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The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Whacking The Wine Witch Round The Chops (With Barry The Squid).

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Wed 01-May-13 17:32:28

Hello, I'm Mouse smile

I'm one of the Brave Babes who's travelling on this wonderful, magical, mysterious Bus, trying to hold onto my sobriety for me, and for my family.

I do drink but thanks to this Bus, I've kicked the vodka addiction into touch and the evil WineWitch has been banished far, far away so I now drink in a controlled manner, One Day At A Time. smile

By that, I mean that just for today, I won't be drinking. Tomorrow, however, I will be because it's a very special occasion. The day after will be dealt with when I wake, and the day after that, the day after etc.....

We're a Bus filled with some fantastic posters, some who drink, some who don't touch a drop ever and some who are on/off drinkers who have lovely warm seats in the side-car, some are hanging onto the roof-rack by the tips of their fingers and trying their best to resist the dreaded WineWitch's charms night after night. But they are trying, and that's all that any of us can do, is keep trying, keep starting again!

So, if you think that you're drinking too much (you probably are) why not come and say hi? We won't bite - unless you ask very nicely, manners cost nothing wink.

There's lots of seats so pick whichever one you like and have a brew. Just jump in, we're not a judgemental pack of quiche makers wink

And here's a bit of light reading for you.... our latest thread and the very first one, the reason we're all here.



aliasjoey Wed 01-May-13 19:03:39

Runs in, bags seat near the back in the naughty corner, runs back out grin

PurpleWolfe Wed 01-May-13 19:06:50


Bproud Wed 01-May-13 20:11:24

Oldtimer here, just popping to say hello. Stilll sober ODAAT
Good luck all you babes, and happy birthday to Nemo

lonnika Wed 01-May-13 21:06:25

Can I join ?

aliasjoey Wed 01-May-13 21:27:20

Welcome lonnika umm we're still supposed to be on the other thread otherwise mouse gets cross grin but we'll all be hopping over soon... do you want to tell us your story while you wait for us to catch up?

guggenheim Wed 01-May-13 21:30:50

Just checking in- hello lovelies!

All fine and dandy here,still sober,just busy. Lots of love to you all.


greeneyed Wed 01-May-13 22:15:38

Checking in

Fairenuff Wed 01-May-13 22:20:02

Hi all smile. lonnika do come back for a chat when you're ready.

< waves to Bproud* > Hello lovely smile

Lemony I don't really know what to make of what your mum said. Is she the type that uses humour to cope with a difficult situation? More importantly, how did it make you feel? Maybe she is trying to warn you, but put it in a very clumsy way? You know her best, what is your gut feeling?

thurso13 Wed 01-May-13 22:23:31

Grabbing my seat quickly, too!!

Venus What lovely and precious news about DD. Lots of love xxx

Mouse Happy Birthday to Nemo for tomorrow, many kisses from his Auntie T xxxx

Much love to all
T xxxx

Mouseface Wed 01-May-13 22:24:56

Welcome Nika - very nice to meet you smile x

All presents wrapped, balloons up, banners too, cakes ready to take into school, DH grumpy as per, after I worked my arse off all day, doing everything. Nemo's new 1-1 is coming to see him in the morning before school and has a present for him too smile which is lovely.

Ma - thank you, I will get my mum to bring her blood thing on Sunday as Joey? (I think) suggested and get her to check me out, otherwise we're looking at feck knows. There's always something with me huh? grin

Night all, I can't wait for my boy to wake up so I can huggle him for ages and ages smile

Take good care xxxxx

PS - Hey Greeny, BProud, Purps - hope you're all okay, fab to see you, especially YOU Purps xx

greeneyed Wed 01-May-13 22:50:30

Mouse could you be preggar? Tireness, hunger, weeing etc

greeneyed Wed 01-May-13 22:56:52

That should say preggers! Sorry babes I AM drunk. Today has been at the bottom of the shit chute with everyone throwing it at me from a great height. Absolute bottom of the pile after parents, grand parents, child, clients, DH and even dog. Feeling the calm after the storm now but wine to thank for that and regret tomorrow. Goodnight babes, well done day three_ers x

fullofhopefullness Wed 01-May-13 23:22:31

Oh well back to 1 tomorrow.

PoniesTails Wed 01-May-13 23:58:01

Can I have a seat? Drunk. Regretting it. Again. Still.

PurpleWolfe Thu 02-May-13 07:13:30

Happy happy happy birthday to little Nemo!!! A big purple balloon for you! xxx

PS Sorry about your shite day Green (( )) My day started really well then ended up similar to yours. I was so upset DD called XP and passed me the phone so he could try and help me. sad

Ladame Thu 02-May-13 08:19:23

Hi everyone, hanging on to my seat on the roofrack grin Mouse have a lovely day today with birthday Nemo! Been reading about your symptoms and saying (in a small worried voice ... diabetes? OMG I hope not). DD home from Uni this weekend and in a turnaroud (this will resonate with lovely babes with teenaged dd's) - she has now discovered fun with mates going out and getting a bit hammered (not great I know, but whole Uni thang) and the tables have turned a bit. Thinks I'm a lightweight now - oh the irony - smile. All babes - keep on keeping on. flowers.

babyjane1 Thu 02-May-13 09:07:48

Hi babes, * lemony* I totally agree with purple your mother
Is trying to trivialise and normalise her behaviour by tarring you with the same brush, she is hardened to her own true scenario, it's not your by a long shot!! mouse when I first got crohn's I wouldn't go to the doctors for nearly a year cos I was scared I had cancer (bleeding bottom) and if I had went the damage caused would not have been as severe as it was by then, self diagnosis isn't a great option but diabetes sounds like a possibility, get checked out ASAP and happy birthday nemo!! orchid how did last night go? purple day 4 here, how's my day 4 buddy doing?. Welcome ion nice to have you aboard. greenclutter ma gugg hi to all sorry if I missed anyone x x x

babyjane1 Thu 02-May-13 09:09:26

Have a great day super babes x x

Lemonylemon Thu 02-May-13 09:21:53

Morning babes.....

Thank you for your comments re. my mum. My sister reckons that now mum knows that she's got about 2 years, she's really angry and lashing out and I was on the receiving end.... My sister has been too, so we'll just weather it.....

Happy birthday to little big boy Nemo

Hugs to you all.....

Day 3 here.

Orchidlady Thu 02-May-13 09:42:01

Morning all, what a beautiful day, going to work hard and have a BBQ later. Zumba was great but still had to have a few drinks BUT not stupid, jumped in the shower had a reasonably early night. ladame diabetes is serious but not the end of the world grin). seriously hope mouse does not have it but it can be managed. When I was diagnosed I was devastated but now far more relaxed about it, I have a pretty bad case running very high levels but managing with diet and exercise. Hope everyone had a great day

Just popping in to wave and say hello, keep going ladies, the grass is definitely much greener on this side of the fence.
Odaat, absolutely everything is possible :-)

obrigada Thu 02-May-13 10:17:10

Just marking my place, 1 bottle of red wine last weekend and nothing since; Happy Birthday Nemosmile

greeneyed Thu 02-May-13 11:03:56

Happy Birthday Nemo! Better day today here, had a complete melt down last night like a toddler. Cried like a baby for ages. I don't do it very often maybe once or twice a year things get on top of me and I want to run away or drive into a brick wall. I pick myself up again keep on keeping on as they say. purps sorry you were feeling so bad. Hope today is a better day. taking bloody good for you booking yourself into hospital. I can't believe you were so fobbed off at the docs. Hope you can start getting better now x

PurpleWolfe Thu 02-May-13 11:11:49

OMG Green I could have written the same as you! Had a sobbing melt down in the kitchen (and like you, I rarely do that!). Maybe it's not the worse thing in the world that DC see that, sometimes, I'm human and that sometimes, once in a while, the crap gets to me. Sorry Baby, I've abandoned you on Day 3 sad xxx

greeneyed Thu 02-May-13 11:54:40

I definitely don't think it's a bad thing purple i grew up with a narcissist mother with a heart of stone. Feelings were not allowed. That's not healthy. It's okay to cry. Xx

obrigada Thu 02-May-13 12:26:23

Another here purple and greeneyed who doesn't cry; beginning to wonder if my tear ducts have dried upsmile

Mouseface Thu 02-May-13 12:47:06

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse smile

Thank you ever so much for all of the lovely Happy Birthday messages to my gorgeous big boy. I have spent the morning with a tear in my eye, just balancing on the edge of my lashes, waiting to roll down my face each time I look at him. We're so lucky he's here, we really are.

I spent last night thinking about all of the times DH and the rest of our families sat, hoping, praying, pleading with The Powers That Be that he'd pull through, just this once, just one more time please. Just. One. More. Time.

Re being pregnant? I wish. But alas, I am in the early stages of the menopause so that would be a minor miracle, plus, DH and I rarely get to sleep in the same bed, never mind have sex! grin

And no Ma, I don't need a 'stand in' thanks grin

Sorry not to NC everyone but we're going out for lunch as it's glorious here today, absolutely stunning! Pure blue sky and blazing hot.

Oh and the fridge situation is going to be resolved (for those who care grin) with ANOTHER replacement so we shall see won't we?

Anyway, I hope those of you who were wasted last night aren't feeling too bad, but maybe bad enough to stay off it tonight? You know who you are!

<stern face>

Laters xxxxx

Lemonylemon Thu 02-May-13 14:20:36

Re being pregnant? I wish. But alas, I am in the early stages of the menopause so that would be a minor miracle

Ahem, mouse I've been in the early stages of peri/menopause for something like 7-8 years now. I conceived C when I was 43.9 and had her when I was 44.5 - and I'm now 50 (at the end of the month) and STILL in the early stages of menopause..... wink

greeneyed Thu 02-May-13 15:56:33

Hangs head in shame and sits in the naughty corner...
obrigada sometimes I wonder if we try so hard to be tough we just can't let go x

ruralreynard Thu 02-May-13 16:32:50

Quick hello to old friends and new babes.
Hopefully back posting regularly soon.
Still in the sidecar.
Really working on getting back on the bus.

Hi brave babes. Sorry been so busy with new job & not had a chance to read thread. Just wanted to say a huge Happy Birthday to Nemo! Hope you've had a great day Mouse & been enjoying the lovely sunshine.
Wishing all babes well tonight, will catch up soon.

Happy Birthday Nemo
you gorgeous little fish!
We hope you had a lovely day
And all the fun you wish


dementedma Thu 02-May-13 20:28:47

Bproud good to see you
rural you're back!! How ARE you? How are things?
rabs seat next to Thurso cos I havent seen her in ages.
Green and purple - here, have this...<thwacks cry babies with Barrie and runs away>
and nemo - darling wee nemo. have the most wonderful of days and this is one of my favourite poems and today, its for you:

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

(ee cummings)

dementedma Thu 02-May-13 20:29:45

oh, and indie What time are we meeting tomorrow?

venusandmars Thu 02-May-13 20:41:11


dementedma Thu 02-May-13 20:44:29

thanks Babe grin

Theala Thu 02-May-13 21:04:10

Hi guys,
Can I join in again? I was on the bus briefly last year, but crashed out big time when my DP was arrested (for being very very drunk on an airplane) and then diagnosed bipolar. Ironically, he stopped drinking and I carried on.
We've now split up. We were trying to sort it out, but ... I think it's finished for good now.
I have got to sort myself out now. I'm in my late thirties, single, and childless. Things are bad enough without being a drunken lush as well. I really need to pull myself together before I lose it completely.

Suzietastic Thu 02-May-13 21:11:08

Hiya? Can I climb on?

Yes! Hello suzie and welcome to the bus

<issues non-judgemental and totally open ticket and points out the nice seats that mouse has dusted >

How are you doing this evening lovely?

blush just realised I have x posted with the entire bus.

Welcome Theala and I promise to read back now.


Oh blimey! I have mised a lot!
ROOO-UH-RAAAHL! hey Babe! Great to hear from you
Thurso my lovely friend <plonks her considerable arse next to thurso and shuffle-pushes Ma out of the way> how is it going lovely woman?
Its great how Nemo's birthday gets all the old gits longer posting Babes off the lurking bench and onto the screen;-)

Hey Theala you sound exasperated with yourself and tired. Well done for posting again and coming back into the warmth and steamed-up windows of this amazing bus. Trying to sort out break ups or decide if they are permanent or not, what to do, what not to do...It is all so stressful and exhausting that it can have a corrosive effect on how we see ourselves and we losemsight of our own power and strengths and the amazing people we really are.
You are an amazing person, you have value and gifts and strengths and quirks and stuff that makes you unique and special and a valuable child of the universe...whether you see that or not. Your challenge ...(run music) should you choose to accept to hold yourself a little bit more kindly tonight.

Right, ipad about to die and full of yummy food in great Perth restaurant. Totally knackered after 7 hours coaching and 7 hours driving since I left my girls at 7 this morning. Off to hotel and bed. X x

Mouseface Thu 02-May-13 21:59:08

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Thank you all so very much for your lovely words and posts to my very tired and emotional little, well, bigger fish - Nemo

Welcome back Theala -fab to see you come back, it takes guts and strength to say I'm back again so well the Jeff done for posting lovely, grab a seat smile xx

Suzie - hello to you! Welcome to the Bus. Find a seat but watch out for my stash of Cheddar, it's hidden all over the Bus! grin I used to be addicted to alcohol, it's cheese now!! grin

Lemony - not to put too fine a point on it, a) we use fun bags and b) we haven't slept together in ages and c) I don't feel pregnant. I knew the next day with Nemo that I was, my body changed almost overnight! grin

I really doubt I'd be gifted with a baby, it would be wonderful but I think it's more a blood sugar/food issue. We went for lunch today and I couldn't eat it all - a chicken, cheese and BBQ sauce toasted sandwich with chips, more BBQ sauce and ketchup. Now, that's a lot of sugar going in, right?

Going to the car - I had a glass of wine too so more sugar - I felt dreadful, so ten mins after eating. I had to excuse myself and go to the ladies thinking I was going to be sick. I went sweaty, clammy, shaky, and it took me a few moments to compose myself.

So, I'm going to try and get into the docs first thing in the morning now and not wait to see my own GP. I have to get 'this' addressed and now.

Anyway, sorry to waffle on. blush

Nemo has had a lovely day, a truly wonderful day. I have cried lots thinking of him being so old now, so grown up, so fantastic and so funny. He has a real sense of humour and I love it. He is a giggler!! He rocks and DD posted the most wonderful post on FB that I want to put it on here if I may? She posted a picture of him sat with her.... and then this,

"So this is my brother, Nemo. Today he turns 4 and I actually can't believe he's got this far. He was born with a hole in his heart and the roof of his mouth. Both operations nearly killed him but he wasn't going without a fight. I don't think I've ever been more proud of someone in my life. Yes he can be annoying and he tells me to go away but at the end of the day he's my brother and I love him &#10084;"

Needless to say lots of people cried knowing that he has gone through much more than that but those were the two things that stood out most smile

I'm off to watch some tv with DH and then go to bed, busy day tomorrow cleaning. Joy!!

Night night all, take care and sleep well. xxxxxx

dementedma Thu 02-May-13 22:07:58

Not to bring the thread down but haven't heard from my bro for over a week and neither has anyone else.txtd him and asked if he is OK but no reply.he has moved out of mums and in his own flat on his own. Should I just leave it, and if so, for how long before I send police round to kick the door down and retrieve the body?

greeneyed Thu 02-May-13 22:13:36

ma is he local to you? Send DH round?

PurpleWolfe Thu 02-May-13 23:59:25

Oh Ma, poor you! Maybe you should involve the police? Does Richard live close, can you 'pop' round? It may be that he's just on a bender or just trying to get his head straight. Feel for you tonight. xxxxx

Morning babes. Any word in your db MA, thinking of you all x

babyjane1 Fri 03-May-13 08:45:56

ma thinking of you, hope your db gets in touch soon, it's seems so selfish of him but I know he doesn't see it like that. Wishing everyone a good day, day 5 here, stress levels through the roof but next week I'm going to go out a few of the evenings and leave the savages to
It, it's the only way to save my soul x x x

Well done BabyJ, that's amazing!
Like your thinking for getting away from it all. I sometimes think I'm going to crack up with demanding teen, tantruming toddler & expectations from dh. Sometimes it all feels too much! Day 5 is brilliant. I've found by not drinking that it gets easier & better. Life's still hard but calmer if that makes sense! X

babyjane1 Fri 03-May-13 09:55:22

clutter I'm in exactly the same boat as you, teenage tantrums and toddler tantrums sometimes at the same time. I have been trying so hard to make more of an effort with everyone to make amends for being emotionally lazy In the evening cos of wine but the more I do here. The more I'm expected to do. I'm here all day plus I make dinner, washes the dishes, bath the baby, bedtime story, fold up washing, next day lunches and walk the dog. My dd and dh have found a game on iPad/iPhone called candy crush which has become an obsession so
I could streak naked across the living room and not a sod would notice!! I think If i go out swimming, walking or to the gym I will not only get some "time out." But do some work on this jelly belly for summer!! Feeling much fresher in the morning and my face is enjoying being moisturised at night, it's been a while xxxxxx

Aw I know what you mean, I've started moisturising at night which not done in a while. Feels good to go to bed organised & not wake up in the morning having to play catch up from night before. Does sound like you are having to juggle an awful lot just now no wonder you want to run away for a bit.
Could you maybe try a rota so that if you made tea, dd washes dishes, dh bathes little one & you could go for a swim/run/scream! & when you come back little one ready for bed, dishes done? This is kinda what we do altho I've never left, I normally wash dishes & dd dries or other way if dishes not too bad. Dd gets allowance £5 per week & this is if she helps with dishes, room tidy.
I've heard candy crush is highly addictive but not fair of them to leave it all to you.

dementedma Fri 03-May-13 10:46:34

he lives locally
have texted him again asking if ok - still no answer....
If no response, will go round at weekend and see if he is there.
got a real horrible feeling about this..

babyjane1 Fri 03-May-13 11:07:13

clutter that's a great idea, will discuss this tonight, never tried a rota but sometimes things written down carry more weight, thanks babe x x x ma this is a dreadful situation for you to be in, I truly hope everything is ok, warm hug coming your way x x x

obrigada Fri 03-May-13 11:28:01

Ma, hope Richard is oksad

Orchidlady Fri 03-May-13 11:43:47

Morning all, another spectacular fail last night, too much Red wine and Whiskey. Still not feeling so bad this morning, Other than panicking as found wobbly tooth, oh god I am going to end up toothless old hag. mouse hope all goes well with dr, the more you talk about your symptoms seems more likely diabetes. It is all about carb control if it is. Keeping fingers crossed for you

aliasjoey Fri 03-May-13 11:44:38

ma can you go tonight and put your mind at rest?

Lemonylemon Fri 03-May-13 13:31:17

Afternoon ladies...

mouse didn't think you'd appreciate that little story grin Glad that nemo had a wonderful day. Your DD is so lovely too.

ma keeping my fingers crossed for your brother.

Everyone else: Onwards and upwards. Stay strong. x

Day 4 here.

dementedma Fri 03-May-13 14:32:29

ok, his curtains are drawn and not answering door. DH has been round and hammered on it. Barman in nearby pub says last saw him on Tuesday! angry sad
Dh will go round again this afternoon.

Orchidlady Fri 03-May-13 14:41:10

ma I don't know your story re DB but you sound upset. Is it likely he could have gone away? if you have real cause for concern, maybe go to police. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

obrigada Fri 03-May-13 15:05:34

Is it rented flat Ma? Any chance of contacting landlord?

PurpleWolfe Fri 03-May-13 16:02:18

Ma It really might be time to get the police involved if DH can't get an answer. Praying there is another obvious answer. Hugs. xxxxxxx

Theala Fri 03-May-13 16:45:01

It does sound like time for the police, Ma. Sorry.

Thanks for the welcome (back) guys. Dp came around last night after I posted and has said he still loves me and wants to sort things out. So we'll see what happens there.

I'm home alone this evening as he's away. I was meant to be going to a friend's house, but I know I'd just end up drinking too much with him, and I'm already exhausted and I have a lot on tomorrow, so I've cancelled. I have a good book and a lot of green tea instead.

Mouseface Fri 03-May-13 17:21:59

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Fucking hell Ma, what a complete shit bag worry he is. I'm sorry but I'm livid on your behalf, I KNOW that you love him, I KNOW that he is your brother but look at what he's doing to YOU and your family. He's selfish and irresponsible and I am sick and tied of reading the hurt, the worry, the anger and the absolute terror in your posts so can't begin to understand how you feel.

Ma - I care so much about you and your family, Richard is slowly destroying you all and himself. It's heart breaking, and seems to be up to you to deal with all of this, I'm sorry that you are going through such uncertain times, day in day out not knowing where he is, who he's with and how he feels? It's shocking, it's horrid and terrifying for you all.

I hope with all of my heart that he is safe, alive and well enough to get through this current drinking binge. He is a very sobering reality for us all....... much love to you all Ma. Please keep posting xxxx

lonnika Fri 03-May-13 17:26:55

Hi all and thanks for the welcomes - I am on day 4 whoop whoop !!!! - A bit of background I think I am a habitual drinker and following a health scare 5 weeks ago I decided to evaluate my life and cut down on drinking. I have done that but since finding and reading this thread amongst others I have decided to stop altogether smile) I want to be fit and healthy smile). Excited about the future - have a real goal to aim for - I AM NOT DRINKING TODAY smile
Good luck to all

dementedma Fri 03-May-13 18:14:06

Thanks all. Bless you mouse for getting how it feels.
I'm telling myself it could just be his phone isn't working, or he's away for a few days...don't want to be melodramatic. I can get access to the flat tomorrow when I can get hold of the landlord. I will do that if no response tonight. If he's' there I will deal with it whatever state he is in. If he isn't there is he a missing person? How many days before an adult is considered missing?
orchid lady thank you. My brother is an alcoholic. Nuff said.

ruralreynard Fri 03-May-13 18:29:52

Ma thinking of you. Hope you manage to contact your brother tonight.
If not access to the flat tomorrow sounds good and should lead to some answers.
Sort of want to say he's probably OK as I have late 20's son who is alcoholic and he does that sort of thing all the time.
Having said that he scares me to death and I think the worst until I speak to him again, so sort of know what its like iyswim.
isinde thanks for remembering me great to see you here.
mouse you know I think you are wonderwoman, hope all is well with you today.
Still drinking, life with not so dear husband still just that.
Will get back on the bus soon and so jealous of you sober babes.
Keep going ODAAT.

Mouseface Fri 03-May-13 18:47:07

Ma - if he has not been seen for 24 and you are concerned then yes, after 24 hours, he is a missing person. You have every reason to report him as such and of you feel he is in danger MUST DO SO.

The police have a duty of care, alcoholic or not to make sure that he is safe.

Hang on a mo...............

greeneyed Fri 03-May-13 18:47:42

ma you poor thing sad . I hope to goodness things are okay. Assume DH is coming with you tomorrow. How's your mum?

Mouseface Fri 03-May-13 18:51:39

Ma - Have a look HERE


Sorry Ma - it's not 24 anymore, so do what you have to. Lots of love, prayers and thoughts for you my lovely xxx

aliasjoey Fri 03-May-13 18:53:44

Right it is a MYTH that you have to wait before calling the police about a missing adult. Depending on the circumstances (illness, mental health, age) the police will investigate immediately.

Sorry, I just read that stupid myth in a book yesterday, and think it's so irresponsible for an author to write something which so many readers may believe.

aliasjoey Fri 03-May-13 18:57:44

Sorry, hope that didn't come across as rude, I meant the author was stupid and irresponsible.

And x-posted with mouse grin

Mouseface Fri 03-May-13 19:01:25

IF you have the slightest concern, esp with Richard's background you can contact the police. xx

Mouseface Fri 03-May-13 21:52:43

Right, I'm offski.

Ma - you have my number if you need anything. Are you okay?

