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This is the dating thread 54, all welcome!

(1000 Posts)

All very welcome to share online and real life dating experiences.

EternalRose Wed 15-May-13 23:38:33

I want to make it clear to you all.....and this is very important
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I love a good quiche grin

To get us started, here are The Rules to help us all through

1 Develop a thick skin
2 Do not invest emotionally too soon
3 It's all BS until it actually happens
4 Trust your gut instinct
5 If it is not fun, stop

Rose I really hope that is not a euphemism.

MirandaWest Wed 15-May-13 23:43:10

<lurks once more as otherwise won't be on threads I'm on and I'll lose it. Am down south this week marking exam papers. Commuting is hard work - how did I do it full time ever I wonder?>

EternalRose Wed 15-May-13 23:44:28

No I actually meant a quiche, cheese and tomato is my favourite though!

ike1 Wed 15-May-13 23:45:27

Think he would have happily missed his last train home though...had to remind him and then walk him briskly to the station....

ike1 Wed 15-May-13 23:46:13

Yeah cheese an tom no messin'...

skyeskyeskye Thu 16-May-13 00:16:05

ok you wise people, sorry, I dip in and out of here, but it moves so fast and Im not really dating, that I cant keep up with it all!

I have been exchanging messages with man on match.com, he contacted me first, this morning he messaged at 7.30am and said that it would be easier to keep in touch by mobile today rather than through match, so I gave him my mobile number and havent heard from him since! He said that my messages made him smile. I have sent him a little message on match tonight, not mentioning the mobile thing, and still not heard from him.

I know i shouldnt stress over nothing, but why ask for my number, then not contact me?! its really puzzling me?!

Marking place so don't lose thread.

Checked messages in both sites. All either just 'hi' or weird requests. Tempted to just delete profiles and get 100's of cats.

I have my dad coming at 10 in the morning. Hes moving to another country in next couple of week for good so hes coming to say bye to my son as he will be gone by time my son gets back from his holiday.

mercury7 Thu 16-May-13 00:21:08

Sorry to hear he wasnt your cup of tea Ike sad

Kin the dressing gown rings a bell with Ivorbigun, seem to remember him portraying himself as wealthy? hmm

Winefiend Thu 16-May-13 00:42:47

Thank you for your lovely messages on last thread you bunch of cliquey bastards grin

Soooo yday I was exchanging msgs with cunt young un, giving him advice on claiming DLA for his mum and stuff. Was a bit miffed the last txt didn't even thank me. Let it go as he has bad shit going down.

Went out this eve for some wiiiiiine. Discussed matters with my wifey (as I refer to her). Was a bit irritated when I got in abt the whole situation. Looked at his pof profile out of interest. Despite the 'not going forward with any woman' he has not only updated it to his new location, but has updated photos he took, one of which he took in my full length mirror AT MY FUCKING HOUSE. Sent a msg basically saying 'hope you are ok blah blah but I am pissed off you haven't thanked me etc'.

Reply: 'oh well'.

Result: I am incandescent with rage. Not even mildly annoyed, I am Begbie style glassing fucked off. So I replied pointing out how stupid I feek for giving a shit esp as I spent so much time looking after him (which I did, if I was qualified that weekend I'd have made a fucking mint) and he is a disrespectful little bastard for uuploading photos of himself from our weekend (not to mention weird for taking em in 1st place).

2nd response: 'lovely jubbly'

Now obviously I know I am not going to enter into anything with this emotionally stunted fuckwit, but me being me hotheaded, must have the last word I feel the need to reply. Am resisting the urge as, bizarrely, I know anything I have any desire to send to him will be massively hurtful (but true). Ugggggh.

I feel like I need to respond. Someone give me something cutting and amazing. I am generally good at this when not at the level of rage I am currently at.

Winefiend Thu 16-May-13 00:43:22

Oh Ike that is cack sad

Winefiend Thu 16-May-13 00:46:02

Woweee typos.

I am very peeved though. Golly gosh.

EternalRose Thu 16-May-13 00:49:17

Actions will speak louder Winefiend...

Disappear like a ship in the night, he is not worth your time and energy. How horrid does he sound!

Winefiend Thu 16-May-13 00:50:36

Ach ooops I've just sent a cutting text anyway.

OH WELL

(megalolz/cunt)

grin

EternalRose Thu 16-May-13 00:51:38

He really does sound vile Wine you got a lucky escape there.

Winefiend Thu 16-May-13 00:58:49

Ah Eternal, he is a massive prick (suspected but confirmed this eve), I have sent my text so I am now done! Deeming him low (to having zero) emotional intelligence was as cutting as I got and will probs sting quite a lot. Not as much as some of the shit I've had in my direction mind.

It's not like me in the slightest to make even remotely hurtful comments to people (and I've dealt with some absolute twats in my time), but something about him has unleashed my inner bastard, unfortunately. It's really odd actually as I've never felt the need to be so abusive towards someone before whilst having absolutely no desire to see him ever again. Obvs I've had exes who have pissed me off but deep down I've wanted them but in this case.....nope. It's kinda creeping me out actually. Odd.

KinNora Thu 16-May-13 07:02:12

Good morning everyone,

Ike, do you think you might become more attracted to G Ruse if you spend more time with him ? (I was hoping for him to be of Nameless/R&R/Dutchie-esque loveliness and chemistry proportions)

Wine excuse me putting my 'stating the bleeding obvious' hat on but he sounds like he has serious issues going on, and in fact, the photo taken at your house and put on his profile seems really rather manipulative.
I can understand why he's got to you but I think you should completely avoid anything to do with him, he's completely hatstand.

Mercury Ivor's profile seemed a little ...sparse. If he's wealthy, he wants to invest in a better dressing gown.

Skye hello and welcome, come on in. In my experience, expecting logical behaviour from men in OD tends to lead to bafflement and disappointment - a lot of them do this kind of thing, praise you to the skies and then, poufffff ! disappear into the ether. The best thing to do is to shrug and chalk it up to experience, the rules at the beginning of the thread are your friend.

Flipper924 Thu 16-May-13 07:22:35

My ivorbigun sounds like Nora's. I thought I must be special because he messaged me on POf and OKC.

Ike, I always say this, but he might be a grower. Do you feel as meh this morning?

KirstyWirsty Thu 16-May-13 07:37:29

skye maybe he just likes to collect numbers .. That is all the challenge he needs? Who knows ...

wine go no contact, ignore and relax

lubeybooby Thu 16-May-13 07:49:38

Hello all!

Miranda as I always say anyone loved up is welcome and NEEDED! Someone loved up from RL or online dating has valuable info/input/perspective for any dater. Any accusations of quicheness in the future just tell em to do one. I have no idea what's gone on as haven't been here but have had a few messages I can't make all that much sense of.

anyway hey ho new thread and all that I'm not even going to attempt to catch up because I'm still not officially here yet - not out the other side of the madness yet..

Shag date is on for this weekend though. I'll update on Sunday...

VelvetSpoon Thu 16-May-13 07:49:40

skye welcome smile as Kin said, I'm afraid the OD male is prone to this weird msg/msg/msg/vanish behaviour. It has happened to us all, doesn't make it any less annoying.

SPs no need for drastic cat action yet! Give it time...I have contemplated the cat route myself but given I don't even like cats, I'm not sure I could bring myself to!

wine what a nasty manipulative little creep he is. Please don't engage with him further.

Morning to everyone else. The sun is shining, I feel in a decent mood won't last. Hope you all have an excellent Thursday! smile

Winefiend Thu 16-May-13 07:50:48

Hatstand is a very good description grin. I have no regrets at all about losing my cool. My only regret is that I deleted the texts as I have a feeling mine were fairly hilarious grin

Wine I get why this has got to you, he sounds like bad news. Block and blank, this man has no place in your life. Nothing.

Sky we've all sat around at some stage wondering why we have a vanisher on OD. No point in wondering why though, people just seem to do this.

48howdidthathappen Thu 16-May-13 08:06:43

Place marking.

Hi All wink

Being trying to keep up, but life very full on at mo.
Loads of mum stuff and family shite sad
Also work, DD, 4 horses, dog and cat.

Things with Mr R&R are just fucking amazing grin

I love this thread smile smile smile

KinNora Thu 16-May-13 08:15:01

Lovely to see you Lubes and 48, oh and hear, hear about loved up people, proof that it can be attained.

And of course you too, Velvet and Juliette - have a marvellous day

Good morning Kin, good morning Velvet, good morning 48, good morning Miranda, good morning All grin

I'm not sure if I am officially loved up with Dutch yet I've just pulled, which is reason enough for grin

And Flipper and Rose and Kirsty and Lubey and grin

Secretservice Thu 16-May-13 08:43:27

Just popping in to say that actually Ivorbigun is mine and ^not* Nora's
grin

JoylessFucker Thu 16-May-13 08:51:14

I couldn't find you <wails> and even started a new thread <over-excited emoticon> but here you are <phew>

My dating news is pretty much same old, same old. I'm chatting ... but the ones I'm interested in disappear and the ones still there I simply cannot get the enthusiasm to meet up with. I did meet up with someone I started talking to on the Times site and have talked to for 2 years (yes, TWO!!!) I'd happily put him in the friend box but he finally decided to be brave and pressed for a meet. It went well, we had a lovely evening, he was unable to take his eyes off me, there was mucho affectionate stuff and snogging. Then, back to usual late night phone call talking about everything and nothing, but no suggestion of second date. Good thing I have you lot to keep me grounded eh ...

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 08:56:36

Might be a grower Kin 'dunno' haha,,,if he messages to ask for another meet up I might go, we will see. Meanwhile I might catch the zeitgeist and ask out an attractive builder who reckons he is more Howard than Gary Barlow. Wine I would reply with 'Whatevs then, you Scum egg...dont contact me again.'

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 09:01:15

I love the term 'scum egg' Mark E Smith uses it in C.R.E.E.P about guys like young un.

JoylessFucker Thu 16-May-13 09:20:03

I did arf at Nora's grower question too ike. Was getting concerned I was only one doing childish chuckle. Liking the sound of that builder ...

Wine ... and breathe. Thank goodness you're out of that. Seriously unpleasant piece of work.

skye there's always the chance that he may have walked into massive work panic, but I'd not angst over it. If he did, then down to him to contact, explain and apologise. Otherwise, he's a nutter, so NEXT!

SP weird messages eh? Yes, I've had a few of those this week. Its been a while so I was a bit hmm but I forgot about those lovely chaps that don't read profiles. My withering prose normally sorts out any wankers person considering wasting my time.

Which Ivorbiggun do I look for, so many to choose from although I may go for the one who asks "do you wanna see my wang"

Snapespeare Thu 16-May-13 09:24:24

<place-marks by dancing around thread scattering rose petals and being insufferably 'loved-up'> [vom]

wine what a bell-end.

ike boooooooooooooooooooooo. It's a bit wearing to enter into each new assignation with hope and then it's just not there. Onwards!

lubey hurrah for shag date!

<waves at rest of thread>

Moanranger Thu 16-May-13 09:32:11

You know, the best way to deal with all this dating malarkey is to think of it as practice!
So: initial meeting -practice; subsequent dates-practice; even initial DTD-practice. Eventually, the Real Deal will come along & in the meantime, you've had lots of practice. wine is this any help/ consolation/ what have you in coming to terms with latest twat?
My commiserations - dating is shite...

TigsytheTiger Thu 16-May-13 09:35:56

Morning, my little lovebirds - place marking

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 09:36:24

I feel ok about it though...we chatted about all sorts it was a nice evening...the pub was a good choice you are right OWW. and I didnt drink too much. Taught me there is nothing to be nervous or sared of. Just to GET ON WITH IT!

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 09:41:10

scared. Its just there was no mega chemistry...he is a really interesting person and a genuine eccentric artist type...doesnt like to charge too much for his work that sort of thing. Thinking of flogging high end wood burners to Londeners so he can do small scale charitable stuff. That kinda thing. Proper crusty guy. I think I have realised I am not really like that any more though.

TigsytheTiger Thu 16-May-13 09:51:12

good practice then Ike as Moanranger says, the more you know what you don't want, means you are clearer about what you do want?

Scrazy Thu 16-May-13 09:52:01

Ike, see it wasn't worth all the nerves after all. Think of it as practise for now, you had a reasonably pleasant evening, didn't fancy him so NEXT!

Wine, what a cock and I don't say this lightly, some men no matter what their age never gain emotional intelligence or simply don't give a shit.

Lubey, hi, have fun on your date. When you are really bored have a read of the last thread, if you have time that is.

I've got a full weekend planned. Seeing my current of Friday then off out on Saturday.

ScumbagCollegeDropout Thu 16-May-13 09:52:27

Just de-lurking to put in my 2 cents. Probably a tad too late but in my defence I am on the other side of the world to you lot.

I have lurked since thread 20 odd and only posted a handful of times since then. But when I have posted I have had a few replies from those on the dating thread. All been very helpful smile

I read along all the time, just don't post as, and this may sound weird, my relationship with a lovely bloke from OD has pretty much followed the same path as Snape and Nameless. Well except for the holiday part envy. Whenever I have had a niggle, it seems to be the course of the relationship because Snape posts very similar concerns that I have at the time. So I just follow the advice you all give her. No need to post. The only other small niggles I have gotten has been regarding him having bipolar and I hop on over to the MH boards for that side of our relationship.

So yeah, in a roundabout way I am saying that as an occassional poster I have never felt unwelcome on the dating thread. And as a lot of you have been posting for months in the small confines of this thread then it is only natural that you become friends and post as such. Happens on forums all the time. But I have never felt like an intruder. Why would I? This thread, and indeed this forum, is open to all. Good ol' internet.

<waves to thread>

<re-lurks>

Good evening College <waves> I think this thread serves a lot of us well in all sorts of ways, I do count people on here as good friends and yes I do care abot them. It's been a lifeline to me on more than one occasion.

Ike so no growing potential then? Regardless, you did it, had a good time and have that one under your belt. All good.

TigsytheTiger Thu 16-May-13 10:09:18

College? I wanted to type Scumbag!! what a great name! I agree, I read advice for other people and it serves me well too.

Tigsy is cos I'm prime innit grin

Is cos I is prim innit, soz

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 10:19:50

Yes it might have growing potential Jules but I am not so keen that I would message him first and am happy to date others. Actually that was something like my 9th Online date but spread over 4 years...I met Torso on Match. My problem is I tend not to do many and get really picky and snobby....they have to be a bit 'alternative' and 'eccentric'. I am beginning to realise that maybe this is not my type now.

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 10:24:29

One of my mates met her fiance on line ...she is like me arty and alternative...had kids by someone in a sucessful band who turned out to be a knob of the highest order. She has found true love with someone who is not like that at all....

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 10:26:49

....in that he is Mr Steady ...not particularly into music or art or anything like that. But she really fancies him, he is a loving stable partner and she does the alternative vibe with her mates and occasionally he will go to poetry sessions with her.

Snapespeare Thu 16-May-13 10:28:48

<holds scumbags hand> <over a great distance>

I'm glad it's useful - I've never really thought that my wobbles and stealth boasts might be of use to others, because i have mainly posted about me, me, me from a very self-centered perspective blush but I'm really happy if someone can gain perspective from the great advice I've got here. That's a very positive thing. smile

skyeskyeskye Thu 16-May-13 10:35:22

thanks for the advice everyone. Still no contact from him. It just pisses me off, that he sends a lovely message, asks for mobile number, gets it, then that is it, silence! what is the point in that?!

I don't think I am cut out for this online dating stuff. I am not thick skinned enough and take everything as a personal insult.

I am glad that some of you have got somebody through OD, it is proof that it can work sometimes smile

Sky the thing is, it has nothing to do with you, anything you did or said. He maybe a game player, he may think he is being cool. Whatever the reason might be, what does matter is that this is behaviour that you are not happy with.

Ike I like an arty, alternative, liberal thinking intelligent man but I have also realised that I don't have the patience for a man who is working on a basically self indulgent project that will never, ever get anywhere any more. Not saying Ruse was in that category, but generally all that can become wearing after a while.

mercury7 Thu 16-May-13 10:56:02

Scum thanks for posting your OD experiences, I think it helps give a more balanced perspectivesmile
Did you do much OD-ing before you found the lovely bloke?

Ike sounds like he was just a bit too hardcore for you in the eccentricity stakes? shock grin

JoylessFucker Thu 16-May-13 10:56:27

skye it may be that you're not ready but do stick around for the chat. For most of us, its simply a matter of practice. We've all experienced the "is it me" "why did he do that" "what's going on" and many many more questions. We've earned our thick skin by having been through the angst.

The only difference is that now we almost expect it and so are pleasantly surprised if it doesn't happen. That's when you see even the loved up amongst us having moments of doubt, because surely its got to go wrong ...

VelvetSpoon Thu 16-May-13 11:12:10

Skye if you have half an hour to spare read my epically long post on the other thread, you'll know I (and others on here) have had years and years of this. The image of OD is its filled with attractive, well adjusted shiny haired perfect smiling people, and that finding a good one is easy. Its not, it takes perseverence and a lot of luck, and you need masses of self esteem. It always makes me laugh when people say they did OD as a confidence boost...I'm like wtf??! The disappearers, the rudeness, the rejection just eats away at you. Hence why I think the only way to approach it is feeling great about yourself, because otherwise the bastards will grind you down.

But there are nice men out there. Even I, who has no luck met one eventually, and whilst he may not actually be my boyfriend or anything proper, he is still very lovely smile

Nowstrong Thu 16-May-13 11:17:00

I just cannot read all of your posts to be able to effectively learn from your wise experience. I'm struggling with all this on line lark though...
I have one "suitor", he spends days sending me textos, then yesterday just a little "hello", to which I answered, since then nothing...am I right in not sending anything but just to wait and see....
This is driving me MAD!!!!
Perhaps celibacy is OK after all......

ScumbagCollegeDropout Thu 16-May-13 12:02:45

tigsy Thanks! You can call me Scumbag I kinda like it cos it's the polar opposite of me. Just my sense of humour wink

Snape Oh I am glad you are not weirded out. Although I can't compete with your movie sex but it's still very good grin

mercury Well this is where I feel a bit of a fraud. I only did about a couple of months worth of OD. From what I have heard from here it is quite different here in Aus. No cock shots for a start! I was very selective and I believe I made first contact with most of them.

I had some nice convos with a few. Most dropped off. No worries. One was a potential but he worked away a lot so even though we had agreed to meet up it never eventuated and in the end he dropped off from the site.

In a way I was only really on there as the ex had just started a relationship 3 months after our seperation. I felt like 'Sod it, might as well'. So I went on a pub date with one of the blokes I was getting on very well with. It was okay. Chatted about lots of stuff and had tons in common. Ended with him giving me a ride home and getting the cheek kiss of doom (as he puts it grin ) Before we left the pub however, we did swap fb details. Nice enough bloke I thought, potential friend, didn't fancy him.

We kept in a little bit of contact on fb. A 'Hi how are you' every now and then.

I went off and had a couple of ONS and snogs on nights out. You know, had some single fun I hadn't had for 12 years.

Was drunk one night at the end of January and hadn't been online for a couple of months. Had deleted my OD profile by this point to. Anyway I logged onto FB and had a message from pub bloke. Just a simple 'Hello'. I liked that. I was fed up of the 'Hi gorgeous' type greetings when I hadn't even met them yet. So I gave him my phone number.

We haven't stopped texting since. The more we text each other, the more we got to know each other. He is ridiculously smart, incredibly funny and very sweet (even if he says otherwise). So much in common, same outlook, same beliefs.

We met up again 3 weeks later. Still in the friendzone at this point. Went for a drink, he came back to mine and hung out a bit.

Texted all during the week. Met up again the weekend after. Hung out at mine watching movies, chatting, laughing and drinking. Went to his at some point in the early hours. Fell asleep on his bed. He put his arm over me and stroked my neck <melts> The next day I knew I liked him a lot more than what I was letting on. I was holding back.

Slept with him the next weekend. And we have seen each other around 2-3 times a week since late feb. Became official about 3 weeks later (I intiated that conversation). Have also done the whole meet the parents thing. Constant texting throughout. He is utterly lovely and I am so glad we exchanged fb contacts that night last sept. We have both said 'I luff you' but no advancement on that. And I am not rushing. Just enjoying it and him. Oh and even though I didn't fancy him on that first date, I sure do fancy the fuck out of him now wink

Phew sorry for the epic post. But as I haven't said much about it, this is my OD story. So far a happy ending <twee>

If you read all that, you have obviously got way too much time on your hands grin

keepcalmandkickon Thu 16-May-13 12:10:02

This is happening to me too at the moment!

