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Which dating site is best? Opinions please..

(29 Posts)
MumWithCamera Fri 10-May-13 11:27:06

I have a male friend who's had a bad time of it with cold-hearted ex-gf last year and he's now single and looking for love. He's signed up to Plenty of Fish but doesn't seem to be having much luck finding Mrs Right.

I dont have any experience with dating sites, so wonder if its this website that's the problem - should he try Match or eHarmony instead? If anyone has positive experiences which sites do you recommend for finding a love-match? So far he's had a few dubious people - one was saying she wanted to come live with him when hadn't even met him and only messaged him twice hmm

Thanks in advance for suggestions - you will (hopefully) be turning my friend's life around and bringing a bit of happiness smile

And before you suggest it - I am happily with DP and we have a DD together, so I'm not in the running! Just looking to help a friend!

MumWithCamera Fri 10-May-13 11:28:37

OOps I guess that should be 'Miss Right' - or perhaps 'Mrs Right' if she's a divorcee?! grin

issey6cats Fri 10-May-13 12:53:36

im on several dating sites as im single now match.com a lot of people dont pay so they cant message you get a lot of views and winks but thats it, i even paid for 3 months and didnt get one single message, POF you have to sort through and weed out the losers, the nutters and players, but i have met a couple of nice guys on there aswell, oasis dating is dependant on people being online at the same time as you, but it is free, smooch.com is free and so far i have found this to be quite a good site with less of the idiots around, meetme.com is a good site for making friends but i havent had a date emerge from there yet, i dont know bout other paid sites as i havent got the budget to pay for loads of sites,

the best thing your friend can do is actually contact people he likes the look of as women on dating sites dont seem to do well if they contact first and just keep logging in and see whos in there

Bricklestick Fri 10-May-13 13:09:48

Avoid the free sites like the plague. I met my OH on Guardian Soulmates. People who are prepared to pay for their internet dating sites tend to be a bit more serious about their aims, if you see what I mean.

MumWithCamera Fri 10-May-13 17:26:54

Thanks both that's useful. I was thinking that paid sites made more sense.
anyone any experience of parship e harmony, another friend mentioned them...

StuffezLaYoni Fri 10-May-13 17:59:07

I paid for three months of Match and it was an utter waste of money. Some real creeps and idiots. Been on ok Cupid a week and there seem to be a lot more nice men on there.

Coffee1Sugar Fri 10-May-13 18:03:01

I have plenty of single friends! What's his stats?

i just signed up to plenty of fish and am finding it ok so far.

MirandaWest Fri 10-May-13 18:30:52

I met my lovely bf on okcupid (we were both on free dating and POF as well).

I met DP on plenty of fish, we are getting married in September.

lisaro Fri 10-May-13 18:38:49

A (lovely) male colleage swears he would never go on POF again - he was contacted by some odd types of women (one wasn't even physically a woman yet but TOLD him it didn't matter, and hes very non judgemental) Match was ok, avoid any free sites. Hes now been sating someone he met through friends for 6 months or so.

Coffee1Sugar Fri 10-May-13 18:38:56

I met dp on POF 16months ago, we bought our house together in December.

happyAvocado Fri 10-May-13 18:39:49

I remember there was a very good thread last year where someone like you was setting up dates with single mumsnetters - I haven't followed it but it looked very promissing

oh, and there was another one where mumsnetter was looking for a date for her exH

I would love to have found out if either was successful smile

WarmFuzzyFun Fri 10-May-13 18:42:09

It all depends. Some sites are better for big towns/cities, some sites are more popular in particular geographical areas or for particular age groups.

I know that some people believe that the paid for sites are better, they generally aren't, as the same people are on both.

So I would advise, have a good written profile, take some great photos, one head shot smiling and a least one full body.

Don't expect to fall in love within the first week (it might happen, but it's unlikely). Would you walk into a pub/club or bar and expect to meet the Miss Right waiting at the bar?confused

It can work but he needs to be realistic and meet lots of women without expecting the happily ever after to happen. You can't predict the outcome at the outset.

MumWithCamera Fri 10-May-13 18:55:04

Thanks Coffee, but he doesn't know I'm posting here and would probably be horrified so I will keep quite on more details for now! grin

Looks like OKCupid, Guardian Soulmates might be worth a look...
and POF some positive and negative experiences..
Will recommend these and fingers crossed he has more luck! smile

Walkacrossthesand Fri 10-May-13 18:56:35

I'm in my 50s and I've tried: grown up dating (no response to messages, no messages); older dating (one coffee date with a couple of guys but no response from the seemingly better-suited ones I messaged); ivory towers ( ditto); and currently trying out guardian soul mates but similar experience. Given the lack of inclination of guys to respond to messages, I think I might just stick up a profile on a free site, where at least 'no joy' isn't costing me anything! smile. Oh, and yy to the same guys being on several sites.

ohtobecleo Fri 10-May-13 19:23:27

I had the most success on Guardian Soulmates (best quality in my experience)....until I turned 40 and then people stopped contacting me, almost overnight (neither my photos nor my profile had changed). Since then I'm with walkacrossthesand, I've been on PoF for a while (I'm not paying anymore for 'no success'). There's a lot of time-wasters and I've only had one coffee date (which turned out to be unsuitable) but it's early days.....

rcs19 Fri 10-May-13 19:29:27

I used mysinglefriend.com. Best £20 I've ever spent- met dh and now have 2 dd's.

dippymother Fri 10-May-13 20:50:57

How about Over Fifties (apparently there are Over Forties, Over Thirties et al too, all part of the same group), Dating Direct (part of Match.com), and Loveandfriends?

