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DH kicked me, wtaf do I do now?

(60 Posts)
TotallyKerplunked Thu 23-May-13 23:00:07

DH kicked me while I was carrying DS, I fell and dropped DS (he is fine but I'm pretty sure my ankle is broken as I've broken it before).

DH flipped because I went to the shop while he and DS were napping and when I came back and found them both awake I said please don't sulk. t's not been great for a while but I would never think he would do that, he adores DS and I wouldn't believe he could do something so stupid that could have really hurt him.

I don't know what to do, I've told DH to leave and he has gone to his parents but he didn't take any of his stuff so I can only assume he will want to come back tomorrow. I haven't contacted the police, I don't want to jeopardise his job and as I'm a SAHM I rely on his income.

Can men change after a violent outburst? Is there any coming back from this? We have been together 7 years and its the first time he has even shouted at me let alone been violent.

SisterMatic Thu 23-May-13 23:01:16

He kicked you, breaking your ankle while carrying your child..an you are worried about him??

Please ring the police.

auntmargaret Thu 23-May-13 23:03:26

Police. No brainer, really. How are you?

FannyFifer Thu 23-May-13 23:03:58

You need to contact police and get medical attention.

SisterMatic Thu 23-May-13 23:04:28

<gives you my hand to hold>

Are you seeking medical attention as well?

Please call police. And seek medical attention for your ankle.

You do not rely on his income. There are ways to leave him. He might rely on his income but then he should have thought of that before he assaulted you.

Can you call family? Is there anyone who can come be with you?

hiddenhome Thu 23-May-13 23:06:14

How old is your Ds?

A lot of abusers don't actually start abusing their partners until she becomes pregnant or has the baby. Her relatively vulnerable state can trigger something in these types and then the abuse starts.

If he's kicked you hard enough to think he's seriously damaged your ankle then you should be calling it a day and be making plans to go it alone tbh. You will receive benefits, you don't need to be dependant on this pig's income.

Do not allow him to enter the house tomorrow, change the locks if necessary. Personally, I would report him to the police.

SimLondon Thu 23-May-13 23:06:39

Refuge - you don't need to be reliant on his income. Or dependant upon him, http://refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/
0808 2000 247

Please don't put your kids through the stress of an abusive home-life
call refuge - they will help.

DiscoDonkey Thu 23-May-13 23:07:25

He kicked you hard enough to make you fall and drop your child and you think you may have broken your ankle the only way forward is to leave. This might be the first time but there is nothing to say there won't be a next time

katieks Thu 23-May-13 23:09:11

If you don't call the police now, he may get the impression that he can get away with it again next time something makes him mad. you can call the police and have the incident on file even if you don't press charges, I think that'll give him the message that you mean business.

JumpingJackSprat Thu 23-May-13 23:09:14

Call the police, fuck his job - what about your child if he had been hurt when you fell? Quite aside from that, this utter bastard may have broken your ankle ... if someone did this in the street what would you do?!

You say it's the first time. I bet it won't be the last. You want your DS to grow up seeing that?

Call the police. Leave him. Protect yourself & your DS.

TheChaoGoesMu Thu 23-May-13 23:11:20

He kicked you and quite possibly broke your ankle. He kicked you whilst you were carrying your child. It is only luck that your child wasn't injured. His actions aren't rational, and it is likely that he could flip and do this again, no matter how much remorse he might show right now. There is no coming back from this.
I'm sorry.

TotallyKerplunked Thu 23-May-13 23:12:46

I haven't called the police, I'm just shocked and need to get my head round this, and I can't get to a hospital tonight, I have no one to look after DS, (we are away from home), DS took a lot a calming down so it was more important to focus on him. I just wanted to talk as
no one in rl will believe me.

DiscoDonkey Thu 23-May-13 23:13:05

Also your DS is unhurt by chance not because you husband was making a conscious effort to keep him safe in the cross fire. What if you had landed on your child and it was him with the broken bones?

Xales Thu 23-May-13 23:14:27

Another one saying call the police.

He may have broken your ankle over the most trivial thing.

What the hell will he give himself permission to do over something less trivial?

What would be your line for calling the police if an assault bad enough to break bones is not it?

Why would your family not believe you?

SimLondon Thu 23-May-13 23:15:02

you need professional advice - please call refuge, tomorrow it could be your child that's injured.

