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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Posters, Lurkers, Old Or New, Come Take A Seat, This Bus Is For YOU!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Fri 24-May-13 10:33:25

Hello, I'm Mouse smile

A huge big welcome to the Brave Babes threads.

We're a varied group of posters, on this wonderfully supportive, non judgemental, gigantic Bus, and we are all heading in the same direction - towards Sobriety.

Some of us don't touch a drop of alcohol, some of us do. Some of us drink too much, openly admit it and are desperate to stop and some of us are trying to manage controlled drinking.

No matter what we're doing, we're just trying to do it One Day At A Time.

What ever you need, what ever your habit, chances are that there'll be another poster who is just like you or has been where you are now, already here, waiting to talk or just listen smile

Yes, some of us have been here for a longer time than others, some of us for just a few days but that's what makes this Bus so great imo, the variety of knowledge and understanding smile

This Bus has been whizzing along various roads now for almost four years thanks to the very desperate cry for help from THIS THREAD BY JWN

And if you'd like to read some of the other threads, maybe how we got to where we are today, then you can follow them back using the links RIGHT HERE

Hope to see you soon smile

Theala Fri 24-May-13 13:03:00

Oh we're here now, good.

aliasjoey Fri 24-May-13 13:07:16

Thank you clutter and purple and theala

I know that things often feel better after a bit, so I am just not going to think about it at all until next week, and instead focus on other things. TBH I'm almost more cross with myself for getting so upset <I was wailing in the loos!>

The good thing is I now recognise my triggers for drinking - I want to drink so that today is just a hazy memory. I don't like my emotions.

PurpleWolfe Fri 24-May-13 13:10:15

<slinks into seat in the side car and dreams of better things to come>

Ladame Fri 24-May-13 13:31:05

Makes space for Purps in the side car. Hi Purps.

venusandmars Fri 24-May-13 13:37:13

alias sometimes I feel that I just need to let the emotion out - and the trigger isn't always something big. In fact I often find it easier to deal with the big things then fall apart because there's no milk left in the fridge.

aliasjoey Fri 24-May-13 13:39:46

Why the hell do I get so emotional and daft?!

purple I'm sure you will recognise this as your DD is about the same age as mine, and maybe just getting to the stage where parents are, like, so, like embarrassing grin

Last weekend she had a friend for a sleepover, and we all watched Les Miserables. I didn't really know the plot, and had always assumed 'I dreamed a dream' (as sung by Susan Boyle) was sung by an older woman, looking back over her life.

Well, Anne Hathaway - who looks about 14 - had just sold her teeth, hair and body, and started singing and the tears rolled down my cheeks... blush DD glared at me, how dare I humiliate her in front of her friend! Lately she has been doing a lot of that eye-roll thing if she thinks I've said something particularly dumb. Soon she will refuse to walk down the street with us...

aliasjoey Fri 24-May-13 13:41:23

Thanks venus I just feel really embarrassed to do that at work!

How is your mother today?

Just climbing on-board, bought a monthly ridacard for the bus. Will not be drinking today/tonight.
Really want to drink. Want someone to come and take my dc away for a few days, take Monday off work and get a bottle of wine or something fizzy! Keep feeling really tempted to drink. I have had a chesty cough for going on 4 weeks now and now on anti-biotics which don't seem to be touching it, just feeling really run down. My colleague at work say's I need a drink to pickle the bug!!

Ladame Fri 24-May-13 14:06:12

Clutter Hi! Well it truly doesn't pickle the bug. That's why am in the side car. Antibiotics still haven't got rid of mine either. But the bottle of wine I got outside of last night certainly didn't help in the slightest.

Ladame Fri 24-May-13 14:10:28

I. Have. No. Willpower. None. Nada. Nein. Aucun.

aliasjoey Fri 24-May-13 14:17:03


Ladame Fri 24-May-13 14:21:14

Nichts (sigh). Hi Joey

Ladame, don't be so hard on yourself, tomorrow is a new day. If you are vouching that it truely doesn't help I'm going to try hard not to. Play the video to the end, think of feeling like shit tomorrow.
Just feeling fed up of feeling not well. Had a dream of a tarantula last night,I am petrified of even the tiniest spider but in my dream I wasn't scared. The dream dictionary said this can represent feelings of hopelessness and despair sad
Think I need to relax and stop stressing and maybe I'll get better [hopeful] hmm

PurpleWolfe Fri 24-May-13 14:52:21

Joey Don't worry about the 'evils' your DD shot you! What you have to do, imho, is make embarrassing her into an art form! That's what I've done! DD's friends seem to find me (and our banter) rather funny and think I'm quite cool (Jeff knows why) and DD, after an initial period of cringing, has found her ol' Mum can be rather amusing to her friends (in a good way!!) - if in a manner that takes the mickey out of her. Pre teen/teen girls and eye-rolling are inevitable. And who the buggery bollocks doesn't cry at Les Mis!?

<shuffles arse into seat next to Ladame smile >

PurpleWolfe Fri 24-May-13 14:54:41

On my own this weekend. DC at XP's. Not a good time to be alone. x

aliasjoey Fri 24-May-13 14:55:01

That dream interpretation doesn't sound right to me! It sounds more like you knew that a phobia of spiders isn't such a big deal and you have more important things to worry about! <polishes crystal ball>

PurpleWolfe Fri 24-May-13 14:58:35

I thought the same as Joey about your dream, Clutter.

Ladame Fri 24-May-13 15:03:55

Hmmm - maybe you're managing to confront something that would usually scare you! Goes to get the Tarot cards out of the drawer ..

Lemonylemon Fri 24-May-13 15:09:48

Afternoon babes.... Last post before I'm orf on me 'ols....

Ladame DS (15) says to me "You're really embarrassing..." in that way that teens do. I reply sweetly "Payback time for all those years...." and we give each other the evils. Childish, yes, but hey, that's what being a parent is all about.

purps can you think of anything to keep you really busy - although I realise that it's no consolation {hug}

A good weekend to you all. Hugs to you all. I don't do hugs in real life, so you're all honoured... wink

I like your definition better Alias smile
You could be right Ladame the new job I'm doing I qualified for in September 2011 but was too scared to apply for posts as the post terrifies me. Finally thought I should give it a try and if I fail miserably then at least I would always know that I tried..if that makes sense? It is really hard and stressful, prob why I'm ill but think it will only get easier by doing it hmm x

Mintyy Fri 24-May-13 15:19:17

Afternoon all.

Purple - can you go out? To the cinema or something?

Ladame Fri 24-May-13 15:31:22

Lemony Ermm ... did you mean that reply for Joey, lovely? My dd is nineteen and past the being embarrassed by me stage (although not completely over the eye-rolling smile.

Sorry you're on your own purple. I'll be sitting next to you in the sidecar in a virtual way. Wish I could swoop over and get you for the weekend and feed you lasagne 'til you pop.

PurpleWolfe Fri 24-May-13 17:26:04

Thanks Lemony, Minty and Ladame I really should get my arse into gear and get myself out somewhere but I'm really lacking in enthusiasm at the mo'. ' Lasagne 'til I pop' sounds just the ticket Ladame! I often don't bother much with food when DC aren't here.

Mouseface Fri 24-May-13 17:53:55

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Hello lovely People smile

Well, Mother Nature has clearly decided that all of this chatter about me starting to go through the menopause early was too much for her and that she needed some control back so has kindly given me the most nasty period. Sorry for the TMI. It's been 60+ days because DD has had 2 since my last bit of spotting. This is horrific, bright red and just nasty.

babyjane1 Fri 24-May-13 18:32:48

Hi babes, I totally sympathise with the comments re teenage dd's, this time last year my daughter came swimming with me, she loved me playing with her hair, she thought it was cool I went to tap classes and laugh too loud, she made me feel like I was special. Now she won't go swimming cos it'll ruin her hair, my loud laugh makes her cringe and prefers no physical contact, it feels like a loss to me, my little girl thinks I'm a loser, it hurts me every day, I miss my daughter!!! My mum assures me to be patient, she'll be back someday in years to come..... alias my gran had a very wise saying "you can walk through a storm and get knocked down by a cold wind" I guess this means us mums have so many huge challenges to face which but every now and again it's the wee things that catch us out, it's ok to cry babe!!!! I've had a tough day and really want to drink, but I won't x x

Aw mouse, big hugs for you a huge selection of cheeses for you to nibble on & a cozy hot water bottle x
Baby I so relate to what you are saying. My dd was so lovely, loving & sweet & often think I miss my little girl who loved her mum so much.
I too really, really want a drink tonight.
I feel like my life sucks & alcohol has always helped to mask this but the hangovers with my toddler are just not worth it. I saw my childless neighbours come home earlier with a couple of bottles of booze & was jealous of how easy things must be for them.
Stay strong brave babes x

aliasjoey Fri 24-May-13 20:41:14

Oh dear mouse that doesn't sound good. A nice warm bath and an early night?

I'm feeling quite pleased because at no point today did I even think about buying some wine, despite being so upset earlier. It's like the reflex is disappearing. When It Happened this morning, I had a fleeting wish to get drunk, but it immediately went away as I thought "No. It's the wrong day and even if it was a Saturday/Sunday, drinking to hide from upsetting emotions is the wrong reason". (There is no 'right' reason, but for me there are slightly wrong, and Very Wrong reasons - today would have been one of the latter)

And really, that's such a relief because if I had given in, well not at 11.30am, I'd have spent all day anticipating the drink - and right now (several hours later) it doesn't seem so bad after all.

So - something positive. I may be crap at work, but just look what I have achieved in battling this addiction! One year ago, I'd have been straight to Sainsburys to stock up on wine.

fullofhopefullness Fri 24-May-13 20:43:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mouseface Fri 24-May-13 20:43:21

Going back to the whole tv and drinking thing.......

Do you think that we notice it more because it's a problem for us? Do you think that we watch EastEnders/Corrie/Emmerdale or anything most days and think 'Christ on a Bike that's a bloody big glass of white' or that it's early in the day to be drinking..... like on This Morning or other shows where they have a cooking/recipe feature and they have a certain wine that goes with the dishes? At 10am?

I'm off to put Nemo to bed now but will be back.

I've just watched EastEnders (because I don't have enough drama and depression in my life, clearly) and watched 'Lauren' tell her mother that she was drinking because she wants to, because she likes it..............

I remember wanting to, liking it. I still do. But I can't, otherwise I become 'Lauren' and make a tit of myself in front of people who I care about and who care about me.

I wonder why it is that on tv, alcohol is still so prominent throughout the day but smoking isn't. By that, I mean not that long ago, someone would interview 'Dot Cotton' who smokes/d like a chimney, and she'd be allowed to puff away.

I remember those days well. Keith Floyd was always off his face whilst presenting. It's still all around us, alcohol, and yet I don't notice 'Dot' or whoever it mike be in a soap or tv drama smoking so much as I do when people drink.

Is that because I have a problem with my own relationship with drinking or because it seems to be there all of the time? I wonder if we asked a sober, never had a problem with drink ever, person if they felt same.

fullofhopefullness Fri 24-May-13 21:04:47

Day 8 here going to get to day 18250 quite soon!

lonnika Fri 24-May-13 21:09:51

Mmmmm food for thought Mouse - I would say we notice it more because we are more obsessed with drinking.

Yay full - day 8 and with a hell of a week - well done smile

aliasjoey Fri 24-May-13 21:30:37

Day 8 is brilliant fullof especially after the week you've had!

Ladame Fri 24-May-13 21:54:49

Mouse I so know where you’re coming from with this. I look actively for ‘people’ that drink more than me, either on tv, or in the papers because if I feel that they are seen to be drinking more than me, it gives me comfort in a strange way. At least I’m NOT THAT BAD. But, I’m fooling myself, because it is on TV or in the papers (can we really believe what we see or hear), it’s not necessarily true. I live in the land of wine and cheese. Cafes open in the morning to serve rose wine with coffee. In the late evening it’s coffee cognacs and in between it’s whatever your ‘poison’ is. I veer between being really good and abstaining for five nights a week, to only managing two nights off. If I read of a poster that is concerned that they are having two glasses of wine a night, a part of me dies inside when I know that if I open a bottle, then the bottle I will have. I know that I have little or no control over my addiction. I don’t want to give up entirely because it is a big part of our social culture over here. I don’t have the excuse of small children at bedtime. I’m quite comfortably off, I don’t have stress in my job (apart from the odd 15 lasagnes). Sometimes I feel a bit of a fraud on the thread because my life is calm and relatively stress free. But STILL I struggle. Why? I read about all your responsibilities, all about Purple’s journey, Clutter, Babyjane, Joey, Ma with Richard, Curry’ s awful problems to get a decent place to live, your life with Nemo and trying to get the best outcome for your darling boy. The new babes and everyone in between. Isinde’s job and trying to keep things on an even keel. Small babies and tiredness. I do think sometimes that I have no reason to ever feel tired, hard done by or sad. But I still do. That’s it really. I sometimes wish that I could gather each and every one of you and bring you over here for some peace and calm, but I can’t, I can only listen and take all of your stories to my heart and understand.

Beautiful post Ladame. It does sound like you have struggles to deal with on a daily basis. You live within a society and culture where alcohol is as natural as breathing and is everywhere yet you recognise that to drink every day is not healthy and something that on some levels makes you worry so you are constantly struggling with how life is lived and how you want to live yours. Well done for all the days AF that you give yourself.
Have managed to beat the WW tonight, ate quite a bit of chocolate instead but won't wake with headache with that. I really need to get a good stretch of days alcohol free done so that it's easier to fend off ww.
Hope everyone has had positive nights. Night from me xx

babyjane1 Fri 24-May-13 22:23:19

Hi babes, day 6 here and still hanging on. It's not the wine I miss but the escapism from the stressful and quite often monotonous life of a stay at home mum. I have managed the week so far with a flurry of activity by day and early to bed evenings but now the weekend looms and dh is in the pub and i miss the fuzzy cuddle that wine wraps around me. Earlier on i got so stressed with the nagging demands of dh and dd's I had to announce i was going for a walk for half an hour to calm down, normally the first large glass would be gulped for the same effect, I know I will not drink but I need to find another way to seek peace in my crazy world of selfish dependants, what do you all do instead? X x x

Mouseface Fri 24-May-13 22:25:12

Well done Full! That's brilliant sweetheart! smile

I think I agree Lonni - it's because it's in your mind, you want to drink, you see it more. Like when you are TTC, everyone you see is pg or trying to get pg.

Or, when you're trying to diet, all you see are food adds for chocolate! Cake! Sweets! Ice-cream or heaven forbid............CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!!! grin

So, lovely Brave Babes, here and not, it's time for this little mouse to find her bed. I'm drained. Tummy bugs and hormentals in a few short days have finished me off, thank Jeff I'm not getting shit faced on top of that too eh?

Thank you Clutter and Joey for the kind words re my plumbing smile xx

Nemo is in our bed again so I'm looking forward to some snuggling with him, DH has had curry and onion bhaji things which stink to high heaven and I'm glad he's in Nemo's bed, as they take days to get out of his system, YUK!!

Re teen DD's or teens in general? - my DD and I have an up and down relationship, mostly up these days because I don't push anything, I remember all too well the days of hating my mother..... she can tell me anything and I will do all that I can to help her, however she wants me to. And I always will, no matter what that might be.

I hate lies though.

Lies are what do the most damage for me. If she said to me 'mum, I'm going to XYZ with ABC tonight, but I'll call you when we are back at F's house, and when we get there.....' then that would be great, I could settle.

Instead, tonight she is with a friend who we know and like, she might be at her house, she might be at a festival that's nearby, I topped her phone up with credit whilst she was at school today - no 'thanks mum' as she would normally, because I wanted her to be able to call me/whoever should she need to. She's 14. Tall, pretty, and I hope, safe.

I don't want to text her... follow her on Twitter or FB the whole time, Tumblr, and all of the other social networks, I just want to know she is safe. Just for tonight. We live in a semi rural location so when multiple events like we have this weekend arrive, I worry. More. Stupid I know.

I have a bad feeling but that's because she went straight to her friend's from here this morning and I last saw her last night. I miss her.

I can't say that to DH.... he'll tell me to call her and I don't want to embarrass her. The girl who she is with tonight is much more 'advanced' than my DD. But I also hope more savvy re the dangers of life as a teen girl.

So, I'll text her goodnight and hope (with my whole achy heart) that she replies. Even if it's just 'night'.

Teens are hard work. Children are hard work. Life is hard work. But I wouldn't not have her, or Nemo. Life is precious, I just need to know that she is safe now, it's late. It's dark. Cold.

Goodnight Babes, stay safe tonight xxxxxxxxxxx

Mouseface Fri 24-May-13 22:31:29

Dame - you are wonderful, fabulous post making perfect sense smile

Thank you xx

Keep going Baby - it's 10.30 now....bed? You've won for tonight xx

Clutter - I have eaten chocolate here too, more in fact! Lindt 80% dark chocolate with orange slivers and almond strips...... to die for! All gone now sad grin

Right, I'm offski until tomorrow.

Take care all, sleep well xxxxx

Shaky Fri 24-May-13 22:33:40

Hello all you lovely Brave Babes.

Day 4 - DONE! (smile)

My armoured pyjamas are on grin Tonight has been hard again. This time last week I had no idea that I would be on this bus and sober for 4 days. What a life changing week.
Thank you ALL for your support over the last fews days. You are all wonderful, I don't know where I would have been without your help and wise words. thanks

babyjane1 Fri 24-May-13 22:34:33

ladame the ww does not differentiate between age, class, curcumstance or culture, you are as vulnerable as any of us so you are one of us and we welcome your posts. Your bottle a night and my bottle a night causes the same anxiety to both of us so we have that connection and I love your posts x x x x

Mouseface Fri 24-May-13 22:35:27

UPDATE - No festival (phew, cries a bit with relief) and she's safe and sound up in her friend's bedroom, warm, fed, and giggling her head off.

Why do we worry so much?

Night all xxxx

Mouseface Fri 24-May-13 22:39:20

<shakes Pom-Poms for Shaky>

4 days? GO YOU!! xx

Baby - what do we do instead? We all post here and have a good natter, find a soft drink that we love, make it up or buy one, start new hobbies, read, draw, sew, knit blankets for the Woolly Hugs crew, paint the house, save your money and put it in a pot then treat yourself on something other than booze.

It soon adds up!!!

I am really going now.

