Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

what to have safely packed away?

(108 Posts)
mouseymummy Thu 25-Jul-13 15:34:10

If you were advising someone who was planning to leave their husband/partner. What would you say were essential paperwork and other items to take?

2 children (soon to be 3) with a house in their name but husband refuses to leave or tries to leave with the baby, claiming she isn't reaponsable enough.

The elder child is 9 and is starting to be the one on the recieving end.

She's at her wits end but needs him to fuck up.

What should she pack away so if she needs to,.she can get away?

Is her your husband or partner?
If partner only and the house is in your name and you have asked him to leave and he won't, then call the police.
When you say your 9 year old is now on the receiving end, do you meand DV?
If so, contact Womens Aid urgently and ask what your options are.
And if that is so, then you need to report him immediately to the police.
Even if it's past events they need to record it and keep it on record.
Not sure about paperwork - there will be some wise MNs along in a minute for that. From previous threads I would say, passports, Banking information, earning information. I'm sure there's loads more.
If DV is involved and the children are suffering, it's your job to protect them. Get him out now!
Good luck with it all.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Jul-13 16:48:33

Agree with the above that if this person is being physically barred from exiting their own home, if the husband is threatening to take their baby, or if he is violent, abusive or aggressive towards them or their children, they should call the police and have him forcibly removed.

Womens Aid can provide advice on what preparations to make. Definitely take things like passports, bank account details, payslips, birth certificates, driving licence. It helps if they already have things like their own bank account or credit card

But safety first. Paperwork is very much secondary.

mouseymummy Thu 25-Jul-13 18:23:57

Husband so don't know if he can stake a claim on the house, its only in my name and he only got me married in December last yr.. If he can I'm screwed cause he will take the babies from me. I can't let that happen.

Been reported to ss, I told them what I could while he wasn't there (he left the room to let the dog.out)but he made my kid lie and they don't believe me and have closed the case.

The police have told me to go see the dv team at the station but I can't get away with both kids for long enough, can't have them coming to the house as.he doesn't work n spends all day on his computer.

I need to get away but I can't leave my baby.and hand this one over to him. He will make me. I barely function without.anti d's but he won't let me take them.

mouseymummy Thu 25-Jul-13 18:26:39

He won't allow credit on my phone so phoning wa is out.

Tried to sneak downstairs to phone in the. middle of the night. Broken nose and fractured wrist. Can't risk it while I'm pg. Already had 3 bleeds.

When he takes the dog out next, take your children, passports and what money you can, go to the council and get them to call a refuge and the police for you. They will be able to assist you in getting important paperwork later, with policeguard.

mouseymummy Thu 25-Jul-13 18:47:28

He only let's the dog out into the garden. He hasn't left the house in nearly a week. It's me who has to walk her.

Can you take your children with you to walk the dog? will it be possible to just keep on walking until you are somewhere they can call for you? COuncil offices, CAB, Children's centre? I know it depends very much on where you live.

mouseymummy Thu 25-Jul-13 18:51:20

I don't have any money. I have my own bank but he has all the cards. When j go do the shopping I have to take everything out of the bank, and account for every single penny. I have to walk to the town centre as he doesn't let me get the bus.

I've gotta go soon as is asleep and he will be wanting me down stairs soon

mouseymummy Thu 25-Jul-13 18:53:09

No, he makes me leave them.

Every time I leave the house I have to leave one of them with him

Keep posting when you can, someone will come along to give better advice than me! Did the police get involved when he attacked you in the middle of the night? I only have my own experience, but when the police was called and came out (xp asleep) they took him away and he got a restraining order not to come to the house or contact me.
Is it possible to sneak out when he sleeps? I know that is hard with little ones, but do you think you can?

Tiredtrout Thu 25-Jul-13 19:08:39

Start putting things like passports, bank cards and statements, any benefit details and marriage and birth certificates away somewhere safe. If you are able to start squirrelling as much cash as you can, supermarket loyalty card points can be useful too. Have a bag ready hidden with enough clothes for you all for a few days with some of the kids favourite toys and books too.

