing and I can't friggin' understand why I don't seem to be able to sustain the effort to keep it going. Have lots of water tonight and try and get a decent amount of sleep. I'm going to mail you tomorrow to see how you've been and how you feel. xxxxxx

chippit Tue 06-Aug-13 21:30:45

GLAD / SILVER - I know what you mean about guilt - it feels like it's eating you alive. From the inside out. Most of it isn't even logical but it's just there, always tapping you on the shoulder. I know..

Just know that one day it will pass and you'll feel like you can breathe a bit better. It will. Because it has to.

You don't deserve to live under a cloud of guilt. None of us do. xxxx

GladToBeBack Tue 06-Aug-13 22:01:30

I am very aware, brave babes, that I do this thing - jump in,comment, etc etc, then I fuck off never to be seen again for ages.

It is why I find it so hard to post in the first place

Internet forums are great - until, like me, you start feeling guilty about starting something you won't finish.

But you know what - if I was sober then my thoughts wouldn't go there in the first place

GUILT

A simple word but a huge emotion x

GladToBeBack Tue 06-Aug-13 22:04:19

Chip and purple

I think as long as we are drinking we will always feel guilty ....

Off to bed xxx

GladToBeBack Tue 06-Aug-13 22:18:43

One more thing - and I promise it will be the last

To all brave babes

My life is SO MUCH BETTER without alcohol

Yours could and will be too

It is scary at first but stick with it

It is worth it - so very worth it x

greeneyed Tue 06-Aug-13 23:16:09

silver and anyone else for that matter. Never feel guilty about the bus. About posting, not posting, not following things up, disappearing, talking shite, posting a lot, drunk posting etc etc. We have enough to worry about this is a safe place use it as you will. The bus is an obligation free zone. Night night all xx

Pawprint Wed 07-Aug-13 05:10:06

Hi Glad thanks for asking after me - I'm ok just annoyed that I've gone back to drinking every night sad

Anneisnotmyname Wed 07-Aug-13 07:36:45

Had two glasses of wine last night, one on Monday. I'mannannoyed after three days of not drinking how quickly it creeps up. And how we're not even half way into the week and I've probably already had half my recommended units and will go way over by the time the week is over. I don't think for the last year I've had less than about 20 units a week and that is me being controlled...last year it was about 35 sad

chippit Wed 07-Aug-13 08:32:46

ANNIE - It's still better than where you were last year. Better is better. X

Anneisnotmyname Wed 07-Aug-13 09:46:31

Thanks chippit, on the one hand I know it is an improvement but on the other I know it's not good enough. And that it shouldn't be an effort not tp drink or to drink sensibly. I think I'm lucky that I don't have any physical craving for alcohol - yet! - but psychologically is another matter. Last year I had a tooth out and whilst I was sat there all I was thinking is I deserve a glass of wine tonight. Of all the things to think!

PurpleWolfe Wed 07-Aug-13 10:43:58

Annie I did really fab for about 7 weeks. Got loads done round the house - which had been really getting to me. Then, the final accolade, I cleaned my oven so well it looked like new. Unfortunately, I had a can of cider at the back of a cupboard and, as a 'reward', I allowed myself to drink it. Then, I thought that one bottle of wine from the dreaded corner shop wouldn't hurt - after all, I'd proved to myself that I could stop. Big mistake, as you will have guessed. I, too, don't seem to have so much of a physical craving - but much more of a psychological one. I 'deserve' it! Pah.

Silver, how are you this morning? Hope you are feeling a bit more positive today. Sending a hug and some strength.

Paw I find it sometimes help to do better today than yesterday and usually leads to me giving up. It doesn't seem quite so huge somehow. For instance, I tell myself that as long as I don't actually buy and wine - that's an improvement. Or, today I will eat properly and sort the food side of my nutritional needs out better than yesterday. Small steps sometimes lead to bigger steps. Good luck. smile

Mouse Hoping for a calm, peaceful day for you today. xx

greeneyed Wed 07-Aug-13 13:03:25

purple thank you for your advice about my mum. Yes my sister wants to tackle her, i don't know if she will though.

I will try talking about my own drinking and the reasons I am cutting down, the scary liver questionnaire etc and see if anything sinks in! Hope everyone is well today. X

PurpleWolfe Wed 07-Aug-13 14:28:37

All you can do Green is try. You are a wonderful daughter for making the effort. I'm sure you know there is the chance of being met with denial, anger and ridicule. Sorry, but that's how I've sometimes been in the past should anyone dare to question my drinking habits. It won't be about how she feels about you, it's how she feels about her guilt and worry. Good luck with it all. How are you today? x

guggenheim Wed 07-Aug-13 16:30:54

Hi babes

Just checking in and sending lots of love to all xxx

Ignoring the tiny ww on my shoulder whispering about rewards. I'm not going to drink but the whispers are still there sometimes.
smile

greeneyed Wed 07-Aug-13 16:42:17

Purple thank you, that's just it - I don't feel like I will be a good daughter if I don't say anything but I do expect it would be met with ridicule and accusations of patronising her etc - I expect she will say I am your mother you shouldn't be telling me what to do - anyway I'll try a softly softly approach and chip away.

Worse case scenario she will tell me I'm attacking her and have no right to interfere. Mostly though I think she will a)lie about how much she is drinking and b) quote some Daily Mail article she has read about it being good for you smile

I am good today thanks - knackered and sweaty after session with Personal Trainer but feeling much more positive. Had a couple of glasses of wine last night with a guest we had staying so can see it creeping up again but nothing now until my friends birthday on Saturday to which I'm taking a bottle of 5% wine. The fact I have this training to do is focussing my mind because I don't think I could do it with a hangover!

I'm looking for some sort of cycling challenge to do over the next few months to keep me focussed.

How are you today, still glowing after your holiday?

Guggs I'm not sure she will ever go away but we will just get more practiced at ignoring her x

GladToBeBack Wed 07-Aug-13 16:54:43

Thanks purple - hideously hung over this morning, went to work, now home and behaving like the classic addict - by topping up....

Life could be so simple, but I make it so complicated

Hoping all babes are having a peaceful day xx

Pawprint Wed 07-Aug-13 16:55:38

Thanks Purple - that's a really good approach. I have been rather neglecting healthy eating lately, so I can at least address that.

Sorry to hear about your mum - that must be very worrying. Don't know what to suggest, I'm afraid sad

GladToBeBack Wed 07-Aug-13 16:57:44

And a mahoosive cold sore to boot.

mmhhh

Nothing to do with me being on a binge

At all - no siree - I'm obviously just tired and run down .........

PurpleWolfe Wed 07-Aug-13 17:20:48

Silver I know exactly what you mean about the 'topping up' shit! I'm such a person of two halves. I've spent the day drinking and trying to book next years holiday - along with surf lessons for me and the DC! As for those fucking awful cold sores......my huge sympathy. You have Zovirax, right? xxx

Green You have a good amount of focus right now - despite the small hiccups. Keep at it Lovely.

Paw Good luck on the nutrition front. smile

(Wrote something derogative about "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" but deleted it as it was a bit too judgemental!) grin xxxx

greeneyed Wed 07-Aug-13 17:41:19

Thank you purps. You'll get there, when you are ready. In the meantime, small steps till you take the leap back on the bus. X

silver you are very self aware, what's stopping you knocking it on the head again? Fuck it voice, just don't want to, can't find the energy? Sometimes I find I just want to sink to the bottom for the hell of it.

guggenheim Wed 07-Aug-13 17:55:36

green you are right,thanks.

I like the sound of the PT,I'd like to try some pt sessions when I'm working again (just do supply). Are you happy with it? Worth the money? I suspect that it is worth every single penny
<looks sadly at place where waist used to be> Sod it, I used to be skinny.

FWIW I would have to say something to dm but I would only do it the once because if she doesn't want to listen then you can't make her. I would just talk about how stopping has made you much happier and calmer etc. Then wait to see if she wants to take things further.

silver please talk about it, I'm sure it will help you and the bus too. x

GladToBeBack Wed 07-Aug-13 18:09:39

Cooked curry for tea , for me and DD

I made sure I made it (out of a jar I hasten to add - Lidl - amazing place) before I knew I'd be too pissed to cook

I'm now half eating it while posting

I'm not interested in food because I have alcohol

This is what being in the vice like grip of alcohol, is like

It's shit

GladToBeBack Wed 07-Aug-13 18:21:34

Fuck - I am ok - don't want to worry anyone

I just want to make it clear to all of you, that having had a long period of sobriety (ish) , I find the contrast is astonishing - and it is so easy to fall back into old habits very quickly

If you reach your goal of no booze, never ever think that one little drink will be ok

It will kick off craving in your brain, that you have no control over

However that said, this does not apply to all of us - there are BBs who can control their drinking

I did for a while.

But for me when the control measures are removed.

Back at bollocking SQUARE ONE

I just want alcohol banned from everywhere for ever to make my life a bit simpler grin

We , as a race of people, don't need it to survive do we?

PurpleWolfe Wed 07-Aug-13 18:23:08

Silver You and I seem to be in the same sorry pit right now. Achieving three meals a day for DC is as far as I can aim just at the moment (and they do their own breakfast!!). Deep, fucking deep sigh. xx

PurpleWolfe Wed 07-Aug-13 18:29:42

Silver You are having such a crap time! I was hoping that I could find someone could hypnotise me into hating wine. No friggin' luck so far. sad You are not alone. There are thousands of us out there. Some who recognise the problem, some who recognise the problem and make attempt to defeat them and the rare few who recognise and defeat the problem. We just struggle through, trying to make the best of things. The reason we are here is because we haven't thrown the towel in, we keep battling to make our lives better - and better for those we love. Keep on trying, when you can. That's all we can do. Huggles. xxxxx

Ladame Wed 07-Aug-13 18:35:33

Silver and Purps Mine is not in my brain, it's coiled in my tummy and when wine is mentioned, especially after a few nights off, it wakes up, slowly uncoils itself, and opens one large green eye. It is the hardest f***ing thing to resist. It's almost physical. It's like an evil dragon.

I've done three nights, and I'm in the kitchen having a drink with Mr Ladame. I don't have the willpower to go more than three days. I hate that about myself. But, just think, both of you, it could have been every night, but we know that we can resist for longer periods of time when we are feeling stronger. Don't be down on yourselves, I truly believe that for every babe on the bus, there are hundreds of us in the same boat.

Sending both of you, my love from across the sea xx

GladToBeBack Wed 07-Aug-13 18:42:22

Google baclofen/French brain surgeon ... See my Brain is so fried I can't even remember his name .....

And that is just two weeks of drinking like a twat

It (baclofen) turned my life around as far as drinking is concerned

I was, and am, lucky enough to have Jonathan chick as my shrink ( I suspect I am a case study for him!!)

But I am lying to him.....

Where d I go from here

I don't know, but I do know that anonymous strangers on an Internet forum got me to this point in my life

And it is so much better than the way I was a year ago

greeneyed Wed 07-Aug-13 18:44:18

Thank you for the advice guggs it is all really helpful. Yes the PT is worth the money as having zero self discipline it helps to be held accountable and I'm such a people pleaser it's good to get a pat on the back for being a good girl. But it is bloody expensive and I can't afford to do more than 12 weeks. Not sure what will happen then. I will need to commit to something I can't get out of to keep me going I think.

silver I'm sorry the WW has got you, you too purps .

GladToBeBack Wed 07-Aug-13 18:54:23

The end of my addiction by

Dr Olivier Ameisen

READ IT

PurpleWolfe Wed 07-Aug-13 19:00:08

Thanks Ladame and Green. The DC are downstairs just now. Clean, healthily fed, happy, playing games and ready for bed in a bit. How the fuck I manage to get simple but essential things done each day is a mystery to me. I 'cope' whilst drinking but do so much better without the shackles of alcohol. It's a friggin' no brainer - and still I drink. sad xx

guggenheim Wed 07-Aug-13 19:55:17

Hello gorgeous babes,

Yup I can identify with all of the above, especially with the physical reaction ladame and when silver says that this thread got me to this point.

'Cunning,powerful,baffling'- and waits to bite you on the arse when you least expect it. Every so often I get a bit smug because this is the longest i've ever done af,disregarding being pg & bf. But I KNOW that there will come a day when I pick up a glass or if /when something horrible happens I will probably drink.

Not drinking today,thankfully and I'm going to keep it that way as long as I'm able. One day at a time and all that.

Look after yourselves babes

green you will be a Goddess in 12 weeks smile even more so,I mean.

RadioSilenceGirl Wed 07-Aug-13 20:00:17

Hello,

Please can I join the bus??

I have been lurking for a while blush ... I am an 'all or nothing' drinker, at the moment it is nothing, and I would like it to stay that way.

Does anyone know how the lady (jesuswhatnow?) who started all this is getting on?

dementedma Wed 07-Aug-13 20:05:06

puts arms around *silver in silent hug*
So good to see you. Did you follow the earlier threads about my brother's return from addiction to normality? I feel for you so much.
Not in a great place myself so living in the sidecar. * helps self to ladame's chocolate
26th wedding anniversary tomorrow - deep joy.

Ladame Wed 07-Aug-13 20:35:26

Ma Sympathies. Stocking up on the chocolate (although I must say that French chocolate is cr*p) so pastries and other gorgeous stuff ... I think we might need it tomorrow.

thurso13 Wed 07-Aug-13 21:12:28

Ma My 25th wedding Anniversary on 10th of September.
How did that happen?!!!!
Lots of love to you Ma, and please send me the "no thanks" vibes for tonight, really I can't be arsed bothered.
xxx

PurpleWolfe Wed 07-Aug-13 21:20:49

Pathetically In need of hugs tonight. sad Struggling with all things 'children', 'houseworky' and finding it hard being single, on my own. And failing the 'fight' too (again - stupid fuckin' moo). sad sad

lonnika Wed 07-Aug-13 21:24:07

Hi - I send hugs to all who need it. everyone is doing better than they were before joining the bus and that is a positive.

Hi Radio - Jesuswhatnext is still no drinking so I believe

greeneyed Wed 07-Aug-13 21:35:22

Hugs purple congratulates ma and thurso for making it to quarter of a century of that 'great' institution of marriage. Welcome radio and well done for your abstinence.

ladame i could commit murder even for some of your crappy french chocolate right now!

thurso13 Wed 07-Aug-13 21:55:39

purple hugs, hugs and hugs virtually. Not stupid, at all, doing the best that you can. I'm struggling tonight too.
Lots of love
xx
Ionnika, Green hope you're having chocolate now!

Hi Radio take a seat, all welcome on here
(crikey what a relief to say that), not doing so well tonight!
xxx

KoalaKube Thu 08-Aug-13 00:25:33

Hi Babes just popping in to say hello before I go internet awol
for a couple of weeks. Moving house this weekend and haven't set up a new line yet.

Well here I am almost 8 months in ... talk about a life-changing event, new city, new home, new plans for the future and all is well.

The best thing is the accomplishment of those plans so far and
actually looking forward to whatever life scatters in front of me.

I've not been to AA for ages, but thought I'd pop in one last time down here just to keep my hand in. In the last few weeks I've been out to the pub to celebrate a couple of events, meals out with family, had a big old party and received copious amounts of booze from well meaning neighbours who didn't remember I wasn't drinking as goodbye presents.

The thing is it's nice to receive the gifts as it means that nobody has noticed my inward change (still the same old Koala on the outside) and I've not been tempted to touch a drop of the stuff, its stayed in the fridge (then given away) and one bottle received tonight is still sitting where my friend put it on the dining room table - haven't even peeped inside the gift bag. I think that's what you'd call WINNING!!

Love to you all wherever you are on your journey

I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY

Koala

Ladame Thu 08-Aug-13 08:07:12

Good Morning all babes waves at Radio Hi you and welcome to the bus.
Am in the side car today with coffee and French toast for anyone that wants to join me (leaves out some creamy brie for a mouse and an Inde)
Happy Anniversary Ma. Mine was 25 years last Christmas Eve. You'd think they would let us out on parole soon, shall we appeal???
Hug for Purps, hope you have a better day today sweetheart.
Hi Green, Silver, Lon, Guggs, Thurso, Pawprint, Chippit and Annie and babyjane and everyone on the bus this morning. Gazes at Koala with admiration. I so remember your story and think you are such an inspiration to us all.
Where are joey and clutter ?? Hope you're ok babes.
Today it is cold and rainy (does happy dance). Ladamegarden has had a good watering and even the dog is in a good mood.
Every morning that we wake up is our chance to start again. Be kind to yourselves today babes.

greeneyed Thu 08-Aug-13 08:07:39

koala it is truly wonderful to get your updates. You are amazing! Good luck with the move

greeneyed Thu 08-Aug-13 08:09:51

ladame I hope your veg patch has had some attention!

PurpleWolfe Thu 08-Aug-13 08:13:24

Thanks Thurso, Green and Ionnika. Surprisingly had a half decent nights sleep and feeling more 'up'. Clashed with DD again yesterday. Not badly - but enough to make me feel weary of it all. I would have coped much better without wine - as in, not risen to some of the nonsense she was coming out with - but just wanted to blur the edges a bit. She's off with a friend to a theme park this morning and having a sleep over after - so is in a happy, smiley mood now!

Blimey! Well done Koala You've done so well - especially with the alcohol gifts thing. Inspiring.