Night all xxxx

babyjane1 Fri 24-May-13 22:40:18

Go shaky well done you and mouse you take care and get better, your a gem x x x

greeneyed Fri 24-May-13 23:41:34

Night night babes, just marking place x

fullofhopefullness Sat 25-May-13 03:24:34

Thanks joey-absobloominlutely!!! Even my sense of humour returned!

fullofhopefullness Sat 25-May-13 03:30:34

Ps posts at 3 in the morning seem odd but ive got strange new routine that seems to work. Im going to bed as really tired early then waking about 3 and having cup decaff tea back to sleep and then waking up about 6. Feel much better for new routines in general - very habit breaking and still getting plenty sleep. I really like the 20 mins or so at this time of morning to think and post (when I feel like it) it feels very relaxing!

greeneyed Sat 25-May-13 06:37:49

Lovely post Ladame and I get it. I have lots of reasons excusesfor drinking at the mo, the stressful job, financial problems, ill health, sleep deprivation, crappy marriage. BUT when I been much happier I've drank more. It's habit and difficult to break in your situation I think finding something to replace the wine is key, some other sort of treat or activity if it stops you getting bored.

baby your doing well girl. This cheers me smile

Well I have a hangover and I'm sorry to be letting the side down! Going to some friends this evening. Wine will be drank. Time to regroup tomorrow and have a stern word with myself!

lonnika Sat 25-May-13 06:40:41

Morning smile. - It looks like we have a good few people waking up hangover free today smile
Day 26 for me smile
Well done shaky, baby, full and Ohclutter.
Is Phoenix still around ?
I hope everyone has a good day - my new drink to try tonight is apple and plum with lemonade - looking forward to it xx

greeneyed Sat 25-May-13 06:41:02

clutter i'm really hoping you see you neighbours looking really rough this morning and can smile a smug smile x

greeneyed Sat 25-May-13 06:48:10

lonikka i'm very jealous of your bright start to the day! I am going to drag my sorry arse (and purples if she'll let me) back on the bus next week.

Do we need another bootcamp or weight loss goal?( vanity motivates me)

Right must dig out my armoured pyjamas!

purps keep your self busy this weekend. Babies will be home soon x

lonnika Sat 25-May-13 07:00:21

Greeneyed I sound bright but I am still in bed smile. Getting up soon smile

Go for a weight loss goal - I have lost 3lbs so far without doing anything else and I only want to loose. 5lb I. Total - so 2 more lbs to go !

Go get your armoured pyjamas smile

Morning babes, managed to fend ww off with big bar of chocolate. Green your post made me smile, have been an hung washing out this morning & neighbours house looks all quiet. But then that's the thing, they have no children so can sleep off their excesses!
Purple hope your managing to keep busy, do you like reading? Could you go to local book shop & treat yourself to some fab books. I thought 'not without my daughter' was a brilliant, absorbing book. Also kite runner, thousand splendid suns, Tully, across the sun, the bone setters daughter. Just a few that I've found you can lose the day to. I miss reading a good book but my toddler will not allow it.
Mouse hope your feeling better today.
Ionnika well done and fullofhope your both doing so well.
Day 21 here, I'm meeting a couple of friends for lunch & the sun is shining so going to be a couple of triggers.
Waves to all babes old & new, those managing, those struggling, those feeling great, those suffering
Be kind to yourselves, your all awesome xx

aliasjoey Sat 25-May-13 10:54:43

Morning babes

babyj going out for a walk when you need some peace is the perfect solution. I always feel better after taking the dog out. It works off the adrenaline, and the change of scenery soothes the soul.

The rest of the time - I don't know, I haven't found a way to handle on going stress yet. Use a CBT diary, keep busy... the stress doesn't go away sad but you find yourself less dependent on alcohol to get you through it.

Mintyy Sat 25-May-13 11:01:46

Morning everyone. Must say I prefer this Saturday morning to last Saturday morning, when I was a wee bit hungover!

Am off to a meet up with other Mumsnetters today, so drink will be drunk but I don't tend to drink much at lunch time do's, so will be fine.

Just wanted to quickly post to agree absolutely with this:

finding something to replace the wine with is key

It really is. Have a plan, have strategies in place for what you will do/drink/eat when ww is yelling at you (because unfortunately she will, and at all sorts of random times), don't vaguely think "oh I will just use my willpower to resist".

Wishing all babes a lovely day ... at least it seems to be a bit sunnier for those of us in England smile.

Fairenuff Sat 25-May-13 11:35:20

Morning all, nice to see a lovely, shiny new thread, thanks Mouse as ever x

Purple if you like reading I think clutter's suggestion sounds divine smile. A quiet house, some lovely nibbles that you might not usually treat yourself too (fresh fruit salad?), pot of hot chocolate or big jug of iced tea (or other preferred non alkie drink), and lose yourself in a good book.

Inbetween, phone a friend for a chat (or post here), get out for a swim or a run, sort through cupboards, have a bit of a spring clean and then get back to your book for another indulgent read. Sounds like heaven to me. If the sun makes an appearance this weekend, I might drag out a lounger and read in the garden. Haven't done that at all this year shock.

Also, whilst we're on the subject, I agree that Not Without My Daughter is a fabulous, riveting read and a true story to boot. I think every woman should read it and the Kite Runner is good too. Thanks for the other suggestions clutter I will look them up smile

Minty have fun at your meet up.

Lonnika I keep calling you Lonnika with an L and others write Ionnika with a capital I. Which is it and what the hell does it mean? grin

lonnika Sat 25-May-13 11:45:05

It is Lonnika - means mmmmm nothing - it is actually a name, just an unusual one smile - it is with a L not I - think Monnica with L xxx

Going for a loooooong walk this afternoon with DH and kids and then swimming - smile
See u all laterssss xxxx

Fairenuff Sat 25-May-13 11:48:13

Ah, thanks mate. It's a very pretty name, I thought it meant something in greek or summat. Enjoy your walk - don't forget the suncream smile

Mouseface Sat 25-May-13 12:18:15

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Faire - 'mate'? grin I didn't have you down as a 'mate' kinda person. wink

Lonni - enjoy your walk and swim. Sounds lovely, a really nice time together.

DD is staying longer with her friend so I'm hoping they'll go out and enjoy the glorious weather here today. DH is laying a lawn/turf so I can't get to my washing line! And Nemo is still not well in the tummy department, so we were up in the night again.

I'm feeling a bit poorly still and could do with scrapping today, going back to bed and waking up feeling better tomorrow if that's okay with everyone but we all know life doesn't work like that.

I'm envy <--- this colour. I could easily fall asleep and take the wee little fish with me. Fresh air is needed!!

So what is everyone else up to this weekend/half term? smile xx

lonnika Sat 25-May-13 14:03:55

I am going to ate up my own meaning for it Fair - I am going to say it means beautiful sober chick (lol) - Mouse I call one of my children memo - for fear of being outed I won't say the reasons behind it x

Mouseface Sat 25-May-13 14:34:19

Lonni - I call my DS Nemo because he survived, time and again, against all the odds, each time we were told we'd run the risk of losing him, of him having to fight some more.....

He is our little battler, and, yes, he's different but no less important, no less gorgeous, no less spirited and loved for being just Nemo smile xx

Oh, and his has a Bus full of Aunties too! grin

Mouseface Sat 25-May-13 15:00:55

Oh and BTW Lonni - you already are a beautiful, sober chick, even if you're just that for today. You can be whoever you want to be on this Bus, well, within reason! grin

That's why this Bus is so unique, on here, we can be who we want to, we can be whoever we chose.

I chose to be me, to be sober and to be free from the hold that alcohol once had over me, because it did. It was in charge. It was the boss of me. It was the only thing I thought of between dawn and dusk and every moment in between.

I found these threads before they were called the Brave Babe threads, I was pointed in their direction by venus and I've never looked back since. smile

Thank you venus and JWN xx

Mouseface Sat 25-May-13 15:01:28

Off to feed the ducks and get some fresh air, see you all later Babes xxx

Fairenuff Sat 25-May-13 15:56:00

Yeah Mouse it just seemed like a mate kinda moment grin

I like to try different hats on now and again but I can never quite escape being myself. So I just have to accept myself and make the best of what I've got at the moment.

That's why I like to control the things that are within my control (like food and drink) and try to not sweat the small stuff that I can't control.

Someone posted this on another thread and I'm sure they won't mind if I share:

"^I love this...found on the wall of mother Theresa's home for children in Calcutta.^

People are often unreasonable, irrational or self centred. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win someunfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway."

Personally, I would change it to 'it is between you and yourself' because that is how I can reconcile myself to being the person I am, flawed but doing my best in my little part of the universe.

Hope everyone who has sunshine is out there enjoying it. I am in the process of washing all the curtains.

dementedma Sat 25-May-13 16:07:46

Here you all are! I managed an awesome 45minute run round the loch this morning and covered 5k. Am well chuffed. Don't seem to be losing any weight but am getting fitter. Am actually sitting out in the SUN with shorts on and feeling happy. waves to all

Ladame Sat 25-May-13 16:16:27

Hi all babes. I'm well jel (see, I can be 19 again). It's absolutely freezing over here. Got the heating on and been in all day. Spoke to my mum and she said that it's really nice over there today. Enjoy! envy

dementedma Sat 25-May-13 17:55:23

Where are you ladame ?
purple, curry, alias are you all OK?

Ladame Sat 25-May-13 18:14:50

Hi Ma I'm in the Dordogne. We've had dreadful weather all month!

Mouse did you order your chillow yet? I couldn't be without mine, especially as I've got a slight temperature from my chest infection to go with my hot sweats!

Mouseface Sat 25-May-13 18:18:37

Where are you Dame?

<fans self, sips lime & soda with crushed ice, smoothes on sun lotion, watches DH laying new lawn, bear chested, waits to hear Ma faint, and watches the butterflies dance across the field at the bottom of the garden, gently glistening in the warm, evening sun>

So, it's cold there then, yes? grin

Oh I am so mean, I don't envy you Dame - the cold is a killer for me and a nightmare for Nemo, he suffers dreadfully from Autumn to Spring and boy, this bloody Spring has been late in getting here......

Tonight, I wanted a glass of white wine. I asked DH about dinner, we're having home-made pizzas hmm because that's what we'd planned food wise.

Anyway, I got to the fridge, saw that there was none and thought 'Can I really be arsed to hobble up the road to the over priced shop for some shit white wine, that I won't enjoy because it'll be the cheapest of said shit white wine that's available.

I'll wake up in the morning after a hard night in pain, a hard night with Nemo (again) and a night of reflux, fretful, intermittent sleep and for what? Cheap wine?

I'll give it a miss thank you.

Ma - well done on the run! That is great, I am very impressed smile

Faire - I love that post. Thank you for posting that! smile And, why are you washing all of the curtains? Are you expecting the Queen? grin

Ladame Sat 25-May-13 18:19:19

Faire I really liked that.

Mouseface Sat 25-May-13 18:33:11

Cross posted re the 'where are you'?

Dame - it looks great but I've read the reviews and they're all good. There is also a company who make a gel version that you can put in the fridge. I'm not sure about having to put water into the pillow, what with having to drag my pillows from room to room most nights.....

I'm thinking I should just get one and yell "Can't wait!" If so, it should be here early next week, from Amazon. I have memory foam pillows and find that they make me hotter than any other pillows anyway.

I'm not sure what's better? I like a firm pillow for my head and I have to use two pillows to help prop my legs in a certain position blush

Is it just that it's cool?

dementedma Sat 25-May-13 19:35:48

mrmouse is outside doing manly stuff bare chested. <faints>

Oh, there you all are! smile

Hi everyone.

Ladame Sat 25-May-13 19:47:55

Mouse Yes, it's just that it's lovely and cool. You don't have to put it in the fridge. I just leave it in my bedroom and it regains its coolth over the day and I just have it by the side of my bed for if I get hot during the night. It seems to calm me down and help me sleep. Lovely in the summer. I just put it on top of my pillow, it's lovely and soft and wipedownable. The gel moves and cushions your face. It's the best thing I've bought in a long time x

dementedma Sat 25-May-13 20:22:55

Love "coolth"

Ladame Sat 25-May-13 20:31:53

Ma grin don't know how else to describe it, but it fits.

babyjane1 Sat 25-May-13 20:43:33

clutter I loved a thousand splendid suns, my favourite book of all time, read it all you babes out there, it's awesome!!! Day 7 and it's my birthday!!! I got a kindle so after fretting about what to do instead of gilp

aliasjoey Sat 25-May-13 20:43:44

"coolth" grin

Good thanks ma. I have some wine for tomorrow (DD has a friend here here tonight, and I want to seem like a responsible adult!) I'm feeling a lot more confident about being able to control the cravings.

How are you and your family? You're in shorts ? In Scotland?! I never even owned a pair of shorts til I moved down south.

purple how are you coping ?

babyjane1 Sat 25-May-13 20:45:31

Gulping wine, I have discovered a whole new world of the kindle, hence the above error!! X x

Mintyy Sat 25-May-13 20:58:55

Hello LRD. Hope all good with you?

Mintyy Sat 25-May-13 21:00:11

And happy birthday BabyJ flowers

Enjoy your kindle!

Ooh, happy birthday babyJ.

mintyy - yes, doing ok thanks. I've been drinking 0% cobra, which isn't awful.


Happy Birthday BabyJ!! Hope you've been having a lovely day.
A kindle sounds fab & just the thing to take your mind off "gulping" wine! If you loved a thousand splendid then 'a walk across the sun' by Corban Addison may be a story you would like too?
I met my friends for lunch which was lovely & great to have some laughs & catch ups. We then came back to our house & friends wanted to stop by off licence. I looked lovingly at wine then played movie to end & picked up 4 Smirnoff ices. Last year I would of thought what a waste or bought vodka & used the Smirnoff ices as mixer [shame emoticon]
Filled pint glass with ice to help dilute Smirnoff ice some more. Had dreaded proseco in fridge that's been there since march & opened it to share with friends. Had one glass each then they went home. Had to deal with little boy, bath, jammies, story etc & had some drama with teenage dd & dh to defuse. Was thinking was I deal with this I'll pour glass of proseco.
Got little one to bed, dd back out, tidied up read mouses thread about not being in the grips of alcohol & I'm thinking no I don't need that glass.
Now I can feel I have a headache so I've probably had enough alcohol & if I stop now can hopefully not feel too awful tomorrow .
Thanks babes for just being there.
Love the poem, so lovely.

chopin33 Sat 25-May-13 21:13:47

Hi babes hope u are all ok this evening have been lurking since I last posted in May last year - and got no end of help and good advice. Reason I am posting is that I read some of the posts about depictions of people with drink problems on tv etc am not a big soap follower but was very heartened to see an article from our new Archbishop of Canterbury a few weeks ago, his story is that he was brought up by an alcoholic father after his parents divorce and he spoke about how difficult that was His words were that he himself "very much enjoys a drink " but then said he has put strategies in place to avoid over indulging. I thought it was very honest of him and made me realise that there are people (like us) in every walk of life!

lonnika Sat 25-May-13 21:21:39

Well done clutter for your control x and Mouse x and alias x

Well I walked for 2.5 miles with hubby and kids and it was hill walking - blood knackering but great - then after that we all went swimming - whilst kids and hubby played I swam a mile xxxx

Think I should sleep well tonight xx

Mouseface Sat 25-May-13 21:23:03

Hey Chopin - I remember you smile Thank you for sharing that with us. It's true, it's everywhere you turn!!

I wonder how long it will be before the Government ban the advertising of it as they have smoking given that to my mind, drink is just as much of a killer, not just the consumption of, but the actions it leads us to, drink driving, domestic abuse, suicide and the like...........

Alcohol is a very dangerous addiction and yet so widely accepted, even expected in most circles. Every day.

Sorry to post such doom and run but Nemo is asleep so DH and I are going to watch some catch up TV!!!

<wonders what Ma was expecting to read grin>


Dame - I shall order it tomorrow, thank you.


lonnika Sat 25-May-13 21:33:16

Hey just saw this and thought I would share - you may be beginning to realise that I love my quotes smile

Some people will always throw stones I. Your path
It is up to you what you do with them
Build a wall or build a bridge
Remember you are the architect of your life xx

Mintyy Sat 25-May-13 21:37:47

LRD - had a fine day, thank you. Went to a small meet-up of London Mumsnetters. Was open to all and has been on the boards for a few weeks. Organised by HotheadPaisan. You should have come!

aliasjoey Sat 25-May-13 22:09:55

Oh babyj I didn't realise it was your birthday, sorry.

I hope you had a great birthday

purple calling purple ! Are you there? Are you okay?

babyjane1 Sat 25-May-13 22:35:47

Thanks for all your birthday wishes, I got a bottle of prosecco which I watched dh drink, well babes the tides they are a turning!!! I feel no older but more empowered than I have in years x x x x

fullofhopefullness Sat 25-May-13 22:37:16

Hi everyone best wishes hope everyone is well. Day 9 but dont even want anything anymore.

lonnika Sun 26-May-13 06:44:15

well done Full - sounds like you have started to crack it.
Day 27 for me - nearly 30 days Whoop whoop !!!!!
Not as achy as I thought - going walking again today
Hope all you lovely babes can enjoy the sunshine today (if u have got any)
See you laters xxxxxxx

Morning babes. Woke this morning not feeling too so so happy I didn't pour another glass if proseco!
Ionnika day 27 is blooming brilliant, go you! Enjoy your walk.
Fullofhope hope things starting to feel a bit brighter. How amazing that with everything that you have had to deal with this week you've managed not to pour a glass of wine when the automatic response would have been and its the weekend, well done.
BabyJ well done for resisting the proseco & on your Birthday, hope you feel the benefits of that decision today.
Looks like we are going to get a 2nd day of sunshine in Scotland (shock, horror emoticon)
Wishing everyone some fun in the sun today x

fullofhopefullness Sun 26-May-13 07:40:11

Thx clutter and lonn. To be honest (and im saying this in hope of it helping anyone) I found that getting to the absolute root cause and welcoming and dealing with the stress has removed any sort of wish for ww.

fullofhopefullness Sun 26-May-13 07:46:24

Ps I am now on day 10! Getting closervto my target smile

lonnika Sun 26-May-13 09:00:33

What's your target full ?
well done in finding root cause - I am sure mine was habbit sad. Hopefully have changed that now

Ladame Sun 26-May-13 09:43:22

babyjane Happy birthday for yesterday!! I wanted to post last night by my interweb went down after my last post. Sunny day here today at last! Going out for lunch in the village (no wine, I can't drink during the day at all which is a blessing grin Well done to the abstaining babes - much admiration to you!! Purple are you ok lovely? Been thinking about you x Isinde How did your week go? Did you manage to get lots done?
Mouse I thought you were going to say something else too wink But, just because you didn't SAY it, doesn't mean ....

