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Positive stories from 40-something singles please

(28 Posts)
KareninsGirl Sat 06-Jul-13 08:50:13

As the thread title suggests.

I'm early-40s and about to become single after a turbulent marriage. I really just want to hear some positive stories about life after marriage at this age.

Thank you

dadwithbaby Sat 06-Jul-13 10:47:21

Am in a similar situation with 5 dc's and would love to know that there is life after 40 when coming out of a long relationship/marriage. Its hard to see the light and the end of the tunnel and personally it's hard to see how someone will see past the 5 dc's and see me lol.

Viking1 Sat 06-Jul-13 10:59:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I'm 48 and have been single for about a decade. This makes me happy and proud. I have never married or lived with a partner; my life is my own. WHere I am really lucky is that I have a DS and get on very well with his father so I can have a social life as well.

OhWesternWind Sat 06-Jul-13 11:37:45

I'm in my early 40s, have sole care of my two children, work full time. Life isn't easy but it's bloody good. I can deal with anything, have come out of things stronger and more confident, feel far less lonely even though I spend more time alone. I've been enjoying going out on dates, got the possibility of something good starting with a new man. But no way will I give up my independence and freedom whatever happens.

I think I'm happier now than I have been for the last twenty odd years even though from the outside my life probably looks difficult and unenviable.

gettingeasiernow Sat 06-Jul-13 11:44:31

I was left at 41 with newborn, spent the following seven years just concentrating on being a mum, ds number one priority but also focussed on me, being totally independent, earning enough money etc., not remotely interested in dating. Was wearing at times but overall wonderful. Met wonderful dh when I was 49, not looking for a relationship but was sort of ready, ds was 7 and ready for a male figure in our lives. Now married, age 54, couldn't be happier.
Regroup, focus on what's important to you, don't overstretch yourself but whatever you choose to do, do it well.

KareninsGirl Sat 06-Jul-13 14:31:22

Thank you so much for your stories. It's sometimes quite overwhelming to think about starting again but I've found reading your posts inspiring!

KareninsGirl Sat 06-Jul-13 14:32:20

Thank you so much for your stories. It's sometimes quite overwhelming to think about starting again but I've found reading your posts inspiring!

FayeKorgasm Sat 06-Jul-13 14:43:15

I left my XH at 39. After a period of recovery, I rebuilt my life, kick started my career and bought a lovely home.

Moving forward, I somehow had a big promotion at work and met my lovely DH. We have been married for 3 years, my son has graduated from university and we have a wonderfully happy life.

I was determined to show that I was a competent and capable person, despite what my bastard ex said and did to me. I believed in myself and that I was much more than the scarred, fragile person who packed up a car and moved out of the prison that my home had become.

Good luck, breaking free is amazing!

jayho Sat 06-Jul-13 15:04:59

I'm 50 next week [yikes] I left my dreadful marriage three years ago. I own my own (modest) home outright. I'm going back to work next week at the same professional level I was at when I left to have children 8 years ago (I know I'm lucky but equally I'm good at what I do) I have two primary aged children and it's tough. But, I'm really excited and looking forward to my future. smile

SecretSix Sat 06-Jul-13 19:52:50

I got divorced at 37 and was very happy to be single. Learnt to dance, learnt to ski! Joined a 'social organisation' - sounds terrible but great fun for activities. I've met two men since, one turned out to be a mistake but was fun at the time and the second is now my very very DP. Happier now at 46 than I can remember.

Lweji Sat 06-Jul-13 21:00:05

About to be 42, separated (now divorced) for 2 years now.

Was ok on my own for a year, but still dealing with twat ex. Started online dating about a year ago, then dated a nice guy for about 10 months. However, there were some yellow flags and I wasn't that into him, plus had DS to consider, so called it a day a couple of months ago.
Happy by myself and can't be bothered to try and find someone else, unless it just happens.

Mostly catching up with friends, making new ones, catching up with my reading and got a bit enthusiastic about a self defence class that I started because of ex.

I quite like being on my own, although obviously sometimes it would be nice to have a true companion.

However, life at home is much more relaxed and happy.

DS has had much more opportunities for contact with other children and different activities and is becoming much more confident around other people, enjoying meeting new people and making new friends.

And it has been easier to go out and enjoy myself without ex at home than with him in, and he would hardly go anywhere but shopping, sometimes.

HenWithAttitude Sat 06-Jul-13 21:07:08

Divorced at 44 after a 23 yr marriage. 3 DC. I am very confident and happy alone. I would like someone to tackle spiders and plumbing but I have bought this fab device and have a plumbers number...

Have my own house and live as I want. I think everyone should make sure they are happy in their own company so that they don't 'settle' for any relationship rather than the right one

I met DP and am looking forward to a fun future with him. We like the same activities, are both independent home owners, solvent, happy to live alone but enjoy being together.

piffpoff Sat 06-Jul-13 21:20:05

I have just called time on my 19yr relationship a few days ago, just got tired of the same old complaints from DH with nothing ever changing. I'm 46 with 2 DC who don't know as yet.
I feel sick most of the time but do have moments when I think it's going to be OK. I am hanging out here looking for people in the same boat and am very encouraged reading these posts. Am not thinking about another relationship at all but would like to be in the same position as some of you, solvent, socially active and happy in my own skin.

