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Run, right?

(100 Posts)
Takingbackmonday Tue 21-May-13 13:41:45

Long story short...

DP started off lovely, normal etc. I screwed up by kissing someone else 3 days in to the relationship; we weren't serious, I told him, it was very early days, I thought we were moving on.

Oh no. I have a close male friend who was at one point in love with me; we have no history, he does not try anything - too respectful and now over it - but we have been through a lot together incl bereavement etc.

DP gets funny about this, tries to ban me seeing friend. I felt guilty about the earlier on kiss so accept. After two months I crack, tell him I am seeing friend etc. He begrudgingly accepts.

Some time later, after he still reminds me daily of his "trust issues", it comes to a head and I walk away. We try to work things out, things get a bit better but every few days he has a flip out where EVERYTHING is my fault, I essentially have to grovel, beg etc, we get back together, repeat ad nauseam.

This isn't sounding good is it? As things are, when he is wonderful he is brilliant and I want to cling to what we had, the future I foresaw. This morning he flipped out again because he didn't like the way I asked a question; storms out, now demanding if I am not there to meet him in 10 minutes (exactly, I've had the exact time by which I must arrive) or he sods off to America as he threatens to do all the time.

Why am I still here? Love. Hope. But still.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Tue 21-May-13 13:43:39

you are right. RUN! you kissed someone 3 days into the relationship - probably shouldnt have done, but early days etc.

If he has trust issues he will always have trust issues.

Are you meeting him?

DameFanny Tue 21-May-13 13:44:12

yes, run. Sorry.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Tue 21-May-13 13:44:20

was it your close male friend who you kissed? Im not clear on that point.

sorry

Run run run run run run.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 21-May-13 13:50:30

How did he know you kissed someone else? How does he know your friend was in love with you? Did you tell him all of this stuff? 'Trust issues' suggests some kind of irrational possessive streak... whereas this doesn't look particularly irrational on the face of it. Overreacting, maybe, and the 'be there in 10 minutes' is pretty crappy, but not irrational.

Lweji Tue 21-May-13 13:55:09

the future I foresaw.
I think that's the key for you. It's not reality you are mourning, but what you pictured in your head.
It doesn't exist. Just let go.

BeCool Tue 21-May-13 13:58:05

He didn't like the way you asked a question? FFS yes run run run & hope he gets on that plane & leaves you alone forever!

Mumsyblouse Tue 21-May-13 13:58:07

Forget the kissing within three days thing, were you committed in a relationship at that point? I certainly don't examine very closely the faithfulness of either me or my partner a few weeks after meeting, because it wasn't clear what was happening and it was all a bit of a grey area.

The 10 min deadline is hilarious and I would just let it elapse as no-one tells me when to jump like that.

As someone says, you seem fixed on the fantasy future, not the reality of this man. He won't let you see an old male friend- tell him to do one!

pictish Tue 21-May-13 14:00:02

Right.

He is holding a minor incident above your head like a swinging axe in order to control you.
Not nice. Not kind. Not loving.

So run.

pictish Tue 21-May-13 14:03:43

And pray he fucks off to America and takes his back cloud of emotional blackmail with him.

monsterchild Tue 21-May-13 14:05:06

I agree get out. Let the 10 minutes elapse and see if he's serious. Then wave goodbye regardless. If he ever gets over this incident it will be another he holds over you. Cut your losses and try again with your friend maybe!

Going to America? What, in 10 minutes time?

He sounds like a jealous attention seeking twat.
Or a child.

Ask him if he needs help packing his case for his journey.

BalloonSlayer Tue 21-May-13 14:13:53

Offer to drive him to the airport.

Cockadoodlequack Tue 21-May-13 14:17:22

The hills are that way >>>>>>>>>>

pictish Tue 21-May-13 14:18:13

As is your sanity and self esteem....

BeingAWifeIsNotForMe Tue 21-May-13 14:21:02

Smile and wave.