You can make historic allegations to the police and they will act, next time you can get away, even if it means leaving one child with him to do so. Walk into the station and say that you need to see an officer and wait for one to see you, he will be arrested if you tell them about the violence. You can then get assistance with bail conditions, restraining orders and occupation orders. Good luck, you're incredibly brave but you really need to keep going

mouseymummy Thu 25-Jul-13 19:09:33

No, I went to the hospital the following day and he told them I'd fallen over in the ice.

The police may take him but what if he comes back? I can't afford to get a restraining order now legal aid has stopped.

He's been telling everyone my eldest is evil and stealing stuff and all sorts. They all believe him. No one will take her now but her dad and gran. I can't go to them for help, her dad would kill me and her gran hates me so it'll just be more proof to her.

He's made it so I'm the nasty one and everyone thinks its true. No one would believe me.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Jul-13 19:09:56

"The police have told me to go see the dv team at the station but I can't get away with both kids for long enough, can't have them coming to the house as.he doesn't work n spends all day on his computer. "

If you can, you should call the police again and explain this. Even if you have no credit you can call 999. They only tell you to talk to the DV team at the station if they don't think you're under immediate threat. I think the fact that you are trapped in your house against your will now constitutes an immediate threat

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Jul-13 19:11:26

"The police may take him but what if he comes back? I can't afford to get a restraining order now legal aid has stopped."

You get the police to take him away and then you ask for their help to get you and the kids into a refuge before they let him come back.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Jul-13 19:13:35

Also, as it was your house pre-marriage and you've only been married a few months, he has very little claim to it. Explain this to the police and they may be able to bar him without a restraining order. Once you're either in a refuge or he's barred from the house, get legal advice and start the divorce.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Jul-13 19:15:18

" I have my own bank but he has all the cards."

Can you access your bank account online? Once he's gone, you can report the cards lost/stolen and ask for replacements. That will stop him spending your money.

Tiredtrout Thu 25-Jul-13 19:15:32

You can get help with a restraining order which is called a non molestation order through in your circumstances as it is means tested it would most likely be free and it can be put in place within 24 hours in an emergency

You don't need legal aid to get a restraining order. It was the police who put in place the bail conditions for my x, and who together with witness support and DV outreach arranged the restraining order. That is if you have allegations of violence (which you do). He is trapping you, that is not allowed. He has assaulted you, that is not allowed either. He is assaulting you when you are trying to get help. The CPS may decide to press charges, but at any rate you give your statement and he should be arrested.
You may still feel safer in a refuge, the police will give you time to get your essentials together. He can't keep the oldest one if she is not his daughter, and the little one will also come with you automatically.

You get legal aid when DV is involved.

mouseymummy Thu 25-Jul-13 20:47:32

I need to go to the job centre tomorrow, my eldest is away so it just means leaving the baby... I hate doing that. So might be able to phone police again. I can't do it while I'm on the bus so will have to do it when I'm in town, if I can find a quiet place.

Baby woke up so I'm back upstairs.

Just realised I need to NC again. He knows my nn. A bit like everything else, it seems.

He has changed the log in details on my bank so I can't get on anymore. Plus, you need a random generated code to log on and I don't have the little generator thing. He does.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Jul-13 20:50:21

OK then your trip to the job centre also means you go to your bank branch to tell them your account has been compromised, and then the police station to press a formal complaint and tell them you're in danger. You've got to tell someone what's going on, especially about the broken wrist and all the rest. Good luck

Livvylongpants Thu 25-Jul-13 21:03:17

If you phone the police while your walking the dog or while your in town they will help you I promise. You need to tell them how bad it is a d that he is basically keeping you against your will. Please make sure you delete your history and log out etc so he can't see this

Hand holding with you x please get out x

WeGotTheKrunk Thu 25-Jul-13 21:05:36

Please do what Cog says and phone the police when you have chance. Keep posting xx

Livvylongpants Thu 25-Jul-13 21:07:31

Also if they arrest him they will return your children to you.

mouseymummy Thu 25-Jul-13 21:41:41

Baby woke up so I'm upstairs.