Got chatting to a nice man, he asked to meet up, I gave him a few days when free, we agreed a date, kept on emailing, then 2 days ago I asked him what the plans were as it was this Friday that we were meant to get together and nothing!!

It is just so strange - why put all that time and effort into emailing / texting etc to then just not bother meeting up? Oh well! To be fair, I think I would actually prefer a night in on Friday but that is not the point grin

Thatsmyhat Thu 16-May-13 12:45:46

Hello

Am I allowed to join?

I have been single forever and have done all kinds of dating, online, speed, blind, friends of friends etc, no luck. I am half having a break at the moment and half on plenty of fish. I don't expect anything much to come of it because a- it hasn't in the past and b- i don't think most men want an actual real woman. That might be controversial though.

OhWesternWind Thu 16-May-13 12:56:45

Kickon I don't really understand it either, but maybe he got cold feet, or decided he wasn't ready to date, or his wife was around unexpectedly, or whatever. I think there are quite a few people who just like messaging and don't want to take it to a meeting up stage, but it's not fair to lead people on if they're not interested. But when did that ever stop people?

Hello Hat and welcome! You never know, this time it might be different . . .

VelvetSpoon Thu 16-May-13 13:00:03

Keep its so annoying I know. I think the main reasons they do it are a) they are only looking for the ego boost of chatting to/ flirting with someone and don't really ever intend to meet. This group includes those who are nice but just a bit rabbit in the headlights due to recent breakup and aren't really ready to date, the ones who are just social inadequates and can only talk to women online, and a whole other group who are married/ in relationships but need to prove to themselves they can still pull.

Then there's the scattergun approach - guys who are messaging lots of women, ask several for dates and when they get more than 1 reply prob just stick with the one who replied first.

So the message remains, its not you. It is them smile

Hat * Calm* and Strong welcome/welcome back smile

What *Velvet and others have said. It happens so often that someone on here contacted quite a few men on POF and asked them outright if they were actually looking to meet a woman. A very high percentage were not. They would mail, wink, text, even call or arrange dates but had no intention of meeting up. Some were married, some were testing the water to see if they could pull, some wanted the ego boost, some were messed up.

So, it's not you, don't give any headspace to why or you'll end up tying yourselves up in knots grin

VelvetSpoon Thu 16-May-13 13:05:22

Hat - welcome! I think you're right about most men who OD. That's certainly been my experience over the last 4 years. I just met one entitled fuckwit after another. Quite a few of whom are now in relationships, but not with women who are in any way a challenge, and therefore probably quite prepared to dance to their tune.

Nice, well adjusted attractive men are few and far between.

Which reminds me, will someone please tell me where I can find the invorbigun. I'm in the mood for a little dressing gown action.

OhWesternWind Thu 16-May-13 13:08:22

Right, can I have a bit of advice about Champagne Charlie please? I am not sure whether I am being taken for a mug here . . . He contacted me on Match, got chatting a bit, he asked me out to dinner. Now whilst this had been going on I had asked him for a photo, none on his profile (quite a basic profile too) and he'd said he would send one soon but none has ppeared as of yet. I'd said we could meet up in about a fortnight and he has gone and booked a restaurant (apparently, bearing in mind the rules). But still no photo and I am a bit concerned . . . not sure whether to cancel or not. Just seems a bit odd, he seems very keen to meet, is fine to chat to, no hint of rudeness or pervery. The proposed date is on a Saturday night too so prime "family" time if he was coupled up but that is the only reason I can think of for no photo or else he is so plug ugly he thinks I wouldn't go out with him, or what?

I am not that bothered about people's photos (unless they are frankly awful and/or have a beard) as they never, ever seem to look like their pictures, so I would be very unlikely to cancel on the basis of his picture. It is just the oddness of it and I want to be able to recognise him if/when we do meet up.

I don't have any safety concerns as it's a busy restaurant, nothing about picking me up or anything so it really doesn't seem dodgy in that kind of way and like I said, no hint of sex pest stuff either.

Advice please! To go or not to go, that is the question.

Thatsmyhat Thu 16-May-13 13:09:11

Yes, I feel very much that when faced with a real woman, who sometimes looks good and sometimes doesnt, who has feelings and opions, who has to do things not just be there for them, that they dont like it. It seems they like a 2d version, but not a real person. Ive been doing this for about 6 years now, I do probably sound cynical, but that is just how I have found it to be.

VelvetSpoon Thu 16-May-13 13:14:07

Western, I wouldn't go absent a photo that I had google immage searched to check it was genuine. I am very sceptical and would be thinking either he has something to hide, or he's not going to turn up.

Have you got his full name? Can you look him up on fb?

Thatsmyhat Thu 16-May-13 13:14:25

Ohwestern, there is no way i would go without seeing a picture. In my experience the ones with no picture have no picture for a reason. I wouldnt comit any time to someone, not even a 30 minute coffee, to someone who couldnt show me their face. I think you should cancel.

Western I would seize the initative here. On previous dates I have sent a text saying looking forward to our date so I'd like the pleasure of knowing whom I'm meeting. Get his name and then google his arse to within an inch.. In this case I wouldn't meet without a photo as at least a guide, (of course he can give someone else's details but not with a clear photo). The full on dinner and mentions of champagne would put me on alert tbh as he is either starting out ad doesn't know the score or he is being a tad presumptive about his ability to wow you <cynical>

ScumbagCollegeDropout Thu 16-May-13 13:19:09

I too wouldn't go until I had seen a picture.

I like to see beforehand who I am about to meet so I am not looking like a daft cah all lost and scanning the room.

and doesn't know the score

OhWesternWind Thu 16-May-13 13:25:52

Blimey I have never really got into doing the googling thing, maybe I am missing a trick here! But yes, it strikes me as very odd that he's not sent a picture especially when asked.

TigsytheTiger Thu 16-May-13 13:29:03

western agree with all above, no photo no date! I would be suspicious especially as he said he would send one and hasn't?

TigsytheTiger Thu 16-May-13 13:31:31

Has he said why he has no picture on his profile? I know people don't for many legitimate reasons which they would explain and then pm a photo?

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 13:35:52

Merc I think he was a bit too hardcore eccentric...felt a bit motherly towards him ...never a good start to a sexual relationship...

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 13:37:58

OWW no I wouldnt go either without a photo ....but I know what you mean re people only AT BEST looking like an approximation of their photos...

OhWesternWind Thu 16-May-13 13:48:19

Right, I've just sent him a message basically saying I need to see a photo before we meet as you hear all sorts of stories about married men etc who won't show a picture etc, so we will see what if anything comes of that!

Ike I think he sounds a little bit off the wall too but he has done his job maybe in getting you to rethink the type of man you're looking for. I always used to go for the alternative arty musical type but that's not what I want now. Think I have gone too far the other way with all the engineers though.

OhWesternWind Thu 16-May-13 13:48:57

Sorry too many etcs in that last post.

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 13:54:24

Yeah I think that's it...its about learning from each date (if you get that far that is). Good move on the recent photo message.

Have message Mr Take That with a brisk business-like suggestion of a date. Who said romance is dead eh? Heh, heh.

mercury7 Thu 16-May-13 13:55:06

Never mind meeting when you've not seen a photo, I wont meet someone unless I've spoken to them on skype first.

Scumbag, it sounds as if things just sort of developed in their own time for you and your fellasmile

I guess we should try not to have preconceptions about how things 'ought' to be because any kind of relationship is a unique interaction which develops over time as determined by various complex interacting factors most of which are unknowable to either or both parties confused

it's so weird isnt it the way you can go from not fancying to fancyinggrin

Winefiend Thu 16-May-13 14:11:00

'Scum egg'. Class grin Thanks folks.

I am an oasis of calm and tranquility. Well, still quite pissed off but in a good way (not in a boo hoo woe is me kinda way, more a bollock severing kinda way, it shall pass). Such total weirdness. He's even taken a photo of himself pretending to be asleep with the caption 'sleepy time' under it. Whaaaaaaat was i thinking (probably with my tuppence, to be fair).

It speaks volumes to me that the nicest, most level (ish) headed one this year so far was 21 years old. Age is clearly irrelevant. The only one thus far that has shown genuine (short of 'oh yeah that's good) interest in my work and actually said 'wow, you must work hard etc etc'. Aaah beautiful young man he is too (but alas too far away and too young).

Just catching up on thread now as I am sat in the car enjoying my air con and a fag while I stake a new client out. I am early. She is pretending she is not in. Whatevssss.

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 14:13:31

I look like a washed out hag on Skype though Merc ...so no twin fanny action with me I am afraid....

Anyone in a OD dry spell?

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 14:21:42

Frequently SP...

Thatsmyhat Thu 16-May-13 14:23:33

Sps - I dont know how long you have been online dating, but dry spells happen all the time. When you are new to it, you get a lot of interest, just because you are new. The trick is to change your profile picture regulary, to keep it fresh, or hide it for a week or to and then unhide it.

Hat For a few month. Its just weird messages now. I'm trying RL too but that seems harder grin

superdooperpenguin Thu 16-May-13 14:29:44

Hello, can I join you on your dating adventures? I've lurked for a while so kind of feel like I know some of you already!

Been trying OD off and on for 6 months or so, thought I'd met someone lovely but it all went belly up after 3 mths. Ah well, back to the drawing board!

I'm on POF which is always interesting! I've met up with a nice guy a few times from there now, same age as me, good job etc. But physically he's just not my type - although saying that, my type hasn't worked out so well for last 31 years, maybe it's time to try a new type?! I'm going to his flat tomorrow for dvd night so we'll see how it goes.

I'm also being chatted up by a younger man at the moment. Very little in common but did I mention he's gorgeous and has an amazing body and is a fireman! I know I should know better, but I'm very tempted to meet him just to play blush.

Thatsmyhat Thu 16-May-13 14:29:48

yeah, it could just be the ' newness' wearing off. RL is much harder, which is why online dating is so popular probably.

Honestly, try changing your picture.

mercury7 Thu 16-May-13 14:49:39

well dammit Ike!
(ya just need to tweak the settings on the camera..I generally have it in black and white very fuzzy mode grin )

Djangounhinged Thu 16-May-13 16:55:37

Hello new thread smile.

I wouldn't go on a date with someone if I hadn't seen their photo first. How could they expect you to be looking forward to meeting them for the first time, if you don't even have an idea of what they look like?

I did exchange a few messages on POF with one guy who didn't have a profile pic, but he sent me one with his first message. Loads of good chat for a few weeks and a failed attempt to meet up, but then he disappeared, and reappeared a couple of weeks later with a text saying "hello". He might have got a reply if he'd just said "Hello, sorry I haven't been in touch for a while...." Next!

New POF man may have disappeared too.... I was last to message, and won't be chasing.... Which probably means I'm not that keen anyway.

Oh well. Next!

Hope some of the rest of you are faring better smile

Djangounhinged Thu 16-May-13 16:56:22

And hello Penguin, I'm new here too! And have been made very welcome already wink

KinNora Thu 16-May-13 17:06:53

Hello That's, Penguin and Django - OD is a very mixed bag, I look on it as giving me the opportunity to meet/talk to people that I might not come into contact with normally, this way I don't get disappointed by all the bollocks.

OWW have you heard from Champers yet ? I'm another one who thinks the photo withholding is a tad dodgy although maybe he looks like George Clooney and just wants to know that you're interested in him for his personality and not dazzled by his looks

VelvetSpoon Thu 16-May-13 17:07:14

Penguin, welcome smile

Sometimes a change can be good - a very wise former poster on this thread used to say 'if you do what you always done, you'll get what you've always got' and there really is something in that - for me, I have dated men in practically every manual, building related occupation you can think of. And it always ended in disaster. I am now dating someone who works in IT. Nothing like I would have said is my type, much less aggressive and jack the lad that the men I usually attract/ go for, but he is lovely and I am very smitten. So, see how tomorrow goes.... smile

KirstyWirsty Thu 16-May-13 17:24:09

penguin and djanjo welcome!!

OWW any that haven't had pics and then sent them on request have always been hideous in my experience .. Last one told me his ex thought he looked around 36 .. That must have been 20 odd years ago though !! Definitely don't meet anyone without a pic

KirstyWirsty Thu 16-May-13 17:26:08

penguin meet the fireman for coffee and see if you fancy him first

Bant Thu 16-May-13 17:41:16

OWW - I don't even bother talking to anyone without a picture unless they offer to send it when they contact me. I've learned from experience it's extremely unlikely to end up in a 'wow you're gorgeous' moment - more likely an 'oh.. well.. it's not that you're ugly, just.. erm.. goodbye'

Bant Thu 16-May-13 17:47:47

And hello Dropout, Penguin, Hat, nowstrong and Django. And everyone else.

To be fair, women ODers do vanish too.

I've now got two women who have winked and favourited me multiple times, I've sent emails and they just keep winking at me.

One of them was the one I mentioned in the last thread - probably out of my league - but we exchanged a few emails, ending in mine, then after a couple of days not hearing back from her I asked her if she wanted to go for a drink, and still no reply. Then she starts favouriting and winking at me again...

I don't get it.

Thatsmyhat Thu 16-May-13 17:57:51

Bant - I may have been guilty of doing a similar thing myself in the past. It is usually because Im not that bothered/ dont like them all that much. But then if all other options dry up/ lead knowhere, or it is a dry spell, Ill go back and give people another go, just to check I was right about what I had thought about them. I do believe men do this too, and call it ' fishing the same hole' or something.

Bant Thu 16-May-13 18:42:09

Hat - the disappearing mid conversation I can understand. She's not into me, I bored her, she met someone else, she's busy - whatever. It's the repeated favouriting and winking when they've already been having a conversation with me - that's the odd bit.

mercury7 Thu 16-May-13 18:47:33

yes I've been guilty of vanishing and messing people around something chronic while I ummed and ahhed about whether or not I wanted to take things any further.

I dont have any active profiles right now so I guess I'm a non dater, although if either lover x or lover y goes out of the picture I'd probably look for a replacement.
(I'm using the term lover in preference to FWB as suggested by Snape in the last thread)

Hello to all new posters on the dating threadgrin

Snapespeare Thu 16-May-13 19:08:01

lots of lovely new folk-hello!

Snapespeare Thu 16-May-13 19:11:29

i do like the term 'lover' it makes me think of beautifully coiffeured ladies reclining on a chaise longue, wearing oyster coloured silk and smoking a cigarette through a diamond encrusted holder. wink grin 'she took a lover' is far naicer than 'ooo! she's got a fancy-man' shock

mercury7 Thu 16-May-13 19:16:20

ooh yes, taking a lover is a great way to put it...kinda suggests picking from a queue of suitable candidates
I wishgrin

Toni2710 Thu 16-May-13 19:26:40

Quick hello to all.
Just place marking!

I think I may be taking a lover on date 4 <happy sigh>

Hello all newbies, come share your stories!

Winefiend Thu 16-May-13 20:43:28

Aaah all this talk of lovers is making me envy

As predicted, it has been two weeks (and last time was not particularly earth shattering) and I am now at the nrrtghhhh stage already. Fuck you libido grin

Winefiend Thu 16-May-13 20:43:48

Oh and hello new folk!

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 16-May-13 20:45:21

Hello Everyone!

<waves>

I have calmed down in time for thread 54!

Hey, to all the newbies [big friendly hug]

smile

OhWesternWind Thu 16-May-13 20:48:11

Blimey the moon must be full, they are all out tonight! I normally never ever get things like this but in five minutes on PoF I have had a virgin wanting me to "teach" him and another very early thirties guy with a thing for older women . . . No, no, no. And a very good looking one earlier on today too but far, far too young. There is also an old grizzly one with a horrible beard that I need to get rid of sharpish.

Champers hasn't been online so no idea if photo will appear or not. Got another vaguely amusing one on Match but he is a little bit old. It's like the Three Bears here - where's the one that's just right?

splishsplosh Thu 16-May-13 21:02:33

I met someone from POF for coffee yesterday - there was no phwoar moment, but he seems nice, decent and good company so I thought it was worth giving it another go. So having lunch on Saturday.

On the other hand, I was hoping to see a lover smile who I have seen sporadically over the last couple of years next week...

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 21:04:33

Can I ask OWW how you are making your decisions to date? I probs get about 6 messages a day on POF none of whom I really fancy from their pics apart from the occasional 1 or 2 . Since I have now decided to take a more laid back attitude I am at a loss as to who to respond to.

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 21:12:09

Infact OWW if you are on POF an I pm you the profile of a bloke who as been very keen but i have never message back cos I just dont fancy him. Yet his profile seems fine,my 'fancy' radar is all wonky at the mo. So I am interested to know if you would show willing...

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 21:12:27

can, has etc

OhWesternWind Thu 16-May-13 21:18:52

Ike I am a bit random at making decisions who to meet up with but basically if I like their picture (bearing in mind what I said about photos before!) and more importantly their messages then I will give them a go most of the time, nothing to lose apart from another evening in and a tenner for the babysitter . . . I really think it's so hard to tell if you will click at all from chatting online, but at least you can see if they start any pervative nonsense and then they are in the bin. Fancying is so difficult, it's all about confidence, how they carry themselves, smell, their smile, none of which comes across online or on photos. Anyway enough waffle, what I am trying to say is that if they seem reasonable and nothing offputting then I will tend to meet up.

But I don't respond to most messages I get as they are generally really crap and lacklustre.

PM me and I will have a look at this bloke, always glad of an excuse to have a nosy!

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 21:20:17

cool will pm

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 21:26:50

Pm'd.x

Ike I'll also be happy to take a look if you want another check as I hardly ever fancy anyone. I generally reply to anyone who has more than half a brain and I think I could fancy. Sadly wine doesn't work for me, I just want to go to sleep so I can't even take to drink to try wine goggles.

Also get sod all messages. I got one from gsm this evening, it had been so long since the last one that I thought my subscription must have expired. He was bumptious and lacking in humour of course.

SummersComing1111 Thu 16-May-13 21:56:33

Ok new to this thread and need advice.

Im a sahm with my 17mo, only places i go is supermarket, mother and toddlers and my mums house. I never go out.

I am 22 and lonely been single since becoming pregnant with DS.

How the hell can i meet someone?? Iv tried POF but scared the hell out me so crazy men on that thing!

So what can i do? Or am i ment to be single for life!!

Please help

Summers POF can be scary, even for those used to online dating. If you decide to try again with it, this thread can hold your hand smile

I have not had any success with POF and use OKC (which seems to work best if you are in a big city). At couple of people on here find Match works for them.

The only advice I could give is to remember 'the rules' at the beginning on this thead, don't take anything too seriously, you don't need to reply to everyone out of politeness, ignoring is perfectly acceptable and the Block button will be your friend. If it all gets too much, you can always hide your profile and only make contact with men who you are interested in. That way you don't get overwhelmed with messages you don't want.

OhWesternWind Thu 16-May-13 22:08:18

Hello Summer and good to see you on here! PoF can be a very strange place but you can set all sorts of filters, people on here will be able to advise, to block out some of the worst ones but you do have to be quite brutal with which ones you bother to reply to. And also choose photos and write your profile to discourage the sex pest ones and the out and out weirdos.

There are some other free sites like OK Cupid which some people quite like but I might be tempted to perservere with PoF. Don't know what it's like with younger men though (I'm 42) but if SP is around she's pretty much in the same situation so will be able to give some better advice.

Don't despair, it can seem so awful sometimes but there is light at the end of the tunnel (for all of us, I hope). I know how lonely it can feel sometimes, am on my own with my two children most of the time and it's difficult. Lots of people on here who will understand.

superdooperpenguin Thu 16-May-13 22:18:26

Hi Summer, POF is a bit crazy! But I've also spoken to some nice, normal guys on there too. I think it's worth perservering and like Juliette says you can hide your profile when the messages are getting too much. I'm 31 and have two young children so can relate to what you're going through.

Update on me - date all set for tomorrow eve with nice but no physical attraction guy. And a sneaky date has been arranged with the young fireman for next Wed! I feel very bad arranging to see two different men so close together but I'm not in a relationship - am I ok?!

worley Thu 16-May-13 22:18:30

hello... not been on this thread for many many months but have decided to dip my toes in again.
Been back on match.. chatting so someone who seemd nice and hes suddenly disappeared sad never mind. its just out of all the ones in my area he appeared the most fanciable..
have lurked in pof without joining and the obes in there have been there since i first started last jan in 2012!! same photos same profile.. so no gos there..

Scrazy Thu 16-May-13 22:24:15

'Lover' reminds me of 1970/80's American soap opera. All shoulder pads and big hair.

