Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

does anyone else's h/p do this (ps3 xbox etc)

(42 Posts)
parisfernandez Thu 25-Apr-13 09:57:53

Morning.

Been awake since half past 7 on the only day I can get a long lie.

P has been up since god knows what time playing on his ps3. He is 37.

He plays call of duty mainly and gets so wound up when he gets 'killed' that he flies into a rage screaming and shouting and throwing things around. He swears constantly at the game and it scares me.

I hate being in the same room as him when he is playing it because of the state he goes into. He has never been violent to me or DD but it's not nice to sit and listen to someone get so wound up over a game.

Does anyone else have this issue? I've told him it scares me and he laughs at me and tells me to leave the house if it bothers me that much. DD never seems that bothered about it she just seems to ignore it but I've seen her flinch a couple of times when he starts shouting.

It's getting beyond a joke. Hes not working at the moment so he is on his playstation from morning until night and if i want to watch telly I've no chance until he gets bored and goes to play on his phone. This also causes him to get angry if he's playing games on his phone and losing.

If you also have this issue, how do you deal with it? I'm 24 and 7 months pregnant. I'm going away out for the day before work because I'll be bored in my room all day if I don't.

Sorry if this sounds pathetic but im a nervous person and when someone gets angry and shouts etc even if it's not aimed at me, I get really upset.

You are with a 37 year old immature and selfish manchild.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Is this really the relationship model you want to be showing your DD as well as your soon to be born second child?. Your DD has also been affected by his behaviour because she has learnt to tune out from it.

What is he like in other areas of your relationship, is he at all bothered or is he quite happy for you to do practically everything at home. Why is he also not working?.

You're 7 months pg and he's telling you to leave the house if his behaviour bothers you that much?!. TBH I would ditch the PS3 and his phone swiftly followed by him.

Playerpleeeese Thu 25-Apr-13 10:10:44

So he's not working. Does he play with your DD, do his fair share of housework, DIY etc. Is he looking for a new job? Does he spend quality time with you, as a couple and DD as a family?

I had a relationship with a guy like this once, but he was 21 and even then I found it immature, your DP is 37! He could be depressed I suppose, but, you and your DD deserve more. Have you spoken about this before? What does he say about it?

Oh dear! We don't have that - DH likes the occaasional game but is happy to switch off mid game, even just for a trivial natter.

We have friends where she works full time and he's on computer games constantly - they're splitting up, partly because of it.

I suggest you give him a choice - he goes cold turkey on all games, and gives away the ps3 etc, or he leaves.

currentbuns Thu 25-Apr-13 10:13:05

I've no experience of this, but I have seen similar scenarios described in other threads in the past, so I am sure there are other posters out there with good advice.
In my opinion the situation you describe does not sound tenable at all and it doesn't sound as though he is likely to change/listen to reason. Could you possibly move in with your parents or something while you reassess?

I thought he left about a month ago?. How is it this useless specimen has managed to wheedle his way back in?.

Your self worth and esteem has really taking a battering hasn't it?.

parisfernandez Thu 25-Apr-13 10:19:38

He had his own blacksmith business and work completely dried up. He has been offered other jobs but won't take them because they don't, in his opinion, pay much. He is actually quite lazy.

He does no housework at all because it's woman's work. Actually, yesterday morning he hit the roof because I didn't hoover the night before. I was exhausted. Dropped DD at nursery then came home for 2.5 hours of deep cleaning my house whilst he sat on his playstation shouting orders at me to move his plates, sweep the floor and make sure the bathroom floor was cleaned properly this time. I then had to pick DD up, take her 20 miles away to my mums, then go and do a 10 hour shift at work. He won't look after DD. It's too much of a responsibility for him.

It sounds awful when I write it down. I'm used to this he hasn't lifted a finger or paid anything towards bills or housekeeping in 3 years. Even when he was working he spent his money on beer, playstation games and never gave me hardly anything towards the rent. He says the bills (sky, broadband, electricity etc) are my responsibility because I'm the one who wants them. He won't tidy up because it's 'not his mess' and DD just wrecks the place (shes 3).

He expects the place to look like a show home. I'm shattered.

This isn't normal. Reading about other people's relationships on here sound like heaven compared to mine

parisfernandez Thu 25-Apr-13 10:21:32

Attila i let him back in because he was homeless and I'm far too soft for my own good. It was brilliant for about 3 weeks now it's back to how it was again. I've learned that he will never ever change. I'm tired.