Sleep well Babes, busy day tomorrow. Cake making for Nemo and cleaning ready for when my mother arrives smile

Be safe xxxxx

dementedma Fri 03-May-13 22:35:29

I'm OK. Been out for a meet up with the lovely venus and the roughasabadgersarse equally lovely indie
No word from Richard. Flat was in darkness when I went past on way home. Will find him tomorrow - one way or another

greeneyed Fri 03-May-13 22:54:41

Thinking of you Ma

venusandmars Fri 03-May-13 22:54:53

Sleep well ma

Alas it is true, I can reveal on here that I am as rough as a badger's arse. grin
< unlaces Doc Martins and takes off combat trousers and cap-sleeved t-shirt to reveal dyke-rama tattoos and slides into Viz Millie-Tant pyjamas>

Sleep well lovely Ma it was really a treat to see you and Venus tonight and a welcome indulgence after a very long and tiring week.


casawasa Sat 04-May-13 00:25:34

Sigh climbs back on bus. I need your help again fellow passengers.

1stepforward Sat 04-May-13 03:29:53

are you still up casawasa? tell us about what;s happened. Are you okay?

greeneyed Sat 04-May-13 05:04:54

Well 4.20 am is a bit of an early start to the bank holiday! Good luck babes today, hope you find some peace and happiness this weekend x

Morning babes. Wishing everyone well. Mouse hope you have a lovely weekend with your boy & your family. MA thinking of you & hope things work out ok with your brother.

I've got my leaving do from my old job today. Have decided I'm going to drink half shandies. More to fit in, & so the afternoon is not focused around everyone trying to say go on have a drink, why not etc etc.
feel ok about having a few half shandies & as a 3pm start will be acceptable to make my excuses at a reasonable time.

Wishing all babes strength for today x

eminemmerdale Sat 04-May-13 08:04:57

Hi all - sorry to have abandoned you - I have seriously damaged my knees running (bloody fool) spent the last week hobbling about in tears, have had x-rays (nothing showed up) and am finally on some fabulous pain killers which are just superb!!! I hve to have blood tests next week now as doctor is baffled sad I only did three c25k sessions!! Anyway, I have had 'a few', I won't lie - Friday and Saturday lst week - three cansof cider (sounds awful!) each night, and last night 2 cans - but that has been it and I'm very proud. Ma, just been following your story - I hopw you find him sad Hope everyone has a good day xx

jango36 Sat 04-May-13 08:22:38

Hi all. Day 11 here!! But tough day today as its sat!.. At work all day so got a distraction.. The real fight starts when wall back in the door:;(.. Need techniques babessmile). Ma thinking of you and the bro situation . Hope it's resolved today positively. Sending good vibes to all you babes for day ahead xx

lonnika Sat 04-May-13 09:45:06

Hi day 5 - going to buy the Allan Carr book. Would like to say a huge thanks to MIFLAW - have read all of thread one an two. His advic really resonates with me and JWN (what an inspiration).
I am not drinking today x smile))
keep up,the good work all

Fairenuff Sat 04-May-13 10:49:24

Where is JWN these days? Are you out there being fabulous, or whizzing around in your new motor like Toad of Toad Hall grin

Give us a shout, lovely.

Mouseface Sat 04-May-13 11:53:24

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Lonni - great news that you are getting the book and that MIFLAW (where is that boy?) and JWN have both helped you to get to day 5, that's a huge achievement and one that only an alcoholic or someone who drinks excessively to cover things up, blot out pain, emotional or physical, would ever understand. Keep going, if the book works for you then fantastic. Keep posting and let us know how you get on with it please? Good luck smile xx

Ma - any news? I know it's early and that maybe you've got other things to sort but please post as soon as you know anything? Massive love and Huggles™ (as Nemo says) to you xxxx

Isinde - I am NOT happy that you didn't look like a Badger's arse when you came here!! Nor did you have your Doc's on or your short sleeved checked shirt, with the sleeves rolled up extra short showing off your dykey tatts..... <sigh> grin I hope you have a lovely weekend, tis raining here!! After being scorching and me getting a tanned cleavage <sniggers> it's now like winter again!

Nemo's not great either.... sad he if full of a cold or hayfever? And his little nose keeps bleeding. Poor wee dude.

Anway, lots to do, best get dressed, etc, etc..... as much as I'd love to go out shopping in my PJs, I do think I'll get some 'looks' grin

Be back later gorgeous Babes xx

dementedma Sat 04-May-13 12:10:10

indie spoils the butch image by having lovely girly curls grin
No word from bro. Am giving him this morning to surface and then dh and I are getting access to his flat this afternoon to see if he's there.
If no sign or clue to where he is, will report him missing I think.
Am off out for a run to burn off the teeny weeny dessert I had last night......

fullofhopefullness Sat 04-May-13 12:57:23

I am back on day 1. Just reread 1st thread and found myself really cheering on jwn and praying she could keep going. Thats while realising that I cant! I found it I inspiing me again and im hoping to do better again. Reminder to reread allan carr. Between all of these things (including this thread and all of you) im back to fullofhope. Also hoping that jwn doing ok still??

fullofhopefullness Sat 04-May-13 14:04:08

Just done first run in bout a year and really enjoyed it. Also had knee and ankle injuries its v hard on those. Maybe nedd to start v slowly em with walks mixed with slow run before building up?

babyjane1 Sat 04-May-13 14:10:52

ion I have a spare copy of the Alan Carr book, they sent me 2, if you PM me your address I will send it to you on Tuesday x x x

babyjane1 Sat 04-May-13 14:14:13

ma please let us know how things go today, really and truly thinking of you xxxx

PurpleWolfe Sat 04-May-13 14:27:37

Sorry - Not alcohol related.

Just had DS2 (7) read the book Mum And Dad Glue with me. For those that are new, my son has been struggling with his father and my separation (over 2 and a half years ago) I'm in tears. DS2 seems fine!! smile

Just in case anyone else has recently gone through a split and has a small, confused, upset child......

My mum and dad are broken
I don't know what to do
My mum and dad have come undone
I need to find some glue

I need a pot of parent glue
To stick them back together
I need to patch their marriage up
I need to make them better

I need to stick their smiles back on
I need to get them mended
I need them to be mum and dad
The way they were intended

They used to kiss and cuddle
But now they tut and sigh
They're breaking up, they're breaking up!
Am I the reason why?

They both say don't be silly
That no one is to blame
Although it's not worked out for them
They love me just the same

My friends say not to worry
My friends say I'll be fine
Lots of parent separate
But no, no, no! Not mine!

I need a pot of parent glue
I need to find some fast
I need to make them whole again
I need to make them last

I'm standing in the glue shop
As far as I can see
There's every glue that you could want
Unless that you is me

There's glue for model aeroplanes
There's glue for plates and drawers
There's glue for paper, glue for wood
There's super fast and super strong
There's tubes and pots and tins
Where every row of wrong glue starts
Another one begins

The owner of the glue shop
Asks what my glue is for
And when she hears my answer
She softly shuts the door

She puts her arm around me
And says it's time to see
That sometimes life works out this way
That what must be must be

I need to look beyond the break
I need to think ahead
I need to see that families
Can live apart instead

The more I hold together
The more I'm super strong
The more I'll come to terms with things
The less it will seem wrong

The way we were is over now
It's time for us to change
It's no one's fault, there is no blame
And yes, it does seem strange

But there's one thing to remember
And this should mean a lot
My parents may be broken
But their love for me is not

Their love for me will never break
It's chip and shatter free
It also comes with something else
A life-time guarantee

I thank her for her kindness
And turn towards the door
I wave to the adhesives
And leave with so much more

If mum and dad could mend themselves
They would have done by now
The will, the should, the must is there
What's missing is the how

Yes, I have been hurting
Yes it feels unfair
But sometimes love gets damaged
Way beyond repair

I pull my life together
And smile as I depart
I need to make the best of things
There is no glue for hearts

Please don't tell me I'm the only soppy moo to cry at this?! xxxxx

Mouseface Sat 04-May-13 14:47:15

Baby - that is a really nice thing to do smile I'm a huge believer in paying it forward smile xx

Ma - teeny dessert? If you are anything like me, you'd have made the desert count!! grin

Good luck with Richard, I'm so scared for you..... not knowing. God bless you all xx

babyjane1 Sat 04-May-13 15:19:55

purple I have went through the same scenario so that poem actually made me cry, absolutely beautiful. mouse pay it forward is a wonderful concept, I live my life by it, have you seen the movie? Talking of paying it forward the best book I ever read is called " A Thousand Splendid Suns" if any of you babes haven't read it, please do, it's amazing xxxxx

PurpleWolfe Sat 04-May-13 15:25:15

<Hands Baby a tissue and administers a hug smile>

Ma Thinking of you. x

BookieMonster Sat 04-May-13 17:16:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dementedma Sat 04-May-13 17:20:45

OK update
Got into his flat. He was there, in bed, fully dressed, shit faced and alive, if only just. He was confused, asked how we got in, tried a few jokes and "oh god I've done it again" but it doesn't wash with me any more.
Tore a strip off him but its pointless. He couldn't remember how much he's had to drink said "lots", he hasn't eaten for a week, fridge has some out of date sandwiches and half a tin of beans. Unwashed, unshaven. Said he was alright but when I said " no you're not alright" he began to cry. I hugged him and then he pushed me away and said to go away and leave him. Said he just wanted to sleep. I went and bought some food - bread, soup, bananas, lucozade, chocolate, cheese - and left it for him. Gave the key back to the barman in the pub downstairs ( who I used to go to school with) and told him Richard had mental health problems and he said I can have the key anytime. So what do I do now? I can't help him, can't fix him, and he can't fix himself. I don't want mum to have him back, she can't cope.
Who will help him? If he was epileptic for example or asthmatic, I would have taken him to hospital, told them he had had an attack and he would be treated. But an "attack" of drinking, being pissed? Who cares?
I think I need to get social services involved, report him as a vulnerable adult in the community, but I don't known if I can do that. He is like a walking skeleton.... Fuck, I don't know what to do

kotinka Sat 04-May-13 17:27:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eminemmerdale Sat 04-May-13 17:50:45

mental health crisis team? they may be willing to go ansd assess him. I'm so sorry sad

lonnika Sat 04-May-13 17:53:39

Ma I don't know what to say - I hope he can get some help soon sad I agree with calling SS in - saying a prayer for your brother x

PurpleWolfe Sat 04-May-13 17:55:49

Thank goodness you went in when you did Ma. I agree with Koti, you need to call in some outside help - you can't do this on your own. x

Fairenuff Sat 04-May-13 18:53:43

Oh yeah, sorry Purple I forgot to warn you that it's very high on the blubbometer. Even dh had a lip wobble when he read it grin

Ma I don't know who can help your brother. Technically he is free to drink himself into oblivion if that's what he wants sad. He is the only one who can help by making that commitment to not drink. I'm so sorry though.

Hi Bookie welcome to the bus. Sorry you overdid it last night. Come back for a chat whenever you feel like it.

PurpleWolfe Sat 04-May-13 19:00:37

Thanks so much for the recommendation Faire. smile xxx

lonnika Sat 04-May-13 19:31:12

ah thanks Babyjane just realised u were talking to me smile. my name begins with a L - So I was busy looking for ion when I realised it was me smile)) Doh - you are very kind smile

Thanks to you too Mouse for your kind words - excited that it will be day 6 tomorrow smile)) -

jango36 Sat 04-May-13 20:07:32

Ma def get the crisis team involved. Yes report him to social services as a vulnerable adult. Least then you will know you have done everything you can. X

Mouseface Sat 04-May-13 20:39:12

Ma - thank fuck he is alive.

Have a ponder over this - SITE and see what you think but it has gotten to the point where you can no longer do this alone sweetheart. It's killing you, never mind HIM.

He needs day to day care and support. It's Bank Holiday Wknd here, is it there too? I'm so sorry that it has come to this but I agree that an third party needs to get involved and NOW.

You must be livid with him. It has to stop now Ma, it really does. YOU have your own life to live, you can't live his life for him as well. Get him sectioned under the mental health act if you have too, if that is the only way he is going to stay alive, then do it.

I've not told many people this but I tried to kill myself once, cleaned the flat from top to bottom, paid all my debts off, unplugged my phone and switched my mobile off. Took pills and drank two bottles of wine because I was so sick of drinking I didn't know where to turn, who to tell, how to start to stop.

My mother found me after my boss called my father to say I hadn't gone to work. Thank fuck she got to me in time. I crawled to the door, in my underwear, unlocked it after taking the safety chain off and removing the table wedged up against it and let her in. Two minutes later I collapsed and was taken to hospital.

I am not proud of that but I was sick, mentally and physically, tired of drinking to numb my pain. The pain that others caused me, I caused me. Life caused me.

Do what you have to do Ma to make this not be your problem anymore, it's not fair. It's not your fault. Richard is ill, very ill. He needs help that you can't give him anymore. God knows that you have tried darling lady you have tried so fucking hard to save him and stop him from drinking. Getting 'Pished' You can do no more alone, you have to seek others out to pass the burden on to them.

Please, please promise me you will find help for HIM AND YOU! It's not healthy for you. Or fair.

Ma - you know where I am, how to reach me, I can hold your hand as much as you need me too, we all can and we all will.



I hope you don't mind me posting that you are in Scotland but I think most people know.

Take care sweets, love to you all xxxxxxx

venusandmars Sat 04-May-13 21:37:40

ma so glad that Richard was there, and alive (if not exactly kicking), I can only imagine how your heart was in your mouth when you went in to his flat sad And yet I totally understand the massive range of other feelings you must be having too - the relief, the bloody anger at him, the compassion, it's a tough cocktail of emotions.

Hope all other babes are safe and well tonight. I am only too well aware that Richard's story could be mine, so tonight I will not be drinking.

venusandmars Sat 04-May-13 21:39:11

mouse sending hugs to you, for your honesty and bravery. Sleep well lovely xx

BookieMonster Sat 04-May-13 21:50:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dementedma Sat 04-May-13 22:03:03

mouse thank you for the links. I will follow them up but it is bank holiday here too so probably won't be able to get hold off anyone.
I can't stop visualising him in that shitty flat, on his own, its only a street away but could be on another planet. Is he awake now? Does he remember I called round? Will he eat any of the food, or just drink more because he no longer has any hope? Is he angry that I got access, that I saw him like that? Does he understand that I care, that WE care? I hate that he is alone and lonely and full of self hate and despair and wretchedness. ..sniff
I will try some of the organisation s you have all mentioned. Thank you.

Mouseface Sat 04-May-13 22:11:38

Ma - for today, you have done as much as you can. I'm so sorry xxx

Off to bed, thank you venus smile xx

dementedma Sat 04-May-13 22:42:44

Phoned Breathing Space. They were lovely. Said there are residential places but he needs to be referred by his GP. There will be no-one there on Monday though.

venusandmars Sun 05-May-13 00:43:48

ma I understand how you are feeling - I know it is an entirely different context but many of the questions you ask about Richard are the same as we ask about our aged parents: Do they remember I was there? Do they care? Will they care for themselves or ask for help from others? Are they angry with us for interfering in their lives? Do they hate us for putting them into some kind of care / hospital and do they even want to make the effort that is required to recover and live?

At the end of the day all we can do is what we do - and by that I mean that we each do the best we can, and part of doing 'the best we can' includes looking after ourselves and our families (and most importantly ourselves).

ma you are a strong, loving and conscientious sister, but this is not your responsibility and it is not within your control. Your love and attention have held Richard and kept him alive until today and that is fabulous, but his life and hope is his responsibility. He will either take that, or not.

CriticalBatteryLevel Sun 05-May-13 04:14:08

Hi, I've decided to n/c to continue posting here if that's ok. I'm admitting to myself now that I need to get in charge of my drinking but I feel a bit wobbly about doing it under my usual name so here goes...
I've always had a bit of an all or nothing approach to alcohol. I can happily not drink for days then when I have one glass, I can't stop. I come from a family of addictive personalities and I'm getting more and more worried about the lack of control I have wrt alcohol. DH drinks very little indeed so it's even more obvious.
I don't know where to start. Do I need AA? Can I do this myself?
Dh's job involves a lot of corporate socializing and I'm finding it harder to manage my alcohol intake in these situations. I don't want to be the drunk wife he has to apologize for. What should I do?

dementedma Sun 05-May-13 10:06:00

Welcome * critical*. You have done a courageous thing accepting and admitting your problem. You will find great help and support on here and no judging.
mouse will be along soon with bacon butties.<hopeful>.

lonnika Sun 05-May-13 10:29:44

Day 6 peeps smile)). Had a lovely lime and lemonade last night - tasted sooooo much nicer than anything alcoholic smile)) Loving, loving, loving being sober. No more guilt, worry or anguish about what I am doing to myself!!! I want to grow old and have a good life. Only briefly on Friday when I found a bottle of red wine at the back of the cupboard did I haveamoment of thinking 'just one would be lovely '

However, I played the film though to the end - and reminded myself just how great I felt being sober - and how waking up had been great without feelings of guilt.

Welcome critical - my advice would be to give up completely - I have tried moderation, cutting down etc but found it took stressful. - anyway I no longer want to put poison in my body ---- good luck to you - read all the threads as well I have found them touching, helpful, inspirational and at times the wake up call I needed.


See u all later - going out with mil, fil, DH and the kids (note only adult not drinking last night was meeeeeeeee smile)!!!!!!!

greeneyed Sun 05-May-13 10:38:07

Lonnika what a fab post! smile. Oh ma thinking of you - hope you can get him along to his GPs on Tuesday xx

Hi all,
Ma I am so relieved that you found him alive if not well. I think Venus has it pretty much nailed in her last post. You are a wonderful and compassionate woman and I know your heart is hurting to watch Richard in this state. I think you can encourage him to go to his GP and report him as a vulnerable person to social services but ultimately it has to his decision to get the help he so clearly needs.
Sending love and strength my amazing friend. xx

Critical Welcome to the bus lovely. "What should I do?" Well join the bus and post here is a good start. smile Also, if you can happily not drink for days then can you make a pact with yourself not to drink when you are accompanying your DH at a corporate do?
Lots of Babes on here do AA and they are friendly and helpful when you phone them. Check out a meeting near you and maybe give it a go?

Have you worked out any particular triggers - people, places, times etc and can you get some strategies to help with these?

We have MIL visiting and last night I just let DP and MIL do everything in the kitchen and sat in the living room and read the paper. Largely because I know that drinking wine whilst cooking is a massive trigger for me. (and I also got out of cooking dinner for once!)

Hope everyone has a good day. Weather lovely here so we are all off to the local National Trust place for a run around the playground and a picnic. have good days all. xx

CriticalBatteryLevel Sun 05-May-13 10:49:31

Feeling more clear headed now. I think my strategy going forward is to be the nominated driver at these events. I absolutely do not drink and drive so that should help in those situations.
At home or out with friends, I don't know. Does anyone ever succeed in setting themselves a limit?

CriticalBatteryLevel Sun 05-May-13 10:53:52

Particular triggers? Definitely when we're going out or entertaining. I'm viewed as a life and soul of the party person who makes everyone happy and laugh. I feel the pressure to live up to that and I don't feel that interesting or funny without the crutch of a drink.

Not me lovely. blush
I can do none....
I can do one....with effort
I can occasionally do two...if all other means of getting more is removed
But I havent been able to set a limit and stick to it in the last ten years.

Some others do though..grin But I definitely can't.

Morning Babes. Brilliant post Lonnika.
It is great not poisoning yourself daily & suffering all the time.
Well after 84 days without a drink I'm back to day 1. Went on leaving do & had 3 shandies & that small amount of alcohol woke the wine witch up. Drank quite a few glasses of wine, had a good time & wasn't too late. Suffering today though.
Was pleased that I came home & went to bed by 11pm. That's a change for me as the old me would have stayed out then came home & drank some more.
Really not worth feeling rough though.
Glad you found your db MA. Where I am the psychiatric hospital has an alcohol clinic & would be available Sunday's and bank holidays, don't know if this would be somewhere you could phone today for advice? Also you said his flat is above a pub, that seems a hard place for him to be whilst battling alcoholism, not sure if that could change?
Wishing all babes a good day today x

lonnika Sun 05-May-13 14:16:31

Thanks oh clutter and green eyed - 84 days wow - congrats and welcome back to day 1 smile
It is people like you two that have been big inspirations to me smile Many thanks smile

venusandmars Sun 05-May-13 14:48:58

clutter well done on 84 days - you can do that all over again, if you want smile Isn't it interesting how the taste / feeling of a little bit of alcohol stirs up the old sensations and desires. On the occasions when I have had a drink I have found myself more tempted over the next few days too. So my advice is to gird your loins, and re-establish whatever strategies worked well for you at the start of your 84 days (go back and re-read your posts on the thread if that helps too).

critical welcome and well done for posting. I'm another one who was no good at setting a limit. Well that's not accurate I was very good at setting myself a limit, I was just terrible at sticking to it. Didn't matter whether the limit was 2 glasses per day, or 21 units per week, on not drinking before 12noon, or only drinking on alternate days, or only at weekends - I broke them all. Oh there was always a good reason pathetic excuse a reason to reward myself, or console myself, or cheer myself up, or calm myself down...... you get the picture.

In reality i find it much easier not to drink anything at all, than to try and limit what I have. At social events my main tactic is to know beforehand what non-alcoholic drink I'm going to ask for (with a back up choice too) so I know that I'm going to ask for a lime and tonic (not too much lime), or grapefruit and soda. And I always know that I can ask for a sparkling water or a coke if that's all they have. That way I'm not caught on the hop and end up just opting for a wine out of habit.

As for AA? Some love it, some hate it - why don't you try it and see. Don't dismiss anything out of hand, you never know what will work for you, after all, none of the people who go to AA ever started out with that in their life plan as the best place to go of an evening. What does help is having some real-life support, whether that is AA, or another recovery group, or your GP, or alcohol counselling. Drinking can be such a secret addiction that having real-life support and somewhere that you can be honest about your drinking, your struggles, your triumphs, is really valuable.

dementedma Sun 05-May-13 14:55:27

Ooh clutter that's interesting to know. I am going down to the flat soon to see what state he's in. Have found a place that is residential but does have some NHS funded places if we can get a referral from the GP. Think that's the only option now - he has done AA and one to one counselling to no avail.

Thanks Venus, yep I do want to do it again. Hate feeling hungover today. I thought if I had a couple of shandies then that would be fine but I think I've shown myself that I can't do that & like you I have to have nothing as the teensiest amount of alcohol releases the wine witch & her greedy ways confused

Today has been hard with my boy on a hangover. Have done nothing in the house, no washing, cleaning. Had McDonalds for breakfast & chips for tea. Just feel exhausted.
A few hours of drinking is so not worth today! x

dementedma Sun 05-May-13 19:44:31

Another update, if you all don't mind. Had a long and difficult few hours with Richard today. He has already had two bottles of wine by mid-afternoon. He's drinking 3 to 4 bottles a day. It was very very bad, too long to write here. He wants to die, says there is no point going on. He hasn't eaten any of the foo d I left. He says no-one can help him and that he is frightened he is dying. He asked his counsellor a few weeks ago to be sectioned, but she apparently said that things didn't work like that. A lot of tears, pleading with me not to leave him. A lot of shame, apologies, fear. He's hasn't washed in days, he stinks.says he wants all the voices in his head to stop. Says they never stop.
I will try and get hold of a gp to get him referred to rehab - he wants to go but should he be sectioned? Anyone know anything about it?

I would phone your psychiatric hospital & say all that has happened. They will have a crisis team that will assess & can go out to see Richard tonight. I think they would hear that Richard is at risk of harming himself & they can properly assess him.
Huge hugs MA, situation sounds heartbreaking & exhausting for you x

jango36 Sun 05-May-13 20:30:54

Hi all. Not doing so bad here, made it to day 12 and have had some wine. Very small amount three units?. I am/will stop at this. Just couldnt bear a hangover end of. Am planning to have small amount again tomorrow - then am aiming to have none for ten days or so. It seems there are triggers everwhere, this hot weather being a biggie!.
Ma have you thought about calling out the on call gp for Richard. You may strike lucky and have a good one who will make relevant referals??.

Mouseface Sun 05-May-13 21:29:53

Ma - he is in need of serious help and now. He is capable of harming himself and/or others and needs to be in a secure and safe place with the the right support.