SgtTJCalhoun Tue 21-May-13 16:37:06

Text him "oh do fuck off" then never communicate with him again. What a tool.

Oh God if it wasn't the kiss it would be something else. SPRINT!

OMG - Yes - run - run like the wind and don't look back!!

wordyBird Tue 21-May-13 17:26:09

Oh my, yes, that's a wrong 'un

- every few days he has a flip out where EVERYTHING is my fault, I essentially have to grovel, beg etc shock

- when he is wonderful he is brilliant - they always are

- he flipped out again because he didn't like the way I asked a question
shock

He has a personality issue, not a trust issue!

purplewithred Tue 21-May-13 17:34:16

Hope he enjoys America.

badinage Tue 21-May-13 17:47:16

Is there a big age gap between you by any chance? Or were you v young when you met?

Because this sounds like a controlling older man who's also an egomaniac.

Takingbackmonday Tue 21-May-13 18:24:16

Yes, I did go blush

A few things I forgot to mention; I have severe abandonment issues (lost a parent young). The one thing I always said is if we argue please don't threaten to disappear, it sets off panic attacks etc but despite this his standard response is to threaten to bugger off abroad (a potential job there).

Since "everything is (my ) fault" because I left him (massive over exaggeration, I was seriously sick of his hassle, very stressed with work, anxiety wasn't good and eventually I snapped then called to sort it out and grovel the next day) he openly doesn't care when I am upset because no matter what I do to try to make amends, it means bugger all because apparently he has given up so much for me.

The irony is, I can see through this bullshit usually; I used to be the master of playing this WHEN I WAS 14 YEARS OLD! But he has a way of controlling the narrative and cannot be convinced he is wrong. This morning, just before I posted, he had come over, I hadn't given enough attention and asked him the same question 3 times (was distracted, filling in a v important application form) so he goes crazy,threatens to go, I tell him to either sit down and calm down or go home while I finish said application and we will meet in two hours -- apparently this equates to me kicking him out, hence his demands I go speeding running over to prove I do care, as the poor petal is just so damaged by my actions.

I am making him sound like a right twat, I know, but 98% of our relationship he has been bloody brilliant and I am trying to use the fact he lost a family member and has been through it work-wise recently to excuse his actions.

Takingbackmonday Tue 21-May-13 18:27:39

To clarify:

1) person I kissed 3 days in is not same as the best friend. It was still bad but I think that something so very early on - when he only knows because I was totally honest and full of remorse - should be forgotten.
2) best friend and I have never been together, nor will we. We kissed long ago and he was a bit caught up but we talked it through, spent time apart etc before we resumed the friendship as I didnt want to lead him on.

I've always thought that if a couple has issues you decide between the two of you whether you can both get over the incidents then move forward, not letting the past poison all. I may be a little over rational because of the nature of my day job.

badinage Tue 21-May-13 18:29:39

What's he given up for you?

And is he quite a bit older than you/met you when you were quite young?

Takingbackmonday Tue 21-May-13 18:29:48

No, same age. Met mid-20s.

badinage Tue 21-May-13 18:30:39

So what's he given up for you?

Takingbackmonday Tue 21-May-13 18:30:53

he's given up this job in America that he was offered but didn't take because I am based here. Hence his constant threats to go over there and take the job (?)/ find a new one / travel -- delete according to mood sad

badinage Tue 21-May-13 18:32:30

How long have you been seeing him?

Leverette Tue 21-May-13 18:38:46

Relaying his actions and seeing they are those of a twat isn't your doing, for describing those things; they are examples of twatty behaviour for which he is solely responsible.

It was brave and open of you to have confided in him your abandonment fears and emotions. So now he knows just how to yank your chain and seems to do it to gain the upper hand whenever he needs to.

This man is a power tripping bastard and it will only get worse.

TheVermiciousKnid Tue 21-May-13 18:39:41

Buy him a one way ticket to America...

birdsnotbees Tue 21-May-13 18:42:38

His is not normal or acceptable behaviour.