I just wanted to check about the ps3 thing I thought I was being unreasonable about it and that it was just what men did. Obviously not.

currentbuns Thu 25-Apr-13 10:22:05

Why on earth are you still with him? This is crazy.

Playerpleeeese Thu 25-Apr-13 10:24:58

Please leave him, you are young you can be happy and loved. You and your DD and new baby deserve that. Do you have any family? His name is the house and bills in? I'm the same age as you, I was with DS's dad from 16-21. It's so frightening leaving the relationship but you will never regret it and your children with thank you for it.

Would you want your DD to grow up and get into the same kind of relationship, because that's what will happen. I knew I had to leave DS's dad because I was terrified he would grow up and treat/speak to women the same way his dad spoke to me.

Playerpleeeese Thu 25-Apr-13 10:26:01

Pack up his ps3 and all his games etc and tell him to leave. Please.

LegArmpits Thu 25-Apr-13 10:26:48

He's a twat of the highest order.

LegArmpits Thu 25-Apr-13 10:28:12

Actually wasn't there an OP whose teenage DS was abusing his Xbox like your DP so she threw it out of the window? Do that.

parisfernandez Thu 25-Apr-13 10:31:37

Ive been trying to leave for a long time. I've done the right thing and the house and bills are all in my name now so he has no legal right to be here.

I know i must sound so pathetic and stupid but leaving a life is a very difficult thing to do and ive tried and tried to make things better but it's just getting worse.

My family live miles away they hate him and are desperate for me to move back to my home town but im scared to do that because of ghosts and my past.

Horrible situation I have got myself into. I feel like I'll never be able to find someone else especially with 2 children.

I've just read you past posts (don't normally but this has obviously been going on a while).

You so need to get him to leave! You posted back in December about feeling really positive - where's that gone?

If he ends up homeless, that's his call - if there are jobs he could do then he needs to just do them and support himself. The longer you support him and feel sorry for him, the longer he'll make your life shite, including once the new baby comes along.

Sorry you're in this position, must be horrible.

Squitten Thu 25-Apr-13 10:37:36

Get him out.

Honestly, what difference is it going to make? You earn all the money, look after the kids, do all the housework. You are ALREADY living alone - you just have an obnoxious cocklodger making your life, and your DD's life, miserable while you do it.

Get him out and watch your life transform in a moment. No more screaming and shouting, no more being bossed around and treated like a slave. Your DD can play in peace without this parasite screaming and shouting around her poor ears. She can grow up learning that this isn't normal and you can save her the pain of living like this herself in 20 years.

You do NOT NEED A MAN. You can live a perfectly happy life without a Y chromosome.

Do it for yourself and do it for your child.

SundaysGirl Thu 25-Apr-13 11:40:36

I'm so sorry you are going through this, he sounds awful.

Exactly what Squitten says.

flowers

MrsGeologist Thu 25-Apr-13 11:48:12

If he's homeless, it's because he's a fucking waste of space, nothing to do with anything you do.

Kick his arse out if he doesn't so anything for you, and keep him out. If he doesn't want to be homeless, he should have been less of a cocklodging shithat.

I was going to post about him obviously having a gaming addiction, but with the additional information you've provided, he's obviously just a shit. Addicted maybe, but also a shit.

VitoCorleone Thu 25-Apr-13 11:53:33

What is it with grown men and all this xbox shite? Seriously, i read so much on here about men who sit up all hours playing these games, i think its very sad to be honest. Glad my DP has never been interested in them

VitoCorleone Thu 25-Apr-13 11:54:42

Sorry that wasnt helpful, i think you need to have serious words with him to buck his ideas up or ask him to leave and find yourself a grown up

EleanorFarjeon Thu 25-Apr-13 11:57:28

I married a grown up, so don't have this problem.

Seriously, OP, what in earth are you doing? Get rid of this loser.

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes Thu 25-Apr-13 12:01:08

This is not how normal men behave. He sounds like a complete idiot. What you decide to do about it is up to you.

mrsdinklage Thu 25-Apr-13 12:05:28

Paris - this is awful. If I was your mum I would be begging you to come home, at least until you've had your baby.
This is not the time to worry about wether in the future someone will want you. You need to concentrate on your dd, yourself and your bump. This stress cannot be good for any of you.
You've mentioned ghosts from your past. Really - forget them I bet they have forgotten you.
I am far too polite to say what a wanker he is
Please consider going to your mums. In fact why don't you just pack a bag and go now flowers

Yes, you are definitely too soft for your own good and he knows it as well. If he became homeless that was his problem, not yours to solve. Please do not take him back yet again.

