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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Off On A Journey Far & Wide, Full Of Support, With No Reasons To Hide.

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Sun 23-Jun-13 23:19:59

Hey, I'm Mouse, one of the Brave Babes on this Bus. smile

We're heading to sobriety, in various different ways, in our own different ways, some of us are there, some not quite yet.

We're a group of non judgemental, mothers, wives, partners, sisters, daughters, girlfriends, and of course all of the male equivalents that run alongside those 'tags', but most of all, we are, or we have been, just like YOU. smile Real people with real concerns about how much we are drinking all of the time.

Our relationships with alcohol are varied, and you'll find most of us are wanting to do something about it..... desperate to stop the cycle of drinking, stopping, drinking, stopping, drinking more, stopping for shorter periods of time and then the reverse, doing ever so well and then 'something' happens and you're back to square one, a place that sometimes gets a little crowded, one little square filled with lots of people who all want out.

Sound familiar?

You're never alone here. Ever.

Come and take a seat, post or lurk. We won't bite but we WILL look after you, SUPPORT you, if you want us to. smile

And for those want to know how we've ended up where we are today, about three years on from THIS THREAD RIGHT HERE

To our last thread JUST HERE

It will be lovely to meet you so why not take a seat and have a gossip about all things booze related but also, DCs, husbands, wives, in-laws, out-laws, and everything in between.

There's always a seat for YOU xxx

OfficialSweetieMonitor Mon 24-Jun-13 14:02:17

marking place

Should I change my name back to joey now that everyone knows I am the Official Sweetie Monitor?

<reckon ma would organise a coup if I did grin )

obrigada Mon 24-Jun-13 15:03:02

Marking my place as wellsmile 12 days alcohol free today!

PurpleWolfe Mon 24-Jun-13 18:50:31

Come back Joey! smile xx

Ladame Mon 24-Jun-13 19:11:54

I like sweetie personally grin

Checking in after a weekend of cooking classes with my friend. Teaching peeps French cuisine. Exhausted and juggling rellies at the same time.
Isinde I feel for you, different stuff but hard work, I send you happy French fairy dust in the last leg xxx
Mouse well done you.

Will catch up with all other babes in days to come.

Too much WW, looking forward to some downtime with my Kindle and baths and early nights.

Hello Purps big ((hug)).

Edinbugger Mon 24-Jun-13 19:16:25

Oooh shiney new thread. Feels like a nice fresh start. (Spot the person who has never stayed sober and posting long enough to move from an old thread to a new one).

OfficialSweetieMonitor Mon 24-Jun-13 19:50:05

purple ! lovely to see you. I am still Joey inside, but dare not turn my back, as could well be ousted by scheming OpalFruitStealers &#8482;

PurpleWolfe Mon 24-Jun-13 20:19:01

Hey OfficialSweetieMonitor, you can have a hundred names but you'll always be my Joey! wink

Sorry not to have been around. I'm not good at posting when I'm doing crap - even though I know I should. Something about having to keep admitting I'm failing, continually. Was that really me that got to seven weeks?!

I've had a brief look back over the post (I've not been lurking) and thank you so much for everyone who has given me a 'shout out'. Ma, Baby, Ladame, Jango, Isinde, Mouse and everyone else. So sorry if I've missed anyone - there's been a lot of posts since I was on last! Thank you to those who've PM'd me. It's meant heaps!

Sending positive vibes to all, old and new. xxxxx

lonnika Mon 24-Jun-13 20:33:49

Hi purple - struggling here but just hanging on in there - just - haywire hormones and life in general not great ATM. Well done Obrigada 12 days is great smile
Love to all xxx L

dementedma Mon 24-Jun-13 20:57:20

Oh you are all gonna be in SO much trouble with mouse for not filling up the old thread. I'm telling........

PurpleWolfe Mon 24-Jun-13 21:00:43

You bloody squeal pants, Ma! You are on here too!! smile xxx

jango36 Mon 24-Jun-13 21:28:33

Hi babes! marking my place on this shiney new thread smile)
Day...... TEN here for me!!
The best bits for me are: no stale breath in am, no sweating, no missing time!, no odd pains in my liver region!, no headaches, no raging thirst, ability to think clearly, feel sharper, far more orgainised, feel calmer, able to control emotions.
This is just a small list I could go on..
Hi purps great to see you again!
obrigada your doing so well!
waves to mouse ma joey and lonnika and all the other babes x
Gonna read in bed in a bit... One of fav things to dosmile) get me living on the edge..
Speak soon babes x

OfficialSweetieMonitor Mon 24-Jun-13 22:10:57

Was pretty stupid and had a drink 2 nights in a row... bit cross with myself because I woke feeling better than have done for months (hopefully the new medication is finally working! Fingers crossed) and feel like I sabotaged it with alcohol. I don't want to think "oh my health has improved, so I can go back to drinking now"

I've worked SO HARD in the last year to bring it under control - it would be ridiculous to waste all that effort!

babyjane1 Mon 24-Jun-13 22:32:58

purple your back (doing a ridiculous mum dance with glee) you've been sorely missed, honest I'm dead chuffed your back. jango you sound great, your doing so well !!! How's the legs today ma, mouse hope you and nemo are having a pain free (or a bit less) day today. I was at my assessment today by my physiatrist today, she declared me as sane as she was and congratulated me on my upbeat, positive temperament and suggested I would make a good counsellor which made me feel good x x x

Fairenuff Mon 24-Jun-13 22:39:28

Just popping in to grab a seat. Off to bed now though, will catch up tomorrow.

Sweetie keep your new name, I like it. Reminds me of Captain Darling in Blackadder grin

Don't worry about the 2 nights in a row. That's done, it's behind you now. Just look forwards and hopefully you will still feel those benefits that are just emerging after all this time. Stick with it, give it time to work.

Night all x

venusandmars Mon 24-Jun-13 22:41:32

Hopping on board - now that the other thread is full << culprits, you know who you are - ahemm!! >>

I'm doing OK, just feeling quiet atm, but lurking constantly.

<lurches into sidecar clutching fags and stepping on everyone's feet. squidges Ma over with fat backside and gets desperately-needs-cutting red curly hair all over the back seat. belches loudly and plumps tummy of any unsuspecting Babe unfortunate enough to be nearest and falls asleep on it>

IT. IS. DONE!

After working from 7am til 3am yesterday and 7 til 13.00 today then looking after DTs til 8pm (they were so so good and went to bed like little angels) then finally working from 8 til now..I have finished!!!

I emailed the last document an hour ago and have fallen into a bottle of wine since. Really stupid as I am beyond tired. blush DP away so I will need to be up at silly o-clock with the DTs but so so relieved this project is finished (at least until the client wants re-writes)

Sorry to be useless on the bus. Sweetie you will always be Joey to me but I do like the Ab Fab connotations of Sweetie-darling.
Venus so lovely to see you on here. I get that you are feeling quiet my love. Thank you for posting, this bus needs you and your wonderful prescence.
Faire hello lovely!
Baby I second your emotion! If I had an ounce of energy left I would be dancing too.
PUUURRRPUUUHL welcome back my lovely Babe! So so pleased to hear from you. You were missed and we luffs you!

Jango king-hell! double figures! Well done on day 10 my friend
Obrigada a dozen! Well done lovey and great to see you.
Hello to Edin and Ma and Mouse and ladame and everybody I havent name checked because I am too tired to remember my own name let alone anyone elses.

Ladame you would be proud of me. I went and bought a small chunk of non-vegan-pretend but actually genuine-evil-animal-product-but delicious CHEESE today and I have just eaten the lot!
<hauls bulk out of office to sleep sleep sleep>

tomorrow is another day.
Please Jeff may Nemo and my DTs catch the second star on the right and sleep straight through til morning...
xxx

Pink01 Tue 25-Jun-13 06:33:11

Morning!

Lovely to wake with a clear head. Thanks for all the encouragement.

Babyjane I don't know how to link on my iPad sorry but it is called 'to ask you all the positives of not drinking alcohol' it has not been posted on since yesterday so it is a good few threads down but worth digging out and having a read. So many good answers!

It was started on the 23rd if that helps to find it,

Have a good day all

Pink x

mrsdrew Tue 25-Jun-13 07:33:31

Hellooooo. Having a day when I think it is a big problem (after doing very shame-making things when plastered on Friday). Been wondering if its a problem for about 8 yrs. Sometimes it seems fine, sometimes it really, really doesn't. Will take a seat and lurk..

OfficialSweetieMonitor Tue 25-Jun-13 08:20:03

Welcome mrsdrew and well done for being brave and making the first post! There should be some people along in a bit with lots of great advice. Do you have any support in real life?

I'm not much good with the advice today... DD is off school again (sore throat this time) I am going to lose my job at this rate sad

dementedma Tue 25-Jun-13 08:21:12

<kicks snoring heap that is indie >
Welcome mrsdrew. Whatever you did, someone on here will be able to top it!
Venus good to see you. We miss your wisdom and relative sanity.
Off to Ds' leavers mass today, as he has a reading to do. Last of the 3 Dcs to finish primary school - another stage over.

Edinbugger Tue 25-Jun-13 08:24:47

Isinde - Yayy! And relax. Hope you get a bit of a rest today.

mrsdrew - welcome. I think the wisdom is if you're worried about it then it's a problem. But it's a problem that everyone on here knows loads about so you're not alone. smile

Woke up this morning and lay there for about five minutes relishing my clear head. It's an issue for me this morning cos I am going out tonight and will drink. I'd love to think I won't but I will. On the other hand I'm thinking - so what, I've only drunk on one other occasion since June 1st, (which is astonishing) so where's the harm in a couple of glasses? On the other I'm thinking I'd love not to have to think about whether I'm going to drink or not. I feel so great at the moment I don't want to ruin it but that means committing to never drinking and that thought is too scary. Ho hum. Whitter whitter.

Ladame Tue 25-Jun-13 08:27:57

Hi to all lovely babes this morning!
Hello and welcome to mrsdrew
Waves at Babyjane Ma Edin Obrigada Jango Faire Joey Venus Thurso lonnika Pink01 !
Hope you're recovering ok
Mouse - I am trying my new stuff at the mo - looking promising, will keep you posted. I'll pm you a little further down the line in more detail smile
Isinde Sometimes only real cheese will do lovely. There is a plate in heaven reserved for real cheese. It is especially good after you have finished a mega-project and celebrated a very important anniversary x
Purple you're back lovely, thank God.
I am a very tired Ladame after a full weekend of cooking, tasting, (spitting out - yes, really), tidying up, too much WW as have got many rellies at my place. Isinde Move your fat backside over, make way for the epic Ladame backside, sweep all that curly hair over so mine can spring about, we can be like tweedlenotsodum and tweedledimsumdee !
All babes have a good day, I have now got to think of what to cook for 10 (yes f*****g 10) rellies tonight. Will I ever get out of the kitchen ? ........

Ladame Tue 25-Jun-13 08:41:11

duh! meant to say hope you're recovering ok Mouse !!

obrigada Tue 25-Jun-13 10:18:24

Morning babessmile

ruralreynard Tue 25-Jun-13 11:24:55

Hi babes,
Just checking in on the new thread.
purple glad you are back think you started posting about the time I stopped. Like you Im not good at posting when Im doing crap.
pink nice to meet you and well done smile
isinde Its a new day and a new start, I fell of the bus again BIG STYLE last night.
Back to day one for me.
Today I will not be drinking.
Big pat on the back all those babes doing so well, wish it was me.
I know I feel so much better when not drinking, so why o why do I pick up that 1st glass confused

obrigada Tue 25-Jun-13 11:37:27

Today is a new day Rural, I will join you in not drinking todaysmile

mrsdrew Tue 25-Jun-13 12:15:19

Ooh you're all so lovely on here!. Thanks for the welcome everyone. I'm not drinking today x

greeneyed Tue 25-Jun-13 13:48:25

I'm sorry I have absolutely nothing to give today. Just taking my seat for day 1 x

ruralreynard Tue 25-Jun-13 14:14:31

Welcome mrsdrew smile
Sorry I missed you b4.
Im with you today green lets both get through day 1
Obrigada thanks for the support thanks.
WW due in about an hour. Determined she won't win today hmm.
Catch you later babesxx

OfficialSweetieMonitor Tue 25-Jun-13 15:11:11

Hope everyone is doing okay today.

Just when I think my anxiety has improved something else happens. DH is going to be furious that DD didn't go to school today. And I'm worried and defensive about telling my work... I guess they believe I ought to have better back-up if kids are ill (am I mind-reading?) But I just don't. Grandparents aren't local.

Or it seems too easy to take time off - maybe I'm just lazy.

ImaHexGirl Tue 25-Jun-13 15:18:14

Afternoon all, climbing back on board and talking my place at the back of the bus. Day 1 again but have done a couple of things today to try and kick start the resolution and deal with everything so will be taking it one day at a time again........

jango36 Tue 25-Jun-13 15:47:34

HI Babes,
God it's so hot out there! proper drinking weather!
Bloody ww is on my back today sad(
Triggers all over the pllace for me today
Tired, something, someone said niggling at me! So much ruddy housework to struggle through!
Trying to remember that vino will NOT! help in any way ....
Any one else having a wibble??

ImaHexGirl Tue 25-Jun-13 15:50:35

jango - I'm having a massive one. Made some big decisions today, feeling stressed which is distracting me from work so then stressed about work ad infinitum.......

OfficialSweetieMonitor Tue 25-Jun-13 15:53:01

Imahex that's the best way, ODAAT - One Day At A Time

ImaHexGirl Tue 25-Jun-13 16:04:03

Thanks Sweetie, I'm hoping the decisions I've made today will help me to see that....

Mouseface Tue 25-Jun-13 16:06:36

I am not talking to any of you until you say sorry for not filling up the old thread first

(*EXCEPT MA WHO TOLD YOU ALL AND MRSDREW WHO IS NEW AND LOVELY smile *)

<stomps off>

OfficialSweetieMonitor Tue 25-Jun-13 16:24:23

Sorry, but I had to come on here, otherwise ma would have nicked all the best seats (and probably usurped my position as Official Sweetie Monitor)

thurso13 Tue 25-Jun-13 16:27:31

But Mouse I did <<sniffs brokenly into her sleeve!>>
xxx

thurso13 Tue 25-Jun-13 16:29:28

I know you're joking Mouse! But, I did fill it up so that no-one got left behind.
I've been taught by a master wink
xxx

babyjane1 Tue 25-Jun-13 16:39:22

pink I can't find the thread anywhere, can you give me a name of the original poster and I can trace with the nickname, was looking forward to all the positive points, thanks babe x x x

obrigada Tue 25-Jun-13 16:46:53

Baby, haven't read back properly but if's the thread about the positives of not drinking alcohol, the original poster's name is Rachtoteach, sorry I can't link to it.

mrsdrew Tue 25-Jun-13 17:07:59

Aw, thanks MOUSE! x the thread about the positives of not drinking is very good. I KNOW all of them though. I don't see many positives in my drinking (except I like getting pissed!) but yet keep doing it. Argh! (gives self a good shake).

Mouseface Tue 25-Jun-13 17:44:20

Hello, tis me, Mouse

Hey Ma (only) how are you lovely? grin

<sits on hands>

<hands break free>

<can't help but post to Babes>

Thurso - I know you did, and it's greatly appreciated. I worry if I don't put the new thread up, it'll run out and like yesterday when I end up in bed ill, ( Dame - vomiting and nausea again and I'm certain it's hormentals? What do you think? smile ) and then you'll all be like shall we shalln't we start a thread grin So I start it, post it, the norty ones bagsy a seat with rubbish excuses <stern look at OSM> grin

I love you guys, you're all fab smile I couldn't be cross with anything of you really. Huggles Thurso xxx

Purps - welcome back, ODAAT okay? xxx

venus - thank you for letting us know you are okay, I understand why you didn't post on the last thread, almost like here is starting a fresh in one way? Much love to you xxx

IsinDe - your fair is gorgeous and I want it!!

Pics from hobble are on my profile now smile xxx

Mouseface Tue 25-Jun-13 17:46:32

Stella - have PMd you..... there's lots more about me than I put, it's a brief snapshot at the shit I went through..... try and find the threads/article I said about as that goes into more details, not that you need nor want to read it.

I hope you're okay xxx

Pink01 Tue 25-Jun-13 18:21:06

Hello all babes,

I'm going to make day two as I have been to shop, avoided the drink and am now home so my danger period has passed. Happy with myself but it is hard to think ahead too far, I guess that's why they say one day at a time!

Welcome Mrsdrew, I have only recently boarded the bus myself but I am hoping to sort my drinking out and would like to support others too. It's such a difficult thing to discuss in real life! That's why the Internet is so great.

I'm not sure if it was you or someone else who said about doing silly things when under the influence, well I have done more than I care to count too! Awful thing to wake up in the morning and remember........

Babyjane I see you found the AIBU thread smile

I'll be on and off this evening if anyone wants chat/support.

Thank you all who have welcomed me

Pink x

Mouseface Tue 25-Jun-13 18:28:57

Pink - I missed something I think.... did you do well and then fall off the Bus, tits first into the gutter, catching your thong on Gerald's doors on the way out? Nope? Just me in the past then.... wink

Are you okay? You sound really positive actually and it's great to read. GO YOU! xx

<goes off in fireproof suit to see if she can find AIBU thread>

ruralreynard Tue 25-Jun-13 18:39:17

Hi babes,
Really struggling tonight. RL stress seems to be a trigger for me.
Have no alcohol in the house and a 17 mile drive to anywhere still open who sell it. Been considering doing that drive and thought I would come here and put my stupidity in writing in the hope that I can make myself see sense.
Will try to go to bed ASAP to escape temptation.
Love to allxx

mrsdrew Tue 25-Jun-13 18:39:59

Hi Pink, yes it was me that did things I'm pretty disgusted with on Friday. Not for the first time but haven't had a really 'bad night' for a while. I guess that's my problem, things are ok for a few weeks and I think 'oh It's fine, I just like a drink that's all' then I get out of control again. Admire all you babes here and will support where I can! X

ImaHexGirl Tue 25-Jun-13 18:42:40

Sorry Mouse <shuffles into the naughty corner on the bus>.

I've been a tad self-absorbed since I came on here I know. Will take some time to get to know everyone.

Mouse, is your DS starting reception in September? I don't know the full back story but it seems to be something that is far more terrifying for us parents than the DC's. We're nearing the end of reception now and I can't believe it has gone so quickly. I think I needed more help in settling in than DS! (apologises profusely of there is more to it all that I haven't caught up on yet <worries I have now totally put foot in it>).