Call A&E. Ask them what they would do if he was brought in, there should be a duty psych on call 24/7. Ask and see what they would do should he be brought in via ambulance or if he walked in himself. If he is hearing voices, he is a real danger to himself.

He's having psychotic episodes and he is very scared by the sounds of it. The alcohol will be exacerbating the symptoms and the effects of his condition. Call NHS Direct at the very least...... someone can help you. Him. But it needs to be soon. Very soon.

He should be sectioned but have a read of this - SITE

And this SITE TOO to give you a rough idea of what to do.

Have YOU got any support? You must be utter rung out sweetheart. Have you eaten? Slept? I wish I was nearer to support you.

Talk to whoever you can get hold of. Personally, I think he should be sectioned for his own safety now. It's gone past just drinking...... it's more like suicidal attempts, I'm sorry to say sweets sad sad sad

Big hugs xxxxx

dementedma Sun 05-May-13 21:47:43

I'm OK. My sister in London has phoned, as has my brother in York. He is normally very judgemental - thinks Richard is just a pisshead - but sis in London has given him the severity of the situation and he was very supportive. He is off all this week so will come up of needed which is surprising, but welcome. Mum might need him if Richard is sectioned this week.we are united in protecting mum from all of this.I have another sister abroad, but she will do the cats bum face about people who drink too much, so haven't contacted her.
I promised I would take Ds out to tomorrow for a picnic and a castle, so still want to do that but am torn between my two families now. Won't take Richard with us if he is drunk, and risk the DTS taking him sober.Ds will be frightened. But leaving Richard for one more day while I have a nice family day out, might be one day too late....

greeneyed Sun 05-May-13 21:56:56

ma tell your bro to come up tomorrow. He IS needed, you don't have to do this alone xx

Ma this maybe a bit late to post advice but I would very stongly recommend that you phone your brother in York and say "YES, actually dear brother I need you to help me with this. Even if you are beyond your tolerance with Richard, actually this is now about you helping me and Mum so get in the car and come up now.

He can be with you in three to four hours. Just plainly and calmly ask him to do that.

I know this is hard a d I think that maybe the time is now to insist on some additik al family support?.


thurso13 Sun 05-May-13 23:32:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morning babes, how's everyone today? I just want to write down what 7 hours of drinking is doing to me so that next time I feel tempted I can read back. I know in light of MA's brothers problems mine are very low down but for me they're mine & real.

* yesterday felt like complete shit
* had no time, energy or patience for little boy
* did no washing, cooking or cleaning
* just left my teenage dd to get on with it
* been trying to be healthy & ate nothing but crap all day yesterday
* woke up today, throat is shot, chesty cough is back
* whole body aches
* feet are all cut from wearing high heels for too long
*friend at work posted a video on Facebook of me doing a walkover in a pub after jäger shots....mortified, she's now took it down!
* Just don't want to do anything today, so 2 days of no washing.
* know there's no way I would of made it in to work today so thankfully Monday holiday & I don't work Tuesdays so got til Wednesday to get back to normal

All this from 7 hours drinking hmm

Anyway wishing everyone a lovely bank holiday Monday, hope you get some sun apparently we're not in Scotland hmm

Ha ha just realised that may read like I can't be arsed getting washed, I've had baths & shower! It's no washing of clothes. In this house I have to do a minimum of 1 a day to keep on top of it & did none yesterday & now can't be bothered today! I'm not the stinking the bus up...honest!

lonnika Mon 06-May-13 09:24:07

LOL Ohclutter - I did wonder smile

Day 7 for me - DAY 7 Whoop whoop whoop!!!!
Just taken DD to a sporting event - going back later with grandparents and DH to cheer her on. Usually would have got DH to take her as I wouldn't have wanted to got up early to take her.

Anyway today is a lovely day - I just wish I was sleeping more at night :/

One week sober - So pleased with myself smile

Theala Mon 06-May-13 09:30:35

Well done lonnika! That's brilliant.

Well, I've had a Saturday of drinking far far too much and drank more than a few glasses of wine last night as well. Not enough to be drunk, but still. No alcohol for me at all this week.

Well done Lonnika, that's amazing, go you ! gringrin
Theala, sorry you've overdone it, it's just not worth it after is it? Good for a while but then the after effects totally outweigh any good. Hope you feel better soon x

Mouseface Mon 06-May-13 09:45:24

Morning, tis me, Mouse

sad Ma, I've been thinking of you all night.

Ma - you ABSOLUTELY MUST ask your brother for help. You are at breaking point sweetheart. You need a break from being the one to go looking for him, you need a break from worrying when the phone rings if it's going to be the police to tell you the worst has happened.

Oh Ma - I'm sorry but please darling lady, please, please ask your brother to come and now. Enough is enough, you've done much more than most because after all is said and done, after all he has put you through, he is still your flesh and blood and you love him. Watching him waste away, killing himself, wanting to die, wanting to leave you and those who are around him must be crushing.

Ma - Please sweetheart. Please get the help that is being offered. Lots of love xxxxx

lonnika Mon 06-May-13 09:48:30

2 sporting quotes my dd shared this morning with me
relevant to me (not saying they will be to everyone)

If it is important to you, you will find a way. I f not you will find an excuse.

When everything feels like an uphill struggle just think of the view from the top smile)))

Theala Mon 06-May-13 09:51:33

clutter It's not, but...I wish I could turn off the part of my brain that says "Get drunk! It'll be fun!" even when I've proven time and time again to myself that any fun is far outweighed by the negative consequences.
FGS, the man I love is seriously considering loving me because of my drinking, and I still think that getting drunk will be fun. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Theala Mon 06-May-13 09:52:17

is considering leaving me, not loving.

dementedma Mon 06-May-13 09:53:56

Thanks all. Will try and get hold of emergency psychiatric team today if we can't hang on for gp tomorrow. Mum will be back tomorrow and I need to have some positive actions to tell her to soften the blow. Depending on what medical peeps say and where they put Richard, then I will ask John to come up for a few days.
thurso good to see you. We must catch up soon!
All those doing well - well done!
And can I just ask.......where is the fucking sunshine? angry

Lonnika, love those quotes. I remember splitting from my dd's dad & life was tough & I remember my Auntie saying to me the things that are the hardest uphill struggles give you the easiest way down...or something like that!
Theala, I know I know I so hear you. It is fun at first & then your brain tells you you want more & more alcohol & so you are not in any way in control of the situation & then life falls down around you. For me it's the feeling of the next day/days that is a deterrent for me. But this has took me years of trying to control, moderate my drinking. Everyone is different and everyone will have a level (or not) of where they say enough I need to stop.
I couldn't do it on my own & went to my Gp, then alcohol services, this bus, Allen Carr, family. But even then with just a couple of shandies I undid 3 months of feeling great about not drinking. Wishing you well & hope you can reach out for help in real life.

MA there is no sun in Scotland, I think down south are hogging it all!

Fairenuff Mon 06-May-13 10:52:47

It's here ma. For once and everyone is out and about in it. Well done on everything you've done so far for your db. You are a wonderfully compassionate and caring sister, he is lucky to have you. I think all the advice you've had here is great and I really hope it's not too late for him.

If it is important to you, you will find a way. I f not you will find an excuse

Lonnika I particularly like this quote - it can be applied to so many things. Well done on one week sober. It's interesting to see the difference in the posts from abstainers and hangover sufferers. Just one more illustration of how it's just not worth it.

I used to think that giving up alcohol would make me miserable when, in fact, it is quite the opposite. It makes me alive, awake, aware, full of energy and capable of so much more.

I do still drink now and again but I don't drink to excess. I don't like those awful hangovers that have been described and the guilt, shame and remorse that can go hand in hand with drinking too much. I had to force myself to stop and learn some strategies but now it's much easier.

Have a good day all. I will not be drinking today smile

Theala Mon 06-May-13 11:18:09

Thanks clutter. I've been to my GP and have an appointment with a psychiatrist for next week. I think I might be depressed as well as drinking too much, or the drinking too much has brought on depression, I don't know. Anyway, hopefully next week's app will start helping.
In the meantime, I shall be drinking a lot of tea. smile

I hope you can get your brother the help he needs also, Ma.

I used to think that giving up alcohol would make me miserable when, in fact, it is quite the opposite. It makes me alive, awake, aware, full of energy and capable of so much more.
Fairenuff this is where I want to get to. Thank you for showing it's possible.

jango36 Mon 06-May-13 15:51:24

Hi all checkingin for today .. It's a beautiful day and for that I am grateful smile) but sigh I am gonna be on the side car for today•sigh•.. Partner has really pissed me off today. Don't want to be in same house never mind room as himsad( that's not healthy is it.. Should prob start a thread in relationships really .. I have got so much to be thankfull for but feel this relationship is like a life sentence sad( such a long old story.. Anyone similar ? Prob not sad( ..

dementedma Mon 06-May-13 21:45:22

I hope u don't mind another update. Apologies for newbies who may be fed up with this. To cut a long story short, NHS 24 were worse than usual. Got an ambulance in the end. 4 hours in A and E and they sent him home.'psychiatric wouldn't help him, wouldn't see him because he'd been drinking. He was sobbing, banging his head with his hands, pulling his hair, saying "help me. Help me. Don't make me go home". They sent him home. I have managed to get him showered and some food and he is in front of the telly in his flat with a bottle of wine. If he is still alive in the morning we will go to the gp and try and get hold of his counsellor.
There is nothing else I can do. He was right when he said no-one will help him.

Fairenuff Mon 06-May-13 22:00:03

Ma if he tells the gp he's been hearing voices and is thinking of harming himself, they will help him I'm sure. Is he drinking to drown out the voices? Is alcohol the secondary problem? He should tell the gp that too if so.

HorsesDogsNails Mon 06-May-13 22:00:55

Oh Ma, I don't know what to say..... I feel so much for you and Richard - I can't imagine feeling so without hope.

Take care of you and yours and have a horsey-hug from me x

greeneyed Mon 06-May-13 22:06:19

Oh my fucking God Ma what the fuck is wrong with this country, I'm so sorry sad . I hope tomorrow is better with the GP. Can't imagine how abandoned you must feel, so so sorry for Richard and yousad

dementedma Mon 06-May-13 22:18:39

Thanks all. Spent so lo ng reassuring him that there were people out there who would help him, it was heartbreaking to be turned away. he said " see.I told you no-one can help me. I am beyond help. Just another useless fucking drunk".
Three cheers for our awesome paramedics though who were just lovely and persuaded him into the ambulance by saying they would take him to someone who could help him!
Mum comes home tomorrow, brother John coming Wednesday.just weary and sad tonight. So painful to see him in that pitiful state today

thurso13 Tue 07-May-13 06:48:59


Dear Ma thinking of you, and Richard today. I'm so sorry that you had such a bad experience at the hospital. Heartbreaking.

T xxxx

Thinking of you & your family MA.
I don't know where you are in the country but a few years ago I did a placement with the alcohol services nurse at the Ritson clinic at the royal Edinburgh psychiatric hospital. She looked after many patients just like your brother. Quite often people would phone the royal ed in the first instance & then get assessed that way. The fact that he is hearing voices & is suicidal then I would think he needs psychiatric services within the alcohol services part.
Could you phone psychiatric services where you are?
Sorry you were turned away from a&e. Just doesn't make sense when your brother is so unwell x

curryeater Tue 07-May-13 09:41:56

Hi all.
Ma, sounds horrific. My heart goes out to you.

I have been drinking about 35 units a week since the move. That's about a month ago.

Today I will not be drinking.

So so sorry you and your family (and Richard) are having to deal with this Ma
I wish I had something more helpful to offer lovely mate but it sounds as though you are doing all you can. Glad to hear that your brother is coming up tomorrow.
You have my number if you want to off-load or if I can be of any help.

Sending you love at such a hard time. xx

Mouseface Tue 07-May-13 10:44:56

Tis me, Mouse angry

Oh My Fucking Jeff Ma, that is abysmal treatment from A&E but I guess that they won't help unless he's stabbing himself? hmm

He posses a real threat to himself and others. He wants to fucking die ffs! He is hearing voices in his head, he is sobbing because he can do no more than keep drinking to stop the detox kicking in, stop the physical pain that the withdrawal will bring on.

I'm so sorry that he was turned away even though he was presenting real symptoms of psychosis and no-one helped him? It's so sad Ma, so very sad.

Oh Ma, I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that, all of those promises that he'll be helped, only to be turned away?!

I'm glad your mum is back today in one way but not another. I'm also glad your brother is coming tomorrow, you are utterly exhausted and I bet the moment the pressure is taken off you, you'll collapse into a heap of emotional exhaustion so be ready for that, let it happen and just cry it all out sweetheart.

It's great that he's showered and eaten something. He absolutely MUST NOT STOP DRINKING without medical intervention. He will go into shock and his body can't cope with that right now.

Wine is his air. It will be for a while yet..... until they can wean him off it, gradually, controlled and monitored. In a safe, secure and hopefully psychiatric hospital.

Alcohol can cause psychotic episodes and most certainly will worsen all mental health issues that he has. He needs professional help, he needs it today, he's needed it for a long time. I can't believe that the hospital turned him away but I suppose that they will see as he said, 'Just another drunk' sad

We're all here for you anytime Ma - keep posting, keep letting it out here, you need a release.

Mouse xx

(Sorry for waffling rant, needed to get it down and off to school)

Orchidlady Tue 07-May-13 10:57:46

Ma sorry to hear you are having such trouble with you DB. Hope this is helpful but a couple of years ago went through a similar thing with DP, was having a complete breakdown, drinking 3/4 bottles of wine, tried to kill himself etc, in the end on the phone he agreed with GP that I could discuss his problems with her. She called in MHT and they were truely fantastic, came here every day for a 2 weeks, could have had him sectioned if I has said so but let him stay at home. Sound like your DB would agree for you to talk on his behalf?

Orchidlady Tue 07-May-13 11:03:41

Also wanted to add that MHT were never critical about the drinking, they would sit here and talk to him whilst swiggging wine. Eventually got him into clinic and on medication. He still drinks but in much more controlled way

obrigada Tue 07-May-13 11:45:54

Ma, my thoughts are with you and Richard today, have been following thread over the weekend but my phone won't let me log in to mumsnet!

Got fitted with 24hr blood pressure monitor this morning, weekend was alcohol freesmile

Lemonylemon Tue 07-May-13 11:50:06

Oh Ma. What a godawful nightmare for you. Can you speak to Richard's GP? I remember when my Mum was in a state and she swore that the staff on the ward had performed a play and that her brother was with her watching. I told her that she must have dreamed it and she was absolutely adamant that she had not and that it was real.

Obviously, this was caused by the toxins in the liver getting out and circulating round the body to her brain. Has Richard been drained? Is his abdomen distended? If so, you could try and go round the back door to get him into hospital for that one.

The first stop should be his GP. He needs to tell the GP about the voices in his head. Can you or your brother get Richard's permission for the GP to speak to you about his illness and what treatment he needs. He needs a full blood test done to test for potassium/sodium overload amongst other things.

Thinking of you.

Day 1 here again. I reached Day 5 on Saturday, went to a wedding - away from the babies for about 12 hours. Drank 2.5 small glasses of champagne in all that time. Drank plenty of water.

Sunday I had a couple of glasses of wine after taking Mum home. Didn't overdo it - I had too much to do yesterday. Last night, I had a bottle.

Today I will not be drinking.

<<Waves to all you other lovely babes>>

Mintyy Tue 07-May-13 11:58:44

De-lurking just to add to the support for Ma and to express my utter disgust at your db being sent home from A&E!!! Wtf??? I hope it is going better today Ma.

In case anyone is remotely interested I have had a relatively sober but not entirely alcohol free weekend and today I will not be drinking.

obrigada Tue 07-May-13 12:20:41

Joins Lemony and Mintyy in not drinking todaysmile

Mouseface Tue 07-May-13 12:59:46

Well done Lemony and Mintyy - go for it Obrigada smile

I bought a steam cleaner and it broke on first use yesterday, I've just had to send it back and it cost me £12.28.

It's a hand held little thing and I am so so so so fucked off. I bet my furry little ass they won't refund my bloody postage. I'm about to contact them to complain as well. Fuckers. angry

<wonders if she's a teeny tiny bit hormental?> grin

Fightlikeagirl Tue 07-May-13 13:01:29

Hi ladies,
Can I jump on your bus please?

I have had an uneasy feeling for a couple of years that I may not have a good relationship with alcohol.

I don't crave alcohol and only go out once every couple of months so when my husband told me last year that he couldn't cope with my drinking anymore I was confused and thought he was being unreasonable.

He then filmed me one night when I was drunk and I was horrified to hear the things that were coming out of my mouth. I promised to cut down but still didnt think I had a problem, just thought that I'm a bad drunk!

So for the past year or so I have managed to cut down and not drink to oblivion when out with friends and limit myself to just 2 drinks when me and husband are having a drink at home.

So all under control until Friday... Went out with some new friends and didn't realise how drunk I was until I was crying inconsolably. I knew I had gone too far and tried to sneak off but being lovely ladies they wouldn't let me leave alone so brought me home in cab. Didn't remember a thing next day.

Feel utterly ashamed of myself. I haven't told dh how drunk I was, that's when I realised I do have a problem, otherwise why am I hiding it?!
Am determined to go back to controlling how much I drink- am out again this weekend so am seeing it as a chance to prove to myself that I can drink responsibly again.

I'm sorry to unload, I know my problems are very very small compared to some that I have read on here but feel so alone with this.

Orchidlady Tue 07-May-13 13:04:47

mouse how did you get on with your mums blood testing kit?

Mouseface Tue 07-May-13 13:19:30

I've just contacted Amazon and they've refunded me £13.00!!! Bloody hell! grin

<takes back rant> grin

Welcome fightlikeagirl. My relationship with alcohol sounds quite similar to yours. For me the shame, regret is just not worth the night drinking alcohol.
Just got to run out the door but wante to welcome you to the bus & will post more later.
Also I drank on Saturday for first time in 3 months & still not back to normal today, feel low & depressed.
I hate alcohol!
On the plus side its beautiful here in skies & warm sunshine x

Fightlikeagirl Tue 07-May-13 13:47:02

Thank you for welcoming me,
Beautiful and sunny down here too smile

guggenheim Tue 07-May-13 13:48:34

Hi lovelies,
just checking in.

oh ma I am so sorry- I think of you and Richard lots. You are doing everything (and more) that you can possibly do for him, what a lovely laydee you are.

I'm so sorry that he was turned away by A&E when he is so clearly in need of help. I know that some people like to think that addicts choose to drink and drug to extreme states but really, the medical profession should know better! I guess that A&E have a blanket rule about keeping booze out of the department?

Look after yourself lovely. xx

guggenheim Tue 07-May-13 13:54:36

'Lo there clutter have been watching your posts with interest,lovely. When you said that you wanted to drink I thought about posting: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
But then decided it might just pee you off a bit grin. I'm glad that you hated it though I'm not glad that you had a bad time! It wasn't worth it at all, was it?
It's ONLY alcohol and it isn't worth one minute of our time or energy, it doesn't taste nice and doesn't improve a single thing.

Welcome to fight- great name by the way. Hope you find support and sobriety on the bus.

Big wave to all x

dementedma Tue 07-May-13 13:54:56

Thank you all for the support. You guys are really helping. Try to keep it short been to his counsellor and gp today. Both have reinforced that psychiatric not touch him until he is booze free! Offered 7 day detox with medication but he says he isn't ready for that yet, not strong enough. Upshot of this mornings work is that he will have one bottle only today - we shall see which he says he can do. Same tomorrow and Thursday then will see Sarah his counsellor again on Friday to see if he is ready to start detox. Has one weeks diazepam from gp and another appointment next week. Referrals u derway for both the medical addiction team and phhsciatric form some weeks in the future. He says he feels a bit more positive. Has gone back to his flat with his bottle of wine but is relatively calm today.
We shall see. Mum home in a couple of hours...

Mouseface Tue 07-May-13 13:57:07

Sorry to ignore you, I missed your post, hello Flutter smile - Welcome x

Orchid - 5.2 so 'normal, she said get to the docs anyway as it could be my thyroid, I've put weight on rather than losing it too, which when you are trying to be good grin

Be back later smile

Orchidlady Tue 07-May-13 14:15:40

mouse don't laugh but I have a seriously underactive thyroid was diagnosed 10 years ago, you must think I am making it up.grin on 200 mg of thyroxine a day. Symptoms not able to loose weight, falling asleep on my desk, very irritable. My GP did not beleive me and took several visits to get a blood test, though I was just being a lazy bitch. So don't take no for an answer.

Guggs I really wish I had planned my day out better. When I went to a wedding last year I had a solid plan written down with non-alcoholic drinks to tick off. I also checked in with the bus which helped me on the straight & narrow. With those supports in place I managed a whole day wedding without getting shit faced & felt great!
I just fell flat on Saturday but realise I hadn't planned past I'll drink shandies & can manage! For 3 days now I've felt shit & my voice is still not back properly & got meeting with new line manager tomorrow!

We have money worries with mortgage & childcare & after 3 months of not drinking was starting to see light. Yet the last 3 days all my worries, insecurities, anxious feelings, depressive thoughts have been back with a vengeance.

Don't want to put myself back here again. For those few hours the negative effects just are not worth all this. I don't even remember the end of the night & would rather go out & be present the whole evening & wake up the next day feeling great. I woke up Sunday with make-up still on. Beautiful necklace my work gave me on. Lost the necklace I had on hmm
Love & strength to all babes tonight to tell the ol wine witch to bugger off x

lonnika Tue 07-May-13 20:21:49

Evening peeps smile)
day 8 here - wish I could say I was feeling great but frankly I am not sad
Hoping a few good nights sleep will help.
Anyway not drinking tonight smile
Ma - think you are doing great - best wishes for you and your brother.
Ohclutter your post reminded me why I am stopping drinking - thanks needed to hear that today as struggling smile
Anyway of to get a lime and lemonade and watch the apprentice x

curryeater Tue 07-May-13 20:50:58

Hi Lonnika, sorry you aren't feeling great. Hope the apprentice takes your mind off things.

Clutter you are so right about the planning.
And about the mood. Feeling very doomy after days of over-drinking. Need to pull myself together.

Right off for a bath.

Hope things are ok with you, Ma.

dementedma Tue 07-May-13 20:54:50

My fucking younger brother now thinks he might not come up after all! Doesn't want to see Richard like that. Boo fucking hoo. Can't believe for all his fine words he is going to bail on us...mother really hurt at his selfish attitude. Fucking SHIT HEAD!
Well fuck him. I'll look after Richard myself and john can fuck the fuck off.

Sorry your not sleeping so great Lonnika, I've tried various sleeping tabs from Gp as not a great sleeper but at the moment what's working for me is the herbal night time Kalms. Good luck & hope the apprentice helps.
Curry sorry your feeling so rubbish. I'm seeing for me how quickly alcohol is a depressant. Hope you can manage some alcohol free days & your mood lifts.
MA that's shocking, selfish, cruel. How does he feel it it is for you seeing your db like this. If he can't come through for db could he not at least be a support to you & his mother? hmm
Night babes, off to bed & really hoping to feel back to normal tomorrow, sure a day at work will help shock x

guggenheim Tue 07-May-13 21:54:17

Hi clutter hope you didn't mind my comment. Personally I think that curiosity gets the better of us after a while sober and everyone likes to try drink again just to see what will happen. I know that that was just a one off for you and you don't seem to be keen to repeat the experience.
How's the new job? Sorry to hear about the necklace.

'lo there curry and lonnika

ma will you say something to your younger bro? Or does he already have a flea in his ear? grin the bus had some spare last time I looked

dementedma Tue 07-May-13 22:12:51

guggs he already got a flea in his ear from my sis...We shall see.

Mouseface Tue 07-May-13 22:16:59

Orchid - Not laughable at all sweetheart smile

Today, I fell asleep with my head on my netbook after a bowl of Rice Krispies with a sprinkling of sweetener and semi skimmed milk, then after lunch, ham & cheese barm, late so threw on bread what we had in the fridge because it's new/replacement fridge day on Thursday, then my friend came so I was up and about for half an hour before going to get Nemo from school.

