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Dating thread no 52

(1000 Posts)
BillMasen Fri 26-Apr-13 15:11:11

The first one started by a bloke?

OhWesternWind Fri 26-Apr-13 15:16:22

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. If it is not fun, stop

mercury7 Fri 26-Apr-13 15:43:26

Not sure if it is Bill, Bant may have started one?

Had a chance meeting with a 'missed opportunity' from a few years ago, I got the impression that we still both wouldblush

weather or not we actually will is another matter grin

KinNora Fri 26-Apr-13 15:46:44

Before I start, I'm bound to miss things and people out here so sorry in advance.

48 Very sorry to hear about your mum. Is she catheterised at all ? That can be a huge culprit in UTIs. I'm very surprised that her carers aren't keeping her adequately hydrated, dehydration is a massive cause of increased confusion, and falls etc in older people . I hope you get it sorted, decent carers are essential.
Multiple awwwws at you and Mr R&R.

OWW see the Engineer, think of it as spread betting . It's the sensible thing to do.

Voice it's lovely to see you again. I don't think there is a single one of us who doesn't feel downhearted about it all from time to time, I know that the waves of misery overwhelm me on a regular basis but things will and do get better, there's proof of it on here. ( I'm refusing to acknowledge your Soreen dissing, you bloody heretic ) .

Juliette if Dutchy doesn't turn out to be fabulous, I shall hunt him down and stick a clog up his jacksie. Without KY.

Flipper I once donated blood at work and fainted, vair, vair embarrassing. I've examined colleagues - it's weird, freaks me out a bit, all the touching.

A friend of mine was once sat in the office at work ploughing through a load of admin, with a more senior colleague in the same office doing her own work, they were each bemoaning the amount of stuff they were expected to do. My friend, being keen to empathise, remarked (and she said later that she could hear herself going down this dreadful path but was unable to prevent the words tumbling out) to our more senior and lesbian colleague ' Oh I don't know how you do it, all your responsibilities, do you ever feel that's yet another hole in the dyke that you have to stick your finger into ?.

KirstyWirsty Fri 26-Apr-13 16:08:02

nora grin

Marking my spot .. Have date with lovely funny considerate and dirrrty Kiltykilty on Sunday .. I even bought him a toothbrush today

juliette the Dutchman sounds great .. I love that you had a sore face from grinning

flipper I sent feedback on your POF .. You have a lovely smile

OWW meet the engineer .. What have you got to lose?

spenceuk Fri 26-Apr-13 16:12:07

hi everybody

I gave up on that smooch site, but gonna try again on one of the others. Someone from work has kind of made it known that she is interested in going out sometime but im a bit wary of getting involved with someone i work with.

KinNora Fri 26-Apr-13 16:17:03

Kirsty Kilty sounds marvellous, where did you find him ?

Spence seeing someone you work with can be tricky but I think it's doable as long as (a) neither of you is likely to be a fruit loop if it doesn't work out and (b) you're discreet, no-one likes constant lovesick mooning in the workplace.

OhWesternWind Fri 26-Apr-13 16:18:07

Nora that did make me laugh.

Well . . . guess the consensus is that I take a look at the engineer as well. Just feels a bit odd having two on the go at once. Might set something up with him for next week. I do quite like the look/sound of him - would have met him weeks ago if he hadn't done the disappearing thing. Not sure if that's worryingly flaky although I've done the same myself when I've got fed up of all the nonsense online.

Kirsty - hope he's great. You are very considerate with the toothbrush!

Wine hope your weekend goes briliantly too. Is he on the train yet?

Spence I would always steer away from getting involved with anyone at work. Too much potential for things to get very difficult in various ways. Bite the bullet and put yourself up on PoF. You're a big boy, you'll be fine grin

spenceuk Fri 26-Apr-13 16:21:50

OWW i think it could get a bit tricky just incase things didnt work out. I dont think im ready for something long term I just want to enjoy dating and meeting new people.

I will have to get on POF, from my time on smooch i definitley seemed to attract ladies older than me and was asked lots of times for pics of a certain area.

Spence I would avoid work at all costs, especially as you need to have a few 'fun' times. Definitely get on POF, if you can string a sentence together, you'll have 5 on the go by next week grin

Kirsty Kilty does sound rather full of possibilities

Kin Brilliant, I had to hide from the screen when I read that blush grin

spenceuk Fri 26-Apr-13 16:41:21

well lets just hope youre right Juliette

I'm definitley at the point where i'm ready for some fun

KinNora Fri 26-Apr-13 16:58:45

Apparently it was 'awkward'. Makes me laugh every time I think of it though.

OWW having two on the go does feel strangely 'wrong' but I think it's a case of reminding yourself/oneself, that nobody's in an actual relationship yet, it's just a step up from messaging really, at least that's how I rationalised it, there's no commitment there.

In my scandalous youth, I did have several relationships with men working in the same hospital and one if we discount the Christmas party loo snogging incident in the same department, that was the only difficult situation, as we finished, he started seeing a colleague and I had their luuuuuurve rubbed in my face on a daily basis. Not great. they're divorced now

smoothieooo Fri 26-Apr-13 16:58:58

Hello all, I've been lurking for ages and have just about caught up with what most of you are doing. Some exciting times ahead for some of you!

I've had a regular Saturday night date for the past 6-7 weeks which has been fun (and definitely helped ease the pain of hearing about STB-ex's 23 year old g/f - who is exactly half my age). It's been pretty good and, as we share the same birthday, took a day off work and went to the Bowie exhibition at the V&A and had lunch a couple of weeks ago. But... other than the b'day date, that's all it is. A Saturday night date (with some texts and emails during the week). I can't go over to his neck of the woods as he's staying with his parents while he's house hunting and I can't always (and don't always want to) ship my DC out every Sat night and I feel I can't really talk to him about the more mundane stuff in my life. I have a bad case of the 'mehs' and have cancelled tomorrow's date (he was going to be staying in a hotel near me) feigning illness. It has not gone down well...

Sorry - not even sure why I'm posting but it helps to get it out!

KinNora Fri 26-Apr-13 17:04:32

Smoothie sometimes it helps to offload and sometimes writing things down clarifies your feelings, it's always worthwhile. Do you know why you feel 'meh' about him ?

smoothieooo Fri 26-Apr-13 17:11:19

Not sure Kin - if I were after a FWB arrangement it would be perfect and I think I'm holding back an awful lot. Bit of a red flag yesterday was me telling him about an argument I'd had with my son - delightful teenage strop which ended with "You're a bitch and I hope you burn in hell". His response was based on something his ex had said when he'd previously called her a bitch. hmm

I wasn't particularly looking forward to tomorrow and the biggest indicator is the relief I feel about not having to wax, primp, pedicure etc prior to hotel shagathon session grin

MirandaWest Fri 26-Apr-13 17:13:15

Marking my place. Am cooking risotto for Mr nice tonight. Am rubbish cook <sigh>

KinNora Fri 26-Apr-13 17:22:38

Oh aye, I've had plenty of incidents like that with ds1, but I have a deep seated aversion to grown men calling women 'bitches', I can certainly understand why it would make you see blokey in a new light.

Miranda I'm a pretty good cook but I'm shite at risotto, didn't you fancy giving him something a bit more, you know, resistant to buggering up ?

smoothieooo Fri 26-Apr-13 17:26:53

Same here Miranda - am a fairly good cook i.e. I've made a fab chicken curry from scratch for friends tonight, plus mini lemon drizzle cakes but my risotto is usually a shite, stodgy affair which elicits a few polite forkfuls at best

smoothieooo Fri 26-Apr-13 17:29:09

In fact I'm utterly shit at any kind of relationship advice but if it's culinary wisdom you're after... grin

OhWesternWind Fri 26-Apr-13 18:40:29

Oh dear have said yes to the engineer and made rash promises to Indie about goings on in darkened underpasses (for those if you old enough to remember the Smiths).

Flipper924 Fri 26-Apr-13 18:49:00

Thanks all for comments on my profile! Will make changes later.

Bill, no offence taken at all!

Kirsty, good points too.

Jules, mwah.

And by the way, you are all absolutely gorgeous. Dutchy and KWFWB must be very proud of themselves!

Smoothie, I just can't stand name calling, of any sort. That would be a deal breaker for me.

MirandaWest Fri 26-Apr-13 19:01:02

I have done good risotto before so should be OK - is just a general lack of faith in my own abilities grin.

His DS went on a university visit today - sometimes I do feel we are in slightly different places in terms of children (mine are 9 and 7 and his is 18) although he's only 3 years older than me. Am probably inventing things to worry about though I should think.

KinNora Fri 26-Apr-13 19:12:55

So you can cook risotto then, Miranda...

(If it doesn't work just sex him up)

MirandaWest Fri 26-Apr-13 19:24:49

I'll probably do that whatever tbh grin

AndLibbyMakesThree Fri 26-Apr-13 19:54:07

Delurking briefly to say that The Smiths are my all-time favourite band, so if Indie's a Smiths fan, he certainly gets my vote, OWW!

Hello to everyone. I'm still reading every post and wishing everyone lots of good dates. Very excited for you Juliette. Sorry to hear about your mum 48 and hope she recovers from the UTI soon. Miranda, I'm very impressed you can make risotto.

Hi lovely thread people

Am feeling slightly ??? about my first 24 hours on OKC. Quite a few messages from people no where near my town, including a lovely one about 300 kms away, several 'U look nice wanna chat x' type crap, the one guy I've been interested in sent me a positive email about my pics, but then nothing (although he did visit) and now nothing. Actually, I shouldn't be bemused, this is all very typical given all that I've read on the dating threads. Still not entirely convinced any of this will actually lead to a date though? confused

Bant any chance Buffy was feeling a bit self conscious about introducing you to her friends? It can be hard work sometimes when 2 different parts of your life come together.

Sorry about your mum 48, hope she is on the mend soon.

Voice sorry to hear you are down, I've been there too far too often. It sounds a bit naff but exercise and fresh air really do work to get you in a better place (even just for a short while).

Am excited for you Juliette grin and engineer sounds a wise move OWW just in case?

Yay re Cuthbert Velvet, hope you have a lovely day.

smoothieoo, being pleased about lack of defuzz hassle may be a sign, probably the time to step back and have a think about what you really want?

spence I would personally avoid the office situation voice of bitter experience

Big weekend waves to rest of thread.

MirandaWest Fri 26-Apr-13 21:49:10

Risotto was Good smile

Bant Fri 26-Apr-13 22:12:00

Hi trying (it's really difficult trying to shorten your name)

the first 24 hours means pretty much nothing. It takes time to learn the red flags, how to shrug off the vanishers, and the weirdos. And OKC seems to be especially bad for long-distance messagers because of the Match scoring ('hi, you're perfect for me. Want to move to Poland?') Don't expect too much too soon and just have fun with it. If it's not fun, as they say...

I thought Buffy may have been nervous to begin with, but she was just quiet the whole evening. I don't know if she's normally like that with her friends, she's not like it with me, and her friends were all loud and boisterous so it didn't seem like it. And when I left to head back to mine I heard them say 'he's really nice, fun guy' to her, which made me feel quite pleased.

meh. She's leaving soon. No point trying to understand her really. I'm just not completely sure I really want to see her again after she was so off.

Miranda - so is Risotto the new codeword for Coffee?

Bant I can't read my name without hearing the song in my head, which is a bonus really. Am going to have to youtube it now. Yes, will keep my eye on the fun (or not), and I guess the same with you and Buffy. At least you've met some new women, which I'm guessing is again, a bonus smile.

Glad you had a good, erm, supper Miranda. Is it wrong to admit that lovely Mr R&R and of course nameless are the main reason I finally joined the world of OD

Oops, I meant Mr Nice too of course, newbie fail

mercury7 Fri 26-Apr-13 23:07:27

24 hours in is very early days I agree!
it has taken me about 6 years to reach my current level of ineptitudewinkskill with online dating grin

Do you think I'm being a bit impatient mercury grin ? Any tips would be gratefully received.

Winefiend Sat 27-Apr-13 00:23:16

Quick check in, haven't had a chance to catch up yet but all is veeeery well. He's opened up within abt 2 hrs of being here and I 'get' him (from my perspective). All bodes well thus far grin

Winefiend Sat 27-Apr-13 00:30:10

VERY well. Crash carp time

mercury7 Sat 27-Apr-13 00:48:08

not really Trying smile
not sure I'm in a position to advise in as much as I'm not sure my 'methods' would work for anyone else
infact I'm not really sure what my 'methods' areblush

KirstyWirsty Sat 27-Apr-13 08:45:25

wine so...? Tell all!

Morning everyone

KinNora Sat 27-Apr-13 09:01:41

Yes do, Wine we need to know ... ( CC is charging)

Kirsty are you still excited about tomorrow and the ceremonial unveiling of Kilty ?

Good morning everybody

VelvetSpoon Sat 27-Apr-13 09:04:23

Morning all!

Had a fab evening with C, who has just left. Am, as ever, v smile

KirstyWirsty Sat 27-Apr-13 09:18:04

velvet I am very happy for you

nora yes I cannot wait .. I've told him this .. He likes my enthusiasm smile

Btw you asked where I found him- POF .. Just hope he is not going to pull a disappearing act after tomorrow .. No indications from him on this he has been talking about learning about likes through trial and error and improving .. Just my last experience from POF (TheAuditor )

Bant Sat 27-Apr-13 09:23:05

Morning everyone.

Any positive news from C, Velvet? Glad you had a good time but, you know, we want you to know where things are going smile

I'm supposed to go to a charity quiz thing this evening, with some of Buffy's friends but not Buffy (as she'll be raving in a field somewhere)

Should be a fun evening assuming I reject the flirty ones advances. Or, let's face it, a different kind of fun evening if I don't

KinNora Sat 27-Apr-13 09:32:14

Big grin Velvet

I bet he does Kirsty and will like it a whole lot more tomorrow. I find the disappearing act ones are quite hard to predict.

Bant it will be fun if you don't regret the flirty one's advances but I can't help feeling ol' Buff will go apeshit ...

KinNora Sat 27-Apr-13 09:33:48

Bollocks - not 'regret' (although possibly that too) but 'reject' .

Bant Sat 27-Apr-13 09:40:22

I think I can control myself smile

VelvetSpoon Sat 27-Apr-13 09:41:49

Kirsty hope tomorrow goes well with Kilty, am sure it will smile

Bant things are with C as they are really, no change, I'm not his girlfriend yet but that's fine with me (for now anyway)

I won't be seeing him for a couple of weeks at least because he is off on hols, but he has promised to bring me back a present. And this morning he fixed a light for me - which I had half done, and was quite able to do myself, but he said he wanted to do something for me....so that made me grin

OhWesternWind Sat 27-Apr-13 09:56:52

Excellent stuff Wine and Velvet smile

How are you feeling about Buffy at the moment, Bant? Maybe she's withdrawing a bit as things are coming towards a close. Have a good time tonight, whatever.

Hey I never had any luck with okc at all - loads of people from abroad or down south, same thing really. Never even got a decent conversation going apart from once with a friendly Buddhist guy. I would honestly recommend PoF - have never had any problems with it at all and have by and large found the men off there to be normal and decent, with the glaring exception of the oddball Italian. You just have to be very selective!

