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Please remind me again how bad this is

(64 Posts)
spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 12:51:14

Posted about my boyfriend several times and received loads of excellent advice. i have only seen him once in 2 months because he just turned up. Every few weeks he becomes verbally abusive by text calling me a whore etc for having stayed in a past abusive relationship. he says i must have stayed for the lifestyle. Also he has said i don't deserve any sympathy because "if you breed with assholes shit happens. He has dumped me 5 times in a year but if i bring that up he points out he has proposed marriage so many more times. I am looking for the strength to say it must be over. because i haven't seen him in a while i am only thinking of the good times. He wants to see me this weekend and stupidly i really want so see him but haven't responded yet. Strength please. .

Do not engage with him.

Ignore the text and delete his number.

He treats you dreadfully, don't be his doormat.

Wolfiefan Thu 23-May-13 12:56:34

Past abusive relationship? You are still in one. Do not reply but do seek help. You deserve much better than this.

Lovingfreedom Thu 23-May-13 12:57:39

Don't reply to him. He's horrible. The 'good times' are not worth this crap.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 23-May-13 12:57:50

Ditto. He sounds like an appalling bully and if he's this abusive now, where is it going to end up! Tell him this weekend is a NO and so is every other weekend from now on. Find the courage from somewhere, get a friend to help you and make plans to be with people who actually like you this weekend.... not this offensive bellend.

Change your number?

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 23-May-13 12:59:44

"He has dumped me 5 times in a year but if i bring that up he points out he has proposed marriage so many more times"

Your mistake is to engage in an argument about why he's dumped because he seems to have an answer for everything. Remind yourself that 'no' is a complete sentence.... say it once to him, mean it, and then ignore him afterwards.

foolonthehill Thu 23-May-13 13:03:32

'no' is a complete sentence...this

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 13:10:13

I am going to copy and paste a couple of texts from last time i refused to see him. .
You could of fixed this. Not me. I fucking offered to marry you. You turned me down. The past wouldn't of been a problem but you wouldn't make a future. So sorry you are a liar. Cos if ment half what you said you would have a ring on your finger and would respect that youve made things difficult

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 13:11:41

and this is another

Im going to disappear off the face of the planet. Im going to make sure you never know if im alive or dead. Fucking yet again I gave you everything I had. And you do this cos you dont like the fact how complicated you've made things due to your fucking relationships.

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 13:13:46

it's lovely when people "offer " to marry one bother.

foolonthehill Thu 23-May-13 13:16:03

shock except actually we knew this would be the sort of thing!

If you have been in abusive relationships before and you are still tempted to let this excuse for a BF back you seriously need to do some work on yourself and what proper relationships look like.

don;t suppose he actually means this "Im going to disappear off the face of the planet. Im going to make sure you never know if im alive or dead"...would be too good to be true!!

you really, really need never to talk to or see this man again. He is no good for your soul and no good for your self esteem, and no good for you.

I am guessing from your first post that you have child/children....they do NOT need someone like this in their lives. If you can;t keep away for yourself then keep away for your DC

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 13:16:19

one another. .

foolonthehill Thu 23-May-13 13:17:27

being by yourself is better than this,

and being by yourself also leaves you open to meeting NICE people.

hettie Thu 23-May-13 13:25:09

Are there any local support services near you that you could speak to... cal womens aid or your local Relate....other posters are right, but it would be good to get some RL support to help you be strong and assertive and get rid of this abusive man...

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 13:30:28

sorry. . my phone keep freezing and going crazy

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 13:31:26

No RL support. . used up escaping previous twunt

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 13:34:04

He might just go away if i tell him straight enough

foolonthehill Thu 23-May-13 13:39:54

tell him and then get very busy.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Thu 23-May-13 13:39:56

He sounds like an absolute dick. Block him on your mobile and don't answer the door to him.

Let him disappear off the planet.

Can't even imagine why you would be tempted to see him.

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 13:52:02

because like another thread says. . when he's nice he's lovely

vintagecakeisstillnice Thu 23-May-13 13:53:46

re-read the messages and notice how often he puts everything on YOU.
You turned me down
You wanted this
You are a liar
You've made things difficult
You do this

So he's Mr Perfect is he?
Never does anything wrong?

He is telling you in those 2 text alone that he will never accept that anything he does is wrong and everything you do and will ever do will in his eye be wrong, even when they're not.

