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The Dating Thread - episode 60

(1000 Posts)
Djangounhinged Wed 31-Jul-13 17:21:11

If I may?

Djangounhinged Wed 31-Jul-13 17:22:54

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. They should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop

Of course you can D

Should have read, ' ...Time to crank up mail a man a day'

Rules please someone....

Trust me to make a mess...Thanks D

lurkinglorna Wed 31-Jul-13 17:24:03

Place marking! over here! smile

Djangounhinged Wed 31-Jul-13 17:24:09

So WFF, the German. I wouldn't put too much store in his answer to the length of relationship he expects... Who can tell at this stage? You may be the one to change his mind smile

WFF he's attractive, it's a shocker I know so never mind what his answers you can still just shag look at him. What's not to like?

lurkinglorna Wed 31-Jul-13 17:28:42

Its been a long time since I used Okcupid but I wasn't the biggest fan of all the questions? Just seemed a bit you're answering stuff that might change, or people could misrepresent themselves to appeal more or something? I'd rather just suss someone out through 1-1 contact.

I agree with D about the length of relationship time. If you get a good connection then given that its a transient globalised world, who knows what might happen? Just take things one step at a time.

Djangounhinged Wed 31-Jul-13 17:29:22

Juliette grin

purestcocoa Wed 31-Jul-13 17:33:47

Hi all
I'm joining and getting comfy. I've decided this is the summer to start dating again. As well has losing weight and eating healthy. I can see you have been messaging for some time. Can I just jump in? Is there anything I have to say to catch up?

I'm on match and have just started emailing a potential. Other than that it's early days for me. The rules are awesome. I may have to stick them up in my home somewhere- drum it in grin

I won't hold my breath. A least I've messaged a man today, most of my messages have been to the my OKC vipers grin

I am messaging a chap just for the hell of it, he is nice, a musician type, but at 276 miles away, the German is actually closer.

Hey pure smile

Kirstywirsty Wed 31-Jul-13 17:40:14

Marking my spot.. FoF is being absolutely lovely .. Seeing him again on Sunday and Monday .. And I concluded missives on my house today finally a year after moving out of the marital home .. Onwards and upwards!!

bant I think you know it's not a goer with Aruba and the sex won't be any better next time

snape I am the only one unsure about the pizza .. It reminds me of Miranda's 'I love you' cookie in the first SATC movie

WFF I seem to have missed this German .. Spill!

Sorry head is all over the place to remember what else is going on .. Hello to everyone else and welcome cocoa

lurkinglorna Wed 31-Jul-13 17:41:35

hi purestcocoa smile

Yeah just get stuck in messaging on this thread? I only joined it recently myself and I now post loads of shit do feel fully involved.

It does move quite quickly, and I think sometimes I'm posting in the "dead- hours" and no one else is around, or vice versa, but I just speed read the last few messages and try and reply to whatever I can.

bigstrongmama Wed 31-Jul-13 17:48:59

WFF - I answered a few months to a year to the next relationship duration question, but really who wants to put longterm or one night, even if that is what you want? If there was a 'dunno, see what happens' option I'd have gone for that!

Thanks for all the advice - second date is starting at his, out for dinner and drinks, and then, er, staying over at his (that's not good, is it?!) was his idea, but I did have other options to choose from, and there are good reasons to stay at his rather than elsewhere (time together, free, and I'm very nosy).

I'm pretty sure he doesn't expect to dtd this weekend (I'm not going to anyway). Innuendo is funny and lighthearted not direct, and if I'm honest is not onesided either, so think he probably is a gentleman...

bigstrongmama Wed 31-Jul-13 17:55:00

And Bant, if I was Aruba, I would want you to take me out for dinner, tell me something has come up (hint at secret agent type dilemma), it's not you, you are amazing ly strange, it's me... Lots of hugs, no sex, so long and thanks for all the fish

Bant Wed 31-Jul-13 17:58:00

Sorry mama but I'd be hard pressed to believe he's not planning for sex. Starting out at his, taking you for a meal, drinks, ending up back at his, he's planning or at least hoping for a seduction.

He may be a gentleman, but if he's straight and fancies you, he's probably hoping for a bit of action

Djangounhinged Wed 31-Jul-13 18:01:33

Welcome purest! The rules are great - and another tip you'll see on here time and time again is: have a few potentials on the go if you can, so if one disappears, it's no biggie. And another tip: tell us how you're getting on smile

Kirsty that's fab news all round smile

And strong, that all sounds good - just remember that you (and he) are not expecting to DTD.... ;)

Winefiend Wed 31-Jul-13 18:03:12

purest welcome! I may join you with the health kick so you can inspire me grin Starting tomorrow obvs as I've had a roast pork sarnie for lunch and a Star Bar and a bottle of wine for tea.

Hrmmm getting tempted to venture back onto POF (or give OKC a proper go). I think I will see how it goes action wise when I'm in Glasgow in a few weeks (I have my eye on two of my mate's husband's pals who I somehow missed last time) and I am in a non scabby position and have a little think. Orrrr I might consider meet ups as I suspect I may have lost my single partner in crime to the evil grasp of LURRRRRVE.

kirsty just envy lucky devil!

bigstrongmama Wed 31-Jul-13 18:09:17

Haha, django I won't have a problem remembering because it's, um, the wrong time of the month. Sometimes being a woman is handy, because otherwise I have very little self control!
Bant, he has promised to be a I a sucker or what?

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 18:39:55

I tried OKC before - I answered 100s if the questions but it didn't help, and I came to realise that I'd like more space to explain the answers - or ideally a chance to chat and explain. In theory would give something to talk about, but as I couldn't find anyone to talk to, it was a moot point.

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 18:40:58

Purest welcome - I only joined this thread yesterday.

ALittleStranger Wed 31-Jul-13 18:55:38

Bant I am v against the idea of using the kids issue as a reason to break up with Aruba. I get you're looking for a "good" reason, but I don't think this is as nice as it seems.

It feels unnecessary to discuss this on the fourth date. You're still working out the basics about each other like her real age. It would be a valid reason to end things further down the line, but after three dates looks odd a blatant excuse. It's also a lie. I realise you're trying not to look a shit who shags and runs, but that's not actually what you're doing whereas actively lying does make you a bit of a git. Even if she's "only" 38 I this is probably playing on her mind. If I was her, someone dumping me because they didn't want kids would just ignite all those thumping fears about running out of time. I'd rather it was a "just not feeling it" situation. I guess what I'm saying is don't mess with a woman with biological clock issues, it's a fragile place to be in. Plus what if she says she's happy just dating and is seeing other people too?

lubeybooby Wed 31-Jul-13 19:05:47

Hello thread 60

I am still all grin

It just feels lovely and solid and grown up and not a single red flag in sight nor a hint of any happy sigh

Gladder than ever that I never settled for less. Any of you that remember my cosmic order about two years ago, and BC wall all the points on it bar one or two... I gave it another read (it was still on my windowsill in a book) and Henry is all of them! Every single one. All sixty three detailed requirements wink no wonder we get on so well...

Bant Wed 31-Jul-13 19:07:51

Stranger - I hadn't thought of it like that. I'm still of two minds as to whether to finish it or not. The sex wasn't amazing but as I said it was a first time. She laughs at my jokes which is always a nice feeling. She's attractive. She's a bit strange at times but that could be nerves. And as I think she's stopped insisting Craig David is a musical god, I've sidestepped that.

I am looking for something long term but to be honest wouldn't pass up a short term thing if its right for both people.

Argh. Decisions.

ALittleStranger Wed 31-Jul-13 19:21:21

Well in that case definitely don't say anything. Why not just treat the fourth date for what a fourth date is: getting to know each other a bit more, finding out what's nerves, seeing if the sex gets better, etc etc. I think you're putting too much store into the risk of shagging and running. Besides if she does get pissed off for that she'll probably put it down to some awfully rude British dating style and you can use anthropological dating mores to absolve yourself.

ALittleStranger Wed 31-Jul-13 19:23:04

And Lubey that sounds fantastic. It's so nice to start thread 60 with a success story.

OhWesternWind Wed 31-Jul-13 19:29:59

Mama I might be old and cynical but I think he's planning on getting you into bed, I really do. Are you sure about going back to his? I'm just a bit worried that he'll be thinking you're up for it - I know accepting an invitation to someone's house doesn't/shouldn't mean that, but just be careful. Don't forget to let someone know where you'll be etc etc.

Welcome Cocoa, just jump in and post!

Bant Wed 31-Jul-13 19:37:51

I'm with OWW. When in a dating situation, the possibility of sex is always hovering in the background, and inviting someone back to yours to stay 'in the spare room' or in fact accepting that invite can always be seen as a coy proposition or acceptance of it.

Just be careful, mama

bigstrongmama Wed 31-Jul-13 19:50:08

Oh man, now I just do not know what to do...
Warn him beforehand he's not getting any?!
Book last minute room somewhere? Actually that might be a plan...

I would just like to stay at his and give him a chance to be gentlemanly...and really would like to get a bit 'closer'...

OhWesternWind Wed 31-Jul-13 20:05:08

Mama, if you want to, go for it! Nothing wrong with that if you're sure it's what you want. But I think it could be a mistake to think he'll prove himself to be a gentleman. Odds are, he won't. Is it too far to go home under your own steam?

purestcocoa Wed 31-Jul-13 20:07:18

Djang- I am trying to work on getting another interest. I'm far too picky. I am working on being open minded. Although that's how I ended up with my ex. So open mindedness might be a tad overrated.

Winefield- I have virtually cut out all junk and red meats. Except for cheat days. It's extremely boring. But I've noticed quick changes. I will have to get more inventive with my meals.

So how quickly do you tend to meet up with a potential?

Mama I also think he is expecting hoping for some action. Can I ask why the date starts and finishes at his place? it is only the second date so although that would be fine if it just happened it does seem a bit overplanned.

Lubey so pleased for you! grin

Welcome Purest

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 20:10:11

Bah another one - monosyllabic. Why do I suspect I am actually getting messages written by her giggling kid(s) who have logged on without her knowing? I am going to "let the word turn" a bit before replying.

OhWesternWind Wed 31-Jul-13 20:10:56

Pure once you've established you might have something in common and he's not got any glaringly obvious red flags, then as soon as possible. No point dragging out the messaging, it's the real life connection (or lack of) that counts.

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 20:13:41

BTW have just read easily the best profile ever on POF - it is a 67 YO lollipop lady who looks stunning (I'm not kidding).

Overtheraenbow Wed 31-Jul-13 20:15:19

Joined OKC LAST NIGHT : phew that was exhausting. But hopped back into POF as the questions were stressing me out!!
Anyway got 'chatted up' by a very youn guy ( I td him I had clothes older than him!!) and chatted to a new one on there with no pic; I normally don't engage if they don't have a pic ( what have they got to hide: fugly / wife etc) he offered to text me one but I don't want a pic of some random bloke -- or his knob-- so I think I'll wait....... grin
I also got the same long angsty message from a guy who sent it once before ( I ignored it then) he obviously just copies and pastes it ..... Er that's gonna work.

Good to hear some success stories here ... Giving us saddo's some hope!!

Bant Wed 31-Jul-13 20:17:30

purest I'd say one to two weeks from first contact, if situations allow (babysitters etc)

One week minimum lets you check for red flags and find out if he's funny/nice or dull. More than two weeks and you're in danger of getting attached to someone where there is just no spark, or he's just stringing people along for some weird ego trip

OhWesternWind Wed 31-Jul-13 20:18:13

Is this the same monosyllabic woman Dad or do you have a whole string of 'em?

Shortest song I know

Overtheraenbow Wed 31-Jul-13 20:20:59

dad some women on POF are monosyllabic because they are sizing you up, there's a lot of weirdos on there! You have to sort the chaff from the wheat!!
I usually just ask are you married or a weirdo? Not sure it will work if they are, but its a talking point and if I ever found out they were ( and lots aren't ) then they can't say I didn't ask!!

OhWesternWind Wed 31-Jul-13 20:24:43

See Raen I'd either ignore or give chatting a fair go.

Have you contacted the lollipop lady Dad?

Dad I would just ignore, I found it odd doing that at first but it's the only way otherwise they assume interest and it all becomes a bit tedious.

Over although you don't have to answer any questions, I found them really useful as the more you go for, the more likely it is you'll see good matches.

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 20:25:06

OWW Sorry - I realised I didn't explain that very well - this is a new mono. I sent my best "unattractive old bloke being pretentious" reply (i.e. more than 3 words, including an (ironic) assertion that I was watching Peep Show on C4 for dating tips. I just got "LOL wot tips u get frm the peep show?" back. I think that's as far as that's going.

bigstrongmama Wed 31-Jul-13 20:27:04

OWW long drive home and can't drive if I have a drink, taxi would be annoyingly expensive (unless he turns out to be a total bastard, then bargain at any price I guess), also would be a pain to have to collect my car.

Juliette I cancelled our original second date where we were meeting nearer me and he was going to stay in a b and b (had to work) and this was the only time in the next two weeks we could meet, but has to be near him as he has to get up and go very early for something. I could drive home (did on first date), but suspect dating is easier with a drink... It is a bit overplanned, but we don't live very near so need a plan.

Dad - message the lollipop lady, she sounds fantastic!

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 20:27:44

OWW Tried to send a "your profile is wonderful" - I do that sometimes (making it clear that I'm too far away/not interested/too old etc but think they are great) but she has blocked men under 60 (it does say she isn't interested in under 60s on her profile) Sadly she is too far away anyway.

Flipper934 Wed 31-Jul-13 20:29:48

Yep, I think Poshboy is a wazzock, too. I couldn't quite believe it when I mentioned that the school friend I had visiting was male, and he started quizzing me about whether his family were visiting as well, or whether we'd ever had a 'thing'! Jealous in the extreme, but at least he knows, I guess!

I have a Very Good Feeling at the moment, and I think it relates to this thread. I think lots of good things are about to happen, for those who aren't already in the middle of them....

You may not be surprised, Bant, to hear that I don't see your Good Thing involving Aruba, sorry.

Disclaimer: I haven't, and never have had, any psychic ability whatsoever. I'm just in a positive mood.

Winefiend Wed 31-Jul-13 20:31:51

Dad it is rather amusing to see that men are subjected to the same dross on POF as women grin

Just wait perched on the edge of your seat for your first 'wana fuk' message. That was one of my favourites, closely by the foot fetishist ('hi sexy toes' - my feet were not in any pics and my feet are repulsive).

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 20:32:10

Overtheraenbow Would welcome the married/weirdo question, it would be like talking to Kirsty Walk compared with the recent crop.

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 20:41:17

Dunno what I would say to the "wana f" message. It might be tempting having had no bedroom action since about 9 mths prior to birth of DC (who is now 5) but I still think it's a bit direct (apart from being highly unlikely). Just hoping I haven't used up all my goes quite yet.

