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partner just accidentally tx me this.....back door? xxx what u make of it

(64 Posts)
stella10 Mon 17-Jun-13 17:08:18

Just that really. Wen I rang and confronted him he made an excuse about old msg's coming through on phone. I know this to be bull. What do I do/say? He doesn't know I suspect yet?

lemonstartree Mon 17-Jun-13 17:10:14

he is cheating on you and text te OW to ask he if he should use the 'Back door' presumable to go into her house.

That is what I would assume, and I would proceed based on that assumption - ESPECIALLY as when you asked him he fed you a load of old bull s*it

What? He texted you "back door" I'm sorry I don't get it.

stella10 Mon 17-Jun-13 17:13:36

I think the same.....cheating! Although didn't think him capable but.... He'll lie if I confront him how do I get the truth?

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Mon 17-Jun-13 17:13:49

Oh dear!
Where 'should' he be?
What time should he be coming home?

LalyRawr Mon 17-Jun-13 17:13:53

Same as Lemon

CinnabarRed Mon 17-Jun-13 17:15:32

He texted "Back door? xxx"? Just that?

Either asking whether to get into a building via the back door, or suggesting for anal sex.

PipkinsPal Mon 17-Jun-13 17:15:51

I took it to mean anal sex blush

NoRainNoRainbow Mon 17-Jun-13 17:16:48

What lemon said.

Trust your gut.

And the facts, he's lied to you. Old messages! It's insulting your intelligence, that doesn't really happen!

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Mon 17-Jun-13 17:18:11

I took it that he is sneaking in somewhere and he doesn't want to be seen by anyone.

NoRainNoRainbow Mon 17-Jun-13 17:18:36

What should you do?

Have his bags packed and on the door step for when he gets home.

Seriously, life is too short to be head fucked by him, About either anal sex or entering a back door!

WildThongsHeartString Mon 17-Jun-13 17:19:05

back door and xxx?
Sorry but if there's kisses then it looks dodgy. If it was an old message with kisses on it surely it would have been to you originally as well.

Damnautocorrect Mon 17-Jun-13 17:19:21

Old message!! Screams guilt
I read it (assuming he's still at work) that he was getting someone to meet him at the back door

chinley Mon 17-Jun-13 17:19:45

Old messages?! LMAO. Does he think you're an idiot?

I thought anal sex not which entrance to use upon entering a house.

Where is he supposed to be?

lilmiss333 Mon 17-Jun-13 17:21:29

First time poster here, but had to reply. The thing with the phone may sound really odd but if it's a Samsung Galaxy they are notorious for it ( ive had two). They would send old/random texts to people especially if it had been turned on/off, so it does happen.

RoooneyMara Mon 17-Jun-13 17:21:37

I don't think you needthe truth as such - it would be enough for me to end the 'relationship' that he had lied to me and thought I was stupid enough to believe him.

What are you waiting for?

LemonBreeland Mon 17-Jun-13 17:21:46

If it was innocent then he would have explained who it was to. After all there could be many simple explanations to something like that, but his blustering nonsense shows he is up to no good.

HandsomeEddy Mon 17-Jun-13 17:21:48

Where's he supposed to be?
So you suspect foul play obviously. Did you have suspicion anyway?

SirBoobAlot Mon 17-Jun-13 17:22:31

Either anal sex or a back entrance to a building to avoid being seen.

Sorry. Either way he's lying to you.

usualsuspect Mon 17-Jun-13 17:23:17

He's arranging to meet some one by the back door.

nemno England Mon 17-Jun-13 17:24:12

The first sign my old nokia phone was failing was random messages from ages earlier, but they were actual messages that I recognised and they were ones I had sent.

This sounds very dodgy. I thought a request for bum sex too and if it was to you he would have said.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Mon 17-Jun-13 17:24:26

It's not looking good sad

Though I have to say, I have an old phone and I use Virgin (ha ha yes I know) pre-paid and I do get old messages coming though again and again. It's a pain in the arse but fortunately hasn't made anyone pack my bags for me yet.

Think really hard about a) if there was anytime in the past he would have sent this message to you or b) who else he puts xxx on messages to (I'm a bit of an x bug in real life and put xxx on the end of most of my messages! - not only to significant other!) once to the builder but I try to forget about that

DragonsAreReal Mon 17-Jun-13 17:24:30

It could be true, it could be an old msg. I took it to mean anal but my phone has sent random old msg's before.

