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Do you love your husband more or kids more

(40 Posts)
jessivivi32 Sat 03-Aug-13 16:56:16

Discussing it with my mother the other day. She said , she loves our dad more than she love us.
But i think , that's understandable as she is married to my father for like 40 years now . But what about younger moms like us ?
Do you love one more than the other ?
Personally , i don't think i love my husband more. Its very different , not more or less.
Views

Somethingtothinkabout Sat 03-Aug-13 17:06:56

I think this thread was deleted a few months ago...

It's a different kind of love.

BOF Sat 03-Aug-13 17:11:18

The dog's my favourite.

Relaxedandhappyperson Sat 03-Aug-13 17:12:53

One colleague asked another this one day at lunchtime (well, it was wife or child).

I was totally shock that anyone should ask someone they didn't know very well such an intrusive question. The questioner was relatively new to the country though so maybe it's a normal question in China.

Yonilovesboni Sat 03-Aug-13 17:12:55

I don't have favourites, they all annoy me equally!wink

shallweshop Sat 03-Aug-13 17:14:46

Personally, I don't think you can compare the love for a husband/wife with the love for your kids - its a totally different kind of love.

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway Sat 03-Aug-13 17:15:40

Kids, no contest. Kids are yours for life, husbands no always so. I am happily married btw.

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway Sat 03-Aug-13 17:16:02

Not always..

BOF Sat 03-Aug-13 17:19:28

It's a stupid question though- you might as well ask if you prefer eating or drinking.

Ragwort Sat 03-Aug-13 17:19:29

I love myself most grin.

Agree with shall - surely romantic sexual love is totally different to the love you should feel for your children? So I would say I love them both the same, but in different ways.

However I am pleased that (hopefully) I will get to spend lots of quality time with DH when my children have left home, I am not one of those mothers who hopes their children will never leave them.

nethunsreject Sat 03-Aug-13 17:21:01

Kids.

There are many types of love, it's a shame we only have one word for each type. In greece they have different words for love of different meanings.

MaryKatharine Sat 03-Aug-13 17:21:40

Totally different love.

But I knew the instant they were born that not only would I die to protect them but I was equally capable of murdering to protect them.

Not sure I have the same instinct towards DH. I love him very much and I am very happily married and I know I would be devastated if anything happened to him. However, if the worse happened and I lost him, I believe in time I would heal. There is no healing after the loss of a child, ever.

Branleuse Sat 03-Aug-13 17:22:20

oh one of these threads!!!!

I quite like all of them tbh.

kids are cuter but dp is less annoying

Also agree with katherine toosmile

I prefer the big bob the builder teddy. Less back chat and annoyances in general. The fireman sam one is ok too.

MaryKatharine Sat 03-Aug-13 17:27:46

Yes, I think if there was a 'Sophie's Choice' style of thing between husband and child then my child/ren would, without a doubt be chosen over DH.

However, it's definitely him I want to spend the rest of my life living with rather than them. Apart from making love to me, he also brings me tea in bed and rubs my feet for hours without complaint.

Kids come first no contest!

Although 'D'H does make a mean cuppa and keeps my alcohol supply topped up. Having said that I only started drinking alcohol after we married hmmm

Can those of us with a partner answer or is this question for marrieds only?

MrsPresley Sat 03-Aug-13 17:34:27

Oh I definitely love my "husband" more, my kids know Elvis is always first with me grin

Seriously though as someone said ^^up there, it's a different love, totally totally different. If I really had to choose though, my kids would come first, every time except if Elvis was part of the choice

ShowOfHands Sat 03-Aug-13 17:39:47

I love David Mitchell the most.

joanofarchitrave Sat 03-Aug-13 17:43:57

With dh, love is a kind of a decision I make most days every day.

