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Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse

(142 Posts)
Mosman Thu 09-May-13 12:58:52

"H" has lost his job. I wasn't working because we don't have a visa or permanent residency now.
I'm in Perth the rent is paid until Tuesday, he's getting a week in lue of notice, 4 children and about $700 to my name.
Does anyone know if the embassy or someone will fly us home.
I can't take much more tbh

CockyFox Thu 09-May-13 13:08:57

I don't know about Australia but my cousin was flown home by the embassy when her partner left her penniless in the US. I am going back a while though and she had to borrow from famiky to pay it back when she got home.

Distrustinggirlnow Thu 09-May-13 19:08:34

I'm sorry to hear this... I've followed your other threads as your situation is similar to mine, apart from these last little gem..

I'm sorry I don't know the answer and hopefully someone who does will be along soon.
Here a wine or maybe it should be brew for u

Lavenderhoney Thu 09-May-13 19:32:02

That's awful, for you both. Do you both want to stay and get another job? Can you post on overseas here to see if any Perth mn have any ideas?

Or could your dh get onto agencies ( depends on his job?) and apply anywhere in the world? The middle east is hiring. He could go straight there and you follow in aug/ sept from the uk for schools.

If you want to stay, I guess a big panic on agencies and LinkedIn would be useful, otherwise sell everything over the weekend and fly home on credit.

Do you have somewhere to go in the UK?

Mosman Fri 10-May-13 08:18:53

And now the UK house is to be repossessed in. 14 days
I hate the fucker why couldn't I have just married somebody fucking normal

Are you here on a 457? I think the employer has to repatriate him and his family members who came over on the 457 in the first place.

Half way down the page here refers to them paying on receipt of a written request. It is taken from Booklet 9.

He has 28 days to find another sponsor, although I have been told that Immigration are very slow in chasing this up. I was threatened with a similar situation recently (have now found another sponsor, phew) but was referred to an immigration agent in Perth who had helped people in similar situations - I can PM you his details if you want? Or do you really just want to leave, after all you've been through? At least this way it would cost you nothing..

Mosman Fri 10-May-13 11:58:58

That would be fantastic thank you so much

Oh my word - poor you. After everything else you've put up with.
I don't know the answers but I really hope you can leave him and come back to the UK.
Keep us updated on what happens.

AuntieStella Fri 10-May-13 12:16:05

Oh Mosman, I remember you previous threads, and I'm so sorry to hear this latest.

Unfortunately, a High Commission doesn't have funds to repatriate Brits. They can only pay if someone in Uk has already provided the money. That was a useful service in the days before banks/airlines became more joined up internationally - it might be easier to see if someone in Uk can buy plane tickets for you or make a transfer to your bank account (assuming it won't be swallowed up by other exit expenses).

Mosman Fri 10-May-13 12:36:44

He's desperately job hunting so hopefully something will come up quickly, I've applied for a new credit card as I think the 457 company sponsorship repatriation only applies if its in your contract.
Everyone pray hard for me please lol

According to that link (which links to booklet 9) it is the employer's responsibility to fund repatriation, although it might be hard to "force" them, and obviously you have then tipped off immigration that that you're jobless..

I'll PM you the details now.

Lavenderhoney Fri 10-May-13 12:49:11

Is there anything you can do about the UK house? If you flew back and went there, could you re negotiate? Would any repossession be delayed due to you being made homeless and you could apply for benefits/ borrow until you sort yourself out with a job?

I hope you get your credit card. I haven't read any of your previous threads, but it sounds stressful just with this.

Mosman Fri 10-May-13 13:23:46

The hose has a warrant for repossession on the 19th unless we can pay £7,000. I can't and tbh I wouldn't want to return to that part of the UK anyway there's no jobs for him otherwise we wouldn't have come to Australia anyway.
Although it is starting to feel he's just fucking useless on all sides of the planet.

Orchidlady Fri 10-May-13 13:47:30

mosman I have read a few of your precious threads and is beyond me why you would include that waste of space in your plans, sounds like a twat of the highest order. Seems to me you only have 1 choice is to come back to the UK with your lovely kids, as you said you had a well paid job before, surely you could find another here. I presume working over there is not an option if you are on your own as visa dep on him? So sorry to her about house repo, you must be so stressed.

Orchidlady Fri 10-May-13 13:48:37

Previous not precious, oops!

glastocat Fri 10-May-13 14:13:54

Holding your hand here Mosman, I have no practical advice or help to offer but I'm here in Rockingham if you just need someone to talk to.

AnyFucker Fri 10-May-13 14:17:37

Why did the fucker lose his job?