The moment we got back, I fell asleep at the netbook doing my admin again, head on the bloody keyboard. hmm

I'm piling weight on, thirsty, (five pints of water so far) peeing loads but not a huge surprise! Not sleeping properly at night, even though I'm beyond exhausted, reflux, then up in the night lots to pee. But I'm drinking lots, thirsty lots, even in the night, drinking out of a 1/2 ltr bottle of water.

So, blood test and weeing into a pot? Very hormental and totally up and down like a fecking yo-yo. Yes, I've had a lot on of late but this is more

Thank you for asking Orchid, so much for asking. xx

Off to bed, will update properly when I'm more awake. Be Brave Babes xxxx

Sorry to ignore everyone else but MA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - why can't he come help? It's not fair that this is all laid at your door. Why? sad xx

KoalaKube Tue 07-May-13 22:24:20

Hello Babes - been awol for a couple of weeks and had to find you all again cos of the the new thread. Sorry to hear of so many troubles at the moment for some of you.

Life here in the Koala house is very busy, house is rented out from August and all spick and span in anticipation, lots of baggage thrown out (still a little more to go), new flat getting sorted, big plans to competely renovate and build extension to fit us all in. I'm starting my course tomorrow going in 3 times a week will be a stretch, along with work and planning the big move - but it must be done. Youngest DD much happier now she can see that plans are moving forward and she only has a few more months in her Dad's house of horrors! I'm so proud to be the mother of my daughters - they are fab.

No drinking here as of next week it will be 5 months sober. AA has suffered as has the bus because of my manic crazy life, but it will get easier and I'm so grateful for the help of the meetings and the net connecting with both just reafirms my decision to stop was the only way I could be of any use to myself, my girls and the world. Life Rocks!!

Are we still weight watching, as I'm now 20 lbs lighter and people are noticing - double chin officially gone.

I really feel as though I've climbed the hill and am looking at the view - playing the video in reverse I would have been drunk on the couch, filthy and depressed watching Bargain Hunt, liver probably failing, and my daughters would have been taking care of me instead of the other way around.

I daren't play it forward at the moment , but if I could write the script the move will go well, I'll get planning permission, find the extra money, have a georgeous and trustworthy builder working on the flat, whilst working for a fab boss in an interesting role, with happy daughter able to concentrate on getting her A levels and going to university to start her new journey.

I pray this will continue. I WILL NOT BE DRINKING.


Amazing post Koala. What a true inspiration you are not to drink. You are helping my resolve that life is just better when you don't poison yourself regularly! Well done, a truly brave babe. Wishing that all you hope for does happen xx

Thanks for a wonderfully inspirational post Koala bless you for sharing that, it has strengthened my resolve!
Day 3 again here
Hope everyone has good days.
X x

dementedma Wed 08-May-13 08:09:25

koala thank you for some much needed inspiration and hope

Lemonylemon Wed 08-May-13 09:34:25

Oh Koala! I hope to be able to post like you in a few months....

However, for me, it's Day 1 again.

ma I think this might be the time to let rip at John. In the most ladylike way of course wink

mouse do you have an appointment with a GP? It's all sounding a bit meh.

Everyone else - have a {HUG} I'm not ignoring you all.... Just a bit fecked off with meself at not managing Day 2 again.

curryeater Wed 08-May-13 09:37:32

Koala! You are a STAR!!!! Thank you so much for posting, especially when you are so busy. It is truly inspriational to see someone keeping all the balls in the air and moving forward.

Hi Ma, sorry brother is letting you down. What crap. Thinking of you and R today.

Hi Mouse, I think something must be happening with your metabolism / hormones...?

Clutter, thanks, yes I hope I can pull myself together. We need to move house (again) and I just need to hang on till then, then I will sleep better I hope and it will be easier to live healthily. Right now I just need to hang on, accept I can't sleep well every night, accept there is lots to do, accept I won't feel great much of the time BUT there are some things I can do and ONE of them is NOT DRINK

day 2.

Have a good day all babes.

Orchidlady Wed 08-May-13 09:40:44

mouse goodness a lot of what you describe could be under active thyroid, not sure about the excessive peeing bit. When you go to GP don't let them fob you off, took me bloody years to get my medication right.
Feeling like crap today, sorry self indulgent whine, too much wine again, just can't seem to get past day 1, has been a long time since I had a hangover but seem to have one today. This is really sad but don't think I have had a dry day since Feb sad, feeling ever so slight panicky

obrigada Wed 08-May-13 12:24:03

Koala, what a truly inspirational postsmile

Ma, how are things with Richard today?

BP monitor off, arm still red and sore to touchsad

Mouseface Wed 08-May-13 14:04:18

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

KOALA!!!!!!!!!!! - That post is the best, most inspirational, positive post we have had on here in a long time! smile Even with ALL that you've got going on, you are sober. Well done. I hope that you are VERY proud of your achievements and long may they continue. Wow! smile

Lemony - mouse do you have an appointment with a GP? It's all sounding a bit meh.

Sorry, I'm lost, what's sounding 'meh'? My appointment is on 17th May as that was the earliest appt I could get with my own GP and as we all know, having to go through your entire life story with someone who doesn't know you is a PITA grin

I call every day to see if they have had a cancellation, but there are other things I need to see my GP about too, so that's why I want to see him. Hope that makes sense smile

Sorry you're feeling fecked off with yourself.

Orchid/Curry - yes, so do I re the hormones/metabolism. Bloods and peeing into a pot no doubt will be the way forward.

Sorry to keep going on about it, you must be sick of me moaning blush and not adding anything constructive.

Ma - thinking of you xxxxxxxxxx

Mouseface Wed 08-May-13 14:07:00

Obrigada - what did I miss? Why is your arm sore lovely? You okay? xx

Orchidlady Wed 08-May-13 14:31:36

Afternoon all, I have a question. Is it safe to suddenly stop drinking, read that it can be dangerous. Have been epic binge since Feb, drinking every night. Usually bottle wine followed by several double spirits, at the best, often a lot more Beginning to feel ill. Would appreciate your thoughts.

Mouseface Wed 08-May-13 15:24:41

Orchid - on that amount every single night? DO NOT JUST STOP.

I'm not a doc but ..............

You need to try to cut down unless you are prepared/ready to seek professional help from your GP. Your body will go into 'shock' as such if you just stop so please don't.

Seek help, your GP can five you medication to help your body cope with the withdrawal effects and you will get them.

Your sleep will be awol for a while, again, you can get help with that from your GP.


The first thing you have to do is be honest, be open and tell your GP the truth unless you think you can cut down gradually, not many can and most fail in comparison to those who go for controlled, monitored reduction with help. xx

Mouseface Wed 08-May-13 15:28:53

'give' you medication....

Also, are you ready to stop? That's the other side of things, you have to be mentally ready, really ready, want it like you've wanted nothing else in your life.

You have us, all of us, but to stand a chance of successfully stopping, you need to do it over a period of time, with regular check ups/GP help/counselling etc.....

You use alcohol for a reason. Once you take the alcohol away, the reason will still be there so you have to think about a replacement.

buggermewhatnext Wed 08-May-13 16:42:39

Hiya all ;)) Can I join the bus please?
Been lurking in the shadows for weeks now. Think its fabulous all of the support you give to each other on here ;)
History of me- have drank for years now not everyday! But enough for me to feel there is a problem ;((.
Have stressful job which I do enjoy most of the time. Have demanding kids lol who doesnt!?
Also on the verge of splitting with husband ;((. Long, messy story but its finished.
For example today have been thinking oh could kill for a quick wine!
Now am planning to have a couple of glasses and I will be able to stop but its just the real stark fear that I need those glasses..
It like magic medicine but I know its not inn the long run.
Can I sit at the back for the minute?

Orchidlady Wed 08-May-13 16:44:19

Thanks mouse. when you say body goes into shock what do you mean? I felt so ill this morning thought I was going to faint, have been feeling sick for past 2 days, general foggy feeling, if that makes sense. Not sure if alcohol related or just got a bug. I hate feeling like this, booze used to be fun, it now takes so much to get an effect it is crazy. Not sure ready to give up completely but certainly reasy to get it back under control. Life has just been so stressful but I know drinking does not help

Mouseface Wed 08-May-13 18:05:07

Orchid - exactly what you describe! Feeling sick, suddenly after eating like I'm going to throw up what I've had, or nausea on and off....

I'll PM you later if that's okay, so we don't clog the Bus up with us waffling on grin xx

Mouseface Wed 08-May-13 18:13:46

Sorry - the shock thing re stopping alcohol, doh! grin

For me, I felt dizzy, shaky, very faint and wobbly etc because I was suddenly removing lots of sugar that my body had become dependant on.

I felt and looked dreadful, felt hazy and so fragile. Didn't sleep, sweating, nightmares when I did sleep for very short bursts and I couldn't eat and shook when I hadn't had a drink.

It's literally what you expect the 'DTs' to be when people 'joke' about it if someone shakes. It's your body detoxing, when you remove anything from your 'diet', it's going to have an affect. That's why you need chemical intervention with the amount you are drinking each night to compensate for that. IMO anyway. I wouldn't just stop on those levels, nor did I.

Mouseface Wed 08-May-13 18:55:09

Hey BMe - welcome to the Bus and of course you can sit at the back!! It's where most of us sit at some point grin

Well done on de-lurking and joining the journey, not sure where we are heading tonight but it's not going to be anywhere fancy, I'm knackered and have a date with a mound of paperwork grin

KoalaKube Wed 08-May-13 19:25:41

Hi Babes and thanks for the mentions,I thought I'd reply re Orchid's question re detoxing. You can look back at my posts from around December 14th 2012 that's when I'd had enough and joined the bus, decided to absolutely stop killing myself, and investigate AA help. At the time my GP had signed me off sick for several months with depression and I had meds for that and sleeping pills too. Gp did not know extent of my drinking, it was 3 bottles a day starting early and finishing late, or rather drinking a bottle over about an hour and a half, an hour of faffing, then sleeping or blacking out, waking up saying no more and after about an hour or so trotting off to the shop to get the next bottle - repeat as above - that basically was my day/night for a very long time. I could no longer work and was a complete mess.

So I decided to stop - as Mouse says not the best thing to do,but I'd investigated programmes and detoxing in clinics and either did not have the courage or the money to do it. I really could only admit this to myself.

So I stopped - over the course of a week took small doses of sleeping pills around the clock to keep me from shaking and losing the plot, I stayed in my room with my computer and reached out from my bed. After about 3 days I ventured out and went to the first AA meeting I could find.

For me it was fear of what I was doing to myself (my liver hurt and I felt like an old woman) , family history of alcoholism, loneliness, and constant pressure of stifling my emotions and messing up my relationship with my kids that pushed me to finally own up and stop messing around with that poison.

You have to want to do this as ultimately you only have yourself to fall back on - the mind (or the wine witch as she's called) will play dirty tricks on you, telling you everything is OK drink is good, just today, I'll stop tomorrow, I'm not like all the rest etc etc.

I am an alcoholic, the fact I can't drink sensibly, made myself ill, and came close to really messing up my life is testament to that. I could no longer deny it - and today I do not deny it. Today I WILL NOT BE DRINKING.

whatever way you do this, whatever conclusion you come to about your own habit and how you stop is up to you. This was just my experience. Hope it helps.


dementedma Wed 08-May-13 19:43:24

Quick update, am beyond exhausted. After being more positive yesterday, back to square one. Richard had very bad night, full of night terrors and voices and tears. Had had one bottle by the time I got to him at lunchtime.
Sorted out Richards job seekers claim and switched it to a different one ,can't remember the name of it.That took ages.discovered that he hadn't filled in his housing benefit form, so sorted that out with a lovely compassionate lady - Leanne Dunn, God bless you for your kindness.
Anyway, got Richard and mum together. Lots of tears. He is so low and terrified and full of self hate and fear.He was asking for John, so I phoned John and told him to get his ass up here pronto. He is coming tomorrow. A very exhausting day.

babyjane1 Wed 08-May-13 19:43:38

koala so so pleased things are going well, you've worked
So hard for this and your amazingly positive posts are Inspiring to all of us. Good job babe x x x

Fairenuff Wed 08-May-13 19:46:10

Koala you have come such a long way in such a short time. I bet that Day 1 seemed like forever. I bet that first week took every ounce of willpower. You did it. You're still doing it. You have shown that you can achieve anything if you want to, if you want it bad enough.

I keep thinking of that quote earlier - If you want something you will find a way, if you don't you will find an excuse.

It's that simple really. Anyone who wants to stop, ask yourself. Do you really want to? If the answer is yes, then you can do it. Even if it's just for one day, you can do it.

Joey are you ok. Haven't seen a post from you for a while, unless I missed it. How are things with you?

Mouseface Wed 08-May-13 19:47:56

Brilliant post Koala - thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. I'm also glad you took action and actually researched the 'Just Stopping', taking the sleepers was a great idea, locking yourself away because life as you knew it was to be no more.

Sleep heals so very much.

Body, mind and soul.

You sound so much better than you did when we first met, the changes in you are fantastic.

I'd advise you Orchid to search Koala's posts and read back, see how she did it. Or any other Babes for that matter.

When someone has gone from rock bottom, sleeping (passing out pissed), drinking, waking, a small amount of functioning, sleeping, drinking, sleeping, drinking, sleeping........... on and on and on and on and on and on for days on end, weeks, months......

You get to the point where you just have to STOP. It gets too much, too much effort to even get pissed, to even go and get the alcohol. To live the lies anymore. It's too much.

Fairenuff Wed 08-May-13 19:48:30

Ma so glad he is coming. You need to take a day off and let him spend the time with Richard. Don't lose focus on your own goals, you really need to take extra special care of yourself x

Hey babes. Posting this because I dont want to and the easiest thing is to just not.
But then I realise how much I value everyone posting whether they are sober or drunk, happy or sad, in a mess or surfing on a wave.. Actually it is all of us posting that makes this bus the place it is.

So I am posting from a train from Euston to Liverpool - delayed and all passengers held on the concourse until the tain is announced and then it's like the last chopper out of saigon has been called! hmm i have cooled my heels at euston for 2 hours and had three large glasses of wine ( a bottle in any other parlance) and I am rushing for the train when I see a little chinese/oriental girl with her bewildered and luggage-laden parents struggling to get on the train with a buggy with a small baby and tons of bags.

Any road up the little one trips (reckon she is about 3, same age as my DTs) and this big young be-suited bloke LITERALLY steps over her and hurries on! I was immediately behind him, scooped her up and said to her frightened looking mum "I have her, get on the train!" We all scramble for the carriage and I hand her over to her frazzled looking Dad who has wrestled 2 huge cases onto the train.

Have to say little girl was less bothered than mine would be by a total stranger picking them up, running them onto a train and handing them to their parent. Parents both looked mega relieved and thanked me profusely and we all go to our seats.....except that I am now sitting here wondering how much I smell of wine....and how would I have reacted if the person scooping up my child had smelt of booze...

To my defence I am completely fine on 3 glasses and whilst I couldnt drive I can pick up a fallen child (from under the feet of arsehole commuters) and hand her to her parents...but I guess I am more conscious now of things like this..

Ok, total ramble over! No conclusions achieved !

Isindie is on a train (slightly) pissed again and the ground hogs have another day ahead.


ThisIsMyTime Wed 08-May-13 21:06:23

Back to day one all your stories are so inspirational I'm Hoping to borrow some of your strength to help me at least cut down

lonnika Wed 08-May-13 21:09:46

Hey all,

Koala - fab post, well done to you smile
I have found the past two days really hard sad Don't know why?
Anyway today is day 9 smile I will not be drinking today.
Going to get a lime and lemonade - find some trashy tv to watch and then go to sleep.
On a positive I look better, sleeping is getting better but still feel exhausted.
Isindie - don't be too hard on yourself, I suspect the parents were just grateful to you for helping their daughter smile
See u tomorrow x L

Mouseface Wed 08-May-13 21:20:54

IsinDe - I'm asking you this because I love you and I can. Do you think that you will ever break the cycle sweetheart? And do you want to?

<hugs IsinDe lots and lots>

<draws line> xx

Moving on IsinDe - Well done for scooping up that little girl, we also had train ishoos when I was going to see friends. DH helped me on the train with Nemo in his arms, as I couldn't manage the bag and my stick etc..... he put me and my case on, doors shut and off we all went. Not feed, money, nappies etc for him or Nemo as he'd literally dropped me off and didn't want to leave him in the car.

Can you imagine what would happen if he HAD left him in the car? <shudders>

I doubt the couple gave your breath a second thought, I should imagine that they were beyond grateful for you saving their poor little girl from the crush. xx

Ma - that in the grand scheme of things, today has been a better day re getting things in order. I'm so sorry for all of the tears but maybe, the tears are what's needed to let the grief, the utter loss of himself, the former Richard, the former man, the former brother, the former son...... things have moved on. Well done xx

Baby - great to see you smile xx

Purps - are you around? Drinking or not, come say hi lovely.

Off to watch some tv and then bed, only to be thrown out for snoring again.... well, given enough 'sighs' to make me want to go and get in with Nemo which then doubles my pain but I hate that I keep DH awake, another thing to tell the GP about.

Anyway - night lovely Babes, take good care out there xxx

lonnika Thu 09-May-13 06:56:02

Day 10 here smile
Still loving waking up sober. Got a busy day with some lovely things planned this afternoon.
See you all later.
Today I will not be drinking smile

greeneyed Thu 09-May-13 07:05:13

Well done Lonnika. Day two here. Hurrah finally had AF day. Awful night but that's mostly down to the meds I'm taking. In pain all the time at the mo. nothing to be done but learn to live with it. Wine helps with the frustration but it's not the answer. Sorry not to name check hope you all have a good day. I will NOT be drinking

curryeater Thu 09-May-13 08:37:29

Hi greenfield, sorry about the pain.
Day 3. Today I will not be drinking. Work drinks later: will be clear headed and professional.
Well done on day 10 lonnika.
How are you, ma?
Koala thanks for another great post last night.
So much going on, so much stress BUT TODAY I WILL NOT BE DRINKING

Good luck all babes

Orchidlady Thu 09-May-13 08:39:58

koala thanks for sharing, I think you are very brave.
Waves to all on the mad windy morning. Took your advise mouse had a just a few glasses last night, not whiskey, and asleep by 11. I think you are right just stopping dead will be a huge shock. Feeling a bit shaky and hot this morning but ok. Going to get a good days work done.
ma again sorry to hear you are have a terrible time with your DB, I don;t know where you are and maybe different to hear but when my DP was having these kind of episode and very much glued to a bottle of wine the crisis MHT were on hand to help. Hope you get some help soon.

curryeater Thu 09-May-13 08:49:24

Hi isinde, thanks also for your thought provoking post. I am directness child's parents didn't notice or mind but that sort of paranoia is part and parcel of what week. Also I sense ambivalence in you about drinking - yes it is problematic and perhaps not helpful to talk about but there are some problems it does solve.

Mouseface Thu 09-May-13 10:09:30

Morning, tis me, Mouse

<shakes pom-poms>


That is all.

obrigada Thu 09-May-13 10:16:55

Morning all, Mouse problems with my blood pressure (high) so had to wear 24 bp monitor on Tuesday.

Mouseface Thu 09-May-13 10:19:15

Greeny - what pain is it again lovely? Remind me? I can so relate to you drinking to help with the pain, it really dose help take the edge off so I'm not going to preach to you about that. I'm sorry to read that you are suffering lovely. It sounds long term from what you've posted.

Well done on not drinking!

Can I ask what pain meds you are on? smile xx

Curry - Also I sense ambivalence in you about drinking - yes it is problematic and perhaps not helpful to talk about but there are some problems it does solve.

That really struck a cord with me, absolutely, deep within. That is so true of me, of how I was and how I am still sometimes now....... Thank you for writing that line, food for thought smile xx

Today Nemo is at school for lunch and then I'm going to sort through his clothes, I have bags just stuffed under his bed, some never worn because he was in hospital so much or in babygros because of his reflux so we'd keep his clothes for 'best' not realising that there wouldn't be a 'best'

Anyway, Nemo's support worker is here, be back later smile xx

Mouseface Thu 09-May-13 10:21:56

Oh no Obrigada - sorry to hear that, I think you did mention it but I'm not great at remembering stuff just now. I hope you're okay lovely? How is your arm? xx

Lemonylemon Thu 09-May-13 10:35:49

Morning lovely babes....

Orchid Yay!

mouse ^Lemony - mouse do you have an appointment with a GP? It's all sounding a bit meh.

Sorry, I'm lost, what's sounding 'meh'? ^

I meant that you were a poor thing. You already suffer bad back pain and you were really, really stressed a little while ago, and now... you've got this other "thing" that has come up. That's "meh" - as in, bloody hell, NOW WHAT? I meant it kindly...

ma Good. I'm very glad your other brother is coming to see Richard. Good for you for putting your foot down.

isinde I think the couple would have been so relieved that someone had an eye out, that they wouldn't have given your breath a second thought.

obrigada Any progress on the bp?

greeny what is the pain? Your back?

lonnika Well done you smile

<<Waves to anyone I haven't name checked>>

Day 2. I SHALL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY. I actually did a little jig on my way to bed last night (with a cup of redbush tea).

greeneyed Thu 09-May-13 11:40:42

Thanks for asking babes smile mouse it is a form of neuropathic pain. Don't want to say exactly what for fear out outing self, but normal pain meds won't work. It's not severe by any means and nothing compared to your pain levels but it is pretty constant and incurable so I get frustrated and it makes me miserable. I really do just have to learn to live with it. There are things that help some people so I will keep trying to get some relief. One of life's curve balls to deal with. Wine does not make it go away but takes away the negative feelings about it and makes me care less ( also helps me sleep)

curry what you said is interesting. For me Wine does not solve problems but it dulls feelings so I don't think about or worry about the problem, but it is still there when the wine wears off. It's a temporary fix for my emotional state which is often welcome.

greeneyed Thu 09-May-13 11:43:06

For me this is key because you cannot just take away wine without addressing the emotions it dulls. Either by way of finding a way to process those emotions or by some kind of alternative activity which helps you to relax, forget etc like art, gardening, exercise.

greeneyed Thu 09-May-13 11:44:45

As someone who has reached for alcohol since a very early age to dill emotions i've never really learnt any other way.

Mouseface Thu 09-May-13 12:53:37

Lemony - I knew you meant it nicely smile just whether or not you thought the docs were fucking me about or I was fucking about at getting them to commit. Thank you for caring smile xx

Greeny - sounds utterly shite lovely, and it's not a pain competition! grin Pain is fucking crushing and I hate it. I hate hate hate hate hate living sometimes, I want to die or be put to sleep rather than have the pain I do.

My family, friends and the good things in my life, are the ONLY reason I'm still here and I truly believe that. I know that sounds so 'fucking dramatic' and 'woe is me' but pain is crippling and it is getting worse all of the time.

Nothing helps for long, nothing stops it completely, not forever. I'm so sorry you are suffering xx

greeneyed Thu 09-May-13 15:12:32

Thank you dear Mouse I'm sorry for all you are suffering too. I have thought about driving into a brick wall more than once this week blush but I never would for all the reasons you mention and for me this is a condition that sometimes goes away after a few years so I have hope for that at least.

Sorry for being so self absorbed today babes - I'm really encouraged to read progress from everyone at the moment - some inspiring and positive stuff going on. For all those at our struggling we'll keep on keeping on - and grabbing the moments when we can xx

PurpleWolfe Thu 09-May-13 18:31:47

Hi to all from my well worn, fat-arsed impressioned seat in the side car. sad

Been thinking about you and Richard Ma. You are such an amazing sister. He doesn't know it now but, one day, he'll hug you and thank you for being there. Sending a useless but well-meaning haze of purple strength over the ether for you. (( ))

Feeling rather 'got at' over here just now. The pulled muscle in my back was OK after about 3 days but my ankle is still painful - nearly 4 weeks on.