Mercury, I look horrible on Skype, as mine runs slow so I get still shots of me gurning, cannot imagine this turning anyone on. I look better on good old MSN.

Strange things are happening to me and my Mr Wonderful, starting to feel a bit meh about him. Is this it, is my age and hormones catching up with me or has my brain started kicking in? Anyone seeing him this weekend, I want my mojo back dam it.

skyeskyeskye Thu 16-May-13 22:26:18

Scumbag, that is a lovely story.

Still no word from my match bloke. He's obviously just not that into me! how the hell are you supposed to get to know people without chatting though!

I hate it when people favourite me, want to meet me, or rink but never take it further. Am I supposed to make the first move if they want to meet me?! I never send any messages myself, only respond to those who send to me. Am paying member of Mstch, free POF, just finished with Singke Dating with Kids.

Live in a rural area , not much chance of meeting anyone. Friends all coupled up. Don't think I'm tough enough for OD! But don't want to be on my own for ever.

If somebody clicks meet me, why can't they send a message?

mercury7 Thu 16-May-13 22:33:05

Scrazy I guess I'm quite lucky that my skype runs pretty well, of course I always put on a bit of slap and a nice top and make sure I'm in whatever room has the most flattering light.

Perhaps the shine has worn off with mr wonderful, or it's just a non plussed sort of mood which will soon pass?

Scrazy Thu 16-May-13 22:36:37

Mercury, it took a while for the shine to wear off and if it is that I quite like it. Hate to think my libido has finally deserted me though confused. You hear of it happening with women of a certain age, Oh no!

Scrazy Thu 16-May-13 22:38:39

Skye, I would respond to a 'would like to meet' only if he was seriously fit, if not then ignore.

OhWesternWind Thu 16-May-13 22:42:02

Scrazy see how you feel when you see him, but maybe it's just not being sure where things are going, if that's the case. I know that sometimes I pull back a bit emotionally for self-preservation when I have the feeling that all is not quite as I want it to be.

Skye I can't see a feasible alternative to OD at least for the moment either so I keep plugging away. Feeling a bit discouraged at the moment, though, wondering if it will ever come right.

superdooperpenguin Thu 16-May-13 22:43:05

Scrazy I wish I could give you my libido - so much pent up lust but no one to unleash it all on! It's driving me a bit mad actually!

Skye I tried match and hated the wink feature. I think if you wait for people to message you then you might miss some great guys - get messaging!

KirstyWirsty Thu 16-May-13 22:46:59

skye I just think the would like to meet men don't have anything to say for themselves so why bother?? Rocky had set me as a favourite on POF .. I set him as a favourite but didn't hear from him so I sent a message saying ' you made me a favourite .. I made you a favourite what happens next?'

Scrazy Thu 16-May-13 22:47:32

OWW, yes I will see how I feel after the weekend. I know it's as ongoing as long as I want it to be, it will never be a live in relationship which isn't what I want either but still feeling meh! Maybe it's run it's course.

mercury7 Thu 16-May-13 22:56:57

The sex drive and age thing, I dunno, I suspect it varies according to lots of things not just age.

I think I'd be glad to get rid of it, unquenchable thirst, pain in the arse that drives me to do stupid things

worley Thu 16-May-13 22:58:33

ive had blokes on match literally message me saying wink.. not even clicking on the wink button ! if theyve got that far to message why not just type a little sentence?!

Winefiend Thu 16-May-13 23:03:09

mercury I am with you on thr second para. I do wonder if one of the reasons I tolerated so much shit lately was because he was incredibly gifted at oral sex hmm

ALittleStranger Thu 16-May-13 23:03:32

Goodness I seem to have missed a lot and stirred up a bit of a hornet's nest by saying I'm a bit hmm at FWB.

I like OD, I date a range of people and with a frequency that I just wouldn't do otherwise. I wanted to say that for any lurkers who are still on the fence about whether to dive in. I've been relatively lucky with standard I think. Very little odd behaviour, just plenty of nice but slightly wet men who were not right for me. It's fun. But the constant "not right for me" parts are starting to get me down. One day, just one day, it would be nice to feel excited, and hopeful, and have meaningful movie sex, and amazing conversation. That's the disappointment that can pop out of nowhere and grind you down - so many dates, so few of them goers.

OhWesternWind Thu 16-May-13 23:17:07

Exactly, Stranger, exactly. With the exception of the creepy Italian, I must have met a dozen or so perfectly nice, often a little tedious, inoffensive, eager to please men who just did nothing for me. This week I have been wondering if things will ever work out for me. I get my hopes up a bit every time but just end up disappointed. Not excited at all about my date on Sunday because I think it will just be another let down. Need that bloody carp I think.

mercury7 Thu 16-May-13 23:27:25

Wine, yes it does tend to blind you to other things!
I think that's why I'm preferring sex only arrangements, it means I don't get the 'other things'
(oh if only it were really that simple...who am I trying to kid confused grin )

Bant Thu 16-May-13 23:28:01

People keep talking about movie sex. Which movie?
9 1/2 weeks is fine, the Tall Guy is funny. Alien vs Predator is just wrong in so many ways.

The 'Meet me' feature on match is something you click to basically save that person for future reference. You may be exchanging emails with several other people at the moment, or just be busy, but if you like the look of someone you can let them know (so they can contact you) or hopefully get around to contacting them if the current things don't work out. Don't take it personally.

On a dating-note, my 'Out of My league' girl, who hadn't replied to an email in the last week, suddenly replied back saying she was very busy holidaying at the moment, so she hasn't been in touch. So we're theoretcally up for a drink next week

Secretservice Thu 16-May-13 23:37:02

Evening all. It's great to see so many new and returning faces! Hope you all stick around, it can get a bit dull round here with all the same old loved up faces grin

juliette if you're still interested it's ivorbigun4u, cos he likes to share, innit!

I have a question for you all - how long do you keep plugging away at a one-sided conversation, in which you have to ask all the questions and they reply happily enough, but never bother to ask about you. It's happening now - great looking bloke, articulate - but in probably 12 messages has not asked a single question of me, even when I've set him up, thinking he can't possibly not ask - but he hasn't!

It's not the first time, and usually I just stop asking and that's it, but he's so tasty.... blush

Hissy Thu 16-May-13 23:40:10

Evening.

Just got back in from the 'date' Except I don't think it's a 'go-er' Lovely guy, separated, and not ready for a relationship.

TBH, i don't think I am either, I need more time. Ending a relationship against my own feelings only a couple of weeks ago is hard, I need time to process it I think. The dating is me trying to mask it/denial etc I think.
I may switch off the dating sites for a while and just do nothing.

I may go out with this guy again though, as friends. Is that OK? confused

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 23:41:35

Hey Secret ...Ive been there and it is a waste of bloody time...I thought this one guy didnt know how to hold a conversation...then he contated me again when I had more pics up ...didnt realise it was me....he could ask question then alright! We messaged for several days.. he admitted he had never been on an OD date and was very nervous.....then disappeared...bin him...sorry.

Same here. I have met a few creeps but generally the men I've met have been perfectly nice. As my potential dating pool is small I've given some men the benefit of the doubt which has resulted in quite a few creeps but my experience is not typical. I haven't found many I thought I could fancy from their photos so again, so again I've hoped for the best but the reality often was that they'd used much older photographs anyway so that hasn't always worked.

So I've had a lot of first dates with men who I didn't fancy. But most men I've met have been fun, interesting and good company and it was a good experience.

Secretservice Thu 16-May-13 23:47:32

That's not what I wanted to hear Ike. Had such high hopes of breaking my message drought. Ah well, goodbye international jetsetter, your loss

Hissy of course it's all right to meet him as friends, particularly if your in the same boat. You could do each other good !

Secret If he simply doesn't have the social sense to converse it doesn't matter how hot he is, it would be hard work. Worse, if he can't be bothered then why should you.

So those one's I bin.

KinNora Thu 16-May-13 23:49:01

<staggers into thread, blows drunken kisses at everyone, falls asleep in the corner >

And I'm going to see the new Star Trek film tomorrow. Bloody marvellous.

VelvetSpoon Thu 16-May-13 23:49:18

I'm not sure what's worse - lots of dates with men who are disappointing and you have to reject (or are glad when you don't hear from) or lots where you thought they were at the very least ok, and wanted to see them again, and never did? Or are both experiences equally dispiriting just in different ways?

Hissy yes it sounds like a promising friendship, just make your intentions clear and it could be fun.

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 23:52:24

I struggle to fancy any of them from their pics.....honestly!

Secret is he on POF, the one's I've got don't have pics

Ike glad you said that, I've only fancied 3 men in all my time doing OD.

Secretservice Thu 16-May-13 23:54:13

Arghh. It's late you're

In my six months ODing I've only met one weirdo, had one bruising disappearer, and a three-month FWB thing - well it was for me, not quite sure what he thought. blush

But I've not yet had a full-on cock shot, or anything particularly nasty and I'm in PoF, as well as OKC. (penny pincher that I am!)

Hissy Thu 16-May-13 23:55:38

Juliette He is the one making it clear that he wants friends more than anything, and that is OK with me.

We'll see. Perhaps I have something to learn on this part of my journey.

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 23:56:52

No honestly Jules....I have looked through the entire catalogue of Poffers between the ages of 35 -47 in cardiff and Briz tonight who have been on line recently....not one do I fancy from the photos. Some are reasonable but none have I thought 'oh yeeees!'

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 23:57:59

....and 'reasonable' might be exaggerating the point...

Eww someone get him a new dressing gown confused

ike1 Thu 16-May-13 23:59:05

How mad is that?

Secretservice Fri 17-May-13 00:00:40

No OKC, Juliette. If you really want I can PM the link?

Drunk again Nora? Not cocktails again! Is it not enough that you flaunt Mr Showbiz's oral health, without parading your active social life too? grin

Secretservice Fri 17-May-13 00:03:33

Ahh, I see you've found him!

Ike it's odd isn't it. In RL I see men who I sometimes think yes, I could do you but online almost never.

Secretservice Fri 17-May-13 00:07:32

My problem with the photos is that I most often think mmmm about men whose profiles leave me cold, all health and fitness, non smoking teetotallers. Not me at all. Although I have just completed my fifth day of being ash free!

mercury7 Fri 17-May-13 00:44:47

I think it's sort of easier to fancy random passing strangers, because there's no pressure and you can be a bit more relaxed and objective about whether you find them attractive?

Winefiend Fri 17-May-13 00:46:46

Ah christ, glad it's not just me who NEVER finds anyone attractive on OD. I was beginning to think I was rather odd. Out of the two I have met so far (one being a lunatic and the other just a bit meh), looney tunes was only a little bit less attractive than his photos (I did actually find them attractive but not WOW), though aspects of his personality put me off (obvs, plus he thinks he is a stunner - I've been with better looking men though). The second was a fair bit less attractive but just not really my type.

I find myself just constantly going 'nope, nope, nope, hmmm nope'. Aaaaagh.

GivesYouHell Fri 17-May-13 02:02:16

Hello, another long term lurker here. I posted a few times a while back under a different name (some might remember me - I live in a fairly small island community).
I've followed this thread for a long time.
One thing I have found in my pof experience is that men with good literacy, that can hold an intelligent message conversation and have no photo are the ones I now seek out.

Almost exclusively.

In every case so far (5 dates) they have been very pleasant and very level managers of large teams and have not considered it appropriate to publicise who they are. 3 of the 5 were very good looking, the other 2 were certainly decent looking.

I've seen quite a bit of mention that people won't consider anyone with a photo. From what I've found, that could be a mistake. I don't have a photo up. Once I've established that I likely don't know the person in RL then I'll send a photo. But meeting those without a photo has generally been more successful and were more enjoyable dates than meeting the people who did.

Anyway - just sayin'!

GivesYouHell Fri 17-May-13 02:09:34

*without a photo.

Bant Fri 17-May-13 08:35:21

Interesting perspective Hell - I've heard enough times that I'd get nowhere without a photo that I just assume that's the only way to go. And when I created a profile on one site but hadn't got round to putting a photo up yet I didn't get any views in a couple of weeks - once I put a couple up I started getting them.

ALittleStranger Fri 17-May-13 09:03:05

Hell I think you're very open minded! I've had one date with someone who didn't have a main profile picture for privacy/work related reasons, but he still had pics. I would definitely expect to see something before meeting up. I also think it's a bit precious to want absolute anonymity, especially if it's just because you line manage people. It also smacks of someone who sees OD as a shameful secret, which would put me on edge.

mercury7 Fri 17-May-13 09:35:34

Hi Hellgrin
if I understand you correctly you are saying that you look for profiles without photo's (and which fit your other criteria) but you'd still want to see a photo before meeting?

I'm with you on looking for a good level of literacy! smile

Scrazy Fri 17-May-13 09:39:28

Nothing wrong with not having a pic if you are active in sending messages and mention in your message that you can send one. I had someone contact me and after I'd established he could hold a conversation I asked for a photo, so he sent me one by text, one of his face, thankfully. Didn't make much difference as he didn't look anything like the photo.

GivesYouHell Fri 17-May-13 10:22:54

Two showed me photos beforehand and three didn't.

I wouldn't dream if telling anyone how they should set their own criteria, it's more of a suggestion that people without photos maybe shouldn't be disregarded out of hand?

I don't see lack of photos as someone being ashamed of OD. But I fully understand why people (including me) don't. Horses for courses and all that! I would never have been confident enough to go on pof if a photo was mandatory.

I didn't want to offend anyone, just to add another perspective to this forum. This forum has helped me immensely with OD. It's given me a much more pragmatic and reasoned approach to the whole business. So thank you all for that!

mercury7 Fri 17-May-13 10:46:50

meeting with no photo...I dont think my nerves could stand it shock
but yep, absolutely, ya have to 'feel' your way through and do what works for yougrin

Bant Fri 17-May-13 11:01:56

Hell - I'll generally reject profiles without a photo in favour of ones with a photo for three main reasons - because I only have a limited amount of time to spend mailing & chatting to people and would rather focus on ones where I already know I find their pictures attractive.
Secondly, just looking at the profiles with pictures I'm only attracted to maybe one in 5, one in 7, something like that. Statistically assuming the ones without are as attractive as the others, I'm likely to be talking to someone I wouldn't approach if I saw them.
Thirdly, if I get chatting to them and then they send me a picture and it's unattractive, I'm going to hurt their feelings by rejecting them based on how they look rather than never have a conversation in the first place.

There is a small chance I may think they look great, but it's unlikely. I'd rather spend my time talking to people where I think they look good but I'm not sure if they're interesting or funny or if there would be a spark in person.

ike1 Fri 17-May-13 11:11:52

Blimey do you think there are more attractive women than blokes in OD I wonder?

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 11:30:23

That's a real minefield of a question, Ike but I have to say, like a lot of other people on here I've only seen a handful of photos of men on OD that I found immediately attractive.

ike1 Fri 17-May-13 11:32:17

I am really envious of Bant's 1:7 ratio though Kin....lucky ol' peacock with his gorgeous hens...

mercury7 Fri 17-May-13 11:44:01

I would suggest that women tend to more picky and specific about what they find attractive, and men tend to be likely to find a wider range of women attractive?

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 11:44:17

I know, eh ? Mind, at least you've not been confronted by IvorbigUn.

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 11:46:54

I'm minded to agree with you Mercury but I was struggling to think of a diplomatic way to say it.

ike1 Fri 17-May-13 11:53:08

I think if I was on the 1:7 ratio I would be fairly sorted by now and i dont mean that to sound big headed...I just literally find it impossible...

OhWesternWind Fri 17-May-13 12:10:38

I don't even think I am very picky looks-wise (apart from the no beard rule). I don't think fancying someone is all that much about pure looks. There's so much more going on, and that is why it's so incredibly difficult to work out from an online profile and messages whether or not there's going to be any chemistry.

Feeling pretty discouraged by OD at the moment. Thought about taking a break but that would probably make me feel worse - at least at the moment I feel like I'm trying to do something about things.

Been chatting to a decent sounding man on Match but he revealed last night that he only came out of a twenty-year relationship at Christmas. So I am thinking that is a bit of a no-no as he's just going to be on the rebound, which is a shame. Been caught that way before though with LM (who was not entirely honest about when his marriage ended).

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 12:17:37

See, I've even had to abandon the no-beard rule, OWW, it's a sad state of affairs.

OD is pretty discouraging a lot of the time but I find the tantalising, if remote, prospect of actually meeting someone wonderful keeps me going.

Ike that's cos you is dead foxy.

Bant Fri 17-May-13 12:23:38

Is this a bad time to mention my beard is growing back? I was going for the designer stubble thing but there's a fine line between stubble and a full beard..

OhWesternWind Fri 17-May-13 12:27:06

Actually I think that what is wrong with me is that I strongly suspect that Titto is actually getting married tomorrow. Can't believe how low I feel about this. I just can't understand how someone who is such an abusive twat has actually just walked into a happy new life, new family with ready-made replacement stepkids, all loved-up when here I am struggling with almost everything. <Shouts "It's not fair", stamps foot and runs off to hide in darkened bedroom>

VelvetSpoon Fri 17-May-13 12:27:48

I probably find 1 in 20 men attractive, at best. Hence why I have rarely messaged anyone. And delete 90% or more of the messages I receive.

I possibly am too fussy...

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 12:28:02

I'm sure it only adds to your magnificent plumage Bant

OhWesternWind Fri 17-May-13 12:28:29

Bant the stubble thing is probably okay, it's when men's faces are actually hairy that it becomes well and truly boaktastic. Stay the right side of that line . . .

Bant Fri 17-May-13 12:30:34

the one in seven was just a figure pulled out of the air - I haven't actually sat down and worked it out for real. Maybe I should..

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 12:31:54

Nope, it's not fair OWW but let's face it, it might look like Titto is living the dream but the reality is going to be very different, imagine the poor woman and kids stuck with him, you're making a better life for yourself and your children.

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 12:33:56

OWW I successfully ignore Showbiz's beard by pretending it's not there, like Douglas Adams' 'Someone Else's Problem' field.

MirandaWest Fri 17-May-13 12:35:15

I think a bit of a beard is quite nice - Mr Nice grew one over Christmas which sadly went away again. Might encourage him to grow it again.

Am in London doing exam marking. Is with other people so am being a little sociable rather than chained to my desk alone. Go back tomorrow after work (have to work tomorrow...) but Mr Nice will be picking me up at the station and then we will retreat to bed for a little while grin

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 12:39:57

Ah Miranda I'm all envy (not at the beard or working in London)

OhWesternWind Fri 17-May-13 12:49:21

I know, Nora, I feel very sad and worried for his new wife and her children, but from his point of view he has got exactly what he wants.

Thatsmyhat Fri 17-May-13 12:56:01

I think its quite hard when ex husbands/ wife's remarry, especially if they were the ones that caused the breakdown of the marriage. The only thing that holds true is, they wont have changed who they are. So, every abusive, cheating thing they did, they will do the same again. Dont ever compare your ' inside' to someone else s ' outside'

I like beards. I rarely find men online who i find attractive, its the same in real life too. I don't think its picky, I would still go on a date with someone who I didn't physically like, if they had a great personality in the hope that they might be a grower. But, we are all attracted to what we are attracted to, It is a physical thing too, as much as a mental one.

I have a surprise 6th date tonight. Haven't chatted for a few weeks as we had a bit of a disagreement last time we met. Wasn't expecting to hear from him again, all came about a bit sudden and hes taking me out to dinner tonight.

anunexpectedturnofevents Fri 17-May-13 12:59:29

Hello all.

New to this thread but I'm currently going through a bit of a potential 'situation' smile

Background: recently (last summer) out of a very LTR with an abusive twunt. Divorce underway. DCs freaking out. So I was planning on one day finding Mr Right but not now.

However, turns out that Mr Possible lives very close. But I'm so crap at this dating malarkey that I have no idea at all whether he likes me or not! He seems to be making excuses to contact me (there are genuine ones too - his dc spends a lot of time here) but twice this week he's turned up/rung with no excuse at all. But then, I could be just reading something into nothing.

He's very lovely (twat radar is tuned to super-high setting after STBXH) and I spent a few days wondering whether there was anything there or not. Now I think there might be on my side. I was not looking for anything at all, but I'd happily take whatever's on offer!

He seems to be everything STBXH is not. I'm quite excited by all of this and feel about 14 again. I'm also boring the two RL people who know about this rigid so I thought I'd post here and see what you nice people have to say.

Bant Fri 17-May-13 13:09:14

events - sounds great. We probably can't give much advice apart from keep the radar on but it sounds good so far. Sometimes things come along when you're not looking and maybe you deserve to be treated well for a change.

