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Dating thread no 51

(1000 Posts)

All tales of online and real life dating here!

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. If it is not fun, stop

Bant Sat 13-Apr-13 13:13:59

Juliette - sorry to hear you had a shitty time. What a dick. If you want to glean a positive out of it, you reported him so hopefully he'll have less chance to prey on people more vulnerable than you. You made the world a slightly better place for other women. Obviously it's crap that you went through that but there is a very small silver lining maybe.

No dating news from me, I've been in the US all week, my feet hurt from standing at a booth at a conference, trying to snag passers-by and from going to meeting to meeting to meeting for several days. Just got the weekend to kill before flying back tomorrow night. Haven't seen my DC in a week and a half as my Ex has taken them overseas for holidays. Meh.

Buffy and I have whatsapped sporadically, and I keep getting women winking and 'liking' me on my defunct Match profile, so I think I'll have to make it funct again soon so I can see what they look like. I'm not holding my breath though

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 13-Apr-13 13:27:36

Hi Bant, can I call you the 'International Man of Mystery'? Or 'The Globe Trotting Dater'?

I imagine it's not just the not seeing the children but feeling/being so far away from them isn't fun at all.

You know Match and all the other dating sites use that defunct interest to get you to sign up again. Were you planning to sign up again anyway?

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 13:38:41

(It's sad how one's ability to recover after a few drinkies declines with age - takes more paracetemol)

Lubes - how are you getting on ? Feeling any more even tempered ? I'm seeing Showbiz next month when he comes dahn sarf to see his faaaaamily. He's planning to take me up West. ( This post sponsored by Double Entendres R Us )

Flipper some shoes are so beautiful that you just have to sit and gaze at them.

Pom you sound so much better, it's really good to hear.

Bant sounds like a bit of a dull week, shame you haven't met any golden Californian girls to fool around with while you were over there.

WFF think I'll attach my badge to one of my tartier bras.

Thanks Bant and everyone else on here who has been so understanding. The only place I could think to sit down after was the M&S customer collections area, the man behind the counter took it well blush. Thank goodness I made sure we met rather than just phone calls, otherwise I could have ended up with a string of odd messages/strange phone calls to a lunatic gradually beginning to wonder if it was me.

Bant Sat 13-Apr-13 13:40:05

Hi WFF - you can call me whatever you like smile

I got used to traveling a while ago. Sitting in hotel rooms trying to find an English language channel, taxi rides from airport to meeting to airport, it gets old quickly. Feeling far away from the DC is what I'm used to now anyway, with the move to Hungaria and all - it was being just down the road from them when they were at their mums and yet not seeing them because it wasn't 'my weekend' that was horrible. Hence the move away when the opportunity came up, as long as my new company would pay for my flights back to see the kids and would pay enough for me to keep 'their' bedroom in my flat in the UK.

I was on Match for 6 months, met the Artist, the Safrican, the Historian etc through it. So far OKC has been better but even though I live in a big city there are only a few english speaking women on the various sites so it's like living in a small town as far as choice goes. Match is a paid site so will presumably have more professional women on there who are more likely to speak English compared to OKC or POF. So I've been off Match for 4 months or so and keep getting views from the same women, some of them like me and wink at me, I just have to get round to paying and contacting them. As things with Buffy will end in a few weeks when she leaves the country I'm wondering how long to wait before I bother.

I don't actually miss Buffy that much - partially the fact I'm busy with work, partially that I haven't let myself get too attached because of the impending ending of it. It'll be nice to see her when I'm back, but all we can be is FWB.. Not what I was looking for, but far better than nothing

VelvetSpoon Sat 13-Apr-13 13:44:13

<waves to thread>

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend so far.

I managed 8 hours sleep last night. Unfortunately between the hours of 4am and 12pm hmm. Not sure if that's progress or not, would be nice to go to bed at a normal time and not waste most of the day!

I have no plans for tonight, contacted one of my Essex friends on Thurs to tell her I was free today and did she want to arrange something. Got a reply yesterday saying she'd let me know...and nothing further. Looks like a night in on my own then. At least it's Dr Who night so not ALL bad!

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 13:48:09

< waves to Velvet, then collapses back onto sofa like a consumptive Victorian heroine >

lubeybooby Sat 13-Apr-13 13:48:34


TigsytheTiger Sat 13-Apr-13 14:15:41

Place mark too << whilst chucking the nurofen at kin>>

KirstyWirsty Sat 13-Apr-13 14:32:32

Marking my spot .. I have been invited to my sister's .. She took pity on me so going there for takeaway and a few drinks later ( meanwhile continue to work my was through laundry mountain)

OKC continues to be a non event .. The only visitors to my profile who look halfway decent are foreign and living abroad .. The local ones are a bunch of potatoes .. I think I will set up on POF again .. At least there was a bit of activity on there

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 15:25:38

And so my dreaded 'Too Much' panic alarm sounds, text from Showbiz, enquiring what train I'm catching tomorrow and then offering to drive over, pick me up and take me to the station. Makes me feel all claustrophobic.

Winefiend Sat 13-Apr-13 15:33:24

Aaah Nora, so very keen! grin

Amount of report words written out of a possible 2300 : 0. Oh well, I have had some very nice cups of tea and two highly enjoyable Oreos.

48howdidthathappen Sat 13-Apr-13 15:41:25

Afternoon smile

Date with Showbiz sounds fab Kin Has he said too much too soon?

Oww Get you with the 'too many men' grin

Hope you are feeling better after the toss pot experience juliette

Kirsty Toe sounds very painful.

I think I maybe getting soppy in my old age shock Mr R&R said to me last night "you have brought the smile back into my life". I felt all mushy. Someone shoot me.

Movingforward123 Sat 13-Apr-13 15:43:06

So I've been speaking to a new guy on Pof general chit chat which was fine! I've given him my number and now he said something about flirting with him! And only if I can handle him!

Do you think there's any polite way of saying "that all sounds like immature crap to me, I don't want to waste time flirting like kids! Im happy to chat to you to get to know you, but I'm not flirting with someone that I've never met"

Does it seem odd that the above is my outlook? Considering im on a dating site? grin

Pomegranatenoir Sat 13-Apr-13 15:44:16

48 I think I love r and r too!! He sounds like a smasher!! Enjoy

Kirsty hope you haven't got the post holiday blues. Get back in the horse I say and waste few hours on pof.

I'm packing for an overnighter. Hate packing. It's no easy task for 2 little ones and all my going out stuff!!

KirstyWirsty Sat 13-Apr-13 15:57:44

pom off somewhere nice?

48 I love it that you are being mushy and in love

I did have the blues .. Got the toenail removed and the rest of my feet sorted out and I am going to my sisters otherwise I would set up on POF .. Might do it next weekend

Sent MrCheeky an email back saying no I don't want him back that he blew it and I don't love him .. Hopefully he will get the message at last

Pomegranatenoir Sat 13-Apr-13 16:31:53

Kirsty Going into town for a girly night. It is well needed!! Glad you got your toe fixed. Sounds a bit ouchy!!

I have stupidly put a bit of tan on my legs and it looks awful!! Why do I do this. Should have got it done properly!!!!!!

lubeybooby Sat 13-Apr-13 16:33:44

Moving I love a good flirt me, all part of the process... so your objecting to it is a bit confusing. if you don't want to flirt with someone you clearly don't like or fancy them that much imho

I'm only uppity and non flirty like that with people who I'm not sure of... and it always turns out I was starting to 'settle' so then I just drop them.

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 16:53:11

48 watching the development of your relationship with R&R through your posts has been really sweet and touching, it's a beautiful, beautiful thang.

Wine how can cups of tea and Oreos not be counted as productive ?

Kirsty have a lovely time at your sister's.

Pom enjoy your night out, get your flirting pants on.

Moving even as The World's Worst Flirter ™, I enjoy a bit of flirting, maybe you should think of it as that word du jour 'banter' - you know, harmless chit chat that helps you get to know someone a little better while having fun.

Have told Showbiz that no, I don't want a lift tomorrow although I appreciate the offer. I think I've been made relationship phobic ( off to google if that is an actual thing )

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 16:56:11

Yup -gamophobia.

kin oh let him, its better than a mini cab you can snog at the station grin

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 17:22:28

Ah but you see it's not five minutes down the road for him, it's an hour across the Pennines and then another drive into the city centre, it's like he's my boyfriend -shudder. Although I see your snog point.

mercury7 Sat 13-Apr-13 17:25:36

Hello dating thread 51, not much to report with me, plus ca change plus le wotsit grin

Snapespeare Sat 13-Apr-13 17:31:06

Nice evening/morning at namelesses. smile I wouldn't hold your collective breath for any declarations of love anytime soon, but that's OK. It's there, growing away quite nicely I think, but there's a element of caution on both sides and that's good. He thinks I'm great, I think he's great, so all is well.

Been asked if I'd like to go to his parents house next time they're away to cat sit. Yes please.

<waves at thread> will catch up with you all when I'm feeling a little DSs sleepy blush

Flipper924 Sat 13-Apr-13 17:35:23

Ah Pom, I can confirm that 'summerbody' works as well as 'holiday skin' though it turns out that they really do mean it when they say you should wash your hands thoroughly after use. Tanned legs good, orange palms bad. I've been using it twice a day for a week, and my legs and arms are no longer scary white.

I wonder if scary white is in the F&B catalogue?

Kin, that offer is nearly as scary as my legs were. I know you're amazingly attractive and wonderful and everything, but that's waaaayyyy to keen in my book.

Snapespeare Sat 13-Apr-13 17:39:07

*Little LESS sleepy.....

Kin in that case, no. Does he work? he seems to be very available. Maybe he was angling to take you home, you know your house. Through that door, settle himself of the sofa with the remote <helpful>

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 17:54:57

Yes, he works, if he was angling to take me to my house, 200 miles away, then I'll be needing you lot to score me some Temazapam.

<starts hyperventilating, gets paper bag >

OhWesternWind Sat 13-Apr-13 18:52:05

Have well and truly jinxed the good weather by going out and buying a new garden chair this morning!

Well, these PoF men eh! I am getting quite a few new messages off reasonably possible men but they are asking to meet up in their first or second message. I find this a bit odd - surely they would want to chat online a little bit and make sure I'm not a raving loon? But I must have had four or five like this over the last few days, never got this at all last time I was on. I am replying now saying I would rather chat a bit first but is this eagerness to meet when they have no idea of anything about me a bit of a red flag?

Could someone suggest something for me to write back to the other one who wanted to meet on Monday? I probably will meet him, but not on Monday - I want to backtrack a little bit, chat a bit more, then maybe meet in a week or two once I've met up with the other ones that I like better I'm going to have to reply soon otherwise it's just rude. Should I just tell him I can't meet next week?

Sorry, this all sounds stupid but I'm not used to this at all. Someone must have put something in the water round here.

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 13-Apr-13 18:52:22

200 milesshock I begrudge driving more than half an hour...

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 13-Apr-13 18:56:48

OWW, just tell him/them, that you what you said that you are busy Monday/whenever and would like to chat a bit online so that feel comfortable/have conversational points when/if you meet.

Meeting a stranger with whom you haven't changed even a few friendly email messages can make conversation really difficult.

How is the air traffic OWW? Are they suitable men and suitably stacked?

WarmFuzzyFun Sat 13-Apr-13 19:03:54

Have been in bed all day, being unwell is not my thing.

48, I would maybe like to clone MrR&R, perhaps cross him with Nameless and Mr Nice grin.

I have a new BF his name is Shiraz, although he is only half the man he was when we first met. I think this is a love match, he is so tasty, can't get enough of him.

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 19:14:12

I note BGT is on, anyone fancy trying to spot Talent Show, he of the semi-submerged genitalia ?...

is he on tonight?

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 19:43:28

Dunno but he auditioned - singing a song of his own composition and playing guitar

KirstyWirsty Sat 13-Apr-13 19:43:30

WFF I have a night with his cousin Mr P. Noir

KirstyWirsty Sat 13-Apr-13 19:44:59

Ps hope you feel better WFF

I may have to see if Mr Cox would like to keep me company. He's not quite as strong as Mr Noir or Shiraz and a teensy bit yellow but he's full of sparkle and rather fruity.

MirandaWest Sat 13-Apr-13 20:22:17

Hello smile <posts so I can see this on threads I'm on>

OhWesternWind Sat 13-Apr-13 21:39:14

Was he on there Nora? Goodness me, you do have a talented band of followers.

I have found a box of biscuits at the back of the cupboard! Bad, bad thing to happen as I've somehow found that there are now six fewer in there than there should be. Distracting myself with rum and PoF.

Have a new favourite on there - you know when you get that nice feeling that someone is on your wavelength? Well this one is one of them. Looks okay but am placing no reliance at all on blokes' photos any more. And I do very much like the Italian. I am meeting RickAstleyalike (who is charming) on Thursday, want to meet the Italian soon too (ruggedly handsome and also charming - I like his pictures very much but see comment above) and also this other one who I will call MrIndie and the rest can wait. That's at least two or three weeks worth of dates just there.

Oh, and guess what? The new one is . . . wait for it . . . another sodding engineer. I think I just need to resign myself to the fact that I am going to be dating engineers for the foreseeable future until the planetary alignments shift and suddenly it's all financial advisors or something.

I think I might hide my profile on Match as I am actually getting far, far dodgier characters messaging me on there than on PoF.

OhWesternWind Sat 13-Apr-13 21:41:15

Has anyone noticed the deeply dodgy side-bar advert about "Make him fall for you?" Very surprised at MN having that sort of thing on here.

mercury7 Sat 13-Apr-13 21:46:44

I think the adverts are generated by the thread content, of course we are all here posting away for free so that MN can make a profit from advertising...
such is the digital economy hmm

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 21:52:32

No, he wasn't on tonight, OWW - I might not own up if he does appear

(probably will. For the lolz ).

What is it with you and engineers, do you dab WD40 behind your ears before you go online ? Mr Indie sounds promising, as does Signor Italiano, I think the actual Rick Astley puts me slightly off your Astley-a-like. Not noticed the side bar.

VelvetSpoon Sat 13-Apr-13 22:08:35

Western grin at yet another engineer! I think only eating 6 biscuits shows remarkable restraint, although as I am currently ploughing through a bag of Aero bubbles, I am probably not the best judge of these things!

Nora you have to tell us who TalentShow is if he appears on BGT!

I keep having 'lucky escape' moments...a couple of old flames (well not exactly flames...sparks maybe?!) have revealed themselves to be the utter knobbers/cringily embarrassing so am thinking I am much better off without smile Likewise the Ex who surpassed his usual vile self with a few comments to the DSs. I really WOULD rather be single than have any of them in my life!

Please can we call Rick something else? Just when I think its safe to come back on the thread, there it goes

'Together forever and never to part, together forever we two...'

OWW I am vair impressed at your contingency plans for Project 'Man'. Risk Register notes Knobberdom now assessed as likelihood 3, impact mitigated down to 1, now certified as 3. Heavy reliance on Engineering Sector entered in Issues Log.

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 22:25:37

You utter utter git Juliette I'd forgotten that song until then grin

OhWesternWind Sat 13-Apr-13 22:27:42

Oh no Juliette - I'd forgotten about that particular gem from Mr Astley. Will call him Mr Yoga instead then as that's the other most noteworthy thing I have discovered about him (yet).

Have done VE exercise on this project, eliminated unnecessary scope creep and am focussing on three primary objectives. All future change requests now require sign off by project sponsor JulietteMontague.

Velvet ooh if I had Aeros I would have finished them by now! Hope your ds are alright, sounds like your ex has had a bit of a moment with them.

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 22:29:17

Velvet I think you know me well enough by now, that if I can get cheap laughs out of identifying a man on national tv who sent me a photo of his semi-submerged penis, it's a dead cert I'll do it.

What have your exes done to reveal their knobberdom ?

Winefiend Sat 13-Apr-13 22:30:50

Ah Aero Bubbles. If it helps you to stop munching Velvet, I could share the tale of the time I mixed copious volumes of wine and Aero Bubbles (as a quick meal substitute) grin

Think there were some Malteasers involved too.

See, Never gonna give you up is but a distant memory, no? grin

OhWesternWind Sat 13-Apr-13 22:38:49

Give over Juliette!

He had a horrible voice, that man, especially with that special Stock Aitken and Waterman echo effect. I wish so very, very much that I had never mentioned him on this thread.

Poor SP and all the youngsters will be wondering what on earth all we are all blethering on about.

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 22:43:02

Why, yes it is Juliette - you've done us a public service.

JoylessFucker Sat 13-Apr-13 22:43:37

Can I be a touch self-indulgent? Having decided to pull myself together and get seriously dating, I was pleasantly surprised at the initial reaction. Now, of course, things have returned to normal shite ... disappearers, dickheads etc. Problem is that I've lost the enthusiasm for the FWBs and have put them out to pasture. Well, all but one, but he'll break my heart one of these days.

Grrrrrrrr ....

Who was it planning the cloning of R&R, Nameless and Mr Nice? Whoever it was, I'm in ...

48howdidthathappen Sat 13-Apr-13 22:45:17

It is confimed. I have become a soppy cow blush

Mr R&R sent me a goodnight text. For the first time, signing off 'love r&r'.

I am a lost cause. But a happy one smile

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 23:09:16

Joy I don't think any of us escape momentary self indulgence, have more wine.

Typical of GSM, I've just been liked by some gurning twonk who describes himself as 'over-articulate'. Articulate this pal, over my cold dead body.

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 23:11:00

Eeeh 48 you pair of softies grin

Kin sadly, with gsm that's probably exactly what he would do.

48 yep soppy, its good innit grin

Joy I think OD is a bit like a hangover, we just forget how awful it can be until the next time.

VelvetSpoon Sat 13-Apr-13 23:23:00



I am convinced if you assembled all the single men in any UK town, and picked out the least appealing specimens in looks and personality, they would all be active on OD sites. Probably messaging lovely women such as us grin

The Ex is just an ignorant bigot, and displayed this a bit today. Nothing directed AT the DC, but suffice to say DS1 wasn't impressed by his choice of language (nor was I when DS1 told me).

As for the other non-flames, I present:

1. Has a GF who is supposedly oh so wonderful etc. Which is why he sent me a cockshot on whatsapp earlier. He has changed his number (I blocked him previously but his pathetic appendage is quite recognisable in it's inadequacy;

2. Is just a cringy embarrassment. Saw some recent photos of him today dressed like a tramp (and I don't just mean scruffy/dishvelled, but like he had taken the most worn out pieces of clothing, stuff you would put aside to do the garden in/use as dusters, and worn them as everyday clothes). and makes 'jokes' about his life/relationship which aren't funny in the slightest.

Honestly, lucky, LUCKY, escapes!!

Over articulated, I wonder if he meant his penis?

Velvet ew, yes lucky escape! GF must be so proud.

KinNora Sat 13-Apr-13 23:42:03

A penis that can go around corners, for example ? Interesting concept Juliette - you'd never be safe would you - nip into the kitchen for a quick Jaffa Cake scoff, and there it'd be, peering at you round the doorframe. Scary.

VelvetSpoon Sat 13-Apr-13 23:45:11

I am crying with laughter at the doorcornering penis grin

I am imagining it like one of those flexible screwdrivers....

Juliette I do feel a bit sorry for the GFs (nos 1 and 2 are different but equally crap men). And glad I'm not either of them.

It would have the added bonus of being extendable.

Winefiend Sat 13-Apr-13 23:59:36

I've just been watching Alien and now I have the image of a Stretch Armstrong-alike penis winding its way round the crevices of my house with a little piranha face on the end.


overactive imagination

Snapespeare Sun 14-Apr-13 07:17:40

the extendable penis would end up in donnie darko should rephrase that, but it's too early for over articulation....

KinNora Sun 14-Apr-13 08:43:18

In my head the cornering phallus was accompanied by the Mission Impossible theme tune - der der der de der der nenenowwwww nenenowwww ner ner. It's probably for the best that I'm back at work tomorrow.

