Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Sex with cousin

(132 Posts)
Bitofadviceplease Thu 02-May-13 22:11:31

How wrong is it?

Offred Thu 02-May-13 22:12:28

How wrong do you think it is?

Lweji Thu 02-May-13 22:13:18

I know two couples who are cousins.

How wrong or right does it feel to you?

It's not illegal! Does that help?

Bitofadviceplease Thu 02-May-13 22:14:39

Should say not my 1st cousin, it's my cousins son, 3 yrs between us. Cousin's once removed...

HamletsSister Thu 02-May-13 22:15:08

Not that unusual, or illegal. I know someone who has done it (actually 6 people - 3 couples made up of cousins in my family). All teen / early 20s and nothing lasting. None of the older generation found out and we all treated it as a huge joke.

However, many many regrets for everyone years later.

HollyBerryBush Thu 02-May-13 22:15:43

Not illegal. Common in a lot of cultures

SciFiFan Thu 02-May-13 22:17:01

I know 1st cousins who are married. Only danger is if there is a genetic fault which can be doubled when having kids.

scaevola Thu 02-May-13 22:18:13

It's neither illegal, nor barred by the church.

The potential for causing family disharmony is probably quite high, though, if the relationship breaks down.

Bunbaker Thu 02-May-13 22:18:35

It isn't illegal, but it isn't particularly a good idea. The aristocracy were known as being blue blooded because there was so much inbreeding between cousins. Also, there was a this TV programme about the rise of genetic abnormalities in certain sections of the population, again because cousins were marrying each other.

Bowlersarm Thu 02-May-13 22:19:07

It's legal! Therefore no problem

bollockstoit Thu 02-May-13 22:19:18

I know a couple (not together any more) who were first cousins. People took the piss a bit tbh. They had decided not to have children together just in case.

HollyBerryBush Thu 02-May-13 22:19:22

One little branch of my family has married first cousins for 3 generations - this lot have decided not to have children as they think they are pushing their luck somewhat.

WeAreEternal Thu 02-May-13 22:20:19

I definitely wouldn't, and I would be really upset if a family member did, but we are a close family and it just seems really incestuous to me. Cousins are too closely linked genetically for me to think a sexual relationship is acceptable.

Offred Thu 02-May-13 22:21:42

Seriously, why bothered about what others think? If you are not concerned ignore other people if you are then it probably won't work out... Simples...

bollockstoit Thu 02-May-13 22:24:08

Perhaps if my 2 male cousins weren't scarily unattractive I might feel differently about it

scaevola Thu 02-May-13 22:26:51

If there are inherited conditions in the family, then it would be prudent for cousins to have genetic counselling before having DC. Or if there had been previous consanguineous marriages in earlier generations.

crypes Thu 02-May-13 22:28:15

Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were first cousins , apparently that's how haemophilia came into the Royal family.

Lweji Thu 02-May-13 22:28:49

WeAreEthernal has a point.
From what I know children raised together don't feel each other sexually attractive.
So, close cousins are not very likely to get together, particularly if they have been in close contact from and in early infancy. .

Laquila Thu 02-May-13 22:29:40

It certainly wouldn't go down well in my family (in fact I can't even conceive of it) but I do know a married couple who're cousins, who have kids, and no apparent abnormalities. I wouldn't frown on it for moral reasons.

All I would say is that I rather wish my great-grandparents hadn't been first cousins. By all accounts, it was a very happy marriage, but the dodgy gene they magnified is a sod to live with.

SignoraStronza Thu 02-May-13 23:04:28

In my younger days I might have had a hedonistic, sex, and drugs fuelled weekend with my mothers cousin's son. Was interesting arriving at a genteel family pub lunch afterwards - I genuinely don't know whether anyone to this day knew what we were up to but it felt very, very naughty. We didn't/don't really see much of each other though and certainly not a close knit family.

spottyparrot Thu 02-May-13 23:12:58

Think it's possibly a bit hard for other family members to deal with if they know.

It isn't illegal. But as mentioned up thread, sometimes not the best idea genetically for a baby.