On a plus note, I managed to get a doctors appointment for tomorrow morning. Must be karma as I didn't think that I'd get one when I really wanted it. Plan is to talk to Dr about going back on anti-d's and/ or the pill to control my mood swings and constant thinking about everything. It isn't anxiety I think but just constant re-hashing/ worrying/ obsessing about stuff to the point of distraction. I need to be able to regain my focus and am struggling with that.

Pink01 Tue 25-Jun-13 18:54:47

Rural don't do it! Have you got a book you could snuggle into bed with to distract yourself? Or a hot bath. I'm not trying to make it sound easy because I know it really isn't! I have 'popped out for milk' enough times myself ahem!

Mouse earlier this year I stopped for about 60 days, then I started again (stupid stupid me) and it has been on and off since then. I got on the bus maybe a month or so ago and then have been sometimes in the side car......on the plus side I am drinking a lot less than I did and have done 5/6 days without but I always lapse and then it is always too much, I can't seem to just have a couple.

I feel I need to stop altogether for my own health and also because I feel and am so much better when I don't drink....it is a no brainer.....but somehow it is never that easy......

Babyjane it's a great thread isn't it and really focused my mind when I read it the other morning.

Sorry if I have missed anyone out

Pink x

Pink01 Tue 25-Jun-13 18:58:05

And sorry, yes Mouse, I am ok thank you. I know I can do this again I am just angry with myself for starting again in the first place. I am frightened of one day not being able to be dry if that makes sense. When do we cross the line into proper full blown addiction? My dad died from alcoholism (not pretty) and I do sometimes wonder, when did he cross that line? He certainly never made it back sadly.

ImaHexGirl Tue 25-Jun-13 19:05:31

Pink I can so relate to you about the worry about crossing the line. My mum is very much heading the way of your dad and I am terrified of becoming her. I know she has had a difficult life at times but the issues with alcohol continued even in the good times.

I like to think that the fact we admit we are scared and consider ourselves to have an issue means a lot. At some point we will be able to garner the strength to finally blow a raspberry at the ww. I know for a fact my mum would never admit to having a drink problem even though I have tried to broach it with her in the past.

ruralreynard Tue 25-Jun-13 19:06:47

stella hope you are ok tonight.
realised haven't seen my old friends koti saf and soma since i started posting again, hope you are ok babes.
ima good news about docs appointment your anxiety or not anxiety sounds a lot like mine. I worry and re hash everything constantly from my cr*p marriage to the state of the economy and all points in between confused
mouse hope all is well with you and your family and so grateful for all your support on the thread and through pm's thanks

lonnika Tue 25-Jun-13 20:14:48

Pink and hex - keep on keeping on - I read in the Allen Carr that everyone who drinks alcohol will become addicted ar some point. I think whilst you are worried about it and trying to do something about it - you will be ok.

Rural - hope you ok smile Just checked whats on TV and nothing on - so going to have a bath smile

Mouse - sorry about old thread.
MrsDrew welcome !

greeneyed Tue 25-Jun-13 20:36:41

Having just spent a week with my alcoholic parents just being on this board, worrying about it and talking about it is a big step in the right direction. In their sixties they still minimise, deny and lie (even to themselves) about the effect of alcohol in their lives, They cannot face the truth of it at all because they do not want to change. Easier to pretend it is all okay. They talk about other people being alcoholics (you know the proper ones who drink spirits all day confused) without even sensing a hint of irony. (drinking wine and beer from lunch time everyday is okay innit if your not pissing yourself or supping from a brown paper bag in the park)

ImaHexGirl Tue 25-Jun-13 20:38:22

Ionnika, I agree with what you say. I've got the Allen Carr book and it makes so much sense. I've yet to finish it but it does hit home.

Day 1 has ended in failure in respect of the wine consumption but I have today made an appointment for the doctor and the solicitor and also made it clear with H that I'm not going to allow the current situation to continue. I know that is opening myself up to a lot of life changes but I think it needs to happen.

ThisIsMyTime Tue 25-Jun-13 20:50:55

I back as drinking is even more out of control to the point that I'm worrying about money don't seem to care when drunk and spend willy nilly making stupid decisions ie pay day loan can't see a way out if this mess. On a more positive not success at day 1

greeneyed Tue 25-Jun-13 20:51:00

Anyone who is worried they are drinking at dependent levels might find this website helpful it has some really good and detailed questionnaires to assess your level of dependency - written by hospital liver unit very no nonsense and honest not scaremongering at 14 units but will tell you what's going on at 30 plus www.drinksafely.info/DrinkingAdvice/

greeneyed Tue 25-Jun-13 20:59:15

This Welcome back well you know it can't go on like this. There will be a way out but you won't find it at the bottom of a bottle - it just won't seem to matter for a bit but then it will be worse and so the cycle goes on. But you know that anyway. Time to break it - one day at a time for now my lovely. Don't think about day 3 or day 4 just today and start every day afresh xx

babyjane1 Tue 25-Jun-13 21:05:21

pink and * obrigada* thanks for pointing me to the thread, this is the only thread I use so I'm not sure of my way about. *p

babyjane1 Tue 25-Jun-13 21:08:25

pink your right, very good facts to remember, now that I have pretty much stopped (for now ODAAT) I need to keep remembering why, drunken antics and hangovers are a bit like childbirth, you soon forget so reinforcing the good bits keeps me strong x x x

Mouseface Tue 25-Jun-13 21:22:19

Just off to CSI watching with DH but Hex - yes, he starts in Sept. Will tell you more tomorrow. He has Complex SN and we have many battles on many days.

Thank you all for your posts, will come back tomorrow once Nemo is in preschool xxx

dementedma Tue 25-Jun-13 22:24:47

Goodness, too many people to name check but accepts gold star from mouse for being good about the new thread. <smug emoticon>
Good to see you green. Did you know my favourite opal fruits are green.
<looks round furtively> pssssst, I know where we can get some.....
ladame and indie could you move your curly haired large arse selves out of my sidecar please? There isn't room to swing a cat in here - or a squid. Where is he by the way?
hex - you haven't put your foot in it at all bit mouse's little boy has lots of special needs so she worries a lot about him going to big school. We know him as nemo aka fish boy and we are his honorary aunties. As if he didnt have enough to cope with grin
sweetie don't worry so much! You really sorry far too much about things. Why not come over here and sit with me awhile.......<evil grin>

greeneyed Tue 25-Jun-13 22:32:15

Ma you sound in wicked spirits tonight smile I'm definitely up for some green opal fruits (also my favourite) if you know a reliable source!

Just scared myself reading that website again. Wish I could send it to my parents but that would be like opening pandoras box! DM prefers to get her health advice from the daily mail - where drinking wine (by the bucket load) is good for you, don't you know smile

greeneyed Tue 25-Jun-13 22:42:34

Night night babes day one done xx

dementedma Tue 25-Jun-13 22:49:22

Well done green
Yeah, I know where there's a stash. They are pretty well guarded but I think there is a way to ..mumble, mumble...and them we can..mutter, whisper...
What do you think?

greeneyed Tue 25-Jun-13 23:01:44

Lets do it ma

CrabbyBigBottom Tue 25-Jun-13 23:40:03

That's a very sobering link Green, but interesting. I'm pretty happy with how much I'm drinking now, but I think I'd still be classed as a moderate to heavy drinker. blush

Mouseface Wed 26-Jun-13 00:58:29

Just very quickly but Dame thank you SO much for suggestion to get a Chillow. WOW! I love it!! Thank you!

Night. From a very happy Mouse

Xxx

Ladame Wed 26-Jun-13 08:47:11

Walks out of house, clip clop, clip clop, (((SPLASH))), swim, pant, swim swim. Heaves self out into the UK, clip clop to the Mouse house, (((Hugs))) Mouse and says sorry for going on the new thread too soon, clip clop, clip clop back, (((SPLASH))), swim, pant, swim swim, heaves self out into France, clip clop back to house. [Grin].
Good morning all babes from the side-car - stares defiantly at Ma and flings now uncontrollable sea-frizzed hair about and re-settle now very chilly big backside next to Isinde who appears to be asleep clutching large piece of (non-vegan) cheese.
Not being a good Ladame at the moment so am a bit blush Will be better when house free of the rellies and my fridge doesn't look like the booze aisle in Tescos!!!
Very many triggers in the sunshine, I know, I think it is the hardest time to resist the WW (not that I am much at the moment ahem)
Sorry not to namecheck, but can hear the crunch of gravel and the arrival of the rellies for breakfast ... OOerr!
Mouse Chillows ROCK, don't they wink

obrigada Wed 26-Jun-13 10:50:27

Morning babes, still alcohol free here, weighed in last night (last time I weighed was about a month ago) and despite the fact that I have put on a pound it seems I have lost 6lb in body fat and put on 7lb in muscle!

I think the 6lb loss in body fat is due to not drinkingsmile

OfficialSweetieMonitor Wed 26-Jun-13 11:11:05

ma thank you, yes I do worry too much, you're right - maybe I should just sit here and have a little snooze...

<stuffs pockets full of empty sweetie wrappers>

<evil cackle at having foiled blatant heist>

babyjane1 Wed 26-Jun-13 11:55:13

Morning all, I'm still alcohol free but to be honest I've hit a real low, as most of you know, I went to the doctor to seek
Help with my bottle of wine a night habit and it has triggered a chain if events that are causing me real stress and anxiety, first a visit with mental health team, than alcohol svs team, then a house visit from social work visit , tomorrow a visit from alcohol svs and to top
It all a letter yesterday saying I need to attend a panel meeting on mondy with the social work department to discuss my dd's welfare. I AM A GOOD MOTHER. Every professional i have came across has assured me I was sound as a pound and they were just ticking the boxes and it seems to have grown arms and legs, I havent
Touched a drop for nearly a month and my depression and anxiety has all but left me but yesterday having received the letter, I feel completely betrayed and my dh and dm can't believe it, I'm so anxious I could cry!!!! Sorry me me me x x x

greeneyed Wed 26-Jun-13 12:14:47

WTF baby, I'm so sorry you have all this shit to deal with. I would be ensuring the GP knows this whole chain of events. I do however truly believe it will be okay. You are a good mum and the fact you sought help in the first place speaks volumes. Can you go back to the GP to discuss your anxiety and managing it in a way that doesn't involve reaching for the bottle xx

PurpleWolfe Wed 26-Jun-13 13:04:29

That's bloody awful, Baby! This sort of 'knock-on' effect is the very thing that will put/has put people off going for help in the first place - and that can't be right! Totally agree with Green, you'll be fine, you've been responsible and are a caring and good Mum but I'm so cross for you and send you a huge hug. x

<waves to everyone and apologises for not n/c-ing.> Just popped on briefly. Will write more later.

Ladame Wed 26-Jun-13 13:45:28

Baby Just couldn't read and run. So sorry that they are putting you through this, talk about overkill ffs. ((Hug)).

Mouseface Wed 26-Jun-13 14:08:53

Afternoon, tis me and all that..............

BABY!!!!!!!!!!!! - I am appalled to see your post! I can't believe how you've been treated. Right from the bloody start you were made to feel like the stereotypical tramp on a park bench, made to feel a failure, made to feel like you were fucking EVERYTHING UP and quite frankly, knowing you as I do from reading your posts, that is all a load of bollocks.

I'm livid that you are having to attend this panel meeting. I sometimes wonder if these professionals actually know what it's like forcing people who are seeking real, honest to goodness help, desperate to stop drinking, anxious, scared and worried about the whole damned situation realise what they are doing by making you go through so many hoops, just to get support.

Support. Seven letters.

And yet it carries so much weight, it means so much to you Baby, to us as well. All you wanted was some real life help and support to stop drinking the way you were, stay stopped, learn new coping mechanisms, how to try and keep your anxiety suppressed until you feel in a position to deal with it.....

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wonder what it is that they are trying to achieve by making you attend this meeting on Monday.

I'm not surprised that you feel betrayed! After all that you have done. I only hope that all they are doing is looking to talk to you about how far you've come in a month, how you feel about your drinking, how you feel about NOT DRINKING. I hope that they are going to talk to you, not at you, about how they can help going forward.

Please don't let this letter undo all of your hard work and dedication. I agree that you should try to get an appt with your GP to explain that you anxiety levels have risen, take the letter with you and see what they say?

Maybe, just maybe this is standard practice for someone who has been seeking help. Maybe, just maybe, they are meeting with you to see what else they can do to help you longer term??

I'm sorry you're scared and upset it all. xxx

ruralreynard Wed 26-Jun-13 14:13:06

baby Just so bl**dy angry as dame said total overkill, insensitive doesn't really describe it, more like crass stupidity.
One of the reasons I don't go to my GP is the fear of this sort of thing.
Know from experience that some of these professional do gooders can be very good but some are the opposite and its a bl**dy lottery which you get.
Having said that really think you will be fine. Just do what is asked and also keep up the not drinking and they will see what a good mother you are and leave you alone.
Ive worked in one of the areas mentioned and know this to be true.
If any of these people are unfair and misjudge anything or get it wrong go back to your GP pronto, he is the one who knows your family not these other SO CALLED PROFESSIONALS and he is in a position to help put things right.
Try not to worry, big hugsxx

ruralreynard Wed 26-Jun-13 14:19:53

Sorry cross posted with mouse just had to say what I was thinking.
mouse includes all the things I forgot and says it all so much better,
Well said mousexx

OfficialSweetieMonitor Wed 26-Jun-13 15:16:11

babyj what a horrible way to make you feel, after all the hard work you've put in. The only thing I can say is it's not you - they probably have to follow some stupid guideline about following up everybody after a month or so. Once they have seen that you are managing, they will leave you alone because they just don't have time to check up on everyone. If they give you any hassle, refer them to your GP.

But yes, furious at the lack of support you have been given.

obrigada Wed 26-Jun-13 15:57:21

Echo what the others have said Baby, absolutely furious on your behalf at how you are being treated.

Edinbugger Wed 26-Jun-13 16:15:21

baby - another babe here furious at what is happening to you. Absolutely ridiculous.

Mouseface Wed 26-Jun-13 17:20:06

Baby - I imagine that what YOU did, a month ago, walking into a room, a place and saying out loud for the very first time that YOU no longer enjoyed the way YOU consumed alcohol..... they way that YOU felt, YOU behaved, YOU saw yourself when you were drinking out of control and far too much.

The 'System' as I see it, has so far, failed to listen to, hear and respond in an appropriate manner to your cries for help and as others have said, what sort of example does that set for those who are in your shoes a month ago? hmm

I think that you are amazing. I think your strength has taken you this far. I think you are brave, growing, learning and by doing those things, by sharing your sometimes terrifying (to you on a 'fear of the unknown' level) and personal experiences, you have helped me, others and yourself.

You rock lady smile xxx

babyjane1 Wed 26-Jun-13 17:55:30

Thanks to all if you, I'm trying to turn the negative on its head and think maybe it's a good thing these newer tighter systems are in place, the publicity surrounding these poor kids in recent years that fell through the gaps and died horribly has caused a massive shake up and I have experienced the agencies and there new rigorous procedures. I know I've nothing to fear, even at my worst I was hurting myself never the girls. I hope that these days I'm just a better version of myself and hope that shows on Monday. Thankfully I live in a nice home, have a nice car and wonderful parents BUT I can't help thinking this overbearing sequence of events could be catastrophic to a younger, less supported, less fortunate mum, it really worries me how a vulnerable mum may take all this to heart and the possible consequences!!!!!!!! Thanks my lovely friends, what did I do before this thread???? Xxx

guggenheim Wed 26-Jun-13 18:04:24

Hey baby,

I'm appalled on your behalf but admire the way you are stepping back and thinking clearly. They are box ticking rather than using a shred of common sense. I have no doubt that you're a great mum and your girl's are proud of you. It really is just form filling in your case.

I know why they take this ott approach, because alcohol and drugs can effect parenting but on the other hand this ott approach WILL stop women from contacting services to get help because they might be treated like this!

Right, back off to lurking land,ranting as I go....

Love to you all xxxx

ruralreynard Wed 26-Jun-13 18:26:47

Big wave to guggs nice to see you are still posting smile
Well day 2 for me and the ww is driving me mad again.
As on day 1 the house is an alcohol free zone.
Having a massive wibble though and picking up and putting down the car keys every few minutes, think i need tying to the chair or something.
oh got to dash, Control freak on the war path requiring toilet roll and clean pants!!
catch you later babes.

guggenheim Wed 26-Jun-13 18:39:17

rural , have got everything crossed for you and sorry to hear how hard life has been for you recently.Perhaps the loo roll could be used to wrap control freak up like a large Egyptian Mummy? smile

Gah! crazy toddler has arrived in lap..must go

greeneyed Wed 26-Jun-13 19:38:46

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! And breath...
That's better, 4 year olds drive you nuts! WW is laughing and offering to pour me a glass. You can feck off as well you miserable old cow. Right where's Barry? Anyone mind if I slap him? rural stick with me x

Pink01 Wed 26-Jun-13 19:51:41

Very quickly on to say I will stick with ignoring the WW too, Rural well done for yesterday. Keep going Rural!

Really difficult day today but somehow I am here with pink lemonade in a wine glass.

No idea how I have resisted but I have, thank goodness.

Be back on later to reply properly to everyone

Pink x

OfficialSweetieMonitor Wed 26-Jun-13 19:58:09

babyj you sound very clear headed, thank goodness, and guggs is right - it is just box ticking. And, as you say, a good thing if it helps save the life of an abused child - but not very helpful for YOU. Can your mum be with you during the meeting?

<Waves to guggs>

Had the WW this evening, as I am just so bored at home with a child who is alternately too ill to talk, and stuffing her face with chocolate hmm

Well mine are downstairs screaming their feckin' heads off!
Baby Add me to the list of the totally appalled. Really sorry that you have to deal with this crap. You are right though to keep a clear head and above all stay calm and reasoned with them. xx

I am off to clean the house leaving DP to deal with toddler meltdown no 56...

Night babes!

Well mine are downstairs screaming their feckin' heads off!
Baby Add me to the list of the totally appalled. Really sorry that you have to deal with this crap. You are right though to keep a clear head and above all stay calm and reasoned with them. xx

I am off to clean the house leaving DP to deal with toddler meltdown no 56...

Night babes!

greeneyed Wed 26-Jun-13 20:58:36

Day 2 fail. No reason just coz it's there I think. Alcohol sweep tomorrow

Ladame Wed 26-Jun-13 21:02:19

I am AGAIN a bottle down with the rellies. I don't feel like I'm a good example to anyone at the moment. I'm going 'off thread' until I can come back with some positives. Night night all babes xxx

lonnika Wed 26-Jun-13 21:06:36

Baby - shocked, disgusted, appalled - gobsmacked - Just remember you are not a good mum you are a flaming fantastic one. One who cared so much about her own health that she took the major decision of going to docs to get HELP!!!! You are amazing - keep your head held high. There are so many mothers who drink as much as you did but who currently for whatever reason don't see it as a problem xxx As I said before you are amazing and what's more amazing is the fact that through all this stress you have kicked the WW to the kerb xxxxx

rural - keep going day 3 tomorrow smile))))))).