Catching the train back darn sarf later, oh woe is me.
Showbiz is 'aware' that I'm travelling alone and wants me to text him to let him know I've arrived safely. Part of me thinks 'oh that's nice, he's showing concern', my Damaged by Men Who Claim to Love Me But Treat Me Like Shite centre ( DMWCLMBTMLS) sets off the klaxons and says' I'm not your girlfriend, PANICCCCC, PANICCCCC '

JoylessFucker Sun 14-Apr-13 09:54:51

... and this is one of the MANY reasons why I absolutely lurve this thread. I am absolutely roaring at the extendable penis mission impossibling into donnie darko grin grin

48 I am continuing to love you and R&R <sigh>
Juliette its so good to see that you've recovered your sang froid after ghastly ghastly man
Nora <and breathe>

There'll be way too much I've missed during my mope, so a <wave to thread> time for a brew to gird my loins and off to POF to put up a new profile. Clearly a sucker for pain me ...

lubeybooby Sun 14-Apr-13 09:57:34

Disturbingly, this thread now has me wishing a stretch armstrong penis would chase me round my house it wouldnt have to chase far

This is after laughing at having rick rolled myself... can't get that sodding song out of my head now grin

Morning all grin

lubeybooby Sun 14-Apr-13 09:59:39

Kin of course you're not his girlfriend! Don't worry

You do get a say in whether that happens or not you know... being in a relationship is a mutual decision! chill!

I don't want anything putting you off getting an amazing shag having an enjoyable time with him.

ALittleStranger Sun 14-Apr-13 10:00:58

I started setting up an OK Cupid profile last night. I think I hate it, don't know how some of you seem to get on with it so well. Not keen on the format and as for the people it's suggesting! hmm

I think I'm going to stick with shelling out for GSM, even if it is slow. I've at least enjoyed spending time with most of the people I've met through it, and I think the wetness might just be a risk with OD.

Morning all.

I went out last night. I was in the pub and having a pint at 7. Only went for a couple of drinks. Ended up in town on sambucca and weird cocktails.

I came home with two plastic roses but no idea where they came from, I might have pulled but dont remember! grin

Pomegranatenoir Sun 14-Apr-13 10:33:00

Morning all,

Sorry for my utter self indulgence but had to share with all you lovelies! I went out last night and had the most amazing night. Had brilliant time with my friends and more male attention than I have ever had in my life. After feeling so flat recently I was just what I needed! I got asked for my number 3 times and spoke to loads of men!!! I havent done that since i was about 18!! I feel so much better about od now. Think I needed to get things into perspective. Had a big talk from my friend as well and she sorted me out. I think I am slowly developing some self confidence!! Weird how I can have it at work but put me in a social setting and I quiver!!

My dad is now making me a bacon sandwich and I don't feel hungover! Happy Sunday everyone!!!!!

Snapespeare Sun 14-Apr-13 10:35:30

Yay pom!

Snapespeare Sun 14-Apr-13 10:35:57

And sp sounds like you both had good nights! :-)

48howdidthathappen Sun 14-Apr-13 11:09:22

I have an image of a stretch armstrong penis, singing 'never going give you up' shudders

Sounds like you both had fun smile Pom and SP

akaWisey Sun 14-Apr-13 11:31:41

Wow this thread moves on apace.

Well I posted the other day about a chap who seemed to be letting me do all the 'work' of arranging a date and the consensus was he's not that interested. So I left it and guess what he asked if I'd gone off the idea.
So since then we have arranged to meet on Weds eve, public place, early on for a coffee.

We have done some email conversation via OKC and he makes me laugh. He says he's amused and perplexed by my 'directness' which he's not used to but likes (it's how I am). So, with three days to go I am not wanting to do too much contact as it seems the wisdom is not to get too much expectation going before the meet.

I'm cool with it but any tips?

I'm really craving a KFC! Think my body wants grease.

No dates lined up, still talking to good looking, was ment to meet up with him last night but he ended up not going out.

I have a date! I have a date! My first POF date evah.
with Essex, this afternoon. I'd forgotten he'd asked me a few days ago and hadn't logged back in [shame]. We spoke this morning and its on. I think we may be from different worlds but he was really nice on the phone, polite and not a patronising arse and if he looks like his pictures (radical idea), I will have him.

He's going to turn up with a dancing articulated penis, isn't he?

'Together forever and never to part, together forever we two...'

Come on, who googled 'dancing penis'? Before you look, it is what it says

Good luck on your date Juliette I'm only wanting a date with a KFC grin

48howdidthathappen Sun 14-Apr-13 12:06:07

Tea over lap top moment Juliette shock grin Had to look.

Date sounds good. Have him smile

KirstyWirsty Sun 14-Apr-13 12:07:19

Hope it goes well Juliette

I have had zero messages since before I went on holiday .. Plenty of visitors but no messages .. And the visitors are either foreign (and some of them are attractive) or local spuds

Yay pom

SP those are the very best nights out grin

Pom so good to see you realising you are as lovely as we know you to be

48 I rather like the attempt at a penis pirouette. Classy.

KinNora Sun 14-Apr-13 13:05:48

Very envious of your night out SP

Pom - your posts are just getting better and better, excellent.

Stranger I'm very new to okc so have no real insights to offer, as I've said before, for some reason MA works quite well for me but most other people hate it, some sites are better for some people than others.

Juliette blimey I hope Essex is going to be relatively shaggable, surely the great dating gods will smile on you.

I'm on the train so I shall have to delay the pleasure of the dancing penis until later - story of my life, right there

Lubey I think I have ishoos (hold the front page) - probably just need a right royal rogering.

<blows a big kiss at the rest of the thread>

Winefiend Sun 14-Apr-13 13:13:59

Juliette crossing everything that he is not a massive twat - sounds good so far though grin

Today I am in Open Uni report HELL.

Also, I received communication from the young un yesterday. A message along the lines of he's having a hard time at the moment. Does make me feel slightly guilty as it was his son's bday this week (his access is verrrry limited - haven't got the whole story on that one yet) and he cares for his mum. I'll take it as a good sign that he's bothered to check in, so to speak. I think leaving him be for a bit maybe wise as eeveryone deals with things differently.

Winefiend Sun 14-Apr-13 13:15:07

*may be

I am a typing genius hmm

I'm trying to convince a mate to bring me KFC but hes having none of it sad What happened to men who would help a damsel in distress!

That's what I need to add to my checklist for a men. He must be willing to bring KFC after I've had a night of drinking. Not much to ask grin

ScumbagCollegeDropout Sun 14-Apr-13 13:44:14


Youse lot talk way too much for me to keep up grin

Just wanted to say thank you to those who answered my silly questions about delaying the whole meeting the kids and wotnot. Haven't thought about it since really. Was a momentary pondering of ridiculousness.

Things are going very well. We made it official a few weeks back. Have met the family too shock. I feel like a soppy, lovesick teenager...and it's marvellous! Never behaved this way with STBXH.

Anyhoo shall go back to lurking as I can never keep up with you lot. But it is most definitely a OD win here smile (although in different country)

Oh and huge laughs at the cornering penis!

EternalRose Sun 14-Apr-13 13:47:46

SP - You are making me crave a KFC. confused I am looking at my uncooked chicken, and the idea of KFC seems very appealing right now! [cant be bothered to stand up and cook for hours]

Juliette- Good luck with your date.

KinNora Sun 14-Apr-13 14:04:06

Hello Scumbag - another loved up poster, eh ? It all sounds wonderful.

I want a KFC too, and I don't even like them.

Pomegranatenoir Sun 14-Apr-13 14:21:48

Did someone mention KFC?? Ah man, I'd love one. Just had cake and custard. It was good but not a patch on KFC!!!!

ScumbagCollegeDropout Sun 14-Apr-13 14:30:04

KinNora It is wonderful, very much so. But no declarations of love yet wink He did tell me he 'luffs me a lot' the other day though. Feeling is mutual <softie>


Honestly, if someone turned up with a KFC right now I would fall in love and marry him. Starting to feel a little shit now, think I'm getting a delayed hangover

Honestly, if someone turned up with a KFC right now I would fall in love and marry him. Starting to feel a little shit now, think I'm getting a delayed hangover

Bant Sun 14-Apr-13 14:48:14

I discovered a little trick on I let my account lapse for several months and kept getting messages saying 'someone, 35, has winked at you' or 'someone, 41, has added you to their favourites' - but with no picture - and in order to see who it was of course I had to resubscribe. I'd looked at the limited number of people of that age in the city and thought maybe it was worth forking out in case it was the best case scenario (i.e the only decent looking 35 year old on Match on there, who looked nice and sounded interesting and funny)

However, I downloaded the Match app for iPhone and there it will actually show me who they are. The ones who'd favourited me, at least.

I shall not be resubscribing anytime soon though. They were not best-case.

Scrazy Sun 14-Apr-13 14:58:00

Place marking.

Had a fabulous day yesterday confused, it's a strange situation but I am OK today and looking forward to my date with the new guy next week.

Pomegranatenoir Sun 14-Apr-13 15:12:57

Rough. I feel rough. Hangover hell

I'm going in grin

Bant Sun 14-Apr-13 15:38:46

good luck Juliet

Bant Sun 14-Apr-13 15:39:04

JulietTE even

KinNora Sun 14-Apr-13 15:39:35

The very best of British luck Juliette - geddin there

Snapespeare Sun 14-Apr-13 15:57:10

Whoop juliette!

VelvetSpoon Sun 14-Apr-13 16:46:01

Juliette hope all is going well!

Very nice man, polite all as it should be. Except that I stated to yawn blush

Someone just backed into my car trying to park whilst im sitting here. I think 'sorry' would have been the correct response not staring at me angry

48howdidthathappen Sun 14-Apr-13 17:01:13

Sounds fab Scumbag Great init smile

48howdidthathappen Sun 14-Apr-13 17:06:40

Is your car ok?

So a no goer then?

KinNora Sun 14-Apr-13 17:06:42

Well that's bobbins, Juliette was he just a bit dull ? Is there any damage to your car ?

He was very dull, nice enough but there wasn't even enough there to be friends. He is also very photogenic, bless.

Car is fine, it tuned into fiasco involving the man taking over his gf car, him also unable to get into the space and me watching. They drove off grin

lubeybooby Sun 14-Apr-13 18:19:42

Oh dearie dearie me

Oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear.

I have just had a MASSIVE sob fest over missing BC

1) I do not do sobbing

2) especially not over a man

2b) especially not over a man I was FINE about moving away over four months ago and haven't shed a tear over in that time confused

3) I do not listen to soppy songs and make it worse

except I just did all those confused. Well no actually the song was on first and I burst into tears and instead of changing it I carried on and snivelled and sobbed.

So, this is new.

Crying. Great. I hate crying. It had better not be a new 'lubes as a non smoker' thing

I mean I know the tendency to cry is related to withdrawal but it had better not last longer than the withdrawal period and be a new personality quirk or something.

Tell me it's just withdrawal and that I am not suddenly going to be a spineless and pathetic sniveller long term.

Please? Please? <frantic>

It is just withdrawal, honestly.

It happens, its unpredictable, it will go away again.

Stay away from soppy songs, no good ever came of that.

KinNora Sun 14-Apr-13 18:25:52

It's just withdrawal Lubey -any chance it could be hormonal too ?

( in the meantime, big hug brew and flowers )

KinNora Sun 14-Apr-13 18:27:04

Oh god almighty, yes, stay away from soppy songs as Juliette says ( I've got a great long list of songs I avoid )

Crying is also the withdrawal symptom that kicks in to stop you doing a stretch in Holloway, or throwing one in Greggs because someone took the last sausage roll or painting your wall magenta.

VelvetSpoon Sun 14-Apr-13 18:31:25

Oh Lubey, thats sad

Watch the french cats on youtube, they will make you smile!

Scrazy Sun 14-Apr-13 18:33:58

It's just withdrawal, the chemistry in your brain is changing.

I carn't see my ex again, he's going to hurt me isn't he? He on the other hand would be more than happy to start over again but nothing will change.

VelvetSpoon Sun 14-Apr-13 18:35:52

Scrazy I think that's probably the case sad Is he offering any more than last time, or just to go back to how things were? How was it seeing him yesterday?

Scrazy no contact. He messed with your head before, he will do it again and has basically said as much.

Scrazy Sun 14-Apr-13 18:40:56

Velvet, no I don't think he is going to change. Yesterday was brilliant, that's the problem, we have such a great time together but that is all there is. I need to spill it all to him this time.

Snapespeare Sun 14-Apr-13 18:41:18

lubey it is just withdrawal, but you now what? - it's OK to have a bit of a weep every now and again. it really doesn't make you any less kick-ass you know. smile

lubeybooby Sun 14-Apr-13 18:49:31

Thanks you everyone and thank you snape. That's good, because I really couldn't bear to be any less kick ass than I am.

I think I'm scared of going back to the days of poor mental health and crying a lot, is the problem. Something I noticed about the well version of myself, is that I really don't do crying very much.

I think even the hellish Big Bad Break Up only got a total of three snivels out of me. So it's a big deal when I cry.

Well, when I cry about me that is ... give me a soppy film or extreme makeover home edition and that's a different story grin

I think BC was the outlet of choice today because he text this morning saying he was thinking of me and trying to find the time to write to me properly. Aw.

Scrazy Sun 14-Apr-13 18:56:45

Lubey, I am exactly the same, very rarely cry at anything personal. Can sob at a film and even watching BGT today blush.

lubeybooby Sun 14-Apr-13 18:58:21

Oh god BGT got me as well... the shadow artists? I bet it was. Haha.

Scrazy Sun 14-Apr-13 18:59:51

Yes, that was the one.

lubeybooby Sun 14-Apr-13 19:01:55

Knew it! Oh bloody hell I just welled up again thinking of the story.

I really must locate my grip.

Scrazy Sun 14-Apr-13 19:06:01

I'm off out for some chocolate, got a strange craving as I hardly eat the stuff, normally.

Winefiend Sun 14-Apr-13 19:06:02

Aah lubey, it's them damn fags. You're doing ever so well though, inspirational!

I rarely cry either mostly if pissed and surprisingly didn't much when I had my big bad break up last year. I had 2 days of snivelling then one evening 2 weeks later where I was a sobbing mess and may have drunk South Yorks dry of wine and listened to Amy fucking Winehouse

All of my single mates have been on dates this weekend! Lucky for me I've been on a weekend long fuck-fest with an Open Uni stats package and Microsoft Word. Oh luuuuucky meeeee. hmm

KinNora Sun 14-Apr-13 19:21:34

If it makes you feel any better, I cry at anything.I blame it on not being able to cry at really terrible things at work, so any old rubbish sets me off outside - I think it's cathartic.

Got any further with whatever hideousness it is you're doing Wine ?

lubeybooby Sun 14-Apr-13 19:32:26

Thanks! I want rid of the addiction totally now... used patches and e cig for the first 5 days or so but I have ditched those now too. So I guess I should expect the mental effects of that really.

I still think it's been easier than last time too. And I know I won't smoke again. If the other day (firing people, rude to client) and today (crying) hasn't made me give in then nothing will grin

Winefiend Sun 14-Apr-13 19:32:47

Nora Ehhh no. I have however smoked approx 40 fags and said 'bastard' roughly 632 times so I'm getting there.

Snapespeare Sun 14-Apr-13 20:09:29

I cry at Pixar flms and doctor who.

You ca give in. I've given up loads of times and each time it was harder. I'll have a sneaky puff o one of DDs roll ups or sneak a fag if I'm out drinking, but it's been 4 months now since I bought any properly smoked...

I nearly cried at The Transporter today when the woman shots her dad and then says 'he was a basterd but he was my father' confused

I will cry now as I'm watching Big Daddy. I cry when the little boy has to go and then when they are in the courtroom.

I've ordered pizza and chips. My body is craving grease!

48howdidthathappen Sun 14-Apr-13 20:42:45

Scrazy Maybe you needed to see him one more time to finally lay it to rest.

Well done Lubey You are free envy

SP Enjoy your Grease grin

I don't cry much since the menopause. Yay!

WarmFuzzyFun Sun 14-Apr-13 21:04:35

Cried three times today. Very similar to my twin up thread and for similar reasons I suspect too.

I am feeling better, just in time for work.

TweedWasSoLastYear Sun 14-Apr-13 21:12:32

I cry every time I watch the James Blunt video to " Carry you home "
Dont know why as I don't know any soldiers , but its like a reflex action.

I think it can be cathartic and almost uplifting as well.

Scrazy Sun 14-Apr-13 21:32:23

Hmm, not sure I will going on a date with the new guy after all as I haven't heard anything. Now it looks like I'm back to square one with men as I really carn't face OD again. Oh well what will be will be.

KinNora Sun 14-Apr-13 21:33:21

I'd cry if I had to watch a James Blunt video too, possibly not for the same reasons though Tweed

Yay twinny WFF ! Very, very rarely cry in work, sometimes have to do a 'fast blink' and turn away but for someone quite so emotionally incontinent I do quite well.

I'm thinking about sending a saucy text to Showbiz, for god's sake someone talk me out of it.

Snapespeare Sun 14-Apr-13 21:36:02

Text showbiz NOW

Sorry, I think that isn't quite what you wanted...

Flipper924 Sun 14-Apr-13 21:50:54

I'm with Snape, Nora. Text now.

I'm like the twins when it comes to crying. I'd never looked at as being related to work, but that makes a lot of sense.

Pom and SP, your Saturday nights sound good, hope you got your KFC in the end.

Hello to everyone else!

KinNora Sun 14-Apr-13 21:58:22

Hahahahaha, I think he's napping, the poor old fella.


KirstyWirsty Sun 14-Apr-13 22:01:13

Nora just text him (snape is always right)

Juliette shame about the date .. Next !!

lubey you still rock .. There are just days when you get the blues .. And the giving up probably exacerbates it

Signed up for POF .. Got a message from the first guy I went on an OD date with .. He was nice but no spark .. He asked me out again but said no

Got a date with a 44 year old sales director on Thursday .. He didn't ask for my email or phone no and will message me through the site on Wednesday .. Different anyway instead of instantly wanting to exchange numbers

KirstyWirsty Sun 14-Apr-13 22:01:49

flipper what's happening with you?

Flipper924 Sun 14-Apr-13 22:30:54

Hi, Kirsty, not much happening here. Was chatting to a nice looking guy on OKC yesterday, but only really dabbling until I feel up to relaunching myself.

Hope you had a great holiday, in spite of injuries and washing, it must have been nice to see the sun again!

48howdidthathappen Mon 15-Apr-13 08:16:10

OWW So when is your next date with one of your engineers?

Flipper No KFC but GoodLooking said he would have brought me one but didn't want to ask for my address incase I thought he was some nutter. Be was lucky as if he did Id have married him right there and then grin

Feel better this morning! Must have been the grease last night. Just having a pizza breakfast with the toddler

lubeybooby Mon 15-Apr-13 08:45:57

Thanks everyone

I feel MUCH better again today. Must finally have all the nicotine gone vanished and vanquished and vamooshed! I knew there was a reason sticking with it through the last dying gasp of nicotine was worth it(and not giving in to nicotine replacement) The reason is today - really properly being free of it! No addiction, No withdrawal. AMAZING!

I must add, that even when RAGING and about to fire people, and even when sobbing out of nowhere, at no point was I unhappy about my choice or wanting to go back to it. Oh no.

I still have all that energy... soooooooo much energy! I also have actual spare time now too now god knows how much time isn't taken up with smoking.

My (really fucking annoying) smokers cough is completely gone... amazing after only a week.

I have saved over £100 (good job too because I still haven't paid my rent... fuuuuuuuucks saaaake)

Happy happy meeeeeeee

Lubey congratulations, you've done it! flowers

Kirsty are you able to walk around ok with your toe? It sounds really painful

I'm still talking to nice man in Dutchland, we're going to Skype at some point so I can see what he really looks like.

MirandaWest Mon 15-Apr-13 13:06:51

Hello again thread. Have come up for air (did get up occasionally during the weekend blush) and now have empty house as DC at school and I have done today's marking.

Managed to have the meeting of Mr Nice and XH this morning which was slightly amusing (XH bringing DC back here before school and Mr Nice was still here). XH was his usual smiling charismatic self which it just took me a long time to see through....

lubeybooby Mon 15-Apr-13 13:42:03

Very quiet here today!

Juliette - thank you flowers I have indeed. All still fine feeling very good no hint of withdrawal at all.

I have re-started my diet today too. I will not be fat OR a smoker.