KareninsGirl Sat 06-Jul-13 21:37:43

This makes very positive reading, ladies, and I am really pleased there are others here who are reading and benefitting from seeing there is life after separation.

This is helping me so much, so thank you.

I left exH when I was 41 with 2 dc. I dabbled in online dating and met now DP nearly 3 yrs ago aged 42, he was 46. We are blissfully happy smile

dippymother Sun 07-Jul-13 01:11:55

I was widowed at 48 after a 23 year old marriage and two DCs 19 and 16. Met DP two years later and we are blissfully happy.

comingintomyown Sun 07-Jul-13 06:27:54

I am 48 heading to 4 years single and once the heartbreak passed its been wonderful

I am myself and beholden to nobody and just do what I like when I like

Just now thinking a man would be nice but I doubt I would live with anyone ever again

MatureUniStudent Sun 07-Jul-13 09:04:08

Hello, and what a wonderful thread. My father died and my husband left me all in the same month. Four DC one with ASD and two with heart conditions. Another diagnosed deaf. Four operations later and four years on I am so so so happy and strong. I have waved one darling DD off of to Uni and got my youngest DC happily in Seondary School. I am heading too quickly towards 50 and in my energy levels dropping but its bliss to just kick back and do sod all if that is what I fancy. Married life was never relaxing or mellow.

Unlike another poster I can't change the toilet seat! But I can use a drill now, and talk about football like a true pro grin to my teenage boys. My DC have no contact with their father (he needs a life apparently) so I am full on 24/7 but as the DC are older they are positively pushing me to go out and meet a man!

I'm never lonely and so much more relaxed and happy. I am rebuilding a social life (STBEXH seems to have a penchant for my female friends, something I only found out after he left - so I'm an expert in betrayal!) and don't even think anymore about being the single woman at dos with no partner. And it seems no one else cares either!

It would take a v special man for me to want to get remarried. I'd think far longer and much harder about it than I did when I was 20.

SmallSherryforMedicinal Sun 07-Jul-13 21:08:27

Great thread.

sipofwine Sun 07-Jul-13 21:42:46

This is such a fantastic thread - such positive stories! I am going through a long and painful separation and have been feeling a bit sorry for myself. Basically read about separated women who have children meeting a new man and immediately think 'Oh I bet she's young and gorgeous though!' It is so great to read about women in their forties feeling so positive about being single or meeting a lovely partner who clearly didn't want a 20-something girl to pair up with.

hilbobaggins Sun 07-Jul-13 21:50:46

Loved being single. Met DP when I was 42. He was 35. Been together 3 years and I had a baby a year ago! Love being a mum but part of me misses the freedom and answer-to-no one joy of singledom... I think you're going to be absolutely fine.

feelingvunerable Sun 07-Jul-13 22:16:08

Thank you for this thread.
I am in my 40s and dh has just left.
No idea where I will end up but this thread makes very positive reading.

SunshineBossaNova Mon 08-Jul-13 00:25:15

Thank you for this thread - 41 and considering whether to leave.

elastamum Mon 08-Jul-13 00:32:51

Fifty next yr. My DH left me at 45 with 2 DC in primary school. 5yrs later am happier than I was for a long time prior to my divorce.

Have 2 lovely teens, doing well at school, good job, living in my own home with the DC and our 3 dogs and have a wonderful DP who I met 2 yrs ago. And who still puts up with me grin

KareninsGirl Mon 08-Jul-13 01:18:45

Thank you once again for sharing. It is just so heartening to read these positive stories and as another poster said, have it there in black and white that it's ok, that life can be good and that some of you are now happy in relationships too.

Positive and powerful stuff, for which I, for one, am so appreciative.

mrscynical Mon 08-Jul-13 07:50:18

I was divorced at 42. I decided that meeting new friends was really important (had recently moved to a new town prior to divorce) and started going to my local pub which was had a great atmosphere. I joined a pub quiz team and met loads of people - men and women and made lots of mates. Through that I had a couple of one (sometimes two or three) night stands and had a wonderful time. I was wined and dined but wanted to stay single so just enjoyed myself. I eventually met a lovely man and lived with him for five years. However, we drifted apart but remained friends and my kids still adore him. He even takes them on holiday back to his home country and he regards them still as his stepsons.

After a few years on my own getting my career back on track I started internet dating and had a few flings which did my confidence no end of good and eventually decided I wanted a 'proper' relationship. At the age of 53 I have found the most wonderful man who I have now been dating for 6 months and just yesterday introduced him to my parents.

I can honestly say that I have had more fun since my divorce than I ever had in my twenties and certainly in my marriage. I have experience, confidence and a sense of fun that I believe makes me more attractive to men than I ever had before and therefore I am at last true to myself.

My kids see their father often and he even stays at my place if I go off for the odd weekend with my boyfriend. Ex husband, ex long-term boyfriend and new boyfriend have all met each other, talk about football and like each other. There have been difficult times I admit but overall it's all fantastic and I am so happy.

View divorce as an opportunity not a failure. Keep on good terms with ex partners as much as you can although, admittedly, this can take a few years to get working properly and remember you and your children need friends, family, positive role models, honesty and laughter to get to a place where it can all work out.

feelingvunerable Mon 08-Jul-13 08:12:58

What a lovely post mrscynical.

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