You have bravely confided your abandonment issues. Which is to be commended, by the way.

He is now exploiting those issues to emotionally abuse you.

This is just the start. It will only get worse.

Takingbackmonday Tue 21-May-13 18:47:59

Mmm. He is, isn't he? I've had to cancel a rather important networking dinner this week because the friend will be there and at the moment I must be "thoughtful" of DP's needs or he will bugger off.

I just want a quiet life with a decent partner; I think it must be me as most men I have been with veer toward at least low level EA by the end.

expatinscotland Tue 21-May-13 18:50:13

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. DUMP pronto.

ScrambledSmegs Tue 21-May-13 18:51:20

Yes. Run.

Interesting how you have this insight, yet can't seem to stop yourself placating him.

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 21-May-13 18:55:02

He is not nice, he is a drama lama. Please don't get drawn in any further, just end it move on.

Why is it so difficult?confused

Takingbackmonday Tue 21-May-13 18:56:23

I work in psychology but have redundant issues of my own that go far back; irony.

I don't have the balls to dump. I do love him. Plus I'd never hear the end of it...

Takingbackmonday Tue 21-May-13 18:57:13

Yes and he yells at me for causing drama then yells at me for making him be controlling.

expatinscotland Tue 21-May-13 18:58:47

Then why post? You know this is bad, but then come up with 'I can't dump him'.

Leverette Tue 21-May-13 18:59:21

If you're a psychologist you will well understand the power of intermittent reward. This man is training you.

You're a hugely intelligent woman capable of overriding his conditioning despite short term discomfort and disappointment. You have far more autonomy than one of Skinner's poor pigeons.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 21-May-13 18:59:55

Un-cancel that dinner. See what 'D'P does.

AThingInYourLife Tue 21-May-13 19:00:51

He is horrible to you.

This is not a quiet life with a decent partner.

This is masochism in relationship form.

Why are you putting yourself through this?

pictish Tue 21-May-13 19:03:11

Well you've bagged yourself a corker of an emotional abuser this time OP!

Takingbackmonday Tue 21-May-13 19:04:36

I don't know. He has done quite well at convincing me a lot is my fault and this is a moment of clarity; they don't tend to last.

I just don't get why someone who is generally mature, smart, sweet, funny, very intelligent/highly educated and reasonable is being like this. He can tell how sad I am and can see how much I cry these days but he doesn't care because it's my fault and I have to keep trying and trying then it might be okay in future. I know how pathetic this sounds, believe me. I just want it to be easier - I don't cheat, I don't want anyone else, I didn;t "dump him out of the blue" as he claims I did, when I get drunk I know what I'm doing... he's now claiming we can't even go on holiday as planned because I cannot be trusted. What the hell does he expect me to do; shag a waiter!?

It's easier to say LTB than to do it I guess.

pictish Tue 21-May-13 19:06:14

He's a classic textbook abuser OP.
Everything you are describing about him screams ABUSER ABUSER ABUSER.

Takingbackmonday Tue 21-May-13 19:06:50

He called earlier and said I sound sad, I told him I've just seen full guest list for dinner but I understand why I can't go.. perfect opportunity for him to say just go, but of course not, I shouldn't have created this situation...

argh. I just don't know what to do. I have so much invested and I really do love him. Plus - this sounds ridiculous - I have always avoided sex and never really enjoyed it because of bad experiences when pretty young, but with him it is truly incredible. I know that's shallow but I feel now I've finally discovered it I don't want to let it go, along with someone who can be so brilliant often, for the sake of a few dinners and tears.

Leverette Tue 21-May-13 19:07:43

And you descending into this whirling vortex of endlessly trying to please him, to get it right, to stop the cruelty ... That's what he wants. Because inside, he believes that you are nothing and he is everything.