* I went to the Doc's on Tuesday - 22 days after the fall. Told her that, on the phone, the Nurse Practitioner had assured me that my ankle wouldn't be broken as I could weight bear straight after. "Yes, but" smiled the Doc in a condescending way, "She did tell you to go to A&E if it got worse. She's commented on it in her notes" NO, SHE FUCKING DIDN'T OR I WOULD HAVE GONE!! Grrrr! Doc had a (painful) prod round my ankle, decided it may well be fractured and sent me straight to A&E. Driving up there, I was thinking that, if they plastered it, how the hell would I get home, what would I do with the car, how would I cope on my own for 6 weeks!? Luckily, the x-ray didn't show up any break. On the waiting list for physio. Still limping.

* XP - 9 days late with the maintenance. I had to cancel a direct debit and the phone was cut off for a day. Sigh. I also heard him agreeing, on the phone (DD always has the speaker on?) with DD that me muttering under my breath is irritating! This from the man who gets stressed having them for two weekends a month!

*Next door neighbour (she with the 3 fucking irritating dogs that bark incessantly when they're not in) shouted at my DD who was walking (not poking said dogs in eyes with stick!!) past the back of her garden in the field as DD was 'upsetting her dogs' and sent me a FB message to the same!! Could I tell my DD to use the front instead!? WTF!!

* DSs went to XP and he let them play outside in brand new (Salt Rock) t-shirts and brand new, white trainers that I'd bought them. (I've supplied him with plenty of old 'play' clothes and footwear). He let them (or didn't bother to check) play on farm equipment in the field by the house and they came back with grease and oil all over them and their new trainers!! Fuckwit!

* Got the courage up to phone the surgery. Asked for a message to be passed to my Doc saying "Please can I have a repeat prescription of Campral or, if not, an appointment to come in and see you". Receptionist said Doc would be 24 -48 hours getting back to me. 72 hours and still waiting. Feeling childishly abandoned. Should don big girl pants and try again.

On the positive side:

* Had 2 fantastic days over the Bank Holiday with DC. 2 different National Trust properties - both which the children loved! They've really got into the '50 Thing To Do Before You're 11 and Three Quarters'. Great fun!

* Found a fab hairdresser who (dry) cut my hair for only £13! Wonderful find!

* Found a brand new picnic rucksack in the hospital charity shop (when I went for my x-ray) for only £5! RRP £25! Yippee! Camping/picnic chairs next.

Hugs and strength to all, old and new. (( ))

<waves to mouse smile> xx

PurpleWolfe Thu 09-May-13 18:34:57

(Sorry, ridiculously long, self absorbed post. Green hope you get some relief from your pain soon. ((x)) )

Mouseface Thu 09-May-13 19:08:32

Purple - I heart you, you do make me laugh at the way you type, you type without 'thinking or breathing' grin

Sorry for the negatives but yay for the positives! Good to have you back, missed you! xx

Greeny - you and I are so alike with the way our pain rules our lives. Mine increases with weight gain so the fact that I'm heavier is adding to the pain, which means more Oramorph which means more sugar. I'm going to see if there is a sugar free alternative. There has to be!! <weeps>

I know you can't go into detail on the board re your condition but if you ever want to have a pain/disability rant, please PM me smile xx

Right, I am offski for a glass of wine with my BF and a good old catch up. The deal is, I take a bottle, she provides the giant comfy sofa grin so I get to chose the wine, and I make sure it's 10.5 to 11%, instead of 13%.

Plus sharing it means two glasses only. It's a treat, not a regular occurrence and the way I feel tonight, I want it to enhance my pain meds and take the edge right off.

I know that you understand that, as do others. I wish I could cure you and get rid of your condition that might improve......... big squidges xx

PurpleWolfe Thu 09-May-13 20:24:37

grin @ Mouse! Felt like people were just queuing up to piss me off!! ......Annnnnnd....breathe! Enjoy your carefully chosen, well planned, controlled wine, Sweets. xx

lonnika Thu 09-May-13 21:04:22

Good evening babes xx
End of day 10 - still no alcohol here smile
Drinking pomigranate, elderflower and diet lemonade tonight smile
Sleeping better too
Of to watch csi and then early to bed. Very busy weekend ahead - but I will not be drinking smile
Night all smile

dementedma Thu 09-May-13 22:18:32

Hi all
Ambulance again. Paramedics wouldnt take him to A and E as he would just get sent home again without psychiatric help. Said to get GP. GP wouldn't come as he wasn't the on call GP. Phone on call GP. She said to send him to A and E....
She eventually saw him and said he needs to stop drinking! No fucking shit, Sherlock. Said she will see him tomorrow if he is sober. He might be dead by tomorrow. No-one will help him, will help us. He is dying.

greeneyed Thu 09-May-13 22:28:13

Oh ma sweetie, I'm so sorry. I Truly do not know what to say, it just seems so wrong

Mintyy Thu 09-May-13 22:33:39

Ma! This is desperate. How can this be allowed to happen? I naievely thought we had emergency admissions for this sort of crisis all over the country. Have you tried calling The Samaritans? Or even AA? - do they have an emergency helpline? Sending you every virtual support.

jango36 Thu 09-May-13 23:21:51

Hi all firmly at front of bus this eveningsmile) nice place to be for a change..
Busy day today with work always helps to have a distraction. Need to keep strong for the weekend.
Ma sounds truly awful re brother situ. Useless GP! He needs the help this second. REally hope something positive happens tomorrow. Are you staying with him tonight?

MA said this before & ignore me if I'm prattling on about something you have tried but have you phoned the crisis team at your psychiatric hospital? Thinking of you & your family, situation sounds awful

PurpleWolfe Fri 10-May-13 07:59:06

Ma, is it possible that you and your family could 'bend' the truth a bit? Awful, I know, but if the authorities thought he had tried to finish it all would he get seen by someone? It seems to me, from what you've written before, that the weekend is even more difficult to get anyone to pay attention. It's utterly despicable that you and Richard are in such dreadful position without any medical support. The Doc said she wouldn't see him unless he wasn't drunk? But, at his level of drinking, surely, if he just stops in order to fill her criteria it could be very dangerous/lethal? Another thought (sorry if they're crap ideas, just trying to think of anything that might help) possibly alluding to the problems for the people that have turned you away if anything does happen to Richard. There would be an investigation into why he didn't get any assistance, surely?? Possibly legal action? Obviously, you wouldn't do anything if it would put them 'off-side' but I'm not sure you have anything to lose on that front right now.

On a far, far lower level to you and Richard's situation, I tried to get mental/medical help for my 14 yo DS. I knew there was something really wrong but was told by another mother that who'd been in a similar position, until the police are involved (i.e. DS had committed a criminal act) I would get nowhere. She was right. He's been in prison several times - and has just been diagnosed as Bi Polar.

All through this, I'm pretty sure a drug addict would get far more support - and an addiction is an addiction so they should all be treated the same.

Please post again soon, if you can find the time, we are all thinking of you and hoping against hope that you can get someone to listen and take action.

Love and hugs. xxxxx

PurpleWolfe Fri 10-May-13 08:05:30

* that the weekend is even more difficult to get anyone to pay attention....therefore that makes today even more urgent. *

babyjane1 Fri 10-May-13 08:28:52

ma I'm so terribly sorry for what your going through, sending you warm hugs and I hope things get better for you and your db, how sad he must feel. mouse and green I'm sorry your both suffering pain, i hope you both feel better too, love to purple you make me smile and to all my lovely babe friends and new and old, have a great day x x x

Mouseface Fri 10-May-13 09:08:58

Ma - I am absolutely gobsmacked that you are being phobed off like this still. If he's sober? How the fuck is an alcoholic going to be sober? He can't get out of bed or off the sofa without a drink inside him. Stupid woman. angry

You need to get past the GP/A&E bit now and I agree with Purps on this one, you need to say that he has tried to take his life because HE HAS

He IS drinking enough to kill himself and doesn't care if he does. sad

It is heartbreaking reading your posts but this is real life, THIS is what alcohol can do to you. THIS is what happens when you hit rock bottom, alone, desperate,............

Regardless of the fact he has you and your mum, in his head he is alone and you don't 'get it'. You don't, can't understand because you're not him.

I'd call the police and say that you have found him threatening to kill himself, he wants to die and that you are worried that he is now at the point where he will do it after being let down so many times.

You need a crisis team, someone, anyone to help. I just don't know where to start to help you and wish that we were all up there with you, but please know that I'm in your pocket, just sitting and snuggling next to you, being a Mouse has it's advantages, oh but can you not put your keys in there again? Tehy hurt wink

Ma - this has to stop today, and not because he has killed himself, but because someone has sectioned him, this is a Mental Health Crisis centre number - 0300 5000 927

And you can contact MIND - HERE

I'm sorry but I have to go, I'm with you in spirit in your pocket and hope that you get some help. I am so shocked by all of this xxxxxx

PurpleWolfe Fri 10-May-13 09:35:14

Ma This is an extract from N.I.C.E Clinical Guidlines - Alcohol Disorders document

Diagnosis and clinical management of alcohol - related physical complications.

1.1 Acute alcohol withdrawal

1.1.1 Admission to hospital For people in acute alcohol withdrawal with, or who are assessed to be at high risk of developing, alcohol withdrawal seizures or delirium tremens, offer admission to hospital for medically assisted alcohol withdrawal.

The last paragraph is your brother - in black and white. I don't know if this is any help. Someone must have a duty of care in this case. (Talking out of my arse again but....).... Have you thought about consulting a lawyer? Most have free half hour sessions.

Searching around to see if there is anything else.

((( )))

obrigada Fri 10-May-13 09:38:15

Ma, some good advice from the ladies, I can feel your frustration in your posts and my heart goes out to yousad

ThisIsMyTime Fri 10-May-13 09:42:17

Ma I work in mental health services there is a place called Windsor clinic in liverpool that treats alcohol dependency as well as mental health problems I know it's not in your area but I could get the number and you could phone them and maybe they could point you to the services in your area ? Just a thought x

ThisIsMyTime Fri 10-May-13 09:45:48

It is a specialist service your brother requires and not all in patient mental health units have facilities for alcohol dependence please pm me i could ring for you and try And get some answers for you if you require my love goes out to you and your brother at this trying time the help is there somewhere x

aliasjoey Fri 10-May-13 09:50:06

Sorry not been around, not been feeling too good but am reading everything and just wanted to say my heart goes out to you ma

Unfortunately the NHS is under so much pressure that its often the people who shout longest and loudest who get seen. This is really hard on you as his nearest relative, I don't know what to suggest other than keep phoning his GP or try the Mental Health crisis team.


Lemonylemon Fri 10-May-13 10:05:36

Ma definitely time to kick some butt with this. (Not that you're not kicking butt, but the butt needs kicking a bit harder now).

Your brother can be admitted via A&E if you take him there or call an ambulance. If you say that he's tried to kill himself, all the better. You could also say (if this is true) that he's vomiting all the time, can't keep anything down etc. Has he had any falls? If so, you can call an ambulance and say that he's had a fall, is not responding to you very well...

Maybe you can get round it this way. Good luck. It's a toughie. x

ThisIsMyTime Fri 10-May-13 10:12:41

Ma I called Windsor clinic and they are going to get back to me with any help that might get your brother seen to. Hope you don't think im interfering but thought Might be able to get an answer the initial advice I got was the go wrong in telling him to stay sober for the appointment far to dangerous hang in there il try n help if you want my num that's fine i have numbers for services that will help u they are in Edinburgh don't know if this is near you or not
Alcohol problem service 0131 537 6444 out of hours num 0131 537 6797
Alcohol liaison service base at Edinburgh royal infirmary 0131 242 1396 ring even if not in ur area coz they may be able to put u in the right direction hope this helps you can have my num if u need any advice

ThisIsMyTime Fri 10-May-13 10:16:53

There both impatient services that treat withdrawal as well as dependency x

Hi MA this is the link for the Ritson Clinic based at The Royal Edinburgh Psychiatric Hospital Edinburgh.

It may give some information and be able to point you in the right direction. Can not believe how unhelpful bordering on dangerous negligence your Gp has been x

dementedma Fri 10-May-13 12:57:05

oh my goodness, thank you all SO much for all these links. will follow them all up. We DID say he was threatengin to kill himself, that he had a knife etc but even so. Apparently in Fife there are TWO rehab beds in the hospital.
Your kindness is overwhelming.
Might have a more positive update soon....
<pats mouse in pocket then drops mobile phone on her absently mindedly>
this thank you for doing that. Than kyou so much

Mouseface Fri 10-May-13 12:57:40

ThisIs - you are fab, an absolute star for that, thank you so much for posting and helping..... I hope you don't think I'm patronising you, I am not, I'm in awe at how the BraveBabes rally round when there is a crisis. I'm thankful that you are here with the knowledge that you have to be able to help smile xx

In fact, people trying to help makes me love this Bus even more. No-one here has met Richard, this broken mad at his wits end. No-one has seen him sober, before he became the shadow of his former self that he is today but ALL of us want him to live, and ALL of us want Ma to be supported too. This will affect you too sweetheart. xx

I know that you might feel a bit bombarded by us all saying try this, here, call them etc but we all want the same thing, Richard to get the help he needs, be safe and be treated with respect and dignity, regardless of the state he may well be in.

Oh Ma - I can't begin to imagine how you feel but keep posting if it's helping you, you need a release, YOU NEED A BREAK! You need to eat, have you eaten today?

Can DH get involved at all, I know things aren't 'rosy' in the garden but ffs, this really is life or death now. You have done so very much to try and hep, to try and get the support, mentally and physically that he so desperately needs.... you've done so much you must be past exhausted now, running on adrenaline and fear......

We all want to help and hope that someone, anyone will please, please do something. And now.

Got to go and get Nemo

Big huggles™ to you all xxxx

ThisIsMyTime Fri 10-May-13 13:00:09

It's the least I cud do if you need me for any thing like wot to say to them or u want any info of the voices etc let me know hope u find the help let me know how u get on I hope your brother is safe x

ThisIsMyTime Fri 10-May-13 13:02:43

Thanks mouse that means I lot as someone who binge drinks listening to Richards story make me realise what a dangerous and debilitating drug alcohol is x

ThisIsMyTime Fri 10-May-13 13:07:38

Ma it maybe that u need to travel but I wud just turn up dont fone just turn up they have to by law help u x

PurpleWolfe Fri 10-May-13 13:21:24

Ma wishing you and Richard the very best of luck. Tried to look up stuff and help as best I could. Praying for a really positive outcome. xxx

I'm off. The Bus is fantastic but I've felt, over the past however months, a little hurt and left out at the lack, sometimes, of help and comments on my posts. Childish? Probably. The Bus shouldn't be my only form of support, but has been. The anonymity has been something that's allowed me to 'tell it as it is' and that has been invaluable.

Good luck to all but especially some of the people who I've especially close to - Green, Joey, Ma, Baby, Clutter and, of course Mouse.

Bye Lovelies and take care. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

PurpleWolfe Fri 10-May-13 13:26:24


babyjane1 Fri 10-May-13 13:28:40

purple don't you dare leave us, we need you, I need you, maybe we have just presumed because of your constant support and wit that you didn't need us as much as we've needed you but if that's the case then you need to stay close more than ever, we all need each other, purple are you there? X x x x

Mintyy Fri 10-May-13 13:32:35

That's a shame Purple sad. I hope you reconsider. Just sharing is, I believe, supposed to be tremendously helpful. As I understand it, in AA meetings, people just share - they don't discuss.

I think its impossible to comment on everyone's posts every time and just now Ma has got a crisis on her hands.

Anyway, I hope you will lurk or come back to the bus sooner rather than later.

guggenheim Fri 10-May-13 13:59:42

Hold your horses there purple and don't leave the bus. I was just about to post to you actually to say something silly about your good news/bad news day. But sometimes the bus moves too fast and I struggle to find the time or the right thing to say. I always read and post if I can but I know I leave lots of lovelies out when I name check.

I promise that for every one of your posts there is someone lurking and reading and paying attention.Everyone gains and gives to the bus, so why leave? It is a place where we can talk and chat about rubbish and where we get given love and support for free, without conditions any time of the day. Wait til monday and see if you feel the same way. x

guggenheim Fri 10-May-13 14:06:18

ma Hope that some of the numbers/ contacts turn into some real help for you. This has really opened my eyes about our health care system, I had no idea that there is so little care for alcoholism. I'm very sorry. sad

I've got fuck all to donate to charity but I'm going to make sure that next time I have a spare fiver I'm giving to an addiction charity. if that makes any sense.

kotinka Fri 10-May-13 14:08:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lemonylemon Fri 10-May-13 14:10:28

Purps Don't you dare go! I love reading your posts, really. I know what you mean about not being name-checked or have anyone comment on your posts because I feel like that sometimes too.

{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}} to you. I am so sorry if I haven't commented on your posts sometimes. I come on here sometimes feeling quite down and ashamed that I can't make it past Day 2 sometimes and I just don't want to make anyone irritated with me because my post is all about me....

I think everyone on this thread is so brave and battling away and we all need everyone else.....

Lemonylemon Fri 10-May-13 14:12:41

I think that we're all on the bus/in the sidecar because we are a little fragile and that things cut a little deeper than if we had thicker skins....

kotinka you jolly well come back too....

lonnika Fri 10-May-13 14:17:31

I think it can be a little cliquey on Here but then I suppose that is the same in real life as well -

I know what u mean though - I have struggled for two days but come through it - no support in real time frm on here - have looked at other forums tbh and find it more supportive to look through older posts on the years previous threads. Think the thread has changed over the years from what I have seen !!!!

Anyway no desire to drink here smile. So all good for me.

Ma sorry to be a voie of doom but your brother was offered help on Tuesday but he didn't want to take it - not trying to be critical same happened to someone close to me - ambulance turned up for and him and he wouldn't get in sad think it is important to Remeber that GP did offer help in case others are reading and are deterred frm going to doctors because of this !

aliasjoey Fri 10-May-13 14:18:05

purple I will really miss your kindness and humour if you decide to go. I understand if you feel it's not right for you, and I apologise if we haven't always been supportive when you needed it. You have been through a tough time, what with your Ex-husband, and the Ex-dog (and her Ex-fleas) but you're right the Bus does move fast and it's hard to keep up.

You've reminded me that I should post more often, sometimes real life gets in the way. But I love the Bus and all who ride in her.

guggenheim Fri 10-May-13 14:20:19

I haven't posted very much recently partly because I'm busy but also I just feel so very,very different that I can't quite put it all into words,not without sounding like a massive prat anyway.

I'm 4.5 months sober. I still fancy a nice glass of wine now and again but I don't have it. I've taken part in some of the big book studies with AA and found myself talking about all the things that I've kept hidden and have been drinking on for many,many years. It's a huge relief.All those horrible things said out loud and no one fainted or ran away screaming grin

I have no idea where I'm going with this post I just wanted to say what's been happening in my life really. I'm a much happier laydee now and much less angry and resentful.Has to be said though, that without the bus and AA i'd be drinking night and after night and not be able to see a way of breaking that cycle.

My post is both pointless and self indulgent, but thank you bus for being here and making me happy. flowers

lonnika Fri 10-May-13 14:28:40

Guggenheim love your post - When did you start to notice the benefits and when did you stop feel exhausted - I seem to be always tired !! Well done on 4.5 months sober smile

guggenheim Fri 10-May-13 14:35:17

Blimey x-posted with lots of peeps!

I don't agree that the bus is cliquey. There are people who keep it running all the time, perhaps even when they are busy with their own lives. It will always be a place that people come and go from as they need to, because that's the nature of having a problem with alcohol. Hence it being a bus ,I suppose! This bus is here when we need it, doesn't matter who you are or what booze has made you do.

I know that I'm rubbish at name checking - sorry! I'm quite random (in rl too) so sometimes I post and post and sometimes I realise that other people say it better than me so I just nod in agreement.But I've only ever seen support and care for each other on the bus.

guggenheim Fri 10-May-13 14:41:28

lonnika sorry I'm on a mammoth posting session now! Tell me to shut it.
I felt the benefits quite soon but I also missed alcohol. The first 3 weeks were very,very tough and then became a little easier. The exhaustion will go, do not worry smile The cravings began to reduce,slowly over 3 months but I had a big wobble at the end of 3 months and wanted to drink again. I'm so glad I didn't because i feel so calm now at 4 months.

Please stick with the bus and keep on not drinking, if that makes any kind of sense.

Righto, must take ds out. x

lonnika Fri 10-May-13 14:44:34

Thanks smile. Enjoy your outing smile

obrigada Fri 10-May-13 14:54:07

Purple, please don't gosad

babyjane1 Fri 10-May-13 15:00:13

Just wanted to say I love every single babe reading this post right, yes you!!! I respect every one of you and am sending you strength and support, I feel as though I know every one of you and this thread is woven by every one of us, pardon the pun, RESPECT FELLOW BABES xxx

marfisa Fri 10-May-13 15:09:28

Hi, I have been watching this thread for awhile and thought of posting, but have never felt quite desperate enough to do so before now (!).

I have an alcohol problem and have known this for some time. I suppose I'm what people might call a high-functioning alcoholic - I have a demanding job and two DC, and I'm almost never noticeably drunk, but I'm very alcohol dependent. I drink a bottle of wine a day give or take a glass or two, and I normally start taking small sips from the morning onward. Most of this drinking is done in clandestine fashion, but my DH has known for years that I have a problem - he just hasn't quite known the extent of it.

I have tried to stop unsuccessfully. I'm not drawn to AA partly because I had a traumatic childhood featuring abuse by very religious parents and am not sure I could cope with any references to a higher power (not even a metaphorical, loosely interpreted one!). And my timetable is so mad already, I don't know where I could fit the meetings in.

Anyway, things came to a head two days ago when my DH was out at a work lecture followed by dinner (we're both academics). I stupidly bought a bottle of fizzy stuff on the way home from the school run, then drank half a bottle left in the fridge plus the bottle of fizz by about 8pm. Usually I'm good at not drinking enough to feel that I've lost control, but next thing I knew I was being violently sick all over the place. I was so upset with myself because I was home with the DC and wasn't in a fit state to look after them and put them to bed. So I called my DH and asked him to come home. I told him the truth and promised to stop drinking (I have never actually promised him before that I would stop; I have just promised him that I would cut down, which I haven't done. sad). So he left the restaurant immediately without touching his dinner, came home and put the kids to bed, etc. He hasn't said a word of reproach but he is so happy and delighted that I am going to stop drinking. sad

I really, really want to stop drinking for the sake of my DH, my DC and myself. But yesterday I felt like shit and today I feel even worse. Headache, nausea and queasiness. (no shakes though; I should look on the bright side! grin).

I want to go get one of those mini-bottles of wine so badly. Is it better just to go cold turkey, or to wean myself gradually? The problem is that if I have one drink, I know I will want more.

I know I should see my GP but I really don't want to. It's Friday and I don't think I have a chance of getting in to see him before next week now anyway.

I am about to go across the street to the bookshop now and buy the Allen Carr book and whatever else I can find on not drinking (even though I admit that as an academic, I am very suspicious of any book that offers a quick fix! I know that's horribly snobbish of me).

Oh god if only my head would stop hurting. I can't believe I have done this to myself - let things get to this stage. I honestly just want to curl up under my desk and have a cry. [pathetic]

Lemonylemon Fri 10-May-13 15:19:44

{HUG} I have no advice, I'm afraid.... But didn't want you to go unanswered. Other babes on this thread will have some good advice.

aliasjoey Fri 10-May-13 15:48:57

marfisa well done for being brave and posting here. You've already made the hardest step. Don't think about next week (or last week) just concentrate on getting through tonight. Do you have something to do to take your mind off it, a good film, a chat with a friend? Have you stocked up on other drinks, herbal teas, chocolate?