Hoping I can do this without him finding out. I always delete my history as my phone crashes without my doing so. He knows so doesn't check any more.

I just hope he's not planning on having ne followed again. He did it a few weeks back because I added my younger brothers boyfriend on fb.

I'm so used to this now its like normal life. It's just him turning on my eldest over the last month or so has made me realise. He's not hit her but has threatened her.and told her he will kick her out after she 'stole' (she snuck downstairs and got her own watch to try to take it on a school trip... She's nine and pushing the boundaries, its normal behaviour FGS but he classes it as stealing)

mouseymummy Thu 25-Jul-13 21:43:07

I'll make sure I.log out before I go back down to make sure

BerkshireMum Thu 25-Jul-13 21:46:58

Really worried about you OP. You need to get to a safe place and call the police instead of going to the Job Centre tomorrow. You could show them this thread. Take care.

If no-one in RL knows, consider sending one of us a PM with your name and address so we can intervene if you go quiet for too long or ask for help.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Jul-13 21:48:43

When you go to the police, tell them he's threatening your DD and that he had you followed as well as the fractures and having your baby held as a hostage.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Jul-13 21:49:41

I'm also very worried about your safety.

itsallaboutyoubaby Thu 25-Jul-13 21:56:07

Can't one of us call the police for you now? I'm really worried about you leaving the baby with him.

itsallaboutyoubaby Thu 25-Jul-13 21:56:32

(and obviously very worried about your safety, OP)

Tiredtrout Thu 25-Jul-13 22:10:39

Please just walk into a police station when you are out tomorrow, if you phone they can put off seeing you but if you walk in and explain to the counter staff what is happening they will help you there and then

Op, can you tell us where you are? Maybe someone can help. I f.e. work in a very public place easily accessed with children, and would be professionally obliged to help (not police), and have the resources. I am in Kent.
I'm sure others would offer.
I don't often post, but please, please tell someone- GP, health visitor, midwife, police- all of these are in a position to help and are accessible to you.
You could get a note to the midwife asking to be seen on your own?
Protect your daughter!

foolonthehill Fri 26-Jul-13 00:19:24

Police ASAP and in person...they can get you straight to a refuge, they can go to help you get stuff from the house (it'll be quick so know where things are), they can take your children back from your H. they will cntact DV services and start the ball rolling for any legal orders. You will c
qualify for legal aid as you were seen at the hospital with injuries

Don't make any preparations except in your mind...he will probably spot them and you are in enough danger already.

delete everything.

Women's aid is free from a BT line and won;t show up on a bill, but it sounds like he's never leaving you alone to make that call

foolonthehill Fri 26-Jul-13 00:20:36

NB Nobody should PM this poster unless she says it is safe as if an alert goes into her email inbox he may see it.

WeGotTheKrunk Fri 26-Jul-13 09:09:02

Thinking of you whatever you decide to do today OP. Hoping to read later on that you & children have managed to get away. Wishing you all the best xx

Hello Mouse, hope you are ok. When you speak to police /health visitor/anyone do mention that he is threatening to kick your daughter. He'll be in no position to keep any of the children! It's something he says to keep you in "your place". Luckily he dosn't have much of a leg to stand on.
Keep on posting when you can. Will follow your thread. If you get away and need things and am in South East, can bring stuff for you.

mouseymummy Fri 26-Jul-13 09:52:55

Thank you all, I'm no where near the SE, unfortunately. About to set off for job center now. Must do that because if I don't, u will have no money and no food next week. Even if I manage to get to the police today, I can't afford not to have anything.

Just hoping I'm not followed again. I don't think he will as o can't think of anything I've done to make him need to.

Had massive row this morning because there is a reciept missing, mustn't gave picked it up by accident.

JulieMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 26-Jul-13 09:54:01

Hi, Mouse.

We just want to second all of the advice that you've been given here. We have a list of places that you can contact for help here

Wishing you all the best.


mouseymummy Fri 26-Jul-13 09:56:06

Have no choice but to leave baby with him. If I offer to take her with he will think somethings up and will hurt me. I can't risk him hurting me, baby or unborn baby. He will, if I push him.

greymoose Fri 26-Jul-13 09:58:45

Speak to someone at the job centre if you're going alone - they will help you I'm sure

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Jul-13 10:07:25

Who follows you? Him?

Don't feel bad that he is not giving you a choice, you are doing your very best for you and the children. He will not be allowed to keep any of the children, they will be with you. I've read before that Mn thread can be used as your diary? Is the jobcentre close to town and other offices?
YOu are not allowed to take your child with you, and he will hurt you if he thinks you are not complying with him. Tell the police that, they should want to press charges, together with your documented hospital trip.
As you say, don't risk him hurting you, but please remember it is not you pushing him, he decides to do this to keep you under his thumb. It is him who is doing wrong to you.

Keep safe. Prepare. There will come a chance. I think you said you're pregnant currently- please speak to your midwife. There are regulations how they have to deal with these things.
Does he accompany you to all antenatal appointments?

BerkshireMum Fri 26-Jul-13 12:18:51

Where are you Mouse? There will be a mumsnetter near you wherever you are. Please don't worry about even the money today. You will get help in these circumstances. Get to speak to a police officer somewhere. Show them this thread if you don't know where or how to start.

mouseymummy Fri 26-Jul-13 13:00:53

He gets his weird friends to follow me.

He made me get a lift there and back so I had no chance to get away. I spoke to the jc advisor and she just said "if its that bad then call 999"

I'm back home and have my baby in my arms. I need to get us away.

Need to think. Eldest comes home tonight.

Baby asleep and I'm too tired. It's really hot here.

Next time I'm gonna be out is Wednesday when I go do the shop (its when we get money from jc) but he might come with me.

If I phone police for him threatening my eldest, will ss get involved? My kids are all I have. I can't loose them.

mouseymummy Fri 26-Jul-13 13:04:19

Older, I've got a mw appt coming up in the next 2 weeks. If u don't get chance before, I shall mention it to her. Hoping I'm not here til then though.

Berkshire, I'm in huddersfield.

Sorry I'm not replying to all. Thank you though.

Feel really disjointed.. like I'm not really me iyswim

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Jul-13 13:08:20

"If I phone police for him threatening my eldest, will ss get involved? My kids are all I have. I can't loose them."

SS will get involved but that's a good thing for you. By reporting him to the police & protecting your children from a violent man, that makes you a good mother. The police and SS should then help you keep them safe

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Jul-13 13:12:13

"He gets his weird friends to follow me."

You should also name these people to the police if you know who they are. They are abetting a criminal

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Jul-13 13:13:23

Please tell me if I'm way out of line here but are you from an Asian background?

Ujjayi Fri 26-Jul-13 13:14:28

Mouse I just wanted to offer my support. I am nowhere near Huddersfield but would be more than happy to call the police on your behalf - perhaps a more knowledgeable MNer could tell me if police would be ok with that?

You are feeling disconnected because of the horrendous stress you are under. Stay as calm as you can, focus on the baby - the one in your arms & the one inside.

Is he at home with you now? If not then go straight to the police station now with the little one. You will be doing the best for everyone. Don't worry about the money situation.