TheSecondComing Thu 02-May-13 23:14:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bitofadviceplease Thu 02-May-13 23:24:19

Know him since birth, only been close last few years, he's hot, fit, attractive...

myfirstkitchen Thu 02-May-13 23:29:16


TheSecondComing Thu 02-May-13 23:31:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

louisianablue2000 Thu 02-May-13 23:37:33

Not illegal, and the genetic issues are smaller than the PPs suggest unless there is generation after generation doing it.

DoctorAnge Thu 02-May-13 23:41:23

There is too much risk.

On every level really.....

So, he's 'hot, fit and attractive', fair enough - do you love him? Are in even in love? Do you feel the need to scratch and itch, or do you see this going further?

Personally, I wouldn't and I didn't. Too much risk of longterm family upset if it does not last, and FAR too much risk of genetic problems if it does lead to a serious relationship and kids.

May be legal, but many legal things are not necessarily a good idea.

Are you even in love - sorry

My family boasts two couples who are cousins, one on each side. No big deal.

YonestGov Fri 03-May-13 00:13:53

Perfectly legal here in Scotland. I had a major crush on my older cousin (actually mum's 1st cousin) when I was about 16. He was 10 yrs older and we became very close, but nothing ever came of it. I don't think much about it now, and it would probably have been frowned upon, but you don't think about that when you're 16 do you? He's probably still 'the one that got away' :-(

kickassangel Fri 03-May-13 00:18:32

I thought that first cousins couldn't marry? But any more distant thanthatdoesn't matter. Unless you're royalty living in the Middle Ages.

Mumsyblouse Fri 03-May-13 00:26:08

First cousins can indeed marry, it's not illegal.

Worth it if it's the love of your life, not worth it just for fun hot sex really, too much family baggage, it'll be messy.

whitewineintherain Fri 03-May-13 00:35:18

I've had a crush on my cousin's son for years, i see him about once a month at my Granddad's.
It feels very wrong to be sat in a room full of family imagining doing dirty, naughty things with a family member.
However one of my Aunts married her first Cousin and they 5 perfectly healthy adult DC. It's a bit of a running joke in our family but i don't think they tell many people outside the family that they're related.

olgaga Fri 03-May-13 00:36:38

How will your parents feel about it?

How will his parents feel about it?

How will their parents - your aunt and uncle - feel about it?

Do you have any genetic diseases in your wider family?

I'd steer well clear. No, it's not illegal. It's not illegal either to cause family rifts and ill feeling.

But are you be prepared for that? Is he?

FarelyKnuts Fri 03-May-13 01:11:21

Don't think it's legal here in Ireland. Counts as kin. Siblings or 1st cousins AFAIK.
Every day is a school day smile

FarelyKnuts Fri 03-May-13 01:13:42

Though that might have changed.
But no anyway, legal or not, cousins are family, would be too weird to me personally

Snowme Fri 03-May-13 01:16:06

Been there in my early Twenties.

It makes family gatherings somewhat awkward another 20 years down the line (I can imagine. Fortunately we rarely see eachother). I mean, I wonder if he ever told his wife?

Oddly enough, his Mum encouraged us :/

I don't think that incest avoidance neurotransmitter applies to cousins, just siblings/parents.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Fri 03-May-13 01:38:11

Dont see the problem personally. apart from the fact that my cousins are eew!

Bitofadviceplease Fri 03-May-13 01:43:22

Known him for years (7 + years). Been close last 4 years. Been very closer last 6 months, kissed a few times, tonight had amazing sex :O

olgaga Fri 03-May-13 01:56:08

So, great sex.

Answer the questions I posed above - or is it just going secretive sex?

If so, how will you feel if he meets and marries someone else, and you do too, and you have to attend all those family gatherings for decades to come?

my ex-h has 2 1st cousins who met later in life, fell in love and married. They're great! Decided not to have children tho.

mumof4sons Fri 03-May-13 03:19:37

My maternal great-grandmothers were sisters. My mother's parents were first cousins. My maternal grandmother's sister married my maternal grandfather's brother. My great-grandfather's sister married my grandfather's brother. You'd think I was descended from royalty. Gets very confusing on a family tree.

I had a brief sexual fling one summer in my early 20s with my 2nd cousin once removed - our grandfather's were brothers.

It is legal in Ireland. My cousin is married to her cousin there, they got married about 3 years ago.

