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Waves is determined to keep winning now that Acrobat has arrived.

(989 Posts)
ProphetOfDoom Sun 28-Jul-13 12:24:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KalevalaForMePlease Sun 28-Jul-13 12:32:46

Congratulations waves! Have you been able to eat lots of nice things?

MinnieBar Sun 28-Jul-13 12:39:52

Yay! How is it going? What do your DCs think of him? Is your new lodger still being lovely?

And here is the "birth" story:

As is known from the previous thread, I had a very on/off latent phase. After going to hospital with regular but not painful contractions on Friday evening, I came home with my doula. I decided to let stbxh know, having decided that I didn't want to leave any "what ifs", and he came around to see me. He was very supportive, and practically helpful - he cleaned the kitchen whilst my doula was helping me through some more intense contractions, and helping me focus on the birth journey. He also was brilliant sorting out replacement performers for a gig I had arranged for Saturday lunchtime. (Acrobat completed ignore the schedule I had for his arrival....)

I had a warm bath which increased the frequency of contractions, then under my doula's advice I went to bed. She went for a sleep in DS's room, and stbxh also stayed, sleeping on the sofa. Overnight the contractions got more intense and frequent, and I was having to vocalise through them, and had more warm baths, and did lots of crawling round the garden. By 7am I thought we should probably think about returning to hospital. I also knew that my favourite midwife came on duty at 8am, and I wanted to "baggsy" him first blush

My doula phoned the ward to let them know we were on our way in, and that all 3 of us would be attending. So we went up for just after 8, with all the bags, music etc. I was so relieved that I was assigned the person I hoped. He could see that my contractions were very intense, but were somewhat erratic (common in 3rd labours apparently, and more so for me because the long term exhaustion from HG had reduced my energy levels so much, together with the long latent phase of labour) So, at 10am he did a stretch and sweep but was pleased i was already 4 - 5 cm dilated. That made the contractions very regular and intense for a while, through which I was standing, leaning on the bed and vocalising my way through each one, whilst focussing on whole body relaxation.

I took myself regularly to my tree, but found I was not there with a book, alone, but with acrobat, aged 4, playing with a toy glider smile

I was getting upset as the contractions were lessening in terms of intensity and frequency, so at 1.30pm my midwife did another sweep, and then, with the next contraction, artificially broke my waters (I was 8 - 9 cm by then) That triggered things well, and shortly after I got into the birthing pool.

Throughout all this, my doula was a wonderful presence, just reminding me to keep a loose jaw, so vocalise in a deep voice, and reassuring me that I was doing beautifully, whilst giving me amazing back rubs. Once in the pool things continued intensely, and then I got in a panic that I couldn't do it. Again, my doula reminded me that this was the Gate of Doubt that every labouring woman faces. I felt I needed pain relief, and decided to try gas and air. This helped considerably. I again started to worry about the pain, as it felt different, and when my midwife had a look, expecting to see the cervix still dilating, in fact it had "disappeared" and acrobat was starting to descend. He told me how to feel his head inside me which I did - it was very reassuring. I changed position from leaning on my knees against the side, to sitting back on the seat, and followed the guidance to listen to my body and push as necessary.

It didn't take very long before acrobat was crowning and with a HUGE push his head was out. The pushes before that were hard because he still hadn't decided which way to be born to throughout "the descent" his head was transverse. Once the head was out, I held it in my hands whilst waiting for the next strong contraction, with which my midwife guided his body out!

My PICC line was soaked by now, but that was not considered remotely important as it was not going to be used again. So, whilst I waited for the cord to stop pulsating, acrobat (now named Caspian) sat together in the lovely warm pool.

I had a natural third stage, once out of the pool, whilst Caspian was skin to skin (covered with my dad's jumper) and already latched on smile

It was really beautiful, and I am so proud of myself!

I had 2 sets of music - a playlist on my phone, and a CD which is of me playing and singing. It is very chilled, and it helped a lot keep the atmosphere relaxed. In fact, my midwife has asked for a copy as he loved it so much! So Acrobat arrived to the sound of his mummy playing and singing which is quite special.

Stbxh was great - calm and stayed back, but was there. No regrets.

Pollydon Sun 28-Jul-13 12:53:30

flowers

Skinidin Sun 28-Jul-13 12:56:53

Many, many congratulations ! smile

AgathaF Sun 28-Jul-13 13:00:11

Fantastic. I'm so pleased it worked out well for you. Congratulations.

x

auntpetunia Sun 28-Jul-13 13:07:49

Wow just wow you are amazing! Congratulations on Caspian's arrival. Am pleased that Twunt behaved and came through for you and didn't spoil the birth experience. Long may his decent behavior last.

Hope that you DD DS and Caspian are having a lovely relaxing day together x

wrathnurser Sun 28-Jul-13 13:08:38

Well done Waves! I'm so happy for you and very glad you have Caspian to cuddle smile

Jux Sun 28-Jul-13 13:08:39

Oh Waves, how utterly, utterly lovely. That is so beautiful. thanksthanksthanks

AndMiffyWentToSleep Sun 28-Jul-13 13:09:38

Fabulous birth story! flowers

BloomingRose Sun 28-Jul-13 13:11:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tightfortime Sun 28-Jul-13 13:24:30

Fantastic story, thank you for sharing and welcome to the world Acrobat Caspian!

I'm also glad he saw his son being born and did not cause any unnecessary grief or stress for you. Fair play for allowing him to be there after everything that has happened but you know, I guess you put that crap on hold for a few hours in the interests of the bigger picture.
I sincerely hope his behaviour stays calm.

Hope you are enjoying all sorts of lovely food x

HUGE congratulations, Waves thanks and very well done! You deserve to be proud of yourself, sounds like a wonderful experience and fantastic you got your favourite midwife.

And welcome to the world Caspian crown

Boosiehs Sun 28-Jul-13 13:46:10

Congratulations Waves!!! Wonderful wonderful birth story. smile. flowers

MysteriousHamster Sun 28-Jul-13 14:05:49

Many congrats Waves!

I have one question (actually two but connected): How are you feeling, nausea-wise, and are you hungry? :D

ChasedByBees Sun 28-Jul-13 14:11:41

Congratulations! What a lovely birth story.

Allalonenow Belgium Sun 28-Jul-13 14:17:22

Ah that's lovely waves so pleased for you that it all went well. Very many congratulations to you and Caspian, what a super name!
Hope you have had something delicious to eat today, and are enjoying resting and cuddles with Caspian.
thanks crown thanks

jayho Sun 28-Jul-13 14:20:15

de-lurking, and having a little cry.

Well done flowers

springytoto Sun 28-Jul-13 14:20:50
springytoto Sun 28-Jul-13 14:21:50

oh bum blush

(trying to be so helpful..)

Lweji Portugal Sun 28-Jul-13 14:22:51

Congratulations. flowers

chocolatesolveseverything Sun 28-Jul-13 14:22:58

So happy for you Waves. I read your birth story with a tear in my eye and I'm sure it wasn't JUST the pregnancy hormones! Caspian is a lucky boy indeed.

BerylStreep Sun 28-Jul-13 14:24:15

I'm so pleased for you - it sounds very calm.

I'm glad twunt stepped up for you.

On a side note, I have never heard of a male midwife before. Glad you got the one you wanted.

Enjoy those snuggles and forget the housework.

Does the HG subside immediately?

LucyTheValiant Sun 28-Jul-13 14:25:37

Oh Waves I'm so happy for you. Congratulations, you wonderful woman.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Sun 28-Jul-13 14:28:42

Fabulous birth story waves. Huge congratulations to you and your family. You really, truly are amazing. thanks

scarletforya Argentina Sun 28-Jul-13 14:29:33

ongratulations again and thank you for the lovely birth story, Ahem I seem to have something in my eye! <sniffle> flowers

WingDefence Netherlands Sun 28-Jul-13 14:29:42

Congrats so much waves!! Really really happy for you thanks thanks

shiningcadence Sun 28-Jul-13 14:31:26

What a beautiful birth story. Thank you for sharing.

Again, congrats to you all flowers

MissStrawberry Sun 28-Jul-13 14:32:40

Oh my [sobs]

Forgive me as this will sound so sucky up but OMG Waves you have got to be the most amazing person I have ever "met." I am in awe of you for so many many reasons and just wish I was even a millionth of how graceful, calm, clever, thoughtful and just damn right brilliant you are I would be very proud.

You have come through a horrendous time and still had the strength to fight for the birth you wanted while allowing certain aspects to me not as you would have wanted. You rock, Waves!

I guessed 6pm ish and 8lb 3oz iirc on the other thread - do you have a weight and time now?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 28-Jul-13 14:34:42

Lovely that your doula and midwife were so fantastic and if it helped that ex turned up then I'm glad you were happy.

Caspian was worth the sickness! I hope you recover quickly and the four of you snuggle up for the time being, (bonus if new lodger is settling in and no bother!).

ponygirlcurtis Sun 28-Jul-13 14:36:23

Huge congrats to you and all your family, Waves, especially for little crown Prince Caspian. Lovely name, beautiful birth story. thanksthanksthanks

springytoto Sun 28-Jul-13 14:38:33

Cut to the chase, waves : what weight? and are you eating normally now?

Sorry to be bossy it saves time grin

What a fabulous birth story! Waves I am overjoyed it went well for you in the end and you are now enjoying the bliss of having lovely Caspian in your arms. Thank you God!

And WELL DONE YOU, of course smile flowers smile flowers

skyeskyeskye Sun 28-Jul-13 14:48:21

Congratulations thanks

SwedishHouseMat Sun 28-Jul-13 14:53:27

Congratulations on the birth of Casper! thanks

LiveItUp Sun 28-Jul-13 14:54:12

So pleased for you that it all happened as you wanted it to, and, yes, even being strong enough to ignore all our voices at keeping twunt well out the way we're so protective of you grin. You did what you wanted and had the birth you wanted, and it sounds like a really beautiful experience. Enjoy your much deserved snuggles.

Are you eating now???

newestbridearound Sun 28-Jul-13 15:14:24

Congratulations flowers I have read all your previous threads and although never posted before have been wishing you well and thinking of you. What a beautiful name as well smile

TheCrackFox Sun 28-Jul-13 15:25:11

Congratulations!x

McButtonwillow Sun 28-Jul-13 15:30:15

Congratulations waves so happy for you xx

HumphreyCobbler Sun 28-Jul-13 15:33:58

Congratulations - so, so delighted for you smile

Cuddlydragon Sun 28-Jul-13 15:37:06

Congratulations. Just thrilled for you and in total awe of your strength x

MissStrawberry Sun 28-Jul-13 15:38:43

I can't wait to hear all the lovely things you are looking forward to eating now you don't have the HG any more.

TiredFeet Sun 28-Jul-13 15:42:03

Well done Waves !! thank you for sharing your birth story, I am so happy for you, it sounds like a positive ending to your pregnancy/ beginning for Caspian, which is just what you deserved.

really hope the HG has vanished and you have been able to enjoy food?

hope your DC have enjoyed meeting each other!

wishing you a very happy future with your lovely little family flowers

Orianne Sun 28-Jul-13 15:43:44

Well done Waves and Congratulations xx

I will, as requested, cut to the chase:

Acrobat/Caspian was born on 27 July at 17.07 and weighed 7lb 3 (7 is my lucky number so he did jolly well to get all those 7s in his arrival)

He is being wonderful, has taken to breastfeeding like a pro and is amazingly chilled out.

He is in my arms at the moment, wrapped up in the love of MN in his very special blanket smile

I am nervous of eating blush but have had 2 bits of toast with strawberry jam today, and 3 cups of tea and NO SICKNESS. I am going to have a proper meal this evening, although one that is easy to cook, so asking a friend to go to the supermarket for me. I am just a bit too tired to try that. (The community midwife visited earlier and told me off as I was in the middle of vacuuming the lounge when she arrived) I'm a bit under my pre-pregnancy weight already, and apparently there is usually more to lose naturally over the next few weeks? Hopefully though my appetite will come flying back.

I am glad that I had twunt there at the birth. He was genuinely supportive in a quiet way, both at home and at the hospital. He kept saying how proud he was of me, and was amazed by the process. It was a gift to him and to my son, and I am pleased I took that decision. (No midwives to flirt with - my midwife was male) He also didn't ask to hold acrobat, I had to encourage him in fact, but he was pleased to do so. He left shortly after so I had time to be with Acrobat by myself.

I'm a bit tired!

Oh, and he was born at 39 + 4 weeks smile

elQuintoConyo Sun 28-Jul-13 16:01:05

Many congratulations and thanks for sharing the birth story thanks

muddybloodypuddles Sun 28-Jul-13 16:04:08

Congratulations waves - amazing smile - enjoy Caspian flowers

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Sun 28-Jul-13 16:18:53

Waves I think it's pretty normal to feel that way about eating after all you have been through. I was no where near as bad as you but didn't feel right until about 3 weeks after I had my DD. I was a bit gutted as I'd been dreaming of a big fry up breakfast when I got home but when faced with it, I couldn't eat it. Just take it slow and you'll get back to normal soon enough. thanks

VeryTattyMum Sun 28-Jul-13 16:22:07

Gorgeous gorgeous Acrobat and very clever Mummy Waves - now ignore the housework and eat and rest!!!!

WinnieFosterTether Sun 28-Jul-13 16:28:14

Congratulations Waves and welcome to Caspian! flowers

Also, I have put photos of him up on my profile photos smile

Awww he is gorgeous Waves as are your ds1 and dd smile

pointythings Netherlands Sun 28-Jul-13 16:35:45

waves he is just gorgeous! Congratulations, and here's hoping your appetite comes back and you can start enjoying food - and life!

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Sun 28-Jul-13 16:38:28

Aw he's adorable, he looks so cute. Again, well done and congratulations waves. smile

springytoto Sun 28-Jul-13 16:39:04

oh look at him! He is utterly GORGEOUS shock [swoon]

Waves, he is perfect smile smile

Thank you so much for putting up those photos for us.

I adore his name, too - nothing to do with Prince Caspian, I assume; of Narnia fame wink

I'm being a bit OTT here, just thrilled you're ok and to see a pic of your lovely new son. HOw are your other two getting on with their new baby brother? I hope they're thrilled.

Go steady with the food - I should imagine a fry-up would be a disaster after all those months of starvation. I'm sure your appetite will come back in good time, gradually gearing up until your stomach can take it.

Well done waves. Very proud of you.

scarletforya Argentina Sun 28-Jul-13 16:40:14

He's a dote! Very gorgeous baby, lovely features! Well done!

MissStrawberry Sun 28-Jul-13 16:42:39

Go me. Go me!

Only 53 minutes and 1lb put!! grin

"I'm a bit tired." Only Waves could say that!!

Little and often may be the way to go with the eating.

I love making baby cards. If you'd like one from a stranger PM me your details. If you're not fussed, don't grin.

Apileofballyhoo Sun 28-Jul-13 16:42:43

I've read your whole story. Delighted for you and well done.

MissStrawberry Sun 28-Jul-13 16:44:23

OMG Caspian is the cutest baby I have seen this week, in a long time really, and I have looked at a lot of photos of Baby George!!

BTW you need to change your details you're a mummy of 3 now grin.

MissStrawberry Sun 28-Jul-13 16:45:04

out! not put fgs.

MissStrawberry Sun 28-Jul-13 16:45:43

I have boy girl boy and it is lovely smile.

TiredFeet Sun 28-Jul-13 16:52:30

beautiful photos!!! lucky you!!

can understand your nervousness around eating, makes sense to ease yourself in gently. a friend recommended to me just trying tiny bits of things to begin with (as my sickness ended but aversions remained) and this really helped me slowly expand my diet

understand your decision to have Caspian's dad at the birth and I am really pleased for you that he behaved well

oldwomaninashoe Sun 28-Jul-13 16:59:09

Congratulations on the birth of your extremely beautiful son Waves, well done you!
Enjoy your evening meal!

MinnieBar Sun 28-Jul-13 17:00:45

What a wee smasher! And 7lb sounds like an excellent weight - shows what all those people who told you he would be underweight knows, doesn't it?!

So so lovely to see him in one of the blankets as well!

nemno England Sun 28-Jul-13 17:04:25

What an adorable baby. Well done Waves.

Congratulations waves, what a lovely birth story! smile

shiningcadence Sun 28-Jul-13 17:18:42

Wow he is just adorable smile

auntpetunia Sun 28-Jul-13 17:28:29

He is gorgeous! And I love the colours in the MN blanket. Enjoy your food x

Ezio Sun 28-Jul-13 17:43:09

Oh waves, hes beautiful, a right little prince, he suits his name, i have tears in my eyes, thinking about what you went through to get him here safely.

Waves, be so proud of yourself and how far you've come during a terrible pregnancy, im so proud of you.

Give him a kiss from me and all his other MN's aunties and enjoy some proper food xxxx

MissStrawberry Sun 28-Jul-13 17:53:49

I've always wanted to be an Auntie....

pinkbraces Sun 28-Jul-13 17:54:25

He is just so gorgeous, well done Waves and Caspian. xx

AgathaF Sun 28-Jul-13 18:00:30

Oh, he is just beautiful.

Hope you manage to eat something for dinner this evening.

BIWI Cote D'Ivoire Sun 28-Jul-13 18:06:53

Oh my goodness. I'd read the beginning of your very first thread, and then somehow managed to miss the rest of it and all subsequent ones. I've spent the last hour or so catching up, and I would just like to take my hat off to you to say what an amazing woman you are.