Welcome Radio Well done for making the effort to not pick that glass up. There are all manner of 'drinkers' on here - you'll get lots of support and advice. Stick with us. smile

Thurso Sorry you were struggling as well last night. Any idea why? For me, friction with DD is a biggy for me. Hoping for a better day for both of us.

thurso13 Thu 08-Aug-13 08:18:36

Morning all,

Happy Anniversary Ma.

Koala What an uplifting post, thank you. I am in awe. Good luck for the move this weekend, and I'm wishing you a very happy new home.

Major housework day for me, I have got to get the house straight (been decorating) before we go away this weekend. And so, of course, I imagine I'll be on here quite a bit grin.

xxxxx

lonnika Thu 08-Aug-13 08:21:09

koala thanks for the uplifting update - 8 months wow - you sound so boingy as well
morning green Ladame purple ma ma silver thurso mouse Guggs Chippit and Radio. Hiope everyone is well this morning
A big wave to pink on her hols xxxxx
Today is 100 days AF for me smile.
I feel great - like I did in my twenties actually - optimistic, fit, healthy and just generally good.
I look great. it had taken some weeks for any noticeable changes to occur but this week both my mum and my hairdresser have commented on my glowing skin smile
Keep at it Babes - Everyday AFi is a day you are winning - the gains far out way the temporary fuzzy feeling you get from the ww.
Got to go and buy uniform number 2 now - see you later L xxx

thurso13 Thu 08-Aug-13 08:25:03

Hello Purple, X posted

Yes, I stupidly (oops, I told you not to say that grin ), I felt like I'd done so much in the last couple of weeks, what with new job, decorationg, booking and planning holiday, etc, that I deserved a "treat".
Drinking a couple of glasses at the weekend didn't help, either. I'm so much better if I just don't.
Anyway, new day, new day! I have a big glass of Berocca and the housework to take my mind off the guilty anxiousness. Why, eh?

xxx

thurso13 Thu 08-Aug-13 08:27:43

Ps Is there a Mouse in the house? xxx

chippit Thu 08-Aug-13 08:29:26

Good morning everyone,

KOALA - you are cool. Fact.

I hope everyone is looking forward to the start of a new day. My DD has been up since 5.30am, so I already have the Flash with Bleach in my hand and plan to clean my house from top to bottom.

I'm on day 5 - which isn't hard for me because mid week drinking has very rarely been my thing. Today, tonight, tomorrow and Saturday will be the killer...but I'm feeling strong. In spite of the fact I have my best friend's birthday party on Saturday night and we normally go hell for leather.

So...BRING IT ON, WEEKEND face full of fake bravery and bravado.

MA - Happy Anniversary - you are also cool. It blows my mind that my husband has stuck around for 5 years, let alone 26...

Hugs to everyone who needs them for whatever reason they need them.

Cooking and tidying are my new best friends in your face WW

Happy Thursday and hold on tight. XXXXX

chippit Thu 08-Aug-13 08:31:23

Oh look - just found out how to do the bold thing. Might be the best thing that's happened to me this week. It used to be a Thursday night glass of vino. Le Sigh...

chippit Thu 08-Aug-13 08:32:56

also - well freakin' done lonnika
I bet you look lovely. xxxx

lonnika Thu 08-Aug-13 08:38:13

I just found how to do the bold thing as well Chippit

Get a diff treat in for tonight maybe ? I love the bottle green drinks with diet lemonade - my current David s lime and coconut - I also love chocolate covered caramels - so I now ave these as my evening treat smile

I don't know if I look lovely but I look a lot better than I didsmile

greeneyed Thu 08-Aug-13 08:51:13

I think it takes at least a couple of weeks to notice any difference in how you look and more like 4 for eyebags circles etc to go down. Stick with it babes. I was quite freaked when a friend mentioned how much better I looked and that my face was much less puffy. Sad that I looked noticeably shit all the time.

greeneyed Thu 08-Aug-13 08:52:07

chippit what's your plan for the weekend, abstinence?

greeneyed Thu 08-Aug-13 08:52:40

pink and paw how are you doing?

chippit Thu 08-Aug-13 09:11:14

I am planning to remain AF until Saturday Aug 31st. 100%. Absolutely. This is my ultimate goal.

Which is 24 days from now. Not that I'm counting. If I can prove to myself that I can do this, then I'm going to (perhaps stupidly) assume that I can control my drinking and will try to moderate going forward.

This date is when I jet off on a 2 week holiday to a lovely villa in spain with my DH, DD and a few friends, so being AF isn't really an option (well, it is, of course it is...but I don't really want it to be).

I don't yet know how big my problem is - I have my first appointment with a counsellor on Friday to try and get to the bottom of why I drink until I black out and do things that make me want to set my face on fire in a bid to deflect from the shame I feel.

So...we'll see. I'm going to try. Really hard.

lonnika I have diet lemonade and lime already prepped for the weekend and I'm planning a chicken lasagne and pavlova for friend's birthday dinner on Saturday.

So while I may be AF, I may well evolve into a chubbster. You can't have it all, eh? grin.

lonnika Thu 08-Aug-13 10:08:40

Ahhh Chippit - you won't - think of all the calories you are saving by not drinking alcohol - worth at least an extra piece of pavlova for sure x

Pawprint Thu 08-Aug-13 10:10:57

Hi Greeneyed - thanks for asking after me. I am annoyed with myself - have been drinking nightly for about two weeks. I think it's partly boredom - perhaps I need to do something else in the evenings.

I am learning to drive (will need to stop drinking for that, obviously) so am swotting for my theory test. That, at least, is giving me something to focus on.

aliasjoey Thu 08-Aug-13 10:55:47

Crawling shamefully back on the Bus... blush

Thanks for asking after me purple and ladame. Sorry not to namecheck everyone - I've missed several weeks.

I just got out of the habit of posting, real life was very busy for a while. And then my drinking started creeping back up again. Only a couple of glasses a night maybe, but it was starting to happen almost every night.

Have I missed anything interesting?

GladToBeBack Thu 08-Aug-13 11:20:20

Morning campers

Mutha fucka of a hangover here!

ma of course I followed your posts about Richard and I am so happy for you both that he has turned his life around. the Salvation Army sound amazing.

Off work now for three weeks so danger danger time for me. However two weeks in France with family will help to keep me occupied.

Where's that pesky rodent got to??

Waves to all and slides back under the duvet <deep sigh>

purple thank you for your pms x

ThisIsMyTime Thu 08-Aug-13 14:50:54

Let me self down again had a drink again yesterday ;( wen will I learn x

dementedma Thu 08-Aug-13 14:52:50

joey i was wondering where you were? wassup?
koala you seriously rock, babe. i remember you going cold turkey and was awestruck by your strength.
thurso dreading DH feeling the need to harvest the vegetable patch here too. I suppose I can get through it as long as he doesnt wake me up grin
Off to the the Fringe tonight to see DD2 in her show again. I saw it on Tuesday with the girls from work and we are all off tonight en famille to watch it again. Will try and film a wee bit and put it on you tube .

PurpleWolfe Thu 08-Aug-13 15:22:54

Joey! Good to have you back! Sorry it's been a bit shit for you recently. I'm the same as you in not posting when things aren't great. Don't think it does us any good but we are who we are. Hugs. Stay! Post! x

Ma Looking forward to seeing vid of your talented daughter - don't get caught, though! Hope you've had a good day?

This and Paw Feel bad, for a mo', pull your big pants on and launch yourself at a new day. You can do it!

Chip I understand how hard it is to face a holiday without alcohol. The two seem to be entwined for me. Good luck with everything. Ionnika Is right about the amount of totally useless calories in wine. Plus, so I've read, the fat goes straight round your middle!!! PS Ionnika 100 days? You star! x

Sending nutritious food, vits and tons of water to Silver Hope you are feeling a bit better this afternoon my lovely?

Thurso That 'treat' shit is a killer, isn't it?

Sending a hug to Green for no good reason! x

Pawprint Thu 08-Aug-13 15:43:26

Hi all - welcome back Joey

greeneyed Thu 08-Aug-13 16:48:21

purple thanks smile

greeneyed Thu 08-Aug-13 16:53:35

chippit sounds like a plan, you never know after 24 Days you may be feeling fab and not want to drink on your holiday. Welcome back Joey, all pretty much business as usual here, no juicy gossip to report.

paw get past day one again and it will be easier. silver and this hope you are feeling a bit better now. Big wave to all i've missed. Today is a great day for day one all. It's just one day. Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow xx

lonnika Thu 08-Aug-13 19:14:16

Great advice Green. - smile.

aliasjoey Thu 08-Aug-13 19:35:35

ma nothing up really, it was just a busy few weeks & I got out of the habit of reading the thread. And maybe without the constant reminder and support on here there was a little gap for the WW to poke her head through.

It's annoying to think I'm stuck with this forever - always having to keep watch and be on guard - it does get easier over time but you can't turn your back and relax without 2 weeks later thinking hmmm, when did that habit creep back in?!

Ah well it least this time around it didn't take me too long to recognise the warning signs and get straight back on the Bus.

So, what have I been missing? Who's in, who's out? Any gossip?

Did somebody look after the Opal Fruits while I was away?

aliasjoey Thu 08-Aug-13 19:38:21

Sorry greeny I didn't read your post about there not being any gossip.

What none ? Not even <whisper> Barry The Squid ???

RadioSilenceGirl Thu 08-Aug-13 19:54:24

Evening all,

Thank you for making me feel welcome. I have a question ...

I was shopping in tesco today & had the usual mad dialogue going on in my head - 'buy the wine, one glass won't matter, start again tomorrow' etc etc. Is it just me?? It's exhausting.

I ended up buying a bag of sweets (never in my life have I eaten so much crap as I have over the past couple of weeks)

And ... when does the swishy hair thing happen??

lonnika Thu 08-Aug-13 20:02:37

LOL Radio - no it's not just you - voice does get quieter and is sometimes non existant as time goes on.
As for swishy hair - still waiting for that to happen

however improved self esteem, weight loss (even when eating sweets), whiter eyes and glowing skin will all happen relatively quickly. smile!! You are doing great - enjoy the sweets nom, nom -
looks like a good night of telly too tonight - celeb master chef, followed by a new drama (which I can now follow as I am not too pissed to understand it smile Have a good one !!!

PervyMuskrat Thu 08-Aug-13 20:07:44

Koala 8 months! Wow! That's awesome.

Day 18 here and going ok so far. Every time I'm tempted, I remind myself that
a) I'm much less anxious when I don't drink (partly because I'm sleeping better)
b) I feel much more positive in general.
c) I look better (vain I know, but I bumped into a friend I've not seen in a while and she told me I looked really well, even before I'd told her I'd quit drinking for a bit)
d) I might even lose some of this poxy extra 20 pounds I'm carrying (that is if I can stop stuffing my face with maltesers - my appetite is back with a vengeance!)
e) DH and I can start TTC properly rather than the half assed version we've been doing so far. It took ages to get pregnant with DS so I'm not expecting miracles but it's good to know I'm doing everything I can now.

Sending positive thoughts to all x

lonnika Thu 08-Aug-13 20:13:52

Pervy - you are doing great smile.

PervyMuskrat Thu 08-Aug-13 21:15:02

Thanks lonnika grin

The best bit (similar what koala said upthread) is that I still feel like me - I still have the same (generally inappropriate) sense of humour and still get irrirated by the same things. I've gone the odd month in the past without alcohol but I did it to prove that I can (iyswim) and I was really grouchy with it. It's early days but I feel so much better!

ThisIsMyTime Thu 08-Aug-13 22:00:26

Pervy if I had a little more restraint I'd be on day18 too but instead I'm on day one sad really pleased for you though do u feel loads better do you have anxiety xx

chippit Thu 08-Aug-13 22:19:13

Evening all

radio I was exactly where you were today. Not in tesco, but in a place for early dinner which would ALWAYS mean a glass of wine. Ordered a mocktail instead and it kinda did the trick - it helped that the waiter was a FOX smile. Didn't stop me reading the wine list about 3 times though. I'm hoping that will subside soon. Hope it does for you too.

pervy 20 pounds for me too - if only I could wish it away. Good luck on TTC. Don't underestimate what a good night's sleep does for your overall wellbeing and hopefully your ability to conceive. I freakin love to sleep smile

This I was on day one last Sunday and I'm already here on day 5 - it wasn't too bad. This bus helped. One wee day at a time. Sending you a hug.

Tomorrow sees my first session with a counsellor. No idea what to expect and really hope I like her. I'm not great at getting past a first impression.

Wish me luck and hugs to you all.

Also, what the FREAKIN' HELL was that pumpkin 'pie' thing on Celeb Masterchef???

PervyMuskrat Thu 08-Aug-13 22:20:11

Thisis, yes, I feel quite a lot better than I did (and I'm starting to see my cheekbones again smile). I only really have anxiety when I've been drinking and then I usually have it for a few days after I've been on a bender. Still get flashes occasionally but it feels easier to deal with when I know I've not been adding to it by drinking.

Hope you're feeling ok too x

RadioSilenceGirl Thu 08-Aug-13 22:51:24

Thanks lonnika, wow ... 100 days is brilliant!! Do you go to AA meetings?

chippit, I think I'm a long way off being able to go out to dinner sans alcohol. Best of luck with the counsellor.

I haven't talked to anyone in RL about my shit relationship with alcohol (yet).

night all.

venusandmars Thu 08-Aug-13 22:55:52

lonnika well done on 100 days - that is such a remarkable achievement, one day at a time.

chippit yup that 'pumpkin slush pie' would drive most people to drink grin

To many others posting about holidays, I find your posts interesting because I think that on most of my holidays I actually drank less than I did during non-holiday time. I found that on holiday I had less 'private' time to nip to the shops and get a bottle of wine, I had fewer places to hide my stash (or my empties), and I had much more contact time, so more observation of my drinking habits. There seemed to be collective agreement about buying x number of bottles of wine, and I had to be particularly sneaky to buy, and hide, and drink some gut-rot-brandy to 'top up'.

After a holiday with some friends (during which my normal drinking habits felt constrained - as above) everyone else was discussing how the 2 glasses of wine at lunch and the 4 glasses in the evening were making them feel 'liverish' and how they were heading back home ofr several weeks of low consumption. Meanwhile I was left gagging for more most nights, and occasionally sneaking a few glugs of aforementioned gut-rot stuff. I was desperate to get back to 'normal' drinking sad

chippit Fri 09-Aug-13 07:21:14

Morning all

Radio it's important to point out that my 'dinner out' was with my 2YO DD and it was at 4pm - where she had macaroni cheese and I had a starter fishcake. Just me and her. Noone else. I don't work Thu or Fri and spend this time with my little one. Sadly, I also see it as an excuse to drink wine at lunch / early dinner time and have actually found myself hiding my glass behind the menu when I bumped into someone I know.

(shudder).

A regular dinner out with hubby would be prefixed by G&T, probably half a bottle of wine and then I'd find an excuse to keep drinking until closing time. I too am probably a long way off trying to cope with this bad boy.

Also, I've now talked to two people about my shit relationship with alcohol. My DH and my best friend. I was terrified because I didn't want to be judged and part of me kinda knew they had probably already formed an opinion about it.

I have to say radio as soon as the words 'i think I have a problem' came out of my mouth, the burden lifted a wee bit. Not hugely, but just a bit. Both of them were really supportive and promised to help me and reassured me that I was loved and respected. So I feel a bit less alone in my journey. I know it's a scary thing to admit to yourself, let alone anyone else, but it could just be another avenue of support??

If not, you've always got the bus. wink.

Will report later on counsellor session. Do you think if I wear a suit and take a briefcase she may give me the benefit of the doubt? grin

chippit Fri 09-Aug-13 07:31:24

Also, meant to say.

I hope everyone has a lovely, lovely Friday.

Eat some cake. Have a dance in the shower. Play your favourite song really loud and put your best pair of pants on.

You all deserve to smile today. For whatever reason that is.

I came onto this bus at the beginning of the week and I cannot tell you how much support it has given me.

I feel like I have a secret (caring, non-judgemental, supportive, funny, like-minded) buddy that I can talk to about the big black monster that is my drink problem.

So thank you to one and all. You're all brave and lovely. xxxxxxx

Anneisnotmyname Fri 09-Aug-13 07:42:17

Last day of my holiday here and I've had alcohol every day. One glass of wine, then two, then one, then two again last night. Probably less than I'd normally have on a holiday or a week off work but I don't know why I had a drink at all??

I wasn't drinking to get drunk - far from it I didn't want to spoil things for the kids by being hungover-so really what was the point? I'm sick of this habit of daily drinking.

anyway I will not be drinking tonight. I won't get home till seven and there is no wine in so I will make a start on the laundry. Well that is the plan, I bet there will still be a voice in my head saying why not stop off at the supermarket on the way home....

Sorry not to name check and for the me me post. I've read everyone's post but im on my phone its hard to keep up.

jango36 Fri 09-Aug-13 08:38:16

Hi all I have managed three weeks with only two drinking days. One was more of a session with five cans! the other was yesterday was one bottle of larger 660mls at five percent. So not too bad actually.

Ive not been drunk since New yrs eve.
Ive made changes for the better. I need to keep it up and I will do.
Its thanks to this bus though really - just reading the posts spurs me on and makes me feel like Im not alone on this crazy journey.

This is the first year I have managed this. EVER in my adult life. I ve been reflecting so much considering all the stupid choices and situations I ve put self in ! I could curl up with shame and regret! butwhat can you do? Its done!