With ds, it's just kind of there.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 03-Aug-13 18:04:16

I very much hopd that partners and children are loved in totally different ways.
Really, you can't rank them because romantic love is a totally different emotional to maternal love.
We'd do better to have different words!
If you mean who would you CHOOSEas though choosing was a way of ranking love, then it should be based on need. Your children when young, rely on you for their very life so your primary duty is to them.
But, again, not black and white because it is important to balance needs within a family.
If you want to measure it by who you would carry out of a burning building! Then my kids. That's maternal instinct.

perfectstorm Sat 03-Aug-13 18:14:10

My husband is my best friend and the best person I know. The thought of ever losing him is unspeakable, and I can think of nothing better than being with him forever. If I do my job right, my son will leave home, and rarely look back, building his own family to which we'll be a peripheral element. And I can't rely on or confide in my DS, either, so he's not the huge emotional support my husband is.

But if I had to choose who to throw out of the hot air balloon basket? Um, I'd jump, actually. If I had to save only one of them somehow? DS. Your child, and biological imperatives take over, I think. That's the difference. My head and heart love my husband. My son, and it's from the gut.

Sleepyhoglet Sat 03-Aug-13 19:00:30

The OP assumes that the board term love has just one definition. It doesn't. There is erotic love, platonic love, filial love, platonic love. To ignore that is to say that a broken down car is the same as a working car. It isn't they vary in usefulness!

The love you have for a child is different because they 'need' you. In some ways their happiness is more defined by your presence in their life. They give back to you different things to what you provide for them. This love is unconditional or should be.

With a spouse, you are ideally providing each other with the same things - trust, sex, understanding etc. this live is likely to be conditional( think about the promises you make when married).

In summary, you cannot compare.

Missbopeep Sat 03-Aug-13 19:01:08

It's a silly question.

jessivivi32 Sat 03-Aug-13 20:33:16

Hmm.

proudmama22 Wed 14-Aug-13 22:13:52

Personally, I find it bizarre to not love your spouse more than your children. That's not to say I don't love my kids, I love them far more than my own life. But I married my husband with the idea of being with him forever.

Squitten Wed 14-Aug-13 22:20:19

Not more than, just differently.

My husband is my romantic partner and best friend - that's entirely different to the kind of love between parent and child. I love my children and am protective of them. I am also their authority (for now!) and their teacher so I carry a responsibility for them that I don't have for DH, as a grown adult. The two just don't compare in my mind.

SweetSeraphim Wed 14-Aug-13 22:21:23

Well I find it bizarre that anyone could love their dh/dp more than their kids! I love my dp dearly, but NOBODY comes close to the love I have for my kids.

SweetSeraphim Wed 14-Aug-13 22:21:55

Well, yes, it's a completely different sort of love, of course.

ilovebabytv Wed 14-Aug-13 22:24:38

kids. Without a doubt. It may be a different kind of love but ultimately i love my children more. And dp would agree with me. i hope.

proudmama22 Wed 14-Aug-13 22:25:02

sweetseraphim
You would be one lonely woman when your kids leave you if you love them way more than your dh.
I have been with my Dh for 20 years now and my kids are ready to leave the nest. Time flies.

SweetSeraphim Wed 14-Aug-13 22:28:12

Ah, but proudmama, that would intimate that I don't love my dp. And that's not true. But if it came to a Sophie's Choice type scenario, I wouldn't hesitate - and I would hope he'd be the same with his two.

My eldest is 15. Couple of years and she'll be off to uni with a bit of luck - but living at home or not, I will always love her and her brother more than anyone else in the world.