And many, many congratulations on the birth of Caspian (lovely name!) he is absolutely gorgeous.

flowers

BBMs Sun 28-Jul-13 18:22:11

I have just seen the pictures. Caspian is absolutely gorgeous!! smile

mistlethrush Sun 28-Jul-13 18:25:36

He's gorgeous! I hope you have a lovely supper this evening, even if you are a bit tentative with it! grin

YoungBritishPissArtist Sun 28-Jul-13 18:40:47

Congratulations, Waves! What a gorgeous boy, love his name too smile

Hope your eating gets back to normal asap. Eat small, regular meals to begin with and let your stomach get used to food again.

FoofFighter Sun 28-Jul-13 18:48:28

he's a beautiful boy Waves smile hope you enjoy your dinner xx

anonacfr France Sun 28-Jul-13 19:26:03

Another de lurker who's read all your threads in awe... Gorgeous name, gorgeous little boy. You rule!

Beautiful, beautiful boy smile

lazarusb Sun 28-Jul-13 19:30:37

Congratulations Waves. I've heard a lot about you on other threads and just wanted to add my good wishes flowers

Lovethesea Sun 28-Jul-13 20:09:39

Congratulations Waves! Incredible end to that chapter of your story. Here's to the next one!

Welcome Caspian, hope you get your own Dawntreader when you get older.

Must be amazing to have the nausea receeding, I'm sure it'll take a while to feel normal again but you have been so strong to get through.

PyroclasticFlo Sun 28-Jul-13 20:34:24

Just found the new thread Waves and am so overwhelmed at your birth story. You've done amazingly. And I salute your decision to let stbxh be part of it - a tough call and one that not many people could do in your position, but definitely a mark of you being the bigger, better person. Hats off to you m'dear.

Absolutely chuffed to bits for you - and your beautiful crown Prince Caspian (I loved the Narnia books too!) is just so, so gorgeous. A truly beautiful boy.

Well done you, you fabulous lady. flowers

<sniffles a bit, quite overcome>

McButtonwillow Sun 28-Jul-13 20:47:43

He's absolutely gorgeous xx

I managed some tea - really basic, a bit of breaded fish, some new potatoes and peas. With a milk shake too. I know how important it is to get calories and fluids in to aid with milk supply, so there is a very good motivation for doing my best.

I am actually exhausted now and going to bed with my gorgeous newest son shortly. I decided that it would be good spirited to let twunt bring his sons to meet their baby brother today, and they ended up staying for 2 hours. I even helped them make footprints of his feet as a keepsake. Then a couple of hours later he came back with his mum and sister who stayed about 2.5 hours. At least it is all done now, and there can be no hard feelings anywhere.

I cleaned the lounge, and did a couple of loads of washing, but just made cheese on toast for the DCs tea. I probably will do less tomorrow, just stay in my pyjamas until lunchtime.

My blissful moment was having a proper bath. No PICC line so I could properly soak, and give my left arm a really good scrub - it has been under dressings for 3 and a half months!

Thank you for all your lovely messages flowers It is so heartwarming for me.

Ezio Sun 28-Jul-13 20:54:07

Im glad you've eaten and had a good soak, you deserve it after it all.

Im pleased that tension hasnt marred little Prince Caspians first precious days on this earth x

SwedishHouseMat Sun 28-Jul-13 20:55:51

I have to say Waves - I think you are a bloody saint to have all those visitors!

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Sun 28-Jul-13 21:01:59

I second that Swedish! But at least it's all over and done with and you can just rest now. Enjoy your sleep waves.

vole3 Sun 28-Jul-13 21:02:34

Fennel tea is good for milk supply and digestion. Oats ate also good for milk, least that's the reason I used to justify my hobnob habit smile

minkembernard Sun 28-Jul-13 21:11:26

yay..crying at your birth story.
so relieved for you although probably not nearly as relieved as you!

dark chocolate is good for all kinds of things. or slopes i tell myself and my sis says so. she is a doctor so it must be true.

MissStrawberry Sun 28-Jul-13 21:28:27

Yes yes

I am sure it is the law to eat chocolate daily after giving birth.

Forever winkgrin.

Tamdin Sun 28-Jul-13 21:34:20

Delurking to say huge congratulations! You've been so strong. Hope you and the DC are all well and supported. Take care smile

SwedishHouseMat Sun 28-Jul-13 21:51:59

It's definitely the law that you have to eat lots of chocolate and more chocolate hourly after giving birth. grin

MoreThanWords Sun 28-Jul-13 21:59:05

Congratulations and total respect for what you have achieved waves .

Caspian is a truly gorgeous baby smile

Stopsittingonyoursister Sun 28-Jul-13 22:13:29

Caspian is gorgeous, Waves, congratulations on his safe arrival. Your birth story is wonderful xx

nowwhat Sun 28-Jul-13 22:27:16

I have read all of your threads today, another one in a long line of people in awe of you and all you have coped with.

Congratulations on the birth of little Caspian, your photos are beautiful and I wish you a lifetime of happiness with him x

Jux Sun 28-Jul-13 22:36:19

Yes, dark chocolate - the more cocoa solids the better, 70%+ - is good for you. It was on tv the other night. Can't quite remember why though blush and nor can dh, but it is anyway.

So Waves, you poor old thing, you have to eat chocolate now. Aw shucks. grin

And don't go around hoovering and stuff. When people visit, you have to cuddle your little Caspian looking serene, while they run around making drinks, washing up, cleaning the bathroom and so on.

Congratulations waves. You my love, are amazing. I have never been quite so proud of a person I have never met. You have shown such quiet grace during the last few months and after all that has happened you had the courage and kindness to share your birth experience with your STBX and opened your home to his family.

I'm so glad for you that at least in this one thing he proved worthy.

Your beautiful boy is just scrumptious, you deserve every second of the joy he will bring you. DH and I have wished so many times that we could get to you, if you ever end up in north east Scotland shout up!

minkembernard Sun 28-Jul-13 22:50:41

jux iron and it keeps you regular...so more fun than iron tablets. that and apricots. and I think zinc. plus it helps alleviate coughing fits...so in fact it is good for everything and should always be taken for medicinal purposes of course!

CurlyFox Sun 28-Jul-13 22:56:13

Congratulations Waves he is gorgeous and I love the name Caspian

eccentrica Sun 28-Jul-13 23:15:01

I haven't posted before but have been following your threads.

HUGE congratulations on the birth of your beautiful son. I wish you a wonderful and happy life together.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Sun 28-Jul-13 23:22:05

Hi waves. So very proud of you! I'm on IPad and can't see your gorgeous baby. Will have to wait until home.

Take it easy, just a little bit. And so glad twunt has been helpful in his way. Too little too late though. hmm

thanksthanksthanksthanksthanksbrewbrewbrewbrewbrew Some healthy soup & bread to ease you back to eating

Wuldric Sun 28-Jul-13 23:25:19

How lovely smile

Congratulations

Thank you for sharing this with us, Waves

saffronwblue Sun 28-Jul-13 23:52:16

Waves this is just lovely. I am so pleased that your STBXH was respectful and supportive. Hope you are getting lots of rest and as much food as you can handle.

Jux Mon 29-Jul-13 00:03:00

Jax, hope you don't mind. I've sent you a pm saying how I see profiles on iPad.

Jux Mon 29-Jul-13 00:04:14

(and just realised you're probably using the app. It's one reason why I MN via Safari.)

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 29-Jul-13 02:43:26

Waves I am so delighted for you. Perfect natural birth! Perfect son! No sickness! Graciousness and diplomacy to the ex and relations! Every bit of this thread is making me beam. Especially the photos.

HUGE congratulations, and do stay around and let us know how you get on.

KalevalaForMePlease Mon 29-Jul-13 03:18:55

Jux, could you pm me too please? I use the app but also when I'm on mumsnet on safari I can't see profiles. Thanks!

KiwiJude Mon 29-Jul-13 03:55:35

Caspian is gorgeous waves. You've done so well the whole way through, this probably sounds quite dumb but I feel so proud of you! smile I do so hope you are able to eat and keep the food down, enjoy it and get goodness for you and Caspian from it.

As an aside, one of clinic managers we had here (I work at a fertility clinic) was a male midwife.

Awwww Waves HUGE congratulations my lovely.

Welcome to the world Caspian, a beautiful name for a beautiful boy.

Back online after an unscheduled absence, wide awake when I should be sleeping but couldn't wait to check in! So glad to hear of Acrobat Caspian's safe arrival, yours is the most amazing birth story, the weekend thread is wonderful, you are one amazing woman, and that is the loveliest blanket I have ever seen. <sniff> <wipes away tears>

When all good breakfast intentions fly out the window, you can always keep your strength up with brew brew and a hobnob or two grin!!

JaxTellerIsAllMine Mon 29-Jul-13 08:53:35

Morning. Daily brewbrewbrewbrewwinewinewinewinewinethanksthanksthanksthanks

Thanks jux. I'm on app. Might try with dh laptop when he's done!

Hope you slept we'll waves.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Mon 29-Jul-13 09:12:17

Ive borrowed DH mac to have a quick look - I couldnt wait! OMG that is one of the most stunning babies I have met in a while! He looks like a healthy bubba waves

Congratulations again, so happy for you.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 29-Jul-13 09:18:58

Keeping down food again must feel strange but now you can take in nourishment for yourself and Caspian.

4 hours of visitors! My goodness that was generous of you. Lovely for them to meet Caspian. (4.5 hrs -what were they thinking!).

How are DS1 and DD?

Allalonenow Belgium Mon 29-Jul-13 09:39:31

What a beautiful boy Caspin is waves!!

Hope you got some rest through the night, and that you plan some calm days, for goodness sake forget the hoovering!

It's bound to be strange getting back to eating properly again, school room food like cottage pie and rice pudding might help, and all your favourites to tempt you of course. Oh! did I mention how good chocolate was for you, a complete food group in its own right.

Have a wonderful day waves.

Allalonenow Belgium Mon 29-Jul-13 10:00:59

Caspian ~ my iPad altered that, I must feed it loads of Narnia vocab later!

ClairesTravellingCircus Italy Mon 29-Jul-13 10:08:35

Hello waves, I've already writren on the ither thread but here gies again: congratulations on Caspian's birth, he is abdolutely adorable!
His birth sounds like an amazing experidncd for you, so glad it all went well.
Enjoy your foodgrin

MissStrawberry Mon 29-Jul-13 10:12:02

Definitely state a leaving time when people ring to ask if they can visit. 2 hours then 2 1/2 is ridiculous and not thoughtful at all.

FreckledLeopard Mon 29-Jul-13 10:45:05

I've lurked through your other threads but wanted to pop up and say congratulations! Caspian is a beautiful name!

I'm so impressed by how amazingly strong you are and everything you've been through. flowers

Songbird Mon 29-Jul-13 10:46:49

sniff This is beautiful. You're beautiful. Caspian is beautiful. His mumsnet blanket is beautiful. His big brother and sister are beautiful......etc.......

ProphetOfDoom Mon 29-Jul-13 11:09:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgathaF Mon 29-Jul-13 12:45:27

It was very good of you to allow them to stay for so long (and very selfish of STBEx). I hope you're having a restful day today, with some good food and lots of lovely baby cuddles.

themidwife Mon 29-Jul-13 14:17:48

Only just found this thread numpty but sending so many congrats to you & your lovely DCs to welcome Caspian home. You did brilliantly & have been super generous to twunt & his family. You are my hero! thanksthanks

themidwife Mon 29-Jul-13 14:21:49

AND HE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!

Thanks for the baby adoration and ongoing support smile

Strangely enough I have had another busy day and tomorrow looks even busier. Yawn. Have been up since 4 with caspian and was hanging washing out at 5.30am. He loves cuddles and to be honest after hanging out a load with him in one arm I decided to figure out how to use the moby wrap. It is marvellous, and doing things like the dishes is so much easier.

I'm definitely going to take it easier regarding visitors as yesterday was too much. I don't think twunt really appreciates it to be honest. Ill not have his family round for a while now as it was ever so draining. Anyway, not a word from him re maintenance, so I will have to tackle that at some stage too.

I've had some cards already (from his mum and sister, my mum and my DCs, from a neighbour and my family support worker). He hasn't sent anything which is a little disappointing, especially as he actually does know what it took from my perspective to bring caspian into the world.

Anyway, my focus is now on my beautiful baby and other DCs who have missed having their fun and happy mum for so long. After caspian's various medical check up appointments tomorrow morning I am taking them to the park. Busy day ahead so fingers crossed I manage a bit more sleep tonight

springytoto Mon 29-Jul-13 14:32:27

Strangely enough I have had another busy day

yes, VERY strange! What's come over you, waves ! grin wink

themidwife Mon 29-Jul-13 14:35:47

Glad you're coping so well honey. I predict some brain fuckery coming your way from twunt I'm afraid. How he's been thinking. How he will consider giving things another go if you do x, y, z for him. I know I could be wrong but can't help suspecting it. I wish you could have a little protective bubble around you and Caspian & your older DCs to protect you all from any such twuntery.

I'm afraid I agree with themidwife, but you sound strong and happy now Waves, so hopefully will be able to give him short shrift if that happens. It is a special, but also vulnerable time after giving birth and I would hate him to take advantage of that. Hopefully your enormous love for caspian and your other dcs is filling you up and making you less needy of 'love' from cruel Twunt.

kasbah72 Mon 29-Jul-13 15:10:14

What an amazing birth story and such a gorgeous little man! Congratulations again and I am in awe of your sheer bravery, calm and getting-on-with-it-regardless-of-what-crap-is-thrown-at-me attitude.
I hope you get some rest.

AgathaF Mon 29-Jul-13 15:42:51

Try to get some rest as well as being busy waves. The last thing you need is new baby exhaustion compounded by being physically low from the HG, and a dose of dive-bombing hormones too.

Thumbwitch Mon 29-Jul-13 15:46:52

Awww Waves - so pleased for you and he's utterly delightful. Thank you for posting a pic of him wrapped in his MN blanket as well, it looks fantastic on him!

I am happy for you that Twunt behaved himself with decency around your delivery, and that his family have met Acrobat/Caspian - but I also agree with themidwife that it's likely he will descend into Twuntishness very soon. Please stay focused on the people in your life who really matter - your children - and remember that any overtures he makes to you are only in his own self-interest, not in yours or Acrobat/Caspian's.

So glad you can eat again! Such a relief - hope you get your strength back really quickly now.

How has your Mum been about it all?

MissStrawberry Mon 29-Jul-13 16:17:10

I am so enjoying hearing all about Caspian's adventures. His future wife will be very happy you started training him to do jobs at a very young age grin.

DPotter England Mon 29-Jul-13 16:18:11

Congratulations on a baby brother for your lovely DS & DD - great photos !
You are truly an inspiration to us mere mortals ! Please look after yourself - sounds like you'll need to fatten up a bit.

Ezio Mon 29-Jul-13 16:19:22

i also suspect some Twunt-fuckery, if he says what midwife says, then the response is:

"Nah, im alright thanks"

Because waves, you are alright, and if twunt is starting to see his fuck up then my suggestion to him is "Take your wife as you married her, or leave her alone".

Because the only one who needs to change his shitty attitude, if he did he might actually have a happy life.

wordyBird Mon 29-Jul-13 17:11:38

Glad to hear you're both doing well. Your baby is such a sweetheart smile

LucyTheValiant Mon 29-Jul-13 17:59:23

Yes, do make sure you rest Waves!

So glad you're doing so well smile

PeoniesPlease Mon 29-Jul-13 20:32:29

Congratulations waves!

What a lovely little pudding Caspian is. I hope you enjoy your well-deserved cuddles and tucking in to some delicious food now!

MissStrawberry Mon 29-Jul-13 21:51:58

I hope all is okay with you Waves.

and twunt hasn't caused problems making it so you can't chat to us.

I know babies keep you busy btw.

He is beautiful isn't he. And I have a framed photo of DS aged 1 week and they could be one and the same smile

I'm exhausted, and feeling a bit worried now. I was feeding Caspian a while ago, and DS and DD had a row upstairs, and I couldn't intervene, and they both ended up in tears. It's hard work doing this alone. I just realised I hadn't eaten since lunchtime since TB (mum) popped round. She adores little Caspian, and saw him on Sunday morning first thing, again later on Sunday, and then this morning. Just for a few minutes each time, but she is clearly happy. She is off to hospital for 3 days tomorrow and I hope it all goes ok, that they find out what is wrong, and a treatment plan can be put in place.

I don't think twunt is going to try much on. He has been a bit weird - immediately after Caspian was born he was straight away on his phone, and when he brought his boys and later his mum and sister round, he was just on the phone again. No interaction at all. He has signed the birth registration form (father has to do it over here) so I can take that in tomorrow and make Acrobat official.

It's hard to take it easy when you share facilities with lodgers. I have to keep on top of tidiness in communal areas etc. And no real relaxing possible! My new girl lodger is a sweetheart though. She had a delivery of free little gifts at work and brought a couple home for DS1 and DD, and gave those to them on Saturday night, and today she left a card for me, and some clothes for Caspian - she remembered me saying I had very few first size clothes, and that he had long nails, so bought him some first size vests and scratch mits.

I think the "baby blues" may be just kicking in. It is really hard work doing this alone! Caspian discovered feeding properly early this morning, and DS1 and DD are being a bit more demanding too. A lovely friend called round with fennel tea for me, and chocolate, and lots of pink roses and white sweet williams for me to enjoy. (She and her husband are the ones who brought us home from hospital). She said that she will do anything she can to help, as I did so much to help her children when I used to teach them and took them further than any other music teacher would have done. It made me a bit welled up to be honest - she is a lovely, inspirational woman, and I am so delighted that she feels I made a difference to her boys' lives.