Mosman Fri 10-May-13 14:24:53

Well he simply wasn't delivering the goods. He had 10 years as as nagger in a pharma company which basically involves doing fuck all, eating lunch, going to conferences oh and everyone is shagging around it transpires, so much opportunity, hotel rooms paid for rude not to.
Now he's in the real world of business quite simply I think he's not up to it.
My brother suggested he got a job in the mines, I actually nearly pissed myself laughing at the thought of him doing a days work, would kill him.
I have been offered seven days work away in Sydney and he said we will miss you, doubt you'll miss us. This of course lead me to remembering how I was driving around Leicester looking to buy a great pump at 5am so my baby didnt miss out last time I was away and at the same time he was snuggled up under the duvet with the tramp. I did call him a cunt when he said how is this helpful to my rant.
What sentence do you think I'd get for hitting him with a frying pan, I've no previous convictions of any kind?

Mosman Fri 10-May-13 14:26:01

Manager not a nagger - bloody spell check.

Mosman Fri 10-May-13 14:26:42

And a breast pump not a great pump, it wasn't that good lol

Orchidlady Fri 10-May-13 14:33:19

What a complete dick, so he was sacked. Mines sounds like a great idea.

Mosman Fri 10-May-13 14:54:03

I doubt they'd have him tbh

more hand holding here.

Mosman did you know your house was also at risk or has he just thrown everything at you now.

Oh Mos. Nothing useful to say. Just another hand.

Mosman Fri 10-May-13 15:13:00

I knew but as long as we kept up the payment plan for the arrears all would be fine, we can't now and were honest with them. They went straight to court today and hot the grant.
I have tenants in there but don't know if it would do any good to fly back and insist I move in. Can they really throw out somebody with four children ?

Longdistance Fri 10-May-13 15:23:42

Well, if you hit him over the head with a frying pan, they may deport you for free silver linings and all that wink

Have an un mnetty {{{{hug}}}

<grumbles to self about wishing my h would lose his job so I can go home>

Xales Fri 10-May-13 16:31:09

Can you look on the bright side that you can now come home and he can't prevent you from removing the children from Aus?

Can family help out? Or use that new CC to get you home and away from here.

Shitty time you are having hugs

Lavenderhoney Fri 10-May-13 17:37:05

What are you tenants doing? Are they aware? Can you call the CAB in the UK, explain you are coming back and get them to mediate for you? Isn't there a UK debt charity that mediates?

Could you still call the bank or whoever and explain you are coming back and will be working? In the meantime call anyone you worked for here, linked in etc and try and get something even contracting you can provide to the bank? Because if your house is repossessed then you might struggle to get credit or another mortgage etc? More trouble really.

Do your plans currently include your dh or are you taking charge of you and your dc alone now? It sound so stressful, and having to make such immediate decisions. What is really best for you and your dc?

Bloody hell what a mess.
I've been following your story. I'm so sorry it's going from bad to worse.
Is there anyone in UK who would help fly you and the kids home?
Start selling everything that isn't nailed down, you won't be able to afford to ship it anyway so time to start getting rid of stuff.
Pare it down to one suitcase full each ready to fly off.

Mosman Sat 11-May-13 01:23:16

He has depleted his parents of their savings over the past 5 years whilst he's been in and out of employment. Mind wouldn't dream of lending anything.
The best bet seems to be to let the house go, get a job ASAP and then squirrel money away so by July I'll have a tax refund and some money to move forward.
I've told him he needs to go out to job hunt I cannot look at his face for an additional 8 hours a day I'll kill him or myself.

newbiefrugalgal Sat 11-May-13 08:52:41

He should be looking for any type of job. Stacking shelves at big w if he has to!

But I would seriously cut him loose now. You can do this on your own.
It's all pretty shit anyway so why not get that fresh start without him.
What is he actually contributing?

Will you look for work in oz or uk? You were thinking of living in Sydney at one stage, greater chance of finding job their?

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 11-May-13 08:57:34

Sorry, I am reading right, he has cheated on you?

SummersComing1111 Sat 11-May-13 09:08:47

Sorry but why are you together you seem very unhappy hmm maybe come back to the uk an do a fresh start

Mosman Sat 11-May-13 09:19:54

We were together simply for practicalities and he was getting p r through his job that he just lost.
Now there seems little point.
He's on the sofa, I'm seeing somebody else and looking for jobs literally anywhere perth Sydney UAE and the UK
Just not sure what happens when the money runs out, we haven't got next months rent or much cash for food.
He can't work at big W he'd need 457 sponsorship and I can't see them paying $3000 for a shelf stacker

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sat 11-May-13 09:38:22

This sounds like a very confusing and difficult situation for you mosman

Do you have anyone who can loan you money to get back to the UK?

newbiefrugalgal Sat 11-May-13 09:38:58

Bugger about the visa.
How much bond did you pay? Will that buy a month or two? Not sure the process for removing tenants in oz.

Do your children know?

glastocat Sat 11-May-13 09:42:32

Having signed a rental agreement in Perth last week, ours was pretty water tight, if you don't pay they can chuck you out PDQ I'm afraid. And bond is held separately, so I doubt if they would credit that against rent either.

Mosman Sat 11-May-13 10:17:16

They can get us to court I'm two weeks and the magistrate can give us four weeks to find somewhere, but where both unemployed and needing visas that take four weeks to come through.
Next week is do or die really.
Nobody will lend us the money I will have to go to the consulate I guess and see what they say.