Happy to hear more details though - it's always good to hear about nice things happening to good people

I don't know if I've said this out loud before but Dutch has a <whispers> moustache.

A 70's German porn star moustache.

In mitigation, it seems to be the go to accessory in his part of Netherlandia. In these parts, it will be assumed he is gay. Which is fine but not regular gay, some kind of ironic hipster showoff gay. It's bad. 2 miles down the road where they like a riot he will be chased down the street. Especially if he wears the German stylee leather waistcoat thing I've seen. It's bad.

It wasn't so noticeable in photos as he was on the boat and I thought it was due to not shaving at sea. I pretend it's not there and have encouraged stubble so it visually recedes. I'm hoping he will be amenable to clipping it shorter at some point.

And then some.

anunexpectedturnofevents Fri 17-May-13 13:14:15

I know - it does sound good. Feels great too! It's nothing at the moment, but I'm really hoping that my gut feeling is not wrong and that he does like me. And it is a lovely feeling - that fluttery, giggly feeling. I've not experienced it in such a long time. STBXH gave me butterflies of all the wrong sort sad

I'm seeing him tomorrow (valid reason wink) so I guess I'll be back if anything happens. The main thing is that I'll be needing help unravelling the clues - he's a pretty proper sort so I do'nt think he's just going to jump me. Which is a shame grin

I have to play things pretty close to my chest though - I'm in mortal fear of being outed on here again

OWW you know the answer is because she is taken in by Titto and he has his next victim. Easy, and it's all going to play out again soon.

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 13:23:40

Hello Events - that sounds very lovely, it's funny, isn't it, how all those 14 year old 'ohmygod ohmygod, he looked at me !' feelings still occur.

Well you certainly kept that quiet Juliette ! Is he accompanied by dreadful cheesy 70s porn guitar music everywhere he goes ?

48howdidthathappen Fri 17-May-13 13:24:25

I expect all the men I have met in RL wouldn't get a look on an OD site.

I don't think Mr R&R would do it for me on paper. In RL though there is that allusive 'something'.

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 13:27:28

Hmmmmm, wonder what Mr 'Sexy Time King' R&R's elusive real life allure could possibly be, 48 ?

48howdidthathappen Fri 17-May-13 13:34:28

Ha ha! My terrible spelling blush

The sex is excellent Kin Am I that bad? possibly grin

Events, that all sounds very promising, just try and keep your feet on the ground. This is what I am trying to do at the moment, although the 14 year old within is getting quite lairy <not sure how to spell lairy?>

Juliette, yes you may need to deal with the tache before you let him step out of your front door. We still love him though wink.

OWW it is so hard to see ex tossers seemingly living the loved up good life, but you know the reality. Sorry you had to go through all that.

ike, I'm guessing you are a total babe. not jealous at all.....

oo, date 6 hat, that's practically engaged round these parts wink

kin I think it's good to drop 'rules', if I'd have stuck to mine I wouldn't have met MrAttractive.

Attraction is such a random thing, that you just can't judge from a pic really. There have been people in RL who i've fancied enormously, but would not have done from one photo. Also, of my 3 dates, I fancied the pictures of one in particular, but found him kind of repulsive in RL. But the second I met MrAttractive, I just though 'hmmm, yes', simply from some indefinable sense that I had of his body / presence / expression in his eyes etc. <goes for lie down>

I like a beardy scruff, but more excessive stubble, rather than a maintained beard <hurls>.

On date 4 with MrAttractive in a few days. I have butterflies of a pornographic nature smile.

<waves to all>

KirstyWirsty Fri 17-May-13 13:41:33

Well he has for now OWW .. She has got the booby prize though

excellent sex you say 48 envy

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 13:46:58

No-one could possibly blame you 48

ike1 Fri 17-May-13 13:52:06

Thanks Kin and Hey...but foxy babe ...my arse!! So sorry to hear about your low mood OWW am about to pm you another one of my boring middle aged men that I am now chatting to on POF. This one a short haul pilot...give him the once over for me babe..ta..very muchly. All I need to know is 'would you' he's even in his uniform if that dont cheer you up! (and it wont) x

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 13:57:31

Give over, Ike, I've seen yer photo.

In other news, I'm such a lightweight these days that I could do with an afternoon nap.

Is that a euphemism Kin? If it is, I could do with a massive afternoon nap myself. If not, erm, as you were.

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 14:02:29

Hahahaha, no Hey I could really do with an actual nap as well as a good seeing to

if i don't get a good seeing to soon i am going to implode

OhWesternWind Fri 17-May-13 14:20:20

Just so long as it's not a good seeing to by someone who drums on you

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 14:24:18

I still can't believe someone would actually do that OWW, I mean you just don't, what was he thinking

48howdidthathappen Fri 17-May-13 14:26:46

Hey Have you a plan for date 4? wink

OhWesternWind Fri 17-May-13 14:26:50

I must say it did take me aback a little Nora and was the main reason I decided to chuck the bugger Just no.

Extensive plans 48 grin

Yeah OWW, the drumming was not such a great move confused

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 14:34:28

Mind, I suppose it could have been worse, what if he'd been giving a cheery little window cleaner-style whistle as he thrusted ?

48howdidthathappen Fri 17-May-13 14:38:14

Hope you get your bubble popped Hey grin

What was he drumming? Oww Not that is makes a difference I know.

OhWesternWind Fri 17-May-13 14:43:13

It was to a Kings of Leon track 48 so I guess it could have been worse . . . But even so.

Bant Fri 17-May-13 14:44:59

did he do the snare drum? Or the cymbals?

Inquiring minds want to know..

OhWesternWind Fri 17-May-13 14:48:17

Bant there was a kind of chugga-chugga-chugga thing going on at one point (verbally) but I don't know if that was supposed to be the bass or some kind of percussion. I didn't enquire.

Are you thinking of trying this tactic yourself as part of your seduction routine? All I would say is that it currently has a 100% failure rate . . .

Bant Fri 17-May-13 14:49:05

And it could have been worse. It could have been 'use somebody' or 'sex is on fire'.

Bant Fri 17-May-13 14:49:57

I'm more into singing Gilbert and Sullivan hits in a falsetto voice. Works like a charm

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 14:50:52

(You see I was going to ask if his sex was on fire but decided against - new found maturity )

Seeing as we're asking OWW, did he do 'drummers face' at the same time?

Thanks 48 grin

OhWesternWind Fri 17-May-13 14:58:55

Sorry Hey unable to answer that question for technical reasons. If I had to make a guess, though, I'd say it was likely.

48howdidthathappen Fri 17-May-13 15:11:50

Sorry Oww Trying not to imagine 'drummers face' and failing blush

ike1 Fri 17-May-13 15:20:43

Just sending out a warning dont look at the 'in love after 10 years' thread...it WILL knock you sick...

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 15:21:59

I was in two minds about telling you this but having told a couple of my friends who laughed their arses off, I thought I owed it to you lot.

Lying in an immediately post-orgasmic haze, brought about by Showbiz's mad skillz, he leans in to my ear and whispers -

'^clever girl^'

hey guys. i did it, my first ever date from online dating. 'twas very nice, he bought me flowers and proved he had actually been paying attention to what i say to him. we had coffee (he had tea) in a little place in town, and sat and talked and laughed for nearly 3 hours. grin

ButternutSquish Fri 17-May-13 15:57:09

Hi there...lurker here

Just wanted to tell you there is hope out there. I married a man I met OD just under 2 months ago (married him, not just met him!).

I met loads of guys, pissed about by hundreds, met and 'dated' a serial dater who was living with another woman (oh, and I found him on a sex swingers site a bit later), had the disappearers, ones who wanted to chat and never meet, ones who wanted to send and receive dodgy photos....

Keep going, there are nice men out there. I met mine on Times Online

OhWesternWind Fri 17-May-13 16:04:42

Squish congratulations and that is lovely news, very encouraging . . . I will keep on keeping on.

Winefiend Fri 17-May-13 16:07:58

Haven't caught up yet but, Nora

M E G A L O L Z

Clever girl grin Did he pat you on your head and give you a treat? Kin? grin

Scrazy Fri 17-May-13 16:52:39

OMG, 'Clever girl'

Nora oh my God <Janice from friends voice>

There I was, struggling with the 70's guitar porn theme when up pops Terry Thomas grin. Reminds me of another post boy who, when getting near the moment with my friend on top yelled,

"Giddy up Girl!" T

Winefiend Fri 17-May-13 17:14:18

Ah Juliette, you have just reminded me of the tache grin

ike1 Fri 17-May-13 17:58:49

Well done Cherry! Do you think you will see him again?

Bant Fri 17-May-13 18:21:39

So do you want him to call for a second date cherry?

48howdidthathappen Fri 17-May-13 18:26:17

Have a good night all. Whatever you get up to.

I am out with mates. Going to get hammered grin

OhWesternWind Fri 17-May-13 18:37:17

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Velvet
Happy birthday to yoooooooo

Hope it's better than you were thinking!

Winefiend Fri 17-May-13 18:39:21

Ooh happy birthday Velvet grin

Have a lovely evening all. I am attempting to have a sober (and therefore inexpensive) evening in until I change my mind and hit the offy

OhWesternWind Fri 17-May-13 18:41:52

I am going to get slightly pissed on rum.

Happy Birthday Velvet I hope you have a lovely evening as befits the lovely you flowers

48howdidthathappen Fri 17-May-13 19:09:31

Oh yes Velvet Happy Birthday. You are a long way off 48. Celebrate flowers

i reckon i just might you know

KinNora Fri 17-May-13 19:14:39

Happy Birthday Velvet, I hope things are better than you were expecting flowers

( and yes, 'clever girl' - deary, deary me. Whatever next )

Snorting tea in attractive manner at 'technical reasons' and 'clever girl'.

Sounds like a wonderful first date Cherry, are you seeing him again?

Happy Birthday Velvet! thanks

Congratulations Squish smile

Winefiend Fri 17-May-13 19:36:22

Go on Cherry, you know you want to grin

oops, xpost Cherry, go for it! grin

grin

BillMasen Fri 17-May-13 20:11:49

"Technical reasons" grin
"Clever girl". grin
Happy birthday velvet

I'm liking the love for beards on here. My slightly long stubble has probably crossed the line into short beard at the moment and I'm liking it so it'll probably stay.

Feeling a bit fed up at the moment. Since finishing with geeky girl I've not had much luck OD wise. All very quiet. I had a date with the Italian, which went well but she's on holiday at the moment and then it looks like we'll be struggling to coordinate to see each other for a couple of weeks.

I think the whole "divorce process actually starting" is just making me feel a bit rubbish. Coupled with an inability to meet someone I can actually manage to spend any time with, I'm just moping a bit at the moment.

BillMasen Fri 17-May-13 20:12:49

"Moustache". grin grin

Flipper924 Fri 17-May-13 20:23:43

Yay, Cherry!

Happy birthday, Velvet! Hope you're having a great evening.

Bant Fri 17-May-13 21:05:48

Evening everyone. And Happy Birthday Velvet.

Bill - how long are the whiskers before it's classed as a beard? 1cm? more? I'm trying to work out how to get it back to a respectable length, but having a goatee for 15 odd years means I never had to worry about that kind of thing.

I have a date on Wednesday with Banker, one at the end of the week with OutOfMyLeague and I'm seeing the Finn (who just wants to be friends but always wants to sit next to me when out with other people.. hmm...) as well next week.

This weekend I have my DC so I shall be practicing my dancing in front of the Xbox whilst all of us wear pirate eyepatches. Apparently.

OhWesternWind Fri 17-May-13 21:54:56

This weekend, Bant, I will be supervising twenty pre-teen girls in a swimming pool, god help me, for my dd's party. Wanna swap?

VelvetSpoon Fri 17-May-13 21:55:42

I have had flowers and a card, and been taken out for 4 mojitos. I have eaten nothing all day barring a v v small flapjack so am quite pissed grin

Plus a whole afternoon of flirty messages. Not from C but from the 23yr old. But better than nothing!

Hopw you're all having rather lovely evenings too smile

Sounds like a great birthday to me Velvet, really glad you've had a goodun grin

Winefiend Fri 17-May-13 22:22:44

Oooh mojitos!

My booze free eve didn't last as I discovered some whisky in the house grin

OhWesternWind Fri 17-May-13 23:17:00

Oooh quite excited about new man who has messaged me on Match! Definite possibilities here ...

Moanranger Fri 17-May-13 23:17:04

Update on Meet Up guy - as you may know I am not OD, deciding to hang out with RL singles & see what emerges, soooooo....
Despite being a Rules girl I did text him today, but I think that was ok, as he texted back. It was a friendly text. We had both signed up for the same meal. The more I see him the more I like him. Ate food off each others plates & shared a pudding. After, I suggested that he walk me to my car & there was a kiss - actually two - and very nice they were!
However, I am now channelling my inner 15 year old - at least I remember how to do this stuff, but I was married for 24 years so skills pretty rusty. I am not sure where if anywhere this is going, I have only been split from evil git STBXH for 4.5 months - is this too soon? Remind myself it is all practice & doesn't have to mean anything.
Only weird thing is he must have googled me by something he said, but I have googled him, but didn't let on. Continue with slowly, slowly, but I do feel a bit emotionally lost - what am I doing, where am I going?

ClippedPhoenix Fri 17-May-13 23:25:47

Ive read this thread but its probably my first post. Moanranger, I feel everything you've just written. Early days are so so nebulous aren't they. I won't go into my story but have been pretty sad etc. blah blah. Ive just met someone im swooning about and having to take deep breaths and not do the "da da da da" thing and get married to him in my head... Ok, ok, I have! (grin). When you think about it though, how lovely for us ay and practice makes perfect doesn't it. I thought I was dead downstairs, now im tingling again. It's shown me that Im still a sexy minx really..... Just go with the flow and enjoy!

Moanranger Fri 17-May-13 23:39:57

Clipped love the"married in your head" thing - I know exactly what you mean! Since NO WAY am I marrying again mine is more fabulous sexual congress of amazing variety - my re-emerging libido is creating problems. Agree it is nice to feel attractive and to know that I can "do sexy."

Bant Fri 17-May-13 23:44:02

Ranger - I've never read the Rules (is there an official pamphlet somewhere) - but if anyone was to treat them as scripture, they're the kind of person I wouldn't be interested in anyway.

Eating off each other's plate, someone you're comfortable with and fancy. That's good. Take it as slow as you want - the point is someone who's good to be with will let you go at your own pace, as long as you talk about stuff.

nice one, by the way smile

ClippedPhoenix Fri 17-May-13 23:49:15

Ahh but if its fabulous sex stuff why are you bothered whether he's eating off your plate or googling? confused here.

Moanranger Fri 17-May-13 23:53:14

Oh, it's hotting up. Meet Up guy just sent a text " wishing we lingered longer." My inner 15 year old now in full flow. At least I left him wanting more, which is good in Rules land.

I will now be unable to sleep!

Moanranger Fri 17-May-13 23:58:59

Bant The Rules is a book now rather passé but is basically about letting men do all the running. I don't really follow it, but I do like to keep a bit back, a bit of mystery & also not to pursue as I have a full and interesting life. On the flip side, when I am with someone, male or female I like to give them my full attention as a sign of respect & caring.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 18-May-13 00:04:56

I read this when it first came out and some of it does make sense (unfortunately) unless you really don't give a shit. It can be carried too far though and you'd probably want to kick yourself with all the lost opportunities (arent the authors divorced now). We just have to be careful not to do the "overload" stuff. Turn it round, walk in anothers shoes, if you like. Do you want to get 10 texts a day? Do you want to get a text sometimes when you've just bloody woken up? Consideration is the key...

ALittleStranger Sat 18-May-13 00:08:22

I have a full and interesting live. Because I am not getting laid enough. I see this as a completely seperate question to whether and how much I should contact someone.

I am retracting my optimistic words on OD earlier. I have had a flurry of dates of late and all really disappointing. I think I'll meet up with one again in the hope that some of his quirkier traits were down to first date nerves. But this has been a real week where I've felt like I might be in a sitcom. I am starting to doubt if I will ever meet the kind of man I like OD, but I'm not meeting them in real life either because they're all getting into what may be doomed first marriages.

Snapespeare Sat 18-May-13 00:08:41

'kind of ironic hipster showoff gay...'

'Technical reasons...'

'Clever girl...'

This thread has been comedy gold today. grin

I'm one for a bit of be-stubblement.. Like a bit of a beard, me.

Back from namelesses for the night, DS1 has been very miserable today, including phoning me at work and my boss overhearing and asking if I needed to go and frankly quite pathetic attempts at self harm, so I've come home...but not before the type of sex that people write songs about. It was ridiculously romantic, I shall remain tight lipped hmm at risk of alienation and to attempt to retain a vestige of ladylike demeanour (but, wow!)

He's meeting the DCs soon. He said he wasn't nervous, because they're just people. I laughed at him and told him they would try to suck his brains out through his ears.

ALittleStranger Sat 18-May-13 00:11:09

Do you want to get 10 texts a day? Do you want to get a text sometimes when you've just bloody woken up? Consideration is the key...

But who does that? Is there anyone who thinks that's appropriate? I think this is why I hate the Rules, it gives the impression that left to their own devices women would be operating completely full of boundaries. And we wouldn't, because we're normal functioning people.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 18-May-13 00:17:47

oh get over yourself stranger....

ALittleStranger Sat 18-May-13 00:34:10

Eh, what would 'getting over myself' look like or achieve? I think I'm fine thanks.

Winefiend Sat 18-May-13 00:35:20

POF has been a bag of old shit this eve.

However, I have been watching Jools Holland. Josh Homme. "Corruption is one of my hobbies" (paraphrased).

Gawwwwwwwd.

Nearly 3 weeks now, I'm gonna end up sexually assaulting the TNT man with terrible body odour at work at this rate.

Ps nice one Snape (not so much for DS stuff mind sad) and moan

Snapespeare Sat 18-May-13 00:43:19

JOSH HOMME!

I might mention in passing, I was chatted-up by nick Oliveri once. I regretfully declined.

but only because my then bf was there

Winefiend Sat 18-May-13 00:47:11

Oh Josh. Agggggh.

By my reckoning he is a BAD BAD BAD MAN.

In a very good way grin

I think I would probably turn Nick Oiliveri down bf or not Snape, he is a naughty man and not in a good way!

I wonder if I am too old to return to my groupie-eqsue youth. The answer to this is yes, most definitely grin

KirstyWirsty Sat 18-May-13 00:47:22

Yeehaa.. Rocky's climbing weekend has been cancelled so he told me he was free tomorrow after all ..I want to go to the gym and do a few things ( pick up contact lenses and get shoes heeled (woo hoo) so have told him I won't be free till 6 .. I am kicking myself as I wanted to go and see the great Gatsby tomorrow .. Should have said 7 ..

ike you crack me up

Waves to everyone else

Winefiend Sat 18-May-13 00:48:07

God damn you phone and limited typing skills angry

ScumbagCollegeDropout Sat 18-May-13 02:06:42

Bant Go for the beard. I am a big fan of facial hair. The more the merrier I reckon. Beards are fantastic <nods>

Velvet Happy birthday!

Cherry Yay for great first date. Wonderful smile

Well in case anyone is following my saga, he told me 'I love you' last night grin. I'm so glad I waited for him to say it first. He had been wanting to say it for a while, same as me. So it's now officially a love thing <faints>

VelvetSpoon Sat 18-May-13 07:00:58

Morning all. I have been up since 6am...combination of hangover and the fact I was asleep by 11pm last night! (and as I normally average about 4b hours sleep, 7 hours is AGES!).

Anyways...and I know I will miss lots of people out, so <waves> and a lovely Saturday to you all smile

Western details re Match man...you can't just leave us hanging! Also what's the score with Mr No Photo, did he respond (sorry if you said and I missed it in my hungover read-through!)

Snape envy mixed with being ever so pleased for you re general Nameless-loveliness. sad re DS1 though, hope he's a little better today. Did you ever get any help from the CAMHS people? It's so hard when they are this age I think, so many conflicting emotions, finding their place in the world etc, and schools can be pretty brutal environments at times.

....my DS1 (15 in August) has inherited my tendency to selfharm through overeating sad and I know in his case it all boils down to not having a dad. Which sometimes makes me think that my assumption all those years ago that I could bring him up fine on my own was possibly a little over optimistic, and perhaps more borne out of my own selfishness in wanting someone to love....gosh, that's all getting a bit deep for this time in the morning!

Scumbag (seems so wrong calling you that!) so glad you got the 'I love you' and that he said it first!