I ache, and am hoping for a good sleep.....sorry for the rambly post but I am tired

Xales Mon 29-Jul-13 21:55:38

Congratulations!

BTW you need to update the number of children on your profile when you stop being so busy grin

pointythings Netherlands Mon 29-Jul-13 22:06:00

It sounds like you have some good RL support, waves - use them! It's really hard with a new baby and two DCs at home for the school holidays, no wonder you feel you have no time. New lodger sounds fab, you've done well there.

I think your DCs are old enough to be talked to about Caspian's need to feed - if they complain that he needs frequent feeding, show them this to illustrate the point about how tiny his stomach is - I'm sure they'll get it.

And of course get them involved with bath time, making funny noises at him to entertain him, helping with nappy changes and so on.

I hope your mother has a speedy recovery - not so much for her as for you.

I want to cry. Twunt left his fb account open on my phone and I just found out exactly what he has been saying....and the women he is flirting with....and the lies, despite his letter and subsequent statements about loving me. I am an evil nut job apparently sad

Sat here with Caspian feeding (ouch to after pains and sore nipples) and feeling so confused and angry and sad.

WingDefence Netherlands Mon 29-Jul-13 22:46:45

You are NOT an evil nutjob. You are an amazing mother of three gorgeous children and nothing will ever take that away from you. You are a beautiful woman. You are a talented musican. You are not evil nor a nutjob.

He is lying to other women to justify his treatment of you. You are a wonderful woman and we all are here with you and holding your hand through this. xxx

he left it open on my laptop, not phone. Stupid teary typing....

minkembernard Mon 29-Jul-13 22:49:26

(((waves))) he is an enormous FW of the highest order of twuntage. angry he doies not believe a word of it. he is just saying whatever he thinks will get her onside because of course he cannot say i fucked over a totally amazing awesome woman who is far better than an arsehole like me could ever hope to deserve and not only that I did it while she was very ill from being pregnant with my child. who is beautiful and whom i also do not deserve btw.

well he could and it would be true but it wouldn't get him very far.

better of without him waves. it is horrible. he is an idiot. and you and your dcs deserve the very very best.

MrsFrederickWentworth Mon 29-Jul-13 22:54:04

Well done, lovely birth, lovely name, lovely baby.

Ezio Mon 29-Jul-13 22:54:15

Waves, you a beautiful, kind, loving woman, you've been abused, had a terrible pregnancy, dealt with horrid people, and you got that handsome little boy into this world.

You allowed twunt to be there, he sons and his family to see Caspian, that is not a nutjob nor evil, that is a kind, accepting woman who sees beyond what she wants.

Now im a stranger on the internet, who cried with pride at how well you've done, i speak for everyone who is so proud of you.

He is nothing but a miserable waste of space who has to lie to get sympathy from women, because he wouldnt get any without it, because hes boring, abusive, disinterest, stupid, and a waste of space.

So when your looking at Caspian and your other 2, look at them a think "Its hard, but im alright". Because you will be, Twunt is a loser, who had a great thing and lost it, well more fool him.

Allalonenow Belgium Mon 29-Jul-13 23:06:14

Ooh sweetie, I am so sad for you that you are having to deal with this at a time which should be blissfully happy for you.
He is trying to make sure that her knickers stay around her ankles, and so he is saying anything to keep her sweet.

None of what he says about you is true or real or honest. But it tells you yet again what a lying selfish bastard he is, and how he will twist anything to his own advantage.

BloomingRose Mon 29-Jul-13 23:09:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Mon 29-Jul-13 23:14:30

waves, I second ezio. Anyone who falls for 'the ex is an evil nut job' line is on a hiding to nothing as far as any relationship goes. You know that isn't true. You have been kind, generous and dignity personified as far as the twunt is concerned and this is how he describes you to a total stranger. You know the depths of fuckwittery he will descend to, and this is just the latest in the many cruel things he's done.

You are simply the most amazing person and mother, and he never deserved the kindness, love and care you have given him. You are a special person and your 3 DC are so lucky to have someone as strong as you to be their for them. Please don't let that nasty lie bring you down. Speak to your midwife/HV and get support if you feel you are sinking into the baby blues etc. Thats just normal but you need a bit more support to try and avoid sinking lower than that. Don't hesitate to ask all those in place to support you, when dealing with this stuff.

Just enjoy that gorgeous little bundle and don't let that arsewipe taint this special time for you. You are the strongest person I've come across on MN and you can get through this. Just ask those waiting on the sideline for the help you need.

Take care x

Ezio Mon 29-Jul-13 23:15:27

Rose, infact i'd call that a massive red flag, if right off the bat a man could his ex a bitch to me, my ex said horrid things about me.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Mon 29-Jul-13 23:18:56

Agreed ezio. It'll be waving frantically when it becomes apparent just how close to him having become a father he's been saying this crap.

BloomingRose Mon 29-Jul-13 23:19:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

springytotty Mon 29-Jul-13 23:19:44

I'm so sorry (( waves )). The timing of it, well... sad

One foot in front of the other dear woman. You are a survivor and you will get through this pain. He doesn't deserve as much as your smallest fingernail but I know that is no consolation now. He hurts you again and again, try to step away. Hunker down and have that lovely time with your new miracle, even though your heart is sore. The kids bickering upstairs - I sometimes think kids need to be left on their own to get on with it sometimes. They sorted it out without your intervention - maybe it's a good thing for all of you.

Keep posting. You have a lot of love and support on here. Sounds like you have some lovely rl support too - your lodger sounds kind and caring, and your friends have been so caring and thoughtful. Which is what you need now, not cruelty.

thinking of you dear waves xxxx

Shit. He had to change the bed sheets twice apparently. Read a message conversation with his mate. So he has definitely been screwing around.

I am shaking.......

And in tears, and my lovely little boy is sleeping which is what I should be doing.

I don't want this to be my life any more.

BloomingRose Mon 29-Jul-13 23:29:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 29-Jul-13 23:29:25

Caspian will take after you lovely waves and inherit your decency and moral compass. Forget those ugly words - what does that make him then? Very sorry ex punctured your balloon - try not to get distressed over the sperm donor. For more than 24 hours it was a truce while it lasted but Epic Waste of Space as he is, he couldn't keep up the pretence. Hormones awash it is instinct to keep the bio dad onside and you were generous enough to welcome him and his tribe.

Now focus on yourself and your lovely DCs. Give yourself a pat on the back for such a wonderful birth and don't fret, DS1 and DD are just finding their feet with a new baby in the home.

And he is off out with his mate tomorrow night to "wet the baby's head with beers and fanny". God I feel sick.

Why the fuck did I open my home to him and his family? Why did I let him be there during everything?

BloomingRose Mon 29-Jul-13 23:36:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux Mon 29-Jul-13 23:37:01

Oh waves. What a horrid horrid man he is. My frie.d's ex said similar to her when they were still together. And that all her friends hated her, which was soooo obviously untrue. Even so, he got her so twisted up that she had to ask. Twunt will say anything to get what he wants now , and he wants tto get his end away..... Ido hope that woman sees right through him.

As for you, you are kind, tolerant, forgiving, massivelytalented, generous, oh I could go on, but your head wouln't get through doorways if I did!

You enhance life. That is so rare. Brightening up the world. Making it a better place just because you're in it. That's you, Waves, that's you.

Ezio Mon 29-Jul-13 23:37:13

Waves, because our a damn sight better than him, atleast you can hold your head up high and say, i did it for my son.

He cant say the same.

youarewinning Mon 29-Jul-13 23:45:11

waves I have just read your story from beginning to end. My good god gawd woman - you need a fucking medal. thanks

Your newborn DS is beautiful as are your DS1 and DD.

and remember - you feel like you can't do this - but you've already proved you can.

Am I right in thinking your not in the UK?

I printed off the pertinent bits of conversations....and texted him. He has now logged out of fb. Apparently he got with me because I am a skinny tattooed hippy who earned £20k a year more than him, owned my own house and my kids' dad isn't on the scene so "no grief" there.

Marvellous. At least I actually know the truth now. I'm not mainland UK, no. Not for now at least. Thinking a fresh start is seriously in order. And maybe a break with the kids during the holidays. Not remotely inclined to sleep now, so may have a look at flights and see if I can't get the 4 of us away for a bit.

And you are all now (according to twunt) promoted from "vipers" to "cunt snakes"

What a twat. He has just witnessed me giving birth ffs, with no pain relief, then opening my home to his children, mum and sister, for far longer than is reasonable on the DAY after giving birth, and he can carry on like this. Caspian was less than 24 hours old for goodness sake.

Allalonenow Belgium Tue 30-Jul-13 00:04:20

waves Please don't let this utter wanker spoil these first few precious days you share with Caspian. Push this selfish manchild to the very back of your mind.
Focus on baby Caspian, on yourself, on your beautiful older children. Together the four of you will be an awesome family unit.

You are vulnerable now, because you have been ill for so long, and now your hormones are dancing a jig; rest, eat, stay calm, listen to music.

CurlyFox Tue 30-Jul-13 00:08:33

Waves you have been through so much in the past few months, please don't let Twunt get to you. You are such a special person if he can't see what you have just been through to bring his son into the world then he is
an idiot.

All your cuntsnake mumsnetters are here for you. I doubt Twunt will ever have the support you do. Holiday sounds like
a good idea. It's time for you and your Dc's now.

Allalonenow Belgium Tue 30-Jul-13 00:08:54

I quite like being a cunt snake, as I always thought being a viper was a bit mild mannered.

Apileofballyhoo Tue 30-Jul-13 00:15:40

Oh waves. You need to protect your heart. I'm so sorry. I can only say it's better to find out now rather than have wasted a longer part of your life on this guy.

Ezio Tue 30-Jul-13 00:19:56

Well we might be "Cunt snakes" but "Cunt snakes" with hearts.

And he hates us because we all think hes a low life, scumbag, shitface and arse, with all the compassion and love in his heart as an evil dictator who whines about what hes entitled to but wont get because he ultimately is a complete loser and no one likes him apart from other tossers.

tightfortime Tue 30-Jul-13 00:41:51

Well I'm proud to be a cuntsnake. Proud to be a virtual viper, Caspian auntie who can't go to bed without checking in.

Fuck him and his beer and his fanny.

Always remember that you were the bigger person who allowed him to be part of a miracle. Hold your hormonal post delivery head high girl because you are a star, an inspiration and a wonderful mother who can and will do this brilliantly without him.

And good riddance. Box him and his twuntish ways up and bury them. You don't need him...you need friends and family and a good cry.

I'm raging for you and pitying him and what he has lost through his own selfish entitled asshole behaviour.

It will get easier and better. Allow yourself moments of doubt, you are human and have been through so very much in a short time.

Then sling that baby close, cuddle those gorgeous kids of yours and hang out the washing.

Much love x

It all sucks a bit really. Caspian is also on a feeding frenzy, as I think my milk has come in. So I have the joy of no sleep, cracked nipples, after pains, lochia, 2 other DCs to look after, appointments tomorrow, and I started off feeling so positive this evening. I even had a small glass of wine to try to celebrate my gorgeous son's arrival. And then I discover all of this.

I said to twunt that he could come round to spend some time with us now Caspian is here, and he gave excuses why not....and actually it's because he wants to get his end away (or off?, I don't know the phrase)

And he kept saying he loved me. I need to stop wondering why. I KNOW that I was shitty to be around after I got pregnant, but I also know that pregnancy makes people a bit crazy with hormones, and I was so ill on top of that. So yes, I stopped being fun, and was harsh around his kids, but I was so much worse with mine (and god, has he been saying some horrid things about my older DCs in these bloody FB messages) And he has at least slept with one other person (OW from that initial text message back in January). And I told him how sorry I was about how I was acting. I can't keep going in circles with this. But I am so gutted that I opened up to him, and that I let him be there with me, at the most vulnerable and intimate of times. And all he wants to do is go hunting for a fuck.

I am going to ask someone to come round tomorrow so I can have a bath. I ache and feel yukky and daren't leave Caspian as he will doubtless want feeding the moment my toe hits the water!

springytotty Tue 30-Jul-13 01:01:24

I'm sorry you're having to weather this now, waves .

I want to be stern with you but I blanche at it. Please sleep. Put all this fuck-awful shit in a box and bury it in the garden - you're good at that. It's summer, you've plenty of time to get it out again when you're ready. Cosy up with your lovely snuggly baby. Waves, a new baby is one of the best things on the planet - try to bury yourself in the loveliness of this incredible treat.

And fuck the father. Fuck the low-down skank. You had a lovely birth experience - some posters cried when they read it (not saying who). You're lovely and you're loved.

so sleep, waves. You need it, it's important you get it now in these early days.

Love Auntie Cunt Snake xxx

Allalonenow Belgium Tue 30-Jul-13 01:10:46

I hope you have printed off some of the crap he has written about all of this so that you can show it to his Mother in the distant future.

For now, push it all to the back of your mind, listen to your favourite music, try to eat something, drink plenty of water/tea/squash, eat cake, eat chocolate, read a favourite book (do you reread?).

Above all else, focus on Caspian and yourself. Take care dear waves x.

imbe123 Tue 30-Jul-13 01:23:32

Hi waves.
I never post but felt after reading your story I just had to.
Firstly congratulations on the birth of your son.
Please don't let him (twunt) get to you ( I know easier said that done) but he really isn't worth your energy.
I hope that you can get some sleep and find a lovely holiday for you and your DCs.

TimidLivid Tue 30-Jul-13 02:23:41

Waves I check ur thread before I go to sleep and a lot. That is because you are wonderful and I envied your lovely birth story. Your three children are beautiful and once you recover from the birth and all this its just going to get easier and better for you.

FiftyShadesofGreyMatter Tue 30-Jul-13 04:14:59

Many congratulations Waves on the birth of darling little Caspian smile

Well he couldn't keep the facade up v long could he? Don't give yourself a hard time love, you acted with dignity and grace, and I think that is what you will remember when you look back at this in future times.

Try not to let his twuntfuckery mess with your 3-day roller coaster hormones. You are awesome and we are all here checking in on you, holding you up high above this glorious vipers' nest grin

Can u sort a quick play date for your older DCs? Please keep calling on your RL help.

I gave my eldest the job of photo-documenting everything about our youngest's arrival. Accept your 2 may be too old for this but they are creative wee things aren't they and early pictures are so precious it could be a v special thing they can help with.

Wish I could come and cook you lunch and let you have a snooze and a bath, but maybe its time for early morning brew instead!

Take care awesome Waves xx

vole3 Tue 30-Jul-13 06:40:12

I ended up padding out my bathroom sink with towels to make a nest for DS whilst I had my bath/ shower so he was close at hand.

Hope today brings you joy and peace x

auntpetunia Tue 30-Jul-13 06:55:40

And yet again he proves me right! He is a bastard! A fucking evil selfish twat of a bastard! He left that open deliberately: that's no accident that he was having those conversations on your laptop at this time. He's a horrible evil man who knows exactly how to twist the knife and when.

Waves you need to bury the crap that's in your head from him deep out at sea, tie a great big rock to it and throw it over one of your nearby cliffs, it never needs revisiting. Then you need RL friends around to help with your dcs. I'm also sure lodgers won't mind communal areas being a bit messy and if they do …they can clean /tidy them.

I hope you got some sleep and that Caspian gave you some rest.

And as for being a cunt snake …he has no idea how scary a whole collection of those can be.

It is silly, I was hoping he might send me flowers or even a card after what he was part of etc. He has given me a gift I will definitely appreciate longer term now though, a machete through the facade and lies.

I forced myself to sleep around 2.30 after c finished feeding and the little poppet slept til nearly 6 so I did too. He is now sleepy snuffling next to me and I am full of love. My milk has come in and I'm sure that it will get a bit easier and less painful.

Will post properly later when not one handed on my phone (can't stop cuddling caspian)

AgathaF Tue 30-Jul-13 07:19:17

Every time you think he is showing signs of being a decent human being, you find out (again) that he is still, in fact, a cock.

Waves you really need to try to accept that he is now a small side-line in your life. He is Caspian's biological father, and nothing more. He will not turn into what you hoped he would be. You need to stop hoping for that because you keep getting the rug pulled from you every time you put some trust in him.

You will be having a hormonal blip now. It always coincides with milk coming in too so that Caspian will feed more, you will feel uncomfortable etc. Let yourself cry if you need to. Please accept whatever help you can. Don't be a martyr to the lodgers. They know you have a new baby, they will understand if standards slip for a week or so.

You need rest, food and support. Please take all that is offered. Maybe your older children can go to play at a friend's house for a few hours? You have done a magnificent job already. Just take a bit of time for yourself now.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Tue 30-Jul-13 07:31:24

Grasp that love and hang onto it waves. Bury all that negativity from twunt and just ride that 'wave' of love with C and your other DC too. You are the strongest, big hearted person here, and you will get through this. thanks

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 30-Jul-13 07:33:32

Even the brightest most generous DCs squabble at the best of times and they'll try hard not to mind Caspian taking up so much time, you have love enough for all - unlike the poon hound who sounds frankly desperate. He was punching above his weight when he snared you waves. Of course the laptop was left open on purpose in an "Expect nothing from me!" warning.

A new day - stay resting as long as you can.

saffronwblue Tue 30-Jul-13 07:37:02

Waves try to wrap yourself and DCs in a bubble of love. That idiot man is just a fly buzzing against the window.

