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Would you date someone younger? I'm 27, he is 20.

(64 Posts)
LittleIllusionMachine Wed 15-May-13 18:45:25

I'm pretty upset to find out how young he is, I assumed he was around 25/26. We've been speaking for a few days after meeting a couple of weeks ago.

He's brilliant, we like the same things, he makes me laugh. He's intelligent and gorgeous. I REALLY like him. Sounds ridiculous after a week, but there is real chemistry and I'm GUTTED.

I wasn't thinking about a future yet (obviously!), but this has kind of bought it to the forefront. Would it work? I don't want to get into a completely casual thing, I wanted to date and see how it went. But is there any point now? hmm

sonu678 Wed 15-May-13 18:46:52

it could work. depends on how mature he is. BUT the likelihood is that it wont be anything more than a casual fling.
Having said that, my colleagues parents the dad is six years younger. smile

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 15-May-13 18:48:39

No-one will agree with me but I don't think there is much point. smile If you're not looking for casual it's a bit of a non-starter dating someone who is fresh out of their teens, however nice they are.

I'm 45. The current boyfriend is 33. Meh. If it doesn't last, his loss grin

If you get on why not give it at go?

LittleIllusionMachine Wed 15-May-13 18:55:21

It sounds so stupid but I'm sitting here practically in tears at the disappointment!

Good ones NEVER come along, one does and he is practically a sperm! Blegh. Need your advice, so I can get my head around it!

Half your age plus 7. So that's 13 plus 7 which is 20.

Phew. He just scrapes in.

Date the bloke. You're only dating Jesus you're not marrying him just yet!

johnnycomelurky Wed 15-May-13 18:58:28

My husband is 5 years younger than me and was 20 when we met. I thought it would be just a fling but we're still together 10 years later smile

uncongenial Wed 15-May-13 18:59:15

Pfft, seven years isn't too much younger.

Just date him and see how it goes.

Sorry. Phone hates me. Him. Not Jesus.

lottieandmia Wed 15-May-13 19:00:26

7 years is not that big a gap - I would give it a go. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

badinage Wed 15-May-13 19:00:43

I'd go for it.

Just see how it goes. I get that you're not into casual flings but there's a hinterland between that and the whole marriage and kids shebang isn't there?

Springforward Wed 15-May-13 19:02:53

I am 5 years older than DH and he was 21 when we got together. Still together 12 years later, marriage kids mortgage cat etc. The only time I think about it is birthday time when I get irrationally jealous of his age for 48 hours or so grin.

usualsuspect Wed 15-May-13 19:05:06

Go for it, it might work out,it might not.

who knows?

handcream Wed 15-May-13 19:09:55

Do you have any children?

starfishmummy Wed 15-May-13 19:11:45

I don't think the age gap is very big, it's more the fact that he is only 20.
But enjoy it, who knows what will happen!

BackforGood Wed 15-May-13 19:13:02

Yes. Whyever not ?

dh was 19 when we started going out, and I was 27 (he thought I was younger and I thought he was older when we first got together).
We've been married 19 years so far, and the age hasn't bothered us one bit once his mother got over it.

BackforGood Wed 15-May-13 19:13:16

Oop! 26! I was 26!!

nellyjelly Wed 15-May-13 19:15:03

Just wait and see how it goes. You are still young yourself.

KittensandKids Wed 15-May-13 19:15:44

I would still go for it, I'm 35 add 4 years and I date 30 yr olds.

LittleIllusionMachine Wed 15-May-13 19:18:36

Thanks everyone, maybe I need to get over myself then! smile

He does not seem bothered in the SLIGHTEST btw!

SoleSource Wed 15-May-13 19:19:51

Go with the flow!
If he rejects you at some point, you'll survive x

TheDetective Wed 15-May-13 19:24:22

I dated a 19 year old, I was 25 with an 8 year old child.

3.5 years later, we are still going strong, and have a little 5 month old baby.

It was rocky to begin with, as he wasn't confident in a mature relationship, but we soon ironed out any issues.

His mum on the other hand, took about 2 years to come around. Now I'm the best thing since sliced bread. grin

Fairylea Wed 15-May-13 19:27:25

If the shoe fits.... !