Have you read any Lundy Bancroft?

expatinscotland Tue 21-May-13 19:07:57

How long have you been seeing him? Do you live together? Have children together?

pictish Tue 21-May-13 19:08:16

Sell yourself short and have a life of misery then. If you love him.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Tue 21-May-13 19:09:17

look - you have a professional job, actually a job where an abuser like your bf in any client situation would have alarm bells ringing all over the place!

For your own mental health you need to dump this person and work on your own self esteem and get your own needs sorted first - before any sort of emotional relationship.

This is not healthy, nor is it fun.

Its Emotional abuse, emotional blackmail. sad

pictish Tue 21-May-13 19:12:01

This is not the best you can do. This is settling. You can have good sex and no abuse at all if you like!

wordyBird Tue 21-May-13 19:14:05

I'm sorry Taking. But he is textbook. Waiting for him to become the normal, empathic person you want him to be, but can see he isn't, is going to cause a lot of heartache.
It is your life, and for you to decide, though. We can only reflect back what you've told us.

Takingbackmonday Tue 21-May-13 19:15:57

Mmm. He's just kicked off again over my tone of voice on a phone call.

Argh fuck him. I'm going to the gym.

Thankfully no kids. Thanks for all advice; sorry I am being rubbish and not taking it quite yet. I will do, when I grow a spine.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 21-May-13 19:16:12

Listen, you have found out that sex can be wonderful, that is great, but how long before he rejects you to teach you a lesson? Think ahead: if he is controlling and trying to mould you now, what damage might he do to your self-esteem and newly found confidence in bed?
Why wouldn't you also have great sex with a kinder, more giving person?!

PS he said I sound sad And how did he reply? Let me guess, answer came there none. In a normal relationship he would be dismayed and trying to cheer you up, make things better. Not causing it. Not prolonging it.

CMOTDibbler Tue 21-May-13 19:16:32

But it won't stop at dinner will it? Its escalated to your holiday, then what about your female friends - will he stop you going out with them soon? And what about work, I mean, you might be tempted there too.

You obviously have some real, long term issues, and he's playing you like a violin over them. This kind of emotional abuse only ever gets worse, and I guess you don't want to walk on eggshells forever.

LTB, and get yourself some serious counselling, do the Freedom programme, and then face the future. Sex isn't worth all the rest

pippitysqueakity Tue 21-May-13 19:18:10

Of course it is easier for us to say than for you to do but...as was said up thread, what do you want mumsnet to do? You can clearly situation yet are talking yourself out of the reality of it. So...up to you OP

pictish Tue 21-May-13 19:20:15

So now you have to get the tone of everything you say exactly eight to please him do you? Along with everything else that you must try harder at...like being thoughtful to his needs, and only having friends he says you can have...because he'll leave you if you don't comply.

Takingbackmonday Tue 21-May-13 19:22:05

Ha CMOT - yeah I'm already banned from going on holiday with a female friend despite the fact he is off on holiday without me during that period of time. He's trying to sow seeds to get rid of my other friends too.

I know what he's doing; I won't let him damage me; it's just getting the courage, strength, effort together to deal with the fall out.

BeCool Tue 21-May-13 19:22:24

You are not having a quiet life with a decent partner with this man.

You WILL NEVER have quiet life and a decent partner with this man.

The EA will only get worse.

A decent partner would never expect or ask you to cancel the dinner. You have Insight OP. believe in yourself. Listen to the inner you, you have done so much work to nurture and repair. Believe in her. Support her.

As to why he does it, after 7 years and 2 DC with a similar person I still didn't know. The Lundy Bancroft book, often mentioned here re emotional abusers may have some answers for you.

Allow yourself to find that person you are looking for. With this man you are only throwing good money (ie your heart and soul) after bad.

pictish Tue 21-May-13 19:22:36

He can tell how sad I am and can see how much I cry these days but he doesn't care because it's my fault and I have to keep trying and trying then it might be okay in future.

Oh girl.