He hit paydirt when he met you because he feels free to treat you like a slave. He orders you about and you've had him under your roof for the past 3 years. Its however, your house; he has no legal right to remain within it.

Now he's back with his feet under the table your life is now a complete misery.

Do read up on co-dependency as well because this may well help you.

Use legal means or your Dad again to get him out of your home.
I feel for you but you need to act decisively here for the sake of your DD and as yet unborn child. They do not need to be witness to all this crap from your cocklodger 37 year old within their home.

Oopla Thu 25-Apr-13 13:43:43

What an absolute tosser.

His mother wouldn't put up with that kind of behaviour I'd bet. How is he making you feel loved, respected and cared for while he's sat playing war on a games console? Not sure what's more upsetting - that his shouting and anger is upsetting you but he won't stop or that your DD rarely even flinches because she's got used to it. hmm

No matter how low your self esteem is, no matter how long he's been telling you you won't meet anyone else or making you feel like crap, you are worth so much more than this.

Either get some help from family kick him out and and keep him out or go back home. Those ghosts you're running from aren't in your home town, they're in you and you're allowing them to make you live like this.

Be strong x

Oopla Thu 25-Apr-13 13:47:18

Oh and my (nerdy) DP has a ps3 and when he was a single man he spent a lot of his free time on it but seeing as we're a family now it's for when there's really nothing better to do. Which happens maybe once a week for an hour. So no it's not normal behaviour.

Please listen to your family. This isn't a real man, this is a twat who thinks he has the right to treat you like a slave. he's sucking all the life out of you...and it'll get worse sad

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm Thu 25-Apr-13 14:44:23

Lisen to all the posters Paris

You may, or may not, need a man in your life..........

Point is, you haven't got one, have you ?sad

JustinBsMum Thu 25-Apr-13 14:50:14

He sounds an angry and bitter man. Ane he lets it show when he is on his xbox.

Unless he makes moves to change and sort himself out I would be booking an appt with a solicitor.

Pinkyorkbunny Thu 25-Apr-13 14:51:58

This describes how my husband used to be angry

He started off just playing xbox "call of duty" then he joined a forum and started playing online with his friends from that forum. He also used to scream and shout at the tv.

You will noticed I said "how my husband used to be". He would also skype his friends. He would even skype on an evening when I was sat on the other sofa across from him. He would just ignore me.

I had my suspicions!

One day on maternity leave I accidentally on purpose clicked the skype button. He had been chatting with this girl from the forum. Saying what he would like to do to her etc etc...you get the picture. I delved deeper into it and they had been sending semi-nude pictures to each other...I found all this out at 8 months pregnant!

When I was first pregnant he used to pick me up from work if he got home early enough himself...towards the end I had to make my own way home to come into the house to stare at the back of his head while he ignored me and played on this stupid game!

I confronted him (and her via email as she lived in Sweden otherwise she would have had a knock on the door - she actually apologised and told me she didn't fancy him anyway!!). I gave him a choice me or the xbox. Xbox no more...

I did forgive him eventually but I made him work damned hard for my forgiveness.

I'm not saying that your partner has done this or will do this but please just be cautious if he joins any online forums for this game.

I hope you get things sorted out soon xxx

SmellsLikeTeenStrop Thu 25-Apr-13 15:03:04

No, my husband does have a PS3 but he only goes on it when the kids are in bed and not even every night. Your husband is behaving like a child.

I was a single mum of 2 DCs and then I met and married my DH. Don't settle for this awful man because you fear you will be forever alone.

My DH loves Call of Duty. He doesn't play it when DD is awake. It is a violent 18 cert game so that would be extremely inappropriate. He also; cleans; works; does his share with DD; talks to me nicely.

He used to get too involved and swear. He was then told that if he is not enjoying it, he can stop. He either stops or stops swearing. He hasn't done that in ages.

Get rid, love. He's not going to change and he's a waste of oxygen.