I WONT be drinking tonight! I dont want to! I want to do something positive instead smile)

Love to al you babes - joey and silver nice to see you back. Im pretty new and dont post that much but I am ALWAYS lurking lol xxx

lonnika Fri 09-Aug-13 09:20:40

Hi very positive on this bus today smile

jango. Well done
chippit good luck with the counsellor
Annie. Don't buy the wine smile
Radio. Hi and keep gong
Venus. Great to hear to you and thanks

To whoever asked if I went to AA - the answer is no. I used this bus and changed my habits - and I really think my drinking 'had crept up on me' as per the tv ad.

I am on holiday tomorrow - going with in laws - taking my own non- alc drink. Spoken to hubby about the fact I will not be drinking on Holiday and he needs to support me when they start there 'just have one', ' it will do you good' etc ..

Hope we can all keep strong together smile

greeneyed Fri 09-Aug-13 10:22:08

Morning babes! I wish i could boing but I just can't I need carbs! What I would do for a fruit scone with butter and jam right now! On the plus side I've lost 9 pounds . ..

aliasjoey Fri 09-Aug-13 10:46:40

lonnika hope you have a great holiday and enjoy it all the more without hangovers

Fairenuff Fri 09-Aug-13 12:02:24

Radio we call that voice the Wine Witch.

Don't listen to her.

She is crafty, she creeps up on you when you're least expecting it, she is an expert at taking you by surprise. She knows your weaknesses, she is alert to your vulnerabilities. And she is relentless. Let her in and she will just keep coming back.

She doesn't care about you, although she pretends she does. She tells you that you deserve a treat and that 'just one' is all you need. She draws your attention to the booze aisle, to the sunny day, to the cold, dark depressing nights. There is always something she can use as leverage, as a weapon against you.

Don't listen to her.

She only thinks of herself. As long as she gets her fix she can keep going and she will get stronger and more insistent. She will go on and on and on at you until you cave in.

She will disrupt your sleep pattern, chip away at your self esteem, whisper in your ear about how weak and pathetic you are. She will offer you a magic cure, to make you feel better instantly. But the price is high.

Some have paid over the counter again and again and again. Some have paid with the loss of relationships, jobs, homes. And some have paid with their life.

Don't listen to her.

You need to be very firm with her, like you would with a naughty toddler. No means no. Don't even give her the tiniest bit of thought. Do that and she will go away. She ain't as a strong as she makes out to be. Like all bullies, she backs down if you stand up to her smile

Hi all, I'm back from holidays. Had a great time, all is well. DH gone back to work today and dc have fallen onto their phones grin

Got lots of catching up to do - back later.

Waves to all. Hi to newbies x

lonnika Fri 09-Aug-13 12:05:13

Hi Faire. That post is fab !!!!

dementedma Fri 09-Aug-13 12:09:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairenuff Fri 09-Aug-13 12:20:14

Ma love the video, what talent! (Did you realise though that it shows the name of the person who uploaded it)

dementedma Fri 09-Aug-13 12:31:06

oops. ah well, thats me busted grin
I'll see if I can change it

Fairenuff Fri 09-Aug-13 12:31:35

Lonnika congratulations on 100 days!! You are an inspiration to us all and should be very proud of yourself. Success stories are so motivational smile

And to think that you got there one day at a time. It all started with Day 1 and now look at you - amazing.

Have a fab holiday x

Fairenuff Fri 09-Aug-13 12:32:38

Ma you better get used to it - when she's rich and famous everyone will know who you are grin

aliasjoey Fri 09-Aug-13 12:46:01

faire that was a great post, I'd forgotten about...

"chip away at your self esteem, whisper in your ear about how weak and pathetic you are" and that reminded me!

<realises how much I need the Bus>

Fairenuff Fri 09-Aug-13 13:02:40

There's safety in numbers joey smile

And as Mouse says, you can check out any time you want but you can never leave.

Reminds me of that song from Oliver - You can go but be back soon...

< wanders off whistling >

lonnika Fri 09-Aug-13 13:45:06

Ma - she is brilliant !!!!!! Very talented and very beautiful - you must be one proud mum x

dementedma Fri 09-Aug-13 13:52:54

thanks lonnika
i cant figure out how to remove my name from the you tube clip so have asked mumsnet to delete my post for now and I'll try again later

guggenheim Fri 09-Aug-13 13:55:09

Lol!
Afternoon babes

Blimey this bus moves fast! I was just going to tell joey that there had been loads of stuff happening on the bus and then make some shit up

Great posts,very inspiring and a good reminder that a little drinky on a friday night is rarely just the one glass.

Lonnika you are an amazing babe, you joined the bus got all sober and just kept at it. And now here you are 100 + days sober and well and calm. But..on holiday with the in ln laws??? That is a true test of sobriety,I'd say! Anyway, well done.

I have something I want to do more than I want to drink...there is a bloody enormous mozzie bite on my leg and I'd give all the champagne in the world to scratch it more. Must resist,arrgh!
I'm like some kind of gorgeous celeb. for mozzies,honestly they can't resist the sight of my white blue skin with those delectable veins just under the surface. See, I can write porn for mosquitos, without even trying!

Ma I wasn't sure which girl was your daughter but they are both incredible singers and very talented girls.smile

guggenheim Fri 09-Aug-13 13:58:09

Oh FFS! Sorry ma ONE girl is clearly singing and the other girl is signing and I'm an idiot.

See why I shouldn't drink?

Pink01 Fri 09-Aug-13 15:28:23

Hi babes

Still on holiday and have drank every day hmm

My phone is playing up and won't load up the thread properly, it keeps throwing me out when I try and flip the thread, so I am sorry I have no idea how everyone is but sending love and strength and I hope you are all doing much better than me.

Feel I have let myself down badly and I don't understand WHY. I had no real urge to drink but now I have started.........

Will post once I am home which is either tomorrow or Sunday and will hopefully be ale to read thread properly and NC

Love to all

Pink X

dementedma Fri 09-Aug-13 16:24:37

lol at guggs
mine is the one singing - the dark haired one

GladToBeBack Fri 09-Aug-13 16:42:49

Beautiful girl, beautiful voice ma

PurpleWolfe Fri 09-Aug-13 16:49:28

She's fab Ma! xxx

chippit Fri 09-Aug-13 16:51:01

Good afternoon all

green well done on the weight loss. Currently sitting at my desk with a bowl of crisps, so will take a little inspiration from you and switch to oatcakes (I'm lying about this).

lonnika good luck with the holiday. try to remember what they are all about (it's been a while since I organised a holiday and didn't plan it around where / what I would drink...what I would wear when drinking...what time is too early to start said drinking). Just relax and have FUN!

faire brilliant post. thank you.

ma your DD made me cry. Most things make me cry at the moment, to be fair...but I sat at my desk watching her sing with tears running down my face. She is SO SO talented.

pink sending you a holiday hug wherever you are. Tomorrow is always a new day.

So, had my first counsellor appointment today and am pleased to say it went much better than expected. I didn't ramble and she really helped me 'align my thoughts' (I know that makes me sound like a wanker, but i can't think of a better way to put it). She made some observations that I hadn't thought of (despite thinking of myself as a smarty pants) and was generally just quite lovely and reassuring that she could help me work some of my crap out.

She also said that it would be wise to take a break from alcohol as it's brilliant at masking what's really making the boat rock. (Duh, yes, I know...that's why I love it so much). We'll see. Next session is in 2 weeks time and I have homework. Would consider going every week, but I'd need to sell a kidney.

It was good. I liked it. I have hopes that it will help.

I also have a pack of Beck's Blue in the fridge and some low fat popcorn in the cupboard.

Yeah, that's how I roll on day 6. [hmmm]. I barely recognise myself.

To be honest, without booze, i simply have NO idea who I am - suppose that's what I'm hoping to find out.

Happy Friday night to you all, ladies.

babyjane1 Fri 09-Aug-13 17:22:02

Hi babes, chippit you sound like a different person, I'm so glad your a chipper chippit!!! Sending love to all our lovely babes, take away and iron bru for me tonight, rock and roll eh xxxxx

guggenheim Fri 09-Aug-13 18:01:17

ma you must be a very proud mum x

pink there's no such thing as letting yourself down,here on the bus. We all have the same problem with booze and the same struggles.Look after yourself.

chippit You might be a bit overcome with emotion for more than one reason, talented though missMa is. Sobbing like a broken tap often comes with giving up the sauce. It does block out our feelings and it's such great 'fun' not when you first get them back.But they are your very own emotions to enjoy at your leisure,not just boozy highs and lows.

Hi babes,
Can't name check you all and I haven't always kept up with the thread but I've always known its here. I first posted nearly 2 years ago as want to die and I did. I was being kept sober in my dads house against my will and facing losing my beautiful baby having fucked up royally and relapsing after an alcohol free pregnancy and a few blissful months with a newborn. I made contact with another babe on here and we went to a meeting together. It wasn't my first aa meeting by a long shot but I had finally reached my absolute rock bottom. I had a failed marriage behind me and 2 children resident with my ex. My career had gone and my new relationship and baby were gone too. Except I stopped drinking. A day at a time and with aa support I have changed. I'm not that empty suicidal shell of a woman. I have my partner back and my lovely girl. I have as much access to my older children as I can get and we are closer than ever. I have a job. My life is good. In fact it's beyond my wildest dreams. I don't obsess over alcohol. I don't lie and hide and steal. I don't piss the bed and vomit when I clean my teeth. I don't have the runs. I don't spend my time decanting drink in public toilets. I don't act in appropriately and fall into bed with arseholes. I don't frantically crunch mints and I can hold my head up high. I have a new life a day at a time. Please go back and search for my first posts. Please look for the similarities not the differences. Please please seek help and don't underestimate the power of this thread. ( waves to Venus and bafana) please try aa. Choose to live

babyjane1 Fri 09-Aug-13 18:26:48

strawberry what an honest and inspiring post, thank you so much for sharing that, I'm humbled and touched and above all so very happy for you x x x

Fairenuff Fri 09-Aug-13 19:22:41

Hey strawberry I remember chatting with you when you were holed up in your dad's house. Thank you so much for coming back to let us know how you're getting on. Well done - you have come so far. You sound like a different person smile

aliasjoey Fri 09-Aug-13 19:23:43

Great post strawberry

I don't have much to say at the moment, just reading everyone's posts and taking it all in...

chippit Fri 09-Aug-13 19:39:07

guggen I cry at most things. I cried for an hour last week because my favourite picnic blanket shrunk in the washing machine. I cried today because my husband didn't email me back INSTANTLY and I'll probably cry tomorrow when I realise I don't have any Cheerios left. I'm hoping it'll even out eventually.

strawberry well bloody done and thank you so much for sharing your story with us newbies. i hope you can look in the mirror and feel strong and proud and happy that you have finally found your good life. Like you, I'm taking it one (tear stained) day at a time. I'm giving you a virtual high five from my sofa.

babyjane1 Fri 09-Aug-13 20:12:30

strawberry just done a quick flick through of your old posts, you are proof there is always hope, lonika koala you guys rock x x x

guggenheim Fri 09-Aug-13 22:10:30

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

The worlds biggest spider has just run through the bedroom. shock I screamed & dh came to the rescue. The bastard thing would only just fit under a glass. arrrrggh!

I was feeling really sorry for myself and all self indulgent, now I'm just bloody grateful it didn't eat anyone!

strawberry - wow, what an amazing recovery story. I'll look at your posts tomorrow (when the zombie spiders can't get me) You really do have everything to live for and can enjoy it now.well done.

chippit I was a non cryer before I got sober, now,sod it, I nearly cried at the spider.It was enormous though.

Mouseface Fri 09-Aug-13 22:22:39

Just popping in to say hello to any New Babes we've picked up since I last posted. I'm away until Sunday so will catch up then.....

Glad - A little birdy told me you were back. Massive hugs to you sweetheart and to the birdy for letting me know.

We're celebrating DH's Mom's 70th Birthday in Kenn, North Bristol and are going to watch the balloon fiesta tomorrow night and them, thank Jeff! Will explain more when not on my phone.

Anyway, long day tomorrow but I'm hoping for a good one weather wise!

Take good care Babes, Strawberry I remember your story and am in awe of you. Keep going Babes, I miss you!

Lots of love & huggles from me & Nemo smile xxx

dementedma Fri 09-Aug-13 22:24:59

strawberry I remember you and your story. So very happy things have worked out and well done you.
guggs eek, I feel your pain. I DREAD autumn for the huge hairy house spiders which galumph about the house causing us all to have the heebie geebies.

Thanks to all for kind comments re dd. She is getting good reviews so very happy

chippit Sat 10-Aug-13 07:04:03

Good morning babes,

Hope that whatever you have planned for the weekend makes you smile.

Feeling a bit 'meh' this morning. Too many thoughts and the full reality of my situation is starting to hit (the 'i can do this...bring it on' high has somewhat faded). Not withstanding I have a bad case of conjunctivitis and look like a red-eyed baddy from a James Bond film.

But I'm a-okay...and I hope you all are too. Planning to spend the day with DH and DD at a safari park with a picnic - so hopefully a monkey's bum will make me laugh.

Hugs.

Anneisnotmyname Sat 10-Aug-13 08:53:14

Morning smile

I've got back from my holiday and did not drink last night. Dh was wanting to go to the supermarket on the way home but i said no. I knew it would lead to buying a bottle of wine that I did not want to buy. So today is day 2, odd that I keep starting my AF days on a friday, I wonder if I'm deliberately setting myself up for failure....

Pink I drank every day I was away as well sad Less than I normally would on holiday but I don't know why I bothered. I didn't get drunk, which I'm glad about, but really what was the point of it? I know on the first day I was stressed out and disappointed by our 'resort' but I did not drink in that instant. It was hours later when I'd calmed down.

Funny though dh put a post on facebook about how shit the place was and everyone commented 'go find a pub and get drunk' hmm Like in a bad situation you can't make the best of it in any other way. I think since I first started lurking on this bus I've noticed alot more how ingrained it is seek comfort/entertainment/etc in a bottle of wine.

Hope you enjoy your day at the safari park chippit smile You've done so well - I've read all your posts from my phone - that I think it's probably normal to start feeling a bit blah. I don't know if it will help but I'm trying to fill my days with enough stuff that there won't be any time to really drink. Or that hopefully I will be more focused on other things and drinking will go on the back burner....well that's the plan!

guggenheim Sat 10-Aug-13 10:32:08

Morning,

Hi there ma and mouse and annie and chippit

I too could do with a monkey's bum to look at,I'm feeling down. I KNOW what's wrong, it's just a normal part of recovery to feel low and think about sad things. Also I've had flu and I get maudlin after being ill. There isn't really a problem but I'm blue.

Anyhow... that fucking spider- I could have put a lead on him! If he hadn't been escorted from the premises than I might have had to make an application for a school place for him,bloody huuuuge he was!

PervyMuskrat Sat 10-Aug-13 10:48:52

strawberry so pleased that you're doing so well now. You must be so proud.

chippit monkeys bums always make me laugh - just watch out for the bonobos! I found the "meh" feeling passed fairly soon and was replaced with a general feeling of calm - hope it does for you too.

annie I know what you mean re alcohol being the solution everyone suggests. I've decided to try and alter my way of thinking though and say that it's my decision to not drink, just as it's other people's decision to drink and we're simply making different decisions that day. Sounds a bit wanky but it seems to be working for me.

gugg big squeeze from me. I hate spiders with a passion! I'd have killed the bugger with one of DH's shoes (not mine obviously!) and then sat whimpering in a corner all night.

Morning to everyone else - hope you all have something nice lined up today x

Ladame Sat 10-Aug-13 11:13:24

Guggs I feel your pain grin - we get spiders that come over from the fields into the house. They are so heeyuuge, I can hear them careering about upstairs and laughing at me. The worst time was when I went to pick up one of my crocs (so stylish, me) and I could see legs pointing out of the holes in the top of one of them. It occupied the whole of the toe area!

Well, did my four days this week, so not so bad.

Ma Your link was deleted when I came back, would you pm me the youtube clip with your daughter singing? I would love to see it.

mouse Have a lovely time.

all babes have a nice weekend and be kind to yourselves.

babyjane1 Sat 10-Aug-13 11:53:56

Hi babes, also feeling blaahhh, didn't drink last night and slept pretty well but can't help the feeling that I'm missing out on something, I ate a Chinese instead but that's not really the answer, going swimming today and not drinking tonight again, when will I stop feeling that someone has taken my favourite toy away??? Love to all x x x

guggenheim Sat 10-Aug-13 15:16:04

ladame shock think I need more therapy.I think i might have to leave home and the shoe behind. <wimpers>
is it still boiling hot over there?

'Lo there pervy and baby. i love swimming baby it does kind of help replace the booze,much healthier too.

I'm feeling a lot more stable, I had a massive headache so that was one reason for feeling blue. Feeling calmer all round.

Anneisnotmyname Sat 10-Aug-13 16:22:17

babyjane that is exactly how I feel about not drinking, like losing my favourite toy. For the life of me I don't know why. Logically I can see wine adds nothing to my life, it probably adds to my stresses and ability to deal with things, yet I can't help feeling like I'm missing out if I don't have a drink hmm

Typically on an evening I will sit at the pc with a glass of wine. Why I can't do that with a soft drink I don't know - or I can but I feel deprived. It's not like I'm out in a pub/club surrounded by people drinking and temptation, my daily drinking is all down to me x

Ladame Sat 10-Aug-13 17:35:04

Guggs TBH the spiders don't bother me as much as these

Here

They are truly evil f**kers, they jump off the wall and sting you. My dd calls them ginger monsters. You have to be very careful reaching for the light switch in the dead of night ....