OhWesternWind Wed 31-Jul-13 20:47:06

Oooh oooh Flipper I hope you're right!!! Haven't had any woo on this thread for ages - hope you're right! Actually, he's a double-decker chocolate-coated wazzock - narrow escape there I think.

Mama dating is definitely easier with two drinks. Three and it's me that gets easier ...

Wine "Wana fuk" actually written like that??? I take back everything I said earlier about spelling not mattering. Aargh.

KinNora Wed 31-Jul-13 20:47:44

Just watch out for people who ask if you'll be their 'keyholder'...

Flipper I hope very much your good things twinge includes me in some way or else I may book myself in to the local convent.

Secretservice Wed 31-Jul-13 20:53:10

I'm so far behind....

Quick pop in before date two, with short SJ, who I'm hoping will continue to prove size doesn't matter - on phone cant see who it was having similar worries Scrazy

Also to say my three kids bully me remorselessly about my short vowels, despite the fact I was always the posh bird when in the land of gradelyness!

Will try for a loo update. Wish me luck grin

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 20:57:09

Secretservice - Good Luck.

Overtheraenbow Wed 31-Jul-13 20:58:29

dad do I know you? The Kirsty Walk analogy again!!! I don't think I look anything like her but maybe every 40 plus intelligent ( ie: polysyllabic ) woman gets compared to her.... Er or is it just me , in which case maybe I do bear a passing resemblance !!

The Irish boy said I looked sexy , but I think his Oedipus complex was getting in the way of his vision!!

Anyway Tigger(!!) sounded nice , local and in work and a newbie ... Maybe I can break him in!! grin Oh and he's the same age as me ( yay at last!!) will await photo !! Not that I'm shallow
well only a bit

Overtheraenbow Wed 31-Jul-13 21:00:02

kin 'keyholder " explain more??!!

Bant Wed 31-Jul-13 21:03:26

Hmm. Just got a FB message from mermaid, saying she had a great time with me and didn't want to leave. And that she may fly down to where I'm staying when I'm over in California in September (I'm at hers the first couple of nights as I'm going to a concert there) - then she goes on to ask me to email her the photo I'd attached to a FB message as it hasn't worked via FB.

However when she looks at her email she'll see I sent it already and said that I'd had a great time, she'd left to early and I've been grinning since I saw her. And mentioning her 'matching quirks' comment.

So either we're both independently admitting we like each other a lot, or.. No that's what it looks like

Winefiend Wed 31-Jul-13 21:03:59

OWW yes, pretty much. Proper charmer grin

Dad even after that length of time, I think I would hold out a bit longer for a classier breed of bird grin

Bant Wed 31-Jul-13 21:12:49

Damn Facebook autocorrect... I told the mermaid 'I've already mailed you' and it corrected to 'nailed'...

Now there's a Freudian slip for you

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 21:17:58

Wine I'm not in any rush TBH - certainly not to jump into bed with someone and then feel bad about it.

Overtheraenbow I (perhaps inadvisedly) have listed a lot of polysyllabic women who I find attractive on my POF profile (although I left KW off it) to try and give people an idea. It was random, you could just as easily have been Victoria Derbyshire or Victora Coren or Victoria Wood.

Flipper934 Wed 31-Jul-13 21:18:55

Just snorted wine, Bant. That's too good to be true!

Of course, Nora. Especially you, lovely.

Dad, really that long? <sympathetic intake of breath>

Recently had that particualry itch scratched by a friend after a whole 7 months, and I thought that was bad....

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 21:19:40

'I've already nailed you' grin

JoylessFucker Wed 31-Jul-13 21:20:00

Guys, my apologies in advance for an entirely me, me, me post but ...

I've decided to shuffle off the sofa and have re-done off my PoF and OKC profiles. Could I ask for feedback please? As many of you as are willing but with one proviso ... please, please, please be utterly honest, as brutal as necessary. I've only ever had feedback from people who know me in real life, so this will be really helpful. Would love both male and female opinions - I know that puts you on the spot bant, but you do have a great rep, although if Dad wants to give it a go too, I'd be delighted. Kin, Juliette, OWW if you have a mo ... but really, any & all opinions would be muchly appreciated.

If anyone would be willing to take a peak at my Times Encounters one as well, that would be fab.

Thanks my lovelies flowers wine

OhWesternWind Wed 31-Jul-13 21:24:19

Course I will Joy - do you want to pm me? Can't pm from my phone for some reason.

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 21:25:44

Flipper934 Haven't missed it as much as I thought I would - in the early days it was entirely understandable that DCs Mum wasn't interested and I'd gladly swap never doing it again for my DC (if I had to). However, now I'm single again I'm hoping celibacy isn't indefinite. At risk of being labelled a sexist git I wonder if it's easier for women to get that itch scratched - dunno really.

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 21:28:32

Joyless - will try my best - but you have to bear in mind I am 51 YO with a 5 YO DC so may not be your target market!

Djangounhinged Wed 31-Jul-13 21:30:34

Secret good luck! Hope you have a great time, and manage a loo update smile

Flipper can I have some of your woo too please? I'm glad your wazzock showed his true colours sooner rather than later, what on earth??!

Wine my best offer along "wanna fuk" lines was "I'm just after a shag hen, if that's what you're looking for then I'm your man". I was quite impressed by his honesty, so I told him so. And no thanks. He might have got somewhere if he'd left the hen out...

Joyless I'm very happy to have a look, but it's not something I've done before - so if you have offers from more experienced profile viewers, I'll step aside!

Djangounhinged Wed 31-Jul-13 21:32:07

Bant, love that Freudian slip! Now, does your email exchange shed new light on the Aruba situation.....?

Djangounhinged Wed 31-Jul-13 21:34:54

Over I've just rejoined OKC too, fell out with a lot of the questions.

As usual, very few matches near to me, a couple of interesting messages though.... "Hi there, are you into BDSM at all?" "No."

Overtheraenbow Wed 31-Jul-13 21:39:48

Haha you sure it was a Freudian slip ( not an intentional flirt) bant ? Do you see it working as an LDR ? Or is that too LD? Saying that my exh did it for the ow and they're now shacked up here together so it can work and I wish them well after it all collapses round his sorry arse !

Overtheraenbow Wed 31-Jul-13 21:43:32

Djang The profile that got me ( loca/attractive/l same age ) was the one who openly admitted he was'happily' married and looking for. ' fun' and sexual encounters ! Well nothing like being honest. Just thank god I don't know him!! shock

Pof is childsplay in comparison!

KinNora Wed 31-Jul-13 21:45:48

Rae I had a message from a relatively normal seeming man on okc who, during the course of several messages, asked if I'd be his 'keyholder'. On further questioning this involved being the guardian of the key to his 'personal chastity device' and when I said that I was unwilling to have sexual exchanges with a stranger over the Internet, he asked if I'd have dinner with him, with the key on a necklace while I was wearing a low cut top.

Good luck Secret

Empathetic lack of shagging high five to Dad (slightly disturbing to write that but still )

JoylessFucker Wed 31-Jul-13 21:52:13

Thanks A LOT to all who've offered, PMs sent out. Happy to receive all and any late comers too ... but back to the thread. FAR too much to catch up with on the last thread, suffice it to say that I'm continuing to love the loved-up ones and feeling the envy whilst being delighted for you.

WFF soooooo ... this German??? hmm
Pure welcome, love the idea of sticking up the thread. Is it too anal to laminate them as well ...?
mama agree with the thread opinion so far, you may know there's no chance due to biology, but does he realise and will it create awkwardness?
Flipper am loving the sound of your Very Good Feeling. Are you feeling some of it for yourself m'dear? If not, time for you to do some re-directing of woo ...
Wine oh dear, dear, dear ... agree with OWW, at least spell it right dear boy hmm
Secret the shortest man I ever dated (an inch shorter than me) was dead dead sexy. Didn't last mind, although we are great friends (no, no benefitting as he's in lurve).
Kin keyholder ... WTF?
Bant I'm another one for mermaid and who's really not feeling it for Aruba. Time to fish or cut bait as they say ... As for that autocorrect freudian slip wink, its a corker!

Big big wave, welcome and warmest doodahs to everyone else - oh & lots of wine

Winefiend Wed 31-Jul-13 21:54:27

django 'hen'? Oh that sounds like some classy Glasgow patter to me grin

Overtheraenbow Wed 31-Jul-13 22:01:40

kin I am just shock !!

(Raen realises she had lead a VERY sheltered life )

Flipper934 Wed 31-Jul-13 22:06:49

Woo coming your way, Django. And 'Hen' would have had me ripping my knickers off for him. Takes all sorts, I suppose.

Dad, that's good. And reassuring, that nice guys exist.

Plenty of woo just for me, Joy, and for you. The thing that dented my confidence a few weeks back has turned out to be very, very funny indeed, and has actually now boosted my confidence. Possibly to the extent that only someone as powerful as Simon Cowell would actually be worthy of me...
Happy to look at your profile, by the way.

Flipper934 Wed 31-Jul-13 22:08:21

Oh, I'm very disappointed in myself. I've realised that I started sentences with 'and' twice in that last post. That's a very poor show.

I apologise to the thread.

KinNora Wed 31-Jul-13 22:14:44

Rae I know - I googled the said devices very, very carefully, apparently one can buy them on Amazon. Eeeh nowt so queer as folk.

Flipper did you say how work was going ? ( I may just have missed it )

OhWesternWind Wed 31-Jul-13 22:28:35

Oh-oh, LM's texting again ... and two e-mails from Alpha all in the space of five minutes. Must be emitting some peculiar message-me vibe.


I know, I won't. At least, I'll try very hard not to.

Flipper934 Wed 31-Jul-13 22:29:29

Ooh, sorry, Nora, no, I didn't. Thanks for asking, though. Apologies to others for off topic post:

Technically, I start my new role tomorrow, though it's really been since Monday. This bit isn't a problem. I haven't the foggiest idea what I'm meant to be doing, but that's ok, because no one expects me to! Working with one particular colleague will obviously be interesting, but I haven't seen her this week, yet.

However, our fluoro machine has died, and the future of the clinic here is therefore in jeopardy, as they won't replace it. Supposedly, the one they replaced earlier this year was going to be adequate, but having tried it once, we're not so sure. This is going to be a bit of an issue for us, I think. Well, I'm trying not to think about it, to be honest.

Welsh student befriended me on FB. This is odd, but hey...

scrazy Wed 31-Jul-13 22:30:14

Place marking, nothing to report.

Flipper934 Wed 31-Jul-13 22:33:03

OWW, put down the 'phone. Step away from the 'phone...

Moanranger Wed 31-Jul-13 22:42:11

Hi, all, much enjoyment in reading the latest antics/woes on the thread.
Bant Mermaid does sound like the ticket and, no, I am not at all influenced by our shared origins, singin California girls
Although Meet Up guy & I are very much still on, I was taken aback by something he said last night, and am now in a reflective mood. Maybe a bit reminiscent of what JM went through awhile ago with Dutchie, which seems to have resolved in her case.
Watch this space...

KinNora Wed 31-Jul-13 22:46:35

OWW don't let him upset you, only yesterday ( I think ) you were saying how positive you were feeling about Alpha, LM has the ability to erode all that promise with his self-centred tosh. You're a lovely person, he's trying to take advantage of that.

(Excuse me, everyone) Flipper now why am I not surprised that no-one's specified your role ? grin fricking nhs is the same all over.

They certainly use the fluoroscopy equipment less than they used to but there's no real equivalent in another modality to doing a Ba swallow so I'd say most places still need that capacity, it's rather shortsighted (another hearty laugh) not to replace the equipment. The current interest is in sexy interventional stuff where radiologists can ponce around like surgeons so I think funds are being diverted along those lines in many places.
Is Welsh student one of ours ? Does he fancy you - it might be love across the divide.

Djangounhinged Wed 31-Jul-13 22:57:02

OWW delete the LM text, and reply to Alpha instead....

Djangounhinged Wed 31-Jul-13 23:00:56

Thanks for the woo, Flipper, it arrived at the same time as a message from the postie but that may have been a coincidence...

Wine oh yes he was from Glasgow alright, which works for me, and he was bonny too, which is why I messaged him. Just a shame about his morals, tsk

Bant Wed 31-Jul-13 23:07:29

This evening, I have mostly been messaging the Mermaid. It does put Aruba into perspective again.

48howdidthathappen Wed 31-Jul-13 23:12:15

Place marking smile

Mr R&R has zero reception. I am missing the texting. I know I'm going soft blush Its quite nice.

He drove up to higher ground and called. smile

I am getting plenty of much needed sleep wink

FlorentinePogen Wed 31-Jul-13 23:13:20 I've had a roast pork sarnie for lunch and a Star Bar and a bottle of wine for tea.

Cannae beat a boatil ay Buckie fer yer

Djangounhinged Wed 31-Jul-13 23:24:17

Bant smile

48 smile

Flo grin

Snapespeare Wed 31-Jul-13 23:37:07

Blimey, I popped over to namelesses for an Impromptu Wednesday (we generally do Mondays & Fridays, I suggested an's national orgasm day, I felt I should contribute....) and we were doing the post-coital-eye-thing, when you just look at someone....he said, 'we should try and Decode this eye-morse-code thing... It's been going on for a while... Which gives me an ideal let-in to decode it via the medium of pizza!

In other news, I did an online situational judgement test to allow me to apply for promotion t work. It takes 45 minutes...I needed to score better than 35% of people taking the test. It took me 25 minutes. I scored better than 79% of applicants. I'm not used to being appreciated at work and consider myself to be a bit bolshie, so it's been a day of validation.

Hello new folk! I love this thread for having the old stalwarts (hello velvet if you're passing by, I hope things are good with you!) and a steady flow of lovely new people...I wave my dating wand in your direction blush (I'm aware my wand is unsolicited, but hope we can still be friends)

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 23:47:57

A bit late to this due to cat-feeding (sisters) and profile reviewing duties, but Nora that key story is the best - this place is (far) superior to telly.
snapespeare thanks fro wand-wave greatly appreciated.

Winefiend Wed 31-Jul-13 23:50:57

snape Nice one, on all parts of that post grin

flo do you know, I have only had Bucky once! MD20/20 was my tipple of choice.

I am going to see QOTSA in Glasgow in Nov. I am incredibly excited about this and it only just crossed my mind that me + Josh Homme + booze + potentially attractive males into Josh Homme = trouble. Except my fucking (younger) brother is coming to chaperone (my sort of sis in law was just coming initially). Clearly little bro has more foresight than me as this has just dawned on me. Looks like I will be doing an 'oops I lost you guys'.

Attractive men into Josh Homme is my achilles heel.