And I agree with whoever said it's probably too much hassle just for great sex but worth it for the love of your life.

ArtVandelay Fri 03-May-13 07:22:56

I couldn't cope with the stigma, I'm not from a background where this would be seen as anything other than deviant. My family were just raised too close. Also my cousins are bleurgh.

It's not illegal though. How much chatting have you done with the cousin about the issues? What's his take on it all?

LalyRawr Fri 03-May-13 07:25:15

It's legal like everyone said, but to me it would be how you were brought up.

For example, my OH's cousins are more like his siblings. They all went on family holidays together, whole family meets up at least once a month. If he were to start a relationship with his cousin, it would be weird to me.

However, I could walk past my cousin in the street and not know who they were (my dad left his country when he was young and never had any contact with them, I didn't even now who to contact when he died). If I was the to start a relationship and it turned out he was my cousin, to be that would be ok.

Does that make sense?

tiredemma Fri 03-May-13 07:27:16

I just couldn't do it. My male cousins are as close as brothers to me.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Fri 03-May-13 07:30:36

I'd be worried about the genetics with a full cousin, but this bloke is one step more distant, and you're not planning to breed ATM, so I don't really see a problem.

Bunbaker Fri 03-May-13 07:57:36

Flowers in the Attic

Fucking grim. If you can clearly trace how you are biologically related then it's a no go IMO. Grim.

KittensandKids Fri 03-May-13 08:30:24

My cousins married and now have 2 lovely DC. They used to argue a lot when they first met which led to family tension but when they settled down they make a good couple.

They rarely seen each other as when they were young.

BigBlockSingsong Fri 03-May-13 08:34:16

Your cousins son?

how big is the age gap? may be legal but erm,no....

mumblechum1 Fri 03-May-13 08:34:44

*Dispatches reveals the tragic consequences of first cousin marriage in Britain. Every year such marriages cause hundreds of children to be born with terrible disabilities; one third of whom are so ill that they die before they are five years old.

The practice is most common in Britain's Pakistani community, in which more than 50% of people marry their first cousin, and in Bradford 75% of ethnic Pakistanis follow the tradition.

It is also common in some Middle Eastern and East African communities here, and in the UK's Bangladeshi community, nearly a quarter of people marry their first cousins.

It also happens in the white British community: Dispatches features a couple, first-cousins-once-removed, whose daughter died of a genetic disease.

The medical risks include infant mortality, birth defects, learning difficulties, blindness, hearing impairment and metabolic disorders. As adults, the offspring of these relationships also risk sporadic abortions or infertility.

Reporter Tazeen Ahmad meets affected families, including one with three children with serious degenerative genetic diseases. Tazeen's own grandparents were first cousins: five of their children died before the age of ten, and three of her uncles were deaf.

Dispatches questions why no major national publicity campaign warns of these health risks. At-risk couples in some areas are offered genetic counselling, with some being offered selection of embryos or terminations, but as only 40% of recessive disorders can be medically tested for, this is of limited use.

Even talking about the practice is controversial. And, although many British studies have established the risks, people still deny the dangers and extol the benefits of marrying within the family. But others within the community say the risks should be publicised.*

At our local special needs school, Pakistani and Bangladeshi children are heavily over represented because of the practice of first cousins marrying, according to the Head.

It's heartbreaking to see so many children suffering from disabilities which are caused directly by this practice, and I think it should be illegal for that reason.

chocmallow Fri 03-May-13 08:35:18

I couldn't and wouldn't. But then I know it would not go down well in our family. Do you think you'll continue the relationship? Are there any real feelings or just lustful ones?

I would never do it. Far too incestuous. I wouldn't even think of my 'cousins' (mums' friends sons) in that way.

MiniPenguinMaker Fri 03-May-13 09:15:33

Legal, shemal. And it might be fun. But how awkward would that break up be?! And family events in years to come... not worth it, I would imagine!

I think a lot would depend on how you were brought up- my daughter is being brought up with her cousin almost as close as a brother. We live 2 minutes away, in and out of houses, day trips together. It would be very wrong in my eyes if they got together. Very, very, very wrong!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Fri 03-May-13 09:27:50

How would your family react? Would you have a problem with telling people how you know each other etc?

