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no sex or nothing

(88 Posts)
WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 12:53:46

i have been with my partner for over 2 years and we've recently had a baby. in my honest mind, i know i have been more demanding since baby has come along and of course we are tired. But not THAT tired, baby s very very good and has been sleeping through for months.

ive done all i can to try and make myself more alluring, lost my baby weight, changed my hair to the colour his exes was, done my nails...generally taking care of myself but no matter what I do, there is no spark...not even a whiff from my partner. If there is, it's once in a blue moon - probably once a month.

i suppose the real answer is if i loved him, i'd put up with it right? we've talked and talked til the cows come home, I've cried, i've tried it on with him, i've ranted, i've done nothing...and nothing works.

I dont really know what i want someone to say to me...perhaps i just need to grow a pair and walk away. i know im only staying because its inconceievable to me to leave at the moment. if i won the lottery tomorrow it'd be last chance saloon for him and if he didnt amend his behaviour (or lack of) i'd just walk away. im young, im not that ugly, im not that fat, i'm not horrid or evil...i just want a normal sex life - my life isn't over just yet!!!!!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 23-Apr-13 12:55:36

Why have you dyed your hair the colour of his exes? Do you suspect he has feelngs for her still? Does he compare you?

Have you spoken to your partner about this problem regarding sex?

Sugarice Tue 23-Apr-13 12:55:58

the colour his exes was you've changed your hair colour to match that of his ex partner, why?

CocacolaMum Tue 23-Apr-13 12:57:35

If I thought for a second that my OH would walk away from our marriage because of a lack of sex then I would never have sex with him again. Not because I would want our marriage to end but because I think that if he thought that little of us then what would be the point?

wigglesrock Tue 23-Apr-13 12:58:11

If you've talked and talked what is he saying?

Have you both got contraception sorted out?

WorraLiberty Tue 23-Apr-13 12:58:38

Your OP is all about you

What about him? Have you tried gently talking to him without the ranting/crying?

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 12:58:46

well because he always went out with woman who were brunette, i figured maybe that was a good place to start? to make myself more attractive to him?

yeah we have talked, talked and talked and talked. Nothing changes it's still always me trying it on and getting knocked back.

there is an age gap he's mid 40s and Im late 20's... maybe i shouldn't have got involved with an older man but in the beginning things were great. i love having sex with him. But its so rare its a thing of the past and it's almost awkward now.

WorraLiberty Tue 23-Apr-13 13:00:20

And what does he say when you talk to him?

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 13:01:20

Yeah we do talk quietly and calmly. his set answer is he's tired and works long days. thats fine, but thats been his answer for the last year. he isnt changing his job, so im looking at 20+ years of this til he retires?
its not just sex, its the litttle thing you see couples doing that we dont do. he never touches me kindly, or hugs me without me having to ask him. if i touch him he tells me not to, or shys away.
Its not even like we get through some enjoyable foreplay then realise we haven't got time. Before we even get started he says "im tired" and that's the end of it.

CrushedWithIce Tue 23-Apr-13 13:03:25

Is he expressing affection/ intimacy in other ways? How is your relationship outside of the bedroom? If it is sound in other respects, why not take the pressure off and try and get back to how you used to be as a couple...having a baby is hard and some need a little longer to adjust than others

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 13:03:57

i went back to work early, to alleviate our money worries, i try to help when i can whilst looking after our baby. i try to keep on top of myself and not give him any reason NOT to fancy me, but maybe because i want that so badly - its a turn off?? but what do I do? hide at home with a vibrator like im having an affair? cuddle the dog?
i sometimes drive to work feeling so very lonely and look forward to having someone to talk to in work and someone who pays attention to me

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 13:04:29

No. he thinks because he pays the bills I should be satisfied.

CrushedWithIce Tue 23-Apr-13 13:04:48

Oops, shouldn't eat and type...see you've answered that already. Is he depressed or acting differently since birth of child?

wonderingifiam2013 Tue 23-Apr-13 13:05:14

Can I ask if the baby was planned?

And was he at the birth? (and was it difficult?)

Is he an 'old' 40 something or not?

WorraLiberty Tue 23-Apr-13 13:05:27

How old is the baby?