Horsemad Sat 11-May-13 10:44:34

Get to the consulate, get yourself & kids home to the UK & start again without this dick.

Unless you like drama; if so then stay and see what happens next... hmm

Mosman Sat 11-May-13 10:56:33

I can't say the drama has been much fun he's currently in the kitchen shouting about how he didn't feel loved and appreciated. I've had to leave the room to stop myself from killing him tbh.

ImperialBlether Sat 11-May-13 11:07:07

Mosman, in every thread I've read that you've written, you've told us about this awful man.

Why are you still including him in any plans?

SavoyCabbage Sat 11-May-13 11:12:18

Bloody hell Mosman, it never ends. sad

You won't be able to buy a grapefruit in Perth for $700, never mind live on it. My dh works for a mining company and there are loads of jobs paying huge amounts of money.

If I was you, I would sell what you can and go home. AirChina is cheap as chips as I have been looking at one way tickets myself.

Horsemad Sat 11-May-13 11:16:35

I can understand why you needed to remain there because of the children, but now you have a perfectly valid reason to stick two fingers up to him and leave. Whilst you still have some dignity left.

You sound a strong character, so do yourself a favour and get rid of him.

newbiefrugalgal Sat 11-May-13 13:44:42

I think you should go back to the uk too.
If you do really want to be in oz, then start the process again later. You weren't happy with living costs, education (looking at private?) houses etc.

You will have more affordable housing options here and will probably get more govt. assistance in the uk compared to oz, where you will be kicked out anyway as you don't have visas.

You don't have to go back to your old area which you didn't like.
Choose an affordable city with good housing, schools and job prospects for you. Take this situation to make the changes.
Don't include your other half.
Let him sort himself out.
You are better off on your own.
You are better off on your own.
You are better off on your own.
You are better off on your own.
You are better off on your own.
smile

Mosman Sat 11-May-13 13:51:14

You guys are amazing, I don't deserve you but fuck I'm glad your here xxx

Lweji Sat 11-May-13 14:07:34

What newbie said.

Leverette Sat 11-May-13 14:35:18

Totally what newbie said.

How about you contact consulate and tell us what they say.

This is your chance to start again from scratch, without that useless person constantly letting you down and causing massive problems.

Where would you really like to live in the UK?

The only flaw with the repatriation on a 457 is your 'd'h would actually have to ask for it, and he sounds like the kind of total wanker who would refuse just to see you sweat.

If you really want to come home I think it would be worth getting in touch with Aussie immigration and spelling it out to them. They may be able to get you tickets and then go after his employer to pay back.

But this would completely shag any hope of staying if that is actually what you want to do.

"Although it is starting to feel he's just fucking useless on all sides of the planet."

I think you are pretty right about that. Moving abroad does not mean moving away from oneself. Why are you still with this man after everything he has put you through? And in a country you cant work?

meditrina Sat 11-May-13 14:54:53

That's the key question - do you want to stay in Aus? Come back to UK? A fresh start somewhere else?

I am trying to think of a foolproof murder method for you. But I assume if he's utterly useless, he'll have let any life assurance lapse?

Sunnywithshowers Sat 11-May-13 15:03:38

Mosman, I'm so sorry. ((((more hugs))))

I agree that coming home with your DC gives you a fresh start. You don't need the twunt.

RandomMess Sat 11-May-13 15:08:45

Go to the consulate with your $700 and see if they can help you get home on that, perhaps your parents will pay the difference for you and the dc, leave the bastard behind to sort himself out?

Trouble is Random, $700 isn't enough for a single for an adult. Plus I don't even know if Mosman has a way of getting to the airport sad

RandomMess Sat 11-May-13 15:48:00

sad

What happens if get deported? Who pays for that?

Lavenderhoney Sat 11-May-13 15:50:59

The person you are dating- does this influence your staying? Would he put you and the dc up? If you want to stay that is.

If you are only together for practical reasons, that's over I guess now he has no job- would your mum and dad fly you and the dc home? Ad would they or could they pay the 7k as a shortbterm loan for you- you could always put the place straight on the market or re let it to cover bills, then live where you would like and there is work?

Where do you really want to be? And where is it best to be? Will you be forced to leave anyway?

Sorry, dc trying to kill each other in the hail (!) - a cab wouldn't cost 700 bucks but probably fifty or so.

I'm afraid I found the consulate not much help when I was discussing another 457 matter with them previously sad

Aussie govt would pay for deportation I should think, but they would understandably want to know why the employers weren't paying as it is one of the criteria under which 457s are granted.

Plus there is significant political will to radically decrease the number of people entering the country on one of this class of visas. And I am pretty sure the PR test has just up scaled to needing to be employed by the same employer in the same place for more than 2 years.

Mosman Sun 12-May-13 02:40:59

No new guy isn't a consideration, he's just a distraction tbh
If the blooming Aussie government would do emergency loans to feed the kids until we find jobs all I'm sure could be turned around. I wouldn't mind but o e of the kids is actually Australian.