Ladame Sun 26-May-13 09:44:52

Clutter meant to say well done on limiting the damage!

dementedma Sun 26-May-13 10:29:46

More belated birthday wishes here babyjane - you have made such great progress as have so many other babes recently.
shaky you still with us, and phoenix?
curry how are things?
Anyone heard from thurso recently?

babyjane1 Sun 26-May-13 11:08:20

clutter thanks for all the book advice, all duly downloaded and I've noticed the kindle is also very good at hitting the wine witch with!! I'm also in Scotland and our children are the same age and we like the same books, are you my mn twin???? X x x just experienced a Sunday morning stroll, unfortunately had my headphones on and didnt realise I was singing out loud, scared a few children!!! X x x x

That wine witch better beware, motivated, scots woman hurling new kindle about gringrin think I'll hit her over the chops with a hard back!
Having a twin would be good, would be nice to meet up to escape home!
Feel like I could just walk out & leave & set up home somewhere on my own and leave them to it. My own df did this & went travelling round the world with different girlfriends. As a child I didn't understand where he was but now as an adult & mother I could see why it seems an easy way out of responsibilities.
My dd skipped her dance class yesterday & dh went mental, like proper over the top. I was sitting in the garden with my 2 friends. I came in & he was apoplectic with rage saying I had to back him up. I don't think it's fair that he blows a gasket when we have spoke about him not doing this then I just have to back him back regardless. I said I didn't agree & thought he was making the situation worse. He called me a fucking arse in front of my friends & said I could do what I want as I always do.
Dd then text to say she didn't want to come home & was staying at friends.
Dh then phoned her 14 year old friend to say our dd was not staying.
I text dd to say she wasn't in huge trouble if she came home now but if she didn't she was. Her friends mum then drove her home. She came in & me & my friends spoke to her & I said think she should apologise for not going to dancing and pretending she was there. She didn't want to as scared he was going to go mental but she did & the situation was ok. I then said she could go back to stay at friends & in future just be honest.
Sigh sigh sigh! My friend felt I should take dh's side regardless of whether I agree but I really disagree with that.
I feel if I think he's too hard & I back him up are we not on some level bullying her?

Ladame Sun 26-May-13 13:21:54

Clutter angry Sorry, but being called a 'fucking arse' in front of my friends?? That is sooo not on! No wonder you're feeling like you are. In my experience (and this is just my opinion), I think parents need a slight 'good cop, bad cop' approach with teenagers, so that lines of communication aren't cut if the teen feels ganged up on. I know they can drive you nuts at times, but your h going over the top isn't going to help her (or you). There are a good few years of battles to come so you need to sort out a united front now AND he needs to know in no uncertain terms that he musn't speak to you like that. Sorry, am proper cross.

fullofhopefullness Sun 26-May-13 13:59:22

Hi lonnika target is 50 years posting on each days progress and logging in to say day 18250. Kind of joking but you know what I mean!

Fairenuff Sun 26-May-13 14:15:09

clutter he was being irrational because he was angry. Dh and I agree that we will support each other if we are being reasonable.

Shouting and swearing is not reasonable, it's just anger. If you side with him when he is like this, what does it teach your daughter? That she has to accept bullying and intimidation.

There's no way I would do that. Talk to him when he's calm and explain that you cannot and will not teach your daughter to accept abuse.

Morever, tell him that people won't take him seriously if he has a tantrum. He should behave like an adult. He should learn some strategies to control his temper and then come back to discuss it when he is calm and rational again.

Personally I would also tell him that if he talks to you like again you will tell him to stop being a baby, and you will say this in front of friends if necessary. That'll give him something to think about.

Ladame, I agree with you, I think it's a horrible way to treat someone. I felt mortified & felt so frustrated as don't know what to do. I think he has some control issues & quite often tries to bully & control & this is why he struggles so much with teenage dd's behaviour as he can't control it.
I don't think he see's anything wrong with speaking to me like that when he is angry & when he has calmed down he tries to make a joke of it.
I also feel am I showing dd & ds that this type of behaviour is ok? I agree as well that the next few years are going to be testing with dd pushing boundaries & if this is how he reacts to relatively small stuff how will we manage.
I feel trapped in situation though as financially could not manage on my own whilst paying childcare. I also feel he's not a bad man, he loves us but don't get the anger he has? hmm

Thank you Faire, he is working a 12 hour shift today but just spoke to him on the phone & used a lot of your key points. He said he knows he flew of the handle & is going to look to do an anger management class. He has said this before though & didn't hmm

Fairenuff Sun 26-May-13 15:56:49

I'm not sure that he needs anger management though clutter. Does he shout and swear at everyone who annoys him - his boss, colleagues, friends, other family members, random members of the public, or is it just you and the children?

People who cannot control their anger don't function very well in society and find it difficult to hold down a job.

People who choose to shout at their wife and children when they are angry do not need anger management. They need to learn respect and self control. It's different.

What he needs to do is pretty much what we do on the bus:

1) Acknowledge that it's a problem because it is having a negative impact on self and/or others

2) Take full ownership of the problem without blaming others or outside influences

3) Recognise triggers and learn to anticipate them

4) Plan strategies to avoid triggers

5) Find out about, learn and practise coping strategies.

We might keep busy, have a bath, go for a walk, chat with friends, etc.

He could say when he feels himself starting to get cross, take himself off somewhere away from the source of anger, go for a run or similar high cardio exercise, use breathing exercises or meditation, sing along to loud music, whatever he finds that works.

Then, when calm, he can come back to the problem and talk about it sensibly. Would be a fab role model for the children if he could do this smile

dementedma Sun 26-May-13 16:25:37

Bloody hell clutter are you me? I could have posted that about dh and dd2, minus the swearing at me bit. You are spot on that it is about control and him not being able to cope with a teenager standing up to him. Dh expects me to back him every time with dd2 but I told him I won't be part of bullying. You have my sympathies.

jango36 Sun 26-May-13 16:56:44

Hi Babes. Lurking daily, and failing daily sad(.
Have let myself down today. Already a bottle of wine down!
Am doing this to escape the utter loneliness I feel all the time.
Have a partner but we are like lodgers in the same house.
Do everything alone. Today took daughter to park and families everywhere, me alone sad(
Will this ever end?
Really, realy struggling today sad(

aliasjoey Sun 26-May-13 18:03:43

oh clutter being a parent is such a minefield isn't it?

I think you could have agreed with your DH about her skipping the class and lying... but on your own calmer terms. But also, there is NO right or wrong way of handling it, although I think personally he should not have been rude to you in front of your friends. Why was he so angry, was he worried about her safety?

aliasjoey Sun 26-May-13 18:22:41

Hello babes I hope you've all got lovely weather like I have here. Been sat in the garden all afternoon, just me and the dog. DH and DD are out tonight, so I'm enjoying the peace grin

I have got some wine for tonight, but before I drink it I'm going to do some work. I've got to try and analyse what happened with my boss on Friday, see if I can deal with the emotions and come up with strategies for the future. The reason I want to do that first is that usually I have alcohol to hide from upsetting emotions (but that can't work, can it - unless I was drunk, all the time, every day!)

I don't know if that has made any sense, it does in my head... I just don't want to associate drinking with any kind of 'burying-head-in-sand' which is what I usually do. I don't want to rely on it to take away the anger/hurt/fear.

So. After my third chocolate eclair, I'm going to sit down with my Cognitive Behavioural app and try to Sort Myself Out. <wish I could still afford to see my therapist> <the dog isn't really a good substitute>

Thanks Faire, some good ideas there. My dm works with people coming out of prison who have to go on anger management courses & she said to me the last time that its not so much anger management more parenting issues. You are right as he has been in same job for 11 years and well liked at his company & known for being really laid back.
I have been with dh for 13 years & my 2 friends who were here are my primary school friends so are more like sisters! Not an excuse for his behaviour but he see's them as like family, so feels he can behave like that and its ok. He wouldn't speak to me like that in front of work colleagues, my parents, so does have a level of control.
Alias I don't think he was concerned for her safety more that he was pissed off we'd paid money for dance classes and then he perceived her to be rude to him.
I did back him up on the skipping class but then because he felt she had been rude he lost it.
This parenting malarkey is seriously hard work.
Jango, situation sounds awful. Is there any way you & H could have a break from each other?

Alias think that's a really good strategy that your going to take tonight so your going to face the hard stuff head on.

dementedma Sun 26-May-13 18:39:44

jango good to see you again. I'm sorry you are so low - is the relationship worth salvaging or not.
Can you stop drinking now, go for a walk?

fullofhopefullness Mon 27-May-13 06:31:25

Ps I hope noone minds if I unload a little bit. It is day 11 theoretically I should feel great but I dont. I have learned a lot from this site and understand problems much better. I shut out all the mental and emotional problems with alcohol and sleeping pills. There were many times when things were so bad that I pushed it deliberately right to the limit. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of my kids because I adore them. Even then I didntbthink I could be much help to them. I never felt addicted but needed to shut everything out.
Then things changed a little recently. I was suddenly able to see a place in the world. Stopping alcohol and in past 3 days sleeping pills as well has stopped completely the mental agony. All the original issues still there but able to be dealt with. However unfortunately I was masking and hiding from physical problems that are now my main concern. I dont know if they are resolvable. Unfortunately I dont in the least trust gps. When I went to them with issues in the past - to say I got poor treatment would be a massive understatement mainly through ignorance on their part. I was always wary of drugs but they pushed drugs at me that would have killed a horse if I had taken them. In recent years they have decided that any issues I take to them are caused by lack of sleep and would be resolved with sleeping pills. I was reluctant but found them acdictive once started. I dont know if the way I feel just now is due to zolpadem withdrawal butvi dontbthink so. Ironically I now feel mentally 100% and am sleeping well. I will have to go to gp unfortunately with physical problems but dont in the least trust them.
Not really looking for much advice - just wantedbto offload!

Hi full.

To be honest, that sounds pretty scary. It's rotten you've had such a bad time with your GPs. I think they can be really varied - some are good, others, I am stunned that they got into med school (thinking of the woman who I had to explain how menstrual cycles worked to, while she sat there nodding vacantly and finally agreed yes, it might be possible some women didn't have a 28 day cycle like her card said. hmm shock). But, can you ask around people in your area (or MN local) and see if anyone has a good one? They do exist and it sounds as if you need one.

clutter - sorry to hear you're going through this. You feel mortified?! He should feel bloody mortified.

I don't have kids, so obviously I am ignorant, but I would be a bit hmm at anyone who said you should back up your DH regardless of what you think.

Anyway. I am on day 8 - not great, but over the last year I'm aware this has been around when I take a tumble, so I need to watch out. I ate my body weight in icecream yesterday but this isn't an ideal way to stave off the booze cravings. grin

fullofhopefullness Mon 27-May-13 06:54:31

Thx lrd I think I will try and change practice as there are 3 in my practise and all 3 not good.

Best of luck - do change, vote with your feet!

lonnika Mon 27-May-13 08:10:15

hi full - first well done for kicking the booze and the pills. I would echo LRDs comments - This is your body and your health and you know your body better than anyone - hope you get it sorted !!

LRD. - day 8 is great to get to day 800 you have to get to day 8 first - good luck with today.
my quote of the day - Everything is hard until it is easy smile
Day 28 here - 28 days AF !!!!! Whoop whoop ! Fell great - well a bit achey as have done loads of exercise over the weekend smile.

venusandmars Mon 27-May-13 08:21:56

Morning all!

alias hope your evening went well - sounded like a great approach. The thing about worrying is that it is not always bad, and shouldn't be demonised. Worrying can sometimes be about facing your problems, thinking what you could do, and weighing up the possible consequences and outcomes of your options. That is a good thing if it helps you to make better decisions. But once you've done that, you have to move past the worry stage until the time for action arrives (difficult, I know). One of my friends had a 'worry corner' in her garden - a place on a little stone wall where she went to sit to worry about things. If she found herself worrying (even sometimes in the night!) she would go there to think, and then try to leave the worrying thoughts behind once she'd left. Of course it didn't work completely but she said that it did stop her laying in bed going over and over the same things, and sometimes she couldn't be bothered to get up and go out to the worry place and just went to sleep instead smile

Thanks lonnika, nicely put! smile

And well done on 28 days! Brilliant.

fullofhopefullness Mon 27-May-13 08:52:09

Thx lonnika. Since posting earlier went back to bed and had really deep sleep that has made me feel even better. I think things generally looking up!

Fairenuff Mon 27-May-13 09:58:44

Everything is hard until it is easy

Love this Lonnika, I say it to my pupils at school all the time - keep 'em coming. Love the idea of quote of the day.

Alias sounds like you are ready to start facing some issues head on. That is massive progress. Mouse used to say it was like opening the box and taking out one little thing to examine. Then putting the lid back on and putting the box away until you feel ready to tackle it some more. Keep chipping away, you are healing yourself in a safe and healthy way x

full I agree that it would be a good idea to change gp. And let the new one know that you are at a critical point where you want to deal with your physical problems with as little medical intervention as possible. Ask them to recommed other treatments or point you in the right direction to find out yourself.

Jango keep posting, let out all your frustrations. How old is your dd? Any chance you can get together with other parents and go out in groups to the park or other places? I know there are plenty of single parents who would like adult company at the weekends sometimes.

obrigada Mon 27-May-13 10:18:09

What a wise bunch of people on this bus, it's been 10 days since I had a drink, mainly due to sick child and couple of unexpected hospital visits. Went for a long walk with a good friend yesterday, it was a beautiful, sunny day here (not so beautiful this morning!).

lonnika Mon 27-May-13 10:22:40

Well done on day 10 - Obrigada smile

aliasjoey Mon 27-May-13 10:44:20

Thank you venus

How is your mother today?

obrigada Mon 27-May-13 10:47:22

Thanks Lonnikasmile

aliasjoey Mon 27-May-13 10:54:08

And thanks faire. One thing I discovered was looking at the issue turned out NOT to be as stressful as anticipated. (Isn't that often the way, hence a drink for Dutch courage etc?)

I still don't get why I overreacted and was so upset... and worry that it will happen again (it's only a few weeks ago that my FIL said that dumb thing about my DD, and again I overreacted and stormed out the house)

I found some helpful reading online, and given myself a "worry slot" - only allowed to worry between 4 and 5pm! But I do wish my moods weren't so volatile...

jango36 Mon 27-May-13 16:20:02

Hi to all.
Day one today smile
I have needed an iron will to resist today but now i think im safe for today at least!
For me thats a lot to be thankful for!
Yesterday was hell on earth but i made it worse by drinking!
Wish I was stronger.
Ma and other babes who remember me thanks smile). Ma the relationship is over no way can i salvage it. If I could or even wanted to Id fight for it.
So of course that does not help in the bid to not drink.
But I have been mentally present today, fully! and have watched daughter play, made a proper meal etc, etc.
Ma how are things with your other half, think I remember reading you to had had enough x

Scootergrrrl Mon 27-May-13 18:10:13

A very long-time lurker finally making it to day six here. The thought which has kept me going is weighing up the temporary pleasure I get from downing a huge glass of red, against the hangover, suspicious ache around the right side, looking like crap, feeling like crap, guilty all day thing that I get more and more after drinking. And if the drink outweighs that, I've given myself permission to pour away. It hasn't so far grin No boiing yet but it must be on order surely?

babyjane1 Mon 27-May-13 18:50:11

scooter I can feel some boing heading your way, your doing brilliantly, I'm just ahead on day 8 so catch me if you can x x x x

dementedma Mon 27-May-13 19:43:05

jango we are plodding on. Good days and bad days. Time just isn't right at the moment.
I had good news today. Our current CEO is leaving and our lovely and much-missed former CEO is going to come back 3 days a week. I am beyond happy. I loved working with him and learned such a lot from him, so am very pleased he's coming back.

aliasjoey Mon 27-May-13 19:58:20

ma is that the guy who gave you a hug when you went out for a meal a few months ago? I remember you talking about him, he sounds like a great mentor and friend

Hi babes, hope everyone is doing ok.
So sorry to all babes struggling. To those that have been drinking & feeling low about it, can you stop now. Pour it away. Have a pint of water. Run a bath. Do something different?
MA, its sad that you can relate so well to my difficult situation with controlling H & teenage dd.
I hope their is some peace in your home & pleased for you that things are looking better at work.
How is your db?

I have been feeling so stressed and unwell with new job. started a course of anti-biotics last week for chesty cough which has given me (tmi alert) thrush & funny tummy! Went to work this morning which was awful & have now been signed off for a week.
Feel bad as I am new to post. Not sure if taking this job was a good idea as so so hard.
Do you know I really wish I could just jack it all in & be a wife & mother! Sometimes wish I lived in the 1950's

babyjane1 Mon 27-May-13 21:56:48

Hi babes, sorry not been posting much in the last few days, having a flare up of my crohn's. ironically I started having a few wines to alleviate the stress and anxiety which caused me hours sometimes days in the toilet, now I've stopped drinking although I know it's the right thing to do my tummy is flaring up dealing with the harsh realities of life sober, wine even helped with the pain!!!! I'm also trying to eat regularly and healthily which my tummy doesn't like either, crohn's doesn't like roughage or foods difficult to digest, strangely it didn't mind wine. Anyway on the plus side, tummy flatter, skin less parched and best of all my family feel like I am back with them, just had a bath with my 2 year old and she washed my hair giggling throughout, I am getting by on the little pleasures and the hope that happy healthy times lie ahead. Big hugs to all x x x

Big hugs back babyJ. Giggling baths with your little girl sound much more fun than being by yourself drinking wine.
Could you speak to someone about what food is healthy & friendly to crohn's? Although sure you've been here & know that.
Really hope that you soon feel health benefits from ditching the booze. Hope you have a good day.
Waves to all babes, old & new (purple you ok?) and wishes everyone a good day x

babyjane1 Tue 28-May-13 08:15:11

Thanks clutter right back atcha, the lovely inside has PM'd some dietary info to me on crohn's, very thoughtful, thanks babe. Have tried every variation going but always worth another go, morning all you babe buddies out there, have a great day x x x

lonnika Tue 28-May-13 08:21:04

Hi Baby - stick with it FWIW I had a dody stomach for a week after giving up the demo. Booze. So it might be partly that as well ?
Hope all gets better soon. Xxx
Day 29 today - had first compliment tonight re looking different - I def look a lot better xxxxx - My face looks softer and younger xx
keep on keeping on Babes x

babyjane1 Tue 28-May-13 08:40:18

lonnika 29 days is amazing, your posts are getting more boingy all the time, keep up the good work, what are the major physical changes you can see? I'm very motivated by losing weight and looking younger, tell me how things have improved for you? X x x

lonnika Tue 28-May-13 08:58:56

Hi Baby - I am feeling more boingy - first 2 weeks though I was exhausted.
I have lost weight smile. I didn't have much to loose about 4lbs but it has gone smile. Stomach flatter smile
Skin - better, softer and less lines. - I think I look younger or just more healthy or a bit of both.
- more energy - less anxious (2 weeks before giving up totally I was prescribed anxiety tablets by GP). I don't even take them. my anxiety was related to me continually thinking I had a terminal illness - I had loads of pains everywhere - all gone.

lonnika Tue 28-May-13 09:02:54

Oh hi to scooter - well done on day 6 smile
My quote of the day smile
have used this one before but it is my favourite smile
When everything feels like an uphill struggle just think of the view from the top smile

greeneyed Tue 28-May-13 09:35:49

Morning babes sorry nothing to give just gonna slump on the back of the bus and if someone could chuck a blanket on me it would be much appreciated.