Just found this thread. Congratulations on the birth of Caspian. You are, actually, superwoman!
Twunt only says things to hurt you as he can't cope with the fact that you are one million times better a person than him.
Enjoy Caspian, rest and take things easy for a few days. You are an inspiration!

themidwife Tue 30-Jul-13 07:47:42

I'm so sorry but not surprised. We know he's utterly without morals, a heart & justifies behaviour anyone else male or female would be seriously ashamed of.

If you are reading this Mr "Beers & Fanny" - YOU ARE THE CUNT & repeat & repeat.

I wish you were on the mainland Waves, you know if local we'd be there in a heart beat to give practical help. People may think we're just Internet vipers but we can be real life ones too!

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Tue 30-Jul-13 07:50:22

Is it helpful that I am loving the name cunt snake?

It's becoming part of my new NN, me thinks.

Caspian is so twee, he'll grow up to be the man men like your twunt fear. The good kind.

SpecialAgentCuntSnake Tue 30-Jul-13 07:52:19

Testing.

MissStrawberry Tue 30-Jul-13 07:58:20

I just knew he was being a fucking prick. I knew he was going to cause you an unbelievable amount of grief,

PLEASE for your own sake and that of your lovely children do not give him another thought.

Get the baby registered in your name only if you feel that would help.

See a solicitor about divorce asap. DO NOT let him get in first.

Ask your lovely friend to help as much as she is able. Tell her as much as you need too about the ex if it means you get the emotional support as well as physical.

Talk to us as much as you need, especially if you feel the need to contact the twat or read any more of his messages.

You do know he left it open so you could see it, don't you?

This man is beyond words. You need to give him no time at all and get him out of your life.

There will be people on here who can organise anything at all so use the help and support we are all offering.

Waves, don't focus any of your precious energy thinking about your woefully inadequate Ex. He is utterly pathetic and actually ridiculous. Time spent giving him head space is time wasted.

Keep your focus on Caspian, other dcs and yourself.

You will kick yourself if you allow this loser to ruin this special time with your new baby.

How sad that you hoped he might send a card of flowers...he keeps showing you just who he is....someone unworthy of your time, a shallow and unintelligent, weak cruel, utter waste of space.

DO NOT LET HIM DRAG YOU DOWN AGAIN. You and your dcs deserve better.

Wishing you a better day and a lovely bath thanks

MissStrawberry Tue 30-Jul-13 08:12:06

Calling fellow cunt snakes!!

Twat is obviously reading this thread. Is it time to go elsewhere? Don't any one mention it by name!

PyroclasticFlo Tue 30-Jul-13 08:19:57

Oh my god, what an absolute cunt he is.

Waves you poor darling. At least now maybe you will see through all the lies and stop having any hope or giving him any time.

He deserves NOTHING from you.

What an utter, utter bastard he is.

You are amazing. Stay strong. Look after yourself and your DCs. Ask the lodgers for help, and accept it.

We're with you, holding your hand, stroking Caspian's head, wishing you well all the way. flowers

Thumbwitch Tue 30-Jul-13 08:22:57

Darling Waves - I am so sorry that the revelation has come so quickly and so harshly. But I can answer one question for you - the reason he keeps telling you he loves you is that he's hoping to get back into your life, with your money and your owned home. He thought he had a good ticket for life there - and much of his vitriol now is because you've taken that off him.

So I'll say it again - he loves what you have, not who you are

He isn't fit for you to wipe your feet on - they'd end up dirtier afterwards.

You did what you thought was right for you, the baby and him (the bastard) at the time - and at the time it was ok. Please just write that off, and don't allow these later revelations to colour that event.

But from now on, you give him NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL. Because he deserves less than that (if that were possible).

So glad your snuffler has taken well to feeding and much much sympathy on the cracked nipples and after pains - have you some Lansinoh in the house? If not, do get some - even if it means asking lovely friends or even TB to get it for you (ah, she's going to hospital though, so she can't)

Remember we are all here for you whenever you need to rant or moan; we will do whatever we can to support you.

Love to you and your baby Caspian, and the other two DC xxx

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Tue 30-Jul-13 08:31:47

MissS I think that is a good idea, but think waves needs to make the call. Will follow what she feels is right, but I agree with your thinking.smile

themidwife Tue 30-Jul-13 08:42:53

Specialagentcuntsnake gringringrin

tobethatis Tue 30-Jul-13 08:48:06

as hard as this is waves it is GOOD thing that you have had an insight into how he really is and how he talks about you and your kids to others - this isnt a real man. He is totally brainless.

He has overshadowed most of your pregnancy DONT let this pig of a man take away the beauty of the last few days and also the forthcoming weeks, months and years. You are worth so much more.

Take it easy on yourself. You will surely have some tough days as a mother of a young brood but you can do this.

xxx

springytotty Tue 30-Jul-13 08:52:33

Darling woman, we need to send you flowers . How do we do that? show us how we find a way...

HOping you have a calm and lovely day and that you are indeed enveloped in love all day.

(btw I've researched taking Kalms while breastfeeding and not come up with much - but Rescue Remedy is excellent for times like this ime. who cares if it may be woo, it works!)

don't forget to show us how we can send you flowers xxx

Mixxy Tue 30-Jul-13 09:02:41

I kind of like the idea that after a difficult pregnancy your parting gift to twunt was a view of a back to back natural labour: a massive display of your feminine power.

Put this toad to sea.

flowers

JaxTellerIsAllMine Tue 30-Jul-13 09:20:01

So I'm a cunt snake? Well I kinda like it actually. brewbrewbrewbrew For all. I so wish you were on mainland. I'd be there in a heartbeat along with all the other cuntsnakes.

Any man worth his salt would never treat you this way, he isn't a man, he's proved what a user he is. Don't let him near your heart again

MysteriousHamster Tue 30-Jul-13 09:41:40

Thinking of you waves.

I know it must be so hard to accept that he isn't going to turn around and be full of love even though he saw you bring his child into the world.

But you can be full of love for your child, and him for you.

Don't waste energy on Twuntface.

shiningcadence Tue 30-Jul-13 10:01:10

I also quite like being a cunt snake. Thanks twunt grin

Waves, you had such a beautiful birth with Caspian, it really moved me and many others on this thread. Don't let his crass words and behaviour ruin what was a special, special time. I don't think you should regret having him there because now there is no way you will ever have any doubt as to whether you could have tried more/ been more reasonable. You couldn't have done anything more!

And please don't wonder whether this happened because you were difficult at the start of your pregnancy. All pregnant women are difficult - I certainly was. Our hormones are everywhere, our body is going through massive changes, we're tired, sick...we're allowed to be a bit moody/snappy whatever. This does not give your husband an excuse to sleep around, research late abortions, leave you, be a fucking insensitive bastard to you... He was so out of order and after you offering a million olive groves he has rejected every one.

I'd be inclined to just view him as a sperm donor to your beautiful little boy. That's that. Please don't contact him anymore, don't give him the satisfaction he seems to gain by hurting you and playing with your mind.

We might all be cunt snakes but we're all here if you need us lovely x

Canalside Tue 30-Jul-13 10:17:00

Have not posted on your threads before, but I had to now.

Oh my goodness, waves, you are AMAZING! You are such a strong woman, you are a fabulous mother and I have nothing but admiration for you.

It's easy to say twunt is, well, a twunt, but I don't have the history with him. But he really is a vile specimen who does so much to try and hurt you. I cannot understand why he would do so much to the mother of his child. Urgh. If he ever has the misfortune to meet anyone on here, well woe betide him. Keep all the evidence you can of his twuntery, and use it when he decides he wants access or when he's trying to get off paying maintenance.

But the best you can do, is to be a fantastic mum, to protect C from his hideous excuse for a father, and to not let the bugger get to you. Let him carry on being an utter twunt and ignore it. Build your nest and don't let him near it.

Caspian is beautiful, absolutely gorgeous. Many congratulations on the birth of your son.

vole3 Tue 30-Jul-13 11:55:42

Re sore nips, make sure C has a good mouthful to ensure the nipple ends up right at the back against the soft, not hard, part of his palate.

He texted me just now asking if I need anything dropping in whilst he is passing my house at lunchtime. I cannot believe him! Arrogant cock. He knows i know the dreadful things he had been saying about me, about him sleeping around, and his plans for tonight, and now this?!!!! Unbelievable.

Of course I'm ignoring. Plus I am out. Had to take caspian for his check and mine at hospital then on to the doctor. We have popped in somewhere very quiet for lunch as it saves me preparing anything. I had to stop in a car park to breastfeed caspian and ds1 and dd were super understanding and patient, was half an hour of them doing nothing as it is super windy and rainy here. At least it means he is sleeping now.

Home time soon thankfully. It's not easy doing this!

pinkbraces Tue 30-Jul-13 13:15:25

Keep on going Waves, dont ever forget what a truly amazing woman you are, you have three wonderful DC, and they in turn have you.

Try and ignore that unbelievable, disgusting excuse for a man - I believe in Karma, he will get his.

Concentrate on your gorgeous family - You are such a strong person, but you to need some time - you dont always have to be running around like the duracell bunny smile

AgathaF Tue 30-Jul-13 13:18:50

Arrogant cock sums him up beautifully.

You are doing well in spite of all the difficulties you are facing. Your children will thrive and so will you in time.

You need to try to go back to no contact with him. You are too vulnerable at the moment to have him contacting you at will and blowing hot and cold.

MissStrawberry Tue 30-Jul-13 13:24:05

Ignore the twat. No need to reply and definitely no need to open the door if he turns up. No access to baby until you are 100% happy.

Get the children to pack a bag each of things to do in the car should you need to stop and feed Acrobat again. There will be plenty of times when you will need to hang around and this fun bag will help.

I put a card in the post to you yesterday but don't know when it will arrive as never sent post to there before. Will be wrapping a small parcel later but won't be able to post until tomorrow. DD is shattered, the rain is coming down and just had a huge smack in the face via the post so need to hunker down and stay in this afternoon. Will be thinking of you though and here if you need to talk.

Mixxy Tue 30-Jul-13 13:27:06

"He texted me just now asking if I need anything dropping in whilst he is passing my house at lunchtime."

Tell him you could kill for a beer and some fanny.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 30-Jul-13 13:39:19

hmm When people tell him to go forth and multiply he should come with a health warning.

Songbird Tue 30-Jul-13 14:09:57

^^Mixxy

Yes!

LucyTheValiant Tue 30-Jul-13 14:11:11

Oh Waves. You are marvellous, and your children are marvellous, and you don't need him. You're right to ignore him. He's the most disgusting little man I've ever heard of.

flowers

Thumbwitch Tue 30-Jul-13 14:21:35

Can't believe he had the outright gall to text you that. What a knob he truly is.

Glad you've managed to get out, and that the children were good while you had to feed C - I second the suggestion that you have an activities bag packed for them as well, just in case it happens again - or you could just have some travel games in the car. Connect 4 is usually a favourite!

You're doing fabulously well - and you will continue to do so, better and better without that toxic loser in your life.

Lovethesea Tue 30-Jul-13 14:34:49

Thinking of you and all your lovely children. You are a wonderful beautiful tattooed creative hippy, with a warm and open heart, with great earning and independence potential, with a home not just a house, with a future and much joy to embrace.

He lives in a black and white world, you live in a world of colour.

themidwife Tue 30-Jul-13 15:10:46

I can read his mind! He behaves like a cunt & is exposed & then offers to do something for you so that when you reject he can say how ungrateful & horrible you are & justify his behaviour to himself & his beer & fanny brigade. Ignore him. You are doing brilliantly.angry

springytotty Tue 30-Jul-13 17:03:19

And what he's offering you is... to pick something up at the shop because he's passing. A paper. some sugar. Generous huh. What a good guy hmm

Thanks for all the reassurance. Has been a busy and difficult day but I've only had a couple of little cries.

After our lunch we took my new lodger for a little drive to show her about the place. (She is day off today)

When we got back I fed caspian then she held him and entertained DD so I could get a bath, and now she is popping down the shop for me as she has some bits to get and I suddenly fancied a banana!

Caspian is now an expert in poos as well as feeding. He is sound asleep on the changing mat next to me on the sofa. Might be keen for a feed again, wriggling about and starting to mew a bit smile My milk is definitely in. Ouchness and need for bigger tops territory!

Must admit that I had to drag myself upstairs to the bath and realise I have seriously overdone it today, so hopefully tomorrow we will just stay in. We left at 9.50am and weren't back home til 3. Bath has sorted out my aches and maybe some extra sleep will be granted me tonight as I'm feeling tearful. Latest thing to make me sad is that I have no new baby boy balloons! And I remembered the birth of DS1 when my exh and I were totally broke, but even so he made an amazing sign to welcome us home and congratulate me.... I swear, even with the alcohol fuelled violence, he was a much much nicer person than twunt.

Stop rolling down my face please tears. I know it's day 3 when hormones go all over the place, but I feel so sad about such ridiculous little things. I genuinely can't get my head round the fact that twunt watched me go through a lengthy back to back natural labour and birth and had not bothered with the smallest gesture. It is so cruel.

themidwife Tue 30-Jul-13 17:14:32

He is cruel. He always has been & always will be. You will rise like a Phoenix. thanks

springytotty Tue 30-Jul-13 17:15:26

I didn't get out of my nightie venture out for 6 weeks after my first. And when I did, I went to Brent Cross and came over all exhausted and vulnerable after half an hour and sat on a planter and wanted to be beamed up by Scottie.

3 days after you've had a back-to-back labour, you take you lodger out for the day. Waves . Darling. Please stop doing that to yourself. You must look after your body to look after your mind. That's how it goes, sweetie.

he is a sick person, waves . A sick, sick person. He is fucking with your mind. That's a huge thing to come to terms with - how could you have been sold down the swanny by someone so sick? - but you have to put one foot in front of the other, plant some pain boxes in the garden, and keep going. Just don't go gadding about, will you xxxx

tightfortime Tue 30-Jul-13 17:25:45

Lol Minxxy smile

waves, let the tears roll girl, it's hormones and toredness and stress and Twunt.

Let them roll, then ask the next visitor to bring a baloon for little munchkin.

One snuffly step at a time xx

tightfortime Tue 30-Jul-13 17:26:26

Soz for typos, being naughty on MN at work

AgathaF Tue 30-Jul-13 17:38:23

Please spend a day doing as little as possible tomorrow. You really do take far too much on.

You know, if he had bought you a present or balloons, it would only have fucked with your mind even more. Much better that he didn't and you know where you stand. Although, if he is reading the thread still, I wouldn't put it past him to turn up with some half-hearted gesture tomorrow or at a later date.

Anyway, he is not the important one here, you and your lovely DC are, so spend your free time congratulating yourself on your fabulous little family.

BerylStreep Tue 30-Jul-13 17:48:59

Accidentally left FB open on your lap top my arse. He has done this on purpose. He just cannot bear to see you happy. Look how he has made the birth of A/C all about him.

The only person who can let him into your head is you. I wish I could give you a magic pill to help you detach and forget.

MissStrawberry Tue 30-Jul-13 17:55:38

Order - stop expecting or wanting anything from twat. He is only going to hurt you more and the only balloons you want are from people who care about you. He doesn't so his gestures mean nothing as they aren't backed up by love.

You have done well today but done too much.

Tomorrow is a duvet day. Relax. You gave birth days ago you crazy womangrin. You need to rest!!!

Pollydon Tue 30-Jul-13 18:18:09

Cuntsnakes !!- he'd better fucking believe it grin.
Sending you healing vibes Waves

Ezio Tue 30-Jul-13 18:19:56

You know, i really want a t shirt that says "Cunt snake" now

AgathaF Tue 30-Jul-13 18:23:00

I must be the only one who doesn't find it funny to be called a cunt snake. I do think it shows his lack of respect for women though, and about sums up what I would have expected of someone so lacking in any useful qualities.
It's the sort of random, nonsensical name-calling an eight year old who had just learnt a new swear word would come out with.

Pollydon Tue 30-Jul-13 18:26:47

Exactly Agatha, that is what is amusing me, not the actual phrase, but the lack of intellect behind it.

Ezio Tue 30-Jul-13 18:27:33

Agatha, we laugh, because hes so damn pathetic, that you can only just laugh at his lack of substance and all around waste of space he is.

MinnieBar Tue 30-Jul-13 18:28:27

Oh waves, what a despicable excuse for a man he is. Did you say you'd kept copies?? If so, there's your evidence and grounds for divorce right there, no?

Another <snort> here at cuntsnakes. It's kind of making me think of that neck snake attitude move grin

BerylStreep Tue 30-Jul-13 18:29:37

Please stop caring about him, about what he does, or says, or who he shags.

At least you have seen him for his true colours. You were a meal ticket for him and he pretended to love you so that he could have a cushy life. What a cunt. There is something seriously wrong with his wiring, and you keep expecting him to respond normally, but he is not normal.

I can't help but think you are still doing things good for him, such allowing his family to impose on you the day of the birth, so that it will somehow make him see that you are worth him behaving decent towards. By being dignified and the better person, you are creating expectations of him, and time and time again he hurts you.

I think you need to learn not to have any expectations of him at all. When you say you wished he had brought you a card and flowers, it makes me want to cry. Those are the gestures of someone who loves you and cares for you. Waves it is so harsh, but you need to accept that he does neither, and never will, no matter how reasonable you are to him.

Have you registered Caspian yet? Would you consider not putting him on the certificate?

BerylStreep Tue 30-Jul-13 18:32:12

I'm also laughing at the thought of what a cuntsnake looks like. I'm picturing a snake with a vagina for a head! grin

MissStrawberry Tue 30-Jul-13 18:34:56

I think the laughing at the name calling is also that he thinks we might actually care what he calls us/

Oh no, delicate little flowers that we are can't cope with what the big man calls us hmm.