MexicanHat Mon 17-Jun-13 17:25:04

OP this reminds me of a recent thread. Text message accidently sent to wife instead of OW. That OP found out her H had been cheating although he denied it and lied as first. So sorry, it doesn't sound good.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Mon 17-Jun-13 17:25:22

nemno - mine are ones that other people have sent to me! Probably because I keep those and delete all of my sent ones.

absentmindeddooooodles Mon 17-Jun-13 17:25:24

I'm not saying its innocent at all, but just going to back up whoever said that Samsung galaxy phone was renowned for sending old texts. Mine used to do it, a lot. Just random old texts at random times. My mums also had the same problem. However....it does sound a little dodgy:-(

Flicktheswitch Mon 17-Jun-13 17:26:11

If he was genuinely confused he wouldn't have blustered with 'old messages'.
Does he work near you?

ChristineDaae Mon 17-Jun-13 17:26:36

My first thought was (if he's at work) he's
A. A secret smoker meeting up with a girl mate
B. cheating - meeting her at the back door if work

Clearly if he's a smoker anyway or not at work my theory is shit!

Longdistance Mon 17-Jun-13 17:27:11

His actions will speak louder, than what he says next.

Back door? xxx <<< with kisses, he's definitely up to something.

invicta Mon 17-Jun-13 17:29:56

Even if it is an old message, why, when and who did he send it to? Any other suspicious behavior?

SorryMyLollipop Mon 17-Jun-13 17:31:27

When he gets home, ask to see his phone.

If he is reluctant - dodgy

Look at sent/received messages - have deleted lots after he realised his mistake so look at the call/text log.

Hope it's innocent but it doesn't sound it hmm

Solo Mon 17-Jun-13 17:31:31

My phone also sometimes sends old messages and has even mixed up a half old message with a new message, so yes, it can and does happen.

But! trust your instincts OP. My ex accidentally sent me a text meant for the OW....

stella10 Mon 17-Jun-13 17:57:28

Right he's using the excuse old msg because my phone played up today and I accidentally did just that! Sent somethin old with new tx. So he thinks I'll buy that but obviously that msg would have to be on his phone somewhere and I've done a search on my phone and it wasn't to me. He a builder and could possibly be askin someone that as him and friends do strangely put kisses on texts but the lies make me think up to something. He doesn't fin work at a set time. Our relationship is crap and I'm pretty sure we don't love each other anyway but have been trying to work on it. If it was anyone else I'd say the same thing. Cheating!

happycrimblechuckie Mon 17-Jun-13 18:01:51

I took it to mean anal, I would have replied, why not!?

sara11272 Mon 17-Jun-13 18:02:55

Don't want to make excuses for him, but if he's a builder - and puts kisses on texts - could it have been a text about an actual back door to one of his friends/people he works with?

Hulababy Mon 17-Jun-13 18:06:44

I assume arranging to meet someone, using the back door to a property.

The xxx would be the big issue here for me too. DH never puts xxx on general text messages to other people.

RoooneyMara Mon 17-Jun-13 18:07:32

strangely puts kisses on texts...sorry but when you think back to when he explained the last lot of kisses...do you see where I am coming from? (and it ain't the back door)

After your last post stella, I`d say lifes to short to be with someone you dont love especially if you cant trust them. Move on my love x

ImperialBlether England Mon 17-Jun-13 18:36:28

The first thing is, how do you know he and his friends put kisses on their texts to each other? Because he told you? Really, how likely is it that non-metrosexual men put kisses on their texts to each other?

I think he'll be home at the normal time tonight - he won't risk you wondering too much.

Ahhhcrap Mon 17-Jun-13 19:08:51

A similar thing happened on here with a different OP.

Hope you get it sorted

moleavenger Mon 17-Jun-13 19:14:29

Hold up hold up... whoever said "pack his bags" - that's a bit hasty!

For a start, I have experienced old messages coming through like that. Like the above poster said, is there a context over the last few months or since he's had that phone or sim card that you can remember he might have asked that of you?

Most fundamentally, are there other reasons to think he's cheating? If so then that's a massive sign. Always trust your gut.

Thirdly, I assumed he was sexting with someone and trying to move the conversation on to anal sex

BriansBrain Mon 17-Jun-13 19:22:47

Oh dear, it doesn't look good.

Can you get hold of his phone at all?

MissStrawberry Mon 17-Jun-13 19:23:58

If you don't think you love him, why are you still with him?

Is your gut telling you he is cheating because if you love and trust your partner then I feel you wouldn't be thinking the worst.

toiletbrush Mon 17-Jun-13 20:12:11

absent I'm really glad you mentioned that about Samsung galaxy. I found myself in hot water last week when a very old text message that I sent to my ex, re-sent at the beginning of the current message I sent him (if that makes sense?).