Me - I am very stressed with work BUT still it drinking - over 8 weeks now smile)

love you all xxxxx

dementedma Wed 26-Jun-13 21:07:27

baby stay strong. You are doing brilliantly.
guggs good to see you and you too purps
green its going to have to be plan B to get those darned opal fruits off sweetie.

ruralreynard Wed 26-Jun-13 21:18:18

green pink thanks for the support. I am sticking with it.
WW still driving me up the wall but have taken refuge in the bedroom and will not give in to her.
sweetie still think of you as joey tho. stick with it too. don't give in.
Going to get a hot drink and try for an early night.
Night all xx

Pink01 Wed 26-Jun-13 21:43:58

Evening again!

Rural well done, I am off to bed with a book soon myself. I do love an early night when sober as I feel so rested in the morning!

Babyjane I feel so upset for you and angry, you have done the right thing and are being sort of punished for it. Like other posters have said hold your head up high, I am sure all they want to see is that you are caring properly for your children - you are - let them see that - job done. What horrendous stress for you though. Really the last thing you need at any time. What sh*t the WW can cause us!

Green I saw your post from last night so sorry to hear both of your parents are like this, one was bad enough. It must be so upsetting hmm but if they won't admit a problem then little can be done really. Do they crash out early in the evenings? I know I would/have if I started drinking at lunch time!

Lonnika well done 8 weeks is amazing (jealous!)

Mouse hope you are OK.

Hello to all other babes, sorry I am still learning names but hope you are all well.

I am gobsmacked I am sober tonight, had difficult day at work and planned all day to drink sad but somehow I have managed to abstain and now day 3 done. I do feel afraid that I will crack at some point though.

I have an occasion on Sunday so considering doing the questionnaire Green linked to on Saturday night to focus my mind as I don't think it will be very pretty reading my results.

Sorry for the long post

Pink x

Mouseface Wed 26-Jun-13 22:30:23

DAME - STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! Please? I need you or at least stay PMing me because I need some meno advice. And you are getting me through it, lots. Hope you're okay sweetheart xxx

Ma - are you okay? smile

Baby - not worth it. Agree with Ma - stay strong xxx

Guggs - great to see you here lovely.

Nemo and his poorly ear, afuckingain, is in my bed, DH is relegated to his bed and we have a house guest tomorrow. Deep joy! DH is playing golf and then going out for a meal with him and I'm here, with the children, one is ill, one is HORMENTAL to the max........

I've given him some med so he'll hopefully sleep okay.

Rural - big hugs to you, keep going and going xxx

Lonni - you're ace xxx

IsinDe - good luck with the DTs and sleep xxx

Sorry not to NC everyone but I hope you are all okay. xxx

Night night everyone, hope you all stay safe and sound. Be back tomorrow, lots on, tomorrow and Friday but I want to be here to support you all. You are all great.

Right, hot choc is ready, Chillow is chilled and I am ready for nodsville. xxx

Mouseface Wed 26-Jun-13 22:33:43

Pink - NO PROJECTING!!! Park it til nearer the time. smile

We will worry about Sunday on Sunday okay? I have to go now but keep going sweets, you're doing great. So many Babes are. Stop worrying about cracking, start thinking about how well you did today NOT drinking!! NOT DRINKING!

READ THOSE WORDS - NOT DRINKING TODAY.

Night all xxx

dementedma Wed 26-Jun-13 23:00:55

mouse just had to say .....looked at your profile and your dd is the image of you! When did she get all grown up and gorgeous?
Ds is full of puberty hormentals. The little boy and the pre-teen are at war. Refused to go to bed on time, being arsy with attitude, has his allowance docked, stormed out slamming the door, refused to do teeth and PJs...mister well hard. Said mister well hard is fast asleep on his bed now, fully clothed, tear streaked and clutching be any tiger in one large grubby hand. Poor baby!

dementedma Wed 26-Jun-13 23:01:44

Beany tiger lol

Thruthenever Thu 27-Jun-13 08:49:33

Hello ladies. I have lurked around these threads for some time now and after years of living in denial, I have realised that I do have a problem with alcohol and I can't beat the wine witch on my own.

I used to believe that the WW was my friend, giving me confidence, making me witty and popular, making me more intelligent. In reality it has led me to staying in a previous abusive relationship for far longer than needed. This in turn made me seek the comforting oblivion of drunkeness, that made every slap, punch, kick or cruel word softer.

Fast forward a few years later and although I have a fantastic DP, 2 lovely kids, a great job and nice home, the WW still has a firm grip on me.

I am so tired of feeling shame and regret, of pretending I have everything under control, of looking in the mirror and knowing that what you see is a front, inside I am screaming.

The support is there for me, I just need to swallow my pride and accept it. Yesterday I did not drink, I called AA. Just talking to someone who has been in the same boat as me has been a huge weight off my shoulders. Being an alcoholic is the lonliest thing in the world.

Today I will not drink.

OfficialSweetieMonitor Thu 27-Jun-13 09:47:41

welcome thru sorry no advice, not in a good place for me at the moment, but some wise person will be along soon with advice and support

Thruthenever Thu 27-Jun-13 10:02:58

Thank you OSM. I hope you get through this soon, it's nice to know I'm not the only one at the moment.

OfficialSweetieMonitor Thu 27-Jun-13 13:33:04

hmm, looks like we are the only ones today, everyone else is off enjoying the sunshine sad

ImaHexGirl Thu 27-Jun-13 13:37:59

LaDame, please stay. From what I can see it's better to stay on the thread and keep talking it through. Everyone has been so lovely to me here and the thought of being able to post on here day after day regardless of how the day has been is so reassuring, the bus is becoming like my comfort blanket grin.

Thru welcome to the bus - there's space at the back if you fancy joining me. OSM has the sweeties but I've got a covert supply of Percy Pigs too.

Mouse Sorry for blundering in blindly the other day. Nemo sounds lovely and very cute. I am in awe at how you juggle everything in RL and keep the momentum up on this thread.

On the plus side for me, I managed Day 1 yesterday. Had a good cleaning/ tidying session at home and it was lovely to collapse into clean fresh bed having had a long hot shower feeling clean and refreshed. Slept like a log and could have slept longer this morning so looking forward to being able to do that come the weekend if DS. I'm also looking forward to getting home to an orderly house and pootling around until bedtime this evening. Fingers crossed nothing triggers me to reach out for a glass of wine......

ImaHexGirl Thu 27-Jun-13 13:39:55

I'm here!

OSM sounds as if you have a lot going on at the moment but you've been fantastic to me so far. Just being there even if you don't have any words of wisdom means a lot. Here if you need a virtual shoulder to lean on.

dementedma Thu 27-Jun-13 14:02:07

no sunshine here in Scotland today!
thru you are very welcome here
sweetie wassup?

guggenheim Thu 27-Jun-13 14:26:28

'Lo there all,

Hope you are all well and sober. I won't hope you are all sane 'cos I know there's no hope there.

Dame please keep posting.x

thru one of the reasons I don't post often is because I'm an AA babe and I don't want to keep banging on about it here, I know it's not the right way for everyone. But I can honestly say that It's changed my life. I'm 6 months sober now and I'm doing really well. I was very scared when I first went to AA because I thought that I would be made to do /say things I'm uncomfortable with. Actually, you just sit and talk through all your problems with drink and life, nothing worse.

Wish you the best and if you want to pm -go ahead.

Lots of love everyone xxx- keep eating the sweeties x

ferfuxake Thu 27-Jun-13 14:43:51

Hi. I'm very new here too thru but just wanted to say welcome as well as congratulations for ringing AA - something I don't have the guts for at the moment.

I've had a bit of a weird week. After resolving to cut out alcohol 5 days a week starting on monday and to sign up for an online hypnotherapy course I felt a burst of optimism and positive thinking. I managed not to drink for the first two days, then the WW caught up with me over the next couple of days but I did at least manage to have just two small drinks - clearly not ideal, but a lot less than usual. Today I have listened to my first hypnotherapy thingy. I didn't fall asleep and I think I remember most of it (it basically repeated many times that I was going to DRINK LESS ALCOHOL and feel good about it!!) but I did find it oddly relaxing and am now feeling much more upbeat.

Now I just have to see how I get on over the remainder of the week - I always find it harder as the weekend approaches. Will I DRINK LESS ALCOHOL or will I revert to type and pour as much as I can down my throat?

Sorry if I sound flippant. I don't mean to - I have actually been really down about what a struggle this is and I know I have to take control of the situation. I'm sure many would tell me I need to stop altogether but that still feels a step too far for me at the moment.

Thinking of you all and especially Baby. You are doing so brilliantly and I cannot believe this won't be recognised by the professionals on your case at the moment.

OfficialSweetieMonitor Thu 27-Jun-13 14:44:47

thanks babes

My DD has been ill the last few days, but today I had to come into work and send her to school. I feel so guilty, she's not well but there isn't anyone to look after her and I'm sure my work don't even care or appreciate that I'm here (although they'd soon notice if I wasn't sad )

Thruthenever Thu 27-Jun-13 14:48:36

Hex Ma Hi and thanks for the welcome

Guggenheim My first meeting is tonight so I will see how it goes. At the moment anything is better than sitting here, feeling sorry for myself and itching to 'pop out for milk'.

Think I had best blitz the bedrooms before the urge gets too much.

OfficialSweetieMonitor Thu 27-Jun-13 16:36:30

I've just been to Sainsbury's TWICE (managed to forget the very thing I went for the first time blush ) in the pouring rain and came away without any alcohol! I want a badge!

Fairenuff Thu 27-Jun-13 17:02:19

< pins 'I went to market and I bought no alcohol' badge on Sweetie >

Fairenuff Thu 27-Jun-13 17:09:52

Being an alcoholic is the lonliest thing in the world

Welcome to the bus Thru. When I first started trying to cut down on alcohol I was appalled to find that I couldn't do it. And I was scared. I thought I was going to be stuck like that forever.

I wanted the problem to just go away. I wanted it fixed like I would go to the dentist to fix a broken tooth or a mechanic to fix a broken car. It dawned on my that I was the only one who could fix it. No-one else could do it for me and if I didn't change it, it would stay like that forever.

I was really, really scared. I was scared of the thought of living without alcohol and I was scared of the idea of being dependant on it. I wanted someone else to sort it out for me I didn't want to have to face this alone.

Then I joined the bus. You are never alone on the bus and you will get all the good advice, help and support you need to face this. This bus gives us tools. It's up to us how we use them.

OfficialSweetieMonitor Thu 27-Jun-13 17:28:35

Thank you faire I will pin that next to my 'Official Sweetie Monitor' badge grin

thurso13 Thu 27-Jun-13 17:49:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jango36 Thu 27-Jun-13 19:17:44

Hi babessmile)
well yesterday was day 12 and Im annoyed to say I did fall off the wagon sad only had a few units, but still !
So in theory today is day 1.
I do think that those days were well worth it though all positive.
Hope all babes are well sorry not to name check! I will nc tomorrow.
So, so busy here what with work and kids, housework bla bla bla..
Am remembering clearly where I have put things round the house and exactly what I ve watched on tv smile.
Plan for tonight is yummy food, lovely deep bath and finishing off a fab book.
Stay strong babes xxx

thurso13 Thu 27-Jun-13 19:33:59

Oops, sorry, my friends,
I have tried to get my post deleted, too needy, but, it hasn't happened yet!
Sorry
T xxx

Pink01 Thu 27-Jun-13 19:36:55

No Thurso, don't so that! It is not at all - well, if it is then so are all of my posts!

What job do you do in the school? I work in a school, too smile

Don't go, tell us more about it but I am sure you will be fine. Change is always scary but good too. X

thurso13 Thu 27-Jun-13 19:51:22

Thank you Pink, just had bit of a meltdown!
xxxx Thank you so much xx

Pink01 Thu 27-Jun-13 21:05:57

Sorry, been getting the kids settled!

You're welcome Thurso, I think it's hard when you share vulnerabilities that you are maybe hiding in normal life, you can get all panicky and wonder if you have said too much/not enough/the wrong thing.

Seems to me the most important thing is just to post, however you are doing or feeling. But I can only say that with confidence cos I have lurked for so long I have picked it up! smile

Mouse thank you for your words last night, you are right I will face Sunday when it comes. I know I can enjoy myself without alcohol so I should just do that! And not over think it! (If only!)

Day 4 here so feeling much less anxious and sleeping so restfully, it's great.

Welcome to all new people sorry I don't have your names, hope to get to know you all,

Pink x

greeneyed Thu 27-Jun-13 21:08:57

Thurso ask yourself if you don't do it now, will you ever? How would you feel moving after 15 years? 20?

You've been contacted by an ex-colleague who know's your capabilities so must believe you can do it. Go for it smile

ImaHexGirl Thu 27-Jun-13 21:09:54

Aw Thurso, if you want to see a rant, have a look at mine last week. It sounds as if you've got a lot to think about but if you've got the qualifications then you are a professional, definitely not a fraud. I bet you are fabulous at your job because your qualifications have been gained alongside true hands on experience.

OSM, I hope your DD starts to feel better soon. It is so hard juggling school and work and everything else.

Day 2 nearly over. Watching some trashy TV and looking forward to bed.

Night all x

dementedma Thu 27-Jun-13 21:11:22

thurso this is just what you need.a new chance, a new opportunity offered by someone who believes in you. Bloody go for it. You can do this. Well done you.

OfficialSweetieMonitor Thu 27-Jun-13 21:16:59

DD is better, thanks, and should be okay for school tomorrow. I just worry that my work think I'm taking the piss, or I'm too soft on her. I really shouldn't care what they think but I do (and they pay my wages...)

thurso do you trust your friends judgement? Would she have suggested the job the job if she didn't think you could do it?

dementedma Thu 27-Jun-13 21:18:29

thurso this is just what you need.a new chance, a new opportunity offered by someone who believes in you. Bloody go for it. You can do this. Well done you.

Mouseface Thu 27-Jun-13 21:32:43

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Pink - Come Sunday - erm........ 3 days away, WE, yes WE, shall worry about your 'event' then okay? I promise you that the Babes holding your hand will help. Knowing that I'm in your pocket, Ma is in your purse (looking for Opal Fruits) and that Faire is holding your hand, is all you need.

Just to know that in some way, we'll be there with you, next to you, knowing how you feel, how every fibre of your being feels at that very moment in your life, is enough. Keep the Bus Ticket that you have in your hand close and we'll never fail you. xxx

DH has been playing golf in the rain today and has now gone off into the nearest town for dinner. I'm hoping that the place they go to is nice as one day, one day I will be taken to said restaurant for dinner.

Nemo is in bed, his ears are hurting, he hit a child at school to protect his pal...... one kid hit his pal so Nemo defended his pal and hit said kid so that he knew not to touch Nemo's pal again! grin

Anywho - all is well in the Mouse house. I feel sick soI'm off to bed. DD is asleep, I feel very wobbly and I think it's the drugs....

Night all xxx

babyjane1 Thu 27-Jun-13 21:34:14

Hi super babes, just a quick shout out to you all for all your verocious and passionate support re all these mind baffling assessments, I feel very important indeed to have such loyalty from you all (puffs bosom out with pride) just a wee shout out to dame stay close girlfriend, we need the bus when things are good or bad, we need each other. pink take each day as it comes, you have done yourself the world if good reducing as much as you have, a wee wibbly wobble is nothing, keep perspective your doing great. Hi ima hope your doing ok anything that helps bash that wine bitch is worth a go. thru welcome to our lovely bus, you will find great friends and endless comfort on here so stck around, ferf a big hi to you, hope your doing ok and thurso being practically head hunted means your awesome (like we didnt know that already), mouse You are a queen, ma your always so kind and purple show yourself!!! I'm sorry I know I've forgotten people but my wee iPhone only lets me see so far back so sending BIG LOVE to every babe reading this, this thread rocks!!!!!xxxx

venusandmars Thu 27-Jun-13 22:00:58

thurso go for it! I bet that part of your fear (and maybe part of your frustration in your current job) is that YOU also remember what/who you were when you started. Well you're not that same person now - you got years of experience, you got qualifications, you've studied, you've balanced work and study, you've balanced work and family commitments..... I'm sure I could go on.

So look at who you are NOW. Well isn't that lovely and amazing grin and guess what? That is also how your new colleagues will see you from the start. They don't know you as a nervous mother starting out, or as an apprehensive learner, or even as a teenager - those memories are in your head. Your new colleagues will see you as a strong, lovely, confident, articulate, qualified, experienced, valued member of their team. xx

anothertime Thu 27-Jun-13 22:53:16

Hi all,

I have been lurking for a while and found you all very inspiring. Whilst my drinking is not totally out of control it is way beyond where I am happy, I am mid-20s so my drinking is 'excused' to some extent by my partying friends but I don't want to excuse it anymore. One wine turns into several wines and a few gins sad I'm not sure if I want to give up entirely or cut down drastically but I would welcome advice. When I mention it to friends/family they just sort of laugh it off and say have another drink but I know deep down that my relationship with alcohol is not healthy or making me happy. I hate feeling like I 'need' a drink, or drinking until I'm really out of control, to be totally honest I've started having the odd beer or two on my own during the day and I don't like it. I don't know where to start but I would really appreciate your help.

Thanks for your help, A x

OfficialSweetieMonitor Thu 27-Jun-13 22:57:57

Welcome another and well done for being brave and posting. You're right, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, if you are unhappy with your drinking then it's up to you to change. Why do they want you to continue I wonder...?

babyjane1 Thu 27-Jun-13 23:17:29

venus great post to thurso I was nodding emphatically as I read it. .mouse your posts are so eloquent , sometimes I feel I'm in the room with you, I think you should write a book!!!Ianother welcome to our gang, how often, how much are you drinking, does it impact your day to day life? Tell us more about yourself and these lovely babes wil help you squillions x x x

venusandmars Fri 28-Jun-13 09:57:35

Morning Babes. Did you wake up this morning without a hangover, and feeling thankful that you didn't drink yesterday, did you feel more rested and more alert, did you feel ready to face another day - whatever it brings? Or did you wake up feeling heavy and groggy, maybe depressed and headachey, maybe a bit sick or in need of sugar, salt and liquids. Did you feel pissed off that you'd had just a little too much last night - again?