Not too hot here at the mo, about 25ish degrees and at least we call all sleep !!

dementedma Sat 10-Aug-13 18:04:54

will do ladame
last night of the show tonight so a serious after show piss up on the cards I suspect. she got a personal mention in one of the reviews which commented on her "huge voice". I'm going to stop boasting nowgrin

HorsesDogsNails Sat 10-Aug-13 19:21:21

Boast away Ma, if you can't be her biggest fan then who can?!

RadioSilenceGirl Sat 10-Aug-13 21:31:50

Evening Babes

chippit, oh, I see, THAT kind of dinner! Sounds like the counselling session was a very positive experience.

fairenuff, thank you for explaining that the 'voice' has a name, you described her/him/it perfectly.

I've told a few people I'm not drinking, but haven't explained why. I'm still reeling from reaching what I now realise was 'rock bottom' a few weeks ago.

I used to be a 'happy' drunk, then I became a suicidal drunk. It's over 2 months ago now that I decided (drunkenly) that the world would be a better place without me. Cutting a long story short ... I was brought home by the police in the early hours.

What was the first thing I did when I got home (after checking the DCs were alright)????
I poured myself a drink hmm and for the next couple of weeks I drank daily so that I didn't have to 'feel' anything, or think about what could have happened.

Then I stopped, my DCs deserve better. I started reading these threads & it's helping me stay stopped (one day at a time) smile

Thank you strawberry for your update, very inspiring.

Hope everyone has a good weekend

xx

gingeroots Sun 11-Aug-13 09:07:51

Random post

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baclofen

the magic pill we've all been waiting for .....

babyjane1 Sun 11-Aug-13 10:37:10

ginger do we know anything about this tablet, anyone out there tried it, I'm desparate for help with this bloody problem, had wine last night and woke up craving wine this morning, not had any obviously but very worried its in my head at this time!!! Need help, I'm scared I'm on a slippery slope x x x

PervyMuskrat Sun 11-Aug-13 10:52:22

Radio thanks for sharing your story. You've come a long way in short time - you must be so proud of yourself. Well done and big hugs x

chippit Sun 11-Aug-13 11:49:27

Good morning lovely babes,

Radio I totally know what you mean about 'rock bottom'. I was there last Sunday (when I got home at 6am still drunk and able to spend the day with my DD). It shocked me into action and I am now on Day 7. I still don't feel like drinking, but I've been here before and I know that I need to push on through because the urge will tap me on the shoulder again. I know it.

I also know what you mean about being a 'happy drunk' and changing into something much darker. I think the key word here is 'drunk'. Perhaps we should be striving never to be drunk again? Whether or not we get happy or sad? Drunk equals out of control and I know that this is the bit I like best. Not feeling or caring or worrying. Sounds like you're a bit similar.

Keep busy and keep your chin up. If I can do it, so can you. We can do it together. grin.

baby Don't think of it as a slippery slope. Think of it the other way around. A mountain that you're trying to climb. So you're CLIMBING UP rather than SLIPPING DOWN. Keep busy. I just cleaned my place from top to bottom and now I'm about to have french toast and then take myself out for a walk and a coffee (would normally have been a lunchtime vino - yes - i quite often go out for solo drinks - thinking I look sophisticated because I have a book, drinking my malbec - fool).

Think of today as a 'no wine' day and just try to focus on hour by hour.

Big hugs to all today. The sun is shining where I am and this is my first AF weekend in a long, long time. I would be lying if I didn't say I missed it, especially last night. But it's day by day. Step by step. Thank you for helping me. XXXXX

gingeroots Sun 11-Aug-13 11:50:21

babyjane there's a post on page one of this thread I think from gladtobeback.
They've been on it .

Fairenuff Sun 11-Aug-13 12:08:12

Yes, it was Silver/gladtobeback who posted about it. That link doesn't work for me but I'll look it up.

There's a programme on Channel 5 at 8.00pm this week called Nurses about setting up a 'pop up' alcohol treatment centre. Might be interesting.

Fairenuff Sun 11-Aug-13 12:20:40
Anneisnotmyname Sun 11-Aug-13 14:39:02

I'm not doing so well this week, had a large glass of red wine last night sad I don't know why I did except that the bottle was there and open, it was foul as well....

I shouldn't be drinking tonight as there is no wine in but i wish I felt more confident about that. I suspect if dh comes home with a bottle I will have a glass. It's like if it's there I have to have some, even if I don't want it, in case I'm somehow missing out. Totally stupid.

Now I have a problem that on monday i have a friend visiting and she is already making plans for us to go for a drink on monday night. I don't mind having a soft drink - I can take my car which will guarantee I won't drink - but I suspect she will take it badly. I'm considering saying I'm on antibiotics even though I know you can drink on most of them as I doubt she will be aware of this. I would feel happier going out for a drink later in the week but I think if I start the week of drinking I will continue (as I did on holiday this week).

chippit Sun 11-Aug-13 14:52:37

Hi Annie...

Perhaps you could tell your friend you're on a post holiday detox / slim down and that you're cutting out all mid week drinking / over indulging?

I sympathise with having to have an excuse - esp. if like me, you were always the one egging everyone else on to 'have a drink'.

Try not to let it sway you. I know it's hard when everyone around seems to be able to moderate. I'm SO jealous of those people.

xxx

greeneyed Sun 11-Aug-13 15:17:46

Afternoon babes - Annie please try to be selfish in this do what you need to do don't worry about your friend and how she'll take it, look after yourself first.

I so wish I had taken this advice yesterday and planned better. Met up with some old friends for lunch. Hadn't thought how I'd handle it, wine flowed as it always has. Drank just over a bottle of white. I have been in lots of pain since yesterday evening, didn't sleep a wink and am full of guilt worry and self loathing - I have a nasty case of gastritis which was starting to flare earlier in the week and I ignored. My plans for today are ruined I'm full of worry and pain sad On the plus side I won't be drinking again for a while! Put yourselves first babes - stop poisoning yourself and be kind to yourself instead.

PervyMuskrat Sun 11-Aug-13 15:47:14

Annie are you able to tell your friend outright that you aren't drinking for a bit? When you say she'll take it badly, how do you think she'll react?

I'm very lucky with my friends in that I'm fairly direct in RL, and so are they, so I've been able to say "I've stopped drinking for a bit as the pain of the hangovers was outweighing the pleasure of drinking" and other than a "How are you finding it?", everyone has been fine and carried on as normal. It's helped a lot x

Mouseface Sun 11-Aug-13 18:20:07

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

I have been in hell for 3 days, not drink wise, short break wise. In short, no sleep due to pissed up tw@ts next to us, resulting in us driving home at 9.30pm last night, a day early, getting stuck in a crush at Bristol Balloon Fiesta for 45 mins, with Nemo in his wheelchair screaming sad

DH almost killing said tw@ts next door, they were celebrating a 65th Bday until 2am.

We went to celebrate MIL's 70th and hardly saw her thank so family politics, I can't go into on a open forum but let's just say, never, ever again. And the place we stayed was a filthy, scummy, rank, mis-matched hell hole that stank of mould and smoking so Nemo's breathing was compromised until we'd managed to air the place.

However, I didn't drink more than 2 glasses of champagne and one Pimms. In 3 days when we were supposed be celebrating is just fine by me, I don't any more, or rather I don't need to drink more anymore smile

Anyway, I am home, we are home and I see one of our Babes is home too.

Glad - thank you for posting as honestly as you have, I suspect that it took a lot for you to put down what you have, and that what you did post isn't quite the full story even?

The fact that you lie to your shrink tells me that you are still stuck in they cycle that you were, that you're still trapped and hurting and wanting it all to stop?

Your posts are so raw, so true and every one of us can agree, nod and know exactly what you put down here, in front of us is how it is for you, and for some of us too.

The circular path you tread, that never seems to come to an end or a break, or even have an exit in its surrounding sky high walls must suffocate you at times, to feel so trapped by your own self, your own body, mentality, the way that you compute......

I love that you are back because you help so much Glad, you really, honestly do.

Welcome to Chip and Radio and welcome back ginger, have you been here before? Sorry not to NC everyone, I'm just catching up.

As for Baclofen, I was put on it for pain relief for a while with the spasms that my back gives me, it really worked but I can't remember for the life of me why I came off.............. oh yes, that's why, because I was told not to drink on it and that, at the time, was NOT an option for this little Mouse.

So I put drinking above my health, again. A lesson that I have finally, many, many bruises, blackouts, memory losses, embarrassing moments and lies later.......... and it's the best I have ever felt.

I even managed not to break my diet for the 3 days we were away, which was hard at first, we went to a Birthday lunch in a pub, huge menu, loaded with carbs, then Birthday cake, wine, ice-creams etc..... I managed to hold onto all that I have achieved at the end of week 4 and boy am I glad I did.

My body love me smile I drink 3 litres of water a day, get to eat good fats, and lots of protein, dairy and greens.... I've finally found a way to eat that stops the stomach cramps, dashes to the loo, weeks of constipation, bloating etc. My eyes are sparkling, my skin is flawless (apart from the suitcases under my eyes grin) and I have a constant level of energy instead of peaks and dips, plus, I've not fallen asleep in the day after eating. At all!

So, whilst you're thinking about quitting the drink, think about what else you can do to feel better, losing weight was my goal, but the other benefits of not eating carbs by the bucket load are plenty! smile

Be back later once I've caught up.

It's good to be home, I have missed you all and it was only a few days!! grin xxx

Pawprint Sun 11-Aug-13 18:21:15

So sorry to hear that, Mouse, I was thinking of you.

dementedma Sun 11-Aug-13 19:12:22

Wish you could do the low carb thing like you mouse but it way to strict and complicated for me. I understand carbs as potatoes, bread, pasta etc - all my favourites but the low carbers talk about carbs in haribos and diet coke.....too extreme for me. What the hell CAN you eat?

filledeberlin Sun 11-Aug-13 19:48:44

hi - this is my first post and I don't know if I will be a regular poster as I am more of a lurker smile just wanted to say

About 2 months ago I found the original thread JWN started through a google search. I stayed up for about 4 hours reading it all, sometimes in tears because I was recognising some hard truths about myself. I have since spent many hours reading follow on threads (not all - think it would take a lifetime!)

Then 28 plus one days ago I had my last drink.

28 days alcohol free today and I feel amazing. I am not sure if I ever want a drink again, as I can never have just one, and I am loving the benefits of sobriety too much.

Thank you : D

lonnika Sun 11-Aug-13 19:48:53

Lol - Ma I am with you smile. I am now a bog believer (since coming of the booze - that you are what you eat). however I also subscribe to a little of what you fancy does you good - school of thought -

Day 2 with in laws - no alcohol consumed yet by me smile. - feeling good (great actually). Swimming most of day tomorrow at a big waterpark thingy - I am taking my book whilst DH and kids enjoy the slides.

love to all - Mouse - glad to see you back - sorry your trip wasn't great - some people are just so unbelievably selfish

laters peeps xxxxx

lonnika Sun 11-Aug-13 19:51:14

big not bog duh -Hi filled and congrats on 28 days AF xxxxx Keep posting always good to hear all the good things about giving up - spurs us all on

filledeberlin Sun 11-Aug-13 20:02:25

thanks lonnika I am quietly proud of myself!! Hoping to make it to 2 months now ODAAT

I also want to namecheck MIFLAW who was such an inspiration to me that I felt so sad when I realised he wasnt posting anymore!! I hope wherever he is he is well and happy.

For me having lovely AF drinks has been a massive help. I went for a meal out and to the pub a few weeks ago which normally would have me drinking up to 2 bottles of wine and calling in sick the next day. I had Becks Blue (which is so tasty) and the best thing was I was satisfied with just one. Then I was onto tonic water, ice and lime, and even managed to get a cup of tea in the pub. Coming home sober felt incredible and I was so happy the next day.

lonnika Sun 11-Aug-13 20:20:09

I sent MIFLAWS a pm - I hope he got it - I too felt he was an inspiration. All the babes on here have really really helped me too.

My fav AF drinks are the bottle green drins mixed with jet lemonade - very sweet but just perfect for me.

Keep posting and here's to ODAAT x

aliasjoey Sun 11-Aug-13 20:32:22

mouse sorry to hear your break wasn't very relaxing - if anyone deserves a nice rest it is the mouse family...

Welcome filled and well done for being brave and posting.

filledeberlin Sun 11-Aug-13 20:45:44

lonnika mmm love bottle green yum

thank you aliasjoey

Mouseface Sun 11-Aug-13 20:55:10

Ma - I can eat - cheese (feckin yayayayayayayayay!) double cream, steak, pork, mince, beef, chicken, ham, corned beef, bacon, sausages (processed foods in moderation), eggs of all ways of serving, vodka and soda water if I fancy a drink, quiche with the pastry off, omelettes with allsorts in, shrooms, green veg in abundance, all cocked in healthy/natural fats..... so butter but I use a small amount, strawberries, greek yog with vanilla extract, coffee with double cream, lettuce, cucumber, prawns and all other fish, tuna steaks with spring onions and soya sauce, loads!

It's all about healthy fats and water!!!

Where's Crabby? She's Low Carbing too.......

I'll post a link to the thread once I've put Nemo to bed, it has a spreadsheet and everything! <waits for IsinDe and MsGee to appear!!>

Back in a bit xxx

PS - thank you to those who have said we deserved a break, we'll get one v soon, for 2 weeks and all will be fab smile

Anneisnotmyname Sun 11-Aug-13 21:09:06

Muskrat I think my friend will feel like I'm not entering into the spirit of things. And why have I decided not to drink the week she comes home? That sounds childish but sometimes she can be, and I've somewhat set myself up. Last time she was home I commented to her that I wished I had a friend I could just go for a drink with - my best friend doesn't drink which I'm fine with but she won't go to pubs, always wants to go out for meals which is just too expensive for me. This friend who is visiting probably thinks she's doing me a favour by going out drinking.

I could just have 2/3 half lagers and I'd be fine (not hungover) but I don't see the point of drinking something I don't much like the taste of, and I really want to increase my AF days and get out of the habit of daily drinking. I don't think I can do that until I make much more effort - years back I would binge drink and I rarely do that now but I seem to have replaced it with what's possibly a worse habit....

mouse sorry to hear that your break was anything but a break sad

Welcome filled, I also read the original thread and found MIFLAW's posts inspiring

greeneyed Sun 11-Aug-13 21:59:32

Aw mouse that's shit, sorry your trip was spoilled. Hope you've had a relaxing evening at home. Well done as always on the moderation.

Well it's bed time for me babes. I'm off to bed with a house that's an utter shit tip and my beloved garden looking wild. Unwashed, wearing the PJs i've been in all day. Kissing my wee man good night in his sleep and promising him I'll be a better mummy tomorrow. (He has eaten crap and watched telly all day). With a very painful stomach and fitful night ahead. Full of self loathing that for the first time I've missed my training today and royally fucked up my diet (confession to face at the gym tomorrow and the scales) . And that bagging worry that what if I really screwed up this time (liver pancreas etc) All in exchange for a bottle or so of white wine. How very different the day could have been. But After 25 years of this I know this already. I knew when I knocked back the first glass yesterday it was going to be followed in quick succession by some more. I knew I had gastritis brewing and I was heading for trouble. I knew all the things I had to do today. It was very much conscious self sabotaging I feel. It's like an itch that has to be scratched every so often. I'll be good for a few weeks again now I expect then the the itch will come back.

Welcome filled and bloody well done!

Mouseface Sun 11-Aug-13 22:11:40

Welcome Filled - just waned to say hello as I'm orf to Bedfordshire as I'm knackered.

I'll be back tomorrow lovely Babes, take care and stay safe......

Glad - if you are out there, I've got a huge fluffy fleecy cushion for you, my best cheese board and Huggles ™ a plenty from Nemo for you..... hope you're ok.

IsinDe - are you there? I've not seen you post for ages.... xxx

Thurso - I'm here.... missed you lovely xxx

Right, bed, and sleep. I pray for sleep. xxx

aliasjoey Sun 11-Aug-13 22:45:49

mouse said >> food all cocked in ?!

Damn, I must have missed something while I was away... grin

filledeberlin Sun 11-Aug-13 22:52:47

thank you annieisnotmyname and mouse and greeneyed

Fairenuff Sun 11-Aug-13 23:17:28

Isinde is away on holiday.

Ma sugar is carb so basically you can eat anything low in sugar even if it's high in fat. Not for me though, I'm like you I like my bread and pasta. I just have wholemeal and keep the portions small.

filled welcome to the bus and thanks for sharing your journey so far. I too go back and read some of the early threads now and again. It's great to hear from someone so inspired and doing so well. Stick with it and keep posting smile

greeney start again tomorrow. Just think of all those days that you didn't fuck up. Every one of them is doing you the world of good. Every single day, every single drink that we don't drink is great for us, mind, body and soul.

Sorry not to name check everyone. Feeling tired but not sleepy so not concentrating too well!

Pink01 Mon 12-Aug-13 10:16:03

Hello all.

I am back from my holiday, thank you to all who replied to my posts with encouragement and understanding.

I am trying to pull myself back out of the downward spiral of having had one drink and then that leading to another and another and another.......