Sorry for the hijack op.

Sarahplane Mon 17-Jun-13 20:17:34

My old phone went wrong and I kept receiving the same really old messages again and again.

Coconutty Costa Rica Mon 17-Jun-13 20:19:27

Yeah, anal.

stella10 Mon 17-Jun-13 20:46:27

Ok update and it wasn't his fault at all my phone had added a part of an old tx into a new one including part about a back door (to do with a car)!! Not anal ha ha and so he'd just replied. Back door? Xxx coz he didn't know what I was on about! Oops glad I didn't have a go at him just shows bloody phones eh?

HongkongDreamer Mon 17-Jun-13 20:53:32

Y would he put xxx then?

MissStrawberry Mon 17-Jun-13 20:55:53

Is confronting different from having a go?

Hulababy Mon 17-Jun-13 20:56:14

HongkongDreamer - because he was send the xxx text to the OP, his partner?

Plus3 Mon 17-Jun-13 20:57:33

So ..what are you going to do about the lack of love in a crap relationship then?

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Mon 17-Jun-13 21:00:12

Because he was replying to her

Back door???

xxx

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Mon 17-Jun-13 21:00:57

But Stella life if too short to be with someone you don't love and doesn't make you happy... really it is.

stella10 Mon 17-Jun-13 21:37:52

Yes this is true I agree there but we are trying to work on the relationship and I admit I have been the uncaring one a lot and not trying much so I was actually very hurt and shocked to think of the possibility of cheating before we've even called it a day. It is him that insists we need to work at the relationship and wen things are good I am glad I listen to him which is why todays tx made me wonder why I was even bothering!! To top it off I was so worried I rang my mum told her all the nasty details of our recent rubbish times and she said don't jump to any conclusions ask him what it was....and sure enough the dodgy text was from my stupid phone! And he w/s just replying back door? Xxx to find out what I meant.... p I did push him enough he might go

stella10 Mon 17-Jun-13 21:41:11

Sorry posted too soon. I realise now I need to decide what I want because a part of me wasn't surprised he may have been looking elsewhere for affection as its not been forthcoming from me:-( my bad. But and yet he isn't one to do that really...what a strange day:-/

austenozzy Mon 17-Jun-13 21:51:54

i sent some messages to what i thought was my old mate's mobile. it was his old number that had been reallocted and i got a very shirty reply suggesting i 'go elsewhere'. had happened loads to this guy apparently.

Celador Mon 17-Jun-13 22:34:40

Lilmiss is right; my samsung has randomly sent old texts before.

However, you still deserve a proper explanation otherwise it'll always be in the back of your mind.

We don't have enough info to say whether he's having an affair so don't assume this, but stand your ground until you're happy with his explanation.

Good luck x

cronullansw Tue 18-Jun-13 01:48:49

No wait!!

OP should do exactly what she's been told to do!! LTB!! Right now, either he's asked for anal or he's cheating, either way, it's unacceptable and doesn't take your feelings into consideration, LTB now!!

Do not give us this 'oh it's all ok, my phone WAS playing up'', we know he's forced you to say this. smile We simply can't have....

Jeez. This place kills me. Talk about inappropriate knee jerk reactions. ALL of you with the ''he's cheating'' need to take a good hard look at yourselves, your negativity, your habit of leaping to the worst possible conclusions.

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Tue 18-Jun-13 02:04:33

If he works in comptuing back door used to be a virus or a something to do with computing either that or maybe he takes or sells drugs secretly and uses the back door of somewhere

Just another 2 random reasons for 'back door xxx'

Flyingtree Tue 18-Jun-13 09:53:01

My iPhone3 likes to send texts that were originally sent several hours ago, or repeat text threads that happened days ago, or even send texts from weeks ago. So he could be telling the truth.

Honeytrap him back. Disable your Caller ID and text him asking when he wants to see 'you' next.

oreoaddict Tue 18-Jun-13 10:25:38

I think it sounds like a believable explanation, but you've already said that you don't really love each other anymore, so regardless, you should leave.

I hope everything works out for the best

cronullansw Wed 19-Jun-13 01:38:22

Gosh - not one of you lot so that were so eager to condemn hubby for cheating has had the decency to apologise.

I'm so, so surprised.

Ever heard of karma?

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Wed 19-Jun-13 02:06:05

stella how have you been today?

If you don't love him, why are you trying? It shouldn't be this hard or unrewarding, it really shouldn't.

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