Taking some time out of dating, looking after myself, and the general confidence and well being it induced brought me the lovely BC last time, so I hope my new efforts have the same effect (or better!) grin

Yep you heard it here first folks. This is lubes officially on the sofa with another grand self improvement and fulfillment confidence growing/nurturing plan. I suppose I am now dating myself as I originally planned to when BC moved!

Jesus christ I'm gonna need a lot of batteries.

Scrazy Mon 15-Apr-13 14:08:25

Hi, Lubey time out isn't necessarily a bad thing. I like having a bit of me time and forgetting about men for a while.

Spoke too soon last night and am still in touch with new guy. I am determined to go out on this date.

lubeybooby Mon 15-Apr-13 15:52:25

No it's def not a bad thing. I took six months out before and the result was those fantastic RL dates with BC grin

I have got a few friends to sponsor me to stay quit AND get the weight off

I am soooo gonna do this! The challenge is ON! grin

MirandaWest Mon 15-Apr-13 16:47:31

You are going to do it all I can tell grin

KirstyWirsty Mon 15-Apr-13 16:58:43

juliette and flipper toe isn't sore at all now the nail has been removed

Hello to everyone else

KinNora Mon 15-Apr-13 18:05:42

Hello everybody, what a joy to be back at work after two weeks off.

Lubey you sound ready for just about anything, I'm really pleased it's all going so well.

Kirsty you have my toe nail sympathy, hurty.

Juliette Skypeing the Dutch chappy, fingers crossed he's funny and gorgeous.

Ike whatchoo up to ?

Velvet - hello chuck !

OWW any more recruits to the great army of engineers ?

WFF when's your interview, Twinny ?

I've been liked on okc by some bloke who says he's a reformed armed robber -smashing ! Also chatting to a reasonably amusing scientist on Match ( I know, whatever next ) and a funny writer on okc. Just told Showbiz to flirt with me, let's see what he can come up with.

(Lame eye compliment is the answer to that one)

ike1 Mon 15-Apr-13 18:10:25

Hello folklets! Do I sense a hint of sarcasm there Kin? Been kinda hangin' and trying to do col work. May have a date with an ippy who is into biofeedback and polyamory...losing touch with reality now obvs...hahaha

Ike snort, I suspected the Herbalist was your intro into you finding your hippy dippy crystal weaving side. How would you feel about polyamory?

ike1 Mon 15-Apr-13 18:23:13

I would feel like a dose of polyamory as much as I fancy a dose of the clap at the mo Jules!! He sounds like a fun guy so I might meet for a drink or summat!

KinNora Mon 15-Apr-13 18:23:28

I resent that, no I was not being sarcastic, Ike ! I was like genuinely missing you and everything.

<hurt face>

ike1 Mon 15-Apr-13 18:28:14 mean...about the 'joy' of being back in work....'course you missed me!!!....

ike1 Mon 15-Apr-13 18:42:49

.....and of course I missed all of you guys <benevolent face> feeling quite loved today in general...went into col and the (male and female) guys were flocking around loving me up! So that was great...
now an ippy in t'internet wants to show me his biofeedback kit! The lines must be a-lined today!!

KinNora Mon 15-Apr-13 18:46:37

Well that's alright then. Wouldn't be the same on here without you and the weird blokes you attract

Showbiz has stepped up the text flirting. Cough. Distracting.

Ike wtaf is a biofeedback kit. I take it it's not a euphemism?

KinNora Mon 15-Apr-13 18:48:39

Feelin' the love, Ikester

ike1 Mon 15-Apr-13 19:19:15

Ooooh is he getting in touch with his filthy side 'speshally for you Kin? Jule...who the heck knows what a bio feedback kit has in it ...but as long as there is no Angel Delight I might allow him to show me...

KinNora Mon 15-Apr-13 19:24:43

He's telling me how he's going to lift my hair and gently kiss down my neck and along my shoulders. He thinks I'm a laydeeeeeee

I had to google biofeedback kit, it's an aid to relaxation, and not special 'gentleman's' relaxation at that.

ike1 Mon 15-Apr-13 19:37:08

Yeah...Kin summat like that..oh gawd...I do attract em. That sounds quite pleasant Kin....quite sensual as opposed to duuuuuurty...

KinNora Mon 15-Apr-13 19:44:40

I think it might be like those things where the more successfully you slow your heartbeat, you can transform a fish into an angel on a computer screen.

Or that might just be a weird dream I've had.

( he doesn't know that I turn into a raging nympho if my neck's kissed )

MsCellophane Mon 15-Apr-13 21:14:06

I had a successful date today - successful as he had teeth, was polite and pleasant and nice looking

Little bit shorter than stated but that's ok as still taller than me. Spends his whole life in a car and hotels (but has huge expense account)

Older than I'm used too but lovely face and manner. Will see if we manage date two before I rule it totally successful but as a date, it was very pleasant

KinNora Mon 15-Apr-13 21:21:29

Would you like a dating high five MsC ? That sounds like a qualified success.

WarmFuzzyFun Mon 15-Apr-13 21:30:13

Lubey, you sound so capable. Well done for beginning to make the changes you want. With OD sometimes it is good to press pause. Think I want someone to sponsor me to lose weight and in my case drink wine, any takers? When’s the planned relaunch? I have one tentatively planned for later this year, if and when, IYKWIM wink (Got to get some spectacular photos first though, have already rewritten my profile in readiness!)

Scrazy, new guy eh?

Hey Kin. I may have to hand you the dating baton at the rate you’re going, and then you might like to go for your grade 3 Jezebel badge?hmm Showbiz, might be a bodice ripper wink
Ike, It’s been a while. smile

MsC, very pleasant is very good grin. A man with potential, fingers crossed.

<waves to thread>

I am semi sofa, semi lurking, and trying to stay fully chilled. All is well…for now…

ike1 Mon 15-Apr-13 21:42:02

apparently this geezer is into neotantra...yawn...Sting territory then...helloooo the hell are ya!

WarmFuzzyFun Mon 15-Apr-13 21:47:38

Hey Ike! I am good, so I'm told grin. And you? Which sites are you on, if any?

Have you been following the thread? We've had some times, some good and some not so good, but we are pressing on.

WarmFuzzyFun Mon 15-Apr-13 21:51:20

Although I sometimes miss my 'mail a man a day' challenge...<WFF, looks wistful>

KirstyWirsty Mon 15-Apr-13 21:59:59

MsC .. How much shorter was he? I've been messaged by a guy who says he is 5'7" .. Like your bloke seems great otherwise

How does the Jezebel rating work?

MsC pleasant is good grin

Ike neotantra? just when you think it's safe to go back in there...

ike1 Mon 15-Apr-13 22:27:30

I know Jule....WFF ...its OKCupid for my sins they are mostly poly/bi/dom/ sub..on there it seems at times. Yes I have been kinda keeping up to date with goings feeling a bit reflective too since The Herb scenario so as well as col....I suppose I have just not had much to say (bloody hell..that IS unusual!!Checks temp...)

WarmFuzzyFun Mon 15-Apr-13 22:34:26

Have just Google 'neotantra' ...shock How'd he slip that into the conversation?

Ike pack a flask and sandwiches, not only does it go on for a long time Wikipedia says there is an instructional video to watch confused

ike1 Mon 15-Apr-13 22:39:53

oh its on his profile along with all sorts of other hippy dippy shit and his cunnilinguistic! Seems like quite a sweet guy though...

ike1 Mon 15-Apr-13 22:41:30

Oh Christ....I am really a strictly mish kinda gal and the quicker the better too what with my propensity towards cystitis and thrush.....

ike1 Mon 15-Apr-13 22:42:53

God knows what chaffing might occur...

KinNora Mon 15-Apr-13 22:46:07

I always get the feeling that tantric sex would be a bit dull, you'd be arsing about for a couple of hours doing all that breathing stuff, secretly thinking ' Get a bloody move on, I want cod and chips and BGT's on in fifteen minutes '

ike1 Mon 15-Apr-13 22:47:38

That's it Kin ....exactly....let's cut to the chase....go for gold and have a nice cuppa...

KinNora Mon 15-Apr-13 22:53:14

Poor old Trudy Styler, no wonder she always looks a bit miserable, she's had that lute playing twonk rutting away at her for hours.

ike1 Mon 15-Apr-13 22:56:13

yeah they absolutely deserve each other those two, really!

KinNora Mon 15-Apr-13 22:58:55
VelvetSpoon Mon 15-Apr-13 23:03:39

Kin speaking from personal experience with a alleged tantra-ist, it was mind-numbingly dull. I mentally wrote whole shopping lists, planned my packing for holidays etc. At certain points I thought it might actually go on forever (and not in a good way!)

KinNora Mon 15-Apr-13 23:10:02

I think there's a school of thought, for some men, Velvet, that going on for longer equates to being sexually skilful, whereas in fact it just gets a bit tedious after a while, I have occasionally thought ' will you just stop mucking about and get on with it ' - ah the heady romance of it all.

VelvetSpoon Mon 15-Apr-13 23:45:53

Kin that sounds about right. He was in his mid-40s (I was mid-20s at the time). I did think that he should've made more effort but with hindsight he probably was.

Scary thought that he is in his 60s now...I doubt his technique has improved!

StellaBrillante Tue 16-Apr-13 08:02:21

Good morning thread! <wave>

My closest friends don't have children so I thought you'd be the best people to ask what I should do: date 7 with Mr Coach on Wednesday and his team are playing their biggest game to date on Sunday. He's put two tickets aside for me for that one but ds and two of his mates, all of whom love & play rugby, want to go to it. Pretty much no chance of meeting / introductions but times when I've gone, I've bumped into Mr Coach's boss and colleagues - all very nice to me, etc - and it feels weird... I am concerned about bringing the most important part of my life into this (ok, it's just a game!) but also people making assumptions about me being overly keen or us being 'serious' based on the fact that I've brought ds to the game... am I making any sense at all?

I already felt quite uncomfortable having coffee with Mr Coach and his peers / team after my lecture yesterday... I still haven't worked out whether it's due to him bringing me into his social and work circle or me worried about my own reputation when it was him texting me asking me to come down and say 'hello' before going home...

Have a great day everyone!!! xx

Scrazy Tue 16-Apr-13 09:28:08

Quick answer Stella. How you feel is important, if you feel he is rushing you into a full blown relationship and you are not ready then don't keep doing everything he is asking. It might be that you are not ready or it might be that you are not that keen and he is.

If you were keen you might be delighted that he is including you and DS. Maybe someone else will have better advice. I don't have DC's anymore but was never shy of including them if I met someone I liked, mainly because I wouldn't have had chance to build a relationship up any other way. I don't think she has be scarred grin.

boyfromipinema Tue 16-Apr-13 09:57:07

Were none of you mumsnetters tempted by my looking for a date thread?
I was totally underwhelmed by the response.
Perhaps I didn't sell myself well enough.
Perhaps I won't mention the seven kids by different mums next time.

Stella if you don't feel comfortable, you don't.

A bit concerned you feel you need to worry about your reputation, is this an inbuilt thing to do with being a naice girl/watching too many US college movies or something to do with not feeling particularly 'secure' that he is on the level?

Do just what you want to do, fwiw I don't think his colleagues would think anything at all, thit's not going to be their focus, they are there for the game.

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 10:39:59

Hello everyone! A couple of quiet days from me due to being busy with children and work, but I've been lurking and reading when I've had a moment.

Well done Lubey - looks like you have well and truly cracked it. Fantastic stuff.

Stella if you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. There's no need to rush things and if you don't want to be part of his wider life at the moment then that's fine.

Ike you are getting some real hippy types at the moment. Not sure if I would meet this one, the tantric stuff would put me off a bit.

Nora how's the Showbiz texting going? I quite like him from your descriptions. How are you feeling about him now?

Well, I have one engineer fewer. This one was being a real pest, angling towards sex talk but I wasn't going to do it with some random off the internet and logged off. Then the next morning I woke up to a text from him apologising for his message and saying he was a bit drunk when he wrote it but just being honest. I thought it would be a load of pervy nonsense but actually it was a bit of a rant calling me conventional and boring, too encumbered with responsibilities and he couldn't see it going anywhere. Charming. As if I am going to want things to go anywhere with someone who starts name calling and abuse when he's drunk or doesn't get his own way. Narrow escape there I think but glad he showed his true colours.

In danger of needing CrashCarp with regard to MrIndie who on paper is very much my cup of tea (and me his). We write lovely long messages to each other, seem to have a fair bit in common and a similar set-up with regard to work and children, which is good, as he understands that I need to plan things a bit and can't do all the spontaneous weekend away stuff that other people can. He wants to meet! Hooray!! It is so easy to get a little bit carried away sometimes so meeting soon would be good. But he could really be a possibility. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Not very excited about pending date with Rick (Thursday) but will go - you never know!

Still chatting with the Italian who is back in Italy next week, might actually meet up with him when he's back here if things don't click with the other ones.

48howdidthathappen Tue 16-Apr-13 10:45:20

My car broke down again this morning. Damn thing angry

Managed to get it to my mechanic. He is going to give me a lesson on water and oil levels blush

Fingers crossed I get it back today. No work/money without it.

Hi everyone! After my divorce last November I'm ready to jump back into it all. I'm bored as hell! And seeing as the divorce was at my instigation after two years of dithering I'm not having the super long mourning period.

A friend I mine convinced me to sign up for Plenty of Fish two days ago. Being a plump (that's kind) almost forth year old woman I've been surprised at how many men I'm getting interest from. Never having done Internet dating before, I'm quite skeptical that it's just of the "let's hook up" variety of interest. Although I'm messaging with one man who seems real and we have a lot in common. We'll see how it goes if we meet.

Ah well. I don't have many people to talk about this with, and I suddenly remembered this thread and thought I must join it!


48howdidthathappen Tue 16-Apr-13 10:52:09

MrIndie sounds a real possibilty OWW everything crossed for you smile

Yes you might as well meet Rick. Lucky escape from the other wanker.

OWW the mere mention of Rick, the gift that keeps on giving. In my head already grin

What a total knobber other engineer was, how dare he. Good he revealed himself early, were there any other signs before that? Twat. Onwards to Mr Indie

Welcome Raffaella have you checked out 'the rules' at the beginning of the thread? very helpful smile

I had my first long, long Skype (messaging only) with Dutch last night, his personality and sense of humour is coming out more now. All good. I really want to see what he looks like on cam now.

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 11:44:47

48 hope your car gets well soon.

Welcome Rafaella! The rules are really helpful but I am not good at keeping to all of them, especially the investing too soon. This thread is great for just chatting, letting off steam, getting advice and loads of brilliant support.

Juliette ooh sounds good with Dutch! But what are you going to do if you really like him? I jib at anything more than twenty miles or so away so you're playing in a different league here.

KnobberEngineer had seemed okay beforehand, maybe a little brusque sometimes but it can be easy to misinterpret tone when you're messaging and texting. So glad he outed himself before it went any further.

I do like MrIndie, he is ticking a lot of boxes for me, and he likes me too. I am stopping myself here from typing a load of stuff about him in a silly teenagerish fashion.

Morning all!

Still talking to GoodLooking. In fact I met him for a few minutes last night. He was at a friends round the corner and he met me in street with a few cigs as I was gagging blush

He is in fact as good looking in real life as in pictures! No awkwardness as we spoke and think might be seeing him tonight depending on if my toddlers dad has him. grin

Still getting strange messages from strange men. No decent messages at all fir past couple of days.

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 11:49:17

Glad he didn't disappoint SP!

OWW I don't know what I'll do if we do hit it off. I know the pitfalls of ldr and don't want that. I would not consider going to live in Dutchland, nice people can't make up for a place that's cold and flat. He is planning to go live on his boat, and wants to share that with forever woman. It would have been my dream a few years ago, but now I like my satellite tv comforts.

Bant Tue 16-Apr-13 13:01:38

Seeing Buffy tonight now I'm back in (different) foreign parts.

So Indie isn't an engineer OWW?

Juliette - good news on Dutch

SP - sounds good with GoodLooking too..

Hi Rafaella, welcome to the thread. POF is a trial by fire but has worked for some people. Of free sites I prefer in terms of finding people with more in common (as you get to answer lots of questions and see how other people answered them)

But be prepared. People vanish, turn out to be married, or ugly, or short, or boring, or very nice but no spark - but then some turn out to be fantastic.

Oh and the loo update when you're on a date is now pretty much mandatory smile

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 13:03:45

Is this a canal barge type boat Juliette and so confined to the waterways of Holland, or something that could find its way to a marina near you?

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 13:05:34

Bant silly question - he's an engineer too but a better class of engineer.

Hope you have a good time tonight with Buffy.

splishsplosh Tue 16-Apr-13 13:25:10

OWW - have you set a day to meet up with MrIndie? I hope he turns out to be as nice as he seems so far.

I thought I'd message someone on OKC who is apparently a 95% match. Started off well, and we were trying to organise a date this weekend, but ended less well when wanted me to share my "naughty thoughts" with him and suggested a spanking if I kept him waiting for the reply!

Might have a date with MrShort - supposed to be same height as me, so I hope he's not being optimistic with it.

lubeybooby Tue 16-Apr-13 13:37:30

So, what do engineers actually do?

I mean, I know roughly but they can't all be the same.

OWW grin @ a better class of engineer. All the engineers I've known though have been quite posh... hence the question about what they actually do and the differences etc.

lubeybooby Tue 16-Apr-13 13:40:27

oh oh oh and thank you everyone.

I'm doing spectacularly well on both non smoking and healthy eating fronts today. <polishes halo>

I have got some friends to sponsor me and now I am a woman on a total mission... making it public means there's no way out now. I like it. I like having no choice. It's about time I had this kind of amazing motivation!

3lb gone since last week, 47lb left to shed! Should be there by oct/nov I hope.

lubeybooby Tue 16-Apr-13 13:47:58

oh and I just remembered something. Last time i managed to pull off the miracle of stopping smoking AND losing weight, it was not long before the big bad break up. I had been doing it because he was a truly spectacular man, gorgeous, fit, astonishingly educated... I wanted to be the me he deserved.

Now I want to be the me I deserve.

I deserve my health and fitness and to be at the peak of where I can be for my age. And I'm damn well going to have it. I deserve to be as gorgeous as I possibly can and while I'll still be very curvy 47lb down, I will no longer be fat or have fatness impinging on my gorgeousness! grin

I deserve to be able to take up my hobby of hillwalking and mountain climbing again and I'm bloody well going to do that too.

I think although I did ok, I got pretty lost in the fug and aftermath of the big bad break up. Then BC buggering off didn't help either. Well fuck the lot of em because I'm number one on my agenda (again)

AND I'm doing up my house and garden (well, will be soon as the funds are in)

And... only joking. that's it now grin

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 14:04:01

Splish I am going to message Indie tonight and tell him I would like to meet up and then hopefully we will get something arranged soon. (Sunday I hope but might not be a good day as I could be a little hung over).

Lubey you're not mixing with the same engineers as I am then! Consulting engineers tend to be a bit posher I suppose but they are often quite down-to-earth chaps. I spend a lot of my working life in the company of engineers - my in-depth knowledge of the breed is not just gained from farting about on PoF, honest. Indie is an engineering manager for a big site, Cakey is a manufacturing engineer, Knobber is a lift engineer, Italian is an aerospace engineer. There are also structural engineers, civil, mechanical, electrical, all sorts. It can be anything from on the tools to designing new roads and services for buildings so a real catch-all term and probably why there are so many of them about and all heading in my direction!

You sound like you are in a fantastic place at the moment. It's wonderful to see you so positive and confident.

Bant Tue 16-Apr-13 14:06:52

oh buggeration.

There is a certain general approach on dating sites, I've found. Men are usually the ones who send spam mails (hey hun, howz u, all that stuff). More successful is the approach where I see a woman who looks and sounds interesting, attractive, not too specific in terms of requirements (e.g. must have brown hair, blue eyes, love cats, no children etc) and I send an email mentioning something in her profile. Hopefully something witty, charming or at least interesting enough for her to take a look at me and see if she's interested in chatting a bit.

It is rare though, that an interesting and attractive woman will contact me first - either by winking or messaging. It's happened a couple of times, but usually 9/10 of the women who wink or message me first are just not my cup of tea. I've gone on dates with a couple of the less attractive ones in the hope they're just unphotogenic, but that hasn't proved to be the case so far.