Mosman Sun 12-May-13 02:52:35

It was actually my employers that issues the 457, I've been told that unless a return airfare is written into the contract of employment it's not enforceable but how I would piss myself laughing if those twunts have to pay.

SavoyCabbage Sun 12-May-13 04:55:52

Can you approach your real estate agent and see if you can get out of this lease? I seem to remember you saying that your rent and bills were huge compared to the other Perth dwellers.

SavoyCabbage Sun 12-May-13 05:01:38

"Removal or deportation and maintenance costs

Where the Commonwealth makes arrangements for a person removed or deported to be conveyed to a place outside Australia, that person is required to pay to the Commonwealth an amount equal to the passage money, plus other charges payable in respect of the conveyance (s.210 Migration Act).

Where a person who is being removed, or in respect of whom a deportation order has been made, is kept in custody in a state or territory pending deportation, that person is liable to pay to the Commonwealth an amount equal to the cost of maintenance during that period (s.209). Departmental officers are also able to seize valuables of people being removed or deported and apply them towards the costs of removal or deportation (s.224)."

Mosman Sun 12-May-13 05:45:03

Our lease is up in July anyway do we'll be leaving. My worry is with no jobs where the hell will we go, I suppose we could sleep in backpackers.
I'll be getting a ten grand tax refund in July which is a nightmare because the UK house gets repossessed in June, I'm trying to get a family whip round for that, airfare on top might be a step too far.

Is the tax refund from the Aussies? Because in my experience for a refund of that size you will get investigated (it happened to us) and the payout will come much later. in our case in fucking February

I am sure that you should get flown back. I will go and see if I can find the legislation.

Hmm. Hostels look dear. I put into Booking.com a week at the end of May, guessed four children's ages and it looks like it might be more than your lease sad

see here

glastocat Sun 12-May-13 09:16:41

Did you quit your job Mosman? I wonder does that impact on their obligations to pay for repatriation. Is there anything you can sell? You can get good prices for second hand gear on gumtree, if you have a half decent car could you sell it and buy a beater to do you for a while? We bought a great little run around for $1400.

Longdistance Sun 12-May-13 09:19:49

I'm sure the company that sponsored you on a 457 has to pay for your flight back.

We had a container and a half paid for by my h's company to send our stuff over, and on his contract it specifically said the return flight had to be
Paid and the container again would be paid for if they made him redundant.

Mosman Sun 12-May-13 09:21:44

No, technically they fired me but basically they couldn't break through to the customer base they wanted me to deliver on so I don't feel bad about that at all.
We do have a good car on credit and we have income protection insurance on it which will cover the full cost of the monthly payments so is be crazy to get rid of that whilst we are here, fuck seven of us might be sleeping in it.
The mad thing is my brother is here, happy to do childcare so if we both got $100,000 jobs we'd be sorted. Just needs to happen this week.

Sucksoutthejoy Sun 12-May-13 09:25:47

Whichever company sponsored your 457 has to repatriate you regardless of your employment contract. It is a condition of the issue of the visa. We're both lawyers, we check this shit!

Mosman Sun 12-May-13 09:51:35

That is a massive relief, thank you so much everyone that's found all this out for me, I was frozen like a rabbit in the headlights.
I think the most obvious solution is for me and the baby to go back to the UK, get things sorted and the kids to follow on before school starts back in September unless by some miracle I get a job offer ASAP.
On the plus side I've lost the 2 stone of baby weight so every cloud and all that

Mosman Sun 12-May-13 09:52:07

Through worry and stress, I'm not just showing off grin

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 12-May-13 09:53:27

mosman - seen some if your previous threads.

Second the excellent advice on this thread to cut the twunt loose. Now.

Practically speaking, my feel is that you should get back to the UK ASAP. Re the house, can your parents bail you out in the strict understanding that you'll pay them back when you get the tax rebate? If not, deffo worth speaking to the mortgage company. They just want their money and may be willing to wait for the arrears if you give an absolute undertaking you'll pay and provide vouching of the rebate. I think they're even more likely to go for this if you can get a new job and show you can make future payments. Is that feasible? I don't know.

If you're going to kill the twunt, don't forget to take a life insurance policy out on him beforehand. Who says crime never pays grin

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 12-May-13 09:54:45

If yiu leave Oz - are you sure that the twunt will let the other 3 children follow you later? I would take them all

newbiefrugalgal Sun 12-May-13 10:29:12

I would take all the kids too. We are not that far off summer, they could just have an extended break (if you have childcare?)

I would also take them so they don't feel abandoned.

Mosman Sun 12-May-13 10:31:32

Oh he'll send them home, life as a single dad with no cash trust me he won't do that for long.

Mosman Sun 12-May-13 10:33:17

Despite everything I think two of the little buggers would rather be with him anyway which makes me furious and sad but what can you do

RandomMess Sun 12-May-13 10:48:20

Well the reality of being just with him full time may well be a little different...