If you don't care, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

LifeofPo Fri 03-May-13 09:33:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Fri 03-May-13 09:57:41

Oh.....was it on a camera Life?

anicenewname Fri 03-May-13 11:42:32

I think it's wrong and should be illegal. It's only still legal because it is so common and would cause uproar to ban. Doesn't make it right.

First cousin marriage in my family, 2 children with a rare genetic disability. They have been told after genetic counselling that the disabilities are a direct result of the inbreeding.

There are plenty of people in the world who you are not closely related to, who are not available to you if you are shagging your cousin. Move on.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Fri 03-May-13 12:46:26

But there are millions of people who are closely related who don't have genetic markers for things, and millions who are unrelated who DO. Are we going to test everyone?

Bunbaker Fri 03-May-13 13:06:47

Saggy it just increases the risk, just like smoking increases the risk of cancer or crossing the road without looking for cars increases the risk of being hit by a car.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Fri 03-May-13 14:00:51

I don't remember crossing the road being made illegal? AFAIK we all still have free choice. Are we going to make smoking or drinking whilst pregnant illegal?

BigBlockSingsong Fri 03-May-13 14:15:11

Is it really common sleeping with first cousins/distant cousins?

well I've been educated, I thought it was v. rare generally, the OP has disapeared I see,

I wonder if anyone on here is actually gonna condone this, watching with interest,

Fucking grim? Oh get a grip ffs hmm

jahmazing Fri 03-May-13 14:36:00

Get a grip love this is not frowned on but the way I see it not right but each to their own

jahmazing Fri 03-May-13 14:39:23

A friend I have is in this situation each to their own

I have a grip thanks. The response of disgust when faced with sexual relationships between close relatives is very common and performs a useful function. Humans are advised not to have sexual relationships with close relatives for many good reasons. If you choose to flout that you will face approbation and disgust. The thought of fucking someone I'm related to makes me feel disgusted and I think the idea of two cousins fucking is grim. So.

Cerisier Fri 03-May-13 14:51:41

There are plenty of things which are legal but are not a good idea Saggy. Think things through for yourself- just saying it is legal so fine is bizarre.

gillywillywoo Fri 03-May-13 14:53:52

Not illegal but personally I wouldn't go there.

HappyJustToBe Fri 03-May-13 14:58:39

My sibling had a relationship with our DM's cousin's child. I always felt uncomfortable despite legality. I personally think it is too close a relationship.

AThingInYourLife Fri 03-May-13 14:59:47

"Fucking grim. If you can clearly trace how you are biologically related then it's a no go IMO. Grim."

Totally agree.

Ick, ick, ick.

You might as well fuck your brother.

FoxMulder Fri 03-May-13 15:04:20

Oh, nasty! I had no idea this was actually a thing. I had assumed it was illegal. They ask you at the registry office when you give notice to marry if you're related. Me & DH thought it was a bit of a funny question to which the answer would always be 'I bloody hope not!' Obviously not.

Halfling Fri 03-May-13 15:04:55

Ewwww. But you asked.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Fri 03-May-13 15:06:46

What I actually said was in response to the PP who said it ought to be illegal. I didn't say legal, so fine. What I said was are we going to make everything which is legal but not necessarily good for you illegal or are we going to let people keep their freedom to live their own lives and decide for themselves?

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Fri 03-May-13 15:09:18

If you are going to ban relationships between cousins because of possible genetic problems, then surely we should screen everyone and bar them from marrying someone with possibly incompatible DNA?

Back in my dim and distant past I slept with my stepsister. Ok so shes not blood but know her since I was 6 and was 16 when we did it. A few times over the course of a year or so.
I thought you were 1st cousins which as far as I am concerned would be cool but if it's 2nd or 3rd whats the problem. Live your life and enjoy it!

cheesesarnie Fri 03-May-13 15:23:01

my family are all very close but erm not in that way so i cannot begin to understand but... if it works for you and yours and everyone's happy- go for it!

VitoCorleone Fri 03-May-13 15:23:58

Not something i would do but each to their own (no pun intended)

I do have a huge crush on one of my mums cousins sons though, but i only met him a few years ago

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigBlockSingsong Fri 03-May-13 15:28:42

Jesus Christ, its all coming out on here.