BeCool Tue 21-May-13 19:24:45

You don't live with him? You can really limit the fallout in that case. Just switch off. He doesn't warrant arguing with as he will only turn on the nasty stuff. You don't need to hear it. You really don't have to either.

pictish Tue 21-May-13 19:26:39

He has already damaged you. You cry and cry but he doesn't care.
He is cutting you off from your friends.
He is stopping you from going on holiday.
You love him and feel you should try harder.

The damage has already been done...and will absolutely continue and escalate.

pictish Tue 21-May-13 19:27:04

Unless you ditch him.

CMOTDibbler Tue 21-May-13 19:28:14

Well, when he's on holiday, its the perfect time to go. Find yourself a flat, arrange to have your mail redirected there, and book a mover. First day of his holiday, off you go with your stuff to your new life

pictish Tue 21-May-13 19:29:46

I hadn't given enough attention and asked him the same question 3 times (was distracted, filling in a v important application form) so he goes crazy,threatens to go, I tell him to either sit down and calm down or go home while I finish said application and we will meet in two hours -- apparently this equates to me kicking him out, hence his demands I go speeding running over to prove I do care

You can't even fill out a form without it being about him!!

Doha Tue 21-May-13 19:40:57

Grow up takingbackmonday..how old are you 10???

He is treating you like shit and you think because the sex is good with him after a previous bad experience you have to stick around --bullshit.

He will never change and it honestly sounds like you don't want him to change. After his demands this morning you went running, more fool you..

You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery

appletarts Tue 21-May-13 20:01:36

From his point of view you kissed someone early on when you ought to have been all excited about him and you're having an emotional affair with someone who you know fancies you and you have told him this. I wouldn't trust you if I were him and I would run a mile...probably America would do! His relationship style is childish and controlling but what with his trust issues and your abandonment issues it sounds like a bloody nightmare.

expatinscotland Tue 21-May-13 20:07:24

This sounds very immature, tbh, and melodramatic. He's a git, there are billions of men out there to shag, plenty of them are good at sex, you don't have kids with them (it doesn't sound like you even live with him), get rid and move on.

I asked how long you've been with him and got no answer.

Says it all, really.

Grow up.

tribpot Tue 21-May-13 20:07:41

I don't have the balls to dump ... I'd never hear the end of it...

Well you would hear the end of it - because you would have dumped him.

You are decidedly not working through your abandonment issues by exposing yourself to them in an endless cycle, you're making them worse.

he's now claiming we can't even go on holiday as planned because I cannot be trusted.

You're responding to this as if it were a rational concern from a human being who cares about you. It isn't. It's just more bullshit to keep you on the back foot. Tell him you're going to the dinner. Tell him you're going on holiday. For god's sake tell him to fuck off.

Lweji Tue 21-May-13 20:08:44

Why wait to grow a spine?

You don't have to do much.
Just send a text if you fear that much breaking up with him.
And what's to fear?

captainmummy Tue 21-May-13 20:12:33

he yells at me for causing drama then yells at me for making him be controlling Red Flag. You will never be able to do anything right. Never.
I'll never hear the end of it - from who? If you walk away you'll never need to be on the receiving end again.

Make your own life. Yy get to the gym. Don't drop your friends. Go to that dinner and let him implode with rage.

Custardmiteofglut Tue 21-May-13 20:15:01

Hi OP. I was in an extremely similar situation to you some years ago and in a relationship that should have lasted just 2 months, not the near 2 years it did.

My exBF was lovely most of the time, but he was also insanely jealous, insecure, controlling and drove me away from friends. He felt he had the right to tell me who I could and couldn't see, asked me if I got anyone's telephone numbers if I went out and didn't believe me when I told him no.

He would hang past indiscretions and bad behaviours over my head and tell me I needed to 'make it up to him' and prove how I felt. It was so bad at one stage he pushed for me to find another woman so we could have a threesome, again to prove to him how I felt about him. I didn't, by the way.