Now, though, I've worked out how to use a combination of the app for my phone and the website so I can see who is winking at me. One will tell me who winked but won't let me see their details, the other won't tell me who it was but will let me look at anyone. So I can now see that an attractive. Sorry. A Very attractive interpreter, 2 years younger than me, who sounds witty from her profile, has just winked at me.

So.. Problems.
Do I subscribe just to see if she's actually interesting? 25 quid a month is a bit much when OKC vaguely works for free.
One of her photos is of her wearing a bikini. She has a 6 pack. I have 2 6 packs at the moment due to the prevalence of fried food in hungaria and lots of dinner in hotels.
She is, I would say, a 9.5 out of 10. As I've said previously, I'm probably a 7 and a half. I can be amusing, interesting and am obviously amazing in bed, but it's weird to go into a possible date thinking she's out of my league before I get there. Then again, maybe that's what causes the butterflies, for me, being shallow like that.

And there is Buffy. There is no future in Buffy and we haven't talked much about exclusivity or anything because of that.
I wouldn't want to go behind her back (no jokes please) but I'm not comfortable seeing someone else on the quiet either.
Hmm. long post. Sorry.

Changing GoodLookings name to Sparky as its shorter and he's an electrician.

Anyways the toddler is going to his dads so I will be meeting Sparky tonight! Just deciding what to do.

I've been baking since yesterday and have 35 buns and a cake to get through!

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 14:22:51

Bant can you wink back without subscribing to see if this galvanises her into messaging? (Although if it were me I'd be expecting a message back rather than a winking rally). Are there any special offers around at the moment for Match subscriptions or three-day trials or anything? In context I suppose £25 is a good night out, so it just depends on whether you think it's worth it or not.

About the attractiveness - well, she wouldn't have winked unless there was something about you that she liked.

I think the stuff about Buffy is a red herring. You're a long way from seeing anyone behind her back. All you're doing here is talking about whether or not to sign up to a site to message someone you might possibly end up having a date with . . .

Pomegranatenoir Tue 16-Apr-13 14:25:43

Bant have you got an iPhone? If so you can pay 4.99 for a weeks app use

Bant Tue 16-Apr-13 14:39:19

good point Pom - that's far better than the 25 quid which auto-renews each month if I forget to cancel.

OWW - good points on both the attractiveness and herrings.

lubeybooby Tue 16-Apr-13 14:40:02

OWW right I see... flippin eck. I had no idea it was that catch all.

The two posh engineers I've known, I don't know exactly what they did but they were both extraordinarily good at maths, well spoken and wore suits a lot. and seemed to have a LOT of money.

One of them helped me with some of the maths in my open uni first compulsory module. All ten to the power of minus 52 and all that kind of level (all of which I've now forgotten again)

and yes it is a fantastic 'place' to be at. I had a mini sort of phase like this early last year but it was only weightloss and generally looking after myself.. nothing on the scale of this sudden task

I am loving it though! I truly am free of the ridiculousness of nicotine now too. Barely even think about it now all the withdrawal is gone.

Oh... forgot... dating wise I might not be completely on the sofa... rather I've just completely given up with OD (no time, cba, etc)

But like last time I did the looking after myself self improvement thing I'm still open to RL happenings. I have a big night out with happening this coming weekend so who knows what might happen from that. I have vowed to go to at least one meetup event every two months and stop being a hermit!

Bant I would go for it. Buffy has mentioned to you that she will be seeing (or seeing to) other people on her various travels. If you really feel bad then have a proper conversation with her about it?

MirandaWest Tue 16-Apr-13 15:49:44

Good afternoon smile

I think my DS would make a good engineer (not quite sure why but think some type of it might suit him. He is only 9 though so don't need to worry just yet).

Have been tidying out the garage which has been an ongoing thing I gave been avoiding for nearly 3 years (ie when we moved in) and more so for the past 2 years (when XH left). There are many books belonging to him some of which haven't gone mouldy. Plus his nice digital SLR camera which I will give back to him. I need to keep making myself do stuff I think - one day I will have the house the way I want it and then the landlord will want it back. Just paid 6 months rent so ok for a while smile

Is lovely and sunny but v windy. Kept nearly getting blown away at the tip grin.

MirandaWest Tue 16-Apr-13 15:51:51

Talked to Mr Nice about sometimes staying here when the DC are here as well and he made favourable noises smile We talked about lots of other stuff too which was good. Am also thinking about applying for a real job ie something where you go there every day which feels a little outside my comfort zone but you don't know until you try do you?

Scrazy Tue 16-Apr-13 16:17:45

Bant, make sure it looks like a real profile before you pay up. Didn't someone say that match sent winks from fakes to make you sign up again.

Secretservice Tue 16-Apr-13 17:06:20

Sorry if a I seem like a bad weather friend to the thread, but I'm a very faithful camp follower! Just wanted to share my rubbish past week on OD.

I finally called a halt to OD1 which those of you with really good memories will recall was Car Man. Light bulb went off when I realised we we were echoing my defunct marriage, him promising better times, more fun when he got his own place or the weather was warmer! Four months on and still meeting once a week for luke warm Coffee (I know the euphemism has moved on grin)

In the meantime OD2 appeared. Spent ages chatting, but couldn't sort a meet for about three weeks, but messages and later texts pretty much every day. Met finally and had a great evening. Lots of chat, subtle touching, and a great snog. Met a week later, even better time. More invigorating conversation than in all four months with Car Man. Even better snog and a touch more blush Left feeling it could be great.

Then Silence. Nothing at all since Thursday sad

Bruised but undaunted went back to OKC - where I happened to notice OD2 was online, but no matter - started chatting to mystery man who had messaged me but with no pic. Long string of interesting, witty banter, until I ask about lack of pic. Fucker's married, but 'only at weekends'! angry

Oh, and I also got a POF message this morning from someone I chatted with briefly when I first joined up, saying 'I still want to fuck you'. Which is nice!

So there we have Secret's sensational online successes. Pah!!

Bant Tue 16-Apr-13 17:15:41

ha! I just found a way around Matches security algorithm. I can see everyone who viewed and winked at me rather than fuzzy images smile

ho hum.

KirstyWirsty Tue 16-Apr-13 17:30:23

That good bant ???

Bant what Pom said. Is she really that much out of your league? if so, eyes open as you are (even more of) a catch in Hungaria. Or, she could just not be worried about any of that and genuinely wants to practice her English skills grin

With regard to Buffy, its just a matter of timing now.

Secret that's pants, the whole OD thing does seem to be all or nothing sometimes. Are you ok?

OWW it's a yacht, with actual sails. I do like being at sea, but I think months at a time would get a bit much.

Lubey what you wrote about being the you, you deserve, spot on grin That's exactly why I'm doing my fitness thing with my Personal Trainer. I just signed up again for another 12 weeks today, plenty of other things need doing but my fitness is worth every penny and by July I will look and feel amazing.

Secretservice Tue 16-Apr-13 18:06:47

I'm ok, thanks juliette just a bit bleh! Not helped by Lubey's posts as my nicotine rate has shot up along with my alcohol intake. Wish I could hers and your attitude inside me! Not forgetting all the bounce-backers on here smile

I suspect OD has become a distraction from a shit RL and maybe I should tackle all that first, but it all seems insurmountable at the momentsad

But as my dad always used to say worse things happen at sea!

Secret I'm about to sail off into a fantasy sunset with a man I've never met, do hope not grin

Pomegranatenoir Tue 16-Apr-13 18:30:06

secret I'm the same using od as a distraction. Having a night out and chatting to people in rl has had an amazing effect on me. Feel so much happier! Could you try that? Od is not for the feint hearted. It's success is dependant on so many factors. It's hard but can be worth it if you meet someone special. Good luck with everything - I have found tackling things in little bite sized chunks the best approach for me

Secretservice Tue 16-Apr-13 18:37:40

Ah, but at least you know it's fantasy Juliette but I was thinking more in terms of your trainer, and the ability to channel Cheryl Cole, without sounding a knob!

Thanks Pom. I do get the odd night out, but its with work colleagues I've know for years and all that happens is we get very drunk! And the only way bite size is going to work is if I can work out how to dislocate my jaw and take STBXH's head off!

lubeybooby Tue 16-Apr-13 18:58:59

Secretservice... read the PDF and keep smoking while you do so...

PDF version of the popular book. It really helped me so much.

While i didn't follow his advice to the letter (I used NRT just as a buffer for the first few days) everything else is 100% true and WORKS

Smoking itself is what causes 90% of your stress... when you start withdrawing from it (soon as you put one out) the stress starts til you light one again. Smokers never know what it is to be truly relaxed as they are always either smoking or suffering withdrawal and waiting to light up again.

Soooo much more to it than that though obviously... but seriously read it.

Secretservice Tue 16-Apr-13 19:13:56

The link's not work for me Lubey

I can go days without smoking, but once I start ut's like I have to top up my nicotine levels again - like the starvation theory of dieting. I seem to have convinced myself, smoking is the only thing that's mine. The whole family disapproves, particularly the kids, and there's a part of me that smokes just to keep something all to myself! Well it makes sense to me blush

lubeybooby Tue 16-Apr-13 19:58:24
Secretservice Tue 16-Apr-13 20:04:03

Got it! Thanks Lubey.

I hope it's just coincidence that it's so quiet on here on the day I choose to whine! Sorry, I'll go now. You can all come out of hiding!

lubeybooby Tue 16-Apr-13 20:15:05

I'm sure it is a coincidence... it's been randomly quiet on and off for a few days now.

I've just finally managed to get an invoice paid that's been owed to me since November... yay

dare I say I might be getting somewhere (again... long as nothing else upsets the applecart!)


Movingforward123 Tue 16-Apr-13 20:24:48

Hey everyone grin I havnt been on the thread for a few days as I was busy completing course work!

Well listen to this! I was chatting with a new guy (the one that said he wanted to spend the day flirting with me) and told him I was in a good mood as I was so close to finishing my college work! He replied saying your a bit old for course work arnt you? God that has really put me off! What a backwards attitude to have that adults shouldn't study!

I can't believe someone would have an attitude like that shock

48howdidthathappen Tue 16-Apr-13 20:56:10

Just had a chat on the phone to Mr R&R. He asked me to go away with him to Tarbert in Scotland for a week smile His father has a flat there (news to me) right on the harbour. His family are from the area, so he has been many times.

I have always wanted to visit Scotland. So said "yes please" grin

Going up 24th of May. Look out Scotland.

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 21:09:56

SS sorry to hear things aren't going too well at the moment. I use OD as a bit of a distraction as well sometimes, nothing wrong with that.

48 yay for holidays with Mr R&R!! This is just getting better and better. Have another envy

Moving well you can tell the kind of person that would have an attitude like that. Next please!

I think Rick (sorry Juliette) might be going to cancel on me for Thursday - he's just e-mailed to say he has to go down to London with work so could we make it later and I've replied saying are you sure you don't want to postpone with having such a heavy day. Hope he does, my heart really isn't in it. I might keep the babysitter and just go out and do something (not sure what, late night shopping maybe) unless I can get someone else to step in at short notice . . . Indie says I already sound like someone he could really get on with and he wants to meet, my sentiments exactly. Please stop me getting silly about this bloke before I have met him - I know already that I'm going to be doomed to disappointment and he will be a really nice man but with no spark there.

lubeybooby Tue 16-Apr-13 21:09:57

Oooh 48 you lucky thing grin

and moving yes i think that would wind me up too

what did you say back to him?

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 21:30:00

Nothing back from Rick so I am in limbo . . . Have messaged Indie and said I would like to meet him too. So, the wheels are set in motion!

48howdidthathappen Tue 16-Apr-13 21:31:00

OWW You know the rules. Keep your cool. Fingers crossed for a spark with Indie though smile

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 21:34:33

48 I am rubbish at rules. And cool.

J2Oforxmas Tue 16-Apr-13 21:52:02

Hello everyone, so besides pof which I've tried and is crap, what is a good dating site?
Don't mind parting with a few pounds, but can't afford to throw money away
I'm in south Wales, near Cardiff xThanks x

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 21:56:21

Hello J2O - it really does depend on your age group, what type of man you are after and whereabouts in the country you are. Being near a big city you should have a bit of choice, lucky thing. OkCupid is free and quite a few people like it but I never had any luck, hardly anyone from my area on it. Match has been known to throw up a couple of good ones and I know people on here have used Guardian Soulmates. I think a lot of the pay sites you can browse without signing up, so you can see if it might be worth your while.

I actually seem to get on best with PoF which I know is unusual, but if you filter your searches very carefully and are ruthless with who you speak to, it can have results. Especially if you're looking for an engineer, apparently.

MirandaWest Tue 16-Apr-13 21:58:00

Well done on the invoice from November lubey - I am chasing one of those as well. The work I've just done us for the same place so hoping they might pay them both together...

Garage is getting there but currently somewhat messy. More tidying tomorrow <fixes grin on face>.

Hopefully Rick will bail out OWW and maybe Indie could step in?

Am going dry slope skiing on Thursday with Mr Nice and his DS. It is probably a pity that the event will not be filmed as I think we oldies will be very rubbish grin

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 22:01:10

Well Miranda that was kind of my cunning plan . . . Your skiing sounds like great fun. Make sure you wear some thick trousers and gloves as it is quite prickly when you fall on it (and I know).

Secretservice Tue 16-Apr-13 22:05:09

Thanks OWW, I should have posted when I was getting all heated over the Disappearing man. I broke too many rules, particularly the investment and too much contact before meeting ones. Maybe I would feel less bruised now!

But on the positive side, it was definitely fun while it lasted and he really can't be the only one out there can he?

Very envy of Mr R&R

Movingforward123 Tue 16-Apr-13 22:07:37

I told him that people need to study to progress in life! And I told him that what he said came across as rude! He replied with someone is shirty confused then asked me what I'm doing

KinNora Tue 16-Apr-13 22:15:40

(Having a shitey old day so decided not to inflict my moany old gob on everyone )

But I am cathartically outraged by a man who's messaged me on okc tonight, and says you should message him if ' your cute, girly and affectionate'
'Cute and girly' ?!?! Is he a fucking lunatic ? I've eviscerated men for less than that.

Anyway, feeling better now, thanks Mr Moron.

thepatioislumpy Tue 16-Apr-13 22:18:23

Ok, so i'm about to dip my little toe into the murky waters of online dating. Any recommendations for sites?

Bant Tue 16-Apr-13 22:20:35

kin, I'd just reply with 'ditto' then block him

Buffy is very very fun. And the lifts here could really do with some oil.

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 22:21:26

Nora the 'your' wouldn't help his cause either . . .

Hello Patio - really depends on whereabouts you are etc. I posted about this earlier tonight about half a dozen posts up, but if you want to say whereabouts you are in the country there might be some local people on here who can give better recommendations. Good luck!

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 22:22:29

Sorry Nora hope you are okay, better day tomorrow. Is it work stuff? Horrible shock to the system being back after a break.

thepatioislumpy Tue 16-Apr-13 22:25:13

North Midlands/North West. Ish. smile

KinNora Tue 16-Apr-13 22:29:35

Oh no OWW the 'your' was the icing on the cake. My profile says contact me 'if you can spell and you're funny', clearly he didn't read it properly.

Shagging in the lifts again Bant ? you rascal wink

KinNora Tue 16-Apr-13 22:33:30

OWW no, not really, although work is monumentally shite, just the transition back into drudgery. Thanks for asking, chuck and fingers and toes crossed for Indie.

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 22:35:10

SS there will be many more out there that are better, sexy and fun and interesting but also not flaky, not unreliable and not crap. You'll find one of them soon, really you will.

Patio probably worth having a quick look through the kind of profiles on each site for your area, see which takes your fancy.

thepatioislumpy Tue 16-Apr-13 22:40:31

The problem is that I don't really know what sites arte out there! I have only heard of Pof and Match - one because its notorious and the other cos they advertise lots. What others should I try?

KinNora Tue 16-Apr-13 22:51:31

Hello Patio

Paid sites-
Match (meh for me but some people find it very good )
Guardian Soulmates ( a refuge for wankers )
Match Affinity ( most people hate it, it's been ok for me )
Assorted others like Uniform Dating ( I imagine it's Perv Central ) and e-harmony ( supposed to be useless )

Free Sites-
PoF ( Land of the Uninvited Cockshot )
OKC ( a lot of people think it's ok, I've not been on it for long enough to form an opinion )

I'm sure my esteemed threadmates will have more useful advice.

OhWesternWind Tue 16-Apr-13 22:52:02

There is OKCupid, Guardian Soulmates which might be okay if you are near Manchester or Sheffield or another big city. I've always got on fine with PoF - no rude pics or anything, just lots of engineers.

Secretservice Tue 16-Apr-13 22:53:41

Is that a dating thread, money back guarantee OWW? grin. I hope Indie turns out to be all those things too!

Patio I have found OkCupid entertaining, if nothing else, just watch out for those claiming to be 'available' rather than single! PoF has much more traffic, but needs a lot weeding out!

thepatioislumpy Tue 16-Apr-13 22:55:14

Ah ok. I will check a few out. There are some there I'e never heard of!

Secretservice Tue 16-Apr-13 22:57:47

And after six months on PoF I still await my first cockshot and have never once been contacted by an engineer! Chefs seem to be my speciality

kin was he a 24 yr old, looks about 12? One of them messaged me tonight with same request, maybe they've all read something in Nuts.

Another told me he was good looking and if I disagreed I was too picky.

The policeman has turned up again, player I think

I've been chatting to Dutch all night. We're doing webcam tomorrow afternoongrin. I may need the fish.

KirstyWirsty Tue 16-Apr-13 23:11:37

I have even messaging a 36 year old who works in logistics all evening .. Looks quite good .. Comes across well by message .. In a big hurry to meet so I am wondering if he is looking for a ONS ..hmm

nora I nearly spat my wine out!!

Snapespeare Tue 16-Apr-13 23:45:32

Oop. Just played 'love' at scrabble with nameless.

It was a double word score. I had no choice.

<general thread smooch>

MirandaWest Wed 17-Apr-13 00:23:06

What was his next word?

Snapespeare Wed 17-Apr-13 00:25:02

Still waiting. Gah.

Snapespeare Wed 17-Apr-13 00:36:31


sodding tripple letter on the 'x' resulting in 78 points. good jpb he's lovely. grin

i played 'devote'.

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 06:56:34

Yes he is 24 Juliette - supposedly a photographer, lives in Hampshire ( I think, geography not necessarily my strong point ) asks if I'd be interested in some 'fun' and that I'm a 'very beautiful woman' - gosh, little lad, you tell me that I'm beautiful and my knickers automatically fall off, I suppose we'll just have to have the sex now !

'Apex' - hats off to Nameless there.

Slightly disappointed not to have an email from Sheldon last night, an amusing man who is also a scientist, I luuuuurve scientists, we've been getting along swimmingly.
I appear to have re-woken Showbiz's libido, with ( and this is the kind of thing that makes it possible I might do him ) my 'minxy kisses' - I'm a sucker for a well turned phrase.

Have a lovely day, everyone.

48howdidthathappen Wed 17-Apr-13 07:29:04

Morning all.

Picked my car up last night. I appear to have let it almost run out of water blush

Mr R&R is doing a bit DIY at my field after work. Then back to his place grin

Have a good one.

Secretservice Wed 17-Apr-13 08:12:51

And my starter for 10 this morning: what is the correct reply to this little gem

xxx woww your so gorgeous so hot sexy babes

From a 42-year-old bleurk!

thepatioislumpy Wed 17-Apr-13 08:44:51

The only correct response would be boak xx

Disclaimer: I have not ever done OD so I might be wrong. But its what it makes me want to do.

Secretservice Wed 17-Apr-13 09:01:17

So it wouldn't make you go weak at the knees and all swoony then patio?

That must just be the virus I'm incubating then grin

You could almost forgive him if he was a young 'un but a man full grown really, really should no better!

OhWesternWind Wed 17-Apr-13 09:06:18

In my inbox this morning is a slightly creepy message "Hi do you ever go to the pub at X Village". Well, erm, yes I do, used to go a lot with LM and it was also where I had my date with the overly-keen veggie bloke. It could be a coincidence as it's a popular pub near to where I live but am getting slightly stalker-ish vibes.

Much more happily, inbox also contains another lovely message from Indie. I do like a man who can string together three or four witty and coherent paragraphs on a regular basis. Spelling is a little adrift on occasion but I am not being overly pedantic here. He's asking when I'm free over the weekend or next week, so we should be on before too long. Will avoid pub under surveillance.