Fairylea Fri 10-May-13 20:51:53

I met my dh on plenty of fish smile

WafflyVersatile Sat 11-May-13 00:26:09

okcupid IMO.

guardian soulmates: pofaced
plenty of fish: blokey essex man
match.com creeps
okcupid: fetishists

waffly versatile - providing quality stereotypes since 1893.

WafflyVersatile Sat 11-May-13 00:32:00

That rather gives the impression I'm after fetishists. I'm not. blush

I haven't been on match except very briefly but over and again I hear 'creeps' being used in the same sentence.

pof I tended to get messaged by older men who live just outside london and are quite blokey traditional.

I didn't find much humour on the guardian lot but I didn't really commit to it.

okcupid more younger men looking for short term things. I also seem to attract the polyamourous, who mostly seem to live in Oxford for some reason. But you can answer loads of questions to refine your search which works fairly well so they don't seem to throw up people who are completely unlikely. ie don't suggest tories when you are clearly more socialist etc.

VelvetSpoon Sat 11-May-13 00:44:06

It's something of a fallacy that only 'decent' people will be on paid sites.

There are plenty of weirdos (of both sexes) on both the free and the paid sites.

TBH it's a process of trial and error. All the men I have encountered via POF (with possibly 1 exception) have been vanishers, timewasters, married - but pretending to be single, perverts, sex-obsessed nutters, unattractive, unintelligent, misogynistic, racist, sexist, homophobic....I could go on but you get the picture.

OKC is a haven for the polyamorous, fetishists etc. I never even got a message worth replying to!

MSF is terrible, very low traffic and most people aren't subscribed.

Eharmony is even worse. Run by Christians and won't let anyone spearated but not divorced be a member hmm. Also they pick your matches for you, and there's something weird about the photos, can't remember what exactly but I think you can't see people's photos unless you're a mutual match or something (I never joined but have heard several people say this in the past)

Sites like GSM are good if you're a) in a big city, or near to one and c) are a middle class guardian reader. Or look like you are.

I have heard good reports about Lovestruck, but I believe it's only in London. And again I suspect a little bit middle class and earnest.

I'm going to say Match is the best because that's where I met the lovely man I am dating smile One good thing about it is that they often do 3 day free trials, which are worth a try.

drfayray Sat 11-May-13 01:17:42

I am divorced and 51. I have been on a few sites. I am in Australia though. Just joined POF and been inundated by messages. I am actually meeting one guy for coffee in an hour and another one tomorrow afternoon.
There is a third that I quite like too. We have been messaging a bit.

I am being realistic. I had a lot of weird experiences last year on another site called RSVP.

I never message men first ever. If they want to know me they can contact me first.
Good luck to your friend smile

jynier Sat 11-May-13 01:51:57

I know nothing at all about dating sites; just wanted to say hi! to the wonderful drfayray! Hope that you and DCs are okay and still doing well! Best wishes, x

Met DP on the Guardian. Together 3 years and I'm expecting our first baby in November. POF was good for a fling and had a few dates through OKC.
As well as the advice about pictures etc be prepared to travel for dates. I lived in a big city but was willing to travel upto 50 miles or so. As it turned out DP lived 5 miles from me and knew my best friend when we were all teens (more embarrassingly he also knows 2 of my drunken shags from uni)

Squeegle Sat 11-May-13 07:49:32

Waffly, that did make me chuckle- that's exactly what I thought!

I have chatted to, but not met, a few nice people on OK Cupid. I quite like it, I like the questions and the matching thing- but as I say not met anyone yet. There are fewer people who just message Hi Babe, how are you? than on POF. But no harm in joining both I wouldn't have thought; they are free after all.

I joined a site called single with kids. It was £25 I think for one month- what a waste of money- it's syndicated I think, so there are all sorts of people on there, most of whom are not single with kids (one of them joined a site called skinnydating.com, yes really, and was wondering why there were not more skinny people.)So avoid anything run by this group- I think they're called global personals.

I did meet a nice chap from POF, but he's not for me- I guess it's all the luck of the draw. I am 47, so not what a lot of these geezers are looking for, but at the end of the day, were only looking for one aren't we? I think the trick is not to take it too seriously.

People start talking, stop talking, disappear, don't reply, etc etc. it's not real life really- just a way to hopefully start something. And as long as you don't take it to heart, it can actually be great fun! I must say I am quite enjoying it.

WafflyVersatile Sat 11-May-13 11:28:48

Many years ago I did love@lycos which doesn't exist any longer. I went on a number of dates. Very few of them unhinged. didn't meet any boyfriends but had some nice evenings out. All but one were somewhere along the line to balding though...

I like okc as it's quite fun to explore the site and even if I've not really gotten into dating (it's me, not them) I did meet a 99%er and although there wasn't going to be any romance they had obviously matched us pretty well.

On any dating site you have to expect to be messaged by entirely unsuitable men who have not read your profile. It's ok to entirely ignore them. And I never use the chat function as it invariably turns into them trying to get you into sexxxxy talk after about 3 seconds.

IGuessIHadYourLeavinComing Sat 11-May-13 17:41:33

I don't have that much OD experience, but I will say that I've found POF absolutely woeful and agree with everything Velvetspoon said about the men on there - IME of course.

I've been on POF for about three months (I'm in my late 40s, which doesn't help), had a fair bit of interest and one disastrous date, which still makes my skin crawl when I think about it! I never send messages now because barely anyone replies... even when I feel that I'm punching well below my weight.

It's worth a go because it's free, but I would tell your friend to keep his expectations really low then he's got nothing to lose.

Not sure about the paid sites, I've had very mixed reports, but I may try one of them myself for a few months and then knock it all on the head.

Anyway OP, I hope your friend has more luck than me.

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