I realise now that I didn't plan ahead enough in my mind (if that makes sense) I do it all the time when I am at home to anticipate problems etc and plan my days so they don't involve alcohol. But on holiday I didn't at all and on the first night when our journey had taken 3 hours longer than it should have done and everyone was tired and grumpy, I felt very 'fuck it' and had that first beer. Which led to a couple of pints every night.

I have friends coming for lunch with wine today; I am not going to lie and say I won't drink because I know I will. I need to make the colossal effort to stop and stay stopped - again - why do I do this to myself.

The only thing that is making me feel better is knowing I can do it as I have before, but to go back to day one after getting past day 40 feels awful, I may have to adopt Edin's system so motivate myself.....

Thank you all again and big shout out to Lonnie and fantastic 100 days, wow! Amazing, you have done so well.

I will try to come and name check later sorry for the me me me post

Pink X

ThisIsMyTime Mon 12-Aug-13 11:07:48

Well I've failed miserably again husband is furious as he couldn't wake me up I'm a disgrace hate myself and I've had enough my life is being ruined I can't take much more of this I have no one to tell about my drinking problem it's such a heavy burden I'm tired if being on day one time and time again I feel like I need some one to talk to

Pink01 Mon 12-Aug-13 11:39:29

Thisis, I am so sorry I can't be long as got company but please don't feel alone as we are all here for you and are with you.

You're not a disgrace, you are battling a very common problem, you want to change and that is the biggest step. And you have made that step.

It is a lonely feeling but ironically out there are so many people feeling the same but too ashamed to say so! The friends that you find it hard to talk to probably include people in your position.

Take a big deep breath, it is going to be ok.

I start again tomorrow, day one, want to buddy up with me?

I'm not as eloquent as the Mouse but every fibre of me is reaching out to you!! I can hear your despair and just want to give you a hug.

I must go but I will be back and expect other posters will be along with better advice too

Xxxxx

ThisIsMyTime Mon 12-Aug-13 11:45:21

Buddying sounds like a plan thanks pink I so want to change things so here's to an awful guilt ridden day one I will not be drinking today x

greeneyed Mon 12-Aug-13 11:50:00

Oh babes sending strength and hugs sounds like a good plan to support each other and this i agree you need to seek out some RL help.

I'm sorry I can't recall but have you tried AA or SMART ( secular)

Alternatively do you have the funds for counselling?

greeneyed Mon 12-Aug-13 11:53:46

I'm currently wallowing in guilt too after going back to bed and wasting another half a day (still in the same pjs) but enough is enough I'm getting in the shower, pulling on my big girl pants and getting on with it. All we can do is keep trying. Keep on keeping on babes.

pink damage limitation today will help say one tomorrow. Alternate with soft drinks, lots of food etc xx

greeneyed Mon 12-Aug-13 11:55:22

faire thank you for your kind words smile lonnika you rock smile x

ThisIsMyTime Mon 12-Aug-13 11:56:44

Got counselling through work for a different issue if found a meeting for tomorrow so going to try n pick up some courage to attend I just keep thinking why me why do I have to have this problem I'm only 27 I this what I've got to look forward to for the rest of my life

thornrose Mon 12-Aug-13 12:00:40

I won't be drinking today. I've been on the bus before, a long time ago, sad to have to be back.

ThisIsMyTime Mon 12-Aug-13 12:04:16

Welcome thorn I'm not in the best place either but welcome none the less

greeneyed Mon 12-Aug-13 12:06:44

* this * when I was 27 I was doing drugs every weekend and drinking much much more. I had panic attacks, OCD and all kinds of shit going on. My life is a world of difference now to what it is then. For your a lot of your friends it's still party time, that's really hard. You are seeking help and making changes. Things can be so very different. Don't write yourself off, you have lots to look forward to.

You are trying to change, that's huge and commendable. Reach out for help and you WILL get there xx

ThisIsMyTime Mon 12-Aug-13 12:10:40

Thanks green that means a lot

chippit Mon 12-Aug-13 12:56:29

Hello all

Don't have time to namecheck because I'm at work pretending to be a grown up.

Just wanted to send a hug to this.

Please don't hate yourself...I know it's hard not to feel like you want to punch your own face in (I've been there a thousand times) but just know that you're already better than you think you are - because you're trying to change.

Also, you're doing this at 27...so you've got a ten year jump on me.

Don't stop looking for your inner courage - you'll find it. Perhaps not immediately, but it will come in time.

And in the meantime, stay on this bus and let us know what you need.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

dementedma Mon 12-Aug-13 14:40:49

Sending support to this and green.
My inner argument with the ww has started early today.....am in the sidecar and there's plenty room without indies fat arse....

greeneyed Mon 12-Aug-13 14:55:40

ma thank you. What's made her turn up early today? Are you having a shit day?

chippit i love that, wanting to punch my own face in . How I can relate to that! Self loathing and guilt really are the worst things that drinking brings eroding your self esteem and perpetuating the cycle.

Even if you are drinking congratulate yourselves on what you are achieving babes - be your own cheerleader. Build your self esteem and confidence will follow that you can beat the WW and make changes to your life. Beating ourselves with a stick all the time gets us nowhere.

I am in such a different place now to the one I was in just a few hours ago as I have just got back from training which I so nearly cancelled. I worked really hard and now I feel awesome, full if happy hormones and a sense of achievement, feel I have redeemed myself a little and my self esteem has rocketed. Amazing in the space of an hour. What can you do today babes that will make you feel good?

Even if it is just sort out the shoe cupboard or make that call to the bank, little victories all add up to make us more confident and feel more capable. Xx

Mouseface Mon 12-Aug-13 18:15:24

Afternoon ALL, tis me, Mouse

ThisIs - read your name. This is YOUR time to do something about the continuous cycle you've found yourself in. I'm glad that you're going to try and get to a meeting. smile Imagine us all there with you, holding your hand if that helps. I was like Grreny at your age too, out all the time, drugs, drink, no sleep...... I wan't married but I did have DD to consider, I just didn't as I was in a rather bad place with my personal life at the time.....

Just take care of YOU for a while. Please go to the meeting, I know that even if you walk out thinking it was a waste of time that at least you will have tried something, and that in itself is a HUGE step sweetheart.

Plus, you are HERE, you are LOOKING for help, you WANT to change, you don't like feeling the way you do when you wake up, you don't the fact that DH is going to be shitty with you.... you want it all to STOP. And, it has to be YOU that does that but not on your own, never on your own xxx

Ma - you okay? xxx

Faire - I got your PM did you get my reply because I posted on here and it didn't post. <eye roll>

Greeny - fab post to ThisIs smile I Hope you are feeling better today/now? xxx

Thorn - welcome back, I remember you. How are you? Other than back and pissed off that you are? <hugs>

Now, is GladToBe around today? We're here if you want to come and chat lovely smile xxx

I must dash, a million and 1 things to do before our hols on Friday, I can't wait but have so much to sort out before then! And a very bored Nemo to entertain! The weather is rubbish here.

Anneisnotmyname Mon 12-Aug-13 18:15:27

pink well done on getting past 40 days, I've not got past three consecutive days so far. I think it's probably a good idea to adopt edin's system if thinking you are going back to day 1 will dishearten you.

thisis I really want to second the advice you have already been given. You are facing up to a problem and trying to tackle it; there are probably plenty of 27 year olds in the same boat as you who aren't even aware that they have a problem. Your doing something about it now, not waiting until you are another ten or twenty years down the line.

Glad your feeling better green smile

Well I spoke to friend about going out for a drink tonight and suggested we go for a meal as she's had a long journey to get here. She seemed happy to do that and I will drive us so I should get through day 2 (have lager in the house but I generally leave it).

dementedma Mon 12-Aug-13 19:02:00

Yeah, had a shit day with dad. His dementia is now at the point when we need some help so have been on the phone to social services etc. Just been tough. Put my PJs on at 5.30 to stop me going out to buy more. Have one glass left from yesterday which I am drinking now. Seriously tempted to go out but will HATE myself.
Ds starts High School tomorrow - gulp. Need to be clear headed in the morning for him

aliasjoey Mon 12-Aug-13 19:15:01

ma that's so tough when you have to be a 'parent' to both your kids and your own father sad life can be such a struggle can't it.

My DD is also starting secondary school and its scary! She's just had a mobile phone, started wearing a bra (nothing to fill it with, mind grin ) and just got her ears pierced. OMG, it will be boyfriends next, DH is twitching at the very idea...

dementedma Mon 12-Aug-13 19:23:42

alias I am an old hand at it with girls as we have a big age gap and both dds have now left secondary and are all grown up. But Ds is just a baby lol. He will actually be the youngest in his class at 11.5 but academically I know he's ready for it.
Yes, I think today I have felt pulled between mothering him and his concerns, and mothering dad and his struggles.
When does your dd start back? I know we are earlier up here than in England

RadioSilenceGirl Mon 12-Aug-13 19:34:46

Hello,
I'm struggling this evening.
Will now read thread.

dementedma Mon 12-Aug-13 19:40:23

Hey radio I'm struggling too.
Have just squeezed a half glass of lukewarm rose out of an old winebox. I'm ashamed but posting it so I can read in black and white how pathetic I am. Not that it will make any difference.

RadioSilenceGirl Mon 12-Aug-13 20:25:15

hey ma - you are NOT pathetic, don't feel ashamed.
I'm going to hopefully distract myself by reading a link I saw up thread...

dementedma Mon 12-Aug-13 20:56:41

Good luck radio.

jesuswhatnext Mon 12-Aug-13 21:27:01

evening! grin long time no see! sad just popped in and who should i see on here but the lovely silver smile hope you are ok old friend? sorry i havent been about much, been a bit poorly, had to make some fairly radical changes to my life but am feeling a lot better now - not working (apart from 2 days a week or i go stir crazy grin) just been laying around a lot resting blush(i'm not dying or anything, just got huge problems with my 'innards', lets leave it at that! blush grin) dh and dd really well, she is coming up to her first wedding anniversary, my dsil is a lovely fella that we are becoming more and more fond of.

sorry not to name check, i need to read the thread properly and catch up!

lovely to be 'home'! grin

dementedma Mon 12-Aug-13 21:50:01

I can see Jesus!

Wow, good to see you here on the bus.
<straightens cushions and kicks opal fruit mwrappers under the seat>

jesuswhatnext Mon 12-Aug-13 22:02:09

hello ma grin its not the sweetie wrappers that bother me, its all the old chip papers, god! it stinks in here! grin and what the devil are these? (holds up rather odd looking flat heeled shoes found under the seat!)

Fairenuff Mon 12-Aug-13 22:10:02

Hahaha - oops sorry Jesus if I knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake. Or some other such domestic godesty grin

Actually Silver did warn us to clear up the old place, does she know something we don't know hmm

Just popped in myself actually and haven't caught up but wanted to say hi smile

Fairenuff Mon 12-Aug-13 22:10:51

Oh yeah and blame Mouse for the cheesy smell, not my old shoes

< legs it >

dementedma Mon 12-Aug-13 22:20:08

Ummmm, well we've been too busy to tidy up what with all the new babes and all.
<throws cloth over Barrie>. Might I offer you a cup of tea?

Fairenuff Mon 12-Aug-13 22:27:39

< shoves Spirit under blanket with Barrie >

I totally forgot we had a dog in the sidecar.

Mouseface Mon 12-Aug-13 22:35:47

<chucks shoe at Faire> grin

Just popping in to say night to you all. I'm knackered.

JWN - you are a star! I have missed you, we've all missed you so much!! Good to see you post, no matter how much or little! Just so you know, in about 3 weeks, yours and Ma's adopted fishboy, Nemo, is going to 'big school' and starts with half days, then builds up to full. He's supper excited, we're waiting on test results for ASD and Aspergers to add to his list currently.....

But that's life and t could be much worse smile

Lots of love to you all,

Mouse xxx

thornrose Mon 12-Aug-13 22:44:41

Mouse being remembered means a lot right now, thanks.

aliasjoey Mon 12-Aug-13 23:01:28

There's a dog in the sidecar? <puzzled>

AgainAndAgainAndAgain Mon 12-Aug-13 23:53:43

Day 3. Again.

Reading through the first thread and also Wanttodie/Strawberries stories. Amazing.

What I'm doing isn't working. I last a few months and then back again. I'll keep reading.

Fairenuff Mon 12-Aug-13 23:55:27

The view from the sidecar with Spirit the dog

Joey how can you not have noticed him in there - he's usually wedged between Isinde and Ladame with ma jostling for a bit of space grin

AgainAndAgainAndAgain Mon 12-Aug-13 23:55:46

Shit. Should I not have put those names together? If not, can you please report my post so it's deleted?

Fairenuff Tue 13-Aug-13 00:38:13

Right, have caught up with thread now.

Drunk equals out of control and I know that this is the bit I like best

chippit that's the bit I used to like the best. That fuzzy feeling before you have too much. But it's such a short window. That lovely euphoric high is followed by depression and then the hangover twins of Paranoia and Regret.

Oh how I came to despise those feelings. The health worries, racing heart, sweating, out of control...

I hated it so much. Now I do everything I can to avoid that drunk feeling. If I feel drunk I've gone too far. I hate it with a passion and don't do it anymore.

Funny, I used to really like it.

Annie how did it go?

This I just keep thinking why me why do I have to have this problem I'm only 27 I this what I've got to look forward to for the rest of my life

That thought used to scare me rigid. I was so upset and frightened about having to deal with this all by myself. It's horrid, I know. But, you know what, it's ok. It will be ok. We are all here to help and we understand.

You can do this my lovely, there are loads of strategies you can use. Once you stop drinking it gets easier. You have a whole lovely life ahead of you and you can do whatever you want with it. I wish I was 27 again.

I would tell myself to be kind to myself, stop being so critical. Stop worrying and look after myself. Eat well, get a bit of exercise, look after your teeth and your knees grin. There is so much more to life than drinking. Knock it on the head, kick it to the kerb, chuck it in now and live the life you deserve. You can have a whole heap of fun without drinking. Believe me, I know wink

thornrose Hi, I remember you posting way back. Come back and post again, it really helps to keep in touch and get some support.

greeney did you ever know that you're my hero grin Well done for getting right back into it, I am impressed. You rock!

Mouse yes I got your pm lovely smile We are like ships in the night at the moment, never seem to be on the bus at the same time. Sorry to hear your trip was crap. I've had some dodgy accommodation in my time but not something you want to risk with Nemo. I have one buried memory of a yha in London when I was pregnant < shiver >

Again don't worry about it, I'm sure the poster is fine with us being able to see her back story. She is a star and an inspiration to us all.

Sorry for the mahoosive post, it's been the first chance I've had to catch up properly. I've got into a really bad habit of late nights and late mornings 'cos I'm on school hols at the moment and my teenagers are happy to lie in but I made myself get up early this morning (or rather yesterday morning) to get things done.

Had a massively productive day, got loads sorted, yet here I am again up late. Ah well, never mind. I safe, I'm sober, that's all that matters x

Anneisnotmyname Tue 13-Aug-13 08:57:19

Morning all just posting quickly before I go out. I didn't drink with my friend last night, we went for a meal and I really enjoyed it smile At least I know as well that I genuinely had a good time, it wasn't alcohol induced. Just a side thought, I've realised I use wine on the rare occasions when I go out if I'm not really enjoying myself to 'improve' the company/occasion hmm

So day 3 today. Taking the kids out all day so thankfully I've had a good nights sleep and I'm not groggy. They're fighting already and my nerves are on edge, and everytime dh opens his mouth I feel intensely irritated - at least I know I'm not annoyed because I feel rough but every evening I'm sober he grates on me....

lonnika Tue 13-Aug-13 09:38:00

Morning - last day with in laws - No drinking being done by me smile.

15 weeks AF today smile. - Do I miss it- no not really.
The WW is mostly not there now - she sneaks up on me though when I am hormonal or out of sorts.

Off to euro Disney tomorrow smile. - yay -
A big shout out to pink - hope you are ok lovely smile
JWN - don't know you but lovely for you to co eon and post.
Right best go shopping smile

aliasjoey Tue 13-Aug-13 09:55:28

faire thanks for the link

jesuswhatnext Tue 13-Aug-13 10:01:10

oh my word!!! nemo at 'big school'! shock next thing it will be *isindis' duo off to Roedean!!

babyjane1 Tue 13-Aug-13 10:29:38

Hi babes, have had a terrible few days, everything has come to a head and if I continue to drink at this level I will end up on a very dark place. My crohn's and depression are sky high and behaviour towards my beautiful family and parents is not the real me at all. I have decided that
Today is the first day of the rest of my life, this reading your post made me cry, I feel every sentiment in my own situation. I will buddy up with you or anyone else, I sure could use a friend, hugs every babe everywhere

aliasjoey Tue 13-Aug-13 10:44:45

babyj <hugs> sweetheart you sound like you are in a really bad place. Can you get to your GP and ask for an urgent referral as your Crohns is not under control? It must feel very scary to have that hanging over you, its no wonder you turn to drink. Have you thought about counselling or anti-depressants to help you manage? They are not a cure-all, but they can help you feel a bit more in control.

You are battling two different diseases (Crohns and alcoholism) and it must be exhausting. Of course it doesn't excuse any behaviour towards loved ones, but it is understandable.

babyjane1 Tue 13-Aug-13 11:22:49

joey your kind words are a real comfort, your right, my crohn's pain is extreme and I've lost a lot of blood but I'm on steroids now so hoping for an improvement. I know wine is not helpful but it seemed to "take the edge off " I want my life back, a sober and peaceful one x x x

aliasjoey Tue 13-Aug-13 12:43:11

Well basically alcohol IS medicating you because other drugs are not being very effective. You're using it to control symptoms of pain, anxiety, depression etc. So in that sense it is helping, but it is not the best way to do it.