Jewcy Fri 03-May-13 15:31:08

I had sex with my cousin (my mum's twin sister's son) about seven years ago when I was mid-thirties. We were high on cocaine and booze and hadn't seen each other since his mother's funeral when I was fifteen. The sex was mindblowing and the filthiest I've ever had and I've never felt good about it since. I actually shudder when I picture some of the stuff we did. I was so creeped-out that I never spoke to him again.

He died last year at the age of 36 from a combination of a burst bowel and drink problems. He was discovered in a macabre state and I felt so sorry for him. I couldn't, however, bring myself to go to his funeral. I felt as though I would have 'I fucked my cousin' scrawled across my forehead.

Sorry to digress...

firesidechat Fri 03-May-13 15:38:43

My great grandparents were first cousins. Hope that helps.

slug Fri 03-May-13 15:41:48

Actually it's far more likely Queen Victoria's hemophilia gene was the result of a spontaneous mutation as her father was very old when she was conceived.

Offred Fri 03-May-13 15:54:28

Op only posted sparsely, stealth boast perhaps?

ellengeorgia Fri 03-May-13 16:23:22

It is not wrong at all. My brother has been married to his/our cousin for 30 plus years, very happy, twin daughters, no problems!

TheRealFellatio Fri 03-May-13 16:30:10

Lots of cultures (particularly among Muslims and gypsies) have a preference for marriage to first cousins or extended family members.

It is not illegal as far as I know, but it is rather taboo in mainstream UK society, and not without good reason I believe. There is a shockingly high incidence of genetic abnormalities, syndromes and serious deformity/disability etc., among babies born as a result of cousins marrying, or people procreating from a very small gene pool.

TheRealFellatio Fri 03-May-13 16:33:00

I see this has already been covered beautifully by mumblechum

Bitofadviceplease Fri 03-May-13 17:02:20

We've both agreed that we won't do it again as too awkward in family get togethers etc

It was just a bit of fun smile

TheSecondComing Fri 03-May-13 17:04:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bitofadviceplease Fri 03-May-13 17:05:22

If your going to be nasty, why bother commenting??

guess its only a problem if you want a baby together, what with the mix of genes to similar etc

Because being nasty is fun sometimes smile

guess its only a problem if you want a baby together, what with the mix of genes to similar etc

It's not a problem, otherwise it wouldn't be bloody legal. My cousin took extensive advice before embarking on a relationship, if there had been any suggestion of a problem with children they would not have got married. No mad fling here, they were serious from the off.

Any 'problems' come from marrying within families going on for generations, not just the odd time. This thread just shows how ignorant some people can be about things they know nothing about. As per the norm here.

firesidechat Fri 03-May-13 19:18:09

It's not a problem, otherwise it wouldn't be bloody legal. My cousin took extensive advice before embarking on a relationship, if there had been any suggestion of a problem with children they would not have got married. No mad fling here, they were serious from the off.

Any 'problems' come from marrying within families going on for generations, not just the odd time. This thread just shows how ignorant some people can be about things they know nothing about. As per the norm here.

Agree with Gwendoline.

JennyMackerz Fri 03-May-13 19:18:16

Happyjusttobe, second cousins is ok surely?? that's a virtual stranger in my world.

JennyMackerz Fri 03-May-13 19:20:07

If you want to have children then I say it's a big no no.

RenterNomad Fri 03-May-13 19:28:07

In the "Active Convos" lineup, this looked like some sort of American college course: "Sex With Cousin 101"


JennyMackerz Fri 03-May-13 19:29:47

ps, I think the reason it's legal in ireland is because it's so culturally abnormal they don't need to worry that it'd catch on.

i saw a programme once and it seemed to suggest that it is several generations of intermarriage that cause a problem, and that in fact if cousins marry, with no history of intermarriage at all on either side (a one off so to speak) that the increased likelihood of their child having a genetical abnormality are only increased by 1-2% but if there is intermarriage again the next generation then it leaps right up. Can't remember the figures, sorry but what I understood was that in cultures where it's abnormal for cousins to marry it's not a big deal genetically speaking. In cultures where they're blasé about marrying cousins that's where the genetic problems arise.