DiscoDonkey Thu 23-May-13 23:15:20

If you call the police they will get you to hospital and checked out. You and your child are away from home with a violent man and you may have a broken ankle.

Mumsyblouse Thu 23-May-13 23:16:12

That must have been an extremely hard kicksad

I would never ever tolerate any violence, that is just a line you can't cross. I'm sorry. I think you need to get out of that relationship, it cannot function when one person breaks another person's bones.

Xales Thu 23-May-13 23:16:41

You could increase the damage if you do not get medical attention. That will impact your child more if you have to stay in hospital longer than if you go, taking him tonight.

YoniBottsBumgina Thu 23-May-13 23:23:11

I'm so sorry, this must be a huge shock. However even if he has never been violent before it's very likely that he is emotionally abusive - you expected him to sulk because you went to the shop while he was napping? You do know this isn't normal?

If you need medical attention, take DS with you to hospital. They don't usually get children in adults' A&E and they'll probably be quite taken with him! You don't have to tell them how the injury occurred if that us what you are afraid of. But if you do choose to, you will be believed and they won't make you contact the police. Take a taxi or call an ambulance since you can't drive with a broken ankle.

Noregrets78 Thu 23-May-13 23:25:13

When you say you're getting your head together, please don't come up with the conclusion that this is not such a big deal...

This is very serious, and you really do need to get it sorted. You can call the police and DS will sleep straight through. Just calling the police will not jeopardise his job, and they can talk you through the options.

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 23:34:35

Medical staff and the police will believe you

Why would they not ?

BlackeyedSusan Thu 23-May-13 23:36:40

please do not stay with him. don't make the same mistake as I did.

get medical treatment.

tell the drs how it happened and you own gp if you do not want to tell the police, though it would be a good idea to tell the police.

it does not necessarily mean an end to his job.

chipmonkey Thu 23-May-13 23:40:47

You poor thing! Go to the police and go to the hospital for treatment and tell them how it happened.
He risked the life of your child. Your baby could easily have been injured and your H had no regard for your safety when he did that.
His job is really the least of your worries, there is help out there. Don't take him back, he will do it again.

TotallyKerplunked Thu 23-May-13 23:44:02

Thanks all. I've got a friend on there way to look after DS but it will be a while til they get here and then I can go to the hospital - seriously need my ankle looked at as it fucking kills. It's good to know I can report it to the police without it automatically going further as well.

Noregrets78 Thu 23-May-13 23:45:53

Well done, I'm really impressed that you've sorted it so you can go to the hospital, so many sit and do nothing. Please do find someone there to talk to, tell them how it happened. x

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 23:47:01

It's not really possible to "do nothing" about a broken ankle.

PusscatAndTiger4Eva Thu 23-May-13 23:50:33

Surely they will believe you if you have an actual broken ankle?

Call the police. If you don't, go to a&e tomorrow and tell them what happened.

If someone came up to you in the street and kicked your ankle and broke it, what would you do?

skyeskyeskye Thu 23-May-13 23:53:35

Tell the hospital staff the truth about what happened and they may be able to help you. Tell the Police, you need to get this logged.

But if he can do it once and get away with it, he will do it again. And again. And again.

cestlavielife Thu 23-May-13 23:54:40

Whatever has "not been great for a while" well this is the outcome ....keep away from him report to police, maybe he needs help. Maybe it is the real him. Whatever. You need to report how it happened so you can protect you and ds. You need to stay away frm him now.

Protecting him and his job is not your worry right now .

You need to speak to the police to at least get this logged.
I hope you can get to the hospital soon.

It must be a lot to process right now but just try to go through the motions - get the incident logged,get to the hospital,and don't let that bastard through the door tomorrow.

pegwin Thu 23-May-13 23:57:19

TotallyKP firstly sorry this is happening to you sad what a total headfuck.

the first thing that jumped out if your op at me was that he was sulking because you had gone out. why? you seemed to accept this which suggests that he has conditioned you to normslise what is not normal behaviour. he sounds emotionally abusive. and now he has escalated to physical abuse. probably because his sulking was not having the desired effect and you actually had the temerity to expect him to actually do some child care hmm.

even if i am reading too much into your remark, fact remains he kicked you.
on top of that he has left you alone with dc with you needing medical attention and he has done nothing about it.
a genuinely concerned remorse filled person would have sent someone to help you even if it meant them having to admit what they had done.

stuff him. stuff his job. this is literally intolerable. if you let him away with this it gets worse.