Yes whyever not. As long as he is lovely and treats you well and you have the same maturity (which isn't the same as age at all).

I met my dh online. He is 8 years younger than me..I am in my 30s smile we now have ds 11 months and dd aged 10 adores him.

I have also had some less serious relationships with younger men before I met dh. All fun smile why not!

iklboo Wed 15-May-13 19:30:13

DH is 8 years younger than me. He was 22 when we started seeing each other.

Springforward Wed 15-May-13 19:32:25

Oh yes, forgot that it took MIL a while to get over it though grin

Beamur Wed 15-May-13 19:34:22

I've been out with someone 7 yrs younger than me and my DP is 7 years older than me.
If you like him I can't see the problem.

Righton48 Wed 15-May-13 19:35:37

When I met my ex dp I was 26 and he was 20. We were together for 10 years and the reasons we split up were nothing to do with the age difference. If you want to give the relationship a chance ignore his age. Not all 20 year olds are immature, the fact you thought he was older suggests he is mature for his age. Just say it works out? A 7 year age gap will feel like nothing when you are 37 and he is 30.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Wed 15-May-13 19:38:25

I met someone when I was 32 and he was 23, we both knew it was serious within a week. Lived together for 3 months, got married a year after we met and had 3 children.
28 years later we're still hanging in there with no more difficulties than any other partnership.
Except he's an old fart and I'm not grin

LittleIllusionMachine Wed 15-May-13 19:55:40

Thank you so much for the encouragement and positive stories, made me feel a lot better! Its just a gut feeling...this one could be a keeper.

Megsdaughter Wed 15-May-13 20:01:49

Dh was 28 when we met, I was 38, 16 years later we have been married for 13 years smile

Cakeisyummy Wed 15-May-13 20:01:57

Younger men are hard to deal with if you want to settle Down as it takes them longer to mature... If its fun why not just make sure you don't look past the deal breakers at the start... X

Squitten Wed 15-May-13 20:05:54

Would I date him? Erm... lots of sex with a young hot bloke? YEAH!!

Doesn't mean he's going to want to settle down though and, if you were going to start dating, you really should keep your expectations low until you get to know him better. But that applies to any dating TBH. Relax and enjoy!

Bowlersarm Wed 15-May-13 20:11:21

Definitely go for it.

We have three sets of close friends with a greater age difference than that, and that way round, with very successful marriages, DC's etc.

Can definitely work and not necessarily a waste of time.

So go on a few dates to start with and see what develops.

chrome100 Wed 15-May-13 20:36:03

My DP was 20 when we got together and I was 29. We are now 22 and 31 and live together. It's fine. If it's meant to be it'll work out and if not it won't. You don't know til you try. Like you, I thought he was older and was gutted to find out how young he was and it did put me off but I'm really glad I gave it a shot.

ajmc67 Wed 15-May-13 20:38:36

I don't see any problem at all with the age difference. In fact I see no problem at all with any age gap. If you like each others company, just relax and enjoy it and see where it goes. It's no big deal, you're both adults and age is just a number. I'm 45 and bf is 22 and we've been together just over 4 years (been living together for 2 and a 1/2). I know it's not conventional and many people have raised eyebrows in the past, but frankly it is none of their business!

Half your age and add 7 is the rule. He passes! Some boys are men more quickly than others so why not give it a go IF you're both looking for the same thing?!

AViewFromTheFridge Wed 15-May-13 20:44:39

Frebbie, I thought I must have missed the bit in the OP where she said not only is he 20, he's also the son of God!

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 15-May-13 20:47:43

DH was 20 when we met..I was 26.

Now he is 35 and I am 41 wink

ajmc67 Wed 15-May-13 20:48:51

'The rule' was concocted by whom??? And what made them think they were the fountain of all knowledge about relationships? I say the rule is crap.

Beatrixpotty Wed 15-May-13 21:10:31

When I was 27 I was thinking more about long term things and children.If that's what you want too,it's less likely that a 20year old man will have the same time frame as you,although clearly there are exceptions.You've asked if anyone would date someone younger..when I was 27,20 would have been too young and a deal-breaker.

chattychattyboomba Wed 15-May-13 21:13:24

Sorry as a 27 year old mother i would not even consider dating a 20 year old but DH is 37
When i was 20 i was travelling the world. Yes i probably would have settled down given the opportunity but bloody glad i waited.