Cluffyflump Fri 26-Jul-13 13:21:49

I'm so worried for you sad
Could you fake a bleed so you need to get to the doctors and have an examination? Whilst there you can tell them what's going on and the police will make sure you get your DC back safe.
Ss will see it for what it is -a mother being proactive in keeping her children safe.
They won't take your DC away from you.

gingerchick Fri 26-Jul-13 13:22:52

If you were able to PM your address to one of us I for one would be happy to ring the police for you, I am so sorry you are going thru this I really do know what its like, I was lucky to get out even if you can get out without your baby the police will not leave her with a violent man, I had to leave my elder daughter but my ex was arrested and my daughter returned to me by the police, ss will be on your side trust me I have been terrified of them but they helped me tremendously, thinking of you, you're a very long way from me but I really wish I could help

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Jul-13 13:23:15

I know you want to help but think the OP has to be very careful about communicating in writing. As her partner is already very violent and controlling I don't think she can afford to risk PM'ing or e-mailing in case he finds it. These dangerous men can kill if they think their victim is on the verge of leaving. Julie Beattie, the young mother of four burned to death this month in Walworth, was about to leave her violent partner, for example.

gingerchick Fri 26-Jul-13 13:27:41

I'm all too aware of that risk cogito but assumed OP could cover her tracks as she has done by posting obviously OP if you think its too much of a risk then don't do it, am just desperately trying to think of a way of getting you out because I have been there

Seconding cluffy and gingerchick, ss will be on YOUR side in this, as they were in mine and many others. Please don't worry about that.
I'm sorry they were not more helpful at the jobcentre, a lot of people don't understand what it is like. Maybe 999 is the solution here?

BerkshireMum Fri 26-Jul-13 13:36:10

I don't know if you are in north or south Huddersfield, and I know you might not feel able to send an email, but I found this email address for Huddersfield police.

You might find it useful.

Cluffyflump Fri 26-Jul-13 13:40:04

I'm not going to pm you as I know when I get a pm, it show up in my email.
You said your H knows your on MN.
He could easily find this.
I really don't think you can afford to wait until your next mw appointment.
I'm sorry, I know you must be so scared of him and reporting this ect.
If you pm me I will call for help for you.
I would explain the situation and show them this thread.
Please don't let money be the reason you don't get help.
I assure you that you and your DC will not be left without food/nappies ect.

WhirlyByrd Fri 26-Jul-13 13:42:13

OP, if he knows your username, get this deleted - you can start another with a NC. If necessary, can you PM someone your details so they can pass them on to WA for you?

Charlesroi Fri 26-Jul-13 14:04:22

I'm sure everybody wants to help, but if you are going to PM someone make sure it's a long-established poster.
I don't know if this helps but Vodafone let you call Women's Aid for free. You can also call for free from any public phone box.
Is there anyone you can confide in? Neighbour, friend, GP?

I really do think your best bet is to walk in to a police station. Good luck.

Livvylongpants Fri 26-Jul-13 16:21:02

Hi OP, Just want to check you are ok today? I'm sorry you were un able to get help when you went to the job centre. How awful of them not to help you sad Though I know a lot of people don't understand.

Please phone 999. I promise they will help you. they will not take your children away. Don't worry about money all that can be sorted out later. I'm worried for you OP, if you see an opportunity to go, with or without a child please do it, the police will return them to you ((hugs))

mouseymummy Fri 26-Jul-13 20:12:50

Someone phoned police, he's gone.

Can't really post as eldest is back but whoever phoned... THANK YOU. Will post layer when kids asleep

Oh, what good news! I'm so glad you are safe and well in your own home! All best wishes. Please don't hold back if the police ask for a statement from you, tell them everything! It will help you and your children to be free an safe! flowers
I could cry with relief, been so worried about you.

gingerchick Fri 26-Jul-13 20:47:10

Oh sweetheart I'm so glad he's gone, just be careful they don't tend to go without a fight usually, you'll need a non molestation order to keep him away from you
Thinking about you and your girls xx

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Fri 26-Jul-13 20:53:16

Oh, thsnk God.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Fri 26-Jul-13 20:53:46


Cluffyflump Fri 26-Jul-13 21:14:17

I've not been able to think of anything else all day.
I'm so glad you're safe.

Ujjayi Fri 26-Jul-13 21:17:58

So glad that you're safe. Have you been offered any support? Do you have someone who can be with you for a few days?