you will survive without him and without his income. it might be tough but not as tough as bringing your kids up in an abusive household. although i don't think he will lose his job (in which case CSA) but he should definitely lose his wife over this.

log it with the police. get medical help. (it really is not that big a deal in the longer term if ds loses some sleep so you can go to hospital. call an ambulance)

if you cannot leave h immediately, then start thinking about your options and planning.

you may find some useful links in the emotional abuse support thread as I suspect when you say things have been bad that is the kind of bad it is. they are very friendly they give good advice and lots of support and will hand hold you through this.

no matter how much money h earns it is not worth sweeping this under the carpet for. not for you. not for the dcs.

and if you do leave/ kick him out you are entitled to his financial support without having to accept abuse with it. no matter what he says, he did this to you and to ds. and you are not to blame in anyway.

stay strong. hope ankle is ok. brew ((hug))

Bogeyface Thu 23-May-13 23:59:02

If you dont report this then he will know that you accept him being violent towards you and do it again.

A very good friend of mine had suffered "minor" DV from her husband, until one night he battered her. She had him arrested and he spent 24 hours in the cells. She took him back (why?! I dont know!) but he has never laid a finger on her since.

Lemonies Fri 24-May-13 00:04:48

Sorry he has done this to you Kerplunked,
Report it, for your own and your ds safety.

ColinCaterpillar Fri 24-May-13 00:39:20

Police yes

Do read the links here http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1763123-Support-for-those-in-Emotionally-Abusive-relationships-22

See if alarm bells ring

So sorry this has happened x

Bogeyface Fri 24-May-13 00:43:01
Tortington Fri 24-May-13 01:17:41

i dont understand why he flipped - he flipped becuase you went to the shop?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 24-May-13 01:21:14

Hope you are at hospital getting treatment.

No one in rl will believe me Well already one person does - I am glad your friend was quick to help. Have you family you can contact in the morning? I would tell someone you trust and see just how they respond. Don't be ashamed of or try to minimise your H's vicious outburst, suppose you had banged your head or dropped DS?

Come back to this thread when you are able, it will help you to plan what to do.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Fri 24-May-13 01:45:51

Hi there, how is your ankle?

Please read your OP and imagine its written by someone you really like... Do you see how this lovely woman is not focusing on herself enough for the situation? She has been kicked so hard, her ankle may well be broken - that's a really really big thing to happen. This lovely poor woman isn't taking that in though, she's glad her sob didn't get hurt, and focusing on that, and on her h, but not herself.

OP do you think this is right? Sorry about the pronoun switch... But I don't think you are thinking straight about yourself. That's not in any way an accusation, I totally get why, but it's heartbreaking to read.

In so glad you went to the hospital, well done.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong Fri 24-May-13 06:58:25

What would you do if a stranger walked up to you in the street and kicked you hard enough to break your ankle and make you drop your child?

What would you do?

Report them to the police and then never cross their path again, no?

Exactly. Be strong, you have MN behind you. You can do this. x

OrangeLily Fri 24-May-13 07:03:15

Oh you poor thing sad please please go to the police. Your son cannot grow up thinking this is acceptable.

I hope you mend well and get police help.

TotallyKerplunked Fri 24-May-13 20:15:50

Sorry I haven't updated earlier but had problems logging in, thanks for all the messages.

Been to hospital and the bone is chipped and damaged the tendon hopefully it will heal quickly. I did tell them how it happened and they were very good. I still cant bring myself to go to the police yet.

DH wants everything to carry on as though it never happened, he was at home when I got back, crying, apologising, he has got his parents to ring to apologise on his behalf so at least he had the balls to tell them what he did. I let him stay for a while for DS sake but told him to leave as soon as DS was in bed. I made him take some stuff so he wont need to appear for the rest of the weekend. I know I need to stop caring about everyone/what they think so i'm going to have some time focusing on just me and DS and see how I like it. I can say that already there is a lot less tension in the house and I feel a lot more relaxed without him here.

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 24-May-13 20:20:43

Space to think and breathe sounds good. Hope your foot feels better soon.

Concreteblonde Fri 24-May-13 20:23:17

I am so sorry OP. but you have been abused. And for your sake and that of your child, you need to report this to the police. If I had posted on MN after the first punch tot he face, then I wouldn't have endured over 15 years of the life that I, and my children, have only just escaped from.