Scootergrrrl Tue 28-May-13 10:01:52

Passes blanket and home-made chocolate brownie (hope that's ok for a newbie!)

babyjane1 Tue 28-May-13 10:24:17

Nice one lon I'm still climbing that hill x x x x

greeneyed Tue 28-May-13 10:35:02

Thank you scooter that's more than okay smile now is there a hot water bottle lying about any where in this bus?

Scootergrrrl Tue 28-May-13 10:42:53

I can do you me of those cherry-stone bags which go in the microwave and a nice cup of tea? Hope everything is ok, or least getting better.

Still hot on your heels, babyjane!

babyjane1 Tue 28-May-13 10:48:19

scooter is that you I can make out in the distance? X x x x

Scootergrrrl Tue 28-May-13 10:52:18

Be sure to leave me a trail of breadcrumbs (or mini chocolate fudge brownies) so I don't lose you!

babyjane1 Tue 28-May-13 11:15:33

No problemo scoot

curryeater Tue 28-May-13 12:06:50

hi all
didn't see this thread
some sterling work on here, well done babes
we have now exchanged contracts on a house. should be relieved beyond measure and I am very very grateful for our good luck but I am just exhausted and beyond exhausted. Physically wobbly all the time. sat on a bench in town yesterday when I couldn't stand up any more and for a minute felt a crazy sort of bliss at "I'm losing it..." I just felt that I was going to faint or fall down or cry and therefore nothing could be my responsibility any more and it was brilliant. Only lasted a second and I was soon back to being exhausted, but (barely) functional, and miserable.

I fainted on the bus once when I was about 18, on my way to work. Before I came round the driver had called an ambulance and although I said I was fine I was not allowed to go once the ambulance had been called - something to do with procedure and insurance. I was taken to hospital and waited in a and e for a long time as I was so obviously not in any danger. but still not allowed to go home although I thought I was just wasting their time. It was lovely. the only thing wrong with me was I was shattered and hungry so it was a lovely morning out of time in a strange place with nothing to do. I think wistfully of that day often.

guggenheim Tue 28-May-13 12:33:40

aww curry, you obviously have a lot on your plate at the moment and need to rest. Now that you have sorted out the practicalities of a new house your mind needs to stop working overtime.

Do you meditate? Or can you get to a yoga class? The out of body/ hand it over experience sounds like the place people try to get to when they meditate. I'm not very good at letting go, but swimming or gardening sometimes allow my mind to rest. Perhaps a new book and rest might help.Sound like you just want the world to slow down and stop for a while. x

Well done lovely babes who are dealing with the WW, think of all the good you are doing for yourselves and your family.

I'm having a stab at losing some of the weight I've gained in the past few months, so I'm doing the 5;2. Going ok so far- for once very little food has gone past my chops.Hoping to lose about a stone over the course of the next few months but would eb pleased with any weight loss at all.

guggenheim Tue 28-May-13 12:35:21

Promise I will put my bloody glasses on next time I post- ffs!!

babyjane1 Tue 28-May-13 13:41:23

curry you sound physically and mentally exhausted, you need to take some time out and recharge, you will need to be on the ball for the move. Could you and dh not get a wee cheap b&b night somewhere or just a wee run and some lunch. If not barricade yourself in the loo with a book and have a relaxing bath, it will all be worth it when your settled and in control of your own property. gugg I'm joining slimming world tonight, so let me know your progress and we can be " fab body buddies". purple where are you? we miss you and mouse hope all is well is Mouseville x x

obrigada Tue 28-May-13 14:31:06

Hugs Curry, you sound super stressed, be kind to yourself.
Guggs, well done on even trying the 5:2 diet, I did think about giving it a go, but hunger and me do not get on very well blush
Baby, I started yesterday with SW (online) so I will join you and Guggs in becoming "fab body buddies" <<hopeful emoticon>>

jango36 Tue 28-May-13 14:49:37

HI guys smile
Day two here so def no boing as yet.
Another of the reason I turn to drink is anxiety. Im visiting the docs later to see about different or a higher dosage of meds. Wish me luck.
ALIAS JOEY good idea the worry slot.
scottergirl well done to you on day six!
lonnika in awe of your 29 days wow.
I can go for several days without alcohol yet any social occasion I have to have something sad then this can start me off having tipples at home. This is one of the things I am fighting to changes babes.

aliasjoey Tue 28-May-13 15:09:56

curry glad to hear it's sorted on the house, but it's taken a while hasn't it? No wonder you feel wobbly. All that adrenaline racing around.

babyjane1 Tue 28-May-13 15:31:53

obrigada yeah let's try and help each along the way, I'f you come across any fab recipes let me know and I will do the same. I have noticed since having no wine I want to eat everything in site and I want be looking and feeling fabulous so SW seems to be a good healthy way of life and
The classes will get me out meeting new people so it's all good xxx

jango36 Tue 28-May-13 15:49:57

Hi all can I add self to the roll call
36 YR oLD Speech Therapist part- time
2 CHILDREN, one 16 yrold daughter, One four yr old daughter
Not married but ive with partner, relationship reaching the end, I want out, he doesnt! nightmare.
Has drank socially since late teens . Several embarrasing episodes after drink!
Became a home drinker one year ago, hate it! need to stop

Aw curry so sorry that things have been so incredibly hard.
2nd the idea that can you & your dh just escape for a nice lunch somewhere.
Faire, your pointers in the right direction for dealing with dd have been great, I printed them off for dh & he is going to try & behave more like the adult when dealing with teenage dd issues.
It is so great being signed off work but do feel guilty as new post but know I couldn't of went on getting more & more unwell.
I had to phone work this morning & discuss something, then had to phone & cancel visits then work colleague phoned to discuss something else. After this I felt exhausted & I wasn't even at work! I'm signed off until at least next Wednesday so going to try & relax. Then in the post got letter from dd's year head to say she missed school last Wednesday & so now go to deal with this...sigh! Always something isn't there.
Love to all babes xx

Hi Jango, there are a few of us with older children then big gap. It's exhausting isn't it!

Amandaclarke Tue 28-May-13 16:22:27

Hi all long time lurker and on day six.

I just wanted opinions on diet and replacements really. I tend to follow a fairly low carb diet anyway and am a true believer in the theory that sugar (in all its forms i.e carbs) is the cause of the obesity epidemic over the last 30 or so years. Fat is actually very good for you but that a whole other story!

Since looking into giving up alcohol I have read loads and loads of research that says if you want to give up alcohol you should also switch to a low carb diet, avoid all sugary drinks and replacement sugars straightaway. This makes sense as alcohol is predominantly sugar and you are only going to keep craving it if you keep eating sugary foods and drinking sugary drinks. There is a huge amount of opinion that completely disagrees with AA who advocate eating sweets and replacing the sugar from alcohol. Interestingly I also went to a hypnotist who also gave me a Diet manual and said no refined carbs, no sweets, no sugary drinks and basically get onto a load carb diet ASAP.

This makes sense to me. I also saw a programme in January whereby a liver specialist was saying there is more liver damage in this country from obesity than alcohol which again makes sense - liver damage goes in stages doesn't it, first stage being a fatty liver caused by alcohol (sugar) or just sugar I.e. overly processed carbs which makes the liver and body store far too much excess body fat.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Personally I am not finding it as hard as when I am constantly eating carbs and drinking sugary only vice is the slimline tonic in the evening but I might try and get rid of that as well and see if all my sugar cravings stop!

aliasjoey Tue 28-May-13 16:25:14

clutter it is exhausting, as you say there is always something...

Had another bad night, wondering if the insomnia is not drug side-effects after all. Have a strong suspicion that I may be menopausal, or peri-menoposaul whatever its called. Starting to get anxious about work on Thursday, I've done all my therapy and CBT but still stressing about it.

And then this morning found my car had a flat tyre! Thank God I had the day off work to look after DD (half-term) so it was back and forth to garage, in the pouring rain, and £60 for a new tyre.

DD bless her bought me a bar of chocolate with her pocket money and sang 'Always look on the bright side of life', but I could barely smile I am so tired and fed up... and yes I bought some wine (only a little, but even so...) so I can add guilty conscience to my negativity.

Why the F can't I sleep, has anyone heard of these 'Chillows' and do they work?

CrabbyBigBottom Tue 28-May-13 16:32:59

Amanda I agree with you, and think that having sweet stuff only perpetuates the cravings for alcohol. I'm eating a low carb diet at the moment and when I'm in the swing of it, the urge to dive into the white wine at 6pm goes away.

Have just had a weekend of booze and carbs, though, and am fighting the urge to drink this evening.

jango36 Tue 28-May-13 16:37:01

aliasjoey sound like me. I tend to buy only a small amount of wine one or two mini bottles and say its my little treat . Of course the guilt follow.. Think I try and justify it by saying oh its only three or four units!!
I also am starting to struggle to sleep awful as have never, ever had any problems in that area.

aliasjoey Tue 28-May-13 16:42:40

jango yes I get those mini-bottles too! It's the only way I can control how much I drink, because if there was more - I'd drink it all blush

However it is one of my rules that I only drink at weekends, and do not use alcohol as a stress reliever. Both of which I have failed on today....

Mouseface Tue 28-May-13 16:43:54

Afternoon ALL, tis me, Mouse smile

Joey - you can get chilllows from Amazon a little cheaper but here's the website - Chillow Dame - swears by hers and I have one on order too so will be able to let you know every soon just how fab they are too smile

Back in a mo........... xx

aliasjoey Tue 28-May-13 16:46:23

purple are you reading? Even if you don't want to post, just to let you know we're thinking of you

thurso13 Tue 28-May-13 16:59:52

Good afternoon all,

I haven't posted for a while, by the end of my day, it's been all I can do to raise my tea and go to bed! Still, half term this week smile

My Dad is recovering (pretty slowly) from the thrombosis, and Dc1 is still at home (2nd month) after busting his knee. It appears that there are more problems with Dc's knee's, he's only 22!, and so we are on the rounds of specialists, scans, etc. Luckily, as I think I've said he can work remotely, but it's hard psychologolically being out of the work loop for so long, I think.

Many is the evening that I've had a hankering to down a bottle and a half of crisp white, and have succumbed on occasion, so no medals here, I'm sad to say. I'm aided and abetted by my almost constant slight irritation with Dh for being an unfeeling ass not being very sensitive with the situation, (yup, can always find myself an excuse).

Anyway, I hope all is well with you lovelies, Greeneyed are you feeling any better this afternoon?, I haven't read through properly yet, but your post jumped out at me, shove over, or I'll pull your blanket off!

Much love to all
T xxxx

thurso13 Tue 28-May-13 17:03:14

MRSMOUSE! xxxxx How lovely to see you. I'll be in touch xxxx

Mouseface Tue 28-May-13 17:21:28

Good to see you Thurso - I was also beginning to wonder where and how you were, how your life was, how those you love were etc.... I always worry that if I ask, I'll get the smiley face that you wear when you know others have enough to deal with.

It's good you are back, it'll be great to see more of you if you get chance. Take good care until then, thank you for updating us about your family lovely xx

Jango - what else is worrying you other than the drink? Could you write a list of things that spin around your mind, keep a pen and paper handy? I have one next to the bed just incase!

Is something 'big' going on or do you think that the alcohol alone is enough to be disrupting you?

Clutter - teens are hard, and up against DH/P's are like WW3. You are a team and supposed to back one another up.......... my teen has just arrived for food so I shall return in a mo xxx

Ladame Tue 28-May-13 17:22:27

Clutter Sympathies about the (ahem) thrush, me too, ouch, ouch and triple ouch, cue lots of pointing and gesticulating at the Pharmacie today. My French is pretty good, but never had to ask for that before blush that’s why I hate taking anti-b’s. Sorry you’re not feeling too well at the moment. It sounds like a few days off will do you good.
Joey Yes, I luurrrve my ‘chillow’. It seems to work for hot flushes and restless legs, as I think it just cools your blood down. I sleep so much better with it.
babyjane Well done you.
Curry So glad you’ve exchanged contracts, I hope things calm down enough for your stress levels to drop a bit.
Mouse Hi!
The thread is so busy, with new names and people popping in again. So sorry not to namecheck everyone, but HELLO to all babes old and new.
Purple Ok, long enough now lovely, where are you. Don't make me come over there!!!
Isinde Hmmm you too, are you just very busy?

Mouseface Tue 28-May-13 17:49:18

Dame - I'll try Purps, sorry, I hadn't noticed she'd gone awol!! blush xx

<stocks up on Opal Fruits and Huggles™>

guggenheim Tue 28-May-13 17:53:30

Hello I'm just about to eat the bus....

PurpleWolfe Tue 28-May-13 18:10:29

An apology to everyone. I'm doing really badly on the alcohol front just now. I'm so much a person of 'two halves'. Doing good on the school hols, visits, fun front but doing totally crap on the abstaining front. Thank you Joey for your constant, lovely badgering. I'm being a shit member of a supportive thread. Every day I decide tomorrow will be Day 1, and, at the moment, I fail, every day. Thank you those that asked about me, sorry I'm just a failure just now. And, thank you Mouse for the kick up the bum to let people know how I was. xxxx

fullofhopefullness Tue 28-May-13 18:28:42

Day 12 and I know that I will never want either alcohol or sleeping pills again. But ive got bad non alcohol related health issue and im now convinced im dying. Feel awfully low between that and all the rest of the shit going on im finding things very difficult. But still not even vaguely tempted which is good thing.

Aw purps, don't be so hard on yourself lovely. Ok so your struggling with abstaining but your managing amazingly as mother to your 3 children. Give yourself a break & try to give yourself small targets so that you get a sense of achievement, then keep going.
Oh Ladame I found it awkward enough going into my pharmacy & asking one English speaking woman to another for the cream. I get so anxious, not sure I could of hand gestured the problem!!!! Well done you, I then went to Gp & got down pessaries (way too much info but has helped immensely!) also got prednisolone & doxycycline, that & l knowing I'm off is helping. Hope you feel better soon.
Faire used all your techniques with dd re not being at school last Wednesday afternoon. Turns out she was talking to a friend who is in care who was upset & missed 2 classes. This had been backed up by school. She is grounded until Saturday but I've said she can go to party in Saturday (I think this is fair)
Mouse, hope things ok with you all x
Green, sure we can find something nicer than the bus to eat. I heard scooter girl talking about mini chocolate brownies or something yummy earlier.
Huge well done to all babes today, sounds like there had been a lot of struggles xx

Ladame Tue 28-May-13 18:55:35

shifts up to make room in the sidecar for purple Hi you. I'm not doing so well either. It's hard to keep our heads above water over here without raiding our savings. My H's job depends on world economy which is not so good at the moment. We're ok, much better than some of you over there, but we get worried sometimes. I've got an aging MIL, keeping a dd in uni. Sometimes I think I'm stuck in groundhog day. Anyway enough about me. I'm glad to hear from you. Don't go awol again - you norty girl smile.

aliasjoey Tue 28-May-13 20:24:20

purple you honestly don't need to apologise - this is The Bus remember? We all know what you're going through.

And please don't call yourself a failure. That is just a label (and not a very accurate one) we all have faults - that doesn't make your whole person a 'failure'

curryeater Tue 28-May-13 20:26:51

Hello all

Yes yes to low carb diet.
Very important to keep up proteins and fats because the lack of these can cause sugar cravings / booze cravings.

I associate a lot of my food and booze issues with misadventures with vegetarianism and veganism, though I could not say which was cause and which was effect.

I am not eating properly at the moment.

Sorry to hear you are struggling, purple. nice to see you.

hello again clutter, hope you are better soon.

Thanks everyone for all the sympathy about my tiredness. I am like a baby: I need to fix my sleep and then I will have a better chance of eating properly. Tragic. I am 41.

Good luck all babes x

dementedma Tue 28-May-13 20:44:29

Busy bus!
curry glad you have had some success on the housing issue, that must be such a relief,
thurso my friend! How the devil are you?
<hands thurso new state of the art husband -repellent knickers*
indie come out and talk to us.
shaky you still with us?
Waves to baby and alias and tucks Barrie gently under * greens* blanket.
Did a 4k run tonight so feeling gooooooood

SocFish Tue 28-May-13 22:25:44

I need to join this bus. So very bored and tired of my drinking. Yesterday a friend popped over and we had a couple of wines late afternoon. That doesn't bother me. It's civilised social drinking. I know she went home and had a cup of tea and supper. I, on the other hand, had another 3/4 bottle of wine for no reason at all. I had purposefully bought a bottle of wine for exactly that reason. No amount of 'self talk' could persuade me not to.
I am seeing a councellor, and she is fabulous, but I still manage to be persuaded by the voice in my head that I "need" to have more wine.
I just want to slow down my drinking, and stop thinking about it so much. It's so tiresome having to have this battle all the time.
So I would love to join in here and when this battle starts perhaps I should just post here instead...
I'm in Australia so I may post at odd times.

Mintyy Tue 28-May-13 22:30:46

curryeater - sorry if I have missed this anywhere, but do you have medication for your sleep issues? When my insomnia was driving me nuts (11 years ago) my lovely doctor gave me a prescription for 14 temazepam tablets. I cut them in half and took half of one when I woke up at 3 or 4 in the morning. I never got to the end of the bottle because my sleep was pretty much sorted by then, I was relaxed and refreshed and could get myself back to sleep if I woke in the night.

If I ever have bad insomnia again I will ask for more.

Mintyy Tue 28-May-13 22:31:18

Sorry, and hi to SocFish, welcome aboard smile.

dementedma Tue 28-May-13 22:35:21

Hi socfish.
We already have a nemo fish on board and a squid so you are very welcome

venusandmars Tue 28-May-13 22:37:18

Hi SocFish and well done for posting. That can be a tough step, to put it down in writing and see it there in black and white.

I empathise with your situation - that was me exactly, when others had a mug of tea, I had another few glasses of wine, and I usually thought that I deserved it because I'd been so 'moderate' at lunch!

Post whenever you feel the need, and you'll be surprised by who answers at odd times of the day / night.