Yes yes to register without his name on and then go and file for divorce.

Pollydon Tue 30-Jul-13 18:35:22

Or a Cobra with an afro of pubes ...

He probably takes being called an arrogant cock as a compliment, because he is, among other things, actually a bit thick.

Hope you get back in the no-Twunt, new baby, hippy-happy mama zone soon. Because you can handle all this, and without him far better than with him. Protect yourself and your babies thanks

themidwife Tue 30-Jul-13 18:54:20

But Pollydon, cunts aren't allowed to have pubes. To please "real men" like twunt they must be hairless & porn ready!! gringrin

Ezio Tue 30-Jul-13 19:18:34

lol Midwife, he probably thinks all he has to do to get fanny, is touch her and knickers are off.

But if he wants fanny than all he needs to do is look in the mirror, hes the biggest fanny of them all.

mistlethrush Tue 30-Jul-13 20:11:03

I think you're allowed a few tears Waves, and don't feel bad about shedding them.

He has shown his true colours very clearly though - which I think is a good thing in the long-run.

I'm glad the new lodger seems to be fitting in a lot better - and I'm presuming that lodger 2 hasn't made a murmer since lodger 1 left...

Jux Tue 30-Jul-13 20:31:26

He's a Putrid Knob. At the very least, you know for certain and forever what he is. I cannot imagine how badly this further betrayal has hit you, Waves. I am so, so sorry.

On the other hand, I am thrilled to be a Cuntsnake! I loved being a Viper too, and am ineffably proud that I am both. I do so wish you were on the mainland so at least one of us could just pop round and help.

I hope you are having a quiet evening and do try to sleep tonight, waves. Quiet day tomorrow?

MrBloomsMarrow Tue 30-Jul-13 21:01:27

waves congratulations on the birth of your beautiful son. Over the last 7 months, you have had constant nausea and vomiting along with repeated hospital admissions, you've endured emotional torture ( I really don't think abuse isn't a strong enough word) from twunt, been deliberately run over by TB, cared for your DCs on your own, got lodgers in (and booted one out) and, despite all this, managed to make ice cream, bake cakes and play a gig whilst in labour. You've then endured 3 days of latent labour and given birth with virtually no pain relief. If that isn't a strong person, I really don't know what is. Although it's obviously incredibly painful, I almost think it's a good thing that twunt is really showing his true colours. You're incredibly vulnerable at the moment and I had visions of him trying to wheedle his way back in by saying how awestruck he was by seeing you give birth and how it's made him see the error of his ways and if you'd please just give him one more chance to prove himself to you ...yawn yawn. If you ever feel yourself being sucked back in, just remind yourself of what he's been saying about your beautiful DCs.
Please just concentrate on your beautiful family and don't waste any more time thinking about that waste of space. I've lurked on the relationships board for about 5 years and I really don't think I've come across anyone quite as fucked up and twisted as twunt.
What shines through all your posts is what a loving, warm and genuine person you are. If you lived anywhere on the mainland, you'd have been beseiged by online aunties offering to babysit/cook/clean/whatever.
Ever since your 1st post, I've checked in on you every day and I know I'm not alone. You have such a huge amount of love and support out here for you. Look after yourself and your beautiful family xxx

After a few teary moments, I'm a bit more calm this evening. My lovely new lodger came down for an hour and a half and we had a glass of wine to wet Caspian's head, played with the DCs and she had lots and lots of newborn cuddles. I've just finished feeding caspian and it was a little less ouchy, and he is now propped up against my legs having the sweetest hiccups. He also seems to be more awake and wriggly. I love him so much!

I have arranged for DS 1 and DD to go to a friends tomorrow so I can have a day of just feeding and changing caspian, and trying to sleep when he does. So even if I have a bad night, at least I know I have a quiet day ahead.

Oh, I had to smile earlier when DD asked why I was crying and I sobbed about balloons and she said " but mummy you've got caspian. He's a lot better than a balloon". A truer word was never spoken.

I think I must be having a much better evening than twunt. Spread out on the sofa whilst caspian is feeding, feeling so proud that he is so good at it. Just being a mum smile

MrBloomsMarrow Tue 30-Jul-13 21:42:42

Waves, that's beautiful. Am off to bed but have a 5 year old who still doesn't sleep through so will check on you through the night xx

PinkGirlsMummy Tue 30-Jul-13 21:51:37

Waves, congratulations on Caspian. You are doing amazingly well in what are very very early days. Getting breast feeding going is ouchy and exhausting and you sound like its going great- a massive achievement in itself. Please be as kind to yourself as you can and remember this too will pass, you have come though what would crush many people already. These next couple of weeks will be the toughest ones but you've got the right approach focussing on feeding and changing nappies. Your future is so bright and you have got so many happy memories ahead with your lovely family. I believe that good things come to good people and you are long overdue lots of food luck x

mistlethrush Tue 30-Jul-13 21:57:14

What a lovely thing for DD to say! You have such lovely children Waves - I'm sure that Caspian will grow up like his sister and brother!

pointythings Netherlands Tue 30-Jul-13 22:16:51

With a family like that around him, Caspian will turn out just fine and completely unlike his sperm donor.

I'm going to have to go out and find a suitable badge for my promotion to official cuntsnake - it's great to know that we MNers have collectively got on the nerves of someone so very, very deserving of the scorn we pour.

Right, I think I am going to risk going to bed. I have a sleeping baby, who I will try to get to feed again on my rock-hard boulders, then see what happens overnight. Thinking the next 48 hours will be tricky, but it is to be expected at this stage. At least I have a day of nothing-much-to-do tomorrow.

(Apparently, having re-read one of the text essays twunt sent last night, I repeatedly fail to mention my shortcomings to you all, and his good points, because if I did my tale of woe would crumble. And no one feels sorry for him which isn't fair. To be honest, I think I have been very open with the fact I am ashamed of how crotchety and harsh I was back in early pregnancy, but also acknowledge that this is normal due to hormones, and it was all compounded by the HG. I have also stated how supportive he was during labour etc. Haven't I?) Anyway, those thoughts are being boxed away. I am doing nothing tomorrow other than getting through the day, and hopefully sleeping a bit!

BettyBotter Tue 30-Jul-13 22:51:41

Dear Mr Cuntface
There is nothing. nothing that Waves could say about what she did or didn't do or what you did or didn't do that would make your behaviour remotely acceptable. Ever.

The facts speak for themselves. Try to be a little more honest with yourself.

Betty

BerylStreep Tue 30-Jul-13 22:52:17

Is there anyone who could design a team logo?

Do you think that MN could design a cuntsnake emoticon? What would that even look like? You could have multiple ones, like Medusa.

Ezio Tue 30-Jul-13 22:54:48

I wont speak for everyone, but i give no sympathy to anyone, who is rude, entitled, whinging, nasty to a pregnant woman, who cheats, reseaches abortions for a planned child, because he is more worried about getting leg over, allows his children to treat his pregnant wife like shit, plays stupid mind games.

So if he has good points then they are well hidden behind his shitty behaviour, attitude and his disgusting attitude to women.

Grow up twunt, no one is perfect, but atleast waves admits she isnt, and for that she gets respect, you are still whining about yourself, well get it over it idiot.

MinnieBar Tue 30-Jul-13 22:58:43

Awww, it's not fair is it??! Diddums.

Do you know what's not fair? Bullying your wife. Encouraging your children to be disrespectful. Cheating on your wife. Being unsupportive through a really hard pregnancy. Need I go on? angry

Xales Tue 30-Jul-13 23:00:05

You are one of the most amazing women I have met on line.

You constantly give.

Your love for your DC shines through.

Your love for your twat of a H also does. Your pain at his actions is clear to all who read what you write.

Your H can't accept that he is wrong because that means looking deeper and closer at himself. Not many people can do that and he really wouldn't like what he saw if he did.

So it is easier to blame you.

themidwife Tue 30-Jul-13 23:00:11

Oh no fellow cunt snakes - we forgot - this is all about twunt & how he feels! Poor poor baby!

Sleep well Waves & please please ignore him. He can't face himself so is on the attack. It's pathetic really isn't it?

BerylStreep Tue 30-Jul-13 23:03:30

1. Why are you reading e-mails? What happened to the separate e-mail folder? What happened to no contact?

2. I feel very sorry for cunttwunt. I cannot imagine how such an emotionally stunted individual functions on a daily basis. (actually, that's not true - I know that he functions by lies, manipulation, gas lighting, cruelty and doing his best to feel better about himself by sucking power from others around him).

3. I cannot even believe that he is still reading this, and then e-mailing you to have a moan about how he is maligned on here (poor lamb). Does he have no boundaries whatsoever?

4. Just focus on your lovely family of 4. They sound wonderful. So does your new lodger.

5. I refer you to point 1. Stop reading texts, e-mails and everything else. This is such a special cuddly time for you, Caspian, his older siblings and his MN Aunties that you just need to babymoon. Nothing else.

themidwife Tue 30-Jul-13 23:07:40

I think time to move elsewhere Waves? The sick bastard is not welcome here.

tightfortime Tue 30-Jul-13 23:51:41

Dear Mr Twunt

Waves has been far too nice and tolerant of you already. She has given both sides, on many occasions. We, the cunt snakes, are more than capable of making up our own minds, thanks.

The sisterhood is sadly lacking at times but fair play, you have brought out the best in us. Your despicable behaviour has also brought out the best in waves.

So go crawl back under your rock.

Waves, enjoy the babymoon, your lodger sounds fab, hope you sleep flowers

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 31-Jul-13 00:40:56

Yes, please stop reading his emails. I did this for another MNetter once, whose ex was sending her foul abusive emails, but she set a filter so that all of her ex's emails went to me, and I read them and excerpted anything she actually needed to know (they had a child and shared custody) and sent that to her. Basically cutting out the five paragraphs of why she was a cunt snake (!) and just forwarding the bit about the child needing new shoes, or whatever.

Happy to filter yours, if it helps!

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Wed 31-Jul-13 00:41:51

I agree with Xales. I think when someone behaves so utterly appallingly, so vile and cruel to someone who is vulnerable, and in need of support, there must be a special kind of hell they would have to face if they ever looked inward to figure out why or how they were capable of such despicable behaviour. And that is what twunt will need to face up to sooner or later. I just hope for waves sake, the penny will drop soon in that awful git's mind. Either way, waves, I hope you just cut him off as much as is possible to maintain some semblance of serenity and peace with C and his siblings. thanks

Thumbwitch Wed 31-Jul-13 01:29:56

Sorry, I must be missing something - what EXACTLY are we supposed to feel sorry for him for? He had a cushy number going, he was a total wankfacedbastard who wanted to KILL his unborn child, and who subjected the mother of said unborn child to mental and emotional torture, despite her being hideously unwell carrying his unborn child.

I'm completely failing to see where he deserves any kind of sympathy? Maybe for not being a complete human, as in he lacks any kind of empathy and human feelings himself, but aside of that he can shove it up his sociopathic narcissistic arse.

Homebird8 Wed 31-Jul-13 03:17:04

Waves, I have lurked and lurked and am overjoyed at the safe arrival of little C, overwhelmed at your grace and love and charity, and and send you now all the support you have unknowingly had all these months. flowers

My comment with regard to the text you shared, is this.

Relationships can be full of the joys of spring. The loved one can have many wonderful qualities and share them with joy. Even so, if once something happens which is unacceptable, then that can be it. The relationship can be unacceptable, and one person can decide that. It is not reliant on a balance of good and bad, or an argument of worth, or any issue of fairness. If the line has been passed then it is not appropriate for the transgressor to negate their action and expect to retrieve in any true sense what they might have had in the relationship before. Dignity is the best they can hope for but even that is theirs to discard.

My dear Waves, you have dignity. Others make their own choices.

homebird thank you so very much for your message. It has given me a sense of peace.

I have decided that I don't want any more anger or cursing or anything like that. Just to explain , it was a text I re read, the one from the night I confronted him about the fb messages. I read it again because new lodger and I were chatting and she asked what his reaction was to my text. And so I read it properly. Fwiw, I do feel very very sad for him. He says when he saw the little lovely come out of me he felt disconnected, no bond. For a man who has defined himself to a great extent over the last decade by his relationship with his boys, that must be very very hard.

BUT I am now going to do my best to focus on positive emotions and the love in my new little family. I have had the most lovely texts from twunt's ex, saying how much she appreciates my including her sons so early, and for my selflessness in giving that early time so they could see their baby brother. I think that any contact with them will be facilitated between her and I as my having contact with twunt for now would be impossibly difficult. I have told her that in a few weeks or so she can come round one evening and we can have a chat and get to know one another a bit better. But again, not thinking about that for now.

My newest DS fed almost solidly between 9 and 1.30 then slept til nearly 6. I am looking forward to a quiet day now, just him and I with snatched snoozes where possible. I need to improve the latch on my left side as that is still awkward, but I am sure the two of us will figure it out.

I had tears today because there is no one to give me a proper hug.... Felt a bit "no one cares about meeeeee" that was triggered by conversation with TB. She had me thinking she was undergoing 3 solid days of tests at hospital on the mainland. I spoke to her yesterday evening having sent a concerned text asking for updates at lunchtime to which I'd had no reply. Apparently she had an hour and a half test then my sister met her and they have gone off to her place in London for 2 days. confused TB kept saying how awful it was and how exhausted she was and ones sympathetic but actually thinking, hang on, I've just endured the longest period of poor health due to HG and a 3 day latent phase back to back labour before a full day of natural
Pain relief free established labour. Anyway, I felt a bit hmmmm and have to let that go now too.

Anyway, I am off to slowly get a bit dressed. Quite achey still, which i suppose is normal, and then most probably try feeding C on the ouchy side before he gets over hungry.

Thank you all so much for still supporting me, it means the world thanks

auntpetunia Wed 31-Jul-13 07:11:18

Oh do fuck off twunt …its not all about you, infact we couldn't give a flying fuck about your feelings and about how 'horrible ' waves is to you. You gave up those rights way back at 14 weeks when you started researching late abortions, when you asked mummy to pay for a flat for you, when you then moved back whilst waves was in hospital and got your sons to be obnoxious horrible loud brats while she was so ill that she couldn't keep a meal down. You've miminised her illness during pregnancy to a it of sickness, she was fucking hospitalised on daily injections. You then make threats about contact and maintenance before your child is born. And even now when Waves allowed you to be at your son's birth, when you actually saw and heard a woman have a back to back birth as naturally as possible …you go on her laptop and leave Facebook open where you've slagged her and her kids off. Told people you only married her for her money and her house, and the fact that her DCs dad wasn't around (probably so you could bully them )was seen as good. And to top all that you we're going out looking for Fanny ...after inflicting your whole family on waves hours after giving birth..REALITY CHECK …IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

And you have the cheek to call us names …

themidwife Wed 31-Jul-13 07:15:40

Yes you need to stop re-reading his emails or texts love, they will just hurt you. Re his ex, just be careful, didn't she join in the hate campaign at one time & backed him up saying he'd never been abusive to her so it must be your fault?! Hope you have a good day thanks

vole3 Wed 31-Jul-13 07:28:14

Check out these tips on getting latch right
Also going skin to skin can help.

MissStrawberry Wed 31-Jul-13 07:30:27

What MinnieBar said.

DIDDUMS!!!

What a prat twat is.

MissStrawberry Wed 31-Jul-13 07:33:47

Tortoise - what a lovely thing you did for that mumsnetter flowers.

AgathaF Wed 31-Jul-13 07:52:18

Waves have you tried holding him rugby ball style on the painful side? It often helps improve the latch, especially with slightly engorged breasts. He needs to be held fairly high up under your arm (try resting him on two or three pillows) and quite well back so that his chin tucks nicely into your breast.

mistlethrush Wed 31-Jul-13 08:52:48

I fed DS rugby ball style for a while - I think it did improve latch - but it also got the heavy lump of my csx scar!

Bury the box and plant an apple tree on top - could just be a little seed. One day it will be a lovely tree to sit under in the summer and the box will be totally forgotten and irretrievable.

Have a lovely lounge with Caspian today!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 31-Jul-13 08:58:01

We're not with you to give you rl hugs but here's a (( )) and here's to positive thinking.

If certain sad people in your orbit keep playing on your good nature, they obviously draw strength from your goodness which they secretly covet, though of course they'd never in a million years admit it.

Really hope you can blot them out this week, just revel in Caspian.

Your new lodger sounds so nice!

Hope you have a good day with DS2.

shiningcadence Wed 31-Jul-13 09:48:43

I know you feel that nobody in your rl circle cares but so many women on here care about you waves. Keep focusing on that smile

thistlelicker Wed 31-Jul-13 09:50:59

Also hit flannels and a little Han expression should help with engorgement x

Canalside Wed 31-Jul-13 10:05:38

Would also recommend biological nurturing position for touchy side, as well as rugby ball hold. Good luck with the feeding, hope it gets less touchy soon.

With respect to twunt, well really it's none of his business whether you are "fair and balanced" on this thread, as it's YOUR support thread. You are entitled to say things from your point of view. if he doesn't like it, then really, he shouldn't be reading it. Shouldn't be reading it anyway! It's none of his business!

Enjoy your day with C, hope you have good feeds and good rest.

Allalonenow Belgium Wed 31-Jul-13 10:39:48

Hope you are really having a lovely quiet day with Caspian, cuddles and music will be good for both of you. Take care.

This thread is not about getting 'fairness' for an abusive man, it is about SUPPORT for the person he was supposed to love and has let down. Only such an inadequate man as him could try and make even this thread about him.

