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No one else will want you because you have a kid!?

(37 Posts)
Playerpleeeese Thu 02-May-13 15:45:17

When I spilt with my ex last year, his parting shot was....no one else will ever want you because you've got a kid, your damaged goods.

I've been single for about 6 months and am happy like this, but do worry about the future and wether this is true.

Do guys really not want you because you have a child? I have my own house and job, I'm financially independent, ex and myself spilt custody 50:50 so I have spare time, I still have friends/social life. DS is 5.5 and a happy laid back kid.

So am I really damaged goods?

Does anyone have any success stories to share?

All of a sudden this is worrying me today sad

scaevola Thu 02-May-13 15:47:22

I know plenty of parents (of both sexes) who have gone on to apparently successful second marriages/partnerships.

Only an arse would see a parent as 'damaged goods'.

sydlexic Thu 02-May-13 15:48:03

In my DS's class last year, year 6, he was the only one whose parents were on their first marriage. Many people have blended families. He is talking nonsense.

Pootles2010 Thu 02-May-13 15:48:15

Honestly, what a pig, you're well shot of him.

Look at this sensibly and objectively. How many people on here are step mums? How many people do you know who've got step parents, or re married, or whatever? It happens. All. The. Time!

VinegarTits Thu 02-May-13 15:51:38

He must think of himself as damaged goods then eh? tosser

He's trying to rile you. Don't let him. How charming to refer to your child as 'damage'.

Lweji Thu 02-May-13 15:52:58

Ignore him.

Not only this but also anything else he says to put you down.
He's only doing it out of spite.

shebangsthedrum Thu 02-May-13 15:53:28

My eldest's dad used to say this to me 17 years ago. Needless to say 3 kids later I am in a much happier place with a great man and the ex never had any more kids. I wonder why? horrid man!

SmellsLikeTeenStrop Thu 02-May-13 15:55:49

I had 2 DCs when I met DH and he still wanted me smile

Your ex is talking out of his arse.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm Thu 02-May-13 15:56:22

Just not true. An idiots damaged goods are a decent blokes perfect partner. Happens all the time. Got together with my DP 13 years ago, one child at home with her, the worlds stroppiest 14 year old girl. We got through it,together,and are now very happy.

Children may however prove to be a useful wanker deterrent... wink

motherinferior Thu 02-May-13 15:59:27

Twonk. I know loads of gorgeous women who've had relationships after having children.

musickeepsmesane Thu 02-May-13 16:01:14

What everyone else said. My DH is a fantastic stepdad. Never fazed him taking on a little one. He is lovely so he is and my DS agrees with me.

mummytime Thu 02-May-13 16:01:19

My Mum complained once that far more guys went after her after she split with my Dad.

Just be wary, you only want to spend time with the good ones.

Boosterseat Thu 02-May-13 16:07:32

Not at all!

I was a single mother at 18 and it didnt deter my DH when we met at 19 and we are still going strong 7 years later.

Knickers to him, there are plenty of boys who would be put off but on the flip side there are plenty of men who adore their stepchildren and build happy fullfilling lives as a family unit.

Damaged goods! My word. What a cock.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Thu 02-May-13 16:24:26

My dp has 2 children and I wanted him, still do most of the time wink

My best friend has 2 children and has just meet a lovely man who makes her and the boys very happy.

Your ex is a twat

MumnGran Thu 02-May-13 16:27:49

"Children may however prove to be a useful wanker deterrent..."

..... or a targeting attraction for the seriously sick, so do exercise a bit of caution.

That caveat aside, as everyone has already said : you are not damaged goods, and no decent man will be put off by children. How he treats them may well be a good guide to the way he will treat you :-)

skaboy Thu 02-May-13 16:33:01

Ummm....your ex is talking crap. I'm a fairly recently single Dad and although having kids eats a lot of time up its not even remotely relevant if you meet the right person, whether they have kids or not.

Playerpleeeese Thu 02-May-13 16:35:56

Thank you, logically I know he's talking shit but sometimes it gets to me. He wasn't my DS's dad. I was confused about why he decided to spend 6 months with damaged goods if that was the case and he never met my DS!!! hmm

Must up my wanker radar! grin

madasa Thu 02-May-13 16:36:24

I have a success story.

I have bought up my daughter alone since she was 3 years old and she is now 22.

I had a relationship with a guy from when she was 8 years old until 15 years old. She still has an amazing independent relationship with him and he sees her regularly (I don't see him at all) He adores her and vice versa...he is like a dad to her.

I have been with my DP since she was 16 years old...... I think he sees her as an added bonus ...not a burden.

He certainly doesn't see me as damaged goods.

No way are you damaged goods.....only a knob would think so.

There are some good men out there.

Lweji Thu 02-May-13 16:36:40

In fact, by having a child, you show that you are fertile. grin
(that's the biological reasoning)
And quite valued in some societies.