Well actually it doesn't matter what you answer to the questions. We are all here this morning in exactly the same place with exactly the same choice we can make. TODAY, Friday 28th June 2013, I choose not to drink. Anyone want to stick with me today?

ruralreynard Fri 28-Jun-13 10:21:02

venus I was one of the second group, fell off the bus yesterday on day 3. I will stick with you today. Today I WILL NOT DRINK.
Thru welcome, you will find lots of encouragement and support on here.
sweetie glad your daughter is better. Hope you are in a better place today.
thurso agree with what all others have said. "go for it"
Big wave to new babe another if your drinking is a problem to you that reason enough to go for change. This bus is a good place to start.
Well DAY 1 again it is. The ww is not going to beat me today.
Love to allxx

MrsMiniver Fri 28-Jun-13 10:56:35

Hello everyone, am lurking far more than I post but gaining huge inspiration and comfort from what I read here. My question is: are there any amongst you who were binge-drinkers who managed to control their drinking rather than cut it out completely? I have a feeling the lovely Mouse has achieved this. How did you manage it?

I've been able to stop drinking for quite long periods but ALWAYS relapse and am honestly thinking I'd be better off accepting that I'll never give up completely instead of setting myself up for failure every time.

OfficialSweetieMonitor Fri 28-Jun-13 11:22:18

MrsM I've managed to cut down, by only having in the house a maximum I can drink at one time. I've also stopped drinking outside of the house (where it is out of my control)

I do sometimes think I should quit completely, because even though my drinking is now well within guidelines, I still think about it a lot...

babyjane1 Fri 28-Jun-13 12:40:12

Morning all, waves enthusiastically to rural, venus and sweetie mrs m I think most of us in here like to imagine that one day soon we can moderate and enjoy wine for the social softener it should be not the self soother it has become. I can't bear to imagine I will never drink again but to look beyond one day at a time makes it all so huge a change to contemplate, I only 1 thing for sure, TODAY I WILL NOT DRINK
X x x

anothertime Fri 28-Jun-13 13:40:39

Hello again, thank you all for the kind welcome!

I drink 4-5 days a week, any day off I have is normally because I am so sick from the night before I can barely drag myself out of bed let alone face another drink. I've had the option to go part-time temporarily which I have but I just waste my days off having a 'few beers' at lunch time. On my worst days I drink a bottle of wine plus a few gins or a few beers and then wake up the next day hating myself. I cannot have a glass of wine, I recognise that now, I will just keep going until the bottle is empty and then some sad

It hasn't ruined my life yet in that I hide it quite well and I don't ever drink at work etc but I am heading a bad direction. It certainly does stop me feeling fresh/exercising as much as I should, organising all those things on my to do list which have been lingering....

venusandmars Fri 28-Jun-13 13:53:07

MrsM I think it's interesting that you use the phrase "control your drinking".

I pretty much don't drink at all these days. On the very rare occasions that I have, I find that it is still a big struggle to "control" it (and then to control myself in the next couple of days when I just want to go back to my old ways).

I used to say that my aim was to drink 'normally' (whatever that means). But I guess that I'm imagining that drinking normally would mean that I had no strong desire for a drink, or that if I did I could easily forget about it, and that I would enjoy a 'couple' of drinks on a special occasion. I imagine that drinking normally would be acting like my dsis who can have a glass of wine and then leave the bottle in the fridge for a week until it eventually gets thrown out or used or cooking. I imagine that drinking normally would be like my friends who can enjoy a glass of wine with lunch then follow it immediately with a cup of tea.

Yet, in my heart of hearts I knew (and proved) that that kind of normal drinking neither applied to me nor appealed to me. I never wanted a glass of wine, I just wanted to start with that. Wine with lunch signaled a boozy afternoon. And the times when drinking seemed limited to a couple of glasses left me craving more and going around drinking out of other people's half empty glasses or bringing my own hidden source of extra drink.

I'm not suggesting that you are anything like me. Just recounting my own experience. I can easily say that it is so much easier for me not to drink at all than it is to try and control what I drink. But you will also see that I still struggle with the idea that I might never drink again, and even after all this time the idea still frightens me. So my phrase is that I don't really drink these days..... it leaves me feeling right about my day-to-day and week-to-week decisions about not drinking, yet doesn't leave me feeling boxed into a corner that I don't really want to be in.

OfficialSweetieMonitor Fri 28-Jun-13 14:46:02

Spot on venus that's it exactly

venusandmars Fri 28-Jun-13 15:35:04

joey / sweetie I completely understand your approach - buying only the little amounts of wine - it is your way of exerting control. I am not sure I could even do that. I was always more likely to but a bottle of wine and then 2 little ones - just to make sure I always had some more sad

But truly and honestly it is easier just to not do it.

OfficialSweetieMonitor Fri 28-Jun-13 16:31:51

It is hard and sometimes I wonder if it's worth it (especially when I'm dithering in the aisle because they haven't got the mini bottles)

Just not ready to take that last step! I will say though, that deciding not to drink when visiting the in-laws has been a great decision for me. And a couple of weeks ago I also made a promise not to drink during daytime even if we go out for a meal.

So I'm kind of allowing myself those couple of glasses on a Saturday night, in exchange for keeping to those rules.

It's bloody hard though! I look at DH who will just have one beer and wish I could do that.

ruralreynard Fri 28-Jun-13 17:26:48

Really good posts venus and sweetie (still joey in my mind, old habits die hard. EG drinkingwink)

I find if the house is alcohol free I manage without somehow. Could have something to do with the nearest offie being 10miles away and it closes at 7pm. After that only the supermarket which is 17miles awaysmile
If alcohol is in the house, whatever my intentions i find an excuse to drink it. It makes me angry with myself, i start off thinking I can control it and so won't drink it tonight, The WW ALWAYS PROVES ME WRONG.
OK Fess up time I was really determined not to drink today but there was a glass of wine left in the bottle from yesterday. Drank it an hour ago and now craving more badly. What a fool I am blush.

lonnika Fri 28-Jun-13 21:15:15

Hi all, I still have ocassions when I crave alcohol - but I know that I will feel great in the morning if I don't drink - that is keeping me going x. It is still hard but I do feel great (mostly). - I definately perform better at work without a shadow of a doubt -- I am less anxious by miles - I think I look better and I have lost weight !

I can honestly say there are no negatives about not drinking and in reality I don't know what I am craving so I try to keep focused on that !!!

aliasjoey Fri 28-Jun-13 21:48:29

Found out that I'm on my own tonight, DCs gone for sleepover and DH out on the town. It's just me and the dog smile

So the first thing I did was head straight to Sainsburys and buy a (small) bottle of wine. This is the deal in my head, I can have it tonight and remain sober tomorrow night instead.

Ah just so nice to have some peace, me and the dog and an Agatha Christie.

Sorry if reading this is a trigger for anyone. I just wanted to get it in writing that I will not drink tomorrow. Scouts honour.

ruralreynard Fri 28-Jun-13 22:03:53

sweetie your joey tonight as well smile Enjoy your evening.
Had the last glass of wine in my house a few hours ago and resisted the ww's pleas to go out for more. I was mad at myself at first as I was not planning on drinking today but feel a bit better now i have resisted going out for more.
Off to bed now.
Night, night babesxx

aliasjoey Fri 28-Jun-13 22:38:50

I just feel more like Joey, don't know why... everyone can still call me Sweetie though!

Well done you on resisting grin

Pink01 Fri 28-Jun-13 22:58:27

Day 5 done smile

Will post tomorrow to name check

Night babes x

dementedma Sat 29-Jun-13 09:20:08

Had nice night out with friend yesterday. Two white wine spritzers and home to bed. Social drinking isn't a problem - its the relentless drinking at home that does it for me. Friend was shocked when I said I drank every day. She added that a glass of wine a night was a drink problem. Didn't bother to tell her that its between half a bottle and a full bottle....

dementedma Sat 29-Jun-13 17:42:23

ERM, have you all gone off somewhere without me?
<peers round empty bus dolefully>

thurso13 Sat 29-Jun-13 19:13:16

Nope, I'm here Ma grin

I just wanted to say thank you all so much for your uplifting and very insightful (Venus smile ) in response to my work post the other day.
It was really, really helpful in making me think about why I wanted to stay in my present job, and I think "comfort zone" probably says it all.

Anyways, I have my interview (although my friend said very informal!!) outfit ready (for the wash!), and a whole load of questions that I formulated at about 2am this morning (gah!!). Thankyou again, so much good advice, that I couldn't have asked for in RL.

I hope you are all well and happy tonight, and Ma, home does it does for me too, I'm ok out, but in with a bottle I'm hopeless, maybe says something about the at home company we keep? I shouldn't be horrid, Dh has been so supportive through all of this college debacle, and work stuff, but, is that all we've got to talk about? Just been doing our 25th shock lunch invitations, and made them all casual and informal, instead of the very proper photo's we have, Dh said "just like us, brilliant!". I loved him for that, perhaps he just doesn't show too easily, I don't know confused.

Much to all
T xxx

Edinbugger Sat 29-Jun-13 20:35:14

Hello - some brilliant posts recently - really inspiring, esp Ionnika - "I can honestly say there are no negatives about not drinking..." - I need to hear that on a regular basis so thanks.

Also loved Venus - 'I don't really drink these days'. It's the perfect phrase for those of us who still have the 'fear' about never drinking again.

I drank last night at a family do but didn't pick up another bottle on the way home (once I start I usually can't stop). Came home and had a cup of tea and didn't feel like crap this morning.

lonnika Sat 29-Jun-13 20:45:53

Well done Edinbugger - I try to stay really positive - like tonight I have just finished ironing - when I was drinkn I wold be piss@d by now and Hve to wake up in be morning and I the ironing. Well done for last night xx - Thursu good luck - pink well done on day 5/6 smile))

Hope all are havin a good Saturday evening smile). Enjoy the sun tomorrow - laters xxxx L

Mouseface Sat 29-Jun-13 21:26:10

Evening, tis me, the Mouse.

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooo super tired. I think we're about to get a thunderstorm here...... the sky is BLACK AS NIGHT!!!

<realises it's night grin >

Welcome anothertime smile you're in great hands here lovely.

Thurso - so, if my brain is functioning correctly, you've been married for 25 years and are celebrating? Congratulations smile and lots of love to you and your DH. I hope that you have a nice day/time etc.... and that you are celebrating? xxx

Hello lovely Mini, welcome to the Bus - you seem familiar to me for some reason. In a good way smile

Re the controlled drinking.... well, I just make sure, a lot like Joey (yay for Joey being back smile ), I make sure that what I plan to drink that night is only in the house.

Living in a rural location helps because once the local village shop has shut at 8.30pm, then that's it, you're fooked unless you go to one of the pubs which is not possible as I'm usually on bedtime duty at that time with Nemo.

I used to have a real fuck it, I want to black out/blank out my day when Nemo was first born with all of his Additional Needs etc...... then I learnt the hard way that alcohol and SN children do not mix well! grin

Plus, I was scared, I worried, I was frightened for him all of the time and more often than not, I forgot that I had, we had a DD too who needed us/me just as much.

Honestly? I don't want to wake up half cut, numb and not in control of where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm with..... I am in control NOW. For TODAY. For me..... it's got to be One Day At A Time.

Pink - now then lovely, you are going out tomorrow. Sunday. So, in the morning, or early afternoon depending on what type of night I have with an ill DH and over tired Nemo...... I will be back to ask you how you are feeling. I want you to be super honest with me (and everyone) okay? That way, we can really help you xxx

So, off to do bedtime and stories, well, a very edited version of most books we read. Sometimes, having a disabled child who can't tell that you are skipping pages is easy, but I have no doubt in my mind that one day he'll go - "Mamam, you missed a page!!" grin

venus - fab to see you back. Love to you my darling lady xxx

Night all, tomorrow is a whole new adventure to discover. Be brave, be safe, be strong. xxx

venusandmars Sun 30-Jun-13 08:32:09

pink what are your plans for today?

Pink01 Sun 30-Jun-13 08:46:32

Good morning Venus, Mouse and all babes.

Venus I won't be drinking today smile

Sorry feeling a bit emosh about how caring you all are, I am moved beyond words that you have both remembered today and thought to ask after me. I appreciate more than I can possibly say.

Mouse asked me to be honest, so I will - I also did Green's drink test late last night and it really frightened me. Although my reliance on alcohol was worrying, my health results were worse and although I did the test making every day as bad as it could be (ie a bottle of wine a day which I don't always do but I have the potential) I will probably get to a bottle a day, every day, and then more if I carry on and don't sort this out.

Last night I was alone in the house (well, kids here but asleep) and I was so close to drinking, we have two bottles of white wine in the fridge and I was grinding my teeth at times and dithering about whether to have any but somehow I didn't and I am so so glad I didn't!

Then I went up to bed and found Mouse's message and it made me feel so humble and lucky and glad once again that I had stayed off it.

I have a bottle of fizzy water and that is going into my wine glass today and nothing more. I will drive too actually, I never drink and drive so that always helps.

Sorry to ramble but I am so so grateful and to think that you came and asked about me and remembered is enough in itself actually to make me want to keep going.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart,

Pink x

Sorry, how is everyone else? It's a beautiful day out there smile

venusandmars Sun 30-Jun-13 09:20:06

That sounds like a great plan pink

I have always found it important to have an active plan for social occasions - taking your own drink is great (as well as being the driver) - and I also knew what I would say if people commented on me not drinking "well I had a bit of a headache earlier so I'm sticking to juice at the moment" or "actually I'm really thirsty so I'll have a big glass of lime and soda thanks"

The other thing is to notice other people's drinking habits (or not-drinking habits). I used to think that I was drinking similar amounts to others, but observing people I saw how many of them actually drank very little - maybe a glass, maybe another small top-up, but then often a cup of tea. And they all drank so slowly. I was always finished my glass, looking for another one, then another, then another...... And if I was at all stressed about where my next drink was coming from then I was concentrating on that and not at all upon whatever occasion I was attending.

So enjoy this afternoon. And feel good about yourself, and happy to be sober.

lonnika Sun 30-Jun-13 10:34:11

Well done Pink - Venus' advice is really good smile. I always think people don't really care what others do anyway - I would just say I was driving and I don't like to even have one drink and drive - smile. have a great afternoon smile.

I am just about to do some work sad. Then going on a walk with my mum later on - then an early night for me. - I won't be drinking today smile
Have a good day all smile

anothertime Sun 30-Jun-13 10:57:09

Hello Babes. I really need your support today, it is day one for me and I'm determined to stick with it. Yesterday I had a 12 hour drinking binge, drinking vodka and gin all day and then wine. I feel totally disgusting today and never never want to be in that state again.

Mouseface Sun 30-Jun-13 11:46:06

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Pin - you are going to get this nailed today. YOU WILL DO IT. You're ready to not drink, you don't need to after all to have a nice time. You really don't.

I second what venus says - watch how others around you drink. It's a real eye opener. I used to be the same, necking my first glass of wine, waiting with my teeth itching for someone to go and get the next round in, it got to the point where I'd have my first drink, it'd be gone in a flash and I'd actually go to the loo via the bar, and take a new glass of wine with me.

I'd normally put a blush there but do you know what? I'm not embarrassed anymore. I've been that drinker, I didn't like it once I stopped and I have no plans to go back there. Ever.

So, lovely Pink - have a fabulous time and come tell us all about it once you get chance later on? Big hugs for being so brave and wanting to take control. xxx

<waves to lonni smile >

Time - I'm around today..... what time would you normally start to drink? When's your low point?

After yesterday, I wouldn't want to be drinking at all either. Well done for making today Day 1 smile you can do it, if you want to.

I promise. smile xxx

anothertime Sun 30-Jun-13 16:59:21

Thank you Mouse, I would normally start to want a drink around now, especially on such a nice day. (Luckily?) I still feel so awful from yesterday that I'm not tempted. Tomorrow after work will probably be a different story though - how do you distract yourself/fight the urge to drink?

Hi Time and welcome to the bus.
Pink I hope today went ok lovely.

ladame get your sorry arse back into this sidecar lady!! I need company and Ma and her opal fruits just isn't enough! I would never post on here if I had to be a good example for anyone else. I am a serial offender, totally. Loody useless and hate the act that I am back to my old bottle-a-night habit.

Am knackered and DP and I have essentially rowed all weekend. (And no, that wouldn't be coxless pairs...although there is probably a joke in there somewhere grin ) every blasted thing feels like hard work at the moment.

Sorry to whinge and I hope everyone had a better weekend.

Apologies to new babes and old for not reading back properly. I will do tomorrow I promise. Xx

Pink01 Sun 30-Jun-13 19:09:55

Hello babes,

Thanks so much all of your for your support. I had a lovely afternoon and I did not drink, I am sober as a cold stone right now smile feels great.

I did not need to explain really, I said I was driving and that was the end of the discussion. I would have had so much to drink usually at this kind of thing and then be good for nothing when I got home, I can't really say how nice it feels. So thank you all once again so much. I feel like having got through this weekend sober I could do it anytime now. But I must be careful not to be complacent!

Isinde sorry to hear you are struggling, starting again at day one is the hardest thing and when the domestic front is not very peaceful it does not help at all. Have you stopped before? How did you find it?

Anytime (sorry hope I have the right name for the new poster) there is a number of things you can try; could you change you routine at all and go out? I don't know your situation. I can't do that as I have children to feed and get to bed and my trigger time is 5pm onwards when I get home from work. I usually pour a big glass of squash or put some fizzy drink in a wine glass; I have a book on the go to read and distract myself with; I have an early night sometimes and I work towards it as soon as I get in - make up off, quick shower, clean PJs then into bed with a book as early as poss, I rush around doing everything that needs to be done ASAP ( clean uniforms etc) and then I can focus on bedtime!

I read someone the other day saying they had googles the effects of drinking and that had made them decide to keep going and not rush out to the shop which I thought was a good idea, it depends what helps you or what you might find off putting! I do visualise myself thinner and healthier and playing with my children being totally involved and available for them......

I hope you are ok anyway you must have felt quite wretched this morning - been there done that soooo many times!

Thank you all again.
Btw do we try and keep posts short on here? It seems you are mean to elsewhere on Mumsnet.

Pink X

Ps Mouse, again, thank you SO much. And Venus. How are you?

Pink01 Sun 30-Jun-13 19:10:28

Lonnika thank you also to you, hope you had a good time with your mum x

maristella Sun 30-Jun-13 19:30:31

I need to join hmm
I've joined before, but never stay on the thread.

I've just done the drink aware test. Hazardous apparently, how very true.

My drinking has spiralled this year, I've been midweek drinking, and all the rules that I usually apply when I go out have gone out of the window.

I'm scared that my behaviour this weekend will ruin my life.
I'm scared the drink will kill me.

My DS deserves better, DP deserves better, my friends do, work does, my neighbours do. I do, but I'm not feeling especially worthy right now.

I can't do the doctors, as up thread I couldn't cope with the shit storm.