And we can certainly feel sorry for him that he is so woefully inadequate that he is addicted to reading this stuff because from time to time it mentions him. That he has allowed a bunch of people he doesn't know get to him to that extent, pathetic. And for the fact that the people who read his unpleasant rubbish on FB will certainly be losing respect for him the more of it they read.

If this thread didn't mention him at all, but just was about Waves and the dcs, he wouldn't bother reading it. Because if it's not about him, then he isn't interested.

Have a good day Waves and live your life well smile

JaxTellerIsAllMine Wed 31-Jul-13 10:51:33

You know what? I'm not commenting on twunt today. He obviously revels in the attention.

Waves I can't offer much help re breast feeding, but can suggest hot flannels, Savoy cabbage leaves for soreness.

Enjoy today with Caspian. He's perfect in every way. I'm sending virtual hugs for you. brewbrewbrewbrew As usual and a basket of snacks.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 31-Jul-13 10:54:01

Curious: do they still suggest Guinness or similar for nursing mums?

MissStrawberry Wed 31-Jul-13 11:06:24

I couldn't work out how to send balloons but have put a little parcel in the post for Caspian today.

Hope you are getting the feeding established and comfortable for you both.

themidwife Wed 31-Jul-13 13:14:05

We don't recommend officially but I think half a Guinness & big chocolate eclair every day are essential for new mums!

I've had a little doze today, and my doula came round too with bags of food so I have no shopping worries for a few days. Feeding ok but still not convinced on the latch. Being totally unsporty I have no idea how to hold a rugby ball!

I'd rather no mention was made of twunt now. He made his choices and that's that now. Perhaps foolishly I hung on to my dreams and hopes, fed by his actions in part, but now I accept it really is over.

I won't lie, I feel overwhelmed at the prospect of doing every nappy change, every bath, every load of washing, all the dishes, and of course all the feeding. I know I'm breastfeeding anyway, but exh even learned how to latch Dd an DS 1 on whilst I was sleeping so some of the night feeds I slept through. And I'm also entirely responsible for the shopping, my DCs, there will be no help with packed lunches or homework, or outings, or help shifting instruments for my gigs. And darling little caspian was planned on the basis of all this being shared between us. So I guess I have every right to feel overwhelmed.

I need to face the reality of this, and move on. It's just I am so so tired and he's only been in the world for 4 days.

Have shelved ideas of taking a break. I can't actually afford it, and in any case it would be hard work travelling.

I think that taking things hour by hour is the way forwards just now.

AgathaF Wed 31-Jul-13 13:46:57

The rugby ball hold is like this. It does work really well for lots of women. Your midwife should be able to help you get started with it if you've never tried it before.

Ezio Wed 31-Jul-13 13:56:19

I wish i tried that move with DD, might have been more successful breastfeeding.

Baby steps Waves, fake it til you make it.

MissStrawberry Wed 31-Jul-13 14:04:57

Hour by hour is a sensible way to proceed.

Allalonenow Belgium Wed 31-Jul-13 14:31:41

Glad you are getting a bit of rest today, you must be exhausted, physically and emotionally, so rest and calm should be your priority ATM.

On a practical note, do any of the supermarkets where you are offer online shopping? If so, that would be one less job for you to fit in. It is quick and easy to do. Or perhaps a local grocer would deliver a weekly order of basics?

Thumbwitch Wed 31-Jul-13 14:43:42

Lovely lady, remind me how old your other 2 DC are? I know it's NOT ideal, but iirc they are of an age where they can do some things for themselves, like make their own packed lunches, do washing up, help with the washing etc.
I am not advocating child slave labour here, but I DO believe that children should be encouraged strongly to participate in household chores.
DS1 doesn't agree with me of course! But I started him young, when he was still wanting to help and be like Mummy - so he empties the dishwasher, and he helps with the laundry in that he hands me pegs for hanging out the washing, and he'll fetch the laundry to the wash-room for me, plus he's very good at making sure his own stuff is in the wash-basket. He's 5.8 - if he can do it, then older DC surely can too.

In my own childhood, I was washing up by the time I was 7, and doing my own laundry by the time I was 12 but had been helping with it up until that time as well.

Look at it like this: it's good training for when they're older. My MIL failed signally to train DH properly in the general domestic chores of the house, and it's a real PITA. I make him wash up and he likes cooking, so we take it in turns to do both of those things; but I have to be completely incapacitated before he'll take a turn at any kind of cleaning and I won't let him near the laundry because he just shoves everything in together. (He does do his own ironing though)

So - do yourself AND your DC a favour and start getting them to help around the house - more, if they already do some stuff - washing up and packed lunches are a good start. smile

Have you got any Lansinoh yet?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 31-Jul-13 15:27:46

If your DCs are, say, 6 and 8, they can do more than you're possibly used to letting them. Loading the washing machine with whites or coloured clothes is not beyond them. Sweeping a floor or collecting scattered papers is achievable. They'll not object to assembling a lunchbox for themselves the night before.

What a brilliant suggestion having a doula was, so glad she has been such a help, MaytreeArch came up with that idea.

PyroclasticFlo Wed 31-Jul-13 15:41:07

Oh Waves, I don't have anything terribly useful to add but just wanted to give you a virtual hug and second everything that's been said ^^ upthread about the support you have on here. I know it's not the same as having someone to help day to day, but you have so many people wishing you well and sending you love. Hopefully that helps a bit.

FWIW with breastfeeding, I had no trouble at all feeding DS1 and strangely found it very difficult at first with DS2. It took us nearly 3 weeks to get it 'right' (and get through the pain) and one side was definitely easier than the other, but persevere and you and little Caspian will get there, I'm sure.

Please, my lovely, treat yourself as kindly as you possibly can, and go as slowly as you need to. Ask for help and receive it easily. You deserve it. You really, really do.

flowers and brew and ((((big big hugs))))

Ezio Wed 31-Jul-13 15:48:38

It says on her profile, they are 7 and 9.

I would definately encourage them to do more.

themidwife Wed 31-Jul-13 17:25:01

You're bound to be overwhelmed Waves! I was in a very similar situation 9 years ago with 2 DCs aged 10 & 11 & a new baby alone from 6 weeks. Once I was over the birth & feeding was established it really was the happiest time of my life. We were in a little love bubble the 4 of us. The older DCs cuddled the baby when I was busy or got stuff for me, were quite capable of making themselves a sandwich or a drink & it was such a lovely peaceful calm house without ex around. It seemed overwhelming but actually it was lovely. smile

pointythings Netherlands Wed 31-Jul-13 18:22:57

I second getting your DCs to do more - you'll be doing them a favour in the long term if you start them on the road to independence now.

And the rugby hold is great - I did it with DD1 who had a suck like a Dyson and didn't like my left side. Not only did it fool her completely, it also evened out the pressure. You can do rugby during the day and cradle at night, it gives your boobs a chance to mend so that you're feeding comfortably all the sooner.

With engorgement it helps to stroke the breast downwards towards the nipple while you are feeding, helped me when I was having blocked ducts too.

TiredFeet Wed 31-Jul-13 18:51:05

oh waves I have missed a lot. I think taking it hour by hour, day by day is the best way to approach it. It is understandable to feel overwhelmed and remember your body is still recovering from the HG and will be for some time, so everything is going to feel harder than it normally does, and everything also feels harder when you're short on sleep.

your children all sound wonderful. I love your dd's comment about the balloons!

thinking of you xx

My DCs do already do quite a lot - they do the washing up, drying etc, keep their rooms sorted and put washing away, feed the animals, get me drinks, run their own bath etc. The main issue is their lack of understanding of the words "now please". And then the moans about "why are you making us do work for you".

Also, lodger 2 (as opposed to lodger one or new lodger) is pretty fussy about cleanliness. I find myself cleaning up after the DCs cleaning up iykwim. I know I should tell him to suck it up, it is becoming a bit of a drain. I shall attempt the rugby hold shortly - will be waking the baby in a few minutes for a feed in the hope that getting in before the little frustrated rootings makes it easier. His arms and hands keep getting in the way smile

I know he is off topic, but t.w.u.n.t. texted this pm saying "i know you are probably still mad at me but hope you are feeling ok" offered "help" and wants to "avoid acrimony so he can get to know his son". I've ignored and will continue to do so. He really has no idea at all.

Day 5 tomorrow....hopefully the engorgement will settle down. Might take a couple of paracetamol and try a warm flannel if it still hurts after this feed.

Caspian is as gorgeous as ever - will put a few more photos on my profile shortly because I think he is adorable smile

thistlelicker Wed 31-Jul-13 19:52:59

You will have the midwife coming tomorrow! See what tips she has for the engorgement! You are
Doing really well:-)

themidwife Wed 31-Jul-13 19:57:40

Have you got a Savoy cabbage? Put it in the fridge & put a cold leaf on each breast. Remove when soggy & replace. The salicylic acid reduced enforcement & heat like a dream. Send new lodger down the shop ASAP if not!
Ignore he who shall be ignored!!

themidwife Wed 31-Jul-13 19:58:37

Stupid phone!! Reduces engorgement!!!!

AgathaF Wed 31-Jul-13 20:15:50

It might help to express a bit of milk off before you put him on, just to make it softer so he get a better latch.

themidwife Wed 31-Jul-13 20:20:32

Yes & put hot flannels on the breast to encourage the milk to let down.

MissStrawberry Wed 31-Jul-13 20:26:12

I know the children are only young but they need putting straight about doing work for you. It is work for the family.

DH "joked" that he had brought the washing in for me last week. If looks could kill.....

MissStrawberry Wed 31-Jul-13 20:26:58

Well done with regards to the nonentity.

BerylStreep Wed 31-Jul-13 20:41:58

In what way is lodger 2 fussy? Does he say anything about the place not being tidy?

I think ge needs to be a bit realistic that he is living in a family home.

AndMiffyWentToSleep Wed 31-Jul-13 21:01:43

Hi Waves, I may be wrong but I think the www.kellymom.com website (good breastfeeding advice) suggests ibuprofen may help with engorgement, by helping to ease inflamation.

springytotty Wed 31-Jul-13 21:02:33

My kids got into that thing of thinking they were 'doing things for me' - but it wasn't 'for me' and it's not 'for you': it's for the family. Perhaps you're phrasing it as 'could you do this for me, please?'? Perhaps have a look at how you're presenting it to them. I realised I was being kind and nice... but that bit me on the bum tbf. Forget kind and nice: statements may be the way to go - not nice, not nasty. Surprisingly effective!

As for your workload. Waves. Darling. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to stop the whirling dervish thing and actually have a go at learning to stop. Ach, have a said that right? If you let yourself get submerged in this new baby period, just let go and go with it, it's not as hard as it appears. You've done it twice already - admittedly with help; but maybe you were still keeping a full life moreorless going so you needed help to keep taht show on the road? things are different now, you can't eg take your lodger out for a daly-long trip just days after an arduous labour and delivery !! I hope you're getting the gist... wink

Lodgers: too bad if they 'like cleanliness'. Just TOO BAD. They've chosen to take a room in a house where the landlady has just had a baby. Too bad, chaps: like it or lump it. ... however, I do relate to this: I've in the past been ashamed of mess and of being judged. Now I couldn't give a flying fuck - if they don't like it, too bad. It took a while to get there, though, and you're quite new at this lark (lodgers). I've also learned to do the absolute barest barest minimum to just about get by. No-one's going to die if the furniture isn't moved to hoover underneath eg. I'm an absolute master at doing practically nothing nowadays wink

Long post, sorry. midwife got in first with the cabbage leaf - miraculous remedy, give it a go.

Thinking of you, dear. You will get through this, hour at a time xxx

themidwife Wed 31-Jul-13 21:07:43

Yes ibuprofen also helps to reduce inflammation

Allalonenow Belgium Wed 31-Jul-13 21:13:44

YY to what springy says!

Sending you hugs, you must learn to let go, don't pick up the lodger's monkey.

Right: ibuprofen it is then! With respect to the DCs, I always phrase it in terms of teamwork, and family, and responsibilities. I have had a battle as TB used to go on saying "mummy musn't make you do jobs" and would tell me "they are only children" etc. Now that influence is reduced things ARE getting easier, but they had a lot of drip feeding from her suggesting that they shouldn't even have to tidy their rooms without assistance!

Lodger 2 is fussy, and has occasionally said "Waves, can I have a word, I'm not happy about xyz". And I have gone and acquiesced to his request. Now I just try to tolerate his huffing and puffing which I am more sensitive to now I am tired and just had a baby! He just mutters to himself, and makes obvious sounds of disapproval which I find not so nice.

Anyway, C is grumbling, so I think it is ibuprofen then feeding time. Think I will attempt a nap after this feed - aching with tiredness despite my "duvet day".

springytotty Wed 31-Jul-13 21:30:20

Fuck lodger 2 tbf angry

Perhaps at some stage (not that I am encouraging you to do any work here!!) you can look for a replacement for lodger 2. I certainly would - some things are a death knell to a sharing relationship. the point is, you know what you want and it's not him. You're the boss.

WingDefence Netherlands Wed 31-Jul-13 21:31:29

Blimey waves I've just caught up on the last couple of days as I've been focussing on the other thread.

Glad to hear you have had a quieter day today. And it's brilliant that C has taken to feeding so well - have you worked on your latch on the left?

A little hand expressing can help relieve the engorgement too. I never got very good at it (ie for proper expressing) but in/after a shower it became pretty easy to do and that helped a lot in the first few weeks.

I agree too about getting the older DCs to do more if possible. With the weather being as it is they could help to make dinner without cooking eg putting together a salad and quiche or something?

Sounds like new lodger is lovely btw. wine

themidwife Wed 31-Jul-13 22:02:08

I'm sorry but male lodgers suck!
Night night lovely (please try the cabbage leaves too!) smile

Snooze time, caspian all snugly so maybe at least an hour will happen? Need to google bright green newborn poo first. Hoping for some Savoy cabbage to appear tomorrow, have someone popping out to look for some for me.

Lodgers in general are hard work. Ah well, if I get a decent enough job when I go back to work I might be able to do away with a shared facilities lodger completely, which would certainly reduce the stress levels.

zimbomaman Wed 31-Jul-13 22:14:04

Yes to cabbage leaves. They really do help with engorgement.

pointythings Netherlands Wed 31-Jul-13 22:21:57

I'd be telling lodger two that if he didn't like xyz then there was always a-b-c-door and to please give as short notice as possible. You need more people like new lodger, to be honest.

I wonder whether male lodgers expect to be waited on as if by their mums and that is why they can't hack life in a shared house where they have to behave like adults?

Green newborn poo often means too much lactose - if it has been hot and baby has been snacking a lot, i.e. having drinks rather than full feeds - the boy needs to excrete the excess lactose and it can make poo green. The hot weather and frequent drinking could account for it. It happens in growth spurts too. If he looks to you as if he is healthy and plumping out then he will be fine, but you can always get him weighed if you are feeling a bit anxious, but as long as he is having alert periods interspersed with normal sleep and baby behaviour he's fine.

Jux Wed 31-Jul-13 23:38:06

Sleep well, Waves. You really are doing excellently.

Vis a vis, lodger 2, I would point out that if he wanted to live in a hotel then he can pay hotel prices. As it is, this is a family home and if something isn't up to his standards then he can jolly well do it himself. Particularly with a new born around, you really shouldn't be waiting on him hand and foot. If he wants the bathroom cleaner then the cleaning stuff is here, and if he wants the corridor hoovered then the hoover is kept there, etc.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 31-Jul-13 23:56:15

I thought it might be Caspian could be mildly affected by any medication you're on waves but that's just one possibility so I'll gladly step aside for the experts.

Re: lodger 2 - he is either angling for a reduction in rent or indulging in a moan but not so bothered he'll attend to it himself. If he doesn't like it he can always leave.

Thumbwitch Thu 01-Aug-13 01:11:05

A friend of mine has a husband who is fussy about tidiness and cleanliness (think pure anal) - so if he doesn't like the way things are, HE gets to deal with it. He does - he does all the housework. Their house is like a show home (very uncomfortable, IMO!)
So I'd be telling lodger 2 that it's his choice - he can either a) shut up, b) do something about it himself or c) find somewhere more suited to his overly exacting standards.

I never tried the cabbage leaves but I've heard they work well - but ibuprofen works very well too! And has the advantage of knocking out some of the pain of the shredded nips. grin Try to take it after a feed; it takes 20 minutes to start working and wears off after a few hours; so that will minimise any chance of any of it getting into the milk.

Homebird8 Thu 01-Aug-13 05:41:44

I had a DS1 whose little arms used to flail around and push away from me whilst latched on (ouch). In the end I found that wrapping a muslin from his back to his tummy over his upper arm and having the other arm under mine made for a calmer and less ouchy feed. Getting that right also helped heal my sore nips.

Thank you all for the advice on the feeding, positioning, painkillers, flailing arms etc smile Things feel a little easier today, at least in so much as I had a pretty much pain free feed on the bad side over night. Although now the other side is sorer confused We didn't get a block of sleep, but maybe this afternoon I will be able to squeeze in a little nap.

I think the MW is coming today - was told yesterday, but no-one arrived. We have to go out this morning so I will phone to let them know that. I will also speak to her about the feeding and see if she can help at all.

Might see about giving him a bath soon and ask DD to be the photographer. LONG time since I bathed a baby, let alone a newborn.