Wishing you all a good morning and a good weekend.

Winefield spill

Hey it is very early days, for some reason the number of prospects seems to vary wildly week to week. It also varies from person to person depending on what you are looking for. Give it time. I you go on POF you'll get a lot more messages but have to sift through all the 'Hi Gawjus' men and potato heads.

Bant whatever happens, it should be an interesting night grin

Velvet really happy you had a lovely time with C and that he is going to spend all his holiday searching for the perfect present for you.

I have the hangover from hell, birthday party last night where I tried very hard not to paw the boy man I've fancied like mad for a year. I didn't realise I'd had so much until I did my own version of the stagger walk of shame home past the local late night shops blush

Bant Sat 27-Apr-13 10:45:37

OWW - I dunno how I feel to be honest. One on one, things were fine, but then she was in a prickly mood the other night when she came here, having not seen her for a week.Then in front of her friends she was pretty much silent. I got the strong impression she was just using me for sex.

I don't have many objections to that, the sex was fine, but as I'm looking for more than just FWB with someone really, and I haven't done FWB before, my way of acting with someone in the early stages of a relationship, dating, whatever, is kind of the usual - get to know each other a bit more each time, talk about childhood memories, funny things that happened, bad things etc - gradually exposing more and more of your soul. You know.

Buffy doesn't really want to do that, it seems. She's put a lid on how much she will expose and it stops there. At some point, she will stop talking and start taking her/my clothes off.

She's got a history of running away from serious relationships. She left the US because someone asked her to marry him. She moved cities in the US before that when someone else did. She's never been in love, and she's early 30s.
I can accept it for what it is for the next couple of weeks, fine. But if she wasn't leaving I'd be pushing for more or calling it quits if I didn't get it.

As far as I see it, she sees me as someone who makes her laugh, makes her come and makes her breakfast. It's not a bad way to spend the next couple of weeks but...

KinNora Sat 27-Apr-13 10:48:52

<asks the universe for a man who delivers everything in Bant's last sentence>

Flipper924 Sat 27-Apr-13 10:59:25

Right, updated my profile on pof with suggestions, thanks again. Hopefully it will mean messages other than

how old your pictures are?

Which is what I got this morning. Really? That's his opening gambit? Humph.

When you find him, Nora, will you ask if he has a brother for me, please?

Wine, I think we need to know more...

Velvet, smile.

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 27-Apr-13 11:13:07

And ask for a twin for your twin Kin please, as long as he does a bit of hoovering, can mend things round the house and take out the rubbish/recycling and is absolutely besotted with me...<---those would be part of the deluxe package grin

Morning all

Bant Sat 27-Apr-13 11:21:44

Flipper. Were you being chatted up by Yoda?

I'd respond with 'How bad your English is?'

Bant there really isn't much more we want grin

Snapespeare Sat 27-Apr-13 12:23:05

feeling a bit low this morning as regards nameless. had nice enough evening, sex was a bit less amazing than usual, but thats ok. woke up this morning & he was asleep on the sofa, he came back to bed
..kids grandparents phoned & he asked if i could take call in the other room, which is fine. when i came back he was asleep with his back to me, so i got back into bed for a bit & then got dressed and tried to let myself out, but i couldnt, so he got out of bed to let me out, quick kiss goodbye, then i got to the train station and someone had jumped under a train, so i'm currently on the sodding replacement bus.

i'm over-thinking things, arent i? he's unwell & i'm being a bit selfish & feeling unloved in general, life stress is making me feel weird & see things that arent there. sad

Snapespeare Sat 27-Apr-13 12:24:49

sorry, on bus, so will catch up properly later but grin grin grin for velvet

Flipper924 Sat 27-Apr-13 12:37:32

Why did he go and sleep on the sofa, Snape? If it was because he was in pain and the sofa was more comfortable, then I expect he was just really, really tired. Give him a chance to catch up on his sleep and then call, him, perhaps?

Flipper924 Sat 27-Apr-13 12:40:42

I'm tempted, Bant, to reply with

about 10 years, I think I looked better then

And see what he says.

Snapespeare Sat 27-Apr-13 12:44:29

yeah, no reason to think of for sofa other than i'm dreadful and twitchy to sleep with hmm or he was restless & didnt want to disturb me. was just a bit of a shock to wake up alone in somwone elses house & any other time someone hasnt been there (xp) it's because theyre a huffy sod.

i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. i feel a bit insecure because we.dont have plans & noone has said anything about where we might be going. arguably it might still be a bit early for that, but i just feel a bit odd. this is odd after being single for so long. sad

Bant Sat 27-Apr-13 12:53:23

Snape - just enjoy what it is. It is what it is, and it may become more. As soon as you start asking 'where is this going' then there is pressure, which makes things less likely to go anywhere. If you enjoy things the way they are at the moment then do that and try not to worry.

Does it need to go anywhere? Can't it remain scrabble and movie sex and talking about stuff - like saying it felt a bit weird to wake up alone, you hope your snoring wasn't too bad?

Flipper924 Sat 27-Apr-13 12:53:37

I think that insecurity is normal, if that's what you were used to. I'd try not to worry about one event, being tired and in pain is enough of an excuse to be a bit grumpy, especially if he's feeling more relaxed with you now.

mercury7 Sat 27-Apr-13 13:00:55

I'm jealous of anyone who can actually manage to sleep in the same bed as another person...I am now so weird & reclusive that I cant sleep if there is another person in the premises blush

sleeping together (where sleeping is not a euphemism for sex) seems like a level of intimacy that I'll never be able to cope with again sad

Snapespeare Sat 27-Apr-13 13:41:32

I think it's a culmination of events actually. He obviously hasn't done anything 'wrong' other than having M.E. (... raises eyebrows at self) it's a couple of knock backs for jobs this week, no money (as usual) DS2 problems (as usual) I saw someone on the train station yesterday that I didn't want to see hmm tired from long day at work on Thursday and grumpy from no-carbs (a HUGE potato would sort this out) and I feel a bit (ugh!) needy and I resolutely REFUSE to be needy.

Finally back home and I am going to watch zombie films for a bit and then head out to the supermarket then doctor who. Yay! <successful compartmentalisation of small, blown out of proportion problem>

KinNora Sat 27-Apr-13 13:58:46

Snape first of all, you are not being 'selfish' there's nothing selfish about acknowledging what you want and what makes you feel discomfited.

The legacy left by relationships that don't work out for whatever reason is a kind of wariness that seizes upon 'signs' that things are about to go wrong in an attempt to protect yourself. It's ok for Nameless to feel below par and grumpy, perhaps he's feeling the effects of his condition more than usual, perhaps he was sleeping badly and didn't want to disturb you.

It is hideously hard not to overthink things but ultimately the anxieties run the risk of both making you feel unhappy and damaging the relationship, it's corrosive and futile, just enjoy yourself. .

Big hug and Dr Who tonight.

Bant Sat 27-Apr-13 14:15:25

Alright. A red flag question. This is a hypothetical, but I'm interested in people's thoughts on it.

Everyone seems to agree that a man slating his Ex is acres flag. Whether its calling her a psycho bitch from hell, or just being denigrating in general.
What's the parallel for women saying bad things about their exBF or exH? Is this a flag too?

Snapespeare Sat 27-Apr-13 14:23:52

I can isolate it though. It's most likely me blowing it out of proportion as a cumulative effect of the week I think rather than anything else. It'll pass. If I still feel like this next week then we can maybe talk about it.

Not necessarily in the context of me, me, me.. But interested by bants point about enjoying what it is as opp. to pondering where it is going because then there is 'pressure' added and it then goes nowhere... Then how do things ever 'go' anywhere? Do people just slide into longer term things? Do they wake up in their sixties thinking 'oh! You're still here?! Ok then...' Wondering if that's a cultural gender difference, women wanting to formalise things and blokes being content to let things roll. (Fully expecting chorus of very evolved and content women to voice their approval of letting things roll) or whether it's an inherent biological reproductive thing? (Disclaimer, no intention and probably no capability of reproducing here... hmm).

KinNora Sat 27-Apr-13 14:50:56

Bant - I don't like prospective dates slagging their exes off, it's always a red flag for me but then I'm terribly averse to bitterness. I don't think I would see it any differently if it was a woman doing it.

Snape - I would never admit to it, except on here, but I do definitely construct a weird 'happy ever after' for myself and the object of my affections, only if it's someone I'm in love with though. In my head I frequently rehearsed the first dance at Spud and my wedding, his hugely moving speech to the guests along with their tearful reaction, our grandchildren frolicking together. I did feel vaguely ashamed of doing that and was fully aware that it was ridiculous and like I say, I Don't Talk About It.
For what it's worth I think it's pretty normal to imagine a future with someone you care about.

KinNora Sat 27-Apr-13 14:52:25

I feel dirty now and not in a good way.

Snapespeare Sat 27-Apr-13 15:01:19

nora I feel slightly less weird now thank you (of course we never speak of these things!!)

With regard to ex slagging, it's context. First date or two, either sex, hell no. [redflag] months down the line in context of discussion, I wouldn't so-much-mind a slagging because at that point you'd have an idea of their overall world view regarding the opposite sex and you'd be able to ask questions to establish what's going on here. A DV survivor referring to their ex as a psycho bitch/bastard when they trust you enough to tell you is substantially different to that discussion on a first date.

KinNora Sat 27-Apr-13 15:11:23

Thank god for that, Snape, I was worried that it was just me.

As ever I agree entirely with your expansion on the ex subject, it's the whole meeting someone and within 5 minutes they've told you what a bastard their ex was, those people who almost define themselves by their hatred. I think being open with someone in an established relationship about what you've been through is different and healthy.

Obviously I'm issue free... arf.

ALittleStranger Sat 27-Apr-13 15:11:31

I think anyone ranting about exes to dates is a bad sign. I don't even talk about past relationships in a non-bitter way, unless it's strictly necessary for some reason. I even managed to keep schtum when I realised one date used to work with my awful recent ex.

I've been thinking about the whole FWB. Is this basically what people are calling a short-term, not hoping to be serious relationship? It seems to be an increasingly shifting definition. To me a FWB is a friend who you slide into sleeping with, but neither of you wants a relationship. Meeting someone with a view to turning them into a FWB is taking a lover in my book. And introducing your new shag to your friends is what you do with a boyfriend.

Bant has got me thinking about the gender split in OD success. Most men I know who have done it have, if looking for a relationship rather than sex, found it very easy to find someone attractive, smart and get into a relationship. But they then always complain that the woman has issues (The number of allegedly mad women out there makes me v hmm). Are neurotic women the potatoes of men's OD world, or do they just have a low bar for baggage?

Bah, I have wine doom. I'm having a day when I feel lonely. I want someone to flop on a sofa with and cook for me.

Winefiend Sat 27-Apr-13 15:19:57

Morning! Eh, afternoon.

Well, that was a weird evening. Yes, so within a few hours of being here he opened up (a big thing as he has beem quited closed off about his past) about various stuff - past relationships, his mum etc. Very interesting stuff and a lot of it I had correctly predicted. I am gooooood!

This is a weird one. Despite the mass of filth leading up to this weekend (and last time we met), we didn't have sex! We both kind of agreed to 'get to know each other' more first. Instigated equally on both sides.

Ehhh, what? This is highly unusual for me.

Winefiend Sat 27-Apr-13 15:20:50

Typoooooos. Please excuse me, I didn't go to bed till 9am. hmm

KinNora Sat 27-Apr-13 15:23:38

I reckon Stranger that every adult has 'issues' of one kind of another, I don't see how you get to adulthood without acquiring them, nobody is perfect.

I'll come round and cook your tea and flop down on the sofa with you.

KinNora Sat 27-Apr-13 15:25:57

Wine what's going on ??? at this rate I'm seeing an opening for a thread millinery business, 'Nora's Titfers' as a working title.

ALittleStranger Sat 27-Apr-13 15:27:10

That sounds lovely Winefiend, there's a lot to be said to knowing that the person will still be there if you wait to get to know them.

Cheers Kin! I think you're right about everyone having ishoos, the secret is to keep the baggage nicely packed.

Snapespeare Sat 27-Apr-13 15:30:18

Ahw wine that's good! It's a proceed with caution.

stranger oh I LOVE the term 'taking a lover!' grin I think the fwb term has muddied, I always used to think of it as a friend that you slid into a mutually convenient itch-scratching arrangement with. I think it's now referred to as someone that you meet off the Internet or otherwise and have a sexual relationship with, but there is no prospect of commitment or romance or anything other than a booty call. I don't know if this is regarded as how modern people do things. I might be a bit old-fashioned hmm

Bant what Snape said

Snape when you got back into bed did you cuddle him/whatever you two usually do? then when you got up to go, did you kiss him goodbye in bed? Asking because if either of those in a no, and I were Nameless but female then I would think something was up myself. I also have a huge double standard on this because if a man said they thought I was 'off' for any of what Nameless did/didn't do I would be thinking f off, sulker/controller which is not what you are doing I know.

Basically, what's a big deal to us is sometimes not even noticed by the other. The person under a train can really get to us too, depending on what else is going on. Btw if you need food, eat.

spenceuk Sat 27-Apr-13 16:07:22

so i was out for a few drinks after work last night and got chatting to a nice lady.

We had a lot in common and having a giggle etc. We had a bit of a snog but when she had to leave i asked for her number and then she told me she had a boyfriend. Was that a fob off or was she just being unfaithful?

Spence either. Who cares, you had a snog. Honorary Jezebel Badge level 1, you're on your way.

ALittleStranger Sat 27-Apr-13 16:14:08

Spence, who knows? None of us can tell you and it doesn't make any difference as she doesn't want to progress things.

First rule of getting back into the dating game. Don't analyse anything if the answer can't help you.

spenceuk Sat 27-Apr-13 16:16:16

Yeah your right i shouldnt over analyse it but glad to hear im now an honoray member

Bant Sat 27-Apr-13 16:18:29

Spence - I agree with Stranger. It doesn't really make any difference whether she was just making up an excuse or not. You had a snog, you enjoyed it, don't overanalyse so much. Save the analytical powers for something which means a lot more in the future, there's no point wasting them on a situation you can't do anything about.

Still. Nice one mate smile

Bant Sat 27-Apr-13 16:19:12

What's the male equivalent of Jezebel? Don Juan? Casanova?

Bant Sat 27-Apr-13 16:19:25

John Major?

Flipper924 Sat 27-Apr-13 16:23:39

Rasputin?

spenceuk Sat 27-Apr-13 16:23:44

i definitely enjoyed it and i suppose there's going to be lots of ups and downs while single.

I find it much easier talking to people face to face than i did while trying to chat to people on a dating site.

VelvetSpoon Sat 27-Apr-13 16:26:34

wine that all sounds really positive! smile

snape I can see how the waking up alone, on top of all the other entirely unrelated but stressful life stuff would maybe feel worse than it is...honestly though I am sure all is well.