Snapespeare Wed 31-Jul-13 23:54:06

Oh bant just ditch Aruba already... You're not there, you're in mermaid territory. You would be settling with Aruba, so don't waste your time.... don't waste her time! You will think about mermaid during <cough!> intimate moments <cough!> with Aruba. I think another date with Aruba is a confirmation-of-what-you-know date... There's no need for that.

Bant Mermaid sounds nice, straightforward, and from what you've written you like her loads...I think Aruba is sadly a pleasant girl, but Mermaid has kinda blown her out of the water.

OWW LM had his chance...

Hey newbies smile

I need a big dollop of woo, and lots of encouragement!

I am doing some decorating <apply encouragement here>

Anyways German replied...interested but I live too far. At least he was polite.Sigh...

In other news I've had a message from tentative bloke in the States. smile <apply big dollop of woo here>

WFF nods and waves to all, I am going to disappear as I want to crack on with the sanding etc

But will be reading along and posting my usual brand of confused when time allows.

FlorentinePogen Thu 01-Aug-13 00:10:30

Wine(o), I was handed a hip flask during a round of golf last year and didn't realise that the flowery, sweet sickly content was Buckie. shock

Josh Homme ? Pffffftttttt.

Try Grace Slick circa. 1969.

Winefiend Thu 01-Aug-13 00:22:27

flo I refuse to watch that youtube on the grounds you directed a 'pffft' at JOSH HOMME. Fucking jesus!

(I will probs watch it tomoro once I am over the sheer shock shock)

Bucky is (pure) vile (man). Bleuuuurgh.

Snape forgot to add that I'm definitely for the Love Pizza. It's pizza so it makes it edgy enough somehow no idea what I'm talking about I just want to see a photo of the Love Pizza

FlorentinePogen Thu 01-Aug-13 00:33:25

Wine, I wouldn't say Buckie is vile, just that I wouldn't include it as part of my calorie controlled diet. smile

Re. your comments on goingto QOTSA concert. My DD has secured 2 tix for The Arctic Monkeys in November at yon new extension to the SECC. I am trying to stay in her good books !!

Winefiend Thu 01-Aug-13 00:44:39

flo oh horrible stuff Bucky is. Cough medicine!

Ah yes I am off to see AM in their hometown. If it is anything like their Don Valley tentfest a couple of summers ago it will be messy and incredibly fun. Love it grin Will probs be the 5th or 6th time I've seen em. One of the few bands these days that make me want to revert back to my music photogtaphy days.

Winefiend Thu 01-Aug-13 00:45:04

Er *photography

ALittleStranger Thu 01-Aug-13 06:57:27

OWW ignore, ignore. He had his chance and is probably feeling sorry for himself. You are not.

Mama I agree with the others. I also think in general it's not great to be reliant on someone for a bed or even a lift on the second date. I know others have had very good and prolonged bunk-ups from the off, but it doesn't sit right with me. But maybe I'm biased as I tend to bail after second dates.

48howdidthathappen Thu 01-Aug-13 07:33:50

Mama I agree with the others. Could be very awkward.

I think he will be hoping for 'Dinner'.

Flipper934 Thu 01-Aug-13 08:06:07

Nora, he is indeed one of yours. I'm not sure how he even remembered my surname to find me, but he's a bit of a fb slut, so I don't think there's anything to it.

Woo is still in good supply for anyone who needs it. As is motivation for decoration, WFF. Get that sanding done, girl!

OhWesternWind Thu 01-Aug-13 08:37:12

Waft some waves of woo this way, Flipper . . . Nothing like a good bit of alliteration to get the day off to a good start (apart from a nice e-mail from Alpha waiting for me when I got to work) He's back this weekend but not sure exactly when and I don't know if he does either as he's staying with family so it's a bit open-ended. Nothing lined up to see him yet when he is back but I know we'll meet up some time soon. I do like to have a concrete time and day to look forward to but am staying calm and unworried about this as there is no funny business or game playing going on so I'm not constantly looking for reassurance.

I don't have any interest in LM, really glad to have come to that realisation last time he got in touch, but even so it would be easier if he'd stop texting.

Good luck with your decorating WFF!

KinNora Thu 01-Aug-13 09:01:59

Does he actually have social skills then Flipper ? <surprised face>

Never tried Buckie after being warned off it in my student days by an ex-Marine from Wishaw, I correctly decided that if it was too much for a brick shithouse-sized, hard as nails Scot, it'd definitely be too much for a pint-sized Manc.

Moan - you ok ?

OWW good news about Alpha.

Mwwwah to everyone, I'm just about to go out on my second long walk of the day, I'm going to be like a fricking panther come September ( this is unlikely )

Djangounhinged Thu 01-Aug-13 11:04:45

Morning all,

OWW sounds like you're in a good place with Alpha, how fantastic to be free of mind games! As for LM, well you're in a much better place with him too, and he knows it.

Wine I'd LOVE to see AM in Sheffield! Have seen them 3-4 times and would happily pin Alex Turner on my wall ;)

Have had a few Buckfast moments myself Kin, it wasn't pretty. Think MD20/20 had the same effect?

Happy Thursday all, I'm busy packing up for my festival weekend, and not hanging on to my phone for next message from postie at all, oh no, not I I think it's scorchio where lots of you are, but I am having to pack my waterproof trousers hmm

scrazy Thu 01-Aug-13 11:10:23

Snape, in view of the need to clarify the gazing into each others eyes I would say the pizza sounds like a great idea. Fwiw the L word came up with LM and it was a case of 'perhaps, but I L what we have'. The stars fell from my eyes as I needed something more to go on. I'm currently ignoring texts for a day or two and looking for someone else.

OWW, definitely I would say this is the time to delete and move on but can see you have come to the conclusion yourself, well done, his loss.

Got asked out on POF for a coffee, that was quick work as I only went on a day or two ago and without a picture too. (I sent one via private image) He is tall, very good looking, educated but a bit too far away. I will see how far he is prepared to travel for a coffee.

I sent a message to a local guy who looked perfect on paper. He ignored me so I sent another with a photo thinking that might instigate a reply but no... oh well, not meant to be.

scrazy Thu 01-Aug-13 11:11:35

'LM' ?? see I've even forgotten his name grin

OhWesternWind Thu 01-Aug-13 11:22:35

Just remembered drinking a horrible and dangerous concoction as a student - cider with a top of strawberry 20/20. Bloody hell fire. Did many dubious things under the influence of that particular combination.

Never had Buckie - what is it? (Not that I'm aiming to try it, much more a champers and Pimms type nowadays grin )

OhWesternWind Thu 01-Aug-13 11:30:10

Your coffee man sounds nice Scrazy - how far away is he?

FlorentinePogen Thu 01-Aug-13 11:35:14

OWW, 'Buckie' is the common name of Buckfast Tonic Wine which is made by Beneditine Monks at Buckfast Abbey in Devon. (Sometimes referred to as Buckfast Toenail Wine. grin)

Buckie is the preferred 'quick hit' of many inhabitants of the West of Scotland, especially Glasgow, to wit :-

P.S. If anyone knows what these zoomers are saying, please let us know.

Djangounhinged Thu 01-Aug-13 13:26:01

No idea what those lovely chaps are saying Flo, but these guys would love them:

Oh the Glesgae banter!

lurkinglorna Thu 01-Aug-13 13:55:32

D, Florentine, I'm pretty certain I've received messages on POF from ALL those guys, or their lookalikes. Hope you're not too envy

Djangounhinged Thu 01-Aug-13 14:26:18

Haha lorna I bet they said something like "u lok sexy babz, gonnae gie us a shag lolz"

Totally envy !

bigstrongmama Thu 01-Aug-13 14:38:52

Hi guys. Looks like the consensus is that he thinks I'm 'Dinner'. I don't know what to do - if I book a room he will think I don't trust him - if I stay at his it could get awkward - what if I text him so he knows I'm not up for it? How the hell does one word a text like that?!

FlorentinePogen Thu 01-Aug-13 14:46:12

Mama, I suppose something along the lines of " Big Boy, I'm just letting you know that there'll be no shagging when I stay over so you can just have a little Five Knuckle Shuffle and empty your sack before I arrive. Love + Kisses, Mama" might be out of the question ?

bigstrongmama Thu 01-Aug-13 14:52:01

Thanks for that florentine! smile

OhWesternWind Thu 01-Aug-13 14:58:14

Mama at the moment you don't know him well enough to be able to trust him, so really it doesn't matter if he thinks you do or you don't. He shouldn't be trusting you at this stage either as you've only met once.

How about meeting somewhere neutral, maybe half way, both drive if taxis/public transport doesn't work and then you can get to know each other a bit more first before you take the plunge? Then you'll have some more evidence about his intentions and whether or not he's trustworthy, and also be clearer about what you want.

I don't think texting him is a good idea as a) it raises the subject by text which could result in all kinds of misunderstandings, much better to talk face to face on your date if you want to - mention and b) you will still end up back at his house, possibly a bit pissed and faced with someone who's quite likely to be trying to get you into bed.

If he's genuine, he won't mind waiting. Spending time with you and getting to know you should be enough at this stage for someone who's after a relationship rather than a casual fling.

ALittleStranger Thu 01-Aug-13 15:03:53

Mama I strongly second everything OWW said, including don't text. It's unreasonable for him to expect some big display of trust on a second date. Maybe I've been spoilt by living in a city, but the idea of a date suggesting I stay at his ahead of our second date just wouldn't happen. How did the issue of you even crashing in his spare room come up again?

lurkinglorna Thu 01-Aug-13 15:10:51

Aye mama I'm with the others here, seems a bit uneasy. I personally enjoy 1st date sex or whatever. I really don't want to "rain on your parade" if you're excited about this guy. But the whole "meeting at home" thing is a red flag for me.

(I'm not ashamed of anything, but when I started dating, I did accept a couple of "meet me at home for a movie" first meets and although nothing non-consensual happened, things happened that I wasn't happy with afterwards, with guys I wouldn't have been interested in if we'd met in an outside environment. Just because we "started off in the home location")

1 You shouldn't be worrying about him "thinking you don't trust him". Even when I've had casual lovers before, the etiquette is they ALWAYS offer "out" option or "home option". Eg my ex and I met, and we were getting quite drunk and flirty, then he said "coffee at my hotel room OR would you rather stay out and go somewhere else".

If they guy is pushing for the "home option", it means he's trying to override your instincts, which is a bad sign.

And if he's saying "do you trust me?" he's being a fuckwit. It's not actually ordinary to say that? Decent men don't say that, they recognise that women have a need for safety and work that into their planning. Eg I've been chatting with a guy on POF, and he's suggested going for a day trip with him driving, but then also said "we should meet for a coffee first in the City Centre, so you know I'm ok". That's pretty "standard" behaviour. Anything else is abnormal.

2 Practically. I'm a bit confused. Can you not just either not drink or have one at the start of the evening, then not drink for the rest of the evening? Therefore transport option sorted. Or meet for a coffee? You don't need a mega long first date, if there's a connection you can fit in a second one sometime.

Either way, I'd text him to SAY you're not staying over (not in an angry or questioning way, just in a ^"oh realised I've got an early start on X day, shall we just meet for a couple of soft drinks or a coffee?"^).

I think you'll get information from how he answers that. There's nothing wrong with a man wanting sex (and of course you might want sex too if you fancy him, nothing wrong with that) but manipulating a situation so that he can override your instincts is a very bad sign (to me)

Good luck smile Sorry if it anything in this post came across bossy or nagging btw!

lurkinglorna Thu 01-Aug-13 15:12:22

Sorry, just realised second date not first date! But still same argument applies, I think smile

Djangounhinged Thu 01-Aug-13 15:36:47

Mama what the others have said. Make it clear that the date is still on, but you've decided to head away at the end of the evening (whether by driving or by staying elsewhere).

You actually can't lose: he will either realise that you're simply not ready to get physical with him and respect you for that, or he will take the hump and you will know that what he wants is more important to him than what you need right now, and there's your red flag.

I know it's not for everyone, but I do like the idea of having one drink at the start of the evening, then driving home at the end.

scrazy Thu 01-Aug-13 15:42:54

I once stayed over on a second date but it wasn't intentional and I stupidly once let someone stay the night on a second date when he should have driven. Big mistake, so awkward letting a virtual stranger into your space. Even if the attraction is there, that is still what it is and I wouldn't do it again.

OWW, coffee date guy is 60 miles away, too far isn't it? Why didn't the local one want to meet up, damn it.

DadfromUncle Thu 01-Aug-13 15:59:39

scrazy 60 miles is beyond my limit - I have set very strict geog. limit this time around no doubt there are some fab people living outside it - but it won't be fun falling for someone and spending huge amount of time/cash travelling to see them. If it's any consolation, I have an almost zero success rate with women I like the look of locally. They don't respond - could be any number of reasons, but it's their loss, move on.

lurkinglorna Thu 01-Aug-13 16:05:31

mama Of course, I wouldn't say he's a bad guy at this stage - he might have come up with the "staying over" option out of wanting to make it more convenient for you? smile

But I think the "tell" will be what his reaction is when you say you're not staying over/going back to his?

Like two POF guys, one said meet me at X (very near to him) and when I texted back saying "we seem to have different expectations/ socialising styles" he sent one back saying "no worries I'll delete your number". So I guess he was only looking for an instant hook up -his profile pics were very attractive - whereas I like my sex, but with a side of romance.

Another said "drop by one evening and see my paintings at the home studio" - he's an artist. When I said "oh lovely, I might be out with my friend X so we might do that" no reply hmm.

scrazy Thu 01-Aug-13 16:09:29

I've had interest from a few nearer but I don't like the profiles of anyone in my area, apart from one who looked and sounded OK but he hasn't replied.

DadfromUncle Thu 01-Aug-13 16:14:16

I think we may have to accept that OD isn't the only way of meeting folk :-) Or be patient. I am certainly not expecting overnight success - it would be nice if it was like eBay or Amazon, but the results aren't so instant.

Bant Thu 01-Aug-13 16:14:44

Mama - Aruba stayed over on the 4th date, asked me if I was trustworthy (which I am, I spose, in that I didn't try and get her drunk and seduce her) but the subtext was that something was very likely to happen, it's just that I shouldn't initiate it.

You could be honest and say 'just to make sure, nothing is going to happen as its not the best time for me' but that implies if it wasn't, something would happen, and you probably don't want to discuss something so personal.

You could say 'actually ill stay somewhere else' because otherwise you couldn't be trusted to control yourself but that has disadvantages too

scrazy Thu 01-Aug-13 16:28:23

Dad, I know that, in fact I don't like OD much and only put a profile up for a nosy round and a distraction. I will leave the blank profile up and just have a look now and again for anyone new.