Stop answering, stop responding, go have the happy life that YOU deserve without this odious bully

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 23-May-13 13:56:20

You don't even need to tell him to go away because that'll start another 'conversation' opportunity for him to send text abuse. Ignore him and his silly threats and bizarre insults. He's obviously a very bitter, very small, inadequate man and there's a rock somewhere that he will crawl right back under....

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Thu 23-May-13 14:02:46

If ever you start to think of him as nice, re-read the texts you have stored on your phone.

CorrStagnitto Thu 23-May-13 14:05:56

This is NOT a nice man, he does not want to marry you either he wants to control you, get rid of this abusive idiot pronto, no man is worth that shit, you are putting up with that crap for what? a few stolen moments of niceness when he is not being emotionally abusive!

Lovingfreedom Thu 23-May-13 15:17:58

'I'm going to disappear off the face of the planet' ....and that's a threat? what a complete self-important twat this guy is. I hope one day you will see how downright pathetic he is OP. I do know it's hard when you're in the middle of it. Good luck.

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 15:45:34

ok. . i told him i will not see him and we're over. . got this back

I don't love you. You're too selfish for my love. I'll be here for you as a friend but thats all. See ya

Lweji Thu 23-May-13 15:48:03

Well, don't see ya (him).

Just don't reply to him.

SgtTJCalhoun Thu 23-May-13 15:52:35

I love the way these men think that the be all and end all is their ring on your finger.

I had one like these. He was a controlling, aggressive doughnut and when I dumped him he said in an utterly astounded voice "you could have had a MARRIAGE out of this, I wanted to MARRY you!" like being married to this nasty bully was a gift on a par with the Koh-I-Noor diamond! Deluded fool.

JojoMags Thu 23-May-13 15:53:29

Well done, OP. You ARE deserving of love. He is not. His behaviour is utterly controlling, even the nice bits were a form of control to keep you coming back for more, and trying to 'earn' them. That's sick. You are soo much better without him and so are your kids, if you have them. Well done, well done. Walk away and don't look back. Welcome freedom...

captainmummy Thu 23-May-13 15:56:11

Well done OP. Now ignore, brush away and get on with your life. Hopefully he will disappear of the face of the earth.

Don;t respond. DONT RESPOND! Who cares what he thinks. You are not selfish, or unworthy.

Lovingfreedom Thu 23-May-13 15:58:20

You don't need a friend like that. No more contact. grin Congratulations! wine

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 16:03:54

Thankyou. . been a long time coming. I do feel utterly alone though. After all. . he did "offer" to marry me. Selfish old me eh ?

BeCool Thu 23-May-13 16:09:00

Good work OP - you don't need friends like that!!

Seriously, you are no more alone than you were before - but you are free of this head fuck of a man. I really do he drop off the face of the planet as far as you are concerned.

I have seen the Freedom Programmes mentioned lots on here for people who have been in abusive relationships. Have you looked into that? You can go to a group or do it online - might be a great time to do it?

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 16:14:32

i have seen it too. . i think i will do it. I read this smalchzy Facebook poster saying if life tries to teach you a lesson and you don't get it first time round it will teach you again until you do.

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 16:15:37

I think i am learning. Thankyou twunt 1 and twunt 2.

flippinada Thu 23-May-13 16:31:34

I wouldn't bother responding to any of his texts. Don't engage at all. Block and delete his number.

Lovingfreedom Thu 23-May-13 16:36:25

Tbh I think you might find it easier to make and keep friends if you don't have a prat of a bf hanging around making you and other people feel uncomfortable. Why not do the freedom prog in RL then you'll meet some people with similar stories.

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 16:39:29

Now he is telling me to go and be happy with whoever i am Fucking.

flippinada Thu 23-May-13 16:42:28

Seriously, block and delete. You will feel so much better if you don't have to read his nonsense.

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 16:42:34

Just posting on here to avoid texting him back. . Feel like defending myself and reassuring him there is nobody else.

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 16:43:32

My phone won't block. . And too full to install an App which will

flippinada Thu 23-May-13 16:46:19

I mean this in the kindest way - STOP ENGAGING!

Sorry for shouting but really, there is no obligation for you to communicate with him. Any response from you he will see as encouragement. So just don't.