I am now off to start the housework/laundry/supermarket shop ritual...may well take longer now I am 41! catch you all later smile

KinNora Sat 18-May-13 08:12:33

Morning everyone, there must be something in the air Velvet, I slept for 9 hours last night actually it's because I was drunk on Thursday night and didn't sleep properly and I'm getting on a bit

I'm not going to even attempt to mention everyone by name, I'll get all mixed up and make a right tit of myself, so it's a big 'hello' from me.

OWW Velvet is right, we need details.

Snape I'm really sorry to hear your ds is having a hard time again, witnessing one's child's distress is a terrible thing - is he doing exams at the moment ?

I have been given a load of stars on okc by a man who (a) lives reasonably nearby (b) appears to be attractive, funny and literate (c) has 'Nora's Type' printed in enormous fluorescent letters on his forehead and (d) has a genuinely amusing user name and (e) has another fucking beard, it's an epidemic I've favourited him, and if he doesn't message me, I think I'm going to contact him. This is verrrrrrry unusual.

Also, I saw Star Trek yesterday and I'm going to marry Captain Kirk, just so's you all know.

KirstyWirsty Sat 18-May-13 08:45:07

Happy birthday velvet.. Have a great day wine

Flipper924 Sat 18-May-13 09:04:49

Good morning! I fancy a 'me' post this morning, so please know that I am thinking about you all, just having a self-indulgent moment.

I have just spent 20 minutes on the phone, tracking down a parcel, which I can now collect on Tuesday. Any activity this early on a Saturday is alien to me (spot the childless one on the thread).

Wedding Snogger has offered no strings fun. My libido is tempted, but I know I can't do that without getting attached, so I have declined, which is a shame, because I'm pretty sure he knows how to make very good Coffee.

Flirty married friend has had to be firmly put back in his box, after becoming too flirty. This has also pissed off the libido, as I suspect he makes strong Coffee.

Mr Walking (from over New Year) has been quite chatty again, and very complimentary, but he's still not for me. One of doubts about him was that he hadn't got his shit together from his divorce, though, and he seems to have done that now. Coffee was always tepid.

I've exchanged messages with a couple of 'nice enoughs' on pof and OKC. This was mostly spurred on by my libido, but as that's now sulking, I'm lacking motivation.

Flipper924 Sat 18-May-13 09:05:55

Nora, where will this wedding be? Am I going to have to travel forever to get there? I need to plan my annual leave.

KinNora Sat 18-May-13 09:18:56

That all sounds very unsatisfactory Flipper - is there no way you can do the wedding snogger without getting attached ? ( I'd be very tempted )

My wedding with James Tiberius will be held on the Enterprise (and our marriage will be vigorously consummated later in his big chair, until he cannae tek any more ) we'll transport you all aboard, don't worry about the travelling.

Djangounhinged Sat 18-May-13 09:21:37

Morning all.

Seems like lots of us are struggling with OD at the moment. I'm feeling like it's a complete waste of time, in my patch at least.

Was back on POF last night after I heard that my lovely fit young SF is having to move away to find work - sob! I wouldn't chance making contact with another young un so that's my quota of super-fit buff-ness finished with, I reckon. sob! Anyway got chatting to one new potential, but either he wasn't interested or was extremely dull. Basic responses to my attempts to ask questions about what he had written in his profile. Everyone else I saw on there last night was a woman-hater or about 20 years older than they were admitting to.

Oh well, there's always real life. No nights out for the next 3 weeks though. Sob!

Can you tell I'm feeling sorry for myself and completely self-indulgent? I hate feeling like that!

Plus it's pouring with rain.

Does anyone have a date tonight, so I can feel excited for you instead?!

KinNora Sat 18-May-13 09:27:01

Morning Django, it's rubbish when OD gets like that ( and it happens quite often ), I still maintain that it's cyclic, like there's some kind of weird pattern to it all so in a couple of weeks you'll be contacted by 3 halfway decent prospects in the one night.

ike1 Sat 18-May-13 09:29:23

Bloody hell well are you lot like...up chatting till all hours...I should have had a word with the pissed dj to make a sound track for you...am sure she could of squeezed in a bit of Queens for you.

Went to a birthday party last night extremely reminiscent of something from phoenix nights ...great fun, cheap booze plus some delicious authentic thai food food alongside the sausage rolls.

ike1 Sat 18-May-13 09:29:50

what are...sigh...need to put contacts in...

EternalRose Sat 18-May-13 09:31:24

Happy Birthday Velvet!

MirandaWest Sat 18-May-13 09:32:02

Morning everyone smile

Am in London for the 5th day in a row and I get to go home tonight smile looking forward to romantic reunion on the station. Sort of counts as a date I think grin.

When's nameless meeting your DC snape?

Is there something wrong with texting 10 times a day and doing good morning and goodnight texts? Neither Mr Nice nor I have read The Rules though so it is probably OK that we text a lot smile

ike1 Sat 18-May-13 09:33:34

....have to say I love a working men's club I do...my mate even copped off with a rugby player Velv...

ike1 Sat 18-May-13 09:34:10

oh yeah Happy barfday my lil lover..x

Flipper924 Sat 18-May-13 09:39:51

I just can't Nora. I can do ONS, no problem, but anything more and emotions get involved. Isn't that daft? I should really be thinking more along the lines of 'if I'm going to just have fun, it should at least be with someone I am friends with and trust'. I will have to think about this. A big part of me thinks I should just do it, and toughen up, but stuff is going on at work now which is making me feel vulnerable anyway, so it's not the right time.

Ike, does the pissed dj have any Stone Roses? I've had Going Down on repeat in the car for a week now. I think I may have inadvertently given the libido control of the CD player.

ike1 Sat 18-May-13 09:42:56

Yep...I an sort you some Stone Roses Flip...I myself am looking forward to 'made of Stone' biopic. And yep you guys have guessed correctly ...there was thai food cos one of the thai wives made it...think I might have to look into a 'package' hol myself......

Flipper924 Sat 18-May-13 09:45:16

Aww, Miranda, romantic meetings at stations are the stuff of movies! And I think text frequency is only of concern before you're actually in a relationship.

ike1 Sat 18-May-13 09:45:20

Ooops just outed myself as the pissed dj there....well wadddya know???? I am the reserrection though Flip, so what does that tell you about me?????

KinNora Sat 18-May-13 09:50:58

Flipper, I always think that in the sexy time stakes you should just do whatever is right for you, I'd give my right arm to be able to shag with impunity - turns out that I just can't do it, it's not for me and if you're feeling doubts about shagging him then trust your natural inclinations, don't be fretting about 'toughening up'

As for work, what's going on ? It goes without saying that I feel your pain, bad times.

Ike I really must take you back oop north with me one time, you could go working men's clubs crazeeeee.

ike1 Sat 18-May-13 10:00:16

Yeah Kin ...I might even ind Mark E Smith in one of em....

OhWesternWind Sat 18-May-13 10:07:52

Good morning everyone

Snape so sorry to hear about your troubles. Have been there myself, one of the most difficult things I've had to deal with. Hugs to you and your ds and I hope things get better.

Flipper I can see why you don't think it's a good idea - maybe take it as a bit of an ego boost and move on? Very wise not getting involved in something you know won't work for you.

Bill hope you are feeling a bit less meh today. Exes huh! And Django as well, it does all get a bit dispiriting but that can all change very quickly.

Have you heard anything back from your OKC pash Nora? Not much to tell about my one but I feel quite encouraged. Nice normal messaging, very local which would be wonderful logistically, funny, complimentary, big reader, not an engineer ... Same name as LM but that is ok. Couldn't date someone with the same name as Titto, never say his name even in real life. Hoping for a bit more chat with him tonight, will definitely meet him when he asks. Still got Mr Rebound chatting but he's not for me. No photo, no message from the other one so I don't think we will hear any more there. Date tomorrow with the last of the engineers, no real enthusiasm but you never know. I will go and have a drink and a chat and hopefully a laugh. Bit worried, though, as there have been a few texts on the subject of motorbikes and trains. Oh well.

Got all the birthday party food ready and it's only ten o'clock! Keeping busy to stop thinking about the wedding from hell which I think is today.

KinNora Sat 18-May-13 10:10:35

Ike I can take you in his local, love

grinchie Sat 18-May-13 10:14:54

<wave to all>
I read the last thread and was going to post but it all moved along rather quickly.
But hello to everyone, old and new.

Happy Birthday to velvet grin

As for me Ironman is home, everything is great and we are talking about moving in together before too long.

KinNora Sat 18-May-13 10:17:14

OWW he does sound very promising, the name thing is slightly irksome but hopefully he can triumph over that with the force of his marvellousness I'm not mentioning the wedding, fuck the wankfaced twat and his miniscule, inconsequential life . I hope the party is devoid of arguments/tears/screeching ( yeah, I know but the thought is there )

I'm going to give it to tomorrow and then okc man is going to feel the force of the flirt.

KirstyWirsty Sat 18-May-13 10:24:38

Hi grinchie that sounds fantastic!!

KinNora Sat 18-May-13 10:29:16

Hello Grinchie - awww, that's really lovely, I'm very pleased for you

I say, good girl Kin <Terry Thomas>

Velvet double sleep has to mean a good night then grin

Snape I feel for you with DC, it's just so relentlessly fucking hard to deal with.

Ginchie fantastic news for you and Ironman, I wish you every happiness with him grin

Bill sorry you're feeling 'meh', it's just another phase and it will pass. Are you still going to take some time out from work?

Flipper it sounds like you know what's best for you at the moment, you never know you may feel differently in a while.

Django OD does seem to be famine or feast...

Kirsty yay for Rocky's change of plans, he does seem rathe keen for a man who want's casual grin.

KinNora Sat 18-May-13 11:07:39

Juliette that is terrifyingly accurate grin

KirstyWirsty Sat 18-May-13 11:10:40

Juliette I know there are very mixed signals .. I am however taking him at his word

What's happening with you and Dutch?

Kirsty DS exams now so I'm off again in 3 weeks. Dutch was happy to come here but I don't want to impose a new man under the same roof as DS this early. At his place it is easy and we can have sex all over the freedom of his house and garden.

Snapespeare Sat 18-May-13 12:05:15

DS1 a lot calmer today, it's difficult, I want to be there all the time and I can't....and arguably that wouldn't be particularly healthy either. Think he just needs to know that he's very loved and I can't always make things better, but he can always talk to me sad he's such a gentle wee soul. He has five or six very light scratches on his forearm where he's attempted cutting. Nowhere near his wrist, which is where he'd told me he'd cut himself. He has a psych appointment on Monday anyway...

No concrete date for the nameless vs. DCs summit. It'll be a Sunday afternoon when he's feeling well enough to get on a train, no need to plan, a text will suffice (we don't ever really do much on a Sunday) he's not worried at all (this is because he's ridiculously laid back) I'm going to arrange them on the facing side of the kitchen table. Like dragons den. Hehehehe.

48howdidthathappen Sat 18-May-13 12:12:59

Grinchie Fantastic smile

Snape So sorry you are having stuff with your DS. It can be so bloody hard.

My night out went a bit pear shaped. The driver started drinking [mad] No way was I getting in the car, so sent Mr R&R an SOS. He came to my rescue. The night ended very well wink

Waves to rest of thread.

R&R is just so R&R grin.

Snape I have a feeling all will be well, remember it's a big deal to you, not quite so much to the kids and Nameless because he doesn't realise the power of single parent DC is very relaxed so DC will pick up on that.

Moanranger Sat 18-May-13 13:45:25

Django I have a sort of date tonight in that Meet Up guy & I are rendezvousing ( is that a word?) at a music venue tonight organised as a group outing. Cover band, apparently. I don't normally do this, so when place gets to crowded & my teeth hurt from the noise. We can leave & do some of the " lingering" he alluded to last night.
The whole Rules thing can be overdone - like you are basically supposed to sit there stone-faced and NEVER contact him, but I think a little gentle encouragement helps at the right time. Also,Miranda if you & he are happy with frequency, text away! Personally I find masses of texts a hassle, and then there's like "see you soon " "ok, babe", " you, too" etc, etc, I mean, when does it end!

I'm going on a mate date tonsee Fast & Furious 6. Her mum has agreed to watch her daughter so film and food for us.

A mate date is better then no date grin

Scrazy Sat 18-May-13 14:07:36

I haven't read the rules but saw a programme about it. I think it says to not go too overboard in the beginning of a relationship so as not to scare a guy off. Let them come to you etc. I agree with that, at the beginning.

I'm all loved up again!

Velvet was your birthday, yesterday? Did you hear from C, at all? He should have wished you happy birthday, if he knew about it.

Pomegranatenoir Sat 18-May-13 15:11:04

Happy birthday velvet loving the sound of a mojito or 4!!!

Big hello to everyone else. Just reading, nothing of note to report!

Djangounhinged Sat 18-May-13 16:01:00

Velvet happy birthday for yesterday smile

SPs a mate date is definitely better than no date! I now have a friend coming over for wine this evening so that's good. Moan, enjoy the lingering if it happens!

Have been sobbing on and off re SF all day, I'm quite gobsmacked by how sad I am about him leaving, even though it was very much ad hoc, no strings, and destined to end sooner or later anyway. I have therefore learned that FWB isn't the way forward for me any time soon!

Snape I agree that all you can do for your DS is be there for him and ensure he knows that - sorry he is having such a difficult time. My DS has very low self esteem and it's a battle to keep him afloat a lot of the time. But he does come and talk now and again so at least we have open channels of communication.

splishsplosh Sat 18-May-13 18:45:29

I've just got back from a late lunch 2nd date.

He seems like a really nice man - decent, polite, respectful, complimentary, keen. Good company - we chatted comfortably for 3hrs. From what I know of him he'd probably be really good bf material.... but I just don't fancy him. He's quite overweight, and I feel shallow - I'm built on curvy lines myself.... but although we had a kiss, I felt no urge to drag him home and dtd.

He's keen to know where things are going, I did say I liked him but wasn't sure anything more than friends. Do people ever start fancying someone after a while?

Bant Sat 18-May-13 18:52:31

Splish - I seem to remember Snape didn't fancy nameless on the first date. It seems fairly common for things to grow

Djangounhinged Sat 18-May-13 18:59:37

Splish he sounds worth another meeting, at least? I'm very looks-driven but can be won over by compliments and attention.... Meeting him again doesn't mean you've made a commitment to him, yet.

Whatever you decide, glad you had a nice afternoon today anyway smile

Djangounhinged Sat 18-May-13 19:00:39

On saying that, if the kiss wasn't up to much, that's maybe a bit of a deal breaker anyway....

Winefiend Sat 18-May-13 19:06:19

splish I would bear in mind what Bant said and maybe give him one more go, so to speak.

I am conversing with someone who os VERY far from my usual 'type'. I am trying to think outside the box this weekend grin

Winefiend Sat 18-May-13 19:12:14

may however be my own 'box' and irritating libido that is influencing this

superdooperpenguin Sat 18-May-13 19:22:59

Splish I'm in the same boat but I've flipping complicated things by dtd! I had a date last night with a lovely scouse guy, it's the 5th time we've met. No attraction on my part, he's a bit overweight which is so fickle of me to say but I just don't fancy him. However, he's lovely and I'm really trying not to go for the usual type (my type = bastard). I got drunk last night and stayed over at his, dtd - it was crap. He wanted so much to make me happy but I just wasn't feeling it! To make matters worse he called me his girlfriend this morning, aargh!

I feel so guilty but I don't want to be anyone's gf yet. I'm meeting a hot 25 yr old on wed - I've turned into an evil cow and don't know how to fix it all!

Winefiend Sat 18-May-13 19:44:17

You're not an evil cow penguin! All you can do is let him down gently. Unfortunately, even with someone you are really attracted to, if you're not sexually compatible it was shit and it isn't doing it for you, then you have to do what's best for you.

Genuine question, lots of people snog or dtd with someone they don't fancy. How? When it happens are the men/women in the catergory of attractive but no spark from the personality or something?

Splish it is definitely possible for someone to grow on you, you have nothing to loose if you give him another go.

splishsplosh Sat 18-May-13 19:56:26

I'm trying my best not to be shallow, and judge him by the person he is - which after all is more important... but it's not easy!

I think it feels hard too, because he wanted to know if progress is likely... it's all a bit analytical rather than kind of wooing... I know he's keen and don't want to be mean either.

Oops Super you are perfectly entitled to dodge the gf thing if you are not ready, you can always let them know you are looking for a more casual arrangement before or when you meet up with them smile

splishsplosh Sat 18-May-13 20:00:06

And we had a snog because he went in for the kill as it were and I thought it was worth a go to see any spark would leap into action.

I confess I have dtd with people I wasn't particularly attracted to by looks, but my libido is usually easily aroused!

Splish you can't make yourself fancy someone the entire thread knows I've tried hard enough more times than I can count, you like what you like. Just because you are curvy doesn't mean you have to like curvy. Also, he is pushing it a bit by asking where things are going, it was only date 2. I would say something like 'it's early days yet, lets just see how things go'. You are a free agent as long as you want to be.

Winefiend Sat 18-May-13 20:08:32

Juliette I'm curious about this one too. I had a ONS when I was back up north over Easter with a really nice bloke (who wanted more than a ONS I discovered after) and unfortunately my beer goggles got the better of me. When I woke up we DTD again (hmm) and after I felt AWFUL. The sex was particularly uninspiring mind so it may have been that.

Yogagirl17 Sat 18-May-13 20:09:54

Hello - it's been a while and I've not kept up but wanted to pop back see what's happening.

Still single here - been giving match a go the last few weeks but so far nothing inspiring. Lots of winks from men I don't want to meet & A few conversations with ones who seem to lose interest as soon as meeting is suggested.

Jobs going well but everything else feels like a real slog!

splishsplosh Sat 18-May-13 20:19:22

I think it's maybe because I've had such rubbish exes, the thought of a decent man is rather alluring!

Maybe it's Bant's theory of sterile non alcoholic environments coupled with analytical discussions of progress.

Also maybe this is me being really unreasonable, but even though I would have said no, I thought it might be nice if he'd offered to pay for the (inexpensive) lunch. Whereas he just looked at the bill and said "that'll be a tenner each". Actually my main complaint is that he said no to the dessert menu without asking me!

Scrazy Sat 18-May-13 20:19:45

Hi Yoga, I wondered where you were. Oh well at least your job is going well which normally lasts longer than a relationship anyway grin.

I met a guy on POF who was different to my usual type, quite geeky, and I wasn't really attracted to him but we had some nice chats and dates. When it came to DTD it left me cold. Juliette, I think alcohol helps with this one and you hope that they will arouse you. It didn't and I had to end things.

Splish any whiff of tightness is a no no for me. It may be unfair, but I think on first/second dates no one should assume anything but it always nice when the man offers to pay. It has put me off more than one man, and later events showed I should have listened to my instincts. Deciding on the desert menu without asking is also presumptious and no decent man would consider what you would like and that you may like to decide for yourself hmm Next?

Yoga good to hear from you, I've often wondered how things are going for you. Good news on the job, if you are even getting winks on Match you are probably doing quite well... grin

Scazy unfortunately/fortunately I don't have any beer goggles. I do get huggy but that's about it. Even with a bf I don't want to dtd as I would start giggle then throw up. Who said romance is dead?

Scrazy Sat 18-May-13 20:40:40

Splish, I don't like any hint of meanness either, that would put me off and passing the desert menu on your behalf is just inconsiderate.

EternalRose Sat 18-May-13 20:49:37

Splish - I am the same as Juliette. I honestly think on a first date, he should pay. Saying no automatically to the dessert menu and immediately wanting you to pay half tells me that he is not prepared to give too much of himself. If he is doing that to begin with, then what the blimmin hell would he be like once he starts getting comfortable? confused

Winefiend Sat 18-May-13 21:01:31

I agree with the above really, particularly the dessert thing. Noone gets in the way of sticky toffee pudding!

However, I'd never be comfortable letting a man pay, but that's just me really.

Winefiend Sat 18-May-13 21:02:08

Ps welcome back Yoga grin

OhWesternWind Sat 18-May-13 21:08:25

I always offer to pay half/get the next round in - it's nice if the man pays but I know people don't always have a lot of spare cash, so it's not a huge deal. But meanness is a different thing altogether, and so is the no dessert thing.

Sometimes you (well, I) can't tell if you really fancy someone til you kiss them. It can be surprising, really. I wouldn't go to bed with someone if I didn't think it would be good, but again this can throw up some surprises.