Springforward Wed 15-May-13 21:15:18

When things began to look permanent I just asked DH if he'd want kids by the time I was 30, and he said yes - that was that, no big deal. He was 28 ish when DS was born.

OneToThree Wed 15-May-13 21:16:24

I was 26 and dh was 19 when we met. Been together 13 years, married 8 and have 3 children. My relationship is fantastic in every way.

So go for it.

Estherbelle Wed 15-May-13 22:28:01 of my friends was 27 when she met her "perfect" man - perfect in every way except that he was only 20...their relationship lasted 6 years, but fell apart when she was 33 and was getting seriously broody and at 26, he wasn't at that stage at all. He left her and she was devastated. 5 years on she's still single and feels she's missed the boat. Do you want kids, OP?

Cherriesarelovely Wed 15-May-13 22:36:03

Agree that it's not the age difference at all. I am 7 years younger than DP and it has never been an issue. 20 is quite young but then people are all different and some are more mature than others. Give it a go I say and see what happens. Good Luck.

workhell Wed 15-May-13 22:43:09

I am 10 years older than DH and we met when he was 19! shock I tried dumping him numerous times because I didn't think he was ready for long term stuff. He kept coming back and put up with my CRAZY prejudice about younger guys. I love him so much grin Go for it!

deleted203 Wed 15-May-13 22:43:51

I tend to agree with Cogito I'm afraid. Obviously, I don't know either you or your bf - but at 27 I could not have seen myself with a 20 year old lad. I was married with 2 DCs at that age, and definitely adult - I don't really feel much different 20 years later. I was certainly a very different person at 20, however, still feeling and acting like a 'teenager'.

It really depends what you both want out of life, I suppose as to whether there is a long term future in it. But I suspect that the big things such as buying a house/marriage/children are likely to be 'out of synch' due to the age difference. Estherbelle makes a good point about babies, IMO.

workhell Wed 15-May-13 22:49:57

Oh nonsense. Mine appreciates I am older so babies will come sooner for him than if he is with someone of a similar age. As long as everyone is honest about their expectations and discusses it like adults, nothing will be a surprise.
One of the big tests was when I fell pregnant six months after meeting him when he was 20 - that was a surprise! He was the most wonderful supportive partner. That's when I knew he was a keeper.

I dated plenty of age 35+ men who weren't into committing. And plenty who were. Age is just a number etc etc

Springforward Wed 15-May-13 23:14:27

This thread is really interesting. If I'd passed up the chance of now-DH just because of our age gap I would have missed out on being with an absolutely lovely man who is a pretty fab dad to boot.

But, I guess it depends on where you are in life at the time - we sort of met in the middle, he was just coming out of his drinking/ clubbing/ experimenting etc stage and was looking to settle a bit, and I, er, was still in my wilder years....

Thinking about it, the only time it has really shown was when we moved in together in the very early days, as I'd lived alone - with everything that entails - and he hadn't. However, as I told him very early on that I'd never do his washing and ironing and that I wasn't his mother, we got it sorted out pretty quickly!

TheDetective Wed 15-May-13 23:40:02

Mine was never really in to drinking/clubbing etc.

He was in to his xbox however hmm. But then so is my mums husband and he is 55!

I made it clear from the beginning that within a couple of years I would want children. He made it clear he wanted children within a couple of years with me.

No problems then! He's a dad at 22. I was a mum at 16. And again at 28. Age doesn't make a partner, or a parent.

If we had wanted different things, I'd have cut my losses after 6 months of fun.

Horsemadmumof3 Wed 15-May-13 23:46:54

I was seeing someone when I was 34 who I thought was the same age as me and it turned out he was 28, I was a bit upset cause I did like him, I couldn't see a future cause he had no kids and I have 3 and don't want anymore so I enjoyed the ride until it fizzled out.

Last year when I was 36 I was extreamly flattered when a 20 year old started giving me the come on! In the end he won and we had a fling for 8 month, no one knew as my son's 19 and would be horrified but it was an amazing experience and I loved every min of it!