I could lose everything that matters

Pink01 Sun 30-Jun-13 19:37:06

Ok Maristella, it is going to be ok. I can't be anything like as eloquent as the lovely Mouse but I am here. We can help you.

What has happened this weekend? Do you feel able to share? We have all done things we regret when under the influence so you are not alone in that. It is a dreadful feeling though and I do empathise with you!

I found the drink aware quiz very frightening myself, it scared me a lot but the good news is there is a way out. You can turn this round and the bus will help. Are you still there?

Pink X

ImaHexGirl Sun 30-Jun-13 19:42:44

Oh Maristella, bless you. I'm just getting used to being here. You won't lose everything and the fact that you are here shows you want to make things better. The one thing that's not so obvious from your post is that you deserve better too. It is how you feel about yourself that is fundamental to everything. I can't speak for everyone but I suspect a lot of issues with alcohol are to do with self esteem. I know mine are. You need to look after yourself so that you can do the right thing by others.

I'm very new but I'll be here if you want a shoulder to lean on.

ImaHexGirl Sun 30-Jun-13 19:51:08

Isinde it sounds as if it's been a tricky weekend for you. Tension of any sort is such a trigger isn't it. Please keep talking on here even if it's only to
Vent and nothing else.

I've had a lovely weekend with DS albeit tinged with stress as 'D'H went away with work at the last minute. It was a pain but I hate the fact that now DS has not seen his father for a week now and I still don't know what is going on with everything. It is exhausting. I've had a couple of large glasses tonight because I've just got to the point of needing to unwind after a whole weekend with DS. I love him so dearly but he has so much energy and is so full on it is exhausting.

maristella Sun 30-Jun-13 19:52:22

Thanks, I'm still here. I'm really grateful for your responses thanks

I've been a fool, such a fool. I've made such an idiot of myself. Vague recollections of people rolling their eyes at me, "ooh drunk again". I mess everything up eventually.

We had an awful bereavement a few months back and I'm still reeling. I drink to forget and to escape.

My DS is losing faith in me, just when he needs to be able to lean on me. I'm worried sick DP will leave me, and I love him so much. My work isn't good enough. I'm behind on my uni work. My neighbours threatened to report me for noise last week.

It's all a big lump of shit

maristella Sun 30-Jun-13 20:04:21

I've been unfaithful. I want to puke with fear and self loathing. I almost puke every time I get a Facebook notification. I'm killing the best relationship I've ever had hmm

lonnika Sun 30-Jun-13 20:10:59

Anothertime - I do lots to distract myself - have a bath, wash/dry hair, go on here, have a lie down for an hour, go for a walk, do a jigsaw etc - 9 weeks on my habits have changed so I don't need the distraction as much but at he beginning I did need to do something at the witching hour to keep me going.
Well done Pink smile. You will be thinner, healthier and happy smile
Matistella, hi and welcome, nothing is beyond change - things get forgotten quickly - don't think about the past other than using it to live your future forward - YOU DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS AGAIN!! - If you always do what you'be always done, you'll always get what you've always got smile. if you want inspiration go and read the first ever post from Jesus what next - keep reading and you will see how she turned her life around - one day at a time. Good luck - you can do it !!!!!
Ima - good to see you !
night all - see you tomorrow, L x

lonnika Sun 30-Jun-13 20:12:34

Matistella I cross posted with you - hope all is ok x

maristella Sun 30-Jun-13 20:15:48

I'm really struggling. I don't like or respect the person I've been

ImaHexGirl Sun 30-Jun-13 20:30:53

Oh maristella, we've all done stuff that we're not proud of but there is no point beating yourself up over it. What led you to be unfaithful, are there problems in your relationship or other issues that are leading you to behave in a way you wouldn't normally do. Have you had the chance to think all this through to understand where you are today?

My thoughts are with you. Please keep talking, we are here for you.

maristella Sun 30-Jun-13 20:38:23

There have been problems but there is so much love there, we really turned a corner recently and felt so solid. I snogged someone in a very packed pub, surrounded by familiar faces hmmhmmhmmhmmhmm

maristella Sun 30-Jun-13 20:38:54

I did it because I was blind drunk. I'm so ashamed

ImaHexGirl Sun 30-Jun-13 20:43:29

Oh love, no one is going to judge you here, just take the time to process it all and, if you want to, talk it over with us. I just hope you know you can talk here if you want to.

As an aside, although I've not been great in terms of stopping drinking I have been a lot better and a combination of cutting down and eating better means I've lost three pounds in the past ten days which is a good incentive to carry on.

ImaHexGirl Sun 30-Jun-13 20:46:36

Maristella, I can certainly relate to that. It was a couple of years ago and I did regret it but at the same time it made me start to think about what was really important to me.

dementedma Sun 30-Jun-13 20:49:52

Another one here whose had an epic fail on the non-drinking front - and no bloody exercise at all since the run last week. Straight back in to old ways....
indie whaddya mean I don't cut it! I am shocked and saddened at your cruelty, discarding me like an old rag for that French trollop.
grin at cox less pairs

maristella Sun 30-Jun-13 20:51:50

It was DP's friend. He just lunged in for a snog! I'm cross with him too. I was stupid in allowing myself be be vulnerable and he took advantage angry

maristella Sun 30-Jun-13 20:52:18

That really sounds like I'm blaming him, I'm not hmm

maristella Sun 30-Jun-13 20:58:08

I'm looking forward to losing some of my flabby middle! The rest if me is toned, just not my drinkers middle

stella10 Sun 30-Jun-13 20:58:36

Just a quick question is it true that the truth comes out when your drunk? Because wen I'm drunk I can't hardly stand dp and my nasty side really comes out. So is it just that I hide it when sober? (I do go out a lot at wkend's if he's home)....

maristella Sun 30-Jun-13 21:01:57

For me it's more that the truth gets distorted. I read things differently and respond differently. I adore the man, I stupidly gave him no thought hmm

ImaHexGirl Sun 30-Jun-13 21:03:08

Cox less pairs that did make me grin earlier, absolutely no innuendos here grin

lonnika Sun 30-Jun-13 21:03:59

Matistella. - I have lost my drinkers middle - hounded will too.
waking up with no guilt, regret, fear etc is the best feeling ever - good luck and keep posting. smile

Stella - no idea sorry

Pink01 Sun 30-Jun-13 21:05:31

Sometimes you have to reach rock bottom and have a day when you think NO MORE and just desperately want to change.

You may have reached that point today, so as awful as it feels, remember the feeling you have now and tell yourself you will never feel this bad and low about your drinking again.

Take control now and you can do it, honestly, I think most of us must have been where you are right now.

Ma hope you are alright and not beating yourself up. Your posts helped me a lot during my lurking days.

maristella Sun 30-Jun-13 21:06:42

I will keep posting, thank you thanks
Funny how I turn to MN when I don't know where else to turn, glad I did though

ImaHexGirl Sun 30-Jun-13 21:07:37

It sounds as if the other man has got issues if he thinks it's acceptable to hone in on a friend's partner especially when you are vulnerable. Have you discussed it yet with your partner? Does he know the worries you have regarding alcohol and the influence it had on your behaviour?

ImaHexGirl Sun 30-Jun-13 21:12:28

Stella, sorry I missed your post. I don't know the answer to be honest. I don't feel that my true self comes out as such in that aspects of my personality come out that I don't like. For me it is more that feelings
I've suppressed come out when I have had too much. It acts like a valve and it all comes out - everything that I've been worrying about for the past couple of months. I do a good job of presenting a good front so it doesn't take much to break that.

maristella Sun 30-Jun-13 21:15:25

He knows that I'm curbing my drinking, and he's supportive of that.
I haven't told him the rest. I don't want the shit to hit the fan, he'd never trust me again hmm
I can't cope with the prospect of his disgust, he would be so hurt hmmhmm

Pink01 Sun 30-Jun-13 21:20:29

Is he likely to find out though? It may be better coming from you with an apology than hearing it from someone else.

Pink01 Sun 30-Jun-13 21:22:26

Stella sorry I also missed your message.

I am not sure there is a hard and fast rule, for me sometimes I say honest (but inappropriate) things when drunk and other times I say something and then the next day I remember and think I have no idea why I said that, I don't even mean it!!

stella10 Sun 30-Jun-13 21:37:00

Oh god I'm a terrible person to be a drunk! Not great anyway to be one but couple it with the fact that my relationship is complicated and like u say your true feelings all pour out. I hate dp tonight. And most the time actually really need to make changes. We have a v tricky set up but needs sorting out. Thanks all. Also drink tolerance going up quickly! Was meant to be off it today as felt rough yesterday after one bottle Fri. Bought bottle this morning despite that as was in garage. Felt bad after and left it with friend as birthday gift. Phew none in house! Stress in afternoon kid's playing up went out home with a bottle:-/ but!! It wasn't enough could easily have drank more and hopefully won't feel too crap ,tomorrow.... But it really hit home tonight I don't like dp and even if I had to share kids with him it might be better than this:-(

maristella Sun 30-Jun-13 21:40:14

Stella why don't you like him?

Mouseface Sun 30-Jun-13 21:46:31

Evening, tis me Mouse

Mari - welcome to the Bus lovely, sorry, I've not read back. You are in excellent hands smile xxx

Pink - now then you, well bloody done! YOU DID IT, not only that, you did it YOUR WAY. YOU stayed in control. Absofeckinlutely in con trol. My hat is off to you. xxx

DH has a cough, he may not make it until morning. Nemo has just puked his tube have way out and I managed to keep it in situ - no 'well done babes, thanks for that, well done, I know how much you hate having to pass it etc' hmm

Nope - he is ill. Oh. My Days. He has the plague, or something as bad, you'd think. Yup, he has ME! I don't do ill men. I just don't.

So, we're watching top gear, well, he is and then bed. Deep, deep joy! grin

Sorry to not catch up properly and I will tomorrow but tonight, I am sulking like a teenager because I CBA with ill DH>

Christ save me!

Pink - I meant to say to you about having wine in the fridge.... DON'T! Warm wine is nasty, like old sock soup or onion gravy with a splash of slime... YUK!

So, don't have any in. Or if you want to drink in moderation, like Joey does - buy smaller bottles. Not 20, just 2 each time. It'll take a bit of juggling but you'll work our what's best for you.

Mari - I hope to get to know more about you tomorrow, sorry for the lack of interaction tonight.

Whoever it was that said about 'short posts being rude'? You can post what you want here on the Bus and for as as long as you want as far as I'm concerned.

Stella - I think you lose your inhibitions so aren't as scared to say what you feel. I used to be a right twat to DH when pissed. I used to let it all out, every last niggle, barbed remark, horrid, snide and nasty. I think that alcohol gives you a false sense of superhumanism.

It's not worth it, don't get pissed, don't get nasty and don't expect for it to be okay after you have. IME sad

And on that note, goodnight Babes - Love you all lots xxx

ImaHexGirl Sun 30-Jun-13 22:03:22

Mouse, sulk away, it sounds like you have every reason to! I love being able to revel in a frat sulk sometimes!

Not been bad not been great tonight. Big hugs to everyone on the bus and see you tomorrow.

Night night x

ImaHexGirl Sun 30-Jun-13 22:04:20

Good sulk that should be!

venusandmars Sun 30-Jun-13 22:11:30

maristella you know that on any other post on mumsnet - if you admitted to snogging someone else or being unfaithful, then there would be wrath raining upon you. Here, well, it's not that we ignore it, it just that we understand all the crap that is going on behind the scenes - your need to 'let go', or your need to 'relax' and the way in which that can make you behave in the way you did. Of course drinking in no way excuse it, but actually what we need to concentrate on is the drinking habit that led you to that behaviour....

So welcome.

maristella Sun 30-Jun-13 22:18:49

I've been so reckless with my alcohol intake for much of this year. Ever since the bereavement. It has spiralled, and needs to stop, straight away.

There was no intended malice in what I did last night. I was wasted and thoughtless and reckless. I love that man of mine with all my heart, and hate what I've done. Can't bear to have hurt and disrespected him.
My drinking has always verged on destructive, sometimes more so than others. But I'm in my mid 30s, and lets face it, it's tragic

Edinbugger Sun 30-Jun-13 22:28:43

Just checking in - another sober night - hoorah. I'm refusing to do the 'back at day one' thing cos it makes me feel like a total failure every time I slip up. Instead I'm keeping track of what I've NOT drunk lately. So, I joined the bus on the 1st of June. This means that in the course of this month, despite a couple of slip-ups, I've NOT drunk 27.5 bottles of wine. I can't tell you how happy that makes me. If I can do the same for July I'll be over the chuffing moon (and hopefully half a stone lighter).

Also checked out greens link and scared myself stupid so that's helping me stay on the straight and narrow.

Ma - can you sign up for a new running challenge? Or join a Jog Scotland group or summit like that? You worked so hard to build up that fitness - keep up the momentum and you could be running a marathon next!!!

* Pink* well done today - I bet you feel incredibly proud of yourself. smile

mouse sorry your DH has the death-cough. If he survives the night maybe he can get his finger out tomorrow and bring you brekkie in bed to make up. grin

stella - welcome!

Stella I think everyone is unique in their drinkng as well as everything else...but I just wanted to say 2 things.
1 - I have done sone deeply shameful and amazingly stupid things when very drunk. (including being unfaithful to my previous partner before DP with a man at a party which still has me completley hmm and shock over 12 years on... Actually sometimes for me in the past being very very drunk unleashes a self-destructive energy that I thankfully dont feel as much these days but am scared that I am capable of
2 - I know there is the whole "in vino veritas" thing about drunk people telling the truth because the alcohol has made them so uninhibited but actually I have a shameful history of saying and doing things when very drunk that are genuinely completely out of character. I have picked fights with people when drunk and I genuinely cant understand why as I really dont have any supressed issues with them.

I dont know how helpful shame and self-loathing actually are really. I get that accepted wisdom is that we will feel so bad we wont do it again but that has never been my experience. Rather I would wishi you a large dose of self-forgiveness and a positive hope for a better tomorrow. As I wish myself smile Right off to bed at the end of day 1 .

Ma you know I love you more than my luggage...xxxx

stella10 Mon 01-Jul-13 03:56:42

Actually I agree the alcohol has made me say and do stuff I wouldn't have otherwise and behave in a way that's out of character. I'm finding it hard to name it past day 2 at the moment but he I could I could probably work out whether I do actually like dp really0smile lol

maristella Mon 01-Jul-13 06:06:50

I'm going to treat my poor liver to some milk thistle today.

I've noticed lately that I'm very suddenly drunk, and this change in tolerance tends to follow a period of carnage. Think that's a bit of liver damage hmm

maristella Mon 01-Jul-13 06:15:05

Sorry, how rude of me: Good morning babes! I hope today treats you well. I'm off for a big long dog walk in a few minutes grin and it's sunny already grin

Ladame Mon 01-Jul-13 09:30:28

Good morning all babes!
Ma (ahem), I'll have you know that I'm from Norf London innit? As for being a trollop, well chance would be a bloody fine thing, now move over and let me get my sorry arse back on the seat. I have no food, eaten out of house and garden by the rellies. In fact my arse might not even fit on the seat, seeing as how you can now see it from space, like the great wall of China. Indiiieeee Hi babes, sorry about your difficult weekend. It's so upsetting, even more when you love each other, but can't see eye to eye for a while. Did laugh at coxless pairs though grin
Today is day three for me, after a marathon two weeks of at least a bottle every night. The weather here has not been good and the rellies kept falling out with each other, cracking open bottles around 4-ish, eating everything in sight, not going anywhere and expecting a home cooked meal (for 10) every night. I am beeyyond tired, fat, bloated, splotchy and got a bad kidney (again). Still, they bought me lots of nice stuff from the UK and we did have some larfs.
I'd like to say 'Hi' to Maristella If there is one thing I have learnt from this thread lovely, is that you CAN turn it around. There is a fantastic babe called Koala who has been such an inspiration - see if you can find her story in the threads. You sound like you are ready to make changes. You can, you'll see.
Pink01 Bloody well done on your day out. Hi, Stella !
Waves to Guggs Rural Green Obrigada Mrs Drew Babyjane Edin Jango Joey Thurso lonnika and Hex
Purps you ok babe? Mouse fellow chillow babe ((hug)).
I hope we can do long posts because I wanted to say that I don't have problems when I am out. I can control my drinking in public now and I have used the wise advice of Faire and Venus on many occasions. No, my problem, like Ma said earlier upthread, is the drinking at home, it's too easy, no-one really to judge me as my old man likes a drink. I cook a lot and we eat late, so I open a bottle while cooking and finish it off with dinner - and that's if I'm being good! It is too easy for me to drink every night. I do have nights off, but not that many. One of my friends said that it wouldn't bother her if she never had another drink, but that she couldn't give up crisps. I was like shock
I do still have the cringies in the early hours though, when I remember some of the nights I got completely and utterly stupid drunk and what I said and what I did. I could curl up in the bottom of my bed and hold my hair and whimper sad
Anyway, sending French Fairy Dust out to all babes at the beginning of this week. Try and be good, that's all we can do. AND be kind to yourselves. xxx

Ladame Mon 01-Jul-13 09:34:51

Hi time welcome to the bus lovely.

Edinbugger Mon 01-Jul-13 10:04:22

Oooh - loving the French Fairy Dust. It's making me feel all continental. Might have to have some bread and cheese for lunch. smile

Did someone say cheese? <<waves hands either side of big grin a-la Wallace>

stella10 Mon 01-Jul-13 14:57:05

Ok can I just ask of everyone who has ever got help with their drinking if u then had any unwanted involvement from certain agencies? I'm a bit hesitant to ask for help if it will like has happened to someone recently on here. I'm guessing most likely if u go to gp but there is an organisation near me I've tried ringing and thinking calling again would that be anonymous?well u know what I mean!! I don't want to end up with an actual label which could perhaps be used against me....some of you might remember I was supposed to be trying to stay dry to see if dp would try and keep me drinking but I'm ashamed to say I can't at the moment! I'm goin to try really hard this week though. Because I feel my dp feels he has one up on me whine I have this problem which is one reason why I don't talk to him about it. Do you all have people to talk to in rl about this?I don't. I've had this problem in the past and it lost me a lot of friends I think. Sure they would be helpful and supportive of me wen I was hungover and remorseful but I think they probably got fed up of me then ringing them up pissed!:-/ oh and I've already been referred to social services over my drinking and although that case was quickly closed I really don't want

stella10 Mon 01-Jul-13 14:58:13

To have to deal with that again and I don't know what is kept on record. Sorry just thinking aloud really trying to figure what my next move should be

greeneyed Mon 01-Jul-13 16:54:15

Stella I'm sorry I don't have any experience which could help, sure others will be along soon.