Wouldn't dream of it myself though. Even if I had a lovely single attractive cousin. Come on, can you imagine telling people, "meet rob - my boyfriend and cousin confused "

Bitofadviceplease Fri 03-May-13 19:36:52

Thank you Gwendoline & yes jennymakerz he's my 2nd cousin.

AThingInYourLife Fri 03-May-13 19:42:25

Yeah and "this is Maggie, my MIL and aunt. And this is little Martha, my daughter and first cousin once removed."

Too weird.

JennyMackerz Fri 03-May-13 19:42:29

Well, I think that a second cousin is different. I think that's perfectly OK tbh. With your first cousin, HALF of your dna coming from the same source (ie) set of grandparents, but with second cousins, it's only a quarter. Is that right? And it's not as if it's a 25% overlap of dna! it's just that 25% ofyour dna comes from the same source, but of course brothers and sister inherit different genes from the same source.

First cousin is too close for me personally but i wouldn't be as shocked as some people on this thread. I'll admit I wouldn't want to TELL people that this is my boyfriend! 'how did you meet him?'. emmm. Also, it would be awkward telling the family.

If you LOVE him, then the genetic issues are minimal, but if you don't love him the awkwardness of telling people isn't worth it. That 's just my opinion.

Lweji Fri 03-May-13 19:46:53

You share half your DNA with your siblings and parents, 1/4 with grandparents and uncles/aunts, 1/8 with first cousins (so 12.5%).

You say he's your second cousin. Do you mean your parents are first cousins, or one of your parents is a sibling of his greatparents (or vice versa)?

LadyIsabellaWrotham Fri 03-May-13 19:48:09

I tend to agree with Gwendoline actually.

You share (on average) 50% of your DNA with parents and siblings - nobody outside Game of Thrones thinks it's OK to sleep with them. You share 25% with aunts/uncles/nephews/nieces - again that's illegal everywhere. By the time you get to cousins you share 12.5%, and that's the point where most places (though not the Catholic church and Ayurveda) think that the risks don't justify prohibition - though some societal taboos remain. The problem is that if cousins marry as a one off, the 7/8ths "outsider" DNA can be enough to dilute the risks. But if cousin marriage is the norm, as in the Dispatches programme's example, or the Hapsburgs, then the effect of pedigree collapse over several generations means that there is much less actual variation in the mix than that, and in practice, we're effectively up to aunt/nephew levels of inbreeding.

In the OP's example, she shares 6.25% - 1/16th DNA with her cousin, and there's no hint that inbreeding is common in her family, and they're not planning babies so the risks are very remote. The yick factor is purely down to your own family norms.

Lweji Fri 03-May-13 19:50:53

For shock value, I have an aunt whose brother and sister got married. grin

LadyIsabellaWrotham Fri 03-May-13 19:51:37

Ah, x-post with Lweji. The OP said he was her cousin's son Lweji - hence half as consanguineous as a full first cousin.

Lweji Fri 03-May-13 19:54:30

So a first cousin once removed. grin
Still, 6%, which is not too bad, and that's on average.

Unless there is a history of a recessive disease in the family, I wouldn't worry at all. Even for first cousins.

Bitofadviceplease Fri 03-May-13 19:57:08

His mum is my cousin but she's quite a lot older than me. He is my 2nd cousin. We don't love each other, other than being family, we don't plan a relationship OR kids, OR to tell anyone as I'm sure it won't happen again. It's only happened once before, then last night, we're both attracted to each other but realise its really wrong so have agreed not to do it anymore.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Fri 03-May-13 19:57:44

how long have you known him OP? You said first you've known him from birth, then later you said for the past 7 years.

Bitofadviceplease Fri 03-May-13 20:07:22

Obviously known about him since he was born but he lived far away until about 7years ago

AThingInYourLife Fri 03-May-13 20:08:13

He's not your second cousin.

He's your kid's second cousin.

Bitofadviceplease Fri 03-May-13 20:09:47

I don't have a kid, & he IS my 2nd cousin

decaffwithcream Fri 03-May-13 20:10:12

In Iceland there is concern that because of the small size of the population and it's being an island, people who are related may get together before they realise.