Keep posting and talking, sometimes it does get busy on here...

dementedma Fri 10-May-13 16:22:15

oh purple dont go. I have been hogging the bus these last few days and people have been responding to my cries for help. i am so sorry if that has caused others to be overlooked sad I love your posts purps and barrie loves you too. Please stay. i have opal fruits......
lonnika just to correct, he DID go in the ambulance on Monday to A and E but was sent home. He also went in it last night when they would only take him to the GP, who also sent him home.
Ok, my last post on Richard - and it is GOOD NEWS!
The Salvation Army will take him on Monday for 6 weeks and supervise a medical detox. He will then have 5 weeks of help. I am so so happy. Just have to keep him alive over the weekend but there IS hope now. Thank God for the Sally Army and thank all of you for your tremendous help. i am going to collate all the info and links so that if anyone needs them again, I will have them. If you want to pm me with links to organisations in your area I will make a file (who can do spreadsheets?) and between us, we will build up a database of help and support.
I will stop all the me me me stuff now and will be in a better place to support other Babes on this bus.
Welcome marfisa

marfisa Fri 10-May-13 16:25:41

Thanks Lemony and joey. I have had some paracetamol and chocolate and also went on a small book-buying binge (four new novels, presuming that the headache will stop enough for me to read them!). I haven't bought any novels since Christmas. So I'm now feeling a bit more cheerful. Am going to try to summon up enough brainpower to mark a couple of essays before I go home to DC-land. I really fancy an early night.

I'm posting here partly because I don't want to unload too much on DH about this. Our relationship is a bit rocky as it is and the way that he moves into self-righteous lecturing mode drives me crazy (even though I know he's right about the drinking). I hate the way he tries to monitor how much I drink. So I promised to stop drinking, he has promised not to act like a member of the anti-alcohol police.

Don't think I'm trying to blame him for my drinking though; I'm not - it's my fault and my problem.

marfisa Fri 10-May-13 16:27:40

So sorry about your brother, ma, and hugs to purple.

I will read the thread more properly tonight and find out what is happening to other people instead of just posting in purely selfish fashion.

obrigada Fri 10-May-13 16:36:49

Ma, that is brilliant news, am sure you are so relievedsmile As I said earlier in the week I can't post at the weekend coz my phone is old and decrepit (bit like myself) but at least it will let me read the posts! Please keep us updated on Richard, post about him as often as you like.

babyjane1 Fri 10-May-13 17:07:37

marfisa our great babe mouse who is very wise has said before that apart from the alcohol our body is missing the huge amount of sugar in the wine can also cause a huge physical effect. I reckon a good book, a candle lit bath and lots of sugary drinks will give you the best chance if breaking the cycle. Well done for posting and welcome aboard, you are not alone and your doing brilliantly x x x

obrigada Fri 10-May-13 17:19:39

Signing off for the weekend, will be keeping up with the thread. Wishing each and everyone of you a safe and peaceful weekendsmile

Mintyy Fri 10-May-13 17:22:41

Marfisa - not the healthiest thing, but in these early days when you really just have to do whatever it takes not to start drinking, how about getting some strong tasting boiled sweeties? Mints, cough candy, blackcurrant & licourice ... that sort of thing. No one but no one wants to drink wine immediately after eating a mint?

I am surprised you were so ill and had such a terrible hangover the other day! It doesn't sound like you drank much more than you usually do. Are you sure it wasn't some other random bug?

Mouseface Fri 10-May-13 17:23:03

WTAF? Purps - I'd rather you didn't leave if it's all the same with you thank you very bloody much! I NEED YOU. Your posts about your drinking help me to understand the reasons that I do or don't drink too.

Has something happened that has made you want to go? And why now?


I hope that you'll reconsider, the Bus doors are always open, and as I have said many a time before "You Can Check Out Any Time You Like, But You Can Never Leave" wink

Big huggles to you, from me and Nemo xxxx

Mouseface Fri 10-May-13 17:29:07

Ma - I am SO PLEASED that someone has finally taken Richard in. At last! You must be so relieved and emotionally frazzled, everything will seem to happen all at the same time now. Oh I'm so glad he is alive and will be safe as of Monday.

As you say, you just have to keep him alive over the weekend but then that's it, you can take a step back and have a well deserved rest!

IsinDe or MsGee are your admin Babes so maybe a shout out to one of them?

I'm so pleased for you sweetheart, well done!!! And yes, God bless the Salvation Army, they are few and far between these days, here at least we don't have one.

Big huggles and lots of love to you too! xxxxx

Arghhhhhhh just typed big message and it's vanished!

Mouseface Fri 10-May-13 17:35:17

Take good care Obrigada xx

Welcome Marfisa - I'm just off to read back and will come for a chat smile but Baby is of course right, if you remove something from your system that you've been putting in for a period of time, your body isn't going to thank you anytime soon so be prepared to crave sweet things later on.

Welcome Marfisa your so not pathetic. I used Allen Carr, and didn't find it so much quick fix but helped me to re-evaluate deep rooted thoughts around drinking, good luck for you x

MA that's fantastic news about The Salvation Army, must be a huge relief to you to feel that someone is helping.

Purple, please don't go, I always feel that you both give and gain so much from the bus. Sorry that at times you have not felt supported x

I got drunk on Saturday and have had a totally shit week....coincidence?

Right now I have a bottle of proseco in the fridge and I am 85% tempted to go and pour myself a glass to escape how utterly shit my life is! I really feel like running away but no-where to go to. Also totally trivial but went to the local college to get my hair cut and coloured by a trainee to cheer myself up (cost £19) and it's hidious. DD got hers done and looks like proper model with long flowing beautiful locks. Feel like a witch feeling envious of DD's beautiful long hair.

Wishing babes strength tonight. I think I'm going to pour a glass, if I don't feel like I am going to kill my 3 year old sad

Marfisa, just realised at the start of my post I said I read Allen Carr to stop and at the end of my post I said I was going to go and pour a glass...not a great advert for how amazing the book is, think I need to go and re-read!!

Little crazy boy looking for loving home....his Mother has had enough of him!!! When do little boys get easier?

guggenheim Fri 10-May-13 18:02:39

pssst....*clutter*... the zoo?
I have one I could cheerfully throw into the lion monkey cage. Mine knows he pushed too far the other day and has spent today following me around being my 'best friend' hmm I think I may have threatened to destroy all of his Thomas toys yesterday...

ma great news! Hoorah for the Sally Army smile brilliant idea to put the info together.

marfisa welcome to the bus.

Ha ha guugs, if they won't take him maybe I'll check into the monkey home for a break!
Dh is in nightshift which is not helping as trying to keep him quiet & its all me on my own (I hear a little violin playing for me)
Last night had to really shout at him at bedtime after he had had me running about daft after him then he called me back "one last time" to tell me I'm his best friend!! He knows exactly how to work me!

Mouseface Fri 10-May-13 18:19:40

Hey Guggs, Lemony, Joey and Clutter

Sorry for ignoring you earlier. smile

Just off to bath the fish now that he has given in and I've finally managed to order all of his school uniform. Bloomin site crashed so I lost my 'basket'. I very nearly did lose my 'basket'!!! grin

I got a lovely present from Tesco today, a fake £10 note. Straight on the phone and told them I was on my way back for it to be exchanged for a real one! Every Little Helps? I think not. We did some shopping there and it cost almost 3 times as much (like for like) as it does when we shop in Morrison's and Aldi! Robbing sods. grin

aliasjoey Fri 10-May-13 18:34:59

mouse it's okay, you can't reply to every post! I'm feeling guilty because I read purple' s post earlier, but didn't reply as I didn't think I had any useful advice sad except Life's a Bitch, hey...

Ah the joys of 3 year olds smile
Am cooling my heels in the lovely Virgin lounge at Euston and missing my DTs. Heading home tonight so will see them tomorrow. I hate being away from them and also feel massively guilty that DP has to handle them both on her own so often.
Ma I am so so pleased that you have got some help for Richard at long last. I really really hope you and he have an easy weekend and he can go in on monday and begin a new phase in his life.
Unsurprisingly I don't find it cliquey on here but then, having been around since thread one maybe I am part of the problem (if there is one)
Actually I think this bus is massively supportive and a very open and inclusive place.
I have really enjoyed your posts Purple and am really sorry you have been hurt by a lack of response and I urge you to continue to post if you feel it is helpful.
I think there is something fundamental about this sort of open forum and often fast-moving thread that means that a post is best seen as a sort of e-message-in-a-bottle cast onto the waves of the internet where it may be picked up and responded to by many people or quietly sink without comment or be by-passed by other posts.
I have often inflicted shared a poem or long ramble on here and had no comment. That's just the nature of internet threads to me.

I hate the idea of anyone bei g upset or feeling this bus is not a supportive place and I really hope as many people as possible join and post and share and make this the lively interesting and helpful place I believe it to be.

<<tosses post overboard and heads for the train>>

Have lovely weekends all. Xx

fullofhopefullness Fri 10-May-13 19:01:03

Hi there purp - I agree with everything everyone has said ie dont go. I dont post much but always read. I have had rotten week but this forum helps. Tonite I am having bottle of wine then sleeping pill and know I shouldnt. I dont post because I dont feel I express things v well. I was interested to hear about your holiday but just lazily thought you would post about it anyway. Its in nature of this forum. Personally I love the outlet of posting and not wanting response if u c what I mean?

PurpleWolfe Fri 10-May-13 19:09:23

I really, really didn't want to make anyone feel guilty. sad Maybe I've assigned too much weight to this support thread. Ma Don't you dare think this is because your problem has taken away from other people's problem. I felt like this a few weeks ago. You are going through so much crap right now. I so hope you can find some answers and some help. My heart goes out to you.

Maybe, for some, this is the only 'reaching out' they have. I know it is for me. And when post go unanswered, it, kind of, hurts. Childish -yes. Honest - yes. xxx

fullofhopefullness Fri 10-May-13 19:11:07

Ps I meant I had hoped you would tell us about your holiday so therefore didnt think to ask you about it smile

PurpleWolfe Fri 10-May-13 19:50:19

So,so,soooo glad you've got some solid help at last Ma A few tears of relief here. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

lonnika Fri 10-May-13 20:14:39

Ma - pleased you have got helpsmile
I was actually talking about the offer of a 7 day detox with medication that he turned down on Tuesday when he was at the counsellors, but like I said I wasn't trying to be negative I just know from personal experience that it is very difficult for anyone including the medical profession to help someone who doesn't feel ready for it yet and I wouldn't want your experience to put others of from visiting their doctor. smile.

lonnika Fri 10-May-13 20:17:09

Marfisa I am about to finish day 11 of not drinking. I have discovered bottle green drinks are delicious with some lemonade smile. Also have used the HALT technique - Good luck just remember to take one day at a time. You will soon notice that you are looking better smile

fullofhopefullness Fri 10-May-13 20:33:22

What is the halt technique?

babyjane1 Fri 10-May-13 20:36:58

Tears of relief here for purple coming back and ma thank god things are looking up. purple don't do that to us again, we need you, we all need each and every babe here x x x

fullofhopefullness Fri 10-May-13 20:41:53

Purple glad u r back :-) I missed u even for short time!!

Its a way of recognising triggers.

Venus once posted that whn she had a wine craving she would use the HALT menomic to help her get past it.
Hungry? Go abd make yourself something healthy to eat and eat it
Angry? Off-load here or call a friend or thump a cushion or something
Lonely? Reach out to someone, call a friend, post on here, text your mum
Tired? Have a wee sit down or go to bed or just recognise that you are and this is a trigger for a lot of us ( I am particularly guilty of drinking when tired)
By the time you have done all of that the craving is likely to have subsided.

fullofhopefullness Fri 10-May-13 20:57:03

Thx isinde I think lonely and tired then main ones. But also maybe im welcoming loneliness as preferable to being with wrong perspn in my case anyway.

aliasjoey Fri 10-May-13 21:00:40

isinde I loved that post about tossing a message-in-a-bottle into the internet, and sometimes it gets picked up and other times it sinks beneath the waves grin

Great post Isindie, I have been really feeling like a drink tonight because of all of HALT. I phoned my mum for an hour once I got little boy to bed, I've had a packet of nik naks (not exactly healthy!) I've had some diet Pepsi, these things are all helping. I've messaged & spoke about why I'm feeling so fed up and I'm playing the night to the end in my head & thinking of how awful tomorrow will be and by having the drink I will be keeping this cycle going.

Mouseface Fri 10-May-13 21:33:16

Night all, my MN layout has gone weird.... all odd looking so I'm offski.

Koti - I am sorry I missed you post earlier today about being ignored, having read back, I've now seen it.

Massive hugs to you sweets, as Lemony says, STAY!!! xx

Purps - knew you'd have to come back just for a mo smile

Stay safe all xxxxx

Night night lovely Mouse.
Hope all nice and peaceful in house of mouse

dementedma Fri 10-May-13 21:56:00

<smacks purps round head with Barrie>. Don't even think about leaving, sister.
kotinka how are you doing?
Serious about collating all the contact information. Who knows who might need it next? I'm happy to collect info, but crap at spreadsheets.

marfisa Fri 10-May-13 21:59:54

Thanks all for the support, I really appreciate it.

lonnika, 11 days is very impressive! Hadn't heard of the HALT technique... thanks Isindie.

I'm afraid I have fallen off the wagon (or bus?) already. I gave up on work and then convinced DH to pick up two mini-bottles of wine on his way home. blush I think he relented partly because he loves a glass of wine too, especially on Friday night; the difference is that he can stop at one or two. As soon as I had the drink, my nausea and headache disappeared. It was virtually instantaneous. I guess that is chemical dependency. sad DH is now proposing that we only drink on the weekends. I don't know; I am just starting to feel totally out of control with alcohol at the moment, and wanted to do a complete detox. I want to know what it's like to be completely sober again. I am disappointed at myself for giving in so soon, but at least I have only had a couple of units' worth tonight, whereas on a Friday night I would normally have a bottle and then some. I will read the Allen Carr book over the weekend and try to bolster my resolution.

The sugar info is interesting; thanks to people who mentioned it.

Mintyy, you could be right about having some other illness, because it's true I didn't drink that much more than normal the other night when I became so violently sick. At the time I assumed it was because the wine was fizzy and so it went to my head more quickly, but still, it's weird... and both DC have been sick since then, so maybe it's a virus going around. I suppose any pretext is good for stopping drinking though! At the time I felt so guilty. I know I need to stop because someday someone is going to smell alcohol on my breath in the morning at work and that is going to be crap professionally. Of course the professional reason isn't the only or main reason to stop drinking, but I am worried about jeopardising a career that I've worked hard for. Also, this may be paranoia, but I'm convinced that my short-term memory is going. That could just be my age though. grin

LOL at ohclutter! you don't need to be a walking advertisement.

marfisa Fri 10-May-13 22:06:08

Impressed by you, ohclutter. I have a crazy energetic 2-year-old DS and I hate trying to get the DC to bed on my own when DH is out.

marfisa Fri 10-May-13 22:18:38

Don't want to spam the thread with posts, but I have just read back a little and am horrified about how hard it was for Ma's brother to get help. Thank God he is finally getting some now.

Koala's posts are very inspiring.

ThisIsMyTime Fri 10-May-13 22:31:11

Welcome newbies I'm still newbie ish my self please don't go purple your post inspire me all the time end of day 3 for me here's to day 4 ps ma glad you got your help for Richard

Fightlikeagirl Fri 10-May-13 22:44:50

Have been sitting at the back of the bus since I jumped on on Tuesday and I've been busy listening to you all and reading back over past posts.

You are all such wonderful, inspirational and wise women. smile
Can relate to so many things that have been written and I feel I have learnt so much about myself this week and why I turn to drink. Has made me question so much in my life and I've admitted to myself that I have NEVER had my drinking under control. I am now completely exhausted from all the thinking!!

Am off out tomorrow night, is last thing I feel like but I owe it to my friends to catch up with them.
But I have a plan.
I will be in control.
I will NOT let my sons down.

I can't name check everyone so I'm not going to name check anyone but please know how honoured I have felt to read each of your honest and personal posts.

Here's to a wonderful weekend to you all smile xxxx

Fightlikeagirl Fri 10-May-13 22:51:14

Oh and I am not religious so please dont think I am preaching but a friend wrote the serenity prayer on Facebook this week and I realised how much it was relevant to myself and probably all of us on the bus :

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference"

venusandmars Fri 10-May-13 23:06:51

fullof I thing that the thing with HALT is that for years (well it was years in my case) we have been using alcohol to medicate everything - feeling happy - have a drink, feeling sad - have a drink on and on and on so that eventually I got to the stage where my only response to any physical or emotional feeling was to have a drink, and I kind of lost the link between the feeling of need or lack, and working out exactly what it was that I was needing.

So the kind of HALT approach that Isindie described helped in several ways. Firstly it was a distraction - whenever I felt like I needed a drink I tried to satisfy the other needs first. If I did it all properly it would take an hour or an hour and a half, and amazingly the edge would have gone from my craving. But more importantly, over the months I have relearned what I really want. For me it is often because I've not drunk enough water / juice / tea etc and my body is dehydrated. And very often I'm hungry. So a couple of big glasses of water and some beans on toast usually do the job. And these days (without the booze) I'm much better at dealing properly with difficult emotional feelings like anger, loneliness, sadness, fear and guilt.

That's a great prayer fightlikeagirl, think I want to print that out to put it somewhere I can see it.
Like that you have a plan for tomorrow, wishing you well
Night night brave babes xx

venusandmars Fri 10-May-13 23:15:44

marfisa I'd say that the only way to fight this is to do it on your terms not your dh's. If you think you need to stop completely then you're probably right. Your dh is proposing a very sensible approach for someone who is overdrinking by a glass or two a week, but I guess that's not you! Maybe you can get to that point but I'd suggest that you follow your own instincts. I can only say that trying to moderate my drinking for the sake of other people led me into very secretive and destructive drinking patterns sad

Also don't minimise your hangover by wishing it away as a 'bug'. If I could have a glass bottle of wine for every time I'd done that (quite genuinely in my warped thinking) well...... The hard facts are that alcohol is a poison - tolerated well in small quantities, but drinking a bottle and a half is a big toxic load on your body. Think of the first time your ever got really drunk and sick. I bet it was less than a bottle and a half of wine (fizz or not). Your body has become accustomed to dealing with alcohol and the enzymes in your liver will have racked up to deal with it. But if you do have a cold or a bug, your body is busy dealing with that, so the pain you are feeling is more of the true feeling of your body dealing with the toxin that is alcohol.

venusandmars Fri 10-May-13 23:18:42

ma great news about Richard. I shall immediately cancel paying my tax (some of which must go to funding the NHS) and I will give it all to the SA.

Oh, except the NHS are providing wonderful care for my dm who is very sick, and I don't think HMRC would understand my reasoning, so instead I will make a big donation to SA, trusting that another 'Richard' will also be helped. xxx

venusandmars Fri 10-May-13 23:26:03

purple I post rarely these days - partly because I'm rather overwhelmed with life and all it brings and dumps at my door, but also because although every painful jolt of this journey remains acutely in my memory, I'm not actually so tightly held in the grip of drinking, and I have a horrible fear of appearing smug. But please know that none of those memories have lessened over the past couple of years and I empathise 100% with every bump and jolt of the journey of everyone on here. It serves to remind me that the partition between where I am now and where I could be is still paper thin and times. Almost 3 years on from beginning this journey I'm not 'cured' but I'm mostly safe from breaking through the paper thin wall.

And every single person who posts on here, whether drunk or sober, whether posting about drink or about other life things, each post is part of the tapestry fo threads that keeps me sober. So thank you.

venusandmars Fri 10-May-13 23:31:49

And for those of you will little children I saw a great thing in a local shop today:

Dad was there (with his briefcase in one hand and a big bag of kid-paraphernalia in the other). His dd (probably aged about 4) was 'helping' by carrying the shopping basket. They got to the end of one aisle and Dad went round the corner. 30 seconds later his dd shouts "Dad, I've had an accident". Fearing the worst (probably wet knickers) Dad comes to investigate. dd says "I had an accident. I meant to get an apple, but this bag of sweets fell into the shopping basket instead."
grin grin grin

Actually I remember having quite a lot of similar 'accidents' when a bottle of gin would fall into my shopping trolley!

venusandmars Fri 10-May-13 23:33:19

and apologies for the the post dump. Night night babes.

lonnika Sat 11-May-13 05:44:00

Some great overnight posts smile Marfasia I agree with Venus - if u want to give up completely go for it smile
Day 12 here - Today i will not be drinking.

Sorry if I was negative yesterday. I stumbled on this thread by accident when I was trying to cut down. Read the first ever thread and decided to stop - for first few days when I wanted to drink i carried on read all the other threads on the topic - it really helped me. Thanks to all.
Venus I have used alcohol to suppress my appetite or years - I think that is why HalT work for me.
Have a good day all smile L

greeneyed Sat 11-May-13 08:28:15

Morning all! Gosh this bus is hurtling along right now. Okay purps I am guilty as charged I also read your post and didn't respond. I agree with everything isinde so eloquently put about the bus and the bottles. I hope you'll reconsider and that you find the support you need, here and in RL.

Welcomes new babes and waves to old. Too many bottles since my last one to pick up and name check but I'm reading and thinking of you all. (From the sidecar) I will also be donating yo the Sally Army God bless them. Good luck for the weekend ma he has hope now x

fullofhopefullness Sat 11-May-13 08:38:35

Hi venus and everyone. I c what u mean and how halt can help to distract from cravings. My problem yesterday was related to feeling v upset due to job insecurity and then bad argument with ex husband over money. My instinct then is to hit the ww! I need to give up totally and feel better when I do. I also dont feel it has a massive overwhelming hold on me and I can avoid it. I am starting back on day 1 today and wIll be keeping of it no matter what happens. I know next week is going to be 1 of the toughest ever as I think I will get months notice as all funding gone. I will be pleased with myself if I get through that with no ww though!!

dementedma Sat 11-May-13 08:40:10

Morning all, newbies and oldies.
<peers under seats holding out green opal fruits> purps come out, come out wherever you are.....
These are GREEN ones!

Mouseface Sat 11-May-13 10:48:14

For those of you who remember TrinityRhino, her DP died last yesterday. sad

She tried so hard to save him and had to watch him die.

After her losing her husband only a few years ago, and now this. She'd been sober for months, posted not that long ago and done so very well after losing her DH. She had found her DP and was so very happy.

Life is so fucked up sometimes, I really do wonder why some people are given these paths to walk. sad

There is a thread HERE for those who might want to say something to her.

My love and thoughts are with them all sad xx

Mintyy Sat 11-May-13 11:04:19

Such an incredible tragedy. Poor poor Trinity sad.

dementedma Sat 11-May-13 18:45:41

Oh that's so sad.

greeneyed Sat 11-May-13 19:12:36

So sorry Trinity.

lonnika Sat 11-May-13 21:09:45

Hi fullofhopefullness - HALT works for me - hope it works for you too. Another thing I found works for me is going back at working through the first thread - smile
End of day 12 here -in bed watching trashy TV - drinking pomigranate and diet lemonade smile. Up early tomorrow. Nearly 2 weeks sober can't believe it smile. just starting to feel good after initial days of exhaustion - Good luck all, have a good evening and take care, L

fullofhopefullness Sat 11-May-13 21:34:11

Hi ionnika - well done im hoping to someday get to day 12 but im sitting just now having last glass of the bottle and im ashamed of myself. I will start again tomorrow but think I need to totally change how I think about things! I seem to be in awful loop with worrying about stuff that might happen etc. Ww not helping at all!

lonnika Sat 11-May-13 21:37:39

Don't be ashamed fullofhopefullness tomorrow is a new day and you can start again smile.
You can do it - the reason I am in bed so early is so that I am not attempted to drink lol - Good luck with tomorrow smile

fullofhopefullness Sat 11-May-13 21:46:48

Thx lonnika smile tomorrow is another day! Thanks for inspiration! I be good tomorrow !

dementedma Sat 11-May-13 21:48:05

Quiet on here today. Hope everyone OK

fullofhopefullness Sat 11-May-13 21:52:33

Hi ma hows all going with db? Are the sa helping? I mostly just listen but am hoping all going in right direction?

dementedma Sat 11-May-13 22:12:07

Hi full of he's pretty bad. At my mothers tonight so hoping she can cope. Goes to SA on Monday but he is very very fragile. Just got to get through tomorrow......

fullofhopefullness Sat 11-May-13 22:20:01

Good luck ma xx to u all.