Dahlen Thu 02-May-13 16:55:18

Put it this way - the sort of man who comes up with that little gem is a man that you are best off without, so in a way it's validation that you did the right thing in splitting up with him.

The fact that you've even entertained the idea of him being right suggests that you might be slightly vulnerable to this type of emotional abuser. It may be worth working on your self-esteem and your knowledge of reed flags and healthy relationships to make sure you don't fall victim to someone like him again.

But reading the positives in your OP, you sound like a well-sorted woman with a lot going for her who any decent man would be proud to call his OH.

Snowme Thu 02-May-13 17:03:27

I think it's nonsense.

My sister had three children aged between 5 and 15 and found the love of her life after leaving her abusive ex.

I have also found the love of my life now after also leaving my abusive ex, and I had a newborn and toddler the first time I met him.

My mother met her 2nd husband of 30 years when I was only 2 or 3 years old.

My current partner met his ex when she had two early teenage children..

.....

ladythatlunches Thu 02-May-13 17:46:01

This is a bit of a spin on things.

Im happily married with 5 children

Some bloke I know who knows I have 5 children used to message me all the time saying he has a thing for me bla bla. Veey flattering but obviously not interested at
all.

He is very good looking very good job etc. I was very stunned but just goes to show men aren't put off by it.

He could of well been after a quick bunk
up .. which fave it there are some out there like that, but I recently had a message asking if I was ever separated to let him no. Errrrr no was my answer.

But if I had interest with 5 you certainly will be fine smile

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dryjuice25 Thu 02-May-13 18:17:56

What a plonker he is?

I was 24 when one of my exes told me that no-one would want me because I wasn't a virgin anymore. And how I was lucky to have him This in not bleeping 1888. Twat!

I lost count of how many people were interested in me after him.
Shame I then ended up with another twat who is dcs's dad but thankfully now an ex and don't ever want to be penetrated by another wanker

LoosMorals Thu 02-May-13 18:30:36

That's bollocks, that is. What century does he live in again?

Playerpleeeese Thu 02-May-13 18:32:49

dryjuice he also used the virgin line on me!! I mean wtf?? He used to drift off into a day dream and when I asked him what was wrong he would say '

All my ex girlfriends were virgins, your lucky I'm with you because your not'

we are in our early 20's! I've never came across someone so young with this attitude!

Betrayedbutsurvived Thu 02-May-13 18:33:30

I've been married twice since I spilt from daughters father, just celebrated my tenth wedding anniversary on Tuesday. I have a single friend with a 12 year old son, and she has to fight men off with a shitty stick. He's talking bollox!

Beckamaw Fri 03-May-13 20:43:47

Nonsense indeed!

I was a recently separated Mum of 2 when I met DP. I was out with childless friends who were climbing all over him. He is a few years younger, and blooming gorgeous! So, I stood back and talked to the 'less interesting' friend, in order to bolster their chances.

After a couple of hours, the ringleader of my group of friends flounced over to me and said 'it's fucking shit. He reckons he fancies you! I've told him you have kids and he still does.'

Ha ha! He was grinning at me from across the room, obviously aware of the conversation. He walked over, we talked and the others skulked away.

That was nearly 4 years ago. We have a baby together and are planning the wedding.
So there! smile

Lovingfreedom Fri 03-May-13 20:53:55

Got two kids...took me about 3 months to get into online dating after split with ex. Met a guy straight away. He's childless but the fact that I have two does not deter him at all.

Lweji Fri 03-May-13 20:57:02

He was probably lying or his previous girlfriends lied, or they were really young. shock

SirBoobAlot Fri 03-May-13 20:57:38

The more you post about him, the more of a twat he sounds. You're well shot, and you're going to be just fine without him.

MushroomSoup Fri 03-May-13 21:57:43

I had 3 under 5 when I met DH 11 years ago. Now I have 4 under 16!

ScumbagCollegeDropout Sat 04-May-13 03:41:58

2 young DCs, childless BF doesn't seem to mind wink

Your ex is talking complete shite.

WaitingForMe Sat 04-May-13 03:52:44

I don't know any single mums. All of those no longer with the father of their (oldest) kids have new partners.

Ledkr Sat 04-May-13 03:59:17

Nonsense op.
I was on my own with four dc when ex left us. I was 34 and had no shortage if dates and the odd relationship (one for a year) then when dd was 5 (4yrs after x left) I met my now dh. I kid you not he is gorgeous and lovely and ten yrs younger. We have been married 7 yrs now.
He always said he'd not date anyone with kids but if you fall in love you deal with anything.
Just enjoy being single and the right guy will come along.
Your ex was just being a knobhead.

I was damaged goods.
Been married to the lovely man that took on those damaged goods for 7 years and expecting dc3.
XH did tell me for years that no one would want me, I was ugly, fat, had baggage (Dd) etc etc, 10 years down the line he is still sad and single and I am gloriously happy.
So take heart, you'll find happiness with someone who deserves you when the time is right.
Enjoy the space in your bed and only doing yours and DCs laundry until then.

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