Mama, this is the reason it's best to go local, saves the worry of who drives and stays a who's in the beginning. I had a 90 mile LDR which lasted around 6 months and we took it in turns to travel. I met him in the pub rather than OD, or I wouldn't have bothered.

lurkinglorna Thu 01-Aug-13 16:57:07

As a non car owner, one random thing i remember from my travelling days, and which I've sometimes found handy for long distance evening dates is "coaches at weird times". So you don't want the night to end at 9pm, but not sure you want to commit to staying the night? get a coach at 4am. take a change into casual clothes so you look like a traveller and aren't waiting with the tramps in heels and a sparkly dress. Job's a good un, and cheaper than train.

if you don't want to stay at his then you can just get a book and wait a couple hours turn up at work at 9am mumbling and looking like you've fallen out of a tree I find it quite romantic - megabus and national express etc.

mercury7 Thu 01-Aug-13 17:17:12

Lorna, coach sounds like a good alternative, but then again, the thought of losing sleep just doesnt seem worth the hassle, or even going all that way just to spend a few hours with someone I hardly know.
guess I just have no sense of adventure just lazy and too selfish more like

lurkinglorna Thu 01-Aug-13 17:24:35

ha ha mercury yeah its not exactly the Orient Express and of course practically might not work depending on location. But the rugrats board and I'm not a big sleeper (or co-sleeper for that matter - even if its with a lover I like and know I don't like the whole cosy morning routine thing) so its "something to do that's a bit adventurous" and of course cheaper than a hotel room.

I do often wonder if there's some ambivalence towards a full time partnership i have that means i gravitate towards long distance dudes?

Like the european was the first "local" psychopath admirer I've seriously dated in a while. and i was feeling VERY stifled by the whole "you're free tonight, i'm free tonight, so why aren't we meeting up?" vibe. i'm happier with planning something 2 weeks in advance then looking forward to it whilst being single the rest of the time for practical purposes.

(that said, as others have mentioned, the local pickings are often fairly shabby so who knows?)

bigstrongmama Thu 01-Aug-13 17:47:33

Right, thanks guys. Think I will book a room somewhere and tell him I changed my mind and I just really like hotels...

He is 60 miles away. I think it is a bit far, but I live in the middle of nowhere...and he is lovely so I think worth the hassle, temporarily smile

Djangounhinged Thu 01-Aug-13 17:58:10

That's good mama, once you've changed the plan you can relax and look forward to your second date a bit more! Hope it goes really well smile

My last date lives about 70 miles from me - I had widened my search because the pickings were so slim near me (like everyone else! Maybe we should all do a house-swap and see if we prefer everyone else's pickings!) - and I used that as one of my excuses not to see him again. I think, though, if you like him enough and he likes you, you'll both be happy to travel.

I've narrowed my search again now, and have accepted that this is going to be a loooooong process....

mercury7 Thu 01-Aug-13 18:16:50

I have found it tricky in the past to deal with the spending the night together issue, without causing offense.
It's so widely assumed that if you're intimate with someone you'll naturally want to sleep together as well as 'sleep' together

Mama if you are considering a hotel, I would just make sure you don't get any negative vibes back from him before you confirm/pay. The distance is substantial and he has to get up early the next day so that is quite an investment for an evening. What is your gut feel about his intentions?

KinNora Thu 01-Aug-13 19:00:47

Or alternatively make sure it's somewhere you really fancy staying Mama, then it can be a treat for you - this is what I did when I travelled a couple of hundred miles to see Software. ( I invited him back to the room but pointed out that I wasn't going to have sex with him presciently as it turned out he kissed like a woodpecker )

Kin that should have come with a trigger warning. I just had a flashback to the woodpecker thing.

By the way boat shoes, they exist for the grip apparently. This I found out when I slipped on the wet deck and nearly went overboard wearing my trainers. It made me think of Showbiz, but then he had a low centre of gravity if I recall.

DadfromUncle Thu 01-Aug-13 19:08:39

The reason I wanted to be local is for the potential to meet up on weekdays (and still get some sleep). Love the idea of house swaps to see if pickings are better.

KinNora Thu 01-Aug-13 19:27:55

Yeah, sorry about that Juliette it remains a fairly vivid memory for me too. I'm sure any boat shoes you wore would be infinitely more stylish and not paired with Clarkson jeans

If Showbiz's chest hair had weighed more, he'd have been more evenly balanced.

KinNora Thu 01-Aug-13 19:28:56

(I've made myself feel a bit queasy now)

lurkinglorna Thu 01-Aug-13 19:31:53

Personally I quite like the whole idea of my dating being a holiday from day to day life" even if just a city or somewhere i've not been before? Where I live, i feel a bit " i'm here because i'm here" so its not like i have strong roots here and need a local boy...

wouldn't mind doing a juliette and having a beau abroad.

though sadly it would seem the europeans i have encountered are not quite winning on the "person i would like to spend time with without being scared they will cut my face off and wear it as a mask" spectrum....

scrazy Thu 01-Aug-13 20:49:40

I've just had an emails from POF with a page full of my perfect matches. I think I will be celibate for the rest of my life grin.

lurkinglorna Thu 01-Aug-13 20:51:29

grin scrazy




48howdidthathappen Thu 01-Aug-13 20:57:47

I love spending the night with the right person. But then I am a 'Breakfast' person wink

Bant Thu 01-Aug-13 21:27:30

Ah, found the quote. Not sure if someone mentioned previously but it's Dr Seuss..
"We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."

It's apt.

scrazy Thu 01-Aug-13 21:32:38

I like that quote Bant.

bigstrongmama Thu 01-Aug-13 21:32:38

Bant, love that!
Finding a hotel room turns out to be very tricky... still trying, but may be back to plan A...

Secretservice Thu 01-Aug-13 21:48:41

Evening all!
Again sorry for the delay, I just can't keep up. I try to read before posting, but each time I refresh there's 100s more posts and I'm hours behind the conversation!

Very envious of those with AM tickets, DD2 has tickets, but I'm not welcome apparently - serpent's tooth child that she is. I was good enough when she needed an adult - but now definitely persona non-grata grin

Anyway, last night. All a bit of a mixed bag really. Ended up back at his ([shame] reading all the advice to Mama). And it was just, well, odd. Shag was ok, not great, but first time etc, etc. But afterwards he just wouldn't touch me. Not in a don't like cuddles sort of way, but not a fleeting touch of any sort. Same in the morning, which was worse as I had hoped for a bit of 'breakfast' and he didn't have any tea grin

But he was as chatty as he's always been, said he'd definitely be in touch and did want to see me again.

So ladies, is he just giving me the inevitable brush off or am I missing something?

Secretservice Thu 01-Aug-13 21:49:58

Sorry! Gents advice/insights obviously also very welcome

Bant Thu 01-Aug-13 21:56:54

Sorry secret, what's the backstory on him again? I'm on my phone and can't remember him or look it up easily

Secretservice Thu 01-Aug-13 22:02:44

Not much of a backstory Bant. Smooth Jazzman. Only 2nd date, but spent four hours chatting on first date, although thinking about there was no casual touching then either until the snog, when he sort of dumped his hand on my lower thigh. Erratic texter

Bant Thu 01-Aug-13 22:02:58

Oh this was short guy? Ok firstly, the question we're all begging to have answered, did size matter? smile

Not touching at all is odd. Was he touchy before? Men don't necessarily bond the same way after sex - we don't feel the need to cuddle so much usually - but no touching at all is strange. Sounds almost like the pathological-need-for-a-shower I've heard about.

All you can do is wait and see I suppose.

Bant Thu 01-Aug-13 22:04:47

'Sort of dumped his hand' oh he's a veritable Casanova

scrazy Thu 01-Aug-13 22:10:31

Secret, yes to the size issue? grin.

I would feel a little peed off if there was no touching afterwards, you could try and see for next time, if you like him enough.

48howdidthathappen Thu 01-Aug-13 22:17:02

I don't know SS Never experienced anything like it myself. Although I have heard that for some people sex is the easy part, any other sort of closeness is the tricky part.

No tea though. Unforgivable!

Secretservice Thu 01-Aug-13 22:18:20

Proportionately, were he of average height, he would be very well endowed!

He didn't strike me as the need-to-shower type, quite happy to sleep without one - and it was a very hot night.

Reliving it now, he didn't actually touch me at all last night, almost up to the point he had his hands in my knickers [shame]. Oh god, I've pulled another nutter, haven't I. I could start my own travelling OD freak show grin

Kin you made me guffaw there and knowing how some men of a certain age leave chest hair to have a life of it's own I totally understand the queasiness. After the slipping incident which was scary I realised I have to give in and buy

deck shoes

They also come in a natty pink if anyone is jealous. However, I couldn't do it and somehow I came home with some heavy duty plimpsols from Primarni this afternoon.

Can anyone see what I did wrong on that link there? second time today.

Secret good to see the old fashioned hand dump is still on the go. The traditional approach always works for me. I overheard a conversation once where older bloke was giving younger bloke a few tips as he had his first 'big' date "always have a flannel with you, the ladies always appreciate a quick rub down round your balls".

Don't blame me, Kin started it.

Snapespeare Thu 01-Aug-13 22:25:52

The dr suess quote was in the notebook of doom. hmm just back from the RA summer exhibition (ooh, get me!) which has made me want to paint again and really a bit cross that aforementioned notebook didn't come home, as I could make a fucking fortune entering individual pages into the exhibition. [grr!] was absolutely aghast at shit-awful watercolours of headless female torsos with poorly depicted tattoos going for £12k a pop! Plus, I got chatted up at the bus stop by a weasley ex-marine who could do one-armed push-ups (he demonstrated) and who called me 'duchess' and told me he could 'track me down' (unlikely. I told him my name was Sarah...)

Tomorrow is emotional pizza day. Bring it. I might need to have an emergency red pepper and a sharp knife in my handbag if the pizza-joint won't play along.

KinNora Thu 01-Aug-13 22:27:59

I don't really like hairy men Juliette, and he had a whiff of the orang-utan about him.

Those shoes aren't bad and if they prevent you falling into what my father would call the 'oggin', they're worth having.

Secret it's a bit odd, innit ? Not sure I'd have liked that but then I do enjoy being soundly felt up

KinNora Thu 01-Aug-13 22:30:25

Juliette that made me snigger aloud. ( what's my fault now ? Am I being accused of lowering the tone again ? Fair cop )

Bant Thu 01-Aug-13 22:42:06

I know we decided to name this thread more generically to make it more welcoming and inclusive and less cliquey, but I think 'emotional pizza', ' a quick rub round the balls' and ' a whiff of the orang-utan' should be noted for posterity..

Secretservice Thu 01-Aug-13 22:45:16

So do I Nora, so do I.

It's funny what you forget, I suppose that's the benefit of debriefing pun absolutely intended! - but I had begun to wonder why he'd invited me back. No cuddles in the kitchen to get things off the ground, as our Alex would say! But then he lunged...

Secretservice Thu 01-Aug-13 22:49:34

I'm opening a book - what's the odds I'll never see him again. And so it's a level playing field, he said he'd call later at 10 this morning - still nothing. He played his guitar for me and had wine if not tea!

Place your bets...

Kin it seems that deck shoes that actually work are all hideous. Those ones remind me of someone in my past but I'm not sure who confused. I'm sure anything Primark has for £7 is totally up to the job (they're a nice colour ok?).

I like a hairy man, but there is a time for the clippers.

Snapegood luck!

porridgecarver Thu 01-Aug-13 22:54:29

Back here and trying to catch up. Had 4 dates with first ever OD guy but phased it out as he wasn't what I wanted. Arranged date with nice sounding guy who then became weirder and weirder by text so got rid of that one as well. Am tentatively looking forward to a date on Sunday with motorbike guy, please someone tell me that they aren't all totally weird....??!!!

Any more experienced folk with red flag pointers for me would be good so I can suss weirdos out a bit sooner?! I obv don't bother with all the hi luv etc but what about the weirdos who hid their weirdness slightly!!

Bant Thu 01-Aug-13 23:01:46

Wow I get to use the quote twice in one night ..

"We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

Everyone is a little weird, porridge, it's just that most aren't weird in the way you want.

Ooh I'm philosophical tonight. Must be the mermaid

JoylessFucker Thu 01-Aug-13 23:06:16

"A quick rub round the balls" made me chuckle. My mate Dave always used to be sure "to polish the General" if there was the slightest chance he might get lucky grin

Oh dear Secret ... lunged you say? hmm Personally I might be relieved never to hear again. As to his height/penis ratio, in my experience few tall men are proportionately endowed ... so I've never have an issue with shorter men.

Snape keeping everything crossed for the pizza of lurve ...

Secretservice Thu 01-Aug-13 23:17:45

I'm not sure what I want Joyless - if you does ask to meet up again, I think I might and perhaps be a bit more tactiley proactive, see how he reacts. But, there won't be tears if he joins the ranks of the disparu.

A further instance if his weirdness not being mine, obviously!

ALittleStranger Thu 01-Aug-13 23:30:34

Secret my initial thought when you said he didn't touch you the morning after was guilt, and I was going to ask if you were sure he was single... But as the no-touching preceded the Touching there must be something else going on. A lot of people are just quite reserved, non-tactile and not sensuous, but still like to get their end away. It's a pisser.

And err, on height. I have always found shorter men to be out of proportion once to an eye-watering degree. blush

Porridge how weird are we talking? It doesn't sound like you're doing much wrong, or that you can change at least. You're meeting up with strangers, even with a really good email screening process you're going to strike out more often than not. Discovering people's quirks is just part of dating, it's just a shame that most of the time those quirks drive us away. But has any of the weirdness alarmed you?

porridgecarver Thu 01-Aug-13 23:37:46

Second guy was VERY weird. I am actually on a Domestic Abuse course and recognised all the red flags popping up but was still reluctant to cancel in case I hurt his (weird) feelings but that is my issue to resolve. I don't think I can change, steep learning curve though but as to be expected as last time I was single was before the year 2000!!

ALittleStranger Thu 01-Aug-13 23:56:53

but was still reluctant to cancel in case I hurt his (weird) feelings but that is my issue to resolve.

This. This is a core lesson under rule 4. You have to trust your instincts and not fear hurting his feelings.

Has your course tutor said anything about ODing before you've completed the course? I actually think it is possible to OD without negative experiences accepting that a couple of drinks with someone you'd have ditched after ten minutes at a party is just par the course, but we'd all be fools to pretend that there haven't been a sprinkling of shits in the course of the past 60 threads. I do think that anyone doing it has to be in a position to play by the Dating Thread Rules.

Porridge do you mean signs of abuser wierd? if you are getting those flags from prospective men it may be worthwhile taking it very slowly until you have your boundary fence in place and your twat radar tuned to a fine degree. OD is good for 'sampling' and working out what it is that you want from it, posting here helps a lot with trying to work out what is 'normal'.