And the wanting to know a bit where things are going, I get that totally. I have had many a daydream about my future, and can see it unfolding like a film to the extent that (Kin this may make you feel better) when I was with the lovely Ex not only could I clearly picture our wedding and the house we'd live in, I even knew what I'd call the baby we'd have once I'd persuaded him to get his vasectomy reversed blush. The fact I haven't yet whiled away hours contemplating any sort of a happy ever after with C is a bit of a departure for me, hopefully in a good way.

Bant Sat 27-Apr-13 16:30:41

lots of ups and downs while single

I'm not saying a word

I'm back!

Went to the party last night. I ended up having to take the toddler. There was a whole rugby squad there and all I could do was apologise to them for the 3 year old trying to drag some to dance and play. So didn't pull at all but the toddler made friends grin

Sparky got in touch Thursday and asked if wanted to meet for a drink tonight but I haven't heard anything today so doubt it.

That's it for now. I'm not getting anywhere it seems

Don Jez?

Thinking about it, I know if a relationship is significant if I can visualise a future.

Bant Sat 27-Apr-13 16:34:33

And Spence - talking to people on dating sites can be interesting, and fun. It's when you meet them in real life and realise they're so much more interesting and fun that you know you're on to a winner. When it's less easy to talk to them, that's when you move on.

But some people you can connect with online, it's easy to chat, and it just gets better when you meet. Early days.

Bant Sat 27-Apr-13 16:35:33

Are you visualising a future in Holland, Juliette?

Snape my previous post on angst sounds heartless, it wasn't meant to be. More that we all do it at some point and usually there is nothing wrong.

Bant Sat 27-Apr-13 16:38:58

I think it's got to be Don Juanabel. Can't remember how many points I have. Is it like Dungeons And Dragons?

lubeybooby England Sat 27-Apr-13 16:45:32

Hello all just quickly checking in with a skim read and a place mark

it's all still going on here big time... omg the stress... <headdesk> will be worth it in the end though - maybe all a bit sooner than I thought too looking like a couple of weeks now for the new premises rather than a month. Eeeeeeek!

Still not smoking, still not stuffing face. yay me!

Velvet, yay for a night with C, hope he gets you a really lovely pressie

Snape - talk to him - there's being needy and theres necessary conversations Don't try and work it all out yourself... I only end up kicking myself for being a ninny when i do that. Talk to him smile

Bant - yes i think the slagging off exes is a red flag whether it's the ex bf or ex gf doing the slagging. Especially on date one or two, and if they started the conversation/train of thought etc.

mercury7 Sat 27-Apr-13 17:05:10

bad mouthing people just makes the bad mouther look bad..it's undignified and crass

also if someone tells me alot of stuff about terrible ex's I start to think they are the type who attracts alot of drama and hassle

Snapespeare Sat 27-Apr-13 17:18:31

I'll talk to him if it's still bothering me next Friday. I'm also on my period and my hormones are feeling a bit fritzy. smile

juliette no, not at all, I curled in behind him, he held my hand, there was a bit of pleasant sleepy 'church' kissing (a la 'the wedding singer' church-kiss) I'm thinking he was just a bit zoned out. It's just coincided with me feeling a bit needy out-of-kilter. And you werent at a,l heartless. Tsk! smile

Feel a bit better. He's scrabbled me. Going to have a fab bath and then DW and my weekly carb-a-thon of PIZZA! & gin & I will hide my phone if I'm feeling a bit hormonal and gin-sodden. smile

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 27-Apr-13 17:32:57

Bant - international man of mystery - I have taken the liberty of copying your advice to Snape <waves and blows kisses> (which I think is spot on) for whenever I get to that place and need a little 'verbal crash carping' grin

Anyways FWBs are whatever you want them to be I think. It's a broad church. I am sort of casual dating/let's see what happens/fwb plus grin. Lab is sweet blush and as my dear mother would say my fanny is leaping! (no crash carp required...yet)

I have been 'naughty' in that I am still exchanging texts/mails with Mr Back Burner (tasty photos) but then he is in another country for another week...(Bant is that you?confusedwink joke) But I am not naughty as I haven't and don't want yet to have the conversation with Lab yet, too soon and Bant's advice is applicable.

But I am kind of sofa-ed for the time being albeit with Lab and Tasty Photos (renamed!)

OhWesternWind Sat 27-Apr-13 17:33:32

If I have a snog tomorrow, can I be in the club too?

Excited already!!! Carp is going to be needed tomorrow I think. Got a feeling there will be a bit of action. Or maybe a lot. I need to calm down.

I try not to talk about exes for a while - if I'm asked direct I'll tend to give some simple explanation so about Titto I've said in the past "Oh he was seeing other women" which is true, but very far from the whole truth. That's for much later on. I don't like it when men bad mouth their exes on the first date or at all really unless something spectacularly awful has been done to them, but it's always tended to be tit-for-tat sniping about divorce settlements, access to children etc and is just petty shit.

Should have taken note of this with LM - lots of very bitter talk about his ex right from date number one.

Indie has exactly 50:50 shared child care, all sounds very reasonable and sorted and that I like.

Nothing from the Reappearing Engineer since I said last night I'd go for a drink with him. How odd. And nothing from the Italian - keep worrying that he's going to pop up again. I think that date really shook me up a bit, very good reminder to everyone (me included) to be sensible about basic safety precautions. I would not like to have found myself alone with him.

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 27-Apr-13 17:40:58

OWW I think at some point everyone has one of those dates, which as you say reminds you that you need to have one eye one safety and don't let your guard down too soon. I had a really creepy one last summer, who is still sending me questionable emails...

Indie sounds nice...POF is he? I think inspite of the weeding required POF has a wider range/more normal men than the advertised websites eg Match, Eharmony, et al.

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 27-Apr-13 17:41:43

Obviously I retract that with regard to those of you who found your lovely, lovely partners on Match and Eharmony!

KinNora Sat 27-Apr-13 18:18:40

Nothing constructive to add as I've been being plied with booze at my neighbours'. Hic. Ah luuuvv you alllllll.

OhWesternWind Sat 27-Apr-13 18:19:11

Yes, he's a PoF-er. Have had almost all my dates off there and don't think I'll bother with the other sites in future. Haven't had any shortage of reasonable men on PoF so far.

He is nice. It's the accent that does it for me (amongst other things).

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 27-Apr-13 18:30:04

You have nice neighbours Kin

OWW I think I wasted my time and money on Match, it has been slow moving for me, I've had one date, had over a thousand views and 400 odd winks, maybe it's my geography. The men in my age range on Match aren't very attractive to me or I to them I guess...

I luurve accents.<swoon>

OhWesternWind Sat 27-Apr-13 19:08:45

WFF pretty much the same for me on match too - loads and loads of views, very few messages. I did have that rather peremptory bloke asking me out but never went. There's a message waiting for me but I CBA to log in and read it! Lots of men in Mcr, Liverpool, Leeds but I'm not going to travel an hour every time I want to meet someone, so it's a bit rubbish.

I have an accent, but it's the same as everyone else round here so they don't appreciate it!

KinNora Sat 27-Apr-13 19:47:11

What accent does he have OWW ? ( if it's NI I'm going to be well jel )

Busy thread today. Will take the thread wisdom and join POF.

Snape if something 'bad' happens to me on waking, bad dream, or something that makes me jump, or kids fighting etc it always makes me feel much worse than if it happened during the day. So I totally get how waking on your own could give you a big case of the wibbles.

I'm right there with Kin, Velvet and others with the whole dream future business. It's just the way I've always been. In theory I love the idea of a FWB, but I know the reality would involve me staring moonily <made up word> out of the window, picturing my second wedding.

Bant, anyone who regularly and bitterly whines about any previous relationship excessively, be that a partner, friend or relative is a red flag to me. As others have said, there is a time and a place for a good ole whinge, but not if it's the overriding theme.

OhWesternWind Sat 27-Apr-13 20:07:21

Lovely South Wales accent Nora - he says "yer" for "here" (or "ear") and I just love it. I used to be with you on the Irish one but my total twat of an ex-BIL put me off forever.

KinNora Sat 27-Apr-13 20:16:21

Has to be NI for me, ideally Belfast, Ian Paisley makes me hawwwttttt.

(Not really)

WFF no one ever found a partner on eHarmony, not a human one anyway. Match, not even one decent email, never mind a date.

Now someone is going to put me straight on that aren't they.

Bant no visualising a move to Hollandia. He is planning to sail around the world, literally.

OhWesternWind Sat 27-Apr-13 20:24:14

My first OD ever was off Match as I'd been well and truly put off PoF by all the horror stories. He was at least five years older than his photos and slightly patronising. Then I had the infamous uber-boring Bitumen Bloke (at least ten years older than his photos) and after that I set up a profile on PoF. Both those charmers are still on there btw if anyone's tempted.

VelvetSpoon Sat 27-Apr-13 20:32:41

C is from Match....

This may or may not go in it's favour grin

I have a real life crush! Not an online thing. I order from a certain Take away and get different delivery guys.

For the past few orders I have got the same guy. He is good looking and has a lovely smile. Hes just brought by order tonight and I saw him checking his hair in mirror of his car before coming to my door. He smelt lovely.

I feel not so lovely as he probably thinks all I eat is take aways and its a kebab tonight grin

How do I find out more about the delivery guy?

Snapespeare Sat 27-Apr-13 22:00:48

sp this is SO porno as to be absolutely-fucking-fantastic. Next time you have to ask him if he's remembered your 'hot sauce' grin

Does he work specific days? Could you mention that he's putting temptation in your path and you can't get any more take-a-ways as they go straight to your hips? Then he'll check you out, say something about your hips being resilient against take aways, you'll say you just dress well... He'll say he does believe you and he'll have to see you without any knickers clothes to make a judgement... grin wink

All is well in the land of snape and nameless (snapeless?!) we've texted. All is non-commitally well around here.

So far I've worked out Tues and Sats. I hope the porno becomes reality snape grin I could mention how I see him more then most people, sadly its true! grin

They did forget my chilli sauce though! If it was a film he would have turned up. Last week he forgot my drink and had to go back.

Thinking of ordering and then answering in underwear. Nothing wrong with been forward grin If it was a film he would turn up with the chilli sauce when hes finished work grin

OhWesternWind Sat 27-Apr-13 23:05:44

Well I think there's definitely going to be a bit of snogging tomorrow judging by tonight's texts ... although not quite as pornotastic as SP and the delivery man. Just do him SP! I like the underwear plan!

Blimey, think I have got a bit overheated. <Heads off to have cold shower>

OhWesternWind Sat 27-Apr-13 23:07:47

He's just texted to say he has a good feeling about this and can't wait to see me again. Roll on tomorrow night!

Sparky never got in touch btw way so his number has been deleted. I'm not wasting my time when I could be stalking then shagging getting to know the delivery guy. grin

ike1 Sun 28-Apr-13 01:47:06

Hey OWW 'come over by yer but.'...'who's coat is that jacket? boyo ..' do you fancy me now lovely girl????????Do yayayayay.. 'Have a wash in that bosh you duuuurrty mochyn..' 'fancy a cwtch?'

ike1 Sun 28-Apr-13 01:51:30

Well..aye mun..

Getting some lovely messages off one particular person. Asking if i want nsa or if I'm an escort. How he's willing to pay for something hes not getting ar home. They haven't had sex for weeks apparently. Told him not interested and he said Hypothetically how much would you want for a bj or handjob'

I feel sorry for his gf.

Flipper924 Sun 28-Apr-13 08:59:51

SP, I would want to scrub my screen with bleach after that.

Ike <swoon>

OWW, this could be very very good...fingers crossed for you, my lovely.

Friend and I went out to a bar last night. She's very newly, and unwillingly, single, but wanted to get out of the house. Bless her, she was like a rabbit in the headlights. I need a more together wingman.

It's Sunday. I have to cut the grass, dig the veg patch, clean the house, do the ironing, walk the dog...the list goes on. And then (the really sad bit), I have to take my nail varnish off, ready for work tomorrow. They're sooo purrrrty right now sad

KirstyWirsty Sun 28-Apr-13 09:00:05

Morning!!! It's SUNDAY!!! grin

So Kiltykilty is meeting me between 4 and 5 .. I am so excited .. Lots of lovely and vvv rude texts yesterday ..I do hope we hit it off (he says hope is the wrong word .. He knows we will)

SP talking of feeling sorry for someone's girlfriend .. I was out for dinner with the girls last night .. I was in the entrance phoning my DD when guy walked in .. Totally checked me out and I smiled at him .. He went back out ..Anyhow i was back at the table and he and his gf came in .. He actually turned round 3 times to look at me .. Later on I went to the loo and he was right outside the ladies .. Told me that I looked really lovely I just said thanks .. He then followed me back (so didn't go to the loo himself) .. His poor gf looked lovely as well and totally oblivious

KinNora Sun 28-Apr-13 09:10:46

<Empathises with Flipper> my fingernails are a lovely shiny purple, taking the polish off on a Sunday night is like the adult equivalent of watching Songs of Praise and feeling sad because it's school again tomorrow. And yes, I've got fricking mountains of washing and cooking to do too - being grown up is shite.

Kirsty I feel terribly excited for you so god knows how you must feel, I hope it's a rip roaring success.

OWW very excited for you too, I hope you have a marvellous time.

Hello everyone, have an excellent Sunday.

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 09:25:47

Kirsty bet you are sooooo excited! Hope it all goes just how you want it to. Are you hoping this is going to be a regular thing?

Ooh Ike if I ever turn you'll be top of my list. He can have his cwtch tonight, and the rest of it. <Heads off for another cold shower>

Flipper oh I hope so! I have that sort of day too (again) except for it's chucking it down here so no gardening. Have already washed my hair and beaten ds on the wii, important things first!

Good morning everyone else!

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 09:27:47

Sorry Nora I took ages with that last post so I didn't see yours.

Weird mix of excitement and chores on the thread this morning!

KirstyWirsty Sun 28-Apr-13 09:35:15

HeyOWW yes I am hoping it is a regular thing.. What time is your date and what are you doing ?

WarmFuzzyFun Sun 28-Apr-13 09:36:03

Atishooo! My cold is no better.

I have my fingers crossed for all the dates and positive developments today.

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 09:46:38

Really hope you like him Kirsty!

I'm meeting him at half seven for a drink, then we shall just see what happens. I'm driving over to his town seeing as he came here last time. Also, there are no children or babysitters hanging about his house, unlike mine. Just saying.

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 09:47:49

Hope you're feeling better soon WFF. I'm too slow at posting this morning, obviously need more caffeine!

KinNora Sun 28-Apr-13 10:02:36

<raises quizzical eyebrow at 'no children or babysitters at his house', prepares OWW's Level Four Jezebel badge > wink

Bless you, Twinny.

Bored with OD men, bored, bored, bored.

I will be ordering tomorrow night to see if he turns up. I will work out his working nights and then shall pounce grin

Not getting any decent messages on POF or OK so might try RL

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 11:47:33

Far, far too excited and worked up about tonight. Wondering what will happen. Don't think I will go to bed with him, not quite yet, but bloody hell it is tempting. Probably a bad idea though.

KinNora Sun 28-Apr-13 12:35:09

Why do you think it's a bad idea OWW ?