Well, I have just had a look on Match and the nice man from the next village has sent me his phone number - very keen! And two messages since last night. Ooh oooh ooooh. I quite like a few messages (or texts if it gets to that stage) - not huge amounts like I know some people have had, but a few every day would be lovely just to keep the connection going. Isn't it funny how you just get a message off someone and it all seems good? I know by now not to rely on this translating into real life, but on the other hand both LM and Indie were very good messagers that I did feel that connection with too.

The Last Engineer is not very messagy and I am not at all bothered. I am feeling quite lacklustre about this date tomorrow, no real reason at all (except I like the new one better) but I don't think I will cancel as a) it would be rude and b) you never know.

DD's party was apparently "awesome" according to a text off one of her friends. Thank goodness. They are all so very, very cool but not too cool for a very competitive game of musical chairs grin

Sorry, I have probably missed loads today, apologies for ignoring people, it's just been one of those days and there is a new Mrs Titto now in existence. Poor, poor woman

Scrazy Sat 18-May-13 21:15:38

OWW, you never know. I went on a date feeling like that, within about 2 mins I really liked him and we had a love thing but for other reasons it didn't work out.

Do you know for sure now that there was a wedding today?

Yes it's not so much who pays it's the unilateral decision by him that the bill is split, tenner each, no we're not having desert. Puts the where are we going down to pure self interest rather than love sick puppy.

I may be biased on that as I had that one on the second date who insisted on wanting to know exactly where we were going as he had a 3rd date the next night, and as he put it 'I like her, but I like you a lot so I want to know before I see her tomorrow' hmm. He was another tight one on the first date, tighter on the second. The last time I saw him he was still asking whilst holding onto the taxi door as I drove off.

Jeez OWW if that is definitely the case, just open a bottle and feel smug he's officially someone else's problem.

OhWesternWind Sat 18-May-13 21:25:36

Scrazy if it wasn't today then it's already happened - today is the date he's given for reducing his maintenace payments as he will have "additional dependent children" so I'm surmising that this is his new step-family as his sister has said she knows nothing about a new baby. They won't actually tell me anything outright, though, which makes it very difficult and awkward.

Glad things are back on track for you. Just a bit of a temporary wobble?

I think my new mantra will have to be You Never Know. It's all that is keeping me going . . .

Scrazy Sat 18-May-13 21:43:22

OWW, sounds about right, he can reduce his maintenance as he now has other dependent children. They mustn't get maintenance from the natural father then, is that how it works?

Yes, I hadn't seen him for 10 days and was busy and hadn't thought much about him so thought I was going off him. Wrong, I doubt I ever will.

OhWesternWind Sat 18-May-13 21:53:47

Scrazy - I'm hoping the CSA will sort it all out for me and get proof of what he is saying, as he is not a friend of the truth. I am past caring, it's another one of those many things there is no point worrying about.

Does anyone here know anything about the CRB checking process? If so, could you PM me please so I can ask a quick question?

splishsplosh Sat 18-May-13 22:01:19

I've had a CRB check done for volunteering at school - don't know if I'd know anything useful though

Re paying - maybe it's old fashioned, but just think would have been nice of him to offer especially as he seems to have a good job and I'm not working at the moment. Though I would have paid half anyway. And dessert - I love pudding! My abusive ex was at least good re puddings when I first met him - sometimes we'd just go out for pudding, forget the rest. I heard the waitress ask him and didn't realise he'd said no til the bill arrived.

ALittleStranger Sat 18-May-13 22:01:25

I know someone (late 20s) who did OD for a bit and said she never paid for anything, she basically spent a few months having lots of drinks and nice dinners bought for her. There is no way I would be comfortable doing that.

But I did have a mean date recently and it -was one of several things that-- really put me off him. I effectively ended up subsidising him and it's not like he was a starving artist. He'd been inappropriately discussing money all night though. I'll happily do religion and politics, but not inheritence.

ALittleStranger Sat 18-May-13 22:02:42

splishsplosh x-post, I'm really feeling for you missing out on pudding now, you need to get yourself something nice before the shops close.

OWW is it correct that anew partner can claim step children as dependents for CSA calculation? The whole thing seems odd. Surely Titto would have claimed he was living in the same house and they were already dependent to reduce the amount before now. Do you think he could have made it all up just to let you know he is getting married/moving in? or simply to make you worry you about the payments due?

OhWesternWind Sat 18-May-13 22:29:38

Juliette any of those things is possible. It sounds a bit odd to me too and it's more difficult as I don't have proper information just snippets. He is a brazen liar and fantasist though so I am very wary about what he is saying.

I am so relieved to be rid of him.

splishsplosh Sat 18-May-13 22:30:06

OWW - I had a quick look at the government website for CSA payments. Seems like they reduce the payments due if the paying parent or their partner claims child benefit. So I guess he could just be moving in with someone from today, and therefore considered as supporting other children. Like "Juliette" said, surely if he was getting married he'd have moved in before now and already have tried to reduce his payments? Hopefully the CSA will sort it out anyway. But it's just under stress isn't it.

I have made do with some left over crumble, so haven't missed out on pudding entirely smile

OhWesternWind Sat 18-May-13 22:38:24

Thanks for that Splish. He's definitely getting/got married, his sister and dad have confirmed this separately but not the date. I really don't care about it in some ways, but in other ways I am really fed up as like you say it's just more stress.

There is no pudding in my house at all unless you count bloody Frubes, which I don't but there might be some chocolate left over from the party which shouldn't be left lying around

Bant Sat 18-May-13 22:44:10

eeeeewwww I'm getting winked at by a 61 year old hungarian woman. Photo of her looking suicidal in front of the PC, with the monitor reflecting off her big square glasses.

OhWesternWind Sat 18-May-13 23:07:21

Have you winked back Bant? She sounds right up your street.

ALittleStranger Sat 18-May-13 23:16:24

Bant they do say that if what you always do doesn't work, it's time to change what you always do...

Bant Sat 18-May-13 23:16:28

yeah we're having dinner next week. I won't offer sticky toffee pudding though

OhWesternWind Sat 18-May-13 23:24:44

Might cause difficulties with the dentures, Bant

The nice man from down the road has just said he'd like to meet me - this is all very exciting! (Must not get carried away but I feel a little bit hopeful here).

VelvetSpoon Sat 18-May-13 23:25:48

I wemt back to bed earlier for an afternoon nap. And woke up at 8. Bizarrely I still feel tired!

Am on my phone as DS has commandeered the laptop so apologies for typos and if I forget anyone!

Western, glad the party went well! I felt a bit sad when we had DS2s party last year, realising it was the last party they'd have (no doubt until DS1 is 18 and has some huge party when I'm on holiday or something...wouldn't put it past him to try hmm)

Yoga, good to see you back! Have missed you!

The stuff about types etc...my own 2ps worth is that its good sometimes to try a different type to the norm. C works in an office (always one of my complete no-nos) and doesn't do a practical, physical job. Physically he's very slim which is not me (I normally go for stocky men, or those like the evil ex who are slim but wiry..if that makes sense). But he is gorgeous and I am hugely attracted to him, even if in others ways he isn't the type I'd go for. I didn't hear from him yesterday, but I can't be certain I told him it was my birthday before he went away so am not going to get huffy about that!

splishsplosh Sat 18-May-13 23:32:34

I don't really have a type- but don't really find very thin or very overweight attractive - pretty much anything in between is ok. Not bothered about classic good looks or anything - there just has to be something appealing about the other person

OhWesternWind Sat 18-May-13 23:40:25

Thanks Velvet - what age do parties stop? Roll on the day . . . Eighteenth birthday parties are a good excuse for a piss up, much more my type of party! Actually, I do quite enjoy these things and I feel quite chuffed that I managed it all by myself with no help at all and it went really well.

Going out with this man next week babysitters permitting. Need to think of a name for him, will call him . . . no idea at all, will come back to this one tomorrow.

ike1 Sun 19-May-13 01:37:16

Seen an interesting guy in Preston if anyone is keen and on OKC..

Moanranger Sun 19-May-13 03:48:24

Left tonight in somewhat bad mood - a heavy metal tribute band - kill me now!
Have invited Meet Up guy to dinner on Sat. Feeling unsure, to say the least. He sort of gets me, but there are big disparities in our situations - let's just say I will always be comfortably off - how much does this matter? Am I over-thinking?
It would be easy to anesthetise myself in an endorphin-fuelled sexual relationship-but is this a good idea? Also, I kind of wish there was a 15 page questionnaire I could hand out to assess sexual competence before DTD. The nightmare of extricating yourself from a first (& probably only) night of crap sex. Ah, the joy of dating...

Bant Sun 19-May-13 08:12:21

ranger
Maybe that's one advantage of online dating, something like Ok Cupid has the questionnaire so you can weed out the (overly) fetishists or people who like it once a month after a nice cup of horlicks.

In real life, you have to discover these things the old fashioned way.

anunexpectedturnofevents Sun 19-May-13 08:30:08

Advice needed...

Potential Lovely Man is coming round tonight (for valid, non-romantic reason). I have told two people in RL that I like him and thinks he likes me. One has said I should ask him for a drink. One has said not to, not to make the first move. The first is a woman, the second is a man.

So which is it? As I said before, I've been in a LTR since the Middle Ages for a long time and I'm totally out of touch with anything and everything!

Of course, all this could be moot. After all, asking him for a drink requires courage... hmm

VelvetSpoon Sun 19-May-13 08:58:50

Morning all!

Western I think the parties (certainly for boys) tend to stop around the age of 11...however girls seem then to have sleepover-type parties for birthdays (which according to my friends who have teen DDs consist of up to 10 girls giving each other french manicures, applying false eyelashes and huge amounts of makeup and screaming over the boys they fancy, plus eating sweets, crisps and chocolate well into the early hours...!) before both sexes then lobby for 'proper' parties with alcohol from the age of 16. Ah, for the days of pass the parcel! I actually used to really enjoy the parties when they were little - the Ex is shit in social situations (unless he's pissed) and incapable of dealing with children so the whole thing always used to get left to me even before we split!

ranger IMO you are overthinking it really. If the sex is bad, it's bad. No big deal - if it's really bad then that's the end of that; if it's the sort of bad which is seems to have potential to improve, then it depends whether you feel strongly enough to bother, or not - and if not, then the first answer applies. And of course it may well be good anyway. There's no guarantees, you just have to go with the flow. As to financial stuff, I've never been out with anyone as well off as me, I grew up in a council house and couldn't give 2 shits about money, it doesn't bother me but it does often bother men. The insecure ones don't like the idea of a woman having/earning more than them. It only matters if one (or both) of you is unhappy. If you're ok with it, and he is, then no problem.

unexpected firstly do you know he's single? assuming you do, then maybe suggest a casual drink...honestly, the worst he will say is no. I have been turned down before. It stung at the time, but I don't regret asking. Just keep it low key. If he likes you, he will say yes. If not, at least you know and aren't left wondering. Of course, he may ask you first, in which case, accept!!

I am up early again, awake since 6ish (no doubt tomorrow when I need to be up early I will struggle!). Having a bit of a think about the whole situation with C. Which is tricky because whilst it's not entirely what I want (yet anyway), I know full well that the single men round here are seriously unattractive and/or entitled, unintelligent fuckwits. So the alternatives are not appealing. ATM I think I will let it drift along a bit longer, another couple of months, and see if anything changes.

KinNora Sun 19-May-13 09:09:20

Anun I think I'd probably ask him for a drink, life's too short to miss an opportunity ( sounds like a dreadful motivational speaker type statement but it's too early for me to think properly )

Yoga how lovely to see you back, I'm glad work's going well.

Moan how much easier it would be if they came with some sort of sexual guarantee so you didn't waste time with some bloke who drums on you or twiddles with your nipples like he's trying to tune a radio - ' Derek, aged 45, good runner, 12 careful lady owners. Excellent bodywork, thoroughly serviced. Skills include cunnilingus, light spanking, languorous stroking and appropriate levels of dirty talk. Will not 'accidentally' attempt to take you up the wrong un or suggest you might appreciate being urinated on. Never stalls. Ideal for long runs out in the countryside '

Bant Sun 19-May-13 09:11:39

unexpected - another option is to say you need a cinema buddy as you hate going to the cinema alone. It's not so loaded as drinks together

Yogagirl17 Sun 19-May-13 09:12:59

Morning - I forgot how much u lot make me laugh! Nice to see lots of familiar names. Really nothing else interesting to report but will try to keep up for a while (not easy as I'm on my phone).

Snapespeare Sun 19-May-13 09:16:36

splish I'd give him another chance. I thought nameless was lovely when we first met, but I didn't look at him and immediately think I'd like to rip his clothes off. I remember wondering what it might be like to kiss him, but then thinking that might be a bit scary, so I didn't.

Speaking of which, I am now paying for my own holiday, it didn't sit well...and he's suggested a dreadful huge monolithic complex in lanzarote that looks like a city, so I'll be spending my day googling. hmm

And doctor who was wonderful <traditional thread cross-over> I cried because he loved river and it was too sad and romantic!

Snapespeare Sun 19-May-13 09:17:17

Oh and <dash-by-hug> for yoga and thread-wave for thread...

OhWesternWind Sun 19-May-13 09:22:47

I'll have Derek, Nora, if he's going spare ...

Yoga hope everything is going well. Lovely to see you again.

Turn personally I wouldn't ask him because I am horribly shy, but I might lead the conversation in that direction a bit and see what happened.

When's C back off his hols Velvet?

Ranger has there been any kissing yet? That might help you make up your mind. Wouldn't worry about the money stuff unless it bothers you/him. Am assuming there's no suggestion of freeloading too when I say that.

KinNora Sun 19-May-13 09:35:43

Snape - yes, I loved DW, I really want to be River in a way that is utterly unseemly for a 46 year old woman.

I know OWW, I was thinking that about Derek as I typed it, perhaps the engineer will be Derek.

Velvet, anything in particular triggered off your Cuthbert ponderings ?

Hello everyone, have a lovely Sunday - mwwwwwahhhhh.

VelvetSpoon Sun 19-May-13 09:47:32

Snape Sorry but I am slightly grin at Lanzarote...not quite the relaxing, quiet holiday destination! Am sure you will find lots of rather lovely Greek island type alternatives though smile

Western he's been back since Weds/Thurs. I haven't heard from him yet, but that's not a major surprise. Kin I think it's a bit of post- birthday 'I'm 41, what am I doing with my life' type thing. Combined with another 2 people on my FB 'in a relationship'-ing, which is yet another affront to my competitive nature...

WarmFuzzyFun Sun 19-May-13 09:47:42

Morning All,

Nothing post worthy, I am fine-ish, (although libido ranging)

KinNora Sun 19-May-13 09:53:14

Velvet, yeah birthdays can be a bit of a catalyst for those sort of thoughts, as for Facebook - the work of the devil, I tell ya !

Hello Twinny !

KinNora Sun 19-May-13 09:53:51

Two exclamation marks in one post, I feel dirty.

ike1 Sun 19-May-13 10:02:15

C'mon now preston peeps...any takers? I had a night of enduring a pub band last night. I attend these things in a group of 3 screeching single mum mates ...quite intimidating to the potential suitor...not that there are any ...

Snape Lanzarote? LTB grin

KinNora Sun 19-May-13 10:06:45

Ike I had a night out in Preston. Once.

ike1 Sun 19-May-13 10:08:46

Yeah Jule this one is 46 and in very good condition also slightly alternative but in a good way. The only bloke I have seen in aaaaaaaaages and thought yes, definitely.

Flipper924 Sun 19-May-13 10:27:35

Aw, c'mon, Lanzagrotty has some lovely parts. A small, secluded finca more inland could be perfect. I'd have to avoid the all inclusives by the beach though.

Yoga, hi! Welcome back! We've missed you.

I definitely think it's worth a second date if you think you get on with someone but don't immediately fancy them. some people are shy or reserved, and don't let their guard down until they know someone a bit better.

I DTD with Walking Man without a big spark, but that was almost just to get me back into the saddle, as it were. He's a nice guy, and I felt safe with him. And I was, to be frank, very concerned that 2012 was about to go down in history as The Year that Flipper Didn't Get Any.

ike1 Sun 19-May-13 10:42:04

D'ya think Walking Man would get on with Dancing Man Flip? Dancing Man is an old guy who pops in at any event in the locality with music in it...eats a ham roll and then does shuffly moonwalk, punch the air moves for half an hr then movves on to the next venue. Apparently your 'do' is not up to sratch unless Dancing Man has graced it with his presence!

ike1 Sun 19-May-13 10:44:30

Hmm there's a thought...what about Dancing Man??? Ike ponders rubs chinny hairs for a mo...rejects idea cos Dancing Man's moves are too hot hot hot....

OhWesternWind Sun 19-May-13 11:20:40

Well ... Haven't heard from tonight's engineer since Friday - had a bit of a text chat, I texted last and nothing since. Vague arrangements made for tonight but need confirming. I suppose I will text after dinner but this is making me even more meh about the whole thing.

ike1 Sun 19-May-13 11:40:31

Can you be bovvered then love?

KirstyWirsty Sun 19-May-13 12:13:54

yoga I was wondering how you were .. Glad the job is going well

I am lying in Rocky's bed while he makes lunch .. It is all bloody marvellous .. We may go for a walk up a hill later

Have a lovely Sunday

Scrazy Sun 19-May-13 12:20:04

Lanzarote isn't that bad Snape, I've been there and have a very discerning friend who travels extensively and goes to Lanzarote once a year. I would say it's better to go in Winter as it's quite near but hot.

I have been on lots of holidays, last few years have been to the Arab countries. I got badly bitten in Greece and this year I just fancy Spain so Spain it is. I am in a way pleased you are paying for yourself, as I've said before, it's strikes better balance. Let him treat you though, IME if a man really likes you he will want to be able to treat you, it's not about the money. It's more about wanting you to be happy.

Unexpected, I wouldn't ask him outright. Nothing wrong with dropping hints e.g say you haven't had a great night out for a while. If he asks you out then great, if not he isn't interested, sorry. However, you need to know that he is definitely single. I've had men who I am sure have flirted then never followed through and it turned out they were in a relationship.

Velvet, if it's any consolation, me and the guy I'm seeing now, had a now and again arrangement for 2 whole years. He would never forget a birthday as it was an excuse to arrange a date. The only reason I was happy to keep it going was because I wasn't in a place for a relationship, I knew he wasn't and in between I got on with my own life, I didn't give him as second thought except to smile about the date. Saw other people, etc as I didn't think of him as relationship material, too much of a player. Of course, this all changed and he stepped up eventually, although as everyone knows, it's still undefined. I'm OK with it for now, at least. Some people do take their time, but I would have expected a birthday acknowledgement, maybe not if he is abroad and out of touch. See what happens when he is back.

Scrazy Sun 19-May-13 12:32:33

Ike, I'm not too far from Preston but not in OKC so won't be able to look, will I?

and although you wouldn't think so, the sea in Lanzarote will be a lot cooler than the Med.

ike1 Sun 19-May-13 13:15:22

Oh bugger Scrazy ...mind you he apparently only deigns to reply 'very selectively' huh!

Scrazy Sun 19-May-13 14:12:52

Ike, are you implying I wouldn't be selected? grin

ike1 Sun 19-May-13 14:46:15

No Scrazy....i dont think any of us would....

Scrazy Sun 19-May-13 15:35:58

OJ, I don't think I would be either grin.

Scrazy Sun 19-May-13 15:37:51

Yum, Pierce Brosnan, just waiting for 'slipping through my fingers' to get me sobbing. I'm watching Mama Mia for the 100th time.

kin "Will not 'accidentally' attempt to take you up the wrong un"

That has cheered me right up grin

<Waves at thread>

Date 4 tomorrow, <attends to 'things'> la da dee, la da daaa...

I've lost count of how many have 'accidentally'

Pomegranatenoir Sun 19-May-13 16:17:05

Hi everyone,

Been chatting to a seemjngly lovely man off pof. For the first time in ages I am chatting to someone that puts ticks in my boxes and he seems keen on me too. He is a rather fit rugby player. Amazing thighs!!!! He has asked me out on a date! Eeeek exciting!!

Premature posting but you know where that was going. It's a strange move, as if we're not going to notice hmm

OhWesternWind Sun 19-May-13 16:29:30

Well - we're on for tonight. Have also sorted out babysitter so I am seeing the other one on Tuesday.

You never know ...

Pom rugby player thighs, oh yes
and OWW you never know indeed grin

Scrazy Sun 19-May-13 16:31:55

Look forward to the update OWW, you never know, hope it's a goodun.

KinNora Sun 19-May-13 16:45:31

Hey does 'things' = pre-sexy time depilation ?