Hi, welcome socfish, definitely come here & post when you are battling with the ww. There's normally babes about at all hours.
Just been reading the thread about has parenting affected your mental health. Very very interesting. Lots of mums saying the only thing stopping them cracking up is drinking yet are anxious, irritable, close to the edge. Feel like these two threads need to be linked up.
Also just watched a horrible programme on binge drinking in magaluf, so hope dd never tells me she is thinking of going there .
Night night babes. Wishing everyone a restful sleep x

SocFish Tue 28-May-13 23:20:31

Thanks All. I think I'll just post here loads and see if that helps.
Yes Venus, I justify my drinking all the time. Why?
I don't even want it. I want to be sober or moderate. But there's that awful part of me that wants to be drunk...and I want that part gone. I'm 43 with two children. The last thing I want is to be a drunk mother. I have no real reason to need that escape. I did in the past, but these days things are nice and settled and mostly life just hums along nicely. In fact if I didn't have this issue with wine, I'd be pretty happy - not perfect, but just happy.
Why do I constantly trip myself up with this shit.

Pink01 Wed 29-May-13 08:32:17


I'm a lurker but I would like to board the bus.

I want to be sober and stay that way. I gave up drinking earlier this year and managed 60 days AF which I was so happy with. But I had a drink to celebrate something (!) and my drinking has crept back up. I wish I had never started again. And I need to stop.

You have all been an inspiration to me during that time, so thank you.

I hope I can offer support and accept some too.

Pink X

Fairenuff Wed 29-May-13 08:36:50

Why indeed. I think if you had the answer to that SocFish you would be onto a winning, multimillion pound formula, like Paul McKenna grin

I don't know if any of us have managed to unravel the reasons, the whys. We just have to get on and manage our lives day to day, hour by hour if necessary and focus on not picking up that first drink.

Don't worry about the rest of it, next week, birthdays, holidays, etc. Just think about right now. All I know is that the cravings do pass if you can just ride them out. And the more you do that, the easier it gets.

clutter glad some of my ideas were helpful re dd, sounds like you are really in control of some difficult situations - go you! smile

full keep talking, we are here to listen and help if we can. What is it that makes you so sure you won't drink anymore? Did you use hypnotherapy? Sorry if you said already, I can't remember.

Isinde please come back and spread some Boing if you've got any left. Haven't heard much from you since curry dissed your dp's parenting choices, don't take it to heart lovely x

lonnika Wed 29-May-13 08:39:07

Hi pink and soc - day 30 for me today.

Ladies I need your help - I have a very stressful weekend coming up - already had conversations with myself abou how I could treat myself to one glass sad I am managing to talk myself out if it - may need hand holding on Saturday and Sunday evening sad
Sorry in advance L

Fairenuff Wed 29-May-13 08:40:21

Hi Pink well done on the 60 days - if you've done it once you can do it again.

What were your strategies for not drinking, and what were the benefits? We love an inspirational story to keep the motivation up smile

lonnika Wed 29-May-13 08:44:51

Ahh Pink your post is exactly what I need to hear - I know one drink would be wrong for me too :/. Dreading this weekend :/

Fairenuff Wed 29-May-13 08:46:39

Lonnika it sounds to me as if you don't want to drink? If that's the case, then the decision is made. Don't dwell on it. As soon as you think about having 'just one', bat that thought right out of your head.

Imagine the coming weekend was behind you already. Imagine that you went and did not drink. Now, two weeks later how do you feel? Do you regret not drinking. Do you wish you had?

No, of course not, that weekend will be over and in the past. It won't have derailed you and it won't have any impact of your current health or happiness.

If you had drunk it would probably not have been just the one. Who knows where it would have led, you could have ended up horribly drunk and embarrassed yourself. And the next day would have been ruined too, with a nasty hangover. You may even have felt the need for a 'hair of the dog' and written off the next day too.

You would be back to Day 1. Is that what you want?

Pink01 Wed 29-May-13 08:50:30

Thank you for the welcome. I know I can do it again, but getting started is so hard. I have done lots of 4/5 days and then drank, when what I want and need is to stop altogether.

A lot of it was fear that helped me stop tbh as I felt so so ill I was almost scared to drink - I had been really caning it - and then the days added up, and feeling better was what kept me away from the wine. I replaced it with sparkling water and peppermint tea and made sure I always had a book on the go so I had something to do in the evenings. Lots of early nights too.

I did also keep a diary and although my maths is fairly pants, I think this is a ballpark figure
I saved roughly £300. 30,000 calories. 540 units in that time. I based this on a bottle of wine a day so 9 units. I'm sure it's not completely accurate as I said but it gave me something to focus on.

I just need to do it again now.

Pink01 Wed 29-May-13 08:54:48


Can you tell someone that you are not drinking? I am going out this weekend too but I have already told DH I will drive so trying to see that as 'job done' I will not be drinking.

I know it's easier said than done but you have done amazingly well so don't blow it like I did! I wish I had never picked that glass up. I actually managed virtually every social occasion except a wedding while I wasn't drinking and once you get there it is fine and I enjoyed it a lot more when I could remember it and had a clear head the next morning.

I know it's not always that simple though, if only it was!

Pink x

lonnika Wed 29-May-13 08:55:12

Fair - thanks I know you are right - smile. I will try and visualise I do find that helps me smile

Pink love the idea of the cost savings and calories -

lonnika Wed 29-May-13 08:59:25

Pink my event is not social - it is pathetic really. My children are both very sporty and one competes at a very high level - this weekend they are competing and I am very nervous - if they do 'well' that is great - if not I usually 'pick myself up' with a drink - stupid isn't it - anyway trying to think of an alternative to do - so will go for a walk or swim instead.

Already nervous about the weekend / excited. On a positive note I always loose weight when they compete smile

Fairenuff Wed 29-May-13 09:21:29

Lonnika that's not pathetic at all - you are recognising and anticipating one of your triggers. You can't avoid this particular trigger so you are planning strategies to cope with it. That's fab smile

Congrats to your dc for their achievement, that alone is something to be proud of whether they win, lose or draw. I know what you mean about that nervous excitement, it's almost unbearable and the emotional outocme is either exhilaration or depression. The highs and lows of life innit grin

I hate that disappointed feeling. It's one of the worst emotions for me. I remember back in the olden days, when I were a lad wink, there was no internet or dvd, heck there wasn't even video recording, and if you wanted to see a movie you had to go to the cinema. I was desparate to see Grease and my mum agreed to take me. We queued and queued and we didn't get in because all the seats were sold out. I was gutted. My dad said, never mind, it'll be on television in about five years grin

Not the same thing at all, I know, but I remember that awful sinking feeling and nothing could cheer me up. Good job I didn't drink in those days hey?

Right, just rambling now, off to make breakfast.

brew anyone?

curryeater Wed 29-May-13 09:24:44

ma, well done on the running.

mintyy I don't think I have proper insomnia just lots of different things make it hard to sleep (allergies, asthma, snoring dp, wakeful children)

lonnika Wed 29-May-13 09:30:45

LOL Faire - you are very wise - I am very proud smile

Highs and lows of life - ain't that a fact.
Enjoy your breakfast - when is this flaming rain going to stop sad

Pink01 Wed 29-May-13 09:49:57

Yes it's not pathetic and at least you can foresee it. But it would be such a shame to go back to day one (take it from one who knows smile)

I hope they win!

lonnika Wed 29-May-13 09:53:44

Ahh thanks Pink - they won't win (we know that - but that's ok at this age - just they have - well eldest does - their own aspirations - gah - love and hate watching them in equal measure). Eldest has received a very generous scholorship from private school due to sporting achievement - smile

Pink01 Wed 29-May-13 10:21:25

That's lovely, you must be really proud of them.

My sons play Sunday football and that is agonising enough!

aliasjoey Wed 29-May-13 10:24:17

Welcome socand well done for being brave and making the first step in posting here!

lonnika my DD has a gift for singing and last year she entered a talent show. I was so nervous about it! But she was 10 years old, and much more nervous than me - and she got through it without alcohol! You wouldn't suggest to a child that he or she had a drink to cope, would you? So if they can do it - so can you. And you will set a good example in how to handle stress to your kids.

Theala Wed 29-May-13 10:38:24

Hi guys. Just checking in as I haven't been on in a while. Was drinking rather a lot over the weekend, but not for the last two nights. I just feel miserable and low at the moment and I don't know how to snap myself out of it. After two weeks of feeling great, it's quite a shock to feel so bad again. Anyway. I'll just keep trundling on.

Hope you all have good days and welcome to the newbies!

lonnika Wed 29-May-13 10:39:41

LOL. - Alias. True !! Well done to your daughter smile
I am waaaaaayyyyy more nervous than them lol !
There are lots of reasons (excuse) that I have used when they are competing regarding drink. I Used to 'joke' that their sport would turn me into an alcoholic (hilarious ! Not !)
I will come on here and post (or vent) on Saturday night instead smile

aliasjoey Wed 29-May-13 11:10:58

That's a good idea, come on here and post. Actually I admit I did drink on the night of the talent show, but I waited til half-way through the evening, after her slot.

I keep thinking kids have to do stuff that is just as stressful (to them) as we have to as adults - bullying and cliques and bloody SATS - and we could all learn to cope better <stuffs face with chocolate>

SocFish Wed 29-May-13 11:20:29

Hi All
Thanks for all the welcomes.
Just went out for dinner with a friend. Had one glass of wine and a HUGE meal which seems to have helped kill my appetite for more wine.
I think for me, eating helps.
Week-ends are always difficult, but I really want to cut down/cut out.

Sorry your feeling so low theala. When you drank a lot over the weekend had you had a big break? I'm finding that now I'm having big spaces between drinking when I do I'm really low for days after. I always used to get bad, bad hangovers from binges. But now its not taking much as my tolerance is getting lower & lower. Hope you start to feel a but brighter. Could you go for a swim today? X

jango36 Wed 29-May-13 11:36:28

Hi all. Day three and feel a bit brightersmile need to get to day30 nowsmile I can but try. Making plans for weekend so I don't slip again x

Fairenuff Wed 29-May-13 12:10:01

alias I think kids get a lot of peer support and help from their parents. The ones that don't are more likely to turn to drink or drugs in adolescence I guess.

But, yes, they do seem to take it in their stride more easily. Less self conscious maybe? Also, in school they are being challenged all the time so perhaps less self critical of failure?

Fairenuff Wed 29-May-13 12:18:48

Theala it's ok to feel down. Sobriety does not mean eternal happiness. It's just one less thing to worry about grin

Hope things perk up for you again soon.

Agree Faire, that being sober is not instant boing & big happy faces. When I was drinking too much every weekend I felt hopeless, couldn't see the point of anything, just felt like I was going through the paces, getting older then death! Now that I am having big spaces between drinking, I've only drank 3 x this year I can see a future. I feel hopeful. I can make plans & think that'll be nice. The day to day with a teenager, toddler, crippling mortgage & childcare costs, a dh who works full time then is shattered is still bloody bloody hard work. Some days the monotony, the sheer exhaustion, the loneliness is so hard to take & these are the days that I really hear the wine witch. But I try to remind myself that to get back into that cycle will bring back the despair & hopelessness & I will lose the cracks of hope & light that sobriety has been opening up.
But life is hard. Having no money, constantly yet my dh works 7 days a week, I have a job that I trained 5 years at Uni for is depressing.
And then living in Scotland where its freezing does not help! confused

Theala Wed 29-May-13 12:39:50

Thanks clutter and Faire. cluter Well, if by a 'big break', you mean 6 days AF, then yes. But also I had family over and had a great time with them, so obviously the week after is going to be a bit flat. On monday morning my stupidly-expensive mobile that DP bought me was stolen, and even though I know it's stupid, I'm still really pissed off about it. That phone was my most constant companion. blush And work is being a bit of a nightmare again. I don't want to go out, I don't want to do any exercise, I just want to sit on my couch, stuff my face and feel sorry for myself.

Bleh. Me, me, me. Sorry guys, I'll cop on to myself soon.

I'm signed off work with chest infection so you & me both sitting on couch stuffing faces. I'm just catching up with The Apprentice and enjoying the peace & quiet. The doctor said try to have a few days of rest. Ha with a teenager & toddler she would have to admit me somewhere for a few days! X

aliasjoey Wed 29-May-13 13:35:15

clutter it's great that you are feeling so much more positive about the future, despite the freezing Scottish weather!

I am getting very anxious about work tomorrow. Feeling quite panicky. Will go to boots later and see if I can get anything to help. Do Kalms work?

I've tried the CBT etc, it helped earlier in the week but now I am stressing again. I didn't drink my wine yesterday (I suppose that's an improvement - being able to have alcohol in the house and NOT drink it!) So could have that - but I know that only makes me feel better for a couple of hours, so not a long-term solution. Self-hypnosis only works while actually doing it - as soon as I stop (ie. to go to work!) the anxiety is straight back...

babyjane1 Wed 29-May-13 13:41:29

Big hello to everyone, not had time to catch up properly but will do later, hi to all the the newbies also. Day 11 here and feeling good, 2 slight negatives, more arguments with teenage dd and dh, I'm trying not to be a doormat anymore and they don't like it and secondly I have started getting up in the middle of the night to eat sweet things. I don't normally eat sweets and never wake up during the night but last night 2 weetabix, full fat milk and sugar then 2 slices of toast with butter and jam!!! This cannot go on, I'm so hungry, I'm supposed to be slimmer, boingier with dewy skin and swishy hair, I'm going to turn into an enormous weetabix biscuit, not swishy at all, catch up later x x x x

Hi Alias, I've found Kalms really helpful. I've used them many times as I'm a really anxious person. The best ones I've found are the ones where you take one at night. When I'm really anxious I lie awake worrying, then I worry that I'm going to be overtired then this causes more anxiety ad infinitum! Kalms has helped me get a good nights sleep so stop's this cycle, if I do wake through the night I can normally fall back asleep.
What is it that you are feeling anxious about exactly tomorrow? Have you had a break from work & this is first day back? 9 times out of 10 for me the thoughts of what I have to do are worse than actually doing it x

Pink01 Wed 29-May-13 13:50:57

Joey I took St Johns Wort when I was doing exams, I know it's meant to be for depression but it worked on anxiety (for me) It was a long time ago but I assume it is still available.

Pink01 Wed 29-May-13 13:53:40

Babyjane I did laugh at your weetabix comment. I'm sure the hunger will die down but your body will be looking to replace the lost calories/sugar. I did a long(ish) time AF earlier this year and hoped to end up really slim but it didn't happen, my appetite was increased for quite a while.

babyjane1 Wed 29-May-13 14:03:08

pink it has been pointed out previously our bodies craves the sugar fix the wine has provided for so long but I really want this to be a total I overhaul, I'm already a bit overweight and I'm keen to be fitter and healthier Inside and out but my hunger is insatiable, even my dog is looking at me funny as I eye up his wee meaty legs !!!!!!!

Pink01 Wed 29-May-13 14:14:00

I'm overweight too Jane, could do with losing about 3 stone. I am so worried about my own health which is just one of the reasons I am desperate to knock the drink on the head properly....

My dad was an alcoholic and his eating habits were really weird at various times.

Hope you're not scaring your dog too much! smile

aliasjoey Wed 29-May-13 14:25:46

Not sure I can take St John's Wort with antidepressants, but I will look at the Kalms. Already take Melissa at night which does help sleep, but need something non-drowsy for daytime.

Yes that's it clutter back to work after a few days off. The last thing that happened on Friday was me leaving in a rush, not even saying goodbye to the boss. There's not much could happen really - but my moods seem to be so volatile that just a tiny thing could set it off & I overreact at slightest provocation.

babyj are you on steroids for the crohns? Those do funny things to your appetite. Is there much meat on your dog?! grin

Aw alias, really feel for you. At my old work I used to get so ridiculously anxious about things & I remember one of my colleagues, who was nearing 60 & worked there for nearly 30 years saying to me that really everyone is caught up in their own shit & not really paying that much attention to what you have done, have not done.
You can get non-drowsy Kalms for during the day too, have tried these & they helped too.
Good luck for good sleep tonight & hope tomorrow goes ok. Sure the key is not to worry & get yourself so wound up but this us much easier said than done x

Mouseface Wed 29-May-13 14:55:11

Afternoon ALL, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to Soc and Pink, well done for posting, seeing it there in black and white as venus says makes it all the more real.

Joey - re St. John's or Rescue Remedy, anything like that and ADs, I would say NO to taking both unless you check with YOUR GP first as everyone is different.

I used to struggle terribly with sleep, or rather not sleeping when I first stopped drinking and was on Zopiclone for two weeks, reviewed after two weeks and given another two weeks and by then, managed to settle into a better routine. I too would take half at bedtime and half when I woke in the night, DH did Nemo duty whilst I got into a better sleep pattern.

When you go to Boots, ask the pharmacist but tell them what you're taking so that they can advise you on the Kalms front. Sorry you are struggling with the anxiety.

Clutter - sorry you are poorly <hands Vick's Chest Rub> I hope that you do manage some rest and yes - 'Ahahahahahahahahahahaha' to that happening with a teen and a toddler!

IsinDe - if you're lurking, I hope that things are okay with you, and all other Babes who haven't posted in a while.

Theala - lovely to see you back smile

Mouseface Wed 29-May-13 15:02:53

Baby - try and have little and often in terms of food to see if that stops the cravings to binge. Alcohol really does mess your body up! You need to listen to it though, if you are craving savoury stuff, your sodium levels might be low, especially if you've been having more sugar to cancel out the sugar in wine/alcohol.

It's hard really to find an equal balance because your appetite and food needs change through the month too! grin

Faire - I love this....... Sobriety does not mean eternal happiness. It's just one less thing to worry about Brilliant!

Ma - well done on the running, that's amazing. smile

Amandaclarke Wed 29-May-13 15:03:32

Re weightloss/eating and cravings - did you read my post yesterday? Might help if you try to cut out sugar altogether? I have lost 4-5 lb in 6 days of no wine and no carbs/sugar - my theory is that replacing alcohol with sugar is just going to prolong the cravings for sugar/alcohol....

Mouseface Wed 29-May-13 15:13:13

Ma - GREAT NEWS about the old boss coming back part-time, that alone will make your life that little bit more bearable, surely? Knowing that you have 3 days a week with him there to keep you sane and add value to your life in some way at least.

How's the DD/DH situation? Same shit, different day?

Guggs - I'll be your weight loss buddy if you like, and anyone else who fancies it, I need an extra push (although exercise is out as such) because I'd quite like to look a little less wobbly around my middle which is where your mid life mid drift tends to stay! grin

I have been reading up on the menopause and apparently, it's your middle that suffers the most so that's my goal, get rid of my ever so slightly muffiny top and have more of a Rivita around my middle grin

Curry - how are things TODAY? You've had so much

Mouseface Wed 29-May-13 15:24:47

.............. on of late, are things calming down now? I do hope so!! Sorry, I posted too soon.