OP try & get some rest and keep posting here.

WeGotTheKrunk Fri 26-Jul-13 21:26:10

That's great news. Glad to hear it. All the same keep your phone nearby just in case he shows up & you need to call for help. But so glad to hear he's gone. You're free now. Thinking of you thanks xx

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Jul-13 21:28:01

I'm glad you're free of him but please stay vigilant, get friends around you, keep your phone handy and call the police if anything at all seems wrong. People he knows following you, for example.

mothersapron Fri 26-Jul-13 21:30:40

That is the best news Mousey flowers

PartyFops Fri 26-Jul-13 21:48:32

Good News OP, thinking of you.

If you are in social housing and need advice PM me. I am a housing officer.

BerkshireMum Fri 26-Jul-13 22:02:59

So, so happy the message got through.

Take care - hope you sleep well tonight

Marmotte3 Fri 26-Jul-13 23:47:32

Really relieved for you, please continue to reach out for help, for you and your DC.

Such good news! Very pleased for you, mousey. The first day of the rest of your (new!) life grin

Charlesroi Sat 27-Jul-13 06:49:46

Good work mousey (and whoever phoned the police). Make sure you tell the police everything he's done and accept any help they can offer re keeping him away from you.
When you feel better see about getting legal aid.

Livvylongpants Sat 27-Jul-13 06:58:01

Well done mousey! So glad you managed to messaging someone for help!

Keep us updated on how things are going. Have the police advised you what to do from here?

mouseymummy Sat 27-Jul-13 07:56:36

No idea who called police, still shocked tbh.

The police took him into another room, spoke to me and then arrested him.

First day off to a good start, baby slept all night til 7am lol.

So tired though. Going to have a lazy day I think.

Police said he'd be bailed to not come near me or kids so he can't come back. If he does j need to phone 999. Probably be bailed this morning.

No one knows yet but I'm going to let everyone know later on. When I feel ready. Just want to be on my own with the kids right now.

Again, thank you all for your help and ill post later when baby is asleep.

MadameLeBean Sat 27-Jul-13 08:17:12

Might sound obvious but can you get the locks changed on your house? Did the police take his keys?

So glad he was arrested. This is a new start for you and your kids.

That's just fantastic! Ring 999 if anything, however small, should happen. If he breaches bail conditions it's straight in to prison for him.
My only peice of advice would be to tell everything and not try to protect him. I did, and it came back to bite me in the butt. Stay safe with your children. Yes, see if you can change the locks, or fit bolts on the doors.
Enjoy your lazy day!

Sorry your JCP person was so crap. Ask to speak to another advisor as you can get a DV exemption if you take along some proof ( police?) for 13 weeks which means you don't have to look for work. The idea is that you obviously have lots on your plate at the moment and you need your money.
Or, you can now claim IS as you have a baby and no longer live with the abuser.
Bloody well done in getting free. If you need any benefits advice, pm me.

mouseymummy Sat 27-Jul-13 13:29:07

Madam, he didn't take keys or anything actually, no wallet or phone so I don't have to change the locks. His phone is switched off and mine is constantly on me, just in case.

Turbo, I won't be protecting him but I won't be shouting it from the roof tops either! I'm thinking if I tell a few of the local gossips,.it'll get around quick enough n its not like I've gotta cope with the school run or anything in the next few weeks!

Katie, shall be applying for is on Monday so I no longer have to job hunt. Not like anyone is going to hire ne anyway (put on my cv that I am pg so I'm not even getting interviews). It's so nice to be able to chill out and relax. I didn't even do the washing up last night and I've had a burger for lunch and baby had fish fingers... So very naughty of us!

As he knows my email and mn name, I'm going to start by changing my email and my mn and starting again. Even on the net!

Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart.

Sorry, no I didn't mean it like that smile it was more if you do a statment to the police.
Hardly anyone knows around where I live, not even that I'm single parent now. I only told when pressed on why we were not together anymore.
But that's by the by, enjoy the rest of your day!