WilsonFrickett Tue 23-Apr-13 13:08:49

going by your OP, you were together about a year before you were pg? See, I think that in the first year of a relationship the amount of sex you have is completely false. It's only after a year or so that things settle into what will be their 'normal' pattern. Add a pg and a baby into the mix - he could be having enough sex for him - iyswim. The issue is it isn't enough for you. And different levels of sexual desire can be very difficult within a relationship, especially a fairly new one with a baby in the mix.

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 13:09:00

babes is 8 months old.
he's not an old 40 really at all
baby wasn't planned but wasn't actively avoided either and very much loved and wanted now.
i had a difficult birth yes, babes was born by emergency c section. i never really felt after that, that he cared about me.

I feel so much that im always looking after everyone but i have no one looking after me. i give the cuddles out to crying baby, try to support hard working husband but i turn around and there's no one there for me.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Tue 23-Apr-13 13:11:02

I would move this to Relationships

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 13:11:41

Yeah we weren't together long - perhaps an advert for getting to know someone before you have a baby. very stupid and i realise that now.

its very demanding and hard being a mum and ostensibly wife. its something i thought i could have but i dont think so, i think you have to be an incredible person to keep it all in the air and im just not

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 13:12:07

oh ok, how can i move the thread please?

CrushedWithIce Tue 23-Apr-13 13:15:39

It's easy to blame yourself or think there is something you could/should do that would make him change but if there is no underlying cause and he's not prepared to knowledge the problem, what can you do? You need to look after your emotional wellbeing and create an environment for your child that s happy and secure. Only you know if this is with him or not.

Be kind to yourself, and do what's best for you.

CrushedWithIce Tue 23-Apr-13 13:16:49

Think you report (to the right of the banner on message with your nickname on). Then ask MNHQ to move

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 13:20:42

Thank you i have done that now.

if im totally honest i wouldn't stay if i could possibly leave and not ruin my babys life. i know it seems very selfish and mercenary to leave someone because they are not romantic/loving/sexual enough for you and i do undeerstand that viewpoint but for me i feel lost and needy all the time.
i am used to being loved and feeling attractive and wanted, the last time i had to deal with this level of ambivalence I knew my previous relationship had died a death
which maybe this one has too

Well I'm must be pretty shallow too then.
Lack of sex was one of the main reasons I ended it with my recent ex!
It's very important to me and to go from 10x a week to once every 2 weeks - sorry, something is wrong!

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 13:30:47

I think so too hells, but he wont admit it or just says "Im tired"...

well he had the same job 2 years ago... and he managed it then!

Its very hard not to be angry with him, because i feel so hurt and rejected.

lottieandmia Tue 23-Apr-13 13:30:55

WhyWhy, this sounds bad - it's not just about sex is it? He's withholding affection. This is a cruel way to treat a partner and to continually blame work is not on. It worries me that you feel you have to make yourself look like his exes for him to find you attractive too.

When did this behaviour start? Is it possible he's having an affair?

lottieandmia Tue 23-Apr-13 13:38:20

How is he with his baby? Does he have any other children? Just wondering whether it's possible he feels pushed out by the arrival of the baby (not reasonable if so of course)

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 13:39:18

of course it is always possible, but i doubt it. he'd only be able to while at work as that's all he really does and because he's a police officer thats difficult, but not, impossible...

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 13:39:59

he's great with babes. very affectionate, very caring and loving. i cant reasonably complain about anything with the baby.

lottieandmia Tue 23-Apr-13 13:41:57

Well, you know him best. But it's completely understandable that you want to know what is going on. I would, too.

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 13:43:46

it has crossed my mind. are there really men out there who can cope with not having sex for weeks on end, no masturbation...nothing...???

Wannabestepfordwife Tue 23-Apr-13 13:44:48

Op was your dp at the birth with you?

If he was he could be suffering from PTSD according to a study more men suffer from it then women.

Wannabestepfordwife Tue 23-Apr-13 13:47:54

Another thought you say you've dyed your hair and your trying really hard to be perfect maybe he misses the old you

lottieandmia Tue 23-Apr-13 13:53:55

Wannabe may be right - especially if you had a hard labour. You need to try talking to him more and see if you can get him to open up. After all this is quite early on in your relationship. He needs to understand that you feel lonely.