PS - poo is still greenish but less bright green than yesterday (it was like food colouring then!!!). Hoping it will return to normal soon, and that it was just C getting too much foremilk as a result of engorgement/milk coming in properly.

themidwife Thu 01-Aug-13 07:19:20

Unless you're on antibiotics we always suspect a feeding issue with green poo at this stage. Do you have infant feeding advisors/breastfeeding counsellors in your area - either NHS or NCT? They often have more time than community midwives to spend with you on feeding advice. Def contact them ASAP as well at the MW for support.

MissStrawberry Thu 01-Aug-13 08:24:02

Maybe keep a nappy for the MW to check the colour?

Hope you have a good day today and make sure you don't take any crap off the lodger. Don't tolerate his rudeness when you have ignored him.

springytotty Thu 01-Aug-13 08:38:01

back to entitled lodgers: I recently had a male lodger. Dead cool, dreads, musician, chef, lovely guy, laid back etc. He was a nightmare. He washed up his stuff, and only his stuff, with great precision and expected all communal areas to be kept sparkling.... by me, it appeared. I think he thought I was his mother and that I should pay for tea, sugar, loo roll etc like a blackpool landlady. Got rid of him. Think shared house, waves , but with the difference that you're in charge! haha, it's up to you to set the pace and if they don't like it...

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better today waves . These are the toughest days with a new baby and that's aside from grappling to come to terms with a feckless, cruel ex and the loss of hope. Hour at a time my darling xxx

It's yellow now....

Will see how we get on today but there is plenty of support here for breastfeeding smile

He's had his first bath and loved it. Well, he basically stretched out floating and fell asleep. It was quite magical.

Jux Thu 01-Aug-13 08:55:08

Oh my heart swelled reading about C's bath! DD tended to poo in hers!

Glad you've lots of bf support round there. We had very little and my midwives tended to sit about watching me saying "that's not normal pain" and tell me I should use the bottle. In the end I capitulated; one of the biggest regrets of my life.

WingDefence Netherlands Thu 01-Aug-13 09:15:40

Oh bless him! DD hated baths until a few weeks ago when I bought a new thermometer and realised she likes it at 34-35 degrees and no hotter smile

Hope you manage to nap today.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 01-Aug-13 09:52:34

A little merman as well as acrobat smile have a great day.

mistlethrush Thu 01-Aug-13 10:08:34

Rugby ball hold great on flailing arms too - as you have them nicely under your arm to stop that... grin

Lovely about the bath Waves! DS just screamed in his.

themidwife Thu 01-Aug-13 10:12:04

That's beautiful Waves! It is his natural environment after all! Sounds like he'd really take to water baby classes! My DD2 was like that & she's always been able to swim as we started classes when she was 3 months old.

Oh dear - midwives aren't popular are they?! shock

JaxTellerIsAllMine Thu 01-Aug-13 10:19:59

Morning everyone. brewbrewbrewbrew

I think with every job, you get good and not so good midwives.

My cousin is a mw and a bloody good one. She's delivered 3 of my 5 niece/ nephews and my sil said she was brilliant.

Well done waves, I loved bathing my 2. Such a lovely time for bonding I thought. Bet he'd love water baby classes

themidwife Thu 01-Aug-13 10:30:24

Thanks Jax. Yes same here - having a bath with my babies was another really special time. I still end up with 2 big girls in with me sometimes! grin

SpecialAgentCuntSnake Thu 01-Aug-13 13:15:40

Bathing newborns... That musky smell... [wistful]

MissStrawberry Thu 01-Aug-13 13:22:24

How lovely he fell asleep in his bath grin.

Yellow poo is good.

themidwife Thu 01-Aug-13 16:33:06

Yellow poo is excellent yes! It sounds like it's all coming together!

BerylStreep Thu 01-Aug-13 17:55:45

waves you are so busy with C at the moment, I think it is a bit unreasonable for lodger 2 to be huffing and puffing, when your baby isn't even a week old.

Perhaps longer term it might be an idea to have regular house meetings to reiterate the rules / discuss how things are going.

pointythings Netherlands Thu 01-Aug-13 18:10:54

Congratulations on the arrival of lovely yellow poo! grin

Ouch! Really need C to have a decent feed on my right... Have been block feeding as I'm sure bright green poo was caused by oversupply meaning he was only getting foremilk when I was swapping for each feed. Seems to have done the trick. And sorry for all the poo talk but no one to discuss it with in RL!

I baby wore properly for the first time, just went down the road to the small supermarket for tea bags (haven't drunk it in months and now I want tea all the time). That was with my bargain £10 moby wrap. Came home to find a friend has left a card and a baba sling as a gift, so I may try that tomorrow.

Off to try rouse my gorgeous little thing to take some more milk. Not only ouchy but I look very unsymmetrical smile

MissStrawberry Thu 01-Aug-13 19:32:48

Non symmetrical breasts are all the rage doncha know?!

PinkGirlsMummy Thu 01-Aug-13 19:34:02

It might help to express some milk from sore side before you feed. That helped me when I was finding bf really sore im the early days x

themidwife Thu 01-Aug-13 19:39:58

Yes definitely hand express a bit off to soften the areola before you latch him on otherwise he'll bob on & off & get frustrated, plus it'll hurt more if he can't get a good mouthful of breast tissue.

TigerSwallowTail Thu 01-Aug-13 23:56:57

I found lansinoh worked wonders for me, although that was for cracked nipples. My midwife also recommended cabbage leafs for sore boobs and says there was research behind it too, not just an old wives tale.

CurlyFox Fri 02-Aug-13 07:24:26

Morning, how was your night?

themidwife Fri 02-Aug-13 08:40:58

Yup it's the salicylic acid in dark green cabbage that works for engorgement. Doesn't do much for nipples though - lansinoh is the best for them!! smile

thistlelicker Fri 02-Aug-13 08:56:40

I've spent all night hand expressing with a mum with a baby who is tongue tied! Nothing more
Rewarding seeing a mummy's face knowing she's providing for her son! Good luck today op!

themidwife Fri 02-Aug-13 09:08:41

smile

How are you this morning Waves? Any relief?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 02-Aug-13 09:50:29

I was told your own breastmilk is good for sore nipples.

Good morning waves hope the sun is shining and your family are all thriving, you need a nice spell of calm.

AgathaF Fri 02-Aug-13 09:54:03

That's true Donkeys - it's the antibodies in it that help with healing.

MissStrawberry Fri 02-Aug-13 09:56:50

Hope you have a nice relaxing day with only positive things happening.

It is DD's birthday so might not be on much this afternoon. Will be thinking of you though.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Fri 02-Aug-13 10:36:05

Morning lovely waves and everyone brewbrewbrewbrewwinewinewine

Hope your boobs aren't as sore today. I'm sure with all the fab advise you will be fine.

Snuggles for c from me.

I smell awful today - but it is only because of the large savoy cabbage leaves sticking out of my top grin

I remembered "nose to nipple" and suddenly it all seems a lot easier. Am also using the rugby ball hold some of the time which is working for both of us, and the engorgement is lessening so fingers crossed that is progress. Bit worried that his poos are green again so I have nappies lined up to show the midwife when she arrives (at some point between 8 and 4 today - hopefully soon as I want to go and register his birth which is a 20 minute or so walk away)

I've also been expressing just a little tiny bit, and letting the milk stay on the areola etc, and drinking fennel tea. And copious amounts of the nipple cream (I was given some called biofem I think).

More sleep last night - C started cluster feeding earlier, so I went to sleep at 11.30, he woke at just before 2, then I went to sleep again at 3, then he woke at just before 6, then instead of staying awake I went back to sleep with him, and woke up just before 9. Unfortunately I had very very vivid and bad dreams about twunt, so woke up feeling shaky and terribly upset. It's hard to box up bad feelings when they sneak out when you are sleeping sad

Hopefully it will be a quiet day, just waiting for the midwife, then we will get the chance to walk to get the birth registered. It is a nice walk, largely through an open park, so if I take it slowly that will be some good exercise. I have been walking around with him in the baba sling I was given yesterday, and it seems very comfortable and he is well settled in it, so we will use that I think. The car seat is heavy, and so I would rather walk where possible as my stomach muscles are painful and carrying the car seat, change bag, handbag is a bit much. Whilst I am waiting in I need to look up ways I can sort out my abdominal muscles as they are sore, and keep pulling when I do normal things like picking bits up off the floor.

Oh, and the older DCs were fantastically helpful yesterday smile AND lodger 2 popped into the lounge and had a little chat - he was super friendly. I think I have been over sensitive blush He has had a terrible week at work with really long hours, and I now think that is why he has been huffing and puffing. He thinks C is sweet, and was shocked I am so tired as he assumed he was sleeping all night as he hasn't heard him at all (his room is directly above mine). So I am a bit relieved that the little grizzles haven't been particularly audible.

Thanks to all those who have been sending cards and gifts - I need to go through my inbox and reply properly, but just grabbing the odd moment to sit down at the computer at the moment!

MissStrawberry Fri 02-Aug-13 11:21:57

I understand where you are coming from with the upsetting dreams. I once woke up and slapped DH then wouldn't talk to him all day as he had cheated on me in my dream. I was unsettled for hours. Same as when I dreamt about an ex. Try not to make it more real by giving it any more thought.

Hurray for lodger 2 being more friendly and considerate.

themidwife Fri 02-Aug-13 11:40:00

Morning lovely Waves!
Sounds good in terms of positioning - yes - nose to nipple, head free & tilted back, tummy to mummy ie his whole body in a straight line from crown to rump facing you & chin & cheeks touching your breast. You might see a little rim of areola just above his top lip but no more.

Dreams can be painful but good to get those fears out. Hope mw visits early & you can have a gentle walk smile

The midwife just left. He's just dropped 3oz in 6 days which is marvellous apparently, so a healthy 7lb exactly today. He had just woken up as she rang the bell, and needed his nappy changing - runny and yellow and she said it was perfect, and not to worry about green nappies - apparently with the heat little ones are feeding just for hydration at the moment. So long as there are yellow ones too. Heel prick test was done, and then of course he was hungry. She said he is feeding beautifully - can hear him swallowing really well, and he looks like he has been doing it for years. My positioning was great, although she suggested a pillow under my arm when doing the rugby ball hold. Immediately she did that it felt more comfy!

So, I just need to worry less and have a bit more confidence in myself because the feeding is spot on. She thinks he is absolutely gorgeous too smile

I also have the rest of the day "off" now, so I will get my little walk, and maybe even go for a cup of tea at the cafe in the park on the way back. I am ignoring my list of jobs and intend to spend today and tomorrow just enjoying being a mum of 3, and settling into my new life, especially now I have had the confidence boost regarding feeding.

themidwife Fri 02-Aug-13 12:32:39

That's great smile

Allalonenow Belgium Fri 02-Aug-13 12:39:42

Pleased for you that the feeding is going well now, don't run out of cabbage leaves mind!

Take it easy on your walk later, try to have a break half way, somewhere in the shade.

Your plan for quiet days sounds just what you need, in fact I think you need a lot of quiet days, not just one or two. Take care.

AgathaF Fri 02-Aug-13 12:41:56

Ah that's brilliant. Enjoy your relaxing and restful afternoon.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 02-Aug-13 12:47:40

smile Lovely update.

Thumbwitch Fri 02-Aug-13 13:01:00

Oh waves smile - just so happy to read your lovely positive news! xx

Jux Fri 02-Aug-13 13:10:03

Waves, such a great update. Makes my heart sing! Thank you x

LucyTheValiant Fri 02-Aug-13 13:34:16

How lovely smile And yes to resting!

springytotty Fri 02-Aug-13 13:48:59

I am entranced by your account of Caspian's first bath. How absolutely adorable!! <3

Glad to hear things are improving and plateauing out. Long may it continue...

as well as the resting wink

Well done waves flowers flowers

nemno England Fri 02-Aug-13 13:58:10

I love reading your updates Waves, thank you for sharing.

WingDefence Netherlands Fri 02-Aug-13 14:23:55

Brilliant news about the feeding! Enjoy registering him and have a big chunk of cake at the café grin

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 02-Aug-13 14:35:24

Ooh yes, have you registered Caspian?

PS happy birthday to Miss Strawberry's DD btw, wine (Ribena honestly)

Happy birthday miniMissStrawberry. Good time of year for birthdays I think.

Well, Caspian is now officially registered (newborns are expensive - had to pay doctor for check up on Tuesday, and another £20 today to register him!) but the walk was not quite to plan.

The gorgeous hot and sunny day suddenly turned into torrential downpours. I figured there were not enough clouds for more than one so we set off after downpour one. Unfortunately the brief respite quickly became "Downpour Two That Never Stopped". I am still soggy! Caspian was okish, slept all the way their and back but the sling is soggy, and hanging up to dry.

Must admit I ended up crying on the way back because it was "kissing rain". Last summer when it was so wet, everytime it rained like this me and twunt would be straight outside and kiss for as long as the rain lasted. And this time I was walking back alone and soggy, with raindrops and tears pouring down my face, having just registered the Caspian's birth by myself. Ah well, I got home and he needed a nappy change and feeding, and now I have just made a cup of ginger tea.

My older DCs have been at the beach this afternoon - just heard they had a great time, swimming in the rain.

This time last week I was in labour. And already I honestly cannot imagine not having Caspian - time seems to have started again, and he has always been part of it.

Oh, I am playing on Sunday, and had a practise with C in the sling before. First good news is I can physically manage to play with a baby in a sling on me, second good news is that he really enjoyed it. So fingers crossed it is a successful performance this weekend smile

I have no cake!!!! Just realised that the cafe stop never happened on account of me determinedly marching through the rain. So I have had no cake and I have none at home. What to do????

Xales Fri 02-Aug-13 17:14:21

Make one?

Thumbwitch Fri 02-Aug-13 17:14:25

Make some? If Caspian is good in the sling, it should be possible - glad he likes your playing, btw, that's a good sign! grin

When I was pg with DS1, I used to sing in a function band - there were certain songs that would send him ballistic (funk ones) and I was never entirely sure whether he hated them, or was dancing along! I had to stop singing them though because it was too painful. Sadly, I also stopped singing in a band altogether after emigrating, and so have no clue what DS2 reacts to - but he likes music and dancing very much (as does DS1 - didn't ruin him! wink)

MissStrawberry Fri 02-Aug-13 17:22:19

Thank you for MiniMissStrawberry birthday wishes. I won't dwell on her being a little madam hmm.

Lovely lovely update. What a clever mummy you are! Caspian, what a clever baby you are!!

I had to reread parts when I thought you had hung up Caspian to dry rather than the sling though!!

Cake making time it is - he's just finished feeding (again) so I'll see if I can make a cake. I'll blame new baby brain for failing to spot that completely obvious solution smile

Snorted a little at the mental image of Caspian hanging up to dry!

WingDefence Netherlands Fri 02-Aug-13 18:04:06

Mmm cake smile

[http://www.mumsnet.com/Recipes/i/1778-All-in-one-microwave-chocolate-cake How about this MN microwave chocolate cake in a mug?!]]

WingDefence Netherlands Fri 02-Aug-13 18:05:45

Er my links never fail! shock Must be the lack of 'dot.com' but there isn't one on that page hmm

pointythings Netherlands Fri 02-Aug-13 18:43:17

You missed a [ at the beginning of the web address, Wing - MN demands two on each end.

How about this MN microwave chocolate cake in a mug?!

Like so, just so that waves can just click and drool.

Great to hear the feeding is going so well, lodger 2 has settled down and your DCs are all happy.

That recipe looks good! Have now run out of eggs and s/r flour now though. Vanilla sponge fresh out of the oven is yummy though. Isn't is AMAZING that I can now drool over the thought of food, and enjoy eating food. First time in so, so long.

C is now hungry again (maybe the smell of the cake?) so feeding time I think.

Really tired from my rainy walk, so hopefully he will do lots of feeding this evening, and have some good sleeps in the night

Jux Fri 02-Aug-13 19:23:13

Glad your appetite is back. grin

WingDefence Netherlands Fri 02-Aug-13 19:30:52

Cheers pointy - it's been one if those days smile

Vanilla sponge sounds lovely waves. Enjoy!

MissStrawberry Fri 02-Aug-13 19:54:31

Vanilla Sponge sounds lovely.

Allalonenow Belgium Fri 02-Aug-13 21:35:54

Very pleased that you have got cake! I think you need cake every day for the foreseeable future.

I've been wonderering about Caspian and music, and I'm so thrilled for you waves, that he seems to have inherited your musical gene. You paint such a beautiful picture of him listening to your playing, my heart was in my mouth.

Sweet dreams, to you and Caspian, and your other lovely children, you are a very special person.

themidwife Fri 02-Aug-13 23:53:49

"I love a bit of cake " gringringrin

So lovely to hear you enjoying your food again! smile

FiftyShadesofGreyMatter Sat 03-Aug-13 06:01:24

Lovely update Waves, you are doing so well grin

BIWI Cote D'Ivoire Sat 03-Aug-13 08:05:08

It's so lovely to read about you enjoying food, waves, after all those months of sickness.

imbe123 Sat 03-Aug-13 10:13:18

Glad you are doing well

WakeyCakey Sat 03-Aug-13 10:24:44

waves I've lurked on your other threads and only just found this one and read it all.
You are an amazing woman, your children just sound utterly delightful and I have a fantastic image in my head of you four as a family.

You have done so well through all of this and have such a beautiful boy to be proud of now.

Caspian sounds fantastic and such a happy boy by the sounds of it. I well up reading your threads because you are such an inspiration.
A friend of mine is finding herself in a very similar situation to yourself so I have directed her to your threads for advice. I hope she has the same strength that you do because then she will be fine I can tell!