Nothing from Rick confirming/postponing for tomorrow. Not sure what to do here.

Good response Patio - other alternative is just to ignore. We're off to a good start today SS!

Secretservice Wed 17-Apr-13 09:24:20

Oh, no OWW don't like the sound of that - poss stalker - Indie sounds lovely. I've just gone back thru Disappearing Man's messages, much longer than I thought - end of Feb he first made contact. And then 100s of multi-paragraphed messages all interesting, and just as important interested

I suppose there's two things from that 1) literate, witty men do still exist and 2) remember the 'Thou shalt not become over-invested' commandment' with the codicil he may still be a literate, witty knobber or a spark-free wet lettuce.

And not that you asked, but if it 'twas me I'd text Rick and say it's his last call, if you want to see him. If you're still not really bothered about him - and I for one would like Never Going to Give You Up bleached from my brain - just work on Indie and if Rick makes a comeback (god forbid) he'll just have to go to the back of the queue.

Secretservice Wed 17-Apr-13 09:26:57

Obviously I do know better blush

Scrazy Wed 17-Apr-13 09:27:11

Oww, if you haven't heard anything it's off, you don't need to worry about it.

Welcome to newbies. I think some of the oldies are jaded or have met someone and dropped off so good to see new enthusiastic posters grin.

Looks like my second date isn't going to happen, he seems to have dropped off too. At least I've got the ex back in my life, aren't I lucky? (sarcastic emotion). He is still hankering after a fwb arrangement. My sentiments are I'm nobodies fwb, grow up and if you don't like someone enough to make them your girlfriend, find someone you do. He still doesn't get it, he doesn't like being pressurised, poor lamb. I am OK staying in touch though (in case I get desperate).


Sparky was late finishing work so we ended up having a couple of drinks in the local pub. We get on very well. He apologised for been late and said to make it up to me hes taking me out Thursday night for a meal. So I'm seeing him again tomorrow night!

I'm currently waiting to find out what sex my friends baby is having. Shes text me to say had scan and everything fines with the baby and that she knows the sex but wont tell me yet!

kin it seems we are love rivals grin

OhWesternWind Wed 17-Apr-13 10:36:13

Well, situation with Rick is that he messaged last night (all via the site, haven't swapped phone numbers) to say he has to go down to London Thursday and could we meet an hour later than planned. I replied asking if he'd prefer to postpone as he was going to have a busy day that day, and that was the message that didn't get an answer, so it's a bit more complicated than him just not confirming. I guess I will see if he messages me tonight, which he'll have to do if he wants to meet up as we've not decided on the venue.

I am going to have to ask the stalker bloke why he's asked that question, I think, as it is just a bit odd and has got me feeling a bit strange. Or should I just ignore him?

SS such a shame about the disappearing man as he sounds really good (up to the point of disappearance). I find it so easy to get a bit carried away if I find someone I get on with well with messaging, triumph of hope over experience. Trying desperately not to do it again but I know I am/will! I think Indie might be getting a bit carried away as well - no rude stuff or anything like that but he has been saying how he looks forward to getting my messages and things like that.

Scrazy shame about second date bloke dropping off. I've had that happen more than once. I think your attitude to your ex is spot on.

SP all sounds good!

Juliette I can just picture you swanning about the Med on a yacht with Dutch. Hope the webcam thing goes well.

Secretservice Wed 17-Apr-13 11:38:58

Where's kin with the crash carp when you need her?

Having a real woe is me moment. He was lovely up to the disappearing OWW. He contacted while abroad, when I tried to cool a little in the early days by leaving it a couple of days to contact him, he messaged to say how disappointed he was, had he said something amiss.

I'm so tempted to get back in touch just to find out what happened, but he probably won't answer will he? God, I feel so pathetic and teary. What if it's me?

Gah. Thought I was stronger than this sad

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 11:53:52

Secret - here's the crash carp - bbbbbbbrrrrzzzzz - clear !

Juliette - shall we send him exactly the same message, word for word ? Imagine how much that would mess with his mind. Arf

OhWesternWind Wed 17-Apr-13 12:02:09

SS It's not you at all. I think there are some men out there that really like the messaging, flirting etc and see it as a confidence/ego boost that they can still attract a woman, but are scared of having anything approaching a relationship (even if that's what they say they want). It's crap, but I really think there are a fair number of them like that on dating sites. And even more who don't really want to get past the messaging stage and ever meet up.

I don't think he would reply, and you would probably feel worse if you messaged him and he just ignored it, but it's very difficult if you don't really know what happened and what went wrong. But really, what went wrong is something inside his head and nothing to do with you or anything you said or did.

Juliette and Nora - must have missed something. Are you messaging the same man????

VelvetSpoon Wed 17-Apr-13 12:38:44

Secret, what Western said. A lot of men on OD sites are not actually looking to meet, and the ones who are often don't want/ can't cope with relationships. Don't bother messaging him, you will either get no reply at all or a bullshit excuse speaks the voice of experience

48howdidthathappen Wed 17-Apr-13 13:10:30

Juliette and Kin you must grin

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 14:55:02

OWW it certainly sounds like we've been contacted by the same callow youth man, please let's send him word for word the same message, god it would make me laugh.

Kin I'm in grin

Secret you have to leave this one, what Western and Velvet said is absolutely correct.

Well I had (another) long chat with Dutch, he's great. He did look like his photos but he had 'chosen well'. He has great hair which he had just shaved off after loosing a bet so looked dramatically different. Getting a teensy bit excited. No need for the crash carp just yet but that time may come grin

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 16:43:04

Ooooh, Juliette that's really exciting !

Scrazy Wed 17-Apr-13 17:25:47

So Juliette, when can you meet, does he live abroad?

Yes he lives in Dutchland. Not sure what we will do about eeting up, very early days but we were both talking like it is going to happen, him blushing when he realised what he said and me babbling. I've done all this before and consciously decided to avoid doing it again but although this is slightly different no really I want to take it slowly if possible. Messaging live on skype it's very easy to be more open with someone when you are writing and can't see them. It can get very intense, I suppose because its a 'relationship' in a bubble.

lubeybooby Wed 17-Apr-13 18:05:01

A few interesting facts and figs here for daters - my sincere apologies for the daily fail link!

Secretservice Wed 17-Apr-13 18:24:11

The carp and your common sense saw me through, thank you all. flowers

Contacting him would indeed have been a needy, stupid thing to do. A long walk with the dog and a kitchen scrub down also helped to out things into perspective. His loss. Next!!

Maybe time to spring clean my profiles too, a new look for summer!

That early excitement, that trying to supress just makes worse in my case, is such a good feeling Juliette hope it lasts and grows into something more for you and Dutch

OWW did you hear anything more from Rick or the stalker yet?

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 19:03:37

Juliette, he's answered
'Aww sweet, so does that mean your interested?&#8203;'

<laughs hysterically>

ok he's just about to get more interest.. grin

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 19:17:59


Kin he messaged back

'Does that meant you're interested?' No 'Aww sweet' included.

He's not too bright, is he...

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 19:44:31

What d'you reckon our next step should be ?

OhWesternWind Wed 17-Apr-13 19:48:54

What are you saying to him?

Send the same message back at exactly the same time.

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 19:49:47

How about - ' Maybe ;-), I have an amateur interest in astronomy, what are your views on the current theories about pulsar formation ?'

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 19:52:41

OWW we each sent him a message saying how unique he made us feel ...

Bant Wed 17-Apr-13 19:53:25

Stop baiting people.. Poor bloke hasn't done anything wrong apart from a bit of poor spelling and grammar..

mercury7 Wed 17-Apr-13 19:56:07

dammit Lubey, why dya have to post the daily fail link I'm mesmerized by trashy sleb gossip confused

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 19:56:48

He has clearly decided to send precisely the same message to 40-something brunettes scattered throughout the south east Bant I think that merits a little poke.

mercury7 Wed 17-Apr-13 19:59:20

'However, 49per cent of men believe that practice of pre-screening is ' unacceptable.'

well, aint nuthin' they can do about it....

I'd always look somone up on the's just a no brainer to find out as much as poss before deciding whether to meet!

mercury7 Wed 17-Apr-13 20:00:38

Kin & Juliette, are we talking about a dutch guy??
I'm in the south east, pretty sure I had something from a dutch guy hmm

Bant Wed 17-Apr-13 20:01:39

Are the two of you not close by? I thought while a bit stupid, using the same generic mail to two women in the same town isn't pokeworthy

If you're miles away then go for it. Don't be cruel though.

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 20:06:32

No Bant I'm in North Hertfordshire, I think Juliette is a fair distance away, he's in Hampshire.

I'm incapable of being cruel, it's not in my nature ( slightly sarky from time to time, maybe )

Mercury no, he's in Hampshire.

Mercury I' talking to a Dutch guy, but that's not the one that Kin and I are taunting is English in the South East. How old is your Dutch guy? <gets out spreadsheet>

Bant he is clearly of the opinion that 40 something women are gagging for it. Identical messages asking for sex fun.

OhWesternWind Wed 17-Apr-13 20:07:51

Right, no date with Rick tomorrow, very polite bloke and he asked to rearrange for Friday or next Thursday (what's he up to in between then I wonder - he suggested Thursday this week as well. Probably childcare but it does make me a little bit suspicious when they are so clear on what days are okay).

Waiting for Indie to reply - will keep you posted.

Nothing from the weird stalker bloke, but I didn't message him back either, thought better of it. Will be avoiding that pub I think which is a shame as it's nice. Didn't think I was that noticeable!

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 20:10:39

To be fair, I am gagging for it.

mercury7 Wed 17-Apr-13 20:11:23

it's pretty common on dating sites, the younger guys who think women over 40 are 'low hanging fruit' hmm
I can spot them a mile off

It might have just been a profile view from the dutch bloke?

mercury7 Wed 17-Apr-13 20:12:44



yeah...thats really gonna help him pull confused grin

Winefiend Wed 17-Apr-13 20:14:38

I will second mercury's internet checking. Particularly, if you recall, my recent discovery that one of mine was not only (very likely) still on methadone and a drug dealer, but had also been Iin prison in Holland for stabbing someone.

I sure know how to pick em grin

OWW I have a Pavlovian reaction every time you mention Rick. Please meet him on Friday I'm in danger of Rick rolling strangers.

Bant he is blanket bombing for sex but being dishonest about it by making out he thinks we are special. He deserves all he gets for that, what if we were lonely and vulnerable and actually believed him? That is how some vulnerable women end up getting very hurt.

mercury7 Wed 17-Apr-13 20:17:13

us girls need to collaborate and compare notes to root out the players!!

Winefiend Wed 17-Apr-13 20:17:52

Jesus I think my back would give way if someone fucked me 'doggystyle' for an hour.

He sounds like a keeper.

Dutch guys, prisoners in Holland it's not looking good grin

Kin I am also gagging for it but nothing would let that near me!

mercury7 Wed 17-Apr-13 20:20:35

what really amazes me is that he thinks writing in caps is OK.
I mean it just makes him look MAD & SHOUTY shock irrespective of what he actually writes

Winefiend Wed 17-Apr-13 20:21:27

Oh yeah, I am back on Pof in me home town but I have hidden it as one of my (slightly dubious) clients is on there and has already found our receptionist grin My technique this weekend is to therefore view a lot of nice ones and then possibly message them when I'm pissed.

This is me attempting to not put all my eggs in one basket. After being a bit of a knobber last week, the young un has been decent this week. Basically because I asked him straight out if he was actually arsed. He has then stepped up being in touch, with the possibility of visiting me next weekend I will not allow myself to get excited

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 20:23:05

Too fricking true Juliette ( I'm being seduced via text by Showbiz anyway ).

Mercury I'm slightly concerned that he 'changes into a tiger' in bed, that would both be dangerous and may attract unwelcome attention from the authorities.

Winefiend Wed 17-Apr-13 20:23:05

I did see a headline on Pof which made me laugh today - 'I put the toilet seat down'. I would have messaged him if he weren't unsuitable I wasn't so shallow grin

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 20:28:24

Wine is the young one the lad who acts as a carer for his mum ?

Winefiend Wed 17-Apr-13 20:29:42

That is the one Nora, I still haven't established to what extent or why but I am working on that one. I have my detective hat on.

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 20:31:49

Is it a stylish hat that you may wear to Snape and 48's double wedding, Wine ?

Winefiend Wed 17-Apr-13 20:35:59

Yeaaaah most definitely. To be fair though, I do not have the head for a hat (too small), I just look like a bit of a cunt.

I shall don a fascinator instead and accessorise with a Holmes style pipe grin

Winefiend Wed 17-Apr-13 20:36:53

Golly gosh my language is SHOCKING at the mo.

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 20:37:58

That really made me laugh Wine

Snapespeare Wed 17-Apr-13 20:39:56

Oh god I'm 'low-hanging-fruit' <wail!>

I bought a straw cowboy hat today, come on summer! wonders if wedding could have Oklahoma! theme

reminds self does not believe in statutory marriage

Winefiend Wed 17-Apr-13 20:41:10

God, if I see the word 'genuine' (or genuen, jenuine, genuin, gennuin) on another profile I am gonna go postal.

OhWesternWind Wed 17-Apr-13 20:41:23

Oooh oooh Tuesday or Thursday for Indie!! OOOOOOH!!!!! Not that I am excited at all or anything. Oh no, not at all. He can't wait to meet me. Oh dear I think we both really like each other from messaging, it's all going so well. He is Welsh, hope he has a lovely accent. And he says he's 6'1. I do like a nice tall man. Oh god this is all going to go horribly wrong, isn't it? It's got to be Tuesday, can't have another week getting wound up and excited like this. It is getting very silly and out of hand.

I saw a headline that made me laugh the other day - Hung like Einstein, brains of a horse.

Wine do you think you're going to go and see him?

Mercury - it's the collecting model aeroplanes and soldiers that would swing it for me. Who could resist?

Winefiend Wed 17-Apr-13 20:42:57




Good lord. Mummy didn't give some of these men enough cuddles.

OhWesternWind Wed 17-Apr-13 20:44:40

As opposed to a plastic one Wine?

Winefiend Wed 17-Apr-13 20:47:14

OWW I am picturing MrIndie as looking like Gruff Rhys. Rrrrrrrr grin I have a great feeling about this one!

Well, shitey timing again for us. When I'm back up there, he will have just moved near(er) here (well, just under 2 hrs). I could be patient and go see him after Bank Hol when he's settled but I have the option of him staying here next weekend (depending on his financial situation as obvs he is moving).

Basically, I am impatient and need a shag and he is excellent at this

Winefiend Wed 17-Apr-13 20:48:00

Aye, I think some of these chumps would be better off with a plastic 'female/lady'.

WarmFuzzyFun Wed 17-Apr-13 21:06:48


Hi. All is going well...Am trying not to jinx myself...

I will post soon. Just need to get through this week. Work. Nuff said <WFF taps nose>

Fingers crossed for everyone and hello to newbies and lurkers (come out and mingle a little) smile

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 21:12:16

OWW how very exciting, is it this Thursday or next ? He's definitely sounding like a distinct possibility, there's lovely now.

Snape I have a gingham blouse - just sayin'

WFF <taps nose, winks, says a Hail Mary>

notsurewhattodo23 Wed 17-Apr-13 21:26:17

I've read this whole thread and you ladies are funny! Recently split up with my partner and never done online dating but you all inspired me to create a profile on OKC.
Bejesus - I have seen better autopsy photos!!! and what possesses someone to post a picture of themselves in their pants?
Not ready to date yet but it's fun looking!

Bant Wed 17-Apr-13 21:26:27

Ironically, I have a habit of turning into a marmot in bed. Genuinely. Less exciting, but easier to deal with the droppings.

Winefiend Wed 17-Apr-13 21:35:08

Hurrah I may be having (a lot of) sexual intercourse next weekend grin

Maybe I should consider dusting off the treadmill and stop using it as a clothes horse.


OhWesternWind Wed 17-Apr-13 21:41:35

Hello Notsure and welcome! There are far, far worse things out there than pant pix. You have been warned.

Nora blooming next Tuesday or next Thursday. Cannot wait til Thursday. Crash tuna required here, carp is woefully insufficient. How is Showbiz getting on with tickling your fancy?

Snapespeare Wed 17-Apr-13 21:52:44

nora yee-haw!

notsure hello! Welcome!

wine whoop! :-)

I am done in through taking DS1 to CAHMS today (battle to get him there.) and finally got psychiatric and ASD referrals. I'm wiped out. Nameless has ear infection, so we curled up last night and watched game o thrones & just chatted, but it was very lovely. Not all about the old P I V oh no.

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 21:58:50

Hello Notsure as OWW says, pant pix are merely the foothills of the very steep OD learning curve.

OWW - bugger, eh, next week, mind you it'll fly by in reality, it's just the prospect of having to wait that's hard to cope with. ( I'm ordering a bigger fish ).

Showbiz is tickling my fancy really rather well, he's clearly got access to some freaky 'Ensure Nora Is All Distracted and Frisky' guide book

I bet a MarmoBant would be a huge hit with the laydeees.

KirstyWirsty Wed 17-Apr-13 22:07:07

Got a date in a champagne bar with theSalesDirector (44) tomorrow night

juliette Dutch sounding good

bant what is a marmot like in bed???

Winefiend Wed 17-Apr-13 22:09:23

Nora when are you likely to get the opportunity to have relations with this smooth talking gentleman? That is some warm up grin

I now intend to spend the next week exchanging filth with the young un (all being well).

OhWesternWind Wed 17-Apr-13 22:22:39

Sounds good Kirsty - does he sound like a good possibility?

And sounds very good Wine as well.

I always think of Showbiz as urbane Nora. It's funny how you get these pictures of people in your mind.

KirstyWirsty Wed 17-Apr-13 22:51:13

Dunno OWW we will see

Also chatting to MrLogistics all evening again .. May be meeting him on Friday lunchtime

You will be fine the days will fly in

I've just made lemon and chocolate buns. I think I will be huge by the end of the week.

Going to a Chinese restaurant tomorrow with Sparky. I'm very excited. Still talking all day constantly too, hes always in touch first. Lets hope hes not another nob!

Kirsty A champagne bar? Ohh sounds nice.

Wine This sexual intercourse you speak of? Well whats that? grin

KinNora Wed 17-Apr-13 23:16:49

Kirsty champagne bar sounds like an excellent date venue.

Wine date three with Showbiz will be at the beginning of May, when he ventures down south. Entirely intentional double entendre.

OWW urbane is an excellent description of him, urbane and slightly raffish. We were talking about degrees of ambidextrousness (probably not an actual word) and he was saying that he is left handed at tennis and golf but uses his right when he shoots a pistol and does archery which made me laugh out loud - he is a Man of The World.

SP phwoarrrr at the lemon and chocolate buns, good luck with Sparky tomorrow.

Kin I'm planning on winning him over with them grin

VelvetSpoon Thu 18-Apr-13 10:23:19

<Waves to thread> hope all is well and good luck to those with dates later smile

It is DS2s birthday today, my baby is growing up! Other than that my life trundles on in its habitually mundane least the sun is shining smile

Movingforward123 Thu 18-Apr-13 10:29:03

hi everyone smile

welcome not sure

wine so jealous

well tomorrow night I'm going to a singles event yay. Any tips on how to get talking to guys i like if there are any? I usually wait for guys to speak to me, but I might try to be procative, as I want some of what wine is having smile

OhWesternWind Thu 18-Apr-13 10:54:55

I'd think it should be quite easy to get chatting to people at a singles event Moving as they are all there looking to meet someone. Just smile and ask them how they are finding it or something, doesn't really matter if it's a bit cheesy as it's just to break the ice. Disclaimer - I've never been to a singles event so all the above could be a load of tripe.

Got a babysitter for Tuesday!! Had a few flirty messages last night off Indie, little bit suggestive but nothing more than that. I am taking this as a good sign as the ones I've met where there has been no flirting at all have been no sparkers. And the ones where there has been out-and-out filth before meeting I've not met.

The toddlers dad is been a wanker. He wont say when the toddler is been collected so could be between 4 and 8! Cant give Sparky a time til arsehole gives me one!

He does this on purpose! Not happy today

SP does he know you have a date?