BitBewildered Tue 23-Apr-13 14:00:31

Perhaps he has some form of erectile problem which he doesn't feel comfortable telling you about incase you interpret it as a judgment of your appearance. Could you encourage him to see his GP or something? Lack of intimacy in your relationship is probably a major contributing factor in your desperation for some physical attention, too, so that needs to be addressed.

WilsonFrickett Tue 23-Apr-13 14:16:59

maybe he misses the old you

(Sorry OP, this is going to sound horrible and I don't mean it to hurt you) - he signed up for a (presumably) footloose and fancy-free 20-something and now he has a working mother and a family. I know that sounds as shallow as fuck and I hope it's not that or else the whole thing is doomed, but things have changed so, so fast in this relationship.

That said, it could be erectile disfunction.
It could be PTSD.
It could be the OP's own reaction to becoming a mother.
It could be the way he views mothers generally.

But people on the internet aren't going to be able to solve this one. I think you need couples counselling to get to the bottom of the problem. Once you understand what it is, you can decide what to do next.

williaminajetfighter Tue 23-Apr-13 14:21:03

I think the age makes a difference. My DP saw his libido drop a lot after 40. Things like exercise do make a difference as does reducing weight. I've heard of many women talking about DH/DPs at that age not wanting sex so it seems to be quite common.

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 14:28:54

thank you for your input.

Thing is, I am almost the same. I'm constantly switched on for sex and fun. I'm always mucking about, but he's totally unreceptive!

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 14:30:10

he was there yes, at my c section x

LippiPongstocking Tue 23-Apr-13 14:31:30

Oh my. A lack of sex in a relationship is so difficult. The hardest part of this to accept, OP, is that it might not be about you, at all.

My OH has erectile problems exacerbated by stress, and up until recently, we hadn't had sex for FIVE YEARS, but our relationship around that was good and solid (we got married a couple of months ago), and we've always been affectionate - kissing and cuddling, but that's as far as it would go. It's very hard not to take personally, but a lack of sex drive, in many cases, is usually caused by something other than the partner's looks etc.

Recovery for us has been difficult - very difficult, and we've had to see therapists and counsellors and psychologists galore (all funded by the NHS, luckily) - but it was helped by the fact that our relationship outside of sex was very strong. I wouldn't say leave someone because you weren't having sex, but leave if you think the relationship isn't worth fighting for.

Good luck.

Fillyjonk75 Tue 23-Apr-13 14:32:58

It is more common than you think. All we tend to hear about is men wanting sex all the time (I wish) and women being the ones saying no. Men are supposed to be up for it all the time. When men having a low libido, for various reasons, is pretty common.

MrsHoarder Tue 23-Apr-13 14:35:50

Is the baby sleeping through? If he's waking up every night that could be hitting his libido.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Tue 23-Apr-13 14:45:29

It's the lack of affection that's worrying me with this post. I think my OH suffered a bit of PTSD after our first baby and we didn't have sector 6 months. But he still showed me that he cared and was affectionate. I think you have to lay it on the line (calmly). You are not prepared to be with someone with no sex/affection. If he has medical/stress issues then these need to be sorted, not ignored.
My OH is now in 50's and we still have quite a lot of sex (tmi ewwww).

Xenia Tue 23-Apr-13 14:47:08

This is why if you're going to have an age gap make sure the man is younger. These big age gaps with older men never work out very well for all kinds of reasons.

If you have talked and talked what has he said?

Fillyjonk75 Tue 23-Apr-13 14:52:41

It's more of a libido gap than an age gap. DH is only 4/5 years older than me.

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 14:54:52

He has said he's tired, that's it. He's said he does think he's affectionate.

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 14:55:09

Oh yes, babes has slept through since 4 months ago!

LippiPongstocking Tue 23-Apr-13 15:07:17

You might want to suggest he sees a doctor, there might be underlying health issues behind the "tiredness". It can be an incredibly difficult thing for men to talk about though - which is why it's taken my partner five entire bloody years to get even near to "cured".

LisaMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 23-Apr-13 15:22:18

We are going to move this thread to 'Relationships' soon at the request of the OP.

Xenia Tue 23-Apr-13 15:40:40

Does he masturbate or is he simply utterly uninterested in any kind of sex due to tiredness? If he's tired why cannot he go to bed at say 9pm for a week and then catch up on his sleep that way and after that have sex?

Skinnywhippet Tue 23-Apr-13 19:08:25

I have been there...still am...but for me things have improved. For my dp it really was that he was too tired. He needed to be more relaxed, but he doesn't have a very high sex drive.

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 19:21:23

No, he doesn't masturbate that I know of.

bunsmum Tue 23-Apr-13 19:48:01

I have experienced the same thing too. In my case it was because he was quite obsessive. He ran his own business and would get on a project at work and would work until he dropped/exhausted himself. He also had some health problems he didn't tell me about - herpes was one of them. And every time he had a flare up he used to not want sex and avoid me and say he felt "disgusting" and didn't want to be intimate.

In your case I think it sounds like three possible things:

- he is one of these guys in their 40s who didn't want to settle down and hasn't committed before you. Although he loves the baby and is happy, he feels his life has been uncontrollably changed and he associates you with that feeling of being out of control.

- he has PTSD from the birth of your child

- he has a bit of a madonna/whore complex where you have turned into the role of "the mother" and he is finding it hard to see you as a sexual person.

BeforeAndAfter Tue 23-Apr-13 19:55:45

Is it possible that there's an OW somewhere in the background? I only say this because when my ex-H started withdrawing affection, touch, sex, kind words etc from what was a previously tactile and loving relationship it coincided with when the OW appeared on the scene. He was late 50s and I'm 14 years younger - he claimed to have lost his sex drive. Turns out this was complete rubbish - he just didn't want me anymore.

Sorry to raise this but if you're thinking through all angles this could be one scenario to consider if you haven't already.

Skinnywhippet Tue 23-Apr-13 20:14:04

I would be surprised if he wasn't masturbating.

happyfreeconfused Tue 23-Apr-13 20:42:24

Reading these threads makes you realise how common it is for men to have a low sex drive compared to their women partners.

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 20:45:31

If he was masturbating he'd have to be very clever about it, I'm always in or around the house generally and I'm quite a quiet stepping person, I'm forever frightening him when I walk in a room lol

There could of course be another woman, I'm not stupid or naive enough to think that there couldn't be - but I wouldn't know if considering it would even help - as, if I dont catch him at anything it'd be very hard to say anything about another woman, wouldn't it? (hope that makes sense!!)

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 20:52:11

re reading your post bunsmum and thinking its the first one.
I think he got carried away and reality isn't the same as what he thought. I think he's only staying because of the baby now and I'm only staying because I can't leave. Because he's had about a year now to just act like he LOVES me, surely by now he would, if he could.

Wannabestepfordwife Tue 23-Apr-13 20:56:58

Op I had a miscarriage last year and dp and I went without sex for about 7 weeks and there was a lack of affection.

Because it had been a while dp got so nervous he didn't feel like initiating sex and when I tried to touch him it made him feel pathetic and he felt like he wasn't a proper man.

Could this be the case with your dp?

(didn't mention before as I don't really like talking about it)

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 21:00:48

It could be, but without him actually telling me, I can't possibly suggest that, you know what men are like he'd retreat further or completely go mad.

Its very hard to know what to do, how much longer I wait etc. I am hugely frustrated and i dont know what Im meant to do...use a vibrator while lying next to him?? sneak off into the spare room for time with my vibrator?? buy a blow up man doll and cuddle him?

I really understand how some men feel when woman are the ones witholding sex. Its crushing.

Wannabestepfordwife Tue 23-Apr-13 21:07:20

I know how you feel op I felt rejected and worthless and unloved it was really hard but we did get over it.

I think sometimes if you keep pushing your point it will make him feel worse about himself.

Is your dc in their own room? If they are could you suggest watching a film in bed or something and see if something happens naturally.