How is everyone else? How's life with all the Babes?

For those who remember Trinity and what has happened recently, sad the funeral for her partner is this Friday and she's in need of all the support she can get right now.

She is still sober which blows just me away! If anyone would like to say anything, her current thread is HERE sad

lonnika Wed 29-May-13 15:32:26

Amanda - what do you eat???????
I have had chicken for lunch - just chicken is that good/bad - I don't know anymore.
nor carbs and no wine - you go girl - too much in one go for me and I am going together rid of things in the order that they are ki,ling me - so wine first !


I was recommended to come on here after a bit of a wibble last Tuesday. I haven't had a drink since then.

It's hard, I've had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol since I was 16/17. My parents split for several months during that time I drank one of those half bottles of vodka every night.
I left home and got married at 18 and it became the norm to drink a bottle of wine a night. I left my DH and started drinking more. I found I couldn't fall asleep properly, I had to pass out instead. Things got worse when I met my cockmonkey wankstain of an ex who would keep my glass topped up with vodka, I think he preferred me drunk and comatose... but I'm not ready to get into that!
something happened that involved the police to make me wake the fuck up and I sent him on his way.
I don't know how I managed to keep my job. I was permamently hungover and was forever having to scrub the wine stains off my lips.

My lovely DH was rather understanding when I went crawling back to him! Things didn't get better straight away, some nasty incident involving me at the bottom of my parents stairs but not long after we got back together I got pregnant. Pure luck had it that any tiny sip or sniff of alcohol had me running to be sick!

After that I always prided myself I was able to get over that rough time yet still "enjoy" a drink.

But it's crept up on me again. Not as bad as it was but I certainly couldn't not have a drink.

So yeah.

8 days so far.

Thanks for reading and sorry if I bored you!

Shit sorry, think that may have been my longest post to date.

Amandaclarke Wed 29-May-13 15:53:02

Lonnika I have actually been eating this way for a couple of years more or less anyway and managed to lose a couple of stone a few years ago by cutting out beige things (bread, pasta, biscuits, cakes, crisps etc) and booze.

Have managed to keep most of it off over the last couple of years by basically staying low carb as to be honest carbs now make me feel sluggish and bloated and definitely make cravings for sugar/booze a lot worse.

The wine has crept up again and also I am carb creeping so trying to cut it out again. I eat:-

Breakfast -scrambled eggs on their own or with salmon, cheese, ham or omelette or bacon and eggs or cheese and ham etc etc

Lunch - chicken, tuna, ham or cheese salads, soups (roasted butternut, curried cauliflower) avocado with sour cream, leftover dinners, scotch egg with salad etc etc

Dinner - chilli, spag Bol (with no rice or pasta), shepherds pie with cauliflower top, roasts with green veg and celeriac instead of potatoes, fish pie with cauli top, stews, all sorta of chicken dishes with veg - loads and loads more!!!

No sugary drinks, decaf tea and coffee loads and loads of water.

Yes it's bloody hard for the first 3-4 days but after that its really easy to follow and really helps with blood sugar, cravings, carb crashes etc - it has definitely helped my wine consumption over the last few years.

lonnika Wed 29-May-13 15:57:07

Hey Amanda - I like the sound of that diet - I could do that - love salmon - can I eat fruit? -

Amandaclarke Wed 29-May-13 16:12:43

No - sorry as it has lots of sugar (fructose) - keep in mind on this way of eating everything with an "ose" is basically sugar! If you MUST have fruit though you could have small amounts of berries and melon but it is better at least in the first couple of weeks to avoid.

Try your own way for a few weeks and if you like it maybe join the low carb bootcamo threads on the weightloss section or buy the pig to twig diet books - it really easy once you get into the hang of it and also when you get some good recipes to try.

Mouseface Wed 29-May-13 16:42:06

Hello Amanda, we've not met. smile x

Ferret - Hey, you okay? You started off a bit panicky and now seem more calm in your posts, 8 days sober is bloody brilliant so well done! You only have to take this at your own pace, in your own time, on your own terms, you know?

You have done the hardest thing; post that you have a problem.

Again, WELL DONE! And nope, I'm bored. Not at all sweets. Keep going and welcome smile x

Fairenuff Wed 29-May-13 17:08:57

Amanda Not sure if I could do no carb. I eat wholemeal bread, wholewheat spaghetti and brown rice. How about if I just reduce the portion, would that be of any benefit? Don't eat potato very often, sometimes have mashed or jacket but that's about it.

Ma fab news on the running. You are impressing me so much with how you helped Richard and how you looked for (and received) support from the bus and getting into your running. You are on a roll smile (better make it a wholemeal one grin). Glad to hear Mr Mixup is coming back, nice to have rl support too.

Mouse I will post something to Trinity on her thread, thanks for the link.

Hi Ferret welcome to the bus. Stick around and join in with the chat whenever you want. Well done on getting to Day 8, what tactics are you using?

I'm attempting positive thinking Mouse. grin

I'm realistic. I know there's no way I won't ever touch alcohol again. My social network is very much alcohol led. I'm going to work hard to never buy with the weekly shop though. or nip to the local for a bottle of white.

I'm getting spotty though. angry

Fairenuff, Tactics are ive swapped one vice for another. blush I've started smoking in the evening again after a year of not!

Ooh! Hello ABF. Good to 'see' you.

Your DH sounds like a good'un.

I am guessing yours and my livers are fairly similar, by the sounds.

I'm on day 10 (whew!), and clinging of with white knuckles at the moment but I'm managing. Going to DB and SIL's tonight and need to cope with buying them a bottle of nice wine to say thanks for having me, and not drinking any of it. So wish me luck! I'll try to check in tomorrow and say I didn't drink it, so writing this will hopefully keep me on the straight and narrow. smile

Btw, nice to see somone low-carbing on the thread. I try to do that, but periodically slip and fail, and I do agree it makes the booze cravings easier if you're on low carb. I don't ever manage to steer clear of all fruit but when I'm being good I do manage to cut out bread and pasta and so on, and it makes a big difference.

I'm low carbing the wrong way round.

I'll go all day then as an evening meal I'll have a small portion of pasta or something.

CrabbyBigBottom Wed 29-May-13 17:26:36

lonnika the rules for low-carb bootcamp (there's one running at the moment and it's a very supportive, welcoming thread) are here - click on the rules on the top left of the sheet to see the bootcamp/vegetarian/bootcamp light guidelines.
The current Bootcamp chat thread is here and the questions thread is here. I'm a new disciple, and finds it helps enormously to keep my drinking under control.

I totally agree with Amanda that the first couple of days are awful but then it gets much easier.

Faire it sounds as though you're already eating low GI, which I feel is just as healthy as low carb, certainly for maintaining weight rather than losing.

Mia x
(waves to anyone who remembers) smile

CrabbyBigBottom Wed 29-May-13 17:28:15

Oh and Joey no don't take St John's Wort with ADs - I have done with no ill effects, but it's not advisable and in the worst case scenario can cause serotonin syndrome.

You mean that's all you have all day?! Or you only have carbs in the evening?

Actually I can see the latter one working, it's nice and soothing if nothing else, and good for staving off booze cravings.

My weakness atm (not low carb or low anything else) is snickers ice creams. I am going through them at a rate of knots, delicious little evil things.

I was weighed when I saw the doctor I'm 10 and a half stone. I didn't even weigh that when pregnant! Infact I have a photo of me proudly showing off a small baby bump and my belly is currently larger!

So far today I've had some scrambled egg and a shitload of tea. I don't feel hungry though. I'm having curry tonight, which usually goes well with a few glasses of wine but I shall resist.

LRD I have a pack of mars ice creams in the freezer they are evil in their gorgeousness.

Oh LRD, I feel your pain. Snickers ice-creams are just gorgeous. We have peanut butter cornetto's at the moment which are too yummy! smile

Fairenuff Wed 29-May-13 17:58:38

Ferret it was when I gave up smoking that I started over-eating and over-drinking. Seems like I have to be hooked on something confused

I daren't try new things that sound delicious in case I get addicted (like ice-cream snickers, for example grin). I got totally hooked on mint flavoured aeros a few years ago. Seriously, I'm not joking, I was eating two a day, every day for quite some time. Had to force myself to go cold turkey. I guess that was probably just a sugar addiction, so I'm very wary now.

LRD does it have to be wine? Couldn't you take flowers or something instead? Dessert? Well done on 10 days smile

Mia how are you lovely? I was thinking of you the other day when I saw our bat back. Have only seen him twice though, so hope he's ok. I was wondering who CrabbyBottom was grin

I will take a peek at those links when I've got a mo. May see you over there x

aliasjoey Wed 29-May-13 18:52:10

lrd I was about to say the same thing as faire - why does it have to be wine? How about a lovely pudding or a big bag of doughnuts?

aliasjoey Wed 29-May-13 18:59:48

Thanks crabby I got Kalms (valerian, hops) I looked at the Rescue Remedy, but don't really believe in those flower essence.

ma how is your brother doing?

purple have you gone AWOL again?

PurpleWolfe Wed 29-May-13 19:12:25

Thanks lovely Joey, I'm here. I can't remember who coined the phrase (sorry!) but I feel like I'm at the wrong end of the shite chute just now. DD, XP, XMIL, WW, money, housework - and the sodding grass just keeps bloody growing! How I hate mowing grass! (It's the focus of my ire at the mo') etc! Try not to worry about the work thing. You may be over thinking your reaction last week. And even if you're not, people have off days, it's normal. Walk back in like you own the place! xxxxx

dementedma Wed 29-May-13 20:18:30

Hey all.
Former boss starts back in two weeks. Am very happy and looking forward to being mentored and learning new skills. Going to visit Richard tomorrow and speak to his key worker and discuss the future. He is doing well though. Was chuffed that my jeans felt loose today but the scales still refusing to show even a pounds lost! Grrrrrr.

PurpleWolfe Wed 29-May-13 20:21:00

Lovely to hear your news about your 'new' boss and Richard Ma. Loose jeans = more toned bod - whatever the scales say! xx

Mouseface Wed 29-May-13 20:50:35

Evening, tis me, Mouse

venus - I've been thinking about you so much, and your mum and DD. I know you are super busy with RL just now but please, if you get a mo, can you pop in and update us, or PM me so I know you are okay? Lots of love xx

Thurso - how are you today? It's school hols so does that mean that your DC are back? Thinking of you. xx

Purps - sorry you have so much going on right now, and that you're having a shitty time. You know you can waffle on here as much as you like?

Ferret - I meant I was NOT bored of you earlier, I hope you know that lovely? It's ages since I've 'seen' you actually on the boards as I tend to hide here on the Bus with Opal Fruits wrappers to tidy, squid ink to clean up and Babes to look after smile

Joey - did you see my post to you about Rescue Remedy etc earlier? I'm glad you got something and I really hope it helps you lovely as you're struggling so much right now. The herbal Kalms are good, I used to have valerian tea, a very kind friend once posted it to me, and boy does it work. Tastes foul but in fruit tea, it's great. You could try that too?

The tea with other tea like cranberry, a strong berry tea to disguise the flavour?

Ma - another to second Joey, how is your bro and how is his detox/recovery going? I think about him all the time and I'm so glad he got into the Salvation Army, who'd have even thought it would be them who helped him in the end? smile xx

JWN, Soma, Lemony, Katie, Rural, CocktailQueen (or did you NC?), Fuzzy/Lola, ThisIsMyTime, IsinDe, FullOf, Greeny - and EVERYONE/ANYONE else who needs to come say hi because we've not seen you for 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months or more! Where and how are you?

Also - TheBoss!! - where and how are you? My lovely other side of the world friend, come check in with us all and steal some Opal Fruits while we have some, the dieters will be banning them soon enough so come and help me scoff em'!

Welcome to all the new Babes who have boarded today or in the last day smile

Nemo is going to bed now. I'm putting it in black and white so that he knows it is happening! grin

Back in a bit smile xx

CrabbyBigBottom Wed 29-May-13 20:51:55

Hi Faire smile Our bat is back too, in fact we were sure the other night we were seeing two of them. It's really hard to tell as they move so damn fast. Ours is here every evening, but I guess they probably hunt a fairly large area so maybe yours is arriving when it's too dark to see it well.

I'm fine thanks, haven't been following the thread for a while but popped in to catch up and here I am! I still drink more than I should, but I'm happier coming at it from a dietary angle, I think, and tackling the sugar addiction that I know I have. I don't think it's alcohol in itself that's the problem for me, more my lack of willpower in the face of hunger and low blood sugar. Had a planned blow-out at the weekend but back on the wagon now. How are things with you?

Glad to see that things are better with Richard, Ma - last time I was reading he was in a desperate state and it sounds as though things have improved.

Mouseface Wed 29-May-13 21:26:03

See - I always bloomin x-post! grin

Crabby/Mia - it's nice to see you back! Our bats are not out yet but then again, we've not been able to sit out yet to watch them dance their wonderful dance of courtship/disco grin that we're usually treated to.

It's not been warm enough here at night and Nemo's not been in bed for us to be out of the room, never mind the house with the intercom! grin Good to see you back smile x

CrabbyBigBottom Wed 29-May-13 21:36:01

Hello sweet Mouse! smile How are you and little Nemo? Not in too much pain I hope?

Faire I found this interesting - I'm fairly positive that our bat (or bats) is a pipistrelle.

Good luck for tomorrow alias. Mouse hope things ok with everyone at yours.
Waves to other babes.
I've been on the thread for has having children affected your mental health? Very interesting, think they're going to turn it into a support thread.
Also been on a thread for organising Scottish meet up.
It's great being signed off work, I've been very busy with mn today!
Night babes love & strength to all xx

CrabbyBigBottom Wed 29-May-13 21:48:30

I've been reading that clutter - very honest and describes many of my feelings in the early years of parenthood.

aliasjoey Wed 29-May-13 21:49:37

crabby ?? smile is that you?!

purple you are having such a tough time, and still coping - I hope you are treating yourself kindly, nurture yourself because you work so hard... you deserve to be looked after, and maybe no one else will do it - but you can do it for yourself!

Thanks everyone for the advice, I know I'm being a bit paranoid about tomorrow, still at least I haven't had a drink! Funny, but I have less desire for alcohol at the moment (these hot flushes don't help)

mouse sorry I hope that didn't sound rude when I said about the Rescue Remedy - just didn't want to overload my system...

PurpleWolfe Wed 29-May-13 21:56:17

Hugs to Mrs Mouse Thanks Lovely.

Getting my knickers in a twist as DD has had a conversation with XMIL and they've decided that DD can fly out and visit her in Cyprus next year! Well, tie me up and call me Rodger! No one (wanted to put 'fucker' in there but resisted) has asked me if it's OK with me!! XMIL will be 72 by then, the house is in the middle of nowhere, DD wants to take a friend (!) and XP is his usual, spineless self in NOT making some sort of comment on all this! XMIL has trouble with frickin' stairs, let alone driving my gorgeous daughter round in a vehicle in Cyprus!! DD (and friend) are already checking out flight times. And, once a-friggin'-gain, I'm the bad guy! Just want to keep my daughter safe. sad

PurpleWolfe Wed 29-May-13 21:57:09

PS DD would be 12 by next summer.

CrabbyBigBottom Wed 29-May-13 21:58:10

grin Joey I know I've been AWOL for a while but I do still look in all you lovely women from time to time. Sorry to hear you're feeling anxious about work tomorrow - hope it goes ok once you're there.

It is uplifting and also so sad to hear such honest accounts about motherhood crabby. I didn't feel this way with my dd at 21 but have with my son at 31. Think having huge money worries has contributed for me. In my strive to get it right, marriage, mortgage, career I've actually got it all wrong!
Alias glad your not feeling tempted, you would definitely feel more emotional tomorrow if you had had a few glasses. Hope tomorrow ok for you.
Night babes x

PurpleWolfe Wed 29-May-13 22:02:10

Sorry Joey, x post! I'm shit at looking after myself. Find it easier to think of others being more deserving that me of care. I'll be ethereally sitting on your shoulder tomorrow, whispering positive things in your ear. You'll know I'm there!! smile xx

greeneyed Wed 29-May-13 22:33:56

Evening lovely babes. struggling to keep up as usual, thanks Thurso and Mouse for asking after me.

And thank you to the lovely Isinde for introducing me to Mary Oliver. Have been reading wild geese tonight - much more soothing than a glass of wine smile bed beckons, day two done - night all - hope it is a restful one for everyone xx

Mouseface Wed 29-May-13 22:42:33

Crabby - same old shit, different day, pain the same but life is good as my Nemo is getting on with life day by day, and is fabby and super ace thank you smile xx

Joey - not at all lovely lady, smile it (RR) contains alcohol too so not the best for those trying to give up the booze! grin

Purps - next year is a loooong way off, I have the same bollocks to deal with. Be back tomorrow to talk more. xx

Right, Seth the wolf, in, Mabel the cat, in, DD out at friends, Nemo in bed, DH in and home after a day of interviewing and being out, Mouse - medded and ready for bed.

Night all, see you tomorrow when I shall be looking for cleaning recruits before MIL arrives!! Argh! grin

Be safe, be you, be Brave xxx

Mouseface Wed 29-May-13 22:51:47

PS - Mary Oliver rocks!! smile xx

Fairenuff Wed 29-May-13 23:43:44

Purple at least you are getting lots of exercise mowing the lawn (silver lining and all that).

If you're asking for opinions, I probably wouldn't allow my 12 year old to travel abroad in the care of a 72 year old if I wasn't 100% happy with it. My dd is 16, nearly 17 and is going to fly out this summer to join her grandparents in France. Now, she is a lot older and very sensible and mature. She has travelled with us and knows how to get on a flight, deal with emergencies, etc. But. I am still worried for her. If you don't want your dd to go, it's ok to say no. At that age, they don't really know what they are getting into.

It sucks that you have to be the bad guy but better that than worrying about her safety whilst she's away. She's got her whole life to go on these adventures when she's a bit older, there's no rush.

Mia I think, and tackling the sugar addiction that I know I have. I don't think it's alcohol in itself that's the problem for me, more my lack of willpower in the face of hunger and low blood sugar

This was definitely one of my problems. Once I recognised that, it was much easier to control my alcohol intake. Food before booze. Simples. grin

Thanks for the link. Our bat flies past our window, about 2 - 5 metres off the ground, so looks like it could be a Natterer. But it's outside the front of the house which is all houses and driveways, whereas the back is fields. The closest water is a river about half a mile away. Do you know why he/she is here every year? Is it a nest because I can't see one anywhere nearby.

Lovely to hear from you again, hope you hang around smile

Ah, I do miss some of our old babes. MissP and MissGee and, of course, LittleMissGee with all her poo related problems grin (and horridbaydoll < shiver > )

I've bumped into Saf on another thread and she's doing fine.