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 12-May-13 10:49:57

Mos - what if you get a job and he thinks he can get maintenance from you?

Lweji Sun 12-May-13 10:50:13

If he's only fun dad, then I'm sure they would rather be with him, but it's not necessarily the best for them.

Mosman Sun 12-May-13 10:55:10

I had thought of that I'd only have to pay $1500 a month to him which believe me wouldn't feed them in Perth but would go a long way in the UK but he doesn't want to return.
If I come back and he pays me with various benefits I think I'd get about £3500 a month all in which means we could bloody eat, if I the worked even 20 hours a week we'd be laughing.

Mosman Sun 12-May-13 14:39:59

So a development, his father has offered to lend us £7,000 however my concern is are we throwing good money after bad? I think I could keep up the payments going forward but I don't want to live in the area where SHE lives around the corner, the tescos where they swapped numbers is the local shop, the coffee shop where they kicked things off is really close.
Should I just let the house go and if the offer is still there use the money to rent somewhere else in the country?
Of course the other thing is that we left that house and area is that he couldn't get a job there, so maybe I won't

Would you not be better taking the money and then selling the house? Surely it will affect your credit rating if the house is repossessed?

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 12-May-13 14:54:33

I would not let the house go - if you do, you're credit rating will be fucked

You don't have to live there forever but it's a base for now

I do realise its upsetting but the. glamour of swapping numbers in the local Tesco's. the twunt really knows how to live it up!

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 12-May-13 14:55:16

your credit rating not you're

Mosman Sun 12-May-13 15:07:26

Oh tell me about, you should see the classy B and B they both paid £25 each towards, I wouldn't have been fucked there by Adam Levine himself nevermind a married overweight balding twat. They deserve each other but sadly neither of them wants the other.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 12-May-13 15:09:25

So basically she had to pay £25 for the privilege of shagging him grin

Mosman Sun 12-May-13 15:09:46

My concern is that a) it ain't my credit rating that's going to be affected b) everyone knows why I've come back, my own big gob unfortunately c) I'd be messing the kids around again because I know I'm not stating there long term.
Arghh sorry I've answered my own question.

Mosman Sun 12-May-13 15:10:48

Yep
And cook him dinner on another occasion and then he couldn't even get it up and she never came - I have evidence of this from both sides - it's fucking pathetic

Doha Sun 12-May-13 15:20:42

Just why are you still with him then?
Time to cut loose and start again

Mosman Sun 12-May-13 15:22:34

I'm not "with him" I'm just in the same house

AnyFucker Sun 12-May-13 15:52:24

Mos, you do seem to still be considering staying with him "in the same house" in your future plans though

Surely now is the time to make a decision, any fucking decision, that doesn't include him ??

AnyFucker Sun 12-May-13 15:55:05

Lovey, in all your threads, you have repeatedly been advised to find any way you can to stop hitching your wagon to this absolutely cretinous, dick-led loser. Do it now, in anyway you can. Go home to your parents, cap in hand. It has to be better than this. He will destroy you....and still you would stay.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 12-May-13 16:30:55

Agree with both AF's posts. Like the phrasing of the second one better!

Horsemad Sun 12-May-13 17:01:56

You cannot seriously be contemplating leaving without ALL of your children?!
Imagine how they may feel, possibly abandoned?
Not to mention you don't know what stunt he might try and pull once you've left.
Take you FIL's kind offer and get out NOW.

expatinscotland Sun 12-May-13 17:23:05

I know a way to instantly improve things, Mos: GET RID OF THIS MAN. I don't pray as I don't believe in God, but I'd take the money loaned by your dad and LEAVE THIS DICKSMACK and take all the kids with you.

A house about to be repossessed is not repossessed. There's time yet.

Mos, you may find that your kids, like mine, are absolutely delighted to come home. And you may find, in time, the house not as hateful if you leave DickheadHusband behind.

However, if you really can't face that house, I would still use it as a base to work out where you really want to be. I know you say that the Tesco's and B&B hold bad memories, but you are having those same bad thoughts when you are 10,000 miles away.

If you come back you know how the system works here. You will have friends/family for support.

There is no shame in saying it didn't work out. Regrets are for things never tried. You went full of hope and then found out a whole ream of stuff - it is your privilege to change your mind.

But please. please. please. Ditch him properly and set yourself free.

Take the money use it to fly you and the kids home, then decide where you want to go from there. At least you will be on familiar ground and know what and where to go when you need anything. You wouldn't be starving and getting evicted back in UK.

Mosman Mon 13-May-13 00:23:58

My wagon is unhitched - honestly it really is, I've just been trying to work out how we have 50/50 care of the children and the truth is we just can't without having permanent residency in Australia.
So my plan today is to get my old employers to pay the airfare, say thank you to the £7,000, make sure he keeps job hunting and tell the children we are off on a little holiday to see Gran.
Eventually twunt will either get PR and then I might consider going back, depending on how things are or he will have to get a job in the UK, or I guess he just never sees his kids again.