I really do feel for you

BeforeAndAfter Tue 23-Apr-13 21:10:02

Maybe if you put some scenarios to him he will be able to confirm that one of those scenarios is where the problem lies - at least it's a starting point. You may also be able to gauge from how he responds as to whether or not he's being honest. Drawing from my own experience it was only when I asked ex-H if there was someone else that I finally got to the bottom of the weird behaviour - he wasn't capable of saying it himself.

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 21:10:24

Yeah babes has been for months now. He doesn't do anything, we often do this. If I dont do anything, we don't have sex and if I touch him, he declines.

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 21:11:24

Thanks beforeandafter, i will try asking him outright a few things. i have no doubt he'll deny each and every one but nothing will get better sad

Xenia Tue 23-Apr-13 21:13:55

If he's not masturbating is he having wet dreams? You need to do some kind of sperm hunt at home to get the evidence, check tissues etc.

Does he thin about sex even if he doesn't masturbate? Does he still get erections? If he sees pretty girl does he have a sexy thought or is he just totally asexual in every way? If so perhaps he just needs testosterone injections.

Wannabestepfordwife Tue 23-Apr-13 21:16:41

I really wish I could say something of help.

If he won't talk to you is there any possibility he would talk to a gp

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 21:17:42

No, no wet dreams. I doubt he even thinks about it, when I tell him I have been thinking about it or ask him if he does, he just says no and giggles like a child.

He does still get erections but we're talking once a month generally. He pays plenty of attention to girls on the TV, or out and about.

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 21:19:30

I dont think so, stepford. He wont even go when he's ill.... men.... or some men I should say!!

Thanks for trying to help, maybe i'm already at the end of the road anyway. We were a very fledgling relationship anyway, maybe this would have happened anyway...its just harder now because of the baby. Had this happened and been going on for so long, and baby wasn't here, I'd have gone long ago.

Im a very tactile, sexual person to be left like this makes me feel like I'm starving.

Skinnywhippet Tue 23-Apr-13 21:19:34

What happens if you fiddle with his sausage? Does he get excited?

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 21:21:07

I dont even get to GET that close, if I even get anywhere near his crotch he giggles and says "get off" and jumps away from me.

MrsHoarder Tue 23-Apr-13 21:29:38

TBH that makes me uncomfortable. If it was a man talking about how his DW wasn't interested in sex we would be shocked to hear a discussion about whether she is still getting wet sometimes.

Wannabestepfordwife Tue 23-Apr-13 21:30:12

I know what you mean I have to get my mil on the case when dp needs to see the dr she's much more persuasive then me.

Do you have friends and family in rl to support you if you do decide to leave

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 21:33:37

My family isn't really supportive but they are there.

sorry mrshoarder, i was just answering the question posed.

Wannabestepfordwife Tue 23-Apr-13 21:39:22

I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

Do you have any savings to get a place if you need to

WhyWhyY Tue 23-Apr-13 21:40:35

no, nothing at all. which makes it all much harder.

as bad as it sounds i might have to wait it out until i do. i have massive loans and debts to pay off which i had planned to start paying but maybe if i save for a few months i'll have more money to think about leaving when i need to.

Wannabestepfordwife Tue 23-Apr-13 21:52:46

You need to do what's best for you and your dc and moving out with nothing to go to wouldn't be good for either of you,

Apart from the sex how is your relationship with your p are you amicable?

Monka Tue 23-Apr-13 23:02:48

Could you try relate if your partner is up for it. They do psycho sexual counselling. My husband has a low sex drive as do his two brothers (my sister in laws told me) and due to family stress went right off sex for a while. The counselling helped get everything back on track. My husband has always been very touchy feely though. Even when he went off sex he always wanted to fall asleep cuddling me but didn't want to follow through to anything else. He never had a problem getting an erection either it was more issues in his head with family stresses. Good luck.

Ouchmyhead Wed 24-Apr-13 01:30:44

Maybe there's just too much focus on sex. If my partner was putting that much pressure on me to have sex all the time, I'd be really put off! Maybe try talking to him about the emotional side of your relationship, going on a few dates, cuddling, not talking about sex all the time with him. He probably is tired, and stressed - and it does have an effect on your libido. DP and I have both gone through times when we don't really fancy sex for one reason or another (stress at work, health), never once did we question ending our relationship - we just talked about it, took the pressure off each other and stopped making it an issue.