BerkshireMum Sat 27-Jul-13 15:36:34

You sound like a different person from yesterday Mouse - and you definitely need a ballsy new name!

If you can, I'd change the locks anyway, you don't know for sure what he might have done with keys. I'm sure you'll get support if you need it from SS and the police now. Glad they acted so quickly yesterday. Bet he had a shock when they turned up.

mouseymummy Sat 27-Jul-13 19:06:53

I'm not sure who was more shocked, me or him tbh. I've seen people write on the mh boards that someone should get the address of mnhq and call the police but didn't think they would... Obviously wrong!!

Police said I'd probably get a visit from ss next week and to not worry about it. The officer said it'd be a case of them coming round and making sure we were ok and probably doing some form of assessment should he go for access to youngest and baby. They will also help with anything we need regarding safety in the home and probably moving too, I need to move anyway as I'm in a 2 bed and ill have 3 kids soon,

My sil called me today and her and my brother are coming over tomorrow to see us and probably to shout at me for not telling her. I almost felt guilty for telling her iyswim... Really didn't expect that.

Tomorrow is the eldests first full day at home so time to tell her he's gone. Not sure what to say bit I'll come up with something.

Just put on a dvd for eldest and taken youngest to bed. Hoping she sleeps tonight too. Really need an early night!

CheeseFondueRocks Sat 27-Jul-13 19:55:20

I'm so glad someone phoned the police for you. I bet it was the jc person. Do change your email and nickname now. Do you know otbt on here? You could start a thread there just to be sure.

Nottalotta Sat 27-Jul-13 21:36:48

It may well be the JC person, they may have thought about it afterwards or mentioned it to a colleague who said they should have done more. Hope it all works out for you.

BerkshireMum Sat 27-Jul-13 21:41:57

Not sure if I should say, but I sent Huddersfield police a link to this thread......

CheeseFondueRocks Sat 27-Jul-13 22:58:25

BerkshireMum, whether it was what you did or the JC person, well done you!

And I do think the JC person thought about what she said to the OP afterwards. She was in a position where she could have offered help and didn't.

BerkshireMum Sat 27-Jul-13 23:03:13

I hope it was jc person as well as me - and maybe others - I can't imagine someone NOT reacting to a plea like that.

gingerchick Sat 27-Jul-13 23:48:59

So glad you're safe mouse and well done berkshireMum what a fab idea

I would have called SS wink

Vivacia Sun 28-Jul-13 14:43:09

Why did you post that KatieScarlett?

primallass Sun 28-Jul-13 18:24:44

Did you phone them KatieScarlett?

nectarini1983 Sun 28-Jul-13 19:36:05

Ding dong the b******s gone! You go girl! X

sillymillyb Sun 28-Jul-13 19:41:45

I've been lurking, but just wanted to say how thrilled I am for you mouseymummy def second the idea of a ballsy new nickname!

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 29-Jul-13 07:23:38

" he didn't take keys or anything actually, no wallet or phone so I don't have to change the locks"

Please don't assume that he won't try to access the home. He repeatedly attacked you, had you imprisoned, held your baby hostage and he had you followed in the street. This is an unstable, violent and irrational man and he has friends that thought it was OK to follow you. He may be shocked and evicted at the moment but please take extra precautions and stay vigilant.

feelokaboutit Mon 29-Jul-13 08:06:17

mouseymummy, I am so glad the police came for your h.

I second what cogito has just said - please don't relax until you have moved house (to an address unknown to your h and any of his family / friends) in the second. This is urgent. Could you stay somewhere else (also unknown to your h) until you have a new place to live? Your husband has severe mental health issues and may be seeking revenge once he has got himself together.

Please go for the full force of the law against your h - he needs to know there will be immediate consequences if he comes anywhere near you or your children.