DistanceCall Mon 13-May-13 00:51:37

Do you want to live in Australia for any particular reason?

expatinscotland Mon 13-May-13 01:01:59

Mos, I totally get why you might want to stay in Australia. How can this be possible? It's very easy, saying 'go back home', but though we have crossed swords I get why this may not be the best course for either you or your children, so err on the side of those who try to help you to stay, tbh. And you have skills, which can mean you can. And if you can and that's what you want and what you believe is best for your children, then by all means, find any way to do so. Believe me, having been there, although not under similar circumstances, I get it. I've had people tell me, 'Go home' even now, without considering, that Scotland is my children's home, the only home they have ever known, and I have been here 11 years.

IF you think this is the best course for you and your children, then hopefully we can help you stay there.

How can you stay, if it's possible and if you want to?

Mosman Mon 13-May-13 01:17:04

I left a £40,000 job to follow twat face to Australia because he'd unsuccessfully been looking for work for nearly four years, now of course he hasn't been putting in hundreds of applications but he'd done what he was prepared to do.
I keep going around and around in circles. My worry is in Australia without residency I am a) stuck with him, we cannot live separately and feed the children, this is not an exaggeration. Most Aussies gets sauce government top ups and childcare assistance which we wouldn't be entitled to and therefore the maths just doesn't work. b) Australia is heading down the same path, they've just slashed interest rates, we all know what that's the start of, projects are drying up, jobs are drying up.
I've already spent all our savings on this adventure, some of his mums savings. His dads money is literally our last chance I don't want to waste it.

Mosman Mon 13-May-13 01:23:16

I could go back to the UK, sort out the house properly, he could get a job and give me a ring when he's got pr and I might come back depending on what's happening in my life or he'll just have to wave bye to the kids if being in Australia is more important to him.

AuntieVenom Mon 13-May-13 02:11:58

What skills do you have?
I'm on the other side of the ditch and have seen loads of project management and BA jobs advertised in Perth, which might be an option. There are also some technical writing jobs going but not as many.

Mosman Mon 13-May-13 02:19:58

HR and recruitment unfortunately, times like this I wish I had a bit more substance. I've always done quite well in the past but as soon as there's any bumps in the road it seems to hit quite hard.
He is a sales manager for an industry that seems to have been replaced with a you tube video.

Tortoiseontheeggshell Mon 13-May-13 02:37:23

Does it have to be Perth? Are your industries dependent on the big cities, or could you consider moving to, say, Ballarat or somewhere where it's cheaper? Although I have to say that if you can earn 40 thousand in the UK, and you're sure he'll send the kids after you, then I would do that. I can't imagine giving up that sort of career to follow a speculative job hunt on behalf of someone long term unemployed. Time to take the leadership, Mosman.

Tortoiseontheeggshell Mon 13-May-13 02:38:34

I have a couple of friends in HR in Melbourne, is that any use to you?

AuntieVenom Mon 13-May-13 03:09:47
Mosman Mon 13-May-13 03:25:33

I was a dickhead tort, as was pointed out by numerous mumsnet terms at the time but you want to believe in your husband.
I'm all over those jobs, thank you so much for taking the trouble to find them I really appreciate it.
At the moment I'm putting the children and I first and that's that.

Mosman Mon 13-May-13 03:26:35

Sydney is better than Melbourne as at least I have a couple if sofas there

Tortoiseontheeggshell Mon 13-May-13 03:28:45

Yep, gotcha Mosman, I was trying (and failing, sorry) not to sound like I thought it was all your fault. Obviously it's not all your fault. What kind of fucker demands that their partner give up a lucrative breadwinning position to drag the entire family across the world? Oh, the kind of fucker who thinks that men get to be in charge and taking care of kids is emasculating, by any chance? Yep, thought so.

twofalls Mon 13-May-13 03:50:38

Could you not pay arrears off on the house then put it on the market, is there any equity in it?

Where do you want to be? Australia or the UK?

Mosman Mon 13-May-13 04:30:10

We would be in negative equity in all honesty the only thing that makes me want to hold onto the house is the £50,000 we spent on it and the £23,000 deposit, I'm hoping of we hang on by the finger nails one day we'd see a return on that or at least live rent/mortgage free but equally I know sometimes the right thing to do is let go of bad investments. We bought in 2007 so timing was all shit - my fault on that occasion.
Where do I want to be, million dollar question. I'd want to be in Australia but with PR, then I could do this one my own.
I've two Interviews set up for this week so fingers crossed.

Mosman Mon 13-May-13 04:32:01

It does amaze me though because if he looked after the kids, that was when he did his online chatting whilst they played or the baby slept. Maybe baby boo is too old now to be taken to coffee shops to meet his tarts without reporting back to mummy.

arfishy Mon 13-May-13 07:36:19

I have been in Australia on a 457 (well four of them) for 8 years. Does your H hold the current 457 - ie you are defacto on it and can therefore work anywhere? If that's the case, while it is still valid (you have 28 days) you are the only one who realistically stands a chance of finding work. It is practically impossible to find work without a visa from within Australia, so he won't have much luck unless he's got a specific skill that is in limited supply.