Well done greeney keep at it. I loved those Mary Oliver poems too and have re-read them a few times.

Joey there's a line from a Billy Joel song that goes "tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems". Hope it goes ok for you x

Mouse thanks, as always, for being you, just you x

fullofhopefullness Thu 30-May-13 02:11:25

An early morning or late night (whichever) post to say best wishes everyone xx

All is fine with me and ive lost count of number of days might be 13 (unlucky for some!).

No inkling whatsoever of wanting any alcohol at all so all well with that. Should have done this years ago!!

lonnika Thu 30-May-13 08:34:25

Full - go girl - you are rocking it !
Faire - I love your posts you sound so wise - how long have u been AF ?
purple - you have to look aft you first xxx -Sometimes we have to be the bad guy too - it sucks - FWIW I am always the bad guy - moods last for about a week and tighten we are back to normal (me vs kids that is).

I am on day 31 - however so full of nervous excitement as weekend draws near - not sleeping well. Think I am going to start taking anxiety tablets (beta blockers) to get me through xxx

See u laters - L x

greeneyed Thu 30-May-13 08:41:01

Morning you babelicious lot. Feeling almost human today. Right so I'm into my 40th year and thinking about what I want to do before I'm forty. Not a bucket list as such but what I want to acheive in the next year. Anyone done this? Actually a harder exercise than you think. Trying to think about what I really want, not about meeting others expectations. I'm trying to identify what my own values, passions and talents are seperate from the ' I should be doing' stuff to gain approval from parents, friends etc.

Mouse grin I assumed you had accidently missed out the all important NOT.

obrigada Thu 30-May-13 09:25:47

"I'm trying to identify what my own values, passions and talents are separate from the ' I should be doing' stuff to gain approval from parents, friends etc."

You have summed up exactly how I am feeling these days "Green", although in my case I would have to substitute "parents" for "daughters"!

Still alcohol free here, am going out on Sunday (B/H here this weekend) but plans are to eat big Sunday lunch before heading out and fill my glass with lots of ice and plenty of mixer.

Fairenuff Thu 30-May-13 09:55:28

Morning all smile

Feeling very tired this morning, woke up with a rotten cold, so snuggled under a blanket here with a steaming hot coffee and feeling no inclination to move grin

Lonnika I still drink sometimes, it depends what I'm doing but it's all under my terms now. I'm able to have one or two glasses of wine and stop there so I call myself a controlled drinker.

I absolutely love not drinking, can't rate it highly enough it's so much easier, calmer and less stressful than the merry-go-round of drink, depression, hangover, regret, paranoia, guilt, drink...

It was mentally exhausting thinking about alcohol all day - should I drink or not, shall I get some in 'just in case', how much is too much, how often is too often, etc. And then there were the physical strains, every ache or pain worried me so much.

So now I enjoy af days and just get on with all the other things in my life which had been overshadowed.

full you are sounding a little better today, how do you feel?

greeney it's hard to really identify what you want isn't it, I think you have to start from the premise of If I had no responsibilities and money wasn't an issue, how would I like to spend my days, what would I like to do'. Then, once you know what you want you have to try and figure out how you going to do it. No, not easy, my friend but very worthwhile.

obrigada, sounds like a plan man smile

babyjane1 Thu 30-May-13 10:09:24

Morning all, I have a lot of catching up to with all new babes and posts from the last few days and promise I will do so.
I have hit a bit of a snag, day 11 here and with each passing day my crohn's is getting worse and worse, had a terrible night in the toilet in agony for several hours!!! I didn't realise how reclusive I'd become so have been trying to get out and about a bit more, trouble is I worry so much about making it to a toilet I actually get myself into a state!!! I started using wine to self medicate and crohn's is very much connected to stress and anxiety which my life is frought with , 2 year old, 14 year old, grumpy Italian husband and the whiniest cocker spaniel that ever lived...I cannot and will not run out for a bottle if wine but need to find way to fill the prescription that wine provided. Have got up today with shaky legs, muscle pain, mouth ulcers and a few nasty abscesses, all tell tale signs that my crohn's is very active, can anyone with tummy troubles past or resent give me some advice?? Sorry me me me x x x x

lonnika Thu 30-May-13 10:18:52

Baby - can u get in to see a 'good' doctor today ? Hope you get it sorted soon - sounds awful !

aliasjoey Thu 30-May-13 10:22:46

babyj sorry to hear that you're feeling rough. Have you had a review of your meds recently? Is it time to go back to the consultant? I admit it's been many years since I was ill like that, but I hoped the treatment and drugs had improved - new discoveries and all that? Are you part of the support group (NACC)

In the meantime, if your body is run-down, it means you need REST. (Okay I know that's hard with a toddler, not to mention the teenager, husband and dog! - but time to call in some favours from family/friends?)

jango36 Thu 30-May-13 10:39:30

Hi babes ;))
Well am on day four here. It getting easier thank god. Trouble is there are triggers everywhere. Friends asking you out and knowing alcohol will be involved! Also life stressors in generalsad
I need to see the film through to the end knowing how it always ends these days!
baby jane your life sounds similar to mine! and I totally relate. I have started on beta blockers as was having bad anxiety- pretty much all the time. Lost weight, sick in the mornings, dry mouth, butterflies all the time. Hellish! Am on day three of the beta blockers and yes it does help smile)) Just feel calmer and clearer headed. Normal in otherwords!!

mouse who is Mary Oliver?
Purple Wolfe How are you?
Sending strength and positive vibes to all you babes. xx

KoalaKube Thu 30-May-13 11:28:51

BabyJ1 Keep it up Babe, watch out for the WW - could she be telling you for instance that wine was actually good for your chron's
Good to see your resolve is strong. When I stopped drinking my bowel movements went from one extreme to another - I too spent hours struggling on the loo (but without the added crohn's to deal with). Take a look at this link and see what you think - the symptoms you mention seem to point to low magnesium :

Apparently chocolate has lots of magnesium - I've been craving that like mad recently so I 'm gonna investigate further and up my intake.

And definately go see the doctor - perhaps now is the time to 'fess up' - they can only help and prescribe given all the information, and most of us here are guilty of only providing our GPs with half the truth - and then we wonder why our meds aren't working properly. Another WW strategy - blame it all on something else - its never the booze!!

good luck to all babes



babyjane1 Thu 30-May-13 12:39:25

Thanks everyone appreciate all your comments and will see what today brings. Hope your all having a good day, sun shining here and TODAY I WILL NOT DRINK, purple you ok babe? And inside where are you? We miss you x x

greeneyed Thu 30-May-13 14:10:03

Afternoon all - Obrigada it shouldn't be so difficult should it!

Since I turned 30 I started to realise and question what an 'unusual' childhood I had.

My mother is an extreme narcissist who is completely self absorbed and neglected us badly as children and adolescents. As an adult she is devoid of empathy and seeing beyond her own needs and desires. My father is an alcoholic with mental health problems brought up by an even more extreme narcissist mother (he swapped one for another) - He was a dark and terrifying presence at home, our mother was happy to abandon us with him most of the time. My home life was full of fear, rejection and a sense of never being good enough or loved. I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders, shielding my younger sister, cossetting my father and accepting his rage for fear he would end his life. I was the parent and felt I had to stay strong to protect the family unit. Consequentially my own feelings and needs were quashed and deemed unimportant, a sacrifice for the greater good. I have grown up a people pleaser, perfectionist and desperate for approval.

As I began to realise my DM was not the all knowing brilliance I believed her to be and that my adolescent experience was far removed from normal family life I became so angry and bitter. Having my own child reinforced the incredulity that someone could treat their children in that way. I set up tests for my parents (unconsciously) which they always failed, I reached out to them, tried to see their love - cue more hurt and rejection, anxiety, panic, OCD, depression, BLAME.

Fast forward to now - I'm over the anger (mostly!) I realise they are damaged people and I cannot change the past or them for that matter. I want them in my life but want to minimise the hurt. I've accepted things for the way they are and no longer hope for the family relationships other people have. I am reading a book by Karyl Mcbride - Will I ever be good enough - about healing the daughters or narcissistic mothers which is really good.

I need to separate my sense of self from my parents. I realise that I am always looking at my life through my mothers eyes. I have an internal dialogue where I walk around my house saying what will mum think about this or that - If I create anything in the house or garden I can't wait to show it to her to see if she likes it and similarly with my father I have taken on his interests and call him to tell him anything I do in these areas which I think will impress him. I realise so much of my time is spent STILL trying to gain the approval of my parents. I'm almost 40 FFS.

So Karyl suggests I write down what my OWN values, passions and talents are and I stare at a blank piece of paper, I truly do not know what I believe, what I like to do, what I hold important etc. My life has been spent trying desperately to live up to the values of others.

JANGO Mary Oliver is a poet who "Isinde" has quoted on here. I started reading her book Wild Geese last night. The forward resonated with me so much "I decided not to make anyone responsible for my life" That is what I need to do. The rest of my life I intend to be fully responsible for, no more allowing the past to dictate the present or future.

Sorry for epic me me me self indulgent post!

babyjane1 Thu 30-May-13 16:29:10

green your post made me cry, surely the very least every one of us deserves is the love of our parents, how sad ghat you did not feel that. The fact that you have turned that around and being a great mum and support so many of us on here shows that you are nothing like your parents. You are indeed a brave babe x x x

fullofhopefullness Thu 30-May-13 16:51:50

Day 14. Bad bad problems but pleased that no urge for ww remains.

Just checking in very quickly - not reading or responding, sorry, I will come back properly later. But just to say (for myself, really) that I didn't drink last night, nor on the train home just now, though the woman next to me was drinking G&T and I could have murdered one. Success! Ish, anyway. grin

greeneyed Thu 30-May-13 16:58:18

I'm sorry baby blush slightly embarrassed now for that brain dump! Thank you so much for your kind words. How are you feeling this afternoon?

It is sad but I'm not feeling sad at the moment more hopeful because I can see a way forward to still have a relationship with them but save my own sanity. They are actually getting a little better in their own way. I am more worried about my mother at the moment as she has slipped into depression. After being emotionally bullet proof her whole life and refusing to believe depression anxiety existed (you just need to pull your socks up etc) she is getting older, has lost her looks and retired from her high powered position at work. I think it is getting more difficult for her to convince herself she is truly wonderful and superior and the cracks in her armour are starting to show. She no longer has an audience of admirers and is finding it very hard to adjust. I am more sad for her at the moment she is lost.

I feel empowered to change the future now I can accept the past - just need to find me in the process. So back to the list.... Will report back on progress.

Fairenuff Thu 30-May-13 17:00:06

Don't make anyone responsible for your life and, also, don't make yourself responsible for anyone else's life.

Everyone makes their own decisions and whilst we can be influenced and influence others, their decisions are ultimately their responsibility, not ours.

How your parents behave, for example, is their choice green, not anything you did or didn't do or say. How do you get on with your sister now?

Good luck with finding yourself. Any chance you could book yourself a night away and go somewhere remote and peaceful on your own with a journal to write in, sketchbook to draw in, calm thoughts to lose yourself in?

Fairenuff Thu 30-May-13 17:04:43

full lovely to hear from you again, you are really good at checking in with the bus. That's hard to do when we're feeling overwhelmed but it's important to keep that focus, I think.

(And it stops us all worrying about those that aren't around)

< cough > purps smile

And all the other babes out there that haven't checked in for a while, give a shout willya?

venus my thoughts are with you and your family, so much sadness and joy for you at the moment, you must not know what to feel x

PurpleWolfe Thu 30-May-13 17:12:13

Greeny Coming from an alcoholic mother who abandoned me for the lure of the pub/a good time/a bloke+alcholol+ a good time and, when she died when I was 12, a father who was way too spineless to stand up to my cruel, spiteful jealous step mother - I understand where you are coming from. The 'people-pleasing, perfectionist and desperate for approval' is so me. I, too, tried for years to keep/gain a connection with my father but, in the end, my step-mother (and my father's weakness) won through and, at the age of 40ish, I gave up with him. My children are a bit confused about it all and it's very difficult to explain. All I can do is be a better parent than either of them - despite my struggle with alcohol.

Thank you Baby, Jango, Ionnika and Mouse for asking about me. I'm a bit like the curate's egg - good in places! Seem to be totally crap at moderating my alcohol intake at the mo' but also, surprisingly, seem to be achieving lots of good stuff despite the alcohol?! Just think how awesome I could be if I could kick WW into touch!

Faire, thank you for your wise words. The woman (XMIL) is 71, morbidly obese and her 61 year old husband is an alcoholic (not seen him for about 9 years but even then, as an "ex-alcoholic" he was wandering around with a can of Coke that stunk of whiskey!!). No fucking support from XP (no surprise there!) but I've said I'm not making any decision until next spring. As DD has pointed out she will (just!) be 13 by then and XMIL has said she will fly back to accompany her. Why is this stuff so difficult!?

Joey my Sweet, how did work go?? xxx

greeneyed Thu 30-May-13 17:13:53

Thank you Faire wise words as usual smile my sister and I remain in the same roles we were as children. I am the responsible one who gives, cares, looks after her, picks up the pieces etc. I am her second mum (despite there only being a few years between us). She doesn't take any responsibility, only calls when she needs me, generally waits for people to rescue her - maybe I did her no favours. Fundamentally though we love each other and I am grateful to have a link to the past who experienced the same (so I know I'm not crazy). She has her own legacy to deal with though it is different to mine - She is the favourite and babied.

Anyway enough of this melancholy malarky smile Good idea to get some peace to work through things Faire I have a special place by a river where I used to go to as a child. I reminded myself of it's permanence and no matter what no-one could take away my appreciation of it, it would always be there and always be beautiful. I might go there and sit for a while smile

greeneyed Thu 30-May-13 17:19:07

Oh Purple and all those out there - I know there are a few who didn't get the parenting we all deserve, I'm sorry. I hope I haven't upset people and poor Venus I'm sorry if it is hurtful for me to be talking about my mother in this way - I hope you are okay.

PurpleWolfe Thu 30-May-13 17:23:48

Green Please don't be sorry about upsetting me - you haven't. x I think I struggled with the crap in my late teens, twenties and up to my late 30's. By now, I'm my own person. It gets to a point where you just have to get on with life, whatever it's thrown at you. What's the alternative? Hugs to Venus. xx

greeneyed Thu 30-May-13 17:34:57

Hi Purple that's the point I'm reaching - shame it takes so long to get there but I guess it's a process that takes a long time. Being my own person is who I need to be now

realises she has just got off phone to mother and sister trying to sort out arrangements for them smile I guess the parent role will probably be one that sticks with me!

greeneyed Thu 30-May-13 17:37:12

Well done Purple re in-laws for standing your ground, don't be rail roaded x

PurpleWolfe Thu 30-May-13 17:59:05

Ta Green smile x

aliasjoey Thu 30-May-13 19:49:48

Thanks purple work was okay, but I seem to have gone from one extreme (anxiety and panic attacks) to another (feeling depressed) turns out one of the ingredients (hops) in Kalms can be TOO effective at calming down the mood...

DD is at the in-laws for half-term, and DH wants to >>TMI make the most of it, I really don't want to, but feel so guilty at refusing. He even suggested I have some wine - not that he is trying to sabotage my sobriety, but he's a bit desperate, poor man.

How is everyone? venus mouse isinde ?

purple sounds like you made the right decision, a year is a long time especially when you're 12 and the 'Best Friend Forever' changes on a weekly basis!

dementedma Thu 30-May-13 20:19:11

Gosh its so hard to keep up. Lots of insightful posts here, well done all of you.
Where the feck is indie? <worried >
Good news - Salvation Army have agreed to keep Richard as long as needs to be there. He looks well, positive, 18 days AF. He says he feels like a snake shedding its old skin and being reborn. Have no words for the SA and the way they very calmly take in those who are completely lost and broken, and see them as people worth saving.
Thank you all for your ongoing support, prayers and thoughts. You have made a difference

greeneyed Thu 30-May-13 20:35:41

ma that is great news. He is lucky to have the SA and you as a sister, your tenacity got him there x

fullofhopefullness Thu 30-May-13 20:53:03

Hi faire overwhelmed definitely good description hopefully get positive result tomorrow on health issue. But if not im not sure what to do!!

ChateauCollapso Thu 30-May-13 20:54:52

ma I'm a very long time lurker. Issues of my own. But hey! I'm so pleased to hear about Richard. 18 days is unbelievable! Good for the SA and I hope they carry on their fabulous work. I'll be brave enough one day to join the journey on the bus. It's helping me just to read & learn at the moment. Will take the plunge one day soon xx

Green your post has moved me beyond words. Our stories are very different but my wonderful sister and I had/have a difficult relationship with our bright but very damaged mother. We grew up scared of her mood swings and never knowing whether we would be cuddled or slapped. My sister still somehow thinks it is her job to look after me and I often have to gently remind her how small our age-gap is and the fact that we ar enow in our forties! My father can rightly be decribed as spineless but is also very bigoted. It was always a recipe for a scrambled childhood which I compounded by "deciding" (my mother's words) to be gay. I spent years and years trying in one form or another to please them. I had an epiphany about 10 years ago when, after attending my Masters graduation and at the bottom of lots of bottles (she's a drinker too) I got upset and gave her a list of all the things I had acheived, did, was like, my values, contribution to society, past accolades, people I had helped, responsibilities I met, value I added to the world, (fucking puppies I had saved from burning buildings no was a bit of a diatribe blush ) and she looked bemused and said " I know all of that, you are all of those things and more...but you are still a pervert and the biggest disappointment of my life" (unsurprisingly this is word-accurate as it is not something anyone is likely to forget smile )

It was the most LIBERATING and fabulous thing she could have done! Because in that moment the utter futility of all of my efforts was brought home so powerfully that I was able to finally let go and begin the process of detaching myself from them, their views, their approval or otherwise. It took a while and some good therapy after that but ironically I am now very relaxed about the contact we have as I genuinely don't really mind what they say and do. i have been able to lay down very clear ground-rules about how we have contact ( no homophobic references around my children EVER or their contact with them will be severed permanently for example) and when they kick off I simply withdraw contact until they apologise. That might sound controlling and heartless but my genuine priorities are now with my own family and trying very very hard to give my children a much much better parenting experience (without swinging the pendulum too ar the other way which is not always easy)

Apologies for the rant but I do want you to know Green that your post was brave and insightful and massively resonating and not self indulgent! (Although I suspect this one might be..hmm )
Much love to everyone xx

purple I so get your post too. Sending best wishes x

Fairenuff Thu 30-May-13 21:49:54

full hopefully get positive result tomorrow on health issue. But if not im not sure what to do!!

Come and post about it of course! Just sharing your worries will at least help you feel a little better about them. Let us know what happens either way.

greeney your little place by the river sounds just the job. I like the idea of it never changing, even though the water flows on past.