WhyWhyY Wed 24-Apr-13 08:19:35

He wont cuddle, or if he does, i'll ask for a cuddle, he'll oblige but as soon as he can he'll extract himself. Same if I try to cuddle him in bed. He wont go on dates, if I arrange them, closer to the time he says we can't afford it...even though its me paying. He makes such a fuss over it until I cancel it.

we're barely amicable any more, i cant cope with how for almost a year i have tried to wait for him to suddenly show me some affection or anything and im still waiting.

really ive been thinking about it overnight, i slept away from our bed. and i think i just dont love him anymore, perhaps if i did i'd be able to wait patiently. but i can't. its got to the point now where im seeing every time he pulls away, or doesn't hug me, or says no to's just become such a huge, insurmountable thing that i think somewhere i fell out of love with him.

Xenia Wed 24-Apr-13 08:56:17

If lots of talking between you has not worked then tell him you are seriously concerned and what about counselling? The fact is you are not happy (and it is the same if the sexes were reversed). Unless he is rejecting the cuddling because he thinks it will lead to sex, most men who are having sexual problems will still cuddle. There is no reason he cannot do all kinds of sexual things to you which do not involve him having erections if he loves you. Has he discovered he's gay? Or perhaps he just needs to get some testosterone treatment.

TheSilveryPussycat Wed 24-Apr-13 09:11:21

Do you know anything about his previous relationships and why they finished?

HalfBakedCleverCookie Wed 24-Apr-13 09:23:13

I have no advice, sorry, but I am in a similar position to you.

Got pregnant very quickly in a relationship, everything was fine but our sex life has disappeared.

Dp says he just has a low sex drive and so its something I learn to live with but I'm not happy. I don't want to force him either though.

lottieandmia Wed 24-Apr-13 11:17:43

I agree you should suggest to him that you go to Relate or something. And if he does not show willing, then start thinking about possibly moving on with your life without him and start planning how you could do this. Do you have family you could go to?

I would also try to do some detective work - have you looked at his phone or emails? Is he secretive with his phone? This might sound awful but his behaviour could be for a number of reasons and you need to be able to rule out an affair.

If it's a health problem then he needs to show willing to work on it. His treatment of you at the moment is cruel and I feel very sad for you OP sad Life is too short to spend with someone who won't meet you half way at least.

LippiPongstocking Wed 24-Apr-13 11:59:08

"TBH that makes me uncomfortable. If it was a man talking about how his DW wasn't interested in sex we would be shocked to hear a discussion about whether she is still getting wet sometimes."

It might make you uncomfortable, but it's an important question - lack of erections can mean a physical cause, such as illness, as opposed to a psychological one.

To be honest, it sounds like the relationship was largely physical before the baby arrived, and there's nothing much more than that going on now - sorry, OP.

Wannabestepfordwife Wed 24-Apr-13 12:41:46

Op I really do feel for you

When you say your barely amicable what do yow mean? Do you just argue a lot or does he undermine you and put you down

Pdaboy Wed 24-Apr-13 21:53:18

Honey, what you might think is alluring I am guessing is very different to what he thinks. Sounds like he's having fun elsewhere baby girl! Sorry

MumnGran Wed 24-Apr-13 22:08:07

Can I ask if he was at the birth of your baby?

Some men have a real issue with seeing their wives in a sexual light, after watching the birth process. It is not something they can easily overcome, and therapy may be essential to get the thought processes back to where they should be.
If this is the case, he needs your understanding. It is not easy for a man to admit - even to his wife/partner. It is not something he has control over. It cannot be turned off like a tap.

I am not saying this IS the case. Simply that it MAY be the answer to why it is happening.

WhyWhyY Wed 01-May-13 20:46:28

He was at the birth, it was emergency c section.
He's not secretive at all with his phone/email etc

When I say we are barely amicable, we can go maybe 2 days without an argument. Despite getting a job and contributing I always feel he resents me, and certainly doesn't respect me.
He downplays my job, ok it's crap but it's work.
He always makes out he does everything when he does not.

I think it's just a relationship that ended long ago, that were staying in out of need rather than want.

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