Enjoy your family waves, you are doing a fantastic job of everything!

waves glad things seem to be going well with Caspian. You amaze me,do you ever stop?!!

So glad to hear you are eating grin

I forgot how the body can adjust to 2 hours sleep! C was feeding all night and finally at just before 6 he nodded off, and I did to, and he slept til 8.30.

My exSIL is taking DS1 and DD out for a bit early afternoon, so I can hopefully catch an extra nap with Caspian then.

I had to text twunt as he kept on texting me asking when he could see the baby, and got to the stage of giving me times over the weekend. I replied saying that Caspian's needs have to come before his wants at the moment, and Caspian needs a calm, happy mummy to ensure his needs are met, and that seeing twunt would cause me immense distress given I have now discovered the extent of deception and behaviour, and also given that his response to my texting him about that was to send a woman 48 hours post partum after a hideous pg and long labour was to send a nasty and selfish text back. I let him know that my family support worker will be in touch in a fortnight to liaise with him. Hopefully he won't take this as another weapon but I expect my name is dirtier than ever amongst him and his friends/fuckbuddies.

It is so SO hard to maintain this calmness and focus, and to keep pouring oil onto the raging stormy seas inside me. I feel so utterly betrayed and let down. I invited him to be part of the most intimate experience a woman has, let him be there, because I trusted what he had said, and felt it was the right thing to do. Still having awful dreams, and wish I could have him erased from my memory like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Oh to be a contented little one week old baby, sleeping on a play mat with no concerns or worries.

Just managed to upload a couple of photos, including one of acrobat in his special waves blanket....thanks to everyone who donated wool for that - he loves it as much as the other!

wordyBird Sat 03-Aug-13 12:02:40

Beautiful....

smile

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 03-Aug-13 12:05:06

Another wonderful set of photos waves what a Prince Charming he is.

Unlike someone else.

Love the image of you playing and Caspian happy to listen.

Ezio Sat 03-Aug-13 12:10:54

Oh Waves, he makes my heart melt, hes so beautiful, much like his mummy.

FobblyWoof Sat 03-Aug-13 12:30:24

God waves he's absolutely gorgeous smile

shiningcadence Sat 03-Aug-13 12:55:31

waves, you know that saying 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'? Massive cliche I know, but it is true and this experience will make you a much stronger person.

Never again will a twunty shit of a man darken your door. And you're much stronger regarding your mum having been through this I think.

Of course I wish you hasn't been through all this shit and that twunt was the man you thought he was. But he wasn't and you have dealt with that IMO better than anyone else on this planet would've dealt with it: strength, dignity and kindness - being the better person when you could've told him to bugger off. You've been brill.

I sincerely wish that your character will never be tested the way it has these past 9 months waves but you know now that you can do it, you can cope. That's YOU. YOU alone without twunt or your mum or anyone else.

Thumbwitch Sat 03-Aug-13 13:57:31

Such a darling little sweetie he is! And the waves blanket looks lovely around him too wink

Please please please forget about Twunt being at the birth - just downgrade him to the level of trainee cleaner or something and whitewash him out. You did completely the right thing re. access visits as well - with a bit of luck, Twunt will lose interest.

Well done on the cake and oh, I just bet it's a massive relief to be able to want to eat and to look forward to your food again! Hurrah! thanks

TiredFeet Sat 03-Aug-13 14:04:40

hope you manage to get some much deserved sleep this afternoon Waves

as for twunt being at the birth, I am sorry that your subsequent horrible discoveries are making you (understandably) have regrets about this. but try not to beat yourself up about it, it felt like the right thing to do at the time and maybe in time it will be nice for Caspian to know that his dad was there at his birth too. I think you are handling the current pestering by twunt very well, you must look after yourself and Caspian as the priority.

MissStrawberry Sat 03-Aug-13 15:07:17

I don't think Waves does regret having him there and it wouldn't be helpful to imply it as then she may feel she does. Forgive me for speaking about you Waves. You have been through so much, you don't need more crap added on.

AgathaF Sat 03-Aug-13 15:40:14

He is so beautiful. You must be immensely proud of him and of yourself for building him smile.

Thumbwitch Sat 03-Aug-13 15:47:03

MissStrawberry - in Waves' own words: "But I am so gutted that I opened up to him, and that I let him be there with me, at the most vulnerable and intimate of times."

MissStrawberry Sat 03-Aug-13 15:53:05

I don't see that the same as regret, Thumbwitch, but obviously don't speak for Waves. I am just anxious to not have her feeling worse than she already does.

springytotty Sat 03-Aug-13 15:55:51

oooh! oooh! I can see one of my squares! <proud of self>

Waves he is just gorgeous. Look at that button chin!

I do appreciate the shock and trauma of the betrayal, waves . I have been very badly betrayed and ime there's not a lot you can do about it but weather it until you begin to get over it. It is like a bereavement - so go easy on yourself, be kind to yourself. ime it knocked the stuffing out of me for a while - it may not be the same for you; but it also brought me the most peace I've ever experienced in my life. Something about being clubbed so hard I kind of let go.. I must have had quite an iron grip on life, or something..

So there's a silver lining in every incomprehensibly painful situation imo (not that we'd volunteer for it!!). NOt least, you have that completely gorgeous boy - what a joy. I hope he goes on being a true joy for you, waves , regardless what the next weeks/months bring along <3

Hope I'm not being tactless so say that, though. How are your other two? I hope you team waves settles into something really lovely and special as time goes on xxxx

captainmummy Sat 03-Aug-13 15:55:58

Been away for a week - and what a week!

Congratualtions, waves, and caspian. Much love to you all.

pointythings Netherlands Sat 03-Aug-13 17:39:35

He's so adorable... And I'm very glad the mat is coming in handy grin.

WingDefence Netherlands Sat 03-Aug-13 21:22:28

Oh wow - look at that cute little round chin! Awww grin

Jux Sat 03-Aug-13 21:28:55

He just gets cuteR, doesn't he?!

CounselorTroi Sat 03-Aug-13 21:51:11

he really is the mot beautiful child isn't he.

He is so lovely my heart keeps melting. As are DS1 and DD who are being great. They are completely besotted with him smile I was a bit worried about DS1 for the first day or so - no longer being my only boy etc, but he is now so much happier, and just loves to sit and stroke Caspian's head. They have also been amazingly helpful round the house today.

In terms of twunt at the birth, no I don't think I exactly regret it - I would be having more "what if" moments, if he hadn't been there. I am just disappointed that the man I thought was there, was clearly not. He is a nastier person than I thought, and that disappoints me. But, I did what I thought was best for the baby, and for him, and partly for me. The hope has gone now, but I don't really regret it - I DID have a truly beautiful birth. He has seen me in a state that probably no one else ever will, and that is something that makes me feel more vulnerable now, knowing what I have subsequently learned about him, but I also think I was strong and calm during the birth so have nothing to be ashamed of.

My SIL and MIL came round today and took just DD for an outing (DS1 was shy). She had a brilliant time and I had a lovely break - a little snooze too (albeit about 15 minutes only) Then they stopped by for a drink and cuddles, and had a huge bag of presents for Caspian - he is going to be well turned out in the 3 - 6 months stage. They have offered more help which is lovely.

SIL had no idea about twunt's letter saying he loved me, and I think now realises why I am so hurt and have been so confused. He has not mentioned anything like that to them, so I guess he was genuinely just playing a game with me. Or something.

Anyway, I don't want to dwell on that - I have an extremely hungry little boy who seems to be feeding every 20 minutes at the moment so I am off to sort him out, and maybe grab some sleep!

WingDefence Netherlands Sat 03-Aug-13 22:51:21

Hope you have a good night's sleep (me too!) smile

maras2 Sat 03-Aug-13 22:58:21

Your baby is beautiful,Waves.Best wishes to you and your family.

FiftyShadesofGreyMatter Sun 04-Aug-13 05:06:04

Caspian is sooo scrumptious looking, bless his little heart smile

JaxTellerIsAllMine Sun 04-Aug-13 08:12:01

Morning. Daily brewbrewbrewbrewbrewthanks

Travelling today so won't be on until much later but wanted to let you know what a superstar mum you are. Not to mention a good egg in general.

Such admiration for you waves.

BIWI Cote D'Ivoire Sun 04-Aug-13 08:17:00

What lovely pictures! He is scrumptious.

I'm glad that your MIL/SIL are offering you support as well.

I had 4 hours solid sleep last night grin and I work have had another longer stretch had DS1 and DD not woken me up. Feel amazing for it.

I've now done my first post-baby gig. Caspian was good as gold, fed right on cue and was mostly in the sling whilst I was playing. Bit tired now as what with getting there and back he has been in the sling for 3 hours. It went really well though, and even my playing is better since I'm not pregnant. I don't think I realised what a drastic effect the HG had on every part of me. DD and DS1 were fabulous, carried my gear and the changing bag and were so kind offering help at every opportunity, so I just treated them both to a homemade ice cream sundae.

I have no plans for tomorrow, today has been quite intense, so it will probably be something of a duvet day again.

I definitely feel stronger. No longer getting upset by TB (who hangs up now on me when I say that I don't need or want her to take DD and DS1 out, and didn't get me any flowers either) and although its still very lonely and overwhelming, I'm managing aren't I.

Thumbwitch Sun 04-Aug-13 15:59:55

You are more than managing, Waves. You are doing brilliantly well, congratulations! HAve some thanks. And possibly even a little wine later today. wink Hurrah for DD and DS1 being nice and helpful too, and even bigger Hurrah for Caspian for behaving so well for you!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 04-Aug-13 16:40:34

Lovely updates waves smile glad your DCs are so welcoming to their baby brother, they must ordinarily feel very loved and secure not to begrudge him your attention.

themidwife Sun 04-Aug-13 16:45:06

You certainly are managing extremely well! TB & twunt only have their own interests at heart disguised as "help" so there is payback if you allow them in, ie manipulation & control.

Well done! smile

MissStrawberry Sun 04-Aug-13 17:33:55

Hurray for 4 hours sleep!!!!

Hurray for children who are lovely and helpful and adore their baby brother!!!!

Hurray for no regrets. Wasted emotion as you can't change things.

Hurray for Baby liking Mummy playing and for it being easier!!!

Hurray!!!!

McButtonwillow Sun 04-Aug-13 18:47:43

You are doing amazingly waves I am in awe xx

mistlethrush Sun 04-Aug-13 19:18:59

I'm glad everything went well Waves! And the playing too! And the sleep!!!

You're more than managing. I'm so glad that everything's starting to be easier now the HG is over.

CurlyFox Sun 04-Aug-13 20:06:27

Hi waves sorry been busy this weekend just checking in on you. Glad you are getting some sleep I still think you are some kind of Wonder Woman. There is no way I could've done what you are doing when I was breastfeeding both my girls I was shattered nothing would've got me out to do gigs..but then that just shows what a truly amazing woman you are!

springytotty Sun 04-Aug-13 22:24:12

yes, you are doing amazingly well. Well done dear waves.

I would love to have been there at the concert.

sounds like you're all hunkering down and enjoying your lovely little family. Who made your kids so lovely and sensible like that, waves? it was you.

Well done, well done, well done. flowers

I hope he sleeps well tonight. Feeling a bit emotionally fragile - I think mostly because it was such a busy day, and, well, when I look back to a year ago, I never imagined that this was where my journey was leading to. I feel stupid for STILL being upset about everything, but then I think it is sort of like a grieving process, and that takes a very long time, as I know as I still miss my dad, and still have moments of sobbing and that was over 2 years ago.

It's a bit lonely at this time of the evening, wondering whether cluster feeding is finished, or whether there is another one (or two) (or three) to go before hopefully a few solid hours of sleep. I think I'll take him upstairs, get him into a sleepsuit, and see if after that he will have a good feed and sleep. Ironically, last night I actually put him in the little moses basket and he slept the best so far confused Maybe my bed is a bit too big for him and he preferred the snugness of the basket? Anyway, if he is happy, then I am happy, and we do at least have the option to switch between the two.

Tomorrow I am not going out at all, other than maybe just down to the local shop. We are however going to do some baking, C's feeding permitting. I am going to try and do a homemade coffee and walnut cake, and DD is desperate to make a lemon drizzle cake (I don't have any lemons which is why we might have to go to the shop).

Oh I wish I could stop feeling sad...

Allalonenow Belgium Sun 04-Aug-13 22:49:29

Oh so very pleased for you that your concert went well, what a star you are waves!
Your DD and DS1 sound lovely children, what a strong family team the four of you will be.
Hope you have got cake, and that you rest as much as you can.
Sweet dreams, dear waves.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 04-Aug-13 22:56:03

flowers waves what a talent you have, well done. It is hard to banish sad thoughts but you sound stronger every day.

Now, a less intense day tomorrow, sweet dreams.

Allalonenow Belgium Sun 04-Aug-13 23:01:54

Must have x posted with you waves.
It's natural to feel sad just now, your hormones will be giving you a helter skelter ride, also your whole planned life is in a state of flux; how could you feel whatever "normal" is?

But, you have your wonderful older children, your beautiful baby, your musical talent, and above all your own indomitable spirit.

Also I think that that all the months of sickness will have depleted your emotional and physical strength, so you need to rest to build that all up again.

Take care, sleep tight.

AgathaF Mon 05-Aug-13 07:41:54

It's so understandable that you feel sad, but you should also feel some joy too at what you have achieved and how well you are coping.

Hope the baking is fun.

WingDefence Netherlands Mon 05-Aug-13 07:56:02

Morning lovely lady! C would have heard you playing throughout his time inside and I bet he finds it totally soothing now smile

Have a lovely relaxing day brew

I thought I'd posted this last night but it didn't work...

I have spent the last two days reading your threads from the start of your journey in jan and I just had to say what an amazing woman you are waves whether you always feel like you are or not. I am totally and utterly in awe of you.

Hope you got some sleep and caspian is gorgeous! And your other dc are a credit to you. You will come through the other side of all this I have no doubt. X

I think today may become a baking marathon.... Heavy rain and inspired DCs so looks like cake, flapjacks and gingerbread are on the menu! Well, provided at least some of them are freezable....

Barely any sleep last night, C switched to Southern Hemisphere time. When I did sleep the bad dreams featuring twunt had developed into full blown nightmares. Woke up crying and sweating and shaking sad

BUT I do have the most lovely little family now. And the gorgeous tiny thing sleeping on the giraffe changing mat right beside me on the bed grew in me..... All that sickness and nausea and time in hospital and painful cannulas etc was worth it. Especially when I see my older DCs beaming with love and holding their baby brother. It was a hard pregnancy for them too. I grew this little man, with no support from twunt, quite the opposite until he left actually.

I'm going to yawn my way through some recipes.... I'm product testing rapeseed oil at the moment, so trying to replace butter in baking and cooking with oil. The sponge cake was great so will see if the other things work out.

Keep forgetting to say, but Caspian adores his blankets.... He's been just in a vest during the night, with one or other blanket. So warm and soft and full of love smile

springytooty Mon 05-Aug-13 08:20:18

Grieving is a pain eh - but there's only one way, and that's through (I could grumble myself about that tbh...)

But you get good days and bad days. go with them all, live in the moment. NOt easy to do if you're a planner but, ultimately, a good life skill who cares about life skills at times like this though, we just want to feel alright, back on our perch This too shall pass (it always does..)

I hope you're getting better weather than us - we've gone rainy and cold. Which is usual for blighty but a shock after the almost tropical weather we've had for a month (we were spoilt).

Lemon drizzle cake sounds yum xxx

He's writing me a letter to explain everything, apparently. He told me that by text last night. So, of course, since last night and all day I have been fretting about when I will get the letter, how I will receive the letter, and what will be in the letter sad

At least the sunshine came out and the rain stopped, and I have baked all morning between feeds. So there are masses of flapjacks, and tons of coffee and walnut cake with coffee and buttercream icing in my kitchen! I actually froze half the flapjacks and half the sponge cake (I made FAR too much and ended up having to cook an extra couple.....) so we will be well in with treats for ages. I think DD still wants to make gingerbread men (or biscuits, as we don't have cutters for men) but I will play that by ear as I think I just hit a wall of exhaustion.

Lemon drizzle cake and chocolate brownies (DS1's choice) will probably have to wait until tomorrow.

captainmummy Mon 05-Aug-13 14:12:38

How many 'I's do we think will be in that letter? How many 'you did/didn't' and how much blame onto you?

angry

I suggest you write him a letter, based on your threads here. You don't need to send it

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 05-Aug-13 14:19:01

A letter, oh! That'll be helpful for lining a cat's litter tray or possibly just the once shredding for bedding in a guinea pig's cage.

AgathaF Mon 05-Aug-13 14:35:14

Try not to worry about the contents of the letter. In reality, there is far, far too much for him to explain, so whatever he writes will be minimising rubbish. Not worth the paper it's on or the worry either.

Glad you are enjoying the baking. That's something you couldn't have imagined doing a month ago smile.

Thumbwitch Mon 05-Aug-13 15:00:35

Oh My Lord, he's writing you a letter? To what end? Seriously, the guy is unbefuckinglievable. It isn't going to "explain everything" - all it's going to do is allow him to make you feel more like shit, tell you how much of this is down to you, add in some extra recriminations for good measure, and let you know how sad HE is about it all. It will be all "himhimhim wah wah wah!" and will be UTTER DRIVEL and pointless.

Do you have a shredder?

AgathaF - I don't think there's far too much for him to explain at all - I think it's quite simple, he's a bastard and that's kind of it. A bastard who thought he was onto a good thing and "cracked the shits" (as Aussie mates of mine say) when his "good thing" started to go tits up.

MissStrawberry </