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 12:59:11

Think I'd like to know him a bit better first, and I have that worry that if I do, he'll disappear. I know that's not necessarily true but it's years of conditioning.

Bant Sun 28-Apr-13 13:06:44

OWW - this is Indie who hasn't kissed you yet, right? Do you think maybe it's Carp time?

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 13:18:36

It is totally carp time.

But, if the kissing goes well, and I think it will, it will be very tempting. Feeling a bit frustrated at the moment.

KinNora Sun 28-Apr-13 13:20:50

I'm reluctant to wheel out the carp, as I'm very sympathetic to your plight.

Snapespeare Sun 28-Apr-13 13:21:02

oww best of British for tonight. Shall have everything crossed for you. smile

Snapespeare Sun 28-Apr-13 13:23:08

Personally, I'd stick with your initial feeling, that you don't know him that well (actually at all...) & bants advice, that you haven't even kissed him yet stands true. You may well be terribly frustrated. He might kiss like a cod.

If you are going back to his, does someone know where you'll be?

Good luck tonight Kirsty and OWW, will look forward to updates.

Have had another message from the chap who inspired me to post my pics online. His photos are great, his profile sounds intelligent, he is allegedly highly educated, funny etc, so why do his messages contain loads of txt spk? Grrrr, what a turn off. Not sure if I can be arsed replying now....

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 13:43:17

No, I'm not going to go back to his, not tonight. It would not be a good plan.

He's not going to kiss like a cod, though, but I shall find out for definite soon.

48howdidthathappen Sun 28-Apr-13 13:56:29

Hi.

My mum is on the mend. kin mum is catheterised. Seems there has been mistakes made here. Now seems likely infection was brewing before mum returned home. Care plan has been revised. We soldier on...

Things were a little dodgy with Mr R&R Friday night. Shouldn't have gone over. Was very tired and I got a tad belligerent. Turns out he is very insecure. The dumping have come back to bite me on the arse.
Evening ended with us ok and some issues resolved.

Woke up saturday morning to neighbour ringing bell. Poor Tiger, Mr R&Rs cat had been hit by a car. He was devasted. They had a very special bond.

I went out last night with mates and got hammered. Needed to.

I never visualise roses around the door.

All a bit shite really.

Snapespeare Sun 28-Apr-13 14:17:35

48 sorry you've been having a bit of a hard time. <hug type thing> and sorry about R&Rs cat (we are cat people) sometimes you just need o go out with your mates and have a good skinful; you've been under a huge amount of stress, so unsurprising. Things will start to look up for you soon you know. smile

KinNora Sun 28-Apr-13 14:17:59

OWW what if he kisses like a woodpecker like Software ? That's a right passion killer.

48 I think catheters, especially in female patients, with the shorter urethral distance and the catheter providing a ladder for bacteria to ascend to the bladder, are pretty notorious for increased incidence of UTIs. I'm glad they managed to rectify the situation.

With regard to R&R, he's a good un , like Nameless, and even the best have bad days, don't let it make you downhearted

Sorry you're having a shitey time 48, poor Tiger. Hopefully your mum's new care plan will improve things. Mates and booze can be a wonderful thing smile

VelvetSpoon Sun 28-Apr-13 14:25:59

Good luck tonight Western and Kirsty am sure both dates will go well smile and Western fingers crossed for no codlike kissing!

48 glad your mum is a little better, sometimes just getting drunk and forgetting about everything for an evening is just what's needed.

I'm feeling oddly positive about C today, I could be deluding myself completely probably am, nothing has actually changed but I just feel like somehow it's heading in the right direction. Maybe because (due to me being 'off games') nothing actually happened when he stayed over, but there was lots of kissing and cuddling which was lovely. Am trying not to overthink why I'm feeling this way about it (because I know as soon as I start to analyse it I'll get all negative!) but just enjoy it smile

48howdidthathappen Sun 28-Apr-13 14:30:44

Thanks. Had a packet of hula hoops and 3 giant cookies smile

Mr R&Rand me had a laugh one night doing awful kissing we had encountered. He has had the wood pecker type. I have had the washing machine more than once grin

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 15:04:00

Oh god 48 and Nora washing machines and woodpeckers!!! Oh I hope not.

Really sorry to hear about Tiger. Poor Mr R&R - how's he doing today? Don't worry about a bit of a hiccup (you too Snape) - it will all come out in the wash. Good news about your mum

Glad to hear all went well with C, Velvet

Kirsty how are you doing?

Hey it's irritating, but I'd reply. If you'd met him in real life, you wouldn't be making a judgement based on whether or not he uses text speak. It's not really important if the tone and content of the message are good.

KirstyWirsty Sun 28-Apr-13 15:06:46

48 nightmare about your mum .. Hopefully she's on the mend now

velvet glad you are feeling positive. Do you know when you are seeing him again.

Been trying to have a nap but it is not happening too excited!! Best go and start de fuzzing .. I haven't kissed Kiltykilty properly yet but I am not concerned ... He has lovely soft looking lips .. I think it will be fab

KirstyWirsty Sun 28-Apr-13 15:07:33

OWW how are you feeling ??

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 15:22:28

About the same as you Kirsty! Too excited for my own good but it's fun. Hope there are some great kissers (and everything-elsers) heading our way.

Sort of getting ready slowly in bits and bobs. Hair is actually looking okay, very unusual as its raining which usually turns it into a giant ball of frizz.

Hey - the "if" in the last sentence if my last post is in the sense of "provided that" - bit ambiguous there!

You're right OWW, I've replied. This OD is such a strange business, the more men I see on POF, the less I want to say in my profile. Keep deleting more and more. Soon it will just say 'Ah feck off'. Is this the potato overload effect? Hmmm, not sure am in the right frame of mind for OD today.

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 15:51:00

I say very little in my profile. I think I had it down to under thirty words at one point and it didn't stop 'em! Yep, potato effect, ignore and delete!

Better tactic might be to be a bit proactive and search for and message the ones you like the look of. Usually works well although if course there are some that won't reply. I messaged LM first (more fool me), Indie messaged me but I'd said yes on the want to meet you feature. Those are the only two I've ever bothered to go on second dates with.

48howdidthathappen Sun 28-Apr-13 15:51:20

OWW He is doing the burial this afternoon. He just couldn't cope with it yesterday. He will be in bits, but he wants to do it alone. Been texting, he is keeping his chin up.

Very excited for you and KW

Hey Love to see a profile with just 'Ah feck off' grin

KirstyWirsty Sun 28-Apr-13 16:01:57

He's on his way!! 45 mins eeeeeeeek!!

48howdidthathappen Sun 28-Apr-13 16:03:43

Go you KW grin

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 16:30:34

Go Kirsty! Go Kilty!

Not expecting an update til tomorrow with this one!

Snapespeare Sun 28-Apr-13 16:34:56

Ooh! kirsty! grin

KirstyWirsty Sun 28-Apr-13 16:35:13

I'm just having a large glass of Dutch courage just now

Hope you enjoy tonight OWW

KinNora Sun 28-Apr-13 16:39:43

Go Kirsty ! Have a fabulous time

KinNora Sun 28-Apr-13 16:43:24

Hey you have to be in the right frame of mind to venture into your inbox/likes/views because sometimes it just gets a bit ' really ? really ? are these the kind of men I attract ? There is no hope' . I'm in that kind of mood today so I'm keeping well away from my accounts.

Flipper924 Sun 28-Apr-13 16:43:36

Have fun, Kirsty!

48, it never rains but it pours. Thinking of you, your Mum, and Mr R&R.

Good luck to those going on dates today/tonight.

I have a date set up for Thursday and I have someone wanting to set a date up.

Hope delivery guy pops up grin

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 16:55:00

Who've you got lined up then SP?

Scrazy Sun 28-Apr-13 17:27:31

Place marking.

Had a great weekend and it seems like I am with man, man being the one I've known for a long time and deep down.... Watch this space for it all to go tits up sooner or later, as it will. Will delurk when it does grin.

Good luck OWW and Kirsty on your dates tonight. Will keep reading.

Kirsty break himgrin

OWW so, if he does pass the snog test?

48 best wishes to your Mum and R&R, it would be surprising if he didn't have a wobble at a difficult time given ahem, a bit of a track record of dumping during, er difficult times wink

Sp he won't know what's hit him!

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 17:38:24

Juliette that is the burning question.

But I think he will ...

Just watch out for me being back here in six hours going "Ewwww"!

OWW best make sure he kisses early on then grin

OWW I'm living one the edge and having two dates in one week for the first time ever. Ones a rugby player. He has lovely looking legs grin

Then there's the seems shy financial consultant who I'm meeting on Thursday.

Tuesday I have a date with the delivery guy, he doesn't know it yet but he will be at my door with some form of food and I will try find out information before I make my move grin

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 18:23:31

Do you think I should test him out quite early on then Juliette?

Sounds good SP - hope he doesn't stay shy for too long ... And that the rest of the rugby player's as good as his legs!

KirstyWirsty Sun 28-Apr-13 18:27:45

Still in local pub .. He is lovely .. Loo update over and out

OWW well you are not sure where you want to go with this. You were feeling a little no spark after reading a lack of kiss as a sign that he didn't fancy you and you've been considering shagging him (personally if I'm considering and definitely going to, I will) then you might as well get the kissing done. If you do want to do something with him, just make sure you are very safe, listen to your gut and do what you want to. If you don't see him again, so what. You are not at all attached or committed and anyway, would you want to be with a man who didn't want to see a woman again because she had sex with him?

Kirsty ooh exciting! grin

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 18:53:45

I am just going to see what happens. No shagging though, not tonight, but hope we will see a bit of action.

I think the lack of a kiss last time was him being unsure about whether I liked him.

The thing about people doing a runner after they've shagged, it's all part of the "nice girls don't" crap I had drummed into me during my formative years. I know it's crap, but it's still hard to shake off.

Soooo, snogging, yes; shagging, no; something in between, hope so!

Kirsty so glad it's going well grin

A man who does a runner after shagging, would probably have done a runner anyway or he is not a man who sees women as equals.

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 20:48:16

V v good!!! No snogging yet though ...

all on target then <taps nose>

Snapespeare Sun 28-Apr-13 21:05:48

Snog! Snog! Snog! Snog!

MirandaWest Sun 28-Apr-13 21:24:00

I think snogging should happen smile

Must....have...update.....

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 22:56:47

Snogging has occurred. It was lush, he's a beautiful kisser. Bit of other stuff as well.

KinNora Sun 28-Apr-13 22:57:25

Well that's bobbins, isn't it ? I come back on here expecting to vicariously enjoy someone else's successful dates and they're too busy doing it to post. Pah.

I'm wazzed off with men Showbiz. I think he's doing his tedious 'man cave' bollocks. Look, you beardy lounge lizard, I'm only keeping you on because you send me amusing, provocative texts, if you don't do that, then I may as well bin you off.

This post sponsored by FFS Will No-one Send Me a Straightforward Man Productions.

KinNora Sun 28-Apr-13 22:58:40

That's lovely OWW I'm really, really pleased for you smile

"beautiful kisser"? <swoon> envy Hooray! grin

Snorted in pig like fashion at 'beardy lounge lizard' kin

Should I mention my tendency to snort like a pig when laughing on my profile? MEGAPIGSNORTLOLZ?

Am currently chatting with 2 chaps on POF. Not sure if any spark will be present on meeting (if occurs), but non potato, intelligent sounding, one of them is quite funny too. I may give him a thread name if still chatting in a few days.

OhWesternWind Sun 28-Apr-13 23:22:47

Better update now I've had some food!

Went to the pub, had a few drinks and a chat and a laugh but there was a lot of brushing hands, legs touching and all that sort of stuff, then I gave him a lift home and he said thank you for a lovely night and kissed me. And so on. Could have stayed there all night, was a bit late back for the babysitter but I drove like a boy racer so it was only ten minutes.

He's asked me to go over to his for a meal next weekend ... Think I will. There's a hell of a lot of chemistry there. He's lovely, think he's going to be very good. He's straightforward and normal and seemingly unscrewed up and not hung up about his ex, so that is not a bad start grin

Blimey, is there some sort of thread discount at Mr Hatty's House of Wonderful Hats? I think we're going to need it! Am ridiculously pleased about your update OWW grin

OWW whoohooo! date three at his place. Make sure you check out his bathroom cabinet wink

WarmFuzzyFun Mon 29-Apr-13 06:32:51

Well Good Morning!

OWW glad all went well.

Kirsty what's occurring? Have I missed your report?

Jules how many sleeps now? Are you still grinning like a loon grin?

Twinny you need more than provocative texts, you know that rightwink?

48 I hope that your mum is feeling a whole lot better now. There are always teething troubles when establishing a care routine. Once things are sorted and everyone knows what they are doing and what's expected things will be a lot better for everyone involved, especially your mum. I still have lovely memories of one carer who used to make my mum roar with laughter every morning (we are big on roaring grin).

<waves to everyone>

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 07:00:41

Good morning everybody,

Twinny, no, you didn't miss Kirsty's update, gawd bless her, she must have been having too good a time.

I know I need more than provocative texts, I'm seriously thinking about jacking the OD thing in for a bit - I'm losing enthusiasm and/or hope so it may be time to step back.

Have a fantastic day everyone

Bant Mon 29-Apr-13 07:20:58

last night I went to buy some milk from a local shop. As I reached into the fridge cabinet there was a woman who was also reaching for the same carton, we stopped, looked at each other, made eye contact, and just both burst out giggling in a shy kind of 'that's funny, and you're stunning' kind of way. It was just really weird. We ended up going for croissants at the same time, at the till at the same time, nervously standing next to each other because we hadn't said a word yet.

Then I said to the woman behind the counter -'I don't speak hungarian, sorry' (in hungarian) - and 'do you have a plastic bag' in english. The woman next to me looked almost distraught when she realised I don't speak the lingo and presumably her english isn't good. So asking for her number, or to go to dinner, or possibly to marry me, wasn't going to go well.

Ah well. Pants.

OWW - lovely to hear it went well. Next time remember we're all waiting around for your feedback, get the kissing done earlier so we're not all on the edge of our seats for so long smile

Kirsty - what news?

Bant maybe you need to learn the Hungarian phrase 'I'm willing to learn Hungarian for the right woman' and then lurk in that shop, a lot.

Bant Mon 29-Apr-13 10:40:19

And day that to the shopkeeper? She was in her 70s

KirstyWirsty Mon 29-Apr-13 11:13:43

Just realised I didn't do an update!!!

It was absolutely amazing .. He is funny, considerate and lovely .. Nice body, hung like a horse and has a lot of stamina and is great in bed .. Had one hours sleep and he dropped me at work this morning. He is picking me up from work on Thursday and we are also seeing each other on Saturday .. Absolutely fantastic

OWW

KirstyWirsty Mon 29-Apr-13 11:14:35

OWW glad your date went well

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 11:26:06

Bant that is just so romantic, like a scene out of a film, but with the wrong ending . . .

Hey been listening to Doolittle this morning, hadn't played it for ages until your name reminded me about it, and about time too!