Day 1 (again here) though I am of the cutting down rather than quitting persuasion. I drink similar to Ma half to 3/4 bottle per night. Has been a lot worse, has been better. I know I can stop when I start I just don't want to do it everyday. Only managing one or possibly two AF nights per week at the moment max, want to get to three or four - Why is it so hard, I'm not physically dependent, It's fine if I don't drink, I don't really miss it. I think I just have to stop buying it first and foremost!!

I buy my wine with my online shop (always tempted by the wine offers so stick a few bottles in thinking I'm getting a good deal). I drink it because it is there and I can.

Sorry not to NC love to all babes xx

ruralreynard Mon 01-Jul-13 19:11:47

Welcome new babes,
sorry not to nc will read back later.
Like isinde i am a serial offender.
Was on day 2 today but failed and am almost a bottle down.
Start again tomorrow.
Love to allxx

Hi Stella Have you tried AA? I guess they are the obvious anonymous help but I know that other people have had good help and support form their local Drug and Alcohol teams (Unlike poor Baby who seems to have got a complete bunch of eejits)

A good friend of mine went to her GP who prescribed a home de-tox and valium for about 8 weeks and supervised her through it. She has kids and was never referred to anyone as her GP was sensible enought o realise she was a good mum but struggling with alcohol addiction. SHe has now been completely dry for over 4 years.

Personally I would try AA

Pink01 Mon 01-Jul-13 20:35:07

Evening all,

Day 8 I think and still going good, thanks to all the support and help on here smile Thank you all once again for that SO much. This has been the first day I really haven't even contemplated drinking during the day which is a big leap forward. I find that internal battle quite wearing.

Sorry just read back, to clarify I mean thinking about drinking during the day but for the drinking to be done at night. I don't drink in the day time unless its the weekend!

It was me that asked about the long posts so thanks for the clarity. It is just sometimes on MN you see people apologising for long posts or whatever and I didn't know if I needed to be less rambly! grin

Mouse I hope you have a better night with your little boy and that DH's serious man flu passes as soon as possible wink

Rural tomorrow is a new day x

Hello to all other babes out there, Maristella how have you got on today?

For the posters who worry that seeking help might land them in the same awful situation as Babyjane, I feel the same. I am not at the stage where I think I need outside help but if I did I would be massively reluctant now.

My drinking quiz said I needed blood tests, an endoscopy and a liver biopsy sad based on 9 units a day week days and 12 on weekend days. I just hope staying off the drink and a substantial period of abstinence will repair any damage to my insides. I can't imagine going to the doctor about it.

Anyway I think that is enough from me, thank you all once again. Hope you have all had a peaceful day.

Pink X

ImaHexGirl Mon 01-Jul-13 21:03:01

Hello everyone! So much of what is being said here rings true. It's been really helpful to see I'm not alone. Busy day and evening chez Hex today. It was good as it has kept me distracted although a stressful meet up with my mum made me want a glass of wine to take the edge off it but I know it wouldn't have stopped at just one. hmm

Love to all the babes. Will see you all tomorrow. x

maristella Mon 01-Jul-13 22:41:28

Hello Babes smile

A much better day today, but I certainly haven't forgotten about the pain I felt and caused yesterday.

DP is back grin he's fast asleep but happy to be here. I'm so pleased to have him back, and I will never put him in that situation again. Or myself! If I hadn't been completely plastered that guy would never have dared try it on like that, I can't let myself be that vulnerable again. I do actually really value my safety, and I get scared of being hurt.

The not quite so good news: DP brought wine! confused I had a glass, but only a glass, that's good going. I just can't touch another drop until the weekend, and then if I do drink on the weekend I have to take steps to stay in control. No shots, water with every wine, no doubles. It's how I drank until our bad news, and it's the only way I ever want to drink again.

Fairenuff Mon 01-Jul-13 22:50:33

Hi all. Haven't been around for a bit - seem to be saying that a lot lately. I think to myself, I'll just have a look in on the babes and see what everyone's up to and it then takes me about half an hour to catch up with the thread.

By the time I'm up to date, I've forgotten what the earlier posts were about. Head like a sieve. It gets worse, I swear. Must be my age.

Anyway Maristella some good advice to you so far, I just wanted to add that actions speak louder than words. You can show your dp how sorry you are by stopping drinking. And we can help you do that.

stella AA would be the obvious choice for rl support and advice. There are also books like Allen Carr and someone (sorry can't remember who) is trying hypnotherapy and is going to get back to us.

You can talk to us here about anything. Was it something in particular you want help with. I found it easier to break the overwhelming problem into smaller, manageable chunks. For example, just doing one alcohol free day at first. No drinking on Mondays - that sort of thing. Small successes really helped spur me on.

Once you get used to habitually not drinking, it becomes much easier. Stick with it, it does get better.

Hello and welcome to all new babes, hope to get you know you better.

Big hugs to all who need them (and those who don't but would like one anyway) smile

Fairenuff Mon 01-Jul-13 22:53:26

Maristella I also meant to say, so sorry for your loss. Have you posted on the bereavement board? Do you want to share how you are feeling? We're good listeners, here. Feel free to share as much or as little as you want, when you want.

maristella Mon 01-Jul-13 23:21:36

There won't be any more drinking tonight as I have a mammoth essay to write this week confused I won't touch a drop til Friday.

The bereavement, I don't know where to start. I'm only just starting to see how it's knocked me completely sideways. A young relative, very important to us, to cancer. Really traumatic. And then my mum got very sick, bereavement related. I thought she was going to die in front of me a couple of times; all thus just weeks later. It's been mad, really mad.

I need to sleep, I'm exhausted after a much interrupted 4 hours sleep last night! Tiredness is a huge issue for me so I best go up now.

Thank you all for being there x

greeneyed Tue 02-Jul-13 07:25:30

Faire wise words as always smile maristella sorry for all you have been through. Tiredness is a big trigger for me. I'm shattered in the evening so have a glass of wine to pep me up a bit, end up feeling worse in the morning and the cycle goes on. We should listen to our bodies and have a rest when tired as opposed to drinking. Just 5 hours sleep for me last night so need to read this back at 7pm when i'm knackered and the WW comes calling!

Have a good day babes xx

mummytolucas411 Tue 02-Jul-13 07:26:18

Going to join while I am in the right frame of mind!

I definitely drink too much and have for a couple of years but recently (cannot believe I am admitting this) I've found myself having a glass or two of wine when I wake up. Not that I run to the fridge to get it or am shaking until I get it, but I certainly feel more relaxed after.

Yesterday I told myself no, and I am going to try not to drink for 10 days, which for someone who hasn't gone more than a day without a drink for a long time, seems like a very long time!

Ladame Tue 02-Jul-13 08:00:15

Good Morning all babes - have a good day and be kind to yourselves.

Mummytolucas411 welcome to the bus, there will be someone along in a bit to give you your ticket and wise babes to give you counsel grin

Hi mummy and welcome to the bus lovely.
How did you manage day one? If yesterday went ok can you do the same today?
Definately agree that 10 days completely alcohol free sounds like a good target. How can we help uou get there?
< hands out bus pass and brew >

Morning lovely ladame I was just heading over to yours for coffee and a croissant...got enough for a bus- load? smile

Hope you have a fabulous tuesday everyone xx

greeneyed Tue 02-Jul-13 08:18:09

Welcome mummy well done for taking a big step and admitting it. Stick with one day at a time for now and don't look too far ahead. Do you have a plan to keep away from the wine. For me the biggest thing is not to have any in the house. How will you react when you get stressed or tired? Do you have some alternatives at hand, i.e chocolate or nice walk? Good luck babe. You absolutely can do it if uou really want to smile

greeneyed Tue 02-Jul-13 08:19:41

isinde mind if I join you, I'd love to pop to ladame's sounds lovely and I hear she's a great cook!

Ladame Tue 02-Jul-13 08:24:25

I couldn't think of anything I'd like more Inde and Green lovely babes. Come over, the sun is out and we can sit in the garden. Strong hazlenut coffee, croissants and camembert and tiny sweet yellow tomatoes, charantais melon. ALL BABES welcome!!! ((sigh)) and wanders off thinking just how great it would be to see you all) ...

greeneyed Tue 02-Jul-13 08:29:54

That sounds heavenly! Alas off to the office in the rain..

All aboard Gerald! Ma grab the squid, Mouse bring the butties and everyone else hold on tight as we are off to descend on Ladame cos obviously all she needs right now is another load of locusts visitors to eat her out of house and home and chain her to her kitchen!

Actually I need to write yet another bloody proposal (we had better win one of these so we can re-coup some of the cost of tendering) and then am on the train to that there london to learn about some recent neuroscience research and how it affects our motivational states....wonder if there is anything I can learn about how to resist a feckin' wine witch.....will report back on thursday! grin

Best wishes to all old (That'll be you Venus grin ) and new (Welcome all new babes, keep posting!) Babes

xx

aliasjoey Tue 02-Jul-13 09:51:30

Morning babes sorry not to read back... it's been busy in RL and will be for the next couple of weeks (DD leaving primary school, performances, special assembly, a prom for 10 year-olds !)

Welcome mummytolucas and well done for being brave and making the first post - great advice from green about not looking too far ahead, just deal with One Day At A Time

Edinbugger Tue 02-Jul-13 13:31:50

Afternoon babes - and welcome mummy smile I'm with green on the subject of keeping booze in the house. I just can't have it in or I will drink it no matter how many promises I have made to myself about having a day off. I'll do anything to keep the house booze free - I've given bottles of wine to neighbours, poured others down the sink. We're having a party here in a couple of days and I wont let DH buy the booze until the morning of the party - or I'll drink it. Course we're all different. I'm constantly in awe of the babes who manage to keep a bottle of white in the fridge but I just don't have the strength. Do you have a plan for today?

greeneyed Tue 02-Jul-13 15:26:44

Mummy how are you doing? Have you managed to stay alcohol free today. If you haven't (or if you have) keep posting we all post regularly about our up and downs -sometimes we can give the wine witch a good kicking sometimes she beats us and we need to try some new strategies, the babes will come in with new ideas. Hope all is well drinking or not x

Ladame Tue 02-Jul-13 18:19:18

Mummy Hope you are doing ok today. Even if you're not, keep with us all, keep posting, it doesn't matter if you can't achieve what you have wanted for today - we all understand x If you have had a good day, come back and tell us x One day at a time. Remember HALT, identify your triggers; Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired, or even just Bored. BHALTI (but then I identify everything with food smile
All Babes have a good evening. Inde Careful on that train my gorgeous curly-haired friend. Mouse Hope you're not in a cell having comitted Illhusbandicide grin

greeneyed Tue 02-Jul-13 18:51:16

I LOVE bhalti.

Bored
Hungry
Angry (i substitute this for Anxious in my case)
Lonely
Tired
I ? Perhaps irritated?

Ladame Tue 02-Jul-13 19:27:32

Ill just a bit, maybe to feel a bit better?

Indecisive perhaps not committed?

Insomnia Because you feel that you can't sleep?

Babes, any others?

Edinbugger Tue 02-Jul-13 19:59:04

Ignored?

greeneyed Tue 02-Jul-13 20:08:18

Definitely Irritable for me tonight, I am a right ratbag. Day 2 always hard. WW here and despite all my advice earlier I have red wine in the house. Grrr distraction time, will paint nails then I can't touch anything!

Edinbugger Tue 02-Jul-13 20:59:25

The wine witch is here tonight in full force. She tailed me round the supermarket and I nearly caved cos I was BALTI on all fronts for most of the day. And breathe. Jeez. When does this get easier?

Pink01 Tue 02-Jul-13 21:03:50

Hello babes

Stick with it Green you will be so glad in the morning. And thank you for the drinking quiz link the other day, it has really frightened me and therefore given me some motivation!

Day 9 here and feeling pretty good but very knackered after a long day at work. The kids won't settle in the evenings at the moment as it is so light outside so bedtime is becoming a bit of a task which I am not used to any more!

Mummy welcome to the board and you will get lots of good advice here and support. How has day one been for you so far?

Pink X

Pink01 Tue 02-Jul-13 21:04:55

It will get easier Edin. Well done for not caving in. How long have you been on the bus for? Sorry I don't think I know you very well (yet smile)

greeneyed Tue 02-Jul-13 21:16:44

Thanks pink and big well done. Yes frightened me too but in a good way best to be aware of all the facts than sticking my fingers in my ears going la la la! Have seen the bitch off for tonight and now have nice nails and flip flop ready feet smile Well done Edin . I have it on good authority it does get easier smile

dementedma Tue 02-Jul-13 21:28:27

<packs Barry in suitcase for journey to ladame's place.

Waves tiredly to all.

Fairenuff Tue 02-Jul-13 21:57:37

Oooh la la a trip to France. How exciting smile

How are you doing Edin? WW buggered off yet? Well done greeney, good strategy there. I used to do a Face Pack Friday, kept me on the straight and narrow for a bit.

Welcome to mummy, come back and let us know how you're doing. If you are drinking, we have a very friendly, non-judgy dog in the sidecar who understands all our problems and still loves us unconditionally, as dogs do grin

(Oh, yeah, and we have a tendency to stretch the truth about about imaginary wildlife on our imaginary bus but, hey, it passes the time).

Baby how's things with you? Any progress, have they decided to close the file and leave you in peace yet?

Hi to all - ma you ok?

greeneyed Tue 02-Jul-13 22:04:27

Gosh sorry baby your meeting was yesterday wasn't it? Hope you are okay.

Thanks Faire ,yes think I should go out and buy some beauty products, face pack exfoliating then fake tan would keep me busy. Any recommendations for products anyone?

greeneyed Tue 02-Jul-13 22:05:44

Waves to ma hope you are okay

Edinbugger Tue 02-Jul-13 22:24:59

Thanks peeps - yes I've batted her off for another night. She just bloody creeps up though doesn't she? One minute I'm posting to mummy about how I always keep booze out of the house, amn't I good? The next I'm manhandling myself out of the booze aisle in M&S. Ridiculous.

Hi Pink - no, don't think we know each other yet smile I've been on the bus (this time..) since 1st June. Not stopping altogether but no drinking at home (former bottle of wine a night lass). Since I hardly ever go out this strategy has dramatically reduced my intake grin . I've been feeling brilliant and I'm so proud of myself but some days - bloody norah.

anothertime Tue 02-Jul-13 22:46:59

Not been doing well - bottle of wine in this eve and find out a relative has died of liver failure thanks to alcohol. I am glugging water, don't really want to wake up tomorrow. Help help help

ImaHexGirl Tue 02-Jul-13 22:56:29

Ladame, can't believe breakfast, that sounded heavenly (drooled the cheese, hazelnut coffee and everything else).

Welcome to the newcomers. I am in the side car tonight. Not great but still an improvement on recent patterns.

I still cannot believe how much on this thread reflects my own behaviour. I don't keep booze in the house and I often pour it down the sink when it's leftovers and I don't want to be around. Alcohol repulses me and, on the whole, I am starting to really dislike the taste of it. I am hoping that my brain will soon take this inboard ie. the fact that I don't actually like the taste of alcohol.

ImaHexGirl Tue 02-Jul-13 22:58:26

Hello anothertime. Sorry to hear that things are tricky for you. Would you like to talk about it a bit more or just sidle on to the bus?

ImaHexGirl Tue 02-Jul-13 23:01:47

Sorry anothertime, if you are really feeling that you don't want to wake up then please please call someone like the Samaritans. Please talk to someone, on this thread or elsewhere. We are here to listen so please talk - we might not be there in person but well be there for you.

anothertime Tue 02-Jul-13 23:09:52

Really shocked, I don't really know what to say/do/feel. That could be me if I don't sort this out sad

Pink01 Wed 03-Jul-13 05:56:05

Sorry Anothertime I was in bed by the time you posted that last night. Terrible news and I am so sorry for your loss.

My dad died from alcoholism (severe fatty liver) so I do know where you are coming from entirely, it is really scary. Dreadful waste of a life and very traumatic for the family. But it does of have to happen to you. You CAN get help and conquer this.

I think this is where one day at a time comes in because it can be too overwhelming to look far ahead and try and decide the future in terms of your alcohol intake. Just start with today, plan your strategy on how you will manage and if you struggle come and post here!

Please let us know how you are this morning

Pink X

greeneyed Wed 03-Jul-13 07:32:47

anothertime I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. How are you this morning? Do you have any real life support, GP, AA?

Fairenuff Wed 03-Jul-13 08:23:56

Another so sorry for your loss. Isn't it ironic that tragic news like that can send us straight to the bottle. It's been a first response to any emotion for a long time for a lot of us. It's the only way we have been using to deal with emotion.

But there is another way. Maybe it's time to take those tiny steps to change those automatic responses. It's really important for us to feel those emotions, identify them and label them.

For example, I am feeling angry. I know why I am angry. It's ok to feel angry. It's not ok to punch someone because I am angry. It's not ok to damage myself with alcohol because I am angry.

And then we have to work out alternative ways of dealing with that emotion, if any of that makes sense.

One Day at a time is the best way to change those habits. One hour at a time, one minute at a time if necessary. You will never, ever regret a single minute of not drinking. Honestly. It seems like a massive battle at the time, but when it passes, it's gone. Ride it out, find other things to do to meet those emotional needs and your habits will change.

After a while you may find you just don't even want to drink and the thought of giving up forever will become appealing. There is nothing to be afraid of except continuing to drink and damage your health.

Anothertime perhaps you should consider changing your name to Anotherway and make that commitment, to yourself, to make your life calmer and happier by taking away that constant worry that overdrinking brings.

Whatever you want to do, we will help you. Keep posting. Keep naming those emotions and putting them where they belong. This is a really difficult time for you but we are all here whenever you feel like posting x

Edinbugger Wed 03-Jul-13 09:04:02

another - so sorry, I hope you're okay. Please keep posting - you're not on your own with this.

You will never, ever regret a single minute of not drinking. Honestly. It seems like a massive battle at the time, but when it passes, it's gone. Ride it out. This is one of the most useful things I have ever read on this board - and I've lurked here for a looooong time. So simple and so true.

MrsMiniver Wed 03-Jul-13 09:06:21

Anothertime, how are you feeling this morning? I'm so sorry about your relative - were you close to them?

I've decided that I'm delusional with regard to alcohol. I've been sober for about a month but in the back of my mind was telling myself that I'd be able to drink socially (I've been here many many times before). I'd even planned my next drink which was to be tomorrow when I meet a friend. Then yesterday afternoon entirely on impulse, I bought a bottle of wine and had drunk the lot within a couple of hours. DD smelt it on me too and I'd promised her not to drink sad Can anyone relate to this?