Secret proper lunging?

porridgecarver Fri 02-Aug-13 00:13:49

I think it is helping tbh as it is enabling me to "experience" (not in that sense of the word!!) chatting and picking up signs etc from a number of blokes without the pressure of feeling that its really important I get it right. If I met someone in real life I would feel more pressure as obvioulsy I would already know I liked them to a certain extent but this is letting me start with very few expectations?! Does that make sense?

FlorentinePogen Fri 02-Aug-13 00:15:33

...and he had a whiff of the orang-utan about him.

I don't know why but my brain processed this as a whiff of Terry's Orange about him.

I need sleep. confused

Bant Fri 02-Aug-13 00:22:07

I would instantly marry someone with the whiff of Terry's chocolate orange. Or, to be honest, after eight.

Porridge - it makes sense as long as you don't feel obliged to follow through with meeting. We all have our own radars and comfort zones, and you're just calibrating yours

Porridge yes it makes sense, it's like 'practising' what you intend to put into practice with different sets of people. Then you can compare notes here smile

lubeybooby Fri 02-Aug-13 00:31:30

sorry rant alert



You know I said BC fell off the earth? Haven't heard from him for three months ish

Well he's back (again) and is he in Hong Kong? nope.

Is he back where he was, 150 miles away? nope.

He isn't

He's moved about 25 miles away from me. MiltonFUCKINGKeynes

Too late dude, and wtf with not telling me til now? And you expect to just barge back in and this be happy news for me?


<wanders off muttering darkly about what kind of fucking weaselly cunting nonsense is this>

<burst into Gloria Gaynor tribute mode>

FlorentinePogen Fri 02-Aug-13 00:47:35

<burst into Gloria Gaynor tribute mode>

DadfromUncle Fri 02-Aug-13 01:09:45

Er, right. Had to feed the cats (reality not euphemism) and do chores (not watch mindless Telly at all), so have missed lots.
Secret No clue if he's coming back, but the touching (lack of) is alien (to me at least). Also, inspite of only having drunk <3 cups of tea in the last 20 years, always keep some in stock just in case. Hope he doesn't flip away off (unless you want him to).
Off to make various unwelcome discoveries/comparisons re:chest hair and proportionality (am tall, have chest hair and am deffo "a certain age") before retiring. My stream of monosyllabic nutters from (complete lack of) Fish seems to have dried up.
Taking DC on hols to France soon and live in hope that near neighbour (there) who is my age will finally see sense and run away with me. A boy (of a certain age) can still have dreams.

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 01:29:31

luberbooby before my thread time, but was BC the chap you had as a lover, great chemistry, before your current interest developed?

How odd! No surprise you're...erm...surprised! I suppose if you're set on the current interest you can just take it as a compliment that you're now his "one that got away"!

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 01:31:36

Red flag question.

For the ladies, is it weird that a guy mentions both on his profile and via e-mail chat that he owns his own flat? Not sure of the relevance, and wonder if he's trying to do some compensating for being a bit rubbish in person? (I e-mailed him as his face looks very handsome to me!)

Lubeyboobey I better watch out then because I'm near MK!!!

KinNora Fri 02-Aug-13 06:22:03

I would go bloody stark-raving catnip glassy-eyed knickers-falling off mad for a man who smelled of After Eights ... mmmmmmm.

Lubey what a massive, massive pisser.

Lorna more a bit 'I'd really, really like to have a shag' I'd say.

Dad Showbiz had a whole chest Axminster thing going on.

Have a good day everyone and Snape fingers so crossed that I'm practically incapable of doing anything for the emotional pizza.

Flipper934 Fri 02-Aug-13 08:13:56

Lubes, I'm sorry, but unfortunately there are no cliffs for him to walk off here. Barely a small hill anywhere around. And don't be too hard on the lad, after all, he's having to live in MiltonFUCKINGKeynes. That's punishment enough.

I may have a date tonight! Guy who's into martial arts. As my last date (with Poshboy) got cancelled for weirdness reasons, I'm not holding my breath.

If we're using this thread as a measure of oddness, can I ask if you think it's odd to spend every single night at a new boyfriend's house, when you've only been seeing each other a few weeks? I'm not talking building up slowly, this is full on from when they started seeing each other, apart from the odd night. There is history between them, so I suppose you could argue they didn't need the getting to know you stage... I think I would feel smothered. They're not a close enough friend that I could say anything, I was just wondering if my dating expectations are off!

Kirstywirsty Fri 02-Aug-13 08:26:28

flipper why would you say anything? Surely if they are happy then that is the main thing?

lubey sorry you're pissed off .. You have moved on though so his loss

snape good luck with the emotional pizza

Happy Friday everyone smile

ALittleStranger Fri 02-Aug-13 08:33:47

Lorna I found lots of guys did that (mentioning their flat). I just assumed it was some kind of boost (in my city and age group it's difficult for single people to own), or a way to say they were past the shared party house days and ready to settle down. But so many people did it I figured it had to be intentional.

ALittleStranger Fri 02-Aug-13 08:36:13

And Flipper, I don't think that's in the realms of oddness that you'd ever say anything about. They must both like it, but it's certainly not something to expect. I did that when I was about 18 but now I'd feel totally smothered.

lubeybooby Fri 02-Aug-13 09:00:49

Thanks everyone. I'm not pissed off, its actually quite funny in a very twisted way grin

I am very happy with Henry and BC can just truly do one. It's just all so wtf. How long I'd have given ANYTHING for BC to be nearer then this happens a week into a new and exclusive relationship. LMAO.

Lorna yes that was him...

and yep, all his loss... and a lesson learned (for him)


Lubey wtf indeed, particularly as he made a big fuss of being 'busy' and unable to travel. What a shock for you but ok, he's really tripped up with this one, maybe it's part of your cosmic order to press the eject button.

That may have just been the best rant ever. Particular admiration for the use of GREEN HAIRY and correct punctuation flowers.

Flipper meh, this is the sort of thing I did as a student. Just thinking about the logistics makes me weary now.

Lorna I always assumed the 'own' a flat thing was to say they are stable, responsible and a good catch. It's always put me off when a man mentions any assets in his profile.

Snape you absolutely have to post an update smile

OhWesternWind Fri 02-Aug-13 09:17:20

Flipper seeing someone once or twice a week is fine for me (but I have children so couldn't see someone every night even if I wanted to). But that's a bit claustrophobic and needy - whatever happened to keeping your own life and interests? Good luck for your date.

And Snape good luck with the Pizza of Lurve.

Lubey blimey, that is a shock and very weird of him to just pop up again like that. But it seems to be the season for magically-popping-up exes. Have you said anything to him?

Never had anyone talk about owning their own place Lorna - probably supposed to show he's financially stable, responsible etc but there are better ways of doing this.

Alpha has just e-mailed to say he's free all weekend . . .

Well, I've realised I've been doing this OD lark for about a year now and goodness me the time has just flown. Never thought I'd still be doing it a year later - I thought that magically I would meet The One within one or two dates and would live happily ever after. Nah. But I have had twenty first dates or so, one seven month relationship, my current almost two months and counting thing with Alpha and a lot of fun as well, both with the dating and on this thread. Not bad for a years work. Cheers, me dears wine

DadfromUncle Fri 02-Aug-13 09:38:08

<Alan Partridge> Idea for new business - foodstuff aftershave - initial launch After Eight, Chocolate Orange, more to follow</Alan Partridge>

OWW cheers wine, have high hopes for you and Alpha

Secretservice Fri 02-Aug-13 10:09:08

Lubes I think you should be grateful BC didn't tell you of his plans, had you known he was going to reappear I bet you would have been less willing to give Mr Flirt the time you did to shape up at the beginning. BC had his chance - he's blown it

Juliette either it was a lunge or he tripped over something by the bed and somehow landed with his hand up my dress and his tongue in my mouth!!

Still no contact. Meh!

Flipper that sort of arrangement's definitely not for me. Twenty years ago (how can that be?) I hooked up with STBX who was in process of leaving his live-in girlfriend, so after a month or so of sofa-surfing friends he just sort-of moved in. So missed all the courting, getting to know him properly from a safe distance - within two years we were married and had DD1 without me ever really having the space to stop and think about what I was doing. If only MN had been around then!

Good luck Snape hope the pizza of passion has the desired affect!

Djangounhinged Fri 02-Aug-13 10:14:06

Checking out for a few days, off to get howling drunk in a field smile

Have a great weekend, all!

OhWesternWind Fri 02-Aug-13 10:20:52

SS sorry, didn't reply to you earlier. Your man sounds very odd. I don't get the not touching thing at all, but I'm one of those that loves all the holding hands and touching arms and that kind of thing. I would not be able to carry on with someone who just wouldn't touch me apart from shagging. Not nice. Would you actually like to see him again as it sounds to me that this could be one to chalk up to experience and leave well alone?

Secretservice Fri 02-Aug-13 10:22:26

OWW happy anniversary thanks great that the first year is ending on an Alpha high. A whole weekend? Is it possible he's decided on a carpe diem approach?

Django Have a great time - raise a beer/Bucky/twinkle to us.

Secretservice Fri 02-Aug-13 10:32:05

Don't be daft OWW no sorry needed!
I'm not sure if I want to see him again or not. I'm just going to leave it up to him. If he does deign to get in touch I probably will see him, and see how he responds if I go for tactical tactility!
He didn't move away from me, when, for example I held his hand, but nor did he respond just left it there until I moved mine! So the nice sucker part of me wants to give him the benefit of the doubt - the rational, which oddly is probably the most instinctive me, says nah, leave him be - I'm fed up of having to coach men on how to fulfil my needs

DadfromUncle Fri 02-Aug-13 10:54:08

OK - just messaged POF woman who ticks all boxes and doesn't appear single-celled (on the face of it) - wish me luck.

ALittleStranger Fri 02-Aug-13 10:56:38

Secret it depresses me to hear you say things like "if he does deign to get in touch". It sounds like you don't actually want to see him but will do so if he chucks a crumb your way. There really are plenty more fish, if you're not keen enough and he's not keen enough, move on.

DadfromUncle Fri 02-Aug-13 10:58:45

Secret I love "tactical tactility" - I am going to write that one down.

Secret so he really did go from the hand dump to up the skirt? The up the skirt move used to follow swiftly if the and wasn't removed. He must have the dating manual circa 1974*. What was he like during the sex, considerate, giving? If you didn't get those two plus hopefully some caring or affection then what's the point of him.

*even that demanded a man go down and stay down until 'the job'' was done hmm The Joy of Sex, wasn't.

Dad good luck!

KinNora Fri 02-Aug-13 11:11:17

Have a marvellous time Django , Secret - is being with him fun ? If not I refer you to The Rules and forza Dad !

Secretservice Fri 02-Aug-13 11:14:52

Oh no stranger please don't be depressed on my account. I don't think it's to do with crumbs. I'm not sure if the hands-off approach is because he doesn't really like me that much and just wanted a shag, in which case he won't contact me again or if he does like me but is just inept, in which case he may contact me and I may see him again just to get a firmer handle on things.

But what I'm not doing is waiting for him to call. In fact just managed to unearth another PoF oddball, who has just invited me to dinner tomorrow night ... With his friends!

Oh and another last night whose 'passion is in compliance and strategic quality management' - heart be still grin

Secret fnarr at' firmer handle on things' grin

ALittleStranger Fri 02-Aug-13 11:18:46

Haha, and this is why I fall down at internet dating. I'd take a "passion for compliance" as evidence of a very dry sense of humour. And then be very disappointed on the date!

Secretservice Fri 02-Aug-13 11:29:35

nora yes he was fun to be with when sex was only a possibility - free-flowing conversation, made me laugh - but possibly not always when he intended! But that dried up somewhat after his lunge-induced lust had been slaked!

Oh I don't know Juliette, he was quite 'giving' at first, but then maybe an element of right that's you sorted - even though I wasn't - now it's my turn.

Fuck! I'm minimising like hell here aren't I? The shag wasnt even ok, was it? Aaaaarrrggh

Secretservice Fri 02-Aug-13 11:32:58

juliette grin and you have the gall to accuse poor Nora of dragging the thread into the gutter!!

KinNora Fri 02-Aug-13 11:44:06

Bin him off Secret, he sounds like the personification of 'crumbs' .

Flipper934 Fri 02-Aug-13 11:55:32

Secret, I can see why you'd give him the benefit of the doubt, but the going cold after DTD bothers me.

Good luck, Dad.

Thanks for your opinions, that's what I thought really, that this is what I'd done in the past and made a mistake, and when much younger. If it was a close friend, Kirsty, I think I'd warn her to be careful, and be sure of what she was doing - i've known too many people lose their own social lives to a relationship and regret it later. Like you say, as long as they're enjoying themselves...

DadfromUncle Fri 02-Aug-13 12:25:09

oh Snape I don't think you need good luck for the pizza concept, (it's fantastic) but good luck.

Snapespeare Fri 02-Aug-13 12:55:39

i'm absolutely bricking it. rubbish idea, which can only be met with 'that's nice' hmm needs to be done, though. move it on, see what happens. I'm actually OK about it as it hasn't involved considerable time and effort.

i saw the youtube video this morning where a guy sits his gf on the open boot of his brothers car and all their friends & family perform an elaborate dance routine to 'i think i want to marry you' before he walks up and proposes and I burst into tears! blush I was on the bus FFS. it's a lot easier being a cynical hard-ass. hmm smile

secret I'd take a 'passion for compliance' as being a sub.

lorna I think it's Ok to mention the flat as some people do set some store by home-ownership, but constantly mentioning it would suggest that he thinks it's important and that would possibly put off people who don't give a fig. If it's accompanied by a looking-down-your-nose' at social housing, that would be a difference of opinion that even the prettiest face could not compensate.

OWW <raises glass!>

flipper yes, I personally think that's odd. it's not a race. seeing someone every night means that you aren't seeing your friends/family and I dislike people who get in a relationship and then ditch everyone else. I'd get bored pretty quickly with that - I'm all for slow and steady wins the race.

<thread wave> you're all lovely! no particular reason, you just are. that's why I still hang out here.

lubeybooby Fri 02-Aug-13 13:00:02

Secretservice yes absolutely right! I am glad it turned out this way

OWW yes I've spoken to BC. Awkward and he seems a bit gutted (although gracious and has gone back under his rock) but really he should know I'm not the simpering hanging around type and I had no clue of his plans so tough shit. Frankly.

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 13:00:53

"i want a feminine woman in touch with her sexuality"

(from a very potatoish potato).