The job market was poor at the start of the year but it's been picking up - I'm getting a lot of calls from agents at the moment. I think you'll find something if you apply like mad. I find that generally the jobs advertised don't lead to anything, but if you get your face/CV in front of agents they usually find something.

If you do get offered work you may be asked to show them your visa details - once you've done that (ie with the current visa) you will be home and dry as they won't ask again. You will be working illegally once the visa is cancelled if your H's company bothers to notifiy immigration. However, if you get offered a job, once you have worked for two years you can apply for PR through that company - it's a bit of a gamble but you may have the full four years if the visa isn't cancelled.

Have you checked to see if you have enough points to apply for PR independently (well, to be put into the big bucket where you can be invited to apply).

Interestingly hmm I am in a similar situation to you - I am tied in a house with my DP while we wait for PR to come through, we are separated but have to live together for the visa. I decided it was better for DD to stay in Oz, she's been here since she was 2 and so I'm gritting my teeth and putting up with things - otherwise we'll have to return to the UK.

Good luck if you decide to stay and look for work.

Mosman Mon 13-May-13 07:50:47

It was my 457 and they haven't cancelled it five months so that's good.
Basically unless he works he doesn't eat I am not keeping him after how he repaid me last time.

beachyhead Mon 13-May-13 09:07:18

I think it's a huge decision to make. As to the house in the UK, you may have additional costs to pay if the bank repossess and have to sell it to recoup the mortgage. If you are in negative equity, and they can't get the total mortgage amount back, they may still have a claim against you. If you repay the arrears and keep the tenants, could you find any rent money to rent somewhere else in the UK?

I think whatever happens, UK or Aus, you should be planning a life on your own.

Mosman Mon 13-May-13 09:18:01

Well they can try to recoup the costs but if we haven't got it they can't have it.
The rent it can command won't cover the mortgage unfortunately.
The only real reason to save the house is to live in it myself and I don't think I want to in all honesty.
My plan would be to get hold of that £7k and use it to get back on my feet, rental deposit, car, school uniform etc.
I look at unemployment in Australia running at 4% v's 8% in the UK and it strikes me Mr M is staying until he at least gets PR then we all get uprooted again or things improve in the UK and he can come back.
Either way I'm on my own.

arfishy Mon 13-May-13 10:51:16

Oh dear - it's not good if it's your 457 - you are only allowed to work for the employer nominated on it and it's not transferable. I have been through many years of visa hell here and it's not pretty. You would need to find somebody prepared to sponsor you. It can be done - agencies will sponsor you if they approach you for a role and if you have a job offer some companies such as Lesters are able to provide you with a visa. It's a huge pain in the arse - I've just spent 2 years working for a bunch of idiots on a stupid rate to get PR and they folded 6 weeks before the 2 year mark and so I'm back to square one. Recruitment agencies seem to bring their British staff out on 457s all the time though, so that might be a route for you?

Realistically you might have no option but to return to the UK unless you can sort out the visa situation. If you think your H might get PR you'll have to pretend to still be a viable couple if you want to piggy back onto it - we've just got our 4th 457 and we had to jump through a lot of hoops to prove our relationship this time. It's still going to be 2 years.

We've managed to get our latest visa by DP transferring from a contract to a perm role - he said he would on the basis of a visa, which meant we dodged having to leave by just a few weeks after my organisation went bust.

Have you spoken with a migration consultant at all?

If you took the visa issues out of the situation, where would you rather be with the DCs?

Mosman Mon 13-May-13 10:58:06

Honestly I'd rather be in perth, the kids are happy here and the place in the UK is utterly tainted, no getting away from that. SHE was an ex pupil at the same school as my daughter attended that sort of thing. I don't think I'd be able to resist waiting in costa for her and emptying something over her head.

DistanceCall Mon 13-May-13 11:49:54

Sorry, but you do sound rather obsessed with your husband's infidelity and, to be honest, with the drama.

You are unwilling to return to the UK because you might lie in wait for the woman your husband slept with and pour coffee over her head? That's your greatest concern? What are you, 12? (And I'm quite surprised that you have so much venom for the other woman but are quite willing to live under the same roof as your husband.)

By the way, I hope you don't insult your husband in front of your children or call them "little buggers" to their face.

Mosman Mon 13-May-13 12:02:48

Oh I am pretty obsessed with the whole "drama" right now, is that not ok given the circumstances ? And believe me he gets both barrels most days.

Longdistance Mon 13-May-13 16:50:54

I spoke to h earlier, and he reckons if either of you can get a job that can sponsor you on a 457, then that can replace the original 457's, as in you have 28 days in which to find another job.
If I hadn't broken my leg, I'd be more use to you Mos....sigh.
Good luck with looking for a new job, I'll have my fingers crossed for you x

Horsemad Mon 13-May-13 16:57:07

Jeez, who could be bothered with the faff? Just pack up and come home to the UK and start again without him.