Nora well if that silly beardy Showbiz is having some kind of man-sulk then I would just ignore, but it is a bit galling. Hope he will sort himself out and get back on form. Isn't he supposed to be coming to see you soon? But it sounds like it's not really what you want/need - maybe having a break or a fresh start with it would be a plan.

All excited about Indie this morning, bit distracted. I think he is quite keen! He started work early today so there was a text before I left for work, which I do like. There's not too much texting, but there is no hanging about for days waiting for a text, or a response, like there was with LM even at the start. I don't get any feeling at all of any game playing going on here, or any "unavailability" issues with him, and hence no anxiety from me. I like someone being keen on me (as well as me on him), I like him doing a bit of chasing, I like him texting me and making it obvious that he likes me. I think we both know where we are with each other and that's a good feeling.

Kin it is so easy to start feeling like it's all a bit hard work, and depending of what we are looking for, it can be. It does go in cycles, the only thing that keeps me off the sofa is that I know I have to be in it to have any chance of finding what I want. It's not easy though and rule 5 is there for good reason.

Bant movie meeting! you'll have 5 children and a picket fence and dogs. After 2 years of not quite being in the shop at the same time grin

Kirsty fantastic news, he sounds wonderful grin

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 11:50:21

Kirsty that sounds fabulous! Seems like you are both pretty keen on each other, lovely stuff.

WFF 2 sleeps, still grinning. Getting a little bit nervous now, will sort out clothes and stock and up on food for DS today. So glad I'm going there, he is cleaning bedrooms and doing laundry, I'm off to check out underwear grin

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 12:00:50

Juliette I'm so excited for you. I bet you are on pins about it all, but as long as it's a good-nervous it will all be fine. Is he still being lovely on Skype?

VelvetSpoon Mon 29-Apr-13 12:02:21

Great that there's lots of good dating going on. Good for you western and kirsty grin

kin if you're feeling a sense of ennui with the whole OD thing, you may want to give it a rest. Or delete everything and start again with a whole new profile. Whatever works for you.

I am still feeling positive re C. He said he feel very comfortable when he's with me, which I am interpreting as a good sign smile he is off abroad in a few days, as it is freezing here today I am trying not to feel jealous that he will soon be enjoying 30 deg temperatures!

OWW yes he is still lovely on Skype, it feels like we've had a lot of long dates already, a lot of finding out about each other chats, grinning flirting and testing the waters. It can't be the same as being with someone in RL so I'm holding back on getting attached sort of. It's clear we really like each other, I know from experience that by this stage that he will be as he is on Skype, there are no distractions and an intensity that does expose someone a fair bit. He hasn't run away from my morning impression of Russel Brand in pjs either grin

Velvet this is all sounding different with C now. Hats all round?

MirandaWest Mon 29-Apr-13 13:48:19

Sounds like there has been some excellent dating going on this weekend smile

I am getting birthday presents both for my sister who will be 30 soon (am getting her 30 mostly small presents) and Mr Nice who will be a little older than 30 on Wednesday. He isn't getting lots of presents but is getting a few smile

TigsytheTiger Mon 29-Apr-13 15:03:30

I've trying to read and keep up with you lot, and have largely managed it!

OWW woo hoo to Indie see we all knew he would be a good 'un, snogging is good, chemistry is good, and normal is excellent grin

48 good luck with your Mum, I know it's been a real struggle. I had a little chuckle at the thought of your and Mr R&R trying out bad kissing styles.

Velvet I have always thought C, wasn't a messer arounder i know it's not a real word but i like it, but really scared of commitment and involvement, and that being understandable given his past. I think, to use one of my very favourite phrases, softlee, softlee catchee Monkee, good for you smile that present better be good though!

Juliette have a wonderful time, I'm excited for you!

Miranda what is Mr Nice getting for his birthday then?

waves to *WFF, Snape, Bant, Kin, Ike (stop lurking love, I like to laugh at your posts) and anyone else I missed.

As for me, been so busy, sorting out house sale, trying to find somewhere to live, no luck as yet and it is quite stressfull and trying to resolve all finances with twunt of a STBXH. However, GOOD NEWS is I have a full-time job! was offered it this morning so I have woop de doo and despite the fact I would rather not work at all, the income from a full-time job will solve so many things and it's one thing ticked off the 'to do' list. love Mr EA a little bit more each day, he is a bloody stalwart. He cuddled me in bed last night and whispered in my ear, you make me happy and I wasn't happy before I met you. My tummy flip flopped.

WarmFuzzyFun Mon 29-Apr-13 15:55:40

Tigsy that last bit 'you make me happy and I wasn't happy before I met you. My tummy flip flopped' is exquisitely wonderful. I am all twinkly thinking of such a lovely thing to have happened to you!

gringringrin]

WarmFuzzyFun Mon 29-Apr-13 15:56:34

I have done away with the green.

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 16:12:07

Congratulations on the job Tigsy - great stuff. The stress will all go with time and at least you have lovely tummy-flipping MrEA to help get you through it. He's a star.

KirstyWirsty Mon 29-Apr-13 17:23:15

tygsy well done!

juliette 2 more sleeps ??

Kirsty 2 more sleeps until I go to Hollandia

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 17:50:56

Well I've just had a massive huge great fuck-off out of the blue wobble about LM. Crap.

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 17:57:15

What set you off OWW ?

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 17:58:02

Sex!!!

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 17:58:19

Sex ?

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 17:58:43

The thought of doing it with someone else ?

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 17:59:06

Well not just sex but it started with that then got onto a rose-tinted maudlin bollicks train of thought. Stupid.

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 18:00:23

No I'm quite keen on doing it with someone else, was thinking about various people I've done it with to pass the time on the M6, as you do, and just got a bit sideswiped by it all.

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 18:01:18

Oh it's not stupid, you loved him. Maybe the success of your date with Indie feels like leaving LM behind for good, do you think that's what it could be ?

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 18:02:50

I think the sadness comes in waves, sometimes it retreats and you almost forget about it, then it lies in wait and ambushes you when you least expect it

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 18:05:40

Yes, that could be it. I would have LM back in an instant, but only the non-fucked-up nice version who doesn't actually exist. I've been fine about this for weeks until today!

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 18:09:32

I absolutely know how you feel, it really is a quite enormous pile of shite. If only there was some kind of magical solution to the problem, it'd make life a damn sight easier.

Scrazy Mon 29-Apr-13 18:11:42

OWW, I know how you feel. There isn't a non f---ed up version. Well done for trying to move on, something I didn't manage to do and am dreading having to try again sometime.

48howdidthathappen Mon 29-Apr-13 18:31:56

OWW and Kirtsy Thrilled for you grin

OWW Think this wobble could be the next step on the moving on road. I never shed a tear over Mr OZ for 2 months. Balled my eyes out after first date with Mr OZ.

Juliette Did I mention Mr OZ was have Dutch wink

Tigsy Great news. Things are coming good.

My mum is much better.
Had to do mercy dash to Mr R&R after hospital visit. He was in bits. Bless him he adored his Tiger cat.

48howdidthathappen Mon 29-Apr-13 18:39:32

Should read first date with Mr FU blush

48howdidthathappen Mon 29-Apr-13 18:41:10

And Mr OZ was half Dutch. Do not type when in a hurry!

Tigsy, that is tum flipping stuff indeed.

OWW it's normal for strong new feelings to trigger strong buried feelings <Sigmund Freud I aint>. Just let the feelings come, it will all be good smile.

One of the guys I was chatting with has asked me on a date, but tbh I'm not interested. He is quite attractive, but there is no sparkle in our chat whatsoever, it's all very bland. How would you lot respond to this? I don't feel that I can just ignore, because we did chat for quite a while last night. Would you just say, 'thanks for the offer, but I'm not sure we are right for each other'. I feel a bit callous.

TigsytheTiger Mon 29-Apr-13 18:53:03

OWW it's all part of the healing and moving on process still hurts like fuck though, it's the grief and mourning for what was good in the relationship and what you hoped it would be and didn't turn out to be. I think Kin is right about the waves, they keep coming when you least expect them and then suddenly one day they aren't there anymore and that's when you are over it ..... you've done brilliantly and you will carry on being brilliant, because .... you are brilliant! <<hugs>> when are seeing Indie next? grin

TigsytheTiger Mon 29-Apr-13 19:04:53

Hmmm Hey that's a tricky one, I think that although you feel your reply is callous, most people prefer to know where they stand even though it may hurt a bit to know someone isn't into you. How about this, as a slightly softer version? "Thank you, I'm very flattered to be asked out, but unfortunately I'm going to decline as I'm not sure we are right for each other and I don't want to waste your time. Lots of luck for the future, Hey"

ALittleStranger Mon 29-Apr-13 19:13:41

Hey I tend to just ignore, if the chat's been fairly lengthy. Maybe that's rude, but I always feel a bit funny making it clear that their chat has been found wanting. Or you look like a time waster who was happy to email away but doesn't want to meet.

Although if other signs are good I also wouldn't turn someone down on the basis of bland chat alone, some of my best dates have been with people where the email chat hasn't been that great, whereas the worst always seem to follow the best online conversations...

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 19:29:06

Thank you everyone! That makes sense and its always helpful to know you're feeling something normal, but also sorry you've been here too. Not really feeling like texting with Indie tonight, think I will lie low for the evening but don't want to do a flaky blowing hot and cold thing.

Hey sometimes the chat's not that good but the date is great! You really, really can't tell til you meet them.

I've just sent a message very like the one you suggested Tigsy, thanks.

It's interesting what you say about the chat vs date thing stranger and OWW. D'oh, maybe I should have said yes! I'm kind of thinking that I want my first few dates to be with people I feel a click with on the chat. Then after learning from bitter experience that it doesn't translate to RL I will widen my net.

I have just asked someone out on a date. Eek. Am now waiting for karma to bite me on the ass and send me a 'thanks but no thanks message'.

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 20:20:42

What did he say, Hey? Don't think I've ever asked anyone, you are brave!

Feeling a bit shaken up by these LM thoughts. Really not sure what to do now.

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 20:27:24

OWW, you're regretting the good things about him and your relationship but sometimes the good memories become more 'real' and sparkly and technicolour than the reality of it. It's just a passing, difficult few hours, things will seem better soon. Big hug chuck.

Pomegranatenoir Mon 29-Apr-13 20:32:30

oww I was just thinking yesterday how well you are doing with the split. And you still are. You have to let these feelings out, deal with them, cry if you need to and then move on with more determination. It's all part of the process I think!

You have done amazingly well with everything that you have had to deal with. Don't be so tough on yourself. And you have got plans with the lovely indie! That's amazing but if he doesn't do it for you then you can move on to the next. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You have had some serious success on the dating front so you will defo not be short of offers

Silence. Hmmm, we will see. It's the first time I've asked someone out in my whole life! I gad a rare brave moment.

Just try and accept that you are having some sad feelings OWW, you don't need to do anything, you will feel better again, it's just something that's been waiting to come out, and so needs to. Sorry though, these sad moments are shit and awful and can really take your breath away when you expect them least x

OWW you do nothing about the thoughts, if necessary you replace them with a few reminders of LM reality. Here's some starters

Wouldn't reply to texts for days - you were left feeling shit
Didn't call you back - you felt shit
Made you feel second priority when he made arrangements with little friend and you were left feeling shit
Lapped up the attention of his females on bookface - you felt shit
You couldn't rely on him if and when you really needed him (maybe, maybe not - you felt shit
You took a day or couple of half days off work because you felt so bad at his lack of contact you couldn't go in to work
Told his bookface friends where he was when he should have been with you instead of manning up.
Said the right things, didn't do them

Good points
He made you laugh, the sex was good. Plenty of other men will be able to do both.

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 20:52:47

.dont know y i come on here every1 i meet really likes me we get on really well an some how no1 ever values me enough maybe i am to nice an understanding they think i am weak well tbh u woman r making me weak all i want is the best 4 my boy an that means me being happy , i do anything 4 my boy therefore do anything 4 the rite woman y dont any of u appreciate a guy who has never ever cheated never ever raised his hand 2 a woman,ffs should i keep trying an keep getting let down as i got a very big heart an it gets hurt too easy

...but along with that gem ..some things that really did make me lol today:

'I am returning to POF like a dog returning to its own vomit'
and
'Panning for gold dust in a tin mine'...

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 20:54:39

The last two are sentiments we could all have agreed with times eh huns??

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 20:56:12

Thank you for being so kind and understanding. I feel silly about all this, I really do. Most of the time I'm actually glad I'm out of the thing with LM as much of it was no good at all. I'm not going to get all nostalgic about it - there were good bits but there was much more shite.

My mum said the other day it's no wonder I'm on my own and I wonder if there's truth in that.

Oh blimey, Reappearing Engineer has Re-Reappeared and sent me a text. This is weird - he asked me out on Friday, I said yes. Then silence all weekend, and now a text saying how was my weekend with no mention of going out. Odd.

Text off Indie, really nice. Not sure what to do here. Could do with a good seeing to, though.

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 20:56:51

Thank you for being so kind and understanding. I feel silly about all this, I really do. Most of the time I'm actually glad I'm out of the thing with LM as much of it was no good at all. I'm not going to get all nostalgic about it - there were good bits but there was much more shite.

My mum said the other day it's no wonder I'm on my own and I wonder if there's truth in that.

Oh blimey, Reappearing Engineer has Re-Reappeared and sent me a text. This is weird - he asked me out on Friday, I said yes. Then silence all weekend, and now a text saying how was my weekend with no mention of going out. Odd.

Text off Indie, really nice. Not sure what to do here. Could do with a good seeing to, though.

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 20:59:57

Ike that dog vomit one is one of my favourite Bible quotes. Useful in many situations not just PoF.

Sorry for double posting.

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:05:33

at times

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 21:10:55

Thank you Juliette. Exactly.

Right, I have wept like a sad willow on my Marks and Spencer's pillow, sent a provocative text to Indie and am now feeling somewhat restored.

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:12:17

In a financial quandry ...wonder what folk think. Having exhausted the nether regions of POF and Match and found them sorely wanting...I received a message on GS 2 weeks ago from a guy who I reckon I would get on well with....and though not immediately in love with him looks wise ..he is certainly strage looking enough to have me interested. But really begrudge paying £30 membership as there is fuck all else on there..he hasnt been on there for 3 days now though ...what would you do?

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 21:16:31

I would get someone on here who's got a membership to message him with some way of contacting you. Maybe. What sort of strange?

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 21:18:48

If it helps at all Ike I'm doing the universally recognised mime for 'puking' at the thought of GSM men

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 21:19:25

Sigh. I have a membership.

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:26:14

Oh that woud be hilarious!! My mate fancies you...but she's too tight arsed to pay the membership!! Hahahah

ALittleStranger Mon 29-Apr-13 21:27:00

Ike I don't think him being offline is a bad sign at all, it probably means he's not mining the sweetie trolley every night. Did you respond with one of those auto response messages?

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:27:21

Shall I give you his username Kin you can tell me what you think?

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 21:28:57

Hello, you don't know me but I have a wild mate who is unlikely to drop her drawers for you, she thinks you look attractively strange and would like to chat.