ThisIsMyTime Sat 11-May-13 22:25:08

Hi ma fingers crossed for u both x

babyjane1 Sat 11-May-13 23:17:42

Hi babes, can I just share a few things with you, firstly Today i read back all my old posts from the beginning of this journey and at that time my attitude was so enthusiastic and fresh, I was so determined and positive and lately my posts have been flat and short, maybe we should all go through our old posts and it may awaken our desire to achieve our goal. Secondly My dd and ex were at a local park today and an old friend of mine recognised my ex and approached them to say hi. When my daughter got home she asked how I knew this friend and I explained we were close at school and she looked at me aghast and said " OMG are you 2 the same age" lets just say it wasn't in a good way. It really made me think what toll wine has taken on my body as well as my soul? ??? Sorry to sound self indulgent but it made me feel embarrassed and sad x x

greeneyed Sat 11-May-13 23:30:51

baby will respond properly tomorrow but i'm sorry you are sad, much of what you say resonates with me tonight. Need to kick my ass and the Wine Witch xx

greeneyed Sun 12-May-13 07:47:29

Okay babes, it's a lovely morning. Lets rediscover our boing this week! I will be moving all wine to the back of the garage today. It's the only way for me. If it's in the house I'll drink it.

I keep putting on weight, said to DH last night I didn't know why. He said perhaps it's the booze And I am drinking a lot at the moment. He never says anything like thatblush wake up call for me.

So removing the alcohol and preparing for a fitful night. I will spend the evenjng on my laptop in bed hiding from the WW. I have put myself at the bottom of the pile the last few months whilst we deal with various pressures but time to look after myself.

Who's joining me on day one? Xx

greeneyed Sun 12-May-13 07:49:56

Also it's a but quiet now in the sidecar without purps need to get back on the bus, hoping she'll join me on there when she's ready x

BabyJ sorry your feeling so low, sounds a brilliant idea to read back over your first threads & find your motivation again.
Green, does your dh drink the wine that will be at the back of the garage? Just a thought but could you pour it away? That's what I've had to do as knowing it was there at times would of been too much hmm

I've had a bug all weekend, felt exhausted but glad I've resisted ww as would of felt a million times worse.

Wishing babes a good Sunday xx

babyjane1 Sun 12-May-13 11:18:27

green I'm with you girl, time for to buck my ideas up!!!!

greeneyed Sun 12-May-13 14:17:50

That's great baby we'll unite against the WW this evening. Enough with the self loathing and time to be kind to ourselves in body and mind. ohclutter i think I'll be safe with it in the garage. If not I'll get rid of it. X

Mintyy Sun 12-May-13 14:36:17

Great stuff greeneyed and babyjane! Have you got a plan for what you will do when ww comes a-calling?

greeneyed Sun 12-May-13 14:41:07

Hide in my bedroom, PJs on in bed, teeth brushed . Not really feasible till after 8pm though smile in the meantime I'll just keep looking at myself in the mirror to remind me why I need to do this!

aliasjoey Sun 12-May-13 14:45:48

ma hope everything goes okay for you and your family today.. it's so sad that a charity has had to step in where the NHS has failed

babyjane aww you poor thing, that must have been a horrid thing to hear! Are you sure she meant it that way? Also, your illness has surely taken its toll - your body has done pretty well to cope so far!

clutter hope you're feeling better today?

I think I'm going to be in the sidecar tonight, I had my once-a-week drink last night, but am getting very anxious about GP appointment tomorrow - and bought more wine today. It's self-medicating isn't it? I know that, but just at a loss how to deal with this anxiety any longer.

It's been 18 months since the fatigue started, and nearly a year since my meds were changed and the anxiety really ramped up. Since then, as well as 4/5 different drugs, herbal tablets, vitamins etc, have also had therapy, counselling, online CBT tools, and (actually quite helpful) podcasts from the Mental Health Foundation. I guess I'm worried that the doc will say there's nothing more to be done, or its my own fault...

Also I'll have to take time off work, and I'm stressing about that, only 30 mins but I'm dreading asking my boss.

greeneyed Sun 12-May-13 15:02:27

Joey are you going to the GP to discuss your anxiety?

dementedma Sun 12-May-13 17:05:40

Hey all
All organised for tomorrow to take bro to his stay at the sally army. He's very frightened but has managed to shower and shave today, which is progress.
alias are you OK?
<leaves trail of green opal fruits from bus to side car to tempt purps>

aliasjoey Sun 12-May-13 17:19:25

ma I'm so glad your brother is getting help at last! What does he think about it? I admit, I didn't even know the Salvation Army did that.

greeny I don't know what to tell the doctor. It seems like I take an SSRI and the anxiety goes away, but then I start feeling exhausted & unrefreshed sleep. But then I was taking seroxat for 10 years without any problems, so maybe it's something else. I'm a bit confused. I've been to the GP 9 times in 18 months - they must be so fed up of me!

dementedma Sun 12-May-13 17:31:59

purple trying to reply to your pm but don't think its sending. If it has you will have it three times!
alias sally army place is more about homelessness, but its the only place we could find that would take him. Don't known if its going to work out but its all we have

Mintyy Sun 12-May-13 17:59:27

Crossing everything for Richard, ma. Its more than a bit shocking that it has to be a charity rather than the Nhs that offers to treat him. I live very near the Salvation Army hq in London and have often shared the night bus home with some desperately drunk men on their way there. You can't help buy admire the people who volunteer their time to do this work. I really hope it works out for him.

Thanks Alias, feeling slightly better, been really sick, upset tum & cough that won't go away. Thinking I'm maybe just really anxious about new job & need to learn to relax & stop worrying.
Hope you get on ok at Gp tomorrow, sounds like you've been through so much.
It's all football, football in this house at the moment! X

aliasjoey Sun 12-May-13 19:18:53

clutter when do you start your new job? Or, sorry, you already started didn't you? (It's so hard to keep up, no wonder purple left sad ) How is it going?

I know exactly what you mean about anxiety. I've bidding for a pair of jeans on ebay, and they're only £15 but I keep thinking am I doing the right thing, what if they don't fit... bloody mental I am!

Alias I so get like that, psychoanalysis every little thing I do, decision I make, what I'll make for tea , what I say, don't say ad infinitum! It's exhausting. Started new job 3 weeks ago, it's quite overwhelming & I'm wondering if I've made the right decision. Feel like they must be wondering how I got post.
Good luck with the jeans smile x

greeneyed Sun 12-May-13 20:24:33

joey tHats nothing i've been at least that many times in 6 months. Trust me they will have people who are far more of a pain in the arse than you grin . If you are not well, you're not well and there is nothing wrong with going back to GP when you are still struggling. Remind me how come you can't go back on the seroxat?

greeneyed Sun 12-May-13 20:25:46

baby how is day one going?

chastemccain Sun 12-May-13 20:35:40

Hi Babes, I'm back for round 150 two! Was here a while back under 'theresafire'. Have managed to do ten days a couple of times but that's a few months back now so I'm back where I started. Not sleeping, feeling shite, guilty and paranoid. I'm convinced I'm going to die of liver failure too soon.

DS (2) has asthma and croup currently, had a 3am visit to ED the other night. Tonight he is wheezy and I can't sleep for listening to him breathe worrying and 2hrly ventolin. Is 3am here, I'm quite familiar with being up at this hour.

Hopefully that will change soon with tomorrow being Day1 again. I have lots of coke and chocolate to see me through.

Hi to all babes new and old. Ma your brother will be in good hands (like yours) with the SA, look after you now, how's the running going? Is that you? (I don't mean to sound flip).

Hi mouse , I'm still amazed at all you cope with and your brilliant mentoring of all babes here. Sorry to hear your pain is still a bitch. Puts my problems into perspective.

Hi joey still working on addressing that anxiety, good luck. I would be happy to swap booze for diazepam myself, can't see any problems there don't reckon that's going to happen though!

isinde Hi, love your poems, and that you sleep best with a clean kitchen among other things. A lot of what you post really resonates with me, thanks.

venus , purple , gugg and faire. Posts of yours have stayed with me also, hope you're all well tonight.

aliasjoey Sun 12-May-13 20:39:56

greeny after I became very fatigued last year the doc switched me to mirtazapine but that doesn't do much for anxiety.

I'm thinking of suggesting a couple of other drugs, pregabalin or buspirone. But worried about not being taken seriously, tiredness isn't really ill is it?

clutter any new job takes a while to get used to, at least 2 months before you start to make sense of it! Honestly, no-one expects somebody to just walk in and know what they were doing straightaway

chastemccain Sun 12-May-13 20:42:06

baby sorry to hear of park incident with dd. take heart, happens to me also, Dd is ten. One of my biggest motivating forces is to try not to look like a freakin zombie when I stand next to the Eurasian beauty she is bitch lol.

lonnika Sun 12-May-13 20:52:15

Hi all - end of day 13 here smile - Baby I have reversed the ageing process by not drinking smile
Hope all on day one are having a good day smile. Goodnight all

fullofhopefullness Sun 12-May-13 20:57:39

Sorry lonnika - hopefully day 1 tomorrow. Life not good just now - going to try though !

lonnika Sun 12-May-13 21:10:45

Hope life gets better for you soon sad. Good on you for keeping on trying that is all any of us can do!

PurpleWolfe Sun 12-May-13 21:21:42

Mouse's quote to me from a well known song "You can check out any time you like but you can never leave" is ringing true. x

Soz lol! Bad fucking week (but nothing compared to others sad ), teddies out the pram episode........Ma you promised me green Opal fruits.......? You'd better deliver.....??? xx

stella10 Sun 12-May-13 21:22:07

Mind if I ask how old you are baby? I feel the same, frightened of killing myself from the inside but absolutely terrified of prematurely aging myself!! So want to be fit and healthy and look good and vibrant again!

Thanks alias, I'm maybe putting myself under too much pressure & need to cut myself some slack, tis hard though hmm Thank you for your kind words

Lonnika day 13 is amazing, huge well done & well done on reversing the ageing process. Was reading a leaflet today about the damage alcohol does to your skin & that it drys your hair out too hmm

Fullofhope sorry things not great, sending a hug & hope things improve soon x

Feel so different this Sunday than I did last Sunday with bad hangover.

Night night brave babes. Wishing everyone well on their journeys to fighting the ww and any other booze demons x

lonnika Sun 12-May-13 21:34:01

Funny you should say that Ohclutter I noticed that my hair was feeling better but thought I was just imagining it

Mouseface Sun 12-May-13 21:35:14

Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha - <evil cackle>

I have the power to draw you back Purple my pretty wink

Good to see you back lovely, I scooped up the green Opal Fruits (Starbursts? I think not!) and saved them for you. smile Welcome home xx

Hey Stella smile

Lonni - you are doing great!! Well bloody done xx

Welcome back Chaste - good to see that you are back for support, I hope that you have support with your little one being poorly? Are you worried? I hope he's okay? xx

Waves to ALL BRAVE BABES regardless of their time here. I'm off to bed, lots of love and safety to you all for the evening, and whatever lies ahead.

Nemo has a hospital appt in the morning, genetics, to see what else (if anything) is genetically wrong with him. We've waited a long time for this...... I'm both worried and excited to find out more.

Sleep well Brave Babes be kind to yourselves and gentle too. smile xx

fullofhopefullness Sun 12-May-13 21:38:24

Hi welcome back purp !! After bot of ww cant say much more!
Thanks clutter I can Maybe tell more whenever sober hopefully tomorrow. Love to all xx

chastemccain Sun 12-May-13 21:50:35

Thanks mouse DS will be fine, might see GP today for preventative asthma meds. Thanks for your concern. You have my metaphorical hand to hold and I will be thinking of you and your lovely nemo today. Best of luck, happy belated birthday for the little fella, is he loving school?

aliasjoey Sun 12-May-13 21:54:54

purple ! How are you doing now?

babyjane1 Sun 12-May-13 22:05:34

green clutter minty joey chaste loni thank you all so much for your comments and support, very grateful and touched. stella I'm 41 and my dd's are 13 and 2 and I look and feel like shite, completely overwhelmed by life wine has stolen my looks and dignity! purple please stay, pretty please??? Can anyone send me virtual Botox??? green I'm rocking day 1 x x x x x

venusandmars Sun 12-May-13 22:41:35

purple I think that's the thing about here - we may not agree with all the posts, we may strop and fight (not often), we may bare our souls and wish we hadn't, but, but, BUT at the end of the day I don't know anywhere else where people understand me like you lot, where I can post and know that someone will have done the same (or worse), where no-one will minimise my concerns or excuse them - but they'll understand and pardon. I just can't keep away.

baby in my mind I think I look serene and lovely like Botticelli's image of venus here but in reality I look much more like this

venusandmars Sun 12-May-13 22:42:12

mouse hope you have a better day tomorrow xx

fullofhopefullness Sun 12-May-13 22:50:04

Well done b!!!

fullofhopefullness Sun 12-May-13 22:53:55

And LOL venus!!

fullofhopefullness Sun 12-May-13 22:55:05

Ps just accessing your links amd empathising!!!

greeneyed Sun 12-May-13 23:31:08

Purple smile . Great news baby onwards to day 2. full keep on keeping on Tomorrow is another day- make a plan, I don't succeed without one. Removing all the wine and 5 hours solid cleaning has worked for me today.

mouse i hope it goes well at the hospital tomorrow and ma best if luck to richard. You've fought so hard for him this week, he is lucky to have a sister like you.

Night night all babes, hoping you all have a good week xx

fullofhopefullness Sun 12-May-13 23:35:07

Nite nite all xx

chastemccain Mon 13-May-13 04:02:27

Great links venus , like my mum says, I forget I'm old until someone reminds me! Thanks 'darling' children! Day 1 for me.

Thinking of you today MA & Mouse, both big days ahead x
Well done BabyJ, huge strength for day 2.
Thinking of all babes starting day 1 can do this!
Lol at the link Venus smile
Agree that children have a good way of putting you firmly in your place, the worst culprits of this in my experience is teenage dd's!

Start of week 4 for me today, still not feeling great but think a lot due to anxiety...must relax!

Have a good day babes x

lonnika Mon 13-May-13 06:12:30

Yay ladies, some great overnight posts on here smile
Well done green on day 1 an Baby smile
Slept the best I have in years last night - obv catching up on my very much needed beauty sleep sad
2 weeks today smile. It is getting easier and on the whole I feel soooo much better xxxxxx. Still exhausted but assuming this is all down to my body readjusting to new lifestyle and diet smile.
Good luck all on day 2. full hope u ok - Goodluck on day 1 smile Ma fingers crossed and lots of love to Richard x

lonnika Mon 13-May-13 06:15:03

Occlutter well done on start of week 4 - hope you can get anxiety sorted - I have some beta blockers to take for anxiety sad. I am not too bad at the moment lets hope it stays that way smile

greeneyed Mon 13-May-13 08:05:27

Well done lonicca good luck this week clutter x

dementedma Mon 13-May-13 08:07:17

Damn you mouse you weren't supposed to actually give her the opal fruits. That was a lure!
<straps purple into seat with heavy duty duct tape>
mouse will be thinking of you and fish boy today
Yes, I'm back to running whoever asked up thread. Managed a full 20 minutes yesterday!
Sorry not to name check all above. Big day today.....need the force of the bus with us...

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 08:37:21

Mouse Sending strength for today. Hoping you find something out that might alleviate some of Nemo's struggling? Thinking of you both. (x)

Ma Don't you dare go back on your bribe of green Opal Fruits! I may not be able to move due to the duct tape but I can whinge for England!! Good luck for today with Richard. Hoping you feel a weight lifting later. You are an amazing sister.

Bought a new (second hand) Dyson yesterday because the old one stopped working. XP came round last night to drop of DC and pointed out I'd put the yellow middle bit in upside down! What a tit I am! confused

Thank you Venus, Green x, Baby, Joey (not too good atm sad but thanks for asking x), Full, Isinde, Marfisa, Obridada, Lemony, Guggs and Chaste. (Apologies if I missed anyone).

Hi and hugs to Koti too! xxx

Fightlikeagirl Mon 13-May-13 09:32:23

Good luck today mouse and ma smile

aliasjoey Mon 13-May-13 09:38:34

hope everything goes okay today ma

what's up purple (apart from being an idiot with the vacuum!)

Mouseface Mon 13-May-13 09:44:45

Morning, tis me, mouse

On route to the hospital and we're all shattered after such an early start. Thanks for the well wishes, will update asap.

ma. I really hope that Richard is settled in smoothly today, sending you all dough love xx

Bye for now Babes xxxxx

<lobs more green opals at the emergency bucket as she whizzes past>

Mouseface Mon 13-May-13 09:47:54

Hmm, no idea what dough love is, on my phone - sorry! Xx

babyjane1 Mon 13-May-13 09:54:40

Hi babes can I just say the warmth and genuine affection on this bus between RL strangers is amazing, it really touches me that you all give me so much support and yet would walk by me in real life, it's like a sisterhood and I'm loving the good vibe today. I want to share with you a documentary on you tube called "drugged high on alcohol" even if you can't watch it all watch the first and last 5 minutes, it will improve your resolve for sure. Xx

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 09:54:43

Struggling big time with WW atm Joey. sad Alcohol Services nurse should have been in touch two weeks ago about the day programme they offered me - but hasn't. Similarly, left a message for my Dr for further Campral/meds/appt and, despite being told she would get back to me in 24 - 48 hours, it's been week. Screwed my courage up to ask, again, for help but to no avail. Pretty fucked off. sad sad

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 09:57:22

[grins] @ dough love!!!!! x

babyjane1 Mon 13-May-13 10:10:33

purple over the weekend I read back all my old posts and many of them are you telling me how many positive changes you had experienced during you period of abstinence. Why don't you look back at only your own posts and it may renew your strength, it has helped me. The video I mentioned earlier is also a sobering thought. We can do this x x x

Lemonylemon Mon 13-May-13 10:34:32

Morning All! Day 1 here again. Was Day 1 on Saturday as well..... Sigh.

Anyway, enough about me - what about you lot?

Purps Good to see you back
lonnika well done on 2 weeks
baby {hugs} for you
ma vibes vibes vibes to you and Richard today
mouse good luck today. I believe dough love is erm, cake..... wink
clutter well done getting to week 4
chaste welcome back

<<Waves to everyone I haven't name checked>>

Only 1 week 5 days until my holiday (Lemony does a little jig)

curryeater Mon 13-May-13 10:35:49

Morning all

Welcome to chaste and marfisa

Lonnika, so glad to hear you slept well. No substitute.

Purple, I sympathise. Sorry if I haven't always replied to you in depth. I have felt the same way sometimes, I am definitely a non-entity on here, but I rationalise it by asking myself: does it help me to post, or not? Answer is, for now, yes, even if I am ignored, because I am marking in some external way my commitment to change, and have no one else to do this with and nowhere else to do it. I don't get upset when I don't get much back* because this isn't the real me - this isn't a rejection of who I really am by friends or family or colleagues, it's just a place where I am hardly noticed for whatever reason. FWIW I find your posts very interesting and generous and still think about your autobiographical ones often.
Anyway yes I do feel that being here is positive for me although there are certain things it doesn't do for me, the thing is to stop expecting them (for me) - when it gets to be unhelpful, I will walk away. I hope you find enough here to keep you going, and will miss you if you leave.

*another reason why I have made the conscious decision not to get upset is because I have a "party persona" who is very much associated with drinks and substances. Being witty and pretty and bright and getting addicted to attention and social adulation was a part of my party years. I am trying to think about how to use my energy and what real relationships are. I hardly know a handful of those people from those times and I was addicted to their company, always having somewhere to go where there was a drink and a load of people who would flatter me. I need to analyse the costs and benefits of all cheap thrills, including showing off.

curryeater Mon 13-May-13 10:39:05

purple, x-posted. So sorry you are being dicked around by the HCPs. I know the feeling and I often raise a cynical eyebrow on here (not this thread, on mn) when someone has a problem and a chorus of voices says "get help! go to the gp, you will get everything you need!" sometimes I wonder if they just live in really posh areas - moving from Croydon to Herts was a big difference I found.
Anyway screw your courage to the sticking place and don't be afraid to ASK ASK ASK. You sound shy of asking. DONT BE - it's hard and you shouldn't have to do it, but keep going.

greeneyed Mon 13-May-13 10:40:24

purple if you don't chase up alcohol services and the GP today I will be oiling up Barry ready for a good slapping! Sadly our services are all so overstreched, it's not that they don't care just someone is shouting louder and if you quietly disappear off their caseload that's just a bit less work for them. Stand up for yourself sweetie. X

Lemonylemon Mon 13-May-13 10:47:54

Just read Trinity's thread. My God, how sad. They say that lightning doesn't strike twice. Just like to say, "oh yes, it fucking well does..." Nuff said.

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 11:09:00

Thank you Baby. I guess, in the beginning, I had the strength of launching myself, newly 'outed', to HCP (and myself). Second (or third, or fouth etc) time round, it's a little harder to find the impetus - even though I know that's the only option. Will look up the vid later. xxxx

Curry Please, please don't be sorry. I had a shit week where I was let down by the HCP, my body (fucking ankle, fucking back!!), finances, my XP and my children played up - which I can normally deal with. I think I put all my 'eggs in one basket' here and, as we all know, we all have hectic lives/demons/problems and I'd hate to think anyone felt, in anyway, responsible. Just me being needy.

Curry Shy of asking? You are so right that I need to keep on banging on to get help but I have huge self-worth issues. I would fight tigers off if my children were involved but, for me, I struggle to see why anyone would bother. Any 're-buff' just (ridiculously) confirms my view that I'm 'just not worth it'. Just historical shit that's hard to shift, I suppose.

Please, all, forgive me for my tantrum. All I can say is that this is the only place I have felt that, if I had a hissy fit, people might listen. I suppose that's a baby step forward?

Stupidly teary now. Thanks all. xxxxxx

babyjane1 Mon 13-May-13 11:11:50

curry I love your posts x x x

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 11:13:54

Green I know you're right. It's just so not me to be the 'squeaky wheel'. And, yes, I know I should be. Not Barrie! Please?! xxxxxxx

babyjane1 Mon 13-May-13 11:14:03

purple stupidly teary too at your post x x x

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 11:30:34

Baby you've made me worse!! (( )) xxx

Phoned to find out why the Dr hadn't replied. Got bounced to pharmacy in case she'd done a repeat prescription. She hadn't. Suffered the embarrassment of explaining predicament to both the reception woman and the pharmacist - only to end up back at reception. Had to make a new appt but it's not for a week. Fuck!!

aliasjoey Mon 13-May-13 11:37:20

purple you sound just like me! The whole "if they don't contact me, it means I'm not worth it" thing. It's so hard to believe in ourselves, no doubt we are taught for years to put others first.

And, as greeny says (and ma and her brother know only too well sad ) it really is those who keep on shouting who get seen. Just try and think of yourself more kindly, you do deserve more.

Last year during a bit of a mental crisis, I asked to be referred to the mental health team. By the time I got a letter through I was feeling better anyway. But the letter had no signature or name on it. And I pathetically thought "they can't really care about me if they don't even sign the letter" and never contacted them blush

So - I totally get where you are coming from. But pick up the phone and do it anyway, okay? We can do it together - I have to go to the GP this afternoon, and am dreading it in case they think I'm wasting their time.

aliasjoey Mon 13-May-13 11:39:03

Sorry - x-posted.

Can you demand a sooner appointment? Okay, I KNOW how hard it is for us to demand anything - but look back over the last couple of weeks, and know that you need more help and support.

AlmostHadItAll Mon 13-May-13 11:51:21

I have just watched that YouTube video #babyjane# Oh my goodness, absolutely heartbreaking sad

Sorry to jump in, but just had to share that. Think his story is going to haunt me for a while. What a shame.

babyjane1 Mon 13-May-13 12:06:33

almost I know it was hard to watch but I feel so so lucky that I'm nowhere close to that but to think we're drinking the same poison is scary, I know today I will not drink and if seeing that helps anyone on this bus, then it's worth it x x x

Lemonylemon Mon 13-May-13 12:08:25

I've just watched the first bit and the last bit. Seen my Mum in this state, luckily, she's still alive and not drinking. Very, very sobering video. sad

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 13:01:29

The video is very painful and very moving Baby. Poor bloke. sad xx

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 13:11:15

Joey A bit like Mouse a few pages back, if I get an earlier appointment it will be with a doctor that doesn't know my full history and I'll have to go over the painful, embarrassing. tearful shit all over again. TBH I'm struggling to go back at all as I feel like she's let me down in not getting back to me last week when I phoned. After the first meeting I trusted her and believed her when she said we'd sort this out together. Sigh. Still (pulls big pants on purposefully and stuffs a few green Opal Fruits in her gob!) this isn't a popularity contest - it's about my health - and my children's well being. Laughable that, if this were anything about my children, a friend of mine, even XP, I'd be hammering on desks and not taking 'no' for an answer.