Life is for living - your only here once - go for it! x

WhiteBirdBlueSky Thu 16-May-13 00:56:50

When I was 30 I dated a 23 year old. It was fun.

Half your age plus 7 years as a minimum is a bit silly but there's some truth in it. My sister is 30 and dating a 22 (nearly 23) yo; my brother 35 and dating a 25yo so I suppose it seems fairly normal to me.

paddingtonbear1 Thu 16-May-13 01:12:05

sorry, not read whole thread...
I met dh when I was 28 and he was 22. I wasn't looking for a casual fling and he was a postgrad student! I didn't expect it to last, but here we are.. married nearly 14 years.
I'd see how it goes.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Thu 16-May-13 01:30:47

As much as I think 20 is too young, and that most 20-year olds - male and female - are too young for this-is-it-settling-down-forever-and-having-kids relationships, I also think breaking up with someone on a principle (in this case, too young) when there's otherwise a spark and a feeling that he's a decent person, is silly.

Mrsambition Thu 16-May-13 07:33:42

Do u want the truth, I take it that's why your here!! Well I'll be the one to give it to you.

I am the same age as you and a few years ago was in the same position. Just before meeting DH I dated a younger guy who was 20. He had all the same credentials but deep down I knew it wouldn't work. I went along with it & enjoyed it for what it was never expecting to much. It ended a few months later, just fizzled out, no ones fault we just weren't suited. However looking back I had a bloody good time & don't regret one second of it.

Just take the chance, (these things rarely work out, but some times they do) what have you got to loose? Someday when your not expecting it Mr right will come along, until then go with the flow & enjoy yourself! smile

LittleIllusionMachine Thu 16-May-13 07:35:37

Thanks again everyone.

In answer to some questions, I have a 4yo DD. My ex and I split up after 9 years last year (long term EA).

As I met him when I was 16, and I was very isolated throughout the relationship. For the first time, I've got a fantastic group of friends and am enjoying going out dancing and socialising, meeting new people.

The last thing I want is another child at the moment, I'm happy just living life and enjoying things as they are. So no biological clock ticking or similar issues right now!

An update - thanks to you, I've relaxed a little and he is taking me for a first date next Thursday! smile

LadyVoldemort Thu 16-May-13 07:43:12

7 years between me and DP here to. I must admit we've had a few rough times where I've struggled settling so young but we've come through it with the spark still there.

Go for it, I say smile

Dahlen Thu 16-May-13 07:50:36

A lot depends on him - his life experiences and emotional maturity.

The actual 7 years between you is completely insignificant. It's the fact that he's just 20, and is therefore unlikely to have much idea about the responsibilities that come as an adult, let alone a parent. Personally, I think it doesn't usually work until the younger of the couple is at least 25. However, there are enough exceptions to prove me wrong, so you have to do what feels right.

perplexedpirate Thu 16-May-13 07:56:52

Go for it! I dated a 22 year old when I was 28.
We've been married 5 years. grin

I did, ten years married now smile

All very happy - he was very mature for his age (24) though at a much different life stage to me. I was divorcing, selling my house, changing careers.

He was fresh out of uni and had been very ill with ME.

Even with all those obstacles we knew we could be really happy together though the external circumstances for the first couple of years were truly shit.

cory Thu 16-May-13 08:22:12

DonDraper is right: breaking off a relationship on principle is plain silly.

I was 19 when I met dh: we have been together for 30 years now. And that relationship looked far more doomed: different countries, no money, not much hope of a settled future.

Some people are more mature at 20 than others at 30. You'll never know until you take the risk. You don't have to have the whole of your future mapped out in order to decide not to break off now: why not take it step by step and see how it goes?

DP is 26, I am 35. He is a real gem and much more mature than some mid-30's men I've been out with...

Give him a chance smile

oldwomaninashoe Thu 16-May-13 10:25:24

It does depend on the individual. Is he the oldest child in his family? if so the liklihood is that he will be quite mature for his age.
My DH of 30 odd years was 19 when we met and I was 25!
DS1 had married a woman of 42 when he was 31, they seem very happy.
(ds1 was middleaged from age 15 onwards!)
Give the guy a chance, age really is just a number sometimes and this is one of them!

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