I know I can't drink so why do I keep kidding myself? I can't face the thought of socialising without alcohol ((I'm quite shy and that's why I started to drink) and sometimes think I'd be better off living as a hermit hundreds of miles away from the nearest supermarket. How on earth does an introvert cope with going out? Edinbugger wish I was as strong as you. Sorry for the me-me post, feel really pissed off with myself this morning (and hungover).

MrsMiniver Wed 03-Jul-13 09:07:10

You will never, ever regret a single minute of not drinking

Love it, thanks Edinbugger

Ladame Wed 03-Jul-13 09:40:11

Ma If only you knew how much I wish you were coming.
Waves tiredly back - my hormentals kept me up most of the night last night. I look like a fat tired wet old hen this morning - and it's raining again sad
Anothertime So sorry lovely. Stay with us. Faire - fantastic post, I've read you on some other threads too. You are one wise, switched on, fabulous babe flowers
I can't really add any advice to what you've been given, I just think that you need to break the cycle - one night - and that will give you some strength to carry on to the next night and the next. You can circle the drain for a long time, but you don't need to go down the plughole, you can break the cycle, so many fab babes have.
Wishing all babes a good day, be kind to yourselves x

MrsMiniver Wed 03-Jul-13 09:59:55

You can circle the drain for a long time, but you don't need to go down the plughole smile I have one leg in at the moment but I'm going to pull myself out! Thanks Ladame

Edinbugger Wed 03-Jul-13 10:00:53

MrsMiniver - I can relate to every single word of your post, I am a master of self-kiddiology. I could have written your second para myself - only difference being that I didn't buy that bottle yesterday afternoon. I didn't buy it cos I was with Dh who knows that I've cut out drinking at home - but if I'd been on my own it's possible I wouldn't have been so 'strong'. Don't beat yourself up.

The quote I posted was from * faire* - let's both of us be inspired by it. Maybe the pair of us are over-thinking things and it really is as simple as faire suggests. I suspect it is. smile

obrigada Wed 03-Jul-13 10:13:48

Morning Babes, still not drinking, feeling a bit down in myself but that has nothing to do with not drinking, more to do with day to day shit, not liking my job (more the people I work with rather than the work itself), house a mess, etc etc.

Ladame Wed 03-Jul-13 10:18:14

MrsMiniver Pull my leg out too whilst you're there lovely grin

I can go one, two, maybe three nights off, but then back to square one and around the drain I go again for another few days, until the next day off sad

maristella Wed 03-Jul-13 10:50:03

Good morning Babes smile

No WW last night, although I'm very thirsty today, but I think that's because I'm taking milk thistle morning and night. Anyone tried this?

I had an overloaded liver years ago when I was in anti depressants, and the symptoms were rage, confusion, very pungent and yellow sweat, and itchy legs. The itchy legs is a sign your liver is struggling apparently. Thankfully no itchy legs. Although I'm covered in drinkers bruises hmm they're on my legs and arms, you know the ones.

No drink until Friday for me. DP has been given some rum by a customer, so this will be a test. I'll use exact single measures for myself, in tall glasses with lashings of mixer. I will update you on Saturday morning! Obviously you'll also have to put up with me until then too, as I'm staying on here this time smile

I hope you're all feeling healthy and empowered today x

maristella Wed 03-Jul-13 10:51:03

Also if anyone knows how to get around the issue of crazy amounts of scrolling on long threads using iPhone app I'd be grateful! wink

anothertime Wed 03-Jul-13 11:12:20

Thank you everyone, you've already helped me so much more than you know. I have a quiet day planned and booked a GP appointment for later, and most importantly no alcohol.

Ladame Wed 03-Jul-13 11:15:47

Anothertime You are sounding so much more positive! Good luck with your GP.

mummytolucas411 Wed 03-Jul-13 11:39:02

I can't do this! Day 1 and 2 were ok, today is day 3 and I am feeling agitated. Thinking of having a few drinks and that's it?

mummytolucas411 Wed 03-Jul-13 11:40:09

Maristella - when you click the + button click flip this thread, just worked it out myself

Ladame Wed 03-Jul-13 11:52:07

Mummy Sit down and work out why you are feeling so agitated. Can you do something strenuous to 'work it out'? Go into the kitchen and make something from scratch (it always helps me) like a cake or shepherds pie. If you do have a drink (I assume you mean now?) play the video through to the end. Does that mean you will continue all day and think how that will make you feel tomorrow morning. Ride it out if you can - you will be so pleased you managed it and next time will be easier - (hand holding and brew )

venusandmars Wed 03-Jul-13 11:54:28

mummytolucas that craving feeling is horrible, isn't it? I used to imagine that once I had a craving it would just keep on getting worse and worse until I satisfied it (a bit like being hungry or thirsty). But what I found out was that actually a craving for a drink isn't like that - it was a temporary mental state, and if I could get past it, it would actually subside.

So I developed lots of distraction techniques - anything that would get be through the time.

Try it out and see if it works for you. If it does then you're a little step forward for today. If it doesn't then you're still a little step forward. And you already know where having a 'couple' of drinks would lead......

MrsMiniver Wed 03-Jul-13 12:38:45

Edinbugger, the trouble is I'm divorced so have no husband breathing down my neck. He used to (with regards to my drinking) and it was one of the reasons we split up. I'm just so tired of circling the drain, then managing to get myself away from it, then slowly slipping back in again (such a powerful metaphor Ladame!)

Edinbugger Wed 03-Jul-13 12:50:47

MrsMiniver - you don't need a husband - you've got us to breathe down your neck! X

babyjane1 Wed 03-Jul-13 13:30:09

Hi to all you lovely babes old and new, I'm sorry I've not been on much , have frankly been in a bit of shock since
Monday's meeting. To those of you that don't know me I went to my GP as I wanted help in managing the anxiety and depression resulting In my bottle of wine nightly habit, it has triggered a chain of events which has left me baffled, I wasn't sure whether to share this Information as I don't want to scare anyone against seeking help but as we are the same boat, this may help... My GP referred me to a mental health team who I visited, they then referred me to an alcohol support team who I also visited and on arrival was breathalysed and had blood and urine checks (they were all clear, was cutting down myself by this stage) then I got social services visiting my home to assess my ability to take care of my girls, also received home visits from alcohol services team, and a phyciatrist. After all these extremely stressful events, I had to attend a social work meeting on Monday!!! There were 7 people there, someone from daughter's school and other daughters nursery, a rep from the police who done an extensive police check on all my family and dh's. I should add that every single check suggested my daughters were thriving, my home spotless and my parenting skills exemplary. All that from a GP visit!!!!' I'm still off the wine, I'm sickened by the journey it had forced me to endure, the one point I really want to stress it that the law has recently changed and it is an offence to consume alcohol while alone with a child, if it affects your ability to deal with ANY emergency. This must make a lot of mums criminals. Anyway I'm in the clear on all counts but this horrendous journey has had a positive effect for me but I worry what it could do to a vulnerable fragile mother, TODAY I WILL NOT DRINK X

Mouseface Wed 03-Jul-13 14:01:16

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Hello to Mummy smile welcome xxx

IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!! - the law has recently changed and it is an offence to consume alcohol while alone with a child

This is true. 100%. Some of the Babes on this thread may find this out the hard way so please, please take heed of what Baby has shared with us. I used to be a loan parent, I used to drink a bottle of wine alone, with my DD in bed upstairs, safe.

What if there were a fire? Or someone broke in? She woke and fell out of bed, hurting herself, hitting her head and passing out? I would not know if I was passed out pissed. Please think about your babies, your children rely on YOU to keep them safe.

Baby - <<<<squidges>>>> to you. Wow, what a rollercoaster you've had in the last few days sweetheart.

Off to read back a bit and catch up...... xxx

greeneyed Wed 03-Jul-13 14:11:47

Well done baby you bloody star! What's happening now have SS signed you off?

Is the GP or Alcohol services actually helping you at all? What support have they offered?

I just can't believe it on a bottle a day - how many parents are drinking a bottle a day I wonder? Not condoning it but very surprised at the response

Well done for getting through this and staying away from the wine. How are you feeling in yourself?

Re the law change - has anyone read the thread about leaving DC with MIL overnight who drinks? It really got me thinking about my own parents and whether I was responsible to leave my 4 yo DS with them. Dad drinks 8 cans of beer a day and mum a bottle of wine in the evening. I think he is safe and they are pretty capable (aside from being able to drive anywhere) and I'm not casting aspersions against anyone but wonder what the legal position is and whether it would be considered neglectful? Many people in the thread commented that they would not leave their children with gps drinking....

Mummy How do you mean agitated? Do you think this is a withdrawal symptom? I know Baby's experience is frightening but could you consider going to the GP? Do not ignore withdrawal symptoms if they become severe or frightening as you could need medical attention.

If you think that it is not necessary or don't want to could you get out for a walk or do some gardening to both distract yourself and calm you down? You so wanted to do 10 days honey, you are on day 3 (Well Done!) Sending you some strength through the ether

Buddy123 Wed 03-Jul-13 15:06:26

Oh god, I'm frightened. I went to see alcohol services today, referred myself. I drink a bottle of wine most days when DCs in bed - am I going to get social services visit? I'm a single mum. I'm terrified - i cant lose my children!

I am going to stop drinking.

Ladame Wed 03-Jul-13 15:26:24

Baby OMG what a awful time for you. I'm so glad it's over and you can begin to put it behind you. There for the grace of God go so many many parents. I know me, and most of my friends thought nothing of drinking wine once the children were in bed. It was just something you DID at the end of a hard day. So, now it is illegal - well I'm sorry you were the one to test this for everyone, but at least it's out there now. I know it is really for the best and in the best interests of the child, but I can't help but think it's a little Orwellian. Are people going to report friends and family? How will it be 'policed' as such. My dd is grown up now and so I don't really have to worry about this, but for parents with children at home it's another matter entirely. Also I can't help but think it will prevent people from asking for help which is counter-productive. I do believe there are very many people who have problems with alcohol. Even on television, it is normal to see people drinking, in fact many soap operas revolve around a pub, or Mum at home with glass of wine, Mum and friends sharing a bottle - there are many storylines set around drinking, whether as a social comment or to highlight alcoholism. We've seen smoking being phased out of television programmes, will it soon be the same with alcohol? It chills me to think that children could possibly be taken away from a parent seeking help with an extremely addictive and common habit.
Anyway sweetie, I hope you're ok and I'm so glad that you started to cut down before this all started, so that they could see what a brilliant parent you are. It always comes across in your threads and you should be proud of yourself. flowers from me x

Mouseface Wed 03-Jul-13 15:48:13

Buddy - calm down. smile

Self referral is GOOD.

You have admitted your problems and sought help on your own. Social Services are often painted in a very bad light but you need to take a step back.

Your children aren't going anywhere unless you are not fit to care for them and by that I am talking you don't feed them, they fend for themselves, are at risk of hurting themselves because you let then run riot around the streets at all hours, they terrorise everyone they meet, they are malnutritioned, they are not at school when they should be because your too pissed to take them and you leave them out in the cold.

IF and t's a big IF they do get involved, they may interview you or your children but you are jumping the gun unless there's something you're not telling us? They may talk to school or your GP. They may want to know if you are okay and of they can HELP YOU in any way.

Why worry if you are a good mum? Yes, there's a thread about it atm on here, but is that you? Are you that family?

Do you think that you're putting your kids at risk?

Please, don't be scared of something that hasn't even been mentioned to you.

SS can be a wonderful source of support for thousands of families every single day but more often than not, we only hear about the bad stuff, because that's what sells newpapers and makes people money.

Buddy123 Wed 03-Jul-13 15:54:56

Thanks Mouse. I'm a good mum - glowing school reports just came home this week, happy and healthy children. I drink when they are in bed which makes me feel guilty as I know I shouldn't. I've tried to stop but keep going back to the habit so I went to get help. They took the DCs names and said they would only contact social services if it was felt there was a risk. I am keeping everything crossed this will be ok - my DCs mean everything to me.

I am currently scrubbing the kitchen floor just in case social services suddenly appear!

In some respects this terror I'm experiencing is a good thing - I am finally seeing what I have at stake here and that bottle of wine is certainly not worth the risk.

Day 1 - I am determined not to drink ever again.

Mouseface Wed 03-Jul-13 16:07:46

Baby - I second what Dame has said, you have been through the mill BIG TIME and it has been proved (although I didn't think that you needed to) that you are a wonderful mother, dedicated, loving, caring and so fabulous!

Give yourself a break please sweets. You did nothing wrong, all the reports have shown that. How would you know that having a drink (or too many drinks) in your own home, behind closed doors would lead to this?

You still have your DC with you. In your home, your arms and this has been incredibly hard for you to get through alone. But I also know that you would cross fire and ice for your DC, so you did what you had to do and now, well, now you can stop worrying so much (I know that you'll feel they are still watching you for a while yet sad ) and move forward.

You are fab, you know that? And can I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing all of this with us? I've learnt alot from reading your posts and from your very candid honesty.

Thank you Baby - you are the Bravest Babe I know thanks xxx

Mouseface Wed 03-Jul-13 16:40:46

Buddy - I think a lot of the SS impression that are set in our minds come from tv drama's or soaps where the worst case senario is always played out.

Can I ask how old your children are? I promise you that if you make it through today, if you make this your day 1, then tomorrow will be your day 2 and you'll feel much better about life.

I've had some personal experience with a dear friend having her children taking into care because she drank, it was a while ago now but the pain she experienced was horrific. She was randomly checked - urine samples etc - they were taken far away from her so she could 'bump into them'.

It was horrific.

But that was her life and her circumstances. We're all different. We all do things we maybe shouldn't of at least have done in the past.....

Thing is, you can't go back but you can go forward. Every single day is a new day

greeneyed Wed 03-Jul-13 17:06:24

It's so easy just to slip into thinking, it's okay it's just a few glasses of wine of an evening, everybody does it. But looking at the quiz I posted, the health effects and effects on our children it's not okay is it? We are kidding ourselves. I'm sorry don't want to scaremonger but do think facing up to hard facts is good for me, hope I'm not putting anyone off the thread. Have decided I am not going to let DS stay overnight with GPs anymore ( he's only ever done about 3 times)

Buddy123 Wed 03-Jul-13 17:24:54

My DCs are 7 and 5. They are at their dad's tonight and I am literally shaking with fear. I thought I was doing the right thing in going to get help but now it feels like a huge mistake! I cannot risk losing my DCs.

Today is my day 1 - my children are my world and I will not lose them to a bottle of wine!

Green, you're right. It's crept up on me this last year - one or two glasses has turned into a bottle most nights of the week.

greeneyed Wed 03-Jul-13 19:17:48

Buddy I wish I could make you feel better. I'm certain you will be okay. You will NOT lose your children. You have done a brave and responsible thing going to alcohol services.

greeneyed Wed 03-Jul-13 19:23:55

I'm wondering if a man turned up to the GPs saying he was drinking a bottle of wine a night he'd be referred to social services. I doubt it. Mother blaming is all too common in our society, sometimes we are viewed simply as vessels for our children and not people in our own right.

Pink01 Wed 03-Jul-13 20:04:40

Some really sobering stuff on here tonight and a lot of food for thought.

I'm so sorry I don't have time to NC but just wanted to check in and say it is possible with the help of the bus babes to achieve things you never thought possible, whether that is one day alcohol free, giving up alcohol for good or getting some control back over your drinking. The help is there for anyone, you just have to make the choice to take it.

It is SO tough but it is doable.

Day ten for me, feeling so much calmer and more rested. I never thought I would make 10 days again this side of January (I always do dry January) but I have and if I can then any of us can.

Pink X

venusandmars Wed 03-Jul-13 20:12:37

I also think that the GP response is really variable (still, despite any change in the law) and there are people who gather up all their bravery and go to their GP and speak honestly about their drinking (expecting and hoping for some help and support) only for their GP to dismiss them with an offhand comment saying something like "well cut down a little and have at least 2 alcohol free nights per week" - yeah, if it was as easy as that....

baby it is so terrible that you have had such a harsh response. I hope that the help and support is equally as strong.

babyjane1 Wed 03-Jul-13 20:15:32

buddy don't worry you've nothing to fear, in my case they were being overly enthusiastic about all their new rules, I'm in Scotland and I'm certain my experience was a rare one and no one every turned up unannounced. At the meeting I sensed they all realised it was all a bit silly, please don't worry, in the end up no action was taken, mums like us are not the ones they're after, rest easy my friend, I'm not worried for you at all, in hindsight the whole thing was all a bit theatrical and silly. Thanks to everyone for all your support and its kept me off the sauce, its all good x x x

lonnika Wed 03-Jul-13 21:23:51

Evening all - so glad I decided to stop drinking. So scared of the damage I have done to myself sad. just hoping I am undoing some of it now !!
Babes o. Here - Baby and Buddy you at brave smile. And great mum smile.
All the stories on here make me stronger - love to you all smile
On the way to week 10 for me smile.
L x

Buddy123 Wed 03-Jul-13 21:30:37

Ladies - thank you so much for your support. I feel much calmer now and I haven't even had a drop of wine!

Baby, I can't believe they out you through all that and pray it won't happen to me. But if it does I will be ready for it, armed with glowing school reports and a tidy home!

It would be crazy to punish me for seeking help, surely? I decided to get help before things spiralled out if control, I could see my alcohol intake was growing and I'm getting help before it becomes a problem.

This has been a huge wake up call for me. I am going to do this, no more evil booze, no more hangovers. I will probably be leaning on you all for support a fair bit and hope I can help others too.

aliasjoey Wed 03-Jul-13 21:37:53

babyj well done you on staying strong through such a tough time. I hope things get easier for you now.

venus you're right, the response from GPs is very variable - mine just suggested I only drink at weekends! No referral or support or advice.

Fairenuff Wed 03-Jul-13 21:41:29

Lean away Buddy, that's what we're here for. It's easy to get complacent about drinking if it's not a massive problem. It's easy to let those amounts or the frequency creep up. But on this bus we are all aware of it, we're talking about and we are facing up to it. We rock!! smile

mummytolucas411 Thu 04-Jul-13 08:23:28

Morning. Back to square one for me. I ended up giving in on day 3 hmm Regretted it as soon as I had a drink, but feeling stronger again now. Good idea about distracting myself by doing some cooking, DS will be pleased when he sees the flapjacks and brownies I plan on baking today!

Have a lovely day everyone

greeneyed Thu 04-Jul-13 08:25:47

Morning all! Well yesterday morning I was feeling fantastic after 2 AF days. Today is a very different start after drinking last night. Had planned to drink, seeing a friend for a good catch up and putting the world to rights. Dreadful nights sleep and really important day today, worth it? Not!

Onwards and upwards I will not drink today! Lots of love babes x

greeneyed Thu 04-Jul-13 08:27:54

Morning mummy 2 AF days is a start. You've proven you can do that so something to build on. Good yo have plans for today

Buddy123 Thu 04-Jul-13 09:19:52

Good morning ladies, day 2 here. Feeling very good about kicking the habit today, I know I can do it for the sake of the DCs.