Lemonylemon Mon 13-May-13 13:15:29

Purps You just start hammering on desks and not taking no for an answer. Because you're worth it.....

babyjane1 Mon 13-May-13 13:24:04

purple if you do not value yourself enough (and you bloody well should) then think of how your well being affects your kids and get on that phone and demand an emergency appointment, you deserve to be happy and anything they can do to facilitate that then they better had or BabyJ will give them a Glasgow Kiss x x x

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 13:32:00

<sniffs tearfully> Thank you Lemony! Baby you made me laugh out loud with your 'Glasgow kiss' comment! Not how I pictured you at all! Thanks lovely ladies! xxx

babyjane1 Mon 13-May-13 13:36:32

Nobody puts purple in the corner xxx

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 14:22:28

grin @ Baby! xx

DS2 has just up-chucked over sofa, carpet, kitchen cabinets and kitchen sink. He'd been eating cheese. Ewwwwww! Nuff said!

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 14:23:43

PS Poor little sod! x

greeneyed Mon 13-May-13 15:39:04

Well done for chasing purple x posted with curry . * curry* you are far from a non entity on here. There are two of your posts which I think about often and have found inspiring. I'm sorry to all babes I appear to ignore, I'm very busy and I read then jump in and out again if I have something to add to the conversation, which is often just a quick response to one babe not acknowledging other posts in between.

dementedma Mon 13-May-13 15:58:43

feeling the love on the bus today
curry havent chatted for make a vaild point that a few of us have experienced how hard it is to get the help we need from medical services. its true they are overstretched, desperately so, but also there is a lack of understanding. The GP who told us "take him home, tell him to have no alcohol and bring him back sober tomorrow" just didnt quite get it!!!
<gaffer tapes purples mouth to stop the whingeing and prevent consumption of green opal fruits>
Not up to watching the video yet but I will
Richard safely booked into the Sally Army....he was a bit overwhelmed and confused but up for it. Took him to a cafe to say cheerio and he was shaking so much he couldnt lift a tea cup so had to drink through a straw! He is taking the meds and has txted to say he has had his hair cut! All good. The people there are lovely, even if accommodation is a bit basic but he is safe, warm and looked after for which I give thanks to God/gods/Jeff or whoever. Mum a bit sad to have to leave him but he can have visitors so DH will take her up on Wednesday.
Hope mouse had a good day with the little fish.
indie venus how are you?

dementedma Mon 13-May-13 16:00:37

oh, forgot to add - for those having to meet with different medical people all the time, I have kept a diary about Richard every day and I email it to them or take it with me so I dont have to keep going over it.
Top tip for the day!!!

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 16:53:35

Mmmmmmnmmmmnmnmnnmmmnnmnnnmmnmnmm!!!!!! grin

guggenheim Mon 13-May-13 17:11:16

Just checking in because life has got stupidly busy again. Really glad purple is still here and all other babes too.

Good luck to nemo and Richard. Hopes for a calm and sober week for all.


aliasjoey Mon 13-May-13 17:40:22

The doctor was lovely blush Really kind and caring. But she did prescribe a drug I've never even heard of lofepramine? and the side effects can include insomnia, so I'm now in knots worrying about it.

I have about 200ml of wine left tonight, actually it's a very odd feeling - I want the alcohol but dread it at the same time. Feel relieved knowing that after tonight I'll be dry until the weekend. I really ought to quit completely.

FuzzyInTheMorning Mon 13-May-13 18:55:24

Back on the bus after separating from my husband sad need to stop drinking even more now I am a single mum but been a bit in denial as need it as my emotional anaesthetic recently. Feeling focused more now...

dementedma Mon 13-May-13 19:36:33

fuzzy welcome back. I hope the break wasn't too hard
<slaps purple round head with Barrie> sorry, did you say something?
Heard from bro - taken all his meds, had his hair cut, keeping occupied doing xword puzzles and now 24 hours alcohol free!
Just discovered that dd1 is coming home tomorrow, not Wednesday! Eek

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 19:56:07

<would love to say something supportive and happy to Ma as she's trying to smile through the bindings but can't due to duct tape and squid juice!!!!>

(PS Ma The girl done good for her brother. Hugs)

FuzzyInTheMorning Mon 13-May-13 20:14:27

Thanks ma - still hard but that's to be expected. Drinking too much so today is day 1...

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 20:21:08

Fuzzy From one single Mum to another - best of luck with Day 1. x

dementedma Mon 13-May-13 20:33:32

<releases purple from bindings and hides opal fruits>
Been reading about the Allen Carr book.....should I buy it?

fullofhopefullness Mon 13-May-13 21:00:25

I think so ma although im not so good just now. I found it sensible and inspirational.

lonnika Mon 13-May-13 21:37:46

Hi all - good luck to those on day 1 xx
Ma - good news about Richard x
Alias - good luck with trying to quit completely.

Night all - hoping for another good nights sleep xx

fullofhopefullness Mon 13-May-13 21:59:14

Today I have given up for good - again!!

Hi Babes, greetings from the sidecar of shame.
The kitchen is now clean but the dishwasher is knackered (and has been knackered all last week but DP forgot to say hmm so the entire contents of kitchen washing up from the last 6 days has been done with radio 4 and a bottle of white.
purple so great to see you back posting and I am so sorry if I may have contributed to you or anyone's feelings of not being responded to or ignored (cringe emoticon) I am totally crap at name checking anyone ( and tbh I am hopeless at all that stuff in rl too. blush I got told off recently because I confused our twins birthday with our wedding anniversary, I forget family birthdays, names of kids, to say thank you, you name it.)..basically I am an anti-social bitch-in-denial. grin

Ma so pleased that Richard is somewhere safe and caring. I too, find it bloody ridiculous that the NHS and local authorities were not able to give you early, clear and compassionate support for a man who is clearly very vulnerable and asking for help. Keep those records my mate, I think we should enlist MsGee (are you lurking honey?) in creating an excel database of support and numbers etc so we can capture some of the valuable information and support we have on here.

fuzzy Just wanted to say I hope things are starting to get easier for you. Splitting up is always difficult and painful and involves grieving as much for what might-have-been as well as what-was and I can only imagine how hard it is to do with DCs. Sending you tons of best wishes tonight.

fullof hope you have a peaceful night and feel better tomorrow smile

<<sends a swarm of sweet-smelling-sweet-sleep-making fairies to swirl above Ion's house and gift her some peaceful sleep>>

<<sweeps up opal fruit wrappers from Gerald's floor and wonders where all the duct tape came from>>

Night night babes. Sleep well all.

stella10 Mon 13-May-13 22:27:04

Ha ha thanks baby for reply I bet you don't look like shit just feel it!! Surely if we all cleaned up our acts for a bit we'd start to get our bounce back and shine bright like a diamond!!? I'm doing ok in that I've turned a corner at the moment. Had such an awful row with dp and I think it was fueled by my mood from drinking and his lack of respect for me due to drinking. Found it easy to stop for a whole week after and then we had a wedding party wkend and dp had already said I didn't need to stop drinking completely just wen I'm in a bad mood! Well obviously we drank over the wkend and as usual I took it too far and ended up starting another row:-( so now I'm dry again and thats how I'm going to stay for long enough to really feel a difference this time. Also starting a new exercise routine to start to get the feel good factor again. Oh and another thing which strikes me is that the constant guilt and anxiety over our drinking I think just makes our self esteem so much lower doesn't it? So I'm going to hold off making any big decisions in my life til my head is a little clearer:-/ I'm on day 5 now.....

venusandmars Mon 13-May-13 22:27:05

oh ma so glad that Richard is in a safe place - that must be such a weight off your shoulders after the weekend. Richard's story and the youtube video that babyJ posted earlier are such a reminder of what happens at the bottom of this slippery slope. And far too many of us know just how incredibly hard it is to cling on to our precarious position halfway up (or halfway down). An inch in either direction may not seem much, but inch by inch we are moving in one direction or the other....

Mouseface Mon 13-May-13 22:33:42

Evening, tis me, mouse

I'm knackered. What a day.

Ma - I am beyond pleased that Richard has settled and done some 'normal things' today. God bless him and his soul. I hope with all of my heart that this time, this time is the last time that he will ever have to face his demons. xx

dough? - cake? I can live with that! grin

Today was very hard. We were expecting answers and results from bloods that were taken during surgery last November when Nemo was in for a cleft palate operation. Said bloods are M.I.A. hmm which may have had my blood boiling for a short while but luckily, the Genetics Team at St Mary's in Manchester are fantastic and managed to get a decent saliva swab from my scared little boy.

They stripped him down to his nappy, examined him and looked at his back, which he's said it hurts him for some time. DH said he was copying me and of course that is feasible but I knew there was more to it because it was all of the time. I knew there was more to it.

Turns out he has asymmetrical shoulder blades, rather severely as it happens and a curve in his spine, plus a shorter than normal distance between his lower skull/base of his neck and his shoulders. We don't know what that means yet. But I am NOY GOOGLING!!

But he's been ace, a real little super star. Sorry to not read back properly and catch up but it's been a heck of a day and I'm shattered, he's only just gone off to sleep...... over excited with his present (Cars 2 Micro Drifters Race track) for which the bloody cars cost a Squillianton pounds from some places and the rest are duplicates! Grr.

Anywho, will be back in the morning smile

Night Babes, Sorry not to name you all but I am thinking of you all and will read back.

Sleep well xxxx

Mouseface Mon 13-May-13 22:34:10

'NOT' FFS! grin

Tired typing. xx

venusandmars Mon 13-May-13 22:34:24

purple and curry and ALL BABES I find it quite interesting that so many of us are of the mix where we are reluctant to call for attention, yet feel left out when no-one pays us attention, yet hate it when anyone does, yet love it when somebody notices. And also when one of the babes shouts out about it, the majority of us think 'shit - that was me that ignored her', we're people who find it easier to give support than to ask for it, yet feel irritated when people ask too much of us.

I'm sure there must be a personality type analysis that puts all those traits together and labels them as 'people who are on mn posting about their alcohol problems' grin

fullofhopefullness Mon 13-May-13 22:36:00

Thanks isinde. Good wishes to you xx and all of you. About to watch stephen nolan on depression on bbc 1!! Might be regional though.

venusandmars Mon 13-May-13 22:37:15

stella I think the guilt / anxiety stuff about drinking is just so tiring

It really is easier just to stop.

fullofhopefullness Mon 13-May-13 22:38:13

Sorry meant might be just local?

stella10 Mon 13-May-13 22:48:20

Definitely tiring!:-( sorry some serious stuff cross posted with me and going on in general and I waffle on about trivial crap. Just I'm starting to see how my cycle goes on and on although partly a physical real addiction as its been there since I was old enough to acquire alcohol:-/ but also mentally it puts you down so that you feel you need it. Right now I hate what its done to me so can leave it and I'm glad that its now and not before something terrible like losing my kids but who's to say I will stop? Hmm right I'm going to scrol back to find this vid baby posted.

PurpleWolfe Mon 13-May-13 22:50:44

Dearest tired Mouse, you know my feelings on this but I'm going to say it again. Of all the mothers for Nemo to have been 'issued', he got the 'lottery win' with you. You fight for him despite your own health issues, you fight for his treatments, for someone to listen, you stay with him when other's may have been worn down so much they couldn't stay, you are there for him, day and night, you love him beyond everything. He may have pulled the short straw with health but he certainly got the jackpot with you. Strange to say, but he's a lucky boy. xxxxxx

Mouseface Mon 13-May-13 22:52:01

Stella - it's amazing, and cutting to the quick because she is so young (compared to me) and yet knows just what drinking does to you, me, others. xx

venusandmars Mon 13-May-13 23:09:35

Agree with purple 100%

aliasjoey Mon 13-May-13 23:27:51

venus hmm interesting post about people who don't like to ask for help - but feel absurdly hurt when nobody notices we need it! I am so guilty of that!

lonnika FFS I write all sorts of nonsense that no-one reads, but when I make a passing reference to quitting drinking completely, it gets highlighted! blush of course I didn't really mean it, it was only made to pretend to myself that I'm serious about taking control. Head in sand. Sorry.

mouse sending love. pm if you want to my lovely. DP is good at translation.
\So so agree with purple and venus

Sleep well all

<<blows sleepy dust over Gerald, all our children, brothers, sisters,loved ones , all the un-loved and un-cared for ones and all the children of the universe who need a rest tonight >>

lonnika Tue 14-May-13 06:17:32

Think I have cracked this sleeping thing smile
alias - sorry - good luck with whatever you do !
Day 15 here - I am not drinking today.
Have a great day - see you later peeps.

Morning babes. Mouse completely agree with purple that Nemo & your dd definitely got lucky with you as their maman. What a day you went through yesterday & sounds as though your little Nemo was a superstar huge hugs to you all xx
MA great news about your db, hopefully this will make a real change and you & your family can have The Richard you know & love back.
Just thinking for those saying they are "giving up" alcohol the Allen Carr book makes some good points that you need to change your mindset that you are not giving anything up but gaining a better life. I found it a good way to think about alcohol.
Lonnika amazing that you slept well, just makes all the difference to everything.
My wee boy woke up at 4 sobbing that he was afraid of the dark but on the plus side of that he has now slept til 8:30 & now playing in his room. (Usually wakes at 6 & shouts for me!)

Peace, strength & love to all amazing babes xx

babyjane1 Tue 14-May-13 08:53:23

Morning babes, sorry I never posted last night, I worked hard in the house yesterday and later on had a bath and promptly fell asleep. I'm so pleased Richard is settled and hope he has had a comfortable night, mouse you are an inspirational mother.*stella*i too am going to try a total approach, not just no wine but swimming, gym, skincare etc. my guilt at drinking leads me to punish myself by not buying clothes, getting my hair done etc. we all deserve to look and feel good so keep me posted stella xxxxx

aliasjoey Tue 14-May-13 09:17:38

lonnika no need to apologise, you just made me realise that my comment was a rather pathetic half-hearted attempt to pretend I'm making more effort, you were quite right to pull me up on it..

curryeater Tue 14-May-13 09:36:36

Morning, babes! Day 3.

Venus, yes that is very interesting. I know irl a lot of my social alcohol issues* are around using it to stop feeling inhibited - and in other words, demand attention. Then I get it - if things don't go too far, good attention - but even when I haven't done anything really stupid, I wake up the next day feeling guilty and exposed for crawling out of my shell even if everyone says I was being charming.
Of course sometimes things go horribly, indisputably wrong, too.

*I do not mean for one moment to suggest that I only have social alcohol issues. What I mean is: on the vast and wide-ranging gamut of circumstances under which I drink too much, focusing just now on Drinking When Out....

Ma, so glad R is being looked after. God bless the Sally Army indeed. Well done. And now - how are you?

Purple - sorry to hear they are pushing you from pillar to post. Sometimes don't you just wish you could get them all in one room so they can't fob you off by making them bounce between you? Good luck today. Easy for me to say, but - keep trying.

Green, purple, and babyjane - thanks for saying nice things to me. I didn't mean to be all, "VALIDATE ME!" (not that I don't like to be validated of course) but just to say to Purple, or anyone: please please try to use this place for anything good you can get out of it, even if that means you have to separate that from the bad feelings you can sometimes get from thinking "OMG I spent 25 minutes posting about xyz and it's just gone into the void". Purple, I know you have posted some really personal stuff about your past and honestly it meant a lot to me but I found it really hard to respond to because I felt so cosseted in my life compared to you. I mean if there is a hierarchy of pain, which there isn't, but if there was, I am basically just not allowed to talk to you. And many others on here.

So here are my first world problems:

house might fall through because mortgage people dragging their feet and vendor getting pissed off AAAAAAAAAAAARGH If we can't buy this house we are facing being kicked out with nowhere to go AGAIN. Please pray for my house.

dd2 not sleeping = me not sleeping

all these are nice problems to have of course. trying to buy a house we love; living with my beautiful little girls. It's all good.

And day 3.

sorry for epic post. have a good day all babes x

babyjane1 Tue 14-May-13 09:43:35

curry sounding positive today, sounds like your glass is half full, pardon the pun, fingers crossed for your mortgage x x x

dementedma Tue 14-May-13 09:44:07

quick wave to all the fabulous babes
mouse second what everyone else says and a big kiss to the bravest fish boy in the world.
Richard had a good night and is heading out with the work squad to plant flowers. From restaurant manager in 5 star hotels in Monaco, Hong Kong and Beijing, to planting flowers with the homeless squad. The road that alcohol will lead you down is an uforgiving one...........

Mouseface Tue 14-May-13 10:10:36

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Purps and all of you who agreed with her, thank you thanks for such lovely words. I feel very humbled because to me, it's what I do, I'm him "Mamam" and always will be no matter what life throws our way. So I'm very grateful for your kind words.

Ma - From restaurant manager in 5 star hotels in Monaco, Hong Kong and Beijing, to planting flowers with the homeless squad. The road that alcohol will lead you down is an unforgiving one...........

Never a truer word said on this thread. Alcohol controls you, not you it. It destroys things that you take your life to build, it ruins relationships, it takes your family away, children, friends, things that you always thought you'd have, can be snapped away from you by one little thing, something so simple, grown naturally, produced by thousands daily, sold by millions and depended on by hundreds of thousands of people just to get through the day.

Alcohol destroys lives, yours, mine, your neighbours etc and sometimes, you don't know just how bad it is, until it's too late to turn it all around.

For Richard - thank Jeff - today, it's not too late.

I've got to dash off as Nemo's nurse is due but will read back and catch up later on.

<leaves brews and biscuits and huggles for those who need them> smile xx

ThisIsMyTime Tue 14-May-13 10:52:15

I'm furious wit myself got to day 4 and then ruined both my days off through drinking of an evening fed up with this cycle something has to change

curryeater Tue 14-May-13 11:06:10

Thisismytime - sorry you are feeling low. Have you any irl help? AA? GP? Anyone to talk to? What can you do in the evenings instead of drinking? Baths, reading, chocolate?
I know how hard it is. keep trying but think about what you can put in place to help you.

Mouseface Tue 14-May-13 14:34:55

Curry - fingers crossed for the house sweetheart, that is utterly shite. I hope some good news comes your way xxxx

Sorry you're not sleeping, It's just torture not sleeping. Big hugs xx

Just watched most(start & end) of video BabyJ, very harrowing. I wonder if in many years to come society will view alcohol the way it is now viewing nicotine? x

chastemccain Tue 14-May-13 16:25:07

Hey lovely babes , how goes it? Thank you for the warm welcome (back) purple , baby , lemony , curry and Hi to everyone else on this wild bus.

I have managed to knock Day 2 on the head, am tired and crashing. Goodnight lovelies x.

babyjane1 Tue 14-May-13 18:33:38

clutter it really made me sad but also grateful that we are all in a position to turn things around. So when I'm feeling sorry for
myself in future I will remember to keep some perspective, also very importantly the video has eradicated any desire I have to drink, even just for the moment but hey I'll take that. chaste rockin day 2 here too, wine witch who? I don't hear her, I can't see her, she's running scared babes x x x x

greeneyed Tue 14-May-13 18:39:01

Evening all, curry house purchasing is the pits. So many factors beyond your control. It's extremely stressful. I identified with a lot of your last post About drinking when out. I am drinking similar units at the moment c35pw (if i'm really honest with myself) i know it's not up there with 70plus but it's still a problem. I'm not going out as I feel too fat at the moment and don't want to draw attention to myself!

My health is becoming increasingly shit and not drinking this week has led to sleepless nights and recurrence of bladder problems brought on by anxiety. WW is doing her damnedest to convince me this evening that I actually function better on half a bottle a night. I am more than aware what a lush that makes me sound!

Anyway hoping I can keep her at bay for a few hours. Love and luck to all xx

greeneyed Tue 14-May-13 18:40:19

Can someone link the video?

lonnika Tue 14-May-13 20:02:14

Love your post BabyJane x. - Greeneyed tell that WW to f@@k off. I have same bladder problems I think with my anxiety (need to run to the loo every 2 mins). -Sleepness nights will pass - xx Good luck xx

greeneyed Tue 14-May-13 20:08:48

Thanks loninika, mahoosive wrestle with the bitch going on at the moment. Wine has moved from the garage to the freezer.

Hi green, don't think there was a link, I went to YouTube & typed in "drugged high on alcohol" x

lonnika Tue 14-May-13 20:14:21

Lol - Fight the b@@ch -

lonnika Tue 14-May-13 20:15:17

Ohclutter I am positive alcohol will eventually become as antisocial as smoking is now

fullofhopefullness Tue 14-May-13 21:13:32

God I hope so had bottle just finished but almost made total decision In order to stop thinking as things real difficult. Will be worse tomorrow. But hopefully better or else catastrophic ill keep you all up to day tomorrow!

ThisIsMyTime Tue 14-May-13 21:51:12

Well nite babes end of day one for me big hugs to those who a struggling watched the full video of you tube was crying what a beautiful young man so wanted him to make it x

greeneyed Tue 14-May-13 21:52:33

Full Hope you are feeling okay tomorrow. Keep posting, tell us how you are

aliasjoey Tue 14-May-13 21:53:14

Remembering about posting into the void... lonnika I hope you got my apology earlier

greeneyed Tue 14-May-13 22:08:34

Sorry Alias I had meant to say I'm really glad it went well with the GP and good luck with your new meds - see you weren't wasting their time x

fullofhopefullness Tue 14-May-13 22:42:41

Thx greeneyed - I know tomorrow will be awful. I am planning to be dead calm in midst of all !!! Will practice zen :-)

Here is what I hate about where I am.
I am drunk again and cant reach out properly to the people I love
What starts out as a sociable drink with friends end up for me here

DP is asleep. DTs are asleep
I smoked a cigarette in the back garden knowing I was too drunk to throw the butt over the wall. so I have left it there.
I dont operate properly in any sphere of my life effectively
I have the surreal feeling that I live with my family but I miss them at the same time
I have this enormous fear that at the age of 48 my life is essentially over
I read about Richard and in a strange way envy his planting flowers because that sounds like a sort of relief from the stresses and strains of life.
I know that I exist as a presence on this site but I am a help to no-one and a hindrance in an indirect way to some.
I feel very low because I know that everything I do is connected and actually I have over-used the bus and not shown any movement and |am not a helpful presence any more.

Lets face it, if you join a thread in 2010 and you are still drinking in 2013 then you are not adding any value to anyone.

I have been worried for a while about perceptions of cliques so will bow out for a bit. I think Gerald needs some positive success stories and I am not sure that I am helping at all...
<<hands cap to any Brave Babe courageous enough to take it on>>
I wish you hope and strength and patience and tolerance but mainly and sincerely I wish you Love.


lonnika Wed 15-May-13 06:41:16

Isindie - all posts help me whether they are from people who have given completely, partially or those still drinking.
Alias - yes I got the apology smile lol - no need
Thisismytime well done on waking up to day 2.
Full hope you ok -
Day 16 here - Day 16 whoop whoop - cant blooming believe it smile

PurpleWolfe Wed 15-May-13 08:00:13

Isinde Have PM'd you but just wanted to say that I don't hold anyone responsible for me feeling upset last week. It was just a shit week and I lean on this Bus too much for support. We all, on here, have hectic lives and can't always find something in someone's post to empathise with or sometimes, just don't know what to say. I honestly don't hold anyone but myself responsible. I should get my shit together and seek out help in RL.

You sound really down? Sorry you had a bad night last night. Please don't go. Your posts and support have been wonderful (besides, you said you 'heart' me! smile).

I understand what you mean about feeling a little envious of Richard. He's been plucked out of RL and is being looked after. He needs that to survive. Just sometime, I'd like to not have all this RL shit to deal with.

I'm just off on the school run and will read back up the thread later this morning.

Isinde - Stay, please. xxxxxxx