Overtheraenbow Fri 02-Aug-13 13:01:16

secret!i agree with the others : nothing worse than a cold wet fish!! One of the reasons I told Woody not to bother when he said he was t certain about us was that in 4 dates he barely touched me( and as I am georgeous there was no reason for it hehe) I had 2 years in my ( ex) marriage trying to get affection and love from twatface so don't need it from some bloke I hardly know!!
So back on the horse and keep looking. Last night 2 chaps on pof ( one 10 years older and the ither 10 years younger ) now while I low age is not necessarily an issue where are all the men born in the same decade as me ( presumably with thief wives!!??) oh well keep hoping but with a child free week ahead going to have to do some fast work!! smile

Overtheraenbow Fri 02-Aug-13 13:02:49

Sorry for typos 'their wives' not theif wives tho .... Lol

Overtheraenbow Fri 02-Aug-13 13:04:11

Oh older bloke just told me where and when he's meeting his mates tonight !! Hmmm......

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 13:06:32

snape good luck. I'd say the declaration for the sake of it it worth it - love is something that SHOULD be expressed not just in a "tit for tat" way?

I think i probably said "I do love you" a few times and didn't get one back, but it was more important for me i actually said it and got it out and i don't regret it?

thanks for all the opinions re: owning flat statement. he's not my most interesting contact at the moment, but its useful to know smile

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 13:14:14

yeah thinking about it i declared love in last two guys i seriously dated and didn't get it back. we continued going out after that and parted ways for other reasons.

didn't upset me. i KNOW i'm cool and the universe loves me so its actually somewhat irrelevant as to whether i get one back (what's more important to me "in a relationship" is that the guy is demonstrating love by treating me well) but was very important to say it.

Overtheraenbow Fri 02-Aug-13 13:18:31

Love that lorna the universe loves me ( maybe we should all get that printed on a t-shirt!! grin,

Flipper934 Fri 02-Aug-13 13:19:07

That's exactly what I thought, Snape, it sounds like it's straight after work through to going to work in the morning as well, so no time for anything else!

Though I am clearly a cynical old hag, as I got bored halfway through that video (I watched to the end though, I do like the song).

Project Emotional Pizza is a sure win. Don't you dare chicken out.

Oh, forgot, Nora, yes, he has social skills! But he is a mature student, so perhaps he has learnt some along the way...

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 13:21:45

ha ha well it does! gives weird hippy smile at thread grin

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 13:23:01

ps ok i was probably was a bit embarrassed when i got "OH DEAR" back. but still not sorry i said it. fortune favours the bold! smile

scrazy Fri 02-Aug-13 13:41:02

I think that if you feel you love someone you should say it. Not in the beginning so you scare them off or anything like that, there are other ways to let someone know it's serious in the beginning. I haven't been in love many times, and when I've have been I've had it back in the past. I said it with the last one and got a perhaps, yadda, yadda, but I'm glad I did as it taught me to take a step back and detach somewhat, even though he didn't want anything to change.

The only way he will get me back to how things were is if anything changed for him, other than that I am looking elsewhere for the real deal.

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 13:46:24

i dunno if its actually a "gender difference" or just my own situations.

but interestingly i think i wanted to "declare love" as that was my feeling. whereas the guys were like "well why aren't you considering marrying me/relocating to be with me?". so maybe expressing in different ways?

DadfromUncle Fri 02-Aug-13 13:59:34

lurkinglorna What we potatoes want and what we might realistically be able to attain aren't the same of course. I'm not sure how well "Potato seeks equivalent female bag of spuds" would go down; however realistic it may be smile

ALittleStranger Fri 02-Aug-13 14:02:40

Without wanting to get into a whole "what is love" discussion, people will label different things love and some people are just more free and easy with their declarations, so that's why I think people should never feel awkward at a mis-matched "reveal". If someone talks about how much they love their friends and is all "love you" on the phone to family then I definitely factor that in and just regard them as someone who is emotionally a bit of a giver. (I, however, am a taker and the words "I love you were rarely uttered in my family, so I can safely say I have never declared love to a gaping silence.)

Snape I think the emotional pizza is a brilliant and lovely idea, will go down very well. And definitely needs to be photographed.

vandubby Fri 02-Aug-13 14:05:38

I'm such a long-time lurker - I can't believe I'm coming out of the woodwork, but WHERE IS VELVET SPOON? Is she in touch with some of you lot? I used to empathise so much with her, albeit silently and I feel a bit worried about her. Anybody got any news? Velvet are you out there?

OhWesternWind Fri 02-Aug-13 14:05:53

Dad don't think you quite meet the spud criteria . . .

Snapespeare Fri 02-Aug-13 14:27:10

i miss velvet as well. Hope she's doing magnificently (she's on my fb & seems to be doing OK)

JoylessFucker Fri 02-Aug-13 14:34:51

Secret I'm so glad you've seen the light, we are always work much much more than that. I have to say that I took the "passion for compliance" as sub/dom talk as well - although I was assuming he was a dom with a passion for a woman to comply ... mind you, all this subtlety can get me confused

Snape I do love the emotional pizza but get why you are bricking it - too much resonance with the notebook of love. But lets not forget that Voldie was a tit, a complete and utter tit who didn't get how inappropriate his actions were when he bloody well knew how you felt about him (somewhat like FrenchGirl and Bant). Nameless is lovely, has always demonstrated his care for you rather than being a take, take, taker like Voldie. Even if he isn't utterly delighted due to lurving you too, he will love the fact that you are taking a chance with your emotions. For some reason, I feel confident of that - must be all this woo flying about.

wine wine and more wine to Django and OWW for differing reasons.

Thank you very much for the profile feedback. I've tinkered with the PoF one, but will work on the others over the weekend taking your PoF feedback into consideration. Please don't all hold your breath, any increase in traffic will be infintesimal 'cos I'm a tough sell, but every little bit helps smile flowers flowers

JoylessFucker Fri 02-Aug-13 14:40:46

<agrees with OWW on Dad not fitting potato criteria>

I'm another one on missing Velvet but I assumed that she was finding it easier being away from the dating talk. Personally I love it and enjoy living vicariously, but its not everyone's cup of tea. It can certainly be hard when things don't go the way you hope, especially when no one else can understand why and are cheering so hard on your behalf, so sometimes its just easier to remove yourself.

scrazy Fri 02-Aug-13 14:46:08

Changing the subject slightly, my problem with pof atm is that I want to have a look on there again, if I'm at home twiddling my thumbs but don't want to accept the coffee date as lovely as the guy appears to be, he is too far. So if I go online he will see that and I don't want to make excuses. What to do?

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 14:48:48

scrazy make another profile as you're surfing without a pic anyway aren't you? ( get a new gmail account). jobs a good un smile

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 14:51:49

ps if you want to put a pic on the new profile then hide it. no one can see it then unless you've actually sent them a message (which you won't have with coffee bloke as you've only messaged him under old username)

OhWesternWind Fri 02-Aug-13 14:51:51

Scrazy could you just reply and say he sounds lovely but he's just too far away? I've said that to people in the past and it was fine (apart from one persistent blighter who kept trying to convince me that a ninety-minute drive was no obstacle).

Good luck with the profile relaunch Joy! It only needs one person to read it and reply, if it's the/a right person . . .

scrazy Fri 02-Aug-13 15:14:14

Thanks, I think I will go on regardless, then if he says hi, have a bit of banter, but say about the distance if he asks again. There isn't anyone near I would message anyway and I get the impression men go cold if you do the messaging, mainly.

Maybe I should go out again this weekend, wonder if the yummy snogger is around grin.

vandubby Fri 02-Aug-13 15:28:09

Thanks Snape for the velvet update. I'm glad she's okay. I hope she comes back soon. Although I'm a fine one to talk. Ruddy lurker.

scrazy Fri 02-Aug-13 16:00:13

I wonder how many lurkers are out there, come on, hands up grin.

48howdidthathappen Fri 02-Aug-13 16:28:45

I have hardly ever said the 'L' word to another adult my whole life.

I said it first with Mr R&R, as I have said before, I found it very liberating.

Forever saying it now. I have gone soft.

KinNora Fri 02-Aug-13 17:17:56

Bloody hell, just had a message saying that according to okc, I'm the woman most desirous of sex in North Hertfordshire (not desirous of having sex in North Herts cos that'd be weirdly specific) - not entirely sure that's a title I really want...

<runs to revise profile>

I am taking a break from decorating, or rather ripping up carpets and sanding.

Am about 5 pages behind...I've been naughty and gone home ie have profile on POF. It's like wearing my big knickers, so easy, shooting fish in a barrel.

Been forced to go shoppping by DD2 I may be smiling but inside I am screaming

As you were...X

JoylessFucker Fri 02-Aug-13 17:25:26

Ooooo errrrrr Kin ... I told you I lurved your profile. Hmmm ... that sounds bad doesn't it? Oops ...

My friend Richard got one of those two, although was obviously the man. He preened ... maybe you could try that?

JoylessFucker Fri 02-Aug-13 17:26:00

Oh FFS, wrong two too

MirandaWest Fri 02-Aug-13 17:30:21

<may have been lurking for the last month or so>

JoylessFucker Fri 02-Aug-13 17:31:28

<waves to Miranda> How goes things?

Snapespeare Fri 02-Aug-13 17:34:21

nameless has chosen the one pizza on the menu that has a sodding leaf salad slapped in the middle! angry i'll need to order something flat. [grr]

TigsytheTiger Fri 02-Aug-13 18:16:40

Kin in the whole of North Hertfordshire you are woman most desirous of sex - wow! congratulations - what does that mean? is it shorthand for gagging for it? grin

Snape good luck with the pizza of lurve, sodding leaf salad, can't you just tell him they ran out of leaves but had peppers aplenty?

WFF yeah! looks like screaming to me .....

hi Miranda, wave to all - OWW a whole weekend of Alpha availability I think I may detect a weakening of resolve on his part ... just putting it out there grin

Lubey BC had his chance and so glad you want to stick with Mr Flirt, it sounds good.

nice to see you back too Flo, speaking of men on the thread, what happened to Voice?

All good here, off on hols for next week with Mr EA and assorted kids/teenagers. We are both getting very excited, have had to had a bit of a wardrobe veto and he has been duly despatched to buy shorts that are not of the sports variety ..... he's a willing learner grin following my look of complete horror the Hawaiian shirt was put in the bin!

TigsytheTiger Fri 02-Aug-13 18:21:12

Had a funny moment last night, very hot, bit tetchy and trying to give the dog his kennel cough vaccination unsuccessfully Mr EA said "for god's sake just leave it **" and started to say his Exes name but styled it out and changed it to mine ...... reminded him later but as he pointed out, I don't have a leg to stand on, having in the early days called him by the name of my STBXH in the throes of passion blush - don't think I will EVER live that down.

porridgecarver Fri 02-Aug-13 18:30:09

Sorry to jump in but how do you answer this from a guy who seems quite nice...

No one relatively normal come along as yet then?

Is that a fish for me to say something relating to him? Have been messaging for a few days few times a day, were both laughing about much older women coming on to him and me having someone tell me about his extra large c**k then he sent this....agh, hate being the newbie and not having a clue!!

Moanranger Fri 02-Aug-13 18:57:14

Hi, all, not lurking per se but too much going on in RL at the moment so difficult to find time to post. Divorce at tedious stage where everything needs to be run by a lawyersad & is making me feel uptight. There is now a voicemail on my mobile from STBXH which I will delete.
KN I am ok, just had a momentary flash with Meet Up guy last week where what he said about xP did not tally with earlier understanding of relationship - took me aback & made me re- think him slightly. I am following The Rules ( the book) and keeping him keen ( apologies to men on the thread, but, hey, if it works...) He phoned tonight wanting to get together but I put him off as he would have to drive far & I am up early tomorrow. I will see him Sat. I then will not see him til Thurs when a special birthday treat is planned. I want maximum yearning....

Moanranger Fri 02-Aug-13 18:58:50

Dad Why are you single? GSOH in abundance - surely this is an ace babe magnet? Maybe you are just too polite?

spangledboots Fri 02-Aug-13 19:03:34

Date with Hillman in an hour or so. not sure how it'll go as by my standards there's been no flirting whatsoever. Is a loo update required?!

KinNora Fri 02-Aug-13 19:08:19

It was probably a bit rash having 'Princess_Gobblehobby' as a user name.

Any pizza news yet ?

DadfromUncle Fri 02-Aug-13 19:09:09

Moanranger This is a question I often ask myself of course, I think the roots of it are probably in my hideous physical appearance - or perhaps it is indeed because I don't send photos of my parts to women on OD (or any other time). Don't know really. I always laugh about GSOH - no-one's going to say they don't have one but it's very much in the eye/ear of the beholder eh? Sympathy for divorce esp. involving lawyers - that made me vow never to get married again (long ago for me now). It does get better, honest.

DadfromUncle Fri 02-Aug-13 19:10:04

On the edge of my chair waiting for pizza news - this is much more exciting than Royal Baby etc.

KinNora Fri 02-Aug-13 19:10:40

Yes Spangled it's mandatory and if there's no reception, you have to stand on the roof, waving your phone around until you get a signal.

DadfromUncle Fri 02-Aug-13 19:11:41

porridgecarver Q"No one relatively normal come along as yet then?"
A: No

spangledboots Fri 02-Aug-13 19:20:03

Haha kin! we'll see. any tips for what to do if the date is dull?

DadfromUncle Fri 02-Aug-13 19:21:59

Spangled Set fire to tablecloth? I'll get my jacket....

OhWesternWind Fri 02-Aug-13 20:15:34

Well blimey they are all coming out of the woodwork now! Just had a text from the College Lecturer (had one date with him just before I met Alpha, nice chap but no spark, then never heard from him again). Well he's back, apologising for taking so long (only two months mate) to get in touch, saying there was no attraction but he'd really like to be friends - what?? Why???

Hello Miranda and Tigsy you loved-up pair!

Loving Nora being the Most Sexed-Up Female in the county. Do you get a certificate for that love?

Spangled you must do an update on pain of death.

scrazy Fri 02-Aug-13 20:23:21

OWW, bet the thought you didn't fancy him and is testing the water now. You are in demand atm.

I'm so bored tonight and no plans for tomorrow either sad

scrazy Fri 02-Aug-13 20:23:41

'he' not the

KinNora Fri 02-Aug-13 20:28:45

Yes, I do, and a six foot trophy OWW - it'll take a lot of polishing.

The Lecturer is a bit of a cheeky git, isn't he ? Why do they do that kind of thing ?

I know Scrazy, tis bobbins.

OhWesternWind Fri 02-Aug-13 20:29:03

It's just so weird Scrazy - why wait two months with no contact then send that? Odd, very odd. I don't think either of us fancied the other one but we had a nice chat then went home, I texted to say thanks for the meal and never heard anything more so I thought it had just died a natural death!

Can you rustle up some friends for a few drinks/mad clubbing and snogging session?

OhWesternWind Fri 02-Aug-13 20:30:18

Polishing as in "polishing the General" a la friend of Joy?