Lovingfreedom Thu 23-May-13 16:48:20

You could change your number. There is seriously no reason for engaging with this pathetic creep any longer. Really.

flippinada Thu 23-May-13 16:48:32

Wyatt you need to do is delete some apps you don't use and make space for an app that blocks numbers. It's quite straightforward.

flippinada Thu 23-May-13 16:49:32

Wyatt? Of course I mean what.

MadBusLady Thu 23-May-13 16:50:08

He sounds totally out of his tree. If you can't block, think of his rantings as you would any other random nutter who suddenly decided to pepper you with abuse.

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 16:51:02

Trying. . Shit Samsung ace

colditz Thu 23-May-13 16:51:50

Look, it's no good us yelling at you to avoid the abusive cunt like the plague if you are going to make excuses like " my phone is too full to download the app to block him with"

You know what we used to do before smartphones? Switch it off. Switch it off and leave it switched off. You can do it.

McBalls Thu 23-May-13 16:56:00

Call your network provider and block that way.
He will only keep on if he gets something, anything, back from you.
The choice is yours whether to engage or not. And really, if you're still tempted or finding lame excuses to continue (not necessarily in the relationship, but just any form of contact) then you really need to start seriously concentrating on your own problems...it's not normal to want to continue with this sort of shit.

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 16:56:45

Thanks. . I haven't replied anyway

ShipwreckedAndComatose Thu 23-May-13 16:58:24

Keep posting here! Do not engage wit him...he is trying to get you to respond!

You really do deserve so much better than this twunt. He sounds like a prize charmer hmm

captainmummy Thu 23-May-13 18:18:48

What is wrong with the guy? 'Happy with whoever you are fucking?' ???What can you say to that ??(NOTHING!) - it's none of his business what you do. Or who.

He is trying to get a rise out of you.

Def. block.

vintagecakeisstillnice Thu 23-May-13 18:41:56

Sweetheart, does that last message not drill it in to you how fucked up in the head he is.

He can't believe that you dont want him, what ya mean??????

So of course that means you must be seeing someone else 'cause after all a woman cant be happy without a man.

Ignore ignore ignore

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 20:12:17

have ignored. i just switched my phone back on. Got a week now off work with just 2 kids, 2 away so going to try and be really productive, put up my own fence if humbly possible. I mean that literally and not figuratively btw smile but If i mange it i guess it will be a big 7ft symbol of something. Thanks so much for today.

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 20:13:26

that should be humanly and manage, ignore humble mange If anyone is out there

EvenBetter Thu 23-May-13 20:40:06

His use of 'should of' is a dumpable offence never mind the other tedious blathering on. Let him attention seek to someone else and bore off.
You should go on the Freedom course or at very least do an assertiveness course and/or counselling. Get a new SIM card.

MadBusLady Thu 23-May-13 21:10:04

Well done spirited. And good luck with the fence!

Lovingfreedom Thu 23-May-13 21:31:49

Well impressed that you're tackling fencing! Wow!! I give myself a pat on the back every time I get the Flymo out. Respect!..

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Thu 23-May-13 21:56:13

It might be difficult, but if you see a message has come in with his name on it, just delete it, don't read it. Don't let him mind fuck you. Just delete him from your life.

He really does seem like a self-indulgent arse, so it shouldn't be that difficult.

You need to realise that you are worth so much more than that.

Be strong. x

spiritedaway Thu 23-May-13 22:01:02

evenbetter i agree. Have spent hours working on the present perfect with him. the verb to have+participle boy ! Thankyou all lovely ladies.

Wolfiefan Thu 23-May-13 22:05:18

Sorry but he sounds just vile. You must not engage. You must get yourself to a position where you realise how completely unacceptable his behaviour is.
Good luck with the fence!

DippyDoohDahDay Fri 24-May-13 08:13:06

Hi op...I have added a link below that I started before, it helped me to move away from twunt. Not sure how to directly link, if anyone else can?
Your ex does not deserve or need any reassurance from you. Everyone on here is saying the same thing to you. Each time you read his messages or engage, it allows him to dictate your emotions, your day..your mental health. Please don't underestimate the impact these kind of people can have on you...I started antidepressants because I could not navigate around my head fuck relationship.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1605914-any-one-have-any-mantras-to-share-about-moving-forwards-and-away-from-ex

kotinka Mon 03-Jun-13 14:19:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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