If it were me, nothing, nothing, NOTHING could persuade me to remain living like you are. You tried, it went pear shaped. There's no shame in coming home OP.

Mosman Tue 14-May-13 00:41:56

I need him to get a job to pay maintenance

Mosman Tue 14-May-13 02:01:16

Whilst there's no shame, I agree if we both arrive back in blighty with suitcases and no jobs, on benefits then we've blown over £20,000 and lost a year of the kids education for nothing.
They probably won't get into the better schools, we'll get the places nobody wanted. It's heartbreaking.
I have an interview for the job in Sydney today, if I get that I'll take it, move over on my own, get settled and he can hold the fort whilst he finds a decent job in Perth or Sydney. At that point it makes sense to either come back to the UK knowing he can pay maintaince or I might be able to manage the kids on my own in Sydney with my brothers help.

Mosman Tue 14-May-13 02:02:43

Sorry to hear about your leg LD (is it C? Btw)

Longdistance Tue 14-May-13 06:25:58

Yes it's me smile

newbiefrugalgal Tue 14-May-13 08:27:00

Good luck with job. Sydney sounds like a good option

LittleBearPad Tue 14-May-13 09:05:28

You keep talking about 'we'. 'We' need to get jobs, 'we'd' come back to the UK. There is no 'we' judging by his behaviour. You need to decide what you are going to do for you and all your children.

And it isn't ok to be enjoying the drama.

AuntieVenom Tue 14-May-13 09:09:57

How'd the interview go today?

Mosman Tue 14-May-13 10:25:04

I was being highly bloody sarcastic when i said is it ok ? There is no part of this i am "enjoying". Obsessed, yes maybe that too, it's all rather raw frankly I doubt anyone hasn't in their own mind murdered the other woman/man in my situation.
Life with him has been stressful for the past five years but equally there has to be a WE on the basis that he is the children's father, I do need him to pay child support and whilst of course it would be entirely understand to not give a fuck what happens to him, it impacts on me directly doesn't it ?
Sydney interview went ok, i'm clearly not on top form though.

LittleBearPad Tue 14-May-13 17:41:08

I'm sorry.

On the other hand it might be a plan, even as a worst case scenario, to plan what will happen if he can't contribute in the short or medium term. Then you will know where you really stand.

newbiefrugalgal Tue 14-May-13 17:59:02

Do you know when you will hear about the Sydney job?

Mosman Wed 15-May-13 00:31:36

This is the thing with Australia - no sense of urgency - Monday, they will let me know about second stage and taking four people to second interview which seems ridiculous.
He's met with a recruitment consultant yesterday who was very positive but admitted roles may not come in before we run out of time.

I am thinking about plan B's but really it's about getting through the next six weeks.

AuntieVenom Wed 15-May-13 01:00:06

Could you do contract work with your visa? It's likely to be faster than going for a permanent job and once you (or he) have secured something you can look for a permanent role.
Are any of your (or his) LinkedIn network in Australia, or have connections in Australia? I've found reaching out via my network a quick way of getting work in the past.
God, I hope that doesn't come across as me trying to teach you to suck eggs because it isn't meant that way.

Mosman Wed 15-May-13 01:06:06

I can't but he could and I've suggested that this morning, he is concerned that if he gets a day job it'll take his energies away from applying for proper jobs, I pointed out he won't be around for the interviews in 3 weeks time if we don't get some cash into the house asap.

AuntieVenom Wed 15-May-13 02:00:21

Bloody hell, what an arse - him not you! It really sounds like he wants to fail and go woe is me. You must have the patience of a saint to be able to deal with that without losing the plot.

Mosman Wed 15-May-13 02:59:18

I've lost the plot a while back tbh, I had all this in the UK, not prepared to do just anything but happily watch me walk out the door to go to work and put the LO in nursery whilst he sat in costa cultivating his affair - bastard - I have to keep reminding myself of this because otherwise I feel sorry for the twat.

Anyway two more interviews in Perth today, amazing what you can do when you pull your head out of your arse grin

AuntieVenom Wed 15-May-13 03:49:25

Good luck for the interviews! I know it's hard, especially when you see how the situation is affecting the wider family, but try not to feel sorry for him, he brought this completely on himself.

Longdistance Wed 15-May-13 08:15:46

Good luck with the interviews Mos. Will have my fingers crossed for you x

newbiefrugalgal Fri 17-May-13 07:48:55

Any news?

Mosman Fri 17-May-13 10:02:41

"H" has an interview on Tuesday, I am still waiting to hear on seconds and have a couple of Skype interviews lined up for roles in the UK.
The latest thinking is if he gets a job here in Perth we will stick it out for the sake of stability for the children.
If I get a job in the UK and he gets one here I don't know what we'll do but the worse case scenario is that I get a job in Perth and he doesn't - even if it's only like that in the short term because i'm not bloody well supporting him.

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