Moanranger Fri 02-Aug-13 20:36:21

Dad Women not so fussed about men's looks, tho I think OD makes it more difficult as there is little else to go on. My Meet Up guy no oil painting, but cheerful, GSOH, he gets me ( difficult that, refer to earlier Dr Seuss quote) & awesome in bed. V considerate lover. This overcomes for me his general " geography teacher" appearance. Persevere, & also try Meet Ups, if they are active in your area. Make the best of what you have got, be sincere & truly interested in others ( something of a male deficiency) and they will come flocking!

scrazy Fri 02-Aug-13 20:48:21

I think I should stay in though, last weekend was mad. How does a guy you've never even spoken to have the nerve to just start a snogging sess? It's crazy and something that happened a few times when I was 20 odd years younger. I guess it was beer goggles.

I've been looking on POF and perhaps I'm just batting out my league but I have no idea how 90% of these men get a date. Some real horrors are stating that they are 'not looking for anything serious' hmm

DadfromUncle Fri 02-Aug-13 20:54:52

Moanranger - The interested in others is a good shout - in my younger days (flip I sound like Bruce Forsyth) I noticed how much more success I had when I shut up a bit and listened and then asked a few questions.
POF woman I liked the look of is online and has viewed my profile so that looks like another non-starter, not to worry.
Like Scrazy I have no plans for tonight or tomorrow and the highlight of my evening is going to be going around to my sis's joint to feed her cats.

Onwards and upwards, and thanks for the kind words - my sis says looks aren't everything - I'd prefer "you look stunning bro" but you can't have it all smile

scrazy Fri 02-Aug-13 21:00:30

I realise my last post was very 'looksist' I shouldn't think it really, but just couldn't meet someone from OD if I didn't like the photo. I've made that mistake before.

TigsytheTiger Fri 02-Aug-13 21:16:09

that's karma then scrazy because a real horror is unlikely to find anything serious

oh dear too much Villa Maria Sauvignon Blanc, my tipple of choice at the mo!

funny isn't it that people always thinks choosing or selecting on looks is shallow but in reality it's a fundamental part of being in a relationship

TigsytheTiger Fri 02-Aug-13 21:20:48

just realised my wine induced posting may be a bit lookist too. but what I'm trying to say is .... there has to be a mutual physical attraction and that isn't shallow. What floats my boat, may not float everyone's boat but if your boat aint float then you aint sailing!

apologies to OWW and Kin but just trying to even up the north south divide and state that there is nothing wrong with a bit of sarf londonism grin

scrazy Fri 02-Aug-13 21:41:21

I'm chatting to the nice one from afar! Might be a nice online interaction and who knows.

VelvetSpoon Fri 02-Aug-13 22:00:15

vandubby thanks for asking about me - as I am no longer in contact with anyone on the thread via FB or otherwise, thought rather than let there be speculation, I should pop back as a one-off and give you (and any other lurkers missing me!) an update:

I am very well, and super busy with work, a newfound passion for exercise and lots of summer socialising, including a ball at the Natural History Museum (!) Have also set myself the mammoth task of decorating every room in my house by there are 14 of them, I suspect that may be a challenge, but I like to aim high grin.

I've neither the time nor the inclination for dating for the sake of it atm, I get plenty of attention from men as it is, and enough offers to keep me smiling til a proper relationship comes along...

So, all's pretty much tiptop with me, no need to worry - but thank you for doing so smile

KinNora Fri 02-Aug-13 22:09:19

OWW I may or may not have slipped in a completely unnecessary puerile joke, this is my raison d'être.

Dad I bet you're lovely, and let's face it, you're normal, have social skills, can put a sentence together, actually like women, aren't a complete perv and are really quite amusing, this automatically puts you into the top 5% off men on OD.

Hmmm, Tysgy never had a bit of cockernee lurrrvin' - do I need to investigate ?

48howdidthathappen Fri 02-Aug-13 22:09:34

Had my evening chat with Mr R&R.

Now scoffing half a cheesecake. Its a poor substitute.

DadfromUncle Fri 02-Aug-13 22:13:38

Cats fed, now scoffing Asda onion bargee (I am single) and about to watch Tyrannosaur. Thanks all for kind words of encouragement.

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 22:17:18

First date report

Well first pof meet since europeangigglegate and yes....nice meet, but guy bit "straight in the friendzonish".

Really cool, considerate (^"you don't have time to cook this weekend? right I'm buying you dinner and order more than needed and we'll get you a doggy bag"^) and rather keen on me?

But not sure I can agree to a second meet (which would be fantastic, as we have loads of shared interests and he has some great suggestions for what to do) in good conscience.

Unless I commit to "coaching" him into being a bit more attractive which seems like a bad idea. He's fine physically in terms of straight looks, but just need to stop slouching and dress a bit better.

This isn't an "ah dammit rant" , I'm sure there's a place for everyone, I probably have my own annoying things, and hell he'll probably be married with beautiful kids to someone who adores him at some point whilst I'm still lairily trolling dating sires late at night like the washed up old harlot I am hmm

But it seems a shame sometimes that "little things" like the rubbish body language can put me (and presumably other women - he's one of those "so great on paper why is he single?" types and then you find out) off?

KinNora Fri 02-Aug-13 22:33:30

It all comes down to the fabled 'spark', I reckon Lorna - elusive and frustrating, I've certainly never felt close to it on an online date.

ALittleStranger Fri 02-Aug-13 22:35:46

Lorna I do get where you are coming from with the body language. Physicality is very important for me in deciding whether I am actually attracted to someone; less their actual looks, more how they hold themselves etc. I once completely went off someone I'd previously had pounding butterflies for because of the way he got off a bar stool.

I do think it sounds worth a second meet though. What if it's nerves? What if he's had really bad wind all day and that made him sit funny? (The wedding speech would write itself if that's the case).

spangledboots Fri 02-Aug-13 22:40:04

loo update -

he's nice - we're chatting lots but I don't quite fancy him yet...he is cute though. I'm sweating like crazy and my hair looks like crap. where is the air con?!

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 22:43:58

I dunno, I sort of could "call" why it wasn't there? And all of it was "solvable" reasons?

He's tall on the slimmer side of average which is "ok", in fact preferable, but needed to stop hunching and pull his shoulders back to avoid the dowagers hump look. We were sat opposite each other in a cafe (you know, two sofas, coffee table in between).

If he had just "leaned back" and been a bit more "two people enjoying the space" it would have let me build up some attraction. Instead he hunched over and was like

"oh you're listening to the music are you?".

"what are you thinking?".

"you look thoughtful.".

And then the dreaded fucking "you're a bit quiet" line in there.

Lean back and pace yourself, chaps, don't turn in into an interview session it looks weak and nervous.

Bant Fri 02-Aug-13 22:44:24

Spangled - you're not sweating, you're glowing

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 22:45:10

spangled bonne chance - get some iced tap water with your next drink to cool down smile

Moanranger Fri 02-Aug-13 22:52:44

Lookism is tricky. You have to be careful that you are not discarding a great guy due to factors largely beyond his control. Meet Up guy is charming, friendly, gregarious, good conversationalist, generally kind. He is also balding ( beyond his control) and ginger (but where I am from we call 'em redheads & not prejudiced against them. ) He dresses appropriately for his age, could lose a few pounds & be a bit fitter. I spent weeks pondering if the positives outweighed looks shortcomings & I now have no regrets.
I also find him more attractive now that we are involved.
I think you have to establish your parameters - I for one cannot countenance beer bellies - but be open- minded & focus on what's important. Maybe a second or third date to clarify.

scrazy Fri 02-Aug-13 22:52:52

If you are still reading Velvet, then hi from me and nice to hear things are going well. x

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 22:53:01

Stranger I'm toying with the idea, will mull it and maybe review after I've got through some other 1st meets.

KinNora Fri 02-Aug-13 22:54:37

Spangled drop an ice cube down your bra ? - classy, practical and just that tiny bit provocative

OhWesternWind Fri 02-Aug-13 23:00:22

Even better, get him to drop an ice cube down your bra ...

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 23:02:30

ooh I love an "auburn haired" chap moanranger, the favoured ex was of the "bronze blonde" variety as he used to call it smile

48howdidthathappen Fri 02-Aug-13 23:07:47

Spangled So you could fancy him?

Looks aren't overly important to me, although I do think that is easier meeting in RL. Years ago I knew a bloke that made me laugh like no other man has, ever. He was no looker. More to the point he was fucking married.

OhWesternWind Fri 02-Aug-13 23:14:03

The children and I are all on the blonde/ginger spectrum, freckles and all, I love it. Gingers rock!

I don't really think I'm that bothered by looks so long as they reach the average/pleasant baseline. Alpha is balding a bit and is also a bit shorter than advertised, but I really don't care. He has a nice friendly face which is much better than being classically handsome, a gorgeous accent and very relaxed, confident body language. Just lovely.

lurkinglorna Fri 02-Aug-13 23:24:22

Ok. Does anyone think one can discreetly coach a guy into better body language? confused I just want something like what Oww's Alpha has - "relaxed, confident" body language?

I think that's often why I seem to have better initial "chemistry" with hardcore corporate or military types rather than techie types. But then my intellectual/life goals side has more in common with the geeky techie types?

ps as I moan here, the european is probably posting on Mensnet about my giggly body language. He who casts the first stone and all that? grin

KinNora Fri 02-Aug-13 23:28:48

More ginger love here, more redheads in my family, including mum and brother than you can throw a stick at, it's freckle central.

Show me a funny, kind, nerdy man with an open face and I couldn't give a toss whether he's handsome or not (WFF's seen Spud, she knows this )

spangledboots Fri 02-Aug-13 23:59:31

I've had more wine and I think I fancy him a bit. We need to leave the bar soon...

Flipper934 Sat 03-Aug-13 00:48:12

Back from date with martial arts guy, am very excited that the date actually happened! I felt rather overdressed (nice top, jeans, heels) for a nice country pub, but I couldn't think what else to wear.p

He's really nice, normal, funny...there's no obvious red flags, and he's asked to see me again on Sunday (well, he asked if he could see me tomorrow, but I'm busy). Just a friendly kiss and hug goodnight, which was fine by me. He's shorter than I would normally fancy, and bigger built (always had a thing for tall, wiry lads), but I laughed a lot, and I find that very attractive.

No massive spark, but then the last two times I've had massive sparks have been from 3DD and flirty married friend. Both of which I'm sure are a result of mixing chemistry, pheromones and danger, and which is all very well, but not a good basis for a relationship.

Is it very wrong for me to be slightly bothered by the fact that I earn nearly twice what he does, though?

Spangled, how's it going?

lurkinglorna Sat 03-Aug-13 01:05:59

You can be slightly bothered by anything you like Flipper its not wrong or right what you feel, it just "is" says she who has been bothered by a slouching date

I think its a bit weird pretending income differentials AREN'T of interest when often they are (if only in a "are we going to be able to keep up financially?" way). I'd just keep on dating and see what happens. Glad you had a good date btw smile

Yeah hope it's going well spangled let us know when you can! smile

lurkinglorna Sat 03-Aug-13 01:14:32

ps personally i think martial arts capacity and the capacity to fight to the death for you compensates for the salary thing. Its like the Bodyguard movie grin

Bant Sat 03-Aug-13 01:18:51

or Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia. Or Bert and Ernie

spangledboots Sat 03-Aug-13 01:19:38

So, he's a bit of a gent (which is not what I'm used to if I'm honest)

We had a lot to talk about which was great and it wasn't really awkward at all. He's actually fairly good looking (I just didn't feel the need to rip his clothes off immediately) and he was pretty well dressed.

He walked me to the taxi rank and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek (very tame!) but then texted soon after to check if I'd got home okay and to say he was sorry that it was a bit short and sweet in front of the taxi steward.

All in all it was fairly successful. Sparks didn't fly but I'd still like to see him again...

Now I need to sleep off my winehead!

lurkinglorna Sat 03-Aug-13 01:25:22

smile spangled sleep well!

spangledboots Sat 03-Aug-13 01:29:23

You can all pick it apart for me in the morning!

(didn't let him put an ice cube down my bra...!!!)

Flipper934 Sat 03-Aug-13 06:46:23

Well, that'll taken the shine off it, Bant. He's like a brother or a camp, motherly best friend? (I've no objection to being compared to Princess Leia, though).

How are you feeng about it this morning, Spangled?

Flipper934 Sat 03-Aug-13 07:01:19


lurkinglorna Sat 03-Aug-13 08:05:54

Found someone married, or at the very least seriously partnered up confused

Got my first insult "why didn't you reply to MEEE!" e-mail

On reflection, think I'll still give slouchy guy a miss for 2nd meet. If I was on a date with someone who was actually looking at me and thinking confused at my mannerisms rather than being excited about seeing me I'd be mortified There'll be a woman who is excited about meeting him. I'll clear the field for her.

Romanceometer not running high at the moment grin

48howdidthathappen Sat 03-Aug-13 08:49:35

Flipper and Spangled Two dates with two men that you both would be happy to see again smile Maybe.

Lorna Your bloke sounds like he was very nervous, first date jitters?

Kirstywirsty Sat 03-Aug-13 08:59:10

Morning all .. Where is snape with the emotional pizza update!?

spangled and flipper all sounds promising

Snapespeare Sat 03-Aug-13 09:10:24

the pizza shop point blank refused to spell 'i love you' in peppers, instead providing a pizza dough heart that looked rubbish & i ate while waiting for the bus. as you were. pffffft.

lubeybooby Sat 03-Aug-13 09:33:49

Dear MsCellophane

The PM's you are sending to people with your detective work are merely telling them something I've never hidden, and that was once openly on a dating profile of mine (OKC) back in the early thread days. I even posted the link a few times quite aware that people would see and take note. I'm not daft.

You're factually incorrect about a couple of details and so I'd appreciate it if you would kindly stop spreading what you think is salacious gossip or something shocking and ask me about it instead if you are curious. I'll happily supply the correct information and then it really becomes a lot more boring.

Same goes for anyone else who has received one of these PM's - if you have any questions feel free to ask me directly. You'll find me most affable and open. Just not that open on the dating thread itself, but in person or via PM, yes, no problem.

Thank you,


OhWesternWind Sat 03-Aug-13 09:38:38

Don't have any questions Lubey as none of it matters in the slightest. What matters is that you're a wonderful, positive, warm, supportive person and worth a hundred of anyone who thinks that spreading gossip behind someone's back is an acceptable thing to do.

You're fab.

KinNora Sat 03-Aug-13 09:43:32


lubeybooby Sat 03-Aug-13 09:44:23

Thank you, OWW. You and Kin are just so lovely, I am really touched. I'll write properly later but for now, in a hurry... but THANK YOU xxx flowers

Kirstywirsty Sat 03-Aug-13 10:00:25

lubey have you reported to mumsnet hq?