I wish you the best of luck and send you lots of love.

mouseymummy Mon 29-Jul-13 14:44:26

It was you berkshire!! Thank you so much!! I know it had come from here as they said "from some woman's site" so I presumed mnhq had phoned them!

Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart. I think.I might even love you lol xxx you seriously saved my life and I will never be able to repay that.

Sorry I've not been OM, trying to readjust to life.... He did feck all around the house but I'm still trying to figure out my place again

Kids are so much more settled already... No jumping to attention every two seconds for any of us.

I've been considering this moving business, right now he has to stay away, until at least tomorrow. (court dates etc), hopefully the court will grant a restraining order, if they do then it gives me breathing space, if not, the sw will try deal with getting us into a refuge.

I have applied for the ha in the next town over and for school places for eldest, I need to go to drop proof of pregnancy and then I get placed somewhere on the list.

Got loads still to sort but I will get there. I've been given a list and I'm working my way through it very slowly!

Still need that new nickname so all thoughts on that greatly welcome.

BerkshireMum Mon 29-Jul-13 16:25:07

I'm just glad I knew how to find email addresses for local area police teams - and glad they took it seriously. I didn't get a reply - and didn't expect one - but I was on edge waiting to see if anything happened.

Reading your message just now made me cry. I hope that, as well as giving you and your DC the space you need to live the lives you deserve, it also shows that we can all do something to make a big different to other people - you never know when the chance might come.

Take care mouse. Looking forward to reading about your progress. If you do decide to name-change, can you make sure I know who you are?

Vivacia Mon 29-Jul-13 18:27:01

(Hmm, even more confused by KatieScarlett's post now).

On the mouse theme, how about TheMouseWhoRoared?

mouseymummy Mon 29-Jul-13 19:32:27

Viv, I like that, is very high up on the maybe pile (ok, only idea so far!)

Berkshire, I hope it was good tears! Mumsnet has been a lifeline and I will pm you my new nn, as and when I get round to setting one up... I keep forgetting I can go on the computer now!

I have been looking into doing an open uni course as I can't get funding to actually go to uni, I've been thinking maybe physcology (excuse the spelling) or something similar, I might actually request the brochure.. once I've worked through my list and hopefully my head is a little clearer.

I've actually misses him today, baby has been really restless and teething and I've hardly been able to put her down. Even the eldest couldn't soothe her. I'm now wondering how the hell am I going to cope with 3 on my own? I know I shouldn't miss him but at least when he was here I'd get to go to the toilet!

Tomorrow is another day and I just need to keep going.

BerkshireMum Mon 29-Jul-13 19:33:23

Love that name Vivacia!

BerkshireMum Mon 29-Jul-13 19:38:50

Amongst all the things to do, I'd suggest adding getting a referral to your local HomeStart. And I know you have some RL support available, so don't be afraid to ask for help - minding your youngest for a couple of hours is do-able if you ask.

Lweji Mon 29-Jul-13 22:12:51

So he left his wallet and phone at home?

He is likely to go back for them.
Could you arrange for his family to get them? Or hand them to the police?

Yes, do be careful and extra vigilant. Do not open the door to him and keep your distance.

raisah Mon 29-Jul-13 23:09:42

Please get the locks changed in case he has made copies of the keys. Leaving the keys behind could be a deliberate trick in making you feel safe and secure.

Could you get family/friends to stay over or drop by for a few days? If he is having the house watched then a constant stream of visitors may prevent a surprise visit.

For your teething baby, try dentinox as that worked wonders for my dd.

Can you speak to your hv about your new status as she will be in a good position to refer you for practical help & give you information about local support. Speak to Womens aid, CAB (they can help with benefit
entitlement, budgeting advice etc) and I think Gingerbread is the charity for lone parents.

Please keep us updated.

LoisPuddingLane Mon 29-Jul-13 23:20:23

Hello - just another thought. If you know the names of the people he assigned to follow you, it might be worth giving them to the police. Your husband may not be allowed to approach you but he could instruct his creepy friends to do so.

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