I haven't said anything but then I again I only ask for pick up times if I am making plans. He does this all the time! I asked him last night and he said he would get back to me.

It changes through week as sometimes his mum will get him as shes normally near me at 4ish. If not then depends on what time he gets out of work but he will know what time but prefers to fuck about.

I've told Sparky I'm not sure what time yet.

48howdidthathappen Thu 18-Apr-13 13:05:06

Great to see so many of you having dates, chatting to hopefully decent men. Will catch up properly later.

My news. My mum is home smile smile smile smile smile

Going to see her later after work. Can't wait!

VelvetSpoon Thu 18-Apr-13 13:06:28

SP, can you not get his mum to pick up instead? Failing that (and with exeprience of my ex who always turns up at the latest possible moment, or usually after that) I'd arrange to meet sparky at say 8.30, as you know that should be the latest it will be - if that makes sense?

I am having a bad day today. I wasn't intending to post much personal stuff here any more but if someone who may or may not know me/ know of me in RL wants to read my stuff and take an undue interest in it, so be it. I'm not sure I care.

So, things with C appear to have stopped. He just isn't in the right place to be with anyone. Possibly he never will be. And that's me back on the shelf where I belong. Not likely I will meet anyone else given my track record. Pretty sad and depressing all round.

I don't have any of way getting intouch with his mum. I have told the wank stain if doesn't give me a time then I will taking the toddler to my mums and he can collect him from there.

after 10 mins I got a text saying he will be collected at 3! So he knew all along yet wasn't going to tell me the arse wipe.

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 18-Apr-13 13:43:31

Velvet sad

WarmFuzzyFun Thu 18-Apr-13 13:49:20

48 I was meaning to ask you the other night about your mum. That is great news, I hope that everything goes well.

I am following thread but am up to my neck work worries so won't post for a bit.


Velvet You will meet someone. You just need to wade through a load of shit first

Movingforward123 Thu 18-Apr-13 14:02:21

Western - I think your right grin very wise lady! I'm looking forward to it as od is annoying me and they all turn out to be pricks!

Sps - he sounds like an arse! I know how that feels hmm my exp uses to cancel at the last minute just to piss me off!

Moving He thinks hes funny. Hes in a relationship with my so called best mate yet still trying to control what I'm doing! I knew he wouldn't like the idea of going to my mums that's why I said it. My mum isn't even in grin

ChooChooLaverne Thu 18-Apr-13 14:25:30

Am trying to catch up with everyone but haven't managed to read all of the last thread so might have missed some stuff.

Velvet I'm so sorry to hear about C. I know how much you like him. I know you don't think you will ever meet anyone else but I really hope that this will give you the chance to meet someone else who is able to be there for you in a way that C isn't.


ChooChooLaverne Thu 18-Apr-13 14:30:07

Is anyone thinking of going to the London meet up on Saturday 25 May?

See here

The army lad has text me! I didn't recognise the number so had to ask who it was and it was him. I had deleted it thinking wouldn't hear from him again grin

48 so pleased you've finally got your Mum home. All settled and good with R&R too so grin

Velvet so sorry, and sorry to hear you're feeling sad sad

SweetSeraphim Thu 18-Apr-13 14:59:11

What made you see that about C Velvet? Has he said something? Sorry sad

VelvetSpoon Thu 18-Apr-13 15:58:28

Basically its been a few weeks now since I heard from him, although he is not the best at texting, if he wanted/ was in a position to see me, he would have been in touch by now. I know from stuff he's told me that when he is overwhelned by stuff/ unable to deal with it, he closes himself off. Which seems to be what's happened now.

Thanks for all the sympathy, it's very kind. I know there is honestly zero chance of me meeting anyone else though, I'm just not what men want.

Velvet just massive (((hugs))). I don't believe you are not what 'men' want for one second. You have so much to offer, it is just not possible. I know you would say the track record says otherwise, but maybe the men you have been meeting are just not good enough for you.

Bant Thu 18-Apr-13 16:44:59

Velvet- I'm sorry mate. You will find someone else though, I know you don't feel like it, but you were saying recently that lots of other blokes were interested in you (they just weren't 'c')

You deserve someone who isn't so distant, same as OWW deserved someone better than LM. I'm not going to spout platitudes about 'keep on plugging away' or anything as I know you've been doing OD for a long time, but.. it will happen eventually.

Maybe you need to go to the UAE

Winefiend Thu 18-Apr-13 16:52:55

48 that is amazing news grin

Velvet So disappointing, but you are worth and deserve the full package sad

Someone crash carp the fuck out of me please. I've just come from a client's to 3 messages from the young un, the last being 'I think you're really really sweet'. I'm rather far from sweet but I'll take it. Rather embarrassingly I screen grabbed em and messaged my mate straight away. Like a randy teenager hmm

Winefiend Thu 18-Apr-13 16:57:17

moving don't be too jealous, with my recent track record it is very likely to go tits up grin

Have fun at the singles night - I've never been to one but if I'm out I find that just having as good a time as possible with whoever you've gone with, lots of smiling and laughing and not coming across toooo keen for folk to approach you is always a winner.

I think I wouldn't have any luck at a singles night. Id probably get too pissed grin

We are meeting at 8. Got clothes sorted and already been in bath so can sit around for a bit til I get ready. No nerves at all.

Winefiend Thu 18-Apr-13 18:11:36

Best of luck SP grin

Thanks! Just deciding on shoes, keep changing my mind grin

So hungry! I wont even speak to him, just shovel food in and drop it all over myself grin

TigsytheTiger Thu 18-Apr-13 19:15:42

evening all, I have been lurking and reading, so much going on with house sale, trying to find a full-time job, negotiating with fuckwit ex, all still going well--bloody brilliant-- with Mr EA .....I can't even begin to keep up and comment on everything, but ...

Velvet all I can say is C's loss, because we all think you are lovely and it's a shit feeling so ssshhh here's a <<hug>>.

OWW liking the sound of indie, fingers crossed for Tuesday and lots of mildly smutty flirtation until then smile

Mercury that message, yuck, yuck, yuck

SP get those shoes on and go girl .......

TigsytheTiger Thu 18-Apr-13 19:25:42

I have just completed an online verbal reasoning test for an job interview I have next week - fuck me! I think they are looking for Einstein not a PA .........its hard to decide if a statement is True, False or Can't Say when you can't even understand the paragraph ...... I must be very thick or it is very difficult hmm

Just the personality test and numerical reasoning to go ......FFS I just want to run an office, not the country grin

ALittleStranger Thu 18-Apr-13 19:36:20

I have a question (especially for the blokes on the thread), based on the players trawling for ONS comments.

So I had a date a couple of nights ago with someone who fits that MO. But it had been a while and I decided I'd decided I needed to shag someone soon when we met up, and I realised we got on, but I was not going to be bothered about seeing him again. He was obviously keen a player trawling for a ONS so I decided to go for it. It was fun, respectful, did the job.

But does he now think he's succesfully "played" me? In my mind it's a mutually respectful but meaningless bit of fun. I like this, if I'm not with someone I'd rather do this then pretend to "date" someone I'm actually luke warm on. But it annoys me that he might feel like he's won some kind of game.

Snapespeare Thu 18-Apr-13 19:51:38

48 I'm really delighted for you -and for your mum!- I think she'll improve as much as she can now that she's back home. Happyhappy! grin

velvet you are lovely. You're kind and dead glam and very lovely. I will never coffee and cheesecake and when it happens, he's going to be a lucky sod.

wine someone called me sweet once. I snorted at them, but they were actually quite perceptive to dig last the veneer. smile

Stranger I have no idea, but I don't believe every man who has a ons thinks he's 'played' the woman. Looking for a ons doesn't necessarily mean player either. If you feel it was a mutually respectful thing, then it probably was.

Snapespeare Thu 18-Apr-13 20:03:23

stranger why would you care what he thinks?! If he thinks he's scored a player-point by having meaningless sex and you think you've had 'mutually respectful but meaningless fun' then everyone is good, no-one has got one over on anyone else and if they think they have, then that says more about their attitudes towards non committal NSA than your perfectly reasonable and adult attitude.

KinNora Thu 18-Apr-13 20:07:05

Busy as an arsekicker at an arsekicking festival at the moment, what with work and revolting teenagers and answering flirty texts - only one of these things is fun - no prizes.

Velvet I'm sorry, I know how horrible this feels. Please don't be extrapolating things from it though, if Cuthbert is too wrapped up in himself and his problems to recognise how fantastic you are, then that's his hard luck.

48 I hope your mum feels much better now she's back in familiar surroundings, I know how difficult it must have been for you all.

SP make sure you have fun tonight.

Tigsy is it a job with MI5 ?

BillMasen Thu 18-Apr-13 20:09:28

Bloody exes. Bloody money!
Why is it that agreeing access for kids is easy "have them as much as you want" but money is just such a problem!!
Can I ask something. How many of you who are divorced get maintenance for yourself over and above for the kids? And am I being an arse in thinking its unreasonable to ask for it when you have other income and my legal advice says I shouldn't pay any.

I can't decide if I'm feeling like an arse or not.

48howdidthathappen Thu 18-Apr-13 20:23:18

Thanks smile

My mum is over joyed to be home. Mum and her partner were almost snogging on the ward last night when he told her she was coming home today. It has been nearly 4 months.

The carers are fab. I know one from school, which is nice.

I am more than happy grin

ALittleStranger Thu 18-Apr-13 20:36:08

Snape, good point re. why do I care. I guess I just dislike the idea of him thinking that I'm kicking myself for sleeping with him too soon and waiting for him to call... Honestly, there really needs to be a secret handshake for respectful but meaningless fun.

KirstyWirsty Thu 18-Apr-13 20:52:38

bill I only get money for DD .. I believe spousal maintenance is rare these days

velvet sorry about C but he wasn't giving you what you needed anyway so better to clear the way for someone who will ( it will happen)

I met theSalesDirector .. Short and told me all about ailments and hating rollercoasters ( I love rollercoasters ) ho hum .. Next !

Snapespeare Thu 18-Apr-13 20:58:13

stranger but you're not kicking yourself for sleeping with him, so if he thinks you are, hell, more fool him!

bill not being an arse. She needs to hoist it up and get a job if the child maintenance doesn't cover her outgoings, or claim IS/JSA/sickness benefits if she is unable to work because of unavailability/ illness.

Flipper924 Thu 18-Apr-13 21:03:20

Yay!!! I'm really pleased for your Mum, 48, hope it all goes swimmingly from now.

Velvet, sorry about C. You aren't what some men are looking for, but you are exactly what someone is looking for. I hope he finds you soon.

Snape, those scrabble words are a bit of a massive hint to nameless, are they not?

Stranger, what makes you think he'd be thinking that? If he wants to see you again he'll ask, but if he doesn't, I doubt he'd give you a second thought. If he's given you the impression that he'd judge you for putting out too soon, then I'd say you need to think about why you'd bother sleeping with him in the first place. That sounds a bit harsh, it's not meant to be.

Nora and Juliette, you're being mean. And as a brunette 40 something who didn't get a message, I'm now a bit miffed.

Bill I have never had anything but I would consider it reasonable if I got what was due to DS and split any additional major expenses like school fees. It's up to your ex to sort out her own finances. You are not an arse.

Flipper yes Nora and I are the mean girls, the ones who wear their skirts rolled over at the top to make them shorter and have their ties 4 inches long. If you want, you can follow our gang.

ALittleStranger Thu 18-Apr-13 21:19:08

Flipper he didn't give the impression he was judgey at all, and to clarify I don't want to see him again (I just wasn't that in to him as they say). I'm being silly, sometimes reading about all the crap that goes on via these boards can give me a low opinion of other people.

KinNora Thu 18-Apr-13 21:42:15

I was never one of those girls, I just got told off a lot for being 'facetious' - I know, as if.

VelvetSpoon Thu 18-Apr-13 22:38:39

Thanks for being kind everyone.

I honestly don't think it will happen for me. It can be no coincidence that the only decent men I've met in the last 5 years have not been in a position to get into a relationship with me.

I've put up a profile even though it's an understatement to say my heart isn't in it. No messages so far - which at least saves me from having to delete them I suppose!

On the plus side, DS2 enjoyed his birthday. So it's not (quite) all bad.

KinNora Thu 18-Apr-13 22:50:56

I don't think everyone is being kind, Velvet, we're being truthful and don't like thinking of you feeling unhappy and discontented with yourself.

Velvet what Kin said

OhWesternWind Thu 18-Apr-13 23:06:28

Velvet sorry I've come a bit late to the thread tonight. I really hope you're not feeling too low. Although it's not the same, when I was seeing LM and gradually realising that things weren't right and he wasn't feeling/behaving the way I wanted him to, it was awful, really difficult, but it was actually much easier to deal with once I called a halt and stopped hoping and worrying and investing my time and emotions in it. I hope you get some comfort from making your decision too.

I truly think you are wonderful in many ways, not just your looks (and I would kill for even a smidgen of the glamour that you have!) but your intelligence and wit and warm-heartedness. There will be someone out there for you, and he will be equally wonderful. But don't force yourself to get back out there unless you're feeling in the right frame of mind.

Lots of hugs, thinking of you.

VelvetSpoon Thu 18-Apr-13 23:06:34

I'm not so much unhappy with myself as I am with the situation - I would have preferred that if C had not felt able to embark on a relationship, then at least to have kept on as we were. It's sad, and a shame, and I wish so much things were different. But they are as they are, and wishing won't change that.

VelvetSpoon Thu 18-Apr-13 23:18:27

Thanks Western . I probably will feel better at some point. Right now, I just miss him, far more than I ever have done before.

OhWesternWind Thu 18-Apr-13 23:18:44

And 48!!! So happy for you and your mum. Fabulous news. It's been so long, so many delays, but it's happened at last. Really pleased for you.

SP - no loo update???

Kirsty oh dear, sorry he was a bit blah. (I don't like rollercoasters either but will keep very quiet about that subject on here now).

Bit of nice messaging tonight with Indie. Very mildly saucy, just right. Am also getting messaged from Italy by (you guessed it) the Italian who is having a few days with his family. He is also nice but there's not so much of the shared interests and things in common with him.



Had a great night! No drink involved either. Got on great, no awkwardness. We had a good laugh too. Snog when he dropped me back and that's it. Messaging me now too.

I wore flats and hes not exactly tall either which was nice!

OhWesternWind Thu 18-Apr-13 23:38:28

Bit addled tonight - forgot to say good luck Tigsy with the job. All these online tests sound like a bit of a faff!

Bant Thu 18-Apr-13 23:38:32

Sp good job

stranger there may be some blokes who score points, and more fool them. If I've had a ONS I generally fine out of it feeling satisfied and hoping she was too. I don't think 'I hope I won'

If you had a good time, he probably did too. If you want to see him again (which it sounds like you don't) why worry?

Kirsty I missed that you met the Sales Director, what is it with some men who feel the need to share their ailments, next!

SP that sounds rather promising smile

OWW is the man with the song next week now?

ike1 Fri 19-Apr-13 01:01:40

Bill my ex pays the absolute bare minimum for the kids but because the OW lives with him they have spent probs about 8k on hols this year alone ....I suggest it is up to you...the csa is a guidance.

Oh but the ex tries hard to make me feel guilty for claiming...phaaaaaaaah!!

ike1 Fri 19-Apr-13 01:06:45

Oh I am a student btw. Bill I suggest you pay what you can afford ..

lubeybooby Fri 19-Apr-13 07:49:24

Morning all!

Velvet <hug!> I'm so sorry about C, but in a way it's good his mind is made up because now you can move on and see other people. You've been waiting far too long, and been stifled and limited yourself and your dating activities because of him. He's wasted a LOT of your time. I know you had some nice times as well but the majority of it was waiting, waiting. I'm glad he stopped wasting it, even though it wasn't the way we all hoped it would be.

I hope that you will now move on date, try new things and go to new places to meet new people. People like him (but minus the major issues!)

Nearly 2 weeks now non smoking... all is cool still. Not due a weigh in til Mon but I feel loads better and more energetic so I'm pretty sure it's all coming off nicely.

In other news something weird occurred at 06.30 yesterday!

06.32 Mr B text me to say he couldn't stop thinking about the BJ I gave him hmm

06.37 BC text me to ask me to go and meet him in London today (I can't, too short notice)

Flipper924 Fri 19-Apr-13 08:02:25

Morning Lubey! I've never been a smoker, but I'm really impressed with you. Giving up smoking and losing weight at the same time? You're just filling your life with positive stuff, it's no wonder good things are coming to you.

KirstyWirsty Fri 19-Apr-13 08:03:25

OWW it wasn't that he hated rollercoasters (as I know they are not everyone's cup of tea) .. He hated everything .. Went to Florida didn't like Orlando (fair enough) but went down to the keys .. Expensive and full of gays ( yes he really did say that!!)

*SP+ glad it went so well

lubey you are doing amazingly well

juliette what's happening with Dutch ?

lubeybooby Fri 19-Apr-13 08:14:17

Thanks smile I've been making myself walk lots (more) as well as being careful with the old calories. I've been sponsored to shift the flab so I have no choice now... it's amazing motivation.. I was doing ok before that but I think it will help me see it through to the end goal I really want.

Spent a lot of time talking to BC yesterday. Wish I could have got to see him today but alas twas not to be with short notice.

I am secretly pleased though as it gives me a chance to lose some weight first, seeing as we're now back to the original plan of meeting in June grin

MirandaWest Fri 19-Apr-13 08:14:42

Morning smile

Survived skiing last night without breaking any bones which was good grin. Am currently feeling the bed is a bit too big as Mr Nice will be at work by now sad

Bill I just get child maintenance from XH and end up lending him money <sigh>. I suppose it depends how much money there is overall in some ways but my basic attitude is that its up to me to earn more money if I need/want more money.

Am slightly almost angry at XH - he has got his finger out and filed in divorce forms (we're doing actual divorce part without solicitor as really no need) as the petitioner but admits he "doesn't have the money for the court fee" ( we have agreed to split all costs). Not sure how he's intending to petition for the divorce then.... Guess I'd better try and find some more work to pay for it. There is some money I "owe" him (savings when we split I used to pay rent for the house which I had to do 6 months in advance because of poor credit history) so it will come off that but at least it's a reminder for me of how basically rubbish he is with money. He does earn a totally reasonable amount by the way....

MirandaWest Fri 19-Apr-13 08:15:33

I seem to have stopped running which is not good. Will start forgetting how to at this rate

48howdidthathappen Fri 19-Apr-13 08:24:10

Bill My ex gives me a reasonable amount for my 18yo DD. That is because he owes me big time.

VelvetSpoon Fri 19-Apr-13 08:49:21

My ex earns £45k a year but only pays 12% tax so his net earnings are considerable. He hasn't paid a penny in 4 years and never will - if I ever make a claim he will give up his job. I have no doubt he would as well. Bill if you're paying what you should as per csa etc then your ex needs to suck it up. Harsh but true.

I am not optimistic about replacing C. Since yesterday the tally is 25 messages, 25 blocked. Not one even worth replying to. All 1 word messages from seriously unattractive men. Disappointing.

lubeybooby Fri 19-Apr-13 09:00:36

Velv... remember the rule of averages. Every no is a step closer to a yes. The numbers game and all that.

I really think you should change what you usually do too. New things, new places, new people. Don't rely on OD especially with your current experience and frame of mind

ALittleStranger Fri 19-Apr-13 09:23:34

Thanks Bant.

I am crap at dating, haven't really done it much after an embarrassing tendency to couple up too much so I feel a little like a teenager dipping her toe in the water sometimes.

Pomegranatenoir Fri 19-Apr-13 10:44:15

Hello everyone,

Lovely to see so many dates going on!!

lovely Velvet I'm sending you a big hug. It's rubbish about c. Really bloody rubbish. I bet you feel rubbish and sad and down in the dumps. Please don't! Like everyone said already, you are lovely. You look great and have a brilliant personality - the right man is out there for you, I promise. Look at all the attention you had recently when you wasn't looking for it. C has got issues. Big issues that you don't need in your life. Honestly you are worth more. I agree with lubes maybe give od a break and change something in your day to day routine. I know it's bit corny but if you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got. Be sad for a bit (because you are entitled to) but pick yourself up, dust off your fave dress and get yourself out there. Go on a night out, join up with a meetup, just do something that exposes you to a new circle of people. Sorry if i am interferring. I don't want to be all bossy with you, I just don't want C and his issues affect you and the way you enjoy your life.