Kirstywirsty Sat 03-Aug-13 10:01:22

snape I am sorry to hear that .. Why not just do it yourself .. You'd do a better job anyway

OhWesternWind Sat 03-Aug-13 10:04:31

I've reported it Kirsty and I think other people have too.

TigsytheTiger Sat 03-Aug-13 10:04:53

lubey received nothing but to be honest what you do or don't choose to share is entirely up to you and no one else! you're a star and onwards and upwards with Mr Flirt grin

TigsytheTiger Sat 03-Aug-13 10:07:47

Ow snape , homemade pizza it is, or maybe just a whisper in his ear, he is SO going to say it back!

OhWesternWind Sat 03-Aug-13 10:20:13

I'd go for the whisper I think Snape. And boo hiss to the crappy unromantic pizza people!

Well all sorts of dates last night - what do you think of them this morning Flipper and Spangled? I think you've made the right decision Lorna - no point dragging it out if he's not for you.

Flipper934 Sat 03-Aug-13 10:38:25

I've not received anything, Lubes, but then I quite frankly can't understand why anyone would want to behave like that. Sorry you've been the victim of such ridiculous behaviour though.

I'm liking MA more this morning, in a warm, friendly manner. He reminds me a lot of some of my male friends, which is a good thing, as I've always said that I'd want to find someone who's like one of them. We seem to have similar values and senses of humour. However, it's only one date, so I'm not getting carried away (I am so getting carried away).

mercury7 Sat 03-Aug-13 10:43:46

it sounds rather 'infant school' Lubey...sort of baby troll behaviourconfused

Flipper934 Sat 03-Aug-13 10:49:12

I must work on a few better conversation topics, though. I'm not convinced that the relationship between HPV and throat cancer (and the hypothesised role of oral sex) is a good first date topic...

mercury7 Sat 03-Aug-13 11:02:16

that would be somewhere in the top 5 of worst 1st date topics Flipper grin

TigsytheTiger Sat 03-Aug-13 11:06:39

What would be the other four?!?

TigsytheTiger Sat 03-Aug-13 11:08:56

Didn't someone on this thread once mention a first date who talked about the sex noises his ex made? that must be in there!!

mercury7 Sat 03-Aug-13 11:18:37

I cant think of the other 4, I'm crap at conversation! grin

OhWesternWind Sat 03-Aug-13 11:36:42

The history, use and benefits of bitumen (hour long monologue) is also one to avoid.

Trying to sort out babysitter for Alpha night tonight or tomorrow. V excited.

spangledboots Sat 03-Aug-13 11:37:15

I'm finally awake enough! My head is pounding though.

Still feeling positive this morning. We texted a bit last night to check we both got home okay.

I'll see if he gets in touch today - nervous wait for a second date has commenced!

flipper - glad your date went well too and dodgy conversation topics are something the two of you will laugh about down the line!

Bant Sat 03-Aug-13 11:43:00

So what would be the top 5?
My worst first date conversation was with a girl who told me she'd been fired that day for anger management issues.
Ex-Sex noises has got to be up there, along with Flipper's charming Cancer/oral sex/genital warts convo.

Any others?

I haven't exchanged mails with Aruba in several days, I'd said I'd see her again when I got back. So, is it best to break up with her in advance via email (cowardly, I know) or in person?

OhWesternWind Sat 03-Aug-13 11:54:07

I'd do it by email Bant - I think she'd just be all excited and hopeful if you arranged to see her and personally I think it's easier to deal with these things in private rather than having to put a front on and do the stiff upper lip thing face to face. But maybe Hungarians wouldn't do that ...

Flipper934 Sat 03-Aug-13 11:55:06

How quickly did you get out of that date, Bant? I'd have broken records leaving the bar!

Hmm tricky with Aruba. You've definitely decided no more? But she's not emailed you for a few days either? The right thing to do would be to email her as soon as, and let her down gently, but if she's not contacted you..I'm a big coward though...

Just so you don't all think I'm completely weird, I do have a professional interest in the HPV/cancer thing. And I am now quite curious about bitumen. An hour you say? I would never have known there was that much to say...

ALittleStranger Sat 03-Aug-13 12:11:19

Snape I think you ought to name and shame the pizza place so we can all make sure never to use them. Spoilsports.

DadfromUncle Sat 03-Aug-13 12:47:25

lurkinglorna it is disappointing when someone you like the look of doesn't answer, esp if you have spent a bit of time trying to write an enticing msg - but what good is sending anyone insults? My guess is you aren't suddenly going to go "actually, I'd love to go on a date with you" smile I don't follow his logic.

TweedWasSoLastYear Sat 03-Aug-13 13:19:00


waves to thread

" I really want a Pizza with 'I Love You' written on it in Red Peppers and Tomatoes.

having confidence wobbles and fear of rejection mind games which is keeping me sofa surfing just now. Good to hear some quality dating is happening to others , enjoy it for what it is you lucky people.


lurkinglorna Sat 03-Aug-13 13:23:32

Hmmmm.......personally I'd say there are no default bad topics on conversation. Even really "weird" conversational topics can be good if the moment is right and you're both participating.

But reading the other persons verbal cues and going along with the flow is the important thing?

Small talk is fairly underrated, but for first meets, I'm a massive fan of "building up", sticking to "how was your day?", "weather, journey,work, family?". Or the surroundings or places to go to, or something quite "safe". Or ask about something quite banal on their profile.

Its not showing how "out there" or "bonded" you are at this stage -that's impossible - but just getting comfortable with someone who is practically a complete stranger to you?

I don't really like people who "jump" in with the questions straight away as if trying to "provoke intimacy with how zany we are". We're still strangers ffs.

Classic example: guy last night:

- "do you like me? you don't like me do you? you look like you don't like me? you face looks like X "

- "your face has X expression on it again"

Like within 5 minutes of meeting? confused

We've exchanged a few e-mails about foreign films and liked the look of each other in photos. Wtf?

Flipper934 Sat 03-Aug-13 13:28:20

I know it's only a brief snippet, Lorna, but he sounds insecure and controlling. Yes, that's a massive jump, but I don't like people who tell me how I'm feeling.

lurkinglorna Sat 03-Aug-13 13:36:44

Yeah, Flipper spot on - I think of course some initial insecurity is fine and natural - if the dates with someone you like of course you don't want to be rejected?

But you suck it up and see the date through and make the best impression you can and follow up later, not make whiny passive aggressive statements to a complete stranger. At best it comes across as effeminate, at worst controlling.

I reckon the "do you like me? I bet you don't" becomes a self fulfilling prophecy after a while, men who come across as weak and needing reassurance aren't the most desired option I think.

48howdidthathappen Sat 03-Aug-13 14:13:22

Oh Lubey That really is not nice.

Pleased to be unworthy of certain PMs smile

OhWesternWind Sat 03-Aug-13 14:24:53

Got babysitter so I'm off out tonight with lovely Alpha grin - can't wait!

Winefiend Sat 03-Aug-13 14:50:29

No PMs for me either. Fuck em, lubey, well handled!

Flipper that sounds on a level with my atrocious 'my favourite trainibg course ever was about sex offenders' patter.

Sad about emotional pizza sad I had 4 pages to read and was looking forward to the update! Bloody pizza place.

Last night pretty much confirmed for me that I am completely lacking in common sense. Sat in the garden with my mate, drinking wine, extension cable fed through kitchen window for Ipod. Started pissing it down. No probs, parasol up. One hour later (when rain is tipping off the roof) 'HOLY FUCK THE EXTENSION CABLE'. Swiftly ran inside and unplugged. Ragged the thing through the kitchen window and bounced the twat right off my head. CLEVER.

Lubey what OWW and Kin said. you're brilliant and personally I've always admired you. I tried to post earlier that anyone who is low enough to try that type of crap should find the far side of fuck.

All is lovely in Lakelandia, its sunny but stormy, so its sex, food and sleep grin

Winefiend Sat 03-Aug-13 14:52:39

OWW Enjoy, you lucky devil grin

Winefiend Sat 03-Aug-13 14:54:36

And you Juliette, tremendous amounts of envy

SweetSeraphim Sat 03-Aug-13 14:55:56

I haven't had a PM either - thank goodness, or it would have been met with very short shrift. I consider Lubey a friend, and stupid gossip ain't gonna change that. Ridiculously childish and pathetically vengeful tbh. Shame on you.

If we're talking top 5, surely 'i want to tell you that my sperm is clear and I don't usually get hard bit can still come whilst soft' has to be up there? To be fair, he did insist on buying me a cocktail first as he had something to tell me. Waiting longer than 10 mins from first meeting might have helped too hmm

SweetSeraphim Sat 03-Aug-13 15:00:39

Juliette shock WTF was he thinking??

Bant Sat 03-Aug-13 15:01:03

Right. What's the least hurtful reason to end it with Aruba:

1) I met someone else
2) I just don't think we're right for each other
3) Some other reason, answers on a postcard please

1 and 2 are both true, although both are a bit crap seeing as we DTD.

Which is going to make her feel less shitty? Any ideas?

SweetSeraphim Sat 03-Aug-13 15:03:00

Also - and I've told this before here - showing me a picture of his erect cock on his mobile is definitely up there in my top 5 grin

Bant Sat 03-Aug-13 15:03:16

I may actually write some of these down if I need to end a bad date quickly.

Clear sperm, check. Bitumen (must look on wikipedia). Throat cancer & STDs, check. Anger management, yep.

Bant Sat 03-Aug-13 15:03:55

seraphim - did you not ask 'How do you zoom in on this thing?'

SweetSeraphim Sat 03-Aug-13 15:04:36

The thing is Bant, you're going to have to accept that she will feel shitty. But that's no reason to not do it, life's too short, these things happen.

I would go for 2) - after all, it's the truth.

Bant 2. I saw a sign with Bant on it yesterday on the motorway, no idea.

Sweet because it was all about him you see, there was more but that was a highlight.

There was also the date that say 'nice arse you've got there, do you like anal?'

And another who within minutes was talking about his wife delivering DC 2 in a birthing pool at home in DETAIL.

SweetSeraphim Sat 03-Aug-13 15:14:53

Hahahahaha!! Oh, there are such arseholes around angry

Flipper934 Sat 03-Aug-13 15:37:09

Ouch, Wine, how's the bonce today?

I'm also disappointed about the lurrrve pizza. Could you do something creative today, Snape? I wish I had your imagination.

48howdidthathappen Sat 03-Aug-13 15:50:23

No 2. Bant Never really going any where was it?

I tend to ask the awkward questions. Such as how big is your cock blush

Snapespeare Sat 03-Aug-13 15:56:31

bant. I think I'd go with #2 and use the template

(1) I've enjoyed spending time with you recently
(2) you're beautiful and funny and (insert other compliment)
(3) but I don't think that things will work out because (insert your failings, make it about you, not her.) I still have feelings for (insert appropriate person)
(4) I think that prolonging our relationship will stop you meeting someone who is absolutely perfect for you. You deserve someone lovely. I'm not.
(5) i'm really sorry for doing this by email,
(6)I wish you every happiness and am sure that you will meet someone equally lovely.

Therefore you manage to end it in a vaguely noble fashion, without coming across as a total dick. smile I wouldn't mention meeting someone else as that has the implication that she isn't 'good enough'

Just back from lovely evening and a walk up to the park with nameless. I think he might have said 'it' himself, but I wasn't concentrating on what he was saying, because I was concentrating on what he was doing grin blush and therefore it could have been down to activity based hormones, so I'll let it go. It wasn't really the right time to say 'you what me?! Sorry, say that again?'

<thread wave>

I need a shower. grin grin grin

DadfromUncle Sat 03-Aug-13 16:10:32

Bant I don't feel qualified to give advice but as usual have decided to go ahead anyway. Nothing is going to make her feel good/bad better/worse in my opinion, so just tell the truth. I favour direct and unequivocal like telling someone about an unexpected death. But that's just me, someone a bit more helpful might be along soon.

DadfromUncle Sat 03-Aug-13 16:12:13

Eek posted and then saw everyone else had too - curse this phone.

DadfromUncle Sat 03-Aug-13 16:16:51

48 The cock question - you are joking right?

48howdidthathappen Sat 03-Aug-13 16:29:53

Dad No joke.

Face to face, before DTD. Something I have to know.

Bant Sat 03-Aug-13 16:30:31

48 never jokes about cocks.

Snape thanks, that might do it

Also I just received a PM from someone highly judgemental and irritating. Is it wrong to say 'get tae fuck' if I'm not actually Scottish?

If it is, then how about 'fuck you and the high horse you rode in on?'

Snapespeare Sat 03-Aug-13 16:33:29

Five things to not mention on a first date
#1 what a fucking bitch your ex is.
#2 that my photos imply I am thinner. Or younger. Yours imply you have a full head of hair, but I'm far too polite to mention that.
#3 that drinking a pint is unladylike. As are tattoos.
#4 anything overly sexual pertaining to fetishes you might possess.
#5 that 'doctor who' is a children's programme. Or that Sci fi is rubbish.


Snapespeare Sat 03-Aug-13 16:43:07

Can't name and shame the pizza joint as it is a tiny family owned restaurant rather than a huge conglomerate. smile bless them, they were busy.

Might do something creative later. Been drinking tea and smiling. On the way back from the park, we walked past a load of bin liners full of discarded household items, so we had a rummage for treasure. We didn't find any, but I suspect having a bloke who will rummage through trash with me is a pretty good indication that we've already got enough treasure to be going on with.

JoAlone Sat 03-Aug-13 16:53:31

Coming out of the shadows, or at least to the end of the thread, phew.... A Saturday afternoon ?wasted. This has been a fabulous read, but I have a few questions.

What is an 'Emotional Pizza'? I think I picked up it's a pizza with something romantic written on it??? Maybe there is a corner in the market....hmm

And what are 'potatoes' and what does fit 'spud criteria', we have established Dad doesn't.

I feel a bit weird about calling Dad umm...Dad. Is it just me?

I gave up OD for the year, tired of all the time and energy it took, but good to see it is still as confusing and frustrating as ever.

This has truly been better than any soap opera, slouchy dates, lunging lovers, second dates and long (perhaps not that long ago) lovers that miss out to a better man.

Okay, returning to 'lurking status'

Snapespeare Sat 03-Aug-13 16:54:42

I'd suggest reporting the PM bant blocking the sender and not dignifying it with a response.

If I were to receive such a PM, I think that's what I did would do.

(If this is my third post in a row, I apologise! It's not all 'me,me,me')

Winefiend Sat 03-Aug-13 16:58:42

More than justified Bant if it is a highly twatty PM. I would prefer to use 'go fuck yersel' though.

Bonce is no bad, ta Flipper. My stupidity never fails to surprise me.

48howdidthathappen Sat 03-Aug-13 17:02:51

Jo I admit to feeling a little odd calling Dad umm... Dad.

But figured it's only a 3 letter word.