Which is why it may be a good idea to go back to the doctor, or consultant if you are getting nowhere at the GPs. Separate out what you need:

1) improved treatment for Crohns/surgery
2) better pain relief
3) treatment for anxiety/depression

Stop beating yourself up. If modern medicine is not treating you effectively, then of course you will turn to something which you know has helped in the past! I'm not excusing the alcohol, it's not a long-term answer, just saying that there is a genuine reason, which needs looking at instead of the vicious circle of guilt/pain/drink you are in.

guggenheim Tue 13-Aug-13 15:07:38

baby many [hugs] to you.

I think that that joey bird is absolutely right and that the alcohol seems as though it 'helps' dull the pain. Crohns sounds really tough to me, so look after yourself,don't be too hard.

obrigada Tue 13-Aug-13 15:15:58

Afternoon babes, just checking in.

Ladame Tue 13-Aug-13 16:02:35

Babyjane Sorry you're feeling so awful sweetheart. Can't add any more advice than you've already been given by wiser babes, just a ((hug)).
Hi Green, Guggs Lon, Faire, Ma Joey and all new babes

Ma I completely identify with the winebox thing - Get the inner bag out, try and squeeze some more through the nozzle, then cut off a corner see if that works. You get half a glass of rubbish, which makes you want to go out and buy a bottle because it's not enough. Then you feel so pathetic that you could just sit and bang your head on the table in despair at what lengths you will go to, just for that. Yeah, been there. Many times.

My God was that the dog with us in the sidecar? I wondered what was finishing up all the leftovers, it's a wonder the poor thing can fit in here with all our fat arses, crumbs, trays, cups and chocolate wrappers.

Ladame Tue 13-Aug-13 16:03:31

Waves at Obrigada

GladToBeBack Tue 13-Aug-13 16:05:48

afternoon Campers

I'm still here - still reading.

For those who are interested I think the reason that baclofen works, is because it treats the underlying ANXIETY, that for me is at the root of my drinking. remove the anxiety and thus remove the need to 'treat' that anxiety with alcohol.

it is a bit of a hit and miss drug, in that you have to find the right dosage for you (loosely based on weight to mg doses).

when I first committed properly to not drinking I had been taking the baclofen for about a month while still drinking - but at drastically reduced amounts.

I then made the decision to stop, and at quite high doses of baclofen, honestly and truly, I found it easy.

Then after a while of no alcohol I started to break the HABIT - of always having a glass of wine in my hand, of opening the fridge and opening the bottle as soon as I got home from work, of clock watching on the weekends until it was a 'reasonable' time to start drinking.

I got used to having a glass of lime and fizzy water by my side, and even this over time, didn't become so necessary - I didn't have to have a glass of any liquid in reach at all times. I stopped thinking about alcohol - it wasn't on my radar. Of course I thought about it now and then, but it wasn't the all consuming, beast that had ruled my every waking thought. I was free of guilt.

I began to look back at the way I drank and was amazed at how I could have functioned when constantly hungover - amazed at the capacity I had to drink huge amounts (two bottles a session) - and yet still get up and go to work.

we went on holiday and I drank 'normally' - a couple of glasses of vino in a cafe in the evening - no need for wine in our apartment. no obsessing about where the next drink was coming from. It was wonderful.

DP looked on in wonder as I transformed from a dehydrated, wizened, grumpy, tired and depressed wreck into the person I was always meant to be - vivacious, pretty, well rested, full of energy, happy, confident and glad to be alive.

I then made a mistake, in that because I was feeling so well, I decided to come off the anti depressant I was on, in part also because of the lack of libido I was suffering as a side effect - in turn affecting my relationship.

Disaster - I spiralled very quickly in a deep pit of depression and spent my first Christmas without my DM. DP as is usual went of skiing on Boxing Day, and all bets were off. I drank freely, not even attempting th control my intake. I was a mess.

I went back on the ADs and pulled myself around and as I began to feel better I upped my baclofen and kicked the booze into touch again. I could just have a bottle of wine once a week safe in the knowledge that I could easily remain AF through the week.

I don't really know what happened, but I began to slip, and one bottle a week became two (still OK I reasoned, compared to before...)

Then the odd mid week bottle - and so it went on.....

I am getting back on track- we are off on holiday tomorrow for a couple of weeks with three teenagers in tow <groan> grin

I will drink while we are there, but sensibly, and no wine in the flat, only when out and not during the day.

When we get back I will stop again completely for a good period of time, and get back to where I was - guilt free.

I am not worried or stressing abouth this, because with the baclofen I know I can do it.

TO me, it is truly a wonder drug, it has saved my life.

I am lucky enough to get baclofen prescribed privately - at the moment it is not licenced in this country to be prescribed for alcohol addiction, but it will be very soon.

That's my story smile

lonnika Tue 13-Aug-13 16:32:33

Thanks for sharing Glad - I hope you have a good holiday x

GladToBeBack Tue 13-Aug-13 16:52:07

how rude of me

<massive sqidges to old friends and hopefully some new friends too>

wink

Mouseface Tue 13-Aug-13 18:12:40

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Glad - fantastic post again from you, thank you so much for sharing your life with us, and for your positive spin on what was clearly a very shitty time for you?

You seem a different person from the one I knew before, there's something about you, I'll get there but I think, maybe I'm wrong but I think that you are actually, finally, ready to stop killing yourself, pickling your insides, hiding from the truth that hurts you so much.......

Something tells me that you are ready to dip your toe, or stamp your foot in the word of sobriety! If that's the case then welcome lovely, we've been waiting for you, if not and you're teetering on the edge, we're all here waiting for you, when you're ready, as always and on your terms. It's great to have you back, have a great holiday xxx

Mouseface Tue 13-Aug-13 18:16:46

Baby - I'm so sorry that you're so down and drinking as you are. Has something triggered this or has it snuck up on you do you think? I know that at one point you were doing great and really seemed to be getting the hang of everything, are you okay?

I mean REALLY? xxx

Thorn - we're all here for you, how are you feeling today lovely? xxx

Tis bath time for the little fishboy so I shall return later on smile

JWN - yup, can you believe it? BIG SCHOOL! And, for now at least, mainstream smile xxx

aliasjoey Tue 13-Aug-13 19:29:29

babyj don't forget also the steroids will have a big effect on your mood swings. Please go and see your GP if you are struggling, this is a huge burden on you.

babyjane1 Tue 13-Aug-13 19:42:36

Evening babes, thank you for all your lovely supportive posts, it never ceases to amaze me the warmth and kindness you all show me, especially as I don't deserve it. Today I feel a sense of relief, I know with certainty I have reached a point of no return of I will lose everything I love if I fail. Quite simply this is it, and I'm kinda glad, I have so many people who love me and I'm hurting them SO with the support of this bus and lots of eating well and excercise I will life the life I deserve and give my family the life they deserve, huge hugs to one and all x x x

PurpleWolfe Tue 13-Aug-13 20:15:38

Hugs Baby. Be kind to yourself, you're going through a shit time but you will come out the other side. xxx

dementedma Tue 13-Aug-13 20:19:03

Hey purple how's tricks?
I planned to go for a run tonight. I am drinking wine and eating peanut m &ms. I give up.
Ds started big big school today. First day at high school survived.

Anneisnotmyname Tue 13-Aug-13 21:10:32

Fantastic post glad, thanks for sharing

babyjane I've been lurking on this thread since you first started posting and I think you totally do deserve the kindness and warmth shown to you - you don't deserve to be having such a rotten time of it x

Day 3 nearly over with

DoingStuffForHarriet Tue 13-Aug-13 21:51:42

Just peeking through the bus window. babyjane my heart goes out to you. glad - you are such an inspiration. I might jump on at the next stop.

Fairenuff Tue 13-Aug-13 21:56:41

baby you do deserve it, take all the help and support you can, grab it, wrap it around you and use it as it's intended, to give you the hope, strength and courage to face what each day brings x

Hi Harriet, do jump aboard. All are welcome smile

Hey purple, how's things?

babyjane1 Tue 13-Aug-13 22:29:25

I'm genuinely touched by these wonderful messages of support, this bus is a truly wonderful place, my life has changed already just by getting you all and the success stories posted lately have renewed my faith in a life without wine, I'm sending all my love and affection to every one of you splendid ladies, thank you xxxx

ThisIsMyTime Tue 13-Aug-13 22:29:42

Sorry not to name check end of day 2 for me baby come and buddy up with me I was in a dark place on Monday but things have improved a little today hopefully things will improve a little more tomorrow we can do this odaat. Hopefully my anxiety won't surfice in work tomorrow my love goes out to anyone who's struggleing tonight's x

Mouseface Tue 13-Aug-13 22:34:58

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Baby - you are worth every single drop of our love, support and help. We want you here, we need you to keep posting so that we can get a better understanding of what's going on, how we can help you, hold you, keep you from falling too fast, too far.

Baby - you have been the anchor for others in the past, the light, the soothing voice, go back to then, take the pressure off yourself just now and try to get through the hours that tick by..... stop trying to be sober and instead, let's work out how WE can cut down again, if you don't want to stop altogether that is.

Or, if you do, let us help you. We can all pitch in with our own ways of coping, we can all be here for you at one time or another? What do YOU want? How can we help YOU sweetheart? Snuggle into the comfort of the Bus, stay onboard and let us carry your burdens for a while, One Day At A Time xxx

PUUUUUUUUURRRRRPS!!!!!!!!!! - how the devil are you and things in your life? Are you okay sweets?

<waves to the wonderful Faire xxx>

Doing - is Harriet someone that you want to change your drinking for or you? Whichever it is, welcome, take a seat and tell us whatever you like, whenever you like..... you know how the Bus travels and where it can take you. Welcome smile x

Well done Annie - 3 days is great. I meant it, one day is hard, 2 is shit to get through and 3 is brilliant because you know that you can do more than 2 days off the drink. <claps like a starved seal!> smile xxx

Ma - I remember DD going up to Secondary School and I sobbed then as I did when she went to Primary and Nursery too........ they grow so fast in the blink of an eye. Huggles from the Mouse house to you xxx

Hey Lonni - how are you doing? All good?

Tomorrow we (Nemo and I) are going to see his 1-1 that was at preschool, we've missed her loads and have been trying to get together for the last few weeks..... so, Nemo has chosen some toys that he wants to take already!! grin

Anyway, it's late, I'm tired and in pain again, as always after a rough night getting stuck in bed with spasms...

So, sleep well lovely Brave Babes, no matter where you are, drinking or not, I hope that you have a settled and peaceful night. xxx

guggenheim Tue 13-Aug-13 22:54:40

evening gorgeous babes

Just checking in. Big wave to all x

Still feeling low but I understand why (not spider related) and I'm slowly surfacing again. I'm getting to grips with all the stupid things I drank on or over and I'm letting myself feel real feelings again.

Unfortunately, my feelings suck.

So, I know this will pass and I know this is much healthier than numbing my feelings out with booze.I think my feelings are going through a teenage phase without my permission.

OPEN DOOR,slam door,OPEN DOOR,stomp upstairs.... It's SO UNFAIR!!!!!
<plays Smiths album and writes terrible poetry>

babyjane1 Wed 14-Aug-13 08:32:40

Morning babes, right here goes alias guggen ladame mouse purple annie harriet faire and thisis I had to NC every one of you because every single of your posts which lightened few very dark days, I will return the kindness to everyone of you. Day 2 here, slept like a log and no withdrawal and no desire to drink whatsoever so a good start. Make no mistake it's you guys holding me up and the power of this bus is life changing/saving so anyone struggling or lurking, this bus can save your soul!!! Today lots of water, lots of fruit and oodles of hope xxxxx

Pink01 Wed 14-Aug-13 09:22:44

Morning babes.

Babyjane it is great to hear you sounding better, you have had some great words and support here I don't think I can add anything except be kind to yourself. And keep posting of course!

I have done the classic Pink behaviour, started drinking again on holiday last week. This morning I have my first hangover in weeks and weeks. I drank on holiday but only a couple a day, now it has crept back up. I feel truly dreadful today, like my insides are shaking. I feel sick and my head is hurting. Add on top of that the sense of shame and annoyance with myself, I have got to slog through today now feeling like this.

It seemed so awful to face doing it all over again, being back at day one but do you know what, day one is better than feeling like this. Day one is a gift compared to a hangover.

So today is day one again, I am going to embrace it knowing I will feel better this time tomorrow.

Love to all

Pink X

Ladame Wed 14-Aug-13 09:27:57

Good morning all babes Well, I did four days off last week and have done two days 'off' so far this week, with my third day off tonight. I can manage this, after pretty much every night having a bottle of wine, this is something of an achievement for me. I feel calmer, my face looks 'different' somehow, I've lost a couple of pounds and every day that I don't drink, it's easier the next time iyswim. I know I can't give up completely and I enjoy the social aspect and relaxing with the old man. If I make the decision to have a night off, it's easier to stick to than if I feel 'will I or won't I' about it.
I admire so much all of you that are months into giving up and I identify with all of you who are struggling. It's great to have this bus to come to and chat and it really helps.

Be kind to yourselves today everyone.

thornrose Wed 14-Aug-13 09:32:37

I'm lurking for now, I'm going to try hard to make today Day 1.

obrigada Wed 14-Aug-13 09:37:19

Morning babes, Day 3 for me todaysmile

babyjane1 Wed 14-Aug-13 10:17:03

pink I can't tell you how many Sundays I have had the thought "I wish it was tomorrow so this feeling was over" talk
About wishing your life away. Berocca reallly helps and be safe in the knowledge that tomorrow will be better xxxx

guggenheim Wed 14-Aug-13 16:16:41

Afternoon all,

My 'deep and mysterious' phase turned out to be,mostly, pms. So over myself now smile

thorn today is a good day to be day 1. Do you have a plan for this evening? ones involving ice cream are popular. Good luck.

baby you absolutely can do this. stay away from that 1st drink and remember HALT. I go to bed with a book for the first few days just to get some rest and to stay away from temptation. Be thinking of you x

pink poor you! Wish it was possible to bottle that hangover feeling- that would be a wonder drug to keep us off the booze. I have had many and varied hangovers. They were all grim and got worse with time. YUK!

'lo there ladame and obrigada well done.

I had a big,big chat with dh last night about what's been upsetting me. He was great and we had a long chat about drinking/recovery,but what's strange is how he had no real idea about how much I was drinking or how obsessed I had been with it all. I had no real idea at the time either- so,so strange how alcohol works.

thornrose Wed 14-Aug-13 16:55:54

Oh I am struggling to make this Day 1. I keep thinking l can start tomorrow, but I've been saying that for weeks.

I have multiple voices in my head telling me all the reasons why I need/deserve/should have wine, all clamouring to be heard.

They are literally drowning out the reasons I should not. They're even trying to stop me posting this.

Ladame Wed 14-Aug-13 17:24:25

Gugg I know, isn't it strange? Mr L is completely mystified about why I worry about it. He says things like 'well, everyone likes a drink' and that we don't know anyone that doesn't drink. Even that it's (only!) a bottle of wine, three or four glasses. If I am having a night off, he just looks a bit puzzled and say's 'ok, if you feel you need to'. I told him how much I worry about it and he was completely amazed that I'd given it so much space in my head. It's not easy being good in the face of all that.

Baby ODAAT lovely. Start again and it will get easier, you've done it before and YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN.

Have a nice evening all babes.

Ladame Wed 14-Aug-13 17:26:53

Thornrose Some of us hear it in our head, I 'feel' it in my stomach. Just take it minute by minute, it doesn't go on all night. Eat something, go for a walk, do your nails, a crossword or have a bubbly bath. Anything you can think of to distract yourself.

guggenheim Wed 14-Aug-13 18:24:59

Hi ladame yes,and to be fair some people are perfectly happy to drink at that level all the time. I was for years and years but something changed and here I am sat on the bus. How are you,lovely? I'm impressed at the nights off- well done.

thorn - tell yourself that tonight is af and that tomorrow you can drink. Then eat something. Whether you do decide to drink tomorrow is something you can think about then but if you can manage af tonight you will be doing yourself a huge favour.
If you can't manage af then drink a glass less or half a glass less,it begins to help break the habit. Good luck!

chippit Wed 14-Aug-13 20:27:20

Hello everyone,

Just a wee high five to everyone who's doing really well.

And a big hug to everyone who feels like they are failing, flailing, being weak..whatever...you're not, because you're still trying to change and sharing your deepest and darkest thoughts on this bus.

I'm on day 10 and feel a bit crappy. Have lost my sense of direction, not helped by the 'homework' given to me by my counsellor which asks me to mark my mood 1 out of 10 each day alongside what activity I'm doing.

Today: Activity: NOT DRINKING. Mood Score: FUCK OFF - I'll never get above 5.

Le sigh.

I'm okay though. Just feeling a bit shit, aimless, loser-ish. Sheer bloody mindedness is the only thing getting me through. That...and scones.

I said it before and I'll say it again - I'm glad you're all here. It feels like I have my very own Jiminy Cricket. xxxx

dementedma Wed 14-Aug-13 20:30:55

Well done ladame. I had two glasses last night and then just stopped. No problem. The night before I was sucking the dregs out of a wine box.....I just don't understand this. Wish I could find the strength to give the fucking stuff up.