Pom oooh, I do like a man with muscly thighs and a pert arse

OWW I'm gazing into my crystal ball, I'm seeing a hunky,funny,spanky engineer who will look deep into your eyes and show you a fabulous time -woooooooooooohhhhh.

Juliette yes indeedy, almost as if you're going to say ' ohhhh, you might as well '

OWW I love 'you never know', it's what you advised me on my first date with MrAttractive (in so many words), so I wish you luck!!! smile

I liked your premature posting Juliette. What is the fascination with the ass? <to paraphrase SITC>. Shall we open that question to the males on the board, or is it best not to! Hmmm, perhaps not...

Yeah, pretty much Kin grin, although I've suddenly had an attack of shyness! What's that about. Well, what will be will be and all that.

Pom sounds good, <rubs thighs whilst thinking about thighs?>

Scrazy, have you watched 'Love is all you need', the recent Pierce Brosnan film? I highly recommend. A kind of edgy(ish) rom com, I loved it.

Scrazy Sun 19-May-13 17:40:13

Hey, I haven't seen that film, will check it out, thanks.

KinNora Sun 19-May-13 17:40:35

Hey I don't know if it's the same for everyone but my shyness tends to get roughly elbowed aside as my frenzied, slack-jawed libido gallops towards the prospect of fulfilment.

MEGALOLZ Kin grin

Hey I spent years wondering about why I seemed to get men with an arse fascination until my 32H friend pointed out that it was for the same reason she got tit men. How could that not occur to me? grin

Kin you're not alone, more than one lover has told me that they weren't expecting quite that much enthusiasm blush

Bant Sun 19-May-13 19:15:55

I should point out that it is possible to make a genuine mistake, you know. Sometimes it's dark and it's not as if we have a sat-nav.

WarmFuzzyFun Sun 19-May-13 19:23:53

It's never dark when I am having an 'encounter'grin I am a lights on girl.

Maybe an altered version of one of those 'all round parking sensor' type gizmos would come in useful? <rehearses Dragons Den pitch>

I have fabulous boobs Jules and a very meh arse. I attract tit men, but they always seem to have delving urges <overshares>.

KinNora Sun 19-May-13 19:30:40

<understanding face> yes, of course Bant

Juliette 'quite that much enthusiasm' grin I warn them that I'm there's a good chance they will weary of me mithering them for sex, they laugh in disbelief, some months later they are a dehydrated husk of their former selves

Satnav? just how big fullsome do you think my arse is? grin

Moanranger Sun 19-May-13 19:56:32

Bant Thanks for you always spot on POV. The old fashioned way it is! I was speaking to someone today who got naked but did not DTD - both fancied each other but geography meant a relationship not possible. That's a strategy worth considering.
KN!loved you owner's manual. If only...
Feel somewhat better today - normally I would have left the pub straight away, but had to stay a polite amount of time listening to loathesome " music" -I am not very tolerant in that regard. In future will give it a miss.
Re Lanzarote I like the Canaries, but you do need to chose your location with care.

Yogagirl17 Sun 19-May-13 20:40:47

I forgot how much u lot make me laugh but I also forgot how fast the thread moves! Unlikely I will really keep up but will try to pop back from time to time if anything to report

OhWesternWind Sun 19-May-13 22:18:02

Well, that was an interesting date! Tried to do a loo update but no connection - that's the problem with being out in the sticks.

He is good looking, much nicer than his photos Ike, nice body, definitely wouldn't say no. But about five minutes in we got onto trains, model railways, bike restoration etc and my heart sank. That was what I had been worrying about beforehand, all the references to trains and bikes and stuff had alarm bells ringing. We did about half an hour on technical specs of various vehicles then thank god got onto general conversation and he is very easy to talk to, very nice, just this trainspotting side that I am not enamoured by.

He wants to see me again, said I would. I am reserving judgment here.

Sounds good OWW, maybe he was just a bit nervous. Good looking, nice body and easy to talk to is great.

Scrazy Sun 19-May-13 22:27:52

OWW, hmm, not sure I could get past his chosen topic of conversation, but if the rest was OK, then maybe give it another date.

KinNora Sun 19-May-13 22:28:13

That sounds like a mixed bag then OWW, any chance he could have had the dreaded 'what on earth am I talking about this shite for ? Oh my god I can't stop ! Just listen to the crap I'm coming out with !' Date Gob affliction that some of us suffer ?

( I heard myself talking to Showbiz about testicular cancer on our first meeting, while my brain was wtf-ing at me )

Moanranger Sun 19-May-13 22:30:52

OWWCommon for guys to have an anorakish obsession, as long as they keep it under control & have other interests.
I now have a date in local pub tomorrow night with Meet Up guy - before my Pilates class, so keeps it structured. I now need to start asking some probing questions ( resists urge to dust off spotlight & get out clipboard.)
Will update.
Am LMHO tonight with posts -wicked!

OhWesternWind Sun 19-May-13 22:42:12

No Nora he definitely likes this subject of conversation, had a few texts about it last week as well.

He has sent me a very nice text saying how lovely I am and I have said I will see him again. He is very good on music and history and buildings (subjects where I can wear my anorak with pride) and is generally a very nice man, I think. I could definitely fancy him. Just had a kiss on the cheek at the end, and that was fine.

I think his mum is a neighbour of LM!

Pomegranatenoir Sun 19-May-13 23:39:21

Kin I defo suffer from that particular condition! Wish I could say it was confined to dates but alas no, I just have a runaway mouth!!!

oww he defo sounds worth a second date. LOVE that he lives by LM's mum!!

Texts going well with Ruggers. Seem nice. I know absolutely nothing about rugby or people that play rugby. He lives an hour away from me and has said he will drive to me to meet up. Seems keen and I am too!! Eeeky, eeeek, eek!!

Date mouth. After the excruciating physio session with Dutch looking on, I got in the car, sat down and said That was good, I'm glad you made me come. I would have got away with it too if I hadn't then pulled my jumper up over my face blush.

lubeybooby Sun 19-May-13 23:57:24

Hello all

omg can't even attempt to catch up again - might manage it tomorrow though as may have unexpected day off

anyway. v good weekend.

date and night spent with the RL based Mr Flirt proved to be very good, sex wasn't up to much at first but he was a fast learner... at the age of 40 had never given oral before shock

sadly though he's also one of these types that just can't orgasm

can't relax and let go enough despite my lack of pressure?

too much porn?

who knows :-(

it's a real shame though because he's very sweet and the kissing was awesome as were his fast learned oral skills and morning cuddles (and more sex that got nowhere for him)

and he's one of my type too who i really fancy for the tall burly extreme maleness that drives my wanton libido absolutely stark staring mental

arse! why is it always me eh that finds gooduns but with dodgy sex problems?

I'll maybe try again see if it helps a bit it being 2nd time around but for fucks sake I am not a therapist and it just is nowhere near the same for me if the chap isn't getting what I am out of it.

Toni2710 Sun 19-May-13 23:59:11

Sorry I have to managed to catch up with the thread due to a bloody awful week but hello all!

Just checking into report back on an awesome second date with 'hot guy'. Seeing him again next weekend and can't wait. grin So glad as I really needed it.

KinNora Mon 20-May-13 06:38:30

Morning everyone,
Juliette I always have this image of you as a very cool, very sophisticated woman - 'I'm glad you made me come' and pulling the jumper over your head made me laugh out loud even at this hour.

OWW I think he sounds quite promising, I generally find a touch of the anorak to be quite attractive in a man because I'm secretly a right nerd and my children laugh at me

Pom and Toni - excellent news.

Lubey - lovely to see you ! That's a shame about Mr Flirt, how do you get to 40 without having ever given oral ? Aren't you seeing BC soon ?

ALittleStranger Mon 20-May-13 07:45:23

A lot of people seem to write off a partner sexually after the first night, or am I being unfair? Maybe I have too high a tolerance for crap sex, but I cut people a lot of slack the first time. Although my approach to first-time sex in the past has been a little that it's something you have to get out the way so the good stuff can start when the nerves go.

I'm falling into bad OD habits, I think I'm about to vanish on one guy ahead of a date and really can't be bothered to respond to a request for a follow-up from another. Need a Debrett's-sponsored slap in the face as I don't want to be one of those people.

lubeybooby Mon 20-May-13 08:05:46

Alittle 1) I haven't written him off if you read what I said and 2) er... forgot what I was gonna say so refer to point one again instead grin

Oh yeah I remember. He actually TOLD me himself that it is a regular issue for him. I haven't presumed that. What I don't know is why, I didn't press the issue in case it was nerves and not over use of porn. And I'm still gonna give a second go anyway but I already know it will happen again because I'm me, and when I find a lovely person who I really fancy the universe conspires to prevent me having fulfilling sex with them. (apart from BC)

VelvetSpoon Mon 20-May-13 08:18:56

Morning all!

Western, good on the looks front then but shame about the conversation - maybe give it another try, it could be he was nervous so stuck to topics he was comfortable with, or maybe he's just a bit dull. 2nd date should confirm one way or the other.

Stranger, rather than just disappearing can you not send them both a version of the sorry no spark/ you're not quite what I'm looking for, or something like that. Fairer than just vanishing.

Re sex, I have only had one instance of crap sex (apart from a couple of ONS which weren't too great), and that was 3 months into a relationship. In hindsight the fact we waited so long should have been an indication...it didn't get any better either. As to whether I'd put up with it now, depends on how good everything else was - but I would have in the back of my mind that it might not improve.

Weird old dream last night. Was driving exp's car (badly) and got stopped by the police as I only have a provisional licence - and didn't have anyone with me, so was going to get prosecuted (and compromise my job). Its a dream I used to have a lot a while back, but haven't had it for years. Anyone know about dream analysis?!!

ALittleStranger Mon 20-May-13 08:20:01

Lubey I didn't meant to imply you had written him off, your post just sparked thoughts of what seems to be a general trend. Although it's more inspired by some thinking I was doing during the cleaning last night (oh yes, sexy time), that people are very upfront sometimes about exactly which box they expect their sexual partner to fit into. Whereas for me one of the things I like is that sexuality is fluid and always unique to the particular pairing (or more if that's your thing).

Good morning all

Kin I realised long ago that decorum is very different to composure wink

Lubey he sounds lovely, how did he managed to hit 40 without oral though? I hope that isn't linked somehow to sex issue that goes with inability to orgasm/let go. I would also find that frustrating long term.

Stranger I think it depends on why the sex is crap. If it's tea difference in technique or style it can improve when you get to know each other better but some people just don't have it in them and no amount of encouragement will fix that. I had crap sex in one relationship for 4 years, it was crap from the first time. Life is too short to waste being pawed, ignored, pumped rabbit style or in my case being mistaken for a Ford Fiesta that needed a good polish.

Moanranger Mon 20-May-13 11:19:27

LMAO again!
Re crap sex, I agree first time can be tricky, so cutting of slack a good idea. I think good sex is a function of innate sensuality - love of touching, being touched, happy to focus on pleasures of moment rather than see foreplay as an unfortunate obstacle on way to PIV - in my moderately extensive experience (13) this is like emotional intelligence and can't really be taught.
Bottom line for me - I ain't teaching another guy how to do foreplay! The program must already be installed & well -tested IYSWIM.

Secretservice Mon 20-May-13 12:21:24

Blimey, this thread just keeps growing and growing! Tried to keep up over the weekend, but failed, sorry. Hope I haven't missed anything too important

So far been a really miserable Monday sad. Some work I was promised has not turned up so I doubt I'll have the time to finish it by their deadline now - £600 snatched away, which was going to help justify the holiday, which is now turned into yet another family crisis. sad and angry

DD2 has decided she doesn't want to go with us but can she have the money for a music festival instead? Stupidly I didn't say no straight away. DD1 is apoplectic 'she always gets what she wants, what if I don't want to go'. I just can't seem to do right for doing wrong at the moment. Which is never suggested the bloody holiday now, it was supposed to be a good thing. Now like everything else it's crap

Oh, and back on topic, OD very much falls into that category

Secretservice Mon 20-May-13 12:22:24

... Wished I'd never suggested...

Secret maybe the teens on the world have got together to throw a big one this weekend. DS was asked to do some garden chores over the weekend which resulted in a standoff in full hearing of both sets of neighbours. With holidays I don't think it's possible to get it right once they get past about 12. I've lost count of the holiday things that wrong because they are. The most I could hope for is sulking whilst we were there, followed years later by "I liked it there"hmm

lubeybooby Mon 20-May-13 13:14:44

Hooray! Unexpected day off (well, half a day) has happened. Now attempting to catch up a little bit. Tough job seeing as there's 6 weeks worth though shock perhaps I should just stick to this thread!

Anyway...

Kin yes hopefully seeing BC next month, although I missed a call from him the other week and thought it was odd that he rang me, he usually will text first or just stick to email. Haven't heard anything since but that isn't particularly unusual for him and I haven't chased it up as been too busy. Gawd knows what that was all about, I expect I'll find out soon! Really hope the vaguely planned June shagfest is still on grin it had better be.

Now then so Mr Flirt. We actually have some history, where stuff nearly happened before with us. We snogged and played around a little bit but stopped before anything else happened. I was a bit drunk and not really bothered but I did ask why a little while later and he said he used to have a big problem with panic attacks and he could feel one coming on because it was 'something he hadn't done for a long time' so yeah, fair enough I can see why that would freak some people out. So that's the history anyway.

We've since got to know each other quite a lot more and I know he is really, really inexperienced in general, having been a late starter and only really had one long relationship with someone who I gather was never bothered about sex. So it's not just with the never having given oral thing.

I can tell the general lack of experience without him even saying, because if all the work so to speak is left to him he just keeps slipping out and can't control his errr angles and aim all that well.

I'll see him again and persevere a little bit though because he is a spectacular kisser which I LOVE (and also think is a good sign that there is hope) and because he was at least willing and very fast learning with the oral grin and because he is lovely and I do really really fancy him (MMmmmmmm MALENESS! RARR! wink ) More than last time I saw him which is rather weird. And because we were at it for long his angles and aim were even starting to improve. I am making myself giggle here but I don't know how else to put it. I'm sure you all know what I mean grin

I have to say though if it turns out the non orgasming is down to too much porn use and needing to wank rather than cope with an actual real woman then that is a major dealbreaker for me and instant dumping. If not though if it's some kind of anxiety then maybe I can work with that a little bit and maybe it will be a little better next time around...

Lubey I'm begining to think of producing a Fannynav. It will have the addition of the beepers someone suggested up thread for both the 'wrongun' and 'oops its fallen out'. Mr Flirt does sounds like he is about to catch up big time, plus that amount of maleness is always appreciated grin

Pity party alert. It's my birthday tomorrow. This usually results in me going loopy from the beginning of May for a brief time whilst I wonder why I have no partner or available friends to share with ponder my life. This year, the lovely Dutch is in the world and had DS not had exams planned for this week, he would have been by my side. Except that DS announced on Saturday that he is not now taking those exams to improve his grades as he is going to concentrate on the others in June hmm.

I'm also restricted in movement because of my back at the moment, DS knows this but is making a massive point of not clearing up after himself because he is 'tired' hmm. Because I forced him into labour in the garden to do something I've been asking him to do for several weeks he is refusing to speak to me --. I've now made my back worse by mowing the lawn myself.

But the thing that has really got me is I just spoke to my Mum who had completely forgotten it was my birthday. Now I didn't take that too personally as her memory is very bad now although it would't be the first time she forgot even when she did have a good memory . She did say sorry she forgot and never says sorry so, fine. What has tipped me over is that even though I said it was ok, not to worry and thought it best to finish the call as I could sense tears (from her), she then she then said "That's upset me now" so still made it about her hmm hmm hmm.

Fuck, I thought I was doing so well this year too... sad

DS of course has no idea that I had put my plans on hold, it was my decision but I'm wallowing in self pity because nobody loves me I just feel like a bit of a mug.

Bant Mon 20-May-13 14:38:43

Juliette - happy birthday for tomorrow. I know it's not the same, but I shall light a candle on a cupcake and eat it on your behalf.

Suggestions for the FannyNav..
"When possible, do a u-turn"..
"Please slow down, this is a speed restricted area"..
"You have reached your destination.. now clean up"

OhWesternWind Mon 20-May-13 14:42:59

Oh Juliette you are doing well, absolutely brilliantly. Birthdays are awful, another of these "special times" that make so many of us feel a bit low. But you're right, you do have the marvellous Dutchman in your life this year, even if he can't physically be with you (probably a good job given the state of your poor back grin )

Your mum sounds about as tactless and self-absorbed as mine! Nothing to be done, but it still stings, doesn't it?

We'll have a virtual party on here for you with Ike deejaying ...

lubeybooby Mon 20-May-13 14:53:26

Juliette lmao at the fannynav and beepers. That could be a really useful educational tool for the oh so willing yet inexperienced Mr Flirt.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow for your birthday! flowers

KirstyWirsty Mon 20-May-13 15:10:44

juliette have a hug .. Don't know how I'd feel if my mum forgot my birthday ..

Scattylatte Mon 20-May-13 15:21:16

Hello everyone.

Im keeping up with the thread. Feeling ok but a bit insecure about fireman. No real reason but he has got quite cocky recently. He puts it down to being happy, meeting me and my influence on him. Thats good but Im worried that he will decide that im not good enough. He isnt behaving any differently other than buying new clothes, copying me in being frugal and saying how upbeat he is. I think with my recent crash and burn depression i feel uncertain and insecure. Thats it really.

So annoyed. Had a few lovely dates with a guy after chatting on POF fr a couple of weeks. We got on well, he's gorgeous, smart and I liked him. Finally slept with him and POOF! He's gone.

Shit head!

KirstyWirsty Mon 20-May-13 15:43:14

^Rafaella* it is one of the things that happens .. Even if you waited for 10 dates he would have done the same

scatty doesn't sound like he thinks you are not good enough when he is changing his behaviour to mirror yours

OhWesternWind Mon 20-May-13 15:50:04

Hi Scatty - I think it all sounds good, he's obviously taking on some good habits financially and sounds on fine form. He's not going to change his mind about you all of a sudden - in fact, it sounds like he thinks very highly of you if he's changing his lifestyle and outlook to match more closely to yours. Probably a bit of insecurity left from the depression, these things are hard to get out of your head but it doesn't seem like there's anything to worry about here.

Rafaella shit head indeed. On to the next!

Knackered today, no idea why as I was back early last night. Still feeling quite encouraged about last night's date, and also about tomorrow's.

Two on the go at once, don't usually do this but I feel okay about it as they are both starting off at the same time, so it's not like I have got anywhere more serious with either of them. The man tomorrow is I think an OD virgin (or very close) - might mean he is normal and uncorrupted - I wish! We will see. He sounds nice.

ike1 Mon 20-May-13 16:02:45

Oh well done OWW sounds encouraging. I feel really ill today ...too much booze creating almost panic attack type feelings. Time to dry out I reckon....

Snapespeare Mon 20-May-13 16:21:22

rafaella what a shit-heel. i had one of those...4 dates DTD then disapp'd. pffft.

i'm feeling wobbly and annoyed. DCs GPs phoned FOUR times yesterday to arrange birthday treat. angry angry angry angry spent day finding perfect & hugely cheaq

Snapespeare Mon 20-May-13 16:21:38

rafaella what a shit-heel. i had one of those...4 dates DTD then disapp'd. pffft.

i'm feeling wobbly and annoyed. DCs GPs phoned FOUR times yesterday to arrange birthday treat. angry angry angry angry spent day finding perfect & hugely cheaq

OhWesternWind Mon 20-May-13 16:21:38

Horrible feeling Ike - I get the winedoom/rumdoom/ciderdoom in spades if I go even a bit OTT, can't cut the mustard any more now I am old and past-it. Hope you're feeling better soon, diet coke, hula hoops and sleep are the only things for it.

VelvetSpoon Mon 20-May-13 16:39:54

Juliette really hope your birthday defies expectations and is good - you know I wasn't at all looking forward to mine last week and in the event it wasn't too bad at all.

The 23yr old has been messaging me again today, we have been in contact on and off for over a year now, I've never even met him. Mainly because I suspect he is just out for a shag. But he is quite entertaining. He whatsappd me a screenshot of his bank account today showing me how overdrawn he is hmm.

No news from C yet, but I know there will be, so that's all ok(ish).

ike1 Mon 20-May-13 17:10:01

I know OWW not helped by the fact that my mate is drippin in cock at the mo whereas i couldnt rustle up a date to save my life...

WarmFuzzyFun Mon 20-May-13 17:40:32

At last. I caught up. I had something witty, insightful and perhaps a little acerbic. Then I forgot blush When I remember I will post.