Didn't sleep well last night as I'm still terrified that ss will become involved following my alcohol services assessment. Trying to remain positive, but I am very scared.

Edinbugger Thu 04-Jul-13 10:47:49

Snap Green - drank last night at a family party (had planned to) and feel extremely non-boingy this morning. You're so right- it's just not worth it.

Ladame Thu 04-Jul-13 10:54:31

Green and Edin Mark me down for a non-boingy day too. Suffering with hormental hot flushes at night so thought a couple of drinks might help me sleep sad - duh - epic fail. Again.

Mouseface Thu 04-Jul-13 11:31:19

Morning, tis me, Mouse

HERE IS GREENY'S POST/OUIZ AGAIN for those who missed it, it really is sobering reading. The advice that they give is really useful too, I found myself nodding along with all that they said.

It's not a 'STOP DRINKING YOU'LL DIE!!!' type read, more of a 'listen, you should try to have a day off the booze every week' kinda message. Sensible, realistic goals that we can ALL achieve. smile

Off out now, sorry not to read back. Be back later on, hope you're all okay and well?

Big hugs from me xxx

Mouseface Thu 04-Jul-13 12:00:39

Dame - My bedding is soaked each morning, at the moment and I have the most horrific period pains but no period... all par for the course apparently.

Deep joy. I hate my hormentals, I put the milk in the dishwasher this morning hmm, and a variety of half finished jobs are strewn around the lounge! Grrrrrrr. I need to go into town but I'm rather worried about driving incase I'm not concentrating.

On the plus side - DH is getting better because his sarcasimometer is working again. Arse. He has picked the wrong Mouse to mess with currently......... grin

maristella Thu 04-Jul-13 18:05:16

I'm raging and I want wine! Honestly I'm not sure what I've done to deserve this bullshit existence but I've had enough!
I work so hard, I'm exhausted all the time. I'm also doing my degree. My house is a shithole, my gardens a joke, even my car is verging on squalid.
DS is angry, because he has a lot to do and doesn't follow basic instructions. This stuff has to be done. So he's raging at me. He's bigger than me and squaring up to me. DP doesn't live here so can't ask too much of him.
I'm drowning! I'd like to get on a plane and spend a week in the sun, on a hammock mostly, with cocktails and cigarettes.
Sorry - I'm ranting here because I've nowhere else to go with it!! And I won't drink x

Fairenuff Thu 04-Jul-13 18:11:17

Rant away maristella. So, what parts of HALT are hitting you at the moment? Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired - probably all of them?

Tackle them one at a time. Have a snack. Cheese on toast, omelette, pasta in a sauce - something quick and easy. Have something sweet as well. Yoghurt or jam or chocolate if you have any. A sweet cup of tea or pint of blackcurrant juice.

Can you take yourself off for a bath or go out for a run or do something to take your mind off everything for half an hour. Is there a friend you could phone for a bit of a chat.

If your ds is getting angry too, leave him to calm down for now, you can come back to deal with him later, when you are feeling calmer yourself.

You don't need to drink. You know that. Keep posting if it helps. I'm off to eat too but will check back later.

maristella Thu 04-Jul-13 18:40:18

Thanks Faire thanks

Pasta is cooking, and I'm going to have obscene amounts of cheese with it!

I've given DS his instructions and left him to it. He's known all week his new furniture is coming tomorrow, with the old being taken away! Oh well, he can just get on with it!

What is everyone else having for dinner?

maristella Thu 04-Jul-13 18:45:22

Oh, and the guy that kissed me on the weekend has apologised profusely for his behaviour! Good.

Fairenuff Thu 04-Jul-13 18:48:38

Yeah, leave him to get on with it. How old is he?

I've had beef casserole with rice and veg but it's seems odd eating a 'winter' meal when it's so hot outside at the moment. Still, dh cooked it and all I had to do was eat, so no complaints from me smile

maristella Thu 04-Jul-13 19:14:23

He's 15, so generally angry by default confused

mummytolucas411 Thu 04-Jul-13 19:26:25

I really love this thread! It's nice to be able to talk openly about this to people who are (or have been) in the same boat.

Fairenuff Thu 04-Jul-13 19:28:55

My ds is 14. Much bigger than me. But if he shouts at me I tell him calmly, I will listen when you stop shouting. Or I say Don't shout at me, I don't like it. And, most importantly, I walk away until he is calm.

If your ds is anything like mine he will be fine once he gets busy on the job. Ask him if he'd like a cuppa now, or do something unexpectedly nice for him. That always throws my ds and he can't stay mad at me grin

Fairenuff Thu 04-Jul-13 19:31:30

Hey mummy good to see you back. The bus is quiet at the moment but there's usually someone around to chat with. Like you say, it's refreshing to be able to be so open and not worry about being judged.

Silver66 Thu 04-Jul-13 19:36:12

Hey

Beautiful wonderful babes

just popping in to say hello smile

Buddy123 Thu 04-Jul-13 20:21:53

Evening babes!

I've made it through day 2 without drinking - so pleased with myself. The terror of ss has certainly put drinking into perspective! I have felt more emotional than usual this eve, it's probably the combination of not drinking and the fact I've finally asked for help. I've even changed my plans for the weekend to take away temptation - changed a night at the pub for a cinema trip instead, a big step for me!

Hang in there everyone! x

dementedma Thu 04-Jul-13 20:22:32

SILVER leaps on silver like over excite d puppy. Where have you been? How are you?

Silver66 Thu 04-Jul-13 20:41:05

Hey Ma

Missed you so much.....long story.... I've taken the first step...in posting...been thinking long and hard about it....

Forgive me if it takes me a bit of time to explain ...

I am pretty much sober these days.

But not so much tonight...

My promise to you is that I will come back and tell you all about it x

And none of you fuckers has given Gerald a polish

FGS. bunch of Barry lovers xxxxxx

dementedma Thu 04-Jul-13 20:59:50

So happy you are back!
<jams driver's cap firmly on silver's head and raids sweeties opal fruit supply in celebration

Fairenuff Thu 04-Jul-13 21:56:43

Silver so great to hear from you again. Sorry you caught the bus in a mess

< passes out polish and cleaning cloths >

Let's get this place ship shape and ready to roll grin

Buddy cinema instead of pub - fab idea. Make sure you fill up on cola and popcorn. What are you going to see?

babyjane1 Thu 04-Jul-13 21:58:49

Hi babes buddy I feel terrible that I have frightened you, I thought long and hard about whether to post my experience but In the end I just wanted to put it out there to help anyone who like me enjoyed a bottle of wine while the kids were either out (big dd) or wee one asleep. I suspect no one here knew it was an offence and I just wanted no one else to encounter what I did, when you here from them again just explain that you have cut down through your own determination and your box is ticked, if they hauled in every mum on the vino every night, the social svs office would be queued for bloody miles. If you want to pm me is be glad to help you through your feelings but I know you'll be fine, the positive is I've kicked the wine wine into touch for even hovering near my babies, sounds like you have to. To those if you struggling, the craving really does pass, it's taken a lot of dog walks, soup making and kindle action to allow me to say that but that's no bad thing, life still throws me curve balls every day but there not so dramatic without my foggy head and constant niggling guilt. It's a bit like giving up a secret lover (not that I've ever had one) a bit if excitement has gone, I'm not watching the clock all the time and life us maybe a little more boring in the evening but hey, life is calm, content and I can sleep at night, right now that's good enough for me x x x

lonnika Thu 04-Jul-13 22:02:32

Wise words Baby - I couldn't agree more smile. - I love waking up sober every day smile - The craving def goes - sometimes I stil want wine but it passes and I feel so much better for not drinking - life is better. my only regret - why did I wait so long before giving up !!!!!!!!

babyjane1 Thu 04-Jul-13 22:27:12

lon I hear you girlfriend. Big ps, I'm not meaning to sound self righteous to any lovely babes struggling, I still miss it too, just offering a bit of hope that things can get better xxxx
mouse your a "gid yin" that's means a good soul, thanks to every one supporting me lately, this bus was sent from somewhere very special, my sisters in arms x x x

Fairenuff Thu 04-Jul-13 22:31:58

I love that fact that the whites of my eyes are now actually white, not crisscrossed 'old red eyes'.

Oh yes, and my swishy hair grin

babyjane1 Thu 04-Jul-13 23:36:34

Hey faire that's my line (swishes off to eat cake muttering about plageriasm) xxxxx

Pink01 Fri 05-Jul-13 06:04:52

Morning babes

Just dropping in quickly before the craziness of the day starts to say hello and offer love and strength to you all.

Baby you said so well about not wanting to sound smug, you're right it is offering hope. And I know that did me a lot of good when I was struggling. And boy, have I struggled at times.

Hard to believe but I made day 11 yesterday. And I will be driving to a work do tonight so I won't be drinking today. This time a week ago I was getting ready to fall off the bus again and feeling some despair about it but thanks to the support I was given here, and the reality check of Green's drinking quiz, I managed to keep going and I am so grateful for that so thank you once again smile

I hope everyone has a good day. I will come back over the weekend, sorry not to NC (again) but I will do when I have more time. DH doesn't know I am on this board so I fit in posting here and there.

Pink X

lonnika Fri 05-Jul-13 06:13:14

Morning I don't mean to sound smug either - I don't feel smug - just very very lucky to have found this bus and been able to give up. Soneone once said If life was fair I would be dead - and I think about that a lot. Happy Friday all - today is meant to be hot hot hot. Faire I have swishy hair too (sticks tongue out at Baby) ! Pink you are doing amazing smile.
Love to all, L xxxx

Pink01 Fri 05-Jul-13 07:22:29

Now that is two of you who have said it so much better than I ever could Lonnika! smile

Fairenuff Fri 05-Jul-13 08:29:32

< swish, swish >

< slaps on suncream >

It's going to be a hot one today babes

MIFLAW (who has probably now become a legend or mythical being) used to say that the person who has been sober the longest is the one who got up earliest today.

Because we are all only sober for One Day. We don't know what the future holds and, yes, it does get easier the more you do it but today is the only day that really matters.

It's just one day. Probably no more than about 15 hours from now and it will be over. I can do that. I can go 15 hours without a drink. Sure, anyone can if they want to.

See you later x

thruthenever Fri 05-Jul-13 09:42:41

Hello Babes. Hope you are all well.

I went to the AA meeting but don't think it was quite for me. Granted you discuss your drinking but not the reasons why it started in the first place. I also found it rather depressing that some 36 years later some people still have the need to go to a weekly meeting and essentially pay penance for things they did nearly 4 decades ago, even if they have been sober the whole time!

I have signed up to some counselling, and I know what triggers the need to get wasted, I think I just need someone to talk to who isn't going to judge or pity me. Over the last week I have had 2 glasses of wine and a cople of V&Cs at weekend but didn't really feel the need to finish the whole bottle. keeping busy with other things has really helped as well.

Speaking to a close friend who has had some similar past experiences as myself, she gave me a great piece of advise. 'Just let it go', you got out, you survived and yet you are still letting your past control your actions.

babyjane1 Fri 05-Jul-13 10:28:45

thru I too thought AA was not for me and thank god for me this bus and determination was enough, it's patronising but the past has no control over you , you cant change it, its gone and will keep fading, the future is all yours.. This helps me rationalise all the horrid things I've said and done whilst drinking. pink you sound all sparkly and new, love it love it love. faire you and lon are very wise indeed, swishy hair has served you well x x x x

anothertime Fri 05-Jul-13 20:13:55

Oh dear tonight is not going well -keep having another drink because I want it/it's summer/I deserve it. I have been so good all well but completely melted tonight....

anothertime Fri 05-Jul-13 20:33:03

I feel like I am my own worst enemy, I always have a voice in my head telling me I'm worthless/not good enough/have failed. And so I drink to drown it out sad

greeneyed Fri 05-Jul-13 21:02:26

another tomorrow is another day, start again. Why not make yourself a cup of tea now for damage limitation. You are not a failure, it's a slip, it's done now be kind to yourself recriminations are just making you drink more. There is a poster I don't know if she is lurking called helpyourself great name. That's what you need to do, you ARE worth it. Xx

babyjane1 Fri 05-Jul-13 21:08:16

another you sound so sad, we have all heard that voice and done the same thing, that voice brought most of us here along with the subsequent actions. I wish I was wiser to give you the right advice but I'm still new at this sobriety lark and the voice is still there but quieter, your not alone and you are posting here so not hiding it alone anymore, that's progress, sending you a massive hug, hope you feel it babe xxx

thurso13 Fri 05-Jul-13 21:09:40

Me too, another,

I have got the job (many thanks venus, your words kept me on track). but tonight, Dh has gone to cricket,(good call!!, not!), last day of term and new job and so I am alone, thinking about 13 years at the same place of work, and I've finished!

For the first time in ages, I've got myself some wine, to celebrate!!!
I feel quite sad!
xxxx

babyjane1 Fri 05-Jul-13 21:19:15

thurso so so pleased for you on this amazing new adventure, it's ok to feel sad but enjoy summer and you will so enjoy all the new adventures ahead, it's scary but very exciting when the future is yours to make your own, well done you x x x

anothertime Fri 05-Jul-13 21:31:51

I do damage limitation. By forcing myself to be sick. I lose the calories and the alcohol. I really really hate myself.

greeneyed Fri 05-Jul-13 21:42:10

Oh another that's so not a way to live I promise you things can be so much better and you ARE worth so much more than this. You CAN change things. Today is done. Give yourself lots of TLC tomorrow, water, food,rest and start again. Xx

venusandmars Sat 06-Jul-13 00:11:39

silver (whispering) silver , silver (shh sh shh) was that you that I saw on here? hi there! It's all quiet on here at the moment, so why don't you pop out and tell me how it's going....

[I'm just going to post a message to Thurso, but please ignore that, and just come and let us know how you're doing today]

venusandmars Sat 06-Jul-13 00:22:30

Thurso bloody well done. You got the job because you do absolutely deserve to have it. And how crap that dh was not there with you to celebrate / commiserate etc. Do you actually tell him how much you need him? Or the way in which you need him to behave?

I've had a tough few months with my Mum dying, and I've been more acutely stressed than I have been for years. During my Mum's dying weeks my tolerance for minor fuck-ups was low, and my need for very specific support was high (like I need a bacon sandwich - NOW) (and then world war 2 if the bacon wasn't grilled just exactly the way I wanted it.......) And there was no way that dp could have guessed what I needed, so I have learnt to be very clear in expressing what kind of support I want.

Anyway thurso if I were there with you (and I wish I were) I would raise a glass in toast to you, and to your future.

lonnika Sat 06-Jul-13 07:30:43

Morning all smile
Another - today is a new day - hope you are feeling more positive.

I deserve to treat myself today - so I am going to smile
Enjoy the weather - it is gong to be hot, hot, hot here !
By the way thanks for saying I am wise - I am really not - just happy to be given a second chance at living a good life smile
Love to you all, L x

Buddy123 Sat 06-Jul-13 08:54:15

Good morning babes, nice to hear so many of you are enjoying swishy hair!

Another - hope you're ok this morning. We've all been there, just start a fresh today and don't be too hard on yourself.

I am feeling very positive about not drinking - it's harder in the sunshine though! And I've noticed these past few days that alcohol is everywhere I look! On tv, spoken about on radio etc. It's not easy giving up but I'm still determined to do it so if ss come knocking on my door I can tell them I haven't drunk since asking for help.

lonnika Sat 06-Jul-13 08:57:29

Go Buddy smile. Funnily enough I now feel self righteous about not drinking when others around me are - just see it as an indication if how fab and strong you are compared to others smile. And remember how great you will feel when you wake up tomorrow smile -

greeneyed Sat 06-Jul-13 09:42:27

Morning babes! Great to hear so many positive stories on here, you are all inspiring me Thank you! Up and down for me this week but 3 AF nights so an improvement. I am not drinking today. May be tough going to a BBQ this aft where the wine will be flowing. Will go and buy a nice soft drink to take. Have a great day babes xx

babyjane1 Sat 06-Jul-13 10:00:02

buddy and lonn glad you guys are doing so well, big waves to all super babes this morning, my oldest dd is 14 today and my youngest is 2, I was out shopping yesterday and a lady presumed I was my little ones gran!!!
I was very offended but at 42 I certainly could have been. It brought home to me that altho

Ladame Sat 06-Jul-13 10:12:34

Bonjour all brave and wonderful babes Have a great Saturday! grin

Pink01 Sat 06-Jul-13 11:14:58

Another, you are worth more than this but the horrible thing about drinking is that it depresses you and makes you feel desperate and hopeless at times. That in turn leads to feeling like you're not worth it because you cannot make these feelings stop and feel you 'should' have the control to stop drinking.

But we all know it is not that simple unfortunately. If it was, alcohol abuse would not be the massive problem it is today. You are not some special breed of weak person who can't control themselves ( as I have believed about myself at times) alcohol is an addictive substance and anyone drinking it is running the risk of addiction.

What you can do - and you CAN do this - is take one day at a time and work towards reducing your alcohol intake or stopping altogether. Just because you had some yesterday does not take away from the efforts you have made on previous days and the achievement when you have gone a day without drinking. Focus in that because you can do it again.

I could be wrong but I believe sorting out your drinking is a long journey, and there aren't many people ( but there are some I guess) who decide their drinking is a problem, stop and never start again.

So please don't give up and come back and let us know how you are.

Hello to everyone else, I hope you are all enjoying the sunshine. It's beautiful out there. I have just sat and watched one of my sons at football training. I was out last night with work but I drove and it felt wonderful to come home with a clear head, take off my make up and go to bed sober. This morning I am tired but sitting watching my boy without wondering if I need to be sick and feeling the world spinning was such a reward. It felt great.

Also I remember everything I said last night and at no point did I lurch into the ladies toilet and confront myself in the mirror with drunk eyes that look like something off Tom N Jerry!! And think shit I have had waaaaay too much and everyone will notice.

The sunshine today feels like a trigger but I am determined to resist, I have decided new experiences are good so a hot day without alcohol here I come! I am sure I'll enjoy it once I have done it.

Have a good day babes

Pink X

Ps oh can anyone tell me, is Becks Blue proper alcohol free? That's what is says on the box but I see the label says something like no more than 0.5% alcohol. I do enjoy one with some lemonade but if it has alcohol in it then I am reluctant. Thanks.

Fairenuff Sat 06-Jul-13 13:00:19

Afternoon all and what a glorious one it is smile

thru I think I just need someone to talk to who isn't going to judge or pity me - you are in the right place for that here. You can talk about anything you want here, as much or as little as you want to say. No-one will judge or pity you.