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 21:29:30

Go on then ( they're all tossers, you know )

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:29:33

oh what is an auto response message? He 'liked' me...so I 'liked'him back then he messaged me and so I have looked at him several times for the last 2 weeks like a silent gurning fool...

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 21:30:34

I dunno, I can't remember the last time I even looked on there

WarmFuzzyFun Mon 29-Apr-13 21:31:24

'Said the right things, didn't do them' This is what some (too many) men do. Say enough to get your attention (we all love the BS don't we?) then once said attention has been gained, once they have seen off the competition, very little happens subsequently.

Sometimes it all feels like hard work. I am feeling ya twinny X

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:31:52

kinda miming ...i cant message you!!! join POF its free...but you might have to eat your own vomit...

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:33:39

Have pmd you kin (rubs hands) £30 seems like loads and bloody hell nobody is on there in the provinces they are all in freakin london..

Ike I did the 'my friend likes you' for someone on here. It's not worth joining up just for that, he could be unsubscribed himself by now or by the time gsm take to get back to you. I have the draft email somewhere if you want me to do it.

Crossed posts...

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:37:07

Oh ok Jule its worth a punt thank you! I agree it just not bloody worth shelling out ...thats a steaming night out withhe Octos that is!

'My mate fancies you', brilliant, it NEVER fails.

Glad you feeling bit better OWW.

ALittleStranger Mon 29-Apr-13 21:38:09

Ike non-subscribers have the option to respond to messages with a one line auto response. It gives you a range, including "I'll get back to you when I subscribe". It lets people know you're interested and not ignoring them, and if they're savvy/comfortable with it they can respond with an alternate means of contact.

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:39:34

ok ll check it out A Little...

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 21:39:39

Ok, I've had a look, his description of his idea woman sounds like you. Go fer it ( do you need me to message him ? I will, because I love you )

(Thanks Twinny, c'est un grande sac du shite et j'ai une visage comme un slapped arse )

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:42:43

Ok tell him my POF user name ...he can message men there if he wants...yeah somthing about a hell kitten or summat ...odd lookin geezer though aint he. I'll pm you again now...thanks my darlink. I owe you a drik at the dating thread xmas do...

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:42:58

a drink

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:46:29

Not men...but he can message men if he wants haha

Oh god someone wants to talk to me on the phone. I hate the phone. I don't even talk to my best friends on the phone. Erk.

ALittleStranger Mon 29-Apr-13 21:49:21

Hey say no if you want. Others may disagree but in my experience it's not remotely standard to talk on the phone (only had one request) and a lot of people don't like it. I find it intrusive, and pointless in terms of sussing someone out.

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:57:53

Hey..we have discussed this before, us girls, and plenty of us dont like chatting on the phone...I say no. I am not running the risk of an hr long monologue again about bushcraft...no ta!!

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 22:01:00

Hey you're amongst friends here, a lot of us are phone haters, tell him you don't want to, if you don't fancy it - this should be about doing things that you want and that make you happy.

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 22:11:45

Thanks Kin. I will let you all know if he gets back to me...we will call him Mr GS Ruse...

Thank God for fellow phone haters, will stick to it. I have taken the wisdom of the thread and somehow managed to turn around my earlier 'no thanks' message to MrAttractiveButNonSparkyMessage, and we are now arranging a date.

He responded to my 'nothanks' in such a charming manner, and I had a huge realisation that I was actually being the dreaded OD 'TimeWaster' who was too anxious to actually meet. Messaged him back and we are now going on a date smile. I hope he doesn't read this thread. Wow, neurotic AND paranoid. I am every mans dream....

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 22:19:08

Are we having a Dating Christmas Do ? That would be wild , just imagine.

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 22:20:55

Hey, 'charming' is a very good start, he might surprise you.

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 22:27:34

..yeah! who is gonna get off with Bant, Bill and Voice??

Hey I find that the way someone takes rejection says a lot about them.

No need for the phone if you don't want to, I hate it too. I avoid giving out my number until after I've met them, can't be bothered with the endless texting and feeling I have to reply, plus there is the potential harassment factor. <Sociable>

First Rule of the Dating Thread. No dating the Thread.

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 22:35:14

Aww Jule! But its Xmas!!

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 22:36:55

Nope but let me just put this out there, if Mr R&R brings his brother, I get first dibs.

Yes I am liking him a lot more now Kin <simpers like twat>

Christmas Do! Christmas Do! Christmas Do! gets a bit overexcited for a newbie

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 22:40:25

Hey we have all simpered like twats at various points.

A Christmas do would be hilarious.

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 22:42:23

Hey its a good sign! No cant see the point in excrutiating phonecalls..skype if it is a distance or just bloody well meet up!!

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 22:44:18

And case in point, I'm currently simpering like a twat because Showbiz has rediscovered his flirting mojo. He's a right perv, he really is.

VelvetSpoon Mon 29-Apr-13 22:46:04

If there's a Xmas do I'm definitely there grin

Will try not to relieve Xmases past 1996 where I snogged an entire minibus full of blokes because '....well, it's Xmas' blush hmm.

MsCellophane Mon 29-Apr-13 22:49:10

Ike, maybe too late but saw this yesterday

http://uk.match.com/signup/smart_landing_v2.php?tpl=20120704landing_registration_tube

3 free days, might be worth it?

I've been on the sofa. My friends little girl passed away and I haven't felt like chatting to randoms

One I had spoken to on the phone, quite a few weeks ago. Major red flags (his GF kicked him out after accusing him of DV - 'never touched her', he was then homeless and got drunk lots while sofa surfing. Then he had a bike crash, then he moved to London) Gulp! So I didn't contact him and ignored. Not something I usually do but we were all tied up with grieving. I then got a barrage of abuse through POF - after 2 days of missed calls and texts. I calmly explained I was preparing for a 7 year olds funeral and dating was the last thing on my mind, his answer? - women are all the same, hear his story and blank when he's a good person and was set up, we are all bitches, cockteases, nasty etc. I sent him one last message - Never contact me again as I will report it as harassment and yes, I believe other women when they say they are abused and thank you for showing his true colours - blocked

Ugh - fuckwit!

It's been a tough few weeks and I'm guessing we will be having a tough year sad

I there is a Xmas do, please can we please only have people who have been or are thread members whimpers at memory of general MN meetup

MsC that is terrible, my sympathies to all of you.

VelvetSpoon Mon 29-Apr-13 22:56:09

Oh MsC how desperately sad, sympathies to you and of course to your friend. Life is horribly cruel.

That man sounds like the worst kind of idiot and certainly not the kind of thing you need to be dealing with whilst grieving.

So sorry MsC

KinNora Mon 29-Apr-13 22:59:43

That sounds dreadful MsC, I'm sorry you've had such a rough time recently.

That's brilliant Velvet grin. I once got off with a doctor at a work Christmas party, retired to the loo where he constantly tried to unzip my dress and emerged dishevelled, only to be confronted with every other partygoer, standing in a big group outside the door because they'd been looking for me. I then had to work with him for three months with the memory of his erection pressing into my abdomen, resurfacing at inopportune moments

MirandaWest Mon 29-Apr-13 23:06:09

MsC I am really sorry sad

I need to know more about the general meetup Juliette...

I need to go to more Christmas parties kin

Bant Mon 29-Apr-13 23:15:31

Erm. While I love the idea, is 8 months a bit far ahead to be planning a Christmas meet up?

OhWesternWind Mon 29-Apr-13 23:24:59

Really sorry to hear about your friend's daughter MsC. That bloke is an absolute fuckwit. How horrible for you on top of everything else.

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 23:26:59

Oh now Bant...are you coming as The Grinch? Thanks for the heads up Mrs C....unfortunately I have already shelled out for Club Winker (Match). Please accept my commiserations though both for the funeral and hassle from a wanker...

Bant Mon 29-Apr-13 23:27:54

MsC, sorry to hear about your friends little girl. If you want to pass on the guys email address or profile name I daresay some if us would be delighted to tell him what we think of him.

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 23:33:10

And we all know what freakin pervs docs can be eh Kin Shall I mention the words A.n.g.e.l D.e.l.i.g.h.t now Ban has arrived???

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 23:33:35

Bant

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 23:35:26

Although I am sure Bant would like to Ban A.n.g.e.l D.e.l.i.g.h.t...wouldn't you Bant?

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 23:37:00

I have just realised that Mr GS Ruse looks the spit of TR...oh no!!

Flipper924 Mon 29-Apr-13 23:38:53

MsC, I'm so sorry for you and your friend.

Christmas do? Yay!

(Me and Bant, 89%. Just saying. wink )

Flipper924 Mon 29-Apr-13 23:39:49

You have a type, then, Ike?

Ike would it out him if you said why he is called Torso Rubber?

Wouldn't a summer gathering be a good idea?

We could all skip through meadows in floaty dresses or something.
I suppose the women could dress up too wink.

ike1 Mon 29-Apr-13 23:56:34

No Jule...i think I mentioned the reason back on thread thirty something or other. It was just that on our first date he spent the entire time running his hands up and down his own body...it was really the strangest act of self stimulation...it was quite clear what he wanted to do to me. Someone, I think it was Kin said he was rubbing his torso..hence torso rubber.

That 'type' appears to be completely bald with odd facial hair it seems Flip...a consequence of being in middle yoof it would appear..

VelvetSpoon Mon 29-Apr-13 23:59:20

I'll be too fat for a summer gathering, hence my vanity would prevent me from attending grin.

Hopefully by Xmas I will have lost enough weight to fit into this dress I bought 2 years ago and have still not worn...

ike1 Tue 30-Apr-13 00:05:43

Good grief there's posh....velv

Velvet wow! you'll look amazing in that.

I do have to announce, I got back into my jeans this morning. Having just referenced fb, it seems said jeans are now almost 5 years old and have been in the cupboard for the last 2 blush. Once I reach my target it will be time for The New Jeans.

Ike I always imagined TR was some sort of body builder type who was all ripped and shaven. Says far more about me I suspect blush

ike1 Tue 30-Apr-13 00:10:19

Well done Jules!!

ike1 Tue 30-Apr-13 00:12:50

No that's cos I said he looked like Right Said Fred Jule! Oh yeah he was a big guy but more athletic than muscley and into his 'soul patch' hair fluff and lond sideburns that sorta thing...

ike1 Tue 30-Apr-13 00:13:04

long

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 30-Apr-13 06:33:04

Morning All!

MsC sad<hugs> Take it easy girlfriend. sad

<waves to thread>

There now follows a bit of a rant...apologies in advance.

I felt really pissed off yesterday, why didn't I just ignore and block? I am a medaller make no mistake. Old boyfriend got in touch, one who had dumped me to go back to 'love of his life'. I was nosey and flattered and now I need to go no contact, but I would like to give him the piece of my mind I restrained myself from giving him when he dumped me. He was/is an entitled, up him self C***, he wanted me to be glad and grateful that he had deemed me worthy of another try. Seriously?confused I have worked hard to separate my self esteem from other people's opinions, but sometimes it is hard work. angry

Cold has resurfaced again, work is going to hell in a handcart, I am being run ragged by my 3 DC's and just want to pull the covers over my head.

But, today will be a better day.

WarmFuzzyFun

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 07:04:46

Wow Velvet that is a spectacular dress, I'm also impressed that you can consider wearing something that needs to be worn bra less -respec'.

Juliette you must be chuffed to bits about the jeans, just in time to impress Dutchie with your pert arse, eh ?

Ike so GS Ruse is your type, I will keep an eye out for suitably facially haired gentlemen.

I have this dress which hasn't had an outing yet bap central which might well be my party outfit of choice.

Have a lovely day, everybody.

Flipper924 Tue 30-Apr-13 07:54:40

Ooh, pretty dresses, Velv and Nora. Bra-less is not an issue for me.in fact, I had a tap dancing exam at the weekend, and had to do that without a bra because of the dress I was wearing. Not a problem at all. Barely a bounce.

Yes, WFF, today will be a better day.

I'd offer to keep my eye out for suitably be-haired men for you, too, Ike, but clean shaven is the chav look of choice this year, and that's all I have here to sift through.

Only one more sleep, Jules! How exciting!

KirstyWirsty Tue 30-Apr-13 07:58:32

MsC so sorry for your friend .. My DD has just turned 8 and I cannot imagine how I would cope with losing her

Do I need the crash carp ?? Kiltykilty had said yesterday morning that we couldn't possibly maintain the level of texting we'd had over the last week .. Fair enough .. Had a few texts over the course of yesterday and last night he sent me two one word texts in response to ones I sent (hours apart)

I should just wait for him to text me today shouldn't I .. We have made arrangements for Thursday .. I am stressing a bit after theAuditor basically shagged and ran .. Maybe just wine doom as there haven't been any red flags and he did tell me about not texting so much .. Thoughts?

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 08:13:53

Flipper the thought of me tap dancing braless is extremely worrying.

Kirsty no, don't text him, let him sit and ruminate on how fabulous you are, what a great time he had and he will be unable to bear it any longer and get in touch. It's crap when you've experienced some flaky tosser in the past, you kind of expect more of the same.

Flipper924 Tue 30-Apr-13 08:14:23

Kirsty, isn't this meant to be more of a physical thing? For me, that level of texting on an ongoing basis would suggest an emotional attachment, which is possibly why the lack of texting is getting you down. Regardless of feelings, though, if you want an arrangement where texting continues as that level, Kiltykilty isn't for you. He's said as much, I'm afraid.

48howdidthathappen Tue 30-Apr-13 08:29:05

So sorry Mrs C A tough time all round.

Kirsty Cool. Cool. Cool.

Mr R&R only has sisters Kin

Did someone mention a party grin Im in!

<appears briefly>

Sorry for your friend MsC

Kirsty I agree with Flipper re: the texting

Do people embarrass themselves and make drunken passes more often at Xmas parties than summer parties? If so, I vote for the former. Although the first rule of the thread maybe don't date the thread, I see no rule of don't snog the thread as a one-off at a party. I'll bring the mistletoe.

Had a first session with a therapist yesterday. Hmmmm.

<back to work>

Snapespeare Tue 30-Apr-13 09:21:58

Ms C - so sorry to hear about your friends little girl. I absolutely echo what bant said. if you feel the need to PM anyone his contact details, I'm happy to sign him up for viagra junk mail send some karma to whup him up ass-wise. You're being an amazing, supportive friend, but don't forget a tiny bit of 'you-time' to recharge.

kirsty no text! no text! you are insouciance!

xmas is too far away - we could have half-year xmas on the 25th June… I'm not sure where we would get mistletoe at this time of year though no snogging the thread! can we do secret santa?!

VoR hmmm for the therapist? sometimes it takes a bit of time to establish the kind of relationship where you're happy talking about things. are you going to stick at it?

today is snapelesses 3-month-i-versary. I have no intention of mentioning this as it would make me look weird. but it is so [partypopper]

MirandaWest Tue 30-Apr-13 10:03:36

Month-I-versaries are good things smile in fact a 3 month one is one quarter of a year which is even better grin.

Mr Nice so far for his birthday has a teapot (a nice bodum (is that the make - am non hot drink drinker) that he has talked about), some tea, two CDs, a top gear magazine and needs something else. Maybe chocolate. Need wrapping paper and a card. Am not very good at birthdays but I do try hard.