princessbliss2 Wed 14-Aug-13 22:28:40

My husband.
Firstly, I believe that we fall deeply in love with our babies and our young families. But speaking as a mother of older children – I have come full circle to know that my love for my husband is above and beyond that for my children. But that is because I am seeing them for the individuals that they have grown into and will soon enter the world as. Not as the babies and young ones dependent upon me for life. I love my children dearly and deeply – but I have returned to the original state of the union with my husband where I have remembered where and why it all began. Between the two of us and our love for each other. The kids will grow and move away – and the relationship with my husband will be on the forefront of my mind. It ishe that I will pass the days with while my children grow and live their own lives and createtheir own families. I remember as a child asking my mother if she loved me more than my father. I remember feeling jealous of that relationship. But now – I hope to God she doesn’t feel that way. I hope that her love for my father is astoundingly greater than her love for me. Otherwise – I couldn’t bear the thought that I have been so incredibly busy with my own family now to have neglected such a love. I am quite sure that tho she adores me and her grandchildren – the love for my father is the ultimate in her life. Well – second to her faith… Also – in saying that our love for our children is greater than for our spouse – does it not then open the dialogue to – “Are our children then supposed to love their parents with a greater love than their spouse?” Of course not. We want our children to be free to love their spouses with their whole hearts. So why would their be an expectation for us to love them more than our spouse? Finally, I believe that men love their children completely- but their wives with a much deeper abandon than we as women could ever understand. Men love their wives with an intensity – that we often don’t realize. My husband is over 50 – we’ve raised a 25yo, 17yo, 15yo, 13 yo and 11yo – he loves his children deeply – but he is passionate about the day that the two of us will be alone and he will have my undivided attention like in our beginning. When a man chooses his spouse it is with intention of sharing a life side by side with his soulmate. The kids are part of the package. (Well at least that is how my husband has explained it to me…) I hope that my husband and I have communicated our love for each other in such a manner that my children feel compelled to want the same for themselves. Each night I pray for the individuals that they will share their lives and love with – even though we haven’t met them yet.

proudmama22 Wed 14-Aug-13 22:32:24

SweetSeraphim
Whatever works for you though. But i have seen too many couples who always put their kids first and love them more and then have nothing in common when kids leave.

They suffer for extreme empty nest syndrome and their marriage rarely survives after that. Happened to my parent's marriage as well.

proudmama22 Wed 14-Aug-13 22:33:15

princessbliss
Best thing i have read in some while. What an amazing way to put it.

proudmama22 Wed 14-Aug-13 22:36:00

Firstly, I believe that we fall deeply in love with our babies and our young families. But speaking as a mother of older children – I have come full circle to know that my love for my husband is above and beyond that for my children. But that is because I am seeing them for the individuals that they have grown into and will soon enter the world as. Not as the babies and young ones dependent upon me for life. I love my children dearly and deeply – but I have returned to the original state of the union with my husband where I have remembered where and why it all began. Between the two of us and our love for each other. The kids will grow and move away – and the relationship with my husband will be on the forefront of my mind. It ishe that I will pass the days with while my children grow and live their own lives and createtheir own families. I remember as a child asking my mother if she loved me more than my father. I remember feeling jealous of that relationship. But now – I hope to God she doesn’t feel that way. I hope that her love for my father is astoundingly greater than her love for me. Otherwise – I couldn’t bear the thought that I have been so incredibly busy with my own family now to have neglected such a love. I am quite sure that tho she adores me and her grandchildren – the love for my father is the ultimate in her life. Well – second to her faith… Also – in saying that our love for our children is greater than for our spouse – does it not then open the dialogue to – “Are our children then supposed to love their parents with a greater love than their spouse?” Of course not. We want our children to be free to love their spouses with their whole hearts. So why would their be an expectation for us to love them more than our spouse? Finally, I believe that men love their children completely- but their wives with a much deeper abandon than we as women could ever understand. Men love their wives with an intensity – that we often don’t realize. My husband is over 50 – we’ve raised a 25yo, 17yo, 15yo, 13 yo and 11yo – he loves his children deeply – but he is passionate about the day that the two of us will be alone and he will have my undivided attention like in our beginning. When a man chooses his spouse it is with intention of sharing a life side by side with his soulmate. The kids are part of the package. (Well at least that is how my husband has explained it to me…) I hope that my husband and I have communicated our love for each other in such a manner that my children feel compelled to want the same for themselves. Each night I pray for the individuals that they will share their lives and love with – even though we haven’t met them yet.

proudmama22 Wed 14-Aug-13 22:37:06

Princessbliss
I hope you don't mind it

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