Please don't minimise what he has done. NO ONE has the right to lash out at another human being. The fact that you had your little boy in your arms is beyond contempt. You and your baby deserve better.

Imagine you have a dd. now she comes to you describing her partner doing what your DH has done to you. What advice do you give her?

Gruntfuttock Fri 24-May-13 20:33:22

When you got back to from the shop you said to your DH "Please don't sulk" Why? What problem did he have with you going to the shop?

Sorry op, hope your ok

lougle Fri 24-May-13 20:53:05

So, if I'm reading correctly, you went to the shops while both your DH and your DS were asleep.

Because you were at the shops rather than at home, when your DS woke, your DH had to wake to get up to him.

When you returned, you realised that your DH had been made to get up to your DS and you knew that your DH would be unhappy with that?

You asked him 'not to sulk' and he, instead of sulking, kicked you so hard that you dropped your DS and have a chipped bone and damaged tendon sad

I'm not sure where you can go from here. That is a serious assault.

You really must report this to the Police OP, you may require their protection if you decide not to continue contact with your husband (I will not say DH as he is not worthy of the dear part). You cannot predict how he will react.

You have a record of your injuries with the hospital already which is great.

Having disclosed what happened to the medical staff you may find that they (under child protection laws) make a report to social services, because the domestic violence occurred whilst your son was present. It is good practice to inform you that this will happen, but they do not have to.

If social services contact you, the fact that you have kicked him out will mean that they finish their investigations quite quickly, but if you allow him back that might not be the case.

You deserve not to be abused, your son deserves not to watch you being abused or to be caught in the firing line.

crazyhead Fri 24-May-13 21:37:51

I think that if this was happening to someone else and you weren't in this situation personally, you'd see this man as dangerous scum.

It is all very well him crying and telling his parents - have you ever violently attacked someone physically more vulnerable than you in your life because you were a bit grumpy? An elderly woman or a child, say? I suspect that you haven't and never would and would not have it in you to do such an awful thing. Most people don't.

The fact is, this man does have in it him. Tell the police and get shot of him - I bet that's what you'd tell a friend to do, so treat yourself equally well.

Hope op is getting her leg seen to x

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Fri 24-May-13 22:52:12

Totally, can I ask you two things please?

1) Why did you say 'please don't sulk'? I'm not sure what he would be sulking about - being left with DS? You leaving the house without permission? Does he often sulk?

2) Have you seen this thread - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody It's old now but still relevant, not sure how long you've been around these parts...

clam Fri 24-May-13 23:45:22

So, what are you planning on telling all the real-life people who are going to ask how you damaged your ankle?
Are you in plaster/an air boot/bandaging?

ThatVikRinA22 Fri 24-May-13 23:52:39

chipped bone is actually classed as quite serious - and if its domestic related the police will be duty bound to act. That does not mean it will go to court - if you refuse to make a complaint then the CPS will most likely kick it out anyway - but they would still need to speak to your partner to get an account and if it were me attending i would want a statement even if its a non complaint statement to put to the CPS.....

but you absolutely should and need to report this. Dont play this down.
what if your baby had been hurt?
the first time is rarely the last time op. please do speak to police - this was his doing, not yours. Let the police bear the weight of dealing with him - let them take it out of your hands.

pegwin Sat 25-May-13 00:17:59

op glad you got treatment. hope it hurts a bit less now.
also glad things are a bit more relaxed without him there.

i know this must be really tough and overwhelming.

i am sure you will work out how to deal.with it come time.

however it may be a good idea to go.to police not just because dh deserves it but also because the more record you have of this behaviour the more likely you are to get legal aid etc. which you may need.

legal aid, CSA and what happens to the house, assuming you have one, can all depend on this. as a Sahm you may need this to protect your rights and those of ds.

AllegraLilac Sat 25-May-13 01:42:03

You have to leave this man op. it happened to me, he'll beat you black and blue and emotionally scar both you and your son.

Don't think 'not my husband'. Your husband has just proved he will kick his wife. The crying is nothing other than fear of emotional or legal punishment. Not regret or apology.

Lweji Sat 25-May-13 01:47:51

ExH did admit to his parents and apologised.
He still went on to attack me again and make death threats to me and my mother.

This kick was a vicious attack on you that could also have seriously injured your dc.

For both your sakes do not take him back and report it to the police.

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Sat 25-May-13 01:58:25

Hope you are alright OP and I am so sorry this has happened to you.

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