VelvetSpoon Tue 30-Apr-13 10:38:31

Kin I love that dress! May have to look for something like that once I've shifted some a lot of weight.

Kirsty no, don't text. Insouciance is the order of the day. Thurs is arranged. He will be in touch smile

Snape happy 3 month-versary smile it is 6 months tomorrow (well sort of, it was 31 Oct) since I met C. Who knows, in another 6 months we might have actually made it to a relationship.... smile

WFF yes today is another day, you are made of stronger stuff than any of that, it's just all ganged up on you. Which means you are not going to contact the ex are you <very stern look>

Kirsty no text. Step away from the phone <megaphone>

Voice it can take time for you to work out whether this therapy/therapist is going to be right for you. If you are not sure, you can say so and talk that through too. If this one isn't for you, you can also change therapists.

Snape definitely worth celebrating whether you do that with him or treat yourself.

Miranda a strategically placed bit of wrapping on you?

One sleep, one sleep, one sleep, one sleep grin. This time tomorrow, I will be in Hollandia

OhWesternWind Tue 30-Apr-13 11:25:47

A thread party would be (ds's current favourite word) epic.

Still not feeling quite right, but now I know it's the tail end of the LM stuff, moving on, I'm better able to cope with it.

I think a bit of fun with the Welshman could be in order, see where that leads . . . Trying to sort out babysitter for Sunday.

OWW I think it's entirely natural you would have a dip now. You went back to OD very quickly after LM, not giving yourself time to grieve it. This wobble is a normal sign, what Kin said upthread about it being 'real' now you have the prospect of Indie sounds about right. Go with it, it will pass and all will be well smile

BillMasen Tue 30-Apr-13 12:08:55

Loving the idea of a thread party. Co-ordinating an evening we can all be child free might be a challenge, but I'm up for it.
And yes, inappropriate behaviour at a summer party is just as acceptable as a Christmas one.

smoothieooo Tue 30-Apr-13 12:22:55

I'm coming to the thread party. Even if I do only pop up and whinge on here every couple of weeks or so! grin

MirandaWest Tue 30-Apr-13 12:26:39

I get scared of groups of people but would try very hard to overcome this for a thread party grin

smoothieooo Tue 30-Apr-13 12:41:49

Miranda same here. But my innate nosiness would make a thread party irresistable!

Bant Tue 30-Apr-13 12:51:41

Fancy dress? smile

MirandaWest Tue 30-Apr-13 13:03:52

Not fancy dress no grin. Although I might wear a Fancy Dress smile

KirstyWirsty Tue 30-Apr-13 13:16:53

I am up for the epic do .. And I am insouciance personified

Scrazy Tue 30-Apr-13 13:17:48

HELLO, IF YOU ARE HAVING A THREAD PARTY, I WOULD LIKE TO BE INVITED. I LIVE IN THE STICKS SO IT MIGHT NOT BE POSSIBLE.....

Sorry for shouting and as I've said I'm not dating so don't have any interesting stories (that I would dare post on here, anyway) so I am not a great contributor. Don't forget me if it happens.

TigsytheTiger Tue 30-Apr-13 14:13:49

A thread party you say?

Yes please! how bloody amazing would that be? Would have to include cocktails and name badges maybe? Or the fun of guessing who is who? <<Tigsy muses on the practicalities in true Virgoan style>>

KirstyWirsty Tue 30-Apr-13 14:36:03

Tigsy where are you based? I know someone who is moving to the Middle East who is looking for a home for their cat. I am in Glasgow

KirstyWirsty Tue 30-Apr-13 14:38:54

Just had a message on POF ''nice pics - you don't look your age ' hmm

Instantly deleted .. I am a bit sensitive about this as I am 45 tomorrow .. Birthdays don't normally bother me .. In fact I love mine usually

smoothieooo Tue 30-Apr-13 14:46:29

Happy birthday for tomorrow Kirsty - I just turned 46 - but if anyone asks, I'm 42 okay? <taps nose>.

Talking of age, STB-ex is taking his 23 year old g/f on holiday tomorrow. I do hope they have a faaaabulous time and am not secretly hoping that she gets off with a Greek waiter... oh no

KirstyWirsty Tue 30-Apr-13 14:58:44

smoothie your secret is safe with us!!

Kiltykilty has just texted smile

TigsytheTiger Tue 30-Apr-13 14:59:24

kirsty we couldn't be much further apart!! I'm in sunny surrey!

Bant Tue 30-Apr-13 15:01:12

Anyone near me?

...didn't think so...

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 15:19:48

I bloody love fancy dress parties.

Showbiz has asked me out this weekend but is going to send me a 'very careful, line-walking email' about it later on - I assume this means he's going to suggest some kind of shag-enabling setting. No idea what my answer will be if that is the case.

I have been given 5* on okc by the handsomest man I've ever seen on OD - he must be fake, surely (92% match too).

Ooh Kin please PM me, I need to know they exist!

As for Showbiz, surely you don't have to agree to anything until the moment strikes (or not).

OhWesternWind Tue 30-Apr-13 15:36:41

Ooh Nora that's very exciting about the OkC guy! Are you going to message him?

What was your gut feeling when you got that from Showbiz - excitement or stomach-sinking?

Interestingly, Indie hasn't been on PoF for at least a week (neither have I apart from just having a quick nosy (without logging in) to find out if he's still looking/chatting)... He's nice. Think we will have some action this weekend, can't wait! grin.

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 15:45:43

Of course Juliette, I'll pm in a minute - he's in that there London too ... I probably won't message him, I think he's too good looking pour moi. (I bet you're beside yourself with excitement about tomorrow, I'm excited for you )

OWW that sounds promising about Indie, do you feel better about everything today ?

My heart didn't sink when Showbiz said that, I was vaguely amused by his careful phrasing. Thing is I don't fancy him but I'm pretty certain he's my kind of thing in bed and he's an excellent kisser. Tricky.

OhWesternWind Tue 30-Apr-13 15:56:17

Juliette are you managing to contain yourself? No last minute nerves? It's so exciting - hope you have time to give an update from our (other) foreign correspondent.

Nora - could be worth giving him a bit of a run then, see what happens if you actually get beyond kissing, without committing yourself to anything.

I am feeling a bit better about the LM stuff. Am going to have a last wallow about it tonight (unless I get distracted by very flirtatious texting with Indie again). And then that will be that. Really grateful for Juliette's post last night reminding me what a shit he was/is, and to everyone else for being so understanding and sympathetic.

I am also feeling quite positive about the Indie stuff as well. I am secretly quite glad that he's not been active on PoF since we met. I know he's entitled to, no commitment to me at this stage, obviously, but it's just nice that he's not doing it.

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 16:03:15

I think you're entitled to the LM sadness and to feel a bit of pleasure at Indie keeping away from PoF, there's nothing wrong with either, you're moving on and there are a lot of positive things to look forward to.

I reckon you're right about snogging Showbiz and seeing how things progress, strangely the thought of sleeping in the same bed as someone else is the thing that I'm most uncomfortable about, I can't see myself wanting that particular level of intimacy with anyone.

smoothieooo Tue 30-Apr-13 16:21:56

I know what you mean about the sleeping thing Kin - I had no problems DTD for the first time in ages a few weeks ago but actually sleeping proved far more difficult. Not sure why - is it a vulnerability thing?

OWW I'm really glad you're feeling better about LM. If only some of these guys knew the bloody angst they cause.

Juliette - I just had to say a quick You're Bloody Awesome for going to Dutchlandia for your date when most of us would baulk at driving more than a couple of miles out of our way grin

OhWesternWind Tue 30-Apr-13 16:21:58

It is a very long time since I shared a bed with anyone apart from the dc. I think my ex gave up sleeping with me and decided to move onto the settee shortly after dd was born, so nearly eleven years ago. Actually, it was probably before that five or six nights out of seven. I slept with LM a couple of times but never felt properly comfortable, kept waking up and didn't get a good deep sleep.

I would like to do this again, though, but it is very intimate and I'm also put off by potential snoring or farting (by either party).

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 16:22:32

I've got a message from Pretty Boy ! Oh my good god.

(He's going to be a right tool isn't he ?)

OhWesternWind Tue 30-Apr-13 16:27:40

What does he say Nora?

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 16:28:17

Yes Smoothie I think it must be the vulnerability, someone being with you while you sleep is so intimate.

OWW I had the same situation with exh, in addition to him never wanting to sleep with me, he never wanted to sleep with me either.
Sleeping with Spud felt right from the start, rather sadly.

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 16:29:25

I errr haven't read it yet OWW I'm putting it off

smoothieooo Tue 30-Apr-13 16:46:37

Come on Kin - I'm hoping you'll be pleasantly surprised!

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 16:57:13

Ok, it's read, pleasantly anodyne, not at all funny <libido makes non-committal head shake and looks at nails>.

And he registers a pleasing 7 on the Name-o-meter where 1 is Cornelius, and 10 is Dominic Fitzpatrick.

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 30-Apr-13 17:15:16

Good Afternoon!

I have never yet slept (as in sleep sleeping) with anyone. Lab has mentioned this every single time. I can't relax in strange surroundings, have problems sleeping at the best of times and really prefer to go home.

I have stayed the night be it is more of an active rather than restful time IYKWIM.

Jules, I hope it is the start of something special, I have everything crossed for you. And no I won't scratch that contact itch.

OWW you're doing great (another set of fingers crossed for you)

Kin that website is one of my favourites and I have this one dress
Oh and Kin, he might surprise you, in a good way...wink

If there is a gathering of Thread folk I'm in! Thread Rules pah! Consenting adults blah, blah, blah.

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 30-Apr-13 17:17:38

Ah, typos are back.

VelvetSpoon Tue 30-Apr-13 17:38:09

Ooh kin exciting! Have you replied?!

I love sleeping in the same bed as C. I haven't with other men in the past, who used to end up lying on my hair, or insisting I didn't touch them hmm I just feel ever so comfortable with C, he never lies on my hair, and he likes cuddling hopefully not just because he is always freezing and I am constantly warm, like a giant hot water bottle . And we BOTH snore grin blush

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 17:41:45

Ikey baby woohoo, you have mail.

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 17:43:29

Twinny, you are not going to believe this - I wore that exact dress to my work Christmas party last year !

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 17:48:30

Yes, I replied Velvet, not entirely sure he'll message back but still, worth a punt.

I completely sympathise about men sleeping on your hair, it's most irritating.

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 30-Apr-13 17:49:14

shock @Kin...Say 'hi' to mom!

48howdidthathappen Tue 30-Apr-13 17:55:20

I can sleep with anyone as long as they aren't into lots of cuddling.

Need space smile

MirandaWest Tue 30-Apr-13 18:06:48

I grew fed up of sleeping with XH as we both moved further over to our own sides.

I like sleeping with Mr Nice. We sometimes lie cuddled up all night grinblush grin

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 18:07:17

I shall, Twinny. Sadly the dress invited rather more bap handling than I was entirely comfortable with.

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 30-Apr-13 18:29:46

Yeah, it is kind of a show stopper, jaws to the floor effect. I have only worn it once. I'd rather someone speaks to my face blush

I like the one you linked though, especially the stretchy fabric.

I am on a dress fast at the moment, too many beautiful dresses and not enough opportunity to wear them.

ike1 Tue 30-Apr-13 18:39:57

Thanks Kin! I will keep you all up dated as to whether myself and Mr Ruse will meet up! Hellloooo people!

ike1 Tue 30-Apr-13 18:41:28

Another non cuddler here...too peri menopausal for that nonsense!

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 18:42:32

Oh yeah WFF, the black one has an inner control lining thing that's been made out of bloody tungsten or something. I also have an emerald green velvet one from there that I've not worn yet, I'm a dressaholic.

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 30-Apr-13 18:45:29

Those dresses cost a fortune getting through customs, or do you order through a UK website? I might break the dress fast....

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 18:51:00

I've not found anywhere online in the UK that stocks them, have you looked at Stop Staring dresses and Twentieth Century Foxy ?

I'm not buying from PUG again which is a real shame, their customer service was useless when the last thing I ordered didn't arrive, FedEx said it'd been delivered and signed for by me, when I hadn't seen hide nor hair of it. PUG effectively accused me of lying - not happy.

ike1 Tue 30-Apr-13 18:57:11

Wow Kin! Some of those dresses are gawjus on Stop Staring! Shame about the price though. I like the red Lana dress..

Secretservice Tue 30-Apr-13 19:18:47

Phew! Glad I caught in time to wish juliette bon voyage. How long are you staying for? Really hope it lives up to all our expectations grin

OWW sorry I wasn't around on your blue day, but pleased to see you're feeling better. This thread is ace at pulling us all through the tough times. Indie still sounding good!

Those dresses are bootiful! Wish I ever had somewhere to go to wear them

And can I add my name to any mid summer meet up guest list, please?

Waves wildly at everyone <and makes silent promise not to keep disappearing>

ALittleStranger Tue 30-Apr-13 19:30:00

I love sleeping with people, even strangers. This probably speaks of deep ishoos acquired in childhood. hmm

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 19:50:03

Ike I've got this one blimey. They often come up on eBay for much less.

<waves back at Secret>

Stranger -what, even when they're all snuggly and draped all over you ? Makes me feel dead claustrophobic.

Arf at OWW 'Really grateful for Juliette's post last night reminding me what a shit he was/is, and to everyone else for being so understanding and sympathetic. I love this thread grin

I am obviously vair excited, vair stressy from packing/hand luggage dilemma vair happyl. Neither of us slept much last night, lots of chemistry on Skype so we'll see what RL brings. Either way, he is lovely, kind and cute so all will be well. Off pre dawn so 1/2 sleep to go grin

KirstyWirsty Tue 30-Apr-13 19:55:23

Excellent juliette I was waiting till tonight to say one more sleep

Have a great time!!!

Cuddling .. Rather cuddle for a bit and then retreat to a cooler part of The bed although did fall asleep cuddled up to Kiltykilty yesterday morning

48howdidthathappen Tue 30-Apr-13 19:59:19

Oh Juliette You are bloody amazing grin

I don't mind cuddling someones back for a bit. Do not like be cuddled myself though. Can't breathe.

ALittleStranger Tue 30-Apr-13 20:05:11

Yep Kin, especially then, even if they are strangers.

And what's weird is I hate random hugging, but get my horizontal...

Dutchy has prepared a bedroom for me to use as if. I'm very tactile so it will be a good place to store my ample hand luggage grin

I'm going to farming country, despite him suggesting flat shoes when I asked I have also packed huge wedge heals a wiggle skirt because it's new and a lightweight dress. This is perfectly reasonable isn't it? I need to wear a dress.

Pomegranatenoir Tue 30-Apr-13 20:15:30

Evening,

I'm up for a get together too!! Would be fun! Think it should be a summer one!!

Starting my new job tomorrow and I've got the nerves - big time!!! Hope i am good enough!! Also not dating for a bit. Had got in touch with a man that appeared to be lovely and lots of ticks in the boxes till he told me last night he had spent some time in jail for stealing cars to order, used to be a doorman and felt there was something dodgy going on with his ex. No idea at all till last night he seemed lovely and literate. Freaks me out a bit that you just don't know who you are talking to/ potentially meeting up with.