I won't hijack anymore, but I will say that even with the good times (and good sex), it is still bad too much of the time; your OP indicated just how miserable it is making you. Don't get to the stage where you are crying and second guessing his moods all the time. This is not a healthy relationship with a positive future.

He doesn't like the tone of your voice? How will he like it when you tell him to do one?

Get rid, go forth and find happiness elsewhere. You deserve better.

I know for a fact that more than one man is good at sex; so just because he is good at it doesn't make him worth hanging on to.

I've had my fair share of idiot men but even the worst of them have never put me through what you're being put through.

Tell him to do one
and then go and enjoy your life, you are worth more than this flowers

Xales Tue 21-May-13 20:22:44

You are banned from going on holiday with a female friend.

You are banned from an important networking dinner.

You say stuff in the wrong tone. You are going to end up not saying anything at all for fear of him kicking off.

He knows about your abandonment issues and deliberately uses this to hurt, upset and control you.

You have to go and see him, 'within 10 minutes' or he is off.

This relationship is to make you pander your every breath and thought to him.

It is unhealthy and damaging.

Sorry.

Where is the love?

If you leave it to find a spine you may find yourself friendless and your job damaged. Assuming you won't be banned from going to work at some stage because you can't be trusted.

AThingInYourLife Tue 21-May-13 20:24:43

"DP started off lovely, normal etc. I screwed up by kissing someone else 3 days in to the relationship"

The second sentence contradicts the first.

He didn't start off lovely and normal. You've had this issue since the very start.

BTW there is no such thing as "3 days in" to a relationship, unless you are 13.

You kissed someone else before you and he had got serious.

That's not something you should ever have been apologising about.

Your mistake was not the snog, it was apologising so profusely to an abusive man so early on.

You basically gave him the gift of something to hold over you before he was even your boyfriend.

And he has been using that supposed trasgression to control you ever since.

Wake up. You have always been in the wrong in this relationship.

Your wrongness and his need to punish you for it is basically all you guys have got.

clam Tue 21-May-13 20:32:18

Look, I'm a fair bit older than you, and what you've written absolutely appals me. If you were my daughter I would be incandescent with rage.

YOU ARE AN ADULT. You owe him nothing! How DARE he try to control you in this (or any) way. Come on, get angry. Don't EVER grovel to ANYONE on this planet. Where's your dignity?
You are an adult who can make her own choices in life. There's no reason on this earth why you should have blown out this work dinner, or your girls' holiday.
PLEASE, get angry and bin this guy. There's nothing he can do about it, so lose the idea that you'd "never hear the end of it." You'd be free of him, so who gives a flying fuck what he thinks?

ScrambledSmegs Tue 21-May-13 20:52:03

Dump him. Freedom program. Break the cycle.

Sex with someone who loves and respects you is better than with someone who is trying to destroy you. Imagine, if it's good with an abuser, how much better it will be with a normal guy!

2013go Tue 21-May-13 22:16:03

You have done nothing to apologise for.
He has though.
This sounds like the kind of man who won't be happy till he has you face down grovelling in the dirt. And he still won't be happy then either.

Wow! So you are banned from going out to dinner.
Banned from going on a holiday with the girls.
He's already planting seeds to get you away from other friends.
Dear lord woman - listen to yourself!!!???
Read back your posts.
Then read what clam has said above and get yourself the hell away from this awful man.
Stop making excuses - do it NOW!!!!!!

clam Wed 22-May-13 18:01:17

Yeah, just to re-iterate: he's not your dad! Who the hell is he to "ban" you from going out?

chipmonkey Wed 22-May-13 18:49:40

Ok, TakingBack, I'm going to give you some instructions.

1/ Change your username to TakingBackMyLife
2/ Phone Mr Loser and dump him. You don't have to explain why. He knows why. Leave it at "This isn't working out."
3/ Take back your life. You don't necessarily have to have a man in it. But if you do get another one, make sure he's a good one.