Mouseface Wed 14-Aug-13 20:40:10

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Gugg - My 'deep and mysterious' phase turned out to be, mostly, pms. So over myself now smile Brilliant!! grin

I'm glad you've spoken to DH too, my DH once said "I was overreacting/thinking about being addicted to alcohol because of something some stranger put on Mumsnet FFS" and then rolled his eyes. I think he'd had a bottle of red that night, to himself - oh and look at where I am now dear! grin so big, big huggles to you! Great post xxx

And to be fair to DH, he has cut his drinking right down, because he's lost his drinking buddy but also because I think he'd had enough of the feeling like deep fried dog vomit on a daily basis? Only he could say.

Dame - I think when you start the day with the decision made that drinking is not going to be part of it, it's 100 times easier, especially when you've had a taste of sobriety for a number of days in a row. It's fab to read your posts and just how positive you are feeling. Very uplifting! smile

Pink - oh lovely.... I'm so sorry you're feeling like you are. USE IT!! Seriously, grab it by the face and slap it! Bloody hard too. You know that you can do this again, you can get back to where you were, so do it. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for at times...... xxx

Rose - Can I call you that? I'm not sure your name shortened suits you, you seem much more delicate than a thorny rose smile

Anyway, lurk all you like, if reading these posts and drawing from them helps you then fantastic. Post when you are ready but know that you always have a seat on this Bus, as does everyone smile xxx

Baby - you'll always give back what support you get simply by posting and being honest. From the heart, from the gut, from your soul. Everytime you post, someone here or out there in the ether nods in agreement at how you feel, because we all have the exact same thing in common don't we? Well, apart from the fact that currently, we're all women on the Bus <wonders where that man MIFLAW is these days> but also alcohol and our own personal relationships with it, our own journeys are so private and yet we expose ourselves for all to see every time we get pissed don't we?

Keep posting, when it feels right, post. Even if you wake at 3am and something comes to you and you need to get it out of your head, come her and post.

One of us will be up early I'm sure!! grin

Ma - you okay?

Glad - same to you and all others <racks brain to think of names> how goes it? Come and pop in for a while, say hi?

I'm off to take the lovely little Nemo for stories (Dinosaurs Love Underpants & The Gruffalo) and then sleep hopefully..... for all of us.

DD has a friend here to stay who I am rather close to, her real dad died a few years back and she struggles with life at home with her stepdad so comes here for respite I think. sad

She's lovely and always very respectful towards me and DH.

Anyway, I shall try to return before my eyelids glue themselves together!!

I hope you are all okay...... Mwahs xxx

dementedma Wed 14-Aug-13 21:07:51

mouse I'm fine. Just stuck in the same old groove.....

Anneisnotmyname Wed 14-Aug-13 21:08:49

Evening everyone,

I'm quickly checking in, on day 4 today, first time I've got this far in years smile I am telling myself I can have a drink on saturday night and trying not to think about it until then. Provided I don't go and make up for what I have not drank all week in one night I think I would be happy with that - I want to get out of the habit of daily drinking (3-5 units usually) and not feel like I'm obsessed with the next glass of wine all the time.

I don't know if it's a coincidence but the last couple of days I've felt calmer and more in control. It sounds stupid but alot of the times just getting the kids ready in the morning, feeding the cats, feels overwhelming and I quickly lose my temper. I haven't the last three days and don't feel so stressed out. I've heard alcohol is a depressant but I've never know if that means it depresses the mood you are in (takes the edge of it) or if it causes depression?

I've also had more energy. Again i don't know if it's coincidental - I've been alot busier than usual and it has not exhausted me, and it seems like wine is taking up less head space. It's sort of embarrassing to admit but I spend alot of time thinking, will I have a glass of wine, when will I, how much will I have? I don't know if it's possible but I really want to stop thinking like this....

babyjane1 Wed 14-Aug-13 21:16:09

chippit love the jiminy cricket reference, made me smile. This may sound soppy but I get more understanding and compassion here than in my own home. I have spent the last few days busting my gut to cook, clean and spoil my little family, to show them how much they mean to me and nobody has bothered their arse. In a lot of pain with crohn's and had a toilet accident while going to pick my dd up from high school, had to rush into the disabled loo at her school to clean up (without her and friends seeing me) had my 2 year old screaming to get out and I was in tears with humiliation!!! Still had to rush home, clean myself up and was making dinner and picking up laundry off the floor within 10 minutes tears of pain and humiliation streaming down my face and no one even noticed.. I know I can blame only myself for the extent of my drinking but bring invisible and lonely sure doesn't help, I am not drinking but my emotions are sobering up as well as my body and yet the sadness inside me grows, thank god for this bus and tramadol!!! Xxx

babyjane1 Wed 14-Aug-13 21:31:01

chippit love the jiminy cricket reference, made me smile. This may sound soppy but I get more understanding and compassion here than in my own home. I have spent the last few days busting my gut to cook, clean and spoil my little family, to show them how much they mean to me and nobody has bothered their arse. In a lot of pain with crohn's and had a toilet accident while going to pick my dd up from high school, had to rush into the disabled loo at her school to clean up (without her and friends seeing me) had my 2 year old screaming to get out and I was in tears with humiliation!!! Still had to rush home, clean myself up and was making dinner and picking up laundry off the floor within 10 minutes tears of pain and humiliation streaming down my face and no one even noticed.. I know I can blame only myself for the extent of my drinking but being invisible and lonely sure doesn't help, I am not drinking but my emotions are sobering up as well as my body and yet the sadness inside me grows, thank god for this bus and tramadol!!! I'm sorry it's me me me but in the cold light of sobriety my dh doesn't see me, my dd finds my crohn's tiresome (and I suspect disgusting) and my 2 year spends most of her time throwing missiles at me, I'm scared just how crap my life will look without the ready brek glow of wine, anyway as Scarlett Ohara said "tomorrow is another day" love to all my lovely babes or should I say friends x x x

Mouseface Wed 14-Aug-13 21:59:41

Ma - Huggles from Nemo just for you xxx
Chippit - day 10 is a usual one way or the other -high or low. Seems you've hit the low sad

Keep going, you are sooooooo close to the UP!

Baby - Friends, we're your friends. Sisters in arms, and of course brothers if any are lurking smile

You are safe here and you can post you inner most thoughts, no-one knows who you are, so let it out. That's the beauty of the Bus. xxx

I must go now.... super tired so goodnight lovely Babes, stay safe xxx

dementedma Wed 14-Aug-13 22:01:27

baby that sounds so tough.

babyjane1 Wed 14-Aug-13 22:41:11

ma many have it much much harder than me, I will get stronger and this too shall come to pass. I going to make a point of getting out of the house a few nights a week doing things I enjoy and leave them all to it. Also I want to be here on this bus helping others as everyone has helped me, I LOVE THIS BUS AND ALL WHO RIDE ON HER xxx

thornrose Wed 14-Aug-13 23:20:29

Ok, tonight hasn't worked so I will make tomorrow my Day 1.

My 13 yo (14 next month) has AS and she is physically abusive to me. It makes me feel like crap but on the surface I'm acting like everything is fine.

My mum and my sister just can't help. My friends are at a loss.

Drink just makes everything more bearable, but I know it doesn't.

Whatevermaybe Thu 15-Aug-13 01:21:28

Another lurker wishing to join the bus. I have read most of the posts but only had the courage to post when I've had a drink. I will hopefully speak to you babes tomorrow. Sorry for gate crashing, but really think this bus is for me.

thornrose Thu 15-Aug-13 01:54:38

You're not gate crashing Whatever, I will see you tomorrow?

Whatevermaybe Thu 15-Aug-13 08:33:58

Morning everyone

Thanks thorn. I don't actually feel too bad this morning but still pissed off I had ended up drinking last night. I was actually on day 5, but because my partner was drinking I joined him. My back story is when I drink I don't know when to stop and end up feeling shit for days. It's helped reading all the posts, plus knowing its not just me.

Ladame Thu 15-Aug-13 09:17:33

Morning everyone and thank you x Day 4/7 for me today and then I can make my weekend decisions knowing that I haven't drunk for four days and feeling better about it all. I feel calmer, my stomach is better (I've got a nasty ulcer from a very stressful time in my life and of course it won't get better because I keep pouring wine on it).

Something which has proved to me that I'm so much better without it (maybe one day I can give up completely sigh) My dd went out last night to a bbq and came back very late. The noise of the engine (and Pink blazing out of the window) woke me up with a start. If I had had my usual bottle of wine, I would have woken up with my heart pounding, sweating and feeling sick, and then being unable to sleep again with the wine headache and guilt and loathing for about three hours. But I didn't, I just went back to sleep.

Baby I'm so sorry about yesterday for you. I have a friend with Crohns and she has to plan her trips for just the reason you said. We talk about HALT on the bus, but I think we can add letters. B and I. BHALTI. B for bored and I for ignored/invisible. I think other people see us going about our day, not knowing the invisible dialogue going endlessly round in our heads, 'will I, won't I, how much? Is there any in the fridge? Shall I go and get some? NO, I musn't. But will one bottle be enough? Oh sod it, I'll pop to the supermarket, I need something for tea anyway, No I won't, I've got some eggs and then I won't be tempted to buy a bottle ..... and on .... and on ... and on..... sad

Chippit day 10 Keep on keeping on I'm sure you'll get the boing any day soon.
Mouse Have a fabulous holiday!
Pink, Guggs, Ma, Lon, Rose, Whatever, Greeny, Faire, Annie, Obrigada, Purps, Joey, Thisis, Harriet, Glad, Radiogirl Hi everyone and anyone else on the bus today. Have a good one all babes and be kind to yourselves.

Pink01 Thu 15-Aug-13 09:17:45

Morning babes smile

Thank you everyone for your support and kindness yesterday. I managed day one and (of course) by 10pm I felt much happier and wondered why on earth I had spent the last 10 days drinking every night. I need to stay on my toes and not get complacent but very glad to be day two.......

And I feel so much better this morning compared to this time yesterday! I felt so terrible. I think my resistance to hangovers has dropped which can only be a good thing.

Mouse thank you again. I hope you're ok and feeling better today, you said you were in pain last night? Have a good day.

Baby so sorry to hear about yesterday. That must be so hard to cope with. But with DCs I guess you just have to get on with it and do the best you can? Is it always like that or do you have times when it is more under control? Sorry don't know a great deal about Crohns.

Whatever, you have done well, 5 days is really good. Don't dwell on one day that didn't go according to plan. Just try not to let one 'bad' day become 10 bad days like I did! Sorry I don't know you very well yet - how do you want to tackle your drinking? Do you want to cut down or stop altogether? Ideally I want to stop, once I drink again my consumption always goes up and up.

Thornrose, ready to try again for day one? How are you feeling today? I work with children with ASC who have been excluded from mainstream and I take my hat off to you, it must be incredibly difficult. You are doing a great job but you must feel very isolated. Stick with us on the bus, you are not alone here smile

Well done Obrigada smile and big wave to Lonnie, well done on your continued success xx

Hello to Guggs, Ma, Thurso, Purple, Silver (as was), Edin and anyone I have forgotten.

Keep strong everyone

Pink X

Pink01 Thu 15-Aug-13 09:22:21

I see I have forgotten lots of people, Ladame has a much more comprehensive list than me! Thinking of you all and also well done Ladame, restful sleep is so lovely isn't it smile smile Xx

Whatevermaybe Thu 15-Aug-13 10:09:40

Pink - I would also ideally like to give up all together as I can't just have a couple it's all or nothing with me. I don't drink all the time but iwhen I do drink I don't know when to stop. I've always been like this, but I'm now in my mid 30's and want to really try and stop. Hope everyone has a good day.

greeneyed Thu 15-Aug-13 10:51:33

Morning babes! Sorry bit behind so won't nc everyone but must remember to say thanks faire for your lovely comment and everyone else for your encouragement.

baby you poor, poor thing sad i really feel for you, how awful at school. You are brave and amazing for all you are dealing with. Sadly being a mum is largely a thankless task. It seems it's only when we don't do things that anyone seems to notice. My DH can out out when the house is a bombsite, return and it is spotless and it doesn't even register grrr.

As curry so eloquently put it sometimes being the woman in the family is like being at the bottom of a shit chute.

Welcome new babes, make yourselves at home . Today is a beautiful day and brilliant day for day one. It's only one day, don't think about tomorrow just try for today. Sending strength to you all.

purple hugs. Come and talk to us. Xx

greeneyed Thu 15-Aug-13 10:56:31

Babes how do I name change for a different thread? I want to ask advice on something that would definitely out me. Fine for that subject but don't want anyone I know in RL to link back here. Do I need to set up a new MN account?

babyjane1 Thu 15-Aug-13 12:25:59

Good morning, rose you have a lot to deal with and wine can be a welcome stress buster, I hope we can help and support you on this bus, so many babes here can help. .maybe jump on, we're a team here, the more the merrier. ladame thanks for your support, love the BHALTI take on HALT, and your so right, the time I spent on thinking, deciding, worrying about wine have wasted too much of my life already, it's exhausting snd pointless, especially since I drank the bottle every time anyway!! pink glad your feeling better, it's such a relief isn't it. green I love your posts, they are always smart and sassy, I like your style. I'm on day 3 here and have mixed feelings, physically and mentally I feel so much sharper but I don't really like my dh at the moment, I reckon being half sqooshed do long, I never really noticed how little he puts in and my children need some discipline, guilt has allowed me to stretch my boundaries. I'm not sure my family are ready for the the sober me but I sure as hell am!!! Big hugs to all x x x

thornrose Thu 15-Aug-13 12:46:12

Mouse Thorn does kind of suit me as in RL I'm tough and resilient and I put up huge defensive barriers. I like being my more delicate self on here grin it's a bit raw though.

pink today is day 1. I've had really horrible anxiety today and palpitations I drank so much last night. That's a good thing though because it scares me and fear helps to kick start my resolve.

baby yes but isn't it mad that this "stress buster" causes so much stress confused Well done on day 3, that's my hump day, once I pass that I generally start to feel great.

Ladame that endless dialogue and popping to the shop etc is me, ugh, it's exhausting.

whatever day 5 is great. If I slip up around day 5 I sometimes use it as an excuse/reason to drink again. My usual excuse is, "We'll, there's no point trying to stop now it's [insert any day of the week here] I might aswell start again on Monday.

I will possibly struggle at about 6pm so I hope someone will be around then.

All the best to everyone else, I'm looking forward to getting to know you all.

Greeneyed Thu 15-Aug-13 12:51:14

Blimey baby smart and sassy smile must be the not drinking grin

I totally get how you feel without the alcohol it masks so much. Stopping drinking does not solve everything it gives us clarity, feelings, time to think and notice what is going on around us - Not always comfortable!

Again I think it was curry who talked about the inertia that alcohol fosters. (aside from the random flouncings I do miss her posts!) We go around sedated, accepting our lot and doing nothing to change things - sometimes being sedated and not rocking the boat feels a much better option than actually facing up to whether we are happy or not and changing things. That takes courage - but fundamentally why not pursue our happiness than live in a half life, drugging ourselves to tolerate it?

We are worth it babes - get selfish and put yourself first for a change. I for one am sick of always feeling at the bottom of the heap and am spending time and money on myself with gay abandon at the moment - it is liberating.

Another great poem which I think Isinde posted

And the days are not full enough
And the nights are not full enough
And life slips by like a field mouse
Not shaking the grass

Ezra Pound

I am all for a bit of grass shaking at the moment!

Greeneyed Thu 15-Aug-13 13:04:58

Thorn what can you do this evening to distract you? Walk, gardening, gym, wardrobe clear out, manicure?

I have often spent day one in my bedroom in pjs watching telly or internet shopping in bed as I don't associate drinking in that room.

babyjane1 Thu 15-Aug-13 13:10:40

green profound and sassy, bet you've got swishy hair too. I am putting £5 a day away normally spent on wine, more at weekend so lets say £45 per week plus £20 for the cigs I only smoke when tipsy (every night) that's £65 per week and a whopping £260 a month and I won't even buy myself a lipstick cos I don't feel I'm worthy!!! To all you cutting back or thinking of stopping do the same for every bottle not drank and I reckon we could swap the bus for a private yacht and sail over to Ladame for a visit , with a naked buff captain at the helm!!! Ahoy Captain x x x

thornrose Thu 15-Aug-13 13:12:39

I'm restricted to being at home due to dd, but I have lots of plants that need re potting, window boxes to sort out etc. Then I'll have a bath and get my pyjamas on so I'm not tempted to go to the shop.

If I go to the shop dd comes with me, she commented the other day when I bought 2 bottles of wine blush She usually doesn't notice, now she is getting older I need to be more careful.

thornrose Thu 15-Aug-13 13:14:21

baby that is an inspired idea. I live in the same old clothes and never treat myself because "I can't afford it", but spend all that money on wine.

Greeneyed Thu 15-Aug-13 13:24:23

Now you're talking baby grin hmmm who should we have as the captain........