Big high five to all the daters out there!!

I'm not up to much. Starting new job in a week, divorce going through and doing fun stuff with my kids. Would love a man and a bit of company but od is too much of a rollercoaster for me at the mo. Slowly, slowly - something like that!!!

BillMasen Fri 19-Apr-13 10:57:59

ike it's not about paying for the kids. Very happy to do than and have offered considerably more than the CSA calc. It's the concept of spousal maintenance I seem to have an issue with. I just felt bad and wondered if it was me being difficult, or her being a bit grabby.

SweetSeraphim Fri 19-Apr-13 11:02:04

No Bill, it's her being grabby imo. I never understand why some women feel the need to try & get spousal support - where's their pride??

Tell her to fuck off grin

Pomegranatenoir Fri 19-Apr-13 11:11:07

Not wanting to get into the whole spousal maintenance discussion but it does all depend on individual circumstances. Some people (namely me) were the victim, were treated appallingly, have given up careers to look after children, struggle to have free cash despite working full time and pushing themselves career wise because childcare bills are extremely high, had everything taken off them that they worked hard to achieve whilst the ex is off having lovely holidays, active social life, buying whole new wardrobe because they have eaten sooooooo much food and drank soooooo much booze their clothes don't fit anymore. And when they earn over four times as much and very few outgoings.

It's not a case of pride. It's a case of fighting for what is right.

Pomegranatenoir Fri 19-Apr-13 11:12:44

But Bill I know your circumstances are different and she does appear to be a bit grabby. Follow your legal advicegrin

Bill is there a particular reason why exW needs 'spousal' maintenance? If I recall, you are taking some time out do you think she fancies some of your savings?

What do you think the response would be if you said, lets swap, I'll have the kids during the week, you get a job and have them at weekends. I also want x of your wages for DC and some more for me because er, I just do.

Kirsty all good with Dutch, he learnt I'm not a morning women when he tried to video call me yesterday morning before coffee or a comb in site. Not happening grin

mercury7 Fri 19-Apr-13 11:36:52

it's very tricky, how can you calculate the earnings lost to a person who sacrificed their career to have kids, it would need to be based on assumptions about what the earning potential would turn out to be?

Or you can look at the degree to which the non working parents sacrifice have helped the working parent to achieve a certain level of earnings?

MirandaWest Fri 19-Apr-13 11:44:12

In some ways I feel that based on decisions XH and I made together for me to work part time when DC were smaller and for me to then give up work (I was actually the higher earner as well - am stupid) that my earning potential could have been a lot higher than it probably is now. But seeing as he is useless with money and despite having a much higher salary than I do has less money it's not as if spousal maintenance would do me any good any way. I'm not even sure whether I can be bothered to apply for half his pension either and plus am not sure whether that is really just a form of spousal maintenance anyway.

My spell checker just tried to change spousal in arousal. Definitely not true...

Pomegranatenoir Fri 19-Apr-13 11:49:51

I know that I prob would have been anti spousal maintenance before I was landed in such a big mess. It really is something to be taken on a case by case basis. All circumstances and situations are different. I am following advice from my solicitor.

Oh god there is nothing arousing about spousal maintenance discussion!!!! Got to love predictive text!!!!

KinNora Fri 19-Apr-13 11:57:35

Quick bit of advice needed, Showbiz wants my home address so he can send me a present. I'm minded not to give my address out to anyone - do you think that's a bit paranoid ?

Kin no I don't and I wouldn't. It's not necessary, and imo a bit creepy. A lot of people would do it, a lot of people give out a lot of information they shouldn't imo. Does he know your surname? If so, depending on how unusual it is if knows that and your approximate location he could probably work it out anyway. I am super cautious on this stuff, but then I used to work in security.

Not meaning that I know 'better' just that it's ingrained in me.

mercury7 Fri 19-Apr-13 12:18:00

Kn, I dont recall exactly what the situation is between you & showbiz, but I agree with Juliette, it sounds creepy and manipulative.

It 'feels' designed to put you on the back foot because if you refuse then you risk offending him by rejecting his offer of a gift hmm

mercury7 Fri 19-Apr-13 12:18:47

(Kin, not Kn blush )

Kin his style is 'worldly' and possibly 'old school' so it could be that he wouldn't realise this is not on. But, he has consistently tried to insert himself (behave now) into areas of your life you are not comfortable with. This feels like another attempt whether it's deliberate or not.

lubeybooby Fri 19-Apr-13 12:34:29

Oh god

Now Mr B is texting wanting a second date.

why why why why why whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy is it that the ones I'm not interested in do the very sweet, politely chasing me, texting firt, asking me out thing?


He IS actually nice and intelligent and fanciable enough to go out with again. So that makes this decision difficult and weird.

The sex being a bit lacking and my cba-ness to teach him anything is the only prob really...


mercury7 Fri 19-Apr-13 12:35:04

I think people who are used to being in control and setting the terms in relationships are often not consciously pursuing those's just 'instinctive' to them.
If you call them on it they seem genuinely perplexed.

Then again as people get into their 40's and 50's you'd expect a little more insight & self awareness...wouldnt you?? hmm

lubeybooby Fri 19-Apr-13 12:35:15

texting first*

lubeybooby Fri 19-Apr-13 12:37:40

Kin he's a nice guy who you have met and want to have sex with - why not?

I mean, don't, if you really don't feel comfortable... but I wouldn't have a problem with it. Presents are nice. he's a nice bloke.

I think theres a lot of overthinking here... just shag him wink

mercury7 Fri 19-Apr-13 12:37:55

Lubey, it seems to prove that treating them mean does keep them keen.

When you genuinely cant be arsed they come after you, but when you are trying desperately to play it cool when you actually are keen...well I find that very hard to pull offblush

Lubey second time around he might be better, if not you could still tell him what's needed and see what the response is. He might be a very quick learner and surprise you <hopeful>

lubeybooby Fri 19-Apr-13 12:42:37

Yeah maybe Juliette. I suppose it would be nice to have another distraction while I await an actual properly decent favourite sex evaaahhh shagathon with BC. (isn't it June yet? ffs)

splishsplosh Fri 19-Apr-13 13:11:39

Could be a nice distraction to make the time til June go by faster?

I was hoping to arrange a date with Shorty at the weekend as children seeing ex's family, but he can't do and has suggested an evening in London next week. Am not sure whether I can be bothered - would cost me £30 or so in babysitting and travel, couldn't meet til 8.30ish, it's about an hour's travel each way.... without any guarantee of a good time. I don't know much about him, just exchanged a few emails but he seems witty and intelligent and not been inappropriate at all - rare! Is a dilemma....

lubeybooby Fri 19-Apr-13 13:19:54

Oh fgs.

It's obviously one of those weeks again

Just got a text from an ex... on his way over to my town wants to know if I want to catch up while he's here. (he means have a sip of coffee then shag)

actually I do blush (damn you libido!!!!) but I don't think i can be arsed at this short notice and I still have work to do hmm

lubeybooby Fri 19-Apr-13 13:45:03

Blimey that's got to be a record. From CBA to changing my mind to shag ready in 24 minutes.

He'll be here in five... blush

KinNora Fri 19-Apr-13 14:21:26

Thank you everyone, he does know my surname and those of you who know my first name know that it probably makes me easier to identify, I might ask him to send it to work instead, either that or keep it until we see each other again. By nature I'm quite easy to trust in others, I'm attempting to be a bit more circumspect.

lubeybooby Fri 19-Apr-13 15:00:59

Ahhhhhh...... that's better. Jeez. grin bout goddamn time.

KIn getting it delivered to work sounds good then in that case.

KinNora Fri 19-Apr-13 15:25:01

Bloody hell that's some quick work there Lubey grin.

I don't think Showbiz has any dubious intentions, I'm just slightly uncomfortable with giving out details like that to a man I've met twice, who I really know very little about, I'm under no illusions as to how easy I am to locate via t'internet as my profession, forename and surname are all pretty distinctive as a combination.

I've been 'matched' on okc with someone who describes himself thus, 'A little bit of Spartacus and Che Guevara and a Raven.
Sensitive and emotionally fluent. A Midland version of Edward Scissorhands.'
Don't buy a hat.

OhWesternWind Fri 19-Apr-13 15:29:12

Nora as you've met him and feel reasonably comfortable with him AND he lives a distance away, I don't think it's too much of a problem. He's not going to turn up on your doorstep is he? (Or is he??).

Have got into a dreadful situation with my mum about her extremely erratic behaviour and how she is treating the children. This is really horrible, so many echoes of abusive ex and his behaviour. Things have deteriorated very quickly this week. I think there could well be some dementia-type issues involved here but it is impossible to discuss with her. She has just e-mailed to say she has left a letter on my bed. I am dreading reading it as I know it is going to be foul, full of allegations about me and the children. She has made allegations to the doctor about how I treat my daughter and all sorts of things, which are not true. Yesterday she made the children get on a bus then wouldn't get on herself and they had to get home on the bus by themselves which they have never done before, including crossing a busy main road by themselves. There is worse but I don't want to write it here.

I am at my wits' end to know what to do here. She has a partner, but they don't live together and she is very unpleasant to him too, calls him all sorts of names and is downright nasty to him, but he just buries his head in the sand and avoids her for a few days until she calms down.

Sorry that was a bit of a rant but I am dreading seeing this letter. I know it's going to be horrible.

KinNora Fri 19-Apr-13 15:42:21

God that sounds dreadful OWW does she have any history of mental health problems ?

Pomegranatenoir Fri 19-Apr-13 15:45:36

Oh oww hope you are okay...

The dread is often worse than the deed. At least I hope it is for you xxx

KinNora Fri 19-Apr-13 15:45:45

(The Midlands' answer to Edward Scissorhands is looking for
'... a warrior. A Goddess. A Joan of Arc type. But, subservient to the Green Man warrior.' Fuck me )

Pomegranatenoir Fri 19-Apr-13 15:46:05

Sorry about the kisses - how terribly un MN of me!!

OhWesternWind Fri 19-Apr-13 15:50:10

She will admit to having SAD so is currently in ADs I think but there's a lot more to it than that. She's been "difficult" and "hot tempered" to quote my late gran

Had emergency call off dd. leaving now. Really bad. Shit

KinNora Fri 19-Apr-13 15:55:00

OWW ok love, thinking about you, big hug and I hope your dd is ok

TigsytheTiger Fri 19-Apr-13 16:31:42

OWW oh god that's sounds awful, hope all is ok when you get there. what a horrible thing to cope with. don't care ... Big hugs and xxxx

OWW that sounds dreadful.

Just seen your post about DD, hope she is ok

MirandaWest Fri 19-Apr-13 17:10:08

Thinking of you OWW

OhWesternWind Fri 19-Apr-13 17:18:55

Children are ok. Mother has said foul, foul things about all of us. Children say she has hurt them, she admits to slapping dd but says the rest is all lies. Says its all my fault. Called me names then walked out. Has left me with a horrible letter all about how the children humiliated her by misbehaving in town and going on about her reputation. This is almost word for word what my ex said in court, can't believe it.

I now find myself with no child care, no idea what to do.

She has said the most upsetting things to me about what a nasty person I am and how badly I treat her. I moved here because she offered her support and now I'm left in a right mess. Don't know what to think or do and I can't see any way out of this. I didn't get the chance to say much at all, I did say she was being very aggressive and jabbing her finger at me and could we sit down and talk like adults but she wouldn't.

Sorry not dating stuff at all but I'm knocked for six a bit here.

Western (((hugs))) how awful for you and DC. Just in case there is any smidgen of doubt, we all know how lovely you are, how gentle you are with everyone on here and in RL and how you take care of DC. I have no idea why she is doing this, it has nothing to do with anything you have said, done are how you are.

Never mind your Mum for now, you can deal with her another time. The important thing is for you and DC to circle your wagons and get through this, you have the weekend to be kind to yourself whilst you think things through.

On a practical note, you will find some childcare. All things are possible. After school club, breakfast club, possibly short term reduction of your hours, call in favours, beg another parent to have them, work at home for a couple of days? whatever it takes to get through next week.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all this, it is so unnecessary.

OhWesternWind Fri 19-Apr-13 17:50:49

She has also said to the children that they were lying about the abuse they suffered from their father. I know that's not true. How could she say that to them?

She has basically said it's all my fault because of how I'm bringing them up. She told dd she is going to report me for neglect. I bet she will too.

Have got them a place at after school club on Monday so that will give me a breathing space to sort stuff out.

She says me and the children have destroyed her health and that the children have attacked her with a drill.

It is all just crap. I think she needs help.

Well done on the afterschool club. That takes the heat out of the childcare issue for now. She definitely needs help but right now, you have enough to deal already and now there is the fall out from this. I would report her behaviour to her GP and then withdraw for a while so you can all get some peace and distance from this.

She was gearing up for this before Easter, in a way at least you now know that she cannot be the support you thought she would be. Poor DC, and classic siding with the exH. How horrible and so unfair too. Let her report to SS if she sees fit, you have done nothing wrong. You know you can deal with this, even though you shouldn't have to.

I don't want to be alarmist but she wouldn't go as far as to tell their father where you all are or anything like that would she?

KinNora Fri 19-Apr-13 18:32:52

I'm so sorry you've been put in this position OWW, you are obviously an excellent mother and we all know that you're a lovely, caring person. Your mum appears to be having some sort of psychological crisis and I would second Juliette's advice to mention it to her GP. They may well say that they are unable to talk to you about your mum's health but any doctor worth their salt will take it upon themselves to investigate further.

I'm going to PM you xx

spenceuk Fri 19-Apr-13 18:39:27

hi everyone

again its been ages since ive been on, but things have been alot better recently. Signed upto a dating site not messaged anyone yet though any advice on ice breakers?

KinNora Fri 19-Apr-13 18:50:57

Hi Spence, I'm glad things have been better for you. I'm usually far more impressed with an opening message that is shortish, refers to something I've said in my profile or is funny, rather than one which says 'Hi Gorgeous, how come you're single ?' Or 'How you finding it on here? ' or ( my personal bête noire ) 'tell me about yourself'

spenceuk Fri 19-Apr-13 18:52:32

thanks kin

i was thinking it would be better to say something based on the profile so at least they know ive paid attention lol

i signed upto smooch, dont know if its any good or not

KinNora Fri 19-Apr-13 19:16:37

I don't know, Spence, I don't think I've heard that one mentioned very often.

Spence a short couple of lines which refers to my profile will always get my interest.

What not to say - any text speak, too many lols (sorry Spence, but had to say it), insults designed to get attention. Or,

Hi babes
Are you really xx years old? you don't look it
You're gawgus
Can I ask you a question? (a lot of men have this as an opener)
Why are you on here, are you too choosy?

and so on..

Good luck!

Scattylatte Fri 19-Apr-13 20:27:12

hello all
OWW hugs from me too. Your mum is saying things that are very hurtful and and very strange. look after yourself and your DC.
velvet I'm sorry to hear about C. As hard as it seems, snape is right when she says when not if you meet someone.
lubey high five!
Bit of an update from me. I've been taking the citilopram for just 2 weeks and already I feel so much better. Stronger, clearer and the awful black depression has gone. I also feel more patient if that makes sense? I feel sick but I know that's a side effect and I'm willing to put up with.
I've been away with the f/man for a few days. We had an amazing time, relaxing, taking, Coffee, doing nothing together. It was great. I really like him.
We had a chat about money. He can't get credit, has a phone in a relatives name, rents from his brother, has no extra cash and lives month to month. Although I'm not responsible for his financial woes, it's made me think about it. Im pretty good with money and have always insisted on 50/50 + I can go frugal when I need to. I'm not sure whether its an issue or not to be honest but I'm aware he has no disposable cash at all.

Scattylatte Fri 19-Apr-13 20:28:01

Oh sorry 48 really chuffed your mum is home

Sparky seems to be disappearing slowly. Been intouch constantly past week then today barely anything, one word answers and nothing since 3ish.

SP if he can't be bothered to do more than one word answers, let him initiate now. Can't do any harm...

OhWesternWind Fri 19-Apr-13 21:02:40

Scatty so glad to hear things are going well for you and the black dog is off your shoulder. Things sound to be going great with the fireman - hope the finances aren't too big an issue for you as things go on.

Spence if you take the time to put together a polite, funny (if possible) message that shows you've read the woman's profile, I'm sure you will get some results. The worst first message I ever got is that one from the other day where the bloke was asking if I go in a certain pub. Really creeped me out. So even if you know her irl, don't say you do as it seems a bit stalkerish. Wouldn't even have thought of this advice if I'd not had that message!

Thank you all so, so much for your support about my mum. I have to admit, if anyone can press my buttons it's my mum, but for the last couple of years my tactic has been to withdraw, stay calm and not engage with her, but she hates this more than if I argue with her. She thinks I talk to her in a "teacher"ish way, which is probably fairly near the truth, but it means I can stay calm and deal with her nonsense, but it winds her up to some tune.

Some of the things she's said have really hurt but I am going to try and pay no attention. She actually said she feels sorry for me. Hah!!

Juliette I hope she doesn't have any contact details for my ex, but to be honest I would not put anything past her when she has got the mood on her. I don't know his address but maybe she still has his mobile number. She is quite capable of calling him and saying the children lied about the abuse. This does worry me and also if she says this to SS at all.

Have tried to call her but she won't pick up the phone. I feel very alone in dealing with this problem. She has fallen out with all of her sisters, and my sister (who lives away) never sees this side of my mum at all and won't believe what goes on, so I have given up trying to get her to help. I'm thinking of ringing one of my aunties tomorrow though to enlist a bit of support.

Thank god I have my wonderful children, miserable and upset but safe and loved.

I have left him to it. I refuse to chase anyone grin

OhWesternWind Fri 19-Apr-13 21:21:48

Well, I have a strange message in my inbox. I was chatting to a guy right at the start when I went back on PoF - my first engineer! - and he seemed nice, asked me out for a drink and then disappeared. But now he is back. He wasn't active on the site during his "disappearance" as he was moving further and further down my search results! Very strange. Not sure if I should reply or not. It's just a "Hi, how are you?" message, probably testing the water a bit.

Nice message from stargazing Italian fiddling with his binoculars under the romantic spring sky . . .

Nice message from Indie about indie music (which is good, like talking about this), TV, work, life, hoovering, kids, lies-in, general chat.

Nothing further from Rick the Songbird which could be a good thing. The impatient one from Match has messaged me and keeps winking but I've not been back on there again, might have a look tomorrow.

I am going to be buggered for dating if my mum won't have them overnight ever! Arse.

Dutch seems to be a grown up. He's been on the boat since yesterday, said he'd like to chat when he got back this evening if I was around, I said I might be out. Regardless, I just got an email to say he's still there, tired and driving home soon (2 hrs away) so can we talk tomorrow. Straight forward and communicates shock.

OhWesternWind Fri 19-Apr-13 21:52:09

Oh I like Dutch Juliette. Actually all the Dutch people I've known have struck me as sensible, open and straightforward. I think you are starting to like him . . . Carp??

Lets just say I'm staying within Carp distance grin. Although I've done this before, I'm now painfully aware via the OD losers I've met since that it is only when you meet someone face to face you know.

KinNora Fri 19-Apr-13 23:23:31

I like Dutchy too, Juliette there's something strangely 'right' about him.

My OD world has gone batshit crazy today, with Belgians ( chocolate ! chips ! mayonnaise ! Dr Evil ! ) a very sweet but sturdily built 20 year old, a sardonic comedy writer who I suspect of being contaminated by daters' cynicism and a long message from the Scientist detailing his previous relationships in some depth - why ? Me no understandy. Well, me no understandy until I googled him and it turns out he's a professor of something dead complicated so he will therefore be completely hatstand.

There is a man that I think I love on okc but his upper age limit is 42 and that ship has well and truly sailed, I will have to content myself with unconsummated virtual ardour for him.

VelvetSpoon Sat 20-Apr-13 02:18:21

western I'm so sorry to hear about all the stuff with your mum, I have no useful advice but it sounds as though you have handled it well. I hope it can be worked out somehow.

Scatty I was thinking of you the other day, so pleased things are improving for you, and that you had a nice few days away with the fireman.