Seriously, that's it. A life where you can go out, have friends, have a holiday and kiss as many blokes as you like. Whatever you do, don't stay with this guy and have kids with him. He will get ten times worse with you and won't be a good father.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp Wed 22-May-13 19:09:28

As everyone else has said, dump dump dump. He has been ea-ing you since you "admitted" the kiss. Clam has said everything I wanted to ^^ so please take strength from this thread and get rid. Change your number, block his, whatever it takes. Don't end up in a life of eternal misery trying to please someone who doesn't want to be pleased, who enjoys making you sad. That's not normal.

2013go Wed 22-May-13 19:32:57

takingback how are you today?
I could have written something very similar to your story recently. Almost wondered if it was the same person! Dealing with a man like this is a hiding to nothing, seriously. It will make you ill.

stooshe Wed 22-May-13 19:51:56

I've just flicked through this thread. Please do not waste your thought space trying to work out WHY this man acts this way. You have been honest and your honesty is being held against you in order to justify this man's disordered thinking. Trust me, he was like this before you met him, he just needed to find out something about you that you (obviously still) feel guilty about in order to hold it over your head when he feels inadequate (which is probably a perpetual feeling). As another poster has said, you are mourning for the life that you imagined with this man. Longing can sometimes be confused with love. It's better to "long" for something that is far away from you (which he will be if you put the kabooshe on this relationshit). Nobody has the right to make somebody responsible for their feelings, much less use intimate information against another in order to emotionally abuse them. You have your life ahead of you. I'm forty two and I had to dump a man last year who shares your partner's qualities. He's now busy putting another woman into a straightjacket of emotional abuse of which she is not wholly aware. You do not want to be one of those women who are so abused that they seemingly can't see what everybody else can. You've been humiliated enough. I hope you do the right thing for yourself.

Tubemole1 Thu 23-May-13 21:58:13

Run!

That said...

it's hard to leave a relationship when you focus so much on the good and not the bad.

Break it off completely and allow yourself time to figure out who you are and what you want in life, including in a partner. Figure out what most people would find unacceptable in a relationship. Talk to your friends and family, people you trust. Be single for a long time until you are clear on the choices you have.

I wish you well thanks .

ReturnOfEmeraldGreen Thu 23-May-13 23:22:13

Run. Right, left, wherever. Wishing you the best.

Takingbackmonday Fri 24-May-13 16:25:31

Advice being taken.

Aside the odd unnecessarily bitchy comments grin

Thanks for making me see sense.

Leverette Fri 24-May-13 16:34:39

flowers

Chislemum Fri 24-May-13 16:44:10

OP - you knew the answer yourself when you posted. Get out of the relationship. Be good to yourself and then find someone else. HUGS.

DameFanny Fri 24-May-13 17:53:28

Oh phew!

JaxTellerIsAllMine Fri 24-May-13 20:22:24

good, you deserve better.

pictish Fri 24-May-13 20:27:47

Good...I'm glad to hear it!

ScrambledSmegs Fri 24-May-13 20:34:53

Good for you! Chin up thanks

2013go Fri 24-May-13 23:05:15

So glad for you- this would have never got better. Now you're free, yay!

Takingbackmonday Sat 25-May-13 11:57:58

Thanks smile

I was feeling sad so I called friends; off to algarve with a female friend and the best friend I mentioned earlier, having just come into some money, is spiriting me off to Tahiti. Seriously. Yay

badinage Sat 25-May-13 12:05:32

Have you actually dumped this loser though?

Loulybelle Sat 25-May-13 12:38:30

Better to get out now, before this twatbag knocks you up, you have his kids hes got you over a barrel for life.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Sat 25-May-13 12:43:31

I do hope you have dumped this guy though. He is no good.

chipmonkey Sat 25-May-13 16:39:32

I like the sound of Tahiti man. Does he have a girlfriend? Please don't tell me you're not into him because he's too nice?

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