Hope you are having fun Jules!!

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 20:16:10

Of course it's reasonable, Juliette I wore this blimey again to a farm in Northern Ireland.

Ooh no, Stranger I couldn't be doing with that (good job we aren't planning on sharing a bed )

Kin lovely dress, I can see how that would work the farm girl look. I am therefore reasonable grin.

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 20:36:01

QE feckin' D

Pomegranatenoir Tue 30-Apr-13 20:36:22

kules sorry realised you are not actually going till tomorrow!!

Pomegranatenoir Tue 30-Apr-13 20:36:39

Of course I meant jules

Scarletohello Tue 30-Apr-13 20:37:36

I decided not to meet a guy tonight as he was reluctant to give me his mob no. When asked why, it was in case I turned out to be a " bunny boiler"... I told him that was a very disrespectful way to refer to women. What a twunt!!

OhWesternWind Tue 30-Apr-13 20:40:39

Oh Juliette sorry, foot in mouth disease strikes again. Hope you have the very best time ever.

Pom loads of good luck for tomorrow.

Bit sad tonight, have had to have my old cat put to sleep. Just old age, nothing to be done, but I had him for seventeen years - same as my ex. I know which one I miss more.

OWW I thought it was very funny, the sort of thing I would come out with as proven by my approach to brokenheartedness to list his faults.

Poor cat, it's so hard when you loose a pet. I hope you are bearing up ok

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 20:48:44

I'm sorry OWW, that's always a truly horrible thing to have to do, even when you're sure it's the kindest thing for them.

Pom of course you're good enough ! You show 'em.

Well swerved Scarlet he sounds like a wankaaaaaaaaa.

Scarletohello Tue 30-Apr-13 21:05:15

Yes and probably too young too. Thing is I'm so disillusioned with traditional dating sites I'm on an nsa one at the moment. Got 100 messages 1st day and have actually met up with some really nice guys. But... it's just for fun. Suits me in a way as am still getting over ex but also find it depressing how many guys just want sex...

KirstyWirsty Tue 30-Apr-13 21:19:42

I just did a daft thing .. I was on POF and saw Kiltykilty was online so sent him a hi message .. I am not bothered that he is still on there .. I am too but does it look like I am checking up on him?

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 21:28:05

You may need more experienced opinions than mine but I think it might look that way to him, yes Kirsty

KirstyWirsty Tue 30-Apr-13 21:35:00

Shit!! He sent me a message on it last week a couple of days after we met but after I sent it just got a sinking feeling .. Ah we'll gym for me on Thursday then hohum

ALittleStranger Tue 30-Apr-13 21:35:39

Kirsty how would you feel if someone did that to you? I think that gives you your answer.

KirstyWirsty Tue 30-Apr-13 21:38:19

I wouldn't mind .. He knows I am still on it

KirstyWirsty Tue 30-Apr-13 21:46:00

He messaged me back 'you ok?' So sent a chit chatty one back .. Hopefully not blown it

pom good luck for tomorrow, you to jules, can't wait for your update!

Sorry about your cat OWW, it is very sad having a beloved pet pts.

Love all the glam dresses flying about. I always prefer a christmas do, the lighting is much more flattering wink

OhWesternWind Tue 30-Apr-13 21:56:18

Not feeling too bad, but bloody hell it's been one shit month. First LM (okay, bit more than a month but not much), all the horrible stuff with my mum that she still won't leave alone, now my cat. Fresh start for May, no more crap ...

KirstyWirsty Tue 30-Apr-13 22:33:37

Phew!! Thursday confirmed as still being on grin

KinNora Tue 30-Apr-13 22:37:35

That's excellent news Kirsty, more kilt based high jinks for you then !

OWW it certainly has, surely that means there's more good stuff lined up for you as compensation. I know it doesn't necessarily work like that but let's pretend

Good luck Pom, of course you're good enough. Remember they chose you!

SweetSeraphim Tue 30-Apr-13 22:47:16

Oooh Juliette, best of luck for tomorrow! I am excited for you! And bravery rocks grin

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 30-Apr-13 22:55:34

Jules what SweetS said ^^ up here smile

Go have a great time

48howdidthathappen Tue 30-Apr-13 22:57:09

Oh so sorry about your cat OWW Poor Mr R&R is still very upset about his cat.

Go get em Pom smile

I can't wear dresses. Feel naked.

MirandaWest Tue 30-Apr-13 23:01:06

Sorry OWW - my cat is 13 and I know she will get older one day. Took her to the vet today as she had a lumpy head and turned out she had been bitten sad Is now happier (and I am poorer).

Juliette I hope you have an amazing time smile

WarmFuzzyFun Tue 30-Apr-13 23:04:13

OWW you've not had an easy time, sorry about the cat sad. The house feels strange without them.

Snapespeare Tue 30-Apr-13 23:06:01

i am on the train home from namelesses. i reek of sex and my hair looks v much like 'bed head'...because it is. blush blush

juliette you are amazing
have best fun! grin

OhWesternWind Tue 30-Apr-13 23:16:34

Have just been sending very rude texts to Indie, has perked me up a bit.

So weird, with my ex I didn't have sex for literally years and I didn't really miss it at all. But since I started off again last year with LM there is no stopping me. I'm like a rampant teenage boy, sex on the brain. It's not what I expected at all and really isn't me! Even when I was younger I can't remember feeling like this. What's going on?

Thanks for all the messages about my poor old boy. Will miss him a lot, but I know he had a lovely life.

OhWesternWind Tue 30-Apr-13 23:17:24

When are you setting off Juliette?

MirandaWest Tue 30-Apr-13 23:58:04

OWW I had a sex desert for a number of years and honestly believed I had totally gone off it and wouldn't have minded never having it again.

I now too have it on the mind rather a lot blush grin

It's a pre dawn airport raid hmm. How do women arrive at that time fully made up? I have about half an hour to get ready once seated and the Air Stasi let me get my bag down before they make me put it away again. I will arrive immaculate and swishy grin

Secretservice Wed 01-May-13 00:01:55

I know exactly what you mean OWW. I don't think I've ever thought so much about sex as I have on the past few months [shame]. For me I think I've only started to realise what I've been missing all these years. Always thought I could take it or leave it, even convinced myself that it was not a it's cracked up to be, in a sort of mass conspiracy theory.

Now I want to make up for lost time, but OD'd failing badly at the moment!

Sorry about your cat, I often threaten the kids with what I'll do with ours, but it's a really horrible thing to have to do

Bant Wed 01-May-13 00:03:21

Sorry about your cat Oww
Heels in farming country juliette? smile good luck, don't forget to get on his wifi so you can give us updates

I was meant to meet buffy tonight, she was going to end up at a bar at 10, then texted 11, so I went to this place to meet her. Huge. Maybe 600 people there, and looked for her for an hour. Texted, phoned her, no reply. Finally after an hour she phones to say 'not going to make it..(hiccup)..'

So I left slightly narked. By having said that there was a ratio of 2 women to every man there and they were gorgeous. So I will be going back at some point with some mates.

Going to get my keys back off buffy though. I'm going off her after that.

Secretservice Wed 01-May-13 00:07:13

Of course you will juliette no one here doubts it for a second grin

X-post with Miranda I suspect I've had a small glimpse into the life of a teenage boy blush

Secretservice Wed 01-May-13 00:11:50

That's a bit rubbish Bant, but suppose it's helping to you wean you for when she leaves

She had your key shock that seems a bit previous!

lubeybooby England Wed 01-May-13 00:25:13

hello all <waves weakly>

feck, so busy, so stressed. knackered. hopefully getting there though

still not smoking, 10lb weight lost ... though today has been the biggest test yet! ffs.

don't think I should even try to catch up apart from a quick skim read again... OWW sorry about your cat sad

Miranda sorry to hear about yours too i'm forever worrying mine will get in scraps and be injured

Bant that is indeed a bit rubbish. Not surprised you're wanting your keys.

Juliette you rock!

So despite being more ridiculously busy and stressed than ever and insisting I was on the sofa, I have RL action going on from the chap I met at the meetup.com do plus a couple of other RL'ers in the mix now too...

I'm away for a work thing again soon too and Mr Flirt will be around during it... hmmm

Hi everyone!

I had a random date with the shy one. He was at a charity event near me so met him in local pub. Got on ok, he wasn't very chatty. He was ok looking too.

Can't sleep
Bant im not surprised you are off Buffy after that. really silly of her to make a mess just before leaving too.

<waves at everyone else>

Flipper924 Wed 01-May-13 01:20:34

Only had a chance to read the last 2 pages and time for sleep now, so brief hello to everyone!

Jules, hope you have an amazing time in Flatlandia.

OWW, sorry about your cat. I'm not a cat person, but I know how I'd feel if anything happened to Orange Dog.

SP, he sounds...ok?

Lubes, you are doing brilliantly, ma chere.

VelvetSpoon Wed 01-May-13 03:27:15

I fell asleep at 9pm...been wide awake for the last hour or so hmm

Pom good luck for your first day! I am sure you will do brilliantly smile

Juliette I hope all goes well with the Dutchman. Safe journey, etc.

Western sorry about your poor cat sad I am not a cat person, but I can quite imagine after 17 years that it is quite a loss.

Lubey well done on the continued no smoking, and the weight loss! Go you!

<waves to everyone else>

might try and attempt some (more) sleep now...

KirstyWirsty Wed 01-May-13 03:45:24

juliette have a great time! Regular updates please!

pom good luck!!

lubey you are amazing

My pal has posted on my Facebook that I am I. The closer to 50 than 40... Noooooo!!!

KirstyWirsty Wed 01-May-13 03:46:42

My pal has posted on my Facebook that I am in the closer to 50 than 40 club I meant!!

WarmFuzzyFun Wed 01-May-13 06:25:37

Morning All!

Cold is getting the better of me.

Too tired to post much at the moment...<WFF enters the shadows>

KinNora Wed 01-May-13 06:38:04

Kirsty is it your birthday today ? If so, happy birthday and as a newly (ish) 46 year old, I console myself with the thought that 46 is really 36 these days <deluded face> .

Juliette - hope Dutchie's been taking his vitamins and is well hydrated, have a fabulous time.

Hello Snape wildly envy of 'reeking of sex' - I love feeling like that. <wistful face>

Hello everyone, have a spectacular day.

Good morning everyone

MirandaWest Wed 01-May-13 07:04:57

Good morning everyone smile Happy Birthday Kirsty and hope you are having good travelling Juliette. Am very impressed at your contributed non-smoking and weight loss lubey smile
Bant I think possibly things with Buffy may be running their course and getting your keys back is a good idea.

Today I need to clean and tidy the house which is a little lot messy blush

Happy Birthday Kirsty thanks

I've made it to the plane, which given the cab ride to the airport is to be celebrated. This feels strange and familiar at the same time. Stasi doing patrols, will update later grinfrom Flatlandia

lubeybooby England Wed 01-May-13 07:41:01

Thanks everyone re non smoking and weight loss, I can't believe it and am really so chuffed.

I had an awful day Monday though and ended up bingeing so decided to write that day off and start again with a weigh in day of Tuesday instead of Monday.

Had the binge urge yesterday too but I relented and used the e-cig and that stopped me being silly and wrecking my hard work.

Thank feck for e-cigs, they have totally saved me from going and buying a pack at a low and weak time.

In dating news I have some definite action now lined up with Mr Flirt on the weekend of the 18th grin at last!

KirstyWirsty Wed 01-May-13 08:06:44

Thanks all for the birthday wishes smile

lubeybooby England Wed 01-May-13 08:09:56

Oh my, how did I miss that? Happy Birthday Kirsty grin flowers

Pomegranatenoir Wed 01-May-13 08:19:39

Happy birthday kirsty!!

Thanks for the good luck messages. Desperately trying to ignore the butterflies in my tummy

KirstyWirsty Wed 01-May-13 08:22:15

You'll do great Pom .. You are lovely

48howdidthathappen Wed 01-May-13 08:22:55

Happy Birthday Kirsty Youngster smile

MirandaWest Wed 01-May-13 08:30:51

DD woke up sad and then was sick sad no school for her today and I suspect she is going to want to be with me tonight rather than go to XHs house. So suspect nice birthday meal with Mr Nice is unlikely to happen sad His DS was coming so they can go together still. And Mr Nice has been typically nice about it. He will come round at some time to get his presents smile

VelvetSpoon Wed 01-May-13 08:45:03

Happy birthday Kirsty - all the best people have May birthdays grin

Miranda hope your dd is feeling better soon.

I managed to get back to sleep around 5 hmm and had a rather lovely dream involving C so I think I might text him today, not expecting he'll be free to see me before he goes at the weekend, but you never know... smile

ike1 Wed 01-May-13 08:51:22

Happy Birthday Kirst! Velv I have to take issue with you there...you KNOW FULL WELL that Aquarians rule the roost around here.

Jules, have an absolutely bonktastic time ...I am sure you will, lovely girl!!!

Last night I watched a late showing of The Look of Love...for the 3rd week running I was the only person in the cinema ...how do these places stay open?.

Gonna have an absolutely spiffing day today, in Birmingham wandering around an exhibition of aids and adaptations...maybe even promoting incontinency products ...wanna swap places Jule?....... No?????!....

OhWesternWind Wed 01-May-13 10:15:45

Happy birthday Kirsty! Hope you have a wonderful day and a good one tomorrow as well grin

Good luck Pom. Nice short week this week, at least.

Juliette getting all excited for you. Are you there yet?

SS you have it spot on about thinking it was some kind of conspiracy - I felt exactly the same, was always a bit take it or leave it about sex and I honestly couldn't understand what all the fuss was about.

Snapespeare Wed 01-May-13 10:26:12

Happy birthday Kirsty! yay! [cake]

pom you will be FAB! I don't need to wish you luck, you'll be kick-ass

Juliette have lovely mental image of you arriving in a post coronation orange wasteland. smile sending happy positives.

ike aquarian fist-bump

velv really pleased that C seems to be manning-up. You absolutely deserve to be happy and its great to see perseverance paying off.

bant freakyweird behaviour from buffy. she's detaching. help her along a bit. but I wouldn't enjoy that conversation, I'd probably change my locks instead

I keep wandering around and grinning at everyone today. it was that type of sex. RRrrrrrrrrr!

MirandaWest Wed 01-May-13 11:04:13

Am very glad about your great sex Snape smile

DD and I watching the Sound of music coming to an end. Birthday dinner not happening as will have DC here tonight instead. Also means birthday sex rather off the cards too. And limited chances for sex for another week or so.

I dont think Ill see the shy on again. Just ok isn't enough.

Solider man is back intouch. Trying to get me to go meet him. I'm off to pub with friends for a meal instead.

Bant Wed 01-May-13 11:56:08

Can't work out whether I'd prefer to go see Iron man 3 with buffy or on my own.
It's almost 30 degrees here. And a public holiday. So I'm sat in a shady plaza drinking beer, eating shrimp fettu