Lab is still a good dog, but a sad dog (grieving). But all is well, as my lurvely OD thread mate says 'Softlee, softlee, catchee monkey' grin <you know who you are>

Will be back soon and with a full shout out...

VelvetSpoon Mon 20-May-13 18:03:43

Have had enough. Come home to find boys have flooded the house. As ever, they don't give a shit. Won't clean it up, will do it again I expect. No punishment has any effect on them not caring about anything. Nothing matters because I can replace it, and the house is an unfinished tip anyway so who cares. According to them.

EternalRose Mon 20-May-13 18:14:46

So I have a house viewing tomorrow, and I really want it. Please may I have your good luck vibes because I am the 2.15pm viewing, and someone else is taking a look at 2.00pm. Lets all hope they hate it so I can have it and move on with my life! grin

KirstyWirsty Mon 20-May-13 18:32:04

Good luck rose I am just waiting for the estate agent as i type to do a 2nd viewing .. Once stbxh signs separation agreement ( he had an appt to do that on Thursday past) I can make an offer

KirstyWirsty Mon 20-May-13 18:33:07

velvet there must be something .. My dd doesn't care about being grounded but couldn't handle no tv so that tiny bargaining tool of choice

KirstyWirsty Mon 20-May-13 18:33:39

That is my bargaining tool of choice even

VelvetSpoon Mon 20-May-13 19:12:10

No, there is nothing. I wish there was. Take away Xbox, they use laptop. Take away laptop, they use phone. Take away phone, they watch TV. Take away TV, they sit and stare at the wall. They just don't care about anything.

I just feel like running away from it all. It's nearly 16 years since my dad died and, apart for a very brief period with the lovely Ex, not once in all those years have I felt anyone cared about me, or was on my side, supporting me. I probably should be used to it by now.

Snapespeare Mon 20-May-13 19:51:15

velvet sad that's horrible. What do they do if you refuse to pick up after them, do their laundry, cook for them etc. do they get pocket money?

Little sods.

I posted too soon earlier but cba to finish off sentence. I'm feeling a bit mopey. Kids GP have only phoned tics so far today. Is doing my head in.

VelvetSpoon Mon 20-May-13 20:01:18

If I didn't pick up, they would ignore the mess. They'd wear dirty clothes if they ran out of clean ones - they often do because it's quicker to pick a dirty item out of the washing pile than it is to go to the drawer and get something clean out. If I didn't cook, they eat toast, or buy snack foods. The Ex gives them pocket money but not regularly, I can't afford to.

I have gone to bed, it is just all too much sad I just want someone to hug me, and to give a shit.

KinNora Mon 20-May-13 20:13:08

Sorry,*Velvet*, had a crappy day myself so not really up to a long post but I give a shit, love.

OhWesternWind Mon 20-May-13 20:26:53

Velvet how really, really crap. Sorry you feel so low and no wonder, it's the attitude more than the actual flood that must get to you. But there are loads of people who give a shit, me for one.

Sorry you're having a crap day too Nora. Hugs to you and all.

Snapespeare Mon 20-May-13 20:36:30

I feel really sad for you velvet. When you've had a good sleep and a bit of time to recharge, I'll send you a PM. Poor wee soul. It does all get to be a bit too much sometimes.... You are fab, love. <strokes hair> <tucks in>

OhWesternWind Mon 20-May-13 20:38:09

And loads of good luck with the houses Rose and Kirsty

KirstyWirsty Mon 20-May-13 20:44:43

velvet that sounds really shitty .. Can you not just take all their stuff and let them stare at the wall .. Let them wear dirty clothes and make their own meals

Nora sorry you feel crap too

OWW thanks ..just need the agreement signed and then I can move on

Velvet that's awful. I have no idea why DC somtimes just don't see it, get it or care about anything. Fwiw we care, a lot.

Kin sorry you're having a shit time too, and Ike. Let's hope tomorrow is a re-boot.

Thank you Velvet, Bant OWW Kirsty and anyone I've missed out for being kind. At least I will get to buy my choice of cake and eat it.

Pomegranatenoir Mon 20-May-13 22:08:34

Hope things get better tomorrow velvet it sounds rubbish. I can't give any parenting advice but just you look after yourself. This will pass

I feel bit rubbish but trying not to. Ruggers hasn't been in touch today. I started to like him. Silly me, should of realised that happy things like dating and relationships are for other people and not me. First man I have actually wanted to meet up with in ages. Lesson learnt!!

Pomegranatenoir Mon 20-May-13 22:09:32

Jules happy birthday!!!

Moanranger Mon 20-May-13 22:31:06

Oh, Velvet that is terrible - my one DS can be a bit like that - impossible to find a punishment that "gets" to him - to have 2 like that - yikes! They will grow up.
We here on Dating Thread 54 care, but I know RL caring would be better.
Update on this evening's date with Meet Up guy - the good news is now I know I could sleep with him - uncertain previously.
Pressed him a bit to get more personal & open up a bit. His default mode is a bit hail fellow well met, but as I said to him we can only talk about the weather so long, IYSWIM.Gave some background on previous relationships, marriage, etc which suggests a reasonable amount of experience. A good outing. Bring on Sat - I am getting rather excited!

WarmFuzzyFun Mon 20-May-13 23:11:36

News Just In...

POF is getting rid of IE, and emails with sexual references will not be sent shock

lubeybooby Mon 20-May-13 23:43:24

Ugh, I have utterly failed at catching up, despite the extra time today! hmpf.

Not pleased with PoF ditching IE either shock I liked it when the need kicked in wink

ah well

Velvet... <sneaky hug>

Juliette - you enjoy that cake! which kind are you gonna go for?

Oh and forgot my Monday update - 6 weeks no smoking, 19lb lost! 1lb of it this week, pretty good considering the weekends alcohol levels

Not looking forward to tomorrow... DD in hosp to have four teeth out under GA as one of them is awkward. poor thing. sad

Bant Mon 20-May-13 23:47:15

emails with sexual references? This is going to be amusing. You'll still get them about people wanting to roger you up the doodaa, but you'll never get invited out for c**ktails - or for that matter you'll never hear from anyone in Sc**thorpe.

Not necessarily a bad thing, that last one

What is IE in POF? I feel thick.

KirstyWirsty Tue 21-May-13 03:28:16

Intimate encounters on plenty of fish raphaella

Wtf? I'm on POF and I've never heard of Intimate Encounters? I'm in the US, do you think maybe we just never had it? Or was it hidden in some way? What was the <ahem> function of IE?

KirstyWirsty Tue 21-May-13 06:24:24

Instead of saying that you are looking for someone for dating of you say intimate encounters then you are just looking for sex

KinNora Tue 21-May-13 06:40:05

Rafaella I think the function of IE was to provide the opportunity to meet up with like minded people who were only interested in sexual encounters.

Morning everyone,
Happy birthday Juliette I hope you have a lovely day and that Dutchie and your ds make you smile. flowers

Velvet I'll have my fingers crossed that you have a better day. It doesn't make it any better but my teenagers are exactly the same, focused solely on themselves, incapable of considering for one moment that their actions are unhelpful. It's attritional and disheartening, I don't know what the answer is but I cling to the knowledge that they are essentially good and kind people.

Have a lovely day everybody.

VelvetSpoon Tue 21-May-13 06:57:39

Morning everyone. Thank you all for being so kind, I do appreciate it. Slept from about 8.30 last night, woke up at 5.30 and just been laying in bed for the last hour or so listening to the birds. Feeling a little better.

Everything is just so hard sometimes, and I feel incredibly alone pretty much all the time. The boys are the only family I have, and I can't even get along with them. Reminded of how I miss the lovely Ex last night, because I know if (when we were together) I'd text him and said 'things are crap, I need a hug' he'd have come round to see me, and hugged me, and held my hand, and promised me it would all get better. And I miss that so very, very much. And I'm not sure I will ever have that again sad

On a less mememe blush note:

Happy Birthday Juliette flowers I really hope today defies all your expectations and is fabulous smile

Kin Hope your day is better today too.

Good luck to Rose and Kirsty re the houses. I like the idea of moving (if not the practicality) - new home, new start etc. All v positive smile

Pom it will be ok. I predict you will hear from Ruggers today. Or if not, there is someone better just round the corner, honest. I am rarely wrong about other people, it's just my own future I am foolishly over-optimistic about.

WFF glad all is ok with you, and with Lab. Slow and steady etc!

Western good luck for tonight's date, hope he turns out to be a good'un.

Lubey massive well done on the no smoking/weight loss combo, you are an inspiration to the rest of us!

Snape hope today is better for you too. Why do the GPs keep phoning? How's the holiday search going, found any possibles?

Moan sounds like all going well with Mr Meet-up, sometimes with people men once you get beneath the exterior, there's a lot of good stuff.

I know I have (despite my efforts and the epic nature of this post) forgotten lots of you, so hello to everyone I have left off, and apologies for doing so, and I hope we all have a terrific (rather than terrible) Tuesday smile

KirstyWirsty Tue 21-May-13 07:32:10

Glad you are feeling more positive today velvet

Happy birthday Juliette thanks

Morning to everyone else .. It's a beautiful day

Pomegranatenoir Tue 21-May-13 08:02:00

Thanks velv it's got me a bit down. Hate a bloody vanisher! I was actually looking forward to meeting him and now feel like a bit of an idiot! Arghhhhhh rubbish!!!

Glad you are feeling bit brighter. People do care about you - you have got a big following on here. It feels to me that you are one of life's copers. You just get on with things because you have to. I think it means you sometimes get overlooked when you are feeling down because everyone just expects you to deal with it. I'm a bit like that. Have some time to yourself to regroup mentally and then come fighting back stronger. I have to set myself little things to look forward to and focus on the positives. It won't always be like this and you won't always feel down. Don't want to patronise you at all, just know that sometimes I need to hear that.

Morning everyone else

KirstyWirsty Tue 21-May-13 08:42:07

Pom it's not a reflection on you .. It's a reflection of his behaviour .. You could only take him at face value .. Remember rule 1 .. Develop a thick skin .. You need it

smoothieooo Tue 21-May-13 11:19:15

Happy birthday Juliette - have a lovely day

Velvet - glad you're feeling a little better

Kin - hope you're feeling better

Lubey - you're inspiring me to give up the dreaded weed (the fact that you're able to lose weight at the same time is amazing). I lost 20lbs last year and really don't want to put it back...

Snape - what is happening with DS's birthday? Are the GPs being a pain about it?

<Waves to everyone else>

No real news from me. Still dating, but had a bust up over the weekend and I panicked and ended things (over something ridiculous). But.... we had a lovely conversation last night where I was promised that things would go at my pace but we just had to keep talking. What a reasonable bastard...!

Scrazy Tue 21-May-13 11:56:27

Happy Birthday Juliette.

Velvet, it must get you down. I only had a girl so no experience with boy's, girls can be just as hard but in different ways, I think.

IE on POF might make POF seem more respectable grin. Fine if you really want and IE but can remember posters doing it just for attention without actually wanting to meet anyone for sex. Not sure why.

OhWesternWind Tue 21-May-13 11:59:36

Happy birthday Juliette!!! Hope it is much better than you were expecting.

And hope everyone is having a better day today especially Velvet, Snape, Nora and Ike.

OhWesternWind Tue 21-May-13 12:00:15

And Pom! Sorry to hear about your disappearer, always a bit galling. Be prepared for a reappearance in a couple of weeks.

Pom rule number 3 (?) it's all bullshit until it happens. I know it's crap when you finally see someone you thnk you could get along with, let yourself get excited and then a big fat nothing. This is his behaviour, at least he's shown his hand early on.

Velvet you feel it's so hard because it is hard. Most people do have someone who, even if they are a family member they don't get along with, will be there for them in a crisis. Being totally self reliant for every single thing is wearing and actually you do it with panache. Your Dad would be proud of you and hopefully, one day your DC will appreciate what a great Mum they have.

Thanks for your birthday wishes everyone, I bought 9 mini fudge cupcakes this morning as mini calories don't count and have eaten them already. DS gave me a card in an embarrassed fashion grin and Dutch has excelled himself. He had sent me a small parcel, wrapped up carefully in an old map. Inside was a little present, and a lovely letter. When we Skyped this morning, I opened it with him. He's a good one.

My Mum also ordered me some flowers, which were accidentally charged to me. I sorted it and they are now free flowers. Also when I was buying the cupcakes a little boy started singing Happy Birthday. His Mum said this was a New Thing and it wasn't anyone's birthday that she new of. So I said he had good timing grin. I was also thinking this morning that given where I was 7 years ago (seriously sick) I'm actually lucky to be here, so all will be well.

ike1 Tue 21-May-13 12:30:54

Happy Birthday Jule!!!!

VelvetSpoon Tue 21-May-13 13:14:21

juliette I'm glad your birthdays turned out to be better than expected. I said it would all be ok! Well done to Dutch.

I am still feeling a bit meh. Work is v. busy but I feel like I just want to go home and cry. Missing my mum and dad, and the lovely ex, all the people who loved me (the only ones who ever have, come to that). I know it will get better eventually, but at the moment that seems ever such a distant prospect and I am just really low, and lonely.

Sorry for whinging.

KirstyWirsty Tue 21-May-13 13:33:21

MY SEPARATION AGREEMENT IS SIGNED

And I've put in an offer for that house grin

Sorry for non dating related hijack .. As you were ...

Velvet don't apologise, we all have our moments and a lot of us are feeling it at the moment. Meanwhile brew and flowers.

Kirsty that is brilliant news, your new life begins! grin

48howdidthathappen Tue 21-May-13 13:39:33

Juliette A good un is the best present smile Happy Birthday!

Smooth I have ended things with Mr R&R quite a few times blush he always comes back for more. I think after the last time when we had our 'big conversation' I wont be doing it again. We really know each other now. It takes time.

A big grin for all having good times.

A big bunch of flowers for all feeling down.

I am living the life of a headless chicken at the mo. Life is crazy!

Snapespeare Tue 21-May-13 14:19:22

Quick catch up and a hug for velvet.

happy birthday juliette!

Can't remember who asked how holiday is progressing - I have a shortlist of six or seven. Haven't discussed with nameless as I haven't seen him this week hmm - there aren't currently plans to get together, I am feeling snitty and would like to be asked to come over rather than assuming I will be over every Monday/Tuesday and Friday. he doesn't think self catering is a good idea hmm I think it's a fab idea as he eats small irregular meals to keep energy topped up and I don't like people cooking for me if I don't know them...I either think it's an imposition akin to servitude when it's tourist industry based, or a bit too much of a faff. I go out for dinner very very infrequently. The occasional meal out, yes...but I would prefer small and intimate. I found a smasher on kefalonia, on the beach, one of the room is a converted windmill (!) , it's on budget and he was a bit dismissive because it was self catering...with a cafe on site for if you cba. I found this after hours of reserach. Pfffft.

Granny is doing my head in over DDs birthday, they a taking her to France for a few days (which I couldn't afford and certainly can't now that I'm going away..)

Text one: is her passport in date!?
Text two: does she have an EHIC card? Do you know where it is?
Text three: is it ok to bring her back on the 5th?
Text four: we have old her Isle of Wight, not France! Don't tell
Text five: have you booked your holiday yet?
Text six: Croatia is meant to be cheap...

The are doing my head in I am feeling a bit surly

Snape it is a fab idea, especially in Greece where fresh salad is available and Kef has a regular market in Argostoli where the locals buy veg <over enthusiastic>

48howdidthathappen Tue 21-May-13 15:01:28

Snape My holiday plans for Scotland are still up in the air, supposed to being going Friday. Wont know if I can go until meeting on Thursday afternoon at hospital about mum. Now I remember why I never go away. Stress!

My fucking car has just lost loads of water over drive angry Mechanic can't see it until tomorrow.

Snapespeare Tue 21-May-13 15:02:59

I'll go for the big sell when I next see him whenever that is hmm I honestly don't mind cooking or popping to the shop/market if he's feeling dazey. I think he's mindful that he gets his shopping delivered & would see me popping out to hunt/gather as an imposition, whereas I just see it as something that gets done.

AndLibbyMakesThree Tue 21-May-13 15:06:06

A rare post from me ... just wanted to say that I feel honoured to share a birthday with you, Juliette, and also to say hello to everyone. Kin and Velvet, I'm sorry things are so tough for you at the moment, and I hope things start getting better very soon.

Snapespeare Tue 21-May-13 15:07:11

Oh god it is SO STRESSFUL! Major complaint about last LTR was tha e never organised anything. Ever. If we went away for a weekend, I did bloody everything

How is your mum doing?

Snapespeare Tue 21-May-13 15:08:56

libby happy birthday to you too! smile

smoothieooo Tue 21-May-13 15:09:00

Happy birthday AndLibby - hope you're also having a lovely day!

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 21-May-13 15:11:50

Happy Birthday! Jules <big cheer and hug/squeeze> Enjoy the privilege of aging, 'tis great (said the young girl!)

gringringrin @ Dutchman, what a lovely chap. Should we (i.e. your female OD mates, the OD male can wear orange hankies in their top pockets) buy an orange hats, or just fascinators? I imagine a nautical themed reception wink

48howdidthathappen Tue 21-May-13 15:26:06

Happy Birthday Libby Nice to see you.

We think mum is probably going into a nursing home sad We have tried home, it isn't going to work out, mum has too many complex needs. It is heartbreaking, but we really have no choice.
We will continue to our very best for her smile

Holidays. You need another one to get over it grin

smoothieooo Tue 21-May-13 15:59:18

Sorry to hear that about your mum 48 - is there somewhere nearby which may be suitable? My mum has been poorly (but not seriously) since late last year but I'm lucky in that my 2 brothers and 2 sisters live near to her for practical help. I'm zooming up to whisk her off to lunch on Sunday, assuming she's up to it...

Re: holidays. I'm going to a beautiful villa in Turkey with my boys along with my oldest friend, her husband and sun. This is not going down well with my soon to be ex in-laws... who are Greek Cypriot!!!

smoothieooo Tue 21-May-13 16:00:02

son obvs.

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 21-May-13 16:07:05

Oh, blush oops Happy birthday LIBBY! sorry I missed that...must wear reading glasses

KinNora Tue 21-May-13 16:24:03

Happy birthday Libby flowers

48 I'm sorry to hear that about your mum, it must have been a very hard decision to come to but sometimes getting that level of care can be a huge relief for a person and their relatives, even though it seems less than ideal when you first contemplate it.

Velvet sorry you still feel shite, life's just very hard sometimes and it saps your resolve.

Juliette big 'awwwww' at Dutchie, what a sweetie.

OWW have fun tonight.

Twinny, love you.

Everyone else, mwwwwahhhh, have a good evening, make sure you do all sorts of things that I wouldn't.

48howdidthathappen Tue 21-May-13 16:27:35

I am lucky smooth in that one of my sisters is a CPN another a NVQ assessor for carers, so have inside info on the good and the bad. After Thursday we will be visiting the local good places and keeping everything crossed that they have space.

Your mum is lucky to have a large supportive family smile

See holidays! Who needs em grin

Snape agree holidays are stressful.

48 so sorry to hear your Mum can't stay at home, you all gave it your best though and as you say you all still will.

Libby Happy Birthday to you! flowers. Who knew? grin

Thank you again everyone, WFF yes Dutchie is lovely and genuine and I think he likes me too grin. Just 15 sleeps to go til 'second' date which will be at about 10 days. In my fantasy wedding, caused entirely by you lot talking about Brides be Something, Juliette Geller will put fascinators on the list of forbidden items

AndLibbyMakesThree Tue 21-May-13 16:43:53

Thanks so much for all the birthday wishes. I'm really touched, especially as I hardly ever post.

The reason I don't post much is that I've been seeing someone (some of you might remember Mr C) since December. It hasn't all been plain sailing (I'm not great at relationships - a bit insecure and over-sensitive). But overall things seem to be going well.

I'm hoping that might give a bit of hope to all of you who are dating. I should point out that I did LOTS of internet dating before I met Mr C, none of which turned into anything like a relationship. Lots of first dates, men I didn't fancy, or those I did but who didn't like me. It was often emotionally draining.

I'm tempted to agree that it's a numbers game - I'm certainly not "better" than when I was doing OD in my 30s (in fact if anything it's the opposite) but I just (finally) met someone I clicked with.

(It's all going to end tonight now I've written that, isn't it?!)

48, really sorry to hear about your mum, that must be such a hard decision to make.

48howdidthathappen Tue 21-May-13 17:11:02

How could I foget Mr C Libby Remember bloody Yorkshire grin

Pleased to hear things are going well. I think relationships can be tougher as we get older. A little set in our ways maybe.