Nobhead Thu 25-Apr-13 15:27:51

Fuck me throw him out now, he sounds like an overgrown teenager and a massive cunt. As for ordering you about to clean YOUR FUCKING HOUSE whilst heavily pregnant and working 10 hour shifts whilst he sits on his arse WTF! I'm sorry if I sound harsh OP but how the fuck have you put up with this for so long?
Your family hate him and with good reason....he's a twat and you know it.

iloveweetos Thu 25-Apr-13 15:30:18

kick him out! you shouldnt have to leave your home! But, if you do leave turn the electric off! (i dunno how to but i'm sure theres a way!!)
Like everyone is saying, this is not normal behaviour. games here and there, yeah fine, but not all the time, provoking that reaction and when he doesnt work!!!!
my DP didnt let himself play games when he was out of work cos he felt he didnt deserve to lol your DH needs a kick up the ass, and you can do it!!!! x

Grammaticus Thu 25-Apr-13 15:35:33

I know that the thread has moved on, but to answer your original question - my DH had a playstation when we met. In his early twenties when he had a job but no other responsibilities.

It never saw the light of day once we had children and I think it pretty much tailed off after we moved in together (though I got a bit hooked on Tombraider for a while)!

Now we are in our early forties we have an xbox. For the children. And if anyone gets irate with it they are made to have a break. That is my normal.

Miserwhy Thu 25-Apr-13 16:39:33

I too just wanted to add that my ex was just like yours, in that I would go to work, leaving him on the Xbox, and come back to him on the bloody Xbox, but with a mess of crisp/snack wrappers scattered around him (couldn't even rip himself away to make himself a decent lunch!). If I dared ask him if he'd done anything else he would go really cold and say I was nagging him, I sounded just like his (controlling) mum (which would hurt as he often spoke about how awful she was) and he was entitled to 'do his own thing without a Spanish Inquisition' hmm
He also did the screaming at the stupid bloody inanimate TV and it would always make me jump and I hated it (and after I'd explained to him that after a very violent previous ex shouting made me feel awful). He never stopped. The worst thing? I BOUGHT him the bloody thing as we used to play on it together, occasionally, as something we both enjoyed!! blush
I swear that fucking thing was a big (but not the only) reason the relationship ended.
For a while after we split I would still go over to see our pet that lives there and he was still always on the thing. Even when he was seeing some next girl his housemate told me he would go into the living room and he would be on it and she would just be sitting there being ignored basically. (oh and he's 35)

Please leave him, it really sounds from what you say that you deserve more. You won't change him. If you leave him you can be happy doing what you want in your own space without having to jump every five minutes. I'm imagining you in a light airy living room, with whatever you want on TV (or NO TV!), just being happy. This is a stress you don't need in your life, you are young and who knows, if you aren't with him you leave a vacancy for a caring, fun man who you can go out and be in the sun with and have nice days out with (not at all saying you need a man, but just in my experience I have a wonderful partner now who is happy to go for walks with me, a small thing but a revelation compared to XP)

Sorry for the minor hijack but I really think I know at least part of how you must feel now sad (hug)

He's a cocklodger and is treating you like a slave, this is not the relationship model you want your DD growing up with surely.

We have an Xbox, PS3 and a Wii and my DH has never acted like that with any of the games he plays on there including COD and he doesn't play on it to the detriment of time with me and the kids.

Walkacrossthesand Fri 26-Apr-13 08:06:16

Paris, I've just read your last thread about him - you kicked him out on 29th march for exactly the same reasons (he went very easily when your Dad got involved), its now 25th April and you say you took him back 'because he was homeless' and it was brilliant for 3 weeks - so he was only gone for a few days? Did he threaten to kill himself again and you fell for it? Can you see what's happening here? This isn't the life you want or deserve, and you're not going to get that life unless/until you kick him a out again and mean it - no taking him back because you're sorry for him. Is he sorry enough for you to change his behaviour because he's making you unhappy? Hmmm?

SorryMyLollipop Fri 26-Apr-13 09:15:59

My STBXH used to do this, throwing the controller across the room etc.

I kicked him out because he was a twat.

Jaskla Fri 26-Apr-13 09:28:36

There is no need for anyone to be treated like this - his attitude is awful.

Aggression like that while playing games is not normal for anyone, let alone a grown man.

Think about your DD and baby here. He is not a positive role model for them and it is not good for them to grow up in such a hostile environment.

If I were you I would move back near your family - you would have plenty of support from them (more than you do now considering he doesn't do anything to help) and you will have this man out of your life.

Oopla Fri 26-Apr-13 10:09:55

Come back Paris.

JCDenton Sun 28-Apr-13 13:48:29

Agree with the grain of the thread, I used to shout at games, then I turned 17. I don't get more animated than 'unimpressed face' these days, or maybe a good old sigh if I'm really stuck! Really, any adult should be able to keep a lid on any reasonable amount of frustration whatever the source.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now