So, I heard from C today. He text me saying he was sorry for not being in contact, explained why he's not been around/available, and basically that he misses me and wants to see me again soon and hopes we can arrange I clearly shouldn't have been so hasty to assume the worst when I didn't hear from him blush. Sorry for getting you all to sympathise with me when the worst hadn't happened, I feel a bit of a charlatan now.

Flipper924 Sat 20-Apr-13 07:29:36

Velvet, I'm really glad C has text. I don't like his lack of availability, but he does sound like a good bloke, and as if he cares. He might well need to be taking things slowly at the moment, rather than not at all?

Nora, don't forget Tintin. Possibly one of the best things to ever come out of Belgium.

OWW, your situation sounds hellish, but you are warm, and lovely, and kind, and oh, so very strong. You will find a way through this, lovely, and all will be well. Not relevant at the moment, but do you think that having a mother who sounds like she's always been a bit emotionally abusive could have set you up to accept an abusive relationship with a man? I'm probably projecting my own life onto you here!

Going to be a bit 'me' now, but I'm off to this wedding today, that ex will be at with OW. I am absolutely petrified, I've been getting pains in my arms for a month that I'm sure are down to stress, I hardly slept a wink last night, and I don't know why.

Everyone else that knows him and is going to the wedding, including his own daughter (though she loves him) thinks he's an unpleasant, nasty little worm, and that I am completely out of his league. I know this.

I have had my hair and nails done, I have a dress that I love, and jewellery that makes me feel special. I have done everything I possibly can to feel good about myself, and rl friends have been falling over themselves to offer support. Ex won't be aggressive, if anything he'll just ignore me, and although it's hard seeing your ex with someone new, I don't think it's that that's upsetting me. What am I scared of, dear thread? And how can I handle it?

KirstyWirsty Sat 20-Apr-13 08:20:14

Hi flipper if it was me I'd be worried about a potential confrontation .. You go and have an amazing time

OWWhope you get things resolved soon

velvet I think C is keeping you on a string .. You deserve better

Morning all

Pomegranatenoir Sat 20-Apr-13 08:36:20

Sorry velv I agree with kirsty -I am happy that you are happy that he has text upu but think you deserve way more! this isn't a good way to start a relationship. It is always on his terms and about what he wants. You need to consider your needs and wants. You deserve more than crumbs.

Oh flip - well done you on getting yourself in the best possible shape for today. I would be the same. No brill ideas on what to do apart from act with complete grace and composure. No snidey looks, no bad mouthing just twirl through the room acting as if you are not bothered in the slightest. People will flock to you and that in itself will make your ex and his new woman feel uncomfortable. Good luck!!!

OhWesternWind Sat 20-Apr-13 08:41:04

Oh Flipper you'll get through the day fine. You will look fabulous and you are fabulous. And brave too. It must be very difficult seeing your ex again whatever the circumstances and these aren't the best. I don't have any advice, but I wanted to wish you well and you'll have got over a big hurdle, whatever the reason is for you feeling bad, by the end of the day.

ladygoingGaga Sat 20-Apr-13 08:56:50

Morning everyone, after beings single for just over a year now I have recently started looking online at some of the free dating sites. Having not had much joy, I was wondering if anyone has tried eharmony?

I have just had a look but it seems quite steep at over a hundred pounds to join.

Movingforward123 Sat 20-Apr-13 09:06:51

Well I went to the Pof singles night that had over 170 people attending and guess what? There was in total less then 10 people!!!

So my friend was meant to be staying at mine but when home with her boyfriend, and guess what I did? I called mrworkaholic! He came over we slept together and was talking shit and telling me he loves me!

When he last tried to contact me i replied saying I was engaged which I know he would assume that it was to dds dad. And now that doesn't look too good considering I slept with him last night shockshockshock typical!!!!

KinNora Sat 20-Apr-13 09:16:29

Good morning everybody,

Velvet I'm really glad Cuthbert has texted but I think he sounds very much wrapped up in himself, to the detriment of his relationship with you. I know you've said before that the level of contact he offers is acceptable to you for the time being because you value what he offers but I very much think you should keep your options open and not discount any other likely looking candidates who cross your path.

Flipper you will look stunning, you will swan about the wedding, radiating glamour and style, your pithy unarsedness and occasional tinkling laughter as you sip champagne and chat to friends who love you will be repeated stiletto jabs between the ribs of that fuckmuppet. Go, enjoy yourself, and work it girlfriend !

Scatty excellent news that you're feeling so much better and so soon too, I hope it continues to improve.

OWW hope you're feeling a little better this morning.

Hello Kirsty and Pom and , have a lovely Saturday.

Gaga hello, I don't think anyone on here uses eharmony, word on the street is that it's a bit rubbish.

VelvetSpoon Sat 20-Apr-13 09:37:47

Flipper I think seeing your Ex in a social setting is always going to feel awkward and uncomfortable, and maybe that's what's worrying you. It's not like seeing him in the supermarket or something where you can think 'sod it' and just leave, you know you'll be within some proximity of him all day. Plus there's the uncertainty as well...for me I'd be uneasy thinking 'what if he wants to speak to me and exchange pleasantries, what if he completely ignores me' etc. The way I get through stuff like this is running various scenarios (and my responses) through my head, it helps me feel more in control and calmer...don't know if that will work? Regardless, you will look amazing, go there with head held high and knowing you have your friends to support you. I really hope you have a brilliant time, you deserve to smile

As for me, I'm happy C is in contact, and hopefully I will see him soon once some stuff is more sorted out. I do think he is a lot better than any man I have met or am likely to meet via OD, so I'm not actively looking for anyone else. Yes he's not able to see me as often as (ideally) I'd like, but equally he is honest, nice, attractive, funny, - that's pretty unique among the men I've encountered in the last 4 years. I will want more from him if/when we get to the stage of this being a relationship, but for now it's ok.

lubeybooby Sat 20-Apr-13 09:38:32

Helloooo all. I am off to Liverpool for my do

Velvet really glad C has text but he is keeping you dangling again despite you having spoken to him about it. He needs a big fish slap, he really does. It's terribly flaky and crap of him. and rude!! I think it's time now to consider telling him it's your way or the highway. It's a bit ridiculous tbh... snape and nameless are a great example of how it should go... not rushing, but still massive amounts of like and affection and being a couple and it turning to luurrve. And more importantly seeing each other very regularly and both of them finding ways to do that, with eagerness and joy and all those lovely things.

You seem to have told yourself that relationships take months to get off the ground in order to justify hanging around for him but that isn't really true. Plus even if it was it's been waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay long enough now and it's time for some proper, regular action!

I don't mean to get at you I just hate seeing you hanging around wasting your time being stuck on someone who continues to piss around and take your patience for granted. Really, enough now, for your sake alone... he has to shit or get off the pot.

TigsytheTiger Sat 20-Apr-13 09:38:53

morning all, had a lovely evening last night with a group of girlfriends and several bottles of wine ....... missing MrEA who is with his DD this weekend - wet fish needed

OWW hope you are feeling a bit better this morning, not really sure what advice to offer, accept I do think your mum is suffering from some sort of mental episode and needs help. Hugs to you and the DC's

Scatty so pleased you are feeling better and that the fireman has turned out to be so good for you. Funny isn't it, you weren't sure about him at first, but there was something there you liked and he has turned out to be a good 'un.

Velvet glad you heard from C, I actually disagree with the thought that he is stringing you along. It sounds like from everything you have said before that he really likes you, but is scared and not in the right place mentally to date and withdraws and then emerges again. I do agree that you deserve far far more than sporadic contact. BUT, whatever we may all think, only you know what you will accpet and it has to come to the point where you are the one who decides you have had enough and move on. Would it be worth when you do see him to say that you understand all of his worries/concerns and pressures and respect them, but you have your own needs/wish list and see if you could both find a place to move forward to which feels comfortable and fulfils more of what you want. dunno, may be talking rubbish grin

Flipper feeling very huggy this morning, so hugs for you too .... I think all the advice above is perfect, waft around being wonderful, but I would add, don't drink too much. It's my downfall, so I may be projecting, but it can all get messy after a few glasses and you may be tempted to let a few home truths rip i guess all the other guests would cheer you on if you did though!

Morning kin love smile and all other daters x

Flipper you are going to be fabulous. You look great, have your favourite glamour pieces on and everyone is behind you in RL and on this thread. Very quickly, you'll forget he's even there. Practice a wry smile, a toss of the head and have a brilliant time.

Velvet please just keep your options open, accept some of the interest that comes your way. I worry that because you are caught up in believing it's C or nothing, it will become self fulfilling. C and most of the men shown meet are punching above their weight.

Lubey have fun, as if we need to remind you. First big trip smoke free, how wonderful!

OWW hope you're holding up, you can only do what you can manage.

Good morning to everyone else grin

Sparky hasn't been intouch but says he's been online today. Why is it so hard for me to find someone grin

VelvetSpoon Sat 20-Apr-13 10:28:03

lubey I get what you're saying, but it's a bit unfair to compare my situation to Snape/ Nameless...C has a lot of demands on his time - 2 sets of children to see regularly (and separately), a busy job, other family stuff going on. So he doesn't have much free time anyway. And if we were seeing each other once a week (which could just about be possible), it kind of becomes a relationship by default which he clearly isn't ready for. He has told me some of the aftermath of his last breakup and it sounds awful, and fully explains his reluctance/fear of anything new. Irrespective of the length of time I've been dating him, I can't demand a relationship from him, I can only ask (Tigsy I think this sort of picks up on what you were suggesting) that we try and strike a balance between more frequent contact/dates - which would please me -and not getting into relationship by default territory - which scares him, and see what he says. But that's really all I can ask at this stage.

OhWesternWind Sat 20-Apr-13 12:37:04

Sorry to bang on about this. My mum is now talking about "elder abuse" and has said she is thinking of calling the police. She is very clued up on this subject! She has admitted smacking dd, dd has admitted doing the same to my mum. My mum will not accept apologies or acknowledge even the slightest bit that she is at fault in any way. It seems to me that both sides have behaved badly, but essentially my mum is the adult here and knows smacking is a total no no, but cannot control herself. The nasty things she has said are designed to be particularly hurtful as she knows all our "weak spots". I tried to defend myself she wouldn't let me speak and just said how fed up she is of me speaking to her disrespectfully.

Am appalled by this whole situation. She says i have to tell her that i believe her and not the children, I have to tell her what the children have said (i refused as it would just aggravate the situation) and i have to tell her how they have been punished. She seems to have it all turned round so me and the children are to blame for everything. She has said the children are evil, feral and consummate liars.

I asked her if we can talk and try to sort this out and find a way forward. She refused. She says she is going to pray about the situation and I am not to contact her.

What should/can I do?

Flipper what you said about my mum and my ex is very wise. I've noticed a few uncomfortable similarities.

splishsplosh Sat 20-Apr-13 12:43:52

Sorry you are going through this OWW especially when you've escaped your ex, and now having this situation.

Talking to one of your aunties sounds a good idea, and your mum's GP, but otherwise can only think is better to not contact your mum at all, and arrange alternative childcare as it just sounds like the issues aren't something that can be resolved. Whether it's mental health issues, or simply abusive behaviour, it's not an environment you want your children in is it?

mercury7 Sat 20-Apr-13 12:52:44

OWW it really does sound as if your mum is delusional, that being the case it wont be possible to deal with her or reason with her.
It sounds very traumatic for you, and I'm wondering if it would be appropriate to contact the psychiatric services?

Pomegranatenoir Sat 20-Apr-13 12:55:07

oww I'd leave her be till she calms down. You won't be able to reason with her whilst she is worked up.

Get out and do something fun in the sunshine with your kids. I always find that being outside helps me to deal with things and come up with a plan of action!!

KinNora Sat 20-Apr-13 13:23:42

OWW is it worth speaking to someone at Mind for advice on which professionals to contact about your mum ? I absolutely second what Mercury says - if she is experiencing a psychological crisis, you will not be able to reason with her, she needs help from MH professionals.

Elder abuse is not identified as an incidence of a child 'slapping' an adult so please don't worry about that.

OWW so sorry, you can't fix this. She isnt being rational or reasonable sAll you can do is tell whomever you need to SS, GP (I'm sure others will have a better idea) and withdraw. It's damaging for you and the kids whilst she's like this, no point at all in trying to talk with her it's just going to prolong it.

Snapespeare Sat 20-Apr-13 14:57:01

oww just caught up. So sorry you are going through this, it must be so very difficult for you. It seems to me, form your description that she has always been demanding and controlling and this is now tipping over into mental health issues. I would contact professionals and maintain from a. Distance. What I would not choose to believe her over your DCs (the very idea!) and I would not read any further letter what she leaves for you. I would post them back unopened with a covering note stating that you have found her accusations hurtful and believe them to be untrue. you are therefore no investing any more emotional energy in maintaining a relationship with her until she seeks professional help. This will either utterly enrage her (muhahah) or spur her to action, but either way should help her recognise there is little point in continuing contact. It's actually quite beneficial that she has now chosen not to contact you (having caused great upset) and is choosing to pray to find a solution (snort!) because that removes her. Good. When she instigates contact, I would state the bit about hurtful accusations and inot engaging until she seeks professional help. Now get yourself out in the sunshine if you have it, let your DCs know you're on their team, tell off DD for slapping her granny and don't give it another thought.

velv I'm glad C contacted you, because it makes you happy...and that's really nice to see.... However I am joining in the hmm because you seemed quite resolved a few days ago regarding him, you then get a text and it's a bit back to square one. I kind of imagine him as a giant bar of chocolate and you're trying to shift weight (not saying that you are or need to - this is a metaphor) you know the chocolate is there, but you refuse to engage with the chocolate, you're doing really well - everyone is so supportive, you're looking great... Then you find a tiny bar of green and blacks at the back of a cupboard...and you think a tiny little square wont do any harm... Next thing you know you're at the till at the all-night garage with a huge bar of dairy milk. Chocolate is fab though... (The rest of that analogy is that you're having a square of chocolate a fortnight at the moment and that's enough for you and that's fine.) also tad concerned that sticking your toe back in the water has horrrified you, so you're content with what you have with C. I don't know Velvet. I just hope it works out, I really do. <hug type thing>

I was at namelesses last night (yay!) no sex (boo!) he's been poorly with an ear infection, but lots of snogging and cuddling and it's just really lovely. (Sigh) but he's been warned that when he's feeling better, he's getting dragged to his bed the minute I set foot in his flat.

Who was at the wedding? flipper? I hope pure having an amazing day! grin

Scrazy Sat 20-Apr-13 15:32:50

Just quickly, OWW sorry about what is happening. I would try and leave your mum out of the childcare rota now. It must be so hard for you.

Velvet, I would personally tell C to take shape up or ship out, sorry, I am a very forgiving person (off out tonight with the ex!!) but he is taking the biscuit and leaving you dangling. I know you were quite cool about the distinct lack of contact but.... anyway, only you know how you want to handle it.

Lubey, wow, you are travelling a fair distance for the meetup, have a fab time and I hope it's worth the journey.

KirstyWirsty Sat 20-Apr-13 15:45:49

OWW is there a possibility that your mum is suffering from Alzheimer's ?

Sorry you are having to deal with this ..I remember her giving you a hard time over LM too

VelvetSpoon Sat 20-Apr-13 17:09:37

Western I agree leaving your mum be ftb is best (in fact hopefully as she's said she doesn't want you to contact her, that also means she won't contact you for a while). It will feel odd, because the natural urge when we fall out for whatever reason with those we love is to try and resolve it. But I don't think she is in a place where rational discussion is possible right now. The difficulty is I think if she is generally quite a difficult person other people might well dismiss this as just her 'way' (even though it clearly goes way beyond the bounds of normal behaviour). It's an impossibly difficult situation though and I do hope it can somehow be resolved.

I rather wish I hadn't mentioned anything on Thursday re C. Had I kept my powder dry for another 24 hours or so, I wouldn't now feel I have to explain and justify myself as to why I'm happy against a sea of hmm faces. But I am happy, despite what some of you may think, and I'm not deluding myself either.

I don't think C is the 'only' man out there for me, but there certainly are a tiny, tiny number. I might meet one next week; experience tells me it would be years, maybe even a decade. It's not just that I have bad luck at OD, or that I pick the wrong men, it's ALWAYS been like this. I've mixed in different circles - 3 years at university, surrounded by the alumni of Britain's top public schools - nothing, 4 years working in the City - nothing aside from one appalling (and completely inappropriate on his part) relationship with a man old enough to be my dad. And it didn't get much better after that either.

So I would have to be completely mad to walk away from C, from something that makes me smile, from someone I love spending time with, because chances are I'd be cutting off my nose to spite my face, and spend another 4 years, or 8 years or however long waiting for someone half as good to come along. I do want a relationship, C can't offer that right now, but hopefully in the future he will. I won't be giving him any ultimatums though, I can't force him to have a relationship with me! If he doesn't feel differently in due course then I haven't lost anything. He hasn't made promises he can't keep, or played along and let this drift into relationship territory knowing he wasn't ready, he's been open and honest and I appreciate that.

I do get that what's between me and C (whatever is is) may not be enough, or right, for most of you. BUT none of you have my history, you're looking at it from your own viewpoints and your own experience, which is probably much different to mine. I hope we can agree to disagree smile and sorry about the epic-ly self indulgent post blush

Scrazy Sat 20-Apr-13 17:19:35

Velvet smile, is that better. In a way I understand you. It's like me and the ex whom everyone told me to keep away from when I asked for advice. I needed to see how I felt after the break away and I now know that I don't want him to fall at my feet anymore. We enjoy each others company, he is generous, funny, and so long as I know we won't end up together I am happy to keep in touch and have a few fun nights out together. If it changes and I end up wanting more again I will have to rethink.

mercury7 Sat 20-Apr-13 17:24:57

Velvet, I think I 'get' you on this
some things just take a long time to 'cook'

I've had a loose involvement with a bloke for a couple of years now which has recently started to develop a bit.

I thought it would be a short lived thing and I have frequently assumed the worst when I've not heard from him..only to realise that I was being irrational

KinNora Sat 20-Apr-13 17:30:53

My view, for what it's worth Velvet is that you're an extremely intelligent woman who knows your own mind and that this thread is here to offer support to all of us, in whichever situations we find ourselves. You need to do what you feel is right for you.

Scrazy I'm really pleased that seeing your ex again has worked out for you and clarified matters.

Scrazy Sat 20-Apr-13 17:32:22

ps, fingers crossed that these guys won't hurt us.

Scrazy Sat 20-Apr-13 17:34:33

Mercury, does this mean you are not looking anymore? I am still open to meeting new people just not via OD.

mercury7 Sat 20-Apr-13 17:45:49

I'm not sure Scrazyconfused

I was only ever looking for an arrangement for sex anyway.
It's just so hard to predict how things will pan out, and I am usually wrong in whatever assumptions I make blush

it's all utterly baffling! confused

splishsplosh Sat 20-Apr-13 18:03:12

Velvet - I can understand because I've never managed to have a real love affair - when I thought I'd found someone special, they turned out be an abusive arse. So I guess if I did find someone who seemed really special I'd be prepared to give it a go too. But is it worth still keeping a profile and going on dates if anyone decent comes along, just to keep your options open? You never know, someone who is special AND ready for a relationship might just come along, but because you have C in the background it won't be so soul destroying.

I have:

1 coffee date for Wednesday while my youngest is at nursery, with a potential casual lover.

And possibly another coffee date on Monday for someone interested in a fairly casual relationship.

And potential evening date with Shorty if i can be bothered to go to London and pay a babysitter.

I have low expectations of finding Love, but my libido requires some kind of compromise!

OhWesternWind Sat 20-Apr-13 18:11:02

Have my very oldest friend round for drinks with her husband and her mum. Her mum has offered to take my dcs two days a week after school. I am overwhelmed. Lifesaver from this woman who I am far, far less to than I should be to my mum.

I have volunteered to supervise her starting with OD (widow late60s). She's fab. Rocked up today in false eyelashes and red leather vest. Love her.

We are beng the Three Musketeers here. We'll be alright.

splishsplosh Sat 20-Apr-13 18:32:32

That's fab news OWW smile

TigsytheTiger Sat 20-Apr-13 18:41:35

OWW that's brilliant news, at least that gives you some breathing space.