So they have now brought out an app where you can check before you get overly romantic.

scaevola Fri 03-May-13 20:11:23

If his mother is your cousin, then he's your first cousin once removed.

He would be second cousin to your child (and possibly father too?).

Lweji Fri 03-May-13 20:17:52

He would be second cousin to your child (and possibly father too?).

TSSDNCOP Fri 03-May-13 20:32:51

I reckon given the billions of people on the planet, I'd chose one of them over a relative.

I'm sure it's legal and evidently genetically a low risk, but its a whole can of worms that can stay firmly shut IMHO.

well let's face it. How wrong is it to fuck a man you think is hot, but don't really know, and have no intention of forming a long-term relationship with.

If the only group of people you're going to tell is a bunch of faceless strangers on MN, then don't hold back, fuck anybody you like.

Then come ask us if your behaviour is acceptable.

You'll get as many 'OK' as 'ewwww' as you did just now. Hot and mindless and enjoyable sex is what it says, I guess, family ties or no family ties, if that's your take on it.

Or have I totally got the wrong end of the stick?

(^^ don't bother asking, rhetorical ? and all that....)

Jewcy Fri 03-May-13 21:34:37

What's your point, exactly, Lost?

olgaga Fri 03-May-13 21:43:59

We don't love each other, other than being family, we don't plan a relationship OR kids, OR to tell anyone as I'm sure it won't happen again. It's only happened once before, then last night, we're both attracted to each other but realise its really wrong so have agreed not to do it anymore.

So why the hell are you asking anyone else's opinions?

You obviously both know it'll piss your families off big time. So - as a lot of us have been saying, it's not illegal but you have to consider your families.

Sounds like he is doing that, even if you're too "in lust" to do that.

Hope this quick shag was worth it.

Sorry but I think he's a using bastard, and you've been a bit of a mug.

At least with a one night stand outside the family you can forget about it.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Fri 03-May-13 22:19:08

I'm pretty sure that if someone came on and said "I'm having hot no strings attached sex with a bloke I know from my karate class" then there would be a massive synchronised shoulder shrugging "and...?" from MN Lost. Nobody would care.

People feel differently about this one because a) there could be family fallout if it goes wrong and b) for some people it triggers deep rooted taboo responses.

Bitofadviceplease Fri 03-May-13 22:25:19

I shouldn't of posted. Didn't want nasty responses, no need for it. Not sure how I delete the thread. Sorry I posted

You cannot delete the thread, but can ask MN to.

Don't be sorry you posted, but it might have helped if you had added in your OP that the deed had already been done.

Hope you are ok and that there won't be family fallout from this.

Take care.

olgaga Fri 03-May-13 22:50:07

I shouldn't of posted. Didn't want nasty responses, no need for it.

Maybe it's a wake up call for you about the varied response you can expect from family members if they ever find out.

Sex is great

You are both adults... its consenting... and within the law...

Will you hurt people if they find out? Is it any of their business?

Reeeeeally am quite sure poeple have done much worse, don;t beat your self up.

Disclaimer: its friday night, I am dosed up on pain medication and I have speed read this thread.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Fri 03-May-13 23:03:28

If you'd put something like. "I've slept with my cousin, it's only happened a couple of times and we've agreed not to do it again, but I'm feeling a bit worried and could do with some reassurance that I haven't done something terrible" then you would probably have got more considerate responses.

But you phrased it as if you were just wondering about people's opinions on a taboo subject, like "Is it weird to share a toothbrush with my OH?"
So you got honest, uncensored opinions. Also you didn't seem too bothered what people thought, so I don't think anyone thought you needed or wanted your feelings to be considered before they posted.

Kione Sun 05-May-13 22:29:25

Its not illegal.
She is asking about sex, so I dont understand the "do you even love him?" replies.
I know a couple that are cousins, married, and have kids. I guess in small secluded communities will be very common.
I also think it depends on the relationship between families. I had a huge crush on my mums cousins son when little. Only saw him a few weeks in the summer. He told me we would go to jail if we kissed grin I must have been 10 when he said that.
In summary, for me, since its legal, it depends on how close you-the families are.

bombayjoe Sat 06-Jul-13 05:04:54

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

TDada Sat 06-Jul-13 07:14:58

Where is the harm done. Family members shod mind their own business!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now