I have a saying that I use with children at school to do with emotional literacy - 'feelings come and feelings go'. We never feel the same all the time so no matter how sad, miserable, worried, upset, angry, frightened we feel, the feeling will pass. I love helping to make school a safe and happy place for children to spend their days. So many are growing up in unhappy homes and some of us have shared how long-lasting the effects can be.

Chateau welcome to the bus. If you have been lurking you probably feel you 'know' lots of us already, so why not hop on and take a seat smile

Isinde got any of that lovely boing left? Are you still working from home and avoiding the dreaded train?

Ma I am so impressed with the Sally Army, I'm going to set up a regular donation. They are the only ones who have helped your Richard when the NHS kept letting him down. Not everyone is lucky enough to have someone like you in their corner.

CrabbyBigBottom Thu 30-May-13 22:00:01

Joey hops can be a depressant (think about beer!) but should only have that effect in fairly large doses or over a long time of taking. I'm glad work wasn't as bad as you were dreading.

Mouse 'same shit different day' made me grin - same here!

Faire I think Natterers would only be found in pretty large gardens, from what I've read, as they like dense cover and woodland. The most likely is a pipistrelle - has it got a fast and acrobatic flight pattern?

Fairenuff Thu 30-May-13 22:04:49

It seems to fly around in wide circles, Crabby but it is fast.

greeneyed Thu 30-May-13 22:11:31

Isinde sad Thank you for your post, tears at reading (and recoiling in horror!) but happiness at your epiphany and way of handling your mother. I really feel like I have reached the point of accepting the futility of trying and accept that I can't change things - she will never be the mother I want her to be - it's a huge relief to stop expecting and hoping.

I'm actually feeling happier and freer than I ever have in respect to my relationship with them, just a little lost - Seeking their approval has been my driver in life, perhaps not always a bad thing, I've striven where I might not have done otherwise, I've created a reasonable life, I am responsible and caring and valued by others as such, but I truly do not know who I am .

My sister probably feels like you - I am often conscious that perhaps she finds me patronising and wishes I would stop mothering her! I know the dynamics of our relationship should change now.

I'd like to move forward now - take responsibility for my own life and be true to myself - whoever that may be smile

Thanks again for Mary Oliver introduction - very timely - nature has always been my escape, was very much as a child and I found wonder and hope in the natural world - I have stopped making the time to stand and stare and think I need to do just that right now.

Apologies for diversion babes - Love to all xx

babyjane1 Thu 30-May-13 22:20:30

Right here goes aliasjango and koala thank you for your concern re my illness, it never ceases to amaze me that my very dear friends in this virtual world show more compassion than most of those in RL so I thank you. green purple and inside very very brave to share you deepest emotions,it makes me respect and care for you all even more, the fact you show such kindness on here is very honest and keeps my faith in the human spirit. full day 14 is amazing, I'm hot on your heels on day 11!!! ma I think of Richard every day and will him success and happiness and am thankful he has a sis like you, I'm an only child and it scares me I will one day be alone. * chateau* please post and share with us, we all learn from each others mistakes and successes including yours so don't be a stranger!! And lovely venus hope your doing ok and I'm sorry your mum is so poorly and once again you find time to help us, "your a good un" as we Scots would say. To all new babes stay close and let these lovely babes help you as they've helped me, think that's everyone,,,, and breathe!!! Xxx

greeneyed Thu 30-May-13 22:34:48

baby it is lovely to hear you are beating the WW despite feeling so terrible. Well done you!

faire I love that about feelings and will try to remember it to say to my son x

fullofhopefullness Thu 30-May-13 22:48:04

I must admit to extreme pessimism just now. I dont feel in the least like drinking though. I just feel totally wiped out though and that all is hopeless. I feel like giving up.

CrabbyBigBottom Thu 30-May-13 22:58:36

Faire ours circles too, big fast loops with dives and twists to catch insects. I reckon you've got a pipistrelle. I even looked at some more websites to confirm! grin

aliasjoey Thu 30-May-13 23:15:49

crabby I just knew YOU would be the one to know about these things! I did take several doses (and it certainly helped the anxiety, because I no longer cared)

How are you my dear?

Fairenuff Thu 30-May-13 23:20:45

Thanks Crabby smile Just need to see him again as he hasn't been around for a few days now. Does the cold and rain keep him inside do you think grin

full you tend to 'sound' a bit happier when you do your middle of the night post. Do you think that feeling tired is making it all seem a bit too much? Hopefully, once you've got a couple of hours sleep you'll feel a bit better. I find everything always seems worse when I'm tired. Hope you get a good rest tonight.

fullofhopefullness Thu 30-May-13 23:31:45

Thanks faire I think im just worried about tomorrow. Dr in morning and hopefully things fine. Stress is killing me at the minute and before I could have shut it out but im not now.

babyjane1 Fri 31-May-13 00:07:14

full good luck for tomorrow, try not to worry, things are never as bad as they seem x x x

lonnika Fri 31-May-13 06:03:27

Full - good luck with GP today - hope all goes well.
Baby the days are stacking up - hope u start to feel better soon.
Ma - really positive news smile.
Faire - love your feelings quote smile
Day 32 today smile - Hope all ok. - just realised how early it is - so going to try and go back to sleep smile

Morning babes, Lonnika you are doing amazing, huge well done! It is too bloody early, when will my lively boy realise this is too early?!
Faire I love your feelings analogy. My last post in Camhs was delivering the dinosaur school & we did huge work with the children on being able I regulate their emotions. I love the thought of explaining no matter how bad your feeling it will pass. That actually used to be my mantra when hungover "this too shall pass"
Green, some very insightful & thought provoking posts, sounds like you are really finding your way. It's made me think of this place I used to walk to when I was a teen at the back of my house, it was a big tree really secluded by river & little waterfall. May take a walk & see if its still there (probably a block of flats now!)
Isindie, amazingly, honest post. It sounds like the heartless & hurtful hmm comment from your dm was the best thing that happened to you & actually set you free. You sound like you are being a wonderful mother to your girls.
BabyJ you are doing so so well, hope you find a diet that helps with your crohn's & you stay away from ww.
Fullofhope, wishing you well for GP today, come & let us know.
MA so so happy that things going in the right direction. Agree that the SA have been amazing but it was you that didn't give up on Richard x
Mouse, how are things going? How is Nemo getting on at pre-school?
Purple, think a good plan to wait a year before any decisions on holiday, a year is so long at this age so who knows how everyone will be then? If it came to it could you say try can come but I need to come too? (That's you not me ha ha, although I'd love a trip abroad!)
Waves to all babes and wishes everyone well today xx

Ladame Fri 31-May-13 08:55:38

Hi all babes x

Isinde The comment from your Mother upset me so much, I could cry.
You know why x
I'm glad it set you free lovely.

Fairenuff Fri 31-May-13 09:14:33

One of the best things my parents did for me was show me how not to raise children. Seriously.

I don't criticise my children or tell them they are stupid. I explain and encourage and tell them that mistakes are fine, we learn from them.

I don't shout at my children or hit them. I tell them how I feel and that I need some space sometimes.

I don't push them away or ignore them. I hug them, listen to them, laugh with them.

I don't compare them or get them to compete against each other. I value them as individuals and tell them so, frequently.

I don't try to control their decisions. I let them be as independent as is age appropriate and to experience the consequences of their decisions in a safe environment.

I don't tell them they will amount to nothing. I tell them they are wonderful, intelligent, kind, funny, beautiful kids and there is nothing they could do that would make me not love them.

In fact, when I'm not sure I sometimes think what would my parents do. And then I do the opposite, so good things can come out of crap childhoods grin

Pink01 Fri 31-May-13 09:35:23

Hello to all the babes,

Some really interesting posts on here and thank you for sharing some of your experiences, so many different thoughts and feelings.

I want to say it is helping me (and it is) but unfortunately I have let myself down by drinking last night - far too much - I was with my sister and we really got stuck in. I have a fuzzy head but my sense of shame is worse, I really need to get myself out of this rut.

So today is day one again.

Don't feel I know everyone well enough to name check yet but thank you for the welcome the other day it meant a lot.

Pink x

obrigada Fri 31-May-13 09:52:59

Pink01, Day 1 for me too!

Pink01 Fri 31-May-13 09:56:08


All the best with it, perhaps we can egg each other on smile

Have you stopped before?

I did 60 days earlier this year and so wish I had never started again......sad

aliasjoey Fri 31-May-13 11:59:55

Morning Babes

fullof how did your doctors appointment go?

ma that's so good to hear about your brother... now what about YOU ?

aliasjoey Fri 31-May-13 12:07:31

We're going to in-laws tonight... I have only had alcohol once (at Christmas) in the last 10 months at their house. Very proud of that, and don't want to mess up the track record, but don't know if I have the strength tonight. (I just feel so tired and worn out - mostly with work; but also a bit fed up with my health - the side-effects from new medication are not easing sad )

The only way I can persuade myself is with the promise that I can drink tomorrow night (at home) if I abstain tonight. I know, that's not exactly sensible, but all I can manage - and even then I'm not sure if its enough.

Don't know why tonight is so hard. I'm so antisocial really - I find these dinners with Daily-Mail-reading PIL so boring blush

fullofhopefullness Fri 31-May-13 13:40:08

Hi alias and everyone-thank god I got good news! Back to fullofhopefulness!!!

Ooh, that's brilliant full! smile

So glad for you.

alias - poor you. I can totally understand, btw. It is stressful. Good luck for tonight.

babyjane1 Fri 31-May-13 13:53:19

full see I told you, it's never as bad as you fear and alias hope all goes well tonight,thinking of you, feeling a bit flat today, weekends always a challenge for me x x

CrabbyBigBottom Fri 31-May-13 14:02:53

Sorry to read what awful excuses for parents some of you have! sad

Joey I'm fine thanks, ticking along. DD has just been diagnosed with Aspergers, which is a relief (have suspected for a long time) and makes sense of a lot of things. I hummed and haaed about getting her assessed because she's really borderline and it presents differently in girls, but the developmental paediatrician was bloody brilliant so I'm really glad I did. I'm going to carry on home edding her through secondary level too (god help me! grin) because she's so much happier now than she was at school and I want her to stay that way. Your DD sounds like she's doing brilliantly!

Great news full !!
Been invited to neighbours tonight, have set myself a plan.
Going to buy 4 Smirnoff ices, cherry fruit juice & big bag of ice. Use my Smirnoff ice as my alcoholic bit & mix it up with cherry & ice. My 4 bottles will be 8 drinks and the Smirnoff ice is 4% and I'm diluting it to about 2%.
Not going to over do it. Got my little ones nursery/school fair tomorrow & dh not working so we're going to go.
No wine for me or I will ruin the weekend for everyone smile

aliasjoey Fri 31-May-13 14:33:09

that's great news fullof

I keep thinking that not drinking tonight is a big deal, it's going to be hard etc. but that is actually faulty thinking. Every time I've managed it previously, haven't I come on the Bus afterwards and said things like -

"It was easier than I expected"
"DH joined me in not drinking"
"Really not so hard to do"

EVERY TIME! The idea of it is worse than the reality.

lonnika Fri 31-May-13 14:55:26

Great news Full
Alias I agree with your way of thinking - it is only 4 or so hours of your life - I bet you did 4 hours every morning AF without drink even crossing your mind smile. Good luck tonight smile

Fairenuff Fri 31-May-13 14:55:30

Joey you are so right. And can I add a bit of my experience too. If you make the decision to not drink and are absolutely sure about it, the desire to drink goes away anyway. At least for me it does.

If I know 100% for certain that I'm not going to drink, I don't get any cravings.

For example, I took my dd and her friend out for lunch and was driving. I ordered a soft drink with my meal and even though all around me people were drinking wine in the restaurant, I didn't want any, not for one second did the thought occur to me. Because I knew I wouldn't drink and drive.

And many of us have said we didn't touch a drop during pregnancy and found it easy. Because we knew we wouldn't drink.

It's only that hesitation, deliberation, unsureness, call it what you will, that gives the WW an opening to get in your head and bug you about it. Kick her out, I say grin

Another thought, sorry if this is too personal, why do you go to your in-laws if you don't really get on with them? Do you feel a sense of obligation, or something. Because you don't have to go you know. Your dh could go on his own if he wants to see them. Just a thought, ignore me if I'm speaking out of turn.

clutter sounds like a good plan, if you're sure it won't lead you on to more drinking. Not everyone can drink like that but if it works for you, go for it smile

full phew, that's a relief. I am so glad that you got good news. Don't forget to keep us updated on how the drinking/not drinking is going x

fullofhopefullness Fri 31-May-13 17:58:05

Thanks everyone and day 15!! I am really loving having my head back 100% and im not even thinking vaguely about wine. Ive managed somehow to find a new way of being. Still have problems to solve but thats life! I dont know how (although have a few theories) but ive cracked it! Xxx to all

lonnika Fri 31-May-13 18:04:59

Yay well done for positive post full - I have had some major cravings today but a quick google of effects of alcohol and the damage it does has put me right of- going to have a bath and then a chocolate magnum instead.

fullofhopefullness Fri 31-May-13 18:32:13

Well lone lonnika smile might do the very same myself!!

aliasjoey Fri 31-May-13 22:01:13

Just checking in. Hope everyone is doing okay tonight.

Am not drinking, and its fine. PIL even had some herbal teas.

babyjane1 Fri 31-May-13 22:35:42

Well done alias, you did good girl, it's quiet here tonight,everyone ok? Xxx

Night babes, went to neighbours & stuck to the plan. Have had 2.5 bottles of Smirnoff ice, loads of ice & gallons of cherry juice. Will probably be up all night needing a wee!
Can see how easily I could of said "fuck it" female neighbour drinking wine, make neighbour drinking whiskey & for a fleeting moment thought "whiskey would give you a good hit!" Wtf?
Hope I feel ok in the morning.
Hope all babes getting through tonight ok
Night x smile

fullofhopefullness Fri 31-May-13 23:48:47

Well done clutter-you should feel grand in morning I would say.

Morning babes! Little boy woke at 4:50!!!! Thank jeff I didn't drink wine! Feel tired but ok.
Think I need to give socialising a miss until ds moves out, too tiring!
Getting ready for school fair & dh off for a change so we can be a family instead of it always being me & the boy!
Wishing everyone a good day & hope the sun shines for you xx

Morning Babes.

Apologies for not reading back but just wanted to pop in this morning to wish everyone a fab and groovy weekend.

Well done Full and Clutter Alias and Ion and anyone else who beat the WW last night! (I did too! smile )
And here is a quiet corner of the bus and some brew for anyone waking with a hangover this morning.
I have declared myself a day off in the middle of the storm grin I did 2 nearly-all-nighters last week for this project and have a mad week next so today Babes I will be mainly referreeing playing with my DTs.

Have lovely days all.

fullofhopefullness Sat 01-Jun-13 08:43:22

Hi everyond its lovely and sunny here hopefully staying that way all day ( with bit of luck) - day 16 and no obstacles ahead.

Edinbugger Sat 01-Jun-13 09:55:02

Hi everyone, do you mind if I join. Been on MN forever but have name changed for this cos the thought of outing myself to folk in RL is too horrible. I have a big problem with alcohol - can easily drink a bottle of wine a night and lately more. Usual boring reasons/excuses - stressful job, 'need' it to wind down. I've stopped and started over the years but I'm getting to the point where I have to do something.Quite aside from the damage that I must be doing to my insides I'm starting to look like a lush - my skin is dry, my face is bloated and I'm a good two/three stone over-weight. (Mmmmm - don't I sound like a catch!). Have lurked on this thread before when I've not been drinking and found it incredibly helpful but feel like this time I have to post or by this evening I'll be finding an excuse to open the bottle. In the short-term my goal is not to drink at home - in the long term I'm contemplating stopping all together. Strategy today is to keep busy and stay positive. I've been here before and fallen off the wagon - this time I need to make it stick.

jango36 Sat 01-Jun-13 10:07:18

Hi babessmile day six here. Aim for me is also to not booze at home. I never used to these habits just crep up on us don't they.. Am looking for this famous boing its not with me as yet. Xx

jango36 Sat 01-Jun-13 11:43:57

Bus feels v quiet. Where are you all?? Xx

Hi jango just popping in before taking the DTs for a picnick.

Edinbugger welcome to the bus lovely. Take a seat and we will ride out the day together without a drink!
Do you know what your triggers are? Mine is around 7-8pm and cooking.
Oops! dT calling. See you later! X

Edinbugger Sat 01-Jun-13 12:40:21

Thanks isinde - my trigger time is shamefully early! I have to be super careful around 4/5pm - kids in from school, homework, thinking about starting making dinner. I find if I can get to 7pm the craving passes - the problem is I very rarely get to 7pm without cracking. Half thinking I might drag my sorry arse out for a jog at trigger time tonight but that might be a step too far... smile

Hi everyone. smile

I've just been catching up slowly after a few pop-in posts, and I know it's now a while back, but isinde, your post about your mother made me so angry for you, but also so glad you've been able to let go of all the bitterness she was pushing at you.

You always come across as a lovely woman and a lovely mum, anyone can see that.

I'm going to remember faire's post: 'One of the best things my parents did for me was show me how not to raise children.' I sometimes get a bit worried I'd be a bad mum because my parents - though I have an ok relationship with them now - were not great. But it's so much better to turn it around and try to see it as an example the other way, not a pattern I have to follow. I know I try to do this with DH, to make sure our relationship isn't like my parents'. So we do have screaming rows occasionally (who doesn't?), but then we sort it out, and we apologize for where we were being out of line, and we move on.

He is looking after me today as I've caught a bug off my darling, snuffly niece and am nicely light-headed and sleepy. Just right for staving off the booze cravings, in fact! grin

Welcome to edin and pink. smile

Today is day 13 for me - longest it's been in a while. Thanks so much for the hand-holding, babes.

Hope everyone is out enjoying the sun!

Well, was good last night but little boy woke so early so still felt like shit today. Have took him to fair and tried to be a good mum but felt so tired.
Been feeling low & not sure if that's chest infection, new job, drinking last night.
Dh blew up paddling pool and we filled it then it started to rain...of course it did this is Scotland!
I felt to take edge off tiredness if have last Smirnoff ice with mixer at 1pm.
Dh then took dd to her dancing & I thought I'd finish Smirnoff ice. Then had proseco & mixer. Was starting to get warm fuzzy feeling. Dh came home & we had a giggle watching ds run round. In all the weeks I've not been drinking I've not felt like laughing when sober. Have finished proseco & want more.
Feels like alcohol helps take away the relentless monotony & boredom of raising children when skint.
I know, I know, I know this is temporary but it feels nice to laugh.