No swishy hair unfortunately it is dry with split ends but my bum is getting smaller smile

Thorn sounds like a plan, might do some re-potting myself this evening.

babyjane1 Thu 15-Aug-13 14:31:49

green how long have you been off the booze??? So I know when my bum will get smaller xxx

Greeneyed Thu 15-Aug-13 15:00:18

baby i've not given up completely but have averaged 1 night a week for about the last 6.

babyjane1 Thu 15-Aug-13 15:12:16

That brilliant, I'd love to do that, not for a while but it would nice to think that someday I could enjoy a glass and not a box with friends. On tv al these gorgeous women with bouncy curls are sipping wine in the hazy sunshine laughing throwing their back in the sun, when I try to follow the example I only ended up throwing my head down THE TOILET, It's very seductive and I think booze advertising should be banned. Sorry bit random but it's been in my mind since I stopped, it's everywhere I look x x x

Greeneyed Thu 15-Aug-13 15:29:58

I'm doing a paleo diet which is low carb and I think it really helps with the wine cravings. I was a sugar addict and now I don't crave sweet things. I think this has helped a lot.

Greeneyed Thu 15-Aug-13 15:33:52

Sorry x post. Umm can't say I'm managing it particularly successfully at the moment. Last Saturday I chucked it down my neck like no tomorrow. Sometimes I think when you abstain you subconsciously think you can make up for it when you do drink!

Agree re the TV it all seems so innocuous.

Whatevermaybe Thu 15-Aug-13 15:41:15

I know, especially on the soaps, they all look great with a glass of wine in their hands. Me on the other hand look a shambles, but that's RL for you. Well I suppose I'd better get out my pj's&#9786; thanks again for welcoming me on board.

Whatevermaybe Thu 15-Aug-13 15:42:36

Tried to do an embarrassed face but never worked ( epic fail on my part) but I am a newbie x

thornrose Thu 15-Aug-13 15:59:21

I'm off to google paleo diet! My stomach is enormous, like a huge beer belly I actually look pregnant blush. It's really out of proportion with the rest of me.

I have a wine waist!

Greeneyed Thu 15-Aug-13 16:04:39

thorn me too, it has gone down loads in a few weeks. Giving up the wine alone will make a huge difference to your belly. It makes me retain water. A few days off the wine and I lose 3 or 4 pounds in water retention. Vanity is definately a good motivator for me!

whatever you are forgiven smile

babyjane1 Thu 15-Aug-13 16:40:40

whatever I thought you just had a lot of pj's!!!

Whatevermaybe Thu 15-Aug-13 17:13:21

Lots and lots according to my previous post blush

Anneisnotmyname Thu 15-Aug-13 20:28:14

Day 5 today, nearly lapsed when I was out and dh called to tell me to pick up a bottle of wine for saturday. Told him I'd get wine for saturday on saturday as I knew we'd end up opening it tonight...

green I'd be happy having 6 out of 7 af days a week, provided I didn't binge on the day I allowed myself to drink. In the past I didn't drink frequently but I when I did I went overboard and most of the evening would be a complete black out. I know I'll have to be careful that I don't start that again, not sure it'll be possible....

baby glad to see you sounding so positive smile I really like ladame's bhalti theory, I quite agree that the day to day stuff is boring and taken for granted, no one notices until you don't do something!

dementedma Thu 15-Aug-13 20:31:56

What is this diet of which you speak? I too have a bloated pregnancy gut which I hate. I need to reduce carbs but full on low carbing is beyond me. I need to eat meals which fill me - no feckin lettuce non crispbreads - and they need to be quick to cook and not full of fancy pants ingredients. Anyone got any recipes? Goes without saying that I need to stop drinking.......
I volunteer to crew the yacht if I get to sleep with the captain.

Greeneyed Thu 15-Aug-13 20:46:49

Ma I think he'll be pretty busy on our yacht grin

well for all my flannel I am drinking a glass of red. Reason - open bottle in the house, old habits die hard. Not to worried so long as it doesn't lead to drinking tomorrow too. I will have a couple of glasses on Saturday at dinner with friends then that's it for the week, gastritis won't handle any more. I actually count myself quite lucky that I have a couple of health issues that curtail my drinking or I'm in pain.

annie you did the right thing - no Wine in the house! my downfall tonight has been an open bottle I purchased to make coq au vin yesterday.

Greeneyed Thu 15-Aug-13 20:47:52

Ma diet is Paleo Diet - there are loads of recipes on line but you do have to cook everything from fresh so not always easy.

aliasjoey Thu 15-Aug-13 21:11:17

babyj so glad you are feeling better today. I seem to remember crohns can come and go in flares and remission. So I hope you can take some time to think ahead in case you get another flare. Sorry if you are not comfortable thinking about this, I was just so concerned for you, I've been there and I know the pain plus the loss of control is horrendous.

Please think about some strategies:

Is your current 'maintenance' drug treatment enough? Do NOT believe that you are not worth the doctors time! If your flares keep recurring, you can't function, work, parent... live.

If you do get a flare, can you get medication sooner, quicker, or try an alternative to the steroids that doesn't make you go doolally? You need to tell your GP that your quality of life is cheap, and it affects everyone around you.

Mental health. Maybe it was just the recent illness, but your recent posts were so unhappy and I was very concerned about you. And you beating yourself up. Sorry if I have overstepped the mark, I just wish I could fix it for you.

Joey xxx

Mouseface Thu 15-Aug-13 21:33:08

Evening, tis me, mouse

Hello to Whatever - I get the urge to say it in a Catherine Tate stylee of Woteva grin Sorry! Welcome to the Bus lovely, you've had some great advice and it's fab to have you here smile

Wine Waste Haters - I now have a waste. I real, tapered in the middle waist! Yes, low/no carbing and crackerbreads once a week other than water are shite diets if it's not your thing......... please, just have a peek HERE HERE HERE because you could use some of the ideas from the posters and cut down on your carbs and sugar, afer all, that's what sugar turns into, carbs!

It's not easy to do, you can have white wine, and vodka but it's not ideal obviously! grin But there are some quick and easy recipes on there, keeping things like ready cooked hard boiled eggs, cooked low carb sausages, cooked chicken breasts, cheese, quiche with no crust etc are all good to have in the fridge but have a look.

I have lost 6/7lbs and inches from my body. You do have to drink lots of water - which you should be doing if you are drinking anyway - but I feel fantastic healthwise. I really, really do smile

(apart from my pain of course)

It's worth a peek at least? smile

Well, the posts from you all are much more positive today and that makes this little (literally!) Mouse smile from furry ear to furry ear!

Our burglar alarm has died (only just fitted) and as we go away tomorrow, we've had the engineer here for most of the evening, and coming back tomorrow.

And DH has to give a statement to the police in the morning after seeing a car being stolen from a disabled elderly man near us. It's his mobility car FFS, absolute SCUM! They'd come to the front of his home, knocked on the door, he'd gotten out of bed to answer it and the other guy broke into the back to get his keys from the kitchen sad It's a sick world out there and the police are certain it's the same gang as it's now the 5/6 theft in the area in the last 2 months.

We're a rural village where the most exciting news is that the vicar has won the local Jam Making Competition or that one of the neighbours has a new shade of beige on their walls! grin

Anyway, I've not read back properly but you all seem to be doing ok with the quick sweep I did.

Big hugs to those MIA - Edin, Crabby, Glad and ALL others xxx

Off to pack a bit and watch a bit of TV.... then sleep I hope, Nemo is dreadfully unsettled right now, lots of night terrors and screaming with nightmares..... he says every night "I don't want to close my eyes Mamam Bear" sad sad sad

Anyway, be back tomorrow lovelies smile xxx

Mouseface Thu 15-Aug-13 21:34:19

<applauds Joey's post to Baby> smile

Bug hugs Baby xxx

babyjane1 Thu 15-Aug-13 21:42:34

joey in no way have you overstepped the mark, I am very open about my disease to increase awareness and let others with it feel they can discuss it. I am very close to have a colostomy bag and I guess I am trying not to make a fuss as the conclusion will come sooner and I'm just not ready yet, I think all these thoughts and steroid induced emotions have all contributed to my alcohol issues. The flare up will subside, even today has been better. When my tummy is bad is affects me on every level but like toothache when it stops it's not such a big deal that I would want a colostomy bag for the rest of my life. Sorry to hi jack the thread on an unrelated issue and I'm very very grateful that you should care so much, nearly day 3 over and the weekend will be a massive challenge but for some strange reason I feel sure I'll get through it without alcohol and you guys have been amazing. If anyone is lurking please come and join us, truly wonderful things happen right here, my sincere hugs, truly touched, thanks lovely joey xxxxx

Mouseface Thu 15-Aug-13 22:11:00

Baby - one of my closest friends has had her lower intestine removed, and bowel too thanks to crohn's and various other illnesses related with that in itself. She is on hospital again just now and has 2 young DD's, both have learning difficulties and one has severe behavioural issues.

She has been in and out of hospital for months and it crushes me to see her going from a strong, funny, woman, to a crumpled, frail frame of the lady I first met years ago. It's horrid.

BUT - she knows that it's happening, she knows why, she knows what her life is going to be like from here on in and she has had to embrace.

Baby - you have been through sooooooooo much sweetie, behind closed doors, no-one sees who we really are, what we really go through. Our pain, our personal torture, whether that be health or money issues, work, relationships, dealing and coping with the day to day life of being at home with your DC....... life is hard. Please Baby, don't ever think you are derailing the thread from the way it runs, your life is important to US. To ME, to YOU.

If your condition makes you reach for the bottle to ease your pain and symptoms, then I can relate to that like you wouldn't believe. It helps make the sharpness more fuzzy, alcohol blurs the reality that may or may not lie before you. YOU. YOUR LIFE. Not me, not my friend who I went to see today, YOU.

So, what goes on, away from your screen, your posts matters. It really does because it brings you back to the Bus. We are all here for each other because we can be but sometimes, you have to talk about YOU so that WE can understand what it is that YOU face.

Lots of love to you Baby - I hope that you find peace and sleep tonight.

I am really going now!! grin

Stay safe Babes xxx

Greeneyed Thu 15-Aug-13 22:27:18

mouse and baby and everyone else suffering in pain physically, mentally or emotionally, sending love and strength through the ether.

thorn how are you getting on tonight?

Stopped at one glass here, stomach raging < slopes off to bed punching self in face>

Whatevermaybe Thu 15-Aug-13 22:34:53

Thanks mouse, I was pissed when I made up that name, it made sense at the time grin
Now everyone will imagine me as stroppy Lauren (think that the characters name) with lots of pyjamas x

thornrose Fri 16-Aug-13 00:04:08

I've made day 1, despite complications! My sis offered to come over with sushi and a bottle of wine. I agreed the sushi but told sis I'm on the wagon for a bit and she was fine with that.

Dd announced at 9.30 that she was hungry. She's not eating enough at the moment so agreed we would go out and get her something to eat. This would generally be the perfect excuse to buy wine, but I didn't grin

Greeneyed Fri 16-Aug-13 08:18:21

Well done thorn that's awesome smile

Whatevermaybe Fri 16-Aug-13 08:25:14

Morning everyone, that's great thorn well done. We are both on day 2 grin

PervyMuskrat Fri 16-Aug-13 09:07:59

Morning all - been offline for a couple of days so just checking in briefly then will read all posts in detail.

Day 26 here and I've been struggling a bit with the WW this week but finally managed to smack her in the face with a frying pan last night when I went out with an old drinking buddy and managed to stay on cokes. Fuck you WW, I won this round! grin

Pink01 Fri 16-Aug-13 09:46:53

Morning all.

Muskrat, that is fab well done. Also big congrats to Whatever and Thorn, well done ladies!!

It's great to hear these success stories as it makes me want to be part of it again. I have failed again, drank wine last night with DH hmm

This is my problem, I drink once and then I am a stone down a well and it take a massive effort to pull myself out of that well and stop properly.

But that is what I need to do.

aliasjoey Fri 16-Aug-13 09:52:01

babyj I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. Being ill is no excuse for drinking, but in your case I think it's understandable. That's why I hope you manage to pre-empt or have an action plan if you get another flare. I know, choosing between severe pain/side-effects from medication or having surgery isn't much of a choice! Being forced to "choose" something you don't actually want would be very upsetting.

Regulars on the Bus know about the HALT technique. (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired). Maybe there should be another - Pain. Because it's worth recognising your trigger and understanding how alcohol temporarily numbs that. mouse knows better than most people about that. I just don't want you to belittle yourself into thinking that you are weak.

PHalt?

Pawprint Fri 16-Aug-13 10:58:33

Am on hols so just checking in. Drinking more sensibly this week, despite being on hols. Eating loads though wink

babyjane1 Fri 16-Aug-13 11:02:42

Good morning babes, rockin day 4 here and the sun is shining in Scotland. mouse your words are poetic and so soothing, I always feel special when you speak to me, there's a book in you somewhere, green I love your posts, I think we would be great friends in real life. whatever and thorn you guys are doing great, it gets easier each day, remember and keep that wine money and but a lippy or a nail polish, it's silly but each day you build your reward, it works. pink don't worry babe it's not a race, you will get where you want to be, we'll be here and we we're supporting you whatever you do. Wishing happiness and contentment to my lovely friends today x x x

dementedma Fri 16-Aug-13 14:09:58

having a big lifestyle rethink here - fat, tired, menopausal pisshead has got to go. Starting to feel the desire to change beginning to tingle...will let it build until I can hit that go get em button. Fed up feeling like this.

Now some good news......drum roll.....
Richard got a medal yesterday. A little medal to celebrate 3 months dry and sober. He is so proud of it and rightly so. You would think with him as inspiration I would be doing better, but anyway. He says it is the most important thing he has ever owned. I am so happy for him.

obrigada Fri 16-Aug-13 14:15:32

Ma, that is fantastic news about Richardsmile

I am so with you on the "fat, tired' menopausal pisshead" bit, I think the difference between you and Richards is that his was "do or die", whereas you (and I) could plod along like this for years, if that makes sense?

Mouseface Fri 16-Aug-13 14:22:12

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Joey - I agree with that, Pain has a huge part to play in ALL of our lives, whether emotional, mental of physical, it's there and it IS a trigger. Especially when you have a combination of two or the three!

I like PHALT - said like FALT, as in it's a fault in our inner systems and we need to deal with the triggers one by one?

Pink - you WILL get there because you've done it before, maybe you just don't want to stop completely just yet, sorry to be blunt but sometimes, you just don't and do you know what? It's ok to feel that way. You need to do it when you are 100% ready, willing and able to stop completely. Not just try, but to want it so badly that nothing will get in your way, you'll kick that Wine Bitch into touch soon, you'll see. Not even DH and his wine! grin

Seriously though, you have our support no matter what because that's what this Bus is all about. I'm no angel, there are times when I drink too much but those days are now months apart rather than weeks.....IYSWIM? I still have one drink too many and think I'll be fine. I know my limit is 2 glasses of white and more than that gives me a horrific hangover. It's not often that I drink regularly but lately, we've had a run of things to celebrate and I suppose I've let me guard down because I thought I could have that extra one. NOPE!

Thorn - Bloody well done one kicking ass last night!!! YOU ABSOLUTELY ROCK BABE!! <waves pom poms> smile xxx

Baby - I love your post to Pink about it not being a race smile how very true. How are you doing? xxx

Paw - hope you are having a lovely time away smile

How are the day 1/2/3 Babes feeling today? Better I hope for the absence of alcohol and with a bit of luck, as the days roll by, the desire to stay AF will grow stronger because of how much better you'll feel and start to really not like drinking to excess at all. But that comes with time and it's getting past those first few days of not drinking, with the wine witch laughing at your attempts which are the hardest - or were for me.

Right, last few jobs then off to pack smile xxx

<waves to all babes, lurking or otherwise smile >

Mouseface Fri 16-Aug-13 14:27:39

Afternoon, rather!! I started that post this morning!!

Ma - great news about Richard, I'm so pleased for him and about YOU too! <does a 'GO MA' dance> Bring on that tingle lady!! I can't wait for you to smack that WW round the face with a mahoosive bat or something! grin xx

Obrigada - I can so relate to the 'plodding along, drinking not, drinking and then not drinking, thing. I makes perfect sense smile How are you and things on your life? xx

obrigada Fri 16-Aug-13 15:04:19

Hi Mouse, things are as you say "plodding along", have had no contact with my sister since the "moneybox" situation. She returned the majority of the money in an envelope early one morning and I have had no contact with her since.
Hope you have a fantastic break away - well deservedsmile

Mouseface Fri 16-Aug-13 15:44:59

shock majority of the money??? She is an absolute cowbag of the highest order. I'm so sorry she's done that.

sad xxx

I'm off now, be online of course, for my sanity and to keep me on the straight and narrow as it were, sometime over the weekend no doubt.

I'll also be checking into Bootcamp so that I don't stray. grin

Bye for now smile xxx

GladToBeSilver Fri 16-Aug-13 16:28:59

Bonjour mes petit campers grin

Sending happy vibes from across the Chanel

Stay strong BBs and keep pulling the rug from under that sneaky WW. She's not as clever as she thinks!

Doing ok on the booze front here - drinking but keeping it sensible.

And the teenagers seem to be morphing into quite nice young adults shock. Who'd have thought!!

A bien tot x x x

babyjane1 Fri 16-Aug-13 16:49:33

ma that's amazing news about Richard, it's hard to believe he's the same man, I cried outside the school gates when I read it, looked like a lunatic but who cares. whatever the post about pyjamas made me spit my coffee out with laughter, I've hardly got a top and bottom that match!!! Today I bought a new blouse, some costume jewelry and some sandals, only primark but progress indeed. Friday night a challenge for all of us I'm sure but we stand united against the 2 faced wine bitch, I'm getting a spray tan done so I can't go out in public afterwards, an indulgent tactic not to buy wine but hey ho I'm worth it, love to all x x x